7 Common Self-Care Tips That Actually Make You More Stressed
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ค. 2024
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In this video, Chelsea talks about things we do for "self-care" that actually perpetuate burnout.
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Based on an article by Gina Vaynshteyn: thefinancialdiet.com/8-self-c...
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The beginning of this video was really annoying. Once going, it was value.
@@scarlettr8823
. Nnnn v l. B no
@@scarlettr8823
. Nnnn v l. B no
Most of the times I get asked things like "Can you do these things by tomorrow" from my boss, I always say "Yes, but these other things I was working on will have to be pushed forwards. Is that ok?". That way I give my boss the full picture and he can now decide which task should be prioritized. And I never had a problem with a boss later complaining something was delayed, because I was focusing on another task, and I don't become overburden and stressed. I think a good communications with your boss is essential.
Good thing to keep in mind - I forget this.
Yes! I employ this same method. I do the “this is what’s on my plate. How should we prioritize x,y,x?” and it gets everyone on the same page. If someone wants something immediately they might not know what you’re juggling so a friendly reminder and adjusting expectations is always good. The caveat is, I know I’m lucky to work with a team that respects me like that. Because conversely I have a friend who’s job will pile on him and even if he lets them know what he’s working on, they still expect them to all miraculously be due the same day no matter what.
@@suhseal yeah, my job is like that. I remember desperately trying to explain to a former manager that focus & time are finite. I explained it like money: If you have one dollar, you can spend the whole dollar at once, or spend parts of the dollar in multiple places. But you CANNOT spend the whole dollar in multiple places. To do that you'd need more than one dollar (i.e. more than one me).
@@kandyappleview i'm so sorry. I hope you find a company culture that values your time and wants to give you what it takes to do you best job soon.
Felt like my old boss would usually just tell me I "need to manage my time better" when I did this.
I've been a lot less stressed since he went to another company.
1. Only do what you’re passionate about 3:30
2. Take a vacation and unplug 6:07
3. Have a drink or 2 to unwind 7:59
4. Just quit your job 10:30
5. Treat yourself 12:28
6. Just say no 15:18
7. Just change your scenery 18:18
Had to really search for this
@@shana9740 me too and when I realized no one else had done it I stepped up! 😂
U the angel in the comments
@@John.Smith2022 I honestly love the FD, but even more so when I find comments with just the highlights! Thank you!
You angel 🙌
My cure for compulsive shopping was hearing someone talk about how the rush of dopamine comes from the anticipation, not the actual buying of stuff. You get a rush that gets you excited for that new item and that rush is exactly what will make you click/buy it. So, in other words, I just browse and "window shop" online. I get to fantasize about outfits, creams, etc. And have all the fun without all that unnecessary spending.
Ohhhh have you ever used your Amazon wishlist as a cart? I buy stuff all the time there that I NEVER pay for, NEVER return and NEVER REGRET. 🤪😏😉
@@shanaesmith112 Same. Also you can put stuff in your real cart if you feel really motivated but then the next time you go to by something for real, click "Save for later" on the items you left in your cart before and it moves them to a section below the current shopping cart. I don't even bump those items back up to the real shopping cart that often, but for some reason I enjoy that.
I do this as well simply because I am cheap😂
Yes. I’ve been learning if I won’t use or wear (aside from bras,bottoms,maybe work clothes) for at least 5 years I don’t get it unless I actually need it & try to take care of it so I can sell or donate later.
Nothing like filling up a cart and Xing the tab :)
Definitely agree that the “do what you love” mentality is actually regressive. That sentiment eventually led me to a deep burn-out & depression. Had to quit working all together; it was that bad. It’s crazy how I was really brainwashed all throughout my childhood & college years to believe in it. I’m only now healing from that mindset-trying to teach myself that it’s okay to enjoy things & have hobbies without profiting from it :/
Too true. Amen.
We really are more than just our jobs! Letting go of that mentality can truly help us develop skills and interests that are not tied to our "day jobs".
Read Bible... don’t follow your heart as it’s the root of the Devil.
@@cheesecakesmellsgood so then if my heart tells me to read the bible, I shouldn't listen?
@@Etianen7 you have your own head to think, and you're not a child. Why are you asking me?
Someone once told me to never monetize my hobby and it's honestly one of the best pieces of advise I've gotten.
I do work in job that i love doing stuff that i want, but as Chelsea said, sometimes I'm not doing it happily and i need to unwind, that's where cooking comes in. I enjoy baking so much, it's so relaxing and it gives me that change of mindset Chelsea was talking about that i honestly always fear what it would be like if i ever need to cook for money. It would 100% ruin that escapism feeling that it has for me and the thing i love doing would then be associated with stress and unhappiness and i would be left without any activity that really relaxes me.
So in conclusion, yes, do what you love but remember it's only a job and get some hobbies that will always just be hobbies.
Just be moderate in eating what you've baked :)
This is a good point! Maybe the wisest advice would be "Do something for a living that you're good at and won't hate doing 5 days a week, but save something you love for your time off."
When trying to pick what career to work towards I had to think what would I enjoy and get money from that I won’t eventually hate altogether. Cooking and baking was one of those that was nixed quickly because while I enjoy doing them, doing it all the time would not be worth it and takes the enjoyment out of it and would eventually cause me to hate it and my job as I have had come close to doing such just cooking to feed myself.
Yes, I appreciated that point as well! I have a wonderful job with a great team, but I wouldn’t describe this work as my ‘passion.’ And that caused me anxiety in the past, but now I understand that my job doesn’t have to be that one big passion in my life and I’m enjoying exploring external hobbies :)
I have many Hobbys, so becoming a tailor will leave me with many more options to calm me down and create things.
man the first one is such a big thing in tech, like I'm expected to code all day, then code for fun in my free time
I feel this! Sometimes I’m in the mood to code new stuff if it seems fun but *rarely*. I feel like I’ve seen some coworkers talk about all the reading/studying they do outside of work, which is great for them I guess, but most time it feels like a subtle flex to make themselves look better. They’ll say “In my free time I’m having fun studying [random framework we use]” and I’m just like “Great! Couldn’t be me but have fun 😃”
100%. I worked in cybersecurity and the mindset was that you should be going home/ spending your free time researching the field and working on your skills. I knew some people who were deeply passionate about the industry and would do it gladly. I was not one of them, and never would be. I ended up leaving the industry for a good number of reasons but that was certainly one of them.
This! I'm not a dev by any means, but I do work for a large tech company. Those who are willing to work 40 and work another 40 off the clock are highly rewarded even if the overall company message is "work life balance"
Yup, because a bunch of sociopaths misinterpreted Agile and the 90s in general. I am wondering if WFH made it better or worst for you? 🙂
My partner feels you! He does code (some) in his spare time, but the expectations of his current employer are... a bit extreme w regard to his availability and productivity, as though his down time and family time just don't even occur to them! And of course it's hard to find a new gig in this crazy economic climate!
Me at 11AM: Today will be a productive self care day cleaning my house, exercising and journaling.
Me at 12PM: Time to watch The Financial Diet and eat vegan ice cream
This sums up what it's like living during a pandemic! At least you still have the rest of the day. :)
Well, you know, at least it's vegan. And you could be watching cartoons... give yourself a little credit ;-)
Upvoted for the vegan ice cream
Vegan ice-cream 💯
Doing "something you are passionate about" is just like a passionate romance: after the initial "honeymoon" period, it will lose the intense "passion" and will require effort and commitment like any other job/relationship
I totally appreciate the advice to avoid “do what you love” jobs. I am or was a talented artist and my parents insisted I go to university to study something practical. The “something practical” I don’t love but I do quite well and earns $$$ to spend on art supplies etc. I don’t have to sell my paintings to pay the rent or eat.
I feel we are very work obsessed. Our leisure time is sooo important. Most people spend their leisure time attending to their responsibilities, worrying about their job, working a second-job, trying to do a side-hustle or having fun. The one's who are having fun in their free-time are unlikely to burn out.
I feel burn-out is the tip of the iceberg of a much larger problem. Not very long ago, men were paid enough money to take care of his family and (typically) his wife. Whilst I absolutely believe we should not go back to that time. A single-person income should still be enough to look after a whole family. This way, single parents wouldn't struggle quite so hard, and 2-parent families should be able to opt for one to work full-time and the other to stay at home or they both work part-time (or whatever they chose).
I also think social media has gotten us into the mindset that we either need to be 'productive' (I've come to hate this word) or explaining to people why we are not being productive (either to re-charge and come back better or for anti-capitalist reasons). But the more down-to-earth reason is that we are just damn tired.
A full-time working person should typically work 8 hours a day and that be it. After this, we should go home, make dinner, hang with our friends, read, draw, exercise, just cut loose. But now people go home and spend all their time on social media worrying that their job is not impressive enough or their side-hustle is not successful or they are not making enough youtube videos.
This is not enjoyable time. I deleted social media (except youtube) over lockdown because I realised that it was simply not fun for me and in 10-20 years time, I will not be glad that I spent my free-time looking at other people's lives that made me feel bad about my own. I'm now into reading (a lot) and phone calls with only super close friends. It's like I've learnt a more empowering idea of happiness. I love my new sense of privacy.
All of my problems collectively addressed in one video, thank you! ❤
Seeing all my worlds collide 🤯🤯
💜 Thanks for helping so many of us who are feeling burnt out! 💜
Working from home saves me over an hour in commute time. I don’t want to go back!
not to mention the amount of gas saved from not traveling.
Fr I love working from home
Me neither. Next year, I am thinking to look for a new job closer to where I live.
Don’t accept the working conditions you had before. Lockdown has proved that working from home is productive, so if your boss won’t compromise, find somewhere that will. 👍
2 hours mostly in Metro. Brrrr...
Honestly my “treat yourself” luxury is putting on a face mask after a long stressful work night or maybe a pizza night once a month.
I’m too poor to treat myself and I’m so glad TFD made me realize that. Thanks for the great, responsible advice you put out there!!
I think you’ve taken her advice out of context. 🤷🏽♀️
@@Pippa87 Nope 🤷🏼♀️
mine is a rom com and a cup of "posh" tea
@@bonniestar7583 love that for you
@@bonniestar7583 Yes! I'll treat myself with peppermint tea sometimes :)
I work in a “passion job” which IS something im passionate about. The horrible drawback is that everyone I work with has no work-life division whatsoever. I keep a healthy separation between the two and it always feels like I can’t do enough to measure up. And it might cost me getting my contract renewed ☹️
It's so unfair...
What do you do??
OMG me too. I'm a researcher in a really competitive field and every weekend, every evening, I just picture the guy in my old group who showed up every day saying he stayed up all night finishing a code or solving a problem and so has some new amazing thing to show off, but he hardly ever would come out for a drink or come to parties (unless the bosses were there). Drives me mad too because he always looked so tired and seemed so fake-ly happy. His wife always looked tired too and I know she was enabling him to live like that to some degree (she'd be bringing him sandwiches during meetings... I have never in my life had a family member who would do that... surreal). I mean he's rewarded for that. He is successful. My friends and I who do have hobbies outside of work are constantly worried we're seen as unproductive though. All the amazing cool mountaineers, divers, musicians, etc. are going to be pushed out of the field so a dude who has no personality beyond work can make it.
@@160p2GHz I study Math and Physics in the university. I have a classmate who's like that. He spends his time watching videos and reading about Physics and the latest research. He's enthusiastic and makes me feel like we others can't measure up. But this makes me feel better that it's actually a good thing to have hobbies beside work. I wonder if he'll learn this somewhere down the road. Work-life balance is held at high value here in Finland.
@@Robert-cn1zb academic research in physics!
woooo call out the alcoholic culture like THAT !!! Ive been sober 2 years reeeeally glad I am during the pandemic. Would love to see more videos on this topic!! I think you hint at alcohol dependency implicitly a lot in this video with reflecting on how you take yourself everywhere you go (treating urself/different jobs/moving locations).
Thats so great Congratulations!
@@alyssafaith027 thank you :)
This plus caffeine dependent culture always get a little annoying
Congratulations on two years! 💜
I myself have largely stepped back from alcohol and other substances this past year since I recognized they can emphasis my anxiety/depression. And it’s been interesting that this choice gets questioned, even during a pandemic (ex: friends wondering why I’m not drinking during FaceTime convos when everyone has beer). I’ve remained firm by honestly answering: I’m just listening to my body and I’m not feeling that right now. Or saying it’s not good for my mental health.
But I’d love to reach a time when people’s choice to be sober or even cut down on drinks is not questioned.
@@bpsara This!! I have not had coffee in any form in over 10 years, but I have friends who have awful headaches and difficulty concentrating when they don't drink their large coffee in the morning. These are literally withdrawal symptoms, and they joke about it. There are a lot of functional alcoholics in my family, and I always drew a clear parallel between both dependencies...
I really wish TFD used that splitting the progress indicator/timestamps format other channels use
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Yeah same!
1. Only do what you are passionate about. Explanation: you are still working even if you love what you do. Too much work = burnout.
2. Take a vacation and unplug.
Explanation: The work you have to do will still be there once the vacation is over.
3. Have a drink or two to unwind.
Explanation: In the end it can only create a problem for you if you continue to rely on it as a quick fix.
4. Just quit your job.
5. Treat yourself.
Explanation: short term desires won't help us in the long run. It's a temporary solution to our problem.
6. Just say NO.
Explanation: not everyone is priviliged to say no (especially during this pandemic).
7. Just change your scenery.
Thanks.
God bless you
Thx.
Thank you 🌷
Just say "no". Be clear upfront on what you can accomplish in a specific timeframe.
Speaking of meditating... I am a not great meditator: my mind is very loud, I have an anxiety disorder, and in general I just don't sit still well. But I got out my grandma's rosary, and have had great results with that: concentrating on the prayers and the tactile aspect of handling the beads keeps me still and gives my restless mind something to focus on!
I recommend it to lapsed and active Catholics who also have trouble meditating, but ALSO other cultures I'm pretty sure use prayer beads, and thrift shops are full of rosaries you could repurpose with short poems or affirmations instead of the catholic prayers if you're not christian. I just wanted to put that out there for people like me who were constantly being told to "take up a meditation practice," but who could never get started.
I have found the practice has saved me medication during these miserable times. If I ever feel silly, I just think of my grandmother, and remind myself no one can see me! Just a thought, in case anyone out there needed the idea!
Just to add to this. Fiddling with something, adjusting clothes braiding my hair, moving around, etc has helped tremendously with me taking up meditation. I've tried for years and it always seemed like such a chore until I let myself move around while meditating.
I also switched from guided meditation audio to just background noise. Chanting or humming is a lot less anxiety inducing than a meditation track that tells you what to think about.
This is a great tip - meditation is so often sold as us focusing on our breath or as a way to stop thoughts. That isn't mindfulness or meditation. Meditation is about getting to the point where you are able to notice a thought, acknowledge it and unhook and go back to focusing on what you were before. Also - meditation isn't just sitting still! There are meditations which get you to focus on your breath, on an activity, that get you moving your muscles (progressive muscle relaxation) or even visualisations! When people say 'meditation doesn't work for me' my thoughts are - well what have you tried? Do you like the voice you are listening to? Are you expecting it to stop your thoughts? or have you only tried focusing on your breath?
For those that aren't catholic/christian, taking up a practical creative outlet such as knitting, sewing, etc that forces you to slow down without coming to a full stop can also be helpful.
For the non-religious; you can get something a bit similar to rosary beads, they're called worry beads 💕
Yes to the piling on of projects! The more stressed my boss was under the more unexpected files would show up on mine and my colleagues desks. Eventually, when it became completely unmanageable we all decided we would say, “Okay, we are working on X, Y, Z and now we have this new assignment to add to our to do list. Since we want to do the best job we can, please tell us which two are the most important, so we can focus on them first as well as the least urgent one so we can stop working on that until we are caught up.” It seemed to work because it allows you to point out that she/he is overloading you with an unrealistic number of assignments and you are not giving them a hard NO, just pointing out how the dump and run with projects in all levels of completion and no clue about the comparative importance of any of them. I would rather present them this reasonable reality than the alternative, which is to spend all weekend doing work.
I'm facing the same problem especially with the whole working from home, I dont think the bosses can see how stressful it is handling all these projects. I will try to approach it your way, thanks!
Can 100% attest to this! Just ask, “which is the priority?” They know they’ll sound foolish if they answer “all of them”. Obviously, they’re all important to get done, but which one is the highest priority?
“Treat yo self” was the best/worst thing that came into the lives of Millenials, lol. It really came to us at a time when we were really down bad. 🤣🤣
I work for a non-profit, and I'm very grateful that my boss and most coworkers honor the boundaries that I've set up between my work and personal life. However, because I work with volunteers who are incredibly passionate about our mission and happy to work on it whenever because it's a hobby for them, I do get calls and texts and emails at the most random times. I just try to remember that unless it's actually urgent, it's MY choice when I reply. If I respond on nights and weekends, I'm setting the precedent that I WILL respond on nights and weekends.
Exactly. My field requires me to be available 24 hrs/day if the director or manager doesn't respond; I am very strategic abt when I'll jump in. Another co-worker, eager to prove himself and not wanting to look like he's slacking, always chimes in first, thus setting himself up for extra projects that he either doesn't want and/or has no clue how to complete. I read a book that said to leave work early. For every half hour early you come in, leave an hour early. Don't ask; just do it. This totally worked with my director as my co-workers sit there everytime with their mouths open. Lol The key: come in early and be productive. I don't fill my days with "busy work" and refuse to spend my evenings and weekends filled with other people's emergencies instead of my priorities.
Yesss I love tip #7!! I used to always daydream about the romantic life I’d have if I moved back to Jamaica or to Europe or Canada (free health care, healthier culture around work?). I’d lay in bed dreaming about a happy version of me, gliding across clean, foreign sidewalks on my way to dates with men who would dote on me with so much passion. I would return home to my super-organized apartment to make myself an indulgent dessert (because now I have a healthy relationship with food and, somehow, an incredibly flat and toned stomach that disrespectfully contrasts my large bosom and shapely hips)... Then I realized that I would literally just be me... in a new place. It made me really work on myself and address things that were making me unhappy. Now I’m becoming that dream person while still saving money on rent by living in the same place.
Edit: I would still like to (eventually) live in other places. I just now know that moving is not the silver bullet that will relieve all of my inner turmoil.
Healthcare isn’t free in Canada. It comes out of payroll taxes.
I've felt this way too!
@@tenthousanddaysofgratitude thats still free at the point of services, and thru taxes its overall cheaper per individual
Europe has a healthier culture around work than Canada. Canada seems to be much more American than European, in my experience of all 3.
@@ShinyMon321 cheaper than what? The NHS costs the individual less in the UK than I pay in Canada.
i've been unemployed with no income so i couldn't relate to the indulging and ordering stuff. as for the work epiphany, i had it long before the pandemic, and i'm on the "have a moderately demanding but enjoyable job for 8h and have the rest of the day for yourself" team. i'm one of those people who has a 9-5 as the ideal situation.
Tip number three is so true. I think it really goes for all escapist behaviours, not just drinking or drugs. Cake or binge-reading romance are the drugs of choice for some of us, yet very few problems can be actually solved by eating sugar or letting a story drive you away from reality. Which doesn't mean that on their own these behaviours are bad or shameful.
Totally agree about alcohol and other mind-altering substances. Occasional treat? Sure. Need it weekly or more? There is a more substantial issue at play.
A hundred percent!
im sober in this pandemic and have seen a lot more people get sober (and a lot of people fall off) im glad people are starting to look at their relationship with it more closely!!
@@inaleighjohnson2813 Congratulations!!
@@Roll587 thank you : )
I have a glass of wine with lunch almost every day. I'm European, so it's normal here. Some red from my country mostly.
Think for bring up that out played, "never work a day in your life quote." For a while now I've believed that the idea that my dream should be a "job" is capitalist nonsense.
My favorite tip is "Declutter" which sounds nice. It is not just making some space though. It is the message of minimalism and just owning close to nothing. It becomes a second job... Constantly going through the home to throw things away. Then the stress of not having what you need because it has been "decluttered." This tip needs to come with some sense of balance and end point. Maybe some reasonable guidelines. It literally is a message of "don't own things." I am not bashing minimalism. I had a friend who "decluttered." She had to replace what she got rid of because she wound up with a spork, three outfits and a Bible.
I ended up with even more clutter when the decluttering craze started as people started decluttering into my home. For my own peace of mind I had to stop seeing those people. If you declutter too much you can end up throwing out something you might need. If you don't bother to declutter it's difficult to find what you need amongst the clutter.
The Minimal Mom suggests putting decluttered items into "quarantine" by putting it in a box and storing it for 6 months to a year. If it's something you need, you can get it back out. If it's been in the box for a year, you don't need it and it can go.
Minimalism is quickly becoming a cult. While I do think decluttering is important and research shows that clutter can negatively effect the brain, I aim for simplicity rather than minimalism.
@@ShadowRaven66669 I like the way you think!
thinking that minimalism and decluttering means owning next to nothing stems from an inherent misunderstanding of what it means... you're supposed to keep anything that you need, which can include even things like collectables as long as they make you happy. a lot of people are however just weighed down by clutter that theyve accumulated through decades and they don't even know half the things that they own..
but yeah, it seems like it usually gets misinterpreted and people get a bit too happy about throwing stuff out that they might actually wouldve wanted to keep..
This is such an eye opener, I get frustrated with these quick fixes for self care when the underlying issue doesn't change. I agree it's more important to address it instead of temporarily escape.
Might sound counterintuitive, but "the more things you have, the more things you can worry about", if you approach it the wrong way!
This. This is gold.
Before watching this video, I want to say that stress is not the issue. Anything and everything can trigger stress as it’s a perfectly normal biological function.
The question to ask is:
Is the thing causing you stress is worth the payoff?
What am I doing to address chronic stress? ( am I problem solving for the right thing?)
A lot of people say "treat yo'self" but who remembers that in Parks and Rec where they said it a bunch, it was on ONE DAY A YEAR.
As an artist i must say... having a dull day job actually betters my art than when im not working. I clean hotel rooms..... its great.
"Do what you love."
I love my career but it doesn't fit my passion and tbh, this situation is perfect for me right now in my life. I have learned that attaching my financial wellbeing to my passion (something that is suppose to be fun and relaxing for me) zaps all the fun out of it.
My immediate though on this same topic is "skin care routines". Skin care is touted as this amazing self care, but then you find out everyone disagrees on what's actually good and everything is crazy expensive! Makes you feel that if you don't spend $500 on skin care you will be literal prune by the time you are thirty. When you didn't even care about wrinkles in the first place! xD
I recommend dr dray ! She’s on yt and is a dermatologist who is budget friendly
Too much research on TH-cam on any product (makeup, skincare etc) will stress ppl out. I am happy with a few products that I truly enjoy in my skin care routine and I’ve stopped watching videos about it.
If you never properly wash your face and apply sunscreen, all that expensive "skincare" is for nothing. I've never used anything super expensive on my face. I was using moisturiser from age 18 and spf from age 25. Coupled with good genes I was still getting asked for ID at age 38. The alcohol drinking age is 18 in London England.
@@gflower3 I came here to say the exact same thing! :) I already suspected, but she sealed my belief that most of the overpriced stuff is just marketing and never necessary. And she’s all about simplicity, no 23 step routines in sight. I also like that all the info she gives is science-backed. (I know scientists and derms still can disagree, but it does help cut down on subjectivity a lot.)
I am an esthi. You don't need a lot of product or expensive products. I just bought a 5% retinol and a 25% bha/aha for less than $30 altogether. If you have a basic routine, drink enough water, wear sunscreen and don't smoke, you are golden unless you have a skin condition of some kind. I would absolutely suggest buy a cleanser, moisturizer and maybe a toner, all based on your skin type (oily/dry/normal) and NOT anti-aging kind of stuff. If you are over 30, an eye cream and an alpha hydroxy acid (glycolic, lactic etc). Over 40 retinol, over 50 collagen. All pretty cheap... Most people need five to seven products max.
Chelsea: "Sure I find this ethically dubious but that's none of *my* business." That shade! 😂
Thank you for saying that using substances isn’t a reward or self care. They are fine to enjoy but should be your go-to de-stressor
A (prescribed) sedative works quite well for me. Lol! Housewives helper!
I’m currently a full time student, working 2 jobs and doing a part time internship. The reality of it is that I can never do as well as I want to on any of them, and haven’t touched my internship in 2 weeks. But in a reality in which just having a degree isn’t enough, internships are unpaid and I have rent to pay, I’m not sure what else I could do?
I feel your pain :'( it sucks to always feel like you're failing at school/work/social life + self-care just because you literally do not have enough time or energy for it all. One point though about the unpaid internship -- if you haven't already, definitely check with your school's career center or general advising if there are stipends available for unpaid internships. Many schools have these stipends to try and level the playing field for lower-income students
I am not sure what your jobs are but when school opens back up look into working at a library or in security. I worked at a library and 95% of my time I could do hw/study and I only had to check out books when someone had them and close. It only paid $12/$15 an hour but it really helped me in terms of being able to balance everything
"...binge watching television instead of opening a book..." Me binge watching TFD 🤔
Whether from work or school or parenting, burn out is a beast. I'd describe it as agreeing to run a relay only to realize no one is going to grab the baton from you and you are going to have to run the other 3 legs yourself.
Perfect!
THANKS SO MUCH!! I have been trying to explain to so many people for so long that "do what you love" is BS!!!
this video is mostly describing a lot of maladaptive coping strategies, which i appreciate a lot. if you feel like you’re relying a lot on ‘self care’ but none of the things in your life that you’re unsatisfied with are getting any better, getting a therapist can really help to figure out what’s missing and how to improve those areas of your life.❤️ working on your mental health is true self care!
Book recommendation on this topic: Burnoout The Secret to Unlocking the Stress cycle by Amelia and Emily Nagoski.
We do put too much pressure on ourselves and judge ourselves too harshly, everything is often more nuanced then it seems. Hope you're all doing well and taking good care of yourselves! 🤗💕
That's capitalism for ya! Divide the people, make them compete with eachother over crumbs, justify inequality through the excellence of cherry-picked individuals and place ALL of the blame on individual workers.
@@user-xg6zz8qs3q I know a lot of things could be better, but I just happened to watch a video about North Korea and how they force people to blame themselves and one other person ever Sunday 😔 it's so sad but so important, would recommend. th-cam.com/video/598XcRpi0BM/w-d-xo.html
I'm feeling very greatful we can think freely, make up our own mind and voice the things that bother us.
Sorry for the far fetch point but wanted to share something I enjoyed 😅
@@ViviFriend It's not all doom and gloom for everybody!
Yes! The 1st One! My friend and I were just talking about the pressure there is to do what you love. Find out what you’re passionate about. If you get like a regular job or work in an industry you’re not passionate about, BUT you’re okay with your work, you have benefits, and have the work -life balance. It’s still looked down on! It’s do what you love and burn out or feel like you’re doing something wrong because it’s not what you love. 😣☹️
This is sooooo accurate.
The first one is really important. I really love what I do and get excited for new projects every day, but there are also days where it's not as fun. There are days where I have to spend the whole day filling orders and printing shipping labels, days where I spend hours placing fabric orders, and times when everything is going well and then my sewing machine jams.
Okay so I have anxiety,depression,ocd,maybe adhd,and live in somewhat of an abusive situation. These are some things that are helping me: I just started trying to take care of myself-doing my nails (I usually hate emery boards but I got over it by watching videos),bought some cute clearance nail polish & nail care items. I got a Gua Shu (?) face set I’m going to look up how to use. Got a couple adult coloring books & some target brand colored pencils. Found out about coffee kit-Kats & yes they’re so good,I get one once a week or so at work. I’m the one who gets about $11/hr and make the least out of me & my sons dad but I was the one paying most of the bills-rent,electric,groceries,household items,stuff for our son,& the pets:to be fair all the pets are mine. He’s paying a little under half of the rent now -$300 of $725. I took an extra night off work so I’m at 4 instead of 5 but am learning to cook from home and do more diy home things to save. My dog is almost 14 & goes to the bathroom on the floor often so instead of cleaning it all the time or buying a ton of puppy pads I bought two washable rugs off amazon about $60 each and also an extra set of washable puppy pads-had 2 already but they usually all go down at once bc sometimes she’ll find the one open spot to go otherwise. Also got a food storage container from there that makes feeding her so much easier. A slow feeder water bowl so she stops choking herself and my cats got a feeder bowl so I just fill it once a week instead of every day. I got my cats an open top litter box which has been a tremendous improvement over their regular one even though it’s still not perfect. I bought an iRobot vacuum for $143 from $300 so I can clean in between our noise hours being in a rental or have it running while I do other chores,I still vacuum regularly but this helps ease my mind. I’m trying to focus on what will actually make me happy and my life better. Also trying to drink more water instead of so much coffee & take time to exercise.
You have such a unique way of giving straight talking, down-to-earth advice without coming off unrealistic and pious. Thanks.
I think, this is the most practical yet honest advice for those who have been experiencing burnouts due to long-term and suppressed stress in their work. I am so glad I got ample of time to watch their videos. 🙂💜
The last times I traveled, I spent the whole time either getting yelled at by my grandmother or arguing with my father about traffic. If you need a bottle of Xanax to get through it, it’s not a vacation and it’s definitely not self care.
Dude I travel alone. In fact I do everything alone except work. I just find people absolutely draining.
I am a psychologist and I approve this message!
Growing up I was always taught that if you enjoyed it they wouldn't pay you to do it
That's a horrible mindset. This isn't volunteer work in your spare time, this is your LIVELIHOOD! You may enjoy doing your job, but it's still WORK! You are putting in time and effort and you deserve to get paid for it and take appropriate breaks. This is the kind of mindset creatives (your musicians, artists, photographers, dancers, actors, etc) have to put up with when negotiating payment for services. They have the same bills as everyone else!
This year, I've learned that self knowledge is incredibly powerful. Being able to reflect in an open, honest way about who I am and where I stand has been imperative to my growth.
At work, I've taking on a management position. Although a vast majority of the team I lead is fantastic, those who are not are consistently out-of-touch with who they are and how they are perceived by others. I find that some of the people who rely on the quips mentioned in this behavior are often prone to this pitfall!
At the same time, I use one of these phrases to be funny -- Treat yourself. Spending money used to make me feel guilty. I still agonizing over spending. However, there are essentials that I need to buy to live a good life, or items that would bring me joy (and convenience, confidence, etc.) if I bought them. I'm really trying to break through my fears about money so I can live a more balanced life. So, I keep saying "treat yo'self" a la Parks and Recreation. But it's all in knowing who you are and where you stand with these things.
I just saw Joe Sanberg on LA Stories talking about Aspiration. I love the idea of knowing my money will be used for the good of the planet. Thank you for sharing!
What I learned is that real self care is annoying while doing it but it'll help in the long run.. like stretching every morning, meditating, cooking healthy or working out...
I only found them to be annoying in the beginning. Now I love these things because they make me feel good. Especially cooking, it's a great and practical creative outlet. 🙂
I know this is not what the video is about but I love that you have storage ottomans as seating at your dining table. GENIUS.
This video really gave me some clarity about issues that I’ve been dealing with for years. Thanks so much!!!
The “vacation solves everything” point really hit home for me. My boss knows I work a lot and I’m used to not taking vacations (in my last job I used up all my vacation days each year for kid stuff). He thinks that a vacation will fix all my issues but that’s just not true. He’s wonderfully supportive, but I know I need to improve personally to fix my issues.
To be honest the “digital nomad thing” has always being ethically questionable not only during a pandemic... moving to cheap countries that your country once colonized to make your currency 3 times as valuable is shit...
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! I hate when people promote going to a country where the US dollar is much stronger, earning a US Income and then saying how life is good because you live with servants near a rice field and everyone else speaks English to you even though you are in their country and didn't even bother to learn a damn thing.
YES THANK YOU!!!
in an ideal world with freedom of trade and movement this would be a good thing, as you would be spending your money in a poorer country and stimulating their economy. The problem is that poorer countries' workers can't easily do the same and move to a richer country to make a higher income.
I have a social media friend who works remotely and travels (though not now, she's stuck here w the rest of us) I enjoy her posts but her approach to life, ie, "this couldn't possibly be exploiting or disrespecting anyone and I am getting an accurate sense of living in all these countries because I couch surf sometimes," has always rubbed me the wrong way. I love to see the museum's and crowd shots, but I think I don't take myself seriously enough to carry on like that even if I could, which I can't, so.
@@stuckupcurlyguy so, just to be clear, are you suggesting not going to those countries and not spend money there to stimulate the economy because people from that country can't move to the country you came from? This seems to achieve a negative outcome (less money spent in the poorer country).
For the record, I am from a third world country. I can certainly say that I'd rather people from more developed countries came to spend money in mine, even if I can't move to theirs, because in the long run, my country will be benefitting. I really don't understand the point you made, it seems to be coming from jealousy and sense that life is unfair (which it totally is, we don't choose to be born in a country that's relatively better off, or in the age when people were better off). I may have misunderstood your message though?
Setting boundaries with “yes, and” is a helpful tip I look forward to using - thanks!
Another day, another incredibly cogent Chelsea with a spot on video.. the first point about “doing what you love” being regressive is so true in the CS world. I hate that I need to have a portfolio of my “passion projects” that I coded in my free time to appeal to employers... ;_;
Dude I did IT for a while and it really seemed like people want you to be OBSESSED with it. There was an annoying dude at my uni who wanted to go out with me and one of the first things he said to me after I told him that one of my hobbies was video games he said: "Oh, you are one of THOSE people" with a face of utter disgust 🤦♀️ like wtf kind of response is that to a fellow 18-yo student who just started programming 😂 he also always had weird statuses about how programming is magic like come on haha so now I'm in finance, so far I dont feel like people have that attitude there
I say to myself and others, "don't 'treat yourself' out of your future"
Small changes of scenery can help, I don't know why exactly but I have found that if I alternate my online lessons from desk in my room to kitchen table, I am much more productive.
24 minutes full of great advice... thanks for that!
Honestly your channel has very “generic” vibe so I didn’t think I’d love it as much as I do bc I’m more drawn to channels with a bit more personality but this is prof not to judge a book by its cover. I’m literally binging and re watching your videos!! You’re are freaking awesome and the info is sometimes “nothing I haven’t heard before” but you present it in a captivating way and explain stuff really thoroughly that it makes me feel like “I haven’t heard it before!” I love you 🥺
Thank you, Chelsea, informative excellent talk and well-timed!
Thank you for calling out the bs that is the comment about "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". It's just a really unhealthy attitude, that plays right into the hardcore capitalistic hands, that want us to just work work work until we break break break. It needs to be said more often: you do not need to be 1000% passionate about your job, not even 50%. It's a job, that allows you to pay your bills and if you're mostly just fine with it, that is ALRIGHT.
This video gave me a lot of mental peace. Not doing the escape or support things while watching all of social media filled with it, introduces another level of anxiety.
This video was much needed and really timely. Thank you for this video. ❤️
This is excellent and timely.
I'm switching jobs come January and I'm taking copious notes!
Will definitely check out Career Contessa's assessments.
Such a spot on video!! 👏 Very well thought out and intelligent understanding of life's reality! Thank you for taking the time to put these together! ❤
I’ve been feeling lately that I need to change my relaxation habits to healthier habits - it’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
Yeah moving or traveling to a different country is just wasteful and gives you more stress. But in non pandemic times, going to a new environment like a library or a different coffee shop can definitely get you un-stuck and more creative. Right now, you could go for a walk in a place you haven't walked before, there are probably parts of your city you haven't explored.
For me this is the best video yet. It addresses issues I didn't know I had, they were so deep-rooted!
I was actually a bit anxious when I saw in the comments what you would be talking about, but it actually opened my eyes in a very positive way. Thank you so so much!
I feel like you’re a God sent! I was just crashing after work (even when I was on vacation last week).. I’m not broken, I’m just burned out 🤯
"Only do what you're passionate about" is a great way to start hating things you used to love doing. Don't take that away from yourself.
Such wise and grounded advice. It's really refreshing. Thank-you, Chelsea.
I had pretty standard office jobs that I was good at and gave me some satisfaction and a paycheque. Nothing exciting. I loved the transition to home and doing what I loved. My life felt balanced. Once I retired and could do them all the time, they lost their sparkle.
This is the first year inhave EVER gone on a vacation (we were safe. Rented a cottage the first week it was open, and isolated in the woods lol)
Anyways, it was SOOO much work, to not only plan and prep, but to get ready to actually be away from the office was insane. I would have been less stressed if I stayed home lol!
I so empathize with this. Even when I'm able to use vacation days (even for a day or two), the prep to leave the office, along with the nagging feeling that I've forgotten something or some emergency is popping up that I'm not attending to, makes a vacation feel like much less of a vacation!
Yea I think the iota of truth in the vacation thing is the idea of a serotonin detox. If you're lucky enough that you could do that it can help you to come back to work "feeling refreshed" or able to eat those frogs as people say. But honestly you don't have to go somewhere else to do that. You could designate a day on a day off.
Exactly
Definitely agree! If my family wants to go anywhere, we've changed the narrative of "vacation" to "adventure." Figured if we nip the anticipation of "relaxation" in the bud early on, it gives a nice reality check for toting around young children, lol! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 The idea of the cabin does sound amazing though! As stressful as it was, I bet it was still beautiful ❤️ (or at least I hope!). Best wishes for your next time off.
Thank you for the closed captioning on this video!!!
This is such good advice. I so wish that videos like this had been around years ago!
I loved what you said about the vacation! A few years ago I was in a job I hated. I went on a vacation to Hawaii and found myself even more frustrated and sad when I returned to work. Not that you should never take a vacation, but if I hadn’t hated my job I wouldn’t have been so depressed to go back to “real life.”
I appreciate the emphasis put on understanding the root of some of the things that may be making you want to change jobs, move, drink, etc. As the saying goes, we take ourselves wherever we are. So, if we don't address the actual problem, it will be right there on your doorstep when you get back from vacation or come down from whatever high you've chosen.
This video is SO weirdly a summery of all of the lessens I learned and the issues I tackled in my life over this year. (Yay 2020...)
I kept putting myself in really unhealthy work/life situations with manipulative bosses that guilted and exploited me. Literally for the last 12 years. I just didn't have respect for myself enough to stand up for myself in professional situations. I was guilty of using all of these in order to "cope" with my extreme stress levels, in addition to my anxiety disorder. And it was so bad! I have medical problems that flare up with high levels of stress...
Begining of November I finally found a healthy workplace, but I didn't until I took my time (jan-october) to address all of these things in old positions and work on myself. I'm still working on it, there are still so many things to work on, But my current job is supportive of these improvements and that's more then I knew to hope for at the beginning of this year.
I'm a trucker, overworked is the bare minimum 😅
While "self care" is always sage advice, it puts responsibility entirely on the worker and shifts focus away from what's frequently causing burnout - hostile work environments, poor management, exploitive demands for productivity, and the belief in American culture that productivity and financial success are at the apex of human purpose and worth. More than family, community, a balanced and satisfying life.
Just graduated college and this really helped with the stress of job-hunting. Tysm
As someone who is building career in what I love this video hit the nail on the head. I own two production companies and my finances vary month to month so I have a constant sense of instability. I also have trouble with my work life balance, I can never clock out.
Timely, needed this. I will take your advice...
always great content articulated with a clarity of thought
Your content is SO good! Really enjoying and appreciating it! 👌🏻🤩🙌🏻
I hope you will keep online events, so people who are not us residents like me can continue to participate!
Love your videos so much! Thank you for all the knowledge and wit, always a pleasure watching your videos. I learn so much 💕
I feel very called out by this video. Thank you.
Wow this was better than I thought it was! Tired of advice like, self care, Get your nail done, blah blah. This was much more substantial
Yes!!!! The part about vacation is so true !!!
Really relate to the change of scenery part (and so many other things in this). Definitively played with the idea before about moving countries/ becoming a digital nomad, cause I wasn't really happy w/ myself and my situation. And now that I've grown as a person, I also actually have grown to love the city I live in,
Burning out feels no good!! Thanks for all the help!!👍
But sometimes you dont have longtem solutions though, that's why rely on those things. If a person's problem is loneliness there is no long term solution , same for chronic diseases