As a young SAHM that homeschools, culture is so negative towards us. Our friends say our lives are over and refuse to spend time with us outside of going out and drinking. My husband’s family and friends insinuate I’m lazy and that’s why I stay home. My family and friends assume my husband wants to control me so that’s why he makes me stay home. Younger women make judgements that we’re oppressed and miserable. There have been a few moments where I felt supported by those around me but for the most part - I feel very much looked down on by others specifically for being a SAHM.
I can relate. I’m also a Stay at Home Mom who homeschools and it’s my absolute dream job to get to stay home and raise my babies. 😊 However, my entire family and old friends all think it’s bad both for the kids and for my career that I chose to stay home. I know that none of them have read a single book on early childhood development and their opinions are based on what culture teaches us rather than on any facts. I try to educate them a bit when the topic comes up and they are usually surprised to hear about how daycare negatively affects children during the first three years etc. Most people have no clue about child psychology, they just do what other people around them do with their children. We are the pioneers and the majority won’t understand what we’re doing. Give it another 10-15 years and I’m sure being a Stay at Home Mom and Homeschooling Mama won’t be that rare anymore, based on where our culture is going at the moment. Public schools have gone insane and over time more and more people will seek another alternative. Stay strong and confident in your choices! You are doing what’s best for your children, most people just follow the culture blindly like a cult. 😃
Adoptive father of four kids who didn't get attachment in their first years. It has been so hard for them. I'm way proud of them for what they've become as adults, but please take care of your babies. Mothers AND fathers. And don't have sex with people you aren't willing to raise a child with. That's how you invite them.
Thank you for speaking about this. Moms need this encouragment that being there for their babies perfectly acceptable and healthier for the babies & families.
Yep I agree with this. My mom was a stay at home until my brother and I were in elementary school. Even then she worked part time. I see a huge difference between people who grew up in a similar situation and those that didn't.
@@blueseptember2174 i’m working at elementary school. I have 19 school hours per week as history teacher so i’m more present at home than my friends and my studies and work helps me with my own children. When kids are at home i am too, summer vacation, winter break… i don’t know how is it with school hours at your country but in mine it is very convenient for mothers. I had first 3 years after birth paid maternity leave so i stayed full time with child and after that i come back practically part time but for teachers it is considered full time and it is paid as such.
I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful husband who has afforded me the opportunity to stay home to raise our children and not only provides for us but also, values my job as a stay at home mother and wife and as he call me.. his CFO
What a good husband you have! It's so good that you are also expressing gratitude for this role. Some women don't value it. Blessings to you and your husband 😊❤
I hope more child development experts go to Congress and testify on behalf of all parents. This type of ideal is incredibly hard to replicate w/o full parental leave. I genuinely wonder how many parents would be able to better parent their children if social supports like this were put into place.
I’m 71. I raised my kids during the 70’s / 80’s and half way into the 90’s. I raised my 3 children and my two nieces. Plus all their friends ( 😂) . In retrospect, I remember they craved attention, from an adult that actually listened. Looking for approval, acceptance, understanding and genuine love. I did listen, but I wish I had listened even more. That have all grown up. They have flittered off, building their own lives now.
Ive worked in daycares for 7 years now... ive been saying this since week 1. Imagine 1 person caring for 4 newborns for up to 12 hours a day (6 to 6) ... its neglect. No other way to put it. Yes theyre alive but they dont thrive
Exactly, I worked at 2 daycares which is why I don’t put my boys in them. Some of the worst people I’ve ever met I worked with at those places, sounds dramatic but it’s true
Yes! I worked with infants for 3 years at a daycare. I left when we started trying to have a baby, I could never put my daughter in daycare. You can only attend to their physical needs with that many babies, there is no way to tend to their emotional needs.
I always thought i would go back to work after i had babies. The moment i held them in my arms i knew i was suppose to be the one caring for them. I couldnt be happier im so very fortunate that i have a husband that supports me so i can stay home and homeschool and raise our children. I want to raise healthy independent adults!
I worked at 430a in the morning so I could be with my kids at 100p on. And my mother helped me bc I wanted them to bond with my mom too. And I only worked three days Mon thru Wed …. I didn’t have much money but I was the happiest with my kids… I saw how they were when they saw me at 100p they were so excited. I also noticed that my babies always wanted to smell me. I place them in day care after school pickup once school stared began. I learned a lot about patience and communication differences bc I realize they had different personalities. Love my babies. Always around family aunts and uncles and grandpa and grandma.
I work from home with my husband and we have our 9 month old with us all day. The benefits of not having him in daycare is insane, I don't know how I'd be able to stand being away from him. I always say, Baby needs Mama, and Mama needs Baby.
This is why living near family is also ideal. It's impossible to emotionally present 100% of the time. But having extended family able to jump in and help is a huge benefit.
I think what is important is not just being there but giving your children as many opportunities in that period of time to actually explore sitting in a clean home day in and day out is not expanding their horizons
I can't quite tell exactly what you are trying to say here (positive/negative), but I can tell you that we were RARELY "just sitting around" when my children were being homeschooled!! We spent a lot of time in the library reading about things that interested us, going on field trips, drawing, painting, playing, and learning (with AND without other people)! My children, now grown, w/families of their own, are STILL interested in a WIDE variety of things!!❤️
My dad was unemployed and mom was working. I was mostly raised by him at first. Both of them were equally good parents to me. I am grateful that I never wondered if I was loved
Yes. I tell people all the time the first five years are so important to you and your child. You want to be there for the first words, first walk, and first day of school. You're building a bound with your child and memory for both of you.
Totally agree… a great goal to attained, yet almost impossible. I was one of those who was not present with my children: severe unresolved trauma and stressed out all the time. I was able to heal myself, yet too late for my kids. Unfortunately I was not able to break the chain of abuse in time for them.
I was a stay at home mom but I had severe postpartum depression and ideation. No family or friends nearby since my husband got a new job which required long hours. I had no village. I cried every single hour. I honestly think my newborn would have been better without me.
There is some research that shows PPD could be mitigated by high Vit D levels, and that low levels create a more depressive state. I had PPD with my first and blood work showed low Vit D levels. I never got PPD with my subsequent children, especially the winter babies because I kept my Vit D levels high throughout pregnancy. Just a thought, I hope this helps you.
I've been a sahm to my 3 little ppl so far. The oldest 2 (twins) just turned 3 and the youngest is 7 months old. My husband and I are sandwiches bt caring for aging parents and for young children and with the current economic situation, building on the past few years, I will have to go back to work to help keep a roof over our heads. Our plan was to homeschool but it won't be possible now 😢 I am praying to God to find a way to earn enough money in such a way that I can continue to stay home and take care of our youngest.
Maybe try to find a work from home position? We dont have children yet but I don’t see it being realistic for me to stay home at least not for a long time. I’m trying to find work from home now but it’s hard with my skill set.
@@erikajay2 Same here. All my previous work was very hands on and people facing. Plus I need to have flexible hours so I can still take care of my little one and any future little ones. If I can't find something, my baby has to go to daycare. 😥
Look at tech companies! Many of them allow fully remote work and there are quite a few entry-level opportunities. (Customer support, software trainer, etc). If you’re more technical there are technical writer positions or software tester positions available too with higher pay scales.
It also helps to have MULTIPLE attachment figures. Tribes made that all the time. So pls, make it normal for the baby to be held by mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It will help you.
When did we become so careless with our children and our future generations… Who told us it’s the norm to let random people raise your children … because 9-5 is raising them not looking after them … Who told us women have to work and mother but work comes first ???? The world is backwards and it needs to stop
True. I’m not sure yet I want children and a big part of my doubt is that I would like to be very present and spent as much time with my kids as possible, but living of 1 or 1,5 income would mean that things get financially tight, especially taking into consideration the extra costs for the child.
That's why as a single parent, I invested my thousands from the sale of a home from divorce settlement into myself and ensuring my child had my full attention for those first three years. After that, I home schooled. He's 17 now and I love the results of my parenting.
She needs to speak to parents that shove phones and iPads into their babies face. I’ve seen soooo many young toddlers and kids staring down in public at the screen. It’s sad.
It gets me upset when I see kids at lunch or dinner with tablets. My kid is 4 and she's never had one so she knows exactly how to act at dinner time even at a restaurant. It's so sad these kids are addicted to phones and tablets. They'd rather be on a tablet than play at the park
I saw that yesterday. A toddler glued to his screen in his stroller while the mother is also on her phone. I haven't seen children have imaginary play in years. Many little girls dont play hand games anymore, little girls want adult makeup and standley cups. We are regressing as a society via the destruction of mothethood.
I’m a STAHM but I’m still grieving my parents losses I’m trying so hard to bury it so I can be stable, I have supports but I don’t feel I have many people pouring into me..
Thats why its so important to have a village to help raise kids. Its so hard for one person emotionally to do it all. Not saying thats an option for everyone, because we have to play with the cards we're dealt, but I see a lot of people who alienate their village and then blame the village for neglecting them.
My mum stayed with me until I was three, but in the case of my younger sister only until she was eighteen months old. Guess what, she's the one who has been faring better mentally than me so far. Just take a good care of your child/children and you'll be fine. Raising a child is not math and there isn't one perfect formula to solve the "problem".
I agree!!!! I'm gay and I help my aunt raise her children. They look for me but she thinks that I am a bad influence because being say is a sin. They cry for me and begged to slip over at my house. She worked during their baby years and now I am the primary attachment figure. This happens to Nannies and babysitters. Now she is going through a divorce and her children are hurt and tell me everything, she's also toxic to her immediate family. She cares about church and work. Parents do not be my AUNT IRMA. You're children are not my kids!!!! If you are not there for them in the beginning, they're going to look for someone else as a parent.
Interesting. I’ve seen a person who generally educates on parenting by reading all of the research, and she said the almost opposite thing. The most crucial is to spend literally 15 minutes a day, doing something that kid wants to do, with total focus. That is the best solution that will give child the most possible while not burning out parent at the same time. Literally, stop feeling bad because you didn’t spend all of your time with your kids.
You can either have a big career or you can be a present parent. Can’t have bother unfortunately, that’s the biggest lie we tell women and it just leads to heartbreak all round
I suppose I’m only 4 years into motherhood, but I do actually have both. In tech I can work from home regularly and meet my children where they are to ensure all needs are met. I think you can have both career and motherhood.
I’m sure many mothers would like to be a homestay mom for their children and however, this economy does not support that, and this lady is speaking as if everyone can do it
I love how she expresses the part of “soothing the child” in a way that I feel good it feels innate when people deal with a crying baby I always felt detached couldn’t understand without them expressing into words but when expressed like this it’s not about talking to the baby as much rather it’s the comforting holding nurturing presence. Btw Lila do you mind letting me know where you got those earrings? They look absolutely stunning on you!❤ Thx for reading of anyone knows please answer.
I hope i can be with my baby 99% of the time from 0-3 it is my goal. I used to babysit a girl about 2 years old both mommy and daddy worked full time. Mommy had 2 jobs at one point to pay for her expensive shopping and brand new car habit. She was with a babysitter all day and most weekends she was with grandparents or someone else so mom and dad could go out and have threesomes with ppl. I always wonder how much that will affect her. They claimed to be upstanding parents and i think did a great job when they had her around, but she was with other people probably 85% of the her life.
I love how we try to rationalize this. We already have all of the data on what makes mentally capable adults... The answer is having a father that is present in the family. What's the effect of leaving and taking the children from the father? 70% incarceration rate. That's an absolute indictment on single motherhood.
This makes me worried for my niece and nephew. Both of their parents work full time. Almost always having to rely on other family members and the day care center. Which the younger one is going to be in soon.
Quality time works for older children. We know this because children who are raised communally are still attached to their parents more than their caregivers. Also, I would be interested to know these women's stances on government mandated paid parental leave.
Even in how liberal and feminist a psychology degree is, we learn the science of this, it’s true. Despite modern arrangements children need a constant care giver ideally mum there with them as much as possible, especially in the early years, children with mums who work full time are more likely to develop, avoidant or anxious attachment as well as behavioural issues.
This is why being married to your co-partner is so important in years 0 to 3. My parents were separated when I was 0 to 2 but married for both of my siblings young years. Guess which kid had the most mental health issues.
I've been saying it for a while. "Quality time" was made up to soothe working moms. It isn't as good as quantity time. With quality time comes the idea of stimulating your kid. Although kids do need stimulation, I don't believe they need a lot of contrived stimulation. Living life with your baby, toddler and child and doing normal things with them is stimulating.
When we live in a world were children arent welcome in public spaces, telling a woman they must be witht that child for 3 years at all times means that women have to stay home
Quality time is not a myth. An hour a day of dedicated time is always going to trump 8 hours of time cleaning, working from home, etc. Yes ideally, your kids cook and clean with you but you can do alot in an hour a day. I had to work 10-12 hours a day but my 2 kids each got 1 hour of individual time and I don't know anyone who is closer to their kids than me
I honestly think people shouldn't be allowed to have children unless they pass a series of training, tests, therapy, and really prepare for this. Simultaneously, the government should incentivize people to have kids, like give tax breaks to families, provide mother's helpers the first 3 months to a year of the babies life, provide commune living for families. Like if you and a group of your friends were married and ready to have kids, then the government would set up a housing commune for all of you, with a garden and playground and you would all pay a certain amount. I just don't get how we're going to support women and men and babies unless we have this kind of structure and support in place. We. Need. Villages. We NEED a mother tribe, with fathers and siblings naturally providing and helping.
It sounds nice but I’m sure the govt would start saying you can’t have kids unless you’re liberal and check your TH-cam comment history or something. I really don’t want govt involvement
@@PenelopeG96 that's my worry too. Government involvement is farrrr too much power. Just look at China. But maybe some kind of training would be helpful to protect kids. It's just...how far would it go? I see what you're saying. It's better maybe to not open that door and let the screeching liberals have a say in how and when we can raise children.
That’s a very privileged point of view--sometimes, the best parents are the ones who wouldn’t pass all of these tests. Also, who’s deciding what’s on the tests, what’s right and wrong ?
The “testing” is already happening in California but with the foster care and adoption systems… only guess what… they flag you for being Christian and having traditional values. I know of one Forster family who didn’t speak highly of BLM so they denied them placement with black children. And of course if you’re anti-LGBT they won’t place kids with you at all because you could be “dangerous”. Sound like something you would like to expand to biological parenthood as well?
I agree but wouldn’t your kids need quality time with you as the grow up? My mom stayed home and took care of us up until 8 and than started working , she and my dad got very busy and we never got to really spend time with them as we grew up. It def made it hard to connect with them as adults cause we never got to spend that quality time with them.
I was homeschooled and the oldest of 6 in an evangelical family. HOMESCHOOLING MESSES UP KIDS!!! Please stop teaching your kids yourself. Unless you have teachers education or the kids are taught by a trained tutors, your kids will not succeed. My heart breaks for us homeschooled children😢
Well, now think of a social system that actually allows ppl, regardless of their wealth or marital status, to spend time with their babies during a long parental leave that is at least partially compensated, and free high quality daycare for toddlers. Or just go vote republican and throw those options out the window. Cheers from Europe.
Well I guess the United States is done procreating because we can no longer afford to live much less let a mom stay home to raise her children. You have NO idea how much I had to fight my own family and society to be at home and available for my children. I'm still being punished for it. But it has been worth it. My kiddos are beautiful well rounded people with confident heads on their shoulders. Just a shame the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
That wall is coming down. I went from being a radical feminist to becoming a Stay at Home Mom and Homeschooling Mama during the past ten years. 😂 The Trad Wives and Traditional Moms are the future!
As a young SAHM that homeschools, culture is so negative towards us.
Our friends say our lives are over and refuse to spend time with us outside of going out and drinking.
My husband’s family and friends insinuate I’m lazy and that’s why I stay home.
My family and friends assume my husband wants to control me so that’s why he makes me stay home.
Younger women make judgements that we’re oppressed and miserable.
There have been a few moments where I felt supported by those around me but for the most part - I feel very much looked down on by others specifically for being a SAHM.
I can relate. I’m also a Stay at Home Mom who homeschools and it’s my absolute dream job to get to stay home and raise my babies. 😊
However, my entire family and old friends all think it’s bad both for the kids and for my career that I chose to stay home. I know that none of them have read a single book on early childhood development and their opinions are based on what culture teaches us rather than on any facts. I try to educate them a bit when the topic comes up and they are usually surprised to hear about how daycare negatively affects children during the first three years etc. Most people have no clue about child psychology, they just do what other people around them do with their children.
We are the pioneers and the majority won’t understand what we’re doing. Give it another 10-15 years and I’m sure being a Stay at Home Mom and Homeschooling Mama won’t be that rare anymore, based on where our culture is going at the moment. Public schools have gone insane and over time more and more people will seek another alternative.
Stay strong and confident in your choices! You are doing what’s best for your children, most people just follow the culture blindly like a cult. 😃
You're doing the world a great service ❤
You're doing the world a great service ❤
I'm always praised when someone finds out I homeschool and am a homemaker... maybe you have a more toxic circle
They aren’t your friends*
It will all pay off, hard work always does.
Adoptive father of four kids who didn't get attachment in their first years. It has been so hard for them. I'm way proud of them for what they've become as adults, but please take care of your babies. Mothers AND fathers. And don't have sex with people you aren't willing to raise a child with. That's how you invite them.
She's 1000% RIGHT!!!! Children are tender and precious, they should be treated with respect, great love and care!
Thank you for speaking about this. Moms need this encouragment that being there for their babies perfectly acceptable and healthier for the babies & families.
They need financial support
Yep I agree with this. My mom was a stay at home until my brother and I were in elementary school. Even then she worked part time. I see a huge difference between people who grew up in a similar situation and those that didn't.
What did she do for part time? I'm trying to figure out what would be a good job with school schedule and all.
@blueseptember2174 She was a secretary, and at the time, they really only needed her a few days a week.
@@blueseptember2174 i’m working at elementary school. I have 19 school hours per week as history teacher so i’m more present at home than my friends and my studies and work helps me with my own children. When kids are at home i am too, summer vacation, winter break… i don’t know how is it with school hours at your country but in mine it is very convenient for mothers. I had first 3 years after birth paid maternity leave so i stayed full time with child and after that i come back practically part time but for teachers it is considered full time and it is paid as such.
I thank God every day for giving me such a wonderful husband who has afforded me the opportunity to stay home to raise our children and not only provides for us but also, values my job as a stay at home mother and wife and as he call me.. his CFO
What a good husband you have! It's so good that you are also expressing gratitude for this role. Some women don't value it. Blessings to you and your husband 😊❤
Same!!!❤
I hope more child development experts go to Congress and testify on behalf of all parents. This type of ideal is incredibly hard to replicate w/o full parental leave. I genuinely wonder how many parents would be able to better parent their children if social supports like this were put into place.
I’m 71. I raised my kids during the 70’s / 80’s and half way into the 90’s. I raised my 3 children and my two nieces. Plus all their friends ( 😂) . In retrospect, I remember they craved attention, from an adult that actually listened. Looking for approval, acceptance, understanding and genuine love. I did listen, but I wish I had listened even more. That have all grown up. They have flittered off, building their own lives now.
Ive worked in daycares for 7 years now... ive been saying this since week 1. Imagine 1 person caring for 4 newborns for up to 12 hours a day (6 to 6) ... its neglect. No other way to put it. Yes theyre alive but they dont thrive
Fact. My daughter left a day care she worked for because she saw what a broken system it truly is. It broke her heart
Exactly, I worked at 2 daycares which is why I don’t put my boys in them. Some of the worst people I’ve ever met I worked with at those places, sounds dramatic but it’s true
Yes! I worked with infants for 3 years at a daycare. I left when we started trying to have a baby, I could never put my daughter in daycare. You can only attend to their physical needs with that many babies, there is no way to tend to their emotional needs.
This just breaks my heart. We as a society are really blowing it
I always thought i would go back to work after i had babies. The moment i held them in my arms i knew i was suppose to be the one caring for them. I couldnt be happier im so very fortunate that i have a husband that supports me so i can stay home and homeschool and raise our children. I want to raise healthy independent adults!
Me to but everything changes once you hold your baby work seems like such a waste or torture lol being a mom is hard but it’s the best job ever
I worked at 430a in the morning so I could be with my kids at 100p on. And my mother helped me bc I wanted them to bond with my mom too. And I only worked three days Mon thru Wed …. I didn’t have much money but I was the happiest with my kids… I saw how they were when they saw me at 100p they were so excited. I also noticed that my babies always wanted to smell me. I place them in day care after school pickup once school stared began. I learned a lot about patience and communication differences bc I realize they had different personalities. Love my babies. Always around family aunts and uncles and grandpa and grandma.
I work from home with my husband and we have our 9 month old with us all day. The benefits of not having him in daycare is insane, I don't know how I'd be able to stand being away from him. I always say, Baby needs Mama, and Mama needs Baby.
This is why living near family is also ideal. It's impossible to emotionally present 100% of the time. But having extended family able to jump in and help is a huge benefit.
Babies require unconditional love from an emotionally mature primary caregiver 💜
You mean their mother
@@greeneyedgirlarteno6063
Usually, yes.
It could be a father, grandmother, Aunt, adoptive or foster mother...... 💜🙏
@luluadapa5222 yes indeed
@@greeneyedgirlarteno6063 No, the parents should make that decision together. Everyone deserves the freedom of choice.
@@danielhawthorn6639 USUALLY the mother
"To go off and toddle" - I love that sentence, idno why it makes me think of bilbo baggins going off on an adventure
This is so funny! I always say that my toddler is scary Bilbo when he throws a tantrum 😅
I think what is important is not just being there but giving your children as many opportunities in that period of time to actually explore sitting in a clean home day in and day out is not expanding their horizons
I feel like mother’s who try can never win lmao
I can't quite tell exactly what you are trying to say here (positive/negative), but I can tell you that we were RARELY "just sitting around" when my children were being homeschooled!! We spent a lot of time in the library reading about things that interested us, going on field trips, drawing, painting, playing, and learning (with AND without other people)! My children, now grown, w/families of their own, are STILL interested in a WIDE variety of things!!❤️
My dad was unemployed and mom was working. I was mostly raised by him at first. Both of them were equally good parents to me. I am grateful that I never wondered if I was loved
Yes. I tell people all the time the first five years are so important to you and your child. You want to be there for the first words, first walk, and first day of school. You're building a bound with your child and memory for both of you.
Totally agree… a great goal to attained, yet almost impossible. I was one of those who was not present with my children: severe unresolved trauma and stressed out all the time. I was able to heal myself, yet too late for my kids. Unfortunately I was not able to break the chain of abuse in time for them.
I was a stay at home mom but I had severe postpartum depression and ideation. No family or friends nearby since my husband got a new job which required long hours. I had no village. I cried every single hour. I honestly think my newborn would have been better without me.
So sorry to hear this feel hugged mama
There is some research that shows PPD could be mitigated by high Vit D levels, and that low levels create a more depressive state.
I had PPD with my first and blood work showed low Vit D levels. I never got PPD with my subsequent children, especially the winter babies because I kept my Vit D levels high throughout pregnancy.
Just a thought, I hope this helps you.
I also had severe ppd and the responsible thing to do was tell my doctor, who medicated me so I could be the mother I wanted to be. Help is possible!
I've been a sahm to my 3 little ppl so far. The oldest 2 (twins) just turned 3 and the youngest is 7 months old. My husband and I are sandwiches bt caring for aging parents and for young children and with the current economic situation, building on the past few years, I will have to go back to work to help keep a roof over our heads. Our plan was to homeschool but it won't be possible now 😢 I am praying to God to find a way to earn enough money in such a way that I can continue to stay home and take care of our youngest.
Maybe try to find a work from home position? We dont have children yet but I don’t see it being realistic for me to stay home at least not for a long time. I’m trying to find work from home now but it’s hard with my skill set.
@@erikajay2 Same here. All my previous work was very hands on and people facing. Plus I need to have flexible hours so I can still take care of my little one and any future little ones. If I can't find something, my baby has to go to daycare. 😥
Look at tech companies! Many of them allow fully remote work and there are quite a few entry-level opportunities. (Customer support, software trainer, etc). If you’re more technical there are technical writer positions or software tester positions available too with higher pay scales.
It also helps to have MULTIPLE attachment figures. Tribes made that all the time. So pls, make it normal for the baby to be held by mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparents. It will help you.
When did we become so careless with our children and our future generations…
Who told us it’s the norm to let random people raise your children … because 9-5 is raising them not looking after them …
Who told us women have to work and mother but work comes first ????
The world is backwards and it needs to stop
True. I’m not sure yet I want children and a big part of my doubt is that I would like to be very present and spent as much time with my kids as possible, but living of 1 or 1,5 income would mean that things get financially tight, especially taking into consideration the extra costs for the child.
That's why as a single parent, I invested my thousands from the sale of a home from divorce settlement into myself and ensuring my child had my full attention for those first three years. After that, I home schooled. He's 17 now and I love the results of my parenting.
She needs to speak to parents that shove phones and iPads into their babies face. I’ve seen soooo many young toddlers and kids staring down in public at the screen. It’s sad.
It gets me upset when I see kids at lunch or dinner with tablets. My kid is 4 and she's never had one so she knows exactly how to act at dinner time even at a restaurant. It's so sad these kids are addicted to phones and tablets. They'd rather be on a tablet than play at the park
I saw that yesterday. A toddler glued to his screen in his stroller while the mother is also on her phone. I haven't seen children have imaginary play in years. Many little girls dont play hand games anymore, little girls want adult makeup and standley cups.
We are regressing as a society via the destruction of mothethood.
Yeah, i didn’t have that. They were both checked out, and invalidating.
such an important message , thank you !
That's why I'm so glad I live in Sweden because we get a long paid parental leave for both the mother and the father
So true everything she said ...
This is real, but rare thinking.
I’m a STAHM but I’m still grieving my parents losses I’m trying so hard to bury it so I can be stable, I have supports but I don’t feel I have many people pouring into me..
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. Are there any support groups in your area?
I raised my child alone, she was left by his mother when she was 3 months, now my child is 22 years old 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤
I will be forever grateful to my husband that I was able to have this experience with our children. ❤
Thats why its so important to have a village to help raise kids. Its so hard for one person emotionally to do it all. Not saying thats an option for everyone, because we have to play with the cards we're dealt, but I see a lot of people who alienate their village and then blame the village for neglecting them.
Working women has led us to this. Presented by two working women.
Thank you for guilt tripping me into depression.
My mum stayed with me until I was three, but in the case of my younger sister only until she was eighteen months old. Guess what, she's the one who has been faring better mentally than me so far. Just take a good care of your child/children and you'll be fine. Raising a child is not math and there isn't one perfect formula to solve the "problem".
I agree!!!! I'm gay and I help my aunt raise her children. They look for me but she thinks that I am a bad influence because being say is a sin. They cry for me and begged to slip over at my house. She worked during their baby years and now I am the primary attachment figure. This happens to Nannies and babysitters. Now she is going through a divorce and her children are hurt and tell me everything, she's also toxic to her immediate family. She cares about church and work. Parents do not be my AUNT IRMA. You're children are not my kids!!!! If you are not there for them in the beginning, they're going to look for someone else as a parent.
Interesting. I’ve seen a person who generally educates on parenting by reading all of the research, and she said the almost opposite thing. The most crucial is to spend literally 15 minutes a day, doing something that kid wants to do, with total focus. That is the best solution that will give child the most possible while not burning out parent at the same time.
Literally, stop feeling bad because you didn’t spend all of your time with your kids.
You can either have a big career or you can be a present parent. Can’t have bother unfortunately, that’s the biggest lie we tell women and it just leads to heartbreak all round
I suppose I’m only 4 years into motherhood, but I do actually have both. In tech I can work from home regularly and meet my children where they are to ensure all needs are met. I think you can have both career and motherhood.
I’m sure many mothers would like to be a homestay mom for their children and however, this economy does not support that, and this lady is speaking as if everyone can do it
I love how she expresses the part of “soothing the child” in a way that I feel good it feels innate when people deal with a crying baby I always felt detached couldn’t understand without them expressing into words but when expressed like this it’s not about talking to the baby as much rather it’s the comforting holding nurturing presence.
Btw Lila do you mind letting me know where you got those earrings? They look absolutely stunning on you!❤
Thx for reading of anyone knows please answer.
I don't regret spending the early years at home with my babies.
I hope i can be with my baby 99% of the time from 0-3 it is my goal. I used to babysit a girl about 2 years old both mommy and daddy worked full time. Mommy had 2 jobs at one point to pay for her expensive shopping and brand new car habit. She was with a babysitter all day and most weekends she was with grandparents or someone else so mom and dad could go out and have threesomes with ppl. I always wonder how much that will affect her. They claimed to be upstanding parents and i think did a great job when they had her around, but she was with other people probably 85% of the her life.
I love how we try to rationalize this. We already have all of the data on what makes mentally capable adults... The answer is having a father that is present in the family. What's the effect of leaving and taking the children from the father? 70% incarceration rate. That's an absolute indictment on single motherhood.
This is fact of life.
This makes me worried for my niece and nephew. Both of their parents work full time. Almost always having to rely on other family members and the day care center. Which the younger one is going to be in soon.
Go LILA ......I got u
Quality time works for older children. We know this because children who are raised communally are still attached to their parents more than their caregivers.
Also, I would be interested to know these women's stances on government mandated paid parental leave.
Of course you can state the ideal.
And get canceled for transphobia and internalized racism.
Amen! 🙏🏻
Even in how liberal and feminist a psychology degree is, we learn the science of this, it’s true. Despite modern arrangements children need a constant care giver ideally mum there with them as much as possible, especially in the early years, children with mums who work full time are more likely to develop, avoidant or anxious attachment as well as behavioural issues.
Be a good enough mother from the beginning and your baby will have the best chance
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Quantity time!
This was good
My only advice: be there.
The more kids you have, the worse it is for the children because the attention will be divided.
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Who is this smart beautiful lady?
This is why being married to your co-partner is so important in years 0 to 3. My parents were separated when I was 0 to 2 but married for both of my siblings young years. Guess which kid had the most mental health issues.
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Physically present but emotionally checked out. Ah I see you've met my mother.
You are amazing
Facts
yep
Im very proud of my ex in this rrgardd she was s seeet momma snd bith physically snd emotionally thrre fir mu girls.
Wowwwwwwwww
What do you do when this did not happen....my mom left me and my sister in a foreign country with our grandparents and all kinds of things happened
WOW! So a mother who is NOT emotionally present but physically present is bad right?
♥️♥️
This is why payed maternity leave is so important.
…who said we can’t talk about the ideal? People saying the ideal is unattainable is not them telling you you can’t talk about it
I've been saying it for a while. "Quality time" was made up to soothe working moms. It isn't as good as quantity time.
With quality time comes the idea of stimulating your kid. Although kids do need stimulation, I don't believe they need a lot of contrived stimulation. Living life with your baby, toddler and child and doing normal things with them is stimulating.
When we live in a world were children arent welcome in public spaces, telling a woman they must be witht that child for 3 years at all times means that women have to stay home
Quality time is not a myth. An hour a day of dedicated time is always going to trump 8 hours of time cleaning, working from home, etc. Yes ideally, your kids cook and clean with you but you can do alot in an hour a day. I had to work 10-12 hours a day but my 2 kids each got 1 hour of individual time and I don't know anyone who is closer to their kids than me
It won't happen when money trumps human life.
Its old research. Baby rooms should be illegal. But anxious kids provide money for pharmacy and an army for socialism...
I honestly think people shouldn't be allowed to have children unless they pass a series of training, tests, therapy, and really prepare for this. Simultaneously, the government should incentivize people to have kids, like give tax breaks to families, provide mother's helpers the first 3 months to a year of the babies life, provide commune living for families. Like if you and a group of your friends were married and ready to have kids, then the government would set up a housing commune for all of you, with a garden and playground and you would all pay a certain amount. I just don't get how we're going to support women and men and babies unless we have this kind of structure and support in place. We. Need. Villages. We NEED a mother tribe, with fathers and siblings naturally providing and helping.
100 %
It sounds nice but I’m sure the govt would start saying you can’t have kids unless you’re liberal and check your TH-cam comment history or something. I really don’t want govt involvement
@@PenelopeG96 that's my worry too. Government involvement is farrrr too much power. Just look at China. But maybe some kind of training would be helpful to protect kids. It's just...how far would it go? I see what you're saying. It's better maybe to not open that door and let the screeching liberals have a say in how and when we can raise children.
That’s a very privileged point of view--sometimes, the best parents are the ones who wouldn’t pass all of these tests. Also, who’s deciding what’s on the tests, what’s right and wrong ?
The “testing” is already happening in California but with the foster care and adoption systems… only guess what… they flag you for being Christian and having traditional values. I know of one Forster family who didn’t speak highly of BLM so they denied them placement with black children. And of course if you’re anti-LGBT they won’t place kids with you at all because you could be “dangerous”.
Sound like something you would like to expand to biological parenthood as well?
By her logic gay parents would be ideal parents too so as long as they physically and emotionally present.
I really want to be a SAHM but the economy has made it impossible for those who have that desire to act on it
I agree but wouldn’t your kids need quality time with you as the grow up? My mom stayed home and took care of us up until 8 and than started working , she and my dad got very busy and we never got to really spend time with them as we grew up. It def made it hard to connect with them as adults cause we never got to spend that quality time with them.
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I was homeschooled and the oldest of 6 in an evangelical family. HOMESCHOOLING MESSES UP KIDS!!! Please stop teaching your kids yourself. Unless you have teachers education or the kids are taught by a trained tutors, your kids will not succeed. My heart breaks for us homeschooled children😢
Look at French and Russian kids. Do what their parents do. End of mystery.
When mothers were given the opportunity to stay at home and be mothers this wasn't a radical idea.
You still have that opportunity now lol
It's just *expensive* af
Are kids more mentally ill and anxious because this is the mass daycare generation????
Lila I love your podcast! Some constructive criticism: whatever filter your team uses on the video looks a little weird and unnatural
Finding out your husband is atheist AFTER marriage, what do you do???
How does a central aspect of your life not come up in conversation before you marry?
No attachment parenting. Teach babies to selfsoothe and give them instructions
Sure and who pays the bills with society getting more expensive by the day
Read Bhagwat Geeta to get the Right answer.
I was so emotionally checked out during covid tyranny.. 😞
Who has the money to do this?
Well, now think of a social system that actually allows ppl, regardless of their wealth or marital status, to spend time with their babies during a long parental leave that is at least partially compensated, and free high quality daycare for toddlers. Or just go vote republican and throw those options out the window. Cheers from Europe.
Well I guess the United States is done procreating because we can no longer afford to live much less let a mom stay home to raise her children. You have NO idea how much I had to fight my own family and society to be at home and available for my children. I'm still being punished for it. But it has been worth it. My kiddos are beautiful well rounded people with confident heads on their shoulders. Just a shame the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
Oh no. No no.so not right.
Primary attachment vehicle what the fuck
is she just not allowed to say the words, mom, dad or parents?? primary attachment figure?? huh?
Bravo! Do you realize, however, that you are confronting feminism which is a tall brick wall in today's society?
That wall is coming down. I went from being a radical feminist to becoming a Stay at Home Mom and Homeschooling Mama during the past ten years. 😂 The Trad Wives and Traditional Moms are the future!
@@thefuturista7836 You're a candle in the wind or shall I say maelstrom.
I have an opinion but no one wants to hear that one, I am sure.