59 year old gay man here. Never previously married and came out at 45. Met my husband at church at 50 and got married at 53. Our anniversary is New Year’s Eve. Don’t be discouraged. Just keep living and enjoying your life and it will happen when you are not looking. That’s what happened with Rich and I. It has been a true blessing and worth the wait.
But it's a difficult challenge, if you have to wait so much time... I had to face a life alone and now that I'm nearly old have found a boyfriend with an incredible age gap... from east Asia. I love him but I'm also very worried
My take on being 24 and dating. So many gay men did not experience the typical teenage dating rituals, myself included, the result of which is that 20 somethings are a decade behind most straight people when it comes to dating and relationships. My advice is to be patient with yourself, one often finds a soulmate when we least expect it. I was 36 when I finally met my husband (I am 67 now), he was 28 at the time. We will soon celebrate 32 years together. You're a handsome, intelligent man who wants a committed relationship. There's someone out there that will find you the perfect match one day. Stay strong.
@@TSinRM excellent and true. Fortunately it's changed for many kids these days but it's still true in a situation like this you just don't get the experience of making your mistakes when you're young with dating
I've made this argument for a long time. When you grow up gay and can't be out, you're behind your straight peers. Not living in or near a major city makes things more difficult. And even in a major city it can still be hard. It's a numbers issue. Then add the self esteem issues. Being gay is not cool. It's a harder life for most of us. Finding a greater community connection is the way forward.
Only if you let it. I use to think that, best thing I did was not get involved with the LGBT Agenda, Focused on school, work, save and invested and now wealthy for I grew up poor. My partner and I live in the country near Amish it is awesome here and they are really nice and the produce and furniture you can buy. One lesson I have learned in my journey in life is your Conduct , Standards will affect your success capabilities to Achieve. I am a gay man of 67 and my partner is 49 and having some form of education or trade is a plus. You will be old sooner than you know and you better be ready for it. Just sharing information for it's up to you for others will have their own burden to bare!
I'm 24 too and my heart goes out to you, man. Being gay has truly tragic elements; I'm tired of everyone pretending it's all sunshine and rainbows. And when we suggest that there are inherently sucky parts of being gay that most people will never understand, we get slapped with having "internalized homophobia". I was pretty floored when I had my realization at 15 and I'm still picking myself up. And the more I learn about being gay the more frustrated I get. And due to all the experiences you described it's very easy to grow bitter and coldhearted and cynical, and that crap spreads from one gay man to another like wildfire in today's world. Protect your heart, stay off the apps and be yourself. You're worth it💙
I’m 30 and I really don’t like how some gay people try to brush the trade offs of being gay away. There are problems with being gay that exist among us as a demographic. We’re not perfect!
Nobody is saying that being gay is perfect and of course there are certain problems especially if you live in a homophobic country. But some of you are also exaggerating. Dating is definitely not a special problem if you live in a western country and especially a big city. It's not easier for straight people. The incel community exists for a reason. There are enough men who want a relationship. The opposite is simply not true. On a normal dating site you see more than enough men who only want a monogamous relationship. Of course, it also depends on where you live but that's a personal problem, like so many of the problems that people whine about here. Stop being so negative and dramatic all the time. There are bigger problems in this world than being single for a while. Some gays act like there are 10 gay men out there.
Do not be discouraged. You are young. I know it is harder in the gay community to meet someone. You have honesty, compassion and understanding. You are seeking acceptance. Do not feel like it will not happen for you. We want to connect with someone on many levels. That is a good thing. It goes beyond the appearance as you stated. It is about being with someone long term that can relate to you and you relate to them. Never lose hope. You stay focused on who you are and never lose sight of that. You stand in your truth and you take care.
I was 33, engaged to be married to a woman because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. She called off the wedding two months before it was to take place. She was a wonderful woman. She just didn’t want to be married. I was distraught because I knew who/what I was, but just couldn’t be that way. I resign myself to be alone for the rest of my life. Three months later, my best friends wife’s little brother (who had started hanging out in our group of friends) asked me out on a date. I told him I wasn’t gay. He laughed and said you’re so far in the closet you see Christmas presents. I laughed and that was 26 years ago. We are still together. Little did he know, I wasn’t in the closet. I was walking around Narnia with Mr. Tumnus. Lol.
I'm 22 and sometimes feel the same, although having a different situation. I'm from Russia and its quite hard to date here, not only because of all these laws and the overall danger, but also because a lot of guys are so traumatized here, that the only way to find connection and intimacy for many of them is just hookups. But this is not what I want at all, I want someone to talk to, not just sleep with. I'm not against sex, but without actual sincere connection, this is just masturbation with annother person.
So true. I hope you can and stay safe. I've seen some docos about Russia. I think Stephen Fry did one or it was another person. Things are quite horrific and I'm sorry there are so many pig ignorant people you have to contend with, enabled by Putin, his cronies and that awful church!
Hi, I'm from Russia too, also gay( and masculine girl also), I can't say how much I relate to what you say, I don't know what city you leave in, but in mine it's extremely hard to even find some intelligent person, with deep thinking, cause you know all they talk about is tiktok and all this stupid internet stuff and I just suffer from the lack of depth in society and subsequently lack of friends, what do you think about?
When you're young, you're often very complicated. Masturbation with someone else can also be fun. Just be uncomplicated and enjoy life. Growing up as a gay man in Russia is complicated enough. Don't make it more difficult than necessary.
Unfortunately here's the reality. If you want that to change you're going to get out of the country. My best friend is Russian and straight but that's what she had to do. You're not going to change it there
49 year old gay man here. I relate to this video. In my time on this earth I haven't been in a relationship either. For the longest time it was an emotional rollarcoaster. It doesn't help that I am disabled (blind/hearing loss) and live in a small rural conservative town that has more closeted men who more often than not married and with kids. I would still like to find a relationship and someone to share my life with. But I have reached a mental and emotional state that I am okay with being alone in life. I hope you find that special someone for you.
@@sunreginatto_99 Would love to travel overseas, but sadly, I can't even travel outside my local area. Transportation is pathetic for public transport. I know I need to be in a larger city, but being on disability income, I do not have the resources to move to a larger city. Bit hard to go to a new place to look for an apartment when you can't easily travel to get there. No there is no family or friends to help in this regard.
As an autistic and gay guy, I can understand the struggles of love and acceptance from the gay community. The possibility of finding the right guy with love and acceptance can be arduous.
Here's a little secret. I am definitely as gay as they get myself but most of my actual network is not gay. Surround yourself with good people the rest of it if you do that will work itself out I have found
@DozIvi I'm Autistic and Queer, and have hit the same kind of difficulties in my 41 years, only found out I am Autistic and ADHD 2 years ago. I've been trying to connect with other Neurodiverse people and those with an open mind that accept me for who I am, with all my quirks, childlike inquisitiveness and love of nature. I just want to share that that kind of genuine connection and acceptance with another person some day soon some how and feel hopeful about that.
35 and still single. But the more I grow, the more that “wound” of being alone heals. It sucks, but I have made peace with the fact that my journey will be fundamentally different, and there’s still a lot I appreciate about my life.
You are very attractive and young, so you have time. At 53, the advice I wish I taught my 20 something self, is the paradox of choice. I was fit, good looking, and I had a few great chances to have a meaningful relationship with some great men (and an ocean of not so great choices). Unfortunately, because of all the choices I had available, I was extremely picky and I had a hard time being satisfied with the guys I did date- thus the paradox. It was found that when people have more than 3 choices, the odds of them being dissatisfied with their choice, no matter what they chose, went up with the more choices they had. Today in my mid 50's, I wish I had simply chose one of them and stuck with him. Please just stop for a moment and really enjoy how beautiful, young, and healthy you are and come from a place of gratitude. I took so much for granted - and as young people we often do, because it's not until we are much older that we have any basis of comparison to truly understand how wonderful and profoundly fortunate we really were at those young ages.
So true so true! I was like you, and also sometimes on the receiving end (we are about the same age). In my 20s-30s, when I was ready to give myself to a relationship, usually the men I liked just couldn't commit, and didn't feel comfortable with affection. Sex yes, but the minute love was mentioned, they ran for the hills. I remember one guy telling me I was hindering his life's goal to have sex with as many different men as possible. I sometimes wonder if he's still like that, and if his looks held up.
As someone who's turning 19 next month, Ive been in a ton of talking stages and only on one date, which the dude ended up ghosting me right out of the blew after the date. As a bisexual male who's more "flamboyant" and lives in a more conservative small town, it's not easy whatsoever. On top of that, I come from a family that's more conservative and that makes it even harder to be completely myself to the point that I've questioned my masculinity and that resulted with me having internalized homophobia. To anyone out there who's in a similar situation, just know that you're not alone and the things that make you different from most of your peers should be seen as your strengths. I honestly don't know if I'll ever actually find a true connection with anyone any time soon but either way, I'm trying to live my life like everyone else and better myself too in hopes that I become the best version of myself when that person comes around in the future. To anyone reading this that's struggling, I want you to know that there are people out there that love you and who are willing to support you through your journey, and if you think no one has your back and you're alone, just know that I most definitely have your back and I'm rooting for you. Keep pushing forward. You got this!! ~Shawn
Im 69 yrs old. Never have had any relationship success. Nothing more than couple months. Never been on a date. Im not ugly. Im educated, low key life, worldly and not broke! Lol. One would think i would have more guys showing interest. But i have resolved myself to being alone. I do what i want. I Dine out, travel and entertain myself. Only thing is I worry about needing help as I age.
You’re 24! I was 29 when I met my first partner. So don’t worry. You have plenty of time believe me. Don’t try so hard, your prince will come along! We have all been there you know….gay guys are often abit shallow so you don’t want to be with anyone like that.
Two pieces of unsolicited advice that may help someone here: 1st-Every relationship fails...until the one that doesn't. Learn from each. 2nd-Do the things, go to the places you would like to do with a partner. You are far more likely to meet and connect to someone with similar interests if you're there doing that interest. You'll find YOU are more interesting...and ready...once you do meet that special one.
Yes. You still have to live your life fully whether in a relationship or single. I have known many people in relationships who feel trapped and wish they were single. The grass isn't always greener.
@@robertrawley1115 the reality is he doesn't even know who he is yet. A relationship with anyone is not going to work until you know that. That is not a criticism. It's just the reality of the situation. When you're in that situation a relationship is going to invariably be a disaster
Ok but my question is what if all my interests are solitary or only women share them 😂 Like I am happy to just keep doing them by myself or with the girls but there is never organically gonna be a man in my spaces. 😂
26 here, and the best piece of advice i can offer is to try not to let the loneliness be a negative thing. Dont let it get you depressed and down. Because unfortunately many gay men do experience alot of loneliness, but the key is to find positive things in it. Become comfortable with being alone. Don't let loneliness degrade your quality of life. When I was in my process of coming out and embracing being gay i ended up letting loneliness get me into a really bad depression and suicidal state. I got so caught up in the idea of not wanting to be alone that it seriously impacted my quality of life, it cost me all my friendships. I finally learned that I just had to find ways to keep myself company and be okay with it. Just enjoy life, don't get wrapped up in the idea of having to be with someone and trust me the perfect guy will come along.
40 here, with this approach u will end up avoiding relationships at all cost. i cant imagine someone is constantly around, snoring, farting, making all sorts of noises lol. U will end up in to so much comfort which u going to protect not letting anyone in. And funny part of it, when u decide that u want to be alone, thats when nice beautiful guys will come only to get rejected and confused after being nice to you. And u feel bad every time u reject someone for no good reason other than its simply inconvenient for u. And then sometimes u wondering, what would it be if i only said yes to that guy, what life would i have? And then i turn youtube on and all thoughts goes away lol. Life is good and sucks at the same time. )))
I found my husband when I was 28. That 40 years ago!!!! Prior to that I despaired of finding a true soul mate. Just a lot of short-term boyfriends. But it worked for me! Never give up.
I'm also 24, gay, and have never been in a relationship. I'm not out to everyone in my family and I'm extremely introverted, so I can definitely understand the struggle of wanting to be in a relationship, but never having it work out. You've expressed it in your video multiple times, but it cannot be stressed enough how being gay (or queer in any sense) provides its own unique set of circumstances that is very difficult to deal with. I don't know if/when I'll get in a relationship, but I'd love to one day. May we both find someone we want to be in a relationship with lol
24 years old and never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship? I'm 58 years old and have never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship. Many Gay guys are more into the hook up culture. Trying to...and believe me I tried for 30 years... trying to find that special soul mate has seemed impossible for me. So now I have stopped looking and have just become comfortable with myself. And I too am Neurodivergent. Was diagnosed in my 40's. Imagine suffering my whole life not knowing what was wrong...er um, I mean different about me.
@@marlinthecreative118 I would never have known he was gay by just a cursory search. It's mentioned almost nowhere. Regardless, I'll give the book a look, so thanks for the rec
@@jm7804 I'm not picky at all, seriously. I like regular guys I'm not looking for a super model. But Most gay guys are afraid of commitment and monogamy 😓💔.
@@gerardopc1 I wish you the best of luck in your journey. You're handsome and know what you're looking for, so good things are going to happen for you.
Those are admirable qualities to desire with commitment, add reciprocal communication, equal give and take and devotion it would be a win win. I also feel each person in the relationship needs there own independence so they can blossom together.
hey Matthew, thanks for the great video. I am now 44 and someone told me a wise piece of advice when I was young...."you are older a lot longer than you are younger". so I spent my younger days traveling to 35 countries, living in several countries, discovering who I was and kept evolving and maturing. it was a journey well worth the while. I have never been in a relationship and now I feel I know who I am on a deeper level and will be a great partner. now the hardest part finding the appropriate age to date in....guys my age have spent 20 years partying, drinking, smoking, staying up all night and are starting to get worn out. I am a competitive swimmer, no wrinkles, no botox, full head of hair, etc, and a young energy. my point is, we can get better as we age, life is a nice paced marathon not a sprint.
truly believe what we need is stop focusing on finding love (or even friends). we just need to do stuff we like, want, go to places we appreciate, join clubs or start hobbies, engage in conversations and one chat after another you eventually meet someone.
We're the same age Matt. It's something I've always wanted myself but like you always found it tough being in the gay community. I've always felt like somewhat of an outsider, so I've spent last six years focusing on studying and laying a foundation for my career as a writer by building experience. I think I'd be more likely to find someone by just enjoying life in myself and coming across someone by chance. I look at it quite simply in terms of a relationship: I want someone to love warts and all and who will love me warts and all.
Thank you for sharing this, so many of us appreciate it. When you add even more layers onto just being gay, it can be difficult. I have complex medical issues, scars from surgeries, side effects from medications, and my kidney transplant is rejecting. It can be a lot to take on, but I used to believe I was the issue, but I am who I am, and I can't change that, nor do I want to. Having the courage to stand up and say, "This is who I am," is tough, so I applaud you for sharing, and because of your courage, you have a new subscriber. Thank you!
Curious if there have been guys that have been attracted to you that you have rejected? I struggled for years chasing the ONE for me, all the while turning down others whom I didn't find attractive enough or enough of the "traits" that I was looking for. He is out there for you but realize that you are not alone in being rejected.
I grew up watching High School Musical. I never recovered from the fall from realizing not only is regular romance nothing like those teenage movies, but worse I can never remotely experience even a fraction of that kind of romance because of how toxic the gay dating scene is.
I'm 59 and autistic. I've been both single and had long relationships, even married for 16 years. A few things come up in my mind. People today are very focused in "I want....". If you focus more on "I can offer...." and be that person in everything you do, people will notice. Another thing I've noticed is the effects of masking, consciously or unconsciously. When hiding our true selves to "pass as normal" we often overdo it and strip off too much. Or just don't do a very good job at it. Love and be yourself, always. And those who care will spot you in a crowded room, I promise. Especially other neurospicy individuals will appreciate seeing "one of us" there. And honestly, those relationships have lasted longer than with neurotypical guys. And last, you're very young! Don't forget or underestimate the use of having a little fun on the way. You can learn a lot from it that you'll need when it gets serious. 👍🏻
I am 22 and feeling the same way. I also don't really have any friends either. I was so excited to start at a new university last semester and make new friends, but that didn't happen. I will remain optimistic but my optimism starts to fade after a while. I am going to try to be my authentic self and hope the people I want in my life will come.
Im 42, trust me when i say you have a long ways to go before you have to really worry. In my mid 30s i gave up on trying to find someone, got myself a couple of dogs, moved to a bigger city, bought myself a house, make a crap ton of money, and apparently still dont have anything appealing to offer. 🤷♂️
You're welcome to my life in my 50s. Turns out I have a very happy life without having this partner or marriage or whatever you want to call it. Being in previous relationships and I realized I'm better off by myself. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship
i am MUCH older now, but i remember thinking some of the same things you are thinking. part of the problem is that most of the young people one meets are just looking for "experiences." i didn't meet anyone suitable until i was 38! i wasted 20 years being alone and lonely. i hope you do better sooner.
That goes for me too. Gay partner finding is difficult, but being autistic makes it not doubly, but ten times more difficult. I have stopped actively seeking, but remain passively open to something which will very probably never happen.
I totally agree, ADHD myself. The inability to pickup on social queues really makes it much harder. Where I live makes it worse too. I've had to really work on myself to learn to be happy on my own. Trying all the time was making me depressed. I'm working on being happy and hopefully, I find someone along the way.
Overall, being neuroatypical puts you away from many guys. But good riddance tbh, I'd rather be lonely than being fake or living with a fake that could never understand me or potentially ends up in my trauma memories. Don't give up, I'm pretty sure you'll find someone someday anon !
Keep staying positive. I'm 39, and I didn't have a relationship until I was 30, and I'm happy to be single again after 3 years. Just be you, and don't let another human being bring you down.
Me .Being gay in an Arab and Muslim country is hell in itself. I agree with you, we must always do better. I don’t have friends and I can’t reveal my sexual identity. It’s like a horror movie here. I wish from the bottom of my heart that this would become clear to the world that We deserve life, we deserve peace and we deserve freedom.I haven't found a partner yet even though I'm 20 I'm just working silently to get out of this nightmare. ❤ 🏳️🌈 All in one land ❤
I wish you to be safe and sound!! You need to speak up more about this topic because even after people escape Muslim countries they avoid brining up the horrendous traditions and cultish abusive behavior they faced there!! You need to spread awareness more!! Otherwise, they will keep pushing these medieval times onto the others!! I have female friends who escaped because they were physically and sexually abused by their husbands… So, it’s painful for me to see that many of the guys from Arab world come to the west without embracing the civil norms of society and even are trying to push the same narrative here!! I see the rise of puritanical hypocrisy even here on TH-cam ( but for sone reason they feel more comfortable to openly spread misogyny and keep suspiciously quiet about their homophobia… I assume it’s them trying to „align“ with values of other dudes/bros. So, they keep some of their agendas to themselves )
@dreamchaser7603 I understand what you are saying. What a terrible situation. As a person, I only believe in science. I do not adhere to any kind of customs or traditions. I only adhere to what I see as humane and what comforts my conscience and heart. I respect people and difference is the basis of existence.Therefore, I believe that spreading awareness is done by adhering to correct and humane behavior. We coexist with all beings, and this planet was not created to be for the sake of a specific sect or group of people. It is for everyone.As a person, I represent myself and no one can brainwash me. I see that the solution is understanding, spreading awareness and respecting the feelings of others. Sorry for what happened to your friends. It's a dark and corrupt medieval mentality....Whoever thinks he ran away for fun is a stupid person. As for me, I will run away because I no longer know myself here. My life has become very harsh. I feel like I am a reactor about to explode. I believe that a person can overcome all difficulties as long as he tries..I really hope to find and help the world become a better place. Thank you for your words.❤️❤️❤️
Don’t give up. Your so young. Place yourself in places where you can meet someone. Go on a gay cruse and participate in group events. I went through the same frustration 30 years ago. There is someone out there for you ❤
I definitely relate. I’m 25 and I have also never been in a relationship. Like you, I’ve tried, and not had any luck. But, like you said, it’s important to stay optimistic. Good luck to you, I hope you find your person!
Thank you for this. I'm 37 and have been single since birth. And it's really tiring how people express shock when they learn that about me and then proceed to make it my fault. They keep saying things like "maybe you're picky" or "your standards are too high" which really sucks. And I have gone through phases where I went out of my way to become someone I'm not, only to find myself single still.
I love how people around here coming forward and sharing their experiences, uplifting, or tragic . It shows how much we are connected and have similarities when it comes to life experiences and especially social and intimate needs, more precisely when you factor in the perception that we get as a community who only cares about physical connection which is absolutely wrong and most of the people use it as a coping mechanism to satisfy the missing needs.
I’m 22 and going through the same path in life. Was watching your video and kept relating to everything you said was applicable to your situation. We’ll both find our guy in life, it just takes time to find the right person like you said! Sending you hugs and well wishes!!
I'm 20 years old turning 21 in a couple of months. But I do feel you with how hard it is to find someone as a gay man. I realized that I was gay around the age of 17 while I was still in high school. At the time I wasn't really into getting in a relationship like many other high schoolers or my friends. I eventually got into a relationship when I turned 18, 4 months before graduation. But my relationship only lasted for about a week and then I broke it off with my boyfriend. At the time I was really stressed out by school, had a lot of family plans, and just had a lot of stuff on my mind at the time. Eventually, I learned that the guy I was dating wasn't really my type that much at all mostly when it came to emotionally. Physically I didn't mind at all. But after graduation and starting to get into college, I started to see a lot of people around me get into relationships. Such as my friends and family. And over time to me, it has become more and more lonelier. I tried to find people to get into a relation at my college but I've had zero luck. I never tried online apps but I personally don't trust them since I see a lot of people who use those apps just for hookups, not to find a genuine long-term relationship. After a couple of years of seeing my friends being really happy with their relationships I started to become more envious of them and I started to be a little bit more passive-aggressive around them. This eventually became worse until I accidentally emotionally hurt one of my closest friends. I eventually realized what I'd done and apologized to them right away and explained how I'd been feeling. Now me and that friend are actually a lot closer and doing a lot better. After patching up with my friends. I still kept looking for relationships with no luck. Eventually, I just accepted that this was going to be a long process and I just had to be patient with myself and just let time and luck do its work. But still being lonely and seeing others happy with their partner still hurts though. I don't go out that often but I plan to go out more in the next coming year. I just hope that I can find someone to be in a long-term relationship despite how little experience I have in the dating world. All I can do now is hope for the best and just enjoy the people that I do have like my friends and family.
39-year-old here. Your issue is 100% geography. If you go to Chicago or San Francisco you'd be overwhelmed by the romantic options. Remember: you can be happy no matter what. And happiness must come from within (if you aren't happy single, how will you know if you're in the wrong relationship? You're dependent on a lover for your self worth). Romantic love is great, but it's not the only kind of love. You will find your person but you have to be whole yourself first. Tom Cruise lied in Jerry Maguire about the "You Complete Me" nonsense.
The issue with big cities is that people have too many options so you become replaceable and discardable, always onto the next best thing or the one that will ‘tick all the boxes’
@@Heytno that's true too, relocating is no recipe for happiness. Men, particularly in their 20s, aren't always eager to date long-term and when they do, you can have open relationships and trouples that can be very messy. I've heard of 21/22 year olds in very gay friendly places like London having terrible times finding partners. For whatever reason, straight couples and lesbians tend to couple up a lot easier in my experience. But as a marginally attractive white dude gay dude from the rural Midwest, I was amazed at additional romantic interest directed my way in places like SF. (You mean, there isn't something pathologically wrong with me?)
Thankyou so much for uploading this! I feel so seen! I'm 25 now, and to be honest I have had 2 relationships before, when I was 17-19, but after my last relationship ended, I just haven't been able to connect with anyone. From time to time it makes me feel really lonely, because I don't even go on dates, and the main reason for that is that I haven't been able to find someone with whom I connect with on an emotinal level. The thing that scares me the most is that I'm kind of a social butterfly, and I meet new people all the time, and still find it hard to meet someone, and as you said, it's hard to not compare myself with my straight friends and their successful dating lifes. I often feel a little scared of admitting how much I want a relationship, because I feel it would kinda make me seem desperate to my friends. I could go on writing an even longer comment, but your video just says everything that I'm thinking! You've somehow reignited that little spark of hope inside of me that maybe someday I'll meet my person, and I can't thankyou enough for that! I hope you find yours too, you seem like a wonderful person with a big heart, so don't give up! I believe all of us deserve the love and emotional connection that a deep and meaningfull relationship gives you.
Being neurodivergent myself and gay and dyslectic I can totally understand your situation. It took me a lot of time to really learn and accept what it is to think differently than most people. So my advice is just be yourself but don't set any expectations for a potential partner because you just can't imagine or define someone different from yourself until you actually meet them. When you do meet the right person, it is possible to know it within a few hours with them if you completely lower the mask you have learned to wear to protect yourself from those who misunderstand you. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. It sounds simple just to "be yourself" but it isn't that easy for anyone and it is even more difficult for us. I'll give you a hint: be HONEST with yourself and doubly so with others who you might be attracted to. If you do that, when the right person comes along you will discover that your conversation just flows naturally and time seems to pass more quickly as you talk, laugh and pass the time without noticing. The real clue here is laughing together organically and naturally. When you find yourself doing that for hours on end you will have found your mate. Trust me when I say it will definitely happen for you if you just stop wanting it to happen. Forget about it; stop wanting a partner or feeling alone. Just go about your life enjoying whatever you do, hobbies, socializing, whatever; just enjoy the moment. By doing this you make yourself more approachable and more attractive to the right person for you. Be happy and let your happiness radiate from you. The right person for you will be drawn to you like a magnet. Enjoy your life and laugh about the potholes you might encounter.
I relate a lot with this final thing you said. I constantly nitpick stuff about myself. I feel like I'm not enough the way I am and I need to improve myself before putting myself out there. I've never even tried dating apps. Feels like so much pressure to be up to expectations
Man, I'm 31 and never been in a relationship either. And if someone as good looking as you is struggling, then I'm screwed lol. But I know exactly all the feelings you described. Getting your hopes up when things seem like they're going well with someone aaaand yeah just fades out. But I know you'll turn your luck around. You're very handsome, and seem emotionally intelligent and well put together. I wish you luck!
This popped in my feed and I would like to comment. You have brought up a great topic. And don’t worry, you are not alone when it comes to this. Being LGBT is very challenging for a lot of us. A lot of the community is very promiscuous and only wanting hookups. For those of us who desire a relationship it’s hard to weed out those people because will manipulate and say all the right things just to get what they want and when you finally give it to them, they disappear. (Happened to me once). It can be very difficult finding someone who you connect to on an emotional level. That is important to me as well. And a lot of times when you do connect with someone like that they turn out to be straight lol. That’s why it is important to be patient and not rush into anything or bite at the first piece of bait that’s thrown your way. Take the time to make sure both of you are on the same page. You don’t want to jump out farther than the other person or vise versa. Remember, being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can have its benefits. You can take the time to learn about yourself and who you truly are, what you want outta life, and where you wanna go. Though it can get frustrating when you see others with their respective partners each other too. Trust me, I know this all too well. You just have to remind yourself that your time is coming. One day someone will come along and scoop you right up and love you and cherish you for who you are. You will be the most amazing person to them and no one and nothing else matters as long as they got you and you got them. But patience. Don’t rush because if you do you might find yourself in a relationship that seems good at first but turns out to be a sham and while you were entertaining that person, your true love might have came on the scene but you missed him. A lot of us get stuck at a closed door and are oblivious to the other open door. Sorry for my scattered mess lol. Thanks for sharing. My door is always open if you need someone to talk to. I don’t won’t share my number on here for obvious reasons. but if you need to talk one on one, feel free to use the email on my profile. I stay away from social media because it’s become too much chaos and drama. But i don’t mind being a good friend to anyone who needs it. Especially nowadays. We can all use a friend every now and then. Either or, good luck on your endeavors and I hope you find the happiness that you deserve. But most importantly, I hope you find the right kind of love. I’m here for ya dude❤
Great post!! I had those dreams and scrolled a bunch of apps and even Facebook and started dating one year after coming out the closet, and ran into not taking a chance at contracting diseases and being lied to behind my back. However, one of my dates and I are still friends to this day. It sucks not being in a relationship, but I am deeply grateful to live in my truth and appreciate the lessons learned from my trials.
I feel the same way, now that I'm 20. In Brazil, it's so hard to get a boyfriend. People aren't looking for a long-term relationship, just something for the moment. I've kind of given up thinking about it, I just think it's better to let it happen.
I am 29 year old gay man. I never had a boyfriend, was never in a relationship, and never even had a romantic kiss. And you call yourself unlucky! The thing is, I am happy being single now. Maybe because I have adapted to my situation over a period of time out of no choice to a point that being single feels more comfortable to me now. And I wouldn't change it for anything. I also know that people who go through relationships throughout their lives, develop somesort of identity crisis about themselves as they hardly ever spent time being alone in order to know themselves better. You are young, and 20s are ment to have fun, build career, do solo travel, and not to be in a serious relationship.
I'm 30 and have not been in a relationship. I'm not gay myself but have varying levels of attraction to different genders, am also quite introverted and don't handle having a lot of people around me well (I'm prone to social anxiety), and as a result am quite different from the "pack". I tried dating online but it's genuinely not my thing, I prefer meeting people in a less forced way. I also don't like going out to parties, so I just stopped doing that altogether. Currently I'm not actively dating at all, I'm just building on myself, trying to get financially stable and happy with myself. I hope I will meet my SO at some point, but I'm not chasing for it.
LOL! I'm in the same boat. I had to stay in the closet until I turned 40 two years ago. I'm neurodivergent myself. Once I came out, though, it didn't really matter as I have never once been on a date or had a relationship. So now, I lack the social skills to figure out how to do things. I get along with people just fine. But I'm around straight people 100% of the time. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. However, as a result, I never learned the social skills to develop a relationship beyond a typical friendship. Mainly because I lost all opportunities to date or have relationships while growing up. Where I lived, it wasn't a good idea to come out at the time. So, passing myself off as straight, which wasn't complicated with my normal demeanor and overall appearance, made the majority of friends and family think I was straight. (Although when I did come out, a few people figured out I was gay a while ago, which I didn't know that they knew. 🤷) Now, I realize it may be too late. I am the type of person who takes life one day at a time. But the odds of me being able to meet someone and then have that develop into a relationship are very slim from a statistics point of view. I choose not to let this discourage me. But at the same time, I have to be open to the possibility that I may grow old alone. A virgin, I may be. But I will keep moving forward. Even if I may have to do it alone. At your age, you do have some time. But if you find yourself alone in your early 40s like I am, there is a real chance it may never happen. Especially since you are neurodivergent, which makes things all that much harder, as I know all too well. But don't let that be an excuse at the same time. At least you are out of the closet. As I said, I didn't come out until my 40th birthday, so I never had the chance to do anything. While friends and family were dating or getting married, I was at home playing Super Mario 64 or working part-time and just being incognito. You do at least have one advantage there, so stay positive and never give up. If you give up, it will never happen. I haven't given up either. But I also try to stay realistic. I hope not to be alone forever. What will happen is anyone's guess. But self-confidence is everything. Treating people right is everything. Being honest is everything. I try to live by this. That is all I can do. Just be myself and try to be positive. People do not like to hang out with someone who will be a mood killer. That is why people generally get along with me. I know people generally speak well of me. But at the same time, I know I can be a bit too nerdy and tend to speak a bit too loud for people, as I have a natural voice that projects. Yeah, I'm the typical loud American, I guess. LOL! 😅
You’re not alone baby. I’m almost 21 and have been chronically ill for 3 years and can’t leave the house. It’s hard seeing everyone being in romantic relationships while you’re not, or in my situation, can’t. The faith of knowing at some point there will be “the one” and maybe they are the one for only a short time. You are worthy of love, we all are and we all will receive that at some point when we truly believe we are deserving of love. Stay strong my dear, sending peace and positive energy to you babes! Always here for anyone who wants or needs someone to talk to❤️
I feel you! I'm in my 20s and I had mostly very negative experience from guys wanting too much too fast(getting physical) to very superficial or toxic ones that put you down at every opportunity. All these apps are terrible as well tbh. Hm and then there's the issue with the distance...
I'm a 24 year old gay guy and i see myself on you in terms if never having a real boyfriend. but the best you can do is to live your life and be happy with yourself. sometimes we weren't destined to be with someone that is "our soul".
I'm 23 and I honestly relate. I live in Chicago but I'm also neurodivergent. I also believe race plays a role. I try to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. As a gay black neurodivergent man, I also sometimes wonder who could love me. But I know I'm lovable - I just really don't care for social norms or trends, which I've noticed is usually what people use to relate to each other. I believe many gay people relate to one another on a superficial basis while I'm looking for deep emotional bonds. I've also been isolated for a while so this year I plan to make more of an effort. Thanks for sharing.
I stopped dating over 34 years ago and started focusing on my souls journey instead. Sure I would still love to find that special someone but I have long felt that when the time is right the right one will find me..Until then I'll just focus on myself and love my life without the fear or judgement that others have placed upon me .
You really transpire a lot of emotional intelligence! The truth is many people stick with someone along the years without truly loving them, just because they might have felt romantic feelings towards their partner or even some kind of love, but not that undeniably strong feeling that has the ability to turn one’s life upside down, the feeling that makes you love and accept the person for every characteristic that they have, a feeling even stronger than sexuality or mere affection. To my mind, the most intelligent choice is indeed to stick to your truth and wait, because you never know who you might meet tomorrow! Thank you for your video. There are few people still thinking straight, I am glad I got to watch one of them today. 😊
Your video reminds me of so many younger friends who have moved to larger cities over the years. New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, San Francisco and Los Angeles to name a few. The gay population in those cities is fairly large. The larger gay community in those cities makes it easier for people to meet than in smaller towns. On the other hand, most people don’t put themselves out there in a video like you just did. Nearly 11,000 people have watched it at this point. I hope some of them seek you out.
I could not relate more to this video. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I got into my first serious gay relationship at 24. I grew up in a small town in Italy with rampant toxic masculinity and occasional homophobia. It was so much worth it be patient, holding my ground of who I thought was worth being in a relationship with and not waste time on guys who did not have what I thought were the best interest in mind. Five years later, at 29, I am still in the same relationship and could not be happier and feel luckier to experience such love, respect, and admiration is possible for one another. We definitely both had similar experiences growing in navigating around toxic elements of the queer community. This resilience will give you common experiences to relate to with many other people. Don’t lose hope even as lonely as it can feel. I’d also say that’s why friendships - especially queer friendships - are also so important. We need people around ourselves that can understand our experiences, present us with a chosen family, and also help us meet other people. Even when we find the right person to be with. If we place too many expectations upon partners, expecting for them to give us all the friends and family experiences we haven’t had growing up, that can be damaging and unhealthy. All in all, keep being yourself, open, and I can guarantee you life will one day surprise you with a beautiful soul you will feel so happy to call your boyfriend ❤️
I'm 53, gay and live in a small town. I've had one long-term relationship (7 years). Other than that, no success in the dating/relationship world. If you're gay and not into the bar or Grindr scene, it can be tough meeting someone. Plus, most of the gay men I've met have had issues. I've accepted being single and now have found peace. I hope you find someone special, but if you don't, you can still have a good life. Hang in there, we're all in the same boat. 😊
Was ~32 when I realized I was very single and lonely. Never one date, now 38 and still not one date. Lot of manipulation/mental struggles growing up pushed me to timid and mistrusting mindset with romance, put up barriers when hit on, holding back when I like someone, and feeling so so uncomfortable when someone brings up someone they think I should pursue. I personally think this plays out in most others, often unrecognized because we have been watching so many cheap romances on TV and see others "easily" fall into a relationship while magically ignoring the difficulty, hard work, and many broken hearts with dating. I'm not sure if I'm just really scared of the risks or letting myself be that vulnerable or if it's something else but it's a conversation needing to happen more.
Mate I'm 45. I've been single all that time except two years when I was seeing someone who ultimately was just taking me for a ride and used me for financial support. Life is hard as a gay man. And if you add complicating factors like neurodivergence and deep sensitivity... Extra challenges. For me, growing up in a religious home with an aggressive father and going through gay conversion therapy left me less likely to attract a husband and more likely to need a good therapist. There's no guarantee you will find that someone, but trust me, it's not THAT wonderful. Ive been there, done that, and the gays who are in long-term relationships are usually open and sleeping around, and/or it's a lot of hard work and stress sometimes. I feel you. I have given up on finding someone, and that turned from a negative into a positive when I got a cat. His love is sweeter and simpler than the emotional torment of having a man in my life.
I'm 23 and I'm in the same situation, other than apps, I'm not like meeting a lot of people, so i know I'm kinda limiting myself, but talking about apps and gay community, i see A LOT of sex dependency, fear of connecting with someone, lack of commitment etc. Obviously I'm not generalizing, but i saw a lot of these people, objectifying others. About relationships, a lot of people tells you that if you are not ready, if u haven't solved your problems, if you aren't 100% by your own, you can't be loved by someone else, but then, you see toxic people have a relationship, so this doesn't make sense. This year i learned about standards, since i had a little experience with a very problematic person, that made me question if "I" was really interested in him and not if HE was interested in me, and the conclusion was that i, thank god, prefer to have an healthy relationship than go with the first person that """shows""" a little love to me. I'm working on myself to feel vetter for myself, so a possible relationship would be only a +. It's kinda difficult and stressful to see all the people going into relationship, share experiences, be there for each other, when u are alone (romantically speaking).
I've given up on finding that special someone because I'm convinced that he doesn't exist. I've gone on long enough in this life to know that the only person who I can really depend on is myself.
As a 30yo who has gone exactly through what you're going through, at some point i decided to change my whole approach, you could say i had a realization. I did my best to drop my "dating" and "relationship" expectations and just started looking for friends or meeting people. The internet made this easier obviously, plenty of groups out there in many platforms, even local or peripheral to where i lived. I talked to many people online in these groups, made friends, eventually hanging out irl. I ended up finding someone and it felt more secure and organic, none of the anxieties linked to deliberately dating someone out the gate through an app.
I've seen similar thoughts out here for you to what I have, so this isn't really "new".... But, basically telling yourself "F*+k it" and taking the pressure off of both yourself and anyone you meet does make a difference. When you stop looking and just go out and meet people without expectations, it takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy being yourself talking to different people... Not caring if they think you're "It" or not. If you have no expectations, you can tell someone they're cute, or funny, or witty, and it doesn't really matter how they respond. That confidence will turn heads.
You are very young and love will come. I'm 58 and didn't come out until 30. And love comes when you least expect it and when you are most content with yourself and not necessarily looking for it. My husband and I met on a dance floor at a gay club in Philadelphia. I know you will find it when you're least expecting it.
Neurodivergence has played a big role in my romantic life. I had two lengthy relationships and one of them ended because of the pressure my partner felt internally and externally to leave me from their family and peers. Neurodivergence played a significant role in my other lengthy relationship as well. In this case my ex partner actually accused me of making excuses for my “problematic” behavior even though he knew how my neurodivergence affects me in many social situations. People are very judgmental of those that are too quiet or have a hard time concentrating or do things that seem “off” for example. Few people are willing to have the patience or compassion required with neurodivergent people. There’s also the fact that too many LGBT people are deeply weighed down by baggage because of the way our families and society make it hard on us. It’s hard to give yourself to someone else when you struggle with internalized homophobia for example. I wish I had something reassuring to tell you instead of these things you probably have noticed as well. Your attitude will get you through. You seem to have a good attitude. Like others here have said you’re young. It’s true. Patience is key. You’ll learn to see the red flags of selfish people with every experience and at some point you’ll find someone when you aren’t even looking for them.
Ok, launch such a video during christmas time breaks my heart. So i send you as first aid response many hugs 🥺 Don't forget, that every new day brings also new opportunities. Keep just your heart open 😉 You never know what comes next.
You're 22 and "improving yourself"; trust me, you'll be doing that your whole life (hopefully). Regardless of your need to improve now, you are already enough, and already loveable. Please don't think "somebody will love me after I improve". It isn't easy to find someone, but WOW its way easier now than it used to be.
Love is the only truth we have in this world, it's not just a feeling once you fall in love you understand the whole world, yes you suffer and this suffering is vital in enduring love, but eventually you see beyond rationality, you gain wisdom
@@chargermopar Being single by all accounts is worse than being in love, man… but we are not in heaven and we have to accept the reality. Love is not a construct, but it’s hard to find as gay.
Thanks for the video. You’ve really given me hope about finding love. I’m glad to see so many comments from other gay guys sharing their struggles to find a match-it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. To everyone reading this, I wish you all find someone amazing who’s perfect for you, and that you’ll be perfect for them too.
I’m 61, been out and dating (rarely) since I came out at 45 (closeted and celibate to that point), and never been in a relationship. I agree the want for a relationship is greater than the reality. I’m also autistic. Read “Born on a Blue Day” a memoir by an autistic gay man who finds love. While I still hope for more, I’ve learned to create a full single life. If he ever comes along, my boyfriend/husband will become a part of a life that isn’t waiting around. I’m retired and working on a writing career and who knows what’s next.
recommend checking into attachment theory--free online tests to help you to discern your attachment style. The attachment styles-how each style interacts and strengths/weaknesses will guide you. The anxious are often attracted to the avoidant--the goal is to move toward secure attachment. I've encountered numerous gay oriented men who were avoidant. I lean toward anxious. The avoidant can be dismissive or fearful--seem charming but distant or mysterious.
I’m 31 and have also never been in a relationship before. It’s always been weird to me that almost everyone else in my life will consistently jump from one relationship to the next and meanwhile I’ve just been hoping to find someone to at the very least hang out with and get to know, even if a relationship doesn’t come out of it. I guess it’s just not our time.
It really does feel like straight people just meander around aimlessly yet somehow almost always fall into relationships seemingly at random yet consistently and with people that should never have given the other the time of day. On another note, almost all straight friends that do get into relationships change way way way more about themselves for women than I’ve ever seen a gay guy change for another guy. A lot of straight guys suddenly see ‘taking care of their partner all day every day’ as their duty in the relationship and change almost all aspects of themselves for the girl. I don’t see this much in the gay world. It’s ‘do we naturally vibe and have shit in common or no?’ I think it’s an interesting point
@@cammokyle Caring for or giving everything for your partner is out of feeling, not out of obligation. The day it becomes an obligation, the relationship is over. This surely happens in the gay world.
You are handsome and articulate and clearly intelligent. You are young and it will happen. It usually happens when you stop looking. The gay world is often about sex and hooking up. Sadly you say relationship they run. 😅. Just continue to be yourself and don't search or look so hard. There is something strange about it happening when you stop looking. Keep the faith
This is very helpful. I agree that we usually think that we are the problem and we must change, but no. We cannot think like that, this will end up creating some paranoia like "now I'm dating just because of this, if I lose this I will lose this person too" or "this person if with me just because of this they don't truly love me". I'm 32, I genuinely don't think I'll find some one, I stop trying because it's just too frustrating, but I'm in peace with that.... Kinda
Well I had like 4 boyfriends (i am 23) so far what I have learned actually are basics but many of those are crucial to find a partner loving yourself, not compare your life to anyone, do not push things believe it or not the more you are looking for something(anything)the less chance you will have to find it. Falling in love can happen less than 2 seconds with a person. Also idealising your future partner is one of the worst thing you can do if you want to have a genuine partner ever. So why looking, literally looking for someone is such a useless act(at least not for your sake)? It's because people are just coming into your life be it a friend or a potential partner, then comes the next step accepting each other's faults and keep the partner as long as it's a healthy relationship or as long as you live. Stop pushing dating in a way that there's is no more important thing than that when actually there is. Also the healthier you are mentally the better your partner will be as love is your own reflection we find attractive those physically and mentally who are somewhat similar to us mainly if somebody had already a partner then it can occur the person is gonna reflect to his past partner's features mainly if it's turning out to be a trauma bond. Love is a two bladed sword it has a divine side, but a destroying one too, and the more you are looking for it the more likely you won't be in a healthy relationship🤷
56 here. Have never been in a relationship, not even close. I’ve never even had a best friend. Have been single my whole life. I have longed to be with someone. At times, the thought of it tears me up inside. It’s a sad thing to go through your entire life and never experience being desired or loved.
Yes, someone will accept you as you are, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow and change as a result of your relationships. By the same token, you have to accept others as they are. Despite what you hear, no one will be “perfect” for you. There will always be things about the other person that make you a bit mad, crazy, unhappy. Don’t cross them off your list because they might be 90% right, or they don’t meet some specific criteria. Be open to not-quite-perfect. Much better to have someone with a few annoying (but ultimately unimportant) quirks than no one at all.
I’m 39, been in a relationship with my bf for 16 years now, met him when I was 23 and he was 21. I dated a lot of guys before I met him, I broke some hearts (I feel bad) and I’ve had my heart broken by someone else a few times. It sucks. It just takes time for everyone to meet and sort through other people to find a good match. Hang in there.
I’m getting out of a 7 year abusive relationship. I’m having a hard time finding the courage to find the right guy and get back out there. It sucks even more that I miss and love him still. I partly envy you for your situation, I wish you find your man soon. Sending love and positivity ❤
I was 25 when I met my now husband, we got married this year, hang in there man, you can't rush these things. You will find your Mr Right:) I've been where you are, it does get better.
@@mattr7307 I just don’t why people marry, so a piece of paper 📝 will make your partner love you by default? Even for hetero couples this is false, for us is even not useless, but delusional.
I feel the same. I'm 31 years old and feel like I've tried everything. I quit dating apps because people there treat others like commodities, and I find myself acting in ways that don’t feel authentic. It feels frustrating not being able to build a meaningful relationship.
I'm 40 years older than you. I have never connected with another man. I wanted to be involved with another guy , especially when I was your age. You remind me of how i was. Get to know you first . It will make easier when you do unite with some other guy. You will be secure and stable. Also build a career , so you are independent. That way if your relationship doesn't work out then you are able to support yourself. Choose carefully who you associate with. Not everyone is going to be good for you. I knew a gay guy , and i liked him and i let him into my home. He stole from me and disappeared. I thought he liked me. Looks aren't important either. It's only skin deep.
Living in a major city, I still find it challenging to navigate the dating world at 20. Having this mindset makes me feel like an outlier, as many gay people my age seem to focus on casual flings rather than pursuing intentional, committed, and emotionally meaningful relationships. Hookup culture has, in many ways, diminished the value of romance and genuine emotional connection. From what I’ve observed, many people don’t start seeking deeper, more serious connections until their late 20s or early 30s, which is when they begin to move away from lust-driven experiences. Personally, I’ve never resonated with the idea of hookups or relationships based purely on sexual desire. It’s something I find difficult to comprehend, which can feel isolating at times. That’s why seeing your video was so reassuring- it reminded me that there are others out there who share my values and also seek something more secure and enduring. Thank you for being a source of hope, angel. ❤
Not 1 minute in the video and i already feel you so much 🙏 27 years old gay living in a small rural area here. had somes stories, but nothin exceed few months for so many reasons, and you greatly phrased somes of them. Read somes comments, i bet there is even more people like you (under 50 years) in our situations. So thank you for sharing this with the world, hoping it may open a doors for others to feel they are not alone 🥰
TH-cam recommended this… look up rejection sensitivity. As an ADHD gay man (42), I closed myself off to any hope for relationships after rejection after rejection in my 20s and only now getting back out there.
Me too. I was attractive in my 20's but too focused on a relationship and no one wanted that. It was a contest of who could have the most sex. You only live once and I wish you luck.
Just turned 34 and you hit me right in the feels. It felt like you were speaking my own thoughts. You are so well spoken, thoughtful, and attractive!! Someone would be genuinely lucky to have you as their boyfriend ❤
I didn't have a real relationship until I was 28, and it lasted 5 years. Have dated a few times but nothing has materialized into more and I'm now 52. It's ok. Love yourself. Don't settle. I've had my struggles, but I am thankful to be surrounded by wonderful friends.
Mmm... several points for your consideration Matthew (from a 47 y.o. gay living in a small city) The felling of "I'm losing something important 'cause I never experience being in a relationship with a guy" is comprehensible. For example, not having a boyfriend during high school seems a little sad ('cos teenager romances make people learn a lot and give a huge support at that difficult age)... but, at least in my case, during that time I was too busy finding my way to be gay. At first I regret for not living it. Finally I realize that everything comes at a proper time. And this melancholic thoughts, simply, vanished. 🙂🙂🙂 All kind of human interactions (with family, friends, coworkers or totally strangers like myself) make us grown. People show us different perspectives and points of view about life and enrich our experience here. So don't avoid human contact. True. But... the risk is that looking fulfill that "hole in your heart" (spoiler, there's no such thing even you firmly believe or feel it) we tend to forget care and think in ourselves. 'cos "you" is your first partner in life... til the end. Nina Simone's classic is "My baby just cares for me". Ok Nina, that's great, but I have to care myself to take care of my baby 😉😉😉 So, yes, it's good meeting people, joining clubs, going outside home, using apps, travel, enjoy things that make you smile... My impression is that you (its your video after all) have a lot to offer as friend, partner and human being in general. So an advice unnecesary. Don't rush, don't be afraid and enjoy the road. You'll see that always (always!) there's someome accurate in each part of your life. 'Cos, yep, your life will have several seasons. And each of them will bloom in different ways. Enjoy the whole experience (despite all the sweet and bitter moments). Sorry for this long speech. 😉😉😉 A big big hug from... Spain!
im 23 and exactly same as your experience, thank you for saying out loud. i am rn stuck in the country that have huge prejudice and most ppl are only care about fun and looking, it is too difficult to find a romance
59 year old gay man here. Never previously married and came out at 45. Met my husband at church at 50 and got married at 53. Our anniversary is New Year’s Eve. Don’t be discouraged. Just keep living and enjoying your life and it will happen when you are not looking. That’s what happened with Rich and I. It has been a true blessing and worth the wait.
That's really nice to read! I'm happy for you❤
But it's a difficult challenge, if you have to wait so much time... I had to face a life alone and now that I'm nearly old have found a boyfriend with an incredible age gap... from east Asia. I love him but I'm also very worried
Congratulations! 🎉🎁
Church?
@DG-nx2ep Yes, there are churches accepting of lgbtqia+
My take on being 24 and dating. So many gay men did not experience the typical teenage dating rituals, myself included, the result of which is that 20 somethings are a decade behind most straight people when it comes to dating and relationships. My advice is to be patient with yourself, one often finds a soulmate when we least expect it. I was 36 when I finally met my husband (I am 67 now), he was 28 at the time. We will soon celebrate 32 years together. You're a handsome, intelligent man who wants a committed relationship. There's someone out there that will find you the perfect match one day. Stay strong.
This is pretty fair and accurate
Congratulations!🎉❤
@@TSinRM excellent and true. Fortunately it's changed for many kids these days but it's still true in a situation like this you just don't get the experience of making your mistakes when you're young with dating
As much as i would like to believe this, it’s hard to believe in it.
I've made this argument for a long time. When you grow up gay and can't be out, you're behind your straight peers. Not living in or near a major city makes things more difficult. And even in a major city it can still be hard. It's a numbers issue. Then add the self esteem issues. Being gay is not cool. It's a harder life for most of us. Finding a greater community connection is the way forward.
Gay struggle is so real 😭
Because gay men make it a struggle.
not really, just don't hang around in places with vapid narcissistic types
the trials and tribulations of a bottom? would the story be like the amount of time it takes us to prep, PrEP, etc. LMAOOOO 😭
@idkjustmarc yes. Only to deal with a musty top.
Only if you let it. I use to think that, best thing I did was not get involved with the LGBT Agenda, Focused on school, work, save and invested and now wealthy for I grew up poor.
My partner and I live in the country near Amish it is awesome here and they are really nice and the produce and furniture you can buy. One lesson I have learned in my journey
in life is your Conduct , Standards will affect your success capabilities to Achieve. I am a gay man of 67 and my partner is 49 and having some form of education or trade
is a plus. You will be old sooner than you know and you better be ready for it. Just sharing information for it's up to you for others will have their own burden to bare!
I'm 24 too and my heart goes out to you, man.
Being gay has truly tragic elements; I'm tired of everyone pretending it's all sunshine and rainbows. And when we suggest that there are inherently sucky parts of being gay that most people will never understand, we get slapped with having "internalized homophobia".
I was pretty floored when I had my realization at 15 and I'm still picking myself up. And the more I learn about being gay the more frustrated I get. And due to all the experiences you described it's very easy to grow bitter and coldhearted and cynical, and that crap spreads from one gay man to another like wildfire in today's world.
Protect your heart, stay off the apps and be yourself. You're worth it💙
Great comment and one I could also relate to as a young gay guy like yourself.
I’m 30 and I really don’t like how some gay people try to brush the trade offs of being gay away. There are problems with being gay that exist among us as a demographic. We’re not perfect!
Nobody is saying that being gay is perfect and of course there are certain problems especially if you live in a homophobic country. But some of you are also exaggerating. Dating is definitely not a special problem if you live in a western country and especially a big city. It's not easier for straight people. The incel community exists for a reason. There are enough men who want a relationship. The opposite is simply not true. On a normal dating site you see more than enough men who only want a monogamous relationship. Of course, it also depends on where you live but that's a personal problem, like so many of the problems that people whine about here. Stop being so negative and dramatic all the time. There are bigger problems in this world than being single for a while. Some gays act like there are 10 gay men out there.
Do not be discouraged. You are young. I know it is harder in the gay community to meet someone. You have honesty, compassion and understanding. You are seeking acceptance. Do not feel like it will not happen for you. We want to connect with someone on many levels. That is a good thing. It goes beyond the appearance as you stated. It is about being with someone long term that can relate to you and you relate to them. Never lose hope. You stay focused on who you are and never lose sight of that. You stand in your truth and you take care.
Great advice.
I was 33, engaged to be married to a woman because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. She called off the wedding two months before it was to take place. She was a wonderful woman. She just didn’t want to be married. I was distraught because I knew who/what I was, but just couldn’t be that way. I resign myself to be alone for the rest of my life. Three months later, my best friends wife’s little brother (who had started hanging out in our group of friends) asked me out on a date. I told him I wasn’t gay. He laughed and said you’re so far in the closet you see Christmas presents. I laughed and that was 26 years ago. We are still together. Little did he know, I wasn’t in the closet. I was walking around Narnia with Mr. Tumnus. Lol.
I'm 22 and sometimes feel the same, although having a different situation. I'm from Russia and its quite hard to date here, not only because of all these laws and the overall danger, but also because a lot of guys are so traumatized here, that the only way to find connection and intimacy for many of them is just hookups. But this is not what I want at all, I want someone to talk to, not just sleep with. I'm not against sex, but without actual sincere connection, this is just masturbation with annother person.
Get out of Russia any way you can. Otherwise Pootin will send you to the meat grinder on the front lines.
So true. I hope you can and stay safe.
I've seen some docos about Russia. I think Stephen Fry did one or it was another person. Things are quite horrific and I'm sorry there are so many pig ignorant people you have to contend with, enabled by Putin, his cronies and that awful church!
Hi, I'm from Russia too, also gay( and masculine girl also), I can't say how much I relate to what you say, I don't know what city you leave in, but in mine it's extremely hard to even find some intelligent person, with deep thinking, cause you know all they talk about is tiktok and all this stupid internet stuff and I just suffer from the lack of depth in society and subsequently lack of friends, what do you think about?
When you're young, you're often very complicated. Masturbation with someone else can also be fun. Just be uncomplicated and enjoy life. Growing up as a gay man in Russia is complicated enough. Don't make it more difficult than necessary.
Unfortunately here's the reality. If you want that to change you're going to get out of the country. My best friend is Russian and straight but that's what she had to do. You're not going to change it there
49 year old gay man here. I relate to this video. In my time on this earth I haven't been in a relationship either. For the longest time it was an emotional rollarcoaster. It doesn't help that I am disabled (blind/hearing loss) and live in a small rural conservative town that has more closeted men who more often than not married and with kids. I would still like to find a relationship and someone to share my life with. But I have reached a mental and emotional state that I am okay with being alone in life. I hope you find that special someone for you.
Hi Adam, I am 54 and extremely closeted and never had a relationship either. Get in touch, let’s swap notes
That old I'm still closeted oh hell no way too many issues going on there
Have you considered traveling abroad? Maybe some new airs, new experiences and meetinh new people is going to help you find that connection!
@@sunreginatto_99 Would love to travel overseas, but sadly, I can't even travel outside my local area. Transportation is pathetic for public transport. I know I need to be in a larger city, but being on disability income, I do not have the resources to move to a larger city. Bit hard to go to a new place to look for an apartment when you can't easily travel to get there. No there is no family or friends to help in this regard.
@@ashdoulton2698no way bro's trying to seek love on youtube💀
As an autistic and gay guy, I can understand the struggles of love and acceptance from the gay community. The possibility of finding the right guy with love and acceptance can be arduous.
Here's a little secret. I am definitely as gay as they get myself but most of my actual network is not gay. Surround yourself with good people the rest of it if you do that will work itself out I have found
It just takes time to find the right guy trust me ive been through it
@DozIvi I'm Autistic and Queer, and have hit the same kind of difficulties in my 41 years, only found out I am Autistic and ADHD 2 years ago.
I've been trying to connect with other Neurodiverse people and those with an open mind that accept me for who I am, with all my quirks, childlike inquisitiveness and love of nature.
I just want to share that that kind of genuine connection and acceptance with another person some day soon some how and feel hopeful about that.
@@JWMcLay this is an honest question tell me what neurodiverse is. It's a term I've never heard before
I'm on the spectrum as well, and I'm 24, but I'm still trying to size up my sexuality or lack thereof if that is the case. So I feel like can relate.
35 and still single. But the more I grow, the more that “wound” of being alone heals. It sucks, but I have made peace with the fact that my journey will be fundamentally different, and there’s still a lot I appreciate about my life.
You are very attractive and young, so you have time. At 53, the advice I wish I taught my 20 something self, is the paradox of choice. I was fit, good looking, and I had a few great chances to have a meaningful relationship with some great men (and an ocean of not so great choices). Unfortunately, because of all the choices I had available, I was extremely picky and I had a hard time being satisfied with the guys I did date- thus the paradox. It was found that when people have more than 3 choices, the odds of them being dissatisfied with their choice, no matter what they chose, went up with the more choices they had. Today in my mid 50's, I wish I had simply chose one of them and stuck with him. Please just stop for a moment and really enjoy how beautiful, young, and healthy you are and come from a place of gratitude. I took so much for granted - and as young people we often do, because it's not until we are much older that we have any basis of comparison to truly understand how wonderful and profoundly fortunate we really were at those young ages.
So true so true! I was like you, and also sometimes on the receiving end (we are about the same age). In my 20s-30s, when I was ready to give myself to a relationship, usually the men I liked just couldn't commit, and didn't feel comfortable with affection. Sex yes, but the minute love was mentioned, they ran for the hills. I remember one guy telling me I was hindering his life's goal to have sex with as many different men as possible. I sometimes wonder if he's still like that, and if his looks held up.
Thank you, your wisdom helped me through a difficult time.
As someone who's turning 19 next month, Ive been in a ton of talking stages and only on one date, which the dude ended up ghosting me right out of the blew after the date. As a bisexual male who's more "flamboyant" and lives in a more conservative small town, it's not easy whatsoever. On top of that, I come from a family that's more conservative and that makes it even harder to be completely myself to the point that I've questioned my masculinity and that resulted with me having internalized homophobia. To anyone out there who's in a similar situation, just know that you're not alone and the things that make you different from most of your peers should be seen as your strengths. I honestly don't know if I'll ever actually find a true connection with anyone any time soon but either way, I'm trying to live my life like everyone else and better myself too in hopes that I become the best version of myself when that person comes around in the future. To anyone reading this that's struggling, I want you to know that there are people out there that love you and who are willing to support you through your journey, and if you think no one has your back and you're alone, just know that I most definitely have your back and I'm rooting for you. Keep pushing forward. You got this!!
~Shawn
Good message 😊
Here's the best advice here and I say this with someone with a lot of experience. Figure out a way to get out of that place.
lol...'blue'!
That WAS a lovely typo.
You don't have my back, bro. Those just feel like empty words.
Im 69 yrs old. Never have
had any relationship success.
Nothing more than couple months. Never been on a date.
Im not ugly. Im educated, low key life, worldly and not broke! Lol. One would think i would have more guys showing interest.
But i have resolved myself to being alone.
I do what i want. I Dine out, travel and entertain myself.
Only thing is I worry about needing help as I age.
"SAGE" is a great resource if offered in your area
Yes, 59 here. Aging is brutal.
I concur
Yup, 72 here and same
60, gay, and been single for over 25 years. Very, very happy with life. Don’t miss being in a relationship one bit.
You’re 24! I was 29 when I met my first partner. So don’t worry. You have plenty of time believe me. Don’t try so hard, your prince will come along! We have all been there you know….gay guys are often abit shallow so you don’t want to be with anyone like that.
Two pieces of unsolicited advice that may help someone here:
1st-Every relationship fails...until the one that doesn't. Learn from each.
2nd-Do the things, go to the places you would like to do with a partner. You are far more likely to meet and connect to someone with similar interests if you're there doing that interest.
You'll find YOU are more interesting...and ready...once you do meet that special one.
Excellent advice but he's really young and even young for his age hasn't quite figured these things out yet to caught up in his emotions
That's good advice.
Yes. You still have to live your life fully whether in a relationship or single. I have known many people in relationships who feel trapped and wish they were single. The grass isn't always greener.
@@robertrawley1115 the reality is he doesn't even know who he is yet. A relationship with anyone is not going to work until you know that. That is not a criticism. It's just the reality of the situation. When you're in that situation a relationship is going to invariably be a disaster
Ok but my question is what if all my interests are solitary or only women share them 😂 Like I am happy to just keep doing them by myself or with the girls but there is never organically gonna be a man in my spaces. 😂
26 here, and the best piece of advice i can offer is to try not to let the loneliness be a negative thing. Dont let it get you depressed and down. Because unfortunately many gay men do experience alot of loneliness, but the key is to find positive things in it. Become comfortable with being alone. Don't let loneliness degrade your quality of life. When I was in my process of coming out and embracing being gay i ended up letting loneliness get me into a really bad depression and suicidal state. I got so caught up in the idea of not wanting to be alone that it seriously impacted my quality of life, it cost me all my friendships. I finally learned that I just had to find ways to keep myself company and be okay with it. Just enjoy life, don't get wrapped up in the idea of having to be with someone and trust me the perfect guy will come along.
40 here, with this approach u will end up avoiding relationships at all cost. i cant imagine someone is constantly around, snoring, farting, making all sorts of noises lol. U will end up in to so much comfort which u going to protect not letting anyone in. And funny part of it, when u decide that u want to be alone, thats when nice beautiful guys will come only to get rejected and confused after being nice to you. And u feel bad every time u reject someone for no good reason other than its simply inconvenient for u. And then sometimes u wondering, what would it be if i only said yes to that guy, what life would i have? And then i turn youtube on and all thoughts goes away lol. Life is good and sucks at the same time. )))
I found my husband when I was 28. That 40 years ago!!!! Prior to that I despaired of finding a true soul mate. Just a lot of short-term boyfriends. But it worked for me! Never give up.
I'm also 24, gay, and have never been in a relationship. I'm not out to everyone in my family and I'm extremely introverted, so I can definitely understand the struggle of wanting to be in a relationship, but never having it work out. You've expressed it in your video multiple times, but it cannot be stressed enough how being gay (or queer in any sense) provides its own unique set of circumstances that is very difficult to deal with. I don't know if/when I'll get in a relationship, but I'd love to one day. May we both find someone we want to be in a relationship with lol
Awwww if u wanna talk to anybody I’m hereee
start with a friendship
24 years old and never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship? I'm 58 years old and have never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship. Many Gay guys are more into the hook up culture. Trying to...and believe me I tried for 30 years... trying to find that special soul mate has seemed impossible for me. So now I have stopped looking and have just become comfortable with myself.
And I too am Neurodivergent. Was diagnosed in my 40's. Imagine suffering my whole life not knowing what was wrong...er um, I mean different about me.
I’m also autistic. Read “Born on a Blue Day,” a memoir by an autistic gay man.
@marlinthecreative118 Never heard of it. Thank you, I'll give it a shot.
@@marlinthecreative118 I would never have known he was gay by just a cursory search. It's mentioned almost nowhere. Regardless, I'll give the book a look, so thanks for the rec
I've never been in a relationship and I'm over 30 yo 💀🏳️🌈. I want commitment, respect and love but most gay guys only wanna have "fun" with others
Or you're too picky, which is fine, but there are consequences for being extremely selective right out of the starting gate.
@@jm7804 I'm not picky at all, seriously. I like regular guys I'm not looking for a super model. But Most gay guys are afraid of commitment and monogamy 😓💔.
Merry Christmas 🎉
@@gerardopc1 I wish you the best of luck in your journey. You're handsome and know what you're looking for, so good things are going to happen for you.
Those are admirable qualities to desire with commitment, add reciprocal communication, equal give and take and devotion it would be a win win. I also feel each person in the relationship needs there own independence so they can blossom together.
hey Matthew, thanks for the great video. I am now 44 and someone told me a wise piece of advice when I was young...."you are older a lot longer than you are younger". so I spent my younger days traveling to 35 countries, living in several countries, discovering who I was and kept evolving and maturing. it was a journey well worth the while. I have never been in a relationship and now I feel I know who I am on a deeper level and will be a great partner. now the hardest part finding the appropriate age to date in....guys my age have spent 20 years partying, drinking, smoking, staying up all night and are starting to get worn out. I am a competitive swimmer, no wrinkles, no botox, full head of hair, etc, and a young energy. my point is, we can get better as we age, life is a nice paced marathon not a sprint.
truly believe what we need is stop focusing on finding love (or even friends). we just need to do stuff we like, want, go to places we appreciate, join clubs or start hobbies, engage in conversations and one chat after another you eventually meet someone.
We're the same age Matt. It's something I've always wanted myself but like you always found it tough being in the gay community. I've always felt like somewhat of an outsider, so I've spent last six years focusing on studying and laying a foundation for my career as a writer by building experience. I think I'd be more likely to find someone by just enjoying life in myself and coming across someone by chance. I look at it quite simply in terms of a relationship: I want someone to love warts and all and who will love me warts and all.
Very well said and you will eventually find someone to love warts and all
@Traveltheme706 Thank you - it'll happen when it's meant to I think 😊
Thank you for sharing this, so many of us appreciate it. When you add even more layers onto just being gay, it can be difficult. I have complex medical issues, scars from surgeries, side effects from medications, and my kidney transplant is rejecting. It can be a lot to take on, but I used to believe I was the issue, but I am who I am, and I can't change that, nor do I want to. Having the courage to stand up and say, "This is who I am," is tough, so I applaud you for sharing, and because of your courage, you have a new subscriber. Thank you!
This video is beyond relatable it hurts 😅
Curious if there have been guys that have been attracted to you that you have rejected?
I struggled for years chasing the ONE for me, all the while turning down others whom I didn't find attractive enough or enough of the "traits" that I was looking for. He is out there for you but realize that you are not alone in being rejected.
When I was your age my problem was all the guys I liked or felt interested in and attracted to were straight.
I grew up watching High School Musical. I never recovered from the fall from realizing not only is regular romance nothing like those teenage movies, but worse I can never remotely experience even a fraction of that kind of romance because of how toxic the gay dating scene is.
I'm 59 and autistic. I've been both single and had long relationships, even married for 16 years. A few things come up in my mind. People today are very focused in "I want....". If you focus more on "I can offer...." and be that person in everything you do, people will notice. Another thing I've noticed is the effects of masking, consciously or unconsciously. When hiding our true selves to "pass as normal" we often overdo it and strip off too much. Or just don't do a very good job at it. Love and be yourself, always. And those who care will spot you in a crowded room, I promise. Especially other neurospicy individuals will appreciate seeing "one of us" there. And honestly, those relationships have lasted longer than with neurotypical guys.
And last, you're very young! Don't forget or underestimate the use of having a little fun on the way. You can learn a lot from it that you'll need when it gets serious. 👍🏻
I am 22 and feeling the same way. I also don't really have any friends either. I was so excited to start at a new university last semester and make new friends, but that didn't happen. I will remain optimistic but my optimism starts to fade after a while. I am going to try to be my authentic self and hope the people I want in my life will come.
Im 42, trust me when i say you have a long ways to go before you have to really worry. In my mid 30s i gave up on trying to find someone, got myself a couple of dogs, moved to a bigger city, bought myself a house, make a crap ton of money, and apparently still dont have anything appealing to offer. 🤷♂️
You're welcome to my life in my 50s. Turns out I have a very happy life without having this partner or marriage or whatever you want to call it. Being in previous relationships and I realized I'm better off by myself. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship
i am MUCH older now, but i remember thinking some of the same things you are thinking. part of the problem is that most of the young people one meets are just looking for "experiences." i didn't meet anyone suitable until i was 38! i wasted 20 years being alone and lonely. i hope you do better sooner.
Honestly I think me being autistic is the thing that's been the most challenging in gay dating
That goes for me too. Gay partner finding is difficult, but being autistic makes it not doubly, but ten times more difficult. I have stopped actively seeking, but remain passively open to something which will very probably never happen.
I totally agree, ADHD myself. The inability to pickup on social queues really makes it much harder. Where I live makes it worse too. I've had to really work on myself to learn to be happy on my own. Trying all the time was making me depressed. I'm working on being happy and hopefully, I find someone along the way.
I'm kinda happy about being dissocial 😂 getting into relationships is easy for me, although being "neurodivergent" 😂😅
Overall, being neuroatypical puts you away from many guys. But good riddance tbh, I'd rather be lonely than being fake or living with a fake that could never understand me or potentially ends up in my trauma memories. Don't give up, I'm pretty sure you'll find someone someday anon !
@@1258-Eckhart Being gay, autistic, asexual and disabled is just playing life on the most difficult setting lol
Keep staying positive. I'm 39, and I didn't have a relationship until I was 30, and I'm happy to be single again after 3 years. Just be you, and don't let another human being bring you down.
Damn, your authenticity is truly amazing. I am also a young gay man, so can definitely relate to you a lot 👍💅🏼
You idiots and your ‘authenticity “. The new FAD these days.
@@joemug4079 "Be yourself" is as old as the hills, my dude.
Me .Being gay in an Arab and Muslim country is hell in itself. I agree with you, we must always do better. I don’t have friends and I can’t reveal my sexual identity. It’s like a horror movie here. I wish from the bottom of my heart that this would become clear to the world that We deserve life, we deserve peace and we deserve freedom.I haven't found a partner yet even though I'm 20
I'm just working silently to get out of this nightmare. ❤ 🏳️🌈 All in one land ❤
I hope you find happiness ❤️
@ThatOneGuyRAR thanks my friend so much 💕🤗 I hope you too
Merry Christmas 🎄
I wish you to be safe and sound!! You need to speak up more about this topic because even after people escape Muslim countries they avoid brining up the horrendous traditions and cultish abusive behavior they faced there!! You need to spread awareness more!! Otherwise, they will keep pushing these medieval times onto the others!! I have female friends who escaped because they were physically and sexually abused by their husbands… So, it’s painful for me to see that many of the guys from Arab world come to the west without embracing the civil norms of society and even are trying to push the same narrative here!! I see the rise of puritanical hypocrisy even here on TH-cam ( but for sone reason they feel more comfortable to openly spread misogyny and keep suspiciously quiet about their homophobia… I assume it’s them trying to „align“ with values of other dudes/bros. So, they keep some of their agendas to themselves )
@dreamchaser7603 I understand what you are saying. What a terrible situation. As a person, I only believe in science. I do not adhere to any kind of customs or traditions. I only adhere to what I see as humane and what comforts my conscience and heart. I respect people and difference is the basis of existence.Therefore, I believe that spreading awareness is done by adhering to correct and humane behavior. We coexist with all beings, and this planet was not created to be for the sake of a specific sect or group of people. It is for everyone.As a person, I represent myself and no one can brainwash me. I see that the solution is understanding, spreading awareness and respecting the feelings of others. Sorry for what happened to your friends. It's a dark and corrupt medieval mentality....Whoever thinks he ran away for fun is a stupid person. As for me, I will run away because I no longer know myself here. My life has become very harsh. I feel like I am a reactor about to explode. I believe that a person can overcome all difficulties as long as he tries..I really hope to find and help the world become a better place. Thank you for your words.❤️❤️❤️
Don’t give up. Your so young. Place yourself in places where you can meet someone. Go on a gay cruse and participate in group events. I went through the same frustration 30 years ago. There is someone out there for you ❤
I definitely relate. I’m 25 and I have also never been in a relationship. Like you, I’ve tried, and not had any luck. But, like you said, it’s important to stay optimistic. Good luck to you, I hope you find your person!
So far as i can see/tell i think you are a GEM, its only sad that i can't, but whoever else will be real lucky to have you Matthew
Thank you for this. I'm 37 and have been single since birth. And it's really tiring how people express shock when they learn that about me and then proceed to make it my fault. They keep saying things like "maybe you're picky" or "your standards are too high" which really sucks. And I have gone through phases where I went out of my way to become someone I'm not, only to find myself single still.
Phil Collins' "You Can't Hurry Love" is a gay anthem!!
The Supremes actually did the song first, just fyi.
@@ThePumpin1 Thanks ^_^
I love how people around here coming forward and sharing their experiences, uplifting, or tragic . It shows how much we are connected and have similarities when it comes to life experiences and especially social and intimate needs, more precisely when you factor in the perception that we get as a community who only cares about physical connection which is absolutely wrong and most of the people use it as a coping mechanism to satisfy the missing needs.
I’m 22 and going through the same path in life. Was watching your video and kept relating to everything you said was applicable to your situation. We’ll both find our guy in life, it just takes time to find the right person like you said!
Sending you hugs and well wishes!!
I'm 20 years old turning 21 in a couple of months. But I do feel you with how hard it is to find someone as a gay man. I realized that I was gay around the age of 17 while I was still in high school. At the time I wasn't really into getting in a relationship like many other high schoolers or my friends. I eventually got into a relationship when I turned 18, 4 months before graduation. But my relationship only lasted for about a week and then I broke it off with my boyfriend. At the time I was really stressed out by school, had a lot of family plans, and just had a lot of stuff on my mind at the time. Eventually, I learned that the guy I was dating wasn't really my type that much at all mostly when it came to emotionally. Physically I didn't mind at all. But after graduation and starting to get into college, I started to see a lot of people around me get into relationships. Such as my friends and family. And over time to me, it has become more and more lonelier. I tried to find people to get into a relation at my college but I've had zero luck. I never tried online apps but I personally don't trust them since I see a lot of people who use those apps just for hookups, not to find a genuine long-term relationship. After a couple of years of seeing my friends being really happy with their relationships I started to become more envious of them and I started to be a little bit more passive-aggressive around them. This eventually became worse until I accidentally emotionally hurt one of my closest friends. I eventually realized what I'd done and apologized to them right away and explained how I'd been feeling. Now me and that friend are actually a lot closer and doing a lot better.
After patching up with my friends. I still kept looking for relationships with no luck. Eventually, I just accepted that this was going to be a long process and I just had to be patient with myself and just let time and luck do its work. But still being lonely and seeing others happy with their partner still hurts though. I don't go out that often but I plan to go out more in the next coming year. I just hope that I can find someone to be in a long-term relationship despite how little experience I have in the dating world. All I can do now is hope for the best and just enjoy the people that I do have like my friends and family.
39-year-old here. Your issue is 100% geography. If you go to Chicago or San Francisco you'd be overwhelmed by the romantic options. Remember: you can be happy no matter what. And happiness must come from within (if you aren't happy single, how will you know if you're in the wrong relationship? You're dependent on a lover for your self worth). Romantic love is great, but it's not the only kind of love. You will find your person but you have to be whole yourself first. Tom Cruise lied in Jerry Maguire about the "You Complete Me" nonsense.
*Jerry
The issue with big cities is that people have too many options so you become replaceable and discardable, always onto the next best thing or the one that will ‘tick all the boxes’
@@Heytno that's true too, relocating is no recipe for happiness. Men, particularly in their 20s, aren't always eager to date long-term and when they do, you can have open relationships and trouples that can be very messy. I've heard of 21/22 year olds in very gay friendly places like London having terrible times finding partners. For whatever reason, straight couples and lesbians tend to couple up a lot easier in my experience. But as a marginally attractive white dude gay dude from the rural Midwest, I was amazed at additional romantic interest directed my way in places like SF. (You mean, there isn't something pathologically wrong with me?)
Thankyou so much for uploading this! I feel so seen!
I'm 25 now, and to be honest I have had 2 relationships before, when I was 17-19, but after my last relationship ended, I just haven't been able to connect with anyone. From time to time it makes me feel really lonely, because I don't even go on dates, and the main reason for that is that I haven't been able to find someone with whom I connect with on an emotinal level. The thing that scares me the most is that I'm kind of a social butterfly, and I meet new people all the time, and still find it hard to meet someone, and as you said, it's hard to not compare myself with my straight friends and their successful dating lifes. I often feel a little scared of admitting how much I want a relationship, because I feel it would kinda make me seem desperate to my friends. I could go on writing an even longer comment, but your video just says everything that I'm thinking! You've somehow reignited that little spark of hope inside of me that maybe someday I'll meet my person, and I can't thankyou enough for that!
I hope you find yours too, you seem like a wonderful person with a big heart, so don't give up! I believe all of us deserve the love and emotional connection that a deep and meaningfull relationship gives you.
Being neurodivergent myself and gay and dyslectic I can totally understand your situation. It took me a lot of time to really learn and accept what it is to think differently than most people. So my advice is just be yourself but don't set any expectations for a potential partner because you just can't imagine or define someone different from yourself until you actually meet them.
When you do meet the right person, it is possible to know it within a few hours with them if you completely lower the mask you have learned to wear to protect yourself from those who misunderstand you. I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. It sounds simple just to "be yourself" but it isn't that easy for anyone and it is even more difficult for us. I'll give you a hint: be HONEST with yourself and doubly so with others who you might be attracted to. If you do that, when the right person comes along you will discover that your conversation just flows naturally and time seems to pass more quickly as you talk, laugh and pass the time without noticing. The real clue here is laughing together organically and naturally. When you find yourself doing that for hours on end you will have found your mate.
Trust me when I say it will definitely happen for you if you just stop wanting it to happen. Forget about it; stop wanting a partner or feeling alone. Just go about your life enjoying whatever you do, hobbies, socializing, whatever; just enjoy the moment. By doing this you make yourself more approachable and more attractive to the right person for you. Be happy and let your happiness radiate from you. The right person for you will be drawn to you like a magnet. Enjoy your life and laugh about the potholes you might encounter.
I relate a lot with this final thing you said. I constantly nitpick stuff about myself. I feel like I'm not enough the way I am and I need to improve myself before putting myself out there. I've never even tried dating apps. Feels like so much pressure to be up to expectations
Man, I'm 31 and never been in a relationship either. And if someone as good looking as you is struggling, then I'm screwed lol. But I know exactly all the feelings you described. Getting your hopes up when things seem like they're going well with someone aaaand yeah just fades out. But I know you'll turn your luck around. You're very handsome, and seem emotionally intelligent and well put together. I wish you luck!
When you talk about relationships, do you mean it in an emotional sense or also in a sexual sense?
This popped in my feed and I would like to comment. You have brought up a great topic. And don’t worry, you are not alone when it comes to this. Being LGBT is very challenging for a lot of us. A lot of the community is very promiscuous and only wanting hookups. For those of us who desire a relationship it’s hard to weed out those people because will manipulate and say all the right things just to get what they want and when you finally give it to them, they disappear. (Happened to me once). It can be very difficult finding someone who you connect to on an emotional level. That is important to me as well. And a lot of times when you do connect with someone like that they turn out to be straight lol. That’s why it is important to be patient and not rush into anything or bite at the first piece of bait that’s thrown your way. Take the time to make sure both of you are on the same page. You don’t want to jump out farther than the other person or vise versa.
Remember, being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can have its benefits. You can take the time to learn about yourself and who you truly are, what you want outta life, and where you wanna go. Though it can get frustrating when you see others with their respective partners each other too. Trust me, I know this all too well. You just have to remind yourself that your time is coming. One day someone will come along and scoop you right up and love you and cherish you for who you are. You will be the most amazing person to them and no one and nothing else matters as long as they got you and you got them. But patience. Don’t rush because if you do you might find yourself in a relationship that seems good at first but turns out to be a sham and while you were entertaining that person, your true love might have came on the scene but you missed him. A lot of us get stuck at a closed door and are oblivious to the other open door.
Sorry for my scattered mess lol. Thanks for sharing. My door is always open if you need someone to talk to. I don’t won’t share my number on here for obvious reasons. but if you need to talk one on one, feel free to use the email on my profile. I stay away from social media because it’s become too much chaos and drama. But i don’t mind being a good friend to anyone who needs it. Especially nowadays. We can all use a friend every now and then. Either or, good luck on your endeavors and I hope you find the happiness that you deserve. But most importantly, I hope you find the right kind of love. I’m here for ya dude❤
I just want to hug you, young man, I've been single most of my life (came out at 21 back in '87.) Most important to have good friends!
Great post!! I had those dreams and scrolled a bunch of apps and even Facebook and started dating one year after coming out the closet, and ran into not taking a chance at contracting diseases and being lied to behind my back. However, one of my dates and I are still friends to this day. It sucks not being in a relationship, but I am deeply grateful to live in my truth and appreciate the lessons learned from my trials.
I feel the same way, now that I'm 20. In Brazil, it's so hard to get a boyfriend. People aren't looking for a long-term relationship, just something for the moment. I've kind of given up thinking about it, I just think it's better to let it happen.
I am 29 year old gay man.
I never had a boyfriend, was never in a relationship, and never even had a romantic kiss.
And you call yourself unlucky!
The thing is, I am happy being single now. Maybe because I have adapted to my situation over a period of time out of no choice to a point that being single feels more comfortable to me now. And I wouldn't change it for anything.
I also know that people who go through relationships throughout their lives, develop somesort of identity crisis about themselves as they hardly ever spent time being alone in order to know themselves better.
You are young, and 20s are ment to have fun, build career, do solo travel, and not to be in a serious relationship.
I'm 30 and have not been in a relationship. I'm not gay myself but have varying levels of attraction to different genders, am also quite introverted and don't handle having a lot of people around me well (I'm prone to social anxiety), and as a result am quite different from the "pack". I tried dating online but it's genuinely not my thing, I prefer meeting people in a less forced way. I also don't like going out to parties, so I just stopped doing that altogether. Currently I'm not actively dating at all, I'm just building on myself, trying to get financially stable and happy with myself. I hope I will meet my SO at some point, but I'm not chasing for it.
misticism is great,yr varying levels of atraction meke you interesting answer if you wish
LOL! I'm in the same boat. I had to stay in the closet until I turned 40 two years ago. I'm neurodivergent myself. Once I came out, though, it didn't really matter as I have never once been on a date or had a relationship. So now, I lack the social skills to figure out how to do things. I get along with people just fine. But I'm around straight people 100% of the time. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. However, as a result, I never learned the social skills to develop a relationship beyond a typical friendship. Mainly because I lost all opportunities to date or have relationships while growing up. Where I lived, it wasn't a good idea to come out at the time.
So, passing myself off as straight, which wasn't complicated with my normal demeanor and overall appearance, made the majority of friends and family think I was straight. (Although when I did come out, a few people figured out I was gay a while ago, which I didn't know that they knew. 🤷)
Now, I realize it may be too late. I am the type of person who takes life one day at a time. But the odds of me being able to meet someone and then have that develop into a relationship are very slim from a statistics point of view.
I choose not to let this discourage me. But at the same time, I have to be open to the possibility that I may grow old alone. A virgin, I may be. But I will keep moving forward. Even if I may have to do it alone.
At your age, you do have some time. But if you find yourself alone in your early 40s like I am, there is a real chance it may never happen. Especially since you are neurodivergent, which makes things all that much harder, as I know all too well.
But don't let that be an excuse at the same time. At least you are out of the closet. As I said, I didn't come out until my 40th birthday, so I never had the chance to do anything. While friends and family were dating or getting married, I was at home playing Super Mario 64 or working part-time and just being incognito.
You do at least have one advantage there, so stay positive and never give up. If you give up, it will never happen.
I haven't given up either. But I also try to stay realistic.
I hope not to be alone forever. What will happen is anyone's guess. But self-confidence is everything. Treating people right is everything. Being honest is everything. I try to live by this. That is all I can do. Just be myself and try to be positive. People do not like to hang out with someone who will be a mood killer.
That is why people generally get along with me. I know people generally speak well of me. But at the same time, I know I can be a bit too nerdy and tend to speak a bit too loud for people, as I have a natural voice that projects. Yeah, I'm the typical loud American, I guess. LOL! 😅
You’re not alone baby. I’m almost 21 and have been chronically ill for 3 years and can’t leave the house. It’s hard seeing everyone being in romantic relationships while you’re not, or in my situation, can’t. The faith of knowing at some point there will be “the one” and maybe they are the one for only a short time. You are worthy of love, we all are and we all will receive that at some point when we truly believe we are deserving of love. Stay strong my dear, sending peace and positive energy to you babes! Always here for anyone who wants or needs someone to talk to❤️
I feel you! I'm in my 20s and I had mostly very negative experience from guys wanting too much too fast(getting physical) to very superficial or toxic ones that put you down at every opportunity. All these apps are terrible as well tbh.
Hm and then there's the issue with the distance...
I'm a 24 year old gay guy and i see myself on you in terms if never having a real boyfriend. but the best you can do is to live your life and be happy with yourself. sometimes we weren't destined to be with someone that is "our soul".
I'm 23 and I honestly relate. I live in Chicago but I'm also neurodivergent. I also believe race plays a role. I try to focus on what I can control instead of what I can't. As a gay black neurodivergent man, I also sometimes wonder who could love me. But I know I'm lovable - I just really don't care for social norms or trends, which I've noticed is usually what people use to relate to each other. I believe many gay people relate to one another on a superficial basis while I'm looking for deep emotional bonds. I've also been isolated for a while so this year I plan to make more of an effort. Thanks for sharing.
I stopped dating over 34 years ago and started focusing on my souls journey instead. Sure I would still love to find that special someone but I have long felt that when the time is right the right one will find me..Until then I'll just focus on myself and love my life without the fear or judgement that others have placed upon me .
You really transpire a lot of emotional intelligence! The truth is many people stick with someone along the years without truly loving them, just because they might have felt romantic feelings towards their partner or even some kind of love, but not that undeniably strong feeling that has the ability to turn one’s life upside down, the feeling that makes you love and accept the person for every characteristic that they have, a feeling even stronger than sexuality or mere affection. To my mind, the most intelligent choice is indeed to stick to your truth and wait, because you never know who you might meet tomorrow! Thank you for your video. There are few people still thinking straight, I am glad I got to watch one of them today. 😊
Your video reminds me of so many younger friends who have moved to larger cities over the years. New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Houston, San Francisco and Los Angeles to name a few. The gay population in those cities is fairly large. The larger gay community in those cities makes it easier for people to meet than in smaller towns. On the other hand, most people don’t put themselves out there in a video like you just did. Nearly 11,000 people have watched it at this point. I hope some of them seek you out.
I could not relate more to this video. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I got into my first serious gay relationship at 24. I grew up in a small town in Italy with rampant toxic masculinity and occasional homophobia. It was so much worth it be patient, holding my ground of who I thought was worth being in a relationship with and not waste time on guys who did not have what I thought were the best interest in mind. Five years later, at 29, I am still in the same relationship and could not be happier and feel luckier to experience such love, respect, and admiration is possible for one another. We definitely both had similar experiences growing in navigating around toxic elements of the queer community. This resilience will give you common experiences to relate to with many other people. Don’t lose hope even as lonely as it can feel. I’d also say that’s why friendships - especially queer friendships - are also so important. We need people around ourselves that can understand our experiences, present us with a chosen family, and also help us meet other people. Even when we find the right person to be with. If we place too many expectations upon partners, expecting for them to give us all the friends and family experiences we haven’t had growing up, that can be damaging and unhealthy.
All in all, keep being yourself, open, and I can guarantee you life will one day surprise you with a beautiful soul you will feel so happy to call your boyfriend ❤️
I'm 53, gay and live in a small town. I've had one long-term relationship (7 years). Other than that, no success in the dating/relationship world. If you're gay and not into the bar or Grindr scene, it can be tough meeting someone. Plus, most of the gay men I've met have had issues. I've accepted being single and now have found peace. I hope you find someone special, but if you don't, you can still have a good life. Hang in there, we're all in the same boat. 😊
Was ~32 when I realized I was very single and lonely. Never one date, now 38 and still not one date. Lot of manipulation/mental struggles growing up pushed me to timid and mistrusting mindset with romance, put up barriers when hit on, holding back when I like someone, and feeling so so uncomfortable when someone brings up someone they think I should pursue. I personally think this plays out in most others, often unrecognized because we have been watching so many cheap romances on TV and see others "easily" fall into a relationship while magically ignoring the difficulty, hard work, and many broken hearts with dating. I'm not sure if I'm just really scared of the risks or letting myself be that vulnerable or if it's something else but it's a conversation needing to happen more.
Mate I'm 45. I've been single all that time except two years when I was seeing someone who ultimately was just taking me for a ride and used me for financial support. Life is hard as a gay man. And if you add complicating factors like neurodivergence and deep sensitivity... Extra challenges. For me, growing up in a religious home with an aggressive father and going through gay conversion therapy left me less likely to attract a husband and more likely to need a good therapist.
There's no guarantee you will find that someone, but trust me, it's not THAT wonderful. Ive been there, done that, and the gays who are in long-term relationships are usually open and sleeping around, and/or it's a lot of hard work and stress sometimes.
I feel you. I have given up on finding someone, and that turned from a negative into a positive when I got a cat. His love is sweeter and simpler than the emotional torment of having a man in my life.
I'm 23 and I'm in the same situation, other than apps, I'm not like meeting a lot of people, so i know I'm kinda limiting myself, but talking about apps and gay community, i see A LOT of sex dependency, fear of connecting with someone, lack of commitment etc. Obviously I'm not generalizing, but i saw a lot of these people, objectifying others. About relationships, a lot of people tells you that if you are not ready, if u haven't solved your problems, if you aren't 100% by your own, you can't be loved by someone else, but then, you see toxic people have a relationship, so this doesn't make sense. This year i learned about standards, since i had a little experience with a very problematic person, that made me question if "I" was really interested in him and not if HE was interested in me, and the conclusion was that i, thank god, prefer to have an healthy relationship than go with the first person that """shows""" a little love to me. I'm working on myself to feel vetter for myself, so a possible relationship would be only a +. It's kinda difficult and stressful to see all the people going into relationship, share experiences, be there for each other, when u are alone (romantically speaking).
I've given up on finding that special someone because I'm convinced that he doesn't exist. I've gone on long enough in this life to know that the only person who I can really depend on is myself.
As a 30yo who has gone exactly through what you're going through, at some point i decided to change my whole approach, you could say i had a realization. I did my best to drop my "dating" and "relationship" expectations and just started looking for friends or meeting people. The internet made this easier obviously, plenty of groups out there in many platforms, even local or peripheral to where i lived. I talked to many people online in these groups, made friends, eventually hanging out irl. I ended up finding someone and it felt more secure and organic, none of the anxieties linked to deliberately dating someone out the gate through an app.
I've seen similar thoughts out here for you to what I have, so this isn't really "new".... But, basically telling yourself "F*+k it" and taking the pressure off of both yourself and anyone you meet does make a difference. When you stop looking and just go out and meet people without expectations, it takes the pressure off and allows you to enjoy being yourself talking to different people... Not caring if they think you're "It" or not. If you have no expectations, you can tell someone they're cute, or funny, or witty, and it doesn't really matter how they respond. That confidence will turn heads.
You are very young and love will come. I'm 58 and didn't come out until 30. And love comes when you least expect it and when you are most content with yourself and not necessarily looking for it. My husband and I met on a dance floor at a gay club in Philadelphia. I know you will find it when you're least expecting it.
Neurodivergence has played a big role in my romantic life. I had two lengthy relationships and one of them ended because of the pressure my partner felt internally and externally to leave me from their family and peers. Neurodivergence played a significant role in my other lengthy relationship as well. In this case my ex partner actually accused me of making excuses for my “problematic” behavior even though he knew how my neurodivergence affects me in many social situations. People are very judgmental of those that are too quiet or have a hard time concentrating or do things that seem “off” for example. Few people are willing to have the patience or compassion required with neurodivergent people. There’s also the fact that too many LGBT people are deeply weighed down by baggage because of the way our families and society make it hard on us. It’s hard to give yourself to someone else when you struggle with internalized homophobia for example. I wish I had something reassuring to tell you instead of these things you probably have noticed as well. Your attitude will get you through. You seem to have a good attitude. Like others here have said you’re young. It’s true. Patience is key. You’ll learn to see the red flags of selfish people with every experience and at some point you’ll find someone when you aren’t even looking for them.
Ok, launch such a video during christmas time breaks my heart. So i send you as first aid response many hugs 🥺 Don't forget, that every new day brings also new opportunities. Keep just your heart open 😉 You never know what comes next.
22 and ive been struggling for a while too. All im trying now is to improve myself but im still lonely
You're 22 and "improving yourself"; trust me, you'll be doing that your whole life (hopefully). Regardless of your need to improve now, you are already enough, and already loveable. Please don't think "somebody will love me after I improve". It isn't easy to find someone, but WOW its way easier now than it used to be.
being single isn't bad if you are active and healthy. I believe that love is a construct and mostly a fantasy, Friends are fine.
Love is the only truth we have in this world, it's not just a feeling once you fall in love you understand the whole world, yes you suffer and this suffering is vital in enduring love, but eventually you see beyond rationality, you gain wisdom
@@AnnaIerusalimova That's how people ruin their lives.
That is a complete myth and a fantasy if that's what you choose to believe great but that's not how the real world works.
@@chargermopar Being single by all accounts is worse than being in love, man… but we are not in heaven and we have to accept the reality. Love is not a construct, but it’s hard to find as gay.
@@AnnaIerusalimova You are partially correct, but true love doesn’t cause any suffering, sorry.
Thanks for the video. You’ve really given me hope about finding love.
I’m glad to see so many comments from other gay guys sharing their struggles to find a match-it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
To everyone reading this, I wish you all find someone amazing who’s perfect for you, and that you’ll be perfect for them too.
I’m 61, been out and dating (rarely) since I came out at 45 (closeted and celibate to that point), and never been in a relationship.
I agree the want for a relationship is greater than the reality. I’m also autistic. Read “Born on a Blue Day” a memoir by an autistic gay man who finds love.
While I still hope for more, I’ve learned to create a full single life. If he ever comes along, my boyfriend/husband will become a part of a life that isn’t waiting around. I’m retired and working on a writing career and who knows what’s next.
recommend checking into attachment theory--free online tests to help you to discern your attachment style. The attachment styles-how each style interacts and strengths/weaknesses will guide you. The anxious are often attracted to the avoidant--the goal is to move toward secure attachment. I've encountered numerous gay oriented men who were avoidant. I lean toward anxious. The avoidant can be dismissive or fearful--seem charming but distant or mysterious.
I’m 31 and have also never been in a relationship before. It’s always been weird to me that almost everyone else in my life will consistently jump from one relationship to the next and meanwhile I’ve just been hoping to find someone to at the very least hang out with and get to know, even if a relationship doesn’t come out of it. I guess it’s just not our time.
It really does feel like straight people just meander around aimlessly yet somehow almost always fall into relationships seemingly at random yet consistently and with people that should never have given the other the time of day. On another note, almost all straight friends that do get into relationships change way way way more about themselves for women than I’ve ever seen a gay guy change for another guy. A lot of straight guys suddenly see ‘taking care of their partner all day every day’ as their duty in the relationship and change almost all aspects of themselves for the girl. I don’t see this much in the gay world. It’s ‘do we naturally vibe and have shit in common or no?’ I think it’s an interesting point
@@cammokyle Caring for or giving everything for your partner is out of feeling, not out of obligation. The day it becomes an obligation, the relationship is over. This surely happens in the gay world.
Thank you for talking about this. I hope all the best for you ❤
You are handsome and articulate and clearly intelligent. You are young and it will happen. It usually happens when you stop looking. The gay world is often about sex and hooking up. Sadly you say relationship they run. 😅. Just continue to be yourself and don't search or look so hard. There is something strange about it happening when you stop looking. Keep the faith
This is very helpful. I agree that we usually think that we are the problem and we must change, but no. We cannot think like that, this will end up creating some paranoia like "now I'm dating just because of this, if I lose this I will lose this person too" or "this person if with me just because of this they don't truly love me".
I'm 32, I genuinely don't think I'll find some one, I stop trying because it's just too frustrating, but I'm in peace with that.... Kinda
Well I had like 4 boyfriends (i am 23) so far what I have learned actually are basics but many of those are crucial to find a partner loving yourself, not compare your life to anyone, do not push things believe it or not the more you are looking for something(anything)the less chance you will have to find it. Falling in love can happen less than 2 seconds with a person. Also idealising your future partner is one of the worst thing you can do if you want to have a genuine partner ever. So why looking, literally looking for someone is such a useless act(at least not for your sake)? It's because people are just coming into your life be it a friend or a potential partner, then comes the next step accepting each other's faults and keep the partner as long as it's a healthy relationship or as long as you live. Stop pushing dating in a way that there's is no more important thing than that when actually there is. Also the healthier you are mentally the better your partner will be as love is your own reflection we find attractive those physically and mentally who are somewhat similar to us mainly if somebody had already a partner then it can occur the person is gonna reflect to his past partner's features mainly if it's turning out to be a trauma bond. Love is a two bladed sword it has a divine side, but a destroying one too, and the more you are looking for it the more likely you won't be in a healthy relationship🤷
@@erikhorvath4297 The best advice I have read in the comments, just I would add that I would asap people if I like them.
56 here. Have never been in a relationship, not even close. I’ve never even had a best friend. Have been single my whole life. I have longed to be with someone. At times, the thought of it tears me up inside. It’s a sad thing to go through your entire life and never experience being desired or loved.
Yes, someone will accept you as you are, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow and change as a result of your relationships. By the same token, you have to accept others as they are. Despite what you hear, no one will be “perfect” for you. There will always be things about the other person that make you a bit mad, crazy, unhappy. Don’t cross them off your list because they might be 90% right, or they don’t meet some specific criteria. Be open to not-quite-perfect. Much better to have someone with a few annoying (but ultimately unimportant) quirks than no one at all.
I’m 39, been in a relationship with my bf for 16 years now, met him when I was 23 and he was 21. I dated a lot of guys before I met him, I broke some hearts (I feel bad) and I’ve had my heart broken by someone else a few times. It sucks. It just takes time for everyone to meet and sort through other people to find a good match. Hang in there.
I am 51. I’ve never been in a relationship either.
I’m getting out of a 7 year abusive relationship. I’m having a hard time finding the courage to find the right guy and get back out there. It sucks even more that I miss and love him still. I partly envy you for your situation, I wish you find your man soon. Sending love and positivity ❤
I was 25 when I met my now husband, we got married this year, hang in there man, you can't rush these things. You will find your Mr Right:)
I've been where you are, it does get better.
@@mattr7307 I just don’t why people marry, so a piece of paper 📝 will make your partner love you by default? Even for hetero couples this is false, for us is even not useless, but delusional.
I feel the same. I'm 31 years old and feel like I've tried everything. I quit dating apps because people there treat others like commodities, and I find myself acting in ways that don’t feel authentic. It feels frustrating not being able to build a meaningful relationship.
I'm 40 years older than you. I have never connected with another man. I wanted to be involved with another guy , especially when I was your age. You remind me of how i was. Get to know you first . It will make easier when you do unite with some other guy. You will be secure and stable. Also build a career , so you are independent. That way if your relationship doesn't work out then you are able to support yourself. Choose carefully who you associate with. Not everyone is going to be good for you. I knew a gay guy , and i liked him and i let him into my home. He stole from me and disappeared. I thought he liked me. Looks aren't important either. It's only skin deep.
When a guy is more interested in material things you know that that isn’t the place.
Excellent advice.
Excellent advice.
Living in a major city, I still find it challenging to navigate the dating world at 20. Having this mindset makes me feel like an outlier, as many gay people my age seem to focus on casual flings rather than pursuing intentional, committed, and emotionally meaningful relationships. Hookup culture has, in many ways, diminished the value of romance and genuine emotional connection. From what I’ve observed, many people don’t start seeking deeper, more serious connections until their late 20s or early 30s, which is when they begin to move away from lust-driven experiences.
Personally, I’ve never resonated with the idea of hookups or relationships based purely on sexual desire. It’s something I find difficult to comprehend, which can feel isolating at times. That’s why seeing your video was so reassuring- it reminded me that there are others out there who share my values and also seek something more secure and enduring. Thank you for being a source of hope, angel. ❤
I’ve been lucky having 2 long-term relationships over a period of 27 years, but now single again. Life changes and starting over is hard
Not 1 minute in the video and i already feel you so much 🙏 27 years old gay living in a small rural area here. had somes stories, but nothin exceed few months for so many reasons, and you greatly phrased somes of them. Read somes comments, i bet there is even more people like you (under 50 years) in our situations. So thank you for sharing this with the world, hoping it may open a doors for others to feel they are not alone 🥰
TH-cam recommended this… look up rejection sensitivity. As an ADHD gay man (42), I closed myself off to any hope for relationships after rejection after rejection in my 20s and only now getting back out there.
Me too. I was attractive in my 20's but too focused on a relationship and no one wanted that. It was a contest of who could have the most sex. You only live once and I wish you luck.
Just turned 34 and you hit me right in the feels. It felt like you were speaking my own thoughts. You are so well spoken, thoughtful, and attractive!! Someone would be genuinely lucky to have you as their boyfriend ❤
At least you're not ugly. Ive never even been on a date.
Omg, don’t say that.
Here for you, ready when you are 😊
😢 you're not ugly...
Look, I know you all mean well, but stop. It's patronizing. And you've never seen me.
I didn't have a real relationship until I was 28, and it lasted 5 years. Have dated a few times but nothing has materialized into more and I'm now 52. It's ok. Love yourself. Don't settle. I've had my struggles, but I am thankful to be surrounded by wonderful friends.
Mmm... several points for your consideration Matthew (from a 47 y.o. gay living in a small city)
The felling of "I'm losing something important 'cause I never experience being in a relationship with a guy" is comprehensible. For example, not having a boyfriend during high school seems a little sad ('cos teenager romances make people learn a lot and give a huge support at that difficult age)... but, at least in my case, during that time I was too busy finding my way to be gay. At first I regret for not living it. Finally I realize that everything comes at a proper time. And this melancholic thoughts, simply, vanished.
🙂🙂🙂
All kind of human interactions (with family, friends, coworkers or totally strangers like myself) make us grown. People show us different perspectives and points of view about life and enrich our experience here. So don't avoid human contact. True. But... the risk is that looking fulfill that "hole in your heart" (spoiler, there's no such thing even you firmly believe or feel it) we tend to forget care and think in ourselves. 'cos "you" is your first partner in life... til the end. Nina Simone's classic is "My baby just cares for me". Ok Nina, that's great, but I have to care myself to take care of my baby
😉😉😉
So, yes, it's good meeting people, joining clubs, going outside home, using apps, travel, enjoy things that make you smile... My impression is that you (its your video after all) have a lot to offer as friend, partner and human being in general. So an advice unnecesary. Don't rush, don't be afraid and enjoy the road. You'll see that always (always!) there's someome accurate in each part of your life. 'Cos, yep, your life will have several seasons. And each of them will bloom in different ways. Enjoy the whole experience (despite all the sweet and bitter moments). Sorry for this long speech.
😉😉😉
A big big hug from... Spain!
im 23 and exactly same as your experience, thank you for saying out loud. i am rn stuck in the country that have huge prejudice and most ppl are only care about fun and looking, it is too difficult to find a romance