8 Signs of the Most Destructive Narcissistic Profile
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2024
- This video answers the questions: What is the worst type of narcissistic personality or narcissistic profile? What combination of narcissistic characteristics is the worst for society? What combination of narcissistic characteristics is the worst for the person who has it?
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It has nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for a diagnosis.
1: Grandiose sense of self-importance
2: Fantasies
3: Special or unique
4: Requires excessive admiration
5: Sense of entitlement
6: Manipulative
7: Lacks empathy for others
8: Often envious
9: Arrogant attitudes or behaviors
Joseph P. Forgas,, Rebekah East. On being happy and gullible: Mood effects on skepticism and the detection of deception. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 44 (2008) 1362-1367
DASHINEAU, EDERSHILE, SIMMS, AND WRIGHT. Pathological Narcissism and Psychosocial Functioning, Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. 2019, Vol. 10, No. 5, 473-478
dx.doi.org/10.1037/per0000347
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Being a narcissist means never having to say you're sorry.
LOL, so funny!! It means never BEING sorry, too!!
@@rhondamarshall4152 You're right!
It means being a sorry sack of stuff, too. 🎃
John Paul lol, Great comment, and describes how they roll!
John Paul or rather they say ‘sorry you feel that way’
@@katbrinson9989
It does, it really does.
I had just finished watching Dr. Grande's video and I was thinking about several narcissistic people I have known and, searching my memory, I couldn't remember a single time any one of them had ever apologized to me-- for any reason, however trivial. And I knew a couple of them for decades.
This is one good way to identify them: they're unable to admit they're at fault.
Thanks.
The hidden narcissist in my opinion is the most dangerous and destructive because they are so sneaky and cunning.
Exactly. I had a friend who is a communal narcissist, one of the trickiest kind to figure out. They’re experts at wearing their phony facade.
My husband
Think CW
Vulnerable covert narcissist
Agree
You said “they attack people who attack them”. I have seen many times, and from my own personal experiences, it is more of a “perceived” attack the narcissist sees.
Northern Snowbird
VERY good phraseology! And very important distinction. Like with borderlines, we say “perceived abandonment”. Perception is key.
True. Narcs are always on guard thinking everyone’s out to get them. No matter how calm and collected they appear , they are paranoid and anxious
I have noticed that too
Yes there was always an argument where there was no argument there was always a confrontation when there was no confrontation it was an emotional roller coaster of chaos for five years I was married to a malignant narcissist and it was pure hell by the time she was done with me I suffered from insomnia anxiety attacks claustrophobia she destroyed me somehow I was able to get remarried by your house and have a great career with that Took years of recovery and healing
Northern Snowbird
Exactly!
My therapist uses the term Narcissistic Injury.
Your word describes it perfectly, “Perceived”
In my relationship with my narcissist ex boyfriend, every interaction with him had some underlying power struggle. It was so exhausting because sometimes I just want to have a friendly adult conversation without having to hold my ground. Its not like I was trying to steal his power, I could care less. But he constantly had to assert himself over me as dominant. It did not feel good. It created arguments which I always ended up losing. He would start verbally berating me & gesturing his hands in my face, with this really intense look in his eyes. It felt like anger was the only genuine emotion he ever felt. Glad that is over with now.
I've experienced that to the point we've been in agreement and he still was yelling and pretending we disagreed. And i said, "I literally just said that. I agree with you so why are you yelling?" And he just tried to deny reality and claim i didn't actually agree.
Mine got this empty look in his eyes... 5 years past and still think about that horrible time too often
YES.
Having an adult conversation with a narcissist is impossible. It’s like trying to have an adult convo with a toddler because emotionally that’s exactly what they are.
Be glad it's not your Mom. I am trying to "divorce" my dad and I am mid fifties. I don't even have relationships with girls any longer I always get one who is just like my dad. I am not gay. I have no relationships at all I guess I never learned how.
The Narc lures you in with the illusion that they project. You buy into and bond with this illusion and then they destroy you. That is why it hurts so much when they victimize you!
And that‘s why it hurts so much, when they victimize themselves after that, too.
Exactly! They pull you into their "spell" so they can mess with you
So true!
U r RIGHT.i should have tht chapter twice..great comment
toneman335 AND because they mirror so much of what we stand for its like leaving yourself when you MUST go
When it comes to narcissists, it’s the people around them who eventually have to seek mental health services because the narc never will.
They don't take ownership of their ways. They are so abusive.
they wanted to kill me, waste my time, and turn my friends, employer against me, it s so toxic, jealousy
They lack self awareness and never change no matter how old they get or how many people distance themselves from them. They just look for more victims for as long as they can reel them in
32 plus years, and counting. My ex drug my kids through the divorce, used them as weapons against me, had them placed in foster homes, cops Never helped me, in fact,law enforcement, judges, lawyers the whole system has his back,and even participants in the evil things he wants. All now are involved with organized crime and its growing with lots of fellow Americans using smart dust and terrorizing, stealing, vandalism, hijacking phones, and I can go on. Even having someone rape me,and planting people for me to meet that are really working for them.
You understand it. You are right.
#6) "Sensitivity to other people asserting themselves is a sign of narcissism."
THAT JUST HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.
Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Grande.
And they go ballistic and tell you to shut up when you insist on being heard.
wow really yes you get boundaries and they don’t know how to react
@@janedoh123 YES!!!!! ALSO they hate for u to have a sense of pride of yourself! He hated the fact that I was confident!
@@maryrice5873 Nailed it. It's like they buttress up their defenses in fear. They want to be the leader of the band in the confidence parade. Jeesh-- Minds like little children.
@@billking3923 Yep, and they get Really Angry, change the subject, and turn it around on You
Main thing to pay attention to: “cognitive empathy”-it’s learned BEHAVIOR; it’s not genuine.
So true and powerful!
EXACTLY
AIs. Think about terminators.
My wife with vnpd can not recognize certain emotional situations. If she hasn't experienced it before, I have to tell her how to feel.
We had a very sensitive and emotional moment when I was crying. It was dark and she couldn't see my face and recognize she should have been crying as well. Just a blank stare. Then I told her, " this should be an emotional moment and then she immediately started crying.
@@ageckomiller 😂
Kind of reminds me of my father. He is the kind of guy who always bragged about how he was so successful and he never went to college and he never took a book home in high school and he got all A's. He is never wrong in an argument and even when he is wrong he is right in his mind. He never says he is sorry and he always makes you feel like it is always your fault when something is wrong in your relationship. It is exhausting being around him because he is so condescending in the way he talks to me and other people and it seems like he enjoys making you feel inferior to him. I have decided just to not talk to him or be around him. I value my own mental health too much to subject myself to being around a person who will never change.
This gave me chills. My ex-husband was a president of a Fortune 500 company before the age 40. He was always mean but when he gained power, he became EVIL. It's one thing to read about these traits but living through them is unbelievable torture. If you are going through this, document your days in a diary and keep it somewhere safe.
Glad you are out
I have lived with my narcissist brother for an extended period of time now and it is honestly living nightmare, the behavior sometimes is so far from acceptable and inappropriate it’s unbelievable someone could think it’s ok to act like that
Anger seems to be the only genuine emotion a narcissist feels.
I’ve recently had a bruising experience as a line manager dealing with a narcissistic employee. I think he is a really peculiar mix but ultimately a communal narc. The schmoozing and fake sycophancy was cringey. I did everything I could to help build his confidence and to feel more secure. He sucked up to me horrendously it was so embarrassing, and one of his worst traits was dripping poison in my ears about other colleagues in a really sly way, as if he was just trying to be helpful but he knew exactly what he was doing. Drip drip drip.
I knew he was a narc and it was hard work for months making him feel he was in control when really I was on him! I had to covertly boost other team members and fortify them against him on the side so that they all knew I knew what this person was like and reassure them that I wasn’t fooled but managing this person so he wasn’t destructive took a certain amount of theatre to ensure his vindictiveness was not triggered.
He was the oldest in our work team at almost 50 and really bright, but so very lazy. He was very entitled and felt he was owed respect based on his age and years of experience in our job, but the reality was he was lazy, incompetent and the younger kids on the team were running rings around him and had a great attitude. He saw them all as threats to his position. It didn’t matter how kind everyone was or how much we all tried to support him, he put a big fake smile on but underneath I could tell he hated us all and was constantly furious. He lied incessantly, name dropped and was so toxic, always trying to put divisions between people.
It was baffling. Our job is really fast moving, dangerous and hard work, where every individual is essential to the safety and success of the team - and he was clearly struggling but refused to accept he wasn’t able to keep up and wasn’t willing to learn new ways of working to keep himself current. Instead it was everyone else’s fault that the world was changing. I decided to keep him close and made him my deputy, but that was my biggest mistake - giving him authority. He used this status to lord it over others whilst being incompetent himself, and when I discovered what he had been up to in terms of performance standards when I was away, I was horrified. Whenever he was challenged on his lack of basic professionalism and operational skill, it was always someone else’s fault that he hadn’t been trained properly. What really bothered me was his tendency to try and gaslight and mess with other colleagues heads - to try and make them feel insecure and eat at their confidence. As his status started to slip, he tried to dig wedges between me as the boss and other team members and ruin their trust in me - didn’t work but was distressing for everyone.
Eventually he made a couple of big mistakes in terms of behaviours and I called time in one spectacular meeting - stripped him of his status and performance managed him to within an inch of his life. All professional and non victimizing, just calm clear and boundaried. The whole team stayed calm and didn’t react and we kept the ship steady to prevent a Catherine Wheel style destructive tornado ripping through the team.
He lasted about three weeks after that before out of shame he transferred out to a different specialism, making up some utter BS about his kids saying they were scared he would be injured on duty, and he was leaving the frontline for them and not because of his behaviours and that he had spectacularly offended everyone in his team with the things he had done blah blah blah.
He went on a campaign of reputational damage toward me which just failed, everyone knew exactly what had happened and I was well supported by my team and my own boss.
I heard he is already in trouble in his new role and has had meltdowns because he can’t cope with the upskilling (it’s a tough role).
I now find out he has previous for these behaviours for over 20 years in our organisation and me/ my team are just the latest victims!
The most important advice I would have to anyone in the same position is to be really clear and to document everything. And to play the long game, and ensure you keep clarity of thought rather than allowing emotions to run things. Share your strategy with your team to ensure no flying monkeys are created and make it clear you are well aware of the behaviours but that clever, subtle management is a better tactic than overt challenge if you want to minimize the harm. I absolutely relied on the trust of my team to get this person managed, their harm minimized and eventually to get them out. We also achieved this with a positive and supportive environment - despite his bad behaviour the narc was always treated warmly and professionally and never ostracized.
By the time I did the final showdown I had so much crystal clear evidence to put on the table, documented over 18 months, that there was nothing this narc could do except skulk away!
I ensured all of that documentation was given to his new line manager and that she was fully advised as well - give him a fair crack of the whip but to be aware of his traits.
Dr Grande’s videos on narcissism equipped me to manage this individual with the least harm caused to his colleagues and I am forever grateful to this resource! My team are amazing and I am so proud of them for how they rallied around to neutralize this threat and ensure that the narcissist did not win the day 🙌
The vindictiveness made the relationship END.... I walked... I REFUSE to give my power away.
For me it wasn't about refusing giving power away, I just refuse to give it to a lying manipulative lunatic.
Someone keeping score over everything, big and little, is so wearing. And as someone said, an affront is usually not even intended. But you have to experience retaliation in any case.
@@judithgannon5642 Keeping score, what a great way to put it. When you aren't out to compete with someone who always wants to compete with and push you, it's absolutely exhausting.
In other words the narc is what I would call a toxic person.
@@brusselsprout5851 having said that even if they are smart sooner or later the mask will drop
@@brusselsprout5851 : I'll eat raw kale, thank you.
That's what my Therapist explained to me, too. But I never was told by my therapist WHAT MAKES A NARCISSIST "tick". Dr.. Grande is a good soul to have a channel to help us SURVIVE the flat out MOST conniving, mean people on earth. Jesus called them WOLVES. Isn't that AMAZING? . . a wolve lives in a PACK just exactly as a narcissist has THEIR FLYING MONKEYS.
@Martha O'Kelley Thank you for your comment..They are Wolves in Sheep's clothing....John 10:10 The thief cometh in only to kill, steal, and destroy...in my situation that has happened this has been proven..to be a painful lesson learned...(Flying Monkeys and even a Banshee scream in the middle of the night along with 2 plagues that followed.
andy pete absolutely!
My covert narc mother used to regularly have roof raising rages at home but in public would act demure and quiet spoken with a forced fake smile on her face . What an act . She regularly told me how bad her mother had been to her and later tried to justify her constant scapegoating and abuse of me by screaming that she had 'put up with MY mother's miserableness' . I certainly never trusted her and actually came to hate her .
Yeah. So she could control her behavior. She chose to abuse you at home.
convert narc mother used to say that when i appealed to her about my father's b.s., "he had it rough as a kid"....turns out they're partners in crime. she pulls me back with guilt and false promises so her husband can feed some more.
they're out of my life now but I want my 25 years of falling for it back. 😝
Of course when I call out a narcissist they laugh and belittle me like I don't even know what I'm talking about.
What did you expect? That they would agree and say sorry? That will never, ever happen. But what will happen? Revenge. Vindictiveness. And they’ll destroy your reputation. Better watch out.
I have experienced the same. Narcs typically demonstrate classic cases of DARVO. We can expect them to act out DARVO. They will DENY their behavior. They will ATTACK their accuser and REVERSE.the scenario so they can portray themselves as VICTIMS and portray the victim as the OFFENDER. This is not a matter of "if" it will happen. If you are dealing with a NARC it is a simple matter of just waiting until it happens. They act like they have a special mission to disrupt and destroy the peace if mind of others. They act like ppl who have escaped from h3ll.
Yes, what did you expect? A formal Thank-you note?
These folks are very resistant to therapy. So things most likely will never change. Unless they are on THEIR death bed. Then, perhaps, a change is gonna come!
@@helenshg4580 Yup, I've heard that before. "I'm not a narcissist. You are!" Hmmm who is the narcissist the one that puts themselves before everyone else and throws fits if they don't get their way? Or the ome who doesnt have time for themselves and provides for them?
Yes
It’s pathological. The trauma in childhood is an explanation of the behaviour. It shouldn’t be justification. They should be treated as disordered so that they can be responsible for their behaviour and also responsible for their behaviour modification. Narcissism is on rise and should be taken seriously. Excellent presentation Sir! 🙏
@@gopremiummedia29455 That is what it is! Yes!
UNIVERSE can I ask responsible for what types of behaviour? Being accused of projecting on to others or just being a victim of rape and allowing others to walk all over the victim?
Anonymous Peaceful person I did not understand, can u retype the question??
@Life is a Journey Hi!!🙏
Yeeees!!!! I swear I walk around saying what is going on with everyone?!?! My therapist says it's because as I get "healthier" I'm seeing things more clearly but its waaaaay more then that! Its definitely on the rise. Idk if it's all the technology, sm, but I want to go live on a mountain...alone....and raise goats lol!
They are mean they hurt and use and abuse and think it is funny, if they are nice to you it is because they want to use you, they are empty and heartless Demon is a good name for them!
Alice Rayne And their apologies mean only one thing: they need you to not get away.
Frkn vampires, I had a few people like that in my life before. Best just to cut them loose and find what you need to make your world yours. But I do have close family like this too, dam hope it ain t me.
@@bigernmahkracken7960 Even if you make your own world, they will find a way to worm themselves in, even those from the past you thought you had left behind... it's a game to them.
@@bigernmahkracken7960 if we suspect we may be a narc, usually means we are not. Narcs do not have that much self reflection and can not ask themselves this question.
Yep. They're sadists. Why do they just confuse.
I disowned my “earthly mother,” her narcissism caused so much pain and destruction. I just Pray I don’t become her!! 🙏
Not sure if I should say sorry or congratulations. I also disowned 2 siblings w/narcissistic personalities. It's bitter sweet, I miss my family and at the same time love my chaotic-free life.
@@msoperator510 you are a narcisist
You won't. You are aware about her narcissim and by being worried about being one usually shows that you are not..
You won’t become her but you may find yourself saying things that she would say or react the same way she would. At those moments, you’ll catch yourself and correct your behavior. It happens to me and when it does I hear my mother’s voice and own it , apologize and start over!
@@nicholasvojnovich2766 Most people writing comments here are, it's hilarious.
The vindictivness of a punishing narcissistic parent I've found the hardest to overcome. : (
Another way of being cruel.
It's truly hell on Earth.
I know what you mean. I’m kind of impressed that thanks to my experience from my malignant/covert mothers rage I didn’t even flinch when I got to experience with my ex narcs rage! My mothers rage are way scarier. I didn’t even flinch when he grabbed a knife and held it against my throat. Well I kicked him out after one year and it was thanks to him I started to search for information witch led me to learn that my parents are narcs… All the pieces fell in place like why my childhood was a nightmare and I lived in fear every day. I was my mothers scapegoat and true teller witch is the worst role to play! I’m amazed that I’m not like my parents at all. I raised my son totally opposite, I think I choose everything opposite now when I think about it 🤔🤔🤔
I do have deep scars that I need to tend to, at least now I know what caused them. Make no mistake I am fucked up inside but my son, a intelligent young man today, never ever got anything of my mess. I can proudly say I did an excellent job as a mother 😁😁😁
But after this ex narc I’m changed:
My hope died and hope was my fire in this body. Without hope I don’t want to stay in this world anymore. The humanity in this world makes me sick and tired and it’s not worth fighting for anymore, I’m done. People around me doesn’t understand and I’m bound to stay by a promise to my beautiful son. They don’t understand that they are talking to a damaged shell. Every day is painful and I just want to end it, but I’m bound by a promise…
Omg,it seemed like You were telling my story!Except I don’t have kids.I chose not to have any because of my childhood! I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and nothing seems to work.I’m so tired of everything and everyone and I want to end it also.Every day is so painful indeed.And since I’ve learned about narcissism I see narcissistic people everywhere,which is so scary!I can’t trust anyone!People live in denial and pass their traumas to the next generation.This world is really fuc*ed up!
Something i find interesting about narcisism and narcisists in general is that they usually succeed in low iq or low moral environments or a combination of both, (like in most job environments) but not so much where the overall intelligence of the group is higher. i would like to point out also that one of the main reasons why narcisists dont make good bosses is actually pretty simple: They wil always put their interest before anything else when nobody is watching, and they only are loyal when convenient and as an investment, never as true appreciation for other peoples good characteristics. Thank you Docotor!! Blessings!!!
Exactly my experience. Also uses subordinates good suggestions and ideas as their own. While making sure to keep the subordinates at a distance from their higher ups to protect their deceptions.
I disagree with this, there are LOTS of narcissists in universities and academia, where everyone has a high IQ and lots of education. One of the most destructive narcissists I have heard of is a prominent scientist... IQ doesn't prevent narcissism or narcissistic abuse.
The fact that they are so successful in science speaks against at least the IQ theory!
Sam Vankin, a well known author and expert on narcissism is himself a diagnosed malignant narcissist with an average IQ of 180.
Liz L Right! I came in here to say, “well, let me tell you about academia...”
Like witnessing a 43 year old man having the mindset of a 3 year old, trying to appear like 43.They try to outsmart those in higher position than themselves and land flat with their face on the floor.Even if they make it, everyone around them knows they don't deserve it.People just put up with them out of politeness and good manners and discuss it with people they trust.That's the path we have chosen, not them.They feed off our good intentions and willingness to forgive.I don't think that is enough for a human to be called intelligent.Thank you very much dr Grande!
I complained about a narcissist and he is so vindictive and malicious. He is in a high power position.
their life WILLCATCH UP with them-------karma will boomerang on Toxic narcs.
Sometimes they can be street angels and house devils tho.
RU talking about Prince Harry, lol?
My mother was SO crazy..I believed she MUST have been abused in childhood...
When I became an adult I started talking to her family and friends about it..They said she was a SPOILED BRAT from the day she was born...no abuse
Your mom, and mine. Same. I've been puzzled for so long, what made her so awful, and crazy? She has always been all about herself. Jealous of her own two daughters. Hated all other women. She'd stick her nose into whatever temporary friend she had, their business. She'd start running their lives until it would backfire. At 83 and has Alzheimer's.. she is without a doubt, a narcississt. Not one friend in this world calling to ask how she is.
My mother also has pathologically high levels of narcissism and whilst her own mother seems to have had NPD it's clear to me that whilst my mother recognises her mother's toxic behaviour my mother completely fails to recognise she has continued destructive patterns as a like favouring her sons much more than her daughters, devaluing her daughters and not accepting her children as individuals but only caring about how their achievements and behaviour make her look good as if their accomplishments are her own, and using triangulation and projection. One very evident characteristic of destructive narcissists is failing to study not just psychological matters but to demean any child of theirs who does. As a young teen I was reading books about psychological matters and my mother sneered at this and referred to it as "narcissistic navel-gazing" to which I retorted that if she "indulged in some of that so-called narcissistic navel-gazing [she] might find she would have a better relationship with my father!" Then when narcissists do look at psychological issues it is done to portray themselves as victims and to throw around labels and paint anyone they've harmed and/or who they have a difficult relationship with as having either a personality and/or mood disorder! In most cases, the narcissist will talk to someone in a position of power about a family member and solicit the stranger's idea as to what's going on and the narcissist will only tell the stranger half the story so whatever the stranger says is only based on the half-truths from the narcissist. Narcissistic people always encounter problems in work places and yet they keep blaming others despite encountering issues with every coworker and employer at every job they have. The common denominator is the narcissist but they are too shortsighted and lacking insight into themselves or others to recognise that.
My daughter and only child is textbook narcissists. she was spoiled by me. I created the monster!! Narcissists are sometimes created by the family. I have been abused for almost 25 years. They will try to make you and others think the abused is crazy by "Love bombing" and gaslighting they lie unbelievable, the lies they tell will shock you. Lots of videos on youtube and licensed psychologists that can explain. Their friends will think there is something wrong with "you". They are very "STRATEGIC" in their role. Knowing this is freeing. To know it is a disorder helps me cope, but they very rarely can be reached mentally.
I have seen this too, the children that are doted on in a family tend to have narcissistic traits. They don’t have a realistic view of the world and grow up believing that they are entitled to whatever they want and that they can manipulate to get it.
Over-spoiling is actually a form of abuse. Children become profoundly handicap by it (research the golden child/emperor syndrome). When they become adults, they go through a culture shock when they realize the world does not evolve around them and people reject their obnoxious “I’m better than you” behaviors. The world is then viewed as hostile by narcs. NPD develops from BAD parenting.
My dad ran off with a narcissist and he’s all alone. He lost everyone, he has no family and he dumped all of his friends for this woman. She also beats him. He allows it. He tolerates it. The last time I saw him he said he believed all the lies she told about us all. I learned that the person who decides to stay with the narcissist is just as sick, if not sicker. They ALLOW it.
Yes but the narcissist has made them sick
IT'S NOT REALISTIC TO JUDGE SOMEONE AS BEING SICK FOR NOT LEAVING A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP...A NARCISSISTS GOAL IS POWER...NOTHING WILL STAND IN THEIR WAY OF ACHIEVING THIS...BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONLY POWER THAT EXSISTS...BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY SHE IS BEING TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY FEAR (PROBABLY FOR THE SAFETY OF HER OWN FAMILY WHICH COULD BE YOU).
Gail Parker I believe you! I honestly don’t know what I can do for my dad. He’s in his golden years and he deserves to be happy. My hands are tied - I can’t force him to leave her
steffi pappas I know. She’s instilling fear in him. I feel so helpless
SHE BEATS HIM!!! THAT CANNOT BE TOLERATED...YOU NEED A GRANNY CAM TO PROVE THIS...
This man knows his stuff! There is no one better on TH-cam with providing knowledge and explaining disorders 😊
I agree with you! Dr. Grande is amazing good when it's about mental health and personality 👍
Yes, and you can tell he's earned his knowledge. Nobody handed it to him.
Agreed.
Couldn't agree more!!
The best
this video helped me get a malignant sociopath/narcissist fired from my workplace, these people need to be in solitary confinement. best advice i can give is that these kinds of people always end up shooting themselves in the foot. Patience is the key/document everything
The most dangerous one is the handsome man who looks adorable. Their fan club would destroy you or think you are crazy if you mention that they are a demon.
I would normally agree , but having seen the destruction a female N can cause physiologically I’d have to put my $ on it .
The dead eyes is absolutely the scariest thing .
But that’s just my experience
@Mary Carroll Seems it's everyone around you, except yourself.
@Mary Carroll did you kill them?
I think a lot of therapists are easily duped by narcissists. I used to see a therapist for DBT therapy, and I attended her group class. Most of us went voluntarily, but a couple of people were in there as some part of a divorce and/or custody process, either before or after separation. In my 8 months, I saw 2 narcissists, one man and one woman. The group was always a pretty even coed mix, and no one bought into the female narcissist’s story because she was actively cheating on and openly admitting to lying to her husband, and she didn’t seem to understand that we would all be a little judgmental about that, even in our wisest minds, because, hello, dishonesty is not okay and we don’t validate the invalid. But the male narcissist was different. His wife had already separated from him, and he “just wanted his family back” and every woman in the group, including the therapist, swooned and fawned and openly, audibly “awwww”ed at his story (except for me, of course, and I’m not sure if it mattered, but I was the only woman without children in the group at that time). But to me, he was a fraud, because I could pick up on little things on his language that were narcissistic tells, which I had hear verbatim from other narcissists. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me when they both dropped out of the 8 month course at about the two month point. The therapist totally fell for the guy’s BS and it really diminished my confidence in her.
I’d like to hear more about that
Or they are a narc themselves 😂😂😂trying to figure out they Brain at same time ❤
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 No kidding. I lost trust. My neighbor is a Narc and she became a therapist in no time.
I cringe that she gives advice. But I have heard of outstanding therapists-- gotta do your research.
my Cousin Windy Dee( for 50 years) has fooled folks- ruined marriages, wrecked Family events& weaponized every Religious Holiday. POISON IVY.
I have found some of the most narcissistic people hold a Ph.D. in psychology! I am a surgery nurse and we always noticed that these people who were attempting to help others also had big problems themselves.
This seems to fit the actions of many politicians. Maybe that's why their priorities focus on themselves and not the country. The more power they get the worse it gets.
And he said that when they gain power it enhances their narcissism, and they want even more power. So what does that make them want to achieve when they already have the most powerful office in the land? Yikes.
I do believe we have a perfect case study running the country right now! Interesting to take all this knowledge and watch our government!
We are seeing that now
Chad Larson You’re Republican I see....doesn’t matter what OBama did or didn’t do. That’s irrelevant to what this administration is doing. Defending by deflecting is no defense at all, it’s admission. Food for thought. Besides, that was meant to be a good natured sarcastic comment. It’s too bad you missed that.... this is a site that discusses the Medical aspect of things isn’t it? Not a place for politics. Which is exactly why I find it interesting you missed my sarcasm.
Chad Larson Wow, I’m impressed! You’re on a first name basis with Trump? The current administration includes many people not just Trump. Many of them in jail or on their way. Read the original post and mine. Interesting you zeroed on something that I didn’t say. YOU however felt the need to name names. What’s going on now IS what’s on people’s minds, not the past administration. I didn’t ask for a debate; however YOU are, as you are incredibly insulted anyone would joke or possibly take issue with this administration, or “Donald” as you so affectionately call him. I merely point to your comments as those that obviously must come from the right. In your case that’s radical right, apparently. The video was about lying, hate to break it to you, “Donald” was a liar, cheat, con man and utterly pompous LONG before ever getting into politics. Let’s not forget adulterer, which meant he certainly WAS a liar more than once while breaking his vows. Something Obama never did.
I’ll say it again, this is a site for medical discussions. Not for political discussions. If that’s what you want go to a site about politics.
Getting this upset over a man you don’t know just may be a bit of a problem for you.
To understand is to forgive. It’s fascinating ~ unfortunately, narcissism can involve sadistic elements
Marko Pavicevic not so sure ~ if you challenge a vindictive narcissist with a degree of power then you will experience a hell of a response
'forgiveness' doesn't make them stop hurting you!!!
SekhmetSecretWeapon it’s an old expression ~ HOWEVER the literature does strongly support the concept for the benefit of the victim !
@@miskoajkula1 I'd really like to think that, but given my 'circumstances' and the history/trail of dead bodies involved....until she's LITERALLY KEPT AWAY FROM ME, Im not safe!! :(
Forgiving oneself for the ways one has let narcissists into one's life and remain may be critical for one's psychological wellbeing but forgiving the narcissists isn'ta necessary part of psychological healing or growth. Indeed, forgiveness can be a form of gaslighting especially when others are telling victims or survivors of narcissists to forgive them. See the following article www.elephantjournal.com/2020/01/forgiveness-is-a-choice-fo-we-cause-more-harm-than-good-by-telling-people-to-find-forgiveness/
My father is a retired professor with a PhD. He’s too old to want to get better. He wears a mask in front of those who he thinks might help him. He has many contacts and allies giving him a certain power and advantage over others. He has come across as vindictive. I’m scared for my life and that is why I’m frozen and afraid to retaliate or even seek justice against all the wrong that has been done to me.
NO Contact is the only healthy choice including for aging parents.
SO TRUE!
Right
No contact likely is the best solution for most of us. I've gone no contact for 5 o 6 narcissist including my mother but the more I learn about it I think its a society issues. Let's say he's right and these are hurting people unleashing on society. And most of us including myself have to withdraw from them because they effect are live negatively and will bring us down. But if I had had this information I have now I think I would have approached it differently. Uts like approaching a list mistreated dog. The easy way is to just let him go. But the hard way is to gain the dogs trust so you can capture him and rehab him. I furthermore I think in order to handle a narcissist you need more people aware I would narcissism is so if you were limited most of the flying monkeys you're going to limit their ability to function. The more people that are aware of the narcissist around them the less flexibility they will have and less control. If we eliminated the nest of control these narcissist have it would limit the amount of damage they could inflict on the world.
To complicate matters most of the people I meet are not even close to self actualized. Most people have extremely poor self-esteems now days.. people with poor self-esteem sorry easier to control by narcissist. And I think narcissists are a product of our society and it's getting worse. And as the problem gets worse it breeds more narcissist. And maybe it's time to question whether no contact is always the best solution. Certainly in most cases it's prudent to leave because they will destroy you. But once your out and aware of them and you can identify them easier it's easier to navigate around them. But one thing I never see being done or I would think it's very rare is for people to expose them.
Exposing a narcissist is very challenging alone but if you have enough people that will challenge the narcissist in public it limits the power they hold over others. The problem in our society's is how do you do that? And if you don't control the amount of narcissist in society the resulting effects on society will continue to only get worse as well as ever growing numbers of them.
My point is that we're going to lose our country's very soon if we don't address these issues because the conventional remedy is to go no contact. But in my experience, there's a very good chance you're going to run into another narcissist and another and another.
I think it's possible to educate people but they should be doing it in schools or at least parents should be learning this stuff and teaching it to their children. Because of people aren't educated these people will do some serious damage to all of us.
These are just ideas and I'm not saying your advice isn't right. I'm just beginning to wonder if it's the best long-term solution.
Dr Grande rocking the lumberjack look😎
It suits him. The colours suit his complexion as well..
Very attractive.
Ha Lol 😂 omg 😆 Thats the first thing I noticed! He usually has on a polo shirt or a dress shirt.. oh wait. He does have on a polo. He’s just goin back to the Nirvana 90s grunge look ! And that’s not to be mean it’s just funny lol
My narcissistic ex-husband is in total denial. I told him numerous times that he needed help. But he chose to believe that I’m the one with the problem. He makes poor choices, and won’t listen to advice. The other person is always wrong.
Yes. IMO this type (zero personal accountability, high victimization, zero insight) is incredibly destructive... partners end up with CPTSD
They dont want help.
That's the crux of the issue, right? If someone's entire self-image is based on "I'm perfect, it's everyone else that's the problem", then why seek help?
Ugh, it's why it's so pernicious - the whole pathology is defined by that lack of insight. They're made of teflon, so telling them they need help just slides off, and boomerangs back onto you. If you question their perfection, you're "obviously" the problem.
And oof, the narcissistic rage that follows? If that could be harnessed, we could each power our homes for the rest of our lives. I feel for you, and I'm glad he's an ex.
I have a narcissitic friend he has no friend because of his weird behaviours.( for example he smiles while talking with someone and there is no reason to smile. People asks why are u similing he never explain but says u try to critisist me and cant understand me u are wrong i dont need to pretend like you.) But he always blame me and all people and he says “im the right one and all of the other people are mistaken”
@nice try167 Hahaha that's the exact same thing I was thinking.
I didn't expect that comment lol xD
I'll always say that narcissists are half-way to being a full blown socio/psychopath. I've had to deal with several of these types in my life and there's always the (uneasy) sense/feeling that there's something wrong with them, but you can't quite, 'put your finger on it'. They tend to be 'big talkers', but the focus of the conversation always goes back to them and their overinflated ego. Their favorite words are often, 'I', 'me', 'my' and 'mine'. But because they're big talkers they tend to attract a lot of attention, which, of course, feeds their ego and quest for power. For this reason, they often have a pack of lemmings/flying monkeys following them around. If you dare to express independence of thought, feeling, interest, etc. apart from them, they don't like it. Free spirits aren't generally approved of or may even be perceived as a threat to the narcissist.
I completely agree
that said, fwiw, the lemmings waking over cliffs is based on a hoax. there were actually ppl off camera tossing the lemmings over the cliff for the "documentary". 😢
I escaped from a doomsday cult two months ago and this kinda info really keeps me feeling a little better and less cripplingly guilty for the actions of others, thank you Dr Grande for helping me stop blaming myself 💕
What cult was it?
@@tittymcgee3859 likely some company with NPD boss
@@collie8 believe it or not some cults are more interesting than others, lol
@@tittymcgee3859 well I’ve found out eventually :) youtube should be more private
Cults are all about not calling out bad behavior. Their no mechanism for this. Lots of those leaders want sex.
One of my parents has EXTREME signs of NPD, and despite the fact that I have not seen them since I was 13, and growing up, I was only around them every other weekend, or so, their behaviour still impacts me to this day. At 20 years old, I'm constantly questioning myself, and feel as if my opinion is not valid until at least one person confirms it. (Not just important opinions. If I liked a kind of pizza, and you said 'No, that's gross.' I would be like 'Oh. oh... ok.') I always feel dumb, and stupid, since I was often laughed at for whatever things I did, and when I brought any of it up, I was told I was wrong, without any discussion. It's so harmful.
This is exactly what I fear for my girls. My younger one seems so unsure. Constant negativity is hurting them. Every single thing as per him is bad or gross or a scam… rarely there is anything positive I hear from him
Parents are the world to small kids. 1. Find friends who are positive & supportive. 2. Meaningful work & volunteering can bring happiness, especially if helping others, it builds our confidence. 3. Some cities have dozens of meet-ups, where like minded ppl get together to share common interests. 4. College classes that are fun & interesting that you’ll do well in, can boost self-esteem also.
5. I meditate daily & ask for help spiritual (chanting sacred word HU) & it’s helped a lot with self-trust. 6. You’re young & smart & want to learn, so you’ll gain experience and grow. Pure Love is why we are here & makes life worth living. ❤❤❤❤❤ I wrote this then discovered you’re comment is 3 years old, or more. By now, you’re a new person, but I’ll leave my comment up an6ways. 💙🦋💙
@darwin
I'm getting a "stay together for the kids" vibe... please rell me I'm wrong. when a parent does that, they become a partner in the abuse.
💔
The pathology of NPD has filtered down through the generations of my "family." I have seen first-hand the damage the son of a b**** known as my father figure has created. This toxic personality disorder deserves a lot of attention analysis and widespread dissemination. Thank you for doing your share of Goodwill work Gratis on TH-cam. Hats off to Dr. Grande!
The NPD in my family created generations of damaged individuals. From one generation to another. We have three generations. It's a terrible legacy.
@@sdzielinski same here. What is unfortunate-- I am the only one of SEVEN, who is--AWARE!
I can relate too
They are sprinkled throughout my mother's side of the family and aspd my dad's. I left and stayed gone in order to survive and chose not to have kids in case they might inherit it.
You described my boss, Dr Grande. The description is so striking that I got chills. Needless to say, the work environment is incredibly toxic.
I once had a boss like that. An absolute Monster!
Tried to work with a narcisist. It was a nightmare. He was too controlling and thought he was the best, but he was down deep insecure.
Vulnerable narcissism is hell to live with. And it's also hell for the people close to them because they don't really know what's going on until it's too late. Sometimes I envy grandiose narcissists. I know all forms of narcissism are dysfunctional but at least grandiose narcissism are more adapted to daily life. Their extraversion and charm brings them success in social situations vulnerable narcissists can only dream of. And while grandiose narcissists are abusive in personal relationships too at least they are more easily recognizable. It's the worst feeling to hear someone you love who once saw you as a good person see you for the controlling insecure narcissist you really are. I experience crushing amounts of shame every time I alienate a romantic partner.
Well I know sympathy can be supply for vulnerable narcissists but I'd say it is understandable but not helpful to consider grandiose narcissism as beneficial. If two people had early stage cancer, one person immediately went into effective denial and the other tried but kept having anxiety about the cancer, who do you think will be more likely to die? When things hurt, even as a more "healthy" person it adds to urges for change or prepares the soil for such seeds to be planted. That is good even if the short-term is tougher. I love/d deeply a vulnerable narcissistic person, he watched Dr. Grande's video on comparison. hsaid he never saw a list that every point described him when speaking of that type of construct. It's sad to see someone debase themselves, nearly drive you mad via negligence and willful ignorance. I hope you put the energy towards the right kinds of actions and thoughts to make you feel better long-term. Short-term is most appealing but often that's were the most poor decisions are made that have reverberation. I don't know what Dr. Grande would find but I have heard child psychology and treating narcissism as a form of PTSD with supervised retramatization can help. It's supposedly experimental but just getting PTSD counseling might be possible.
😥🖤
Wow, thank you for sharing because I tried to like/want to date a guy and once I realized who he was I had to eventually zero contact him.
I have known him for a long time as an associate who I’d see every blue moon. Then one day I said ‘let me reach out to him because I could be missing out on the guy for me’ I saw him as a quiet, smart, to him self guy who I went to the same Grad school with.
As we started to talk months went by where we’d always end up in an arguments while on the phone. He’d say it was because *I* was disagreeable but the more and more I went on talking to him things he’d say about society, his childhood, former girlfriends, etc. made me think something else is off.
Eventually, I saw videos like these and I was like THAT’S IT! This is what is the problem, he checked all the boxes. So I tried to give him limitations to talking to me so as to not zero contact him but he BLEW UP (over the phone) and I realized there just wasn’t any salvaging trying to be nice to him in any way.
I’m sure he probably feels the shame you just described because someone who he’d known for years now sees him totally differently and he can’t ever change that.
Now I understand why he said his family always thinks it’s odd that he never has a woman and how he plays it down. He has no woman because of his vulnerable narcissism and can’t keep one as a result of this.
When he said one woman moved states without telling him and another just left him at a theater when she said she’d ‘go find parking’ I couldn’t understand why someone would do that if they wanted to break up with him. NOW I UNDERSTAND...they had to ghost him likely for their safety & sanity. I feel bad for him because somewhere in there he wants relationships with other people but the Vulnerable Narc just takes over and destroys any chance of that.
I definitely didn't mean to imply that grandiose narcissism is beneficial. But from the perspective of a vulnerable narcissist I can't help but wonder what it would be like to actually feel good about yourself and being able to walk up to anybody and strike up a conversation. I am always timid, insecure and distrusting around strangers.
Im aware of the theory you mention. I've been in therapy a long time. At some point they gave me EMDR and tried to treat me as having complex PTSD. It didn't really work for my childhood traumas because I have no strong emotions to those events. I would describe things that happened to me in early childhood that would bring tears to the therapist's eyes while I felt nothing at all. It was really strange.
I'm in schematics therapy now in a group setting and it's helping me to modify and de-escalate behaviour so I can minimize my bad influence on others. But I'll never be a happy go lucky, sunny dispositioned, confident carefree person, I know that for a fact.
@BlairWaldorf2013
The situation you described does feel familiar with my own pattern. I absolutely think no contact is the best way to go. Every time you have contact with him it will renew his sense of importance and his need for control of you. If it helps don't think of him as an evil person. I can assure you he's suffering. But that's his problem and not yours. You are strong and being a healthy adult for guarding your boundaries.
I trusted my wife and friends for 27 years. Jesus and God opened my eyes
It's always such a life altering experience when your eyes finally open. You feel like you've been sleeping your whole life
@@GK222_ The Lies continues but you can see through them.
What the hell are you even trying to say here? So vague
@@LostInTheSauce818 Open your mind
I think he’s saying he was a victim of narcissistic abuse and his friends were flying monkeys for his wife and probably led him to believe he was the one with the problem
Vindictiveness plays an important role in making the narcisist more destructive. People do not complain because they are afraid of the vindictive attact of the narcisist and nothing gets the chance to get improved or changed and that is why the critical mass of narcisists in a socially oriented institutions is one narcisist in a position of power. It can bring the whole institution down. Thank you dr Grande.
Grandiose Narcissists pair successfully with Introvert Narcissists. The introvert narcissist lets the Narcissist with Grandiosity to do all the dirty work and look like the bad guy
True that!
I think the damage that they can caus also depends on the person who's on the receiving end.
There behaviour isn't as damaging on someone who got healty boundries and carries them true.
When your a pleasing person that wants to see good in every person it's gonna be a different story. It's easier to get taggled up and hang on for to long...
I agree with this, I believe age and ''relationship'' experience will also have an influence. It the victim is an innocent 19 year old dating a experiences narc 25 year old; I think there already is a shift in power.
It’s death of anything good for a child.
I got tangled up and hung on too long.... Had to eat a big ole shit sandwich to learn and heal. I'm free today !!!
J That's exactly right and many people say that ANYONE can get caught up in romantic "relationships" with highly narcissistic individuals, or worse, for many years, which I don't agree with at all! 😊
Most people simply won't put up with their attitude. They keep their masks on so outsiders won't know what they are. It's the "lucky " one who love them that get abused
You have put in apt words all that one living with a narcissist can experience in bits and pieces but never as a whole .Thank you Dr.Grande...
Having said that living with a narcissist needs another kind of disorder....It is next to impossible to live with one and retain mental normality.....
This explains my nephew entirely. My late sister was married to a dyed-in-the-wool narcissist. She was very well educated, probably the most talented person I ever knew and rather wealthy. Her eventual husband had about enough education to fit in half of a thimble, a foreign national from Jamaica who came here to America with the clothes on his back, a busted borrowed suitcase tied with twine. She met Hobo Harry at church and when he set his sights on her, he found the Golden Mealticket. She was totally Love Bombed and he quickly found her Achilles Heel: she loved to be flattered and waited on. All through the courtship and engagement, he was like the perfect lapdog/servant, errand boy extraordinaire, personal chef and masseur. Needless to say, my sister paid for everything: she bought herself a $10,000 engagement ring, paid for the lavish wedding with a couple hundred guests, and honeymooned in St.Thomas. She also bought him a car and a van to establish his new business. Hobo showed his true colors on the first night of the honeymoon. He proclaimed to her he was the Entitled One and he would no longer be her personal lapdog chef et al and she better start waiting on him as her husband! What did my sister do? Finished the trainwreck honeymoon, immediately got an expensive Christian counselor to help the Hobo get back his 'first love' back.
Needless to say, the marriage had disaster written all over it. She went through at least three of these Christian counselors with no success of him becoming his 'real' loving self. He treated her with thinly veiled contempt and regularly displayed alcoholic rages where the police had to be called. In this union, two children were born. The girl was absolutely born crazy. The baby girl screamed and cried day and night. Years later I asked my sister when baby girl finally slept through the night. She said 'I don't know! I handed her off to her father to deal with, I had a job to go to!' I later learned of Hobo's chronic extreme insomnia and he eagerly sat up all night with the little terror. Baby boy was born about eighteen months after baby girl and as a baby, the polar opposite of his sister. He was one the most pleasant, charming babies I have ever seen. I never saw him cry, he was always smiling and happy. On the other hand, baby girl always seemed to have a frown on her face. My sister was the only mother I knew who had to coach their child on how to smile. My nephew did a 180 when he turned seven years old. It was in his eyes, when he thought no one was looking or when he took a picture. I never said very much to my sister about this and to be honest, I really couldn't put my finger on what was off about him. She thought the sun rose and set in my nephew. After over twenty years of strained marriage, Hobo packed up and left on a Sunday afternoon, before my sister got home from church. There wasn't a note, a call or a text. He filed for divorce and spent years trying to get alimony or some type of spousal payout. He also did his best on trying to make her sell the house so he could get half. My sister had an excellent lawyer and Hobo Harry ended up with zero, not another dime from my sister.
My sister's relationship with her now grown daughter was continuing to be very difficult. My niece from birth was always determined to have her way about everything, no matter what. Oh, but my nephew was the Golden Child and could do no wrong. He was totally solicitous and attentive to his mother. To say that she adored him would be an understatement. So when my sister was diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer a few years ago, all the masks were off and the fakery came to light. The Golden Child got a look at my sister's estate, control of all her bank accounts and assets. He declared he always hated family, especially me. He was a carbon copy of Hobo Harry, with an college education. He despised his mother for her ideals of honesty and holiness, and was secretly a heavy drinker and smoker, a habitual liar with murderous tendencies. I guess it's kind of difficult to say whether it was nature or nurture when it comes to my nephew's narcissistic proclivities, most likely both.
Such w tragic story all around. I cry for your sister. Sometimes we get so much difficulty in life it is hard to understand. Poor her.
It really puts a question to the nature/nurture issue. Who knows to what degree eachatters but it seels they are both relevant.
Not gonna lie, you don't sound like such a prince yourself. Labeling a child from birth? Writing this...screed?
Such a painful read... Loss of so many lives...
Those are similar to my experiences with narcissists in my life, plus:
- they always talk about how they had to endure unimaginable injustices in their lives that no one else did
- they made up stories about their hardships and their achievements even though they knew people could easily check and find out the discrepancies
- if the conversation veered off even for a few minutes away from them as the main topic they either looked bored, or interrupted
- they couldn’t hold a relationship for any amount of time and as soon as they broke off one, the person who only days ago was their best friend or their partner, became a tyrant who had done great injustice to them.
So true, the longer a Narcissist gets away with their actions, the worse they become. Once you face up to knowing you are dealing with a Narcissist, then you just have to end it, as quickly as possible. I do have a question about Narcissism - Aren't we all somewhat Narcissistic? By that I mean, don't we all have to think of ourselves? This is my issue right now, if I stand up to stop the control and domination and manipulation of a narcist aren't I then being narcissistic?
There is such a thing as a healthy narcissist. It’s the balance between vulnerable and grandiose.
@@JacksTestimony Thank you.
Oh but being a certified narcissist and acting narcissistic are going to be very different. Ones permanently pathological and one's not
No. I don't believe we are all narcos in some small way. we have empathy. just the thought of betrayal and lying about it and such makes me feel very very uncomfortable. to actually visualize what pain or hurt that someone would feel because of something we did. the Narcassist thinks of ways to get away with it or to minipulate you and shift the blame. that's just pure evil thinking. and if they ever say they are sorry....they are sorry you found out
@@michaelreed9805 Interesting, I have never heard that a narcassist have not empathy? I do believe that some are very manipulative. I guess I have to study more.
What gets me is that I think the true narcissists are the ones that cause all other narcissists to become narcissists, and I think they get away with it. Also I think I was a pretty destructive narcissist, but I think it was all because of my upbringing and getting addicted to drugs and alcohol, since I quit I think I'm a much better person. I don't know if I'm still a narcissist. I don't know if we can fully change. I feel like I have though.
Spot on explaining my ex. His father taught him well. They use money to secure supply but they dont realize they are just being used by said supply. It's so sick. Hard to believe until you see it in action.
Another thing is like to point out is that narcissists LOVE to deflect. I’ve seen this with both grandiose and introverted narcissism. For example, when they accuse you of something that only they themselves have done. The crazy part is that when they are doing this they tend to know exactly what they have done and understand the morality behind their either criminal or just plain destructive behaviors. The difference is that they just don’t care. My husbands ex girlfriend accused me of being a cocaine addict and claimed she had ‘proof’. But honestly I have never done drugs in my life except nicotine. A few months later she was convicted of possessing narcotics while traveling across state lines.
I always find the interplay between cognitive empathy and affective empathy interesting.
Very informative, Doctor. Thank you.
Yes. They're geniuses when it comes to knowing precisely which raw nerve to hit in order to inflict pain; but totally oblivious to understanding what it feels like to be hurt in that way.
Unspeakable Truth Yes Exactly how it is especially when there projecting there Paranoid Delusions onto you.. Slanderous Accusations because there evil, and vindictive.
@Unspeakable Truth There words, actions are out of proportion to there Delusional perceptions they protect whatever sick narrative they are peddling.
Having read 'People of the Lie by Scott M. Peck and 'The road less traveled'
Peck shows an awful lot of traits shared by Narcs
are shared by people who
are out an out Evil and
Evil is Live spelled back-
wards. Many forms of
Evil but a well known trait
is the absence of empathy.
Yessir,nailed it spot on!
Dr. Peck told a story where a father buys his teenage son a gun(sound familiar?)The son was depressed. In effect, the father purchased the suicide weapon. It’s been 30+yrs since I read People of the Lie. Time to read it again
This makes so much sense -- cognitive empathy as self-centered and the lack of emotional empathy : Memories are arising... connecting more dots. Thank you Dr Grande for sharing these insights.
Yes I know this video is a couple of year ago but I just discovered what narcissism is and now I’m watching and learning all I can. My narc would yell at me and when I said stop yelling at me he literally said and I quote “I’m not yelling at you I just get excited but the wrong kind of excitement.”
Yelling is yelling and I won’t be yelled at.
Leave them. Life is too short. Let those narcs stay miserable. They will never change. You have to start thinking with your head and your gut.
Peace and love everyone❤️
Fantastic Dr. Grande!
I have had experience with narcissists and the suffering they can cause is real. The challenge is to recognize this is a pathology and try to find compassion and forgiveness within oneself to deal with such people.
Thank you Dr. Grande, you are the best!
I'd argue for boundaries and letting go instead of forgiveness.
I appreciate your input.
I like to believe though that forgiveness give us freedom. It’s something we do for ourselves rather than a courtesy to the one who have caused harm. By forgiving someone it doesn’t mean that I will became “friends” with that person, but rather I will allow the situation to not bother me and let that go. I would still keep distance from such people as an act of self preservation but by forgiving I will have that peace within myself.
Compassion for a narcissist? No. How about compassion for YOURSELF after being abused by them!
I really appreciate the scientifically informed approach. Thanks Dr Grande!
Thank you so much for your videos Dr.🙏!! I’ve had issue(s) with narcissists in my life.. pretty sure it started with my narcissistic mother, so to a degree I was “trained” and a magnet for them.. My last relationship was with, what I believe was a malignant narcissist, who tried to kill me and he nearly succeeded just because I wanted to end the relationship, but thankfully, I was lucky enough to get away with my life, and after that nightmare I basically shut the entire world out, for nearly 4 years.. I’m just now healing and feeling brave enough to start interacting with new people again.. it’s really hard to learn how to trust again after someone you once thought loved you tires to kill you.. I’m so grateful for Dr. Grande informative videos, I’ve learnt so much and come so far just listening to his channel.. you truly are such a blessing for those of us who are unable to obtain or afford counseling. 🙏🤗
Not always childhood trauma; sometimes people don't get challenged early on in their development when they try the abusive strategies. They then refine and reinforce the style of interaction until they know no other way. They have to control others, but then they don't respect and trust them because they know what they themselves have gotten away with. Vicious circle.
Thank you Dr.G ! Love your channel and happy I found you a year ago. You have helped me tremendously with my CPTSD. 14 months “no contact “ with my in-laws. Never been happier!
Oh Dr.. you’ve unfolded my eldest daughters’ problem. I listened intently to the explanations of each and at last I know why I’ve had such encounters with her. I’m a young 85 with chronic pain from a fall which hitch hinders my independence. She wishes me to sell my home and move in with her and her spouse ( who caters to her moods) and I dread her outbursts and always loud and right. Each one of the identifications of grandiose narcissism fits her. If you challenge her no matter how objectively or meekly she’s likely to raise her voice and counter. She does seem to be able to control it with some relatives or friends but with others if she’s through she’s through! Her dad died when she was a baby and I’ve heard her complain about how she was treated badly ( untrue) by her step dad . She also is jealous of her two half siblings for no apparent reason. Her three siblings all grown have always maintained she was controlling. Thank you Dr Grande as I have new things to consider before being under her control.
Great explanation. I support the approach of standing against narcissists rather than trying to buy the "peace" from such people by faking emotions. It is not because the latter is shameful or weak but allowing other evil people (like narcissists) to get away with their deeds could result in more harm in the long term or even the short term! I know that many people just want a piece of mind but if the approach of resisting such vile become a culture among people, (generally it will not) I think we will see fewer and fewer narcissists or at least the damage will be minimized.
Your video explains for me why narcicism so prevalent in Educational administrative positions because they are attracted to prestige and power. I have witnessed vindictive Principals, Superintendents, Directors, destroy careers of amazing teachers because they asserted their contractual rights to say no to unsafe work, unreasonable demands or no to toxic meetings, or supported a bullied staff member or student. I've always been shocked such toxic destructive narcisists get promoted in Education. Out of 20 Principals 5 were amazing educational leaders...the rest absolutely power hungry vengeful hateful narcissists who seemed to hate teachers, hate students and parents. They never get fired. Keep spreading misery for decades. I believe this is why bullying culture so prevalent in our schools.
His discription of "power enhanced narcissim" makes me think of the traits exibited by most police officers I've encountered.
Wow, yes!
I know few who committed suicide few months after their service ended. All of their relationships showed up to be superficial and they even got scammed.
I know right, now I've met some human people who are officers. However.,......, Not as many of the kind you described.
I found this to be incredibly enlightening! I was dealing with several of these traits in one person. I’m newly out of this relationship but I still have contact because this person is my son. I can admit that I was not a good parent when he was young as I was dealing with addiction. I found a way to break the chain and I’m forever grateful. I’m hoping to find a way for him to seek help.
Out & About,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Suggest it
Thank you for your education on the narcissist. Very helpful to me and my siblings. One of our brothers was told years ago by a counselor that he was narcissistic. Through the years his behavior has been hard to understand and it has caused all kinds of problems throughout our family and his. After learning about this from you I have been able to come to terms with the situation and protect myself. My sister and I often share your videos to help us. Thank you so much for the time you put into these videos. It has been a great help to me.
Thank you for making this channel. I believe this kind of information should be avaliable in middle and high schools, known in general public. EQ is very important, self-esteem is very important and it contributes to relationships, life satisfaction, understanding of others, etc. I also believe narcissism is at rise in todays world, so having strong sense of self is crucial. Thank you once again for making my life easier with your videos, they are also very well done and insightful. I share them wherever and with whoever I can. Greetings from Croatia!
Another home run, Dr G!
Dr grande , I enjoy your videos about narcissism and psychopathy because you give the lecture and you're not judgemental, thanks for your videos Doc.
Christopher Ramos
I’m with you there!! I love his clinical format, no judgement or emotion - like being in a psych lecture!
I had a boss that fit this "worst type" description in every way, and then some. She seemed to target subordinates who were most-qualified to fill their role within the organization, over those who were only adequate or even under-qualified. She seemed to somehow correlate a subordinate's level of competence directly with the degree to which they were a threat to her authority or status.
As a psychology student I really appreciate these videos
I'm not sure that anybody can truly appreciate, the terribly malevolent nature & malignant intentions of a 'Malignant Narcissist' (Term: Social Psychologist Erich Fromm 1964), unless they have (unfortunately) experienced it for themselves. Yes, it is essentially traumatic experiences, and potential genetics, but to see the arrogance and sadistic pleasure that these individuals garner by others pain, is to witness evil in action. There IS NO EXCUSE for the basically psychopathic abuse meted out by them to generally kind and empathic people. The World is in a grip of a Global crisis of Pathological & Malignant Narcissism, and there are a number of reasons for this exponential rise. DR G, perhaps you might look at the Global Implications of the demise of Empathy, and how Humanity will/is self destruct/ing.
I keep seeing these explanations at the right time. I have discovered I was raised by one of these. (I have a NF). Figured it out all on my own and the only thing working for me is no contact. However, the psychological abuse is a long lasting mind f@@@! They are evil! Its creepy! Sadism, rage, and then more impulsive rages over nothing, verbal warfare twisted behaviors. Psychological and severe cognitive dissonance abuse! I keep questioning my own sanity after going no contact and feel the (FOG) - Fear obligation and guilt of going no contact. I dont know if healing is possible and the pain of feeling guilt ever goes away! They are nuts and drive you nuts! I believe mine is a psychopathic narcissist! He enjoyed strangling. When I was little he would talk about who he would strangle and then laugh. (????) He beat my mother and brother and strangled them yes. So coercive, intimidating driven he was! How does one overcome these whack jobs! Unbelievable. Those like Dr Grande, doing this work need to know the good they are putting out by educating us! Thank you! Thank you Thank you. I cant say it enough. They make you feel you are the crazy one! The family members stick right with him. Its nuts!
Yes, the smirking and laughter after their abuse only proves they are sadistic and they enjoy it. Its strange! It is evil! I do not believe they can be fixed.
Matthew Dowling. Perfectly said, .... and what you are saying is true! Just know it helps to know others understand this pain! Meanwhile others dont get it! How strange is that?
@@sylettemonroe8878 Melinda, you are going NO Contact with a sort of Entity, a Hologram, a form of Artificial Intelligence; they should have had your protection and well being as their priority, yet they did not, and instead you were objectified for their own fragile needs. It can only be immensely painful to go No Contact with a Parent, but it is often the only way for your own protection and survival, both physically and emotionally. I learnt one thing, IT WAS NOT ME! ALL THAT CRAP THAT THEY DID, WAS THEIR OWN ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL SOME SPARK, INSIDE OF THEIR CORRUPT & EMPTY SHELL. I know I am not perfect, but I also know that the Malignant Narcissist was the most vulnerable, fragile, broken individual, and COULD NOT be fixed. The sense of Freedom, and the smell of Clean Fresh Air, can hardly be described, but it's what I felt when I finally left all that putrid abuse behind me. YOU WILL START TO HEAL, but please NURTURE yourself, you are worth so much more than you even know.
@@matthewdowling3866 Thank you, thank you, thank you, so much. You are 100% correct! Going no contact, has helped me find peace! I know for a fact I would be in a mental institution if I were exposed to him once again. (Hes past 75ish). If I would explain everything, I would be here all day and I could write a book. We keep hoping for change, and in doing so, only keeps a victim inside the abusive cycle. It has to be no contact. I agree one has to stay away from them they will take you down with them. I will try and keep this short and give the last 3, events into why the "no contact" was implemented again in 2017. I went no contact 2010-2017. (7 years and it is freeing and peaceful). Had to break no contact only because of death of little brother (2017). Which was NF'S, 3rd child and youngest son at 45. He was laying in hospital with a brain aneurysm and we had to travel together to remove him from life support. Traveling together is: NF, older brother, and myself. After traveling 2-3 hours to arrive at hospital NF, was in the corner discussing with doctor his OWN health, and heart issues and then notifying us he needed "to be home by 7 to take his own medicine so he wouldn't die." We had not even taken little brother off of life support and he said this!!!! I was floored! It had been 7 years since I seen him and we just arrived and yet he needed to get back home to his own medicine! His narcissism is much worse hes out of his mind! (Blown away) I let him and my older brother both know at that moment: " I would not be taking care of this issue by myself" and he would just have to try and suffer through it. We are here and we need to take care of this. (That was the end of story). He didnt bring his medicine with him? (no he didnt and I didnt ask him if he did! (Omg. unbelievable). 2nd, time was with him and his new wife at a restaurant and she gets up to go to restroom before leaving. NF says to me: ( I hope she falls on that wet floor). He wanted me to be his flying monkey for him. Only still in contact at this point because we needed to wrap little brothers death up. Those last issues! It was winter and ground wet with snow boots, she had on, and he wanted her to get hurt by falling! Mind blown once again. Was in therapist chair once again! I know its him! 3rd, time he verbally abused me at my home sitting outside and I have never returned any phone calls he has made after the verbal abuse. He has tried to reach out! He wanted me to do Christmas with him: leaving a long phone message and I would not return his phone calls. He says, " he didnt know what he did," (that is a lie and hes gas lighting)! he would like to see me for Christmas. I wont return any phone calls no contact is the only way! Sorry this is long and sorry for all the I's. Thank you! The guilt is enormous but hes too abusive! Hes psychologically too abusive to be around! Thank you appreciate it!
_"Vindictiveness is important because it allows a narcissist to keep power. And if they can keep power, they can keep doing damage"_
Truer words were never spoken, Dr Grande. It almost seems like narcissistic people should be against the law - or at least the rules of any institution. But who's going to make that possible? 🙄
Thank you! 👍🌹
dr grande is really good on this subject, assessing another persons narcissism is always the most important thing in a relationship
Most of what I read or watch focuses on exposing narcissistic behaviour to others, which is quite important. However, if narcissism is so self-serving, why would a narcissist seek treatment? I feel that we, collectively, need to point out more why narcissism does the narcissist himself/herself more harm than good on a deep level. Are narcissists ever truly happy? Help us point out to them how and why they aren't. I'm asking this of you, doctor, because your presentations are the most methodical and focused I see. Thank you!
Enlightning video as to why society fails to recognise the toxicity of narcissists.
*I love how you can perfectly describe certain high profile world leaders, but without specifically mentioning anyone by name...*
*Another great video... Thank you...*
Washington DC has no shortage of narcissists. It's a magnet town for them.
@@cynthiaallen9225 Agreed... Both red and blue...
Wow. You nailed my EX to the T. He behaves exactly as you described regarding power, position, higher up, deeming "everyday people" , but his worst treatment was of me, my children, grandchildren, and disabled father. It still is his VINDICTIVENESS that still leaves me in disbelief. Even though we have all survived his abuse, it's changed all of us in ways that we will NEVER have the trust or innocence that we once had.
I love your channel because you are always so respectful and non judgemental.
Probably the biggest mistake people make around narcissists is that they think they are interested in doing things, achieving things etc. They are actually only interested in getting the credit and attention for those things - the things themselves are of almost no interest to them. If you help them achieve a goal, you'll feel fooled at the end when you realise that achievements, when shared and so involving compromise and agreement, are nothing to them. It's all about them being number one - if they can't steal it from you, they don't want it, and will get rid of it, because it was always about what that achievement did for their status and recognition, not the value of the work or accomplishment itself, which is meaningless to them in their seeking of narcissistic rewards. That's why they can't hold down a job either - other people are factors there, needs other than their own come into play and they have no interest in serving them in any way.
@Unspeakable Truth I knew a narcissist who spent five years getting a forestry degree (at a major university). On his first job, he refused to take his "walkie talkie" (this was the 80s) with him when he went "walkabout" in the forest, which made him uncontactable. He said "I would go walkabout whenever I felt like it" - so for hours at a time, during which time he could have been under a tree branch almost dead or needed somewhere else in the plantation. He was fired due to that and never worked in forestry again (or any other job). It conflicted with his sense of grandiosity, specialness, and the power to do whatever he wanted. That was what mattered, not the career, the money, or even the status of having a job at all. Some people call people like that "freaks", which is ironically the same way they see everyone else, even long-term sidekick followers who worship and praise them, following their every move.
@Unspeakable Truth It's really just representative of what he did for his whole life - push the boundaries of what he can get away with so that he either becomes "numero uno", does whatever he wants, the undisputed king who regards his minions as pitiful lowlifes, or if he can't pull that off, he's out of that situation altogether, being unable to make compromises with it. I even read on an "About Me" section of his website that he "regards others as extensions of myself". In other words, they better damn well do his bidding or they'll no longer be a part of himself. This is what they call "black and white thinking" - if it isn't all for them, it's wrong and shouldn't be. You see it also with blended families - once the second wife produces a child, the other children must be kicked out of the father's will, denigrated and excluded from the family, basically left out altogether because the focus isn't then 100% on her and her needs. They're not going to be an equal player in the game - they'll be running the entire show like a boss, or there's nothing in it for them and they're out.
I'm 35 and only recently I've find out my sister is a Vulnerable Narcissist thanks to your explanation. My childhood was difficult because of her and I had never realized the harm it has caused - up to this date as a grown woman. Anything I'd say as a child that adults would find funny or cute, she would discreetly come to say in my ears, when no adult was watching, that what I had just said was ridiculous, that I had embarrassed myself saying that. Not surprisingly, I have social anxiety up to this date and this has affected both my personal and professional lives immensely. I could never pursue my genuine professional dreams (become a Sociologist) because that would involve interacting with a lot of people and speaking in public eventually. She would change moods all of a sudden with something I said. One day a comment would have been funny to her, but the next day the same type of comment would bring her in rage. I never understood her disproportionate reactions and therefore was afraid of saying anything. She would see red by the silliest thing I've done or said, destroy my confidence and self esteem completely, and a few minutes later she would be the nicest person ever, offering me things, talking to me nicely as if nothing happened. I would get extremely confused and guilty, thinking how bad of a person I was for thinking badly of her. Mental confusion, that's what they do. Also, she was obsessed with the idea that everyone was jealous of her, she would be best friends with someone and then talk shit about them behind their back, saying they envy her. Once she was walking downtown with a friend, and this friend was approached by a talent agent who gave her his card and asked her to come to a talent agency to maybe pursue a modeling career. Scam/creepy or not, my sister cried non stop for a week because it was her friend who had been approached, and not her. I have many other examples, but that already gives you an idea.
Bruna it seems we share/d same sister. But in my case she died few days ago from covid. I am still so confused about how to feel about her untimely departure . She made my life living hell. I was more Beautiful talented sister, she made it her goal to make my life insignificant and worthless. She spreaded rumors about my character In school just so my parents would scold me , she then try to act as my parent's spy and told them that she's keeping an eye on me. She had no friends throughout her life. No boyfriends As well. She made it as how pure and angelic she is .
Right now she became an angel since she died. But she left a hole In my heart.
@@myqueen9811 I'm so sorry for your experience and your loss. We need to find a way to turn this in our favor. I don't know how yet, but there must be a way.
Dr Grande, Now you know you’ve got a whole lot of people grateful for this info; especially while watching the news these days! Lol! Excellent commentary as always!
Awesome video. I think a lot of people out here of all different cultural, economic, professional and educational backgrounds are trying to put our heads together and figure out ways to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the atrocious abuse we've suffered and are seeing others suffer, and when clinicians in the mental health field come onto "the scene" with a lot of clarity, curiosity, empathy, consistency and a willingness to share and empower, it's very much appreciated! Thank you for the care and thought you put into your videos!
Videos like this help to confirm things in my life. Much appreciated. Thanks, Grande.
Well-articulated. And well-timed, as well. Great presentation, as always, Doctor. Thx!
Thank you. Best descriptions of covert vs overt narcissism I've heard. Very helpful.
You’re breakdown is spot on. Ive encountered this in my personal as well as workplace. It’s overwhelming ….
Yes..yes and yes!!! Thank you for validating so much here...much respect and love Dr Grande..x
Doctor Grande you make the complex simple and give those of us who didn’t see the narcissist coming giant eyeglasses to see them going!!!
The absolute best, laser pinpointed and most detailed description of a Narc that I've ever heard. WOW! Saving this for later. WOW! Thank You!
This is good - you're hitting many of the nuances. We think of narcissists lacking empathy - but it's their ability to manifest it in a healthy way. The narcissist in my life used to tell me as a child, "you have to understand what the other person is feeling. you have to put yourself in their shoes." But what they DID with that information was quite destructive.
Wow! Then you talked about Vindictiveness - and that is the way the narcissist in my life would use their empathy.
Absolutely fantastic! VERY informative. Thank you so much for putting your knowledge and thoughts out on TH-cam for us all to benefit from!
Dr. Grande's work is so clarified...you need a very honed attention span to follow at times I feel. The concepts are large and definitive...and clear. Listening gives me a very solid sense of workable sign posts in tackling this information. Turning info to knowledge seems as though it takes place here. Very appreciated material!
You have explained this in a way that I have not heard before. It was alot and I have to watch the video a couple of more times but I appreciate how you broke everything down.
Absolutely love these intelligent, informative videos!!! Thank you so much Dr. Grande!!!
Dr. Grande I just want to thank you for all you do on your channel. ❤️These videos help me understand why the narcissist in my life is the way he is. Not that this is an excuse. The main thing I’ve learned is how to navigate life with a narcissist that I can not cut contact with(at least not yet.) The biggest take away is the explanations of narcissism from a true professional. It helps me limit the effect his gaslighting has on me because I know what is really going on with him and can keep myself grounded in reality. I know he won’t change but I can. I can control my reactions because I have knowledge now and knowledge is power. 💪
Excellent video. I know several and you described them perfectly, but in a nice way. The ones I know, if I had to describe them, would contain curse words because they are so evil,tricky, vindictive, etc- and yes, I do know its a choice.i have seen them act according to the circumstances, crying on demand if they got caught doing something,so the other normal person has pity on them, etc. They are vile beings
Thank you for your videos! Been following you since the rewired soul issues and am glad to see your channel grow!
I'm watching these videos on my Nightshifts.
I really like this channel. Helps me to keep my own mind on track and reflect myself and people around me