Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissists Process Life Very Differently
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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They like to appear good and kind. Then, you manage to get a glimpse behind the mask. You figure them out. It hurts but you have to let go.They know that you know and still find a way to play the victim. What a mess!!!
Narcissist mistake kindness for weakness
And cruelty for strength lol
When Dr C said that bit about narcs being unable to be vulnerable and vulnerability is necessary to love, I thought that that was pretty foundational to understanding narcissism.
Agreed 🌸
But they will harm others when they are vulnerable
Re the question about the sister treating some people well, 2 things spring to mind. One: The narcissists public face is often quite different from their private face. In public, they may want to be known as a good mother and grandmother (often being syrupy nice to their kids/grandkids), but behind closed doors, the experience of those children may be very different. Two: Narcissist love to triangulate by treating someone nicely in front of you to make the point that "You would be treated like this, too - if you met my standards.", with the goal being to make you think that you must be the problem - since they are able to treat someone else nicely.
Great insight. Also I think they might know you know there is no better treatment no matter what you do. So it can also be to simply ostracize you. To hurt you by exclusion and teach others how to feel and treat you. They are usually love bombing the other person at the same time. Like when mommy gives all the toys to one kid. He won’t say well what does my brother get. There is some deficit in others involved in this situation.
My mother seemed to want love & would complain that I loved the cat more than her. However she was not willing to act in a way that encouraged me to show love. I just cannot understand how the Narcissist can be so absolutely blind to the nature of their own behaviour. When I, having done my chores, had been upstairs in my room doing my homework & reading all evening, then after my brothers were asleep, my mother would come storming upstairs, wrench the door open & start shouting at me & pulling my clothing off. She would be pulling at me. Grabbing at me. Catching hold of my hair & yanking me all over the room. Hitting me with implements. Bashing my head against the wall or radiator again & again. My mother would be shouting at me that I was a slut & a whore, when I did not even know what those words meant. It was not uncommon for her to keep beating me until I was left unconscious. Their behaviour makes no sense at all.
@@sarahstrong7174 Holy hell.. that’s rough! Hopefully that was a long time ago.. and you’ve recovered well. What I’ve noticed (after a lifetime of family members on the Narc spectrum), is they’re stuck at adolescence development. Females in particular, never growing past 12-13yo emotional maturity. Includes sis & Mom, in my case. Be well.
toxic sil/bil/mil inlaws
@@sarahstrong7174 Sounds like she's probably projecting her own whorish behavior or thoughts onto you. She might have started feeling shame and had to blame someone else for it. That was some serious abuse you experienced. I hope you are okay now.
Narcissist: I do not really know what I am, and why should I care about how I routinely behave. What matter most to me is how other people view me.
Self-confident person: I know what I am and care about how I routinely behave. How other people view me is much less important.
Cheers to being confident!
Golden Rule 🙏 & Patience
Never mind forgiving the person that hurt. Maybe try working on forgiving yourself for having put yourself through that experience. It's not your fault .
Lol I used the term "Radical Acceptance" with an acquaintance and the first thing out of her was "Do you listen to Dr. Carter?" Nice to meet one of us IRL!
That's great!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Yep. Both members of Team Healthy! Lol I knew there was something about her I liked.
@@anautisticsguidetotheunive4109as Joe Biden said “it’s mutual”.
My therapist just said yesterday to me" next session we will be talking about" radical acceptance" lol
I think it's fair comment and I've heard Dr. C say as much, that on some level, Narcissists know that they don't do life or relationships right.
It stands to reason that since all that they can do is observe what people respond to positively and collect that information, what you're really up against is a person who is good at pretending to be someone they are not, to the nth degree.
I've found that this gets worse with age; their history of broken relationships is usually a known quantity and they know that .
There's no true defense against that and no reason to feel stupid or down on yourself✌
...Emphasis on collecting information...they will use it against you later.
What I realized is that at the core of this interaction(I'm not calling it a relationship because that's not what was happening) I was having with my parents was a desire to bring me down. No matter how nice or helpful my parents could be at times, in the end all they wanted to do was bring me down. That's narcissism in a nutshell(the desire to want to bring other people down).
The being helpful imo is how they control and drag us back in, I've been there so many times! Problem is the negatives that come with that are too high a price to pay, at least for me. It's impossible to be myself around them. I let my guard down last with my father 7 years ago and was caught out, never done that again. I cannot deal with a toddler in an 80 year olds body. Instead of speaking up at the time, he waited until other people had gone and went ballistic! They build you up to knock you down because they're children. You don't even know they're unhappy until you're stuck alone with them!
Loved the community around this channel and stream
Me too, Aaron!
Me too. I needed this today 🙏
Struggling with the silent treatment from my self righteous narcissistic.. 3 days of rude ignoring and clipped yes and no.. feel like am going insane by day three. Am tell myself to rise above don't get into the ring. Exhausted emotionally 😞 😫 😩
Years ago, following the 2nd time my narc husband gave me the silent treatment (for about 5 - 6 days each time), I had an epiphany. He had long annoyed me to no end, daily, because he just . never . shut . up. So I decided to use those silent treatment times as vacations from his ever-running mouth.
Look at it as an opportunity to have uninterrupted thoughts, quiet moments undisturbed, "emotions off" times, etc... Plus, it turns out that giving them the silent treatment in return baffles them - that you, too, can be in control of how you interact with them - or not.
It's NOT to become like them, it's to mirror back their behaviors so they get to "enjoy" being treated the way they treat you.
😢 Very sad, and will probably only get sadder. Possibly to the point of tragic. Why not leave/get out NOW, before it becomes the worst pain you may feel in your life? Just keep listening to and trusting the experts, along with all the support you can get on Dr. C's channel. Prayers 🙏🏻 and good luck. 💚
I understand your pain my 60yr old son who I love dearly has given me the silent treatment for over 18mths it almost broke me but for the grace of God im now doing better 🙏
In my experience, 'they' criticize with the hurling of personal insults before their victim is able to complete a sentence that would otherwise have remedied a situation for the good.
Yep. They gotta nip that in the bud!
I guess they consider themselves to be a "tough cookie", justifying and tolerating everything (bad) they do, as if they had to be that way.
Yet they would not take any advice that they do not have to be that way.
That explains why my jerk N sis is a fan of the Sopranos. We're half Italian. I dislike that show and she's got it as wallpaper on her computer.
Or being blunt as an excuse for saying hurtful and passive aggressive judgments lol
"suddenly they go crickets" never heard that one😄😊😸
It's a southern thing.
Hi Dr. C. You mentioned that there are support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I googled that and found a group right here in Brooklyn! I recently got my own place which is wonderful but I could use the support from people who understand. Thanks again for your insight Doc!
Really good topic this week, thank you dr . C. Hugs to gus ✌
The way a narc processes life is very broken. Their malfunctioning "CPU" causes them to behave in a number of dysfunctional ways, including:
Freezing: Become unresponsive - tantrums, silent treatments, dismissiveness are but a few indicators of this.
Blank screen: No reaction to the hurt they cause
Beeping sounds: Imperative commands they issue
Overheating: Anytime things are not in accordance with their demands.
Slow performance: Where any type of reasonable or collaborative behavior is expected of them.
Time to think Healthy! And...Stay Healthy!
@@BaraSchmidt Absolutely 💯 🌸
🤣
Thank you Dr. Carter
Hi team healthy! I love your videos.
I was almost convinced I was but this video explains her in every way
Thank u Dr C. Team Healthy appreciates!
You are quite welcome!
Just keep on praying for the golden rule & they will learn the same thing they have been trying to forcibly teach
They would 1st have to care..🫤
I believe they are shallow, they don't go beneath the surface. It's all about appearances. I think going deeper can be taught to a degree but, that is the way they are made. Sad.
Good afternoon Dr Carter and family
Hey Team Healthy friends 😊♥️
Hi 👋
#TeamHealthy
Sorry I'm having Christmas in July! I'm giving myself a pat on the back for leaving the
narcisistic ex that made crazy for me.....beware there are still plenty more out there
so, don't let them.....
Why do Narcissistic people act sullen and defensive behind closed doors, and when they are in situations where they are talking to work colleagues on the phone, become loud, brash and super confident. My ex almost used to shout if he was on the mobile phone, chatty and all knowing, but when he ended the call and spoke to me, he almost mumbled in a voice of destain. Can they take in both Covert and Overt traits at the same time ??
Thank you Team Healthy!
Thanks!
Thank you.
Thanks for your insights Dr C!. Still trying to figure out how to leave. . .🤔
Why do they always pull out a camera and start videoing you when you're in an argument with them that is just the most bizarre thing I've ever witnessed
That would bother me too.
So they can "prove" that its you, you are causing the problem.
I have this theory that sometimes paparazzi create a disturbance in order to get a celebrity to make a surprised or disgusted facial expression in order to get an unflattering photo.
My narc mother didn't have a camera. Her tactic was to criticize me to a sibling when I wasn't around, working the sibling into a state of anger towards me. Then when the sibling and I were in the same space she'd start picking a fight with me until I exploded. Then the sibling would pounce on me accusing me of being the problem. (It was doubly traumatizing to be first picked on, then pounced on, IOW I was double-teamed by the narc and her flying monkey.) Now I guess narcs use cameras to create the illusion that we're really the problem. 🙄
My Mothers voice sounds like a serpent!
In your next live, can you explain the superiority of the religious leader who exhibits a combination of grandiose, covert, communal, and malignant narcissism, even bordering on psychopathic? Additionally, could you address how they accuse people of unforgiveness and taking offense when they themselves are unforgiving, offensive, manipulative gaslighters? My husband and I have experienced church hurt, as have many others before us, and we're still trying to understand why our pastors discarded us. Being discarded after 25 years of loyalty is deeply painful. All we did is confront a situation when we noticed some unethical financial practices, they retaliated severely by stonewalling, firing, character assassination, excommunicating, and ultimately banned us from the church property, severing ties with us altogether. We were closely involved and part of their inner circle, both as employees, volunteers and members, our lives were entirely intertwined with this church and these pastors. I've heard these circumstances referred to as 'golden handcuffs.' Any light you can shed on the religious narcissist who is esteemed in the public eye and exhibits grandiose, covert, communal, malignant, and in our opinion, psychopathic behavior, would be greatly appreciated.
I have a neighbor, and i see no peace. I try to be a good neighbor.but she is so negative
I feel anxious every time I step out side my door
I just want to say thank you.. English is not my native language....the first time I heard about narcisism was here... by chance.... three months ago... Man, what a revelation, I cried out loud some explectives... *** ...and at the same time saying ohh... I love you man.... that is it.. ..I finally could understand the bizarre behaviours within my family... mabe too late... I thank you also for your indications, dr. Ramani and Mr. Wise... I already had taken the decision to go apart from my family ... but I felt reassured by watching your videos and the inteligent people you recomended.... well... here goes the question... narcisistis prefer to chew a bone alone instead of sharing a beef?... thank you in advance... it only took me 3 hours to write this
Thank you so much, Jose. I truly wish the best for you.
They live life like it revolves around them. Is there any way to get them to understand that it doesn't?
No.
No
No, they are beyond understanding.
No. But, sad as that is, there's freedom in being like - they're like that, and I gotta go. Besides I bet you've seen how they have a whole cloud of people that revolve around them.
Wow Dr C, that last question about the narcissist not being able to speculate, hits home with me. I have stopped communicating with my narcissistic husband about topics of conversation, doing just that -- speculating. Whenever I say something where I'm trying to make a guess about something, he would ridicule me. I would say, "haven't you heard of an educated guess?". He would tell me, "there's no such thing as an educated guess". So now, if I don't have all the facts about something, I don't even try to initiate a conversation. I think it's so sad that I can't even have an intelligent conversation with my husband. Communication with him is something I long to have with my husband, but it doesn't exist outside of what we are doing in the present.
The malignant narcissist in my life gave me lifelong traumatic brain injury. I have proof in my medical records, now.
How do I even get my dignity after that? Other people blame ME for it instead of her, including her!
Why the hell do they always feel sorry for the abuser?!
I got the proof only recently but it's existed since the day I felt it happen. Since before I was 8.
Do you think most narcissists are also riddled with jealousy?? I recently broke up with a fella in his 60’s whom I believe, was actually jealous of my 30 year old son! He befriended him at my request and then in so many ways, began to attempt to break him down, belittling him and giving him disgusting life advice, everything from “ sell your house and live in a camper” to “ date someone ugly and fat and she will be loyal to you”. I just cut him off at the chase, and I don’t miss him at all!
I know my nex was very difficult to understand. I grew tired of trying to figure him out.
It's exhausting!
I think nowadays people need to go from learning about narcissists and their behaviours right into what they can do legally. We know that emotional abuse, intent to cause psychological distress and harassment are offenses recognised by the law. How to set boundaries and act legally is perhaps the only way to reverse the growth of narcissistic abuse in our society and be able to fully take back what they take from people.
Ohh…lol I use those one-liners for the difficult people (and my kids when they’re out of control) in my life actually to prevent myself from getting into useless arguments (probably so, maybe, that could be, I don’t know, I know…)
Dr. C, I have a question. What's going on with someone who shows nothing on their face, gives nothing away and are impossible to read. It makes interaction very difficult because a you cannot gauge what sort of response you're getting. I've seen this with several people but the person im thinking of will laugh when iqqm not joking, not laugh if I am telling a joke. There is either zero feedback, the opposite feedback or they'll react with contempt and disdain and leaves me confused as to what set that off. Btw you sound much better 😊
When narcissists watch a movie, do they root for the bad guy?
They can certainly be drawn to the shows featuring the "good" sociopath over the "bad" sociopath. There are lots of those types of movies out there. Lots.
The Power voice hit me. The a**hole in my life calls my name with her own garnered authority tone and ONLY does this when around others. It always irks me and I respond with attitude. DON'T PLAY WITH ME!
RE question from mom about steering adult children away from narcissistic habits. I have a 11, 10 & 7 year old and a vulnerable narcissist ex-husband who did terrible things. All kids are in therapy. How do I do the same as the previous question, but with children that are as little as mine. My oldest definitely shows some signs of his father's negative tendencies.
I would love to know more about why (or how) a narcissist sees morality as some sort of correctness competition, as you mention in your recent video on "Why Can't Narcissists Get Out of the Way of Their Own Anger?" Are they pretending when they see morality as a competiton they can win, when their own lack of empathy means that they can not actually be moral? Or do they really somehow think it is moral to want to win over someone else? Do they really think that applying some 'rules' to you and other 'rules' to themselves is actually moral? I guess I'm asking, do they really think they are being moral when they declare they have won the morality competition because they followed one particular 'rule', while they ignore other 'rules' and show no empathy?
I have a question.
Why does it take so long to let go of the abuse from a BPD or NPD person.
My ex wife has always denied, shifted blame, avoided, abandoned or tried to manipulate/gaslight abusive events that have actually happened. 25 years worth and I am not saying I have not lost control from time to time because I have verbally.
There’s been verbal abuse, physical abuse, abandonment (time to time) lying, cheating, comparing to other men, etc. I don’t see how someone can actually do wrong towards someone and not try to make it right.
Probably because it's traumatic. Abuse repeated over a long period of time with a feeling of "no way out" can give you CPTSD which is hard to resolve on its own, and causes flashbacks where you relive the emotions from the trauma.
@@DevorahTafus … I understand the reason and the process. My issue is even through the process it stays in the mind.
It’s like you are trying to get them to see it through conversations in the mind. Yet they are not there. I can’t go no contact fully because she is the mother of our children. Yet she will never own it which is another problem.
Thank God. I'm here as my marriage is near the end as I am finally waking up and being tired of being toyed around by my narc wife. Her threats are no longer resonating and her leaving is no longer a loss. But, I am wondering if it's worth waiting for things to turn around. Jesus help me. Thanks for allowing this comment.
I just cannot understand how Narcissists can be so blind to their own behaviour. How, for example, could my mother be complaining that I loved the cat more than her, so that it seemed she wanted to be loved. But at the same time my mother would be brutally beating me unconcious. I mean that is not the way to encourage someone to show warmth & affection. When someone seems to be so irrational I find it very difficult to understand, please would you explain Dr Carter?
I go through this with my daughter mom. She says i dont pay her any attention and i only care about our daughter, but like you said , with the onslaught of criticisms put downs and irrational behavior, i do not feel encouraged to extend warmth and affection to her. Most times i dont wanna be bothered with her.
@@Private_Pookie I seem to find it very difficult to come to terms with this level of irrationality. I just cannot seem to get my head around it. It feels like I am trying to fit a large bulky parcel inside my skull & just cannot manage to fit all the corners in, no matter which way I turn it.
Have you ever asked your daughters mother why she doesn't act more as though she would welcome some attention? How can she expect you to take her words seriously when she acts in such an off-putting way?
@@sarahstrong7174 yes, when i do ask that, she blames me with no proof of what she is actually complaining about. I find it as just a way to make you feel bad because they feel bad within. Because in all honesty its all delusion. They dont want attention, they just need a distraction from their inner shame and anger. I had to come to this realization.
@@Private_Pookie It seems impossible to get anywhere with them.
Question… my elder sister, who I suspect is strongly narcissistic, accused me of scapegoating my entire family. I had never even used the word “scapegoat”, or broached that topic in conversation with her (although I do believe I’m the family scapegoat). Her comment was a shock, as I thought I had only been commiserating with her about how difficult it was growing up in our family. So, Dr. C, is it even possible to scapegoat one’s entire family? I’m convinced that she’s just projecting at a laser beam level. I also suspect it might be an indication that someone confronted her about her narcissism and inspired her do a half pint of research on the topic, collecting just enough buzz words to sound knowledgeable.
Thanks for your helpful videos. I’ve been a subscriber for years.
Is there any reason to live any longer? The one person who loved me and I them, my son, ended his life. The narcissists won. Betrayal.
I’m so sorry, live for him.
I'm so sorry. You are not alone. My son did the same due to addiction. I spent many years with a narcissistic spouse, most of my energy went to him and his weird family. I didn't realize what it was doing to all of us. Now that I can identify this , I live a different life. I sought therapy and it helps, I hope you will too. My heart goes out to you.
Dr. C, I have made the decision that run like h:#)). Problem is that every time I get a step ahead I get pulled back 3 steps by her michavelian machinations. I have a rudimentary plan and a date I am going to run. Any suggestions on how to better plan?
Hopefully have a nice stash of cash.
Don't tell them you are leaving, even on the day you leave.
@@TamaraMize-r9g So true. I got hurt once trying to leave.
I was married 2x and divorced to the same partner (24yrs. Total)that I have been discarding the last 6 months but living in the same house. Is it normal for partner not to be intimate/sexual for many yrs. (10 yrs) for me to allow this and not to have self respect for myself and just walk away? There is no children but own a home together! Not the right time to sell for now. I’ve set boundaries and educating myself on how to live with the narcissist. I hope this makes sense to you to help me what I have had to deal with this mad selfish person… just to put it mildly!! Please help me. Thank you
Do narcissist admire other narcissist or powerful people. For example, Trump seems to admire other dictators. Boyfriend who was a narc seem to admire Trump.
Strangely, yes.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C., I am "old old" now. Survived a vindictive narc ex-husband (late '80's, early 90's) primarily for 2 reasons: (1) I had 4 early-adult kids who, I didn't think, needed a dead mother as they were launching their lives, and (2) I was so enraged at my to-be-ex that I vowed I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of destroying me. This was in the days when there were almost no self-help books for my situation. "Codependent No More(?)" was about the only one. If I had not divorced him I would have been permanently mentally ill. My life has been difficult but I have come out on top now, and he is basically broke, in poor health, and totally dependent on my eldest son (for whom he should thank his lucky stars!).
I am disturbed at your implications above about Trump. They are entirely too simplistic and generalized, IMO. I have been highly frustrated with him at times, but I fully believe that he is the only one who can possibly salvage our country at this point. He may be killed in the attempt. The evil global (and US federal) forces against him and those who love America are overwhelming. I sincerely hope that readers do not oppose him because of your comment above.
I respect you greatly and thank you for what you do. Your thoughts on this would be welcome.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr. C. I am disturbed by your comment above, which seems to imply that Trump is a monster like most of the narcissists described in the comments. It seems to me like an overgeneralization. You have said (I think) that narcissism is on a spectrum and that the fundamental trait in defining it is "exploitation of others". I hope your readers will ask themselves whether they want another 4 (or endless more years) of what we have endured under the current federal monopoly. "Are you better off than you were 4 years ago?" I truly believe that the USA as we have known it will disappear if Trump is not elected, and I am grieving that possibility. I highly respect you and thank you for your work. I would welcome your reply to this.
Trump is the only US President (with possible exception of G. Washington) who has donated his entire salary as President to departments of the federal government. I think that is the polar opposite of "exploitation". Here is the list of federal departments that President Trump donated his salary to:
Department of the Interior (Q1 2017: National Park Service maintenance of a Civil War site)
Department of Education (Q2 2017: A science, technology, engineering, and math camp for children)
Department of Health and Human Services (Q3 2017: Public awareness campaign about opioid addiction; Q4 2019: To help “confront, contain, and combat coronavirus”; Q1 2020: To “develop new therapies for treating and preventing coronavirus”)
Department of Transportation (Q4 2017: Infrastructure grant program)
Department of Veterans Affairs (Q1 2018: Caregiver programs)
U.S. Small Business Administration (Q2 2018: “Emerging Leaders” program)
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (Q1 2019: Not yet announced, but later confirmed)
Department of Homeland Security (Q3 2019: Not yet announced, but later confirmed)
Department of Agriculture (Q1 2019: Outreach programs)
Surgeon General’s Office (Q2 2019: “An upcoming public health advisory”)
Office of the Assistant Secretary of Health (Q3 2019: “To continue the ongoing fight against the opioid crisis”)
Note that some quarters (Q3 2018, Q4 2018, and Q2 2020) do not have specified recipients, as the information was not publicly announced or confirmed at the time.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr. C. I am disturbed by your comment above, which seems to imply that Trump is a monster like most of the narcissists described in the comments. It seems to me like an overgeneralization. You have said (I think) that narcissism is on a spectrum and that the fundamental trait in defining it is "exploitation of others". I hope your readers will ask themselves whether they want another 4 (or endless more years) of what we have endured under the current federal monopoly. "Are you better off than you were 4 years ago?" I truly believe that the USA as we have known it will disappear if Trump is not elected, and I am grieving that possibility. I highly respect you and thank you for your work. I would welcome your reply to this.
Trump is the only US President (with possible exception of G. Washington) who has donated his entire salary as President to departments of the federal government. I think that is the polar opposite of "exploitation". Here is the list of federal departments that President Trump donated his salary to:
Department of the Interior (Q1 2017: National Park Service maintenance of a Civil War site)
Department of Education (Q2 2017: A science, technology, engineering, and math camp for children)
Department of Health and Human Services (Q3 2017: Public awareness campaign about opioid addiction; Q4 2019: To help “confront, contain, and combat coronavirus”; Q1 2020: To “develop new therapies for treating and preventing coronavirus”)
Department of Transportation (Q4 2017: Infrastructure grant program)
Department of Veterans Affairs (Q1 2018: Caregiver programs)
U.S. Small Business Administration (Q2 2018: “Emerging Leaders” program)
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (Q1 2019: Not yet announced, but later confirmed)
Department of Homeland Security (Q3 2019: Not yet announced, but later confirmed) Department of Agriculture (Q1 2019: Outreach programs)
Surgeon General’s Office (Q2 2019: “An upcoming public health advisory”)
Office of the Assistant Secretary of Health (Q3 2019: “To continue the ongoing fight against the opioid crisis”)
Note that some quarters (Q3 2018, Q4 2018, and Q2 2020) do not have specified recipients, as the information was not publicly announced or confirmed at the time.
Sorry about all the repeat replies. I have had a lot of trouble trying to reply and not seeing the reply show up until days later. Found out I had to use a specific browser to post reply.@@SurvivingNarcissism
Two faced too
They want what they want when they want it its their way or the highway im 80yr old my son is 60 he hasnt spoken to me in 18mths im being punished by him for standing up for my grandaughter and his treatment of her we go through terrible times every time he gets a new woman in his life 💔 sadly i have told him i will no longer accept being treated like a trash bag he has said some horrible things to me and he blames everyone else its sad 😢because there have been times when he and i got on well im getting stronger and have excepted that i may never see or hear from him again 😢
I have a friend that lives in the DFW area and it has actually been hotter here in Denver lately than it has been there..
1. Love as a weakness.. This is where they can take advantage of our niceness..
2. Red Flags.. I have had situations where I knew it while I was in it that it was a red flag.. Those really sting..
3. Grief.. My grief comes from how I wanted things to be rather than how they actually were..
4. Family and Relatives.. I had to distance myself from them..
5. Revenge.. My experience is that they cannot let go of resentment..
6. Power voice.. I might have to think about this one.. Normally they just did stuff behind my back or did not acknowledge me..
7. Mother/daughter.. Sounds like that is what she learned..
8. Son.. I do not want to justify anyone's behavior.. That includes my behavior.. If I enable then I am justifying my behavior..
9. Appealing/repelling.. To me this is the hot/cold person.. I have had a history of attracting that type of personality.. I would also say that both my mom and stepfather had that personality.. Walking on eggshells personality..
10. Narcisstic to only certain people.. I am going to try to sum this up.. My experience is that they will get away with whatever they can.. They will use whatever tactics that work.. Others know but they will not admit it..
11. Unable to speculate.. I am not sure.. I will say that I am able to see the train wreck while in process and they aren't..
This break in the weather won't last long!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Soak it in..
Not sure if I'm the narc or my 94 year old father is. 🤔 All I know is that the two of us despise one another. It's to the point where I can't be in the same room with him and the sound of his voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
Do narcissists intentionally withhold information from family members that would be appropriate to share (regarding doctor cancer appointments of a parent)?Do they expect to be asked about it in order to share it?
@@SusanMorales Power play
As far as I can tell, they don't have any consistent code of ethics on any kind of info. It's whatever makes them seem more powerful and/or whatever creates confusion, lack of coordination, sets people against each other. It never makes sense in any figure-out-able way.
How much did the narc parents create the substance abuse in their child...
Yet they stomp all over others
Dr. C sorry to bother you again can you let us know the difference between narsacisium and bipolar disorder. One minute they love you then the next minute you are the most hated person on earth what is that called? How do I deal with especially if it’s your child. One minute I’m the greatest mom to then being abusive. I show nothing but love helpfulness. Then get attacked I can’t understand this or deal with it. My child is grown refuses therapy or medication. Please help me to deal with this. Thank you in advance.
Dr C it seems to be learned behavior but I’m beginning to think it’s genetic as well. Could that be so? Please discuss how people can become narsacist being very spoiled. We keep talking about them not being loved and mistreated. But some have been loved to much. Thank you Dr. C
QUESTION: What do you think about EMDR, and have you ever used it? I had a first session today, and it seemed like it worked - I was thinking of solutions that I had never thought of before. But I wonder if it could have been the power of suggestion.
EMDR wasn't on the radar back when I was in grad school. Some of my younger colleagues specialize in it, and with many cases it is effective.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you!
She has to talk loud enough that every body can hear her.
An ad....one minute in You CAN do better