A Rant On Adult Toddler Husbands, & More Audience Questions
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
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Chelsea, your Roman empire at the top gave me tremendous hope and joy. I've started the process of decoupling from my husband of 4 years and we will be filing for divorce in early 2024. I cry like every day but would be lying if I didn't say I am really f*cking excited. 🎉
You deserve every beautiful thing that's coming to you!! Congratulations!!
-C
You are the first person I've heard who has used the term "bully" in regard to going to college and I felt that in my soul. I am from the millennial generation where guidance counselors basically told us we wouldn't amount to anything unless we went to college, and yes, that is essentially bullying. Now I am in $100,000 of student debt that I will never pay off. Luckily, I have been working for a University for 5 years and have 5 more years until my Public Service Loan Forgiveness time is up. If it weren't for this job, I would feel like it's an unpayable debt. How dare those guidance counselors do that to an entire generation of kids.
I got my 70000 student loan forgiven because of that program. Don't give up!
My life now, as a single special-needs mom who feeds, dresses, bathes and toilets her special-needs child daily is still easier than when I was suck being married to my child's dad....which I think speaks volumes. Life is so much more enjoyable now when I have one child, instead of two.
You go, momma ❤
honestly feel like I'll never get my finances in check because I'm a hot mess express but girl I love this Channel so much
I believe in you. I was in the hottest messiest express train a few years ago. You’ve got this!!!!
@@gabbygomez3006❤ thank you sweetie
You just have to be a better hot mess than you used to be. You can do it!
Blame too many men in positions of power who protect support and enable corporations billionaires property developers fossil fuel industry banks supermarkets oil IT & telecommunication companies to NOT PAY TAXES on their massive profits to manage inflation
No, she's trying to be less of a hot mess 😂😂...
Diversify your sense of identity, is just a fantastic piece of advice. It's been born out in research that long-term happiness means finding more than one way to define yourself. Thank you
Same goes for audience capture. Don't just cater to one sex or demographic.
I stopped buying useless things and will buy things to donate to shelters, it’s MUCH more fulfilling. If you want to shop and spend money (that you have) go buy dog food and toys, or canned goods and winter jackets, donate them - you’ll feel a lot better
Even better, if you are thinking of food donations, donate the money you would spend. Food pantries have access to foods at discounted rates so that money goes atvleastvtwice as far. Additionally, the donation shows a greater commitment by the community and will help that organization win more grants to further their mission.
One of my top movies for the year was The Menu. It’s sharp, funny, tense, and layered. It gets better every time I watch it because it was written with such a lot of wit and thoughtfulness. I also found it oddly inspiring - in that I *don’t* want to be like Chef when it comes to how I relate to my art and my work.
I LOVED THAT MOVIE
imo it had the perfect recipe (pun intended) of good plot, complex characters and overall a level of wtf-ness balanced by humour
I could probably write an essay on why i recommend that movie lol
'last night in soho' is another film starring anya that i also loved, from aesthetics to acting, so thats a movie suggestion as well 😁
I feel so sad for the world many men still live in. I divorced a 'toddler husband' two years ago and I'm thriving - and I say toddler husband with love. I loved him. He was a good person. But like so many boys he was completely crippled being raised at half capacity (the male expectation) and just never challenged enough to rise above that as an adult. My parents raised me to be my own mom and dad. He was just raised to be his dad. (And mind you he was unemployed our whole 7 years of marriage, too - just like his dad was.) The only way to balance out that women can now do what men do, is to also raise our boys to do what women do. Or we end up with a very crippled society.
I'm happily divorced from my lazy, financially irresponsible wife. I earned 3/4 of the money, did more than 50% of the child care, and at least half the housework . I got to pay 90% of the bills as she overspend on who knows what, and as a bonus, I got to pay her $100k in retirement savings. The best part is that our son has moved in with me full-time, and she pays me child support. I just put the money in account for him to use for his university related expenses.
Why did you marry an unemployed person? My partner was unemployed for a couple of years when he went back to school but that’s a different situation
@@briannyob7799I’m glad that A. you weren’t raised in a way that rendered you unable to function as an adult and B. you got out of an unhealthy and abusive marriage
Cheers, agreed. A lot of guys are being raised in ways that stunt them emotionally and it sets them up for failure.
Look at a prospective spouse’s parents. If a man is unemployed and his son is unemployed without good reason that is a red flag.
Divorced 10 years back when my recent husband wanted be to leave my master's program, start a job and move in with his mother to save money. He then preceded to quit his job. I'm a manager now at a big organization and living by best life. ❤ I have a new partner of 2 years who companies my life. So respectful. All my friends whom I love and worry about, sound frustrated in life with their husbands constantly and still are in starter roles or some are just starting their divorces. Collectively we need to stop allowing adult toddlers both men or women!!
As a woman who was a full time mother to an adult toddler (no children) I have never been happier, calmer and more fulfilled than since leaving. I’m still recovering from the psychological and physical toll this took on me but I haven’t regretted my decision for even one second.
I just got to the point about friendships, and whether the relationship is enriching, you're compatible etc. I feel like it's a good point but I'd add the notions of love and appreciation into the mix. It sounds stupid but I'm a bit taken aback by any discussion of friendship that doesn't include the simple notion of love. Like do you love someone and care about them, so that maybe you keep them in your life even if and when they are kind of a burden ?
“I’m riding solo, not unlike Jason DeRulo” I love you 😂😂😂
Thank you for talking about hauls. I unsubscribed to a youtuber I used to like because its turned from books and reading to mostly hauls. And all I could think while trying to watch the latest video was how incredibly wasteful and selfish it is to buy new seasonal crap every year because "it's cute, and I need it". The planet is dying, but sure go ahead and buy 7 sets of new ornaments.
And here I am, debating if it's over the top to buy one new holiday item that is actually useful. I feel sad for people who live in communities where decorating is competitive / obligatory rather than a happy hobby and gift of joy. When it is a joy, you don't need to buy new every year because the old stuff makes people nostalgic.
Shoutout to my mom for creating a happier post-divorce life for herself
I have a “prestigious” job. Never felt so much stress in my life. It is forcing me to consider different life goals. Money is not everything.
Oh goodness, how are there only 5 comments on this video! I haven't been this early to the party in a while! -- been following TFD since the beginning! Thanks for helping make financial literacy more accessible. Congrats on finance book 2! (Also am reading A Perfect Vintage over the holidays) Keep on doing all that you do!
"Adult toddler husbands" is my new favorite phrase! There are far too many of those.
You are so articulate! The sunken costs fallacy and going with the inertia of friendship is such a good way to put it! :)
Two things I love: 1) the jeans rant... I'm tired of using what little money I don't have to waste on jeans that suck; and 2) letting go of friendships that are not good for us... I always had a crappy relationship with my sister... when I started to evaluate our relationship in terms of "is she even a decent friend" the evidence just came rushing in... betrayal, flakiness, lack of trust, inability to take responsibility for their actions, manipulation and lying... wow! I realized my "friendship" with my sister was bringing drama to my life that I didn't want and was not satisfying. It was impacting my peace and mental health just to be near her.
Dyson sells their vacuums factory refurbished with a warranty. Ours looked Brand New when it arrived and we love it.
Im a single parent and the lowest paid person in my office. Im recovering from homelessness currently. Our lives are so very different from each other. I dont know how many more discussions about their rich people problems i can take. My boss cc:ed me on an email about a tredmill desk attachment. I havent had a desk in 6 months. She was offering some suggestions her nutrionist made to help her sleep better. Woman, I dont have a bed.
Preach on the jeans!!!! 👖
Also how sweet is your new year ritual with your husband 😊
Just six minutes into the video I so identify with what Chelsea is saying about hetero women being men's caretakers. I'm 41, single and childless by choice and the older I get the happier (and more grateful) I am to have this lifestyle. I had a long-term boyfriend and omg when we broke up I felt so FREE! I didn't need to coddle his ego anymore and reassure him and appease and placate him. And he was just a boyfriend! That experience and how liberated I felt AFTER breaking up with him was a game changer.
Statistically single woman are much (over 2x) happier than single men, and the "hitting a wall" idea is another myth that isn't factual (women are still more able to find a partner at any age than men). It's interesting how the common ideas/myths go against the facts
I fucking love this channel. Happy New Year to everyone who makes it come to life 🎉❤
I gave up jeans last year and switched to jeggings. Omg, life changer! I'm never buying jeans again. So comfy.
I have never been happier since divorcing the adult toddler. He got re-partnered before the ink on the divorce decree was dry and I am 100% convinced it was because he still refuses to learn the difference between a toilet brush and a dish scrubber. The stress from being married to him ultimately lead to a chronic condition that has forced me to step back from my high earning career and dramatically downscale my standard of living (while his new partner is subsidizing his still high standard) but I have never been happier. I have No intentions of ever getting remarried. I am far too happy to enter into voluntary servitude again. Good Roman Empire for sure.
Congratulations on the second book!!! This is great! 👏👏👏👏
Your book recommendation is excellent. 'Fault Lines' by 'Emily Itami' is hilarious and extremely straight forward. I think you would enjoy 'Breasts and Eggs' by 'Mieko Kawakami' it is a similar writing style but also talks about social economic backgrounds.
I just saw Meet Me in St. Louis for the first time. A classic, but now my favorite.
Pre ordered the book! Exactly what I’d love to read this year as I have stabilized and succeeded in my career in my mid 30s 😊
Thank you! The jeans. I don't remember it being this difficult to find jeans 10/15 years ago. And friendships was one intention I set for 2024. I feel like I do a lot for my friends and I'm really there for them, but I wasn't feeling the love back.
The best movie I saw this year was Anatomy of a Fall, about a German woman on trial for the death of her husband in the French Alps.
I was just thinking I wish A Perfect Vintage had a Christmas/winter sequel. I’m putting that out there if you’re thinking about it
'women subsidizing their men in hetero marriages' omg how well said!
A women whose work that goes into the economic analysis of this recently won the Nobel Prize for economics. You should check her out, her name is Claudia Goldin. Her work is very interesting and illuminating.
Just pre-ordered the book! So excited for it. Thank you for creating it!❤
Found it validating when you said the vibes on IG are off lately. I think they changed the algorithm to show people more incendiary content. Which, they got in trouble for just a few years ago but, hey.
Yes, I’ve had to basically leave the app because all I see now are tradwives.
It’s also showing me a ton of ads and suggested posts, about 2 for every 1 post of someone I follow.
My poor womans fix for jeans is learning how to sew well enough to make them fit how i like, and this includes an adjustable waistband because my health causes my weight to fluctuate frequently and im tired of trying to find new jeans
Ooh, do you have any tips? Do you use something like adjustment tabs around the belt line? I only just got a sewing machine, so I'm starting to see how I can use it to make life better.
@@sharonoddlyenough I'm planning to scavenge elastic bands from cheap thrifted leggings for some, and others I'm trying"built in" belt, kind of like a drawstring, but I'll put the opening to the side because my belly does NOT like metal bits under it. Might try moving zippers to the side too. And I'll have slits in the drawstring casing every 3 inches or so for ease of threading. My belt of choice right now is the kind with 2 D rings because I dont have to stick to preset measurements and it doesnt have holes to wear out, and I can make fun ones that aren't too stiff with old thrifted neckties. I may also sew a strip of fabric down the side of the legs to make them wider. Adds personal flare too lol.
@@gurgleblurgle7345 so creative!
No toddler husbands rant? I feel misled by the headline!
Me too- I kept waiting for the rant. There were a few small mentions but nothing in depth.
Ah, that’s what I came to hear, promptly leaving now. Thx
Which Dyson vacuum are you referring to, Chelsea? I want to put it on my wish list!
Also, do you use it on rugs?
Me scouring the comments for the exact model cause I’m in the market for a new vacuum 😂😂
My Christmas Haul: going to my mom's house and letting them fill my car with their useless stuff. I duet myself: useless, useless, will sit in my attic until the guilt subsides....
Don't feel guilty. Take it to a donation center. You can even tell your parents, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I don't have room for these things. Would you like your stuff back? I plan to donate whatever you don't want back." It's clear they didn't want it anymore. Their unwanted stuff doesn't need to be your unwanted stuff. If it goes to a thrift store there's a possibility it will be what someone else will love and cherish instead of rotting away in your attic.
I’ve been consulting for the past year and thought I was finally going to build to financial solvency. I’ve worked FTE healthcare jobs for 16+ years and had to switch to consulting after a layoff. Now I’m almost 40 and haven’t been able to land a contract or FTE since August. I’m almost out of my emergency fund, which I’ve been supplementing with odd jobs but it’s almost gone. I’ve been feeling like I need to change career paths but everything I’d like to try requires experience, in addition to eduction/certification (which I have no problem pursuing) but it’s a catch 22 and I’m at a loss. I never thought I’d struggle so much, especially at this age. I don’t know why I’m writing all of this other than it being therapeutic. Ironically, my therapist, that I had to stop seeing due to $$, kept telling me “You’ll figure it out…Sometimes rejection is protection…Universe will provide” BS but I appear to be proving that wrong 🤷♀️
You HAVE experience! If training/certification is doable, then do it. You've got 20+ years of work experience, and likely MANY skills that translate to a new career. Look at your strengths, and experience you already have, and figure how you can play up those assets. I'd also recommend having a professional, or someone in your chosen field, look over your resume, and see how you look on paper.
About jeans- I mostly stopped wearing then simply bec they are not super comfortable, literally in my whole life I've probably had 2 pr of great jeans. I find myself not reaching for jeans, I would rather wear nice pants.
Cars- I find it funny that people are so fixated on their depreciation, who cares? If it's a need, it's a need. Money's thrown away on all kinds of stupid shit that's not needs that could easily equal a car payment ..99% of the people I know must have a car to survive. Buy a good one, keep it for as long as you can & it becomes its own investment.
Yes on the jeans. I have been slowly transitioning my wardrobe into comfy pants and twirly skirts and I am so much more confident and comfortable than before.
Re: your Roman Empire you must read the new book by Australian feminist Clementine Ford. It’s her big topic too and so refreshing. It’s called I don’t. Hopefully it’s available in the US
The best movie I saw this year was *The Florida Project,* which I learned about watching this channel. Thank you!!!
My fave movie from 2023 was Poor Things! It has been described as "the Barbie movie on absinthe," which is accurate. A very graphic but wildly funny "good for her" film.
I didn’t realize this was out! I’m really looking forward to it
I saw it last week! AMAZING!!!!
Across the Spider-Verse pushed the limits of the art, even if that's not usually your scene (though you should watch Into the Spider-Verse first). It's not MCU in any meaningful way.
I have enjoyed finding your channel this year! Happy holidays!😊
I’m 62 yo and have a 30 yo son. Having concerns over young women deciding not to have children nowadays - some of my close younger friends don’t want kids due to cost, responsibility and state of world! I’ve been a single parent since my son was 9 through my own choice and still own my own home which I will pass to my son. Got my uni degree as single mum while working fulltime and fairly decent stable ‘lower level career’ without stressing myself out with side hustles! I think this is an example of not having it all! We don’t seem to be able to have it all - I chose single motherhood, degree and ok stable job over toddler men! Oh and solo world travel! Off to New Zealand for a month in January! So many options but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on motherhood!
I'm happy you you didn't miss out on motherhood because you wanted a child :) But I think it's good not to project your desires onto other people. I'm also happy people don't have the societal pressure anymore and get to choose if or not to have children. There are more than enough people on this planet for us to have that choice individually!
The world is a drastically different place than it was 30 years ago. I'm glad you had the opportunity to experience that, but home ownership on a single income looks like a trailer in a park, and the costs and time of raising a child well on top of that are unthinkable.
Hi @thefinancialdiet I love your videos but on the RomCom episode at 35:13, you said that Andy worked for more than a year under Miranda Priestly. The thing is she had to work under Priestly at least for a year to get her dream job but she quit before that. She got her dream journalism job due to Priestly's recommendation.
For best film of the year, try Monster directed by Hirokazu Kore-eda. It's honestly one of the best films I've seen ever and is beautifully done, don't look for spoilers though as the film reveals itself in twists.
Chelsea you need to watch Past Lives!!! It was such a thoughtful, loving, and heart wrenching movie!! 10/10 recommend.
Great video! If you're looking for recommendations for jeans I'd check out Lucy & Yak. They're ethically made and really sturdy, plus so comfy. I have a few styles of their jeans and I wear them at least 3 times a week lol
I saw taylor swift in the thumbnail and was so scared! Thank you for being kind! Loved this video, your advice is priceless as always. ❤
I loved Priscilla. I thought Sofia Coppola paid a beautiful tribute to Priscilla Presley and drew powerful attention to pit falls in relationships when the power dynamics are skewed.
Chelsea!! GURL! Loved all the quick side note truth bombs and empowerment from dealing with parents / society and all the rest. Keep Telling Em Boo
Movie recommendation - Past Lives. If you wanna watch a non-white perspective on immigration that’s not centered around making the US look like a refugee safety haven and the countries people are migrating away from as a “third world countries” then you should definitely check this movie out. It’s not loud, begging for attention, stereotyping anything, etc. just a plain story of how immigration affects the lives of people involved.
When I do dollar store hall or the target dollar bin, I only get stuff that I know will be used in the long run. I do agree we buy it because it's cheap but don't think through how long we will use it.
wait there was a first TFD book? what's the first one! i wanna get both!!!
Pretty sure it's just called The Financial Diet.
OMG good fitting jeans! totally, I always try on jeans at stores in the chance of finding the right one
My Roman Empire is trying to figure out how to get out of IRS debt. It’s so depressing.
Honestly I keep coming back to that statistic that marriage increases a man's life expectancy but lowers a woman's.
(I realize that's probably mostly due to the risks of childbirth but still)
I dont think it’s mostly cause of childbirth risks. Or maybe that’s only a part of it. These men are stressful.
I think it has more to do with the non-stop stress, overwhelming responsibility, and lack of sleep.
I love the idea of plotting out the year. Do you have a template that you like to use?
I just purchased a Dyson vacuum and it has been life changing.
Diversifying your identity is such a good answer. You named the thing I was doing unconsiously.
Dunno if you ever watch Dr. K but he had some pretty good takes on the adult toddler husband stuff. Basically what you said about the shift in societal norms but he does a really good job I think of saying it *to* men and saying basically like "hey women were always people, always equals, society's expectations for how to run a house change with time, here's the fall out from that, you are going to have to update, here's how". Also interesting to me to look further back and see there weren't these "traditional norms" we point to today of a useless man. That's pretty strictly a midcentury thing. Before that there was a division of labor but not as gendered as people think, and with far more effort in the home from men.
Love Dr. K, and I got my spouse on him too. I find him very accessible for folks otherwise unaccustomed to consuming mental health content (spouse falls into this category).
movie-barbie was the only new one I saw! very much worth the time!
26:51 !!!
i feel like this is a good advice for young adults/teenagers too!! This just made me feel a bit better abt myself :))
My Dyson was very good. The central vacuum absolutely slaughters it. Not worth it unless you're doing a gut or buying a new house, but wow.
What did y'all think about when deciding trad publishing or self publishing for Beyond Getting By?
WAIT people are actually using those payment plans??
Everything Everywhere All at Once was the best movie of 2023 hands down!
What is the name of the first financial diet book? I want to read everything from you guys!
Dyson vacuum are a god send especially if you have carpet
It's true; statistically for women, having no husband is WAY better than having a bad husband. Seems like (most) any wife is better than no wife, for men (in terms of happiness, lifespan & $making).
One solution for some people, interestingly, will be embracing more "traditional roles" IF THEY WANT TO, because even though women have proven that they can and will do 50% of the income working and at least 50% of the work at home, most end up doing 50% income+paying and 80% of the home work - and it's creating justifiably exhausted, unhappy women. And even though men have been given ample opportunity to do "50/50" they generally do not do 50% of the work at home, so for most men it makes sense to going back to paying most the bills. Especially if there's kids, men also cannot fo 50% if they wanted for the first 1-2 years/kid (can't do half of the pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding etc). OBVIOUSLY BOTH PEOPLE HAVE TO WANT THIS & it's not an "always" rule but if both do (and maybe tried a "50/50" arrangement that didn't work) then it's a simple, factually effective (ex. happiness statistics) way for a male & female partnership to actually have a fair arrangement. Food for thought!
You have videos on GenZ, Millennials, Boomers; but nothing on GenX (i.e. - comparisons, wealth building, how we are financially supporting 2-generations). Why has GenX been left mostly out of your videos?
We’re mostly left out of everything. Nothing new there. 😂
Because we are so awesome! 😊
hi!! I reached out via email submitting a pitch to write for TFD however the email says undeliverable. are you still accepting pitches? thanks!!!
2395 for New York is wildly low! Does that include HOA?
Film: I really enjoyed “Oppenheimer” Thought-provoking and interesting in so many ways.
Have Americans never heard of salads? Like from actual vegan gluten free vegetables?
I only own one pair of jeans: Universal Standard. I’ve been very happy.
Great movies this year, imo: Women Talking, Nomads, She Said.
Guilty pleasure: Red,.White and Royal Blue
I think you would also enjoy the French film 'I Am Not an Easy Man' if you haven't seen it.
This year, one of my favourite movies was "White Plastic Sky"
Chelsea- love your hot takes, my favorite type of video segment ❤
“looks like it hurts tho. Owie zowie” LMFAOOO
Does anyone know the name of the woman she mentioned who duets people's target shopping carts on tiktok?? Would love to see that lol
The perfect jeans are no jeans 💕
The comment on your Dyson vacuum made me remember when I bought my shark vacuum. I bought it because when I buy pretty well anything of value I religiously use consumer reports which is a nonprofit consumer organization. They thoroughly test products in a scientific process and found Dyson to be really fall short of what Shark delivers. The point of this is given that you provide financial advice, maybe you could do a spot on consumer reports and the value they bring to people’s lives.
I love when chelsea does these ♡
I'm vegan, and your vegan entree suggestion was spot on!
Oh yeah Dyson rocks. I get the run out model on a Xmas sale.
re: the jeans: SO REAL we need to invent jeans that fit perfectly
6:37 -> everything, everywhere, all at once
You can never go wrong with a great quality vacuum
DepressionDotGov! I love her "garbage" tiktoks
Love the smart discussions.
Where was the rant?
My fiance ended things a month before our wedding and I've never been happier. Child custody battle stress aside, I'm living in my home with my pets and child, spending time with friends, focusing on my health and career, and having a fulfilling dating life. My ex fiance? Still living in his parents basement, his mother raising our daughter during his time with her because he can't be bothered to, a full 35 years old hitting on 23 year olds at the bar. It's easier to be a single parent than to be the caretaker of an adult who actively sabotages all the work you do, doesn't contribute financially or emotionally, and then has the nerve to blame you for his unhappiness 🤷🏽♀️
Perfect jeans: try DU/ER designed in Vancouver.
I feel you so much on the jeans! Why is it so hard to find good jeans???