Story 2: Sooo the family is gunna shun and disown the cousin right? Like they’re gunna kick her out of the family and tell her to never come back right? ORRRR are they gunna just expect Op to forget about it and move on….?
It says a lot when those parents were so willing to accuse their own child of something heinous like that. Just goes to show that maybe they just didn't like him that much in the end.
@@Chuckf66 Being accused for something you didn't do and everyone not listening to you is the most frustrating thing ever. It's like they already believed the lie in their heads and refuse to hear anyone out otherwise.
Exactly so many of us don't have "proof" with only our word to cling to. This just takes actual victims 2 steps back. I think people who make false allegations are just as bad as the crimes they claim. And the worst part is I can guarantee they won't treat that disgusting excuse of a woman anywhere NEAR as bad as they did OP. They won't shun her, shame her or any of the consequences she very much deserves.
I would say it's more all the adults that just accepted the flawed memory of a child that are the problem, not the kid herself. Every accusation should be looked into but that's not the same as just believing them to be true.
False accusation: The mom didn't even apologize; they just wanted forgiveness to assuage their guilt. I say ignore the family and let them live with their guilt for the rest of their lives.
She didn't say the word "sorry" but she was in fact apologizing And yeah sure. Let the parents and sisters rot with their guilt. While OP rots in his loneliness and resentment Forgiveness isn't for the other person; it's for you. Imagine 20 years from now, OP's kids are teenagers who have their grandparents involved their entire lives, OP's nieces and newphews got to grow up knowing hin as their favorite uncle, OP's relationship with his parents and sisters are strong once more, all of this pain little more than a bad dream. THAT is the best possible outcome, and one only attainable through forgiveness and healing
@znerd3664 that all sounds nice and all, but these people completely cut him out for 10 years without giving him a chance to defend himself. They all did this to him not just his parents. Maybe forgive them, but there's no way I'm becoming everyone's favorite uncle and all that other idealic stuff. If his family wanted him to be that, someone should've tried to reach out sooner. Someone should've scrutinized Emma sooner.
@@znerd3664 that family is abusive invalidating and accusatory without proper evidence. Yes alligatuons should be taken seriously and looked into, but they completely disowned him and then acted like nothing happened. One can forgive but it's only up to that person to decide and everyone doesn't get peace from it. Not to say he shouldn't but they are definitely sounding like a very toxic family and if they acted that way once they will mostlikey find something else to blame him for. It would be really torturous to be part of that family again. He can try to forgive in his heart but idk I would stay far away from them.
Story 2: “We’re all angry at her” is so much less than the situation calls for it’s ridiculous. “We’re all very angry at her” is the right sentiment for “she cut herself a slice of the birthday cake before the person’s party and now every picture is missing a slice A more appropriate sentiment would be “We’re livid that she callously stole years of our lives we had with you and didn’t so much as try to make things right for ten years, that she noticed your absence at every family gathering and still said nothing, that she saw your message at your rock bottom knowing she put you there and pushed you down deeper. We can never forgive her or even look at her, and we hate both what she did and everything we did to you after that”
Very well said. That is how we can tell that family is callous and toxic. They don't even care what happened to OP and didn't for years, then they act like it's no big deal, get over it with a stupid message. I can see the mom saying somehting like "you're overeacting" if he were to respond.
I agree, it was a one-way ticket, no redunds. Also, "we're angry" is like politicians saying "we're shocked" when there's another mass bang bang, then back to status quo.
My first thought about Emma was that someone else did it and she blamed OP because she didn't know what to do. The truth is in many ways worse. She and the entire family traumatized OP and ruined his life.
@@JordanDragonAs I think BluePheonix meant metaphorical justice in her life, like bad things will happen to her because she is a reckless uncaring person.
I think when someone makes a false accusation against someone, they should get the same prison time the falsely accused would have gotten had they been convicted.
@@Wolfiechrmthe question is does OP have a case? As he didn't lose his job/schooling due to these allegations. It was seemingly contained with the family. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just genuinely curious if he has a case.
The sad part is "Emma" will never be shunned, never face any consequences and will at the most get a gentle slap on the wrist for what she did. Yet OP suffered all those years living in fear and having dark thoughts, there's nothing the family could ever do to earn his forgiveness.
My coworker suddenly stopped showing up to work one day. A few months later we found out his step daughter (who was abused by her actual dad) accused him of falsely sexual abuse. They proved it in court as she colluded with friends about it and left traces of those conversations. Dude was broken after that. We need to start cracking down on false reports.
Story 2 is heartbreaking to hear. OP should write his family a long letter, detailing how he suffered for the past ten years, then change his number. They don't deserve any more of his energy. Then he should maybe consider finding groups of people with similar interests and hobbies to him so he has some positivity in his life, also look into getting a pet? He sounds very lonely.
Personally, if I was in OP's shoes (and I hope to never be), I'd probably just ghost and block them. Dealing with their drama would just be a waste of energy for me and reopen old wounds that I had spent the better part of a decade trying to heal. But I do agree about getting a dog. It's something that will keep you company when you're down. And maybe OP could qualify for an emotional support dog for moments like this, when they start freaking out over possibly being sucked back into that family dynamic. The dog can help OP snap out of it, or prevent OP from hurting himself until he calms down.
Big agree. Getting a pet sounds like a great idea as well imo, they can help so much no matter what they are. Dogs tend to be good to get people out more, but if he's more of a homebody just as a person, a cat could be great too. I have some nasty PTSD and my cat is great at keeping me calm and popping up when I'm distressed. Pets as a whole really give people purpose and heal us in a way, I think. Especially when you find one that really chooses/bonds with you specifically- there's really no feeling like it.
even writing ANYTHING would be too good for them, if anything, he shouldn't write anything to them, with the way that the text was said they don't feel any remorse at all! why is it JUST his parents attempting to make contact? why is it that nobody else(from what we know of) is attempting to contact him to apologies? in fact, there ISN'T an apology from them, only EXCUSES!
My "idea" would be to type, but never write, an ice-cold letter, letting out all the accumulated trauma. Then never send it. After all this misery ... Two feeble texts?? Never forgive, never forget. It was a one-way ticket, and it was issued by them. All the best, dude.
The other worst part in story 2 about making false accusations, is that when it happens to real victims, not many will believe them and nobody reports due to that. This is men and women going through that. It's even worse that the parents didn't even bother to listen OP's side of the story and jump the gun. False accusations definitely has ruined lives. And I mean for both men and women.
HOWEVER, they are also incredibly rare, and you're far more lkely to have real claims that jjust never make it to court. Whether its due to fear, threats, social pressures etc, or just a lack of ability to prove it. Men have been fearmongered to death about false accusations and, as a man, we need to relax a bit. False claims as detailed i the story end up being used as misogynistic tools to shut women up half the time.
@@sammicunniam3992 and that's not even accounting for those who don't go through wit but still consider this as a viable threat. RSlash already read so many stories of Karens going "If you don't do X I'm calling the cops and gonna tell them you SA'd me."
Yeah I agree, I've seen so many stories about women who choose to do this to men just because they didn't love them the same way. I know others will say that it's rare and downplay it but if we don't stop it now, more and more people will do it to the point where real victims aren't believed and we don't want that. we already spent so much trying to get to this point where all victims are believed no questions asked, don't let false claims ruin this.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan it's not "downplaying", it's a fact. only about 1% of accusations are fake, but 70% of real accusations go uninvestigated. Both are bad, but numbers are worse for SA victims
Final Story: cheating is not always straightforward. Each couple can and should come up with their own definition for it In order to move forward, OP needs to define and set a firm boundary of what they consider cheating. They can choose to stay or leave based on the existing actions, but if they stay their partner has to agree to respect their definition of cheating and not cross it That's where to go from here, think, set boundaries, communicate them if still together, enforce them as needed
Ok this is what I was looking for. Someone who is a bit more rational about the last story. Like... The bf legit went "I fucked up. I'm sorry. I set up our camera to show we weren't screwing." But tbh the ex just needs some damn therapy.
@majoratwili7312 and the dude needs to cut the cord. At this point if she hasn't moved on, it's not your problem anymore. In fact, once you break up, it's not your problem. The end is the end, you don't get to keep putting your foot in the door and asking for more. He does need to grow a spine imo. But I feel RSlash jumped the gun on this one...
yea i would 100% break up here. even if they didnt do anything physical, sleeping in the same bedroom as someone that you were previously intimate with and kissing her on the head and consoling her may not be strictly cheating but it is definitely disloyal. if his ex is so depressed about the break up she needs to find someone else
Story 2: I still have the same opinion about this. If OP decides to respond he should say that he will only consider restarting contact once Emma has been shunned and kicked out of the family, everyone stays paying him back for the years of therapy they put him through, and everyone gives a public (Facebook, group chat, what have you) detailed heart felt apology for everything they did and the hurt they caused. And then, once they do all that, screenshot everything and tell the parents that though he might appreciate the gestures he has decided that he cannot allow such toxic people back in his life. But that's just petty and angry me coming out. Lol
the petty and angry you sounds quite kind considering a good chunk of us (me at least) would have told them all about just how much it affected them and list all of it in detail no matter how painful or depraved the details are. they should have the feeling of what it's like to feel destroyed internally and externally like how op 2 was due to their betrayal. that is what i would consider justice
That's an even better, long con idea than the idea I had: that OP should text his mom a longer version of "This is *old friend's name;* OP gave me his phone before he k*lled himself back in 2015."
@@ArcanineEspeon Another option would be to play along enough to get proof in writing that family members discovered that Emma had lied and then OP could take all of this to an attorney and file a lawsuit. Emma can work all alone with no support (like OP had to) to pay OP if he wins the lawsuit.
9:21 heres what you do: just tell them what their actions lead you to. make them feel guilt. lets be honest here, there no high road to take, theres no ''being the bigger person'' make them feel pain.
And since they have admitted in text that she lied - screenshot it and plaster it all over their social media - as a warning to all E's future partners and co-workers that they need to keep her at bay.
It's insanely telling how the very first text sent by the mother was not a text profusely apologizing and owning their fuckup, immediately explaining how they learned he was innocent and, you know, just leading with the critical fucking things that need to be said to even attempt to talk to him after what they did and acknowledge their guilt. Instead the first text was just a family life update and a "we miss you," like the vibe they want to set is "everything goes back to normal" because that's what they're hoping they can manifest. And while the second text does elaborate on some of those details about what changed their mind, it still ends by focusing on how they want op to just slide right back into place in the family like nothing happened. The inclusion of "we understand if you don't want to talk to us after what happened" comes across as little more than a hollow formality because it's the minimum polite concession you should make in this situation. Whatever OP works out with his therapist he should make sure everyone in his family knows in no uncertain terms that there is no getting him back, that the person they remember effectively fucking died after the trauma of being cut off like that over an utterly false accusation that was believed completely by word of mouth alone. OP went to some very dark places, it's kind of a little shocking he admitted to so much of his internal thoughts, and he's clearly still mired in that baggage. I truly feel for him when he talks about not even having friends to turn to, something that would absolutely be helpful right now but that he doesn't have because of the very trauma that he needs help with. The family deserves to fully grasp the damage they are all participant to, that there is blood on their hands even if only figurative.
The only way for OP to 'be a bigger person' would be for OP to just say "Sorry but I don't want you contacting me anymore, you are still believing E(emma) over me, and after everything I've been through, I don't feel anything positive about your apology or about reconnecting" and then just cut contact. HOWEVER, I'd fully for OP sending them EXACTLY what he dealt with, how he will likely never date anyone, how he experienced a drug addiction for a short while, and how the experience has twisted the innocent man they so cruelly destroyed without even a shred of evidence. And tell them that Emma needs to read exactly what happened to him, and know she is the one solely responsible for it. Then cut contact. Finally, he should move on, let go of any remaining doubts or worries, start moving on and living life, and if anyone asks about his so-called "FaMiLy" he can just say "They aren't good people, so I stopped contact with them.".
This might be extreme, but i think he should tell them he unalived himself. That's an easy way to make everyone feel guilty and powerless for what they did. Granted, that would also lead to unplanned outcomes, so unless OP is prepared, i wouldnt recommend it
OP with the scummy cousin needs retribution... they should DISOWN THE COUSIN... how dare she... the absolute nerve and then the family NOT believing him... I'm so angry for OP
the worst part is the mom's inital response to the allegations.. "if it wasnt true, then how can she be so detailed with when, how and where?!" lady... made up stuff is detailed as heck... real memories have flaws unless you're known to have a photographic memory... especially in a traumatic event, you remember certain details perfectly, but surrounding stuff you wont remember clearly, as it completely leaves the focus. and recalling it all will be a huge mental strain to top it all off, we are talking about the memories of a... 9 year old at the time? 15 when she supposedly tells it? children barely remember anything clearly most of the time. so if it truly happened, then it must've been scarring for her. but how come nobody questions it? "because she's just a little girl, how could anyone even think about putting her through those memories again"
@@MinatsuAi My first thought was actually that maybe the cousin's story was otherwise real but the perpertrator was someone else who she pressured to say a name but was afraid to give that person up so she panicked and named OP, because he knew that OP would never harm her for it. Imo it's sadly not uncommon. But even when she was indeed a panicked child at the moment she could've cleared it up way faster and it's still inexcusable
Story 2: As much as you want to side with the victim, it's very rash to immediately jump to action, tossing out the other person without even 100% confirming that the situation is true. Because stuff like this happens, where it turns out the SA was false, either a deliberate lie or a dream confused as a memory, and all of the sudden an innocent person had their life throw out the window for nothing.
And even if they're cleared of all charges, there will still be people who believe the "victim" regardless of proof and will make the other person's life a living hell
Y'know, that story reminded me of one that Rslash did a little while ago where an in-law accused an OP of SA'ing them and their family just cut them off until the truth came out, and then reached out to them again. Like, after being treated like that you've got every right to have nothing to do with them again.
Second story: I would reply "I'm dead inside and broken, thanks to you all. We can talk about it when you fund my therapy to try to fix what you broke in me"
I dont understand. In most of the false allegations ,stories, no one ever gets the cops involved. If i believe my daughter was sexualy assaulted by her cousin to the point that the whole family went no contact, i would call the cops.
Yeah. There are several reasons why people don't get the cops involved. And what I'm about to list isn't in any order, just what comes to mind first: 1 is the fact that it can re-traumatize the potential victim 2 is that it can take years for it to go to court 3 is the cross examining. Which is normal but oh man do those lawyers stoop LOW sometimes 4 cops don't always take it seriously. They make you feel like it's your fault for not coming forward sooner 5 is embarrassment for the victims. You're looked at with anger, pity, etc. Now sometimes none of that happens and the justice system moves quickly, thoroughly and has a fair trial but it's not often enough. And when you only really hear the horror stories you're less inclined to tell the cops
@@callanightshade8079 saw a reddit story where a woman got drugged by her friends and they all took advantage. She was literally bleeding and the doctors made jokes about her, her nurses seemed annoyed when she told her story because she kept crying, they couldn't do the test there so she had to move hospitals and repeat the same trauma.. And she never even got them arrested. Police did nothing. And friends who actually did it say she falsely accused them, 4 words against one later and there's no justice.. Ik it's a reddit story take it with a grain of salt but that experience is very real and why it's the most underreported crime.
Yep and in my case, I was being abused by two different people. One of them was physically abusive, and would beat, slap, punch and choke me as well as withhold food and medicine, scream at me, and treat me like a house elf from HP. Meanwhile the other was SAing me but was kinder, generally didn’t even raise his voice, and never once hit me even with a single finger. That one got me gifts, supported my interests, helped me with school, always gave me food and medicine, never expected me to do adult housework, and even protected me from the other one when she would come after me. It’s not always cut and dry and sadly, I didn’t report partially because the person doing bad stuff at night to me actually felt safer at the time than the other person who I would have ended up with if anything legal happened to the bad touch one. It’s…complicated, and suffice to say I was terrified of ending up in the foster care system with someone worse, or being trapped alone with the one beating and starving me and such. It’s not always so cut and dry.
Allegations years after an event with zero evidence. There's literally nothing to give police to investigate. Unless you think everyone should be thrown in jail simply because they were accused of something.
Story 2: Honestly, the parents and family are also to blame here. OP kept denying that he did anything but they jumped to conclusions and cut him out of their life. And, the mom's defense doesn't make sense, Emma's explanation was "detailed" and only "wanted to protect her"? Just because it's detailed, doesn't mean it's true, people can tell very detailed lies to convince people. If I were you, I would sue Emma for every penny she had for all the false allegations she put on me. Everyone should be kneeling in front of you, apologizing and compensating you for not listening to your side. A simple apology cannot fix this damaging thing, ever.
Ok look, I agree that OP was wronged here, but can we stop pretending that WE would do any better than his parents? There is not a predator alive who hasn't vehemently denied his crimes. OP's parents were forced to choose to either believe the child or their son. 1 person HAD to be lying and there was no evidence which was which For crying out loud it wasn't a month ago Rslash read a story where the girl's parents didn't believe her that she was assaulted, and this entire comment section was ready to burn the parents at the stake
Admittedly, I was S.A.ed as a child. I have a brother who is 5 years older than me so he was in his teens before I even was. And I was desperate to be included on the "brotherly games" that him and my other brother played. Since they were bullying and tormenting me all through my childhood. I don't remember how it happened, but I do remember being under him with my pants off and him rubbing his... Banana outside my area. He asks if he could kiss me and I nodded my head because it was the first time he's actually wanted to "bond" with me. Then my other brother called his name and was running up the steps. The one on top of me threw a blanket over our bottoms and got dressed. I've not told a single person until I was in my early teens when I asked my mom something. She told me the reason she did something that happened not long after what my brother did to me. That's when I told her what happened to me that long ago. And that the reason I didn't report it to them is because I didn't want to seem like I was lying to them. My parents believed me, but the brother who did that to me is telling them that I'm lying and wants to "speak to me" about why I'd do that. I've not spoken to my brother in the 6 years he's been gone. And I'm keeping it that way because I don't need him.
Story 3: This is a James problem. He lets Winnie hang around and won't just stand his ground. She knows why they broke up. The only reason she doesn't have closure is because he still treats her like a girlfriend. OP is the third wheel in this relationship because James enables this behavior. If he wanted to put a stop to it, he would. Also, being friends after a breakup CAN be fine, but that requires time apart and clear boundaries. That never happened here, and OP trying to be so understanding is allowing James to treat her poorly.
To OP in story #2, I would just write three sentences: "You have no idea of the irreparable damage you've caused. I am a broken man because of you. Consider me dead and never contact me again." For story #3: Yes, Winnie needs therapy to cope, not to be cuddled and comforted by her ex in OP's bed. Even, if there was no intimacy, what the bf did is still far from okay or healthy...he should've cut Winnie off...now this just feeds into her delusion, that there still might be hope...
story 2 my reply to family would be "I'll be open to reconcile our relation if and only if everyone helps me sue Emma, otherwise don't ever contact me you all are good as nonliving to me than"
@@shadowninja6689 Civil suits are a little bit more gray area. Even if he cannot sue for the original defamation, there is clear ongoing damages that he should still be able to sue for.
The story 2 actually made me remember something. I have a cousin who was born with a genetic condition due to which his, khem, manlyhood never developed. He's genetically and psychologically male, but lacks the dangling part to prove it, so to speak. On his work a female colleague tried to steal his place by reporting an r-word attempt, and man, that report was crossing every t and dotting every i - the details, the times, it was really well put together, honestly, I would've fall for that too if I was on his HR place. My cousin was called to HR and noted that they don't want to deal with authorities so they will give him a chance to leave quietly and blablabla. He listened to all this crap and asked what would they do if he shows the definitive proof he didn't r-worded his colleague. And after getting the confirmation that all charges would be dropped, he just dropped his pants XD UPD - just to clarify, his HR is also male.
@@WishGender Not sure where you get that from, but just to clarify - our country straight up doesn't have laws set up around such things. R-word is a crime, sure, but anything less is perfectly legal, at maximum you'll get slapped with a fine for "gross misdemeanor" (sorry, I dunno how it translates to english). I'm NOT proud of this, but this is how it is.
Story number two enraged me so much. As someone who was the victim of SA back when I was in high school, I have chronic PTSD and anxiety. I don't like when people approach me from behind or surprise me. I jump easily in my heart rate takes forever to come down. I swear one day I'm going to end up having a stroke or a heart attack. I cannot stand anyone who makes false allegations. Emma ruined OP's life which led to him being ostracized an alienated, then she came clean all these years later that she probably “dreamed it.” She spoke about it like she had a hangnail. Quite honestly, I don't blame OP at all for wanting to return the favor to his family and pretend they don't exist. Another part of me thinks that he should get as much evidence as possible and sue the shit out of Emma for defamation of character, slander, libel and for emotional distress. Maybe making an example out of her will serve as a warning to others with the mentality of an overgrown middle school mean girl who have the propensity for making crap up.
The universal counterargument: But if we punish people that come true, we'll only stop people from coming true in the future. Liers like these have no conscience, and less thoughts than a dog. They will never recognise that they're being punished for the lies they tell, they'll always believe you punish them for coming true... And so do all the other parasites seeing the example...
Story 2: I remember very vaguely about this one but I think there was more updates. I remember that OP DID meet with his parents, not to talk but to ask first the very main question: "Did you held Emma accountable" (paraphrasing, obviously). The parents told that Emma was in college and is having "her own life" but they only reprimanded her, not cutting her college fund, not going NC with her, not disowning her, nothing. I don't remember anything else after that, since they were the main points.
Nah this had no other updates. Rslash didn’t include it, but the update mentioned that people on TH-cam/Facebook added fake updates to his original post. He never said anything else after this.
The parents' logic of it must be true because she had a lot of details is so stupid. By that logic, Lord Of The Rings is a non-fiction book. Many fictional stories have tones of details.
I'd argue the more detail the victim's account has the LESS likely it is to be true. A true victim of a violent act would be too busy dealing with their Fight-Flight-Feeze response to be keeping track of small details. Most victims of violent crime have difficulty remembering anything other than the fact that it happened.
Story 3 - he needs 2 cut Winnie off completely by remainin friends with her it's givin her false hope especially layin in bed with her comfortin her that's givin her mixed signals and goin 2 mess her head up even more she's never goin 2 get over him if he keeps behavin this way Winnie needs a clean break from him and therapy 2 help her get through the heartbreak
Winnie could have easily slept on the sofa. OP needs to get her things out of James’s place and call it a learning experience. To remain friends with an ex who is delusional is not normal. RUN, OP.
Seriously, Winnie is suffering. Dragging this out is just cutting the proverbial dog's tail off an inch at a time. They need a clean break. And OP needs to dump her BF, as he has two brain cells that are both fighting for second place.
Story 2: false allegations ruine peoples lives worst then anything. The best thing op can do is cut contact with the family and have a life well lived. It’s good that they want to reconnect but it’s OPs decision because they literally ruined OPs life, work and social life including dating and i don’t blame op for not wanting to
The MOMENT no criminal investigations/report was made for the accusation in the title story, the family should've had their doubts. Things like that when done to a kid don't have a statute of limitations. The second clue would've been a lack of noticeable shift in behavior from age 9 onward. Someone who went through that would change. If the other person convinces them it's a normal thing they become hyper fixated on this new 'adult experience' and end up very inappropriate too early. If they hated it they often become withdrawn or (self)destructive. I bet if they pushed for investigation, the cousin went "No" because then it could come out she lied. Because she did. She lied for attention. She likely saw an example of someone getting attention because they were mistreated in some way and decided to replicate that but make it worse to 'one-up' that person and be the most special kid. And wrecked an innocent person's LIFE. He should sue her. He has legit damages and proof now, in writing. Not just the therapy bills for the rest of his life but also the college savings he lost, the cost of medication, the emotional damages on top of that etc. All from this slander.
Jesus. That entire family just blindly believed an accusation about OP doing something horrific and cut him off entirely, and then years later they just reach out to him? If he wanted to go scorched earth with them he's got every right to do. What the hell happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt? Especially your own flesh and blood? Maybe it would be best to just move on. You've managed this far without them, right? Even if your life is just 'OK', but sometimes that's enough.
“she’s way too young and naive to be dating someone like my bro” see, that’s the reason she’s dating the brother. She’s too young, naive, and ignorant to know better and the brother is a creepy scumbag that is using her inexperience to his advantage. Wild that the family is enabling this but sadly not unheard of.
Reading that, I’m imagining the brother as sort of super senior-type guy. The kind that hangs out with like freshmen or sophomores cuz those are the only mfs who’ll laugh at what they say.
Yeah, also OP noted in that post that she was a family friend that they'd known since childhood. The brother is ten years older than her, and they start dating when she is freshly in university, *right* at eighteen. It feels very calculated on the brother's end to start dating her when she's eighteen after knowing her since she was very young. It'd be weird enough if he started dating her after meeting her recently, the fact that they've known her since childhood is setting off alarm bells imo.
Story 2: Cops should’ve been involved. That way, Emily would’ve been interviewed until she confessed to lying. The family’s actions against OP, WITHOUT PROOF, is beyond disgusting! And the Mom and Dad NEVER apologized to their son when they first texted him?! GTFO with that BS! They just want to get back into OP’s good graces and be forgiven so that they can pull the whole “forgive and forget”, but NEVER thought about what OP went through because of Emily’s plans of defaming him! Honestly, OP’s better off without his parents, but give them a chance to explain themselves. Once done, OP can give them a piece of his mind and sue them for the years of mental torment, therapy and being framed for a crime he never committed! Why did Emily do This against OP in the first place? As a PRANK? Or to be a spiteful bully? Who knows, but she deserved to be punished for what she put OP through!
Look, you can't sue someone for cutting you off. That was terrible, but not sueable material. He could potentially sue his cousin for slander. But she was a minor when she slandered him, so it wouldn't probably change anything.
@@vidal9747 The “minor” would’ve been looking at a lawsuit aimed at her parents for what she did. How old was Emily anyways? Did OP even mention her age at all?
I agree with this. While I don't think it's worth it for the OP to start his own lawsuit (because while he may win, i don't know if the monetary gain is worth reopening old wounds), he definitely needs to keep these text as evidence to safeguard himself if his parents/family try to harm him again after being rightfully rejected.
9:49 "Then dedicate my life to make my cousins like as miserable as possible" - OP is my spirit animal. I wouldn't stop until she is a reliant on antidepressants just to get up in the morning for what she did.
@@slimej2202He should stay single if hes gonna accept that behavior. no sane person would bring their ex into their bed that they share with their current partner and kiss them on the forehead and console them bc they’re sad about the break up. let alone while not responding to any texts
@@imunchonfrogbones If you read the comments, she's threatened to commit self-harm and generally manipulated him a bunch too so. Way to victim-blame, I guess.
@@slimej2202 I’m not victim blaming. If you have someone that is this dependent on you and threatening themselves and potentially you or your new partner, you should stay single until the situation is resolved.
@ If I as a woman, had a male ex that was threatening me I would stay single for MY safety until police or his family got involved if I couldn’t pick everything up and move to a different state. You don’t know what she has planned
The thing with the last story is that, even if there is no intimacy in his mind, even if there is no cheating, he is still purposely and consciously doing things that makes his girlfriend uncomfortable and insecure. That alone would be grounds for break up.
Winnie's issues are none of OP's or the ex's problem, and she needs to figure it out and move on. It seems to me like Winnie is receiving the affection she wants by crying on her ex's shoulder. He's kissing her forehead, hugging her and sleeping next to her in the bed he shares with OP. He's enabling her behaviour but thinks it's helping (I'm not sure if he's being naive or playing dumb to not cause suspicion). Winnie is loving every minute of it. She's not heartbroken. She's pissing on her territory.
Story 4: When did he decide to switch the camera on? What had made him decide to allow her into his bed? Why did he think it was a good idea to hug her and kiss her on his bed? Little things like these give Winnie hope that they still have a chance.
Last story: The fact James keeps letting his ex into his space and refuses to cut her off from him means he’s stringing her along because he likes the attention he’s receiving. Giving the ex hope and making you uncomfortable, lose his ass, and never look back OP.
the whole “im in a 3 person relationship with my partner and their ex who clearly still isn’t over them but they decided to stay close friends” thing we need to stop accepting 😭
story 2: no..... just no..... i would never be able to forgive them, those 2 "parents" failed him so badly. that is not a relationship that can be repaired
Story 2: i went to take a shower- usually thats the first thought of someone who's been graped. They have to get it off, even though it's impossible. The thought that he could have done that (and the fact that his family thinks he could have done it) disgusted him so much he had to "clean it off"
Even if James is 100% telling the truth and Winnie is just a basket case for him, it's still 1000% inappropriate to have your ex who is still in love with you, hang out in your present girlfriend's bed, or whoever you are currently dating, knowing how uncomfortable they are with that. Some people can be friends after, but obviously not in this case, the girl still wants to be with him. If he wants to prove to OP nothing is going on, he should keep his ex far away from him and OP Other than that it's time to reevaluate the relationship and a break up is in order. He clearly isn't over her either.
Story 2: If the therapist recommends anything else other than “don’t respond and continue no contact”, they’re wrong. Dead wrong. These people took the word of Emma over their own son and never even gave him a chance to explain his side. They made their choice, took the one side, and went with it on a whim. No fuss, no hesitation, just discarded OP based on words alone. OP should do himself a favor and not bother with these people. They never bothered with him.
My understanding of therapy (I’m no expert) is that a therapist doesn’t tell you what to do but helps you figure out what you want to do and talks you through it. Obviously there are limits to this, but if the therapist just told you what to do that wouldn’t help you grow. But, yeah she definitely shouldn’t push towards contact unless that’s what op specifically wants (which I don’t see happening).
The therapist's job is not to (be a) judge. Their first duty is to support and help their patient grow out of their trauma and/or improve in general. If they truly believe that it will help the patient, and with a full understanding of the consequences if they are wrong (they are a medical professional, after all), they should push for resuming contact. But in this case, I will concede that recommending contact sounds like a bad idea and generally illogical to me - BUT, I am not a medical professional, and emotions are a bit illogical in virtue of being, you know, emotions 😁. All we, as internet strangers, can offer is sympathy and a wish for the OP's life to improve.
Story 2: That family DOES NOT deserve forgiveness. What they did is beyond wrong. I can't imagine ever having anything to do with them again. I would absolutely call them and tell them EXACTLY what their disgusting behavior did to my life. This is what "beleive women" accomplishes.
I'd just listened to another story where a man was falsely accused by his stepdaughter of being inappropriate with her, written by the mother. Even though everything was captured on in-home cameras proving nothing happened, the extended family chose to believe the lie and vilify the man. Stepdaughter eventually came clean but too much damage was done, the OP and husband are divorcing, extended family are accusing her of covering up for him, it's a hot mess. Once these accusations are made, there are always gonna be people who refuse to believe that nothing happened. OP in story 2 will never have the family relationships he should have had all these years past because of Emma. She really needs to be held accountable in some fashion but we all know it won't happen.
Story 2: tell your family that you don't want them to contact you again and that you need "time to heal" honestly Emma deserves charges for making false accusations
Story 2. Here's my opinion of what OP should do: Inform everyone "not only did you ruin my life, you also nearly killed me", then send Emma and her parents the bills for everything for the past ten years. Then, take Emma herself to court for slander and causing emotional distress. Let's see her weasel her way out of actual ADULT consequences.
The second story is so rough. I don't blame the family for believing a 15 year old girl. I don't blame them for not believing his claims of innocence. Because if the story was told by her, everyone would be screaming the same thing. But I would absolutely require they give the same energy to Emma now. Unfortunately, we won't know because OP said he wouldn't be updating. I wish him well and healing in whatever he chooses to do.
Story 3; This relationship needs to end. James should have put his foot down long ago and letting his ex sleep in his bed _with_ him while his current girlfriend isn't home crossed too many lines. I don't care that they didn't have sex; him allowing that at all, consoling her, and kissing her forehead give her false hope. You can't stay friends with someone that cannot accept the relationship is over. Period.
Exactly. He’s having an emotional affair with her. If he can’t let go of this woman who is manipulating him into taking her back he should be an ex for op too. He isn’t over her
I've always found this interesting, because I genuinely think there's nothing wrong with it. 1. This is something you do for friends. You support them and care for them. I've slept in the same bed as many a friend, even cuddled. 2. He's not putting the ex first. He thought about his gf's feelings, and recorded everything. He's not perfect, but did admit fault. She wasn't home, and didn't lose anything here. 3. If boundaries are not pre established, then things being messy make sense. Sounds like this was a first. If the wife said, "I don't want you to do this," beforehand, then it's 100% cheating. 4. Staying friends with an ex makes sense. You two cared about each other, but decided you didn't want a romantic or sexual relationship. My gf is besties with her ex. It's normal. 5. Emotional cheating must be based on pre established boundaries. You can't receive every emotional need from one person, so you and your partner must decide on what's exclusive. You also are allowed to support your friends. 6. Reverse the gender. If he did this with a close male friend, would there be an issue? It's reasonable for him to (wrongly) assume the same is true with a woman. 7. The OP's feelings are super valid. It's okay to be jealous of the ex or upset at him not immediately communicating. But you gotta give the benefit of the doubt if it hasn't already been communicated. It sounds like they need to sit down and set boundaries and rules for their relationship.
@breestringham1063 You don't kiss and cuddle your friends, especially ones where you had previous romantic ties, I don't care what gender you do it with. Kissing someone romantically is cheating
@@breestringham1063 I see your point, but I'd disagree with a few aspects of your argument. 2. He was putting the ex first - he ignored OP's calls and texts. He let her worry so he could comfort the ex. 4. Staying friends with an ex is one thing, but when an ex hasn't accepted the end of the relationship, it becomes complicated, and he shouldn't need OP to tell him he should keep ex at a certain distance. 6. If the friend was an ex, especially one whose feelings were not platonic, I think the gender is irrelevant. The things I would find actively suspicious would be the bf letting in the ex, who just happened to be there when OP was away, and not letting OP know, and also deliberately ignoring OP's calls. He said it was "horrible" of him, so he didn't just miss them. Whether it's relationship ending depends on what OP feels about it, but also whether bf agrees to put a pause on the friendship until the ex sorts herself out.
2nd story: I'd ask if they disowned Emma. If yes, then I'd say something like "good, now GFY" & block them. If no, then unleash the full anger without threatening in any way, ending with a GFY & then I'd block them.
The op Emma story is heartbreaking. Who does that?? They didn’t even take him to therapy? Or a lie detector test? How could they? If they really believed this they should have had him arrested
Actually, for all practical purposes ped0s are incurable. Statistically, therapy doesn't work. Pharmaceuticals don't work. Even "chemical castration" doesn't work. Highest recidivism rate of any crime. And when they are released from prison and reoffend, they tend to make sure there are no living witnesses. Fortunately for society, ped0s tend not to survive prison. That's one place where the inmates and the guards are on the same team. "Oops, did we accidentally put the ped0 in the exercise yard with the guy already serving three life sentences whose own daughter was SA'd? Sorry, my bad."
@@MarkStockman-b4j pedophilia is very different then child molestation. Child molestation is actually what your talking about, and those criminals are the ones most likely to reoffend. Pedophilia is a mental disorder and most pedophiles don't molest children. This is something I learned in therapy after I was molested and raped as a child. I'm a survivor myself and it's important to know the difference between these criminals and the crimes.
Accusing someone of touching you when they didn’t is a horrible dick move. That and just accepting the clams at face value without asking for facts is stupid.
Story 2. For parents to take the route they took by skipping the hear the accused side, gather evidence and instead go straight to dishoning the accused, it suggests that the parents had already made up their minds like the moment they heard the allegations, they'd already thought it wasn't something that surprised them. That means they already held OP in such low regards before the allegations
Get a lawyer! If someone wver accused one of my kids about something like that, I'd demand the accusing party have a forensic interview with a professional. Those people are trained to interview children who make such accusations and can determine if a kid is lying or misremembering something, or telling the truth.
Story 2: OP you need to forgive yourself for the anger you felt at their betrayal. You were never a bad person but you were heartbroken over the lack of trust and it lead to years of anger and loneliness. Honestly I couldn't forgive any of them. I may send the "here's what you did to me" email / letter, but more important I'd let go of the anger and live my best possible life.
You can't convince me that dude doesn't LOVE that his ex is still coming around and begging for his attention. If one of my exes was pulling that, especially after I got another partner, I'd be telling them to get therapy and leave me tf alone
A friend of mine was almost falsely accused of SA. The girl had bad grades and failed her physical fitness exams, so she shared with one of his friends that she planned to accuse him, so she could become a "victim" and not get kicked out. Luckily, his friend told him, and he told his superiors, so they managed to make her confess before any accusations were actually made. The thing was, he suffered from severe depression due to a number of issues before that, so this became the straw that broke the camel's back. He had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide but did not succeed. However, he had to leave college because he could no longer focus in his classes, and his grades started dropping. Today, he is still alive but a shell of what he used to be. He is no longer suicidal but is afraid to talk to girls, thinking he might get accused again. The big issue? He hadn't even touched the girl, just a handshake. She didn't like him, and wanted to abuse the system to kick him out of the university.
I'm not against exes being friends if it's a genuine friendship - hell, my partner and I are friends with her ex (we even went to his wedding a few years ago) - but what the last story has isn't a genuine friendship. Assuming they're being honest, the dude needs to back away from Winnie until she respects the boundary. The fact that he's not creating distance despite her conduct is a major red flag. Even if he's being honest and isn't cheating, it almost sounds like he's keeping her on the hook, just in case.
2nd story - yep, false accusations of this kind should bring consequences to the accuser. As to OP - the trust in his family is gone, so that's that. OP - enjoy your life without the Damocles's sword over your head. Forget your family - they left you out to dry when you needed them most. They can enjoy the company of all the Emmas of the world. Also: "my therapist told me to write letters to people who wronged me, and then burn them. I did. Now - what do I do with all these letters?"
I wonder if the real reason they are apologizing to OP is because the sisters need babysitters or something. with how nonchalant Emma was, she's not sorry for what she did. Did she ever even apologize or was it just the parents? OP needs to sue her or something cause she needs to realize this is NOT ok. Also, WHY did Emma accuse OP of assaulting her? That's something I'd demand to know. Also, also why did it take a MONTH for the parents tell OP after Emma came clean?
The "she says she probably dreamed it" line is obviously complete bull. There was no dream. She made it up for attention, realised she was in too deep and couldn't take it back when she ruined OPs life, and rather than do the noble thing, waited 10 years until the guilt became more than she could live with. Regardless of if OP does decide to reopen communication, the family should at the very least cut off Emma the same way they cut off OP
Story 1: As a grown ass man, why does the brother need a naive 18 year-old girl in his bed to help “get back on his feet”? OP did the right thing by telling her parents and calling out his BS. Last story: why is he even entertaining the ex if she keeps showing up and interfering with OP’s relationship that often to the point she knows where they live and shows up unannounced?? She’s a stalker, he’s an enabler and it’s only gonna go downhill from here. OP needs to run, not walk, away from this relationship if he doesn’t set boundaries with this ex.
People like Emma are why I didn't report, I was terrified no one would believe me and my teacher went on to do it to 3 other girls before he was caught by another teacher. I despise people like Emma who make up accusations make it so much harder for the rest of us.
16:13 lesbian here. my beta guy friend consoles me a lot in my down times. i’ve known him years longer than i’ve known his finances and she has watched and been with us when i am sobbing uncontrollably, eric (her fiance) holding me while i cry and scream and never once has she ever assumed we were cheating now, WE ALSO DONT KISS EACHOTHER WHO DOES THAT
How is Rslash at all surprised that the parents didn't ask OP his side? It was young girl vs adult man. Man is automatically guilty in court of public opinion.
Well maybe the males of the past shouldn't have worked so hard on their reputation of being r@pists and kiddie fiddlers. He most definitely didn't deserve any of this but don't twist this into some sort of "MaLEs aRe Soooooooo oPreSSed😩😩😩" kinda fantasy. There's hardship in being a male, but to imply that certain privileges pretaining to masculinity aren't a thing is idiotic
Story 3: I don't think James is preparing OP for cheating, he just needs to grow some balls and cut his ex out of their lives instead of stringing her along and giving her false hope. It's bad for all parties involved.
With the last story, I don't beleive the boyfriend has any intent on cheating. I beleive the ex girlfriend has intents of trying to cause him to cheat. Also I have shared a bed with a female friend and it was entirely platonic. I've even shared a bed with her and her boyfriend and again nothing happened except I fell off the bed once cause fitting three people on a queen size bed is a tight fit.
Doesn’t matter, he’s crossed every line. He could’ve sat on the couch consoling her with the living room camera on. To take her into her bed, a woman actively still in love with him, and sleep with her was beyond every line there is. The only way I’d stay in that relationship would be if that’s it for the friendship, no way would I stay a moment longer if he keeps her in his life
The problem with James is that he’s a nice person who’s a people pleaser. Which is a really bad combo because he’s trying to be nice to winny when he needs to be firm
Why do people think punishing people like Emma would hurt real victims? A real victim wouldn't be culpable for a false report just because their claim was legally dismissed.. this would have to he proven in a separate hearing and would require extreme evidence, just like any other hearsay crime If your claim isn't false, evidence that it is will not exist in any major capacity. Is it really that hard to understand? Punish people who abuse the system and undermine real victims
Story 2: It just pisses me off so much more that they had already decided that OP had done it, but still called him and made a scene asking him if he did as if they actually cared or would have listened to him. OP's family disgusts me, they don't deserve his forgiveness or anything from him, I think the best course of action is to go NC with them and just let them stew in the fact that they will never recover from what they did, since they definitely won't even punish E to any degree, that little POS will never go through or understand what she did and that shitty family will never put her through the same thing because they're all terrible people. The only thing that waits for him if he tries to reconnect with them or even give them his energy is their expectation to forgive and forget despite what that little POS did to him, and what they all put him through, if E never confessed the truth they would've always held him in a bad light never giving him the opportunity to set things straight, so why should he give them what they would never afford him.
story 2, if i was in OP's situation, i'd just ignore them and move on with my life! if they're willing to disown me from a false accusation WITHOUT LETTING ME SPEAK then they'd do it again in a HEARTBEAT if anyone accused me of doing the same thing to a different person! also an't it stange that nobody else has attempted to contact OP just his parents? also where's the apology? all i heard was excuses!
“Innocent until proven guilty” is one of society’s many B.S. platitudes we’ve repeated to ourselves so many times that we’ve forgotten that it’s a lie.
@@sylythryllsixxus3809 I’m saying that while so many people preach it, no one actually practices it. Similar to “Justice is blind.” A cute idea we all like to tell ourselves, when the opposite has been proven true time and time again.
@RepellentJeff then the problem comes from how you expressed that. Calling it a lie suggests that the stance is inherently wrong. A better way to communicate your point: 'Innocent until proven guilty, Pepperidge Farms remembers'.
Story 3. He couldn’t send her a message that Winnie had arrived but thought to set up cameras to prove innocence. That sends alarm bells to me. Almost like he wanted time with Winnie without OP interrupting with messages and could have set up camera ages after she arrived or taken down before she left
"She must uave dream it" she lied intentionally, and with concious of it and consequences. "Find it in you yo forgive us" The effing NERVE. "We are angry with her" not ostracized her. Just angry. All she has to do is to say "sorry" and he has to be the adult and bigger person. What logic is this.
12:18 people are taught to always believe the "victim." Crazy thing is, you're not a victim if nothing happened. We should believe only when there is absolute proof.
....I need to apologize to my 7th graders, apparently. Here I was saying they were being dramatic when they accused each other of cheating because they saw their S/O's give someone a hug because cheating implies a whole lot more. They can break up. They could have been unfaithful. But cheating is a bigger meaning than that.
Story 2: Sooo the family is gunna shun and disown the cousin right? Like they’re gunna kick her out of the family and tell her to never come back right?
ORRRR are they gunna just expect Op to forget about it and move on….?
But she's faaamileeeeee!
Knowing that they shunned and cut off OP without remorse, I would be SHOCKED if they did shun her..
It says a lot when those parents were so willing to accuse their own child of something heinous like that. Just goes to show that maybe they just didn't like him that much in the end.
@@jamesnorman9160 I agree with this, they are probably bad parents before this incidence.
Yeah he’s got a dick so he’s automatically the villain but when it’s revealed he’s not he needs to act like a man and put it behind him. Lmao SMH.
I was actually sexually assaulted. Emma is why so many of us don’t report. She’s vile.
I was once falsely accused. I agree wholeheartedly.
Me and my friends have been through SA as well. Emma deserves to go to prison.
@@Chuckf66 Being accused for something you didn't do and everyone not listening to you is the most frustrating thing ever. It's like they already believed the lie in their heads and refuse to hear anyone out otherwise.
Exactly so many of us don't have "proof" with only our word to cling to. This just takes actual victims 2 steps back. I think people who make false allegations are just as bad as the crimes they claim. And the worst part is I can guarantee they won't treat that disgusting excuse of a woman anywhere NEAR as bad as they did OP. They won't shun her, shame her or any of the consequences she very much deserves.
I would say it's more all the adults that just accepted the flawed memory of a child that are the problem, not the kid herself. Every accusation should be looked into but that's not the same as just believing them to be true.
False accusation: The mom didn't even apologize; they just wanted forgiveness to assuage their guilt. I say ignore the family and let them live with their guilt for the rest of their lives.
Agree
She didn't say the word "sorry" but she was in fact apologizing
And yeah sure. Let the parents and sisters rot with their guilt. While OP rots in his loneliness and resentment
Forgiveness isn't for the other person; it's for you. Imagine 20 years from now, OP's kids are teenagers who have their grandparents involved their entire lives, OP's nieces and newphews got to grow up knowing hin as their favorite uncle, OP's relationship with his parents and sisters are strong once more, all of this pain little more than a bad dream.
THAT is the best possible outcome, and one only attainable through forgiveness and healing
@znerd3664 that all sounds nice and all, but these people completely cut him out for 10 years without giving him a chance to defend himself. They all did this to him not just his parents. Maybe forgive them, but there's no way I'm becoming everyone's favorite uncle and all that other idealic stuff. If his family wanted him to be that, someone should've tried to reach out sooner. Someone should've scrutinized Emma sooner.
Assauge = make
Thanks for teaching me a new word
@@znerd3664 that family is abusive invalidating and accusatory without proper evidence. Yes alligatuons should be taken seriously and looked into, but they completely disowned him and then acted like nothing happened. One can forgive but it's only up to that person to decide and everyone doesn't get peace from it. Not to say he shouldn't but they are definitely sounding like a very toxic family and if they acted that way once they will mostlikey find something else to blame him for. It would be really torturous to be part of that family again. He can try to forgive in his heart but idk I would stay far away from them.
Story 2: “We’re all angry at her” is so much less than the situation calls for it’s ridiculous. “We’re all very angry at her” is the right sentiment for “she cut herself a slice of the birthday cake before the person’s party and now every picture is missing a slice
A more appropriate sentiment would be
“We’re livid that she callously stole years of our lives we had with you and didn’t so much as try to make things right for ten years, that she noticed your absence at every family gathering and still said nothing, that she saw your message at your rock bottom knowing she put you there and pushed you down deeper. We can never forgive her or even look at her, and we hate both what she did and everything we did to you after that”
Very well said. That is how we can tell that family is callous and toxic. They don't even care what happened to OP and didn't for years, then they act like it's no big deal, get over it with a stupid message. I can see the mom saying somehting like "you're overeacting" if he were to respond.
And sadly there is no going back to the way it used to be... You can't put the lie back in the bottle!
I agree, it was a one-way ticket, no redunds.
Also, "we're angry" is like politicians saying "we're shocked" when there's another mass bang bang, then back to status quo.
My first thought about Emma was that someone else did it and she blamed OP because she didn't know what to do. The truth is in many ways worse. She and the entire family traumatized OP and ruined his life.
As much as that is a bad thing to have happened, Emma is one of the worst people on the planet. She will face justice, and so will whoever abused her.
@@TheBluePhoenix008no she won't
@@TheBluePhoenix008Sadly no, I honestly think life in prison should be the penalty for such cases, but justice is blind (atleast in these cases).
@@JordanDragonAs I think BluePheonix meant metaphorical justice in her life, like bad things will happen to her because she is a reckless uncaring person.
@@magivkmeister6166 whatever she does will somehow come back to her especially if she keeps living that way.
Story 2: False allegations of this degree should be a felony. Plain and simple.
Wonder if OP could sue. I mean, if it’s in the US, anyone can sue for anything
I think when someone makes a false accusation against someone, they should get the same prison time the falsely accused would have gotten had they been convicted.
@@M0nst3r0711 It probably would be defamation or slander of character or something
@@Wolfiechrmthe question is does OP have a case? As he didn't lose his job/schooling due to these allegations. It was seemingly contained with the family. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just genuinely curious if he has a case.
@@FEKanapossibly since he has a therapist so u could argue that she caused so much mental distress that he required therapy
The sad part is "Emma" will never be shunned, never face any consequences and will at the most get a gentle slap on the wrist for what she did. Yet OP suffered all those years living in fear and having dark thoughts, there's nothing the family could ever do to earn his forgiveness.
Thats why you should never believe a woman without evidence
And it could've ended so much worse for OP. Imagine if Emma admitted that at or after his funeral
My coworker suddenly stopped showing up to work one day. A few months later we found out his step daughter (who was abused by her actual dad) accused him of falsely sexual abuse. They proved it in court as she colluded with friends about it and left traces of those conversations. Dude was broken after that. We need to start cracking down on false reports.
She probably wasn't abused by he actual dad either.
Story 2 is heartbreaking to hear. OP should write his family a long letter, detailing how he suffered for the past ten years, then change his number. They don't deserve any more of his energy. Then he should maybe consider finding groups of people with similar interests and hobbies to him so he has some positivity in his life, also look into getting a pet? He sounds very lonely.
Maybe a Golden Retriever specifically? I hear they’re the best dogs for lonely people
Personally, if I was in OP's shoes (and I hope to never be), I'd probably just ghost and block them. Dealing with their drama would just be a waste of energy for me and reopen old wounds that I had spent the better part of a decade trying to heal.
But I do agree about getting a dog. It's something that will keep you company when you're down. And maybe OP could qualify for an emotional support dog for moments like this, when they start freaking out over possibly being sucked back into that family dynamic. The dog can help OP snap out of it, or prevent OP from hurting himself until he calms down.
Big agree. Getting a pet sounds like a great idea as well imo, they can help so much no matter what they are.
Dogs tend to be good to get people out more, but if he's more of a homebody just as a person, a cat could be great too. I have some nasty PTSD and my cat is great at keeping me calm and popping up when I'm distressed.
Pets as a whole really give people purpose and heal us in a way, I think. Especially when you find one that really chooses/bonds with you specifically- there's really no feeling like it.
even writing ANYTHING would be too good for them, if anything, he shouldn't write anything to them, with the way that the text was said they don't feel any remorse at all! why is it JUST his parents attempting to make contact? why is it that nobody else(from what we know of) is attempting to contact him to apologies? in fact, there ISN'T an apology from them, only EXCUSES!
My "idea" would be to type, but never write, an ice-cold letter, letting out all the accumulated trauma. Then never send it.
After all this misery ... Two feeble texts??
Never forgive, never forget. It was a one-way ticket, and it was issued by them. All the best, dude.
The other worst part in story 2 about making false accusations, is that when it happens to real victims, not many will believe them and nobody reports due to that. This is men and women going through that.
It's even worse that the parents didn't even bother to listen OP's side of the story and jump the gun.
False accusations definitely has ruined lives. And I mean for both men and women.
HOWEVER, they are also incredibly rare, and you're far more lkely to have real claims that jjust never make it to court. Whether its due to fear, threats, social pressures etc, or just a lack of ability to prove it.
Men have been fearmongered to death about false accusations and, as a man, we need to relax a bit. False claims as detailed i the story end up being used as misogynistic tools to shut women up half the time.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 False claims happen more often than you think, hell women do it just to get their way and I'm a woman saying that.
@@sammicunniam3992 and that's not even accounting for those who don't go through wit but still consider this as a viable threat.
RSlash already read so many stories of Karens going "If you don't do X I'm calling the cops and gonna tell them you SA'd me."
Yeah I agree, I've seen so many stories about women who choose to do this to men just because they didn't love them the same way. I know others will say that it's rare and downplay it but if we don't stop it now, more and more people will do it to the point where real victims aren't believed and we don't want that. we already spent so much trying to get to this point where all victims are believed no questions asked, don't let false claims ruin this.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan it's not "downplaying", it's a fact. only about 1% of accusations are fake, but 70% of real accusations go uninvestigated. Both are bad, but numbers are worse for SA victims
Final Story: cheating is not always straightforward. Each couple can and should come up with their own definition for it
In order to move forward, OP needs to define and set a firm boundary of what they consider cheating. They can choose to stay or leave based on the existing actions, but if they stay their partner has to agree to respect their definition of cheating and not cross it
That's where to go from here, think, set boundaries, communicate them if still together, enforce them as needed
Ok this is what I was looking for. Someone who is a bit more rational about the last story. Like... The bf legit went "I fucked up. I'm sorry. I set up our camera to show we weren't screwing." But tbh the ex just needs some damn therapy.
I like this. Good ideas here.
By fart the most well thought out response on here.
@majoratwili7312 and the dude needs to cut the cord. At this point if she hasn't moved on, it's not your problem anymore. In fact, once you break up, it's not your problem. The end is the end, you don't get to keep putting your foot in the door and asking for more.
He does need to grow a spine imo. But I feel RSlash jumped the gun on this one...
yea i would 100% break up here. even if they didnt do anything physical, sleeping in the same bedroom as someone that you were previously intimate with and kissing her on the head and consoling her may not be strictly cheating but it is definitely disloyal. if his ex is so depressed about the break up she needs to find someone else
Story 2: I still have the same opinion about this. If OP decides to respond he should say that he will only consider restarting contact once Emma has been shunned and kicked out of the family, everyone stays paying him back for the years of therapy they put him through, and everyone gives a public (Facebook, group chat, what have you) detailed heart felt apology for everything they did and the hurt they caused. And then, once they do all that, screenshot everything and tell the parents that though he might appreciate the gestures he has decided that he cannot allow such toxic people back in his life.
But that's just petty and angry me coming out. Lol
they should write them by hand in pen and paper so OP could frame them. that way its more personal and they cant skip with some cheap template
the petty and angry you sounds quite kind considering a good chunk of us (me at least) would have told them all about just how much it affected them and list all of it in detail no matter how painful or depraved the details are. they should have the feeling of what it's like to feel destroyed internally and externally like how op 2 was due to their betrayal. that is what i would consider justice
That's an even better, long con idea than the idea I had: that OP should text his mom a longer version of "This is *old friend's name;* OP gave me his phone before he k*lled himself back in 2015."
@@ArcanineEspeon Another option would be to play along enough to get proof in writing that family members discovered that Emma had lied and then OP could take all of this to an attorney and file a lawsuit. Emma can work all alone with no support (like OP had to) to pay OP if he wins the lawsuit.
9:21 heres what you do: just tell them what their actions lead you to. make them feel guilt. lets be honest here, there no high road to take, theres no ''being the bigger person'' make them feel pain.
And since they have admitted in text that she lied - screenshot it and plaster it all over their social media - as a warning to all E's future partners and co-workers that they need to keep her at bay.
It's insanely telling how the very first text sent by the mother was not a text profusely apologizing and owning their fuckup, immediately explaining how they learned he was innocent and, you know, just leading with the critical fucking things that need to be said to even attempt to talk to him after what they did and acknowledge their guilt.
Instead the first text was just a family life update and a "we miss you," like the vibe they want to set is "everything goes back to normal" because that's what they're hoping they can manifest. And while the second text does elaborate on some of those details about what changed their mind, it still ends by focusing on how they want op to just slide right back into place in the family like nothing happened. The inclusion of "we understand if you don't want to talk to us after what happened" comes across as little more than a hollow formality because it's the minimum polite concession you should make in this situation.
Whatever OP works out with his therapist he should make sure everyone in his family knows in no uncertain terms that there is no getting him back, that the person they remember effectively fucking died after the trauma of being cut off like that over an utterly false accusation that was believed completely by word of mouth alone. OP went to some very dark places, it's kind of a little shocking he admitted to so much of his internal thoughts, and he's clearly still mired in that baggage. I truly feel for him when he talks about not even having friends to turn to, something that would absolutely be helpful right now but that he doesn't have because of the very trauma that he needs help with. The family deserves to fully grasp the damage they are all participant to, that there is blood on their hands even if only figurative.
The only way for OP to 'be a bigger person' would be for OP to just say "Sorry but I don't want you contacting me anymore, you are still believing E(emma) over me, and after everything I've been through, I don't feel anything positive about your apology or about reconnecting" and then just cut contact.
HOWEVER, I'd fully for OP sending them EXACTLY what he dealt with, how he will likely never date anyone, how he experienced a drug addiction for a short while, and how the experience has twisted the innocent man they so cruelly destroyed without even a shred of evidence. And tell them that Emma needs to read exactly what happened to him, and know she is the one solely responsible for it. Then cut contact.
Finally, he should move on, let go of any remaining doubts or worries, start moving on and living life, and if anyone asks about his so-called "FaMiLy" he can just say "They aren't good people, so I stopped contact with them.".
This might be extreme, but i think he should tell them he unalived himself. That's an easy way to make everyone feel guilty and powerless for what they did. Granted, that would also lead to unplanned outcomes, so unless OP is prepared, i wouldnt recommend it
@@Beartornado-BT "...the person they remember effectively fucking died..." You put into words what I was feeling. They killed this poor guy.😪
OP with the scummy cousin needs retribution... they should DISOWN THE COUSIN... how dare she... the absolute nerve and then the family NOT believing him... I'm so angry for OP
What she needs is to have her face rearranged
the worst part is the mom's inital response to the allegations.. "if it wasnt true, then how can she be so detailed with when, how and where?!"
lady... made up stuff is detailed as heck... real memories have flaws unless you're known to have a photographic memory... especially in a traumatic event, you remember certain details perfectly, but surrounding stuff you wont remember clearly, as it completely leaves the focus. and recalling it all will be a huge mental strain
to top it all off, we are talking about the memories of a... 9 year old at the time? 15 when she supposedly tells it? children barely remember anything clearly most of the time. so if it truly happened, then it must've been scarring for her. but how come nobody questions it? "because she's just a little girl, how could anyone even think about putting her through those memories again"
It wasn't just the cousin who did it - the whole family did the damage. They are equally responsible.
@@MinatsuAi My first thought was actually that maybe the cousin's story was otherwise real but the perpertrator was someone else who she pressured to say a name but was afraid to give that person up so she panicked and named OP, because he knew that OP would never harm her for it. Imo it's sadly not uncommon. But even when she was indeed a panicked child at the moment she could've cleared it up way faster and it's still inexcusable
Story 2: As much as you want to side with the victim, it's very rash to immediately jump to action, tossing out the other person without even 100% confirming that the situation is true.
Because stuff like this happens, where it turns out the SA was false, either a deliberate lie or a dream confused as a memory, and all of the sudden an innocent person had their life throw out the window for nothing.
Or the memory was the wrong person. Human memory is really fickle
And even if they're cleared of all charges, there will still be people who believe the "victim" regardless of proof and will make the other person's life a living hell
Y'know, that story reminded me of one that Rslash did a little while ago where an in-law accused an OP of SA'ing them and their family just cut them off until the truth came out, and then reached out to them again. Like, after being treated like that you've got every right to have nothing to do with them again.
Ans this is the mentality of always beilive the victim is dangerous.
yep, same on you
Second story: I would reply "I'm dead inside and broken, thanks to you all. We can talk about it when you fund my therapy to try to fix what you broke in me"
"You didn't just ruin my life, you almost ended it many times, and hearing from you like this might just push me over the edge."
I dont understand. In most of the false allegations ,stories, no one ever gets the cops involved. If i believe my daughter was sexualy assaulted by her cousin to the point that the whole family went no contact, i would call the cops.
Yeah. There are several reasons why people don't get the cops involved. And what I'm about to list isn't in any order, just what comes to mind first:
1 is the fact that it can re-traumatize the potential victim
2 is that it can take years for it to go to court
3 is the cross examining. Which is normal but oh man do those lawyers stoop LOW sometimes
4 cops don't always take it seriously. They make you feel like it's your fault for not coming forward sooner
5 is embarrassment for the victims. You're looked at with anger, pity, etc.
Now sometimes none of that happens and the justice system moves quickly, thoroughly and has a fair trial but it's not often enough. And when you only really hear the horror stories you're less inclined to tell the cops
@@callanightshade8079 saw a reddit story where a woman got drugged by her friends and they all took advantage. She was literally bleeding and the doctors made jokes about her, her nurses seemed annoyed when she told her story because she kept crying, they couldn't do the test there so she had to move hospitals and repeat the same trauma.. And she never even got them arrested. Police did nothing. And friends who actually did it say she falsely accused them, 4 words against one later and there's no justice.. Ik it's a reddit story take it with a grain of salt but that experience is very real and why it's the most underreported crime.
Yep and in my case, I was being abused by two different people. One of them was physically abusive, and would beat, slap, punch and choke me as well as withhold food and medicine, scream at me, and treat me like a house elf from HP. Meanwhile the other was SAing me but was kinder, generally didn’t even raise his voice, and never once hit me even with a single finger. That one got me gifts, supported my interests, helped me with school, always gave me food and medicine, never expected me to do adult housework, and even protected me from the other one when she would come after me. It’s not always cut and dry and sadly, I didn’t report partially because the person doing bad stuff at night to me actually felt safer at the time than the other person who I would have ended up with if anything legal happened to the bad touch one. It’s…complicated, and suffice to say I was terrified of ending up in the foster care system with someone worse, or being trapped alone with the one beating and starving me and such. It’s not always so cut and dry.
Allegations years after an event with zero evidence. There's literally nothing to give police to investigate. Unless you think everyone should be thrown in jail simply because they were accused of something.
@@Vincent_Beers Isn't that effectively what OPs family did?
Story 2: Honestly, the parents and family are also to blame here. OP kept denying that he did anything but they jumped to conclusions and cut him out of their life. And, the mom's defense doesn't make sense, Emma's explanation was "detailed" and only "wanted to protect her"? Just because it's detailed, doesn't mean it's true, people can tell very detailed lies to convince people. If I were you, I would sue Emma for every penny she had for all the false allegations she put on me.
Everyone should be kneeling in front of you, apologizing and compensating you for not listening to your side. A simple apology cannot fix this damaging thing, ever.
An excess of detail is literally one of the classic hallmarks of blatant lies.
Ok look, I agree that OP was wronged here, but can we stop pretending that WE would do any better than his parents?
There is not a predator alive who hasn't vehemently denied his crimes. OP's parents were forced to choose to either believe the child or their son. 1 person HAD to be lying and there was no evidence which was which
For crying out loud it wasn't a month ago Rslash read a story where the girl's parents didn't believe her that she was assaulted, and this entire comment section was ready to burn the parents at the stake
Admittedly, I was S.A.ed as a child. I have a brother who is 5 years older than me so he was in his teens before I even was. And I was desperate to be included on the "brotherly games" that him and my other brother played. Since they were bullying and tormenting me all through my childhood.
I don't remember how it happened, but I do remember being under him with my pants off and him rubbing his... Banana outside my area. He asks if he could kiss me and I nodded my head because it was the first time he's actually wanted to "bond" with me. Then my other brother called his name and was running up the steps. The one on top of me threw a blanket over our bottoms and got dressed.
I've not told a single person until I was in my early teens when I asked my mom something. She told me the reason she did something that happened not long after what my brother did to me. That's when I told her what happened to me that long ago. And that the reason I didn't report it to them is because I didn't want to seem like I was lying to them. My parents believed me, but the brother who did that to me is telling them that I'm lying and wants to "speak to me" about why I'd do that.
I've not spoken to my brother in the 6 years he's been gone. And I'm keeping it that way because I don't need him.
An excellent example of overly detailed but a whole load of crap, is Amber Heard's whole spiel in the courtroom a year or so ago
@@znerd3664 Not everyone is like you. Some of us have this little thing in our brains called 'reasonable doubt'.
Story 3: This is a James problem. He lets Winnie hang around and won't just stand his ground. She knows why they broke up. The only reason she doesn't have closure is because he still treats her like a girlfriend. OP is the third wheel in this relationship because James enables this behavior. If he wanted to put a stop to it, he would. Also, being friends after a breakup CAN be fine, but that requires time apart and clear boundaries. That never happened here, and OP trying to be so understanding is allowing James to treat her poorly.
To OP in story #2, I would just write three sentences: "You have no idea of the irreparable damage you've caused. I am a broken man because of you. Consider me dead and never contact me again."
For story #3: Yes, Winnie needs therapy to cope, not to be cuddled and comforted by her ex in OP's bed. Even, if there was no intimacy, what the bf did is still far from okay or healthy...he should've cut Winnie off...now this just feeds into her delusion, that there still might be hope...
story 2
my reply to family would be "I'll be open to reconcile our relation if and only if everyone helps me sue Emma, otherwise don't ever contact me you all are good as nonliving to me than"
Not sure what the statutes of limitation are where OP lives, but it may be too late for that unfortunately.
@@shadowninja6689 Civil suits are a little bit more gray area. Even if he cannot sue for the original defamation, there is clear ongoing damages that he should still be able to sue for.
@@shadowninja6689 Then acid bath it is------
The story 2 actually made me remember something. I have a cousin who was born with a genetic condition due to which his, khem, manlyhood never developed. He's genetically and psychologically male, but lacks the dangling part to prove it, so to speak.
On his work a female colleague tried to steal his place by reporting an r-word attempt, and man, that report was crossing every t and dotting every i - the details, the times, it was really well put together, honestly, I would've fall for that too if I was on his HR place. My cousin was called to HR and noted that they don't want to deal with authorities so they will give him a chance to leave quietly and blablabla. He listened to all this crap and asked what would they do if he shows the definitive proof he didn't r-worded his colleague. And after getting the confirmation that all charges would be dropped, he just dropped his pants XD
UPD - just to clarify, his HR is also male.
What was the reaction
@@cultmecca I mean, I wasn't there to witness and he usually ends the story on that line, so I dunno. But I guess you can imagine
Fired for sexual harassment on that one lol.
imagine trying to disprove s*xual assault allegations by...committing s*xual harassment
@@WishGender Not sure where you get that from, but just to clarify - our country straight up doesn't have laws set up around such things. R-word is a crime, sure, but anything less is perfectly legal, at maximum you'll get slapped with a fine for "gross misdemeanor" (sorry, I dunno how it translates to english). I'm NOT proud of this, but this is how it is.
Story 2: it took them 10 years for them to realize Emma was lying the whole time. I doubt Emma actually got any sort of punishment from her parents.
Story number two enraged me so much. As someone who was the victim of SA back when I was in high school, I have chronic PTSD and anxiety. I don't like when people approach me from behind or surprise me. I jump easily in my heart rate takes forever to come down. I swear one day I'm going to end up having a stroke or a heart attack.
I cannot stand anyone who makes false allegations. Emma ruined OP's life which led to him being ostracized an alienated, then she came clean all these years later that she probably “dreamed it.” She spoke about it like she had a hangnail. Quite honestly, I don't blame OP at all for wanting to return the favor to his family and pretend they don't exist. Another part of me thinks that he should get as much evidence as possible and sue the shit out of Emma for defamation of character, slander, libel and for emotional distress. Maybe making an example out of her will serve as a warning to others with the mentality of an overgrown middle school mean girl who have the propensity for making crap up.
The universal counterargument:
But if we punish people that come true, we'll only stop people from coming true in the future.
Liers like these have no conscience, and less thoughts than a dog.
They will never recognise that they're being punished for the lies they tell, they'll always believe you punish them for coming true...
And so do all the other parasites seeing the example...
Story 2: I remember very vaguely about this one but I think there was more updates.
I remember that OP DID meet with his parents, not to talk but to ask first the very main question:
"Did you held Emma accountable" (paraphrasing, obviously).
The parents told that Emma was in college and is having "her own life" but they only reprimanded her, not cutting her college fund, not going NC with her, not disowning her, nothing.
I don't remember anything else after that, since they were the main points.
Nah this had no other updates. Rslash didn’t include it, but the update mentioned that people on TH-cam/Facebook added fake updates to his original post. He never said anything else after this.
The parents' logic of it must be true because she had a lot of details is so stupid. By that logic, Lord Of The Rings is a non-fiction book. Many fictional stories have tones of details.
I'd argue the more detail the victim's account has the LESS likely it is to be true. A true victim of a violent act would be too busy dealing with their Fight-Flight-Feeze response to be keeping track of small details. Most victims of violent crime have difficulty remembering anything other than the fact that it happened.
Wait what do you mean? Lord of the Rings is clearly non-fiction. 😋
Story 3 - he needs 2 cut Winnie off completely by remainin friends with her it's givin her false hope especially layin in bed with her comfortin her that's givin her mixed signals and goin 2 mess her head up even more she's never goin 2 get over him if he keeps behavin this way Winnie needs a clean break from him and therapy 2 help her get through the heartbreak
Winnie could have easily slept on the sofa. OP needs to get her things out of James’s place and call it a learning experience. To remain friends with an ex who is delusional is not normal. RUN, OP.
Yeah, if he can’t pull his head out and see what’s happening, he never will. He’s too easily manipulated and they’re both naive.
Seriously, Winnie is suffering. Dragging this out is just cutting the proverbial dog's tail off an inch at a time. They need a clean break. And OP needs to dump her BF, as he has two brain cells that are both fighting for second place.
Story 2: false allegations ruine peoples lives worst then anything. The best thing op can do is cut contact with the family and have a life well lived. It’s good that they want to reconnect but it’s OPs decision because they literally ruined OPs life, work and social life including dating and i don’t blame op for not wanting to
The MOMENT no criminal investigations/report was made for the accusation in the title story, the family should've had their doubts. Things like that when done to a kid don't have a statute of limitations. The second clue would've been a lack of noticeable shift in behavior from age 9 onward. Someone who went through that would change. If the other person convinces them it's a normal thing they become hyper fixated on this new 'adult experience' and end up very inappropriate too early. If they hated it they often become withdrawn or (self)destructive. I bet if they pushed for investigation, the cousin went "No" because then it could come out she lied. Because she did. She lied for attention. She likely saw an example of someone getting attention because they were mistreated in some way and decided to replicate that but make it worse to 'one-up' that person and be the most special kid.
And wrecked an innocent person's LIFE.
He should sue her. He has legit damages and proof now, in writing. Not just the therapy bills for the rest of his life but also the college savings he lost, the cost of medication, the emotional damages on top of that etc. All from this slander.
Jesus.
That entire family just blindly believed an accusation about OP doing something horrific and cut him off entirely, and then years later they just reach out to him? If he wanted to go scorched earth with them he's got every right to do. What the hell happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt? Especially your own flesh and blood? Maybe it would be best to just move on. You've managed this far without them, right? Even if your life is just 'OK', but sometimes that's enough.
Story 1:"You lead a horse to water,But you can't make it drink"
Tell them all you want,OP. But you know the result of every attempt
“she’s way too young and naive to be dating someone like my bro” see, that’s the reason she’s dating the brother. She’s too young, naive, and ignorant to know better and the brother is a creepy scumbag that is using her inexperience to his advantage. Wild that the family is enabling this but sadly not unheard of.
Reading that, I’m imagining the brother as sort of super senior-type guy. The kind that hangs out with like freshmen or sophomores cuz those are the only mfs who’ll laugh at what they say.
Yeah, also OP noted in that post that she was a family friend that they'd known since childhood. The brother is ten years older than her, and they start dating when she is freshly in university, *right* at eighteen. It feels very calculated on the brother's end to start dating her when she's eighteen after knowing her since she was very young.
It'd be weird enough if he started dating her after meeting her recently, the fact that they've known her since childhood is setting off alarm bells imo.
Story 2:
Cops should’ve been involved. That way, Emily would’ve been interviewed until she confessed to lying.
The family’s actions against OP, WITHOUT PROOF, is beyond disgusting! And the Mom and Dad NEVER apologized to their son when they first texted him?! GTFO with that BS!
They just want to get back into OP’s good graces and be forgiven so that they can pull the whole “forgive and forget”, but NEVER thought about what OP went through because of Emily’s plans of defaming him!
Honestly, OP’s better off without his parents, but give them a chance to explain themselves. Once done, OP can give them a piece of his mind and sue them for the years of mental torment, therapy and being framed for a crime he never committed!
Why did Emily do
This against OP in the first place? As a PRANK? Or to be a spiteful bully? Who knows, but she deserved to be punished for what she put OP through!
Look, you can't sue someone for cutting you off. That was terrible, but not sueable material. He could potentially sue his cousin for slander. But she was a minor when she slandered him, so it wouldn't probably change anything.
Cops being involved could have easily made things even worse for OP if they just blindly believed the false accusation and locked him up.
@@shadowninja6689 If they gave him a lie detector test, it would’ve been different.
But I’m not an expert at laws and stuff.
@@vidal9747 The “minor” would’ve been looking at a lawsuit aimed at her parents for what she did.
How old was Emily anyways? Did OP even mention her age at all?
Story2: don’t respond, keep the messages, and LAWYER THE HELL UP!!!!! Scorch Earth!!!!!
I agree with this. While I don't think it's worth it for the OP to start his own lawsuit (because while he may win, i don't know if the monetary gain is worth reopening old wounds), he definitely needs to keep these text as evidence to safeguard himself if his parents/family try to harm him again after being rightfully rejected.
9:49 "Then dedicate my life to make my cousins like as miserable as possible" - OP is my spirit animal. I wouldn't stop until she is a reliant on antidepressants just to get up in the morning for what she did.
See? I was looking for someone as petty as me. I was thinking the same thing. "Do it." was my only thought lmao
Agreed. Sometimes Karma needs a little help.
Accusation story: op says "I don't want to forgive them"
You dont have to forgive them. You don't have to forgive anyone.
Story 3 why has he maintained a friendship when this woman is clearly obsessed, it's doing neither of them any good.
Given her behavior? Probably afraid she'll do something drastic if he cuts ties completely.
@@slimej2202He should stay single if hes gonna accept that behavior. no sane person would bring their ex into their bed that they share with their current partner and kiss them on the forehead and console them bc they’re sad about the break up. let alone while not responding to any texts
@@imunchonfrogbones If you read the comments, she's threatened to commit self-harm and generally manipulated him a bunch too so. Way to victim-blame, I guess.
@@slimej2202 I’m not victim blaming. If you have someone that is this dependent on you and threatening themselves and potentially you or your new partner, you should stay single until the situation is resolved.
@ If I as a woman, had a male ex that was threatening me I would stay single for MY safety until police or his family got involved if I couldn’t pick everything up and move to a different state. You don’t know what she has planned
Title story I heard this one before. I doubt they've done anything to the cousin and she'll continue her life as normal.
That’s the way it usually works. Rug sweeping and be the better person ensues.
The thing with the last story is that, even if there is no intimacy in his mind, even if there is no cheating, he is still purposely and consciously doing things that makes his girlfriend uncomfortable and insecure. That alone would be grounds for break up.
Story 3: But something did happen, and it's not something to ignore. I do believe that Winnie needs some therapy because the breakup has messed her up
Winnie's issues are none of OP's or the ex's problem, and she needs to figure it out and move on.
It seems to me like Winnie is receiving the affection she wants by crying on her ex's shoulder. He's kissing her forehead, hugging her and sleeping next to her in the bed he shares with OP. He's enabling her behaviour but thinks it's helping (I'm not sure if he's being naive or playing dumb to not cause suspicion). Winnie is loving every minute of it. She's not heartbroken. She's pissing on her territory.
Story 4: When did he decide to switch the camera on? What had made him decide to allow her into his bed? Why did he think it was a good idea to hug her and kiss her on his bed? Little things like these give Winnie hope that they still have a chance.
Last story: The fact James keeps letting his ex into his space and refuses to cut her off from him means he’s stringing her along because he likes the attention he’s receiving. Giving the ex hope and making you uncomfortable, lose his ass, and never look back OP.
the whole “im in a 3 person relationship with my partner and their ex who clearly still isn’t over them but they decided to stay close friends” thing we need to stop accepting 😭
PLEASE like come on it’s so obvious!
story 2: no..... just no..... i would never be able to forgive them, those 2 "parents" failed him so badly. that is not a relationship that can be repaired
Story 2: i went to take a shower- usually thats the first thought of someone who's been graped. They have to get it off, even though it's impossible.
The thought that he could have done that (and the fact that his family thinks he could have done it) disgusted him so much he had to "clean it off"
Even if James is 100% telling the truth and Winnie is just a basket case for him, it's still 1000% inappropriate to have your ex who is still in love with you, hang out in your present girlfriend's bed, or whoever you are currently dating, knowing how uncomfortable they are with that. Some people can be friends after, but obviously not in this case, the girl still wants to be with him. If he wants to prove to OP nothing is going on, he should keep his ex far away from him and OP Other than that it's time to reevaluate the relationship and a break up is in order. He clearly isn't over her either.
you can only be friends with your ex if neither of you wants to get back together.
10:24 I feel like if I was in this situation, I would have told them to go to hell and suffer
Story 2: If the therapist recommends anything else other than “don’t respond and continue no contact”, they’re wrong. Dead wrong. These people took the word of Emma over their own son and never even gave him a chance to explain his side. They made their choice, took the one side, and went with it on a whim. No fuss, no hesitation, just discarded OP based on words alone. OP should do himself a favor and not bother with these people. They never bothered with him.
My understanding of therapy (I’m no expert) is that a therapist doesn’t tell you what to do but helps you figure out what you want to do and talks you through it. Obviously there are limits to this, but if the therapist just told you what to do that wouldn’t help you grow. But, yeah she definitely shouldn’t push towards contact unless that’s what op specifically wants (which I don’t see happening).
The therapist's job is not to (be a) judge. Their first duty is to support and help their patient grow out of their trauma and/or improve in general. If they truly believe that it will help the patient, and with a full understanding of the consequences if they are wrong (they are a medical professional, after all), they should push for resuming contact.
But in this case, I will concede that recommending contact sounds like a bad idea and generally illogical to me - BUT, I am not a medical professional, and emotions are a bit illogical in virtue of being, you know, emotions 😁.
All we, as internet strangers, can offer is sympathy and a wish for the OP's life to improve.
Story 2: That family DOES NOT deserve forgiveness. What they did is beyond wrong. I can't imagine ever having anything to do with them again. I would absolutely call them and tell them EXACTLY what their disgusting behavior did to my life. This is what "beleive women" accomplishes.
She was a child. Not a women.
Obviously you'd benefit from some therapy as well.
Sounds like how a righteous church family would react. We're holier than thou. We know the story. There are never two sides, only ours.
@@ZaxTax-h8t I'm sorry words are hard for you.
What a genuinely evil family. They can't even adult enough to apologize.
OP will legitimately be worse off if he ever welcomes them back
I'd just listened to another story where a man was falsely accused by his stepdaughter of being inappropriate with her, written by the mother. Even though everything was captured on in-home cameras proving nothing happened, the extended family chose to believe the lie and vilify the man. Stepdaughter eventually came clean but too much damage was done, the OP and husband are divorcing, extended family are accusing her of covering up for him, it's a hot mess. Once these accusations are made, there are always gonna be people who refuse to believe that nothing happened. OP in story 2 will never have the family relationships he should have had all these years past because of Emma. She really needs to be held accountable in some fashion but we all know it won't happen.
Last story she only has proof after he set up the camera in the bedroom.
Story 2: tell your family that you don't want them to contact you again and that you need "time to heal" honestly Emma deserves charges for making false accusations
"I trust James, but keep imagining the worst"
translation, "I don't trust James"
She shouldn't
I mean- I can see why she doesn't.
Story 2. Here's my opinion of what OP should do:
Inform everyone "not only did you ruin my life, you also nearly killed me", then send Emma and her parents the bills for everything for the past ten years. Then, take Emma herself to court for slander and causing emotional distress. Let's see her weasel her way out of actual ADULT consequences.
I'm down with that.
The second story is so rough. I don't blame the family for believing a 15 year old girl. I don't blame them for not believing his claims of innocence. Because if the story was told by her, everyone would be screaming the same thing. But I would absolutely require they give the same energy to Emma now. Unfortunately, we won't know because OP said he wouldn't be updating. I wish him well and healing in whatever he chooses to do.
Story 3;
This relationship needs to end. James should have put his foot down long ago and letting his ex sleep in his bed _with_ him while his current girlfriend isn't home crossed too many lines.
I don't care that they didn't have sex; him allowing that at all, consoling her, and kissing her forehead give her false hope.
You can't stay friends with someone that cannot accept the relationship is over. Period.
Exactly. He’s having an emotional affair with her. If he can’t let go of this woman who is manipulating him into taking her back he should be an ex for op too. He isn’t over her
Also, who knows how much time passed before he put up the camera...
I've always found this interesting, because I genuinely think there's nothing wrong with it.
1. This is something you do for friends. You support them and care for them. I've slept in the same bed as many a friend, even cuddled.
2. He's not putting the ex first. He thought about his gf's feelings, and recorded everything. He's not perfect, but did admit fault. She wasn't home, and didn't lose anything here.
3. If boundaries are not pre established, then things being messy make sense. Sounds like this was a first. If the wife said, "I don't want you to do this," beforehand, then it's 100% cheating.
4. Staying friends with an ex makes sense. You two cared about each other, but decided you didn't want a romantic or sexual relationship. My gf is besties with her ex. It's normal.
5. Emotional cheating must be based on pre established boundaries. You can't receive every emotional need from one person, so you and your partner must decide on what's exclusive. You also are allowed to support your friends.
6. Reverse the gender. If he did this with a close male friend, would there be an issue? It's reasonable for him to (wrongly) assume the same is true with a woman.
7. The OP's feelings are super valid. It's okay to be jealous of the ex or upset at him not immediately communicating. But you gotta give the benefit of the doubt if it hasn't already been communicated. It sounds like they need to sit down and set boundaries and rules for their relationship.
@breestringham1063 You don't kiss and cuddle your friends, especially ones where you had previous romantic ties, I don't care what gender you do it with. Kissing someone romantically is cheating
@@breestringham1063 I see your point, but I'd disagree with a few aspects of your argument. 2. He was putting the ex first - he ignored OP's calls and texts. He let her worry so he could comfort the ex. 4. Staying friends with an ex is one thing, but when an ex hasn't accepted the end of the relationship, it becomes complicated, and he shouldn't need OP to tell him he should keep ex at a certain distance. 6. If the friend was an ex, especially one whose feelings were not platonic, I think the gender is irrelevant.
The things I would find actively suspicious would be the bf letting in the ex, who just happened to be there when OP was away, and not letting OP know, and also deliberately ignoring OP's calls. He said it was "horrible" of him, so he didn't just miss them. Whether it's relationship ending depends on what OP feels about it, but also whether bf agrees to put a pause on the friendship until the ex sorts herself out.
2nd story:
I'd ask if they disowned Emma.
If yes, then I'd say something like "good, now GFY" & block them.
If no, then unleash the full anger without threatening in any way, ending with a GFY & then I'd block them.
If Emma isn't also shunned or cut off for 10 years, then what is there to discuss?
The op Emma story is heartbreaking. Who does that?? They didn’t even take him to therapy? Or a lie detector test? How could they? If they really believed this they should have had him arrested
Actually, for all practical purposes ped0s are incurable. Statistically, therapy doesn't work. Pharmaceuticals don't work. Even "chemical castration" doesn't work. Highest recidivism rate of any crime. And when they are released from prison and reoffend, they tend to make sure there are no living witnesses. Fortunately for society, ped0s tend not to survive prison. That's one place where the inmates and the guards are on the same team. "Oops, did we accidentally put the ped0 in the exercise yard with the guy already serving three life sentences whose own daughter was SA'd? Sorry, my bad."
Happens all the time. Me too and believe all women just made it worse
@@MarkStockman-b4j pedophilia is very different then child molestation. Child molestation is actually what your talking about, and those criminals are the ones most likely to reoffend. Pedophilia is a mental disorder and most pedophiles don't molest children. This is something I learned in therapy after I was molested and raped as a child. I'm a survivor myself and it's important to know the difference between these criminals and the crimes.
Story 3: That "friendship" is not healthy for anyone. James thinks he is helping Winny, but it absolutely is not.
Accusing someone of touching you when they didn’t is a horrible dick move. That and just accepting the clams at face value without asking for facts is stupid.
I think Story 1 has an update and the girl basically is with the brother still cause 'I can fix him, he needs support' basically.
Story 2. For parents to take the route they took by skipping the hear the accused side, gather evidence and instead go straight to dishoning the accused, it suggests that the parents had already made up their minds like the moment they heard the allegations, they'd already thought it wasn't something that surprised them. That means they already held OP in such low regards before the allegations
Get a lawyer! If someone wver accused one of my kids about something like that, I'd demand the accusing party have a forensic interview with a professional. Those people are trained to interview children who make such accusations and can determine if a kid is lying or misremembering something, or telling the truth.
Story 2: OP you need to forgive yourself for the anger you felt at their betrayal. You were never a bad person but you were heartbroken over the lack of trust and it lead to years of anger and loneliness.
Honestly I couldn't forgive any of them. I may send the "here's what you did to me" email / letter, but more important I'd let go of the anger and live my best possible life.
You can't convince me that dude doesn't LOVE that his ex is still coming around and begging for his attention. If one of my exes was pulling that, especially after I got another partner, I'd be telling them to get therapy and leave me tf alone
I don't think he loves either of them, I think he loves himself and attention
@@TheKillerqueen40 yeah...that's what I said, he loves the attention
A friend of mine was almost falsely accused of SA. The girl had bad grades and failed her physical fitness exams, so she shared with one of his friends that she planned to accuse him, so she could become a "victim" and not get kicked out. Luckily, his friend told him, and he told his superiors, so they managed to make her confess before any accusations were actually made.
The thing was, he suffered from severe depression due to a number of issues before that, so this became the straw that broke the camel's back. He had a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide but did not succeed. However, he had to leave college because he could no longer focus in his classes, and his grades started dropping.
Today, he is still alive but a shell of what he used to be. He is no longer suicidal but is afraid to talk to girls, thinking he might get accused again.
The big issue? He hadn't even touched the girl, just a handshake. She didn't like him, and wanted to abuse the system to kick him out of the university.
I'm not against exes being friends if it's a genuine friendship - hell, my partner and I are friends with her ex (we even went to his wedding a few years ago) - but what the last story has isn't a genuine friendship. Assuming they're being honest, the dude needs to back away from Winnie until she respects the boundary. The fact that he's not creating distance despite her conduct is a major red flag.
Even if he's being honest and isn't cheating, it almost sounds like he's keeping her on the hook, just in case.
That's it he's feeding his ego and keeping her on the line
2nd story - yep, false accusations of this kind should bring consequences to the accuser.
As to OP - the trust in his family is gone, so that's that. OP - enjoy your life without the Damocles's sword over your head. Forget your family - they left you out to dry when you needed them most. They can enjoy the company of all the Emmas of the world.
Also: "my therapist told me to write letters to people who wronged me, and then burn them. I did. Now - what do I do with all these letters?"
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. A knowingly false assault claim should carry the same sentence of the actual assault.
Story 2: "I don't know who you are or who you are trying to contact, but I am not them. Good luck grovelling" and hit send
I wonder if the real reason they are apologizing to OP is because the sisters need babysitters or something. with how nonchalant Emma was, she's not sorry for what she did. Did she ever even apologize or was it just the parents? OP needs to sue her or something cause she needs to realize this is NOT ok. Also, WHY did Emma accuse OP of assaulting her? That's something I'd demand to know. Also, also why did it take a MONTH for the parents tell OP after Emma came clean?
The "she says she probably dreamed it" line is obviously complete bull. There was no dream. She made it up for attention, realised she was in too deep and couldn't take it back when she ruined OPs life, and rather than do the noble thing, waited 10 years until the guilt became more than she could live with. Regardless of if OP does decide to reopen communication, the family should at the very least cut off Emma the same way they cut off OP
Story 1: As a grown ass man, why does the brother need a naive 18 year-old girl in his bed to help “get back on his feet”? OP did the right thing by telling her parents and calling out his BS.
Last story: why is he even entertaining the ex if she keeps showing up and interfering with OP’s relationship that often to the point she knows where they live and shows up unannounced?? She’s a stalker, he’s an enabler and it’s only gonna go downhill from here. OP needs to run, not walk, away from this relationship if he doesn’t set boundaries with this ex.
People like Emma are why I didn't report, I was terrified no one would believe me and my teacher went on to do it to 3 other girls before he was caught by another teacher. I despise people like Emma who make up accusations make it so much harder for the rest of us.
16:13 lesbian here. my beta guy friend consoles me a lot in my down times. i’ve known him years longer than i’ve known his finances and she has watched and been with us when i am sobbing uncontrollably, eric (her fiance) holding me while i cry and scream and never once has she ever assumed we were cheating
now, WE ALSO DONT KISS EACHOTHER WHO DOES THAT
And I'm guessing he also didn't console you in the bed he shares with her when she isn't around.
I'm also assuming you never had a sexual relationship with him
How is Rslash at all surprised that the parents didn't ask OP his side? It was young girl vs adult man. Man is automatically guilty in court of public opinion.
Well maybe the males of the past shouldn't have worked so hard on their reputation of being r@pists and kiddie fiddlers. He most definitely didn't deserve any of this but don't twist this into some sort of "MaLEs aRe Soooooooo oPreSSed😩😩😩" kinda fantasy. There's hardship in being a male, but to imply that certain privileges pretaining to masculinity aren't a thing is idiotic
@@Luko8657 I hope she sees this man
Story 2: is it possible to sue them? This one made me really angry.
Story 3: I don't think James is preparing OP for cheating, he just needs to grow some balls and cut his ex out of their lives instead of stringing her along and giving her false hope. It's bad for all parties involved.
Remember guys, when someone falsely accusing you of touching them, Hope for the best outcome because a dna kit may not help a bit
Op in story 2 definitely needs to sue the cousin, stole so many years of their life with her bullshit and needs to pay for that.
With the last story, I don't beleive the boyfriend has any intent on cheating. I beleive the ex girlfriend has intents of trying to cause him to cheat. Also I have shared a bed with a female friend and it was entirely platonic. I've even shared a bed with her and her boyfriend and again nothing happened except I fell off the bed once cause fitting three people on a queen size bed is a tight fit.
Doesn’t matter, he’s crossed every line. He could’ve sat on the couch consoling her with the living room camera on. To take her into her bed, a woman actively still in love with him, and sleep with her was beyond every line there is. The only way I’d stay in that relationship would be if that’s it for the friendship, no way would I stay a moment longer if he keeps her in his life
He intends to cheat, because he already did
The problem with James is that he’s a nice person who’s a people pleaser. Which is a really bad combo because he’s trying to be nice to winny when he needs to be firm
Story 2: Emma needs to be taken to jail
Why do people think punishing people like Emma would hurt real victims? A real victim wouldn't be culpable for a false report just because their claim was legally dismissed.. this would have to he proven in a separate hearing and would require extreme evidence, just like any other hearsay crime
If your claim isn't false, evidence that it is will not exist in any major capacity. Is it really that hard to understand? Punish people who abuse the system and undermine real victims
Story 2: It just pisses me off so much more that they had already decided that OP had done it, but still called him and made a scene asking him if he did as if they actually cared or would have listened to him.
OP's family disgusts me, they don't deserve his forgiveness or anything from him, I think the best course of action is to go NC with them and just let them stew in the fact that they will never recover from what they did, since they definitely won't even punish E to any degree, that little POS will never go through or understand what she did and that shitty family will never put her through the same thing because they're all terrible people.
The only thing that waits for him if he tries to reconnect with them or even give them his energy is their expectation to forgive and forget despite what that little POS did to him, and what they all put him through, if E never confessed the truth they would've always held him in a bad light never giving him the opportunity to set things straight, so why should he give them what they would never afford him.
Id never go back to that family. What nerve they have
story 2, if i was in OP's situation, i'd just ignore them and move on with my life! if they're willing to disown me from a false accusation WITHOUT LETTING ME SPEAK then they'd do it again in a HEARTBEAT if anyone accused me of doing the same thing to a different person! also an't it stange that nobody else has attempted to contact OP just his parents? also where's the apology? all i heard was excuses!
“Innocent until proven guilty” is one of society’s many B.S. platitudes we’ve repeated to ourselves so many times that we’ve forgotten that it’s a lie.
Ah yes, the Inquisition stance of 'there is no innocence, only degrees of guilt'.
40k is not something to aspire to. Do better.
@@sylythryllsixxus3809 I’m saying that while so many people preach it, no one actually practices it.
Similar to “Justice is blind.”
A cute idea we all like to tell ourselves, when the opposite has been proven true time and time again.
@RepellentJeff then the problem comes from how you expressed that.
Calling it a lie suggests that the stance is inherently wrong. A better way to communicate your point: 'Innocent until proven guilty, Pepperidge Farms remembers'.
OP of story 2 should take those texts to a lawyer and sue Emma for all the emotional damage and therapy fees
Story 3. He couldn’t send her a message that Winnie had arrived but thought to set up cameras to prove innocence. That sends alarm bells to me. Almost like he wanted time with Winnie without OP interrupting with messages and could have set up camera ages after she arrived or taken down before she left
"She must uave dream it" she lied intentionally, and with concious of it and consequences.
"Find it in you yo forgive us"
The effing NERVE.
"We are angry with her" not ostracized her. Just angry. All she has to do is to say "sorry" and he has to be the adult and bigger person.
What logic is this.
Story 2: send the texts to a lawyer and sue for 10y worth of emotional damages and therapy
Story two: OP. Get a lawyer, and sue “E” for defamation.
GOOD MORNING RSLASH good morning fellow rslash lovers ❤
Soo… is the family gonna kick Emma out of the family like they did to OP? Yes they told everyone but did they PUNISH her like they did OP?
16:07 this is a case of big time emotional cheating. The boyfriend needs to cut out his ex entirely
12:18 people are taught to always believe the "victim."
Crazy thing is, you're not a victim if nothing happened. We should believe only when there is absolute proof.
....I need to apologize to my 7th graders, apparently. Here I was saying they were being dramatic when they accused each other of cheating because they saw their S/O's give someone a hug because cheating implies a whole lot more. They can break up. They could have been unfaithful. But cheating is a bigger meaning than that.
Oh man, now I REALLY want to send my dad a bill for the literal decade of therapy I went through bc of him. That’s such a banger idea lmao