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My daughter-in-law has forbidden me to see my granddaughters as of March 2024. We took care of the girls since birth and did everything for them. After going to a gymnastics competition, my sixteen year old was promoted to another level, level seven. As a former athlete teacher, I gave her advice about moving up. After they left, my life partner came out and said I was banned from seeing the girls.

I tried a psychologist for ages, only to find she would only talk about the same topics that I didn’t want to talk about, and kept avoiding letting me progress past those topics. Eg: She wanted me to discuss my job/ home life etc, which I didn’t, but did to suit her. I wanted to talk about certain things that had happened and hurt me. So I felt invalidated. Later a psychiatrist literally laughed out loud/ at me, when I asked “what tools can you give me to cope, that don’t include giving me drugs?” She literally laughed & in genuine shock said: “Oh my gaaawwwd!! (hahahaha)” To me this meant she had nothing to offer other than prescribing mind altering psyche drugs. What a sad world we live in.

It seems the therapists are working for the devil. They seem to promote lifelong estrangement’s between adult kids and their parents. There’s only one side of the story being told, and the other side is not asked to come in for family therapy. Guess it’s all about the money. Therapists are believing the narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths about the targets of their hate. :(

What if you have changed but they haven't? Is there a point to reconcile if you don't want a relationship with them or at most you want a very limited relationship with them with very strict boundaries?

I still watch this video from time to time just for reassurance. Thank you so much for making it Karl.

Congratulations on your book! :D

Loving the book on kindle. I’m 2hrs in and it’s great. Really helps understand the complex tapestry that we call estrangement. Pro Tip: On your next release, please please please put all of your references in separate section after each chapter rather than throughout the book. Reason being, when busy people rely on apps like speechify to read the text the AI can’t distinguish between a sentence & your references in parentheses. It’d be much better to just hear your writing without being constantly interrupted by “Agilias, 2016, p2” every other sentence. That kinda takes away from the flow of your writing. All in all it’s a phenomenal read/listen.

That's not always good because they can't handle their own situations.

Hi Karl. Can you do a video on dating and how and when its best to discuss estrangement. If the relationship is progressing how do we discuss things and what about my partners parents and siblings, they'll probably wonder about this. How do we best deal with these situations and how to we prepare. I hope you will be able to see my comment and help. Thank you for all you do its making a big difference ❤.

Good strategy to have stock phrases to deploy

Congrats, Karl! Will order the book; sadly won't be able to make the launch in Dublin next week. Best wishes, Lynn

But honestly Simba , baby Lion boy in the movie spoke the wisdom of reality. It’s called THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. As a human young til age of 12, age of reason, you’re growing. Your parents/elders support and love and teach you. But when you’re an adult, you put away childish things. Now it’s your turn to be the earthly host of your children. And like you did, your parents did, your kids will leave to live their own lives. Circle of life.

I just found your channel and have been watching all your videos, it is really helping me, thank you so much xx when is the next clinic?

Not spoken to my daugther or son in 11yrs I'm not allowed to see any of my grandchildren becauce I will not let them rule me or tell me what to do. The pain not seeing or hearing from them is unbearable after all these years. Every day I of my life thinking of them and I missing them. Not easy some days but life does go on

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Both Mike and I just sat here and watched your exciting book unboxing - and we both have the biggest smiles on our faces!! Well Done YOU! This is so wonderful, and so needed in the world, and we couldn't be more thrilled. We can't wait to read it! Lots of love from both of us here xxxxxx

Congratulations Karl! Well done 😎

Karl, what a wonderful contribution to the world your videos are, and now, your book! It is especially meaningful that you speak about family estrangement from experience (although one would not wish that experience on anyone). It's grand to see you happy, opening the box of books, after the long labor of creation. I live in central Canada, will order a copy of your book; and will let family living in Dublin know of its availability.

Beautiful to see ❤ I'm pleased for the world to have this amongst us, I just discovered your videos a few weeks ago, and have found them very down to earth, properly useful, and no-nonsense as well as very kind. There is so much drivel in the world of social media of half understood pop psychology full of should this and must that, and your videos are refreshingly calm, properly skillful, and actually useful. I can only imagine the blood sweat and tears gone into the thoroughness to make this your life's work, and I'd so wish for the world to listen to properly trained and skilled and empathetic voices on such painful things that are a necessity for some people and the family and friends surrounding such painful times. The world needs more of that calibre of work, so good luck to you! I will keep an eye out and see if my Library can secure a copy in my country. All the best! ❤

Well done Karl!! Congratulations

How beautiful ❤️ your clarity is so helpful compared to all the pop psychology which is so often a bit off. You can see your properly trained and have done your own inner work as well to speak about this with integrity and balance and grounded perspective. Thank you

Females aren't necessarily more emphatic, but from my experience they are more manipulative and scheming.

Thanks ❤

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. The legacy of true narcissistic parents is unbelievably hard, it ripples throughout the whole family, and whether we leave physically or have to do the harder task of staying involved and individuating all the same, it's just an incredibly painful painful journey. And I really needed to hear these words that validate what independence actually looks like and that it's ok to be that way. Thank you so much from NZ. I'm definitely saving this one to come back to in hard times when I need a pickmeup

I feel great about leaving my dads family but terrible about my oldest daughter ELIZABETH.

I open up gently but most people side with the abusers... That's a fact! Ouch I don't subject myself to that. I try to protect my children even though they are adults... I'm a private person, not secretive but self contained...

Are u in Ireland

Where ?

Exchanging energy with the right people........what helpful advice!!! Many thanks!

Je pleure. Personne ne me croit.

In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved. It’s just really unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord invalidates me and said “you haven’t made it sound any better” when I told him that I finally got to be with my brother, and he even went on to say “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess… I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said “How on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more”.

My son said “ I don’t want to speak to you again”. So hurtful and it’s like living grief. My father came from Dublin and the same happened with his sisters. So sad.

It’s a pain you can’t explain. Daily pain

No one.

I started living after walking away from my one remaining sibling once my narcissist parents were both gone. However, I grieved that relationship loss for three years. That was my closure. I still feel free and relieved.

How on earth did you manage to time this so well, so that every topic fits into exactly 1 minute on the timeline! Amazing and very fun. Anyway, back onto why I am hereI have found this video this morning as I have an upcoming meeting with my counsellor and I am going to bring a piece to him about family estrangement. I am in the early phases of coming to terms with estranging from my origin family. We have been as good as estranged for nearly two years, though it's only now that I feel commmited to working on, as you allude to 'commiting to challenging the negative memories and beliefs that have been absorbed over the years'. The ones that are steadfast, as they almost are by nature in these circumstances. This has been a great place start and youve given such a great overview of the processes that are involved when on the precipice of starting meaningful work on self and understanding the meaning of the estrangement. Many, many thanks for taking the time to do this.

Hello Karl, Thank you for taking extra time for folks like us, who have severe family problems. It’s tough opening up to most people because family trauma is heavy….and who wants to hear about it? Ya know?

Hi Karl, always nice to see a video from you here. Thank you for making the time! I've had mixed reactions from friends when talking to them about family estrangement. Some are into the whole "family is family, no matter what" thing, and others push forgiveness because it's part of a culture of toxic positivity. Some totally get it, usually because they come from dysfunctional families themselves. I have found the reaction a good litmus test for whether I can be friends with someone or not. Like you said, I don't give too much of an explanation. But usually telling people that my sister is still friends with my abusive ex and that that's the root of multiple problems is enough to get them to understand.

All my friends know 🙈 I don't mention it at work though.

Yeh, my story has got shorter over the years. It used to like a big explanation of everything they did that hurt me, now i say something like it's a clash of narratives. And if people ask me to elaborate, i say, i felt like i had the right to be heard, and they feel disrespected that i had the expectation id be heard. Most people get it. I struggled the most in the run up to 3 years. Now it's been 4 years i think about it all less. It was so all-encompassing to begin with.

Thank you for this. "The Sacredness of Family" can be a very inhibiting factor, in decisions about disclosure. It is helpful to let others who are involved with the people in the estrangement dynamic know that there is an estrangement. This can prevent awkward situations and further hurt.

What a blessing this was to me - and in that beautiful Irish lilt I miss so much! 🙏 ☘️

2years ago my adult daughter mentioned we are seeing too much of each other (once a week for dinner) and wants us to meet every few months, last week she told me she wants to be alone and wants no contact, she will contact me when shes ready. I know she wont. we used to be sooo close (im a single mum) but when I ask her what happened between us, she just shrugs her shoulders and says nothing. This is killing me, i feel ive aged 10-15 years and depresion has taken over me. So lonely. Ive no other family. just dont know what to do

"We do have a RIGHT to move forward with our lives."

My brother and sil broke up with me a few years ago and I’m just now starting to feel better.

So much pain...so many family members lost

Creating new Connections is imperative...

Christmas carries many contradictions.

Thanks!!! You explain it so well.

I was just writing in my journal today NO ONE BELIEVES ME!!