There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself. Here's the free "coffee shop" questions guide I mention in the vid: www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: th-cam.com/play/PL2LyGQJuIOzBPhuyGXx8CnSvr1CHyXkIg.html MY FAVORITE TOOLS 🟣 Book List - read if you want to grow - kit.co/clarkkegley/best-books-2024 🔴 TH-cam Gear - how I film my videos - kit.co/clarkkegley/youtube-gear 🔴 Studio Gear - make filming easier - kit.co/clarkkegley/studio-gear 🟡 Shortform - my fav book summaries - shortform.com/clark ⚫ Notion - my digital "second brain" -
So interesting. I always thought I was terrible in math and now I know why I thought that. Just the other day my friend and I were adding our golf scores and I added mine faster in my head than she did on her calculator. Now if you can only help me with my golf, I'll watch THAT video.
Dang you spent thousands of dollars to learn psychology when he read books at home for free and is able to teach better than you?……our school system is broken
@@Awareness_With_Dennis I spent nine years of university education, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and endured 4,000+ hours of clinical supervision to become trained and licensed to diagnose and provide evidence-based clinical treatments for people suffering from suicidal ideation, debilitating panic attacks, and marriages headed for divorce. Your comment reveals vast ignorance about the professional practice of psychology.
@@AncientIntegrationsnah. idk if shifting into a whole new, completely developed identity is doable (probably isn’t), but shattering your current one and adhering to some principles or mimicking an imagined role model is completely possible. Probable, even. For most of us.
Tony Robbins is a grifter who disregards economic facts. Changing your narrative is an incredibly potent strategy to cope with stress/adversity. But it has nothing to do with institutional/medical/financial discrimination. If you don't have excellent health benefits, get hurt, cant eork, and now have compounding interests strangling your options...it doesn't matter what story you tell yourself; you're still broke, disabled, and ineligible for employment that would allow an escape trajectory from this external reality that necessitates society-level intervention, like tax-code changes and debt forgiveness. But, if your obstacles are largely a matter of a logic loop of boo-hooing a lack of success because you didn't start at the finish line, then this works just fine. Tony Robbins is all vibes, no details.
Amazing! Thanks a bunch! My mom abandoned me and my brother at a sitter when I was 7 years old. I have thought that I was unlovable my whole life. I realized that my mom was fleeing her life. Not me. I am amazing and lovable.
I've read multiple books and watched a hundred videos on identity and self-help, but this one really hit it out of the park! After this comment I'm going to walk into the city, get myself a dedicated journal and start asking myself "I can't, because... ?" Instant sub, excited to watch more of your vids (after the walk)
I just realized I’ve been on the planet 52 years, believing and perpetuating ideas about who I am, conceived by my mother’s abusive Borderline Personality Disorder. I know she was sick, yet I’ve held her distorted ideas about my worth all these years
And it goes all the way down, right? Your tools for living are broken, and your tools for fixing your tools don't work, and your tools for fixing THAT are suspect.. It's a lifelong puzzle, better enjoy working on it!
your story about math trauma is making me question my entire "dyscalculia" diagnosis. i KNOW i can do math when i’m not afraid of it. thank you for sharing, i'd never heard that term til now. keep it up ♡
Hey, respect to you for not just making excuses and taking the easy way out like so many people do! I was terrible at math until halfway through college when I changed my attitude towards it. I'm still not GREAT at it, but I can do it at an advanced normal level. Good for you for critically assessing the situation! ❤
I am "better" than loads of people at lots of things. There is no value in that. There will always be SOMEONE better at SOMETHING than I am. The true value lies in ME being better than I was YESTERDAY.
I so totally saw myself in the thorn lady story. 100% me! Because I live with an anxiety and panic disorder, and over the years I have adjusted my life to accomodate these fears instead of fighting them. Mostly because the panic attacks are horrible, even getting worse with age, and I try to avoid them. Also, I'm not willing to numb myself with meds. But I am slowly, and gently trying to work on it all, because my life has become pretty monotone and lonely, yet I yearn for joy, laughter, exploration and an amazing socal life and love.
If you allow me to say something about your shared story. I was thinking about meds the same way as you do now, one day i had a chat with my neighbor, she said her therapist told her the brain takes less damage if treated with meds than without in such times. I take now myself escitalopram, it's to me like beeing less hypersensitive and far from numbed, if you get numbed, switch to another one or lower the dose. Those little pills are life safer sometimes.
Damn..I learned so much through this breakdown. I have been doing a lot of self-development the last seven years and never seen it broke down like this. You have an amazing way of being to articulate and breakdown to help anyone and their journey of healing. Thank you sooooo much for this! I’m saving this baby!
This is an appealing way to think about self-improvement. I like stories and have successfully communicated with others through stories, but communicating with myself? That's new. So, what's my story? I left home at the age of 13 because I didn't like being beaten (...and don't worry, I had a safe place to go.) That has been my core story for 50 years and it's kind of a sad story, a victim's story, poor me, if things don't go right what do you expect? HOWEVER another way to tell the story is "I did not like being beaten, so I figured out how to make the changes necessary to make it better" ... covers the same facts, but doesn't it feel stronger? My story means that when something doesn't seem right, I figure out a way to fix it. If it works, yay me, if it doesn't work, oh well, there's always another problem to solve tomorrow. It's a good way to live - I just needed help seeing that. Thanks for giving me the idea of telling myself a better story.
You got a shitty starting life , you unlock super achievement and now you have super admin power. Use it wisely , you can now create any story you want.
“I can’t because,” is hard because most motivational speakers, life coaches etc, are constantly telling us NOT to say or believe “I can’t,” but all that does is push our “I can’ts” into the shadow… we are always told NOT to say I can’t and not to look at why we feel we can’t… we don’t realize we have a core belief of “I can’t” because on their surface we are parroting back that we know we can.
My takeaways - Change your story and it will change your emotions that will change your thought. - Give me a boy tull age of 7 and i will show you the man - Story we tell to ourself is either contamination or commitment. Most people is first one. Thanks Clark for sharing good content.
Well if your story is Shucked & anyway you spin it is garbage, there's a slim chance in Hell the emotion & Thoughts will get anywhere healthy & happy. Based off of TRUTH. The Happy LIES may lead to a seemingly "good life" but there is definitely an Afterlife.
@@lijh You totally missed the point: As Wayne Dyer says: Change your thoughts & change your Life. He wrote a whole book on how to do it! It doesn't matter if up to now you struggled with a crappy life. You can turn it around in this instant! Because your attitude causes a reaction. So by having a better attitude your life will improve. Mel Robbins also gives daily Life Improvement tips... I'm Living Proof, after a painful accident with long term suffering. I have finally Healed my Body, Mind & Soul to Live my Best Life Ever!!!
Unfortunately some people are not yet ready to change their choices. Everybody has choices, they may not all be great choices, but they are choices none the less. It takes courage to explore a different path, each person finds that courage and comes to it in their own time.
You have been through "pain" yourself, but instead of becoming a victim, you wanted to know the reasons "why are things, the way they are". You probably looked for literature, and experiences to find the answers, and here you are now! Only someone who has been through "pain" can elaborate as clearly as you have here. It seems to be filled with much wisdom, but also practical and clear. Thank you for sharing the knowledge and wisdom you have accumulated. By the way, Dr.Victor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist possessing an amazing personality - in his book "man's search for meaning", it clearly shows the depth of his knowledge, perspective and qualities of a highly evolved human being. Thank you for your great videos.
What I got out of this was the following: I always believed, or must have learned or head somewhere, that Thoughts come first and are the driving force behind emotions, which then leads to the story we tell ourselves, This is a very interesting re examination of that structure, Thanks man, much appreciated. WIll try to put into practice ~
Wow. I've been believing in a contamination story for the last 16 years...I have been trying to reframe it, and I think you just helped me give it a better meaning. Love your videos Clark, thank you for all you do on this channel!
@clarkkegley I just want to express my heartfelt gratitude having come across your video this evening. I just finished watching it. I haven't sat down to ask myself "I can't because" YET... but I will. I realise I've been so focussed on the negative core stories yet at the same time trying to change my thoughts and actions in a counter-productive fashion (going from 3 to 1). I spend a lot of time watching content on TH-cam, but rarely do I feel compelled to write a comment like this one. Thank you!
This video is another mind-blowing video for me. When I ask myself the question "I can't because" I realized that I have negative story about not being good at math and that eventually become the "truth". Anyway, thanks for the video!
Ahaaaa! You’ve set out the simplest, clearest and most direct explanation of the human response to life at a time it’s most needed! Congratulations…. You’re making a difference. Thank you Clark.🤩 Be well, prosper in all things and lead on.
Our stories have shaped us precisely into who we are, today, in this very moment. And those stories serve us... for a time. They protect us and help us cope. Inevitably there comes a point along our personal growth adventure where we *have to* change our story (therefore our identity) if we're no longer enjoying and benefitting from the patterns and manifestations appearing in front of us, which we then call our life. Not easy to do, but it's possible if you're determined to really turn things around for yourself. 🙌 (Also, the karate photo from when you were a kid, lol. Classic.)
19:56 I've always found that youtube advice feels more gratifying to me when I watch it synchronistically after I've kind of followed it. Retrospectively forming a core story, (whether I knew it or not) by what I just did, lines me up to set up this "1 2 3". Equipped with the (1:) story, I come home with (2: ) feelings of reflectiveness, the youtube video becomes the cherry on top, providing (3) a more verbal (non specific, of course) reflection. My internal monologue/personal planner as I decide what/how I will act out next is naturally very journaling-y, so instead of surface level content, it plants a seed of positive reinforcement!
Thank you, Clark! You are great at extracting the essentials and sharing them with us with clarity and charm! Yes, chaging the meaning of our stories is fundamental...most people get to attach wrong meaning to a past event and then get to lie to themselves by repeating the same distorted stories. That's why being honest in the CAN'T exercise is hard, but it's definitely worth trying. Blessings!
I really appreciate your videos, Clark. I’ve watched your videos on shadow work, and they made that world and this journey of self-healing seem much less “woo-woo” and helped me believe in the power of this work. Thank you so much.
It was very useful, as somebody on self improvement path, i can totally relate to it. When i started telling different stories about my past life trauma, my self image started to change drastically.
Oh my God Clark, the same thing happened to me about the teacher and worse, she hit me in the head in front of all my peers. The trauma for me was fear of presenting myself in front of people. I was never afraid of maths I was afraid of embarrassment in front of people. I don’t tell my story in a contaminated way. I tell my story in a way that is so positive and I accept all and used it as a push to challenge myself further
Man I love your videos. You may hear it all the time. But I genuinely do mean it. They don't comfort you nor do they make you "react" as you'd say instead they are like a warmth, a guiding light through which I learn new things and make myself a better person.
This was very helpful! thank you for posting this! I’ll ask myself “I can’t apply to remote jobs genuinely because if I get an interview they will find me under qualified and not fit.” But to many times have I forgotten a fear after I accomplished something so it’s good to write down how u we’re feeling to see ur progress and connect a better redeeming story
One of my core stories does n't seem to let me cry, but this video got me off on a thought tangent that resulted in a small 3 second flash of cathartic crying. More than I've been able to muster in the last 28 years. Thanks dude. I needed that.
You really have a talent for presenting very complex ideas in a clear and useful way. I tell stories for a living, but I'm not sure I have ever thought about stories about myself I tell myself. Of course I have strong memories about things that happened to me when I was a child. I have to rewrite my own story.
Dude - i had math trauma - until same thing - Im running my business and I just got it -numbers were easy even fun for me and a strength! Love Micheal Singer 'untethered soul' - thanks for the reminder to revisist ❤ I'm healing being an avoidant - the core is a narc mother - I kept avoiding love to avoid further rejection. It's becoming more and more freeing to understand the why and release myself from it. It's showing up in my life as ultimate freedom of expression I haven't experienced since I was a young child and I'm deeply healing myself. Thx dude you're a breath of fresh air ❤
You bringing up humility is soooooooooooooooo important!!!!!!! You nailed it!!!! Wow. Im going to do the i cant because exercise! Thank you for showing these mechanisms.
Clark, I appreciate this video, and I strive to tell myself a different story. I was not confident, so now I am telling myself that I am a confident person, and I love my life and I love everyone around me. That's why positive affirmations are so important - positive affirmations are the stories that I tell myself over and over again, and I believe with positive affirmations every day, I can change my own story. Thanks for all these whiteboard videos. They're very nice.
I am so glad you are trying to do this for yourself. 🙂 Affirmations are lovely. However, they are more in the outer realm of thoughts. He is referring to something different than affirmations. I just thought to share this as I think it can sometimes be confusing; affirmations can seem like the same thing as a story, but they are very different. Someone just saying they are a confident person and love their life and love everyone around them is not the same as changing the story. I just wanted to point that out in case it helps. Best to you!
Now this is the kind of video I feel like I will return to from time to time as you presented such useful ideas in a charismatic way that is easy on the listener. My biggest takeaway is that I need to start thinking about what my redemption story is. Reframe the contamination!
man that video is spot on what happened in my life I had a medical turbinectomy, nasal tissues removed without my consent. Than i lost facial and mouth nerve sensations,and airflow true nose feels wrong... been stuck with this story for 17 years after i graduated university at 22 ,my life changed forever..I must redeem.myseld indeed great lesson
🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 00:00 *🎥 Stories shape our lives more than events themselves.* 00:54 *🧠 Understanding core stories is crucial; they control our thoughts and emotions.* 02:19 *🌱 Changing core stories transforms identity and life more effectively than surface-level changes.* 03:01 *📚 Stories are fundamental to human communication and evolution.* 06:02 *🌍 Core stories can profoundly impact life decisions and behavior.* 07:38 *🧮 Childhood experiences often shape lifelong beliefs and behaviors.* 10:41 *🎬 Differentiating between contamination and redemption stories can alter life trajectories.* 13:01 *🚗 Reacting versus responding: the power of controlling your narrative.* 14:48 *🧠 Neuroplasticity enables us to rewire our brains by changing our stories.* 16:12 *🙏 Humility in self-improvement fosters genuine growth and connection.* 18:30 *💡 Questioning fear-based stories can lead to significant personal growth.* Made with HARPA AI
Hey Clark, what a great timing. About 3 weeks ago I noticed this pattern in my life and began to pay attention to it. Playing fast-paced games and noticing your mind making up shit in real time was the best way I found to build up awareness to our storytelling mind. In Rocket League, I would make great moves out of automatic reaction (or muscle memory) and in LETERALLY less than a second my mind would create some story like: “I saw an opportunity to do ___, because my opponent were in a bad position while recovering from his last air-trick”. When it was just an automatic reaction coupled with a little bit of luck after 1200 hours playing the game. Thats it… Kinda like the same concept from any copywrite book or course: “We buy out of emotion and then we make up a logical reason behind it to support our decision”.
Ugh great video! I’m working on getting over my immigrant limiting beliefs I grew up with. And life with someone who has the thorn they don’t want to take out and doing the work myself is hard as shit but trying to help them see how bad they’ve changed because of the thorn has been a real struggle.
Great video! So happy I came across it. My key take away is remembering this is what I did 21 years ago. It was a dark period of my life that I wanted to change. So, I left my abusive husband and told myself a redemption story. I supported my two kids, working and completing my degree with little to no child support. It was rough for the first 5 years but it got better. I work for a university now, own a nice home and living comfortably. I know that the story I tell myself is very different than the story he tells himself. It’s too bad that the kids are influenced by his negative narratives. Thanks for sharing! I’ll pass it along to others.
My life is totally constructed to avoid pain. I’ve done a great job. My life is peaceful and safe. My question to myself is ‘what would I give this up for’. it’s what I wanted for so long. I consider it ground zero. Now I need to build on it. I have my life back. It’s a do over, and I’m not who I was the first time. Great video. New sub here.
Clark, thank you so much for not just this video. But all the other ones as well. This identity shifting seems very powerful and I am starting to grasp the idea better. You seem like a very genuine, kind person, who simply wants to help in their life’s. I also like how you simplified everything, and gave us action steps instead of us feeling lost. Keep up the good work.🙌🙌
Man, the grind was real it took me 7-8 years to fix 32 years of neglect, but my rewards were unimaginable success, peace of mind, and freedom. Stay Uncommon!
Honestly, the reason why I am subscribing right now is because you mentioned dumb and dumber. There’s something about humans that get that sense of humor and playfulness that makes me compelled to subscribe.
Really useful, Clark, amazing explanations. The story, emotions and thoughts are all interchangeable, in my opinion - it matters less where you start, more where you end up. Raising self awareness needs to be taught in schools and families all over the world... Thank you.
Great video Clark. Makes sense and something I’ve intuitively started doing at the age of 52. The take away: revisit the thing behind the thing; analyse the lesson with applied perspective; realise it’s not what happened, but how you deal with it that counts.
I really like the movie reel analogy. I recently looked at my life in that way, not realizing it. It made me sad. I haven't had a healthy relationship ever. I've been abused multiple times by men. I felt destined to be abused. I realize that I have to focus on my resilience and ability to survive. Also, I started going to a counselor to find out how to understand relationships.
This works. I change my eating habits 20yrs ago when I asked myself 'what if I saw myself as an athlete instead of myself'. Literally from there on the decisions around food, knowledge acquisition etc all got better. While friends were chasing fad diets or bodybuilding bulking, I developed healthy habits and evolved those over the years to where it's habitual and I barely need to think about it anymore.
I don’t know how this video found me but I’ve subscribed. Thank you for this breakdown and writing exercise. I’ve been down an attachment theory/styles rabbit hole lately and this helps so much. All the best.
Great video 🤌 I like how you succinctly explained why therapists ask about your childhood - that it has total relevance to your “now” problems. I had never heard the contamination story concept before but it was immediately recognizable in my own struggles and the stories I have heard so many times from family members: wonderful insight. Victor Frankl is amazing and I’m always happy to see someone sharing his story and book- it’s one I would recommend 100% to anyone interested in growth/healing.
This presentation is perfect! So many nuggets of wisdom in one, concise explanation of how we become who we are and how we can become who we need to be. Thank you Clark!
Great video for first thing in the morning before I interact with the world. Gonna get my journal and ask the question for these four most important categories. Can’t wait to see my new outcome! Many thanks and see you on the journey!
great video man, great content. And you have an attitude, a tone that is very reliable, very normal (in the best sense possible), non youtube-like, if you know what I mean. Great job, Thank you!
😂😂😂 omg so funny when you're like "I didn't know that trick" for some reason made me chuckle out loud. 1. Of how cute you looked admitting you genuinely didn't know 2. Cuz I kinda learned that trick later on in class too and I was like WOOOWWW 😅 so I can totally relate ❤
Im glad the TH-cam algorithm brought this video to my feed! Btw I can relate to your math memory (I had undiagnosed ADHD and just didn’t connect to how it was taught). It’s telling how those things stick with us. I really appreciate how you don’t push simply being positive and using affirmations. Much more nuanced and practical approach ✨
This throws an epic reunderstanding of this quote from the Tao Te Ching: "Watch your thoughts for they create your actions, which create your habits, which create your character, which creates your destiny." *goal, purpose, spirit, ends, final cause - these are all synonyms. Everything proceeds towards its end (aka goal, spirit, final cause, purpose). By changing my destiny first, I change my goal, purpose, spirit, ends, and final cause. What do happiness and success mean to you?
Thank you, Clark! It is very useful. Your framework on the 3 layers also reminded me of Simon Sinek's concept on the importance of our MVP, minimal viable product, or I like to think of as Most Valuable Product. We are our most important asset, but we often give ourself away to others opinions. Gotta start with our whys! Always enjoy your video! Helpful, insightful and enlightening! Much gratitude. 😊🙏💞
It's funny, because I was just kinda sitting here and telling myself - because I was trying to initiate movement towards something new in my life - that I needed to ask myself and list every "I can't, or because this will happen, or it just wouldn't" that bubbled up in response to or as excuse for why I wasn't actually putting action towards this change, and write them down so that I could get a comprehensive overview on why I can't seem to move on it everytime I summon the enthusiasm to do it without ultimately find myself procrastinating or being met with distractions. And then this video shows up on my feed. Haha. It's always encouraging when synchronicity lines up nicely such as this. 😢
This is literally gold! Been looking for answers to overcome my limiting beliefs around money and certainty and came across this right after watching Dr Don Wood and Evan Carmichael and it’s all in alignment. Thanks Clark!
Thank you, Clark. I want to commend you on a job well done. I just did the exercise… I can't because… And it has transformed some core beliefs about myself too. I just wanted to reach out and tell you how great that was.
I was counting on my fingers for math into junior high. I got the bare minimum math requitement to graduate highschool (grade 11) and thought I’d always suck at math. Well, years into my twenties I realized I had a huge fascination for biology, and a talent for understanding the concepts. So I went back to school to refresh myself in math and attempt university calculus, and here I am, doing it and with a few math courses left. Am I getting high marks? Nope. But I get 70s, and every time I sit down I tell myself I can learn this. It takes me a bit longer some days, but I can do it, and now my mental math skills are about 100x better than they used to be. Never believe you aren’t capable of something until you give it your full heart. I’m finally getting my Bachelor’s of Science to become a field biologist, which was the first job I ever wanted as a child ❤
My brain works when I listen to all the useful information you are teaching. If I am watching you- I get lost😂 thank you for the content! It’s the best ❤
Since you asked, Yes, this IS useful and very good. I love how you showed the clip of the neural nets wiring together right there on the screen while you continued talking. Well done! I love technology! What we are capable of sharing and making clear to people today is amazing! Great video. I also felt stupid due to my teacher making me sit in class trying to figure out math all alone while everyone else got to go to recess. BTW, I teach this stuff too. I just want people to know that they are worth so much more and can have happy, satisfied accomplished lives when they learn the stuff like this that shows them that they can. Thanks for your great work and your attitude of valuing everyone the same . ❤
There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself. Here's the free "coffee shop" questions guide I mention in the vid: www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions
The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: th-cam.com/play/PL2LyGQJuIOzBPhuyGXx8CnSvr1CHyXkIg.html
MY FAVORITE TOOLS
🟣 Book List - read if you want to grow - kit.co/clarkkegley/best-books-2024
🔴 TH-cam Gear - how I film my videos - kit.co/clarkkegley/youtube-gear
🔴 Studio Gear - make filming easier - kit.co/clarkkegley/studio-gear
🟡 Shortform - my fav book summaries - shortform.com/clark
⚫ Notion - my digital "second brain" -
So interesting. I always thought I was terrible in math and now I know why I thought that. Just the other day my friend and I were adding our golf scores and I added mine faster in my head than she did on her calculator. Now if you can only help me with my golf, I'll watch THAT video.
I am a doctor of clinical psychology. This teaching from Clark is pure psychological gold. I could not have explained it better.
If I had to sum up what therapy tries to help clients understand in order to achieve growth and change, this is it.
Im a student of my internal realms. It's basic self knowledge.
Dang you spent thousands of dollars to learn psychology when he read books at home for free and is able to teach better than you?……our school system is broken
Seems as such to me as well
@@Awareness_With_Dennis I spent nine years of university education, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and endured 4,000+ hours of clinical supervision to become trained and licensed to diagnose and provide evidence-based clinical treatments for people suffering from suicidal ideation, debilitating panic attacks, and marriages headed for divorce. Your comment reveals vast ignorance about the professional practice of psychology.
Tony Robbins wrote that the only thing holding you back from what you want is your story about why you can’t have it.
@@AncientIntegrationsto heal them?
@@AncientIntegrationsI'm trying myself..
@@AncientIntegrationsnah. idk if shifting into a whole new, completely developed identity is doable (probably isn’t), but shattering your current one and adhering to some principles or mimicking an imagined role model is completely possible. Probable, even. For most of us.
Tony Robbins is a grifter who disregards economic facts.
Changing your narrative is an incredibly potent strategy to cope with stress/adversity.
But it has nothing to do with institutional/medical/financial discrimination.
If you don't have excellent health benefits, get hurt, cant eork, and now have compounding interests strangling your options...it doesn't matter what story you tell yourself; you're still broke, disabled, and ineligible for employment that would allow an escape trajectory from this external reality that necessitates society-level intervention, like tax-code changes and debt forgiveness.
But, if your obstacles are largely a matter of a logic loop of boo-hooing a lack of success because you didn't start at the finish line, then this works just fine.
Tony Robbins is all vibes, no details.
Anthony Robbins didn't do anything new.
Amazing! Thanks a bunch! My mom abandoned me and my brother at a sitter when I was 7 years old. I have thought that I was unlovable my whole life. I realized that my mom was fleeing her life. Not me. I am amazing and lovable.
Yes, you are! 💖😘😍 It’s wonderful that you found that new perspective! 🙏 Your mom’s action had nothing to do with who you really are.
Absolutely. She couldn't handle life at that time. It had nothing to do with you. Sorry that happened. Live a good, self care, happy life now.
♥️
This comment/responses helped me out, too. Wow! I feel a true release. And insight into my flighty behaviors as well. Changing my story today.
@@methree123 You are awesome! You've always been a beautiful soul and you always will be. Sending love from the South Pacific Islands ❤️🌴💚🌴💙🌴💛🌴❤️🌴💚
As a 9/11 survivor, I greatly appreciate this information. It took me 20 hrs to finally do something about my story and I was able to in 90 days.
Ok that is impressive! That's a heavy load to have carried this long.
❤❤
What is your story? Also, did you get to leave Manhattan after that day?
I've read multiple books and watched a hundred videos on identity and self-help, but this one really hit it out of the park! After this comment I'm going to walk into the city, get myself a dedicated journal and start asking myself "I can't, because... ?" Instant sub, excited to watch more of your vids (after the walk)
I just realized I’ve been on the planet 52 years, believing and perpetuating ideas about who I am, conceived by my mother’s abusive Borderline Personality Disorder. I know she was sick, yet I’ve held her distorted ideas about my worth all these years
And it goes all the way down, right? Your tools for living are broken, and your tools for fixing your tools don't work, and your tools for fixing THAT are suspect..
It's a lifelong puzzle, better enjoy working on it!
your story about math trauma is making me question my entire "dyscalculia" diagnosis. i KNOW i can do math when i’m not afraid of it. thank you for sharing, i'd never heard that term til now. keep it up ♡
That’s interesting. Can you elaborate on how that manifests for you?
Hey, respect to you for not just making excuses and taking the easy way out like so many people do! I was terrible at math until halfway through college when I changed my attitude towards it. I'm still not GREAT at it, but I can do it at an advanced normal level. Good for you for critically assessing the situation! ❤
If you can learn English you can learn Math. Good luck and good wishes!
@@pixiwix this is really kind of you to say, thank you sm ^.^
My husband had this issue. I didn’t know it has a name.
I am a certified NLP and Hypnotherapist and man your videos are the best. I hardly watch long videos but yours are pure learning. Awesomeness packed
I am "better" than loads of people at lots of things. There is no value in that. There will always be SOMEONE better at SOMETHING than I am. The true value lies in ME being better than I was YESTERDAY.
"It is not what happens to you, it's what you do with it"
It's pretty nice having someone lay out inner work in such a clean and concise manner.
I so totally saw myself in the thorn lady story. 100% me! Because I live with an anxiety and panic disorder, and over the years I have adjusted my life to accomodate these fears instead of fighting them. Mostly because the panic attacks are horrible, even getting worse with age, and I try to avoid them. Also, I'm not willing to numb myself with meds. But I am slowly, and gently trying to work on it all, because my life has become pretty monotone and lonely, yet I yearn for joy, laughter, exploration and an amazing socal life and love.
If you allow me to say something about your shared story. I was thinking about meds the same way as you do now, one day i had a chat with my neighbor, she said her therapist told her the brain takes less damage if treated with meds than without in such times. I take now myself escitalopram, it's to me like beeing less hypersensitive and far from numbed, if you get numbed, switch to another one or lower the dose. Those little pills are life safer sometimes.
Damn..I learned so much through this breakdown. I have been doing a lot of self-development the last seven years and never seen it broke down like this. You have an amazing way of being to articulate and breakdown to help anyone and their journey of healing. Thank you sooooo much for this! I’m saving this baby!
This is an appealing way to think about self-improvement. I like stories and have successfully communicated with others through stories, but communicating with myself? That's new.
So, what's my story? I left home at the age of 13 because I didn't like being beaten (...and don't worry, I had a safe place to go.) That has been my core story for 50 years and it's kind of a sad story, a victim's story, poor me, if things don't go right what do you expect?
HOWEVER another way to tell the story is "I did not like being beaten, so I figured out how to make the changes necessary to make it better" ... covers the same facts, but doesn't it feel stronger? My story means that when something doesn't seem right, I figure out a way to fix it. If it works, yay me, if it doesn't work, oh well, there's always another problem to solve tomorrow.
It's a good way to live - I just needed help seeing that. Thanks for giving me the idea of telling myself a better story.
You got a shitty starting life , you unlock super achievement and now you have super admin power. Use it wisely , you can now create any story you want.
Yes, this really resonates with me too. Thanks for sharing ☺️🫶🏻
“I can’t because,” is hard because most motivational speakers, life coaches etc, are constantly telling us NOT to say or believe “I can’t,” but all that does is push our “I can’ts” into the shadow… we are always told NOT to say I can’t and not to look at why we feel we can’t… we don’t realize we have a core belief of “I can’t” because on their surface we are parroting back that we know we can.
“ has she really avoided pain or has she made her life more painful?” wow
My takeaways
- Change your story and it will change your emotions that will change your thought.
- Give me a boy tull age of 7 and i will show you the man
- Story we tell to ourself is either contamination or commitment. Most people is first one.
Thanks Clark for sharing good content.
Well if your story is Shucked & anyway you spin it is garbage, there's a slim chance in Hell the emotion & Thoughts will get anywhere healthy & happy. Based off of TRUTH. The Happy LIES may lead to a seemingly "good life" but there is definitely an Afterlife.
@@lijh
You totally missed the point:
As Wayne Dyer says: Change your thoughts & change your Life. He wrote a whole book on how to do it!
It doesn't matter if up to now you struggled with a crappy life. You can turn it around in this instant! Because your attitude causes a reaction. So by having a better attitude your life will improve. Mel Robbins also gives daily Life Improvement tips...
I'm Living Proof, after a painful accident with long term suffering. I have finally Healed my Body, Mind & Soul to Live my Best Life Ever!!!
Unfortunately some people are not yet ready to change their choices. Everybody has choices, they may not all be great choices, but they are choices none the less. It takes courage to explore a different path, each person finds that courage and comes to it in their own time.
All choices are equally valid. We are all where we need to be right now! 😄
You have been through "pain" yourself, but instead of becoming a victim, you wanted to know the reasons "why are things, the way they are". You probably looked for literature, and experiences to find the answers, and here you are now! Only someone who has been through "pain" can elaborate as clearly as you have here. It seems to be filled with much wisdom, but also practical and clear. Thank you for sharing the knowledge and wisdom you have accumulated. By the way, Dr.Victor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist possessing an amazing personality - in his book "man's search for meaning", it clearly shows the depth of his knowledge, perspective and qualities of a highly evolved human being. Thank you for your great videos.
What I got out of this was the following: I always believed, or must have learned or head somewhere, that Thoughts come first and are the driving force behind emotions, which then leads to the story we tell ourselves, This is a very interesting re examination of that structure, Thanks man, much appreciated. WIll try to put into practice ~
Wow. I've been believing in a contamination story for the last 16 years...I have been trying to reframe it, and I think you just helped me give it a better meaning. Love your videos Clark, thank you for all you do on this channel!
The bit about humility is so freeing.
16:29 "Man, there's a ton of growth in humility."
Yeah, I caught that too! 😊
“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” ⭐️⭐️⭐️
@clarkkegley I just want to express my heartfelt gratitude having come across your video this evening. I just finished watching it. I haven't sat down to ask myself "I can't because" YET... but I will. I realise I've been so focussed on the negative core stories yet at the same time trying to change my thoughts and actions in a counter-productive fashion (going from 3 to 1). I spend a lot of time watching content on TH-cam, but rarely do I feel compelled to write a comment like this one. Thank you!
17:25 - "I can't because..." That is a powerful exercise! Thank you!
He literally gives zero guidance as to how to then actually change the story …. 🤷♀️✨
Do therapy, Shadow Work, affirmations, Psych K
This video is another mind-blowing video for me. When I ask myself the question "I can't because" I realized that I have negative story about not being good at math and that eventually become the "truth". Anyway, thanks for the video!
Ahaaaa! You’ve set out the simplest, clearest and most direct explanation of the human response to life at a time it’s most needed! Congratulations…. You’re making a difference. Thank you Clark.🤩 Be well, prosper in all things and lead on.
Clark, you knocked this ball to outer space.! Thank you so much for being you and giving to the community.
Thanks!
Appreciate this 🙌
Our stories have shaped us precisely into who we are, today, in this very moment. And those stories serve us... for a time. They protect us and help us cope. Inevitably there comes a point along our personal growth adventure where we *have to* change our story (therefore our identity) if we're no longer enjoying and benefitting from the patterns and manifestations appearing in front of us, which we then call our life.
Not easy to do, but it's possible if you're determined to really turn things around for yourself. 🙌
(Also, the karate photo from when you were a kid, lol. Classic.)
I spent 5 years in grad school trying to communicate what you've said in 21 minutes 😂 Well done!
19:56 I've always found that youtube advice feels more gratifying to me when I watch it synchronistically after I've kind of followed it. Retrospectively forming a core story, (whether I knew it or not) by what I just did, lines me up to set up this "1 2 3".
Equipped with the (1:) story, I come home with (2: ) feelings of reflectiveness, the youtube video becomes the cherry on top, providing (3) a more verbal (non specific, of course) reflection. My internal monologue/personal planner as I decide what/how I will act out next is naturally very journaling-y, so instead of surface level content, it plants a seed of positive reinforcement!
Love the substance Clark, don’t let the views discourage you from uploading consistent quality content
Thank you, Clark! You are great at extracting the essentials and sharing them with us with clarity and charm! Yes, chaging the meaning of our stories is fundamental...most people get to attach wrong meaning to a past event and then get to lie to themselves by repeating the same distorted stories. That's why being honest in the CAN'T exercise is hard, but it's definitely worth trying. Blessings!
You are changing lives with your content, thank you for this one!
I really appreciate your videos, Clark. I’ve watched your videos on shadow work, and they made that world and this journey of self-healing seem much less “woo-woo” and helped me believe in the power of this work. Thank you so much.
It was very useful, as somebody on self improvement path, i can totally relate to it. When i started telling different stories about my past life trauma, my self image started to change drastically.
Oh my God Clark, the same thing happened to me about the teacher and worse, she hit me in the head in front of all my peers. The trauma for me was fear of presenting myself in front of people. I was never afraid of maths I was afraid of embarrassment in front of people.
I don’t tell my story in a contaminated way. I tell my story in a way that is so positive and I accept all and used it as a push to challenge myself further
This vid changed my life. I realized i had been lying to myself and had a false core story. Thank you, Clark
I would add that it is your BELIEFS about your story that is at the core. That creates your thoughts and what emotions you have. BELIEFS about story.
Man I love your videos. You may hear it all the time. But I genuinely do mean it. They don't comfort you nor do they make you "react" as you'd say instead they are like a warmth, a guiding light through which I learn new things and make myself a better person.
This was very helpful! thank you for posting this! I’ll ask myself “I can’t apply to remote jobs genuinely because if I get an interview they will find me under qualified and not fit.” But to many times have I forgotten a fear after I accomplished something so it’s good to write down how u we’re feeling to see ur progress and connect a better redeeming story
One of my core stories does n't seem to let me cry, but this video got me off on a thought tangent that resulted in a small 3 second flash of cathartic crying. More than I've been able to muster in the last 28 years. Thanks dude. I needed that.
Yes this was helpful. For me the best take away is where you said "write down why you can't . . . . . . . (fill in yhe blank)" .
You really have a talent for presenting very complex ideas in a clear and useful way. I tell stories for a living, but I'm not sure I have ever thought about stories about myself I tell myself. Of course I have strong memories about things that happened to me when I was a child. I have to rewrite my own story.
Thanks, very helpful
So nice of you 🙌🖤
Amazing video!! Thank you for making this 🎉
Dude - i had math trauma - until same thing - Im running my business and I just got it -numbers were easy even fun for me and a strength! Love Micheal Singer 'untethered soul' - thanks for the reminder to revisist ❤ I'm healing being an avoidant - the core is a narc mother - I kept avoiding love to avoid further rejection. It's becoming more and more freeing to understand the why and release myself from it. It's showing up in my life as ultimate freedom of expression I haven't experienced since I was a young child and I'm deeply healing myself. Thx dude you're a breath of fresh air ❤
You bringing up humility is soooooooooooooooo important!!!!!!! You nailed it!!!! Wow. Im going to do the i cant because exercise! Thank you for showing these mechanisms.
Clark, I appreciate this video, and I strive to tell myself a different story. I was not confident, so now I am telling myself that I am a confident person, and I love my life and I love everyone around me. That's why positive affirmations are so important - positive affirmations are the stories that I tell myself over and over again, and I believe with positive affirmations every day, I can change my own story. Thanks for all these whiteboard videos. They're very nice.
I am so glad you are trying to do this for yourself. 🙂 Affirmations are lovely. However, they are more in the outer realm of thoughts. He is referring to something different than affirmations. I just thought to share this as I think it can sometimes be confusing; affirmations can seem like the same thing as a story, but they are very different. Someone just saying they are a confident person and love their life and love everyone around them is not the same as changing the story. I just wanted to point that out in case it helps. Best to you!
So much compiled knowledge. I see where his knowledge comes from and I love how he aggregates it and shares it. Much love and appreciation.
Now this is the kind of video I feel like I will return to from time to time as you presented such useful ideas in a charismatic way that is easy on the listener. My biggest takeaway is that I need to start thinking about what my redemption story is. Reframe the contamination!
man that video is spot on what happened in my life
I had a medical turbinectomy, nasal tissues removed without my consent. Than i lost facial and mouth nerve sensations,and airflow true nose feels wrong... been stuck with this story for 17 years after i graduated university at 22 ,my life changed forever..I must redeem.myseld indeed great lesson
🎯 Key points for quick navigation:
00:00 *🎥 Stories shape our lives more than events themselves.*
00:54 *🧠 Understanding core stories is crucial; they control our thoughts and emotions.*
02:19 *🌱 Changing core stories transforms identity and life more effectively than surface-level changes.*
03:01 *📚 Stories are fundamental to human communication and evolution.*
06:02 *🌍 Core stories can profoundly impact life decisions and behavior.*
07:38 *🧮 Childhood experiences often shape lifelong beliefs and behaviors.*
10:41 *🎬 Differentiating between contamination and redemption stories can alter life trajectories.*
13:01 *🚗 Reacting versus responding: the power of controlling your narrative.*
14:48 *🧠 Neuroplasticity enables us to rewire our brains by changing our stories.*
16:12 *🙏 Humility in self-improvement fosters genuine growth and connection.*
18:30 *💡 Questioning fear-based stories can lead to significant personal growth.*
Made with HARPA AI
Started this video feeling really low and defeated. Now feeling empowered to supercharge my story. So much value here, thank you! ❤
Hey Clark, what a great timing. About 3 weeks ago I noticed this pattern in my life and began to pay attention to it.
Playing fast-paced games and noticing your mind making up shit in real time was the best way I found to build up awareness to our storytelling mind.
In Rocket League, I would make great moves out of automatic reaction (or muscle memory) and in LETERALLY less than a second my mind would create some story like: “I saw an opportunity to do ___, because my opponent were in a bad position while recovering from his last air-trick”.
When it was just an automatic reaction coupled with a little bit of luck after 1200 hours playing the game. Thats it…
Kinda like the same concept from any copywrite book or course: “We buy out of emotion and then we make up a logical reason behind it to support our decision”.
Ugh great video! I’m working on getting over my immigrant limiting beliefs I grew up with. And life with someone who has the thorn they don’t want to take out and doing the work myself is hard as shit but trying to help them see how bad they’ve changed because of the thorn has been a real struggle.
Great video! So happy I came across it. My key take away is remembering this is what I did 21 years ago. It was a dark period of my life that I wanted to change. So, I left my abusive husband and told myself a redemption story. I supported my two kids, working and completing my degree with little to no child support. It was rough for the first 5 years but it got better. I work for a university now, own a nice home and living comfortably. I know that the story I tell myself is very different than the story he tells himself. It’s too bad that the kids are influenced by his negative narratives. Thanks for sharing! I’ll pass it along to others.
My life is totally constructed to avoid pain. I’ve done a great job. My life is peaceful and safe. My question to myself is ‘what would I give this up for’. it’s what I wanted for so long. I consider it ground zero. Now I need to build on it. I have my life back. It’s a do over, and I’m not who I was the first time. Great video. New sub here.
Clark, thank you so much for not just this video. But all the other ones as well. This identity shifting seems very powerful and I am starting to grasp the idea better. You seem like a very genuine, kind person, who simply wants to help in their life’s. I also like how you simplified everything, and gave us action steps instead of us feeling lost. Keep up the good work.🙌🙌
Man, the grind was real it took me 7-8 years to fix 32 years of neglect, but my rewards were unimaginable success, peace of mind, and freedom. Stay Uncommon!
Honestly, the reason why I am subscribing right now is because you mentioned dumb and dumber. There’s something about humans that get that sense of humor and playfulness that makes me compelled to subscribe.
Really useful, Clark, amazing explanations. The story, emotions and thoughts are all interchangeable, in my opinion - it matters less where you start, more where you end up. Raising self awareness needs to be taught in schools and families all over the world... Thank you.
It was very helpful. Thank you. I’ve definitely been telling myself a wrong story
Great video Clark. Makes sense and something I’ve intuitively started doing at the age of 52. The take away: revisit the thing behind the thing; analyse the lesson with applied perspective; realise it’s not what happened, but how you deal with it that counts.
I really like the movie reel analogy. I recently looked at my life in that way, not realizing it. It made me sad. I haven't had a healthy relationship ever. I've been abused multiple times by men. I felt destined to be abused. I realize that I have to focus on my resilience and ability to survive. Also, I started going to a counselor to find out how to understand relationships.
Thanks
Thanks for your support 🙌🖤
Clark, one of my favorite videos! That core beliefs diagram, great way to see what is broken and adjust.
That picture of you as a kid is wonderful!! I can tell straight away we woulda been friends. That energy is 🔥
that "thoughts emotions stories " diagram is so easy to understand..its an eye opener. awesome perspective 👓
This works. I change my eating habits 20yrs ago when I asked myself 'what if I saw myself as an athlete instead of myself'. Literally from there on the decisions around food, knowledge acquisition etc all got better. While friends were chasing fad diets or bodybuilding bulking, I developed healthy habits and evolved those over the years to where it's habitual and I barely need to think about it anymore.
I don’t know how this video found me but I’ve subscribed. Thank you for this breakdown and writing exercise. I’ve been down an attachment theory/styles rabbit hole lately and this helps so much. All the best.
Great video 🤌 I like how you succinctly explained why therapists ask about your childhood - that it has total relevance to your “now” problems. I had never heard the contamination story concept before but it was immediately recognizable in my own struggles and the stories I have heard so many times from family members: wonderful insight. Victor Frankl is amazing and I’m always happy to see someone sharing his story and book- it’s one I would recommend 100% to anyone interested in growth/healing.
Clark love the videos, I truly look forward to them. You should make a video about FOMO. Think you’d crush it on that topic.
Great suggestion!
This was very clearly explained and the visuals really helped. Many thanks 🙏
This presentation is perfect! So many nuggets of wisdom in one, concise explanation of how we become who we are and how we can become who we need to be. Thank you Clark!
WOW, Clark, that was AMAZING! That was a TRUE Master Class in 21 minures. You hit on sooo many wonders topics, and you tied it in beautifully.
Great video for first thing in the morning before I interact with the world. Gonna get my journal and ask the question for these four most important categories. Can’t wait to see my new outcome! Many thanks and see you on the journey!
great video man, great content. And you have an attitude, a tone that is very reliable, very normal (in the best sense possible), non youtube-like, if you know what I mean. Great job, Thank you!
This is another reason why people are so bad or afraid of negotiation. It’s never really about the thing, it’s the thing behind the thing.
😂😂😂 omg so funny when you're like "I didn't know that trick" for some reason made me chuckle out loud.
1. Of how cute you looked admitting you genuinely didn't know
2. Cuz I kinda learned that trick later on in class too and I was like WOOOWWW 😅
so I can totally relate ❤
I have watched so many self help videos and this one is honest and I can see this might finally give me some help.
Im glad the TH-cam algorithm brought this video to my feed! Btw I can relate to your math memory (I had undiagnosed ADHD and just didn’t connect to how it was taught). It’s telling how those things stick with us. I really appreciate how you don’t push simply being positive and using affirmations. Much more nuanced and practical approach ✨
This throws an epic reunderstanding of this quote from the Tao Te Ching:
"Watch your thoughts for they create your actions, which create your habits, which create your character, which creates your destiny."
*goal, purpose, spirit, ends, final cause - these are all synonyms.
Everything proceeds towards its end (aka goal, spirit, final cause, purpose).
By changing my destiny first, I change my goal, purpose, spirit, ends, and final cause.
What do happiness and success mean to you?
Powerful - it's always the thing behind the thing ❤
Thanks. I've been looking for something like this ever since I heard about identity shifting. I am going to try this, God willing. Thanks again.
Thank you, Clark! It is very useful.
Your framework on the 3 layers also reminded me of Simon Sinek's concept on the importance of our MVP, minimal viable product, or I like to think of as Most Valuable Product. We are our most important asset, but we often give ourself away to others opinions. Gotta start with our whys!
Always enjoy your video! Helpful, insightful and enlightening! Much gratitude. 😊🙏💞
Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you are right!
A mentor of mine told me to "make excuses" for people for those situations that you would usually cause a negative reaction
It's funny, because I was just kinda sitting here and telling myself - because I was trying to initiate movement towards something new in my life - that I needed to ask myself and list every "I can't, or because this will happen, or it just wouldn't" that bubbled up in response to or as excuse for why I wasn't actually putting action towards this change, and write them down so that I could get a comprehensive overview on why I can't seem to move on it everytime I summon the enthusiasm to do it without ultimately find myself procrastinating or being met with distractions.
And then this video shows up on my feed. Haha. It's always encouraging when synchronicity lines up nicely such as this. 😢
This is literally gold! Been looking for answers to overcome my limiting beliefs around money and certainty and came across this right after watching Dr Don Wood and Evan Carmichael and it’s all in alignment. Thanks Clark!
Really well presented and explained - thank you
Thank you, Clark. I want to commend you on a job well done. I just did the exercise… I can't because… And it has transformed some core beliefs about myself too. I just wanted to reach out and tell you how great that was.
I was counting on my fingers for math into junior high. I got the bare minimum math requitement to graduate highschool (grade 11) and thought I’d always suck at math. Well, years into my twenties I realized I had a huge fascination for biology, and a talent for understanding the concepts. So I went back to school to refresh myself in math and attempt university calculus, and here I am, doing it and with a few math courses left. Am I getting high marks? Nope. But I get 70s, and every time I sit down I tell myself I can learn this. It takes me a bit longer some days, but I can do it, and now my mental math skills are about 100x better than they used to be. Never believe you aren’t capable of something until you give it your full heart. I’m finally getting my Bachelor’s of Science to become a field biologist, which was the first job I ever wanted as a child ❤
I don’t know how this could be any better. Thank you
Enlifted coaching method shifts these disempowering stories to empowering stories. One gift I get to share with my clients 🥰
My brain works when I listen to all the useful information you are teaching. If I am watching you- I get lost😂 thank you for the content! It’s the best ❤
Since you asked, Yes, this IS useful and very good.
I love how you showed the clip of the neural nets wiring together right there on the screen while you continued talking. Well done!
I love technology!
What we are capable of sharing and making clear to people today is amazing!
Great video. I also felt stupid due to my teacher making me sit in class trying to figure out math all alone while everyone else got to go to recess.
BTW, I teach this stuff too. I just want people to know that they are worth so much more and can have happy, satisfied accomplished lives when they learn the stuff like this that shows them that they can.
Thanks for your great work and your attitude of valuing everyone the same . ❤
Video hits all personal self-esteem goal posts. Well done
Eye opening as always. Thank you for breaking it down and clarifying so much in so little time!