Really great video Finn, love the quality and it's great to know that you're comfortable in your body. Really hopeful to hear. With your "female days" I think that could pass over time and realise it's not a kind of "threat" anymore, the things that made you so dysphoric aren't going to come back and maybe since it's still early days really.. it's possibly still a small fear that you know, something so difficult to deal with at one point might come back, but I'm sure once you pass the 5 year post op mark, or the 10 year on T mark, you'll feel much safer in that aspect and realise that this is you for good. Lots of love to you pal x
Thanks buddy. Those female days have got much less and when they do pop up the bother me less. I am interested to see what its like a few more years down the line! Love to you too my dear friend!
I identify so strongly with what you've said! From the personality disorder stuff (which also has a lot of ptsd elements) to the social anxiety and the feelings about lower surgery. It's so refreshing to hear someone else say all of that!
I can really relate to this! I´m finding myself feeling a bit odd and awkward when I´m around only cis-males. I´m trying to figure out their manners and behaviour and how they interact with each other. I´m still going around with a feeling inside me that someone is going to disclose me and say that I´m not "a real man", and I feel very self-conscious about my body (being pre-op, but almost 8 months on t). Even though I have friends and meet people of all genders, I´m still a bit shy/unsure in quite a lot of interactions with other people, that I often find myself going to/build pair with cis-females in training for example (I do muay thai). I was thinking about this the other day, about how I grieve not being socialized as a boy and how many things I don´t know about that. But on the other hand - the experiences I have from my childhood have shaped me to be the person I am today. I´m wondering if I´m ever going to be able to feel whole and if that feeling of awkwardness is going to disappear? It´s hard and I really relate to what you are saying, and I´d hoped to be able to write/express my thoughts in a more clear way than this, but this is the best I can do for now.
You were very clear my friend, I completely understand. I can tell you that it does get easier, I am far more comfortable around people now in terms of how to act. Im not sure my behavious will ever be totally male, (if that even exists!) but I am so much comfortable being me and so in turn much more comfortable in my interactions with others.
The thing is Cis-men groups are so annoying just soooo different. Very shallow and a lot of bravado and piss taking out of each other. I think it would be quite difficult to fit in with them after being socialised as a girl. As a trans man it must be very different after experienced life as a girl. Also loads of them are pretty sexist when in groups and the way they talk about women when women aren’t listening might be uncomfortable to hear they can be pretty crude. I know because my boyfriend tells me exactly how men talk when they are together just in groups of men
Awesome video! Your thoughts always make me think!. I was actually talking with some people today about how I don't feel like I fit in with cis men or cis women since I don't really know how to socialize with cis men and I don't want to make cis women uncomfortable by "intruding" (which I often feel like I'm doing when I'm talking to people I don't know very well but that's a whole other issue) on their spaces. I do think this is a problem solved by exposing yourself to the situation, though. I think the more we interact with cis men the easier it will get and the more natural our social role will feel, and vice versa with cis women. 👍
Thanks my friend, this is exactly where I find myself too, like Im intruding with women and an impostor with men! Its so difficult as really, in terms of years, we are only about 15! Itll take some time to adapt and feel comfortable in these spaces. It is indeed a case of just keep doing it!
I experienced the same when I had reassignment surgery... I was soo happy, as you describe... Probably we are real in this match, where others doubt so much, or try to do it for the wrong reasons... You look great! ❤️❤️😁
Thnak you! Yes, being certain of who we are certainly helps us to then have a far more successful surgery. I am very glad you experienced the same happy feelings!
@@FinnTheInfinncible hi! Yes, I did... I can not regret all the experiences, whatsoever, i mean even the racism, or these hateful things some do to us out of jealousy were worth it, as it made me stronger, and learn who to let in my new, fantastic, little life that I invented for me... As an escape, maybe from cruel society, or evil parents... Dreadful friends... You name it... And yet I found the way out to all that and found peace in my heart... And joy... I really made a good choice back then, and really happy to create little moments day by day...i love my life, yet... Be careful with the bullies... They want to hunt us down for being so happy... 😂😂😁... Run fast... I wish you a lovely new year to come... Hugs, bye! 💖💐🎊🎉
My Sam also had an eating disorder as well before he came out as trans. Once that was out, the eating disorder has improved so so much! Still in recovery and since Sam is 17, he hasn't decided whether he will fully transition or not. You really spoke to me about not having to have all your "gadgets"!! I wish this for my son as well 💜
Eating disorders are common in our community. I finally began to recover when I realised that I was trying to make my body male by not eating. Coming out as trans greatly helped me too. All the best to your Sam, it really does get better. I made a vlog about ED if it helps either of you? th-cam.com/video/UGzAGkHHiZs/w-d-xo.html
What you said made perfect sense to me. Like you my top dysphoria was horrendous and when I had top surgery it was like my chest, that had always been there underneath everything, was revealed. I now have absolutely no top dysphoria. It's all lower dysphoria and the social aspects of dysphoria that you were talking about that you explained perfectly to how I experience them too.
Yes isnt it a peculiar but affirming realisation! I wasnt expecting to feel that way after surgery as is wasnt my view before hand. I mean I knew I wanted a flat chest which required removal but I didnt realise it would feel completely different to removal! It really helped to confirm my masculine identity.
FinnTheInfinncible Yes it is! And I was the same way. I was all prepared with my therapist on stand by, because I'd heard horror stories of guys being depressed for a while after their surgeries, a sort of grieving process. For me I was more worried of being depressed because I could do even less around the house than usual after surgery. I'm the one who generally does 99% of the house work, the small amount I'm capable of doing anyway... But thankfully, I had none of those depression issues. Well, maybe a bit about the house work but it wasn't nearly to the level I expected or was worried about. I think since I did feel as if my chest was revealed I didn't feel any odd sense off loss. It must be so strange to want something gone so bad but then have a depressive episode because their gone. My heart really goes out to those that experience that because... ugh, that's got to be confusing and frustrating. Anyway, yeah, I totally agree it really affirmed my masculine identity as well. It was even more affirming is I've been feeling a lot more... frisky, lately in terms of being intimate with my fiance. For a while intimacy just wasn't too much of a thing because I was progressively getting more and more dysphoric about my top especially. I think things will improve even more when I'm able to have lower surgery, but it certainly helps be in the right mood if you don't have lumps of flesh that aren't supposed to be there. XD I rambled so much I forgot exactly where I meant to go with some of that. lol That's what I get for responding at 2:15am instead of sleeping. XD
It was a good ramble and made perfect sense! I prepared myself for the grief and loss experienced by others but it never turned up, quite the opposite in fact! I too experienced an ease in intimacy too, I reall like hugging people now!!!
I really feel you on the social triggers for anxiety/dysphoria. I tend to refer to those moments as "social dysphoria" insofar as they are--when I experience them--unique to social endeavors, especially when I'm being social in groups of strictly men. For me, it tends to be the worst around straight, cis men as I can be quite effeminate and can't help but compare myself to them and how they interact with each other. I think you're right, we aren't given the same experiences growing up around men (more often than not, I have a few buddies who socialized almost exclusively around men), and when we transition it's such an abrupt shift from being perceived one way to being perceived another. I've been transitioning for almost 2 years now, and my ability to socialize has gotten much much better...insofar as my social anxiety has dropped off immensely due to my ability to be perceived as my proper gender. So I'm able to engage with people, but now I find that my anxiety is riled up very easily when interacting with other men, because I simply do not have a grasp on the social cues, rules, and courtesies that are expected of men when they socialize. I think it's doubly difficult in my case, because as a bisexual man I can be very easily shunned by some of the straight men in my area (I live in a particularly conservative city in Southern California). All of this seems to reinforce in me a sense of shame or lack of masculinity, which directly brings up dysphoria concerning my body and medical history/trans identity. Put simply, I perceive my lack of male socialization growing up as directly linked to my trans status, and being in situations that demonstrate that lack can be extremely depressing and throw me into an anxiety attack if I'm not careful. I have found, however, that with transition one of my biggest dysphoria triggers--my voice--has all but disappeared with the affects of T on my vocal range. Now I just need to raise the funds to get my surgeries, and hopefully I can join you in having much less bodily dysphoria.
Hi my friend, very well described, it is indeed the lack of initiation into the male world that brings this feeling of awkwardness. With practice will come comfort I am sure. I think my current experience is to do with just social dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, though of course they do lnk together. Its funny though, I was so very comfortable with men before transition! This journey takes time! Good luck with your fund raising my friend
My top dysphoria is always worse when I'm in a binder, I don't know what it is but its like a reminder that I can't just put a top on or walk around topless. My dysphoria is getting so much worse now that I've been referred for top surgery and getting referred for bottom
Ah you are not alone there! This happened to me and to a few more people I know. I think that its a bit like christmas.......its annoying that its far away but once its close you cant stop thinking about it, cant sleep, and it drives you mad! Ok maybe a bad analogy if you dont like christmas, but I am sure you know what I mean! Its so hard to live with dysphoria and when the end is in sight it just gets harder as you see the finish line in view. Hold on buddy, wont be long!!!
As an older trans guy (38- but 3 years on the waiting list still...) your vlog and explanations make a lot of sense to me. Thank you Finn! There's going to be a day when academic researchers will have to reference TH-camrs as part of their understanding and research I think...and you will be one of them. Not everyone writes papers but creates posts.
Thanks so much for this vid Finn! Gave me lots of hope for a dysphoria free future and I totally agree with the ptsd comparison and what you say here about how our brains map and social stuff and mental health relating to dysphoria.
It happens to me too, that I catch myself in a position that it s not too girlie... And i feel like the eyes of my mom looking at me as a boy... Or sometimes i don t feel girl or boy... And some people can make you anxious... Not neccesarily because you don t look like your body now... They are just stressful and have their stress disorders to deal with... Without me... We don t need to people please, yet many of us feel we need everyone to be happy with us... Not anymore... But i have many miles behind me in this regard...
I still love when you waffle. xD Youre adorable. (even if very much male and masculine, even if a little camp). I just really enjoy the insight into your thought processes.
Hi Finn ^^ How are you doing in your new place? You seem good! Love your waffles. You should give us some breakfast meats alongside so we get a full breakfast complement. Balanced diets are important. Im doing fine. :D
I do this everyday, every time I'm around the guys I feel as though I'm not being man enough, I like how you've explained it because it makes so much sense. thank you for your vids, don't feel so alone :)
+FinnTheInfinncible yeah bet your glad that you don't have really bad dysphoria anymore, your super lucky and strong for getting through it all to be comfortable in your body :) I know one day I'll be in the same position, gives me hope
Its such a relief buddy it really is, it makes all the waiting , pain and frustration very very worth it. Very glad to pass on hope becuase there is indeed an awful lot of hope. Hang on in
Yep because men have spent years trying to be man enough and competing to be more of a man than the men around them it’s all toxic bravado. They have learned that if the do certain unmanly or sensitive things that they get called a pussy so they end up having to be more like a dick bloke
You may perceive that you're waffling Finn, but actually, you are one of the clearest communicators I know. Everything you say makes perfect sense. Here's my two cents: Having inhabited a female form for so many years, any time you act or react "female" sends off warning signals to your brain, and you feel anxious or depressed. My feeling is that the longer you live out your maleness, you will be able to make friends with the female inside of you and no longer feel self-conscious about it. There is a blessing in there somewhere...so many men deny and repress anything soft and relational within themselves, and think that being manly means being hard and distant. Knowing intimately what it's like to grow up female gives you a massive head start in that department.In the past, even though you presented female, and you knew you were actually male, you know absolutely what it is like to travel through life presenting female, with all the feelings, thoughts, and reactions that come with that. Does that make sense? Now here I am waffling when I said I would only waffle on your FinnFam page. I think time will be your friend here. The longer you are male, the more male you will feel. Love your shirt by the way! Blessings my friend!!
Thank you so much for that compliment, you know I still struggle to see my strengths clearly at times so its lovely to hear that. What you said makes complete sense, ive said something similar in earlier vlogs, that in having been anxious and depressed for such a long time i have linked the dysphoria and it together so that if i have a low day I can associate it with feeling female and if i do something that makes me feel female, by default i feel anxious. The brain is so useful but so bloody annoying! This wiring will take some time to undo! You are right though about making friends with the female, I really love being a balanced man in touch with my feminine side, however at times it can trigger me in a way that makes my maleness feel threatened....I think we have a vlog forming here!! Just like my waffle, yours is not waffle either! All your comments are wise and insightful and i always get something from them so never stop! Bless you my dear friend!
I'm quite lucky because I have been living as male for just over 6 months and after coming out I've been socialising as male. But also until I was ten (I'm 14 now) I would always hang out with boys anyway. So, in terms of socialising with boys I'm okay (although my anxiety was always really bad until coming out) I've always socialised with males and always acted like one because I didn't care what other people thought because I always knew I was meant to be in a male body anyway. Socialising as a trans male in high school is no easy task but I was not able to develop a personality as a girl nor would I really socialise. Ironically I have more friends now. Not sure if that makes sense but I'm sure you got the gist.
It does make sense! I too had more male friends than female which is why its so odd that I find it hard to be with men now. I guess its because its a different interaction between tomboy lesbian and man! Thabks my friend, good to know your expereince is good
As a FTM mental health therapist intern who is interested in Life Coaching other trans folks in the future., I'm wondering if there is something that could fill in the gap to help in this part of our social transitioning? I'm feeling that not only do I also feel awkward in the company of cismales but as a newly identified gay transman I'm adding yet another social layer.
Hi my friend, yes the gay aspect does add an extra layer of complication doesnt it! Im working through my sexuality at the moment and its tough. Im not sure what could fill in the gap really other than practice. Talking to other trans guys helps as you realise you are not alone but mostly I think its a case of getting out there and socialising!
Can I still go on t and get too surgery if my dysphoria isn't considered more than mild??? I'm so scared I'll get a therapist and they won't prescribe me testosterone because I'm not having majorly threatening experiences with my dysphoria but I really want t and I would feel so much more comfortable in my body with it. I also feel like my bottom dysphoria is very very subtle and I don't think I'll ever get it but I don't know for sure, I may change my mind or my dysphoria may increase in the future.
Hi my friend, people experience discomfort in many different ways and to many different degrees, the therapist isnt there to judge your levels of dysphoria but to help you to make sure that hormones and surgery are right for you.
Are you ever bothered by things such as height and hand/foot size, or does other people not noticing/commenting on them help you feel good about them as just part of how your body is? I'm asking because I still get some dysphoria over things like that on and off, and I'm trying to figure out how much is the effect of my depression and my process of re-adjustment to my new body.
Good question, I have had someone comment on my tiny hands once, I made a joke saying I was in another queue at the time when God was handing out hands... ;) I am short too, however lots of men are and I have managed to find peace with that
Absolutely, having lived and been perceived as female for most of my life, I do feel I have a unique insight now as a man. I am actually going to do a vlog about this soon
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Really great video Finn, love the quality and it's great to know that you're comfortable in your body. Really hopeful to hear.
With your "female days" I think that could pass over time and realise it's not a kind of "threat" anymore, the things that made you so dysphoric aren't going to come back and maybe since it's still early days really.. it's possibly still a small fear that you know, something so difficult to deal with at one point might come back, but I'm sure once you pass the 5 year post op mark, or the 10 year on T mark, you'll feel much safer in that aspect and realise that this is you for good. Lots of love to you pal x
Thanks buddy. Those female days have got much less and when they do pop up the bother me less. I am interested to see what its like a few more years down the line! Love to you too my dear friend!
I identify so strongly with what you've said! From the personality disorder stuff (which also has a lot of ptsd elements) to the social anxiety and the feelings about lower surgery. It's so refreshing to hear someone else say all of that!
Bless you, its nice to know we are not alone right! Thanks my friend
The idea of "what it is to be male" is interesting. Even as a cis gay male I feel like I missed out on Man 101 & don't really understand men at all.
My friend you have no idea how comforting it is to hear that!!
I can really relate to this! I´m finding myself feeling a bit odd and awkward when I´m around only cis-males. I´m trying to figure out their manners and behaviour and how they interact with each other. I´m still going around with a feeling inside me that someone is going to disclose me and say that I´m not "a real man", and I feel very self-conscious about my body (being pre-op, but almost 8 months on t). Even though I have friends and meet people of all genders, I´m still a bit shy/unsure in quite a lot of interactions with other people, that I often find myself going to/build pair with cis-females in training for example (I do muay thai). I was thinking about this the other day, about how I grieve not being socialized as a boy and how many things I don´t know about that. But on the other hand - the experiences I have from my childhood have shaped me to be the person I am today. I´m wondering if I´m ever going to be able to feel whole and if that feeling of awkwardness is going to disappear? It´s hard and I really relate to what you are saying, and I´d hoped to be able to write/express my thoughts in a more clear way than this, but this is the best I can do for now.
You were very clear my friend, I completely understand. I can tell you that it does get easier, I am far more comfortable around people now in terms of how to act. Im not sure my behavious will ever be totally male, (if that even exists!) but I am so much comfortable being me and so in turn much more comfortable in my interactions with others.
The thing is Cis-men groups are so annoying just soooo different. Very shallow and a lot of bravado and piss taking out of each other. I think it would be quite difficult to fit in with them after being socialised as a girl. As a trans man it must be very different after experienced life as a girl. Also loads of them are pretty sexist when in groups and the way they talk about women when women aren’t listening might be uncomfortable to hear they can be pretty crude. I know because my boyfriend tells me exactly how men talk when they are together just in groups of men
Awesome video! Your thoughts always make me think!. I was actually talking with some people today about how I don't feel like I fit in with cis men or cis women since I don't really know how to socialize with cis men and I don't want to make cis women uncomfortable by "intruding" (which I often feel like I'm doing when I'm talking to people I don't know very well but that's a whole other issue) on their spaces. I do think this is a problem solved by exposing yourself to the situation, though. I think the more we interact with cis men the easier it will get and the more natural our social role will feel, and vice versa with cis women. 👍
Thanks my friend, this is exactly where I find myself too, like Im intruding with women and an impostor with men! Its so difficult as really, in terms of years, we are only about 15! Itll take some time to adapt and feel comfortable in these spaces. It is indeed a case of just keep doing it!
I experienced the same when I had reassignment surgery... I was soo happy, as you describe... Probably we are real in this match, where others doubt so much, or try to do it for the wrong reasons... You look great! ❤️❤️😁
Thnak you! Yes, being certain of who we are certainly helps us to then have a far more successful surgery. I am very glad you experienced the same happy feelings!
@@FinnTheInfinncible hi! Yes, I did... I can not regret all the experiences, whatsoever, i mean even the racism, or these hateful things some do to us out of jealousy were worth it, as it made me stronger, and learn who to let in my new, fantastic, little life that I invented for me... As an escape, maybe from cruel society, or evil parents... Dreadful friends... You name it... And yet I found the way out to all that and found peace in my heart... And joy... I really made a good choice back then, and really happy to create little moments day by day...i love my life, yet... Be careful with the bullies... They want to hunt us down for being so happy... 😂😂😁... Run fast... I wish you a lovely new year to come... Hugs, bye! 💖💐🎊🎉
My Sam also had an eating disorder as well before he came out as trans. Once that was out, the eating disorder has improved so so much! Still in recovery and since Sam is 17, he hasn't decided whether he will fully transition or not. You really spoke to me about not having to have all your "gadgets"!! I wish this for my son as well 💜
Eating disorders are common in our community. I finally began to recover when I realised that I was trying to make my body male by not eating. Coming out as trans greatly helped me too. All the best to your Sam, it really does get better. I made a vlog about ED if it helps either of you? th-cam.com/video/UGzAGkHHiZs/w-d-xo.html
What you said made perfect sense to me. Like you my top dysphoria was horrendous and when I had top surgery it was like my chest, that had always been there underneath everything, was revealed. I now have absolutely no top dysphoria. It's all lower dysphoria and the social aspects of dysphoria that you were talking about that you explained perfectly to how I experience them too.
Yes isnt it a peculiar but affirming realisation! I wasnt expecting to feel that way after surgery as is wasnt my view before hand. I mean I knew I wanted a flat chest which required removal but I didnt realise it would feel completely different to removal! It really helped to confirm my masculine identity.
FinnTheInfinncible Yes it is! And I was the same way. I was all prepared with my therapist on stand by, because I'd heard horror stories of guys being depressed for a while after their surgeries, a sort of grieving process. For me I was more worried of being depressed because I could do even less around the house than usual after surgery. I'm the one who generally does 99% of the house work, the small amount I'm capable of doing anyway... But thankfully, I had none of those depression issues. Well, maybe a bit about the house work but it wasn't nearly to the level I expected or was worried about. I think since I did feel as if my chest was revealed I didn't feel any odd sense off loss. It must be so strange to want something gone so bad but then have a depressive episode because their gone. My heart really goes out to those that experience that because... ugh, that's got to be confusing and frustrating.
Anyway, yeah, I totally agree it really affirmed my masculine identity as well. It was even more affirming is I've been feeling a lot more... frisky, lately in terms of being intimate with my fiance. For a while intimacy just wasn't too much of a thing because I was progressively getting more and more dysphoric about my top especially. I think things will improve even more when I'm able to have lower surgery, but it certainly helps be in the right mood if you don't have lumps of flesh that aren't supposed to be there. XD
I rambled so much I forgot exactly where I meant to go with some of that. lol That's what I get for responding at 2:15am instead of sleeping. XD
It was a good ramble and made perfect sense! I prepared myself for the grief and loss experienced by others but it never turned up, quite the opposite in fact! I too experienced an ease in intimacy too, I reall like hugging people now!!!
+FinnTheInfinncible yeah, so do I. :) It's so nice to be able to feel completely comfortable giving someone a hug.
I really feel you on the social triggers for anxiety/dysphoria. I tend to refer to those moments as "social dysphoria" insofar as they are--when I experience them--unique to social endeavors, especially when I'm being social in groups of strictly men. For me, it tends to be the worst around straight, cis men as I can be quite effeminate and can't help but compare myself to them and how they interact with each other. I think you're right, we aren't given the same experiences growing up around men (more often than not, I have a few buddies who socialized almost exclusively around men), and when we transition it's such an abrupt shift from being perceived one way to being perceived another. I've been transitioning for almost 2 years now, and my ability to socialize has gotten much much better...insofar as my social anxiety has dropped off immensely due to my ability to be perceived as my proper gender. So I'm able to engage with people, but now I find that my anxiety is riled up very easily when interacting with other men, because I simply do not have a grasp on the social cues, rules, and courtesies that are expected of men when they socialize. I think it's doubly difficult in my case, because as a bisexual man I can be very easily shunned by some of the straight men in my area (I live in a particularly conservative city in Southern California). All of this seems to reinforce in me a sense of shame or lack of masculinity, which directly brings up dysphoria concerning my body and medical history/trans identity. Put simply, I perceive my lack of male socialization growing up as directly linked to my trans status, and being in situations that demonstrate that lack can be extremely depressing and throw me into an anxiety attack if I'm not careful. I have found, however, that with transition one of my biggest dysphoria triggers--my voice--has all but disappeared with the affects of T on my vocal range. Now I just need to raise the funds to get my surgeries, and hopefully I can join you in having much less bodily dysphoria.
Hi my friend, very well described, it is indeed the lack of initiation into the male world that brings this feeling of awkwardness. With practice will come comfort I am sure.
I think my current experience is to do with just social dysphoria rather than gender dysphoria, though of course they do lnk together. Its funny though, I was so very comfortable with men before transition!
This journey takes time! Good luck with your fund raising my friend
My top dysphoria is always worse when I'm in a binder, I don't know what it is but its like a reminder that I can't just put a top on or walk around topless. My dysphoria is getting so much worse now that I've been referred for top surgery and getting referred for bottom
Ah you are not alone there! This happened to me and to a few more people I know. I think that its a bit like christmas.......its annoying that its far away but once its close you cant stop thinking about it, cant sleep, and it drives you mad! Ok maybe a bad analogy if you dont like christmas, but I am sure you know what I mean! Its so hard to live with dysphoria and when the end is in sight it just gets harder as you see the finish line in view. Hold on buddy, wont be long!!!
As an older trans guy (38- but 3 years on the waiting list still...) your vlog and explanations make a lot of sense to me. Thank you Finn! There's going to be a day when academic researchers will have to reference TH-camrs as part of their understanding and research I think...and you will be one of them. Not everyone writes papers but creates posts.
How wonderful that would be!!!!! Thanks my friend, heres hoping your time will come soon!
Wow brother! Thanks for this video, it really resonated with me and what I'm going through with my transition! Love your videos! :)
Thank you so much! Welcome!
Thanks so much for this vid Finn! Gave me lots of hope for a dysphoria free future and I totally agree with the ptsd comparison and what you say here about how our brains map and social stuff and mental health relating to dysphoria.
Thank you my friend, things really do get better!
It happens to me too, that I catch myself in a position that it s not too girlie... And i feel like the eyes of my mom looking at me as a boy... Or sometimes i don t feel girl or boy... And some people can make you anxious... Not neccesarily because you don t look like your body now... They are just stressful and have their stress disorders to deal with... Without me... We don t need to people please, yet many of us feel we need everyone to be happy with us... Not anymore... But i have many miles behind me in this regard...
Whoop whoop!! Hope my Sam will be dysphoria free too in the future!! Thanks so much for sharing!! Love ya Finn!
Bless you! Love to you both!
I still love when you waffle. xD Youre adorable. (even if very much male and masculine, even if a little camp).
I just really enjoy the insight into your thought processes.
Ah hello you!!!!!!!!! I am glad you still like my waffle :D Hope yr doing well?
Hi Finn ^^ How are you doing in your new place? You seem good! Love your waffles. You should give us some breakfast meats alongside so we get a full breakfast complement. Balanced diets are important.
Im doing fine. :D
I do this everyday, every time I'm around the guys I feel as though I'm not being man enough, I like how you've explained it because it makes so much sense. thank you for your vids, don't feel so alone :)
bless you my friend, its common with us I feel! The good news is that its much better than it was and so it bound to get even better still!
+FinnTheInfinncible yeah bet your glad that you don't have really bad dysphoria anymore, your super lucky and strong for getting through it all to be comfortable in your body :) I know one day I'll be in the same position, gives me hope
Its such a relief buddy it really is, it makes all the waiting , pain and frustration very very worth it. Very glad to pass on hope becuase there is indeed an awful lot of hope. Hang on in
+FinnTheInfinncible you do bring hope, looking forward to more updates ect from you :) stay well
Yep because men have spent years trying to be man enough and competing to be more of a man than the men around them it’s all toxic bravado. They have learned that if the do certain unmanly or sensitive things that they get called a pussy so they end up having to be more like a dick bloke
Yes, I totally think that gender dysphoria can have some similarities to PTSD.
yes I can see that too
You may perceive that you're waffling Finn, but actually, you are one of the clearest communicators I know. Everything you say makes perfect sense. Here's my two cents: Having inhabited a female form for so many years, any time you act or react "female" sends off warning signals to your brain, and you feel anxious or depressed. My feeling is that the longer you live out your maleness, you will be able to make friends with the female inside of you and no longer feel self-conscious about it. There is a blessing in there somewhere...so many men deny and repress anything soft and relational within themselves, and think that being manly means being hard and distant. Knowing intimately what it's like to grow up female gives you a massive head start in that department.In the past, even though you presented female, and you knew you were actually male, you know absolutely what it is like to travel through life presenting female, with all the feelings, thoughts, and reactions that come with that. Does that make sense? Now here I am waffling when I said I would only waffle on your FinnFam page. I think time will be your friend here. The longer you are male, the more male you will feel. Love your shirt by the way! Blessings my friend!!
Thank you so much for that compliment, you know I still struggle to see my strengths clearly at times so its lovely to hear that.
What you said makes complete sense, ive said something similar in earlier vlogs, that in having been anxious and depressed for such a long time i have linked the dysphoria and it together so that if i have a low day I can associate it with feeling female and if i do something that makes me feel female, by default i feel anxious. The brain is so useful but so bloody annoying! This wiring will take some time to undo!
You are right though about making friends with the female, I really love being a balanced man in touch with my feminine side, however at times it can trigger me in a way that makes my maleness feel threatened....I think we have a vlog forming here!!
Just like my waffle, yours is not waffle either! All your comments are wise and insightful and i always get something from them so never stop!
Bless you my dear friend!
I'm quite lucky because I have been living as male for just over 6 months and after coming out I've been socialising as male. But also until I was ten (I'm 14 now) I would always hang out with boys anyway. So, in terms of socialising with boys I'm okay (although my anxiety was always really bad until coming out) I've always socialised with males and always acted like one because I didn't care what other people thought because I always knew I was meant to be in a male body anyway. Socialising as a trans male in high school is no easy task but I was not able to develop a personality as a girl nor would I really socialise. Ironically I have more friends now. Not sure if that makes sense but I'm sure you got the gist.
It does make sense! I too had more male friends than female which is why its so odd that I find it hard to be with men now. I guess its because its a different interaction between tomboy lesbian and man! Thabks my friend, good to know your expereince is good
I love how you describe those feelings, i can relate so much !
thank you. glad it's relatable and makes sense!
As a FTM mental health therapist intern who is interested in Life Coaching other trans folks in the future., I'm wondering if there is something that could fill in the gap to help in this part of our social transitioning? I'm feeling that not only do I also feel awkward in the company of cismales but as a newly identified gay transman I'm adding yet another social layer.
Hi my friend, yes the gay aspect does add an extra layer of complication doesnt it! Im working through my sexuality at the moment and its tough. Im not sure what could fill in the gap really other than practice. Talking to other trans guys helps as you realise you are not alone but mostly I think its a case of getting out there and socialising!
you always speak so beautifully. so eloquent!
Thats wonderful to know and wonderful of you to say, thank you!
Can I still go on t and get too surgery if my dysphoria isn't considered more than mild??? I'm so scared I'll get a therapist and they won't prescribe me testosterone because I'm not having majorly threatening experiences with my dysphoria but I really want t and I would feel so much more comfortable in my body with it. I also feel like my bottom dysphoria is very very subtle and I don't think I'll ever get it but I don't know for sure, I may change my mind or my dysphoria may increase in the future.
Hi my friend, people experience discomfort in many different ways and to many different degrees, the therapist isnt there to judge your levels of dysphoria but to help you to make sure that hormones and surgery are right for you.
Thx man
Are you ever bothered by things such as height and hand/foot size, or does other people not noticing/commenting on them help you feel good about them as just part of how your body is? I'm asking because I still get some dysphoria over things like that on and off, and I'm trying to figure out how much is the effect of my depression and my process of re-adjustment to my new body.
Good question, I have had someone comment on my tiny hands once, I made a joke saying I was in another queue at the time when God was handing out hands... ;) I am short too, however lots of men are and I have managed to find peace with that
You 100% pass as a guy here. Slight tiny bit of feminine but hardly anything
That's because I am a guy 😁. And don't forget, guys can be feminine too!
Hope one day I'll feel good about my body too. ❤️
Its taken me a fair few years buddy, its absolutely possible little by little
thanks Finn!!
Thank you for watching!
As a man, do you feel like you have inside information about women and their bodies that other men don't understand?
Absolutely, having lived and been perceived as female for most of my life, I do feel I have a unique insight now as a man. I am actually going to do a vlog about this soon
Wow you look so different here