Nervous System “Clutter” Makes It Hard to Think Clearly or Get Things Done
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2023
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One in three people (especially people with a history of trauma) feel so much stress, on most days they say they are completely overwhelmed. I used to be one of those people, every day of my life. When I tried to follow conventional methods for de-stressing, it wasn't enough. In this video I teach how trauma can leave your nervous system unable to adequately respond stimuli -- experiences, thoughts, and emotions that "pile up" and make you feel overwhelmed. Learn what you can do to better process inputs and increase your sense of calm and "space" to think.
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I’ve NEVER felt so heard with my mouth closed as I do listening to you & im not even 3 minutes in!!! Thank you
Amen 😅🙏
Light bulb moment….it’s dysregulation when you feel like everything has to be done urgently. I thought I was just not “chill” enough!
Every time someone makes a demand on my mind, energy, time, resources, I feel instantly stressed- I feel it in my body.
Thank you for sharing. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Exact one if the things that happens to me as well .
I've been researching autism and they have something called PDA. Nit public display of affection. This one is Pathological Demand Avoidance.
For example if something is your idea, on your timeframe, and you're working in it, but someone comes along and says anything critical or demands that you do it, you suddenly lose interest..
When I was little I had to clear the table after dinner every other night, taking turns with my sister. I hated it so much that it took me hours. Because it was being basically forced.
I could have set a timer for 15 minutes to play beat the clock and made a game out of it.
@@recoveringsoul755 Or do the chore with your sister every night and have a competition who could take out more dishes faster. My sister and I, when we were little, would do that when we were cleaning up after a game we played. It made it so much fun and we always laughed when we did it.
Same for me its Trigger ...wanting to please ....having a Narc mom growing up all I wanted to do was please her so its a habit now for me
One little thing I practice is setting my phone alarm for 38 minutes whenever I have a "whelming" job or chore to do. I can do anything for 38 minutes. You would be surprised what you can accomplish in 38 minutes. And if the job is going well, just set an alarm for another 38 minutes.
Why 38?
@@rachelmel no reason. 45 is too long. 30 may be too short.
When ihad baby twins i was advised to take the day 20 minutes at a time,when feeling really stressed give up getting anything really tasking done, just sit with the babies and enjoy them…i did these tips continuously, it got me through…and i still use it…just this weekend things got so stressful, i poured coffee and sat down, worked on my virtual puzzles….it’s amazing how you can feel the tension go away.
When I found the FlyLady channel or site about getting organized and making routines, she had a 15 minute saying she even sold a timer that measured 15 minutes. For exercise too
I have CPTSD and I do the same thing. But I use 15 minutes as my minimum. Quite often I find I'm still wanting to do the task after the 15 minutes is up. It's getting started and pushing yourself to do something while you feel horrible that is the most challenging. When I do complete the goal of 15 minutes or more I then make sure I speak kindly to myself. Unlike how I was spoken to by my abuser. I consciously and purposely remember to praise myself as if I were speaking to a good friend.
This is why I'm obsessed with implementing routines, capsule wardrobes, meal planning, minimizing etc. It looks like I'm super productive or getting it together but its partially managing my low threshold/brokenness. 😅
This helps explain the spaced out feelings and “daydreaming “ my grade school teachers complained I had in my youth. So much stress and trauma I endured growing up in a large family that fought a lot.
My dad and oldest brother would have violent fist fights probably at least once a week and I would have recurring nightmares, high anxiety , worries,and fear at night being abruptly awakened by the loud terrifying noise of their fights and always worried my dad would have a heart attack.
The trauma is immeasurable hearing and seeing them screaming at and punching each other.
I so want to give my younger self the nurturing hugs of comfort I needed to feel safe and secure.
I am so sorry. 😟🥺😢❤
I did a lot of daydreaming in grade school too & needed to use it to escape overwhelming thoughts & memories.
I remember sleeping in class during high school. I remember being exhausted… it’s wild how I’m just now realizing it. I must of felt safer at school!!!
I remember being spaced out and daydreaming gazing out of the window.. I still do this..
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I can’t tell you the amount of stress I had as an adolescent which carried over in to adulthood. Terrible… it’s not enough!!
Me too!
The anxiety was paralyzing.. senses shut down, blurry vision, waves of flushing heat - waves of shame. I’m sure they were panic attacks. The 1st one I remember vividly in kindergarten.
Yep, Kay -me too. I’m finally at a receptive AND financial place (soon) to start overcoming. 🙏
@yonitznkc,wishing you all the very best for your recovery ❤️🩹 😊
@@yonitznkc I wish you the best - I’m happy for you!! It’s such a relief to finally get closure to the early traumas. Full circle;))
The only time I'm not completely overwhelmed by stress and dysregulation is when I'm sick, when I have the flu for example and when I'm completely knocked out. Covid was actually quite relaxing, a coma like state and I felt so rested afterwards. Sad when you have to get sick to feel better
Same! It's actually kind of relieving to know that there are no expectations of you in that moment, you have an excuse to just rest and get better.
Ditto that. I was so stressed out that I said to myself I need a break from this life! Two days later I tested positive for covid. Eeek.
I can relate to that too. I had nearly all childhood illnesses and that was the only time my mother had some time for me. Sad,sad,very sad !
On the other side I find it amazing,what your subconscious and your body are trying to tell you. It took me an eternity to listen to both after I ignored it for so many years. I believe you have to learn to trust yourself after it was not accepted to show your emotions.
Still working on it….
Yes
I feel you. The only time I'm not overwhelmed is when I'm drinking. 😅 I know it's not the solution, hence I am here. Good luck to us all ❤
I will absolutely agree. I let everything overwhelm me to the point where I actually had a TIA the other day. My body has just snapped and I can hardly cope with the stress that I'm under at the moment. Anyone who can, please pray for me or send up good vibrations to the universe for me.
Prayers for healing and peace, for your mind and body ❣️🙏💯💪
Sending you love 💕and a hug🤗. I definitely understand that knowing what to do to help vs. actually doing it can feel worlds apart, but I pray you will do at least one little thing differently each day to help change the immense stress you’re under. What can you let go of, that may feel necessary but really can wait? Become aware of your breathing consistently throughout the day, and no matter what is going on (and as you lay in bed for sleep and wake up), choose to breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, and out slowly and completely through your nose, taking slightly longer on the exhale than the inhale. (Intentional nose breathing like that was the key to solving the insomnia that was destroying me for over two years; and melatonin and zzzquil had both stopped working). Meditation is a hugely helpful practice. Check out Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work. Start by taking/making 15 minutes for yourself so sit down in a dark quiet room alone and do his “GOLOV 20” meditation, using YoU yourself as the person you send love to during it. Use headphones (or surround sound). YoUr life matters and yoU deserve to give care to yoUrSelf! You can’t be there for others unless you’re there for yourself. We can literally kill ourselves in this crazy life by continuing to act like we can keep doing/handling everything and more. A phrase I like is “if we listen to our body when it whispers, we won’t have to hear it scream.” Try kirtan chanting, like Krishna Das (I have a small ‘kirtan’ playlist on my channel if you’d wanna check some out). Kirtan can be a perfect way to get out of your head stress and into heart presence and slower, healing breathing. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone in the struggles. Sometimes all we can do is breathe, and that’s enough. Getting outside (somewhere tranquil, ideally) can be very powerful too. When I step outside and look up at the night sky, it’s immediately a breath of fresh air and feels different than inside, in a good way. Same goes for getting out in nature during the day. Blessings be with you marybeth ❤️💫
I will pray for you to manage the overwhelm. It's only my faith in God and Jesus that keeps me going day to day xo
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I'm so sorry to hear that. We're all sending you support and encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
Totally nailed it with the not being able to process all the inputs or stimuli is what I always called it.
Wow I recently found you and I can’t believe there are others! 😮 I was recently diagnosed as CPTSD, I literally thought I escaped with my mind intact but since my brother ( my trauma partner passed away) I fell apart and all this crap from my childhood is haunting me at 61 years old! What a shock and surprise to suddenly fall apart in the Autumn of my life! Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to not feel so alone in my isolation ❤
I believe God has placed this HEALING video in my hands.
I Hug you with so much gratitude for what you are doing to help all of us walking in these 'trauma shoes'
I will spend time with you everyday !
💯no longer suffering alone.. 💛
I'm the same, 61 and discovering why I've always felt left out, ignored and didn't fit in. It appears that there are a lot of us. Take care.
Hi @sherrillfuller1782 You’re not alone , I too am 60 years old, nearly 61; cptsd, just lost my sister and brother (co-sufferers also) my life is falling apart. Desperate actually, just wish I could be standing in front of you to give you a hug and share a little mutual understanding.
@@garylake1497 thanks Gary I just had my rescue dog put down yesterday so there’s that new layer of trauma…I have a half sister left but she lives a thousand miles from me. It’s been a difficult week emotionally. I’m sorry for your losses too. 💔❤️🩹
Social media overwhelms and dysregulates me a lot
Same I have to have strict rules no post or likes and unfollow people just use it for events and christian encouragement posts.
Me too. I really limit it. And the news.
Same but I’m addicted to it, especially tik tok and even TH-cam
Basically gave up on them/minimised them a few years ago due to that exact reason. Among the best things I ever did (was seriously occupied with them in the past).
From beginning to a minute and a half in, you have perfectly described my current dilemma: lots of plans; so overwhelmed that I just shut down completely. I intuitively know that by tackling those plans one at a time, the burden will lessen...but I just find I have no gas in my tank. I have followed you for some time now; and know about nervous system dysregulation. I have let my guard down; and am suffering once again. I have learned to forgive myself, and others, for my ever present cPTSD symptoms. Now to get moving again! Will take up the pen and paper again for Daily Practice before I meditate. Thank you
I got an electric bike. Oh my goodness, if you want to feel like you're 12 again, get a bike and a helmet and some gloves. I don't know what chemicals it releases, but I feel super energized afterwards. And I don't have to pedal if I don't want to LOL. It's not about exercise. You get to be alone, having fun. Best wishes from Tulsa ☮️🤠
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I have identified that I have CPTSD and I’ve always found it so hard to focus on things, I’m 28. At school I found it hard to focus, same thing at uni. At work it’s the same thing. I procrastinate and leave things until the last minute and then I have to work really long days to get everything done. I am sick of being like this. I am chronically disorganised 😞 my room is always in a mess, I have poor grooming, I have virtually no savings despite living with my mum and paying low rent. I feel like the internal chaos with CPTSD is reflecting in my outer world. I am off work at the moment so I’m going to try your daily practice consistently and see if it helps!
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I have some days that are overwhelming... Listening to politics adds to it... When I'm building my model cars it helps me escape from this difficult world and helps me a lot with dealing with my PTSD symptoms.. Thank god I rediscovered it after a 30 plus year hiatus!!
I got a 56 Plymouth Fury recently and I'm going to build it this winter.
When I was a kid Legos were my outlet when I was overwhelmed!
Art is good therapy too. I draw to escape reality.
My escape is gardening & landscaping… these are activities that I can start at any level of psychological chaos, and usually I am able to relax into more the more focused elements of these tasks.
I know what you mean about listening to politics. I do have to be careful how much of that content I expose myself to or else I'll get very overwhelmed by stress and negativity. I always have to take a break from that stuff. The last time I let myself obsess over it, I had a huge mental breakdown and relapsed back into my ED and substance abuse. I find nature walks, gardening and making collages to be very relaxing. I also love to read a good fictional book, knit and crochet, and play videogames sometimes. Watching a good light hearted comedy is definitely a good pallet cleanser after I've watched more content about negative and heavier topics.
I wish more people understood this.
I had a horrendous bout of dysregulation last week. I finally got into a job that will allow me to catch up with my finances, and my manager berated me because she misunderstood an e-mail and accused me of trying to "sabotage her." Yet she never set up any expectations with me, and I am trying to figure out what I should be doing on my own. I was crying at my desk and I couldn't think. I've experienced this before, and it's part of why I've had trouble getting into a "good job" because most of the time, I just couldn't even think or do much of anything due to the people in my life and how they treated me. I was originally planning on staying in this job for at least a year, but I work for a large organization and am going to be taking my talents elsewhere as soon as possible.
Blessings to you 🙏
Good luck to you. People can be awful in the work place. I hope you feel better today.
I’ve recently started to reduce the noise by not using my earbuds when I’m walking and occasionally not listening to music in my car while driving. This has greatly reduced the activity of my brain, which allows me to rest my mind. This is a good thing.
But, what truly helped me “fix” my dis-regulation is learning about my attachment style. Understanding why I think, feel, say, and do the things that I do has helped me overcome my mental health issues. I’m a much happier person now.
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For decades that was my self soothing- now I find it irritating
Yes silence is an important thing to cultivate.
It's very recently that overwhelm has taking its toll on me just from unresolved issues piling up. I've been shutting down more frequently. My body just says no.
Silence is golden, turn off everything, gi the quietest place and and U can calm down, noisy fast world. U need quiet time everyday, no music, no tv, no phone just silence, Silence is good for your soul 😇
I began walking/swimming this past November.....before I found your channel....it definitely works! I also can drive without music....I am finding it easier to explain to my now adult sons about why I behaved the way I did....I definitely didn't neglect them....I know I am imperfect...we communicate very well. It's so wonderful to KNOW why I've been reacting the way I have...yes....I am creating more space, away from other's energies....finding my power! Yes! Your so wonderful!!
It is so amazing to me the clarity that the Daily Practice brings me - when I do it!! I will go from complete overwhelm & shutdown to a calmness and a surety about about what to do next - and the ability to actually do it.
Nothing short of miraculous.
i'm in a perpetual state of overwhelm. i can barely take care of myself (i don't eat or clean regularly), i struggle to get anything done, and i shut down easily if a major stressor like moving gets introduced. i can't hold a job or go to school because i burn out in about 3 months. i cope by using my media consumption addiction.
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Relate❤
sammywhatammy, This year I've experienced a lot of those things. Only in the past 2 weeks have many of them ended. I feel lucky for the gloom to have passed. I can feel freedom again.I hope you get released soon from the overwhelm, the down feelings, and the cycle of anxiety that you have been experiencing.
I am combating this with self-directed neuroplastic brain retraining. There are some great programs out there for you to get better! You can heal from this!
@beckykay9178
Would you be willing to share which websites or apps and whether they're free or not?!
The pandemic was like a vacation for me. I collected unemployment that paid me more a week than I had/have ever made. I slept in and since I was used to being alone all the time, I found it finally refreshing to be able to sleep when I needed. It was four months of a stress-free existence. Lately, I am having this problem of lack of focus.I am experiencing all of these signs. I am finding myself doing strange things like putting a salad in a cabinet and at work, suddenly filing files in the wrong places. I've been able to catch myself, but since I'm 65 and have a family of females who had dementia, I'm terrified. Is it stress or dementia? I'm afraid to find out.
🙏 ❤
This is timely. Today, I was crying, feeling overwhelmed, cluttered, confused. Tired. Over stimulated. I can't thank you enough for this video, @crappychildhoodfairy. Every word was as if you were speaking about what i'm experiencing. This is dysregulation. Lack of sleep and other causes. I feel less self hatred now, because I'm not so alone.
Thanks for being a part of our community here! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
You are not alone
Thank you 💐 Today I managed better. A good sleep makes a heck of a difference
This information about nuerological disregulation has given me helpful insite as to my "what and why"😅 im 65 and been living this way my entire life, better now than never! Thank you so much crappychildhood Fairy, much love to you!
I dare say.. I'm wondering how many people as adults diagnosed with ADHD are actually formerly traumatized children
This explains how lately I’ve made the connection that my anxiety is often in my body before it’s in my mind… I’ve been trying to learn more about anxiety and try vagus nerve exercises, meditation etc.
You are an angel so much of this rings so true to me it's like you live in my body.
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Sometimes when I'm driving I'll shut the radio then say The Serenity Prayer,The Lords Prayer and or Amazing Grace ..
my God… how I have needed this.
my nervous system is so shot that recently, whenever I get overly anxious (or even excited - in a good way if you catch my drift) I immediately get nauseous and start to sweat *everywhere*
doctors are saying it’s “normal” but this has never ever happened to me before. and it is a nightmare to live with
Practicing the habits that keep you well are a way of life, not a quick fix. Brilliant, CCF!!
This is the first explanation I have heard about what this funk is I've been in for the past year. I couldn't understand how I was making good progress in my life and then just hit a plateau, it's like the longer you are in it the harder it is to get out. Thank you for this video!
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
~I get overwhelmed when i have even a slightly busy day planned, which is nothing compared to people with kids, or jobs!~I juggled a lot when i was younger, but i cant seem to handle hardly anything now that im older?!?~
Oh my gosh, I'm the same! I've never even had children, but always struggled just taking care of myself. I did a lot more when I was younger, though. Now that I'm 60, I can't really handle much of anything anymore. 😒
@@christinelamb1167 ~Yes, part of my reason for not wanting kids was seeing how overwhelmed, busy & tired every mother i knew was, and it lasted for years on end?!?~I never figured id be able to handle that for that long?!~Nowdays, my cats are just about the right amount of effort & responsibility~
I resonate with these comments too. And I think my own stress tolerance has decreased over time, but my self awareness has also increased. So now I give myself permission to do what I need regardless. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing to do what you need in the moment. I think that’s us judging ourselves about what’s “normal”. I’m learning how to listen less to societies’ values that don’t fit me and responding more quickly to my own needs.
Yes
You've said this so well. Thank you for putting this in words so succinctly, this explains my own feelings of how important self-care is.
I'm not sure if what you're describing matches what I'm experiencing. Ever since I was a child, and continuing into adulthood, I've noticed that when I'm under pressure, I experience memory lapses and struggle with articulating my thoughts. This issue resurfaced today during a job interview.
I felt overwhelmed, and to make matters worse, a power cut occurred in the middle of my interview. This caused me to mumble, lose my clarity of speech, and become disorganized in my thoughts.
I've noticed this pattern frequently when I'm tasked with presenting work or speaking in public settings. I know what I want to say, but the words just don't come out as they should. I believe I need to see a doctor about this, but I'm not sure exactly what to consult them for. I wonder if this could be related to the mental and emotional abuse I've experienced. I thought I had overcome it, but I'm still struggling. While sometimes I manage fine, most of the time I find it challenging to articulate myself in high-pressure situations like interviews, especially when put on the spot 😢
Awww I’m sorry that happens to you! That sucks. I wonder if meditating or confidence hypnosis (there’s tons on TH-cam) would help you. That’s what helped kick my anxiety to the curb. You never know. But I know healing from abuse isn’t a one and done kind of thing. It’s more like peeling off layers. Sending good vibes
@@purvamandlik4696,just received the book : The Body keeps the Score,
by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Started reading and could hardly stop it! This book is the best of what I ever read about how brain,mind and body interact. I knew they do,bc I felt it too often. Now getting it explained helps a lot to understand much better,how you can deal with it and very important… don’t blame yourself! I’m 78 and it became worse as I’m not American and don’t feel loved by my daughter who wanted me to come here 8 years ago.While she lives here more than 20 years,from when she was 18, while I was nearly 70 when I moved here.She is the only one around I can speak to in our original language but sadly enough she has hardly time for me. I understand and are not complaining to her that I don’t feel as part of the family with nearly grown up kids now. So all my problems from my early childhood were coming back and I’m feeling neglected and not loved.
So now I’m again on psychotherapy (I had numerous in my country but none were really helping me)
And important for me,I found the videos . I hope the book is the last pearl to help me creating a new necklace,to wear it with new happy feelings and feeling proud to having achieved my goal towards the end of my life !
Could it be that you have some insecurity issues which in turn makes you seek approval from others and this leads you to be nervous and tongue tied? This is what I'm working on...improving my self perception. I need to stop elevating everyone around me and start believing that I'm OK and getting better and better! Preparation is very important but don't beat yourself up if you have a memory lapse or flub a line. Use these as a learning experience. We can do this!!👍💪😀
Excellent advice and Gr8 tips when stuck in FREEZE response 😍
Dysregulation can be easily tripped by a silent alarm to trigger overwhelm.
People may call you spacey or a space cadet when your brain disconnects from your body in dissociation which breeds shame, adding more fuel to the fire.
People don't see the pain but quick to judge harshly/negatively.
Kind words and genuine compassion with ourselves and others can help,
Being nice can help melt the ice 💙 supporting ourselves with nurturing self care by prioritizing personal boundaries is self regulating.
Thankyou! Especially hard when we all have to work for and with malignant narcissists who constantly trigger and demean us.😢
I love all your content!! You get it! You really understand what's going on! I wish I could see you as my therapist. I have been to a therapist. A few. But I do not feel they are trained enough in Trauma with OCD! It's hell!! I have had OCD since I was 10 years old. It seemed from the psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual abuse I had to endure from my Mother's own dysregulation. She is a Malignant Narcissist. She acted like a good Catholic Mother in front of others and at home she was the tasmanian devil! She went into these rages! So how I would deal with it was organizing my room. My Mother would come in my room and say look at this mess and just clear my desk off with her hands. Pull my clothes out of the closet and she tore down my posters and I would be on the verge of tears; and she would laugh and say are you going to cry? I never did. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. But today, I am numb. I still live with OCD and it is exhausting. Can you please do a video on trauma and OCD? Thank you kindly.
Wow, and ouch... From one cptsd soul to another, what a fkin nightmare you lived (your mom put you through) I wish I could hug you right now.
I remember all too well having abusive put on me and then when I was on the verge of crying would be told, you big baby, what are you going to do cry?! So freaking infuriating
I really felt that when you said she would ask you if you were going to cry, the tone the look on their faces, that incredulous look, as if to be assaulted really like that shouldn't hurt. Screw them
@@lisalynch229 Awe..thank you dear!! I would accept your hug!! Yes, I can tell you understand. The look on my Mother's face was one of contempt, disgust and just malice. She is in a nursing home today. I still take care of her. If it wasn't for finding my own path with Jesus Christ and actually learning the word of the gospel; I would have never been able to forgive her. But I learned growing up ppl would do evil things then go to church like they were saints. It was such a hypocrisy. But today I am a devoted Catholic. I have broken the cycle of abuse once I had become a Mother myself 29 years ago. I'm about to be a Grandma. I have been married for 30 years. I am still struggling with my OCD and now that I'm about to be a Grandma I'm thrilled but so nervous too! Lol 🤣. I thank God for my Family and friends. It took me 20 years to learn and unlearn things. I really benefitted from cognitive therapy and I did TMS last year. It has helped. I just don't hear a lot of ppl with trauma and OCD. I really love this channel. Thank you so much for your comment. I wish you peace of mind and joy!! Lord knows we need it. 🙏🫶
@@valn.6584 I had a huge amount of trauma growing up with a malignant narcissist mother, too. Of course, I didn't know that's what she was, and that's why she treated me the way she did. I also have OCD, and I'm pretty sure I developed it as a way to cope with the abuse.
I have forgiven my mother, but I went no contact 3 years ago when I was 57 years old. After a lifetime of over the top emotional abuse and mind games, I finally said I'm done. I didn't make a big announcement, I just stopped communicating with her at all. No more phone calls, no email, and certainly no more seeing her in person. Funny thing is, she's never even asked me why! She sends me a card and a gift on my birthday, but she's never bothered to find out why I'm not talking to her anymore. Unbelieveable, right?!
Thank you so much for your reply back. I never really thought you'd see it, and I hope so but I didn't think I'd get a response back from you. Re- reading what I wrote and I can now see the typos in my message, but you obviously got the gist of what I was saying. Sounds like you have a lovely new chapter starting. Good for you. God bless you!
By the way you'll be a great-grandmother because you'll understand just how easy it is to be decent . And just how easy it is to meet the needs of others. Being kind and understanding really isn't that hard I'm sure it'll be fine, it's normal to be nervous I'm sure! (Never had children) Again, thx for reply.
From God
Thru God
To God
Everything overwhelms me right now. 😅
I feel the same! Literally, making dinner and washing the dishes overwhelms me. Taking a shower and getting dressed in the morning overwhelms me. Pretty much everything!
Me too.@@christinelamb1167
I can’t believe you described me to the T. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
Thank you. 😌 I have experienced these feelings and seen it in my hubs as well. Having it explained makes all the difference 👍🏻👍🏻
Back again because apparently the message was needed- what I didn’t get the first time around was really hearing and acceptance of the reality “ we aren’t like everybody else” …gotta get more creative or maybe just proactive in self care / skills that go hand n hand with healing. Thanks Anna ✌🏻
Ah. This is timely. Been feeling a lot of overwhelm right now about my youngest. He is struggling a bit in school this year and all I can feel is a panic I am failing him, that there will be no helping him because its all up to me to fix it and I am not good enough to do it. I realized I am majorly disregulated after listening to this video. The fears are really just me having flashbacks to times I didn't measure up in my mom's eyes and felt stupid, especially compared to my gifted brother. I am also going back to a time my first husband left and I was parenting alone. I am having to remind myself I have a loving partner that can step in and help shoulder this. That struggling doesn't equal stupidity and failure. That it's not us alone that has trouble grasping some concepts. Thank you. Appreciate getting some perspective to slow my panic down.
I went the this with my son too- take him outside, get him physically tired, their body & brain is in need of physical running, climbing, ets… he will feel better if he gets into a routine like that- it helped my son who went through a very hard time. Boys especially are not getting enough of this.
@@suzannortega6671 Thank you. Yes, I agree. That is one reason he does Cross Country. He gets plenty of fresh air and running with that. That is the positive. I think the main thing is the band requirements he has this year. He is on his 2nd year of tuba and still struggling quite a lot to keep up with reading the notes. It is a required class for middle school, so it's not like I can let him quit. I never could read notes myself no matter who tried to teach me so feeling helpless to help him. Right now, just doing the best we can.
Clutter has been my life because my house has been telling upside down for like a long time now
~And to add to this, our foods are now filled with even more poisonous chemicals, which add to anxiety & brain fog, as well as many illnesses~
Yes, this! A low carb diet has helped me mentally and physically. Sugar makes me feel horrible and I am so addicted after so many years of it.
Kathy, yes about the unhealthy foods out there. I eat mainly plant based food, avoid processed foods, recently started avoiding edible items with artificial dyes in them and reading Nutrition Facts labels more closely.
Thank you. The timing was perfect. I became aware of the disregulation listening to you a few weeks ago. Had listened to a few of your others yet realizing oh I sure have had a very traumatic childhood.then something happened and I realize I disregulated like I'm going. Oh my God, what the h*** did I just do so I frantically was praying asking for answers. your video about disregulation popped up. And it was like the biggest Eye opener of my life. You're mentioning the ACE score. .. Mine's very high plus I'm also dealing with adult trama. Fortunately, I have a better grip on adult yet. The un conscious awareness of children and the chemical changes.Really have felt like I was the odd man out all my life. Trying to find help in this town Is a big zero. I'm 73 would really like to leave this place with my head screwed on correctly.😄
💕🤗
I’ve been using this as my morning meditation guide. Validation, clarity, understanding things about myself that other advice just doesn’t touch. I Love This Video!!!! ❤
Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Great advice !!! Also, drawing closer to my Heavenly Father has helped me so much too - making the effort to read 3 pages in my bible first thing in the morning daily. Desiring to put God first in my life. (We can get thru the whole bible, in a year, just by reading about 3 pages/day.) Blessing and peace to all of you.
🙏 ❤
This is me since 2020. Wow I need this video. And I retired yet it’s worse than ever.
I live with a hoarder and it just takes a toll
Yeah. Every time I try getting rid of my stuff that I don’t need anymore my husband takes almost everything out of the box. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
@@poetryjones7946have you tried to find out why his things are so important to him? I get both people need to come to agreement over their space but I can tell you from experience that resentment can increase if you're working against each other.
You are so beautiful!! Thank you so much for all you do. I have shared your channel with my 40 year old daughter and my 35 year old niece. My daughter says she’s ok, lol, but I was her mom and she needs this channel. You are making a difference. I wish I had heard from you when I was raising my children. ❤️❤️
This is so important and so validating. Due to chronic toxic stress and abuse throughout my childhood, my stress response is activated very easily. Learning this has helped me so much; I used to feel like there was something fundamentally wrong with me because of the way I react. Everything Anna describes here resonates with me, and helps me to feel so much better about what is happening with me... AND it gives me hope that I can continue to work on strategies to sooth my nervous system.
I'm so glad the video was helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This is so validating! It means so much to know that someone understands. Thank you for all the work you put into these videos. 🙏
Anna, have you ever tried EFT tapping? I am incorporating your daily practice (thank you for that) into my established tapping routine and experiencing even greater benefit. It means speaking rather than writing, but the tapping is re-regulating and supportive to the practice.
…and yes, Childhood Trauma, every type of abuse, I experienced firsthand from my father and other members of the dysfunctional family dynamic. I was born surviving.
My father abandoned my brother and I in our preteens. I saw him as a teenager, told him who I was, and he walked away with no care, words, or sense of emotions. He literally disowned his own blood.
It troubled me for some years, and of course affected relationships, even to this day, but I continue to rise above, find inner strength, not depend on others for loving me, and focus on what is best, non-toxic, and emotionally healthy in the present. I still struggle, but I don’t look for other’s approval or care if they gossip.
I know I am a beautiful woman inside and out, and I will continue to self-love my way through life. No Regrets! ❤
Thank you Anna. What you describe is what I’ve lived with all of my life, and still do unfortunately. I know from what you say that you understand the problem on a deeper level than most, and that’s why I love listening to you. I’m very grateful to you for your dedication to your wonderful work, without which many would be so much poorer, myself included.
The things I've learned watching your channel have helped me so much recently I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 44 years old not only has it changed my entire life but I became more depressed than I was before and everything you stand about your brain your nervous system I have lesions on my brain and in my spinal cord. I'm not in a wheelchair now and I prayed that I don't ever have to use my wheelchair but I do have Walker. , Based off my childhood trauma and what I endured through my childhood I really feel like it has a lot to do with my disability right now
I have psoriasis arthritis which I am sure was caused by trauma in adolescence. I am now 62. It flares up and I become sick when I get overwhelmed. I hope you find helpful ways of looking after yourself. xx
Can you get respite ie he stays away a bit?
This woman is distinctively BRILLIANT !
This is one of the most helpful and concise videos you’ve posted. Thank you!
Could you maybe make a video about having experienced so much trauma that you’re stressed everyday that something traumatic will happen again and the anxiety about that you can’t handle it ?
Always thankful for your advices and support ❤
Thank you for mentioning and addressing this subject!
Definitely describes how I’ve been feeling recently. 🙁 in therapy for PTSD and anxiety.
THIS! THIS describes and explains so much!
What a lovely person you are to take the time to help people feel better. I'm sure you are very appreciated by many who are tangled and mixed up.very well done to you.Thanks for your knowledge ❤
Thank you for all your compassionate direction❣️
You just described every minute of my life. I never heard of disregulation before and it’s all making sense. Thank you for giving us tips.
Glad it was helpful!
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm surprised by how relevant and useful this channel is. Thank you!
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is really good information!
Thank you so much for this information and perspective. This is so helpful (and timely too). 💗
Thank you Anna! You have really helped in my life and still do.... A humble thank you for the practical and helpful advice you so freely give, making not only my life a better lived one but making the world a better place! I wonder if you realize how many people you are helping.... Sincerely thank you Anna!
You’re very kind. I’ll make sure Anna reads your note.
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you so so much for everything that you are and all that you offer. You are saving lives literally
Wow does this make sense. So refreshing to know what this is - thank you! Great video and content.
Thanks! So accurate description and tips!
My regulation has gotten much better since I fixed my muscular imbalances. I couldn’t breathe properly so I couldn’t get into a parasympathetic state. The moment I made enough progress to unlock my diaphragm I started feeling better. Knowledge of PRI should be obligatory for therapists. The body is a huge part of the battle
Thank you so much for sharing this. This is really validating.
These ideas are extremely helpful, thank you so much. At 61 yrs old, I've tried almost everything you mentioned as a technique, & didn't realize, all those years that I was writing, I was regulating! Meditation seems to be my nemesis, so I will try writing first, to clear my mind prior to meditation! That I haven't tried & I love it! I look forward to trying that tonight! Thanks so very much for bringing compassion & realistic understanding to this topic.
Glad to hear this video motivated you to work on your healing process! Good luck with your writing and meditation! These are great tools that help us regulate.
Nika@TeamFairy
You are sent from heaven …… I didn’t know why I am such a whack job
I started the daily practice yesterday and already I have noticed how much it helps and how much less intense and present my inner monologue is (which is wonderful and restful). Time will tell but I am hopeful that it will help reduce the frequency, duration and intensity of my autistic overload, shutdown and meltdown episodes.
Great tips! Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
You described me to the perfection. My whole life is one huge misery . Raised by narcissistic mother , married to a narcissistic man who wiped us up from every penny we had . Than his two mistresses, divorce , working 60-80 hrs/ week , sick older mothef overseas....what else can be thrown my way ? Now I live alone . Cut social ties, procrastination, mess , overeating, shopoholism ......now im waiting for an illness. Ill say goodbye to my life with a relief.
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Sweetheart, it's not you......xxxx
@thinkingoutloud7425
Maybe it is her fault?? I've noticed a lot of the comments... always a victim. When you get 50+, there's a good chance that you're damaged goods. Don't let yesterday take too much of Today!
Thank you so much.
@Anna thank you! Such great info!
Something I would like to share on this topic is that I recently helped my disregulation enormously by getting into my GABA system. I started taking an OTC GABA supplement, started taking Depakote, started taking (more regularly) my PRN medicines Lyrica and Baclofen.
Let me just say that I feel so much more in control of myself.
Anyway, thanks for all you do!!!
I recently discovered the reason I can't organize... My Dad had a violent temper.. never had a clue when I would be beaten . For weeks I would review the incident.. trying to figure out what I had done to trigger absolutely violent response from this giant person...
It started when I was 2...
I'm 68 now... But still am emotionally frozen as I attempt to make decisions on what to save, what to give away, what to keep... And where/how to keep it.
My pattern is .. that when things are 'Organized'... That I no longer have a clue what I have... Or where it is.
For many years, the only way I can clean or sort.. was with heavy music cranked... Recently discovered that it helps to block the fear response.
Thank you for these videos... They are incredibly helpful....
Thank you for watching! You may also like Daily Practice. It can help with de-cluttering by giving you clarity on what you should do first. Here’s a link to the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Excellent!
So grateful Anna! You put your finger right on the spot!! ❤
Very Helpful! Thank you 💜 I was doing some "right" things, not in the most ideal way . This was quite insightful! Great tips 👌
Thank you!
Thank you. I go on a daily walk but I always listen to headphones. Mostly so I don’t look weird which is fucking insane, why would I look weird just walking without headphones in? Also, music in the car def stresses me out more and I do it even tho I’m sick of all the songs I listen to. Those are concrete practical ways I can find some peace in my day.
Cant thank you enough for this video!
When I get super dysregulated (which isn't that descriptive of the actual experience), I enter what I've termed the Negative Atemporal Singularity (a black hole outside of time where every bad experience is contained).
It feels like everything bad and urgent and violent in all of existence is happening right now to me. Every deadline in all of existence is due RIGHT NOW and FOR ME. Every bad thing that could happen is happening RIGHT NOW and TO ME.
It feels like the complete absence of everything positive and complete presence of everything negative.
It's like I'm tapping into everything negative in all of space and time right here right now.
The only thing that works to escape it (aside from heating pads and things like that to relax the body) is to physically get away from the stress and then realize and remember there's nothing I can do about it but "walk away".
Thinking of things I *do* want instead of what I don't want. Allowing the negative things in the universe to exist, but choosing to focus on the positive things, which - continuing the Negative Atemporal Singularity analogy - are part of the Positive Atemporal Singularity, which is where every good and positive thing in all of existence resides.
Whenever I focus on negative things and focus on more and more negative things, I get closer and closer to the black hole of the NAS and severe dysregulation. When I focus on positive things and things working out for me, I get closer and closer to regulation and the PAS.
And life actually gets really good when I focus on the PAS.
You guys probably know how life is like in the NAS.
Absolutely validates my experience.
Being on guard on watch constantly you focus on that and you give yourself away over time 💚
This was what I dealt with as a child - the hyper-vigilant, on guard feeling,always waiting for the other shoe to drop if you will.
Thank you.
You are so on point with this! Like all of your stuff. Love it, and resonate 12,000%. Trauma after drama after horror after shit show… My life for the past 13 years. Well 35 or 40 years more like it. But it’s just picked up steam.
Thank you for watching. Glad you are here. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I am so grateful, so lucky because TH-cam introduce me your channel. Dysregulation caused me so much shame, anger, helplessness and destroy my relationship. Shame is the worst, esp after covid. Everything changed after I found out they was cause by dysregulation and i can actually heal.
I am hopeful again.
thank you so much, you really saved me, you are saving a lot of us.
Thank you for your comment. Glad to hear this channel brings you hope. Good luck on your healing process!
Nika@TeamFairy
I live in overwhelmed , then I crash and hide in my bedroom tucked in my cozy bed.
I feel Overwhelmed about everything !!! Too many emails. Too many responsibilities. Too many house shores. My son’s school bombardment of emails every single day. Too much mail. Too many subscriptions,too many books to read ( in order to find that healing I so desperately want) too many “ promising courses”, too many “ educational videos” on TH-cam , too many unfinished crafty projects, too many dreams that I can never get to. Too little income ( actually Zero right now) too little community, too little support , too little energy to go out there and expose myself, etc.
What has come out of this overwhelm is a sense of “ Fck it !” do what you can and then go to sleep. Start and do the same next day.
Continue decluttering one bag at a time , eventually this will have to amount to more space. In other words, use math pragmatically without so much analysis.
Less of what stresses me and more of what sets me free.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience. If you haven't already, try Anna's free Daily Practice course. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice It is also a great tool to calm your thoughts by giving you clarity about what’s most important to do today.
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you. Thank you.
This is ‘Gold’ full of great insights, metaphors and sound advice………..
What a ‘gift’…………
Thank you for sharing. x
Thank you for watching and for your comment! Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
This has been the story of my life for the past few years 😢!!!
Yep this happened to me as well. I'd already had a lifetime of traumatic experiences, and then the whole covid drama erupted and I just crashed. The world became unsafe. People became cult-like and scary. I now avoid going out. I stay in my home as much as possible. I am lucky to be able to wfh most of the week, but I still have to travel into our central London office twice a week. And it always stresses me out. I rush to get back home again, back to my safe space.
Isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course to help called Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'll look into this, thank you 🙂
I didn't realize until I read your comment. I connected with what you said. Juggled lots of trauma but then the covid was the straw that broke this camel's back…
Thank you for this wonderful video. It is so affirming. Now I have a list to work from! Also, typical deep breathing hasn't worked for me when I'm overwhelmed. But I learned that a short inhale, hold it for a moment, and a super long rumbling exhale works great. It's a technique I learned from Dr. Peter Levine.
Great work. That’s what healing looks like. Thank you for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy