Embracing Unconditional Love | Valentina Tudose | TEDxTinHauWomen
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- Some say the most beautiful human emotion is unconditional love, yet most love stories come with conditions. ‘I’ll love you if you love me back, if you only choose me and me alone’. We all seek that deep connection that makes us feel special and unique, safe and totally accepted. But beyond this premise of exclusivity, is it possible in real life that we can choose to love unconditionally? In this talk, Valentina will challenge you to rethink how you approach relationships and love without expectations.
Valentina’s fascination with the mystery of love led her to become a relationship coach to help people redefine their romantic expectations and experience a different level of intimacy. With unconditional love and freedom as the foundation, her coaching evolved from working with people searching for a soul mate, to people who’d already found a partner. Valentina’s fascination with the mystery of love led her to become a
relationship coach to help people redefine their romantic expectations
and experience a different level of intimacy. With unconditional love
and freedom as the foundation, her coaching evolved from working
with people searching for a soul mate, to people who’d already found
a partner. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Unconditional love isn't about waiting for the love to come back to you.... Really thought provoking stuff here. Good stuff too.
Thank you, Mini! I really appreciate you watching and commenting on my story.
The highest level of relationship is when you are sincere and don't hide your feelings, you're able to speak freely about your thoughts, what you experienced, what you really need and want - without the other taking it personally. I don't know many in a partnership like this.
no, it is very hard to find a connection these days that is that honest
Ego love vs Authentic love. Clearly this woman knows authentic love - I hope humanity can get to a point where we see each other's struggles, wants, needs, curiosities for what they are - a chance for growth through lessons. And the only way we can achieve this is understanding that these things are a part of being human and if we can support and help each other through these things, we come out the other side so much stronger and loving.
Loved this
I like this
The entire foundation of love always get rocked, it depends how well you communicate along the way.
communication is key!
This is very true!
For love we can really do a lot of things: forgive, be patient, be flexible, change our views.
Yeah, it takes work but it's worth it
Love is not about addiction and passion. It's about forgiving, giving your partner freedom and respect.
love isn't about how you look, or how much money you make...its about whats in your heart...its all about GIVING..not GETTING so much
How is sleeping with others respectful of that person?
true@@mustangmikep51
She seemed to have sincerely loved him.
Yes, by sleeping with others. Way to show that Love!
I am lost in a day dream as I listen to her story... Imagining such genuine and authentic connections between people. I can only imagine how much more fulfilling our lives and relationships would be
It is indeed very rewarding and a lot more intimate when you can truly share with your partner. I wish you that kind of unconditional love in your life!
@@valentinatudose8806 I have been trying to get my partner to open up but it's just so hard. Any tips on how to encourage men to be more vulnerable?
And not the lies that we were sold in happily ever after
@@kendalllrose I believe men are scared of being vulnerable for the same reason women are: the fear of being judged and rejected, ultimately not being good enough to be chosen. Of being hurt if we show we care too much. For me, the best way to facilitate this kind of opening is radical self-disclosure and honesty. Showing, rather than asking. Creating a safe space, doing your best to HEAR and SEE your partner, being present and supportive of their worries and challenges, always letting them know NOTHING that may say will make you love them less. This is all a learning process and it takes time but patience and understanding are key.
You are a wise women and your thoughts are so valuable.
I am shocked by how many comments show that for a lot of people love is selfish. Great talk, I really understand your message
I can imagine what you had to overcome. I read the comments, and some people say that it wasn’t love, you weren’t number one to each other, but they don’t see one thing. It’s so easy to love a person who has no problems, who is healthy and energetic. And it’s not that easy to stay with a person, who is fading, who can’t do some usual things without help, who needs your care 24/7. I know stories, when partners, who vowed to love each other unconditionally, just gave up quickly when problems appeared. That’s not real love.
Dear Janice, Thank you for your kind words. The whole reason I wanted to do this talk was to share my perspective on love. Not for approval or validation of my feelings. I feel we all interpret reality based on education, social programming, and our own idea about the world. I respect and appreciate all people who watched and commented regardless of whether they liked it or not and your beautiful comment really moved me.
Looking for that place we can call home, it can be a lifetime search for some. There is a saying 'if you do not go within you go without'. I've always believed home is in your heart.
I still see that a lot of people don't understand what you are talking about. They still think that if you love somebody you have only to look at this person and work out other-men-or-women-blindness. Life is more complicated and we are more complicated too - as you said, acceptance is key!
Thank you Axel! It is great that people are having opinions about this topic - at least they are thinking about it and maybe one day they will notice a change. I am hopeful more people will discover that love is a personal choice.
@@valentinatudose8806 Cool, thanks for replying, great awesome talk.
@@axelrespert3498 I really appreciate your feedback 🙏
The whole point of motherhood, she had me right there and I had to hear the rest.
Me too!
yes true.
What an extremely beautiful woman!
wow beautiful talk
elegant and heart felt
Cheating in a relationship is like busting out all the windows on a brand new building. Then trying to make it look new again. People let that sink in.
I am sure that your relationship was much more honest than everyone else who says an open relationship is bad.
Radical honesty was the hardest but the most valuable lesson I learned in this experience and it made a world of difference!
@@valentinatudose8806 I am currently trying to include radical honesty in my relationship - how do you suggest I discuss unconditional love and the maturity of it without my partner feeling as if it is an attack on his ego?
@@jensjfriedemann Hi Sorry for missing this. When people feel blamed, judged or criticized, it is natural to get defensive. When communicating with your partner, be careful to just share your feelings and the impact of your feelings on your relationship by avoiding the word 'you'. (ie instead of saying 'you're never listening or paying attention to me' say something like 'When we don't spend a lot of time sharing about our feelings, it makes me feel like I don't matter and that I offer little value to our relationship.' This is called I-message feedback and is a great shift from the usual way we communicate our feelings. Another tool I use for this both in my personal life as well as professionally is to keep a relationship journal. This means each partner agrees to write their thoughts on what is happening for them and in their relationship in a journal. Twice a month (or any other frequency that works for you) you swap the journal and discuss with your partner the wind and the challenges you've each faced. Of course, reaching a level of alignment with your partner on what your couple's goals are - so you are on the same journey so to speak - is a pre-requisite for this to work.
My daughter wants to sue Disney for misleading children with the happy ever after dream. And I thought to myself...good point. Great talk. We have no idea what unconditional love really means.
Thank you Jett! I appreciate you watching my story!
this is actually a brilliant idea. can we make it a class action lawsuit please?
Hilarious!
Listening to her story reminds me of one of the quotes I had read about love,
"And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"
The honest love going around in this talk is a breath of fresh air. Human's are a strange bunch but when we can come at connections with acceptance and understanding there is magic.
Thank you 🙏
You are so brave telling your story just as it is. Very sincere and honest. A simple life story that not everyone can share in the way that you have.
Thank you so much Zach! I really appreciate you watching my story and taking the time to put this here. 💕
What an eye opening journey she's been through. So many of us are quick to judge when we hear about people in open and understanding relationships but the way this lady puts it - the learning, the acceptance - sounds like one of the more human experiences of our days. Brilliant talk!
Thank you John! Even though many people believe in monogamy as the only model acceptable ( and that’s completely fine ), for me love is a unique experience to each of us and I hope more people can give themselves permission to experience it fully in whatever way that makes them happy!
I once had a friend tell me that soul mates do not exist, instead, each love that we meet is a life lesson to help us grow. I'm not sure I believe in monogamy, as it seems to bring a lot of stress - but I do believe in following your heart. This was a lovely talk. It's unfortunate so many people are still closed minded to do being open and transparent about love.
Thank you for opening yourself up to different ways of experiencing this beautiful emotion.
she is a beautiful woman!
Not only is Valentina a brilliant speaker, this perspective she has I believe is the way forward to ensure that we are teaching future generations how to live in harmony with one another. Unconditional love is how we ensure all voices are heard and we allow for healing
Thank you Erik for your kind words and full acceptance! ❤️
@@anothercrappyname You are a beautiful and thoughtful woman, thank you.
@@erikashik 🙏🙏🙏
Valentina, I applaud you. I do believe we lost our connection to one another and the real essence of unconditional love sometime before the industrial revolution. So there is a part of me upon hearing your story that wonders if perhaps it is not unconditional love you speak of, but the need for connection and understanding. I also don't believe we as a species were ever meant to be monogamous. Hence your story. Human's don't need love, they just need to be needed... and by spreading our need we are in turn fulfilling each other more. That's my 2 cents any way.
Thank you Gunther for watching my story and sharing your perspective! I agree that underneath all the social programming and the 'disney-fication' of love, all the expectations, assumptions and toxic judgments we face every day, ultimately we all need to belong, to feel like we matter. I believe monogamy is motivated by fear, insecurity and to some extent greed but it's not what we are designed to be. So we are in permanent conflict between the parts of us who want safety and stability and the parts that want excitement and adventure. A pretty unsolvable problem with the tools we are given thru societal norms.
@@valentinatudose8806 Fantastic perspective Valentina! And I totally agree. But as long as we are having these conversations, amazing human's like yourself are putting themselves out there to help educate - I think we might be okay
@@natalyaguilerafigueroa We will endure, and more to the point we will evolve. Our lifespans are a little too short for us to notice the changes as they happen but I think this movement towards a more liberal set of rules around love and relationships is already quite advanced. If we look at even what was talked about 20 or 30 years ago this is quite a different story. We are all agents of this change thru the choices we make so thank you for being part of the solution.
What a beautiful woman!
Love is not about possession at all. Thank you for reminding me of that. We all need to be reminded I think.
Thank you Emke! Love is sooo much more than that!
Agreed! I needed this too
This is so easy to forget as the days turn into years
i adored this talk and this woman. i know so many will have no idea and be quite confused, even angry by her story but i think it's magic.
Thank you so much for your beautiful words! I really appreciate you taking the time to watch!
Where love leads. Really enjoyed this talk.
True!
This is love, don't listen to the naysayers. Very good talk.
She seems so thoughtful and kind
I really appreciate your kind words Pia! Thank you for watching and taking the time to share your feedback with me, ❤️❤️
Honesty is the big one, without it trust fades away into every crack.
True, but so many can't handle honesty because of their ego.
Radical honesty is so important and yet so hard to do! Pays off tho!
A lot of people say that cheating isn't good, but nobody talks about what it's like to be in a loveless relationship where you feel trapped.
Ouch. I really felt this comment T_T
and how to communicate through it properly!
It is sad some toxic people can't just accept love. For them it is poisonous.
A lot of people say that cheating isn't good, but nobody tells that living with unloved is also not very good as well as breaking up after finding out that your partner had an affair.
Valentina has a lot of love to give. I hope she rethinks that of being a Mother. There are plenty of children in foster care who would flourish with her kindness and care.
I have considered that and if I am guided to take that step it will be beautiful. Thank you!
@@anothercrappyname I am a woman in my 30's and I know that feeling. I figure that one day, when the time is right, I will know if that is my next step.
Thank you so much, This beautiful sharing widens my vision & expands my understanding of what love truly is. Be it self love or unconditional love for others, it’s way beyond what we think & believe. So blessed to come across this.
Thank you for your kind words! I am so glad this message resonated with you!
Well this was so beautiful to hear and watch. What a magical and confident woman to be able to love as freely as this. I love her view!
Thank you so much for watching and sending your comments! Really appreciate you taking the time.
I was the same from a young age. I never wanted to be a mother. My capacity to love is so big though, sometimes I wonder if I am being selfish by keeping this love to myself
Thank you for sharing Mary. Even without having biological children, we can still spread a lot of love in the world. Keep giving! 🙏
@@valentinatudose8806 Thanks for the validation, and I must say I am a great aunt to be around.
Superb speaker you are Valentina! I appreciate hearing you out so very much.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate you watching and commenting ❤️
This has got a real twist in it, what would I do, I asked myself...
Thank you for sending me the link TT this is so real... She is a lovely speaker.
@@janetsplace1953 thank you 🙏
I have a few ideas of what I would do!
@@magnuskarlsonn keep it clean buddy
The saddest love story I've ever heard. I think that was it, real, sincere love.
There was a lot of sadness and pain but all i want to remember is the love and beauty of our connection! Thank you for your thoughts!
It would be interesting to hear the other side of the story.
I guess we'll never know.....
Beautiful woman!!!
@NO 5G I wish he was still here to tell it!
good talk. I feel like this invokes discussion...
Beautiful story 👏😭
Beautiful !!
I love her
Heres my question’ if u truly love someone u would not even want to be with anyone else’? That is enough for you, otherwise it isn’t complete love and also u would willingly leave another one u r attracted to to make this one happy , there is no question of being with another,if u have an affair with someone else claiming to love this one chances r u have not yet explored the depth of ur feelings for this one u claimed to love in the first place, we just throw this word love around meaninglessly
Awesome story
I got to learn sth more about wht actually love
The life lesson here after reading through the comments is: we all have different beliefs and values. What other people do in their life is not for others to judge. If it doesn’t involve you then we have no right to say what others do is wrong or right. Always try to have an open mind. Who wrote the rule book of life anyway? I think people should be free to make their own choices about what works for them. :)
Thanks for sharing your personal story and talking this argument of unconditional love. My daughter Anthea is the greatest love of my life.
Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate your feedback.
I understand this and I strive to reach a point where I can not put conditions or demands on my partner but I think I would only be able to do this if we were free from the grind of every day life - I feel like through all facets of life we are being conditioned and it's hard to switch off to that.
Thank you for sharing Charles! Yes, learning unconditional love is a daily practice and it does take patience and dedication. Keep srtriving.
It is the on going struggle, but for those moments when it all comes together, it is so worth it
Its very emotional story ❤😍
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is concerned only with upliftment, spiritual progress, healing and the achievement of the Era of Love and Peace (the "Kingdom of Heaven").
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is a warm compassionate feeling - primarily charged with the longing to enable the loved one to: grow, create, be nourished and nourish others, to be healed and to heal others, to educate and educate others, to protect and protect others, to fulfill his needs and for him to fulfill the needs of others, all within a clear system of law and order.
This is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE in action.
Powerful message that is being shared here. One that I think we could all take a lot from .
Isha thank you for passing this on to me. I am in awe of her strength and confidence.
Thank you for sharing this and I am glad my story struck a chord. 🙏
@@craztinker 🙏🙏
@@valentinatudose8806 No Valentina, thank you
I love this! Wish more people took the time to watch it
Pay back is subtle like showing up in a one night stand.
Happily ever after doesn't exist.
💚💚💚
My girlfriend has left me because I can't pay her money. But I'm sure she loves me. But right now there are a lot of people running behind him. That's why she doesn't appreciate me. Although I tried to keep it in that too but what I was compelled to do, but I did not know earlier that he has kept a relationship with me only because of money. Somewhere in his heart there is love for me, so I have not even touched him till today. I went to his house only when he asked except for his wish. I went only when he called. I have not harassed her in any way, so I want to find a girl who loves me unconditionally, either because she is very beautiful. There is no girl as beautiful as her, it is not my illusion, but it is true
good
Unconditional love these days - does any one understand it? Because every where I look conditions are being put forward - unconditional love should cover our whole species but instead we just use and abuse each other
Thank you 🙏
This is so true
Amen!!
@NO 5G It's definitely not something we learn to experience without effort and hard work but for me, that is a great reason to keep trying.
What did she mean by saying : “ I talked about eggs”. I don’t understand clearly that
From the beginning? I think she was saying "I talked about my ex", as in an ex-partner from a relationship.
I think she was saying, "i talked about my age", maybe she is older than her ex
Thanks guys . She must have talked about her “ex boy friend”. That seems like the right reason for her “current boyfriend to not meet her again after their first date”, she said.
@@fauzimaulanaakhyar6234 nope she was not older, he was
Yes I was talking about my ex-boyfriend and how that relationship impacted me (which in my experience as a coach is not the greatest thing to bring into a first date).
Sorry, but I'm not buying it. Being cheated on would bring the love meter for me straight to zero. There would be no talk, no discussion, no rebuild. I wouldn't even really be mad. They'd simply be dead to me.
Same here, I believe in loving yourself and others. Yet, If they hurt you the first time do not allow them to abuse your love you gave to them a second time. I do agree, for people that want an open relationship, should go and seek that. Though, this lady lost me when she said the she and her husband cheated on each other. This is the first time I am giving a ted talk a thumbs down....
I think she was talking about if you don't think the one, you can recover easily when he broke up or cheated ... or die
Absolutely agree. One thing almost always leads to another, and before you know it you have problems. Plus, if you have kids, it would be very bad for them
The lesson here is different people have different love and values, what works for one person is not going to work for another.
@@MeganHeartIsAmazing Well said
You can find love /perfect love in God. Perfected and matured love
Submarine tactics..wild card Red head ..Didn’t see that one coming did you students..♠️♥️♣️♦️🃏
So you believe in multi relationships and u can love many women at the same time
B maidam
I find something big here, but it’s not hope.
Cakeep
Fauzi Maulana wkwkwk land memang kite
Number one to each other ???who are you kidding ? There is two and three..I can't imagine my life without you ? Of course so weak to your lust and weak without me..you value lust cheating and fear of rejection over being authentic and self love..
This is all shades of wrong
It made me sick to my stomach
I'm not so sure humans are best placed to demonstrate unconditional love.
I have to agree with you, some are - most are not.
they most certainly are, the ability to problem solve and decipher the layers of human emotions and offer understanding. it's just up to humans to work on inter generational trauma so that they can offer unconditional love.
It's definitely a wonderful journey in overcoming the natural barriers we face when learning how to love
@@anothercrappyname yes, and then re-learning.
@@donnadezert Too true! We often need more than one lesson!
Open relashionship? Sorry this is'nt love!
This is just not okay
why isn't it?
why!
Says who?
Thank god someone says something. I feel sick to my stomach.
But I do not understand and do not speak, there is no atmosphere here
Valentina the day you experience real love you will actually understand what love means. I don't think you know what love means let alone unconditional love. And you are not qualified to talk about mother's love. Looking after a sick partner does not define unconditional love. I wish you the best on your endeavor to find real love. Cheating on someone is one of the most hurtful thing to you can do to your partner.
We all have a different journey in understand what love is.
That is in your opinion. The way you view what is right or wrong. Others do not think the way that you do and that doesn’t make you wrong or others wrong.I really do not think you can say what love is or is not for someone else. :) just my opinion
Ted talk quality of speaker has gone down. Before was all quantitative, now become poetry talk or AA.
What is AA?
Got news for you. That's not the healthiest relationship you've had there.
Cheating 3 times on a guy (before they agree to it) ... I really doubt it's called "unconditional love".
I agree. Love has to be earned. There is sacrifice involved.
So......call me?
Stop normalizing infidelity. You may love someone… unconditionally. But that’s doesn’t mean you have to accept their mistreatment. You can love yourself as well you know. If you truly “loved” then you wouldn’t disrespect them, by sleeping with others - despite the attraction. That’s what separates us from Animals , that you understand the difference.
Come on. Love demands fidelity. I think she did a good job Taking care of him. But HE STARTED cheating So she was FORCED to live in this insane relationship!!!!!!!! LOVE DEMAND EXCLUSIVITY
I know. This was so awful to listen to
Pero wtf yo me estoy descargando dragon ball Kai ultimate y me traen está mamada
x2 XD
This is terrible.
Awful
This lady crazy open relationship don’t work… poor guy on his deathbed knowing that his wife is having a relationship with another man and you expect that man to die a happy man… all I work for and the house I built the car I drive and the couch I sit on to watch tv .. that soon after I pass another guy gonna move in and take my place and enjoy all I built and made
Scammer