I can't think of a time in my childhood when spanking or hitting me corrected my "bad" behavior. Most of the time my parents would simply hit me out of frustration, out of their own inability to control their actions or curb their anger, which then taught me and my sister that violence was a totally fine way to get people to listen to you. I grew out of that mindset before my sister. I worry for her future children.
My sister never grew out of that mindset and had a child, now she wants to beat me anytime I tell her the way she treats her child is wrong getting incredible aggressive and even running at me as if she's going to attack me during the conversation, which is more her screaming at me and not letting me speak to tell me I'm fucked up and don't know anything I'm talking about because I don't have a child, it's heartbreaking seeing a sibling who went through the same horror you did as a child and then still go and put their own child through the same things and be unable to face it without threatening to assault the people telling them. I hope your sister grows out of the mindset before she has children, because it is one of the worst things you can see.
I can .. it taught me that that hurt and not to do that again because pain is our greatest teacher. And now I’m not a soft little crybaby like these kids today and a lot of adults today
Many people think that spanking kids is a solution because the kids get scared and begin avoiding their parents, which gives them the illusion that their kids started behaving. In reality, those same kids become more violent and aggressive, they just do it behind closed doors due to fear of getting spanked.
Exactly, half of my family are alcoholics, have anger issues, or both, and I can guarantee a vast majority of those are from this abuse since im already showing major signs of anger issues, even if im too scared to get officially diagnosed
Spanking kids don't cause fear beating a child causes fear, and spanking a child doesn't cause aggression nor violence, you people are confusing spanking with beatings which isn't the same, and another thing their are more kids being arrested in these days of times then their was back in the old days, kids are more violent and abusive then they where back then and you know why that is is because you parent became to lazy to punish your kids you think it's better to be your child's friend and talk to them instead which does nothing to help your child but turn them into spoiled brats, while in the old days when kids where spank not beaten kids were more respectful and had more love for their parents.
"Political power comes out of the barrel of a gun."-Mao's Little Red Book. Spanking is acceptable to a billion Chinese let's note who use it in all their schools. Violence is neither right nor wrong unless you specify what purpose it serves which may or may not be beneficial for the rest of us to accept but ultimately is the origin and practice of every government on Earth to one degree or another most of whom don't honestly care what you think is right or wrong because they consider you weak and stupid.
I agree with you, but if you said that to my mum, she would definitely consider you a deranged and ill-qualified parent! Of course violence never means right, but mum was an extremely violent and self-deluding narcissist and her favourite means of securing and keeping power was physical force.
@@sudoku47 That’s still true for so many people. My mom hit u sometimes, too, but I never learned anything from it other than humiliation. I’m so sorry your mom treated you like that. Really.
I have such bad trauma with it and i seriously dont understand why people support it. Im underage and unfortunately still in my abusive home. Physical discipline is an excuse to abuse. People who say they turned out fine did NOT turn out fine and were manipulated to believe so. Watching your siblings get hurt by your parents made you feel scared, afraid, you didnt think anything like "Wow my parents are great i respect them" in that moment. You would think something like "i hope im not next." People often forget that joking about trauma can often be a way to cope with it without people realizing it and even if it didnt hurt you in any way, that doesnt mean its okay or makes it okay to do. My mental health is so bad and i have no one to trust other than my siblings because the rest of my family is toxic and believes in physical discipline. Sorry for any typos.
@@OliveTheChiPup I very much relate to this. Then parents wanna say "its discipline and it works!" The only reason that they don't think other forms of discipline work is because they never tried them.
@@340dokidoki yeah because to them, spanking is the 'SUPREME' form of parenting.. Which is just alot of bull-crap because its not. It never was. And it never taught respect, it taught fear.
It certainly hurts kids more. They depend on parents for everything. They trust their parents to not hurt them, but that trust is broken. That feeling of safety is gone entirely. From then on they know that you can and will hurt them if they don't act right, and its even worse if the rules broken weren't spoken out loud.
@@SouthernRebels94Well there’s a study that proves there’s basically no difference between the effects of spanking and beatings. A study in 2019 showed that the brain structures between physically abused children and kids who were spanked for discipline had very similar brain structures
I got spanked as a kid. It legitimized violence throughout my childhood. I was a violent out of control kids and my parents couldn't figure out why this kid they were spanking was hitting them. My parents took me to a pschiatrist where I was drugged and blamed and that just made me more violent. I didn't trust my mom or my dad. I definitely didn't trust the doctors who took my every word and twisted it into a justification drug me even more. Eventually I started bullying my parents into letting me not take my pills. My dad was more authoritarian than my mom was but my mom also broke my finger trying to spank me over spilled milk and I was 7-8 at the time. My parents could never piece together that all the violence I was showing towards them was a reflection of the violence they showed me. After I moved out of my parents house I came off all the psychdrugs and realized how traumatized I was from 25 years of being around my parents and not being able to stand either one of them. I love my parents like all children. But I can't stand them. Spanking teaches violence, damages your kids brain, degrades the relationship between parent and child and so on. Would you trust someone who instilled that kind of terror in you?
Your parents are total idiots. Sorry. Best you reframe your life, ask yourself why your Higher self would choose them to “raise” you, and develop from there. I am in this process. It’s emotionally trying but the payoff is with it. Oh. By the way, my face is still slightly deformed from being smacked.
In other words you have always beena violent psychopath. If anything, you needed the deterrent of violence and punishment the most, but instead it made you worse. Though it may seem pedantic to say it, you can't even spell psychiatrist right. Perhaps you never had respect for anyone or anything.
I experienced very similar problems. I was extremely violent at younger ages, I got hit and then I hit people. I got hit for hitting people and it made me infuriated at such a young age
I dealt with corporal punishment from age 6. In adulthood, it still affects me. The broken child still lives in my DNA. I've never hit my babies and i never will. *I broke the cycle* ❤
Corporal punishment COULD be wall sits, or other military exercise.... You were getting hit/ abused. Im glad you're kids have you now and better. lots just pass on the trama w/o question...
@TheRandomINFJ I think one of the worst traumatic experiences I have gone through is my mothers suicide. It never goes away, and my father's hatred towards me. I've lived with ADHD, PTSD, OCD AND ADDICTION my whole life. Best thing that ever happened to me was meeting Jesus. He is the coolest and that's what keeps me here now.
@@KRmedfndllcARCwof81213I cried one day when my teacher kinda raised his voice at me to explain some thing and I was crying cause my parents at used to yell at me a lot soo yea😂😂
When I was younger I wouldn’t take out the trash because of this spider, my dad yelled at me and I refused because I was afraid of the spider and I ran and hid under my bed, my dad stomped up the stairs and barged into my room. He was shouting something at me and I was curled up underneath the bed, my dad proceeded to throw my full spring mattress across the room and started ripping off the support boards one by one, each one held in with four, six inch screws. He then grabbed me and I tried to crawl away and he pinned me down and spanked me like 50 times while my mom stood over me saying I should have listened. NOW I smoke weed 24/7 and have a hard time socializing and connecting with People.
Holy shit dude that's intense.... Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. I could see Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques helping that. As well as other forms of therapy/ visualition exercises/hypnotherapist
All of these people saying that spanking your kid prevents them from committing crime despite the research saying that it actually increases aggression in the future. Spanking a child is like licking a wound expecting it to be better. It benefits in the short term but can have long term lasting consequences. There are much better ways to handle your child. I absolutely hate people that endorse this and say it’s not child abuse. These people prefer the old methods of doing things and choose to ignore the scientific evidence.
If a child does something really disrespectful and they don’t feel bad about it they deserve a spanking. You can’t let children become prideful. You validate their bad actions if you don’t give them punishment they deserve. If your child is being a crappy person with no regrets or did a crappy thing with no regrets then a spanking makes them humble themselves.
@@petermj1098if your child turns out that way that is literally YOUR fault as the parent. heres something to think about, do people typically respect the people who hit them ? or do they get defensive/shut down ? did you even watch the video ? LOL
I've this memory imprinted for ever in my brain. I don't remember exaclty what I did, but it was enough to get my mother to hit me until I was on the ground. It wasn't enough, she kept going. It happened in front of my father's study. I remember the yelling and the "spanks" like it just happened. The thing that I alwasy think about whenever that situation comes back to my mind is seeing my father in the study watching the scene every now and then. I asked him for help and he didn't even move, nor respond to me crying and yelling for the pain. I felt betrayed. The only person who could save me from that situation just watched me getting hit a couple times with disdain. I was hit multiple times but that one time I'll never forget. Nowadays whenever I try to talk to them about being hit they act like it never happened. I have severe anxiety, low self esteem, insomnia and a bunch of other problems that affect my relationships so much that I decided I won't have any until I am economically independent and I'll be able to afford a therapist.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I’m so sorry you didn’t receive the help you needed. I’m shaking from reading this. I believe there are resources for free and even income based therapy out there. Wishing the best to you ❤
@@btran213 I mean, I trust research papers with loads of evidence, not your opinion surely. If you meant “tough it out” I tried, I worsened the situation. So I simply started taking care of myself and not underestimating my problems. That’s how I got a little better than a while ago. I also understood that I can’t fix those problems by myself, not to an acceptable degree
I can make up so many disciplines without physical contact. 1. Push-ups 2. Writing their names 10 times 3. Sit ups 4. Add extra chores to their list 5. 1 minute planks 6. If ya want you can spend money on your kid and give them karate lessons, they teach their kids self confidence and discipline. 7. Take away their phones 8. Make them read books of their current level. 9. 2 laps around the house. 10. Give them extra vegetables and fruits for dinner and no junk food for a month. Give them discipline that will actually improve their lives and life style, make them buff and healthy and teach them good morals, so many options and good example to make your kids good adults for society.
Nothing you wrote is disciplining a child we punishing a child with something the child is 99% of the time is already doing isn't punishing them but rewarding them. Making a child to eat more vegetables isn't a punishment, making a child run laps isn't a punishment, and making your child do push up, sit-ups and so on it's a punishment but an activity no wonder their are more kids these days ending up getting in trouble with the law coming out as disrespectful brats, violent and so in because of parents like y'all who rather rewards kids for their bad behaviors then punishing them
IMO these are not so good examples of punishment. If anything these will make kids view healthy behaviors as punishment. When I was a kid, I was borderline hyperlexic and loved vegetables for instance. Making kids read books, exercise and eat healthy food will make them think of those activities as inherently “less fun”. I think that reading a book about what they did with an interesting plot or watching a movie that will make them emphasize is a better activity. If I were a parent, I would let my kid express why they chose to say or do that action after calming down and make them question their previous mindset. If they did something severe, I would take away privileges while making them understand why, to remove any potential vindictive or “revenge -seeking “feelings. My goal would be to raise human beings with critical thinking skills, not mindless robots. So I would put less emphasis on “obedience “ and more on developing good habits, responsibility, respect for others, self-respect, intelligence, emotional regulation, and compassion.
@@SouthernRebels94nothing is discipline? That’s silly. I hate forced exercise. I’d do anything to avoid it even as a kid. My dad never hit me he took my privileges away. Whenever he gave me something like a computer or a gaming console he expressly said “this is a privilege for being well behaved and doing well in school. When you do good things you get rewards. When you do bad things they get taken away. “ and he follows through. I never got something fun if I wasn’t good. It was like training a dog. I knew good = fun and I deserved it and felt better about it and was less inclined to do bad things because he would absolutely get rid of it in a heart beat the second I did something too bad. (Being sassy or a grumpy teenager was never enough reason. If I skipped school or got an c or below those kinds of behavior for punishments) I behaved much better with him than I ever did my mom who beat me. He made the rules extremely clear which made it easy for me to understand and follow through and I knew that he would be consistent because there was never a time I could beg my way out of punishment.
@@SouthernRebels94i wanted to stab my dad in the throat because he would hit me as a kid he would hit me for saying i was hungry as a kid,then hitting me made me more violent ,and before you say it happend to you no big deal man up ,remember im not you
For some time when I was a child I got spanked and I didn't see the effects of it after but then I started to realize saying sorry all of the time even for things I didn't do wasn't normal. Also the same with getting stressed after making a mistake and trying to make everyone like you.
I am writing this as a kid right now. I don’t get whooped. Or correction, technically I do, but as a last resort option. If I act an ass at school, I would probably expect to get grounded, not hit. My parents rarely put their hands on me. The last time it happened, I was 6. If you were to ask anyone, from home or outside, they’d tell you I behave amazingly. I get straight A’s, I’m quiet, and I can’t remember the last time I was in trouble. Meanwhile, most of the kids at my school are getting written up all the time, and going home and getting their little asses beat, and still not behaving. It’s really not effective. At all. I don’t know why we’re still trying to cling onto beating the shit out of our kids, but it’s honestly kinda creepy.
Hi I read your comment, I am researching because I spanked my daughter who is also 6, I've done it before but practically 3 times and I always feel like shit, I wait until she is away and I cry a lot because it really hurts, I do feel I had to do it, she truly challenge me when I told her not to do something more than 3 times, so she waited until I was busy at work to do it and then she claimed she was helping me, then I was the one who had to deal with the consequences, I can imagine a hundred scenarios of that recipe really ruining her life and mine as well so I felt had to do it because the explaining was over and time outs on similar scenarios too, so here I am trying to find a way I never do it again by convincing myself it is really harmful for her because Im sure somewhere in my subconscious I think it is necessary. Although I suffered a lot of hitting and punishment.
@@sabricr I was whipped and paddled. I swore to never do it to my kids, and I didn't. Mine are in college now, on full scholarships. They've gotten almost all As for their whole lives, never got into trouble, and were an unbelievable joy to raise for every minute of it. I gave them as much of myself as I could: time, patience. I took them everywhere I wanted to go, and everywhere they wanted to go. One time my son accidentally broke something, and I could tell that the fear of disappointing me was a harsher punishment than I would ever give.
Thanks to being Spanked, I now lie to avoid conflict and I have a crippling fear of upsetting people. Hitting kids doesn’t make them good people. It just teaches them to lie because they learn early on that being honest gets you hurt.
@@Pomni740I'm sorry to hear that. There are definitely better way of raising kids then that. I strongly believe that spanking is the absolute worst way of raising your kids.
Y’all. My birth mother smacked my face so hard I saw stars. When I watched cartoons and the characters were hit across the face they saw stars. I too saw stars. What did this teach me? That most people are so stupid you must never tell them truths that turn them violent. Not much has changed.
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
I learned two things from being spanked: when we get mad , sometimes it's ok to hit, which of course is ridiculous. The second thing I learned was, I will never (and have not) spank my child. It messed up my head, in all sorts of ways . I know he was doing his best as a father, he was a good man but I never told him that it really scared me, and scarred me and I hated him for it, and my mom let it happen so she's culpable too. I'm not some cry baby who feels like I was traumatized by it all, but it definitely had a negative effect on me.
Traumas do not have a level bro, trauma is trauma, what you are doing to cope with it is minimizing the word by calling it "negative effect on me." You are no less of a man to admit it, what will make you a man is knowing how to cope with it and above all break the cycle.
The fact that you, the child, are excusing adults for being violent towards you as their child and denigrating being traumatised as being a "crybaby" shows that you have been traumatised and are using stoicism as a coping mechanism. They were always the adults and it was their responsibility to correct you properly, not terrorise and neglect you.
Its stoicism, but more than that its dissociating from the real self (child self) and taking on the parent as your false self. We literally identify and become our aggressor, stockholm syndrome, and turn on the self, ridicule it and hate it in the same way. Its a survival mechanism to banish the self from consciousness because in order to survive we have to banish the real self and identify with the abuser. @@cualter
Tbh i don't think most parents "do their best". They spank, give phones to toddlers, even pamper them... Just so that they have to do less and not give their best. It is true for most people and in most walks of life. Even good people that i know will routinely threaten their kids or slap them full force because they are making noise, interrupting, not eating or sleeping late... All things that do not really warrant violence. They do it because they don't feel like trying anything else... And when you ask they call it discipline and say it is needed to help the child learn... Yet it isn't methodical, has no clear lesson behind it and is done in anger...
how can they when they live in extreme denial and don't even realize the vicious cycle? it's like expecting cats to turn into hamster. How can that happen? We can break the cycle. But they can't.
I did! I'm so glad I did..it's a hard job, but I never wanted to hit them, inflict pain. We talked a lot, lot.... They have grown up into absolutely wonderful, delightful, rational, sweet adults with big hearts!
Children don’t even know why they are getting hit in the first place. Specially at a toddler stage. I don’t like seen my child in pain. It feels wrong because it is. By the way, I used to get hit a lot And at one point I was so mad from getting hit everyday that one day I swing back and I felt so guilty but now that I think about it she was over doing it.
@@SMCwasTaken yeah, explain to a 2 year old after you beat him…. Makes no sense to explain some to anyone after hurting them. That’s ridiculous way of teaching…
@@RGTomoenage11spanking and beatings isn't the same and spanking doesn't hurt the child as spanking doesn't leave bruises, beatings leaves bruises and hurt which are two different things, and a 2 year old isn't stupid they understand they did wrong after you tell them what they did before spanking,
My dad threw my head into a brick wall when I was 13 cause I said shouted “no” at him. He’s a Narcissist. He also beat me and my siblings with a belt because he wanted to control us. We got in trouble over petty things, even triggering his repressed anger
Today, I managed to discuss my trauma in my psychologist session. First time mentioning it after being in therapy all my life. But my father did the whole wooden spoon thing when I was about 4 or 5 years old. And it was brutal. I was bruised and my mother made him stop. Never happened again. I'm 31 years old now. I've really struggled with self compassion, anxiety and depression. But never understood why. My psychologist knew I had a trauma there but it took me a while to realise what it was. It was the frightened 4 year old all along, who associated being hit because I'm 'bad' So I've avoided making mistakes or making people angry all my life at great cost, out of fear. Need to build (Not rebuild) self compassion from the ground up. I'm not a parent, but I just want to say I think physical punishment really messed me up. Please don't hit your kids.
You are almost my age, your picture makes me think you are a woman that would not take trash from anyone and that you are really confident. I hope you overcome your trauma, everyone is tough against a child, if your father had met you at your current age you would be the one doing the a** kicking haha.
An effective way to discipline your child when he or she is being very naughty is time out for children 5 and under, and groundings for children 6 and older. You don’t want your child to get used to losing their freedom for bad behavior but it’s a very useful tool to teach your child that he or she could go to jail, get kicked out of college or trade school, get fired from a job, or get banned from a commercial establishment such as a gym or a store for that type of behavior. Groundings are a very useful resource if done appropriately but overusing that repercussion on your child is considered child abuse. For minor misbehavior, using constructive criticism is a sufficient consequence for a child’s behavior. For things more moderate, just take your child straight home and not give them anything they want but do not need until another time, cancel the outing, or make your child go to his or her room until he or she calms down. For example, your child acts like the I want those sweeties kid, no time out or grounding, but take the child home with leave them with your spouse and go back to the store.
Thank you for mentioning how it escalates. My father delivered my first heavy spanking when I was barely four years old, then later at around six years old, a heavier spanking, and completely unjust. I wept so deeply, I thought my chest would burst. Then around seven, he rushed into the room to slap my face because I used a curse word. (he constantly swore like a sailor himself). Then at around eight years old, again he rushed into the room when he heard me say a bad word. This time he dragged me by the collar, to the bathroom and shoved a bar of soap in my mouth. I was choking and thought I couldn't breathe. At around 13 years old I had a squabble with my siblings, he rushed into the room and began beating me with absolute rage. He left large bruises. At that point, I was convinced he hated me and wanted me dead. I am in my 60's now, and still believe he hated me. I also have large varicose veins on my upper leg where those bruises were. My mother was a spineless passive picture on the wall, never defending me. Yet she had a rule that he dare not ever lay a hand on her. I have been to countless therapists to no avail. The memories still get triggered, and cause me to suffer.
I used to get spanked by my father, and it’s one of the reasons why I’ve always felt distant from him and might I add that it was one of the reasons why I used to be a bad influence on my peers in the first place.
My parents beat me ever since I was 5 and this really affected me as I can’t even trust my self to tell them stuff.I honestly hate my mom more and more because the things she’s done to me which affected my mental health.If there were a child appreciation day it would’ve been a big change.Sometimes I don’t even feel like my mom loves me.She never asks me if I’m okay. All she cares about is school.
I will never forget the time - in fifth grade, I think - when I came home, clutching a notebook with my very first "term paper" or research paper (thirteen handwritten pages) that I had worked hard on and gotten an A+. I burst into our house after school, found my mother sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette. I told her, with great excitement, "I got an A+ on my Brazil paper!" No response at all. And then "What about your math?" My very worst and most loathed subject. I felt as if she had slugged me in the stomach.
Thank you for making this, I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, I'm sure in no small part due to spanking, and it's great to hear someone explain it so plainly that anyone can understand why spanking is not something you should ever afflict a child with.
Spanking is all fun and games til the child your doing it to grows up and hates you. I can understand for certain circumstances you a spanking might be okay. But any little inconvenience and your ready to pop and hit a child as a grown adult? Its giving bully vibes. That’s not something easy to forgive. 💯 saying it from experience I would never as a grown adult be whooping or spanking any child.
@@SMCwasTakenyeah. It’s the kid’s problem until your children are adults, and never want to visit you, talk to you, call you, bring around the grandkids etc. yeah, it’s the kids problem now, but when your old and bitter and alone because your kids don’t give a shit about you, then maybe you’ll self reflect a little bit.
@@maskedthecreator1508 Or your kid comes out to you about having recurring bad dreams about hating himself/herself, wishing that he/she was someone else and even blaming himself/herself for all of his/her family’s problems.
Spanking doesn't cause a child to hate their parents, you are confusing spanking with abusive beatings which isn't the same, I've talked to older people who has been spanked growing up they all claim they had more love for their parents for spanking them when it was needed. And I've seen young prisoners who mentioned that they wish their parents loved them enough to spanked them as they said if their parents would of loved enough to spanked them they most likely would not of ended up in prison.
When was I a kid, i guess at some point I could get passed the “whooping” without thinking much of it but there is two moments I remember distinctly. One is when I was 7, the 2 nights prior I got hit by a belt by my mom and the iron left a pretty big bruise (probably was my first time getting a bruise like that) I just wanted a little comfort so I told my mom it left a bruise and she said something like “serves you right” which just broke something in me. I remember going to another room and crying. I don’t think I went to her for comfort for years and years. Might be a Seemingly small thing but it just stayed with me
I was spanked and honestly don’t see a problem with what happened to me. But from reading the comments it’s seem the experiences of others was drastically different, being that when they were spanked it was out of anger and frustration. For me that wasn’t the case, it would only happen after repeated disregard for rules and expectations clearly laid out and previous forms of discipline had no effect. When it would happen it was very clear it wasn’t something my father wanted to do, but felt was the right thing to raise me to be a respectable adult capable of appropriate behavior. The behavior was always addressed and the reasoning for it being wrong, and after getting a belt he would sit with me and explain why even further always telling me that he loved me and was doing this because he thought it was necessary and even crying himself sometimes. I’m not saying that it was the right thing to do, just that to me I never saw it as abuse and I know my parents while not perfect were doing what they thought was best for me to be raised well and understand there are consequences to actions. That being said I’m not using my experience as justification for spanking as punishment especially since from hearing the stories of other, my experience seems to be on the rarer side and I’ve had friends tell stories of beatings received that clearly cross over the line of discipline into abuse out of anger/frustration. But the idea that it’s outright abuse in all cases is something I reject from the experience I had. People hear what my parents did to me and think it’s insane and assume I’m some battered person with trauma. While also mentioning how saying things like “I love you” to family members regularly and showing affection and expressing feelings freely is something they’ve never experienced. I think what had the most impact wasn’t necessarily the corporal punishment, but never doubting the love my parents had for me as a child and realizing truly loving someone includes doing or saying the uncomfortable thing that you feel is best for someone. Corporal punishment can easily become abuse and do severe damage to a child there is no denying that and it’s awful and the stories in these comments are an example, also gentle parenting with no consequences, expectations, and discipline will do the same thing.
Thank you for your thoughtful and thorough comment. It's helpful to someone like myself who is a first time parent to a toddler and anticipating the need to make decisions about appropriate methods of discipline in the future.
i have had a lifelong internal battle in regards to physical abuse. I am 30 yrs old and was raised by people who took me (through state means) from my biological family. The people who adopted me used lots of inventive ways to punish my sister and I. From hauling bricks up and down our drive way, balancing books on our heads while doing wall sits, and the classic 'grab-whatever-is-closest' and beat us with it. For a long time I thought stuff like this was acceptable and normal. It is not. By my teenage years, I had pretty much rebelled to the point where i would NOT be in the house and was in group homes and state custody. I never spoke to harshly or gathered evidence because I thought it was okay and they loved me. Now I wish they were in prison and had to face the same kind of abuse that my sister and I faced. Though that didn't happen, I do take solace in the fact that both my adoptive mother and father are alone, as no one trust them or respects them. It seems people who abuse children have other issues too, usually.
I was spanked as a child and i responded well. My parents tried positive punishment, taking things away and trying to talk it out, but as a child it didnt bother me to loose stuff and didnt care what reasoning they had. Time outs were a game and i entertained myself for an hour. The spanking wasnt out of anger and the physical discomfort told me to straighten up. When i did, i eventually saw the social and personal benefits of respecting parents and others. Im honestly thankful my parents kept me in line. I would have been a distaster to my future self
As an Asian child, i never felt that way because i don't know if it's common with Asians but everytime i'd get spanked i wouldn't mind because i brought it upon myself and i pay for it, now i am a very good Asian child and i thank my Grandparents for disciplining me with classic Asian methods, "It isn't violating if you brought it upon yourself" is my sort of way of thinking when it comes to spanking
My mom used to hit me a lot when I was younger for the smallest things. Drew on the wall? You get hit. Got a question wrong on a Kumon worksheet? You get hit. Address her bad parenting? You get hit. Stand up to her when she’s trying to hit my sibling and explaining how it’s illegal, only to be grounded and severely threatened? You get your bones broken, your brain destroyed (physically, not psychologically), and your life taken (which is the threat she told me if I were to stand up to her again). I got trauma and suicidal thoughts from frequent spanking. But, it’s normal, because everyone in African American culture normalized it and it’s just a part of life, right?
@@akhandtripathipyz9888yes it is and some people even make their kids take off their clothes so yes it is ur basically touching a kids body bare butt and and no kid wants to be naked in front of their parents or want them hit their butts
@@Derpyman2 bro u are too young to understand this but seriously spanking is never ok hitting a kids butt is not ok u will understand when you are older
I was spanked as a child absolutely and it only made me fear my parents and lie to try and get out of trouble..so much so my parents told if you lie then you will be spanked but you tell the truth you'll just be sent to your room
i am a 15 yo girl. my dad sometimes beats me. i feel really hurt when this happens. he doesn't spank me. he usually hits my head and pulls my hair. idk what to do, i've told him, it's not correct to do, but anytime it happens, he tells me i deserve it, today he told me if he could go back in time, he would beat me more, cause then i would have turned out to be a better kid.... no matter what i tell him, he thiks he's always right. what he told me today is : "you provoke it. you povoke men around you. that's why you'll have an abusive relationship in the future, cause you provoke this." i don't know what to do anymore. it really affects my mental health, but my dad never ever listens to me. i tried to talk to him. also so sorry for the grammar mistakes, english is not my first langauge.
Hi honey I'm so sorry this is happening to you! You don't deserve it. Not only is your father physically abusing you, but he's emotionally abusing you. And hitting your head could cause long-term damage. Do you go to school? Please tell an adult you trust all that you've said here. Including what he does and what he says to you.
If possible, try telling someone who will understand what you're going through. What your father is doing is wrong and just plain disgusting. Also, make sure to have a safety plan in place in case your father threatens you with physical harm that could potentially put your life at risk. Your safety and emotional well-being SHOULD ALWAYS be your #1 top priority in cases like this. You are NOT AT ALL at fault for what you're going through. NO ONE deserves to be abused. No one. Much love to you, and stay safe. 💙🫂
Someone's inability to control themselves has nothing to do with it being your fault. If possible, get yourself into a better situation. You don't deserve physical and emotional abuse.
The penalty for child abuse should be death sentence. Parents would think twice before abusing their children if they knew they would be swiftly killed for it.
@@Eet_Mia Are you talking about physical abuse? Lol You must be from the babied generation I assume. You seriously cannot believe your own bullshit when it comes to spanking a child for his or her misbehavior. You, without a doubt, cannot sit here and type that babied generation bullshit about what spanking does or does not do yo a kid. And let me ask you a simple question? I bet you don’t have a lot of friends or socialize with people in life whereas I have been to many counties and have spoken to many people around this would and without a doubt this exact same topic has made his way around. Everyone seems to be on my side and believe this world is turning to shit because the newer generation of children are getting and have been out of control because either the parents are shit parents or they believe in what you believe in, no spankings. Prove me Wrong.
My mother was big on slapping me across the face for talking back. I learned how to block a face slap, karate style. It made her screaming mad, but the slapping stopped.
@@IsoldaNeumannyou mother sounds like a horrible person honestly. I mean no disrespect, but getting mad for defending yourself? How dare her honestly. My parents respects me and my opinion, no matter what. They would never hit me even if it became legal here in denmark, and it sometimes say some crazy fucking shit when I get mad. I guess it makes sense though because in denmark language is much more based on what you feel and much less based on who you are talking to. I mostly speak the same way to everyone I know. I pretty sure the fuck is used in some family movie though I could be wrong.
It doesn't matter what the adult thinks. The child experiences it as traumatic, period. So it doesn't matter the intention or reason. The brain is damaged. Period. Its not rocket science.
@@IItsayoshi "for being bad"...that is clear trauma bonded language. What happens is you turned your back on the abused child inside yourself and identified with the abuser. Its a kind of stockholm syndrome.... There is no such thing as a bad child, and children only do bad things as a result of maltreatment. I hope you can find self compassion and find your true self and heal from some of the psychic trauma. Then you won't refer to yourself as "a bad child". I'm amazed at, having never spanked my children or hit them or called them names, how easily they adapt and naturally do the right things. Children don't choose anything. That part of the brain is not even developed yet. They react to their treatment. 100% of the time. Did you actually watch the video? Its telling you that backed by hard science, spanking is damaging to the brain.
@@tonydimartini how are you gonna tell me if I'm traumatized or not it's my fucking brain. I don't need to find self compassion because I ain't traumatized, I don't need healing because I ain't damaged. I was a bad child and I knew it AS a child I was raised in a very loving household and family I was spoiled and I knew it. You referring to science as "hard facts" is just silly to me as if science is never wrong. I ain't your damn kids I'm me and from getting my ass whooped I learned. The only thing damaging my brain is how many people say "ohhhhh getting whooped leads to brain damage" when I'm right here perfectly fine.
@@IItsayoshi You were traumatized. I'm not saying it to be mean or anything either. Just trying to have a conversation on a channel that discusses spanking and brain abnormalities. You ask: How I'm gonna tell you are traumatized. First of all no human being escapes childhood without some amount of psychic trauma. But more telling are your words. They tell of deep trauma. The fact you called yourself "a bad child" is the first one. No child is bad. They may do "bad" things, but this is a shame-based statement. Secondly, saying one deserved an ass whooping is a clear sign of self-hatred. What happens is you trauma bond and identify with your abuser, almost a separate self that disowns the real self out of a need to survive. You have buried and lost the child you once were, suffering at the hands of those ass whoopings. The fact you took that on, that you were "bad" and the parents are "good" is a classic, telltale sign of abuse. The most common thing we hear from people abused as children are how great their childhood was and how happy they were and how great their parents were. It is a dissociative fantasy the mind forms to distance itslef from psychic pain. We don't hear this from non-abused children. As for brain damage, absolutely there is. If we were to examine your brain under fMRi there would be subtle irregularities in the emotional processing centers. The fact that you have turned against yourself and think "you deserved" it lets me know that absolutely there was neuronal damage along the axons and dendrites. There is a disconnection, a dissociation, that keeps you from feeling compassion towards the child you once were. Its very telltale. Yours is evident its not even a "maybe". I suggest you read some of Alice Millers work. For you I would suggest "For your Own Good", the title is fitting. But you definitely have all the signs. As clear as day. I genuinely hope you find healing so you can live a good, happy life. The problem is dissociation is so deep that you are unaware, completely cut off from the real self. But there are ways to mend that.
@@tonydimartini I'll say this once again... I ain't traumatized and I don't need healing and with all due respect If I was traumatized. I think I'd rather jump head first into traffic then to seek help especially from people who act like they know my entire life story, you thinking I'm "traumatized' from being spanked is just absolutely ridiculous. I was a bad kid... End of story and now I'm an adult who knows that the world ain't all gumdrops and rainbows I don't need compassion. I ain't lose my true self it grew the f*** up. I don't need a damn fMRi because you're a moron and can't understand how my brain works... I think differently, I've never had compassion I find logic to be a better option.
Spanking taught me to really think about what I was about to do and taught me that if I did something wrong their would be consequences. Did I still do wrong? Sometimes, however I knew if I got caught their would be consequences. Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what I've seen with my own eyes happen in the last 30 years or so. An expert sheep herder was teaching a rookie sheep herder how to do the job the best way possible. One night as the expert and novice sheep herder were moving the sheep one of the young lambs began to stray from the herd. Just as the young lamb was about to go over a hill and out of sight the expert sheep herder ran and caught the young lamb and broke it's leg on purpose. The novice sheep herder ran over and scolded the expert for being cruel to the lamb. The expert sheep herder pointed to the bottom of the hill where a pack of hungry wolves stood. The expert said, which is more cruel, breaking the lambs leg, or letting the lamb get killed by the wolves...
I remember I was being a pain in the ass my dad let one loose for the first time he had tears in his eyes as hard of a man as he was after. I stopped and corrected myself immediately it caught me off guard but I never wanted to see the pain in my dad's eyes like that EVVVVVER again.
Spanking worked on me when I was a young child because I understood the reason for it. As a 11 or 12 year old my father flew into a rahe over something I thought was totally unjust. Also kicked me out of house at 15 for completely unjust reasons. Those times I never forgave him. But when I stole at the age of 6 I very much respected it. Controlled and just.
Sad that so many people still share memes on social media promoting hitting kids and also insisting that kids are only naughty because they haven't been hit. I'd like to know how they know these delinquent kids have not been hit as many still are behind closed doors. I was hit as a kid and have lived a life blighted by anxiety and sometimes depression and inability to really get properly close to anyone. I find solice in my dogs more. They didn't hit me. Still, because I am not a criminal, people will say I turned out ok lol....I could have turned out a lot better.
Lots of people don't want to admit that their own parents battered and abused them. So excuses are made. "I was hit and I turned out all right! I thank my parents for beating me!"
Hi Gregory, i'm brazilian and i'm a psychologist. In my interviews with clients I ask with they had recevid spanking when were child and most of them answered "yes, i was". And worse, they belive thas was normal, the right way to education.... welll i was spanking to...hahahha Thanks for sharing.
I have question, that really bags me at the moment. Is there any research on cases, when a father, is very creative with his belt beating, by coming up with more painful instruments, like a thick cable, to spank a child. Also demands a child to take off theyr pants, and present them self for punishment. I am trying to ask, is this indicative of him being a pervert, like a pedofile of sorts, or just a monster?
This is so good 🙏 I want to believe that if loving parents understood what spanking/hitting does to the body and brain of their child, they would not do it. There is no safe spanking! All spanking/ hitting registers as a automatic threat for the child and the child’s body automatically goes into shock/trauma response which is most of the time shutting down or what we would like to call “compliance”. Because the child went into shock, the parent believed that it worked. But what really happened was the child experienced trauma and is now in survival mode which can show up in various forms of behaviour. The body and mind automatically remember repetitive behaviour, and will start to adapt to the environment. The child never learns how to self regulate, how to navigate attitudes and how to communicate properly. Remember that human need for survival is safety and connection. A child automatically/without though, feels un safe with and around those that have caused trauma. If a child didn’t feel safe and connected to parents they will find other connections and the need to medicate trauma (the sis regulation of emotions) through substance or other addictive behaviour. Children who are brought up in safe, calm environments where they were able to express and regulate emotions without being spanked, had a astronomical lower rate of developing addictions through their lives. As a addiction recovery coach I have yet to meet a adult who doesn’t have some sort of addiction, relational, emotional, mental, or physical issues from trauma that they experienced as a child. Of course this kind of trauma is not a life sentence of suffering. Help is available and emotional stability and proper responses to life events can be learned and the brain can get re-wired 🙏 The way to stop generational trauma is through knowledge of what caused so many wounds in the past generation and the act of not repeating those acts 🤍
I was spanked very rarely when I was a child....my whole generation was spanked. No one I know from my school is alcoholic, or agresive or drug addict or gang members. My friends are successful women, I consider myself successful too... and I have 0 addictions. I came to Russia 6 years ago, here people don't spank their children, and they have one of the highest rates in alcoholism, almost everyone smokes, and they are very cold, men don't cry etc. I think those studies of "the consequences of spanking" need to be done again, in different countries, with poor and rich families. Because I think many things can traumatize children, the cultural factor matters, the family income etc.
@@Andreshka123 spanking does not produce good behaviour. You cannot say that your friends don’t or didn’t struggle with addictions as most addictions are hidden and are not only alcohol or drugs, this making the argument that spanking is somehow beneficial is invalid. It is a proven fact by now that spanking indeed causes psychological trauma. Scans of brains don’t lie.. I am Russian and was raised in a Russian community. Spanking and neglect are a huge issue there now and in past generations that were raised there, so I am not sure what you mean by saying that no one spanks their kids as most spank and badly. It is also frowned upon to be a emotional male In Russian, thus creating lack of emotional stability, safe connections and trust which is traumatic and results In acting out. This is not a argument anymore, spanking is damaging to a child’s brain. We need to accept that, stop it and apologize for our lack of understanding to those we traumatized unknowingly.
@@valeriek7862 I had good behavior, my brother also... Everyone I know behaved, we were all spanked. And I can guarantee you I have no trauma as everyone would love to hear.
@@frankfranklins6066 I'm not a neurologist, I was spanked as many people and I can guarantee you that I'm not traumatized, I love my mom and I'm a normal person...everything is normal.
@@frankfranklins6066 it's not ok to spank children. But sometimes it is the only solution. I won't judge parents that have tried to disciplinate their children in a respectful way and spanked once their child because it is aggressive or really out of control. I wouldn't allow my children to scream to me or to my mom NEVER, or to be aggressive. IMPOSSIBLE.
I have been hit once or twice only for telling my nan the health risks with drinking redbull, smoking cigarettes, not drinking enough water and only eating sandwiches because it hurt her feelings to be told that those habits were detrimental to her health she started crying so mu mum who was sitting in the back of the car full force whacked me across the head it didn't make me want to stop talking about the health risks and all that happened it i got a headache and wanted to act out violently in retaliation
I love how some people in the comments think their anecdotal evidence somehow invalidates peer reviewed research with large sizes by academically trained researchers. If you want to argue the studies are invalid for a reason go ahead and state your case. But it’s not logically to say your personal opinions and experiences alone invalidate actual research.
Researchers disagree. And what I'm not seeing in the research is separating out abusive spanking from plain disciplinary spanking. Look at all the comments here! It's ALL about actual abuse!
@@genepozniak because the studdies found that children's nervous system can't differentiate so what are you going to tell me is the difference? In my country both are illegal so no difference there. So come on, explain why beating a child because you think there is a reason is any different from ab**e. I'll wait.
I was spanked as young as 3. There's a world of difference between being spanked for destroying a display because you wanted candy, and being spanked for accidentally spilling milk.
I could relate a lot to the things youve said. Im 28 and after not seeibg my parents for years, Im still not sure if i want to see them, if i love them... I understand that they may have been at their ropes end, but I cannot overcome the pain, and theyre acting like "whatever happened, happened in the past, its ok". I feel horrible
Perhaps you are just weak minded. If you were actually abused, I could understand BUT discipline is something different. Maybe find a wife - suppose you are a male - and have children.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808Disciplining a literal child via abuse when not absolutely necessary meets the definition of abuse. Cruelty, misuse, and maltreatment all apply. As parents, there is no righteous option but to take full and honest responsibility for our parenting; This includes acknowledging shortcomings...
If they cant take responsibility for making you hurt, its their shame not yours. You shouldnt feel beholden to them in any way emotionally, I know that child abuse can make people feel this way but trust me they dont control your life anymore. They failed to make you happy and content and set you up for failure instead. You can choose forgive them or you can choose not to. Our parents are just that, parents. Fallable, human and prone to mistakes.
Shocking how many people think its ok to use violence against small children. Disgusting, actually. And for the idiots who downplay it as "just a swat", to "set them straight" I sincerely hope you get a vasectomy or tubal litigation for the good of the rest of society. You have no idea how much force you are using on a tiny human with an underdeveloped brain and an underdeveloped nervous system.
Ok heres the thing, in my family spanking was the final warning, was never to hard, was only after i was old enough to comprehend why, was never bare bottom, and they never used anything that would make it hurt more like a belt. I don’t know whats wrong with that. It taught me to not act out in class because i was a little gremlin as a kid, it also taught me to stop giving up all the time. Now im a lot better. Wheres the issue?
@@biggamer7001 My parents would strip me naked and stand me in a corner and tell me to turn around and they would whip my ass with a belt. It taught me a lot in life. I now make over 6 figures.
@@biggamer7001because most governments that aren't in the pocket of religious lobbyists have made all forms of physical violence against children illegal. Just because it was OK in your family doesn't make it OK in the eyes of the world. And personal anecdotes don't negate long term, peer reviewed studdies saying that it negatively affects children regardless of the reason.
I got punched, bitten, flogged, cussed at, slapped, hit with hard stuff, got suicidal and hated my own parents (which is wrong). Don't fear your parents and stay resilient.
I remember my mom hit me with a belt buckle when I was four because she thought I was faking being sick until I threw up. I also remember her laughing at me when I would try to stop her from spanking me. She always thought that was funny. The best was when she'd grab one of her long thin wooden spaghetti sauce spoons and break it over my behind. She broke a couple that way. It's been a long time since we spoke. Such fond, loving, memories.
My dad spanked me when i was a kid. He even shook me. One time he shook me so violently that my head started bobbing back and forth. He saw the damage he was doing to me and he stopped shaking me right away
@@rrrqqqrrryou people are confusing spanking with beatings which isn't the same thing as the scientific study wasn't properly done as they scientists who done the study confused spanking with beatings which are not the same. This video is nothing more than a laughing stock and makes these scientists look ignorant and makes anyone who believes the video look ignorant as well.
I’m writing this as a kid my dad suffers from severe depression and ptsd from being a firefighter for 13 years and we were on a cruise and he got mad and I tried to stand up for myself and he dragged me to the room and he spanked me like 3 times last one kinda hard did not hurt so bad but then he got MAD and he hit my leg and gave me my biggest bruise and hit my face was this ok plz tell me and I was only 9 when this happened and I had to act normal it hurts but he apologized and got over it
@@andrewericjamesclark6808 so I supposed to let him say what was wrong and I don’t want to here parents are always kids are ignored cause I could not here him that’s why he got mad and I said dad please I just wanna know what you said I really did not stand up for myself but yea
@@andrewericjamesclark6808God also tells us not to do unto others things that we would not have done to ourselves. It serves no one to cherrypick the words of god to excuse blatant abuse...
I who would love more information on this topic. I was spanked brutally infrequently up till 15 and I definitely have anxiety and other issues. Any resources or info would be very helpful .
There needs to be a distinction made between "spanking out of discipline" and "letting all the frustration out by beating the child". Frankly some of the people in this comment section didn't get spanked, they got beaten up by someone who should never have been a parent in the first place.
I got my FIRST belt whipping from Dad at 5, Wood stick paddling from Mom at 6. They were the worst things that ever happened to me, and who did it to me? If I had thought about it then, I would have given them an even worse punishment: "This is how I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life." They wanted to make an impression, and they did.
Its not love, period. If you hit your kids, you are not loving them, you are hurting them. Doesn't matter what you think or feel. I suggest Alice Miller's book "For your own good". Its even more insidious because we tell them that we are doing it for their own good and out of love. Enough to damage a kid for life, to be told being slapped or spanked and told its because you love them. Its insanity at the highest level. And the main reason for violence in society. You are better off telling them you hate them, because when you are spanking or hitting your kid, it is a form of hate.
@tonydimartini It's not healthy either. I just wish parents find better, healthier ways to discipline their children that don't involve any kind of physical punishment, coercing them, or yelling at them and let go of that unhealthy mindset.
I remember being dragged by the hair and being beaten senseless and kicked out onto the porch when all I wanted to do as a Kid was go play with other kids in the neighborhood. I will NEVER EVER forgive my mum for this and she has terrified me for years up until I became desensitized to her yelling and physical abuse.
I had to do once with a little boy who used to kick, hit his siblings, and occasionally spit on me. I tried talking, persuading, calming etc methods and nothing worked, he didn't seem to care. So, one time, against all my values and beliefs, when he spat at me, I did the same.. well, more pretending than really spitting but still. The little guy was shocked and since then stopped being violent! I don't recommend it but.. sometimes following your instinct can be a solution ;))
That immediate result I know firsthand. My parents weren't big on spanking, but I went to a school that used it (a Christian one who believed in it fully due to that stupid verse of using the "rod of correction" which they took as beating us with a paddle). Everything at home changed after my second-grade teacher told my parents how my behavior changed right after I got paddled- uh, yeah, because my butt was in intense pain, I'll do whatever you ask of me after that! She told them where to get a freaking paddle, and to use it on me! So, on her advice they did, so I then started getting paddled at home too! My poor butt felt like it was just a beating bag. It gets worse too. Thanks to that school being so paddle happy the kids there ended up figuring out how to get other kids paddled (swats) even when they didn't deserve it. In 4th grade, I watched a girl steal from our teacher. She concocted such a story of me doing it (straight out lying that she had seen me do it) that I ended up being the one not only punished, but severely punished (3 swats). It's nuts how things happen in life...
I was adopted by teachers as a traumatized prostitutes child and further traumatized when my parents applied their up bringing meaning yes I was petrified of needing spanked they'd only change when they would But it became with paddles etcetera ....
I think a lot of parents tend to be more, "Do as I say not as I do" parents and so they look at what they told their children to do or not to do, or what they would or wouldn't punish their children for as determining how they raise their children instead of looking at the behaviors they themselves model. For instance they may tell their child not to scream at others and to be nice to other children while also spanking and yelling at their children, and then get surprised when their child hits and screams at other children, because they aren't thinking about what behaviors they are modeling around their children and are only thinking about what they tell their children is acceptable behavior. I think in addition some parents who spank also don't give their children enough attention when they aren't spanking, and even the children of such parents who have children of their own but don't spank still give less attention to their children than would be ideal and so their children still act out from not getting enough love and attention, and because the children who get spanked hide their misbehavior more it looks to the adults as if the children who get spanked act out less, and the adults just notice that the child who is less sneaky about acting out doesn't get punished and not the way that the child isn't getting enough love and attention, which is what then leads to the false narrative of the spoiled brat with lenient parents. I think if the child happens to have rich parents then the child getting material possessions may further blind adults to the way that their parents aren't interacting with their child enough or giving their child enough affection so that adults are even more likely to think the Childs misbehavior is from getting spoiled instead of from a lack of affection and interacting with others.
Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what I've seen with my own eyes happen in the last 30 years or so. An expert sheep herder was teaching a rookie sheep herder how to do the job the best way possible. One night as the expert and novice sheep herder were moving the sheep one of the young lambs began to stray from the herd. Just as the young lamb was about to go over a hill and out of sight the expert sheep herder ran and caught the young lamb and broke it's leg on purpose. The novice sheep herder ran over and scolded the expert for being cruel to the lamb. The expert sheep herder pointed to the bottom of the hill where a pack of hungry wolves stood. The expert said, which is more cruel, breaking the lambs leg, or letting the lamb get killed by the wolves...
I never understood the logic of it being so outrageous to hit a woman because we’re smaller but a literal child and suddenly people think it’s fine to hit someone so small they’re literally defenseless
There was a time a Harvard study would have impressed me, but too many of their professors were mix-up in the BLM riot in 2020. I was spanked and slapped growing up by both parents and I learned to behave. I would not say abused, just enough to know my bad behavoir had consequences. My daughter was 2 or 3 years old, liked to feel around under the table for gum at restaurants, how do you explane to a kid that young about AIDS, hepatitis or herpes. A slap on the hand and firm no, did the trick, several times later. No one should beat their kids. If a parent spanks their kids that doesn't mean they abuse them.
Spanking seems to have a positive impact on myself, I avoided many traps that my friends who had no discipline fell into, like drug abuse, theft, drinking and one even went to prison for murder. I will say my dad was harsh a few times but always poured out affection and love. My wife says I’m a kind man, but recently I have been blessed with a grandson who is at times defiant and angry and uncontrollable. I find myself getting frustrated and angry. My daughter has heard similar studies as this video cites…. She has opted for gentle or positive parenting, as it is called, one thing I realize is the emotional trauma that he experiences is drawn out over hours not minutes like it was for me. I was spanked and then told I was loved. It seemed more merciful to me because it was quick and I felt like I was restored back in a good state of being after it was over, unlike time outs and lots of repetitive talking that seems to not relieve the trauma the child is in while throwing a tantrum…. Of course how could a study ever evaluate if love and affection were being equally applied to both groups… love conquers all.
Yippee for you… I’ve been spanked (either with a belt, a cooking spoon or just a bare hand) so many times it isn’t even funny and I ended up feeling like something was wrong with me. Not only that, I’ve had internalized self loathing that has actually manifested itself into my dreams for nearly 7.5 years now. I’ve also been suicidal at times as I felt that my life wasn’t worth living, and I’ve actually had 2 attempts to date. There’s also the exaggerated startle reaction that I have whenever someone just calls my name out of the blue when I’m in the middle of something. And yes, I admit it, I have a drinking problem that comes and goes.
@@michaelmurray11189 I’m very sorry for the negative impact that your parents had on you, I imagine that they gave you their best love… it’s a tough and terrible thing to feel like we didn’t get the best love from our parents, and no doubt some of us and you may be in that camp, we’re down right abused… I hope my post in no way discounts the obvious differences in the two. At least that’s how I see it… two different approaches one is just a triggered violence that does nothing but harm… the other is done with a careful eye and is always explained as a last resort and affection afterwards… with all this being said I might be completely blind to unavoidable negative results from corporal punishment, so with that I apologize if I offended anyone
My parents hugging me afterwards didn't make me feel any better about spanking. It still traumatized me. In fact it almost made me feel worse, because it just seemed creepy and like they acknowledged they were harming me and choosing to do it anyways.. otherwise why was comforting like that afterward necessary if it wasn't a traumatizing punishment?
It seems like your parents weren’t taught how to discipline (or spank) appropriately. You don’t hug a child after spanking him/ her. Simply give them time to reflect and meditate a bit on what he or she had done. I also agree that spanking a child is worthwhile. I remember all the spankings of gotten as a child. In my generation, that was quite common. I don’t have any traumas or nightmares about being spanked. That simply comes down to your personality and how you take things, mentally. Likewise, some children need disciplining because some children don’t get the message after repeatedly telling them to stop. That message seems to go nowhere. A spanking(not beating) nonetheless tends to register. I’m not saying to go out there and beat the child who is misbehaving, I’m saying to judge it.
My dad spanked me with a belt for any little thing I did. As time went on the spankings increased. now I have become rebellious at a very young age. At 15 I stood up to him and told him he would never hit me again.Iwas wondering why I had such low esteem and no self-confidence. All this time I thought it was my fault.
I was always a bigger kid, who trained martial arts, since I was four. The only time I was ever spanked was when I was bullying other kids, and my parents exhausted all other options. I went to therapy, social groups, community service (cleaning, lunchroom tables) But nothing actually worked until my father spanked me. I got the message really quick that if I’m gonna pick people someone bigger is going to come and pick me. I’ve grown up and started teaching martial arts and I see a lot of those same kids in my classes now. I thoroughly believe that there are some children that will not learn unless they get something as severe as it
I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I won't ever do it again but how do i un do the damage it has caused on my child. Still age six. Still a happy child but it has affected self esteem a bit. I feel awful. 😢
if you ever went to far you should apologize to your child, having a long good conversation with them may help a lot, tell them that you love them and that you only get mad because you love them and want them to turn out good. a conversation can make a big diffirence, my parents never apoligized if they did something wrong even if they knew it was wrong, i never forgot and never forgave them. hope this helps. good luck and its a good sign that your daughter is still a happy child. Remember, your a great parent and only discipline your child when it fair and wont make your kid hate you.
@@cowboysoilder111 I feel like those things should be encouraged rather than used to discipline them. You don't want them associating health and fitness with misbehaving, otherwise they might avoid it
How much will science or real life testimony have to show spanking is not necessary and negative for development before people catch on and let go of their attachment to wanting to hit their kids
So alot of people in these comments just literally got abused lol. I was "spanked as a kid" never was violent or anything I realized and took accountability as a child and knew damn I was wrong, I got the bad grade or talked back and did things to deserve the spanking and it hindsight it worked. Because I wasn't beaten I was disciplined. There is a obvious line between child abuse and discipline. To those saying why adult and not a child. An adult won't be like a child mainly and the and the child will try to run and abuse you if left un checked even explained by this man. All in all don't beat your children teach them. Soft era is in full effect because it seems like alot of real child abuse was done. Mind blowing but if your parents did it correctly it's just simply tough love. Seeing it past anything but that's clearly shows me you were abused if u cannot rationalize the effectiveness of this then you were probably abused but not certainly. Also don't just shove it into a vacuum the people for my side don't do that to you so don't do that to our line of thinking. If you are a effective communicator and strong willed you can easily make this form of discipline work and your children not be traumatized. And at a certain age it clearly stop and if your child is repeatedly bad you don't keep hitting them.dont be a barbarian and use your brain that means ur kids does have a behavior problem so you don't just keep hitting them but yes showing them who's the leader and who you follow is crucial. Ya there's no real blue print on how to do this but if u just apply actual fairness to the logic behind this u can see that there is way to do this and be cool. There are many Un heard people who thank their parents for this form of discipline because it kept them in line and allowed them to grow and whatever. So in short don't abuse your kids use your brain. Oh the situation is dramatic for the kid no matter what right? So is being arrested and being throw in jail or getting divorced and losing half your property and child support and cat accidents and tons of thing in life and what are you doing as a parent. Sheltering them from life or preparing them to be able to take on all these crazy things reality will show u? Just critically think and apply actual rational logic.
Getting yelled it is worse than getting spanked tbh Atleast with spanking the pain is purely physical and temporary but yelling actually changes the brain chemistry of a child and makes them more likely to be manipulated
I am here after having spanked my son this morning because after about 5 minutes or more of him trashing about and not listening, I snapped. I have cried all day long basically because I feel so badly about it.
This is a difficult issue because the unfortunate fact is that simply speaking to Children, standing them in the corner, or taking away our favorite toy does not work. Without something else to back the parent up, the child simply learns that they can walk away from the corner or go get their toy back and there is basically nothing the parent can do about it. So the question becomes, if that greater consequence backing up the original punishment is not spanking, then what is the best alternative? Because, at some point, there has to be some sort of physical consequence if a child continues to push the boundaries and misbehave. So what do you do? As adults, we would be put into prison, but somehow I feel that locking your child in a cage would have even more negative psychological effects than speaking. But, without another more severe punishment to backup the original punishment, you end up with little hellions like my friend's kids. They hit, bite, blatantly disrespect and disobey their parents, purposefully break things, and are generally completely insufferable. and when they are told to go to their room or stand in the corner, they simply refuse. Recently, when my friend insisted to her eldest comf that he had to stand in the corner yuri she said her could move, he simply walked away and scoffed: "what are you going to do about it?" The answer, of course, was nothing because my friend and her husband have tied their own hands. So, parents now need to figure out an alternative to spanking that actually works.
So...... Because you don't want to actually explain things to your child, or get a therapist for them, you want to be allowed to beat them and have no one look at you weirdly? Why can you beat your partner for making a mistake?
But I will say, stay away from other people's kids. You seem like the person who would beat someone else's kids behind their back because you "know better"
@@camharkness I was simply making the point that this argument is not as simple as the video makes it out to be. There are kids, like those of my friends, who don't care how much you explain things to them... unless there is an inescapable negative consequence, they will continue to do what they want. Does that mean that the only possible choice of negative consequence has to be spanking? Nope! In fact, if you will read my original comment, you will see that I am discussing *finding a functional alternative* and NOT advocating that everyone *must* spank their kids. All I say is that whatever solution parents use to replace spanking needs to actually work. *And things like time out and talking sometimes don't.* As far as mental health professionals are concerned, there are definitely families out there who can't afford $150 per hour each week for a therapist. For some working class families I've known over the years, that would mean not buying groceries. So that isn't a workable solution because it's bit available to everyone. It would be great, wonderful, and beautiful if we lived in a world where people, including children, always listened to reason, and everyone who needed therapy could afford it, but we don't live it that paradisial dream space. This video is not taking that reality into account. If spanking is psychologically unhealthy, things like talking and timeouts don't work, and therapy is prohibitively expensive for many parents, *then a brand new solution needs to be found.* That was, quite literally, the only point I was tripping to make. What is that new solution? I don't know. Frankly, I don't care. I was honestly only trying to have an interesting conversation about social psychology, not start a Gods damned war. I have the emotional distance to view this subject logically, since I chose not to have children, and I thought it might be an intriguing topic of discussion among sane, reasonable intellectuals. I have no stolen and don't plan to have them, so I have no stake in this, really. Spank your kids or don't, find a working alternative or don't, I guess it really doesn't matter to me.
@@camharkness um, NO I most certainly would not. If someone's children are extremely ill- behaved, I simply stop associating with their family altogether (as I did the aforementioned friends.) Jesus fucking Christ. Just because someone dares to disagree with you doesn't make them a monster.
if you have to hit your kid just to get them to behave you already failed as a parent. ive had this debate with a few poeple,both parents and poeple who hit by thier parents.....and suprisngly alot of them who approve of it think it should be the very first go-to punnishment...which is honestly very concerning. because at that point your not doing it because you feel you have to,your doing it because its the easiest outlet (despite doing nothing in the long run)....ive been told that even CONSIDDERING other options first is "weak parenting".
I got spanked by my dad and he still trys it I'm a teen now I have no respect for him it seems bad but most of it is because of how much he hit us as kid and still does my older brother is ok with hitting kids because he got hit as one now but he will spank kids that are not his own as well
@@Wetsmellyfart-o2o don’t feed that person any idiotic bs. Mind your own business. I’m sure this kid knows what to do. If it were that bad in his house, he wouldn’t even have a phone or net to comment that.
@@sc300tproject you’d think that, but what happens to a lot of people is, they feel guilty and start getting their kids cool stuff to try to make up for it bc they don’t want to really apologize.
Spanking won't make your kids afraid of you as long as you use it judiciously and aren't otherwise abusive, emotionally or physically. Not sure what he means by "illusion" of compliance. Am I just imagining that they aren't doing bad things anymore? Or are they just doing the bad things when I'm not around? The latter is a legit concern. I think most studies that show associations between lower brain development and spanking don't, or even can't, correct for the confounding factors of concurrent physical/emotional/sexual abuse and neglect, poverty, and many other stressors. There are some that do, but since the metaanalyses take all studies into account, they're muddied by the most other studies that don't.
I remember being in Jr high school and not drressing down for PE most of the time because of the bruises I would have from my dad beating me, round and around in circles he would go and go and go until I was screaming it hurt so bad. I would be bruised so bad and was embarrassed to let anyone see. So I would not put my shorts on for PE. I was getting an F grade because of it. So I got beat for that. So I dressed down the next day. The teacher saw the bruises on me and sent me to the principal office then called CPS. My dad worked for the Juvanile Justice in Sonoma County. CPS called him about the bruises, and when I came home, still bruised, he beat me again. He would keep me on restriction too. I really never had any friends. I ran away at 14 and by 15 he gave up on me and told me to never call him again. It's been 45 years now and he has only spoke to me one time and said some traumatically cruel things to me about my mom who committed suicide when I was 4 1/2. People wonder why some people get hooked on drugs and say it's a choice. Those drugs helped me to survive on the cold streets. I was raped, slept in planter boxes, ate at the mission. He would get me out of trouble with authorities when I was in Santa Rosa because I was in the way of his career. My dad is now a 33° Shriner and was a counselor for Juvanile Hall. Yet he does not care to see the trauma he placed in me. Drugs numb us from the pain. Especially when we have parents who refuse to take responsibility for their abuse. He never said I love you, never held me, never spent good time with me. I can still feel the tenseness that came over me any time he called my name or every time I would here him pull up to the house from work. He never bought me clothes. He also was getting checks from my mothers death. I did not know that. But he kept getting those checks while I was homeless on the streets There is way more to say about my father that I carry in my heart and mind that I can't prove physically but know happened. Nothing sexual, more like murder. More than one. To carry all of this and watch other fathers play with their daughters, hold them, just love them kills me to the deep down core. He still acts as though he did nothing wrong. Spanking one time maybe two. May be needed once or twice in a child's life but thats only in bad bad behavior cases. But mostly if you love them you don't have to spank them. Nor do you ever have to beat a dog. Ever He did that too. I feel like he hated and still hates me. Try living with that all your life One more thing, At 7 or 8 years old, knowing my daddy hated me, i went in to his room while he was a mt work, i picked up his gun on the sidevof his bed, i did not know about safety locks or would have killed myself that day. I wanted to be with my mommy.
I was spanked by my parents when I was young, but they stopped when I hit my tweens. They would use spanking as a warning and if I continued to misbehave, I would get the "when we get home, you're getting a spanking". I was filled with dread the whole time until the event and no matter how much I begged or apologized, I got my spanking. Writing this now, it must sound so horrifying to others who weren't there. I was only ever hit on the bottom with either a belt or wooden spoon. It wasn't a common occurrence and apart from spanking, my parents were wonderful and supportive, especially my mom. Back then it was a "normal" thing to do. All this is just backstory to say that I didn't grow up to be a menace to society and I consider myself well adjusted. But I did have a tendency to resort to violent acts when I was upset or didn't get my way. I would physically hit my sibling or pets, punch my pillows or break things to make the rage subside. It also didn't help that these things were considered normal outlets to emotions to have, when and where I grew up. I'm an adult now, and I have taught myself to not resort to violence when something doesn't go my way. Even then, my first instinct always goes to physically hitting the problem to make myself feel better. I'm getting better at catching myself but the fact that that's always my first thought at this age always bothers me. I've always wondered if being spanked played a role in my instincts developing that way. I've started having kids with my partner and we are in agreement that we won't be using physical punishment because of the ways it made us feel as kids. I want to be a role model of empathy to them and I wish I didn't have to mentally battle myself so much to live up to that image. I guess some scars never heal, even if they were made with good intentions.
Everyone says back then it was not a big deal and look what type of problems we had kids back then who were a lot rebellious more often than today there was juvenile delinquents and youth crime kids did more drugs and there was underage drinking.
Back then kids and teens would go outside and play or hang out with others. Todays kids and teens watch TH-cam, play video games, and FaceTime with their friends. There is no “going out” anymore.
I remember being spanked with a belt by my dad or spanked with a bare hand. I really don't know what its done to me, other than i sometimes fear when someone raises their hand. I do remember that my mom thought my dad broke my back with how hard he spanked me, i had almost landed on the baby raccoon we were raising. It had fallen out of the tree and the momma wouldn't take it back. And the vet said to leave it to die, my dad didn't like that so he took it in and bottle fed it. My dad doesn't spank me anymore because of that day, i had trouble walking and sitting. Constantly cried. -i really don't know how it has affected me.
My mother had it worse though, she spoke of her dad sometimes using a shovel on her or her siblings. Her father was a war vet, he was really abusive to his kids. My mom is strict but uses her voice not her hands.
My dad always spanked me with a bare hand. It was hard, but at the same time, I, as a little boy, already knew I had done wrong. He always comforted me afterwards and it was fine again.There is a good proverb, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And it did play many stupid games, little me.
I remember, when I was a kid. My family and I, were visiting another family. That my parents knew them. (I don’t know, how they knew each other.) They’ve a son. The boy was around my age at the time. (Not sure, if he was older than me or younger than me.) Anyways, my family went over to his family condo or home. It was in the evening. We’re watching tv. I remember Full House being on. But don’t remember the episode. The boy and I, were playing. Running round, screaming with delight. His dad, got tired of us, running round the house. He grab his son, took him to the bedroom. I could heard the boy being spanked. The boy is crying. I believe the dad was yelling at him. My mom was like, telling my older sister and I, to watch tv. I thought, I was going get spanked. I might have seen the boy get spanked. But never forget hearing the boy crying in tears. His mom passed away. Shortly after she give birth to her second son. I can’t remember, if her second son was already born or she was still pregnant at the time. My family and I, went to that luncheon for Memorial of his mom’s funeral. I don’t think, I was at her funeral. But I remember having luncheon. We ate our meals. The boy and I, played. Then we left to go home. That’s the last time, I saw the boy. My mom got called probably a week or 2 weeks later. The boy and his younger brother, went to lived with his Aunt & Uncle. I believe his dad went to jail. If the boy still alive. He’s should be in his 40’s.
Lol literally the only time I remember being spanked as a kid was when I tried to avoid it. I quickly spun around thinking I was slick and my mom smacked my balls😂🤦
TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic details of child abuse mentioned. Proceed with caution. I still can't help but remember what happened with my mother-in-law. Bank in 2012, my mother-in-law was trying to get her daughter, Veronica, down for dinner. She refused, and she was getting frustrated with her. ...And when she refused to eat, Laura lost it. She started spanking Veronica, which, instead of shocking her into obedience, caused her to become hysterically frightened as she fought back, all while screaming and crying, before running back to her room, crying and screaming uncontrollably. At around this time, my mother-in-law and her 4 children had just escaped from her abusive (ex) husband and was in the process of finalizing the divorce against that monster. This incident was the turning point as Laura realized that spanking Veronica triggered painfully awful memories of what her abusive father did to her multiple times, except what he did was much, much, MUCH worse. What makes it even worse is that Veronica wasn't just abused for even the smallest of mistakes or for acting like what any child would act; whining, throwing tantrums, have meltdowns, etc.. She was also severely abused simply for being lesbian after her father found out that she is a homosexual when she was only 6 years old. She was punished very harshly multiple times just for loving someone differently. Laura decided that spanking her children is off the charts, especially given what her children went through at the hands of their abusive father. She has since realized that spanking is essentially hitting her children, which is a form of abuse. She has learned to let go of the mindset that spanking is acceptable, and learned to STOP and PAUSE before she did anything she'd later regret, and learned to give herself time-outs before her anger and frustration start to boil over. My mother-in-law broke the cycle of abuse by doing these things. I only wish that many parents did the same, but sadly, they don't. Many continue to make up excuses to justify hitting their children. Many DO NOT learn to stop and pause. Many continue to cling onto this mindset that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline. We need to do better for our children. We need to do better than this. Children need discipline, but hitting them in the name of it is unacceptable. Let's start learning to discipline WITHOUT using physical punishments or yelling at them. Discipline means guiding your child in the right direction, NOT punishing them. There's a big difference between discipline and punishment. They're NOT the same thing.
For those saying "I was spanked and I turned out fine," you can have mental illness without knowing it so simply saying you turned out fine just tells me that that's your belief. Often the communities that support spanking also tend to stigmatize mental illness the most, so the fraction of people who support spanking and have mental illness, especially when considering high functioning mental illness, and that some may not recognize their mental illness as mental illness when most people around them have the same mental illness. Assuming you really did turn out fine that doesn't mean everyone else who is spanked turned out fine. Studies done on spanking indicate that it's associated with mental illness and changes in the brain structure, even after other socioeconomic factors are taken into account. Also spanking is associated with lower grades, and it's been found that the spanking precedes the lowering of the grades indicating that spanking causes children to do worse in school.
My father is very mean to me and he didnt even come over to see me when i was born but my sisters are lucky my father beats me with à stick my mother courageous my father and whenever im having fun my father tell e to shut it off my uncle bought me. A tablet for 2 days o got something to do,when school starts my father starts getting mad i hwve a device he shut down the tablet and hide it and never gives it until my mother finally comes to sences ( it's rare she gets like my dad when school is around) i can het my tablet back but still im getting abused my friends bully me and school gives nightmare bad teachers only my classmates and Robloxian freinds help me out my grandparents are thebest ( maternal mothers side) uncles and cousin they are my onky hope 😢
Nobody prepares you for parenting? I beg to differ. The Bible does it exceptionally well. People misinterpret the verses talking about discipline, assuming they mean to hit the child because of the word "rod". That word in the Bible was also used to describe a "scroll" = Scriptures.
It's a form of reinforcement. The idea is that we all learned what a hot stove feels like, therefore we won't willfully put our bodies on one. Whippings or other physical disciplines hijack that same function of learning. Its effectiveness varies because not all humans handle it the same. Some people turn out perfectly fine, some turn out bad, others like me are somewhere in between. There isn't one method superior to disciplining kids because they're all different, and if we figured it out, we definitely would've been doing it already. Also, there's a difference between abuse and whippings lol. In the Black community, abuse is you basically beating your child to near death on multiple occasions. In the White communities (at least in America) Spanking your child with your hand is considered abuse. So, it's honestly a pretty varied concept
I'm confused. People on here seem to be equating spanking with beatings. I got spanked and turned out fine. My parents didn't beat me. A spanking had no lasting effect. It stung a littke but it also got me in line when I was being disobedient. A beating is far worse and more significant then a spanking.
@@angryox3102 Could happen, if the parent is an idiot. I don't think spankings should be a constant. For me, they were brought on by particularly bad behavior. They should be used carefully and seldomly but I think they are appropriate for certain children under certain circumstances.
The main thing is when these spanking starts, if they start early like 1-3 kids don’t even understand why they are getting spanked so in their mind they are just getting hurt for no reason, this both makes them more violent since they think it’s more okay but also distrust their parents more and more, making punishment less effective
I can't think of a time in my childhood when spanking or hitting me corrected my "bad" behavior. Most of the time my parents would simply hit me out of frustration, out of their own inability to control their actions or curb their anger, which then taught me and my sister that violence was a totally fine way to get people to listen to you. I grew out of that mindset before my sister. I worry for her future children.
My sister never grew out of that mindset and had a child, now she wants to beat me anytime I tell her the way she treats her child is wrong getting incredible aggressive and even running at me as if she's going to attack me during the conversation, which is more her screaming at me and not letting me speak to tell me I'm fucked up and don't know anything I'm talking about because I don't have a child, it's heartbreaking seeing a sibling who went through the same horror you did as a child and then still go and put their own child through the same things and be unable to face it without threatening to assault the people telling them. I hope your sister grows out of the mindset before she has children, because it is one of the worst things you can see.
I remember the worst beating I ever got. My mom dragged me up the stairs by my hair.
But for the life of me I can’t tell you what I did to deserve it.
@@halolighta Yeah, sometimes siblings turn out differently.
I can .. it taught me that that hurt and not to do that again because pain is our greatest teacher. And now I’m not a soft little crybaby like these kids today and a lot of adults today
@@KingAries85 What cry baby kids? I haven't seen any. God forbid people have morals.
Many people think that spanking kids is a solution because the kids get scared and begin avoiding their parents, which gives them the illusion that their kids started behaving. In reality, those same kids become more violent and aggressive, they just do it behind closed doors due to fear of getting spanked.
True
Exactly, half of my family are alcoholics, have anger issues, or both, and I can guarantee a vast majority of those are from this abuse since im already showing major signs of anger issues, even if im too scared to get officially diagnosed
@@reknownxfalse
Spanking kids don't cause fear beating a child causes fear, and spanking a child doesn't cause aggression nor violence, you people are confusing spanking with beatings which isn't the same, and another thing their are more kids being arrested in these days of times then their was back in the old days, kids are more violent and abusive then they where back then and you know why that is is because you parent became to lazy to punish your kids you think it's better to be your child's friend and talk to them instead which does nothing to help your child but turn them into spoiled brats, while in the old days when kids where spank not beaten kids were more respectful and had more love for their parents.
@@SouthernRebels94 thx for explainig
My kids weren't angels, but I never hit them, and don't understand why people think it's acceptable to teach kids that violence means right.
@imnotrealxx I am so sorry. Is there anyone at school to whom you can turn?
"Political power comes out of the barrel of a gun."-Mao's Little Red Book. Spanking is acceptable to a billion Chinese let's note who use it in all their schools. Violence is neither right nor wrong unless you specify what purpose it serves which may or may not be beneficial for the rest of us to accept but ultimately is the origin and practice of every government on Earth to one degree or another most of whom don't honestly care what you think is right or wrong because they consider you weak and stupid.
I agree with you, but if you said that to my mum, she would definitely consider you a deranged and ill-qualified parent! Of course violence never means right, but mum was an extremely violent and self-deluding narcissist and her favourite means of securing and keeping power was physical force.
@@sudoku47 That’s still true for so many people. My mom hit u sometimes, too, but I never learned anything from it other than humiliation. I’m so sorry your mom treated you like that. Really.
@@ruthfeiertag Thank you for your reply and understanding!
I promise you, it never hurt you more than it hurt your kids. I guarantee it.
Exactly. The whole "this is going to hurt me MORE than it's going to hurt you" bit always seemed so grimy to me.
That's why you should never spank
I have such bad trauma with it and i seriously dont understand why people support it. Im underage and unfortunately still in my abusive home.
Physical discipline is an excuse to abuse. People who say they turned out fine did NOT turn out fine and were manipulated to believe so.
Watching your siblings get hurt by your parents made you feel scared, afraid, you didnt think anything like "Wow my parents are great i respect them" in that moment. You would think something like "i hope im not next."
People often forget that joking about trauma can often be a way to cope with it without people realizing it and even if it didnt hurt you in any way, that doesnt mean its okay or makes it okay to do.
My mental health is so bad and i have no one to trust other than my siblings because the rest of my family is toxic and believes in physical discipline.
Sorry for any typos.
@@OliveTheChiPup I very much relate to this. Then parents wanna say "its discipline and it works!"
The only reason that they don't think other forms of discipline work is because they never tried them.
@@340dokidoki yeah because to them, spanking is the 'SUPREME' form of parenting.. Which is just alot of bull-crap because its not. It never was. And it never taught respect, it taught fear.
It certainly hurts kids more. They depend on parents for everything. They trust their parents to not hurt them, but that trust is broken. That feeling of safety is gone entirely. From then on they know that you can and will hurt them if they don't act right, and its even worse if the rules broken weren't spoken out loud.
Spanking doesn't hurt the child you are confusing spanking with beatings which isn't the same
@@SouthernRebels94 You are a part of the problem.
@@bleachsanchoblastk spankings will never be proper discipline and they should never be considered as such.
@@SouthernRebels94spanking DOES hurt.
@@SouthernRebels94Well there’s a study that proves there’s basically no difference between the effects of spanking and beatings. A study in 2019 showed that the brain structures between physically abused children and kids who were spanked for discipline had very similar brain structures
I got spanked as a kid. It legitimized violence throughout my childhood. I was a violent out of control kids and my parents couldn't figure out why this kid they were spanking was hitting them.
My parents took me to a pschiatrist where I was drugged and blamed and that just made me more violent. I didn't trust my mom or my dad. I definitely didn't trust the doctors who took my every word and twisted it into a justification drug me even more. Eventually I started bullying my parents into letting me not take my pills. My dad was more authoritarian than my mom was but my mom also broke my finger trying to spank me over spilled milk and I was 7-8 at the time. My parents could never piece together that all the violence I was showing towards them was a reflection of the violence they showed me. After I moved out of my parents house I came off all the psychdrugs and realized how traumatized I was from 25 years of being around my parents and not being able to stand either one of them. I love my parents like all children. But I can't stand them.
Spanking teaches violence, damages your kids brain, degrades the relationship between parent and child and so on. Would you trust someone who instilled that kind of terror in you?
Your parents are total idiots. Sorry. Best you reframe your life, ask yourself why your Higher self would choose them to “raise” you, and develop from there. I am in this process. It’s emotionally trying but the payoff is with it. Oh. By the way, my face is still slightly deformed from being smacked.
payoff is WORTH it (effing autocorrect.)
Sounds like a skill issue tbh
In other words you have always beena violent psychopath. If anything, you needed the deterrent of violence and punishment the most, but instead it made you worse. Though it may seem pedantic to say it, you can't even spell psychiatrist right. Perhaps you never had respect for anyone or anything.
I experienced very similar problems. I was extremely violent at younger ages, I got hit and then I hit people. I got hit for hitting people and it made me infuriated at such a young age
I dealt with corporal punishment from age 6. In adulthood, it still affects me. The broken child still lives in my DNA. I've never hit my babies and i never will. *I broke the cycle* ❤
Same and it continued for years. :>
Corporal punishment COULD be wall sits, or other military exercise.... You were getting hit/ abused. Im glad you're kids have you now and better. lots just pass on the trama w/o question...
@TheRandomINFJ I think one of the worst traumatic experiences I have gone through is my mothers suicide. It never goes away, and my father's hatred towards me. I've lived with ADHD, PTSD, OCD AND ADDICTION my whole life.
Best thing that ever happened to me was meeting Jesus. He is the coolest and that's what keeps me here now.
so proud of you for wanting better for your little ones❤️ it sounds like they have an amazing parent on their side :)
Wow you broke the cycle your so victorious and great and wonderful 😂😂😂
Yelling is bad too because it makes neglect possible as well. It creates closed mindedness not open mindedness.
It creates passive aggressive behaviors too and I saw that in my childhood and my adulthood.
I don't think I remember one thing about what I've been yelled at for ever I just remember crying and being called a a-hole
@@KRmedfndllcARCwof81213I cried one day when my teacher kinda raised his voice at me to explain some thing and I was crying cause my parents at used to yell at me a lot soo yea😂😂
Its called "mental abuse" and is just as harmful as physical abuse.
When I was younger I wouldn’t take out the trash because of this spider, my dad yelled at me and I refused because I was afraid of the spider and I ran and hid under my bed, my dad stomped up the stairs and barged into my room. He was shouting something at me and I was curled up underneath the bed, my dad proceeded to throw my full spring mattress across the room and started ripping off the support boards one by one, each one held in with four, six inch screws. He then grabbed me and I tried to crawl away and he pinned me down and spanked me like 50 times while my mom stood over me saying I should have listened. NOW I smoke weed 24/7 and have a hard time socializing and connecting with People.
High time to get out of that modal and realize your full potential
Holy shit dude that's intense.... Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. I could see Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques helping that. As well as other forms of therapy/ visualition exercises/hypnotherapist
Yeah when they catch kids smoke weed they spank em that does not changed they smoke it more and secretly
Bro are you okay??
That’s not spanking, that is a vision of a monster
All of these people saying that spanking your kid prevents them from committing crime despite the research saying that it actually increases aggression in the future. Spanking a child is like licking a wound expecting it to be better. It benefits in the short term but can have long term lasting consequences. There are much better ways to handle your child. I absolutely hate people that endorse this and say it’s not child abuse. These people prefer the old methods of doing things and choose to ignore the scientific evidence.
If a child does something really disrespectful and they don’t feel bad about it they deserve a spanking.
You can’t let children become prideful. You validate their bad actions if you don’t give them punishment they deserve. If your child is being a crappy person with no regrets or did a crappy thing with no regrets then a spanking makes them humble themselves.
Kids get traumatized by everything get over it
And most of those "studies" are made by shady companies
@@petermj1098bs
@@petermj1098if your child turns out that way that is literally YOUR fault as the parent. heres something to think about, do people typically respect the people who hit them ? or do they get defensive/shut down ? did you even watch the video ? LOL
I've this memory imprinted for ever in my brain. I don't remember exaclty what I did, but it was enough to get my mother to hit me until I was on the ground. It wasn't enough, she kept going. It happened in front of my father's study. I remember the yelling and the "spanks" like it just happened. The thing that I alwasy think about whenever that situation comes back to my mind is seeing my father in the study watching the scene every now and then. I asked him for help and he didn't even move, nor respond to me crying and yelling for the pain. I felt betrayed. The only person who could save me from that situation just watched me getting hit a couple times with disdain. I was hit multiple times but that one time I'll never forget.
Nowadays whenever I try to talk to them about being hit they act like it never happened. I have severe anxiety, low self esteem, insomnia and a bunch of other problems that affect my relationships so much that I decided I won't have any until I am economically independent and I'll be able to afford a therapist.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I’m so sorry you didn’t receive the help you needed. I’m shaking from reading this. I believe there are resources for free and even income based therapy out there. Wishing the best to you ❤
similar things happened to me, i hope you can some day be happy and live the life you want
dont blame that all on u getting hit as a kid. u have the total autonomy to change for the better
@@btran213 I mean, I trust research papers with loads of evidence, not your opinion surely. If you meant “tough it out” I tried, I worsened the situation. So I simply started taking care of myself and not underestimating my problems. That’s how I got a little better than a while ago. I also understood that I can’t fix those problems by myself, not to an acceptable degree
@@aedramelek4724 im sorry for my comment bro glad ur making it work
I can make up so many disciplines without physical contact.
1. Push-ups
2. Writing their names 10 times
3. Sit ups
4. Add extra chores to their list
5. 1 minute planks
6. If ya want you can spend money on your kid and give them karate lessons, they teach their kids self confidence and discipline.
7. Take away their phones
8. Make them read books of their current level.
9. 2 laps around the house.
10. Give them extra vegetables and fruits for dinner and no junk food for a month.
Give them discipline that will actually improve their lives and life style, make them buff and healthy and teach them good morals, so many options and good example to make your kids good adults for society.
Nothing you wrote is disciplining a child we punishing a child with something the child is 99% of the time is already doing isn't punishing them but rewarding them. Making a child to eat more vegetables isn't a punishment, making a child run laps isn't a punishment, and making your child do push up, sit-ups and so on it's a punishment but an activity no wonder their are more kids these days ending up getting in trouble with the law coming out as disrespectful brats, violent and so in because of parents like y'all who rather rewards kids for their bad behaviors then punishing them
IMO these are not so good examples of punishment. If anything these will make kids view healthy behaviors as punishment. When I was a kid, I was borderline hyperlexic and loved vegetables for instance. Making kids read books, exercise and eat healthy food will make them think of those activities as inherently “less fun”. I think that reading a book about what they did with an interesting plot or watching a movie that will make them emphasize is a better activity. If I were a parent, I would let my kid express why they chose to say or do that action after calming down and make them question their previous mindset. If they did something severe, I would take away privileges while making them understand why, to remove any potential vindictive or “revenge -seeking “feelings.
My goal would be to raise human beings with critical thinking skills, not mindless robots. So I would put less emphasis on “obedience “ and more on developing good habits, responsibility, respect for others, self-respect, intelligence, emotional regulation, and compassion.
@@SouthernRebels94 you freakin do 1 minute planks for doing something wrong..each and every time..fuck that shit
@@SouthernRebels94nothing is discipline? That’s silly. I hate forced exercise. I’d do anything to avoid it even as a kid.
My dad never hit me he took my privileges away. Whenever he gave me something like a computer or a gaming console he expressly said “this is a privilege for being well behaved and doing well in school. When you do good things you get rewards. When you do bad things they get taken away. “ and he follows through. I never got something fun if I wasn’t good. It was like training a dog. I knew good = fun and I deserved it and felt better about it and was less inclined to do bad things because he would absolutely get rid of it in a heart beat the second I did something too bad. (Being sassy or a grumpy teenager was never enough reason. If I skipped school or got an c or below those kinds of behavior for punishments) I behaved much better with him than I ever did my mom who beat me. He made the rules extremely clear which made it easy for me to understand and follow through and I knew that he would be consistent because there was never a time I could beg my way out of punishment.
@@SouthernRebels94i wanted to stab my dad in the throat because he would hit me as a kid he would hit me for saying i was hungry as a kid,then hitting me made me more violent ,and before you say it happend to you no big deal man up ,remember im not you
For some time when I was a child I got spanked and I didn't see the effects of it after but then I started to realize saying sorry all of the time even for things I didn't do wasn't normal. Also the same with getting stressed after making a mistake and trying to make everyone like you.
💯
All of this
I am writing this as a kid right now. I don’t get whooped. Or correction, technically I do, but as a last resort option. If I act an ass at school, I would probably expect to get grounded, not hit. My parents rarely put their hands on me. The last time it happened, I was 6. If you were to ask anyone, from home or outside, they’d tell you I behave amazingly. I get straight A’s, I’m quiet, and I can’t remember the last time I was in trouble. Meanwhile, most of the kids at my school are getting written up all the time, and going home and getting their little asses beat, and still not behaving. It’s really not effective. At all. I don’t know why we’re still trying to cling onto beating the shit out of our kids, but it’s honestly kinda creepy.
Hi I read your comment, I am researching because I spanked my daughter who is also 6, I've done it before but practically 3 times and I always feel like shit, I wait until she is away and I cry a lot because it really hurts, I do feel I had to do it, she truly challenge me when I told her not to do something more than 3 times, so she waited until I was busy at work to do it and then she claimed she was helping me, then I was the one who had to deal with the consequences, I can imagine a hundred scenarios of that recipe really ruining her life and mine as well so I felt had to do it because the explaining was over and time outs on similar scenarios too, so here I am trying to find a way I never do it again by convincing myself it is really harmful for her because Im sure somewhere in my subconscious I think it is necessary. Although I suffered a lot of hitting and punishment.
@@sabricrHow did your research go?
Wow your so lucky to have very good parents!
@@sabricr I was whipped and paddled. I swore to never do it to my kids, and I didn't. Mine are in college now, on full scholarships. They've gotten almost all As for their whole lives, never got into trouble, and were an unbelievable joy to raise for every minute of it. I gave them as much of myself as I could: time, patience. I took them everywhere I wanted to go, and everywhere they wanted to go. One time my son accidentally broke something, and I could tell that the fear of disappointing me was a harsher punishment than I would ever give.
You sure got a mouth for a kid😂
Thanks to being Spanked, I now lie to avoid conflict and I have a crippling fear of upsetting people.
Hitting kids doesn’t make them good people. It just teaches them to lie because they learn early on that being honest gets you hurt.
When I was a boy, I misbehaved on purpose so my mother would spank me.
@@Pomni740wtf
This
@@Pomni740I'm sorry to hear that. There are definitely better way of raising kids then that. I strongly believe that spanking is the absolute worst way of raising your kids.
@@AntonFromDenmark I enjoyed it.
Y’all. My birth mother smacked my face so hard I saw stars. When I watched cartoons and the characters were hit across the face they saw stars. I too saw stars. What did this teach me? That most people are so stupid you must never tell them truths that turn them violent. Not much has changed.
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
givin the title im gunna guess its one of those books that claim hitting your kids is okay?
bot comment
Not a bot my friend😃
@@ThomasSmith14562that sounds suspiciously like what a bot would say🤔
DO NOT TELL ME THAT BOOK ENCOURAGES TO BEAT KIDS!!!!
I learned two things from being spanked: when we get mad , sometimes it's ok to hit, which of course is ridiculous. The second thing I learned was, I will never (and have not) spank my child. It messed up my head, in all sorts of ways . I know he was doing his best as a father, he was a good man but I never told him that it really scared me, and scarred me and I hated him for it, and my mom let it happen so she's culpable too. I'm not some cry baby who feels like I was traumatized by it all, but it definitely had a negative effect on me.
Traumas do not have a level bro, trauma is trauma, what you are doing to cope with it is minimizing the word by calling it "negative effect on me." You are no less of a man to admit it, what will make you a man is knowing how to cope with it and above all break the cycle.
The fact that you, the child, are excusing adults for being violent towards you as their child and denigrating being traumatised as being a "crybaby" shows that you have been traumatised and are using stoicism as a coping mechanism. They were always the adults and it was their responsibility to correct you properly, not terrorise and neglect you.
I agree with part of your comment. There are levels of trauma though. @@nanana-og6bb
Its stoicism, but more than that its dissociating from the real self (child self) and taking on the parent as your false self. We literally identify and become our aggressor, stockholm syndrome, and turn on the self, ridicule it and hate it in the same way. Its a survival mechanism to banish the self from consciousness because in order to survive we have to banish the real self and identify with the abuser. @@cualter
Tbh i don't think most parents "do their best". They spank, give phones to toddlers, even pamper them... Just so that they have to do less and not give their best. It is true for most people and in most walks of life. Even good people that i know will routinely threaten their kids or slap them full force because they are making noise, interrupting, not eating or sleeping late... All things that do not really warrant violence. They do it because they don't feel like trying anything else... And when you ask they call it discipline and say it is needed to help the child learn... Yet it isn't methodical, has no clear lesson behind it and is done in anger...
Break the cycle.
how can they when they live in extreme denial and don't even realize the vicious cycle? it's like expecting cats to turn into hamster. How can that happen? We can break the cycle. But they can't.
@@mysteryguy793 looks like it's up to us. 💪
No one needs to break the cycle
I did! I'm so glad I did..it's a hard job, but I never wanted to hit them, inflict pain. We talked a lot, lot.... They have grown up into absolutely wonderful, delightful, rational, sweet adults with big hearts!
@@ashakabetaI’m proud of u❤❤❤
Children don’t even know why they are getting hit in the first place. Specially at a toddler stage.
I don’t like seen my child in pain. It feels wrong because it is.
By the way, I used to get hit a lot And at one point I was so mad from getting hit everyday that one day I swing back and I felt so guilty but now that I think about it she was over doing it.
That's why you explain to them
@@SMCwasTaken yeah, explain to a 2 year old after you beat him…. Makes no sense to explain some to anyone after hurting them. That’s ridiculous way of teaching…
@@RGTomoenage11spanking and beatings isn't the same and spanking doesn't hurt the child as spanking doesn't leave bruises, beatings leaves bruises and hurt which are two different things, and a 2 year old isn't stupid they understand they did wrong after you tell them what they did before spanking,
@@RGTomoenage11thats why we wait until their like five, people who do it anytime before that are dumb
@@biggamer7001 but you do realize you are also teaching the child to hit?
My dad threw my head into a brick wall when I was 13 cause I said shouted “no” at him. He’s a Narcissist. He also beat me and my siblings with a belt because he wanted to control us. We got in trouble over petty things, even triggering his repressed anger
Nerd
Today, I managed to discuss my trauma in my psychologist session. First time mentioning it after being in therapy all my life. But my father did the whole wooden spoon thing when I was about 4 or 5 years old. And it was brutal. I was bruised and my mother made him stop. Never happened again.
I'm 31 years old now. I've really struggled with self compassion, anxiety and depression. But never understood why. My psychologist knew I had a trauma there but it took me a while to realise what it was.
It was the frightened 4 year old all along, who associated being hit because I'm 'bad'
So I've avoided making mistakes or making people angry all my life at great cost, out of fear.
Need to build (Not rebuild) self compassion from the ground up.
I'm not a parent, but I just want to say I think physical punishment really messed me up. Please don't hit your kids.
You are just weak minded. I got spanked too, never without a reason.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808your name is Andrew you have no room to speak 🏃🏻🚗
You are almost my age, your picture makes me think you are a woman that would not take trash from anyone and that you are really confident.
I hope you overcome your trauma, everyone is tough against a child, if your father had met you at your current age you would be the one doing the a** kicking haha.
Dw I will never hit my kids
An effective way to discipline your child when he or she is being very naughty is time out for children 5 and under, and groundings for children 6 and older. You don’t want your child to get used to losing their freedom for bad behavior but it’s a very useful tool to teach your child that he or she could go to jail, get kicked out of college or trade school, get fired from a job, or get banned from a commercial establishment such as a gym or a store for that type of behavior. Groundings are a very useful resource if done appropriately but overusing that repercussion on your child is considered child abuse. For minor misbehavior, using constructive criticism is a sufficient consequence for a child’s behavior. For things more moderate, just take your child straight home and not give them anything they want but do not need until another time, cancel the outing, or make your child go to his or her room until he or she calms down. For example, your child acts like the I want those sweeties kid, no time out or grounding, but take the child home with leave them with your spouse and go back to the store.
❤ good comment ?
@@captainfalconmain6576 yes
@@poland4m17sW POLAND FOR OUTLAWING CORPORAL PUNISHMENT AT SCHOOLS IN 1792
KUDOS TO UR COUNTRY BRO
Thank you for mentioning how it escalates. My father delivered my first heavy spanking when I was barely four years old, then later at around six years old, a heavier spanking, and completely unjust. I wept so deeply, I thought my chest would burst. Then around seven, he rushed into the room to slap my face because I used a curse word. (he constantly swore like a sailor himself). Then at around eight years old, again he rushed into the room when he heard me say a bad word. This time he dragged me by the collar, to the bathroom and shoved a bar of soap in my mouth. I was choking and thought I couldn't breathe. At around 13 years old I had a squabble with my siblings, he rushed into the room and began beating me with absolute rage. He left large bruises. At that point, I was convinced he hated me and wanted me dead. I am in my 60's now, and still believe he hated me. I also have large varicose veins on my upper leg where those bruises were. My mother was a spineless passive picture on the wall, never defending me. Yet she had a rule that he dare not ever lay a hand on her. I have been to countless therapists to no avail. The memories still get triggered, and cause me to suffer.
I used to get spanked by my father, and it’s one of the reasons why I’ve always felt distant from him and might I add that it was one of the reasons why I used to be a bad influence on my peers in the first place.
My parents beat me ever since I was 5 and this really affected me as I can’t even trust my self to tell them stuff.I honestly hate my mom more and more because the things she’s done to me which affected my mental health.If there were a child appreciation day it would’ve been a big change.Sometimes I don’t even feel like my mom loves me.She never asks me if I’m okay. All she cares about is school.
school is so garbage
I will never forget the time - in fifth grade, I think - when I came home, clutching a notebook with my very first "term paper" or research paper (thirteen handwritten pages) that I had worked hard on and gotten an A+. I burst into our house after school, found my mother sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette. I told her, with great excitement, "I got an A+ on my Brazil paper!" No response at all. And then "What about your math?" My very worst and most loathed subject. I felt as if she had slugged me in the stomach.
Thank you for making this, I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life, I'm sure in no small part due to spanking, and it's great to hear someone explain it so plainly that anyone can understand why spanking is not something you should ever afflict a child with.
Spanking is all fun and games til the child your doing it to grows up and hates you. I can understand for certain circumstances you a spanking might be okay. But any little inconvenience and your ready to pop and hit a child as a grown adult? Its giving bully vibes. That’s not something easy to forgive. 💯 saying it from experience I would never as a grown adult be whooping or spanking any child.
Thats the kid's problem, accept consequences
@@SMCwasTakenyeah. It’s the kid’s problem until your children are adults, and never want to visit you, talk to you, call you, bring around the grandkids etc. yeah, it’s the kids problem now, but when your old and bitter and alone because your kids don’t give a shit about you, then maybe you’ll self reflect a little bit.
@@SMCwasTaken Consequences of hitting your kids you mean.
@@maskedthecreator1508 Or your kid comes out to you about having recurring bad dreams about hating himself/herself, wishing that he/she was someone else and even blaming himself/herself for all of his/her family’s problems.
Spanking doesn't cause a child to hate their parents, you are confusing spanking with abusive beatings which isn't the same, I've talked to older people who has been spanked growing up they all claim they had more love for their parents for spanking them when it was needed. And I've seen young prisoners who mentioned that they wish their parents loved them enough to spanked them as they said if their parents would of loved enough to spanked them they most likely would not of ended up in prison.
When was I a kid, i guess at some point I could get passed the “whooping” without thinking much of it but there is two moments I remember distinctly. One is when I was 7, the 2 nights prior I got hit by a belt by my mom and the iron left a pretty big bruise (probably was my first time getting a bruise like that) I just wanted a little comfort so I told my mom it left a bruise and she said something like “serves you right” which just broke something in me. I remember going to another room and crying. I don’t think I went to her for comfort for years and years. Might be a Seemingly small thing but it just stayed with me
It's never a small thing when your safe adult is no longer safe. It breaks a person when their parent becomes their predator.
I was spanked and honestly don’t see a problem with what happened to me. But from reading the comments it’s seem the experiences of others was drastically different, being that when they were spanked it was out of anger and frustration. For me that wasn’t the case, it would only happen after repeated disregard for rules and expectations clearly laid out and previous forms of discipline had no effect. When it would happen it was very clear it wasn’t something my father wanted to do, but felt was the right thing to raise me to be a respectable adult capable of appropriate behavior. The behavior was always addressed and the reasoning for it being wrong, and after getting a belt he would sit with me and explain why even further always telling me that he loved me and was doing this because he thought it was necessary and even crying himself sometimes. I’m not saying that it was the right thing to do, just that to me I never saw it as abuse and I know my parents while not perfect were doing what they thought was best for me to be raised well and understand there are consequences to actions. That being said I’m not using my experience as justification for spanking as punishment especially since from hearing the stories of other, my experience seems to be on the rarer side and I’ve had friends tell stories of beatings received that clearly cross over the line of discipline into abuse out of anger/frustration. But the idea that it’s outright abuse in all cases is something I reject from the experience I had. People hear what my parents did to me and think it’s insane and assume I’m some battered person with trauma. While also mentioning how saying things like “I love you” to family members regularly and showing affection and expressing feelings freely is something they’ve never experienced. I think what had the most impact wasn’t necessarily the corporal punishment, but never doubting the love my parents had for me as a child and realizing truly loving someone includes doing or saying the uncomfortable thing that you feel is best for someone. Corporal punishment can easily become abuse and do severe damage to a child there is no denying that and it’s awful and the stories in these comments are an example, also gentle parenting with no consequences, expectations, and discipline will do the same thing.
Thank you for your thoughtful and thorough comment. It's helpful to someone like myself who is a first time parent to a toddler and anticipating the need to make decisions about appropriate methods of discipline in the future.
i have had a lifelong internal battle in regards to physical abuse. I am 30 yrs old and was raised by people who took me (through state means) from my biological family. The people who adopted me used lots of inventive ways to punish my sister and I. From hauling bricks up and down our drive way, balancing books on our heads while doing wall sits, and the classic 'grab-whatever-is-closest' and beat us with it. For a long time I thought stuff like this was acceptable and normal. It is not. By my teenage years, I had pretty much rebelled to the point where i would NOT be in the house and was in group homes and state custody. I never spoke to harshly or gathered evidence because I thought it was okay and they loved me. Now I wish they were in prison and had to face the same kind of abuse that my sister and I faced. Though that didn't happen, I do take solace in the fact that both my adoptive mother and father are alone, as no one trust them or respects them. It seems people who abuse children have other issues too, usually.
Spanking should have been out the door centuries ago nasty and creepy
Why creepy they r parents weirdo
Says the creep who thinks it’s ok to abuse children
Disagree
It’s only creepy if you make it creepy nobody said it had to be bare ass or ass at all. YOU said it was creepy.
Not yall weirdos in the comments
I was spanked as a child and i responded well. My parents tried positive punishment, taking things away and trying to talk it out, but as a child it didnt bother me to loose stuff and didnt care what reasoning they had. Time outs were a game and i entertained myself for an hour. The spanking wasnt out of anger and the physical discomfort told me to straighten up. When i did, i eventually saw the social and personal benefits of respecting parents and others. Im honestly thankful my parents kept me in line. I would have been a distaster to my future self
Spanking to me felt like sexual abuse, very confusing for a young child. Felt violated, humiliated and hurt
As an Asian child, i never felt that way because i don't know if it's common with Asians but everytime i'd get spanked i wouldn't mind because i brought it upon myself and i pay for it, now i am a very good Asian child and i thank my Grandparents for disciplining me with classic Asian methods, "It isn't violating if you brought it upon yourself" is my sort of way of thinking when it comes to spanking
My mom used to hit me a lot when I was younger for the smallest things.
Drew on the wall? You get hit.
Got a question wrong on a Kumon worksheet? You get hit.
Address her bad parenting? You get hit.
Stand up to her when she’s trying to hit my sibling and explaining how it’s illegal, only to be grounded and severely threatened? You get your bones broken, your brain destroyed (physically, not psychologically), and your life taken (which is the threat she told me if I were to stand up to her again).
I got trauma and suicidal thoughts from frequent spanking. But, it’s normal, because everyone in African American culture normalized it and it’s just a part of life, right?
No it's not a sexual abuse
@@akhandtripathipyz9888yes it is and some people even make their kids take off their clothes so yes it is ur basically touching a kids body bare butt and and no kid wants to be naked in front of their parents or want them hit their butts
@@Derpyman2 bro u are too young to understand this but seriously spanking is never ok hitting a kids butt is not ok u will understand when you are older
I was spanked as a child absolutely and it only made me fear my parents and lie to try and get out of trouble..so much so my parents told if you lie then you will be spanked but you tell the truth you'll just be sent to your room
what terrible parenting
@@captainfalconmain6576agreed. It should be illegal just like in denmark.
@@AntonFromDenmarki agree
I grew up with adhd and was hit a lot as a kid and it did nothing, overtime I had a tolerance for it and didn’t care
I have Autism and was spanekd also. I believe it made me a better person. I am 24 now and have two sons (3 and 1) myself.
You probably developed adhd because of your parents immature behavior.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808ok if u say so
But why couldnt ur parents just get u therapy instead of hitting?
i am a 15 yo girl. my dad sometimes beats me. i feel really hurt when this happens. he doesn't spank me. he usually hits my head and pulls my hair. idk what to do, i've told him, it's not correct to do, but anytime it happens, he tells me i deserve it, today he told me if he could go back in time, he would beat me more, cause then i would have turned out to be a better kid.... no matter what i tell him, he thiks he's always right. what he told me today is : "you provoke it. you povoke men around you. that's why you'll have an abusive relationship in the future, cause you provoke this."
i don't know what to do anymore. it really affects my mental health, but my dad never ever listens to me. i tried to talk to him.
also so sorry for the grammar mistakes, english is not my first langauge.
Seek help pls, if u go to school you can tell ur teachers
Hi honey I'm so sorry this is happening to you! You don't deserve it. Not only is your father physically abusing you, but he's emotionally abusing you. And hitting your head could cause long-term damage. Do you go to school? Please tell an adult you trust all that you've said here. Including what he does and what he says to you.
Remember that there is nothing on earth you could do that would make you deserve your father hurting you.
If possible, try telling someone who will understand what you're going through. What your father is doing is wrong and just plain disgusting. Also, make sure to have a safety plan in place in case your father threatens you with physical harm that could potentially put your life at risk. Your safety and emotional well-being SHOULD ALWAYS be your #1 top priority in cases like this. You are NOT AT ALL at fault for what you're going through. NO ONE deserves to be abused. No one. Much love to you, and stay safe. 💙🫂
Someone's inability to control themselves has nothing to do with it being your fault. If possible, get yourself into a better situation. You don't deserve physical and emotional abuse.
I was over beat. And it ruined me. I need therapy. Thanks a lot loving parents.
The penalty for child abuse should be death sentence. Parents would think twice before abusing their children if they knew they would be swiftly killed for it.
And you’re mental!
@@sc300tproject Do you think it's okay to assault and psychologically terrorize infants and children?
@@Eet_Mia Are you talking about physical abuse? Lol You must be from the babied generation I assume. You seriously cannot believe your own bullshit when it comes to spanking a child for his or her misbehavior. You, without a doubt, cannot sit here and type that babied generation bullshit about what spanking does or does not do yo a kid. And let me ask you a simple question? I bet you don’t have a lot of friends or socialize with people in life whereas I have been to many counties and have spoken to many people around this would and without a doubt this exact same topic has made his way around. Everyone seems to be on my side and believe this world is turning to shit because the newer generation of children are getting and have been out of control because either the parents are shit parents or they believe in what you believe in, no spankings. Prove me
Wrong.
Kids need accountability
@@shamanicwisdomkeeperbro just called spanking assault
I was spanked and my performance went down not up.
Plus I was forced to live with birth issues...
@@KRmedfndllcARCwof81213wait what what happened
My mother was big on slapping me across the face for talking back. I learned how to block a face slap, karate style. It made her screaming mad, but the slapping stopped.
@@IsoldaNeumannyou mother sounds like a horrible person honestly. I mean no disrespect, but getting mad for defending yourself? How dare her honestly. My parents respects me and my opinion, no matter what. They would never hit me even if it became legal here in denmark, and it sometimes say some crazy fucking shit when I get mad. I guess it makes sense though because in denmark language is much more based on what you feel and much less based on who you are talking to. I mostly speak the same way to everyone I know. I pretty sure the fuck is used in some family movie though I could be wrong.
It doesn't matter what the adult thinks. The child experiences it as traumatic, period. So it doesn't matter the intention or reason. The brain is damaged. Period. Its not rocket science.
So because you couldn't handle getting your ass whooped as a punishment for being bad your parents are the villain...that one doesn't check out chief.
@@IItsayoshi "for being bad"...that is clear trauma bonded language. What happens is you turned your back on the abused child inside yourself and identified with the abuser. Its a kind of stockholm syndrome.... There is no such thing as a bad child, and children only do bad things as a result of maltreatment. I hope you can find self compassion and find your true self and heal from some of the psychic trauma. Then you won't refer to yourself as "a bad child". I'm amazed at, having never spanked my children or hit them or called them names, how easily they adapt and naturally do the right things. Children don't choose anything. That part of the brain is not even developed yet. They react to their treatment. 100% of the time.
Did you actually watch the video? Its telling you that backed by hard science, spanking is damaging to the brain.
@@tonydimartini how are you gonna tell me if I'm traumatized or not it's my fucking brain. I don't need to find self compassion because I ain't traumatized, I don't need healing because I ain't damaged. I was a bad child and I knew it AS a child I was raised in a very loving household and family I was spoiled and I knew it. You referring to science as "hard facts" is just silly to me as if science is never wrong. I ain't your damn kids I'm me and from getting my ass whooped I learned. The only thing damaging my brain is how many people say "ohhhhh getting whooped leads to brain damage" when I'm right here perfectly fine.
@@IItsayoshi You were traumatized. I'm not saying it to be mean or anything either. Just trying to have a conversation on a channel that discusses spanking and brain abnormalities. You ask: How I'm gonna tell you are traumatized. First of all no human being escapes childhood without some amount of psychic trauma. But more telling are your words. They tell of deep trauma. The fact you called yourself "a bad child" is the first one. No child is bad. They may do "bad" things, but this is a shame-based statement. Secondly, saying one deserved an ass whooping is a clear sign of self-hatred. What happens is you trauma bond and identify with your abuser, almost a separate self that disowns the real self out of a need to survive. You have buried and lost the child you once were, suffering at the hands of those ass whoopings. The fact you took that on, that you were "bad" and the parents are "good" is a classic, telltale sign of abuse. The most common thing we hear from people abused as children are how great their childhood was and how happy they were and how great their parents were. It is a dissociative fantasy the mind forms to distance itslef from psychic pain. We don't hear this from non-abused children. As for brain damage, absolutely there is.
If we were to examine your brain under fMRi there would be subtle irregularities in the emotional processing centers. The fact that you have turned against yourself and think "you deserved" it lets me know that absolutely there was neuronal damage along the axons and dendrites. There is a disconnection, a dissociation, that keeps you from feeling compassion towards the child you once were. Its very telltale. Yours is evident its not even a "maybe". I suggest you read some of Alice Millers work. For you I would suggest "For your Own Good", the title is fitting. But you definitely have all the signs. As clear as day. I genuinely hope you find healing so you can live a good, happy life. The problem is dissociation is so deep that you are unaware, completely cut off from the real self. But there are ways to mend that.
@@tonydimartini I'll say this once again... I ain't traumatized and I don't need healing and with all due respect If I was traumatized. I think I'd rather jump head first into traffic then to seek help especially from people who act like they know my entire life story, you thinking I'm "traumatized' from being spanked is just absolutely ridiculous. I was a bad kid... End of story and now I'm an adult who knows that the world ain't all gumdrops and rainbows I don't need compassion. I ain't lose my true self it grew the f*** up. I don't need a damn fMRi because you're a moron and can't understand how my brain works... I think differently, I've never had compassion I find logic to be a better option.
Spanking taught me to really think about what I was about to do and taught me that if I did something wrong their would be consequences. Did I still do wrong? Sometimes, however I knew if I got caught their would be consequences. Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what I've seen with my own eyes happen in the last 30 years or so. An expert sheep herder was teaching a rookie sheep herder how to do the job the best way possible. One night as the expert and novice sheep herder were moving the sheep one of the young lambs began to stray from the herd. Just as the young lamb was about to go over a hill and out of sight the expert sheep herder ran and caught the young lamb and broke it's leg on purpose. The novice sheep herder ran over and scolded the expert for being cruel to the lamb. The expert sheep herder pointed to the bottom of the hill where a pack of hungry wolves stood. The expert said, which is more cruel, breaking the lambs leg, or letting the lamb get killed by the wolves...
Hey Gregory! Your audio is too low whereas the effects are higher, it's annoying
I remember I was being a pain in the ass my dad let one loose for the first time he had tears in his eyes as hard of a man as he was after. I stopped and corrected myself immediately it caught me off guard but I never wanted to see the pain in my dad's eyes like that EVVVVVER again.
Spanking worked on me when I was a young child because I understood the reason for it. As a 11 or 12 year old my father flew into a rahe over something I thought was totally unjust. Also kicked me out of house at 15 for completely unjust reasons. Those times I never forgave him. But when I stole at the age of 6 I very much respected it. Controlled and just.
Sad that so many people still share memes on social media promoting hitting kids and also insisting that kids are only naughty because they haven't been hit. I'd like to know how they know these delinquent kids have not been hit as many still are behind closed doors. I was hit as a kid and have lived a life blighted by anxiety and sometimes depression and inability to really get properly close to anyone. I find solice in my dogs more. They didn't hit me. Still, because I am not a criminal, people will say I turned out ok lol....I could have turned out a lot better.
Lots of people don't want to admit that their own parents battered and abused them. So excuses are made. "I was hit and I turned out all right! I thank my parents for beating me!"
Grow up
@@SMCwasTaken that's the same thing as "man up"
Hi Gregory, i'm brazilian and i'm a psychologist. In my interviews with clients I ask with they had recevid spanking when were child and most of them answered "yes, i was". And worse, they belive thas was normal, the right way to education.... welll i was spanking to...hahahha
Thanks for sharing.
What do you mean? you were actually spanking your own kids while you seen these cilents? or do you mean you got them too?
I have question, that really bags me at the moment. Is there any research on cases, when a father, is very creative with his belt beating, by coming up with more painful instruments, like a thick cable, to spank a child. Also demands a child to take off theyr pants, and present them self for punishment. I am trying to ask, is this indicative of him being a pervert, like a pedofile of sorts, or just a monster?
Do you interview the ones that weren’t spanked?
Sra. Juliana, acho que você quis dizer "I was spanked too".
A sra. escreveu "I was spanking", e isso faz parecer que você batia nos filhos.
This is so good 🙏 I want to believe that if loving parents understood what spanking/hitting does to the body and brain of their child, they would not do it.
There is no safe spanking! All spanking/ hitting registers as a automatic threat for the child and the child’s body automatically goes into shock/trauma response which is most of the time shutting down or what we would like to call “compliance”. Because the child went into shock, the parent believed that it worked. But what really happened was the child experienced trauma and is now in survival mode which can show up in various forms of behaviour. The body and mind automatically remember repetitive behaviour, and will start to adapt to the environment. The child never learns how to self regulate, how to navigate attitudes and how to communicate properly.
Remember that human need for survival is safety and connection. A child automatically/without though, feels un safe with and around those that have caused trauma. If a child didn’t feel safe and connected to parents they will find other connections and the need to medicate trauma (the sis regulation of emotions) through substance or other addictive behaviour. Children who are brought up in safe, calm environments where they were able to express and regulate emotions without being spanked, had a astronomical lower rate of developing addictions through their lives.
As a addiction recovery coach I have yet to meet a adult who doesn’t have some sort of addiction, relational, emotional, mental, or physical issues from trauma that they experienced as a child.
Of course this kind of trauma is not a life sentence of suffering. Help is available and emotional stability and proper responses to life events can be learned and the brain can get re-wired 🙏
The way to stop generational trauma is through knowledge of what caused so many wounds in the past generation and the act of not repeating those acts 🤍
I was spanked very rarely when I was a child....my whole generation was spanked. No one I know from my school is alcoholic, or agresive or drug addict or gang members. My friends are successful women, I consider myself successful too... and I have 0 addictions.
I came to Russia 6 years ago, here people don't spank their children, and they have one of the highest rates in alcoholism, almost everyone smokes, and they are very cold, men don't cry etc. I think those studies of "the consequences of spanking" need to be done again, in different countries, with poor and rich families. Because I think many things can traumatize children, the cultural factor matters, the family income etc.
@@Andreshka123 spanking does not produce good behaviour. You cannot say that your friends don’t or didn’t struggle with addictions as most addictions are hidden and are not only alcohol or drugs, this making the argument that spanking is somehow beneficial is invalid. It is a proven fact by now that spanking indeed causes psychological trauma. Scans of brains don’t lie..
I am Russian and was raised in a Russian community. Spanking and neglect are a huge issue there now and in past generations that were raised there, so I am not sure what you mean by saying that no one spanks their kids as most spank and badly. It is also frowned upon to be a emotional male In Russian, thus creating lack of emotional stability, safe connections and trust which is traumatic and results In acting out.
This is not a argument anymore, spanking is damaging to a child’s brain.
We need to accept that, stop it and apologize for our lack of understanding to those we traumatized unknowingly.
@@valeriek7862 I had good behavior, my brother also... Everyone I know behaved, we were all spanked. And I can guarantee you I have no trauma as everyone would love to hear.
@@frankfranklins6066 I'm not a neurologist, I was spanked as many people and I can guarantee you that I'm not traumatized, I love my mom and I'm a normal person...everything is normal.
@@frankfranklins6066 it's not ok to spank children. But sometimes it is the only solution. I won't judge parents that have tried to disciplinate their children in a respectful way and spanked once their child because it is aggressive or really out of control. I wouldn't allow my children to scream to me or to my mom NEVER, or to be aggressive. IMPOSSIBLE.
hey gregory, thanks for your open and real words. very interesting topic
I have been hit once or twice only for telling my nan the health risks with drinking redbull, smoking cigarettes, not drinking enough water and only eating sandwiches because it hurt her feelings to be told that those habits were detrimental to her health she started crying so mu mum who was sitting in the back of the car full force whacked me across the head it didn't make me want to stop talking about the health risks and all that happened it i got a headache and wanted to act out violently in retaliation
I love how some people in the comments think their anecdotal evidence somehow invalidates peer reviewed research with large sizes by academically trained researchers. If you want to argue the studies are invalid for a reason go ahead and state your case. But it’s not logically to say your personal opinions and experiences alone invalidate actual research.
Researchers disagree. And what I'm not seeing in the research is separating out abusive spanking from plain disciplinary spanking. Look at all the comments here! It's ALL about actual abuse!
@@genepozniakwhat is the difference between
@@MyDestinyDear My original comment seems to have disappeared.
@@genepozniak because the studdies found that children's nervous system can't differentiate so what are you going to tell me is the difference?
In my country both are illegal so no difference there.
So come on, explain why beating a child because you think there is a reason is any different from ab**e. I'll wait.
@@cdawg9218which country u live in?
I was spanked as young as 3.
There's a world of difference between being spanked for destroying a display because you wanted candy, and being spanked for accidentally spilling milk.
Imagine hurting your descendants.
I could relate a lot to the things youve said. Im 28 and after not seeibg my parents for years, Im still not sure if i want to see them, if i love them... I understand that they may have been at their ropes end, but I cannot overcome the pain, and theyre acting like "whatever happened, happened in the past, its ok". I feel horrible
Perhaps you are just weak minded. If you were actually abused, I could understand BUT discipline is something different. Maybe find a wife - suppose you are a male - and have children.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808Disciplining a literal child via abuse when not absolutely necessary meets the definition of abuse. Cruelty, misuse, and maltreatment all apply. As parents, there is no righteous option but to take full and honest responsibility for our parenting; This includes acknowledging shortcomings...
@@andrewericjamesclark6808 Stupid comment
@@andrewericjamesclark6808Your lack of compassion is showing bro
If they cant take responsibility for making you hurt, its their shame not yours. You shouldnt feel beholden to them in any way emotionally, I know that child abuse can make people feel this way but trust me they dont control your life anymore.
They failed to make you happy and content and set you up for failure instead. You can choose forgive them or you can choose not to.
Our parents are just that, parents. Fallable, human and prone to mistakes.
Shocking how many people think its ok to use violence against small children. Disgusting, actually. And for the idiots who downplay it as "just a swat", to "set them straight" I sincerely hope you get a vasectomy or tubal litigation for the good of the rest of society. You have no idea how much force you are using on a tiny human with an underdeveloped brain and an underdeveloped nervous system.
Ok heres the thing, in my family spanking was the final warning, was never to hard, was only after i was old enough to comprehend why, was never bare bottom, and they never used anything that would make it hurt more like a belt. I don’t know whats wrong with that. It taught me to not act out in class because i was a little gremlin as a kid, it also taught me to stop giving up all the time. Now im a lot better. Wheres the issue?
@@biggamer7001 My parents would strip me naked and stand me in a corner and tell me to turn around and they would whip my ass with a belt. It taught me a lot in life. I now make over 6 figures.
@@biggamer7001because most governments that aren't in the pocket of religious lobbyists have made all forms of physical violence against children illegal.
Just because it was OK in your family doesn't make it OK in the eyes of the world. And personal anecdotes don't negate long term, peer reviewed studdies saying that it negatively affects children regardless of the reason.
I got punched, bitten, flogged, cussed at, slapped, hit with hard stuff, got suicidal and hated my own parents (which is wrong). Don't fear your parents and stay resilient.
I remember my mom hit me with a belt buckle when I was four because she thought I was faking being sick until I threw up. I also remember her laughing at me when I would try to stop her from spanking me. She always thought that was funny. The best was when she'd grab one of her long thin wooden spaghetti sauce spoons and break it over my behind. She broke a couple that way. It's been a long time since we spoke. Such fond, loving, memories.
fake being sick yea something tell she never used the theo meter
My dad spanked me when i was a kid. He even shook me. One time he shook me so violently that my head started bobbing back and forth. He saw the damage he was doing to me and he stopped shaking me right away
Please put your references in your bio, I want to send this to my mum but I need her to know that it not just someone making things up.
my family group chat got into a conversation about whether spanking is okay so I had to pull up with the scientific receipts lmao
@@rrrqqqrrryou people are confusing spanking with beatings which isn't the same thing as the scientific study wasn't properly done as they scientists who done the study confused spanking with beatings which are not the same. This video is nothing more than a laughing stock and makes these scientists look ignorant and makes anyone who believes the video look ignorant as well.
Time outs and conditional priveleges work best.
Many parents refuse to stop spanking their kids. They refuse to even try timeouts.
I’m writing this as a kid my dad suffers from severe depression and ptsd from being a firefighter for 13 years and we were on a cruise and he got mad and I tried to stand up for myself and he dragged me to the room and he spanked me like 3 times last one kinda hard did not hurt so bad but then he got MAD and he hit my leg and gave me my biggest bruise and hit my face was this ok plz tell me and I was only 9 when this happened and I had to act normal it hurts but he apologized and got over it
You should've shown more respect.
Absolutely never acceptable to hit a child. No, it was not okay for him to do that.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808 so I supposed to let him say what was wrong and I don’t want to here parents are always kids are ignored cause I could not here him that’s why he got mad and I said dad please I just wanna know what you said I really did not stand up for myself but yea
@@Deeboprodz502 Your father may have done wrong but my God tells us to forgive our parents.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808God also tells us not to do unto others things that we would not have done to ourselves. It serves no one to cherrypick the words of god to excuse blatant abuse...
I who would love more information on this topic. I was spanked brutally infrequently up till 15 and I definitely have anxiety and other issues. Any resources or info would be very helpful .
There needs to be a distinction made between "spanking out of discipline" and "letting all the frustration out by beating the child". Frankly some of the people in this comment section didn't get spanked, they got beaten up by someone who should never have been a parent in the first place.
Children can't tell the difference. Both hurt, and both make you afraid of your parents
I got my FIRST belt whipping from Dad at 5, Wood stick paddling from Mom at 6. They were the worst things that ever happened to me, and who did it to me? If I had thought about it then, I would have given them an even worse punishment: "This is how I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life." They wanted to make an impression, and they did.
Its not love, period. If you hit your kids, you are not loving them, you are hurting them. Doesn't matter what you think or feel. I suggest Alice Miller's book "For your own good". Its even more insidious because we tell them that we are doing it for their own good and out of love. Enough to damage a kid for life, to be told being slapped or spanked and told its because you love them. Its insanity at the highest level. And the main reason for violence in society. You are better off telling them you hate them, because when you are spanking or hitting your kid, it is a form of hate.
Thank you for speaking the truth.
Love,but in bad way
@tonydimartini It's not healthy either. I just wish parents find better, healthier ways to discipline their children that don't involve any kind of physical punishment, coercing them, or yelling at them and let go of that unhealthy mindset.
@@SonicGamerGirl2006yelling is just as bad
@danchiziofficial2159 Couldn't agree more...
I remember being dragged by the hair and being beaten senseless and kicked out onto the porch when all I wanted to do as a Kid was go play with other kids in the neighborhood. I will NEVER EVER forgive my mum for this and she has terrified me for years up until I became desensitized to her yelling and physical abuse.
I had to do once with a little boy who used to kick, hit his siblings, and occasionally spit on me. I tried talking, persuading, calming etc methods and nothing worked, he didn't seem to care. So, one time, against all my values and beliefs, when he spat at me, I did the same.. well, more pretending than really spitting but still. The little guy was shocked and since then stopped being violent! I don't recommend it but.. sometimes following your instinct can be a solution ;))
This is self defense 😂 a completely different scenario
Thanks for sharing 💕 it's true.
That immediate result I know firsthand. My parents weren't big on spanking, but I went to a school that used it (a Christian one who believed in it fully due to that stupid verse of using the "rod of correction" which they took as beating us with a paddle). Everything at home changed after my second-grade teacher told my parents how my behavior changed right after I got paddled- uh, yeah, because my butt was in intense pain, I'll do whatever you ask of me after that! She told them where to get a freaking paddle, and to use it on me! So, on her advice they did, so I then started getting paddled at home too! My poor butt felt like it was just a beating bag. It gets worse too. Thanks to that school being so paddle happy the kids there ended up figuring out how to get other kids paddled (swats) even when they didn't deserve it. In 4th grade, I watched a girl steal from our teacher. She concocted such a story of me doing it (straight out lying that she had seen me do it) that I ended up being the one not only punished, but severely punished (3 swats). It's nuts how things happen in life...
I was adopted by teachers as a traumatized prostitutes child and further traumatized when my parents applied their up bringing meaning yes I was petrified of needing spanked they'd only change when they would But it became with paddles etcetera
....
I think a lot of parents tend to be more, "Do as I say not as I do" parents and so they look at what they told their children to do or not to do, or what they would or wouldn't punish their children for as determining how they raise their children instead of looking at the behaviors they themselves model. For instance they may tell their child not to scream at others and to be nice to other children while also spanking and yelling at their children, and then get surprised when their child hits and screams at other children, because they aren't thinking about what behaviors they are modeling around their children and are only thinking about what they tell their children is acceptable behavior.
I think in addition some parents who spank also don't give their children enough attention when they aren't spanking, and even the children of such parents who have children of their own but don't spank still give less attention to their children than would be ideal and so their children still act out from not getting enough love and attention, and because the children who get spanked hide their misbehavior more it looks to the adults as if the children who get spanked act out less, and the adults just notice that the child who is less sneaky about acting out doesn't get punished and not the way that the child isn't getting enough love and attention, which is what then leads to the false narrative of the spoiled brat with lenient parents. I think if the child happens to have rich parents then the child getting material possessions may further blind adults to the way that their parents aren't interacting with their child enough or giving their child enough affection so that adults are even more likely to think the Childs misbehavior is from getting spoiled instead of from a lack of affection and interacting with others.
If you spank a child you are a abuser😡😡. Shame on you🤬🤬
Spare the rod, spoil the child. That's what I've seen with my own eyes happen in the last 30 years or so. An expert sheep herder was teaching a rookie sheep herder how to do the job the best way possible. One night as the expert and novice sheep herder were moving the sheep one of the young lambs began to stray from the herd. Just as the young lamb was about to go over a hill and out of sight the expert sheep herder ran and caught the young lamb and broke it's leg on purpose. The novice sheep herder ran over and scolded the expert for being cruel to the lamb. The expert sheep herder pointed to the bottom of the hill where a pack of hungry wolves stood. The expert said, which is more cruel, breaking the lambs leg, or letting the lamb get killed by the wolves...
ROD IS MEANT FOR GUIDEANCE NOT TO HIT@@fretmajik777
I never understood the logic of it being so outrageous to hit a woman because we’re smaller but a literal child and suddenly people think it’s fine to hit someone so small they’re literally defenseless
There was a time a Harvard study would have impressed me, but too many of their professors were mix-up in the BLM riot in 2020. I was spanked and slapped growing up by both parents and I learned to behave. I would not say abused, just enough to know my bad behavoir had consequences. My daughter was 2 or 3 years old, liked to feel around under the table for gum at restaurants, how do you explane to a kid that young about AIDS, hepatitis or herpes. A slap on the hand and firm no, did the trick, several times later. No one should beat their kids. If a parent spanks their kids that doesn't mean they abuse them.
No you learn to think hitting a smaller person is ok and that’s not ok that ignorant and bully syndrome
I heard a story about a child was spanked so hard it torn a muscle in his hip. The child was removed from the home the mother spent 4 years in prison
Spanking seems to have a positive impact on myself, I avoided many traps that my friends who had no discipline fell into, like drug abuse, theft, drinking and one even went to prison for murder.
I will say my dad was harsh a few times but always poured out affection and love.
My wife says I’m a kind man, but recently I have been blessed with a grandson who is at times defiant and angry and uncontrollable. I find myself getting frustrated and angry. My daughter has heard similar studies as this video cites…. She has opted for gentle or positive parenting, as it is called, one thing I realize is the emotional trauma that he experiences is drawn out over hours not minutes like it was for me.
I was spanked and then told I was loved. It seemed more merciful to me because it was quick and I felt like I was restored back in a good state of being after it was over, unlike time outs and lots of repetitive talking that seems to not relieve the trauma the child is in while throwing a tantrum…. Of course how could a study ever evaluate if love and affection were being equally applied to both groups… love conquers all.
Yippee for you… I’ve been spanked (either with a belt, a cooking spoon or just a bare hand) so many times it isn’t even funny and I ended up feeling like something was wrong with me. Not only that, I’ve had internalized self loathing that has actually manifested itself into my dreams for nearly 7.5 years now. I’ve also been suicidal at times as I felt that my life wasn’t worth living, and I’ve actually had 2 attempts to date. There’s also the exaggerated startle reaction that I have whenever someone just calls my name out of the blue when I’m in the middle of something. And yes, I admit it, I have a drinking problem that comes and goes.
@@michaelmurray11189 I’m very sorry for the negative impact that your parents had on you, I imagine that they gave you their best love… it’s a tough and terrible thing to feel like we didn’t get the best love from our parents, and no doubt some of us and you may be in that camp, we’re down right abused… I hope my post in no way discounts the obvious differences in the two. At least that’s how I see it… two different approaches one is just a triggered violence that does nothing but harm… the other is done with a careful eye and is always explained as a last resort and affection afterwards… with all this being said I might be completely blind to unavoidable negative results from corporal punishment, so with that I apologize if I offended anyone
My parents hugging me afterwards didn't make me feel any better about spanking. It still traumatized me. In fact it almost made me feel worse, because it just seemed creepy and like they acknowledged they were harming me and choosing to do it anyways.. otherwise why was comforting like that afterward necessary if it wasn't a traumatizing punishment?
You were abused not spanked. I’m sorry.
It seems like your parents weren’t taught how to discipline (or spank) appropriately. You don’t hug a child after spanking him/ her. Simply give them time to reflect and meditate a bit on what he or she had done. I also agree that spanking a child is worthwhile. I remember all the spankings of gotten as a child. In my generation, that was quite common. I don’t have any traumas or nightmares about being spanked. That simply comes down to your personality and how you take things, mentally. Likewise, some children need disciplining because some children don’t get the message after repeatedly telling them to stop. That message seems to go nowhere. A spanking(not beating) nonetheless tends to register. I’m not saying to go out there and beat the child who is misbehaving, I’m saying to judge it.
My dad spanked me with a belt for any little thing I did. As time went on the spankings increased. now I have become rebellious at a very young age. At 15 I stood up to him and told him he would never hit me again.Iwas wondering why I had such low esteem and no self-confidence. All this time I thought it was my fault.
I was always a bigger kid, who trained martial arts, since I was four. The only time I was ever spanked was when I was bullying other kids, and my parents exhausted all other options. I went to therapy, social groups, community service (cleaning, lunchroom tables) But nothing actually worked until my father spanked me. I got the message really quick that if I’m gonna pick people someone bigger is going to come and pick me.
I’ve grown up and started teaching martial arts and I see a lot of those same kids in my classes now. I thoroughly believe that there are some children that will not learn unless they get something as severe as it
Martial arts are great for kids. It's a much better alternative to spanking
I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I won't ever do it again but how do i un do the damage it has caused on my child. Still age six. Still a happy child but it has affected self esteem a bit. I feel awful. 😢
if you ever went to far you should apologize to your child, having a long good conversation with them may help a lot, tell them that you love them and that you only get mad because you love them and want them to turn out good. a conversation can make a big diffirence, my parents never apoligized if they did something wrong even if they knew it was wrong, i never forgot and never forgave them. hope this helps. good luck and its a good sign that your daughter is still a happy child. Remember, your a great parent and only discipline your child when it fair and wont make your kid hate you.
@@cowboysoilder111 I always do but I don't want to do it any more. There has to be a better way in disciplining children
@@phenitagomes1292 if you dont want to spank your kids then you can make them do pushups, runs, make them eat extra vegtables etc.
@@cowboysoilder111 I feel like those things should be encouraged rather than used to discipline them. You don't want them associating health and fitness with misbehaving, otherwise they might avoid it
@@joelgriffin8222yea but little kids don’t like doing that soooyea
It is abuse!
There’s a line between discpline and abuse! But I don’t know when the line is!
Punishment or discipline?
@@isaidno Both!
@@RAtheGoodRailfanner_888What's the difference?
@@alexanderweikle I can’t tell! I kinda don’t understand! It’s hard to figure out actually!
How much will science or real life testimony have to show spanking is not necessary and negative for development before people catch on and let go of their attachment to wanting to hit their kids
So alot of people in these comments just literally got abused lol. I was "spanked as a kid" never was violent or anything I realized and took accountability as a child and knew damn I was wrong, I got the bad grade or talked back and did things to deserve the spanking and it hindsight it worked. Because I wasn't beaten I was disciplined. There is a obvious line between child abuse and discipline. To those saying why adult and not a child. An adult won't be like a child mainly and the and the child will try to run and abuse you if left un checked even explained by this man. All in all don't beat your children teach them. Soft era is in full effect because it seems like alot of real child abuse was done. Mind blowing but if your parents did it correctly it's just simply tough love. Seeing it past anything but that's clearly shows me you were abused if u cannot rationalize the effectiveness of this then you were probably abused but not certainly. Also don't just shove it into a vacuum the people for my side don't do that to you so don't do that to our line of thinking. If you are a effective communicator and strong willed you can easily make this form of discipline work and your children not be traumatized. And at a certain age it clearly stop and if your child is repeatedly bad you don't keep hitting them.dont be a barbarian and use your brain that means ur kids does have a behavior problem so you don't just keep hitting them but yes showing them who's the leader and who you follow is crucial. Ya there's no real blue print on how to do this but if u just apply actual fairness to the logic behind this u can see that there is way to do this and be cool. There are many Un heard people who thank their parents for this form of discipline because it kept them in line and allowed them to grow and whatever. So in short don't abuse your kids use your brain. Oh the situation is dramatic for the kid no matter what right? So is being arrested and being throw in jail or getting divorced and losing half your property and child support and cat accidents and tons of thing in life and what are you doing as a parent. Sheltering them from life or preparing them to be able to take on all these crazy things reality will show u? Just critically think and apply actual rational logic.
You have very little empathy so I’d say you didn’t turn out normal tbh
Getting yelled it is worse than getting spanked tbh
Atleast with spanking the pain is purely physical and temporary but yelling actually changes the brain chemistry of a child and makes them more likely to be manipulated
I am here after having spanked my son this morning because after about 5 minutes or more of him trashing about and not listening, I snapped. I have cried all day long basically because I feel so badly about it.
This is a difficult issue because the unfortunate fact is that simply speaking to Children, standing them in the corner, or taking away our favorite toy does not work. Without something else to back the parent up, the child simply learns that they can walk away from the corner or go get their toy back and there is basically nothing the parent can do about it. So the question becomes, if that greater consequence backing up the original punishment is not spanking, then what is the best alternative?
Because, at some point, there has to be some sort of physical consequence if a child continues to push the boundaries and misbehave. So what do you do? As adults, we would be put into prison, but somehow I feel that locking your child in a cage would have even more negative psychological effects than speaking.
But, without another more severe punishment to backup the original punishment, you end up with little hellions like my friend's kids. They hit, bite, blatantly disrespect and disobey their parents, purposefully break things, and are generally completely insufferable. and when they are told to go to their room or stand in the corner, they simply refuse. Recently, when my friend insisted to her eldest comf that he had to stand in the corner yuri she said her could move, he simply walked away and scoffed: "what are you going to do about it?" The answer, of course, was nothing because my friend and her husband have tied their own hands. So, parents now need to figure out an alternative to spanking that actually works.
um... you know behavioral specialist exist right ?developmental psychologists can help you with this.
So...... Because you don't want to actually explain things to your child, or get a therapist for them, you want to be allowed to beat them and have no one look at you weirdly?
Why can you beat your partner for making a mistake?
But I will say, stay away from other people's kids. You seem like the person who would beat someone else's kids behind their back because you "know better"
@@camharkness I was simply making the point that this argument is not as simple as the video makes it out to be.
There are kids, like those of my friends, who don't care how much you explain things to them... unless there is an inescapable negative consequence, they will continue to do what they want.
Does that mean that the only possible choice of negative consequence has to be spanking? Nope! In fact, if you will read my original comment, you will see that I am discussing *finding a functional alternative* and NOT advocating that everyone *must* spank their kids. All I say is that whatever solution parents use to replace spanking needs to actually work. *And things like time out and talking sometimes don't.*
As far as mental health professionals are concerned, there are definitely families out there who can't afford $150 per hour each week for a therapist. For some working class families I've known over the years, that would mean not buying groceries. So that isn't a workable solution because it's bit available to everyone.
It would be great, wonderful, and beautiful if we lived in a world where people, including children, always listened to reason, and everyone who needed therapy could afford it, but we don't live it that paradisial dream space. This video is not taking that reality into account.
If spanking is psychologically unhealthy, things like talking and timeouts don't work, and therapy is prohibitively expensive for many parents, *then a brand new solution needs to be found.* That was, quite literally, the only point I was tripping to make.
What is that new solution? I don't know. Frankly, I don't care. I was honestly only trying to have an interesting conversation about social psychology, not start a Gods damned war. I have the emotional distance to view this subject logically, since I chose not to have children, and I thought it might be an intriguing topic of discussion among sane, reasonable intellectuals. I have no stolen and don't plan to have them, so I have no stake in this, really. Spank your kids or don't, find a working alternative or don't, I guess it really doesn't matter to me.
@@camharkness um, NO I most certainly would not. If someone's children are extremely ill- behaved, I simply stop associating with their family altogether (as I did the aforementioned friends.) Jesus fucking Christ. Just because someone dares to disagree with you doesn't make them a monster.
if you have to hit your kid just to get them to behave you already failed as a parent.
ive had this debate with a few poeple,both parents and poeple who hit by thier parents.....and suprisngly alot of them who approve of it think it should be the very first go-to punnishment...which is honestly very concerning.
because at that point your not doing it because you feel you have to,your doing it because its the easiest outlet (despite doing nothing in the long run)....ive been told that even CONSIDDERING other options first is "weak parenting".
I got spanked by my dad and he still trys it I'm a teen now I have no respect for him it seems bad but most of it is because of how much he hit us as kid and still does my older brother is ok with hitting kids because he got hit as one now but he will spank kids that are not his own as well
What did you go to get spanked? I bet you probably picked up bad habits from the kids that hadn’t been spanked.
@@Wetsmellyfart-o2o don’t feed that person any idiotic bs. Mind your own business. I’m sure this kid knows what to do. If it were that bad in his house, he wouldn’t even have a phone or net to comment that.
@@sc300tproject you’d think that, but what happens to a lot of people is, they feel guilty and start getting their kids cool stuff to try to make up for it bc they don’t want to really apologize.
@@lowkeyemo6340 should a judge apologize to you for committing a crime?
@@sc300tproject I didn’t say they necessarily had to, I’m just saying they feel guilty and can’t express that.
Imo getting yelled at is worse than getting spanked
I agree.
Agreed. Especially since, again, you can assault someone with loud noise.
Spanking won't make your kids afraid of you as long as you use it judiciously and aren't otherwise abusive, emotionally or physically.
Not sure what he means by "illusion" of compliance. Am I just imagining that they aren't doing bad things anymore? Or are they just doing the bad things when I'm not around? The latter is a legit concern.
I think most studies that show associations between lower brain development and spanking don't, or even can't, correct for the confounding factors of concurrent physical/emotional/sexual abuse and neglect, poverty, and many other stressors. There are some that do, but since the metaanalyses take all studies into account, they're muddied by the most other studies that don't.
Well, I was "disciplined" this way, I'm adult now and this fear of my parents hitting me again didn't fade away
Spanking is still the most laziest way to parent
There are other ways to deal with bad kids
I remember being in Jr high school and not drressing down for PE most of the time because of the bruises I would have from my dad beating me, round and around in circles he would go and go and go until I was screaming it hurt so bad. I would be bruised so bad and was embarrassed to let anyone see. So I would not put my shorts on for PE. I was getting an F grade because of it. So I got beat for that. So I dressed down the next day. The teacher saw the bruises on me and sent me to the principal office then called CPS. My dad worked for the Juvanile Justice in Sonoma County. CPS called him about the bruises, and when I came home, still bruised, he beat me again. He would keep me on restriction too. I really never had any friends.
I ran away at 14 and by 15 he gave up on me and told me to never call him again. It's been 45 years now and he has only spoke to me one time and said some traumatically cruel things to me about my mom who committed suicide when I was 4 1/2.
People wonder why some people get hooked on drugs and say it's a choice. Those drugs helped me to survive on the cold streets. I was raped, slept in planter boxes, ate at the mission.
He would get me out of trouble with authorities when I was in Santa Rosa because I was in the way of his career.
My dad is now a 33° Shriner and was a counselor for Juvanile Hall. Yet he does not care to see the trauma he placed in me.
Drugs numb us from the pain. Especially when we have parents who refuse to take responsibility for their abuse.
He never said I love you, never held me, never spent good time with me.
I can still feel the tenseness that came over me any time he called my name or every time I would here him pull up to the house from work. He never bought me clothes. He also was getting checks from my mothers death. I did not know that. But he kept getting those checks while I was homeless on the streets
There is way more to say about my father that I carry in my heart and mind that I can't prove physically but know happened. Nothing sexual, more like murder. More than one.
To carry all of this and watch other fathers play with their daughters, hold them, just love them kills me to the deep down core. He still acts as though he did nothing wrong.
Spanking one time maybe two. May be needed once or twice in a child's life but thats only in bad bad behavior cases. But mostly if you love them you don't have to spank them. Nor do you ever have to beat a dog. Ever He did that too.
I feel like he hated and still hates me.
Try living with that all your life
One more thing,
At 7 or 8 years old, knowing my daddy hated me, i went in to his room while he was a mt work, i picked up his gun on the sidevof his bed, i did not know about safety locks or would have killed myself that day. I wanted to be with my mommy.
I was spanked by my parents when I was young, but they stopped when I hit my tweens. They would use spanking as a warning and if I continued to misbehave, I would get the "when we get home, you're getting a spanking". I was filled with dread the whole time until the event and no matter how much I begged or apologized, I got my spanking. Writing this now, it must sound so horrifying to others who weren't there. I was only ever hit on the bottom with either a belt or wooden spoon. It wasn't a common occurrence and apart from spanking, my parents were wonderful and supportive, especially my mom. Back then it was a "normal" thing to do.
All this is just backstory to say that I didn't grow up to be a menace to society and I consider myself well adjusted. But I did have a tendency to resort to violent acts when I was upset or didn't get my way. I would physically hit my sibling or pets, punch my pillows or break things to make the rage subside. It also didn't help that these things were considered normal outlets to emotions to have, when and where I grew up.
I'm an adult now, and I have taught myself to not resort to violence when something doesn't go my way. Even then, my first instinct always goes to physically hitting the problem to make myself feel better. I'm getting better at catching myself but the fact that that's always my first thought at this age always bothers me.
I've always wondered if being spanked played a role in my instincts developing that way. I've started having kids with my partner and we are in agreement that we won't be using physical punishment because of the ways it made us feel as kids. I want to be a role model of empathy to them and I wish I didn't have to mentally battle myself so much to live up to that image.
I guess some scars never heal, even if they were made with good intentions.
Everyone says back then it was not a big deal and look what type of problems we had kids back then who were a lot rebellious more often than today there was juvenile delinquents and youth crime kids did more drugs and there was underage drinking.
Back then kids and teens would go outside and play or hang out with others. Todays kids and teens watch TH-cam, play video games, and FaceTime with their friends. There is no “going out” anymore.
That has nothing to with anything of this video its about how kids were punished back than
I remember being spanked with a belt by my dad or spanked with a bare hand.
I really don't know what its done to me, other than i sometimes fear when someone raises their hand.
I do remember that my mom thought my dad broke my back with how hard he spanked me, i had almost landed on the baby raccoon we were raising. It had fallen out of the tree and the momma wouldn't take it back. And the vet said to leave it to die, my dad didn't like that so he took it in and bottle fed it.
My dad doesn't spank me anymore because of that day, i had trouble walking and sitting. Constantly cried.
-i really don't know how it has affected me.
My mother had it worse though, she spoke of her dad sometimes using a shovel on her or her siblings. Her father was a war vet, he was really abusive to his kids.
My mom is strict but uses her voice not her hands.
My dad always spanked me with a bare hand. It was hard, but at the same time, I, as a little boy, already knew I had done wrong. He always comforted me afterwards and it was fine again.There is a good proverb, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And it did play many stupid games, little me.
@@andrewericjamesclark6808Perfect, then let's legalize that teachers can hit children when they do something wrong, right?
I was beaten never spanked
Worse when they say it gives discipline for a cable beating .
It's never good. You just create sneaky kids because of what the parent did
@@monkofdarktimesfax i live in fear constantly hiding everything i do
I remember, when I was a kid. My family and I, were visiting another family. That my parents knew them. (I don’t know, how they knew each other.) They’ve a son. The boy was around my age at the time. (Not sure, if he was older than me or younger than me.) Anyways, my family went over to his family condo or home. It was in the evening. We’re watching tv. I remember Full House being on. But don’t remember the episode. The boy and I, were playing. Running round, screaming with delight. His dad, got tired of us, running round the house. He grab his son, took him to the bedroom. I could heard the boy being spanked. The boy is crying. I believe the dad was yelling at him. My mom was like, telling my older sister and I, to watch tv. I thought, I was going get spanked. I might have seen the boy get spanked. But never forget hearing the boy crying in tears. His mom passed away. Shortly after she give birth to her second son. I can’t remember, if her second son was already born or she was still pregnant at the time. My family and I, went to that luncheon for Memorial of his mom’s funeral. I don’t think, I was at her funeral. But I remember having luncheon. We ate our meals. The boy and I, played. Then we left to go home. That’s the last time, I saw the boy. My mom got called probably a week or 2 weeks later. The boy and his younger brother, went to lived with his Aunt & Uncle. I believe his dad went to jail. If the boy still alive. He’s should be in his 40’s.
wow what a sad story
Lol literally the only time I remember being spanked as a kid was when I tried to avoid it. I quickly spun around thinking I was slick and my mom smacked my balls😂🤦
TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic details of child abuse mentioned. Proceed with caution.
I still can't help but remember what happened with my mother-in-law. Bank in 2012, my mother-in-law was trying to get her daughter, Veronica, down for dinner. She refused, and she was getting frustrated with her.
...And when she refused to eat, Laura lost it. She started spanking Veronica, which, instead of shocking her into obedience, caused her to become hysterically frightened as she fought back, all while screaming and crying, before running back to her room, crying and screaming uncontrollably.
At around this time, my mother-in-law and her 4 children had just escaped from her abusive (ex) husband and was in the process of finalizing the divorce against that monster. This incident was the turning point as Laura realized that spanking Veronica triggered painfully awful memories of what her abusive father did to her multiple times, except what he did was much, much, MUCH worse.
What makes it even worse is that Veronica wasn't just abused for even the smallest of mistakes or for acting like what any child would act; whining, throwing tantrums, have meltdowns, etc.. She was also severely abused simply for being lesbian after her father found out that she is a homosexual when she was only 6 years old. She was punished very harshly multiple times just for loving someone differently.
Laura decided that spanking her children is off the charts, especially given what her children went through at the hands of their abusive father. She has since realized that spanking is essentially hitting her children, which is a form of abuse. She has learned to let go of the mindset that spanking is acceptable, and learned to STOP and PAUSE before she did anything she'd later regret, and learned to give herself time-outs before her anger and frustration start to boil over.
My mother-in-law broke the cycle of abuse by doing these things. I only wish that many parents did the same, but sadly, they don't. Many continue to make up excuses to justify hitting their children. Many DO NOT learn to stop and pause. Many continue to cling onto this mindset that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline.
We need to do better for our children. We need to do better than this. Children need discipline, but hitting them in the name of it is unacceptable. Let's start learning to discipline WITHOUT using physical punishments or yelling at them. Discipline means guiding your child in the right direction, NOT punishing them. There's a big difference between discipline and punishment. They're NOT the same thing.
For those saying "I was spanked and I turned out fine," you can have mental illness without knowing it so simply saying you turned out fine just tells me that that's your belief. Often the communities that support spanking also tend to stigmatize mental illness the most, so the fraction of people who support spanking and have mental illness, especially when considering high functioning mental illness, and that some may not recognize their mental illness as mental illness when most people around them have the same mental illness.
Assuming you really did turn out fine that doesn't mean everyone else who is spanked turned out fine. Studies done on spanking indicate that it's associated with mental illness and changes in the brain structure, even after other socioeconomic factors are taken into account. Also spanking is associated with lower grades, and it's been found that the spanking precedes the lowering of the grades indicating that spanking causes children to do worse in school.
My father is very mean to me and he didnt even come over to see me when i was born but my sisters are lucky my father beats me with à stick my mother courageous my father and whenever im having fun my father tell e to shut it off my uncle bought me. A tablet for 2 days o got something to do,when school starts my father starts getting mad i hwve a device he shut down the tablet and hide it and never gives it until my mother finally comes to sences ( it's rare she gets like my dad when school is around) i can het my tablet back but still im getting abused my friends bully me and school gives nightmare bad teachers only my classmates and Robloxian freinds help me out my grandparents are thebest ( maternal mothers side) uncles and cousin they are my onky hope 😢
A time will come where I fight back
Nobody prepares you for parenting? I beg to differ. The Bible does it exceptionally well. People misinterpret the verses talking about discipline, assuming they mean to hit the child because of the word "rod". That word in the Bible was also used to describe a "scroll" = Scriptures.
Cool point! Do you have any sorces? 😄
Didn't god kill his only son? Great parenting that!
It's a form of reinforcement. The idea is that we all learned what a hot stove feels like, therefore we won't willfully put our bodies on one. Whippings or other physical disciplines hijack that same function of learning. Its effectiveness varies because not all humans handle it the same. Some people turn out perfectly fine, some turn out bad, others like me are somewhere in between. There isn't one method superior to disciplining kids because they're all different, and if we figured it out, we definitely would've been doing it already.
Also, there's a difference between abuse and whippings lol. In the Black community, abuse is you basically beating your child to near death on multiple occasions. In the White communities (at least in America) Spanking your child with your hand is considered abuse. So, it's honestly a pretty varied concept
I'm confused. People on here seem to be equating spanking with beatings. I got spanked and turned out fine. My parents didn't beat me. A spanking had no lasting effect. It stung a littke but it also got me in line when I was being disobedient. A beating is far worse and more significant then a spanking.
Very true.
The severity of spankings typically escalates overtime.
@@angryox3102 Could happen, if the parent is an idiot. I don't think spankings should be a constant. For me, they were brought on by particularly bad behavior. They should be used carefully and seldomly but I think they are appropriate for certain children under certain circumstances.
The main thing is when these spanking starts, if they start early like 1-3 kids don’t even understand why they are getting spanked so in their mind they are just getting hurt for no reason, this both makes them more violent since they think it’s more okay but also distrust their parents more and more, making punishment less effective