What is the Mother Wound? 6 Signs You Might Have One - Terri Cole
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
- Let me ask you…every year when Mother’s Day comes around, do you spend hours looking at cards but end up frustrated and kind of sad because none of them actually fit the relationship you have with your mom?
Deep down, do you feel ashamed that the relationship you have (or had) with your mother is nowhere near picture-perfect?
If this resonates with you, I invite you to keep reading. This week’s episode is Part One of a two-part series on mother/child relationships and how this foundational dynamic could still be affecting you today.
Throughout more than 2 decades of my therapy practice, I have seen so many women suffering in their relationship with their mother and others as a direct result of what attention and care they did or did not receive in childhood. This pain negatively impacts how they relate day to day with the world, and most importantly, how they perceive themselves.
In this video, I’ll help you learn how to identify if you’re suffering from “The Mother Wound” as well as give you some steps you can take to begin to heal.
Download the free guide that goes along with this episode here: www.terricole.com/mother-woun...
TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction
2:30 - What is a mother wound? Two perspectives
3:34 - What does a mother wound look like? (Attachment styles)
8:50 - You may have disastrous relationships if you have a mother wound
9:55 - You may have low confidence if you have a mother wound
11:23 - You may feel like an imposter (imposter effect vs. imposter syndrome)
12:32 - You may have the disease to please with a mother wound
13:11 - You may not trust your feelings or other people
15:48 - You are overly sensitive due to unresolved wounds from the past
RELATED VIDEOS:
Part 2 -- 7 Steps to Start to Heal the Mother Wound: • 7 Steps to Start to He...
Self-parenting to Heal the Mother Wound: • Self-Parenting to Heal...
How Mean Mothers Impact Self-Love: • How Mean Mothers Impac...
Do You Have a Mother Wound?: • Do You Have a Mother W...
7 Mother Types and Their Emotional Impact: • 7 Mother Types + Emoti...
ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
Facebook: www.terricole.com/fb
Instagram: www.terricole.com/ig
Terri Cole: www.terricole.com
RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com
Understand and Transform Your Mother Wound: I created this course to help you break free of the insecurity and confusion that comes from having a mother wound and learn how to prioritize your preferences, your pleasure and yourself. www.terricole.com/motherwound/
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#motherwound #terricoleshow - บันเทิง
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Yes! Mother's day gifts always feel like an obligation.
⁰
mothers day cards make me feel like a liar. 'for my amazing mum you were always there...' Sometimes i feel like adding 'gaslighting, pointing out every flaw and never missing an opportunity to remind me i'm not enough and that everything wrong in your life is somehow my fault'.
@@1pink1blueThis sounds exactly like my mother. I hope you manage okay and one day you get to enjoy holidays again ❤️
This hit hard. It's like I feel "obligated" to perform the "duty" of loving my mother because she felt "obligated" and a "duty" to take care of me. But I'm not emotionally invested in a healthy way.
I stopped giving her gifts this year and went no contact too. Not even a happy Mother’s Day. She does not deserve the wishes… She isn’t my mother anymore. Just a user. A mean, mentally ill little girl.
I am also finding that when someone is genuinely loving and adoring towards me, I find it incredibly uncomfortable. I am with an incredible, loving man at the moment and it almost feels like a defense mechanism to find him literally unattractive when he's being mushy and physically or verbally affectionate with me. I feel like this has a lot to do with my mother's coldness towards me growing up. I don't know how to return this sentimentality and have a very hard time creating attachments to people because of it.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Be patient with yourself and compassionate. Pay attention to when you're feeling triggered and observe it. You have the power to make new choices not tied to your past.
It is like you have been walking in the snow and your feet are frozen , if you put your feet on the heater it will hurt like hell as your feet thaw. The love hurts because it is so hot and you are still frozen because you were left in the cold.
Thank you for this video. Wow. Very powerful. Good info.
@@terri_cole GOD bless you ++
True. I pushed away people like that who are now long-time happily married to others. The results for us can possibly not be so good.
I always knew my mother hated me. I thought it was me. Thanks for validation. I’ve been following your videos for 2 years and have gone no contact for 18 months and have been healing, I finally have control of my life after 58 years. My adult children and my patient husband have noticed the difference- I am actually happy for the first time in my life. I still have work to do. Thank you so much Teri for helping me have self acknowledgment about this very painful subject.
Right on, Deirdre! I'm so so happy to hear that you're taking control of your life and that this content has resonated for you. Thank you so much for sharing and for being here! ❤️
My mother has always been jealous of me … how awful it was growing up with this family. God had put me in there for a reason. To learn to love myself ! 💪✌️
My mother was diagnosed with BPD with narcissistic features. She refuses this diagnosis of course. She has PTSD as well. She suffered abandonment and abuse by both parents. Be loving to your children...the pain ripples break through the consciousness of generations.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and I am grateful for you sharing your story.
Same :/
What made your mother go to therapy. How do I get mine to go?
This is exactly how I felt while looking for Mother’s Day cards. Nothing seemed to fit. I always went with a very generic card. 😞
This hits very strongly in low income black neighborhoods including myself. My mother ran the house with iron fist. I couldn't cry or I would be abused with a belt or with her bare hands. She was young and didn't have as much help from the father. My mother went through the same thing too. Sad but true reality of the familyl structure in low income black communities. I am learning everyday how to feel my emotions and deal with unpleasant sensations in my body. Hopefully I will be fully free and strong and healthy within.
Unfortunately, this situation happens in any financial situation in the black community. I grew up thinking I had no rights. Obedience was the only thing my family was interested in. If I didn't obey, I would be punished. And it doesn't end when you become an adult.
Complete obedience (supported by religion) determining if you are good or bad or worthy of love in my carribean household.
Oh man, felt this one.
@@thenadie8Ugh 💯
Omg, for years I hated mothers day because I would read so many cards trying to find something that was kind, honest, and accurate. And it felt like I must have missed out on a lot of things other people have with their moms. My mom told me many times that its OK to have a girl, but there's just something special about having a boy. She was never emotionally attuned to me. I wasn't allowed to express emotions without being shamed or told I was wrong to feel that way, unless it was happiness. She sucked at nurturing. I just stopped sharing my feelings with her.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Same ❤
I have the same experience. My mom didn't like seeing any "negative" emotions from me- she only accepted happiness, even if I had to slap a fake smile on my face. I grew up not sharing much about my "inner life" or thoughts with her..as I turned 19 she began to ask me why I wouldn't talk to her about my problems and saying that I was "too to myself" and "didn't let her in".....she didn't realise that was her own doing through years of telling me to suppress negative emotions in front of her. I grew up crying alone in my room; I'm thankful for it now cause it made me the introspective and emotionally intelligent/independent person I am today.
I've wanted to work at a Greeting Card company for a long while. The section of Mother's Day cards would've sparse; one row would say, "Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful mother, taking extra time to make my dreams come true, for helping me reach my goals and consoling me when I failed. Thank you for showing me, with a balanced approach, what teaching and correction are. Letting me choose, between the red or black shoes, grey or blue coat, and broccoli and spinach. And not making the correction be denigrating. I love you for you, for cookies after school, for storytime, for one on one special days, for birthday parties and cake, ...
And so much more."
And the other card would be, "Yeah, I'm sending this scrap of paper just so you can't tell others that I didn't send you anything. No thanks to you, for basically all I have become. Without you controlling everything I did have to admit that I really did amount to something, and my children weren't born with some disease, that they don't act just like I did, because I'm not raising them the way you raised me. I am glad I got out and away from your hawkish glare, that evil glint in your eyes, the raspy voice that became a perky voice when speaking to others, so much more, but you have already dominated my thoughts for too much time. So yeah, here's your cheap card, as usual. Since supposedly I don't know how to pick out cards, I hope this one is worthy of you. Oh, and don't worry, it came off the clearance rack. No sense spending more than 25¢ anyway.
Signed, the child who got away from your clenched up gnarly hands.
Same
This totally fits my experience. I was a burden to her except when I was taking care of her. If she had to take care of me, it was too much. She was undependable & unreliable toward me. One time I had a very bad bike wreck when I was 10 or 11. I wiped out going down a hill. The bike was mangled/totaled. I had scrapes & scabs over 80% of my body. I was unconscious for several hours. I was concussed & my head was shaped like an eight or spider body. When I woke up she was crying about how sad things were for her because this happened to her child, but she didn't take me to any emergency room or Dr. She was going to let me die. I could give many more examples. She was always telling me she was going to kill herself but then she really did attempt to. When she came back from mental hospital, I was more vigilant about preventing her from doing it again. I don't hate her, I love her, but I don't eff w her because I don't like how she treats me. It's not one thing she has said or done, it's the cumulative effect & the fact that it was the next thing, the next thing, the next thing until I cut it off.
I am witnessing your painful process and growth with so much compassion and understanding
Oh, so sorry! That is a truly painful feeling. I'm new to this channel & totally relate to the narcissistic mother concept. Hope you continue to find healing.
My relationship with my mom only functions when I mother her not the other way around.
@Krishna Patel I am so sorry for you.. I wish you all the best for the rest of your life 💕💕💕
Wow I feel this ..I'm so sorry ..I was left on the floor holding my guts I had a appendicitis. She was just repeating to me I had no insurance and it would be too expensive like influencing me not to call 911..when I started throwing up the guy I was dating came and took me to hospital..with witnesses THEN she was concerned
I've watched this video many times. Something about it, the way you explain it makes me feel so safe to explore the deep dark places of my childhood. Before I watched this video I never knew about the mother wound. I want to be healed so that I do not unconsciously pass down things to my children. The cycle ends with me. Thank you Terri ❤
Right on. Yes, stop the cycle and heal. I am touched by your commitment to yourself and your own healing and I'm cheering you on!
I just found out my mother passed away. How can I grieve the passing of my mother even though I haven't seen her since I was very little. I feel like I want to grieve but I feel like I lost her a long time ago.
I didn’t have children because I was scared of becoming the kind of mother mine was. It definitely ends with me
I always hear songs about how great their mother was and I'm like wow I can't relate at all.
When I was a baby my parents left me in another state with my grandparents. Why? I never asked after I found out. This video makes so much pain in my life make sense. I also became a crappy mother never standing up to care for my kids the way they needed with ACTION. I tried but being married to a man with mother wound also didn’t help.
Wow, my ex gf is very traumatized and scared of commitment, due to her mother wound. Its so bad it caused our relationship to end after two years. I feel for her, and I hope she can heal herself.
Help her be with her
Thanks...I had to leave my mother 1 year ago. .no contact...so sad but needed to for my sanity and health. .much love and blessings xxx
I am witnessing your courage with so much compassion and understanding, Angel. You are not alone an ddid the right thing, mama xo
@@terri_cole Thank you beautiful sister of light. ..I had to leave my entire cluster B dysfunctional family and move to another country..I do know that this is trans generational abuse. ..I am also HSP an energy healer and spiritual teacher but to no avail with my family...in fact my light and truth brought up too many uncomfortable truths and much denial..the buck stops here! which is a relief from CPTSD symptoms..forgotten wellness returning..your description of the imposter spirit..constant rejection from many people and relationships...people pleasing and lack of boundaries is bang on! ..much gratitude for your wisdom love and compassion for us all.. huge hug..💖💜💖
Never go back! Never
@@anitamartinez280 don't worry I won't. .big hug xxc
I just broke away officially Friday. I got confirmation it was the right thing to do. Realized my mother side. And my dad was a physical and sexual abuser with depression etc.
Im just sad im hearing this at 56. Can't really elaborate anymore as I am really not sure about the healing process. But I am glad young people get to see these videos. However, to a degree, you got me in a particular, positive, direction, for the rest of my life, many thanks and much respect. ❤.
This is one of the best uses for social media and technology is being able to have your own therapy at the touch of your fingers versus before the internet. Glad you found some healing even if it was a little later. I am 50 and just now delving into my childhood and issues I buried for years
@@karmasutra4774Almost 53 and things from the past have come back to haunt me and I am realizing just what a mess that I am. I’m literally falling apart physically and emotionally. I feel like I’m just going through the motions and I ‘m burrowing in to a little nest where I just want to be left alone because I can’t deal with this world anymore.
I truly needed to see this!!! 6 months ago today, i left a violent and abusive family dynamic. I moved across the country and cut contact. A friend saw me suffering and so hurt that she offered me a safe place. I am doing so much better but the trauma has been re-surfacing and making me overwhelmed. I've been seeking a PTSD/trauma re-processing therapist. I refuse to let the cycles of abuse continue. I consciously choose to break the cycles and heal ancestreal trauma. Thank you for your videos, i am so eternally grateful❤🙏🏼
Sandina- I see you and am holding space for your healing, mama. Your strength and determination are inspiring! You CAN do it and I am cheering you on like a wild maniac from NYC!
You can do this!😘😘😘👍👍💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
I can't even express how thankful I am for this.
Thank you for saying that! I'm glad it resonated with you.
Even as a child, I would buy the things she expected: lilies at Easter, a card for Mother's Day. But I would never lie and write "love" on the card. Just "Happy Mother's Day." She never used the word "love" either, not until it became fashionable to pair it with "tough."
Thank you!!! I am in codependency recovery and am realizing how passive aggressive I am. This resonated with me so much!!! Bringing light to the passive aggressiveness with hopefully help me realize when I am doing it. I really really want to stop!!! Thank you again.
I'm glad you're bringing light to it! That is the first step to make change. I'm cheering you on!!
This is epic! I feel destroyed but didn't know the term 'mother wound'.
Thank you for being here! I appreciate you. 🥰
Terri - I’m very grateful for you being out there for people like me to find. I’m trying to care for my elderly toxic mom. Sometimes I’m not sure I can do it! I don’t know if she’s a full blown Narcissist or has tendencies and/or whatever else her problems are, I just know it’s really painful & worse than I imagined. It’s bringing up old stuff & showing me how far I’ve come as a woman, yet scary how much it’s effecting my sanity.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way as you navigate this difficult time in caring for your mom ❤️
Remember to seek support, even if you hav3 to pay for a few hours respite. Make sure you do things for yourself. I know a few conversations can send me into a negative spiral, but remember, you come first! Try to find ways to feed your soul and get the burden off of your inner child.
I took care of my mom with early onset Dementia for a few years, she was very toxic and abusive. It's very difficult but don't give up. Look into care facilities, you are absolutely not obligated to care one on one for someone who has/had abused you. I helped mine get into a good facility when she started hitting me and being suicidal. I had to grieve lots things.
My mother is a single parent and was never emotionally available. As I got older I soon realize that it's affecting my relationships. I often isolate myself from my mom when I'm home. It's a bit difficult for me sometimes express any emotions towards people because I feel like I can't trust anyone. I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed but I'm not sure how reach out for help.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Since you mentioned "I'm not sure how to reach out for help" - I highly recommend using Better Help to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted Better Help's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust. You can check it out here: terricole.com/betterhelp xo
My mother was a narcissist. She was abused as a child. She was full of rage that she constantly projected. I was the main target for that rage in my family. As a consequence I developed an eating disorder. I struggled all my life with it. Maman passed away in 2020. I took care of her for 15 years after my father passed away. We became good friends and I forgave her. She was a much better mother to me at the end of her life. She had worked on herself and once told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would be a better mother. God bless her.
After her death, my struggle with food completely disappeared. I believe that she took that with her. I miss her immensely but I know she is at peace and that she is looking out for me. Her name was Yvonne.
Thank you for sharing, Gaëtane ❤️ I am witnessing you with compassion.
Sorry for your loss 🙏
I know you mention or focus on daughters. Sons can developed low self-esteem and in fact go out in the world looking for someone who mimics the narc mom to try and get her to notice him. He doesn't realize this person is draining him. You can never get her acceptance because she is also a narcissists. Repeating the abuse
So true! And so much of my work tho geared towards women, is applicable to men too. I am in the process of coming up with a course for men so stay tuned...and thank you for sharing here with us!
Terri, how about women who are attracted to narcissistic men who have "mother issues". I bet there's a ton of people suffering from this
My younger brother died loving a narcissistic gf. She never deserved him, but he loved her bc he looked for someone to mimic my mother. Sending you love💙
I just want to wish everyone courage and love in their process of healing their mother wound.
I am in the middle of this process and it can be hard at times.
But luckily there are these kind of videos. Thanks to Terri Cole, this is really helpful!
❤️❤️❤️
Yes my Moms definitely a narcissistic mother, it's a freaking nightmare! I'm abounded by my family as they don't believe me! I called her out and I didn't know what she was capable of!?? Even though she's already done an enormous amount of intentional damage to me! I'm on no contact! But she's went into my place and took personal photos and papers! I dread having to contact her again! She's destroyed my life and I'm trying to recover! 🤕
I'm witnessing you with compassion Cara Carolina, and I am sorry you are dealing with this from your mom. I am sending you strength and protection.
You never win. She is an expert in turning things around and you are the bad one. And people and even family believe her. You can never defend yourself. No one to protect me. Not only destroys you, but one step close to killing you.
I had a great relationship with my mom and miss her very much. However, I realize that she may have treated me better than my sister's. I think she loved me more. Parents definitely have favorites.
Can I ask the reason your mom likes you more?
Incredibly put! This was the clearest version of what it means to be born into a system of the wounded mother! Thank you!!!!
This video really resonated with me. I know I've suffered from a mother wound. My situation is a bit complex, I was placed into an orphanage when I was 2 and then adopted at the age of 4 with my older sister. Growing up I experienced alot of what you discussed in this video. I was so confused and yearned for my biological mother while desperately trying to please and fit into the mold of my adoptive parents. I recently decided to go no contact with them, my mom is an overt narcissist and my dad a covert. I experienced alot of mental/emotional abuse growing up. I never had an outlet to express my emotions, everyone expected me to be so appreciative of the life and opportunities my adoptive parents had given me. Anything and everything I was ever given has been rubbed in my face or used against me. My breaking point was when my daughter was born. I had a high risk delivery due to health issues. My mother picked a fight with me over the phone just hours after my delivery because I had not called my sister( the golden child) my text messages and pictures were not enough. She then told me she would not be coming to meet her granddaughter because she had company over and was having a 4th of July party. Needless to say I feel a tremendous amount of relief since I have gone no contact. Now I am committed to my healing and living my best life with my husband and our children. I never want my kids to feel the way I felt as a child. Although I know I have made the right decisions it doesn't make the pain go away. Thank you for your videos Terri they have taught and helped me so much!!!
I see you @esthermarie and am witnessing your growth and courage with so much compassion and understanding. Good for you for choosing yourself and your kids! Thank you for sharing here with us. xo
I have gone through this too with my adopted mother/parents. My siblings were in the foster system when they took us in and our adoptive mother was pretty ok for the first year and half. But after that, issues between parents and multiple problems started to really expose her stripes. The older she gets, the more obvious and clear you can see how unreasonable she is and she won't accept help or responsibility for her displeasures if she should. My dad is much older and he doesn't have the best judgement on how to respond to her either and has miscommunication problems due to his hearing and how a response is perceived by him. He tries his best not to take what she tells him to heart, but they both could be happier just separated at this point. They should be happy while they're still alive now. But I think it does eventually bother him sometimes, but they go back and forth with each other. She has really shown her true colors recently since my dad had to get open heart surgery and 3 and half weeks before his operation, she always had something new to bicker, fuss, overreact, talk behind our backs, displeasure and rant about. It was pure hell.
When I was in a car accident I called my mom crying and she said well we are at lunch and didn't care..no apology ever just back to normal ..its cuz you were the center of attention. Not useful at the moment ? How painful tho. You sound strong. I hope I get there again
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344my mom does that too! If I am dumb enough to tell her something bad happened to me looking for support, she will actually say "I don't care.". Then if she hasn't hung up, she will magnify some trivial thing she is or has experienced. None of you deserve this kind of abuse!
Excellent video thx you ! I stopped contact at 52 saw her at 59 no change so I stopped contact for good I'm 63 now just need peace now to death live my life 🙏
Amen 🙏
80 yo and the thousand wounds to the heart are still so fresh. So many questions that will never be answered. Will stay until my last day. Yes, I can say I forgive, but it would only be words --- not sincere.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you.
I lost my mother a little over 2 years ago. We were so close, probably co dependent. She had depression and I think she wasn't happy about how she handled some things. I suffer from anxiety, which started as a young child, and OCD . I always blamed her , which I will always regret. I miss her terribly and want to apologize to her. It's too late.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
This is important, however what is left out of this conversation is that every single woman, moreso our mothers and grandmothers, have had tremendous pressure on them from a patriarchal system, in so many ways. When daughters also understand this along with their healing, it is a complete picture.
This year, for the first time in my life, I did not contact my mother on mother's day. I didn't want to be fake. Before, I was doing it out of obligation.
That is a big shift, way to go!
As someone who has stuggled with "the mother wound" for many years as an adult after losing my bio mom as a toddler and the woman who raised me as being neglectful and abusive--- this video has finally made it "click" for me after my own therapist telling me the same thing but I can't even connect with that coming from her for some reason. The mother wound hits me at the core of my being and yes, feels comparable to a young girl standing by herself saying "I don't belong" , "I'm too much" , "I'm unworthy of love, attention and care". Thank you for this video, I needed to see this today.
Thank you. I can identify with this. Thank you to the woman who wrote in also, which was the reason you covered this topic. Thank you
You are so welcome and yes to the women who asked the Q that resonates with so many of us. I am grateful you are here with us, Sherri xo
@@terri_cole
Thank you
well. For someone who has had their emotions shut down and invalidated their entire life by a narcissistic, controlling , domineering and emotionally unavailable mother so I've learned to stuff everything inside and keep the lid firmly on - which is quite a task when you're an empath on top of everything else - I bawled through this entire video. Every last flippin' nerve I didn't even know I had got hit. It explains a lot about why I'm always confused when people want to spend time with me - to the point if someone wants to get close to me I immediately want to run screaming in the opposite direction, why I'm happier on my own because I don't feel i need to give up every single one of my needs for someone else, or risk having my heart ripped out yet again, and why I also constantly self-sabotage and never get anywhere in my life because I've always been told that nothing i do is ever good enough or ever will be enough, so what's the point. I'm so textbook it's almost a charicature. its a rough way to feel so my heart goes out to anyone else who found their way to this video. I see you. We're in this together. Sending love.
You described me, my mom and my childhood. Right on the money. So powerful, so sad of course b/c these people placed themselves above the family, their children and their daughters have suffered greatly!!
Thank you for "getting us" for enlightening us and being the piece that was missing all of our lives!!
I see you and I am witnessing you with compassion and understanding Lori. I'm so glad you are here with us!
Well put! Ditto that! Such a shame when this is passed on for generations, when there are so many intelligent, talented & otherwise worthy people who missed their opportunity or purpose in life. Lack of self-confidence, failed careers, bad relationships, missing quality friendships, depression, anxiety, the list goes on & on. I relate 1000%!
it's christmas day, and here i am binge watching videos about narcissistic mothers.
i left home 16 years ago but she managed to convince me to move back home 3 months ago and now i am reliving my childhood traumas! 🤬 what a trickster!
I am so sorry you're in such a painful situation ❤️
For me, I had to be in reality about what she is. Not lying to myself. That was hard for me. Especially when it’s passively, if that’s all you know, you think it’s normal. I wouldn’t accept it for a long time.
Thank u i am suffering from this mother wound. My mother is a wicked narc i s uffered all my life no contact for 2 years
I'm witnessing you Tomiko, and sending you compassion.
Thank you
Yes,my mother too..I too has suffered as a scapegoatdaughter in my whole lfe.Now I am 56 ,57 in Marc ..Now I will try that for to HEAL my MOTHERWOUNDS..💓
Thank you so much for this. I see this pattern repeated even an work relationships, I see my mother everywhere as a shadow and I stop being who I could be, and instead behave in a way I would please her, with anxiety, fear to rejection and a constant look for either validation, either a way to escape from everyone. It has taken me four years since I left my home to realize that she was the root of this omnipresent shadow.
Congratulations for getting to the root of the problem, that's a big step. I'm cheering you on to keep taking the steps forward, because you are deserving of healthy love and relationships in all areas of your life!
I feel it is crucial to point out that you can have physically perfect parents who present as good and kind people.. yet are operating much of the time from fear-based ego-consciousness. A child experiences this, at every turn, as a lack of love, which it is. In reality love is something that simply flows out if a person and is not in any way dependant on externals. Many of us by now have noticed that the extent to which we conformed to our parent’s version of reality, greatly affected the flow of loving energy that came towards us. Love is something that is FELT or not FELT. Most people, whether they are ready to see it or not, are carrying the parent wound, because real love is still a rarity on this planet.
Wonderfully put. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Whew, preach.
Yess
My mother was a narcissist and had 6 kids 3 was her golden kids and one 1was forgotten and 1 was scapegoat 1 was both the scapegoat and forgotten that one being myself .everything you said is my life . I battle every day with not feeling worthy or good enough and it made me put up with things that other women would never even consider allowing and I seem to take it and go back for more .thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I see you. You matter. Thank you for posting and sharing here.
Resonated with me. Big time! Thank you Terri.
You are incredible Terri Cole. Thank you
I’ve related to this so much over the years and now it all makes so much sense.
Thank you so much for this I am looking forward to this series
Wow... I'm in this situation with my Mom. I'm the scape goat and she treats me as such, so I cut ties with her. Not sure if this is correct, but I'm tired of it. She isn't a narc but a codependent too.
This was absolutely perfect. I feel I grew miles during the course of this video.
great video and answered a lot of my questions!-Thanks again
Thank you so much for your channel. I just came across it and I've been binge watching. It's helped me so much. I'm 35, raised by a narcissistic mom who drove me into depression and anxiety in my adulthood. ❤️
I am sure that I have a mother wound, i know it involves the need for validation, to need to be seen, aproved of, the need to feel I am sexually attractive , as an older adult now these emotions are less profound and I have some peace
Beautiful to hear that. Thank you so much for sharing here.
Wow! Me! Me! Pre school age I only saw my parents on the weekend. Monay thru Friday I stayed at the babysitters house. I had three-two were abusive. The 3rd lady was nice but neglectful. But she got me rescued because she told my mom I did not sleep at night. I grew up feeling that children were such a burden, that they were not worth having. I married a man who felt even stronger negative emotions about having children. We had no children.
I'm glad I saw this today. Thank you.
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This is insanely helpful.
So glad to hear it ❤️
Brilliant. So helpful - really clear, well explained and enlightening. Thank you ❤️
This really spoke to me. Thank you so so much for this message! This was me and my relationship with my mother. I forgive her and understand her and release all resentment. I'm in the healing process and have become aware of how I have negatively effected others I have relationships with and taking the steps to be different everyday. Over this past year, I've felt more secure in what I possess within myself and I've never felt this way before. I had no boundaries. I am no longer aggressive and passive aggressive. I understand that I have to be the ideal person that I want in my life whether it's partner, parents I needed, family members, and friends.
Sooo...this is geared toward women. Terrific.
This is amazing! I have actually been to therapy before and about to start back because I didn’t ever finish and I was told I have complex PTSD and this very well goes right along with having a alcoholic father and a controlling co-dependent narcissistic mother! Can’t wait to watch part 2!
Great content indeed and thanks for sharing!
❤️❤️❤️
I can see me and my mother in this, thank you so much Terri Cole
You're welcome. I'm sending you compassion.
All I can say is WOW!
Really helped. Thanks.
This was so deep and described me almost to a tee!!!! I have to follow her and watch all her video's that apply to me and even the one's that don't because I probably will be able to learn something! Thank you Terri for doing this I needed it and I bet millions do to!!!💯👏👏👏✌💝😥
You are SO welcome! I'm here for you!
Well this hit home. Thank you.
You're welcome!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for making this video. This resonated with me and my relationship with my mother so profoundly 👌🏼😊
This made my day!!!
Thank you ... sadly recognizing this to well .. ❤️ but you help me heal. Thank you so much! Hug! ❤️
I'm glad to hear you are healing. You are so welcome, and I'm so glad you're here.
Thank you for this. Words can’t explain.
Glad it was helpful!
@@terri_cole I’m actually going to rewatch it a few times.
Much appreciated from Thailand. I love you ❤️
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I just watched your video and was completely astounded. You are so on point with what you are saying. I will watch your next video. Thanks
I'm so glad it resonated!
Super helpful---thank you so much!!!
So happy to hear it, Laura! I appreciate you being here with us ;)
I began therapy at a young age for a “mother-wound”. It led to my being able to feel the emotion that was missing from my factually expressed words about events that had occurred - memories I recalled devoid of the feelings that would accompany those experiences.
Thank you for sharing that, Beverly ❤️
Its my experience too as a 56 year old scapegoatdaughter of a narcissistic mother,also my father and rest of my family and siblings too was/is narcissists..
Have go NO contact with both my NM Nov 2017!
All that pain and suffering in my whole life,now I want to start to HEAL my MOTHER WOUNDS ...So I HOPE your videos will HELP me to HEAL those deep wounds and scars 💗.
This is the first real step to healing !!! Accessing services n sites to help us heal!! Something our parents would never do!! But thank God I’m doing it!! And I am a mother now! Wish I could Re do somethings but it’s ok tho I’m learning everyday !! And healing!!
Such an important topic ❤️
Yes to all the questions
You make me cry !!
Wow Terri, this was super valuable. I really appreciate you messages on this topic! Looking forward to the next episodes.
So glad this was helpful for you, Kath! ❤️
Another great video!
Thank you Terri this has been really helpful to me. Coming to an understanding of has happened and learning to grow and thrive is sometimes scary, but totally worth it.
Yes, scary and worth it. I am sending you light, Elanne and cheering you on through your understanding!
Terri, thank you so much for your knowledge. Your videos help be to see more clearly what is going on in my mind.
It makes me so happy to hear, Renee! ❤️
Thank you for this.
You are so welcome, Alan ❤️
Thank you so much Terri......
You are always so welcome, Debbie. I appreciate you being here with us!
Yep the consistent pleaser when I called and always making myself pleaser not considering myself and getting mad after realizing that the mother takes for granted and never enough feeling after so many year's efforts and no matter what I do for her never enough and she's not feeling appreciated or caring for me.
Your opening actually describes me and my dad...
I had it. I had my Mother's love growing up. I know I had it. She was kind. She was patient and all I ever wanted to do was make her proud. I was so attuned into her so I know what looks and things I did got the approving smiles and even though I was bullied terribly at schools and possibly acted up at home I still felt I had a good relationship with her. Even as a teenager and we fought we got into open fights because I'd just lose it usually on the account of something she said but it wasn't like all the time. She's very good at the silent treatment and Dad's very good at pushing me to continue on with this when your Mom is withholding any kind of attention and you want to stop because it's a demeaning position to be in takes a lot of your pride and self respect away I'd end up loosing it with her out of temper it wasn't like she said she was too angry to talk and she would find me later something I'd understand. Anyway it started when my sister's boyfriend was introduced to our family. Mom for whatever reason was in awe of him. He runs for sport, he bikes to stay healthy, he's tiled the kitchen out and mowed the lawn and worse - she'd compare him to my boyfriend when I had him. We just heard he was wonderful and we could never measure up to scratch. Any time there was ever any misunderstandings it was always Dave couldn't be at fault. Mom agreed that if I behaved the way I do at home at work no wonder my boss bullied me! Very slowly over time especially times where I felt she should have had my back and supported me allowed my sister's boyfriend to bad mouth me and my boyfriend - I didn't matter to her - she was very good at taking me to doctors appointments and work but that emotional support was just gone and became super critical of me more so than living at home with her. She chased me around my own flat with the floss trying to do it herself. She opened draws and crossed so many boundaries. Her idea of an emergency key was to let herself in, clean, and leave fruit but I felt angry every time I knew she'd been inside without me knowing. This was supposed to be my safe place from the world where I could shit everybody out if I wanted. The judgements and criticisms never stopped from how I liked to live, to the way I dressed - she gave me such a hard time when I grew out my fringe and I wanted it that way she was telling me things like it looks awful, makes your face look too long. You used to look nicer. Just because she decided to call the shots and have a fringe put back in and I wouldn't I got subjected to all kinds of cruel comments. Comments that you wouldn't believe that would come out of my own Mother's mouth so when it's her birthday and I'm standing in front of the card section (although I'll find something) but none of the cards apply. I got more support off my Nan because I didn't want to put her down but I just wanted to talk about it. I couldn't pick up a card saying thank you for all your kind and loving ways or that I appreciated her - howm I supposed to appreciate someone doing things like letting herself into my house with an emergency key for her to clean when I could just as easily done so myself.
I remember after a party at the dentist she asked to see last night's photos and she went through every single picture telling me how others looked nicer and what was wrong with me. The top of my arms were too big I needed a nice cardigan to cover my arms. Other people looked nicer because they'd got a fringe and I hadn't and these people looked better. I hate shopping with my mom, she has to get into the cubicle with me and will make me feel like a whale. She's been so cruel to me over the years I don't know if she loves me sometimes. If she even likes me. I definitely think she's not proud of me. That my sister and her husband are getting things right. Sometimes I think she's trying to cause a sibling rivalry between us but she was there for me when I was younger, when I was bullied so I knew what it used to be like but back then she put me on a pedestal a pedestal I fell off when she realised I had flaws
Your so beautiful!!! I love your beautiful energy! Thank you for the help that I have been looking for 😘
I'm so glad to hear it's helping.
Sooo much resonates - thank you
Thank you for being here, Laura!
Thank you! Would share on my socials but I'm scared of my mother's reaction!!!! Was wondering how to get the check sheet?
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I'm in the process of learning to connect with my feelings and putting myself first. It's challenging but I'm starting to see small changes.
You are so welcome, and right on! ❤️
Would you like to make this translated in Spanish? this really resonated with me , and I would like to make it so other people can access to it
Thank you so much for your work, you’re amazing
Thank you for being here! 💕
Yup you nailed it
This made me crying. Thank you so much for your love to all who are suffering. I just realized what my mom could give me in that moment was all she could give me it’s her best. I feel i found some lost puzzle to understand my deepest darkness.. For multiple years since I faced to a little girl staring at me staying frozen, I denied to forgive and I’ve throw all my fear, anger away to mom. As much as that girl was thirsty for care and conisistent love, the young 20s mom who didn’t have enough emotional resources was too unselfish not to leave her kids under lack of love environment.
I come back to myself 4 years old and 27 years old mom then I will hug both of them.
Thank you so much!!❤️
I hear you and I am holding space for you and your inner little girl.
Nicely explained
I’ve never heard of the mother wound. I was abused until I was 7 by my birth mom and detached from my adoptive mom. And I’m glad I’m seeing this video since I’m about to be a mom.
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Anna ❤️ Thank you for being here.
This is absolutely on target! You've explained so well, my life. Fortunately, I unraveled my mother wound, however, I've never heard anyone explain how everything fits together and impacts one's life as it has mine. It's as if you are handing me the finishing pieces. Thank you - I'm certain that this video will help 100s of people. Looking at your thumbs up speaks volumes!
Thank you so much, I am glad to hear it was helpful for you 💕 The mother wound can be such an invisible scar.
Like it…..? I love it. You touched on so many points. Yes I am sensitive and have over reacted in situations to the point of being embarrassed. Especially at work. Working with a therapist in 2016, helped me tremendously. She explained I had been living in Trauma Time, not Real Time. My reactions to lots of situations were driven by some trauma, sadness, abuse suffered as a girl. As we talked about it over the course of the next few sessions, my understanding grew and I became able to “talk myself down” from the emotional cliff I’d find myself on & react as a healthy woman instead of a wounded girl. Thank you Terri.
So great, I am happy for you 😊
Thank you for this video. I am face to face with my mother wound. Your video has helped me so much in making sense with how I am feeling and why I am feeling, not good enough and not worthy. I have done so much work in this space and suddenly it crept up on me again. I'm probably now ready to deal with the root of my codependence and imposters syndrome. I am eternally grateful
You are so welcome, Aneesa ❤ I'm witnessing your journey with compassion.