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Core Stories: The Most Underrated Way to Change Your Life (Identity Shifting)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
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The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: • THE BEST OF - Clark Ke...
There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself.
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WHO AM I
Hey there, I’m Clark Kegley, a former pro drummer turned self-improvement advocate. Here on TH-cam, I provide guidance to help you transform into your 2.0 version.
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Video of Neurons Connecting courtesy of Dr Lila Landowski:
© Lila Maree Landowski [originally published online 14/11/2019; video generated in 2010]
VIDEO PREVIEW
I can't emphasize enough how important this subject is. Once you see how it's affecting you, we'll discuss a 'film strip' of your life. We're also going to explore core stories and where they come from. Most people are running on three or four core stories, and that's it. These stories are literally controlling your entire life. I'll even pose a question or two on how you can address these issues.
We often hear about the need to fix your limiting beliefs. It's all a mindset game, right? Here's why that perspective is flawed: you work in three layers-your thoughts, emotions, and core stories. Thoughts are on the outside, what we'll call beliefs. If you believe in yourself enough, you might take actions to build your business. If you have better thoughts, then you might feel successful or content. But it's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing. What's behind thoughts? Emotions.
Take driving, for example. When you're in a bad emotional state, your thoughts and actions change based on that emotion. Your thoughts are like files on a computer, and your emotions are the folders they're stored in. Change your emotion, and you'll notice your thinking changes as well.
But there's one more layer, and that's what this whole video is about. What do you think this first layer is? It's your core story, also known as your identity or self-image. This is the most crucial element. Why does rewiring limiting beliefs often feel ineffective? Why does positive thinking feel so hard when we're in a low vibe? It's because most people try to change from the outside in, from layers three to one. But the fastest way you can change your entire identity and your life is to go from the inside out, from level one to three. When you change your story, your emotions and thoughts change too.
Before we dive deeper into these concepts, let's briefly touch on what I mean by 'stories.' Since the dawn of humanity, information has been passed down through stories. This is literally how our brains evolved to store information-not with just ones and zeros like a computer, not with just linear thinking or absolute fact and logic. These are all tools, but we developed through passing down stories orally before written language. It was passed down around a campfire. Think of the last movie you watched. You probably can't recount every factual event that happened, but you can summarize the plot because that's what genuinely happens.
In your life, have you ever questioned the story you're telling yourself about you? Let's continue exploring how your brain works because this is very important. Are you getting this? I hope this is making sense. You're essentially right here.
![I Tried Andrew Huberman's Morning Routine - [30 Days + Blood Tests]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/roK4g1e28mM/mqdefault.jpg)
There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself. Here's the free "coffee shop" questions guide I mention in the vid: www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions
The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: th-cam.com/play/PL2LyGQJuIOzBPhuyGXx8CnSvr1CHyXkIg.html
MY FAVORITE TOOLS
🟣 Book List - read if you want to grow - kit.co/clarkkegley/best-books-2024
🔴 TH-cam Gear - how I film my videos - kit.co/clarkkegley/youtube-gear
🔴 Studio Gear - make filming easier - kit.co/clarkkegley/studio-gear
🟡 Shortform - my fav book summaries - shortform.com/clark
⚫ Notion - my digital "second brain" -
So interesting. I always thought I was terrible in math and now I know why I thought that. Just the other day my friend and I were adding our golf scores and I added mine faster in my head than she did on her calculator. Now if you can only help me with my golf, I'll watch THAT video.
I am a doctor of clinical psychology. This teaching from Clark is pure psychological gold. I could not have explained it better.
If I had to sum up what therapy tries to help clients understand in order to achieve growth and change, this is it.
Im a student of my internal realms. It's basic self knowledge.
Dang you spent thousands of dollars to learn psychology when he read books at home for free and is able to teach better than you?……our school system is broken
Seems as such to me as well
@@Awareness_With_Dennis I spent nine years of university education, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and endured 4,000+ hours of clinical supervision to become trained and licensed to diagnose and provide evidence-based clinical treatments for people suffering from suicidal ideation, debilitating panic attacks, and marriages headed for divorce. Your comment reveals vast ignorance about the professional practice of psychology.
Tony Robbins wrote that the only thing holding you back from what you want is your story about why you can’t have it.
Have you ever gotten a narcissist or psychopath to identity shift?
@@AncientIntegrationsto heal them?
@@blood_sausage9620 to completely turn them into who they aren’t and shift their identity. I don’t think they’re unhealed. I think calling those diseases is a western construct, but did their identity shift?
@@AncientIntegrationsI'm trying myself..
@@richardcardinale7152 I know. For all the academically rigorous this guy is claiming to be he couldn’t stomach my comment or hold space for a reality that conflicts with his rigid world view. So I don’t think identity shifting happened at its core level for him either.
Amazing! Thanks a bunch! My mom abandoned me and my brother at a sitter when I was 7 years old. I have thought that I was unlovable my whole life. I realized that my mom was fleeing her life. Not me. I am amazing and lovable.
Yes, you are! 💖😘😍 It’s wonderful that you found that new perspective! 🙏 Your mom’s action had nothing to do with who you really are.
Absolutely. She couldn't handle life at that time. It had nothing to do with you. Sorry that happened. Live a good, self care, happy life now.
♥️
This comment/responses helped me out, too. Wow! I feel a true release. And insight into my flighty behaviors as well. Changing my story today.
@@methree123 You are awesome! You've always been a beautiful soul and you always will be. Sending love from the South Pacific Islands ❤️🌴💚🌴💙🌴💛🌴❤️🌴💚
I am "better" than loads of people at lots of things. There is no value in that. There will always be SOMEONE better at SOMETHING than I am. The true value lies in ME being better than I was YESTERDAY.
I just realized I’ve been on the planet 52 years, believing and perpetuating ideas about who I am, conceived by my mother’s abusive Borderline Personality Disorder. I know she was sick, yet I’ve held her distorted ideas about my worth all these years
"It is not what happens to you, it's what you do with it"
your story about math trauma is making me question my entire "dyscalculia" diagnosis. i KNOW i can do math when i’m not afraid of it. thank you for sharing, i'd never heard that term til now. keep it up ♡
That’s interesting. Can you elaborate on how that manifests for you?
Hey, respect to you for not just making excuses and taking the easy way out like so many people do! I was terrible at math until halfway through college when I changed my attitude towards it. I'm still not GREAT at it, but I can do it at an advanced normal level. Good for you for critically assessing the situation! ❤
If you can learn English you can learn Math. Good luck and good wishes!
@@pixiwix this is really kind of you to say, thank you sm ^.^
My husband had this issue. I didn’t know it has a name.
As a 9/11 survivor, I greatly appreciate this information. It took me 20 hrs to finally do something about my story and I was able to in 90 days.
I am a certified NLP and Hypnotherapist and man your videos are the best. I hardly watch long videos but yours are pure learning. Awesomeness packed
I've read multiple books and watched a hundred videos on identity and self-help, but this one really hit it out of the park! After this comment I'm going to walk into the city, get myself a dedicated journal and start asking myself "I can't, because... ?" Instant sub, excited to watch more of your vids (after the walk)
This is an appealing way to think about self-improvement. I like stories and have successfully communicated with others through stories, but communicating with myself? That's new.
So, what's my story? I left home at the age of 13 because I didn't like being beaten (...and don't worry, I had a safe place to go.) That has been my core story for 50 years and it's kind of a sad story, a victim's story, poor me, if things don't go right what do you expect?
HOWEVER another way to tell the story is "I did not like being beaten, so I figured out how to make the changes necessary to make it better" ... covers the same facts, but doesn't it feel stronger? My story means that when something doesn't seem right, I figure out a way to fix it. If it works, yay me, if it doesn't work, oh well, there's always another problem to solve tomorrow.
It's a good way to live - I just needed help seeing that. Thanks for giving me the idea of telling myself a better story.
You got a shitty starting life , you unlock super achievement and now you have super admin power. Use it wisely , you can now create any story you want.
“ has she really avoided pain or has she made her life more painful?” wow
It's pretty nice having someone lay out inner work in such a clean and concise manner.
Damn..I learned so much through this breakdown. I have been doing a lot of self-development the last seven years and never seen it broke down like this. You have an amazing way of being to articulate and breakdown to help anyone and their journey of healing. Thank you sooooo much for this! I’m saving this baby!
The bit about humility is so freeing.
16:29 "Man, there's a ton of growth in humility."
Yeah, I caught that too! 😊
My takeaways
- Change your story and it will change your emotions that will change your thought.
- Give me a boy tull age of 7 and i will show you the man
- Story we tell to ourself is either contamination or commitment. Most people is first one.
Thanks Clark for sharing good content.
Well if your story is Shucked & anyway you spin it is garbage, there's a slim chance in Hell the emotion & Thoughts will get anywhere healthy & happy. Based off of TRUTH. The Happy LIES may lead to a seemingly "good life" but there is definitely an Afterlife.
@@lijh
You totally missed the point:
As Wayne Dyer says: Change your thoughts & change your Life. He wrote a whole book on how to do it!
It doesn't matter if up to now you struggled with a crappy life. You can turn it around in this instant! Because your attitude causes a reaction. So by having a better attitude your life will improve. Mel Robbins also gives daily Life Improvement tips...
I'm Living Proof, after a painful accident with long term suffering. I have finally Healed my Body, Mind & Soul to Live my Best Life Ever!!!
Unfortunately some people are not yet ready to change their choices. Everybody has choices, they may not all be great choices, but they are choices none the less. It takes courage to explore a different path, each person finds that courage and comes to it in their own time.
All choices are equally valid. We are all where we need to be right now! 😄
Our stories have shaped us precisely into who we are, today, in this very moment. And those stories serve us... for a time. They protect us and help us cope. Inevitably there comes a point along our personal growth adventure where we *have to* change our story (therefore our identity) if we're no longer enjoying and benefitting from the patterns and manifestations appearing in front of us, which we then call our life.
Not easy to do, but it's possible if you're determined to really turn things around for yourself. 🙌
(Also, the karate photo from when you were a kid, lol. Classic.)
Wow. I've been believing in a contamination story for the last 16 years...I have been trying to reframe it, and I think you just helped me give it a better meaning. Love your videos Clark, thank you for all you do on this channel!
What I got out of this was the following: I always believed, or must have learned or head somewhere, that Thoughts come first and are the driving force behind emotions, which then leads to the story we tell ourselves, This is a very interesting re examination of that structure, Thanks man, much appreciated. WIll try to put into practice ~
You are changing lives with your content, thank you for this one!
This video is another mind-blowing video for me. When I ask myself the question "I can't because" I realized that I have negative story about not being good at math and that eventually become the "truth". Anyway, thanks for the video!
Clark, you knocked this ball to outer space.! Thank you so much for being you and giving to the community.
Ahaaaa! You’ve set out the simplest, clearest and most direct explanation of the human response to life at a time it’s most needed! Congratulations…. You’re making a difference. Thank you Clark.🤩 Be well, prosper in all things and lead on.
You have been through "pain" yourself, but instead of becoming a victim, you wanted to know the reasons "why are things, the way they are". You probably looked for literature, and experiences to find the answers, and here you are now! Only someone who has been through "pain" can elaborate as clearly as you have here. It seems to be filled with much wisdom, but also practical and clear. Thank you for sharing the knowledge and wisdom you have accumulated. By the way, Dr.Victor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist possessing an amazing personality - in his book "man's search for meaning", it clearly shows the depth of his knowledge, perspective and qualities of a highly evolved human being. Thank you for your great videos.
You bringing up humility is soooooooooooooooo important!!!!!!! You nailed it!!!! Wow. Im going to do the i cant because exercise! Thank you for showing these mechanisms.
Clark, one of my favorite videos! That core beliefs diagram, great way to see what is broken and adjust.
Love the substance Clark, don’t let the views discourage you from uploading consistent quality content
Ugh great video! I’m working on getting over my immigrant limiting beliefs I grew up with. And life with someone who has the thorn they don’t want to take out and doing the work myself is hard as shit but trying to help them see how bad they’ve changed because of the thorn has been a real struggle.
Great video for first thing in the morning before I interact with the world. Gonna get my journal and ask the question for these four most important categories. Can’t wait to see my new outcome! Many thanks and see you on the journey!
Powerful - it's always the thing behind the thing ❤
Great video Clark. Makes sense and something I’ve intuitively started doing at the age of 52. The take away: revisit the thing behind the thing; analyse the lesson with applied perspective; realise it’s not what happened, but how you deal with it that counts.
Really well presented and explained - thank you
Great video, Clark. Thank you.
Started this video feeling really low and defeated. Now feeling empowered to supercharge my story. So much value here, thank you! ❤
This was very clearly explained and the visuals really helped. Many thanks 🙏
WOW, Clark, that was AMAZING! That was a TRUE Master Class in 21 minures. You hit on sooo many wonders topics, and you tied it in beautifully.
❤🎉Bravo! I love your messages and delivery! Thank you!
This was unbelievably helpful. Thanks!
great video man, great content. And you have an attitude, a tone that is very reliable, very normal (in the best sense possible), non youtube-like, if you know what I mean. Great job, Thank you!
17:25 - "I can't because..." That is a powerful exercise! Thank you!
He literally gives zero guidance as to how to then actually change the story …. 🤷♀️✨
Do therapy, Shadow Work, affirmations, Psych K
Thank you for this video. Well done! I also love your natural and conversational tone.
Great video man love the vibe
Great value! Great video! Thank you.
Thank you Clark! This was awesome
Brilliantly explained. Kudos to you.
You are an incredible storyteller ❤ thank you for this video!! Clear and concise with a great reminder for me, personally. May you be blessed!
Great presentation! 10/10! Really well put together, thank you ❤ so many good tips and advice
Thank you for this. I love your content and it has helped me out tremendously. Keep it up. God bless
Great video Clark, inspiring and constructive ❤
I needed to hear this exactly today.
Thank you.
One of the best videos I have seen on youtube. Thank you!
That was awesome! Thank you!
This is a great video, thanks Clark!
You are such an engaging communicator. Thank you.
Love your teachings Clark, they are so easy to understand and apply to my life...
Im glad the TH-cam algorithm brought this video to my feed! Btw I can relate to your math memory (I had undiagnosed ADHD and just didn’t connect to how it was taught). It’s telling how those things stick with us. I really appreciate how you don’t push simply being positive and using affirmations. Much more nuanced and practical approach ✨
Eye opening as always. Thank you for breaking it down and clarifying so much in so little time!
Super helpful this morning! This is spot on for me personally. New sub here. Thanks for this succinct synopsis of my own negative self-talk💕
Amazing stuff, thank you 🙏
Very helpful video!! Thanks!! I have a lot of surface confidence but I still have underlying issues of worthiness I can't shake off.
Clark love the videos, I truly look forward to them. You should make a video about FOMO. Think you’d crush it on that topic.
Great suggestion!
Yes, this is very helpful video to expand your previous takes on this 😊
You are a master!!!!! Big thank you for sharing this super class 😊
Great video. Thank you for sharing your wisdom in such a genuine way ❤
This presentation is perfect! So many nuggets of wisdom in one, concise explanation of how we become who we are and how we can become who we need to be. Thank you Clark!
Your stuff is always awesome Clark, thanks!! 👏👏
I have watched so many self help videos and this one is honest and I can see this might finally give me some help.
Powerful video for me, thank you - and thanks for the book recommendation. I bought the audiobook and just sat and fully witnessed an amazing sunset while listening to it, and without a freaking peep from my roommate.😂
Great video! So happy I came across it. My key take away is remembering this is what I did 21 years ago. It was a dark period of my life that I wanted to change. So, I left my abusive husband and told myself a redemption story. I supported my two kids, working and completing my degree with little to no child support. It was rough for the first 5 years but it got better. I work for a university now, own a nice home and living comfortably. I know that the story I tell myself is very different than the story he tells himself. It’s too bad that the kids are influenced by his negative narratives. Thanks for sharing! I’ll pass it along to others.
Video hits all personal self-esteem goal posts. Well done
Wow! Thank you so much for this information. Thank so much for sharing what u know 😊
Enlifted coaching method shifts these disempowering stories to empowering stories. One gift I get to share with my clients 🥰
this is gold, i really need this rn
GENUINELY helpful content on your channel man. Thanks for the work you do!
Thank you for this!!!!!
Thank you for this 🙏
Thankyou for this blueprint ❤
Good video Clark thank you
you are different bro, great work. keep going
I don’t know how this could be any better. Thank you
Great thoughts. Very helpful.
This was incredibly helpful. Thank you!
Brilliant explanation !
Thank you. That's useful. I liked the drawing. Everything is so clear!
I so totally saw myself in the thorn lady story. 100% me! Because I live with an anxiety and panic disorder, and over the years I have adjusted my life to accomodate these fears instead of fighting them. Mostly because the panic attacks are horrible, even getting worse with age, and I try to avoid them. Also, I'm not willing to numb myself with meds. But I am slowly, and gently trying to work on it all, because my life has become pretty monotone and lonely, yet I yearn for joy, laughter, exploration and an amazing socal life and love.
Good perspective!
My brain works when I listen to all the useful information you are teaching. If I am watching you- I get lost😂 thank you for the content! It’s the best ❤
Such a great perspective and so true. Thank you
Great advise !
Great video, thank you
Very Useful, It is so true!
This is gold! ❤
This is very effective and potent. Thank you! I watched it back to back to make sure I focused so much the second time! Damn
Amazing one! ❤
That was the best diagram I've seen yet to explain this visually. Nice work!
You just gave me the answers I've been looking for a while. ❤
Dude - i had math trauma - until same thing - Im running my business and I just got it -numbers were easy even fun for me and a strength! Love Micheal Singer 'untethered soul' - thanks for the reminder to revisist ❤ I'm healing being an avoidant - the core is a narc mother - I kept avoiding love to avoid further rejection. It's becoming more and more freeing to understand the why and release myself from it. It's showing up in my life as ultimate freedom of expression I haven't experienced since I was a young child and I'm deeply healing myself. Thx dude you're a breath of fresh air ❤
This is so helpful. It’s weird cause it’s like I knew this. All of this. And I have been trying to share it with people. But couldn’t figure out how to articulate it without sounding like I was coming from a place of superiority. So it is fantastic to have a video to reference and share thank you as always
*_Highly useful!_*