Thanks you so much for your time and energy. I'm a 4w5 and I can tell you, I've never in my life been understood or felt understood. It's fascinating. I really appreciate your work.
Damn! Cool message for me to get. It sucks that you haven’t felt understood... but it’s great that you may feel a bit more understood now. It’s these messages that make me feel understood so thank you. I loved doing them and will continue. Keep exploring and digging 🙌🏼 Drew
I really really appreciate all you say here! Especially the part about humility vs arrogance at the end - I’ve wrestled a lot with this in my life, going to some extremes of hiding and playing full out (often onstage with public speaking and ballet). Thank you for your depth of insight on how we suffer with self doubt and are glorious simultaneously.
Really enjoyed this video (along with the others in your type 4 series). Your willingness to disclose and reflect on your own personal experiences and vulnerabilities adds a humanity to your discussion of 4s that makes this video realatable in a way that a lot of enneagram videos aren't. Thank you for doing what you do.
Awesome Jay! Glad you dig it. Will be putting some more out this week but they’ll be a bit more narrow topically but then I’m getting back to some more enneagram stuff. I’ll keep pumping out if you keep watching 😉 Drew
I am pretty mindblown by the philosophical weightiness of the whole video, but right now I just needed to say "OMG, you too??" I've lost count how many times a perfect stranger told me "I never told this to anyone, and I don't even know why I am telling you this, but (insert intense story)". I've wondered for a long time what's this "free dark confessional" vibe I give out that this keeps happening.
We just are so full of shame that we don’t realize we are giving people massive amounts of breadcrumbs to gobble up as we just sit next to them at a bar. Of course they’ll eat them up, they’ve been waiting to. I’m getting less surprised by this 😂 You will too Trust your vibe is sticky But that also you’ll feel shame by what you did and didn’t do in the conversation That I think is what trips us up Drew
I can’t fully remember as it was a long time ago but if I know me I said something about straddling the line between arrogance and confidence and be willing to mess up. And that humility is more about living out of your true self than just being a “good guy” I still hold to those 😉
When it comes to expectations and being pushed too hard early on, it is important to remember the foil can also cause this. For instance those of us who grew up in situations where survival was more important than nurture, such as being very sick young, or having to escape one's country... When you're that young and nobody has time to bother expecting anything from you, that can lead to a life of seeking validation and having incredible highs and lows and looking for affirmation.
For me personally, the only way to overcome the feeling of "not being understood" / "being different/" yadda yadda was to move from a smaller german town to Berlin. Now I am surrounded by artists, creative people, people who express themselves freely. Now I can enjoy the things I literally burn for (theater, painting, writing, Jamsessions) every single day (with others!!!) because there are so many opportunities to join since subculture is very much alive. And also the queer community is very present and connected. And of course people don't really care if you do things outside the norm so you can wear your extravagant outfits/ be openly queer/ aspire an artistic career etc. I think for most fours, bigger cities that offer free expression and subculture are the way to feel seen, accepted and celebrate our uniqueness and passions freely. For me, it was the biggest step to making peace with the world and my place with it. Thank you so much for your work, I have discovered the enneagram a few years ago and keep coming back to it, but you keep offering new insights to the topic. I especially loved how deep you got into the subtypes and really got to the heart of my deepest (and darkest) motivations and desires as a sexual four. ((Also you're really handsome :')) Lovelovelove!!! Rosana
I’ll take handsome every day Rosana. I moved to NYC for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. So happy for you, and me, that we went where we were meant to be Thanks for watching If you have instagram or Tik tok I’m starting to share more reels and videos there that are short and sweet to help us as well. Glad you are on the journey with me Drew
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Jalaluddin Rumi
Thanks for watching my friend and glad it helped you feel known! If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, appreciate you popping in 😉 Drew
Haha thank you for another beautiful video ! Great hair by the way :) You make me feel better about being a sexual 4 after reading quite a few extreme descriptions that almost made me throw in towel. Thanks for the reassurance, subtelty and the poetry
Ugh! I hear you. I mean, any variation has its problems but it does sometimes feel like us SX 4’s get some harsh reflection but damnit if I don’t love the concoction and how to get healthier with it. Thanks for watching Juliette, it means a lot and the affirmation helps me keep going Drew
I found your channel and subscribed a few weeks ago. I'm making my way through your videos, and I'm feeling very seen - as in duckface-selfie-seen and as in double-chin-seen. Thanks for the work you are putting into the world.
Thanks for investing the time Amy! It’s my pleasure and a pretty cool honor to help folks chip away at some things but also magnify and appreciate their uniqueness. Keep watching 🙌🏼 Drew
So grateful for your video. The wisdom, kindness, compassion, understanding... shining through. I'm a 3w4 but it's as if my 3 and 4 are both so strong that it's almost 50/50. Sometimes I wonder if I'm 4w3. Recently my awareness of my enneagram 4 patterns are exploding into my awareness. All the things I judged myself for... my sensitivity, emotional nature, not being the archtypal masculine... and now seeking to find what I can appreciate about my 4 qualities... the deep insight, the compassion that grows through pain and suffering, the romantic way of seeing life, etc.
Damn Nick! Thanks 🙏🏼 - my 3 wing is super strong so I get having that balance. This judging ourselves thing is heavy, we need to relinquish the onslaught. Keep being kind to yourself and I’ll do the same. In it together Drew
thank you so much for these videos!!! as a 4w3 sexual variant, it is refreshing to hear your perspective. I am enjoying this journey of piecing together the patterns within myself - in such a way that I can relate to and find community with people who share my deep longings and deep insecurities. many of the type 4 snippets that I've found online describe type 4's as introverted, withdrawn, self-absorbed, etc. as an extrovert who intensely invests in the relationships around me, those qualities don't resonate with me. (in fact, sometimes I may even come off as a type 2 to the world!!) but now I know, for instance, that a 4w3 SX will look VERY different from a 4w5 SP. there is so much nuance within each type - it's beautiful and worth exploring. thanks again!
I’m a 4w3 SX too and the deeper dive into the nuance was an awesome journey for me as well. I’d describe myself as an ambivert, a bit introvert and extrovert. Thanks for watching and enjoying and keep at it, it’s so freeing to know our true self more deeply. As for deep longings and deep insecurities... yep, we 4’s need each other to not go crazy Drew
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation! If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Either way, I appreciate you Drew
Interestingly since you mentioned the problem of over involved parents i just recently finished a book called If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World I quote How You Responded to Overcontrol While you had relatively little power as a child, you were not simply passive. You were a growing, coping being who did your best to survive. Controlled children generally seek one or more of the following coping strategies: 1.Complying by doing what parents want 2.Rebelling by opposing parental wishes 3.Distracting through clowning around or emotional outbursts 4.Dissociating by numbing out, escaping into addiction, or becoming virtually invisible 5.Outdoing by trying to gain parental favor or by being more perfect than their parents Each of these strategies has both payoffs and costs: •Compliant children avoid some parental wrath but may forfeit autonomy. •Rebellious children gain autonomy but may adopt a negative self-image. •Distracting children avoid negative attention but may lose stature. •Dissociating children escape control but may lose a sense of self. •Outdoing children gain parental approval but may internalize unhealthy values. Controlling families exact a cumulative toll because the key avenues to mental health-access to information, supportive others, emotional expression, and free speech-are generally missing. Children in controlling families tend to lack a sympathetic adult who believes in them. Controlling families also tend to disable children’s healthy natural instincts and magnify the already unequal relationship between parent and child. Despite the sense of mystery about their upbringing that many people who grew up controlled possess, in retrospect it’s not so mysterious: The people you depended on for your survival… The people you depended on for your survival… The people who had the ability to give you tremendous pain or pleasure… Controlled you in a dozen tangible ways… Thousands of times… In your most impressionable years. In essence, controlling parents brainwash with a one-two-three-four punch: 1.Creating an environment hostile to growth 2.Blaming their children for creating the environment 3.Criticizing their children when the children suffer the consequences of the environment the parents created 4.Denying doing any of this Personally i tried to distract / comply / dissociate The outcome is i was numb most of my life and i had identity disturbances that lasted for a very long time ( which is what kicked me to do all the search for 12 years ) , i did not only felt abandoned/controlled i abandoned myself in all situations where things would work in my way because i had no boundaries and my anger was shut down its like a house without any doors or windows you can take whatever you want inside you can even shit or piss on the furniture because there is nobody there and it doesn’t belong to anyone its an empty house , i was shamed for having any sense of self and there are levels of pain i have descended to as a form of self trashing and self punishing , i would throw myself to the dogs so they can tear my flesh to feel something and to stop the self hatred which only drugs would take away the funny thing is these same parents blamed me for what i turned out in life they tried to distort my mind from the truth which i truly believed in my core that i have been subjected to extreme abuse as a child i intuitively knew i had to slip through this painful period hoping childhood would end it was the safest choice to keep my head down and watch my back but it doesn’t end there i have internalized the damage and im an adult body with a psyche of a child stuck at the terrible two “ is it okay mommy if i did this “ would you spare me the pain or should i banish myself even farther i have been banished to no souls land all of my life and would people see through the fatal flaw in me so i never come out as a whole person im hiding and barricaded inside hoping to slip through until my death To my mom You will never conquer me. I am indomitable. I have fooled you. You think you have suppressed me, but just you wait. You think you have beaten me, but just you wait. I will get even. And you won’t even see it coming. Vengeance will be mine if it takes forever. You will pay for this. My spirit will be avenged. I can wait as long as it takes. You have taught me forbearance; some day you will regret it. I will never give in, I will never trust you or love you again. I will defeat you if it kills me.
Damn! This is some really deep and powerful processing and such a privilege to read. You have been digging deeper and deeper my friend. I know from your past reflections and sharing how committed you are to your freedom, it’s awesome to watch. Keep going keep going keep going Great passage by the way! Drew
@@drewnewkirk I’m really so taken by all of this. I’m currently in a woman’s group learning a ton about being a 4 but your videos resonate so much - gives me that “these are my people” feeling. Which is a big deal when we often feel like no one understands us. From your ability to style folks from their kicks to their…folks being drawn to your insightfulness and depth, and that unique, just left of crazy, creativity and vision and energy…love it. Thank you 🙏🏼 😊
I'm watching this after having a peak in confidence and now experiencing a vulnerability hangover. It's just like you said " I am everything I am nothing".
I love that term “vulnerability hangover.” It fits so well. Welp, you’re probably doing something right if you have on. Can’t wait for you to find the confidence again then have to rinse and repeat, but with more awareness Drew
@@drewnewkirk Thank you Drew, the urge to express my depth of feeling is not always reciprocated or understood..I think sometimes it scares people and then it scares me 😅 but when it's well received it's magical...I still live for that moment of connection.
I love that: Do not allow your life to fizzle :-) I find confidence and kindness is the thing that attracts me most, and what people (ie my audience/ my students) seem to think I have, but they give it to me :-)
@@drewnewkirk I'm actually working on these kinds of words - phonosemantics as my research focus... I guess that is very Type 4 of me? Experiences have meaning and can be traced in the evolving lexicon :-)
This was incredibly helpful. 4w3 here, also a therapist…you make me feel seen. Thank you for these profound insights!!!! It’s so damn painful to feel “too much” but not enough all at once and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in these thoughts. ❤enfj as well. What is your Myer-Briggs if you don’t mind me asking? I sensed enfj energy as well.
@@Ohwellliferocks8 i’m not exactly sure of my Myers-Briggs and it is also the most common question I get, but I do know that I am an introvert first and feeling. I have to dig into it more one day but I have resisted for three years 🤦♂️
i wish i was in nyc - i went there for love and never felt more alive - but love has flown away like a bird and now i'm stuck here in this nowhere town in my cell
One thing I’ve been curious about is if it is possible to sort of descend past the “low” number into the low of the next one? For example, 4s in stress take on some characteristics of a 2 but if you were stressed enough could you descend even further into the characteristics that a 2 takes on in stress, and so on and so forth (maybe feeling almost like dissociation?) I’ve got to wonder if this is what happens to people with bipolar and for those with bipolar 1 who have the higher manic episodes, if when they are in their mania, they sort of fly through the highs-so for example a 4 would feel as if they are “growing” from 4 to 1 to 7 to 5 to 8 to 2 to 4. I could be misunderstanding a ton of stuff so maybe this makes no sense but just thinking out loud.
You could probably get pretty down right disturbingly low with expressions of all the numbers if you were in a bad enough spot. We can be pretty broken people for sure
Have you read much of Rumi poetry? He will hit your core in a way that no one can.. I would love to watch some videos of yours analysing his literature!! :).. would make for a fun (but creative) break from your standard content and probably reach a different type of audience.
It''s actually really interesting. I watched all your movies about 4's and I adored them :) But I still can't figure out which subtype possibly am I. I can actually relate partially to all of them, depending on the situation or particular circumstances. I hope that means I am super healthy ;) Just joking a bit. But does it happen often? Thank you :)
I mean, joking aside, it may actually mean you are healthy as you said. Or at least very balanced. Don’t force it, if they are balanced then let them be balanced
I think 4w5 or 5w4 - but I don’t want to fully commit 😂 So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
No problem! So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one. If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out Drew
Thanks you so much for your time and energy. I'm a 4w5 and I can tell you, I've never in my life been understood or felt understood. It's fascinating. I really appreciate your work.
Damn! Cool message for me to get. It sucks that you haven’t felt understood... but it’s great that you may feel a bit more understood now. It’s these messages that make me feel understood so thank you. I loved doing them and will continue. Keep exploring and digging 🙌🏼
Drew
Thank you.....from an INFP .... FOUR..... GEMINI YOU ENCOURAGE ME TO SMILE FROM THE INSIDE OUT
Smile my friend! Mostly (said cautiously) this journey is pretty amazing!
I really really appreciate all you say here! Especially the part about humility vs arrogance at the end - I’ve wrestled a lot with this in my life, going to some extremes of hiding and playing full out (often onstage with public speaking and ballet). Thank you for your depth of insight on how we suffer with self doubt and are glorious simultaneously.
Sorry for the delay
But know I saw this and appreciate your words
Drew
Really enjoyed this video (along with the others in your type 4 series). Your willingness to disclose and reflect on your own personal experiences and vulnerabilities adds a humanity to your discussion of 4s that makes this video realatable in a way that a lot of enneagram videos aren't. Thank you for doing what you do.
Awesome Jay! Glad you dig it. Will be putting some more out this week but they’ll be a bit more narrow topically but then I’m getting back to some more enneagram stuff. I’ll keep pumping out if you keep watching 😉
Drew
I am pretty mindblown by the philosophical weightiness of the whole video, but right now I just needed to say "OMG, you too??" I've lost count how many times a perfect stranger told me "I never told this to anyone, and I don't even know why I am telling you this, but (insert intense story)". I've wondered for a long time what's this "free dark confessional" vibe I give out that this keeps happening.
We just are so full of shame that we don’t realize we are giving people massive amounts of breadcrumbs to gobble up as we just sit next to them at a bar. Of course they’ll eat them up, they’ve been waiting to. I’m getting less surprised by this 😂
You will too
Trust your vibe is sticky
But that also you’ll feel shame by what you did and didn’t do in the conversation
That I think is what trips us up
Drew
@@drewnewkirk "vibe is sticky" Perfect!
Love what you said about humility and arrogance.
I can’t fully remember as it was a long time ago but if I know me I said something about straddling the line between arrogance and confidence and be willing to mess up. And that humility is more about living out of your true self than just being a “good guy”
I still hold to those 😉
When it comes to expectations and being pushed too hard early on, it is important to remember the foil can also cause this. For instance those of us who grew up in situations where survival was more important than nurture, such as being very sick young, or having to escape one's country... When you're that young and nobody has time to bother expecting anything from you, that can lead to a life of seeking validation and having incredible highs and lows and looking for affirmation.
For me personally, the only way to overcome the feeling of "not being understood" / "being different/" yadda yadda was to move from a smaller german town to Berlin. Now I am surrounded by artists, creative people, people who express themselves freely. Now I can enjoy the things I literally burn for (theater, painting, writing, Jamsessions) every single day (with others!!!) because there are so many opportunities to join since subculture is very much alive. And also the queer community is very present and connected. And of course people don't really care if you do things outside the norm so you can wear your extravagant outfits/ be openly queer/ aspire an artistic career etc. I think for most fours, bigger cities that offer free expression and subculture are the way to feel seen, accepted and celebrate our uniqueness and passions freely. For me, it was the biggest step to making peace with the world and my place with it.
Thank you so much for your work, I have discovered the enneagram a few years ago and keep coming back to it, but you keep offering new insights to the topic. I especially loved how deep you got into the subtypes and really got to the heart of my deepest (and darkest) motivations and desires as a sexual four.
((Also you're really handsome :'))
Lovelovelove!!! Rosana
I’ll take handsome every day Rosana. I moved to NYC for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. So happy for you, and me, that we went where we were meant to be
Thanks for watching
If you have instagram or Tik tok I’m starting to share more reels and videos there that are short and sweet to help us as well. Glad you are on the journey with me
Drew
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Jalaluddin Rumi
You use all the best 4 words. And I've found your insights to be unique among the Enneagram videos I've studied. Thanks for your content!
Thanks Chantry!
4 words are the best… the affirmation means a lot and I’m glad you got something out of them. I appreciate the views,
Drew
It feels so good to be fully understood ❤️ such great video!!!!
Thanks for watching my friend and glad it helped you feel known!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, appreciate you popping in 😉
Drew
Haha thank you for another beautiful video ! Great hair by the way :) You make me feel better about being a sexual 4 after reading quite a few extreme descriptions that almost made me throw in towel. Thanks for the reassurance, subtelty and the poetry
Ugh! I hear you. I mean, any variation has its problems but it does sometimes feel like us SX 4’s get some harsh reflection but damnit if I don’t love the concoction and how to get healthier with it. Thanks for watching Juliette, it means a lot and the affirmation helps me keep going
Drew
I found your channel and subscribed a few weeks ago. I'm making my way through your videos, and I'm feeling very seen - as in duckface-selfie-seen and as in double-chin-seen. Thanks for the work you are putting into the world.
Thanks for investing the time Amy! It’s my pleasure and a pretty cool honor to help folks chip away at some things but also magnify and appreciate their uniqueness. Keep watching 🙌🏼
Drew
So grateful for your video. The wisdom, kindness, compassion, understanding... shining through. I'm a 3w4 but it's as if my 3 and 4 are both so strong that it's almost 50/50. Sometimes I wonder if I'm 4w3. Recently my awareness of my enneagram 4 patterns are exploding into my awareness. All the things I judged myself for... my sensitivity, emotional nature, not being the archtypal masculine... and now seeking to find what I can appreciate about my 4 qualities... the deep insight, the compassion that grows through pain and suffering, the romantic way of seeing life, etc.
Damn Nick! Thanks 🙏🏼 - my 3 wing is super strong so I get having that balance. This judging ourselves thing is heavy, we need to relinquish the onslaught. Keep being kind to yourself and I’ll do the same. In it together
Drew
Thank you for this information
thank you so much for these videos!!! as a 4w3 sexual variant, it is refreshing to hear your perspective. I am enjoying this journey of piecing together the patterns within myself - in such a way that I can relate to and find community with people who share my deep longings and deep insecurities. many of the type 4 snippets that I've found online describe type 4's as introverted, withdrawn, self-absorbed, etc. as an extrovert who intensely invests in the relationships around me, those qualities don't resonate with me. (in fact, sometimes I may even come off as a type 2 to the world!!) but now I know, for instance, that a 4w3 SX will look VERY different from a 4w5 SP. there is so much nuance within each type - it's beautiful and worth exploring.
thanks again!
I’m a 4w3 SX too and the deeper dive into the nuance was an awesome journey for me as well. I’d describe myself as an ambivert, a bit introvert and extrovert. Thanks for watching and enjoying and keep at it, it’s so freeing to know our true self more deeply. As for deep longings and deep insecurities... yep, we 4’s need each other to not go crazy
Drew
Thank you
Thanks for watching and for the affirmation!
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Either way, I appreciate you
Drew
Interestingly since you mentioned the problem of over involved parents i just recently finished a book called
If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World
I quote
How You Responded to Overcontrol
While you had relatively little power as a child, you were not simply passive. You were a growing, coping being who did your best to survive. Controlled children generally seek one or more of the following coping strategies:
1.Complying by doing what parents want
2.Rebelling by opposing parental wishes
3.Distracting through clowning around or emotional outbursts
4.Dissociating by numbing out, escaping into addiction, or becoming virtually invisible
5.Outdoing by trying to gain parental favor or by being more perfect than their parents
Each of these strategies has both payoffs and costs:
•Compliant children avoid some parental wrath but may forfeit autonomy.
•Rebellious children gain autonomy but may adopt a negative self-image.
•Distracting children avoid negative attention but may lose stature.
•Dissociating children escape control but may lose a sense of self.
•Outdoing children gain parental approval but may internalize unhealthy values.
Controlling families exact a cumulative toll because the key avenues to mental health-access to information, supportive others, emotional expression, and free speech-are generally missing. Children in controlling families tend to lack a sympathetic adult who believes in them. Controlling families also tend to disable children’s healthy natural instincts and magnify the already unequal relationship between parent and child.
Despite the sense of mystery about their upbringing that many people who grew up controlled possess, in retrospect it’s not so mysterious:
The people you depended on for your survival…
The people you depended on for your survival…
The people who had the ability to give you tremendous pain or pleasure…
Controlled you in a dozen tangible ways…
Thousands of times…
In your most impressionable years.
In essence, controlling parents brainwash with a one-two-three-four punch:
1.Creating an environment hostile to growth
2.Blaming their children for creating the environment
3.Criticizing their children when the children suffer the consequences of the environment the parents created
4.Denying doing any of this
Personally i tried to distract / comply / dissociate
The outcome is i was numb most of my life and i had identity disturbances that lasted for a very long time ( which is what kicked me to do all the search for 12 years ) , i did not only felt abandoned/controlled i abandoned myself in all situations where things would work in my way because i had no boundaries and my anger was shut down its like a house without any doors or windows you can take whatever you want inside you can even shit or piss on the furniture because there is nobody there and it doesn’t belong to anyone its an empty house , i was shamed for having any sense of self and there are levels of pain i have descended to as a form of self trashing and self punishing , i would throw myself to the dogs so they can tear my flesh to feel something and to stop the self hatred which only drugs would take away
the funny thing is these same parents blamed me for what i turned out in life they tried to distort my mind from the truth which i truly believed in my core that i have been subjected to extreme abuse as a child i intuitively knew i had to slip through this painful period hoping childhood would end it was the safest choice to keep my head down and watch my back but it doesn’t end there i have internalized the damage and im an adult body with a psyche of a child stuck at the terrible two “ is it okay mommy if i did this “ would you spare me the pain or should i banish myself even farther i have been banished to no souls land all of my life and would people see through the fatal flaw in me so i never come out as a whole person im hiding and barricaded inside hoping to slip through until my death
To my mom
You will never conquer me. I am indomitable. I have fooled you. You think you have suppressed me, but just you wait. You think you have beaten me, but just you wait. I will get even. And you won’t even see it coming. Vengeance will be mine if it takes forever. You will pay for this. My spirit will be avenged. I can wait as long as it takes. You have taught me forbearance; some day you will regret it. I will never give in, I will never trust you or love you again. I will defeat you if it kills me.
Damn! This is some really deep and powerful processing and such a privilege to read. You have been digging deeper and deeper my friend. I know from your past reflections and sharing how committed you are to your freedom, it’s awesome to watch. Keep going keep going keep going
Great passage by the way!
Drew
THIS right now
Your videos have been invaluable to me since I found your channel a few days ago 👏🏾😁
This brings me tons of joy! Thanks for the note
Drew
Amazing! Thank you fellow 4, you are reading to my heart and soul. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼❤️
Spooky mind and heart reader over here 😉
Just trying to help us 4’s get back to the real important stuff
Thanks Joanna
@@drewnewkirk I’m really so taken by all of this. I’m currently in a woman’s group learning a ton about being a 4 but your videos resonate so much - gives me that “these are my people” feeling. Which is a big deal when we often feel like no one understands us. From your ability to style folks from their kicks to their…folks being drawn to your insightfulness and depth, and that unique, just left of crazy, creativity and vision and energy…love it. Thank you 🙏🏼 😊
@@joannamichel1300 you’re making me want to do more 4 content immediately. I’m going back in to the dungeon to focus 😂
Keep me accountable Joanna
@@drewnewkirk Can’t wait to see what emerges from the depths!
@@joannamichel1300 it’ll hopefully be a spirited piece of inspiration
I'm watching this after having a peak in confidence and now experiencing a vulnerability hangover. It's just like you said " I am everything I am nothing".
I love that term “vulnerability hangover.”
It fits so well. Welp, you’re probably doing something right if you have on. Can’t wait for you to find the confidence again then have to rinse and repeat, but with more awareness
Drew
@@drewnewkirk Thank you Drew, the urge to express my depth of feeling is not always reciprocated or understood..I think sometimes it scares people and then it scares me 😅 but when it's well received it's magical...I still live for that moment of connection.
@@marthahorton5350 you just make those chumps understand you with some boldness 😉
@@drewnewkirk I got the job! So mission accomplished 😎 Now more rinse and repeat ! 😆
@@marthahorton5350 check that box!
I love that: Do not allow your life to fizzle :-) I find confidence and kindness is the thing that attracts me most, and what people (ie my audience/ my students) seem to think I have, but they give it to me :-)
Fizzle is such a good word... so poppy. Thanks Chrissie, I’m glad we are on the same wavelength. Thanks for watching!
Drew
@@drewnewkirk I'm actually working on these kinds of words - phonosemantics as my research focus... I guess that is very Type 4 of me? Experiences have meaning and can be traced in the evolving lexicon :-)
@@chrissieasmith ugh! That’s awesome. I may need to pick your brain soon!
@@chrissieasmith So 4 of you!!!
@@drewnewkirk be happy to :-) deep meaningful exchange, bring it!
This was incredibly helpful. 4w3 here, also a therapist…you make me feel seen. Thank you for these profound insights!!!! It’s so damn painful to feel “too much” but not enough all at once and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in these thoughts. ❤enfj as well. What is your Myer-Briggs if you don’t mind me asking? I sensed enfj energy as well.
@@Ohwellliferocks8 i’m not exactly sure of my Myers-Briggs and it is also the most common question I get, but I do know that I am an introvert first and feeling. I have to dig into it more one day but I have resisted for three years 🤦♂️
Thanks Drew!!!
No problem Larry!
i wish i was in nyc - i went there for love and never felt more alive - but love has flown away like a bird and now i'm stuck here in this nowhere town in my cell
This is why I fall in love with places not humans. It’s easier to stay when it’s places, humans make you want to leave when it doesn’t work 🤦♂️
Drew
One thing I’ve been curious about is if it is possible to sort of descend past the “low” number into the low of the next one? For example, 4s in stress take on some characteristics of a 2 but if you were stressed enough could you descend even further into the characteristics that a 2 takes on in stress, and so on and so forth (maybe feeling almost like dissociation?) I’ve got to wonder if this is what happens to people with bipolar and for those with bipolar 1 who have the higher manic episodes, if when they are in their mania, they sort of fly through the highs-so for example a 4 would feel as if they are “growing” from 4 to 1 to 7 to 5 to 8 to 2 to 4. I could be misunderstanding a ton of stuff so maybe this makes no sense but just thinking out loud.
You could probably get pretty down right disturbingly low with expressions of all the numbers if you were in a bad enough spot. We can be pretty broken people for sure
Have you read much of Rumi poetry? He will hit your core in a way that no one can.. I would love to watch some videos of yours analysing his literature!! :).. would make for a fun (but creative) break from your standard content and probably reach a different type of audience.
This is such a good video. Thank you!
Props for reaching out. Appreciated 🙏🏼
Thanks so much🌝❤️
My pleasure! Hope it helped
Drew
It''s actually really interesting. I watched all your movies about 4's and I adored them :) But I still can't figure out which subtype possibly am I. I can actually relate partially to all of them, depending on the situation or particular circumstances. I hope that means I am super healthy ;) Just joking a bit. But does it happen often? Thank you :)
I mean, joking aside, it may actually mean you are healthy as you said. Or at least very balanced. Don’t force it, if they are balanced then let them be balanced
@@drewnewkirk heh, then I shall not force it ;) Thanks and all the best to you!
@@dominikalis but when you do force it don’t beat yourself up over it 😂
Hi Drew, is that a jaguar piercing through your wall? Jaguar for sure is my totem animal as a 4sx.
It is! And I have a jaguar tattoo on my chin. Not my spirit animal but very close. I understand why you have it as your totem
@@drewnewkirk nice, we can’t see that tattoo with your beard. So it is like hiding in the bush 😀
@@jaguarpawx ha! I’m sure it’s revealed somewhere on my instagram 😳
@thedrewdawg
Or
@drewnewkirkpsychotherapy
I’d be curious to hear if you think Nietzsche was a four?
I think 4w5 or 5w4 - but I don’t want to fully commit 😂
So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew
Financially, I’m a mess
Spiritually, I’m flying in the clouds
Needs to be known
Scared to be out there and be alone
Supportive, dependable caregivers who doesn’t meddle too much. Expect things you don’t want. Strength and tenderness
Caregivers
Body control
Support network
Led to edge, not abyss
Way you do it
How you do it
Love me or hate me but don't ignore me
Truth!
Awesome! 4w5 sex here :-) Thank you!
No problem! So sorry for the delay. Thanks so much for watching! I put a hard boundary on my time in the last year so I could write a book, which I just finished the first draft 🙌🏼 Know that I always appreciate every remark/response and try to get back to each and every one.
If at all interested send me your email through instagram or my email to be on my mailing list
Insta - @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy OR Drew@DrewNewkirk.com
Hope all is well and thanks for reaching out
Drew