Its been five years and last night was difficult alot of tears.Birthdays and Holidays are always difficult. Thank you I needed to hear your video this Holiday. I am trying to move forward but it is so difficult.
Bring single during Christmas is hard enough and throw in estrangement is a nightmare. I've been counting down the days it's almost over. Great explanation. Thank you.
I can relate to your comment about the primary rejection and the build up of scar tissue. Thirty one years ago my two siblings rejected me when I was in a pregnancy crisis and I was not welcome to their homes for Christmas that year. I have never really gotten over that even though some healing did take place to an extent. Every Christmas brings back the sadness and feeling so very much alone.
I've been estranged for a few years with very little contact. I recently had an extremely angry argument with my father over the phone with some horrible things said by him. Christmas time always overheats for estrangement I'm so looking forward to not having to deal with my toxic family this year. There will be zero contact.
This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.
@@theraptureisnearbelieveinj448 Thank you for that. I did fight for him, but couldn't afford an attorney so I represented my self. A case of parental alienation, two years now and he is now 17. I guess if he chooses to see me he will. I did great as a single dad 1'2 time with the system totally against me. Just lost him two years ago. At least he has some good memories of his time with his dad. Thank you for your prayers and kind words. God Bless.
Why would you walk into an ambush? Why subject yourself to this. Feeling all these negative emotions is a choice. You can accept what is or you suffer. There is also no shame in estrangement as it is a very common phenomenon. My mother is a total Cluster B. I cannot change this but I can learn from it and become a better person because of it.
Strongly disagree. You feel the emotions either way. And the choice is between two unwanted choices. It may be considered a choice but if never feels like one. You suffer if you accept what is too. As far as not being any shame, that’s not true for me either. No matter how you explain the situation people always think there’s something wrong with you. My point is there is more than just one experience of this. I honor yours. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only one. I’m glad it’s working for you. All the best.
I was in cpsd therapy and My marriage blew apart so not only dealing with family estrangement but a divorce where I'm sure he knows he can get better. When you're estrangement goes with you.
I'm really sorry to hear of your situation, and I know how painful it is (especially over xmas and particularly if you have your own kids). Unfortunately, there is no magic approach, but having good support and allowing yourself to grieve (and have your sadness heard) is 100% necessary.
Actually wanted to react to ur more recent video. How do u hope for your young one to deal with your estrangement and how it will affect them. For me it will be no grandparent's, uncles, aunties and cousins for them? Furthermore the feelings that they exist but won't be in their lives?
Inherited estrangements involving children are heartbreaking and it is very difficult to explain the situationto them, but all you can do focus on your own relationship with them, ensuring they feel completely loved and safe in their connection to you. The challenge may come later when they get older and wish to have an independent relationship with estranged parties, such as the grandparents, uncles, etc, you mention. Trusting them to remain neutral will be necessary whilst holding your own boundaries will be needed but in the mealtime, I encourage everyone to eep working on themselves, their self worth and feeling calm and grounded, even in difficult times.
Thank u Karl! I hear what ur saying but my worry is that I know I will try and fill taht void that existed in my life that naturally I will over exceed to fill that void where it comes apparent that is what i/we are trying to do, so the child may become disenfranchised cos of it and become rebellious using my estrangement against me, sorry my anxious is real. 😊
@shivbrar7518 i think the fact you are conscious of your anxiety and how this 'might' play out is a huge advantage...many are just acting out blindly. We can't predict the future but working through fears (and the emotional legacy of family) and making conscious parenting decisions which are not influenced by your family history can only help and hopefully lead to a better future for the kids and you. I completely understand your anxiety and you are far from alone with these fears.
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Its been five years and last night was difficult alot of tears.Birthdays and Holidays are always difficult. Thank you I needed to hear your video this Holiday. I am trying to move forward but it is so difficult.
Thank you so much for addressing single people who are estranged. I never hear anyone talk about us. The loneliness is crippling.
Bring single during Christmas is hard enough and throw in estrangement is a nightmare. I've been counting down the days it's almost over. Great explanation. Thank you.
Wow u replied so quickly..! Sure you have thought through this many a time, so wanted to know what angle or strategy ur going with
Often being _married_ during Christmas is just as hard.
Many people are spending the Christmas holidays in unhappy marriages.
I can relate to your comment about the primary rejection and the build up of scar tissue. Thirty one years ago my two siblings rejected me when I was in a pregnancy crisis and I was not welcome to their homes for Christmas that year. I have never really gotten over that even though some healing did take place to an extent. Every Christmas brings back the sadness and feeling so very much alone.
I've been estranged for a few years with very little contact. I recently had an extremely angry argument with my father over the phone with some horrible things said by him. Christmas time always overheats for estrangement I'm so looking forward to not having to deal with my toxic family this year. There will be zero contact.
This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.
I agree 👍
@@paulamackay5259 🙂
@@theraptureisnearbelieveinj448 Thank you for that. I did fight for him, but couldn't afford an attorney so I represented my self. A case of parental alienation, two years now and he is now 17. I guess if he chooses to see me he will. I did great as a single dad 1'2 time with the system totally against me. Just lost him two years ago. At least he has some good memories of his time with his dad. Thank you for your prayers and kind words. God Bless.
This is an older video but best I have seen
Why would you walk into an ambush? Why subject yourself to this. Feeling all these negative emotions is a choice. You can accept what is or you suffer. There is also no shame in estrangement as it is a very common phenomenon. My mother is a total Cluster B. I cannot change this but I can learn from it and become a better person because of it.
My father-in-law is a full blown Cluster B. Glad my wife and I cut him out of our lives.
Strongly disagree. You feel the emotions either way. And the choice is between two unwanted choices. It may be considered a choice but if never feels like one. You suffer if you accept what is too. As far as not being any shame, that’s not true for me either. No matter how you explain the situation people always think there’s something wrong with you. My point is there is more than just one experience of this. I honor yours. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only one. I’m glad it’s working for you. All the best.
These channels about family narcissist abuse and estrangement has helped me hugely in the past year. Thank you from Cape Town South Africa ♥
Thanks for this!! ❤
I was in cpsd therapy and My marriage blew apart so not only dealing with family estrangement but a divorce where I'm sure he knows he can get better. When you're estrangement goes with you.
Great advice thank you 🙏
I need an exit strategy sooner than later. If I don’t exit I’m in trouble
❤
I felt like you were describing my situation to a tee with a lot of these scenarios.
Christmas carries many contradictions.
The day itself was great (spent the day with a mate's family), but the month following was rough.
Feeling better than ever now, though!
Karl how do you heal the pain from a broken heart from estrangement 7 months in and it still hurts like hell mental health is all over the shop
I'm really sorry to hear of your situation, and I know how painful it is (especially over xmas and particularly if you have your own kids). Unfortunately, there is no magic approach, but having good support and allowing yourself to grieve (and have your sadness heard) is 100% necessary.
@@karlmelvinpsychotherapy4700 2 kids there treated like aliens out of 23 grand children cheers Karl 👍
Actually wanted to react to ur more recent video. How do u hope for your young one to deal with your estrangement and how it will affect them. For me it will be no grandparent's, uncles, aunties and cousins for them? Furthermore the feelings that they exist but won't be in their lives?
Inherited estrangements involving children are heartbreaking and it is very difficult to explain the situationto them, but all you can do focus on your own relationship with them, ensuring they feel completely loved and safe in their connection to you. The challenge may come later when they get older and wish to have an independent relationship with estranged parties, such as the grandparents, uncles, etc, you mention. Trusting them to remain neutral will be necessary whilst holding your own boundaries will be needed but in the mealtime, I encourage everyone to eep working on themselves, their self worth and feeling calm and grounded, even in difficult times.
Thank u Karl! I hear what ur saying but my worry is that I know I will try and fill taht void that existed in my life that naturally I will over exceed to fill that void where it comes apparent that is what i/we are trying to do, so the child may become disenfranchised cos of it and become rebellious using my estrangement against me, sorry my anxious is real. 😊
@shivbrar7518 i think the fact you are conscious of your anxiety and how this 'might' play out is a huge advantage...many are just acting out blindly. We can't predict the future but working through fears (and the emotional legacy of family) and making conscious parenting decisions which are not influenced by your family history can only help and hopefully lead to a better future for the kids and you. I completely understand your anxiety and you are far from alone with these fears.
Thanks again Karl, appreciate your response and more so the acknowledgement. You're amazing.
This is going to be the early end for me