@Johnathan.... Maybe you can get to know each other by writing, or talking on the phone. Or even on line messaging. That would make getting to know each other. Without a lot of effort. That should make it easier on both of you. And as you get older. You don't always have that lusty rocket. Just relax. Take it slow and easy. Let it be natural. That's my advice. I am older than you. Who knows. She may be that one lady. Like my Dad told me. Nothing ventured nothing gained. That and Faint Heart never wins. I won my true love. My greatest love of all. Thirty right years of marriage. And I'd marry him again. He passed away fourteen years ago. I hope for you to find your greatest love and happiness. You're a great guy. You deserve to be happy too.
When they say they're not ready, listen, your efforts to "flip" the situation will be wasted. Most likely, they are keeping their options open to find the Unicorn they seek - which may be you but that is the risk they take when you move along! It will save you a lot of time! Wish them well and stay on your path/plan. Good Luck out there!
My experience has been that people are feeling such deprivation. Emotional and social deprivation. A lot of men are so forward right now. It's weird. Total directionless lust. Feels desperate. And the flipside is they are afraid to get close. So it's an intimacy impasse of the strangest kind.
You’re absolutely right. Directionless lust is the right term. I am seeing a guy right now, but he is so dismissive avoidant that we can’t even connect on a basic human level. And tries to on a sexual level, but I put the brakes on that It’s not just that he’s not ready for a relationship, I don’t think he can handle a friendship. I have tried to open up the lines of communication, but it doesn’t work because he runs away. If he didn’t need help with his business, and I didn’t need help with my house, there would be no connection. I just wish that he could appreciate, be grateful for and see how helpful we are to each other without being so bossy, and trying to get the upper hand to prove himself. he’s lost so many things and people in his life, he seems to be self sabotaging this as well.
I relate to this video more than any video that I've seen of yours. As matter of fact , I've taken all of my online dating profiles down because of pure exhaustion. I've decided I want to meet someone organically, period. It'll delay things, but I'm okay with that. I've also rid of most social meeting and feeling great about it. If you're a Beta male, you seem pretty balanced! Definitely a go-getter with this channel and writing a book.
I've been single for 7 years and still haven't gotten into the 'dating pool'. I am not interested in 'internet dating' at all, I did try years ago and I hated it. I have many issues with it that make it not a good fit for me, but one specific problem I have is the inherent expectation upon meeting someone that the 'connection' is SUPPOSED to be 'romantic' from the get go. I find that aspect of meeting people with the pressure of 'liking them' and of being 'romantically' and even 'sexually' attracted to them before having even seen them in real life to be one of the biggest turn offs for me. That just makes me cringe! Yes, I am in theory 'cutting my options off' but that is exactly what I want to do. Not everyone is an option. I don't have a car, I don't plan now or ever to have to drive far for a date. If I don't meet them in real life, and feel a reason to want to get together, I am not wasting a second of my time. I love my life. I have many interests. I believe the love story I will create will include meeting someone naturally 'the old fashioned way' in real life, seeing them, feeling their energy, and experiencing an actual connection with a real person who is feeling the connection too.
I had this experience too. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but days later he was back on the dating site where we met, and in his bio he put that he wanted something real ( thanks to my friend for making a profile on there just to creep for me, lol). It made me sick and hurt. Some men are completely okay with wasting a woman’s time.
He is not ready, because he knows he can have you. Start dating other guys and enjoy your life. He will be running back to you, if not move on and say next.
I wish more men were that honest. Then we could get an idea where their heads is at and decide if we want to meet at all! I probably would just have a coffee as friends with you. This seems like you aren't ready at this time and timing is everything sometimes!
@@JonathonAslay absolutely! I think people should be transparent....with where their heads / feelings are. Then one could see if they want to continue or not😊
This segment definitely resonates with me. I believe it's a combination of covid, the responsibilities of work and family and expectations in the dating process. Sometimes it's good to take a break from dating to recharge and take time for yourself...
I've had dating fatigue for years. I just don't want to date but I do enjoy getting together with friends and doing shared activities. I think I could be content being single for the rest of my life but if I met somebody I'm open to that. Content.
Jonathon could i be wrong or do i get a sense that you may be attracted to your pilates instructor? Could this be why you do not want to meet the lady that wrote you, who by all counts seems to match what is your ideal. The hour and half distance seems to me insignificant.
Love the T! Yes, this really resonated w/ me as I’m turning 53 next weekend and been dating since my divorce 5 years ago. BEYOND exhausted! But in these 5 years I’ve had a lover and there’s so much compatibility, attraction and passion yet we both don’t want the pressure of commitment. But I wonder if it’s possible to go on this way until we’re both ready to take it to the next level. I think we both fear things not working out if we go all in. His kids are grown I’m still raising mine. It’s complicated! But I do see a future with him and I just get so confused 😵💫
@@JonathonAslay so you think there’s hope for us finally giving in and being a couple? He is taking baby steps and meeting my friends. I don’t want him to meet my kids/parents until I know for sure we’re both “all in”..
@@paige9222 really sensible however what has to happen to be officially "all in"? Is it the same for both of you? Believe me if it's not him, it's someone else. It's a big planet.
I'm in dating fatigue, for sure. I'm exhausted from trying to make good conversations with men who seem incapable of doing so. COVID has made people leery of others and the social skills are really lacking. I wish organic dating would come back! I have no more patience for talking to strangers and I don't seem to inspire instant lust. Which just makes me feel bad about myself, and I sure as hell don't need that. I'm focusing on my spiritual life instead.
Awesome video, Jonathon. ❤️. Happily single for 9 years. I might date if I ever met a man who wasn’t married or attached. But that’s all I meet. Maybe that’s an idea for another video. 😉.
I like that you shared honestly to her and asked a question.. The question part of letting her have say in it is what feels authentic to me as a. Woman who would trust you. . A month or so ago someone wrote me that he needed time and said we. Could talk about it, but didn't follow through in connectling timely in text, nor any other option I wrote to him that i moved on and I understand and that I believe until a man knows what he wants the sex isn't going to be any good because I'm not going to trust him, and this imo felt best for me not attacking him and also holding boundaries so that someone isn't just trying to weasel, out of just wanting sex. If I made him feel bad with my response, he should have like you used more care and response to show authenticity. When someone says it can be discussed and doesn't bring it up for discussion, then I see this as someone not my equal. I've done a lot of work like you. Jonathan, I think you need to dive in. I think you're beyond ready and it seems when we are about to give up is the one worth the effort. . there isn't a one... There is you being loving and trusting love is given, but wanting that repeat of romance we had in 20s and 30s is very different when we are healthy. I say jump in. Resistance is what I have learned is what exhausts us. .
I have met all 3 of the men I have dated long term in my life organically. One of which is my now ex-husband. My 1st was my next door neighbor starting at age 6, and the 2nd two I met in church singles groups where we all go out for pizza, dancing, etc after our weekly meetings in groups of 5 to 20 people. We are always friends 1st.
I agree with Terry, I think you have to take time out from dating and recharge your batteries. Sometimes when you’re not looking, then the very thing or person your looking for crosses your path. I have a male friend who wants to avoid dating and go straight to cuddling on couch and watching movies. He wants a woman to have same views as him. I felt that if he’s lazy in his dating he’ll be lazy in the relationship and told him to make the effort with women. His actions will determine the woman he gets. Law of attraction. Lots to see and do in life with the right person and dating should be exciting not dragging you down x
Jonathon you are an absolute star and I resonate with World issues etc. You are an empath and very sensitive so this is weighing you down. Your reiki friends can assist with some spiritual cleansing or you could look into it. Clear your energy zone to help uplift you. Don’t let anything dull your sparkle x
I wish the expectation of hand holding snd kissing were completely off the table for the first couple dates. I don’t even know this person and so many men expect to hold my hand and kiss on the first meeting and I just dread having to tell them I am not comfortable with it when they “go for it.” Let’s just get to know one another like in the real days!
This explanation made clear to me how I feel about dating. I have met someone organically and we have met several times to do fun things (work out together, drive several hours to see the fall colors, music venues) and we have lots in common and enjoy each other’s company. We’re both early 60’s and live in a very small town. That’s the background. There has been no hand holding or kissing - just nice hugs hello and goodbye. I was wondering why he isn’t more assertive in this. Thank you for this video. It is one of your best. Now I know we are still getting to know each other and neither of us may be ready for the responsibilities real dating involves.
I have to ask, if you are experiencing burn out, resistance and hesitancy to go on dates and get to know people, why do you still have your profile up? Why not take a break for a while. Here's you've connected with someone who may have someone particularly interesting and you list multiple reasons why you don't want to pursue her and much of it doesn't even have anything to do with the distance. It seems a little misleading to the women out there to stay on a dating site when you've got some mental roadblocks going on. I had to look inside myself a while back and discover that I really was not wanting to date anymore so i decided to remove my profile just to not waste anyone else's time. Also, I think it's great what you said to her. Beta male? You're being honest. I also live in LA and yes, the coast, compared to where I live (the foothills) it's a solid hour if not more of driving.
This really resonated with me as well. I have been dating someone for 4 months and within a week of us getting together, he obtained full custody of his 10 year old daughter. He is also the type that works a lot and loves his job. So a few months in he told me that he is just not ready to "go all in" for a commitment and he realized there was just too much on his plate. We still talk everyday (we are long distance), and honestly, it feels like we are still in a relationship, lol. However, he mentioned some of the same things from the letter you read. Most people would say, "Oh he probably has someone else," or something similar. However, I do believe he is not ready and I think he did not realize how much work needed to put into a long distance relationship until he got in one! Plus, I have so much respect and admiration for a man who is willing to step up and raise a 10 year old girl on his own. I can't be mad at him for that one! We do have something very unique and special, but I do believe sometimes it's not just time. I appreciate your videos and your candid and honest feedback!
"Expectation" is the kiss of death. Stop it! Meeting someone with the same likes "Its like mixing batter with batter" it boring, no spice. Just have fun going out and dating. I loved blind dates and casual dating. I was just excited about meeting someone new and finding a new place in town. No you are not a "Beta Male." Dont worry about that. Go out with your guy friends. Some condo's have tenant meeting rooms. Have an event. Every single tenant has to bring a single friend to get in. I met a couple of men that way. Still dating one.
I have to be honest, when you described her letters, and how deep they are, a thought went through my head that you may be afraid she is a little more spiritually developed than you.
This vid seems tailored for me. I recently paused all my dating apps profiles as I'm just feeling sooooo exhausted from all the dating rituals, the expectations, disappointments etc., and just focus on myself, being alone with myself, and I'm feeling so much better and peaceful from within.
Dating someone you don't want to date and warning them you don't want a relationship is not a good way to get to know someone. Walls/excuses/pushing them away/mixed up on goals etc... Find a friend not find a person to date you have lust with.
Hey Jonathon thank you for your honesty. I have been dating 3 years due to being a widow and I totally will not drive more than 20 minutes to date someone. It’s not worth the effort as I am looking for an effortless dating and relationship. I want companionship and commit but I don’t want it to be a chore. However after listening to your reluctance to meet this women who you claim you have something in common with, I get the impression that she is not really your type physically. You are not physically attracted to her. Just my perception.
I used to feel very excited about the dating game and was looking forward to taking part once I was where I wanted to be with my personal development work.I view it differently now having been on this channel for a couple of months and certainly, the video today has really resonated with me.Hearing people's dating experience, I feel I have lived the dating experiences vicariously.I truly understand now when people on here( and elsewhere)have said that they are happier on their own.I hope to change my mind in the future but for now,I'll stay happily single like many on here 😊.I'll focus on my personal development work and the reciprocated love from family and friends ❤ 💕
Hey Jonathan. Good morning. Have a good good morning. If I were 20 minutes away from you I would pay for our coffees.in coffee cups that say "I love myself" and we could talk about all of this and be friends.Love from just one of your supporters in NYC, in the world. You are a wonderful person and your wise advice (opinion?) truly helps.
Yes this makes sense! Especially about taking the pressure out of dating! I recently had two dates, with two different men. We talked about second dates - so I'm very much looking to minimize the pressure as we approach our second dates. Thank you for all that you do!
Jonathan you are right to to say how you feel right from the start I try to be honest I meet someone on line only to later find out he is not over his ex big hugs to you to
Taking the pressure off? It seems so redundant to say this. How can there be any pressure on a first date? This video was a real turn off for dating. It's like get your act together, take responsibility for your own self, your own health, find God/buddha, get enlightened and be a light to the world. If a partner walks by your side, great, otherwise forget dating.
I must get your book! your response to the lady was beautiful and truthful and I wish all men could respond the way you did. In my experience it is all about sex. How do you respond to the a-holes that are just after hook ups even though on their profile they have said they are looking for a relationship?? You spend time chatting and they hit you with sex talk. It's echausting
Look out for the bait & switch also. On their profiles they say theyre looking to get married etc. Only later to deny ever writing that on their profile or implying that. Lowlife move but it happens... Honesty isnt everyone's policy lol.
I totally agree and understand about your letter you wrote! It is extremely exhausting! I am on a dating sight and find it is a confusing, letdown to say the least. I will share briefly with you. I am dating a guy and 4 dates in, (my Sister is on the same dating site) and he starts trying to connect with her!? Not knowing she is my Sister! Obviously there are several people who are serial dating. I feel the need for me, is to pick one and to focus on each other to get to know each other. Am I that disconnected with thee dating site reality? Thank you for taking time to read this and giving us all your insights and help. Sheree~
Taking care of a pet may also make people think they can't handle it also. Not ready for people maybe that one person is moving faster than the other person and they have other things they need to do. Yes...sharing you lost your son is important. People maybe burned out in life also or job or tons of dates etc.. Best find someone that fits into your life style. Dating should not be costly/too formal/wear a mask etc. Maybe people are burned out by the truth or wearing the mask. Lust may scare a woman away. Old men may love all women....just don't want to be alone.
I’ve never dated and did not understood it till now, pretty depressing. I think is the city we live in. Need to move to a slow pace town to connect and meet 🤷🏻♀️
I am going through it too! 😭 I want a long distance relationship with a good man but he says it feels like a lot of effort! I think I am going to offer just going and hanging out when I travel north to see family. We knew each other years ago at work but he moved and our lives went opposite directions then we reconnected online. I have admired him for so long!
If she is dating with the intention of finding a partner, it is actually good that you cancelled this meeting because you are resistant to the process of dating and getting to know her, and know that you will not be willing to drive 90 minutes to see her, even if you are interested and attracted. If what you would most enjoy is a buddy for hanging out in your neighborhood, then I wonder if a dating app is your best bet.
Your value as a dating coach has just skyrocked! 🚀 My guess is 95% of midlife singles feel the EXACT same way. Great video! Get some rest and go meet that lady!!!
Jonathan your candor is awesome. It IS exhausting. It takes so much time and sharing to get the core of someone. By the time you get past the games and the honest truth it’s months later. I need to get your help with compassion you are right. Cut to the chase, early.
Thank you. I have just come across this video. Your honesty and insight has helped me enormously today. I needed to hear "get to know someone organically". Not rush it.
You're so true and amazingly honest with this lady. It's something I've to concluded this my last dates. They are not are ready not just for me but for the adventure to truly explore a new relationship or even a new job or business, they are wonderful but almost broken even having the courage to go to dates
Seems uou are looking at dating itself in a very negative manner. What happened to let's just go hang out! With no expectations. Lets have a short adventure where we celebrate, being able to once again be able to run around, without limitations, ( Like life before Covid!) I met my husband when I was 50, and we used to do some really fun, and crazy things together, without labeling it as a date. We acted like we were teenagers again, instead of 2 middle aged people looking for love. Neither one of us approached it as a negative thing. We saw it as two people simply having fun without any preconceptions. I mean isn't this exactly what happens when you meet someone organically?!
Like others. I think its time to put dating on pause when you get to this level. Take down your profile(s) temporarily and just be. The constant pressure to be “on” can wear you down, especially with what has been going on for the past four to five years. Many of us are fried from the politics, then we have pandemic layered on top of that. Add to that, you’re in Southern California, I’m in Northern California, we have wildfires! And the smoke, and the ash and the unhealthy air quality to contend with on top of the virus. My single friends are feeling this as well, we’re just burned out. Things will get better, sometimes you need to give yourself a break the interim.
Hi, Jonathan. I’ve been following you for a couple of months and somehow missed this video previously. Your willingness and ability to be sincere, honest and transparent with your audience is a remarkable gift. Hearing your thoughts is very enlightening about how many of us in mid-life and beyond must be feeling these days, even prior to Covid. I have a notepad for capturing key thoughts from you and other coaches, and here’s what I added after watching this video: Start the conversation with “Can we just take the pressure off of the expectations, so we can get to know each other organically to see if we’re even on the same page as two people?” (If he agrees, we can both start from a place of kindness and speaking our truth). I’m very excited to give this a try when the next opportunity emerges! Thank you so much, I really appreciate you ☺️
Beautiful.! Sounds like you are doing well.with telling your truth. Ive had plenty of time alone to think this through and I feel the same way and I am not on the online sites and have no desire for it. If you are feeling discouraged, then I hope you won't be for long, Wow!Loved Led Zeppelin. Peace and Love, Ellen.
Just saw this video today! Dating fatigue is REAL. You are not jaded or weak, just tired. Me too. Thank you for saying it loud and clear!!! 2 men recently could not handle the logistics of meeting me at a mid way point in a city of 5 million so they faded off. Everyone is tired, but it’s worse at middle age because we tend to go back to our comfort zone due to burn out.
Love what you have to say, it’s refreshing. My male is exactly this and I can see that it’s just fear from past stuff coming up. We will get through it because there’s a genuine friendship & attraction that bonds us. And I understand what he’s going through.
Jonathon, let me just say how amazing you are. I’ve learned to understand what my partner might be going through from your wisdom, compassion, experience and guidance. I resonate with all your interests, as well as our divine connection to source 🥰
You’ve described exactly how I’m feeling re: dating. What I have found with the last few men is they ALL wanted instant relationship. One meeting in and they are shutting down their profile to focus only on me. (And if I don’t, they won’t date me) Although on one hand it’s flattering, on the other (more heavily weighted hand), more than likely this won’t work out, so why would I want to invest time and energy into a complete stranger?I Where more than likely, it’s not going to work out? (This includes lots of writing back and forth online or texting. The way I get to really know someone is by spending time, observing and having shared experiences)
Thank you for doing this video - I asked and you delivered!! It’s not what I thought you would say… refreshing. Being ‘ready’- can mean pacing, honesty etc. In other words, it certainly can be something that is going on with other person. I hope you do try to go with her- you never know. 🤷🏼♀️
I really appreciate this yu shouldn’t be criticized but yu made a great point nowadays dating has gotten hard complicated frustrating I’m very frastuated and thanks for sharing your personal struggles with dating men can be complicated maje it hard to understand them like me I’m in my early 50 I’m looking for a serious relationship but not luck I’m not ugly I look gray for my age but like yu put it it’s tired meet people who don’t have connections and I don’t like to hurt people feelings it’s a lot things and issues that come with that and yu do meet strangers that come with a lot baggage and traumas it’s a lot to take but thanks yu gave me clarity when I thought something was definitely wrong with me god blessings
Wow, lightbulb moment !! That explains a lot about how I have been feeling and makes me understand more where men are coming from as well - indeed anyone that is dating in this time period. Thanks for that.
Yes, most definitely. When you depicted that in a nut shell. I said same words exactly. It makes sense to let them reach when their time is restrained, being friends.
Thanks for being honest but I think god gave me the answer trough yu I feel the same way I want a date but it’s scary and tired of men see me as a piece of meat I’m not a ugly woman I have a lot to offer but men can be complicated and scared too I love to talk have connected with someone but it’s hard now days dating it’s not easy very well put thanks it brought clarity to what I thought there was something wrong with me and by the way that guy yu mentioned he’s wants find some I would like to meet him let me know thanks
Well said. I have dating burn out and have had a date in longer than I'd like to admit! The process and expectation! I love this so much! I love what you wrote her it was perfect! I love your videos! I need to buy your book.
Ah yes, the clusterfuck...but here is a valuable lesson I learned from online dating. When I was dating in my 20's-30's, any breakup or any other negative experience made me feel that I was the only one. In my daily life, I would see couples walking around looking happy and connected, and I'd of course think, what's wrong with ME?? They can do it, why can't I?? This would depress me into a deep mope. But now? With online dating? I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! I now see that everyone in the dating pool experiences this, so it's one of the prices for admission.
True. I want to be dating but it is frustrating and I get exhausted by it. Also I am finding that the profile “image” some men portray is not reality in their thoughts. I clearly state my political/world views and find the opposite contact me! And that they are offended when I explore that subject to make sure we align. They have clearly not read my profile! Very frustrating Not sure what my next step is …
Jonathon I believe your message you wrote is more for you than for her. One thing I’ve learned - the hard way - is to not send a long message explaining because the message gets lost in translation. This is my feelings - you mentioning you’re a dating coach sounds like ego speaking to me which is not needed. Just saying something simple is received better - no long explanation is needed. Rethink what you wrote before you actually send it.
I’m sorry, but to me, long distance is not sustainable. Maybe its fun to get out of your neck of the woods but if you want a meaning relationship unfortunately it starts becoming frustrating and heartache sets in. Ask me how I know.
Disagree. Unless you are actually married, why do you need to be in the same house or even the same city? I find long-distance relationships to be character building and very illuminating. Exposes flaws so much clearer if you know what to look for. Like Whoopi Goldberg said, 'I don't want anybody in my house.' And I might add 'unless we are married'.
Thanks for your honesty. You do seem a bit jaded but not bitter 🙂This totally resonates with me and I can understand the dating fatigue of which you speak.My single friends and I talk about the light side of relationships - such as going to museums,meeting for coffee and going for walks but we just don't want the emotional commitment/responsibility that a relationship understandably requires.I guess we're just not ready but we continue to do our personal development work as this helps us in all areas of our lives.I have yet to do online dating...In mid- life,most of us have taken so many knocks and we're dealing with this and then to have the responsibility of a relationship it can all seem a bit too much at times.Well that's how myself and my single friends feel.I think how you feel Jon,is how many of us feel🙂.
@@JonathonAslay Jaded and tired are( in this context) interchangeable - but I won't get bogged down in semantics😊- you're tired and I get where you're coming from.I think also Covid has affected many of us emotionally.🤔
I sat here listening to you J and yes it does all make sense. I don’t date on line for that reason because it kind of sets up both people with some sort of expectation. I think when you feel that way, it means your cup is half full or there is perhaps some hormonal imbalance that zaps your energy. We need to start getting out more and doing the things we love to do that takes us around other like minded people because then if you spy someone while out and about you can strike up a conversation and if inspired by that person take it from there. There’s a sense of freedom in that. Keep doing things with friends and when the time is right, I believe the universe places our person in front of us. Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean you are ready for it or energetic towards it … in that case, I have always gone with my intuition and if yours was to cancel meeting someone that you felt was too far to drive to see, energetically then that was you’re intuition telling you that maybe you need to energize yourself and keep filling your own cup up. Just my take Dear Jonathon so just stop and listen to yourself because you give good advice. 🤗
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@Johnathan.... Maybe you can get to know each other by writing, or talking on the phone. Or even on line messaging. That would make getting to know each other. Without a lot of effort. That should make it easier on both of you. And as you get older. You don't always have that lusty rocket. Just relax. Take it slow and easy. Let it be natural. That's my advice. I am older than you. Who knows. She may be that one lady. Like my Dad told me. Nothing ventured nothing gained. That and
Faint Heart never wins. I won my true love. My greatest love of all. Thirty right years of marriage. And I'd marry him again. He passed away fourteen years ago. I hope for you to find your greatest love and happiness. You're a great guy. You deserve to be happy too.
When they say they're not ready, listen, your efforts to "flip" the situation will be wasted. Most likely, they are keeping their options open to find the Unicorn they seek - which may be you but that is the risk they take when you move along! It will save you a lot of time! Wish them well and stay on your path/plan. Good Luck out there!
My experience has been that people are feeling such deprivation. Emotional and social deprivation. A lot of men are so forward right now. It's weird. Total directionless lust. Feels desperate. And the flipside is they are afraid to get close. So it's an intimacy impasse of the strangest kind.
The way you worded that not only captured how I felt in my soul, but it made me crack up, hard. Thank you.
A very insightful and interesting comment Linda
Exactly how it's been for me too. It's confusing and frustrating.
You’re absolutely right. Directionless lust is the right term. I am seeing a guy right now, but he is so dismissive avoidant that we can’t even connect on a basic human level. And tries to on a sexual level, but I put the brakes on that It’s not just that he’s not ready for a relationship, I don’t think he can handle a friendship. I have tried to open up the lines of communication, but it doesn’t work because he runs away. If he didn’t need help with his business, and I didn’t need help with my house, there would be no connection. I just wish that he could appreciate, be grateful for and see how helpful we are to each other without being so bossy, and trying to get the upper hand to prove himself. he’s lost so many things and people in his life, he seems to be self sabotaging this as well.
I relate to this video more than any video that I've seen of yours. As matter of fact , I've taken all of my online dating profiles down because of pure exhaustion. I've decided I want to meet someone organically, period. It'll delay things, but I'm okay with that. I've also rid of most social meeting and feeling great about it.
If you're a Beta male, you seem pretty balanced! Definitely a go-getter with this channel and writing a book.
I've been single for 7 years and still haven't gotten into the 'dating pool'. I am not interested in 'internet dating' at all, I did try years ago and I hated it. I have many issues with it that make it not a good fit for me, but one specific problem I have is the inherent expectation upon meeting someone that the 'connection' is SUPPOSED to be 'romantic' from the get go. I find that aspect of meeting people with the pressure of 'liking them' and of being 'romantically' and even 'sexually' attracted to them before having even seen them in real life to be one of the biggest turn offs for me. That just makes me cringe!
Yes, I am in theory 'cutting my options off' but that is exactly what I want to do. Not everyone is an option. I don't have a car, I don't plan now or ever to have to drive far for a date. If I don't meet them in real life, and feel a reason to want to get together, I am not wasting a second of my time. I love my life. I have many interests. I believe the love story I will create will include meeting someone naturally 'the old fashioned way' in real life, seeing them, feeling their energy, and experiencing an actual connection with a real person who is feeling the connection too.
I agree with what you say- I too have a good and full life and I am hoping to meet someone the old fashioned way when I'm good and ready 😊
I had a man tell me this after 6 months dating. Truth is, he wasn't ready for a relationship WITH ME. He moved on quickly to someone else.
Most people aren't ready if they haven't done the work...
I had this experience too. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but days later he was back on the dating site where we met, and in his bio he put that he wanted something real ( thanks to my friend for making a profile on there just to creep for me, lol). It made me sick and hurt. Some men are completely okay with wasting a woman’s time.
Oh. I'm sorry. I know that had to hurt.
@@JonathonAslay and most today are too lazy to do any work. They just want to have fun and get off. Basically yeah.
@@j-tenn226 he probably did the same thing to the next girl. And the next one. And the next one.
He is not ready, because he knows he can have you. Start dating other guys and enjoy your life. He will be running back to you, if not move on and say next.
I wish more men were that honest. Then we could get an idea where their heads is at and decide if we want to meet at all! I probably would just have a coffee as friends with you. This seems like you aren't ready at this time and timing is everything sometimes!
And if women could do they same... just saying.
Well said.
@@JonathonAslay absolutely! I think people should be transparent....with where their heads / feelings are. Then one could see if they want to continue or not😊
This segment definitely resonates with me. I believe it's a combination of covid, the responsibilities of work and family and expectations in the dating process. Sometimes it's good to take a break from dating to recharge and take time for yourself...
Thanks for sharing!
I've had dating fatigue for years. I just don't want to date but I do enjoy getting together with friends and doing shared activities. I think I could be content being single for the rest of my life but if I met somebody I'm open to that. Content.
Jonathon could i be wrong or do i get a sense that you may be attracted to your pilates instructor?
Could this be why you do not want to meet the lady that wrote you, who by all counts seems to match what is your ideal. The hour and half distance seems to me insignificant.
Love the T! Yes, this really resonated w/ me as I’m turning 53 next weekend and been dating since my divorce 5 years ago. BEYOND exhausted! But in these 5 years I’ve had a lover and there’s so much compatibility, attraction and passion yet we both don’t want the pressure of commitment. But I wonder if it’s possible to go on this way until we’re both ready to take it to the next level. I think we both fear things not working out if we go all in. His kids are grown I’m still raising mine. It’s complicated! But I do see a future with him and I just get so confused 😵💫
Happy to hear
@@JonathonAslay so you think there’s hope for us finally giving in and being a couple? He is taking baby steps and meeting my friends. I don’t want him to meet my kids/parents until I know for sure we’re both “all in”..
@@paige9222 really sensible however what has to happen to be officially "all in"? Is it the same for both of you? Believe me if it's not him, it's someone else. It's a big planet.
An hour and a half to potentially meet the love of your life....
I'm in dating fatigue, for sure. I'm exhausted from trying to make good conversations with men who seem incapable of doing so. COVID has made people leery of others and the social skills are really lacking. I wish organic dating would come back! I have no more patience for talking to strangers and I don't seem to inspire instant lust. Which just makes me feel bad about myself, and I sure as hell don't need that. I'm focusing on my spiritual life instead.
Awesome video, Jonathon. ❤️. Happily single for 9 years. I might date if I ever met a man who wasn’t married or attached. But that’s all I meet. Maybe that’s an idea for another video. 😉.
I like that you shared honestly to her and asked a question.. The question part of letting her have say in it is what feels authentic to me as a. Woman who would trust you. . A month or so ago someone wrote me that he needed time and said we. Could talk about it, but didn't follow through in connectling timely in text, nor any other option I wrote to him that i moved on and I understand and that I believe until a man knows what he wants the sex isn't going to be any good because I'm not going to trust him, and this imo felt best for me not attacking him and also holding boundaries so that someone isn't just trying to weasel, out of just wanting sex. If I made him feel bad with my response, he should have like you used more care and response to show authenticity. When someone says it can be discussed and doesn't bring it up for discussion, then I see this as someone not my equal. I've done a lot of work like you. Jonathan, I think you need to dive in. I think you're beyond ready and it seems when we are about to give up is the one worth the effort. . there isn't a one... There is you being loving and trusting love is given, but wanting that repeat of romance we had in 20s and 30s is very different when we are healthy. I say jump in. Resistance is what I have learned is what exhausts us. .
I have met all 3 of the men I have dated long term in my life organically. One of which is my now ex-husband. My 1st was my next door neighbor starting at age 6, and the 2nd two I met in church singles groups where we all go out for pizza, dancing, etc after our weekly meetings in groups of 5 to 20 people. We are always friends 1st.
I agree with Terry, I think you have to take time out from dating and recharge your batteries. Sometimes when you’re
not looking, then the very thing or person your looking for crosses your path.
I have a male friend who wants to avoid dating and go straight to cuddling on couch and watching movies. He wants a woman to have same views as him.
I felt that if he’s lazy in his dating he’ll be lazy in the relationship and told him to make the effort with women. His actions will determine the woman he gets. Law of attraction.
Lots to see and do in life with the right person and dating should be exciting not dragging you down x
Yes, the heaviness of the world has taken its toll on me.
Jonathon you are an absolute star and I resonate with World issues etc. You are an empath and very sensitive so this is weighing you down. Your reiki friends can assist with some spiritual cleansing or you could look into it. Clear your energy zone to help uplift you.
Don’t let anything dull your sparkle x
I wish the expectation of hand holding snd kissing were completely off the table for the first couple dates. I don’t even know this person and so many men expect to hold my hand and kiss on the first meeting and I just dread having to tell them I am not comfortable with it when they “go for it.” Let’s just get to know one another like in the real days!
Thanks for sharing 🙏
I can't believe you did literally answer all the questions I was looking answers for haha 😃🥰
Very relatable and honest video, thanks!
This explanation made clear to me how I feel about dating. I have met someone organically and we have met several times to do fun things (work out together, drive several hours to see the fall colors, music venues) and we have lots in common and enjoy each other’s company. We’re both early 60’s and live in a very small town. That’s the background. There has been no hand holding or kissing - just nice hugs hello and goodbye. I was wondering why he isn’t more assertive in this. Thank you for this video. It is one of your best. Now I know we are still getting to know each other and neither of us may be ready for the responsibilities real dating involves.
I have to ask, if you are experiencing burn out, resistance and hesitancy to go on dates and get to know people, why do you still have your profile up? Why not take a break for a while. Here's you've connected with someone who may have someone particularly interesting and you list multiple reasons why you don't want to pursue her and much of it doesn't even have anything to do with the distance. It seems a little misleading to the women out there to stay on a dating site when you've got some mental roadblocks going on. I had to look inside myself a while back and discover that I really was not wanting to date anymore so i decided to remove my profile just to not waste anyone else's time.
Also, I think it's great what you said to her. Beta male? You're being honest. I also live in LA and yes, the coast, compared to where I live (the foothills) it's a solid hour if not more of driving.
In my limited experience, it's never really about the miles/distance for these men. It's a cover for something else.
@@adj5767 That's true-men will drive for hours for sex they actually want.
Men need better pictures on dating apps. I had professional pictures taken and put effort in my dating profiles
And women could also benefit from better pictures too...
Yeah but I had professional pictures. I swipe left far more than right lol
Jonathan, thank you! Right on!!! I was trying to figure out what was going on with my self and you nailed it on the head.
This really resonated with me as well. I have been dating someone for 4 months and within a week of us getting together, he obtained full custody of his 10 year old daughter. He is also the type that works a lot and loves his job. So a few months in he told me that he is just not ready to "go all in" for a commitment and he realized there was just too much on his plate. We still talk everyday (we are long distance), and honestly, it feels like we are still in a relationship, lol. However, he mentioned some of the same things from the letter you read. Most people would say, "Oh he probably has someone else," or something similar. However, I do believe he is not ready and I think he did not realize how much work needed to put into a long distance relationship until he got in one! Plus, I have so much respect and admiration for a man who is willing to step up and raise a 10 year old girl on his own. I can't be mad at him for that one! We do have something very unique and special, but I do believe sometimes it's not just time. I appreciate your videos and your candid and honest feedback!
"Expectation" is the kiss of death. Stop it!
Meeting someone with the same likes "Its like mixing batter with batter" it boring, no spice.
Just have fun going out and dating. I loved blind dates and casual dating. I was just excited about meeting someone new and finding a new place in town.
No you are not a "Beta Male." Dont worry about that.
Go out with your guy friends. Some condo's have tenant meeting rooms. Have an event. Every single tenant has to bring a single friend to get in. I met a couple of men that way.
Still dating one.
I have to be honest, when you described her letters, and how deep they are, a thought went through my head that you may be afraid she is a little more spiritually developed than you.
Nope... but she is a better writer.
This vid seems tailored for me. I recently paused all my dating apps profiles as I'm just feeling sooooo exhausted from all the dating rituals, the expectations, disappointments etc., and just focus on myself, being alone with myself, and I'm feeling so much better and peaceful from within.
Dating someone you don't want to date and warning them you don't want a relationship is not a good way to get to know someone. Walls/excuses/pushing them away/mixed up on goals etc... Find a friend not find a person to date you have lust with.
Hey Jonathon thank you for your honesty. I have been dating 3 years due to being a widow and I totally will not drive more than 20 minutes to date someone. It’s not worth the effort as I am looking for an effortless dating and relationship. I want companionship and commit but I don’t want it to be a chore. However after listening to your reluctance to meet this women who you claim you have something in common with, I get the impression that she is not really your type physically. You are not physically attracted to her. Just my perception.
I used to feel very excited about the dating game and was looking forward to taking part once I was where I wanted to be with my personal development work.I view it differently now having been on this channel for a couple of months and certainly, the video today has really resonated with me.Hearing people's dating experience, I feel I have lived the dating experiences vicariously.I truly understand now when people on here( and elsewhere)have said that they are happier on their own.I hope to change my mind in the future but for now,I'll stay happily single like many on here 😊.I'll focus on my personal development work and the reciprocated love from family and friends ❤ 💕
Hi Viv but isn't it sad how we are all now after everything, wanting to be single. Dating is exciting but so dam draining to the mind and soul.
This has resonated so much. I feel emotionally exhausted. I am currently taking a break and working on loving myself more before I try again
Hey Jonathan. Good morning. Have a good good morning. If I were 20 minutes away from you I would pay for our coffees.in coffee cups that say "I love myself" and we could talk about all of this and be friends.Love from just one of your supporters in NYC, in the world. You are a wonderful person and your wise advice (opinion?) truly helps.
Yes this makes sense! Especially about taking the pressure out of dating! I recently had two dates, with two different men. We talked about second dates - so I'm very much looking to minimize the pressure as we approach our second dates. Thank you for all that you do!
Happy to hear... thanks
Did you say you were on a dating website, and this is how you connected with this lady?
Yes... she wrote me
My initial thought is, it seems like you may need a break from the dating website and perhaps dating in general.
Jonathan you are right to to say how you feel right from the start I try to be honest I meet someone on line only to later find out he is not over his ex big hugs to you to
Taking the pressure off? It seems so redundant to say this. How can there be any pressure on a first date?
This video was a real turn off for dating. It's like get your act together, take responsibility for your own self, your own health, find God/buddha, get enlightened and be a light to the world. If a partner walks by your side, great, otherwise forget dating.
I must get your book! your response to the lady was beautiful and truthful and I wish all men could respond the way you did. In my experience it is all about sex. How do you respond to the a-holes that are just after hook ups even though on their profile they have said they are looking for a relationship?? You spend time chatting and they hit you with sex talk. It's echausting
Look out for the bait & switch also. On their profiles they say theyre looking to get married etc. Only later to deny ever writing that on their profile or implying that. Lowlife move but it happens... Honesty isnt everyone's policy lol.
I totally agree and understand about your letter you wrote! It is extremely exhausting! I am on a dating sight and find it is a confusing, letdown to say the least. I will share briefly with you. I am dating a guy and 4 dates in, (my Sister is on the same dating site) and he starts trying to connect with her!? Not knowing she is my Sister! Obviously there are several people who are serial dating. I feel the need for me, is to pick one and to focus on each other to get to know each other. Am I that disconnected with thee dating site reality? Thank you for taking time to read this and giving us all your insights and help. Sheree~
Taking care of a pet may also make people think they can't handle it also. Not ready for people maybe that one person is moving faster than the other person and they have other things they need to do. Yes...sharing you lost your son is important. People maybe burned out in life also or job or tons of dates etc.. Best find someone that fits into your life style. Dating should not be costly/too formal/wear a mask etc. Maybe people are burned out by the truth or wearing the mask. Lust may scare a woman away. Old men may love all women....just don't want to be alone.
I’ve never dated and did not understood it till now, pretty depressing. I think is the city we live in. Need to move to a slow pace town to connect and meet 🤷🏻♀️
I am going through it too! 😭 I want a long distance relationship with a good man but he says it feels like a lot of effort! I think I am going to offer just going and hanging out when I travel north to see family.
We knew each other years ago at work but he moved and our lives went opposite directions then we reconnected online. I have admired him for so long!
If she is dating with the intention of finding a partner, it is actually good that you cancelled this meeting because you are resistant to the process of dating and getting to know her, and know that you will not be willing to drive 90 minutes to see her, even if you are interested and attracted. If what you would most enjoy is a buddy for hanging out in your neighborhood, then I wonder if a dating app is your best bet.
I absolutely LOVED what you said!!! I agree 1000%!!!!!
A woman can tell a guy that also. We are not interested or compatible with eveyone.
Your value as a dating coach has just skyrocked! 🚀 My guess is 95% of midlife singles feel the EXACT same way. Great video! Get some rest and go meet that lady!!!
WOW! Thank you...
Jonathan your candor is awesome. It IS exhausting. It takes so much time and sharing to get the core of someone. By the time you get past the games and the honest truth it’s months later. I need to get your help with compassion you are right. Cut to the chase, early.
Thank you. I have just come across this video. Your honesty and insight has helped me enormously today.
I needed to hear "get to know someone organically". Not rush it.
Glad it was helpful!
You're so true and amazingly honest with this lady. It's something I've to concluded this my last dates. They are not are ready not just for me but for the adventure to truly explore a new relationship or even a new job or business, they are wonderful but almost broken even having the courage to go to dates
You got this!
So why get on the apps at all?
What the bleep is a person not seeking a relationship doing on a dating website..
(I already know the answer to that )
Ha Ha !!! You’ve taught us well ..
Glad to see you so refreshed from you own time out ..💕🙋♀️
Jonathon, great video. Bear hugs for you 🐻❤️
Same to you!
Seems uou are looking at dating itself in a very negative manner. What happened to let's just go hang out! With no expectations. Lets have a short adventure where we celebrate, being able to once again be able to run around, without limitations, ( Like life before Covid!) I met my husband when I was 50, and we used to do some really fun, and crazy things together, without labeling it as a date. We acted like we were teenagers again, instead of 2 middle aged people looking for love. Neither one of us approached it as a negative thing. We saw it as two people simply having fun without any preconceptions. I mean isn't this exactly what happens when you meet someone organically?!
Thanks for your advice . What region of the country you are in ?
Los Angeles
Like others. I think its time to put dating on pause when you get to this level. Take down your profile(s) temporarily and just be. The constant pressure to be “on” can wear you down, especially with what has been going on for the past four to five years. Many of us are fried from the politics, then we have pandemic layered on top of that. Add to that, you’re in Southern California, I’m in Northern California, we have wildfires! And the smoke, and the ash and the unhealthy air quality to contend with on top of the virus. My single friends are feeling this as well, we’re just burned out. Things will get better, sometimes you need to give yourself a break the interim.
Hi, Jonathan. I’ve been following you for a couple of months and somehow missed this video previously. Your willingness and ability to be sincere, honest and transparent with your audience is a remarkable gift. Hearing your thoughts is very enlightening about how many of us in mid-life and beyond must be feeling these days, even prior to Covid. I have a notepad for capturing key thoughts from you and other coaches, and here’s what I added after watching this video:
Start the conversation with “Can we just take the pressure off of the expectations, so we can get to know each other organically to see if we’re even on the same page as two people?” (If he agrees, we can both start from a place of kindness and speaking our truth). I’m very excited to give this a try when the next opportunity emerges! Thank you so much, I really appreciate you ☺️
Beautiful.! Sounds like you are doing well.with telling your truth. Ive had plenty of time alone to think this through and I feel the same way and I am not on the online sites and have no desire for it. If you are feeling discouraged, then I hope you won't be for long, Wow!Loved Led Zeppelin. Peace and Love, Ellen.
Just saw this video today! Dating fatigue is REAL. You are not jaded or weak, just tired. Me too. Thank you for saying it loud and clear!!! 2 men recently could not handle the logistics of meeting me at a mid way point in a city of 5 million so they faded off. Everyone is tired, but it’s worse at middle age because we tend to go back to our comfort zone due to burn out.
Love what you have to say, it’s refreshing. My male is exactly this and I can see that it’s just fear from past stuff coming up. We will get through it because there’s a genuine friendship & attraction that bonds us. And I understand what he’s going through.
Jonathon, let me just say how amazing you are. I’ve learned to understand what my partner might be going through from your wisdom, compassion, experience and guidance.
I resonate with all your interests, as well as our divine connection to source 🥰
You’ve described exactly how I’m feeling re: dating. What I have found with the last few men is they ALL wanted instant relationship. One meeting in and they are shutting down their profile to focus only on me. (And if I don’t, they won’t date me) Although on one hand it’s flattering, on the other (more heavily weighted hand), more than likely this won’t work out, so why would I want to invest time and energy into a complete stranger?I
Where more than likely, it’s not going to work out? (This includes lots of writing back and forth online or texting. The way I get to really know someone is by spending time, observing and having shared experiences)
Thank you for doing this video - I asked and you delivered!! It’s not what I thought you would say… refreshing. Being ‘ready’- can mean pacing, honesty etc. In other words, it certainly can be something that is going on with other person. I hope you do try to go with her- you never know. 🤷🏼♀️
I really appreciate this yu shouldn’t be criticized but yu made a great point nowadays dating has gotten hard complicated frustrating I’m very frastuated and thanks for sharing your personal struggles with dating men can be complicated maje it hard to understand them like me I’m in my early 50 I’m looking for a serious relationship but not luck I’m not ugly I look gray for my age but like yu put it it’s tired meet people who don’t have connections and I don’t like to hurt people feelings it’s a lot things and issues that come with that and yu do meet strangers that come with a lot baggage and traumas it’s a lot to take but thanks yu gave me clarity when I thought something was definitely wrong with me god blessings
Wow, lightbulb moment !! That explains a lot about how I have been feeling and makes me understand more where men are coming from as well - indeed anyone that is dating in this time period. Thanks for that.
Thank you for sharing your truth and being vulnerable. It definitely gave me insight that I needed and yes it makes sense! Thank you!🙏🏼❤️
Yes, most definitely. When you depicted that in a nut shell. I said same words exactly. It makes sense to let them reach when their time is restrained, being friends.
Thanks for being honest but I think god gave me the answer trough yu I feel the same way I want a date but it’s scary and tired of men see me as a piece of meat I’m not a ugly woman I have a lot to offer but men can be complicated and scared too I love to talk have connected with someone but it’s hard now days dating it’s not easy very well put thanks it brought clarity to what I thought there was something wrong with me and by the way that guy yu mentioned he’s wants find some I would like to meet him let me know thanks
Well said. I have dating burn out and have had a date in longer than I'd like to admit! The process and expectation! I love this so much! I love what you wrote her it was perfect! I love your videos! I need to buy your book.
Great video. Just watched it for the 2nd time
Ah yes, the clusterfuck...but here is a valuable lesson I learned from online dating. When I was dating in my 20's-30's, any breakup or any other negative experience made me feel that I was the only one. In my daily life, I would see couples walking around looking happy and connected, and I'd of course think, what's wrong with ME?? They can do it, why can't I?? This would depress me into a deep mope. But now? With online dating? I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! I now see that everyone in the dating pool experiences this, so it's one of the prices for admission.
Yes, you are not alone.
Thank you for this video....
True. I want to be dating but it is frustrating and I get exhausted by it. Also I am finding that the profile “image” some men portray is not reality in their thoughts.
I clearly state my political/world views and find the opposite contact me! And that they are offended when I explore that subject to make sure we align. They have clearly not read my profile! Very frustrating
Not sure what my next step is …
I understand...
I appreciate your honesty.
My sentiments EXACTLY!!!! Thank you.
Thanks
Jonathon I believe your message you wrote is more for you than for her. One thing I’ve learned - the hard way - is to not send a long message explaining because the message gets lost in translation. This is my feelings - you mentioning you’re a dating coach sounds like ego speaking to me which is not needed. Just saying something simple is received better - no long explanation is needed. Rethink what you wrote before you actually send it.
That's one way of looking at it...
Nice shirt
Thanks
Watched video
I’m sorry, but to me, long distance is not sustainable. Maybe its fun to get out of your neck of the woods but if you want a meaning relationship unfortunately it starts becoming frustrating and heartache sets in. Ask me how I know.
Disagree. Unless you are actually married, why do you need to be in the same house or even the same city? I find long-distance relationships to be character building and very illuminating. Exposes flaws so much clearer if you know what to look for. Like Whoopi Goldberg said, 'I don't want anybody in my house.' And I might add 'unless we are married'.
@@adj5767 Exactly how is that “character building”?
Yes! Makes sense
Thanks for your honesty. You do seem a bit jaded but not bitter 🙂This totally resonates with me and I can understand the dating fatigue of which you speak.My single friends and I talk about the light side of relationships - such as going to museums,meeting for coffee and going for walks but we just don't want the emotional commitment/responsibility that a relationship understandably requires.I guess we're just not ready but we continue to do our personal development work as this helps us in all areas of our lives.I have yet to do online dating...In mid- life,most of us have taken so many knocks and we're dealing with this and then to have the responsibility of a relationship it can all seem a bit too much at times.Well that's how myself and my single friends feel.I think how you feel Jon,is how many of us feel🙂.
I'm not jaded... merely tired.
@@JonathonAslay I am as well. Exhausted and just don't want to date. .
@@JonathonAslay Jaded and tired are( in this context) interchangeable - but I won't get bogged down in semantics😊- you're tired and I get where you're coming from.I think also Covid has affected many of us emotionally.🤔
Funny that is the gesture he had!
How so?
I totally get it! 💝
Thanks...
💗
I sat here listening to you J and yes it does all make sense. I don’t date on line for that reason because it kind of sets up both people with some sort of expectation. I think when you feel that way, it means your cup is half full or there is perhaps some hormonal imbalance that zaps your energy. We need to start getting out more and doing the things we love to do that takes us around other like minded people because then if you spy someone while out and about you can strike up a conversation and if inspired by that person take it from there. There’s a sense of freedom in that. Keep doing things with friends and when the time is right, I believe the universe places our person in front of us. Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean you are ready for it or energetic towards it … in that case, I have always gone with my intuition and if yours was to cancel meeting someone that you felt was too far to drive to see, energetically then that was you’re intuition telling you that maybe you need to energize yourself and keep filling your own cup up. Just my take Dear Jonathon so just stop and listen to yourself because you give good advice. 🤗