Right? Men don't pick us, WE PICK THEM! They need and want us waaaaayyy more than the other way around. And the lady in the pink jacket is right, it is embarrassing to have been a Pick Me.
@@missmadelinesadventures3278how are mom’s pick me’s💀. Like no nuance or nothing. Just EVERY SINGLE MOM. like you have to know that’s incorrect right? Not even most mom’s.
I was a Pick Me in my late teens until my early 30s, and I got picked. And guess what? IT SUCKED. So I dumped the guys I was so desperate to get picked by and got therapy instead.
This is what they don’t talk about enough. Getting picked by these men is AWFUL! There’s no reward in being chose by men who don’t value women or treat them with respect.
I stopped being a pick me once I realized that the girls wearing makeup were getting bfs and being called hot by the same guys who just said they didn’t like girls who wore a lot of makeup
Oh yea, the men and their contradictions are the fastest way to stop listening to them. For me it was when those men who behaved that way. Deflected and said "oh we only have sex with those women, we don't like them, or marry them or take them seriously or care for them". That disgusted me more, because why are they ok with using somebody? Not to mention, if they do get a girlfriend, what is she getting that's so much bettwr rhan what he always gave away to other women he didn't care about? There's no seperate sacred penis that the girlfriends get that the flings don't get, so what's the difference?
@@Ourown311 yessss I recently saw a guy ranting about how much he hates makeup next thing you knew he was getting flowers for a girl who’s always seen wearing some makeup now it wasn’t a full face but I haven’t seen a day where her face was bare yet he was simping for her hard
They're very easy to manipulate because they haven't gotten enough experience with men . Most men are liars, abusive and cheaters. Not all- most. The ones that aren't are a gift from God.
@@chillichanmen don't want kids. What planet you on. Kids take their time away from a woman. If they wanted kids they wouldn't abandon them and they would fight to get full custody. 😂
The thing I've noticed about pickme's is they're going against their own best interest. Whether that is by degrading other women, supporting mysogynist views or doing everything to keep a man. I'm glad these women are speaking up and hopefully their message will reach those who need it the most.
What a lot of them don't realize is that those men don't really have those standards they're trying to justify being criminals they still they robbed they rape and they take people's innocence and trust.
@@BlackberryTittiesCandace Owens is poison! That lady said women need to focus on having a family over career even though she herself prioritised her career and only married in her 30s
@@BlackberryTittiesCandace Owens is sooo weird as an example of that because she’s married and having kids with someone… But her behavior enables her to still be “picked” as the number one example of how a woman “should” be by millions of incels so they essentially become right wing cucks. It totally enables the men who idolize her to avoid doing any introspection to question if the women in their lives who want any semblance of mutualism are actually onto something and not brainwashed feminists without an end goal. It’s just weird because you’d think that pick me behavior would end with a relationship but not necessarily (I’ve seen another video talking about how boy moms are just pick mes moving to the mom phase of their life…)
Also a recovering pickmeisha. I learned the hard way: play stupid patriarchal games, win soul destroying, bottom of the Mariana Trench self esteem prizes. Seriously, decenter men and watch the universe reward you tenfold
Let me help you complete your get over. Everything men say and believe is wrong it's a lie. Their believe system is highly unnatural. I can prove it. And if you don't believe me, remember when they said women are too stupid to get educated? That went on for centuries. Women arent just not stupid we are smarter. They perpetrated that lie for CENTURIES. All they do is lie. Their existence is anti nature. Their sperm flex is also a lie. Women STILL have the ability to immaculately conceive. Their evolution flex...that they improve evolutionart prospects of the human genes, it's a damn lie...they are actually holding us back bc their genes is highly unstable and prone to mutations. They are actually the reason for 99% of both genetic errors AND sicknesses.
Do you know when men started Complaining about the princess mentality? When it got inconvenient for them getting women, when women started demanding they be taken care of. When it was working in their favor they kept quiet.
It's insane cause almost every single woman I talk to, tells me the exact same prince charming dream they had growing up. This is how much the patriarchy has brainwashed women to believe that men are good and capable of love, affection and connection. BS.
You’re not wrong for wanting that. You still wouldn’t be wrong to want that today. As humans, especially women, we crave love and belonging which is not just normal but a necessity. The misfortune is that a certain breed of modern males have decided that they want to be the women instead of being men and that’s what’s messing things up, however, time spent with God and Jesus never goes without a beautiful harvest in due time ❤️
@@Autumn-zd9nq not a certain breed.all of them and it's always happened. It's just women were forced to take it bc as and now they have the choice to not. So no it's not very smart to want prince charming if the idea of Prince charming was ALWAYS a lie. Y'all are still handing on to lies like it's real. But you don't have to believe. Experience will teach you where you fail to learn.
They will hun, I send these videos to my 12 and 8 year old daughters' phones so they have records confirming what I've been teaching them, in case anything happens to me. You're teaching children also. Thank you!!!
Yes after they put other women down and think they are better than women whom are independent, like to do girl thinks and have strong bond with they friends.
I'm a former pickme. One key thing is to never compete for a man, even if you're married to him, wait no, ESPECIALLY if you're married to him. Even if you win the competition, you'll always fear for future competition. No man is worth that stress. Drop him and find a man who's fully dedicated.
I have a good husband - he’s taken care of me while recovering from a health condition. But after watching this channel and Manifestelle I wanted to get out of the depressed rut I was in… I started vibing, dressing up nice again, wearing makeup more often and doing my eyeshadow pretty. He responded to that immediately- he even joked “are you cheating on me?” And I was like, just with myself. Bc I picked me! And remember what it felt like before my health condition and losing a job what it felt like to feel GOOD in my own body. I would say he’s become even more responsive to my WANTS not just my needs since this shift in mindset. So yes, it works with your married partner as well.
I did that, and she DM few months later to tell me I was right. She spoke to me on the phone for 10 hours, I said... Girl, get it off your chest. What else he did to you.... And she told me she heard a gay man on his voicemail on his landline leave him a message about him coming over and leaving a belonging at his house. And he is also a womanizer. 😂
"I hold no space for a man to use another woman as a stool to prop me up"...that last young lady's whole speech was A WORD...this quote is just an excerpt!
This💯‼️I felt me & my ex drifting apart after I kept asking about his son & he kept giving excuses & blaming the boy's mother as to why he wasn't around. So one day he said "why I always gotta be the one to reach out?" I'm like "N^%$# wtf she gotta reach out to you for?? You don't have her child, she has YOUR'S". I just couldn't believe it. I was flabbergasted at his audacity. I couldn't comprehend how he could think that that little boy's mother OWED it to him to stay in contact. Like n&^%# *CALL YOUR F%$# SON*. Once he saw my stance & he realized that I wasn't gonna sit back & let him shyt on another woman in front of me, it was over 😂
@@blacknbougie8021YEP!! And you dodged a bullet because he would have treated you the same way if you'd had children with him and yall didn't work out. I pay attention to how males treat other women bc these bandits don't change their stripes and will treat me the same way once we are over is how I see it.
If a woman calls to tell you that a man is abusive, believe her. If she wanted him, she could have just said they are still involved. But she is trying to help save you from the experience she had with him.
Exactly. I had a bff at school who was with an absolute ahole guy, who did not care for her. I did not like his vibe right from the beginning, but she loved and adored him, so i kept quiet. We were clubbing one night and he sidled up to me and hit on me. Put his arm around me and told me how I am more attractive etc. I pushed him away and went to find her to warn her that he was a cheater. Not only did she not believe me, she actually attacked me, her best friend for years, called me any name in the book, I wanted to take away her boyfriend etc. I was dumbfounded. I have never given her any reason not to trust me. I said that I would not touch him with a stick, but that even made her more agressive. I stopped all contact with her (her relationship with him held up for 2 month after that, then he dumped her) and have never spoken to her again. But up until today, I have never understood why she killed what i thought was a good friendship. And I still see so many young women nowadays who are just as man-focussed. Horrible.
The worst is to sell the house, women should keep their property, rent for somebody else while move in with a man, if things go south, they at least have their house.
I don’t think I was ever a full blown pick me, because I was never yelling about how women don’t have value past 30, or trying to excuse bad male behavior, or act like men were perfect, however I did used to have a not like other girls phase where I’d just be too competitive trying to prove my worth above others, and I don’t know why I even tried so hard because men aren’t even worth impressing.
You are right! I was not far from you, born& raised in a patriarchal religious society, surrounded by full blown pick-meishas. I was considered a rebel and a feminist although I never put down other women or idolise men, I just wanted to show men that I can do everything: I can be very pretty ( pagent winner), have a successfull career ( done) and be a great house-keeper (done). The result was exhaustion and a stress-related disease that nearly killed me. Never again! I swore that if I survived, I would never try to impress anyone ever again to prove my worth as a woman. You either like me or you don't, your business, I don't care anymore. I kept my word! I think subconsciously I thought that if I am so acomplished in all areas, people will surely love me... how silly I was!
Same this is how I feel. I never put other women down. But I did try really hard to stand out for a specific man’s approval (because I thought I was in love with him). But the problem is he was the one who put me in that situation to be competitive with other women because I know he enjoyed it and loved the attention of women fighting over him. The worst part is he was in his feminine energy trying to make us in masculine energy. Now I’ve learned that I should put myself first and not care what men like that think of me. I think men like that are immature at best and dangerous at worst.
I had a woman say, " Only ugly women need to have jobs." she also stated, " i don't listen to women who've never been married before ." This same woman had several children by several different men as well as an ex-husband. However, she sided with men every chance she got.
Not really it depends on the woman sometimes really attractive women have jobs and really ugly women live off there baby daddy's and husbands. There was a woman I ran into at a supermarket she was like 50 years old she looked like a troll. It's all a matter of self care and Sense they hate women of course there always going to look kind of plain looking because they let there man tell them how to dress if you don't let men tell you how to dress at least you wont look foolish and people are less likely to bother you.
😂😂😂😂😂 We give thanks for her tribute. Sometimes we need bait to not recognise their role so the rest of us can get away😊 lets that chic wear her badge with PRIDE!😂
Goes both ways for men too. I stopped pursuing women who complains about men’s horrible behavior and they convince me to change them. Men can’t tell men what to do cuz they will get mad too. I don’t like being in relationships business unless I’m being told what’s right to do in relationships.
I used to be both a pick me and a cool girl. The only things I got out of being such were abuse, objectification and trauma. Thankfully I am older and wiser now, but any woman who is not willing to do the hard inner work of facing her deeply ingrained misogyny and resulting victimisation will never get to a place of self awareness, self respect and inner freedom unfortunately.
In my experience men don’t respect and treat these “ideal” women well. They’ll just keep pushing your boundaries and testing how poorly you’ll allow them to treat you. I did have a small sample size, though.
This is why The Batchelor is so problematic. Last two women standing Leslie and Theresa. Leslie was an independent woman who did many activities and didn’t want to move from her home. Teresa a wealthy widowed who has a successful career and said she would do anything and move for her Batchelor. The ultimate pick me girl. So Gerry the Batchelor picks Teresa. The paper The Hollywood Reporter came out with a scathing article about Gerry. It related how abusive he has been to his ex girlfriends. How he financially, emotionally abused them. He’s a terrible human being 😮
He was going to pick Leslie until he found out Theresa was loaded. It's not about her being a pickme. Theresa said she doesn't want to be w gerry if he's not into her 1000 percent not just a little bit more than Leslie. He's gold digger
Yup he picked Thersa for multiple reasons, and one of them is because she is a pick me, she had the googly eyes for him 🥺, she will do anything to keep him. He even said it, when her daughter asked him why he likes her, he said because of the way she looks at him. I read that article, I'm like 😮 the Golden Bachelor is 50/50 narcissist. He seemed so fake to me and now I know, he is.
When the chick in pink and a cap mentioned washing his feet my mouth fell open! As half Egyptian who was born in Egypt and always watched tv series with mom, they would always show the wife or just mistress of most men always on her knees washing his feet or soaking his feet for him in salt water! And I never saw one single man do that for a woman. It's always the woman doing it as he sits back looking arrogantly at her or up at the ceiling smoking his hookah! And the woman would always call him "the man of all men" lmao. It's a silly Arabic expression that's supposed to uplift a dude and make him feel macho! And as a little girl who shouldn't be aware I was very much disgusted by such behavior! Mom called me difficult for detesting most men because I saw right through their egotistical bs! But my mom is traditional so she'd be like stop that you'll never get a man like that. Now at 31 I'm still a virgin (by choice) and left every man I ever dated. I don't see marriage or kids in my future. I always ask God to plan what's best for me so who knows but if it was left all up to me yea I'd die a virgin lol.
That's crazy! I'm 21 and I'm a virgin and never kissed a guy because of my low interest in men. Since I was a child I knew most men weren't good enough for me. I just HATE how insecure they are. I've always attracted a lot of male attention but it does nothing for me. Most of them are weird and boring.
As a young woman I was definitely a pick me. I’m wiser now. I’m single by choice. I love living on my own, my time is my own. I have a king size bed to myself. Supermodel Evangelista made a statement she will remain single now.
We definitely were all pick Mes as younger versions of ourselves because we were taught to center men and that marriage and motherhood was the goal. Not only that, we can’t forget about the changes our bodies were going through during puberty. Started to fall for the redpill bs until I found channels like this putting me on game and woke up and see it for exactly what it is.
@@jenbodhi1133I wasn't...Ever a pickme. I noticed a small tiny portion of women were not. They KNEW something wasn't. And it wasn't that we were different or smarter. We got super lucky. I could easily have been. I spent YEARS thinking something was wrong with me for having zero desire for a man. I'd date only to not seem weird or broken. Then it would get to the sex part and I wouldn't let them finish...every time lmao, partly to he a bitch and parrkh bc it was NASTY. Felt like raw dry meant invading my personal space. Ewww.EVERY TIME. STILL TODAY. Then id feel worried about being broken again, but then someone will mention marriage and about me finding a husband and id wait for it to make sense but all I got was my smile frozen in place and a cringe feeling of wanting to tell these pickmes to mind their brainwashed business. I didn't. I even got into divine feminity to actively trying to find a husband 😂😂😂 and had a profile on several apps talking about I'm a traditional woman and I'm here to serve my man 😢😢😢. Then the led me to a rabbit hole of finding princrlks Clark the queen maker. I was done with men then, having finally realized I wasn't in fact insane. Truth be told anyone still with men is the insane one. All they've done is lie. Behind pricella clwke, I started making observations of these men myself and everything they say, have said, is a lie. Patriarchy is a lie, and shockingly, that men and women belong together. We do not. Our sex drive is far different from theirs precisely bc we donr belong together. They abandon children bc we don't belong together. How can we belong together if we need to spend our days doing that which is MOST difficult thing possible and they are nowhere to be found?? They rape children bc we don't belong together, for how can you belong with the one who RAPE YOUR CHILDREN!??? they rape us bc we don't belong together. You don't rape something that already yours. It's difficult finding a good one bc we don't belong together. If we did our compatibility would've already been BAKED IN, exactly like how it's baked in with mother and child. How can you belong together when we need safety to raisd children and they are all about violence??!?? I am so children need safety to grow up in or is it best done in violence?? And there are 50 more reasons that I've personally discovered that make it impossible. Pit that against 1 reason: We take their sperm.
Didn't recognise what a disgusting and alarming behaviour it was when I was young but your so right about that one. Some people will take any form of validation they can get regardless of who they're putting down in order to get it. As long as disgusting men exist so will the women who cater to what they think those men want. There has to be an element of stupidity after a certain point because it doesn't get you better treatment or approval from them?!
I realized recently that I was surrounded by misogynist men and fellow pick me people. I wanted to be validated and accepted. I caught it and I am going to do better.
Yeah I was definitely a pick me , not defending men but doing acting and speaking in a way that I thought men wanted. I never did anything extreme like surgery, but at one point I thought about it . The older I’ve gotten (32) the more I see myself separating from friends who are still grown pick mes and just men who wanted me to hate myself because I refuse to conform. That mindset we’ll make you single , unless you find that lucky person who just wants you as you are . But alot of men almost want you to hate yourself while loving them . Because the only people who would put up with cheating , lying and toxic behaviors do not love themselves.
Correct! They want you to hate yourself so they don't have to give you reciprocity. When you love him more than you love yourself he can have easy access to your body, labor, and resources. When he try to make you feel unloved unwanted or make you feel desperate like you're not enough or not good enough please ghost him immediately. And these low vibrational men are everywhere. Be careful conscious and cautious ladies.
I almost cried listening to the girl on the white had and pink jacket. She was brutally honest. It must have taken a lot of courage for her to share those things. I pray she is healed and in a happier place with her self. She looks for beautiful, btw.
I can tell you i never eas. My mom show me the way because she was a pick me and still is. It gross me out so much that i told myself in would never beg a man or compromise my position as a woman and as a human being like she did. It is gross and disgusting to see as a child that makes you never want to be that as an adult
My sperm donor countries would repeatedly BEAT my bio-incubator till she’s hospitalized and she’ll still kneel down and serve him food and apologize to him on her knees. Chileeeeeeeeeeee.
The second you stop playing by man's rules, it's a bit scary. I'm dating right now. I had a date with a guy and decided that I didn't want to date him more. He asked me to come inside his house as I dropped him off. I said no thank you, it's late. He asked 11 MORE TIMES and would not take no for an answer. Younger me would have cracked and went inside after the third time he insists, just to end the awkwardness. But no. HE was making this moment awkward, not me. He got very upset. But thats his problem, not mine. I don't have to do what he says. Ladies, changing your pickme ways will improve your life. But there are risks. When you become exclusive and protective of your energy, dont put yourself in situations where you are too vulnerable. Access to you alone should be earned. You need to protect yourself. I heard this all the time but never fully understood what it meant.
In one sentence, it gets you treated a hell of a lot worse than if you were a genuinely sadistic gold digger. Edit to add: they also rarely get picked. Look at Pearly Things
Release the shame. Patriarchy is a hell of a drug. Don't be hard on yourself. You behaved based on what you knew at the time. It happens to a lot of us.
Idk what other choice did you have? We all are a product of our environment when we are young. You outgrew that so I'd rather say you should be proud of that achievement.
I'll admit that I was a pick me in my younger days. That was what all of media and society said was normal in the 90s and early 2000s. I'm glad that young women can wake up these days and realize this early in their lives. Women can see their own power and are encouraged to now. Don't dim yourself down to please a fool. A man is not a prize. As the last woman said, I went from pick-me to picking me. I love that!
The sign to run for me is when a man brings up an ex or another girl to try and get me jealous. When that happens RUN. Doesn't matter if you are engaged just leave it just gets worse.
Omgggg I used to be a pick me as a teen. I learned girls use it as a teen coping mechanism and it makes sense because in my pre teen years I got bullied for being ugly and it made me compare myself to other girls and feel jealous. After my teen years, I got into watching this TH-camr called manifestelle who opened my eyes and made me realize it went against my best interest. It made me hate who I’ve become and want to change. I realized relationships aren’t everything that I need in the world, I realized I needed to pick myself before any man. I embrace being single and working on myself. I love how there’s women out there who talk about their stories and inspired me to change for the better.
The most pick misha thing I've ever seen was when I was younger this jail bird dusty told these two women to fight and whoever wins gets him.........and they actually did it.
Keep going my friend we need this we need the truth for younger generations and older I’m 37 I been alone st 28. Wasted my teenage years and 20s I see woman 45+ even 50-60 still a problem they r dating men older and he got no car and job and kids …..
I don’t think I was ever a pick me because I never really cared about other people’s problems but I would fall for dudes doing the ‘you’re not like other girls’ crap. I ‘knew’ that was just how men saw women. I thought ‘I stood out to him,’ and I thought that was a good thing when dudes would say this shit. I cannot imagine ever competing with others for a partner because that means he isn’t gonna be faithful. I also judged myself for the stupidest shit. I thought I was ‘easy’ for not being a virgin. I thought I was to blame when something bad happened to me. When I had a stalker who made the jump from online to showing up everywhere I was, that I was damaged, and I brought it on myself. I’d have never said that to someone else but I said it to me, every single day, in some way or another. So even if you aren’t a pick me at any point in time, you are still probably affected by this. Turning it inward is not better. It actually sucks.
I have absolutely zero problem with women having male friends cause I think friendship across the board is important. I take issue, however, with women who go out of their way to avoid female friendships cause they think men have less drama. Women who call themselves "guys' girls". It's one thing to be a "tomboy", it's another thing to be desperate to be one of the guys.
I'm old and I can count on one hand the number of men I thought were my friends, but actually wanted to screw me then screw me over. A man with no terrible intentions is a rare blessing.
They're the top tier pick me's. Any time I hear a woman say, "I'm not a feminist, but..." My reply is always, "do you drive? Do you vote? Do you get paid for the work you do? Do you make major purchases without the permission of a man? Then you're a feminist. Embrace it."
I was a Pikmeshia level 1,000 :( Not only did I BEG a man who cheated on me to pick me, I had his baby, married him and let him treat me like shit for a decade and I'm still struggling with getting away even though I know its wrong. I thought I was cured because I can spot a misogynist a mile away, but not so well when they are sleeping right next to me!
I hope you get away ok. If you're struggling it may help to think of ur kid/s 1st.. think to yourself... living by example...Would I want them to put up with this themselves? Or grow up acting like him? Best of luck 💗
Yes what Helen said! My little sister has struggled too and she has a beautiful daughter. I point out to her - your children will do what they see you doing, not what you tell them. What life do you want for your children? So do that and show them the right way! She even admitted she cared more about her daughter than herself and that shows in her lack of self-love and care… your daughter internalizes what the mom does. I let that sink in for her… love yourself and your daughter will also learn to love herself!
To be honest I was never a pick me however the sad part about it was I thought that there was something seriously wrong with me because I thought pick me behavior was feminine and I thought that I wasn’t feminine because I never had the desire to do the pick me things that the women around me were doing. I had no idea until social media opened up my eyes and I started seeing these stories.
My hormones were not necessarily making a "pick me" type because I only liked one guy, BUT my hormones were making me so loopy that I did do a lot of stupid things, lol. I can see if I had a lot of males in my life and I liked a lot of men just one after another, I totally could have become that girl, wanting, desiring more and more male attention. Thankfully, since I never wanted kids, my hormones settled down a lot as I even got into my 30s and I just went through a natural wave of decentering men (they just did nothing for me emotionally, intellectually). My body would still crave a guy, but my mind was too logical to fall for the trap my friends has fallen into.
It wasn't hormones. Men leave their DNA behind to control women. It makes them want to do things for the man. They do it to their mothers too. It's the reason for the golden child phenomenon.
When you’re young, you don’t know any better because you are indoctrinated to believe that this is what you do when you love someone. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to realize that it is not the way and that it’s ok for you to choose yourself over a man.
My mother used to say "men love the sound of their own voices." Meaning they will say anything to get your attention. They will lie from here to the Moon and back just to see your reaction. Knowing full well that they have no intentions of doing what they're saying. And the thing that puzzled me the most is that they lie when the truth will do just as good. Men create the majority of messiness and drama in a relationship because they aren't mature enough to be honest. For most men lying is more fun. Why tell the truth - women are beneath us, they don't deserve the truth. They lie because they don't have any respect for women. I was never a pick me but that didn't stop me from being hurt. My fiance got another girl pregnant 3 months before our wedding. He told me that, "my mother, my father, my sisters and I got together and decided we weren't going to tell you about the pregnancy until after the wedding. But you're a strong black woman, I thought you deserved to know." I kinda flinched like WTF!!!??? You weren't going to tell me you were having a baby with another woman until after we got married??!! I thought wow, when were you going to tell me - during the honeymoon, after we moved in and got settled, after the baby was born, when? And I thought it doesn't matter because I wouldn't marry you now for anything in the f*ucking world!!! I broke up with him, but he hounded me for 5 years trying to get back together with me. He'd call me all times of day or night - 2:00 or 3:00 am in the morning, crying on the phone - talking about how much he missed me. I'd ask him "how's the baby" and hang up on him - but he felt like as long as I keep talking and keep her on the phone maybe, just maybe I can convince her to get back with me. It didn't work. One thing though, I NEVER his baby's mother down. I never talked bad about her or agreed with him when he complained about her. I had real sympathy for her because he had lied and deceived her as well. That's why when she made his life a living hell, when she was going to court to get her child support increased every 6 months (according to him) I didn't get angry at her. I was like, "hey you f*ucked her." When she would hide the child from him when he went to visit her I didn't have sympathy for him because he had used her and deceived her. And even though I felt for the baby I didn't care how much he complained because he was only getting paid back for his narcissistic, shitty, lying, cheating behavior.
I am so sorry that happened to you but I am really relieved for you as well, that you found out BEFORE you married him. That would have been a disaster.
He hid an entire baby from you and you really believe she’s hiding the baby from him and increasing child support etc., without any documents. You’re still taking his lying words as facts.
@@Morenita570 Nah, this was over 20 years ago. I’ve been over him a long, long time. These were just more lies he told. Believe me, after he told me he was having a child with his old girlfriend I mentally and emotionally checked out. Fifteen years later he contacted me again. He was going thru a divorce (he married another woman) because she had an affair on him. I just laughed and hung up.
@@Morenita570 I responded to you a few days ago but it seems to have been deleted. My situation happened back in the mid-1980s. I left him as soon as he told me he was having a baby with his ex. As for the child support and hiding the baby - I was only going by what he told me. But it didn't matter because I wasn't going to marry him anyway - and I didn't. He was a lying, cheating rat bastard. Fifteen years later he called me crying because his wife (a different woman than his baby momma) had an affair on him. I wondered why he was calling me after so man years - I just laughed and asked him how did it feel to be cheated on and hung up the phone. I later found out that he died from incurable cancer - it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.
My first relationship was with a guy who is a misogynist and an abuser from his parents also being abusive/cheaters. And I was a pick-me until I talked to the women he talked badly about, or hid from me. That’s when I realized just by THAT one relationship - that you can’t be ignorant and you have to be empathetic. I hated those girls. I know now he was using everyone and trying to triangulate me with any living thing just because of his own childhood issues. Your abusive bf is not gonna change and it’s not the girls fault. They’re manipulated as well.
Yup last time I was the pick me was my ex before my husband this guy was handsome, rich, foreign accent and he nearly killed me twice. He was an abusive drunk that once he got what he wanted I finally saw his real face and it was a monster. This guy pretty much made me want nothing to do with men for the rest of my life. When I dated my husband I just went ahead and slept with him early cause if I had to go through another man treating me like garbage after they slept with me. (I was one of those girls that wanted wait for marriage and every guy before I slept with abusive drunk used the excuse of me not putting out as why they cheated even tho two were still sleeping with their ex's at the beginning of our relationship) that I just wanted it to be over quick and not waste my time on another man. Which worked in my favor didnt lose my virginity until I was almost 30 got treated like crap for being one and then got treated like crap for loosing it
So the one where the young lady talks about make-up made me think about this guy at work that literally told me that I shouldn't wear my lip gloss. I'm like why? It's freaking lip gloss...He said you don't need. I said, I like it! And I'll continue to wear it. But the real is that HE is attracted to me and I guess he cant control his thoughts. So I'm supposed to have dry lips bc you cant control how you feel/think? Sir not my problem. It's lip gloss! Stop with the policing of women. It's annoying. Those same men that say they don't like make-up are the same ones lusting after the women with make-up. Another guy told me how when he got with his girl she wore make-up and dressed sexy, he basically said she had to change all that to be with him...I said why not just find a woman that already dressed like you like, why get with someone and try to change her. It's controlling and that's why she left his ass and now he comes to work crying about how much he misses her. Again, stop trying to control women.
I never wanted to admit it but the only thing in this world that makes me truly happy long term is Money, my autonomy, Accomplishments and Success. Having a man is not success or an accomplishment. They are usually approaching you because they want something from you. I feel uneasy when men enter my personal space, and the idea that If he becomes my boyfriend he will call me every day will only cause my stress level to skyrocket. Money brings peace, It doesn't buy you happiness but it buys you the tools to become happy long-term. Money takes you everywhere, men only keep you at home. So why can't women just choose for money instead of men? Money treats you better than they ever will.
So happy to know I’m not the only one! I was soooooooo exhauuuuuustedddd in my last relationship. Best thing he did was cheat & pick a me a pick me. Saved me from a lifetime of misery. Woke up and realized not only my worth & value but that I truly do find value & purpose in my career and the financial gains and experiences that come with it.
The amount of men I met who wanted pick me (not liked, wanted) is insane. They try to trigger pick me in me. All women this and that, I'm so happy you aren't like them. They are like snakes with their friends, nugging all time, go into too many places, boring, wear to much make up, don't even put make up, can't cook, disagree with me which is disrespectful etc. BUT YOU ARE SO SPECIAL! I believe, I'm that special to the first "no" I say. Refuse to shit on other women, refuse to listening men shit on them, refuse to take it as a compliment.
💯 They are too feminine now. I’ve had enough of their torment and after my last very recent breakup (which includes an expensive divorce that I have to pay all by myself) now have permanently checked out of dating. After what my soon to be ex husband put me through, I just cannot see males the same way anymore. I’m a good woman and didn’t deserve to be discarded and have my heart scarred for life. 💔
What do you say to the women who take advantage of pick-me men, and do them dirty? Every woman doesn't appreciate the man who jumps through extra hoops for her.
We were told our value lies in marriage and motherhood. Our degree was nice but wifehood was necessary. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted validation, love, acceptance. After marrying a man with strong narcissistic tendencies, enduring every disrespect possible, being cheated on constantly, gaslit, and being told in a 1000 ways that he no longer wanted me; I realized that I would never be what he wanted. That started a journey of learning about narcissism, the need for self-esteem, and the path forward as a single mother 👩🏾 of 2. Breaking away from pickme-ism means deconstructing your mind and learning a new way of thinking. It’s hard but worth it.
The worse pick me thing I ever did was stay with a guy who cheated on me more than once and mentally, verbally & even emotionally abused me. It was slowly escalating into physical but my mom & friends warned me before hand. leaving is still the best decision I ever made for myself.
If we are all honest with ourselves we’ve all been pick me’s at one point in our lives. Just automatically taking his word for why his last relationship ended and believe the ex girl was the problem is being a pick me cuz you want him to know you’re not like her you’re better and he should pick you. Christianity and the patriarchy are so damaging to society..smh
4:11 I wish the best for the woman’s journey in self-healing. I want to emphasize that language is very important. It shapes the way you perceive the world and how you view yourself. One thing the new generation has to learn is that you can’t reclaim derogatory terms. Calling yourself and other women b**ch means you still have a long way to go to respecting yourself. It’s a dehumanizing term. When you refer to yourself in dehumanizing terms, you are subconsciously telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. Calling other women b***ch also reinforces in your mind that women as a class don’t deserve better.
I am a recovered pick me and it was how I was raised... my mom and prominent women in my life were Pick mes..everything I did was in favor of a man I wasted my 20s on being for men but my 30s are for me
10:30 I will always believe the woman FIRST. Ladies...your man isn't THAT special for women to make up multiple lies against him. There are much better men out there so if every woman has the same complaint. Its most likely true. I am in a group called 'are we dating the same guy?' And the amount of women that are in denial even though many women from that group have made the same complaints about their 'man' is astonishing 😂😴
Pearl is the major pick me of all time. She's always blogging about how women should be submissive, deserve being treated bad, How women shouldn't be allowed to vote
One thing about Pearl, she told the truth. She said she is self hating & unattractive & that's why she's the way she is. She wants validation from men that she'll NEVER get. Even beautiful women get treated wrong, so Pearl doesn't stand a chance & she KNOWS it😂
I have an honest question. Please no hate. How do you manage wanting companionship and intimacy but not willing to deal with being mistreated? I am in my 40s and will not stand disrespect at all. I would rather be alone than stressed yet you do sometimes want to be in a man arms. How do you balance?
Every relationship comes with contrast. Figure out what contrast you can live with and what is way too far for you - like for me, it would be having too do constant physical labor, because of my health problems or being with someone who is very touchy, a neat freak, and reactive. Next, find out what type of contrast a relationship with this particular person would probably have. A romantic relationship is about both people tending to each other's best interests and learning "I can have me (my autonomy) and have you, too", helped by being regulated and learning how to self-soothe. Move slowly because the bad guys lose their patience pretty quickly and reveal their mood swings over time showing their true colors behind the charming persona.
Unfortunately with men mind these days you have to be on extra on high alert. It takes time and being very careful and understanding red flags and peace when you recognize it
I understand your dilemma bc it’s a human need to want someone to hold you and hug you and want you. However, the vast majority of men truly don’t have that to offer. We have to be real and analyze the situation as it really is. Most men tend to be incredibly egotistical, self-focused, immature and care abt no one’s pleasure and satisfaction but their own, especially as they get older and are still “playing the field.” If you truly desire a man’s body, you’re better off dating younger men and having a “friends with benefit” situation. Chances are you’re not going to find a longer term body to sleep next to you unless you’re willing to put up with a lot and set aside a lot of your needs for a man who many times will not deserve it. It is your life and your decision but as we get older (I’m in my late 40s), the chances of actually finding an equal partner who treats us with respect, love, understanding and balances our needs with theirs is less than 5%. It’s sad but true. Focus on meeting girlfriends, that will help. I used Bumble BFF to do this do you have people your age to do things with. It helps a lot.
This is a hard one. I've experienced it myself. It does feel good to be hugged like that. Women have also been conditioned by media to want that. Think of all those movie scenes where the big, strong man envelops the smaller woman in his arms and everything turns out better. For me, working out with resistance has made me feel strong in my own body so I don't need to seek strength from outside. That was a gradual thing for me over the last couple of years. Good luck to you.
To be honest it sometimes feel like I am being punished for not taking abuse. Its also as if being older means you should accept abuse. I thank God I have good friends and support. But its sad that men expect to be able to treat you bad with impunity.
I've noticed a lot of pick me behaviour is rampant on Facebook. I'm not sure if it's because the girls over there have their real photos up, their families are on there or what? but I want to know...are the Facebook girlie's okay? Yall are just embarrassing under some of these posts 😂😴
Ugh I used to be a pick me when I was a young teenager, SO glad I've mostly grown out of it and am actively trying to unlearn internalized misogyny. Learning to love and adore other women is such a blessing
I think there are two different kinds of Pickmes: the one who only harms herself (and maybe her children) and the ones who throw other women under the bus, bully & attack other women, doxx women, set-up other women for failure or harm, etc. That second one...MUCH HARDER to forgive that kind! Yeah yeah yeah, "we all make mistakes", but we don't all intentionally harm other people. Sometimes people expect women to either put up with EVERYTHING or quickly forgive EVERYTHING bad done by EVERYBODY, in 5mins or less. I am no longer that great of a person, and I think the Pickmes who used to harm women need to tread lightly and remember that not all of us are so quick to be besties with them! There are some women who might be secretly happy about your growth but will not want to be bothered with you and you just need to deal with it the way they dealt with all your years of attacks and harm. Women have enough BS and unfairness to go through, and some women did not deserve the extra stress that you piled on, to be punished by your weakness while we stood strong enough to NOT be bullies. Move on to the women who welcome you with open arms and continue to grow from there.
i used to go to school with a girl who would fight tooth and nail to defend her guy best friends if they cheated well at least he's a good brother she never once thought of how it would affect the girl so long as she was friends with them lmao...she once tried to fight me after i exposed her guy best friend for cheating on one of my friends safe to say she never could touch anyone of us
I was a pickmeisha until my 30s. I still use my time with him as a lesson to recognize when I am selling myself short. Sometimes I still reflect on those times in anger and disbelief. It’s taking me a long time to fully forgive myself.
And if anything, we need to be kinder to the pick me because for one, most women were some varying degree of pick me in their youth and two she’s just saying what most people are thinking, but she makes at her job to say it out loud. She says all the things that someone has definitely told you in the past but instead of hearing it from people here and there she’s saying all of the things at one time.
Also a recovered pick me. I was similar to the girl in the red bonnet and shirt. Used to judge my best friend based on the guys she interacted with. At the time i didnt realize thats what i was doing but i was insufferable and now i wish id gotten around a little bit more instead of trying to be "pure" for my future husband. That aspect of who i was then disgusts me now.
I think this mentality comes from home too. All I saw at home (and in the neighborhood) was women who kept these disrespectful grown men (I’m talking 40s and 50s) who didn’t have anything. They weren’t even going 50-50, it was 100% them. If it’s all you see, sometimes you act out that behavior without even realizing it.
To the woman who washed that loser’s feet. You were emotionally abused to the point that your self esteem was in the gutter. I don’t get the sense that your behavior was coming from a place of superiority but from deep hurt. Wishing you peace and healing ❤
The worse pickmes to me are the ones who pick men over their kids and ignores abuse.
Yess it’s so evil and sad especially bc these men turn around and end up abusing the children too
Absolutely despicable
] @@Iluvmitski_
This behavior is very nasty as a man I would dump a woman on the spot if she chose me over her kids I wouldn't even date one just so cringe
Like my mother, she loves her pedophile more then her kids🤷🏽♀️
🗣️ I stopped being a pick me when I picked me!
Right
Ayyyyy
Yaaaas girl! 💪🏽💅🏽💃🏼
Right? Men don't pick us, WE PICK THEM! They need and want us waaaaayyy more than the other way around. And the lady in the pink jacket is right, it is embarrassing to have been a Pick Me.
I needed this one
The internalized misogyny that goes with the “pick me” is important to discuss. And men have ZERO respect for a “pick me.” ZERO.
true
Every single mom is a pick me.
@@missmadelinesadventures3278no every single mom is not a pick me, and wtf do you even get that from??
@@sharonharris9782this is pick me behavior, real dumb.
@@missmadelinesadventures3278how are mom’s pick me’s💀. Like no nuance or nothing. Just EVERY SINGLE MOM. like you have to know that’s incorrect right? Not even most mom’s.
I was a Pick Me in my late teens until my early 30s, and I got picked. And guess what? IT SUCKED. So I dumped the guys I was so desperate to get picked by and got therapy instead.
🙌🏾❤️
Amen.
“Pick me”? No girl pick a therapist . Ill send the link to my practice lol 💀😘
This is what they don’t talk about enough. Getting picked by these men is AWFUL! There’s no reward in being chose by men who don’t value women or treat them with respect.
A pickme will put you in danger over a man. Keep that in mind
Yup.
They’re agents of the patriarchy
Facts
Best comment!! So true.
Yess!!!!
I stopped being a pick me once I realized that the girls wearing makeup were getting bfs and being called hot by the same guys who just said they didn’t like girls who wore a lot of makeup
Oh yea, the men and their contradictions are the fastest way to stop listening to them. For me it was when those men who behaved that way. Deflected and said "oh we only have sex with those women, we don't like them, or marry them or take them seriously or care for them". That disgusted me more, because why are they ok with using somebody? Not to mention, if they do get a girlfriend, what is she getting that's so much bettwr rhan what he always gave away to other women he didn't care about? There's no seperate sacred penis that the girlfriends get that the flings don't get, so what's the difference?
@@Ourown311 yessss I recently saw a guy ranting about how much he hates makeup next thing you knew he was getting flowers for a girl who’s always seen wearing some makeup now it wasn’t a full face but I haven’t seen a day where her face was bare yet he was simping for her hard
This!!!😅😅
@@Alexz5040It's all about conquest. Don't fall for the smoke and mirrors.
@lisem614 The biggest Aha moment ever..Great observation!!
This is the reason men love younger women, they tend to be impressionable and desperate for love
Not necessarily desperate but unaware of their manipulation tactics.
No, it's because younger women are more attractive and can generally give birth to healthier children.
@chillichan but most likely very naive lol so that you can have kids with her and trap her
They're very easy to manipulate because they haven't gotten enough experience with men . Most men are liars, abusive and cheaters. Not all- most. The ones that aren't are a gift from God.
@@chillichanmen don't want kids. What planet you on. Kids take their time away from a woman. If they wanted kids they wouldn't abandon them and they would fight to get full custody. 😂
The thing I've noticed about pickme's is they're going against their own best interest. Whether that is by degrading other women, supporting mysogynist views or doing everything to keep a man. I'm glad these women are speaking up and hopefully their message will reach those who need it the most.
What a lot of them don't realize is that those men don't really have those standards they're trying to justify being criminals they still they robbed they rape and they take people's innocence and trust.
Candace Owens is the “PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THAT!”
@@BlackberryTittiesCandace Owens is poison! That lady said women need to focus on having a family over career even though she herself prioritised her career and only married in her 30s
@@BlackberryTittiesCandace Owens is sooo weird as an example of that because she’s married and having kids with someone… But her behavior enables her to still be “picked” as the number one example of how a woman “should” be by millions of incels so they essentially become right wing cucks.
It totally enables the men who idolize her to avoid doing any introspection to question if the women in their lives who want any semblance of mutualism are actually onto something and not brainwashed feminists without an end goal.
It’s just weird because you’d think that pick me behavior would end with a relationship but not necessarily (I’ve seen another video talking about how boy moms are just pick mes moving to the mom phase of their life…)
@@omphilemoerane2569If there’s anything we know about pick me’s, it’s that they’ll do anything they can to get rid of competition…
Also a recovering pickmeisha. I learned the hard way: play stupid patriarchal games, win soul destroying, bottom of the Mariana Trench self esteem prizes.
Seriously, decenter men and watch the universe reward you tenfold
Let me help you complete your get over. Everything men say and believe is wrong it's a lie. Their believe system is highly unnatural. I can prove it. And if you don't believe me, remember when they said women are too stupid to get educated? That went on for centuries. Women arent just not stupid we are smarter. They perpetrated that lie for CENTURIES.
All they do is lie. Their existence is anti nature. Their sperm flex is also a lie. Women STILL have the ability to immaculately conceive.
Their evolution flex...that they improve evolutionart prospects of the human genes, it's a damn lie...they are actually holding us back bc their genes is highly unstable and prone to mutations. They are actually the reason for 99% of both genetic errors AND sicknesses.
This
Yea, it seems like the universe is waiting for women to wake up and give you your blessings once you get the men out of the way.
yessssss
I was one as well
I still remember the LONGING for a prince charming man to love me as a teen and young woman. The brain washing is thorough!!!!
Do you know when men started Complaining about the princess mentality? When it got inconvenient for them getting women, when women started demanding they be taken care of. When it was working in their favor they kept quiet.
It's insane cause almost every single woman I talk to, tells me the exact same prince charming dream they had growing up. This is how much the patriarchy has brainwashed women to believe that men are good and capable of love, affection and connection. BS.
You’re not wrong for wanting that. You still wouldn’t be wrong to want that today. As humans, especially women, we crave love and belonging which is not just normal but a necessity. The misfortune is that a certain breed of modern males have decided that they want to be the women instead of being men and that’s what’s messing things up, however, time spent with God and Jesus never goes without a beautiful harvest in due time ❤️
@@Autumn-zd9nqamen!
@@Autumn-zd9nq not a certain breed.all of them and it's always happened. It's just women were forced to take it bc as and now they have the choice to not. So no it's not very smart to want prince charming if the idea of Prince charming was ALWAYS a lie. Y'all are still handing on to lies like it's real. But you don't have to believe. Experience will teach you where you fail to learn.
Please keep spreading these messages, our younger generation needs to hear this.
Thank you I will ❤
ALL generations.
They will hun, I send these videos to my 12 and 8 year old daughters' phones so they have records confirming what I've been teaching them, in case anything happens to me. You're teaching children also. Thank you!!!
I love that women are using their platforms to help other women
Yes after they put other women down and think they are better than women whom are independent, like to do girl thinks and have strong bond with they friends.
@@Em-wk5nsthey’re evolving this is feminine repentance
@@Em-wk5ns Everyone makes mistakes. At least they've learned from it and are stopping the circle.
I respect these women's self-awareness and ability to admit they were wrong, but more importantly, the ability to actively change and do better.
I'm a former pickme. One key thing is to never compete for a man, even if you're married to him, wait no, ESPECIALLY if you're married to him. Even if you win the competition, you'll always fear for future competition. No man is worth that stress. Drop him and find a man who's fully dedicated.
Yuuuupp! 😊
This is whole word! 💯
And even if you’re married with children when men tire of you, they’ll just replace you. There’s no point in having them pick you. Be free!
if he replace me I'll replace him easy@@HandofHolmes
I have a good husband - he’s taken care of me while recovering from a health condition. But after watching this channel and Manifestelle I wanted to get out of the depressed rut I was in… I started vibing, dressing up nice again, wearing makeup more often and doing my eyeshadow pretty. He responded to that immediately- he even joked “are you cheating on me?” And I was like, just with myself. Bc I picked me! And remember what it felt like before my health condition and losing a job what it felt like to feel GOOD in my own body. I would say he’s become even more responsive to my WANTS not just my needs since this shift in mindset. So yes, it works with your married partner as well.
If a man's ex warn you about him, don't ignore it.
I did that, and she DM few months later to tell me I was right. She spoke to me on the phone for 10 hours, I said... Girl, get it off your chest. What else he did to you....
And she told me she heard a gay man on his voicemail on his landline leave him a message about him coming over and leaving a belonging at his house. And he is also a womanizer. 😂
"I hold no space for a man to use another woman as a stool to prop me up"...that last young lady's whole speech was A WORD...this quote is just an excerpt!
This💯‼️I felt me & my ex drifting apart after I kept asking about his son & he kept giving excuses & blaming the boy's mother as to why he wasn't around. So one day he said "why I always gotta be the one to reach out?" I'm like "N^%$# wtf she gotta reach out to you for?? You don't have her child, she has YOUR'S". I just couldn't believe it. I was flabbergasted at his audacity. I couldn't comprehend how he could think that that little boy's mother OWED it to him to stay in contact. Like n&^%# *CALL YOUR F%$# SON*. Once he saw my stance & he realized that I wasn't gonna sit back & let him shyt on another woman in front of me, it was over 😂
@blacknbougie8021 I hear you Sis!! 🙌🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯
👏🏼👏🏼💯💯
Yes!❤
@@blacknbougie8021YEP!! And you dodged a bullet because he would have treated you the same way if you'd had children with him and yall didn't work out. I pay attention to how males treat other women bc these bandits don't change their stripes and will treat me the same way once we are over is how I see it.
If a woman calls to tell you that a man is abusive, believe her. If she wanted him, she could have just said they are still involved. But she is trying to help save you from the experience she had with him.
Exactly. It either means A) he has unfinished business he needs to deal with or B) he is what she says he is
@@beepbopboop7727you’re truly beautiful. 🫶🏻
Exactly. I had a bff at school who was with an absolute ahole guy, who did not care for her. I did not like his vibe right from the beginning, but she loved and adored him, so i kept quiet. We were clubbing one night and he sidled up to me and hit on me. Put his arm around me and told me how I am more attractive etc. I pushed him away and went to find her to warn her that he was a cheater. Not only did she not believe me, she actually attacked me, her best friend for years, called me any name in the book, I wanted to take away her boyfriend etc. I was dumbfounded. I have never given her any reason not to trust me. I said that I would not touch him with a stick, but that even made her more agressive. I stopped all contact with her (her relationship with him held up for 2 month after that, then he dumped her) and have never spoken to her again. But up until today, I have never understood why she killed what i thought was a good friendship. And I still see so many young women nowadays who are just as man-focussed. Horrible.
@@endlessstudent3512 She’s a PICKMESHA.
What you witnessed was pickmesha rage.
That's a typical PickMe behavior.even If she exactly knew that He was the one wanting you..she would have still BE pissed at you and pick him over you
Ladies never move in w a man….. never sell your houses properly and condo your ass will lose it all all of it and then the point where where he’s gone
The worst is to sell the house, women should keep their property, rent for somebody else while move in with a man, if things go south, they at least have their house.
Also, check your state laws, and buy a home BEFORE marriage. It will always be yours
NEVER let a man move in with you either! Go watch Miss Faye’s World on this.
@@mildformtv2227
If u buy a condo don’t ever ever let it go!
Pretend u live in group home w a curfew make every excuse to not let them in ur home🎉
I don’t think I was ever a full blown pick me, because I was never yelling about how women don’t have value past 30, or trying to excuse bad male behavior, or act like men were perfect, however I did used to have a not like other girls phase where I’d just be too competitive trying to prove my worth above others, and I don’t know why I even tried so hard because men aren’t even worth impressing.
Men aren’t even worth impressing! This deserves to be made into gospel!
You are right! I was not far from you, born& raised in a patriarchal religious society, surrounded by full blown pick-meishas. I was considered a rebel and a feminist although I never put down other women or idolise men, I just wanted to show men that I can do everything: I can be very pretty ( pagent winner), have a successfull career ( done) and be a great house-keeper (done). The result was exhaustion and a stress-related disease that nearly killed me. Never again! I swore that if I survived, I would never try to impress anyone ever again to prove my worth as a woman. You either like me or you don't, your business, I don't care anymore. I kept my word! I think subconsciously I thought that if I am so acomplished in all areas, people will surely love me... how silly I was!
Yea, I've been there. It's never worth it, and men are never worth it
That's how I was too. I think we need a different word for women and girls like that. Himpressers?
Same this is how I feel. I never put other women down. But I did try really hard to stand out for a specific man’s approval (because I thought I was in love with him). But the problem is he was the one who put me in that situation to be competitive with other women because I know he enjoyed it and loved the attention of women fighting over him. The worst part is he was in his feminine energy trying to make us in masculine energy. Now I’ve learned that I should put myself first and not care what men like that think of me. I think men like that are immature at best and dangerous at worst.
I had a woman say, " Only ugly women need to have jobs." she also stated, " i don't listen to women who've never been married before ."
This same woman had several children by several different men as well as an ex-husband. However, she sided with men every chance she got.
Not really it depends on the woman sometimes really attractive women have jobs and really ugly women live off there baby daddy's and husbands. There was a woman I ran into at a supermarket she was like 50 years old she looked like a troll. It's all a matter of self care and Sense they hate women of course there always going to look kind of plain looking because they let there man tell them how to dress if you don't let men tell you how to dress at least you wont look foolish and people are less likely to bother you.
So she was a used up wall dweller (according to men) but she has the nerve to criticise other women?
😂😂😂😂😂 We give thanks for her tribute.
Sometimes we need bait to not recognise their role so the rest of us can get away😊 lets that chic wear her badge with PRIDE!😂
@@beepbopboop7727What’s a “wall dweller” ?? 😂
😂. Real pick me pleaser
It's so nice to hear Pick Me Girls are finally picking themselves!
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
They finally said to themselves, I Pick Me!
I stopped being a pick me when I noticed that men were picking the girls who exhibited the very behaviors that they complained about all day long.
Same here😅.
Me too
Goes both ways for men too. I stopped pursuing women who complains about men’s horrible behavior and they convince me to change them. Men can’t tell men what to do cuz they will get mad too. I don’t like being in relationships business unless I’m being told what’s right to do in relationships.
Yep, all the things they said they didn’t want. They were secretly attractive to.
Yes so true smh never again.
I used to be both a pick me and a cool girl. The only things I got out of being such were abuse, objectification and trauma. Thankfully I am older and wiser now, but any woman who is not willing to do the hard inner work of facing her deeply ingrained misogyny and resulting victimisation will never get to a place of self awareness, self respect and inner freedom unfortunately.
Yep. It takes self reflection and facing difficult truths about yourself but it's absolutely worth it.
@@margodphd100 percent!
In my experience men don’t respect and treat these “ideal” women well.
They’ll just keep pushing your boundaries and testing how poorly you’ll allow them to treat you. I did have a small sample size, though.
This is why The Batchelor is so problematic. Last two women standing Leslie and Theresa. Leslie was an independent woman who did many activities and didn’t want to move from her home. Teresa a wealthy widowed who has a successful career and said she would do anything and move for her Batchelor. The ultimate pick me girl. So Gerry the Batchelor picks Teresa. The paper The Hollywood Reporter came out with a scathing article about Gerry. It related how abusive he has been to his ex girlfriends. How he financially, emotionally abused them. He’s a terrible human being 😮
@dianaortiz9775 WHAT?? WOWWWWWW...😮
He was going to pick Leslie until he found out Theresa was loaded. It's not about her being a pickme. Theresa said she doesn't want to be w gerry if he's not into her 1000 percent not just a little bit more than Leslie. He's gold digger
Yup he picked Thersa for multiple reasons, and one of them is because she is a pick me, she had the googly eyes for him 🥺, she will do anything to keep him. He even said it, when her daughter asked him why he likes her, he said because of the way she looks at him. I read that article, I'm like 😮 the Golden Bachelor is 50/50 narcissist. He seemed so fake to me and now I know, he is.
Ooooh wowwwww 😮😮😮😮😮 he fooled me
Yeahhhh like ummm even the bachelorette is problematic but at least it’s more in line with gender stereotypes (women traditionally being chased)…
When the chick in pink and a cap mentioned washing his feet my mouth fell open! As half Egyptian who was born in Egypt and always watched tv series with mom, they would always show the wife or just mistress of most men always on her knees washing his feet or soaking his feet for him in salt water! And I never saw one single man do that for a woman. It's always the woman doing it as he sits back looking arrogantly at her or up at the ceiling smoking his hookah! And the woman would always call him "the man of all men" lmao. It's a silly Arabic expression that's supposed to uplift a dude and make him feel macho! And as a little girl who shouldn't be aware I was very much disgusted by such behavior! Mom called me difficult for detesting most men because I saw right through their egotistical bs! But my mom is traditional so she'd be like stop that you'll never get a man like that. Now at 31 I'm still a virgin (by choice) and left every man I ever dated. I don't see marriage or kids in my future. I always ask God to plan what's best for me so who knows but if it was left all up to me yea I'd die a virgin lol.
That's crazy! I'm 21 and I'm a virgin and never kissed a guy because of my low interest in men. Since I was a child I knew most men weren't good enough for me. I just HATE how insecure they are.
I've always attracted a lot of male attention but it does nothing for me. Most of them are weird and boring.
Men will wash your feet. I hope you get to enjoy it
You were blessed with wisdom at an early age. ❤️
Same sis, 37 and will die single rather than have a man disrespect me
love from Jordan :)
@@kjlockley1246women don't want washed feet from men. Smh
As a young woman I was definitely a pick me. I’m wiser now. I’m single by choice. I love living on my own, my time is my own. I have a king size bed to myself. Supermodel Evangelista made a statement she will remain single now.
I think we were all pick me’s- we were all brainwashed since birth to be
Bravo to you. I'm staying single now, so fed up with modern men and online dating. I'm done. Hugs to you ❤
We definitely were all pick Mes as younger versions of ourselves because we were taught to center men and that marriage and motherhood was the goal. Not only that, we can’t forget about the changes our bodies were going through during puberty. Started to fall for the redpill bs until I found channels like this putting me on game and woke up and see it for exactly what it is.
@@itspiinkyrose4324100%
@@jenbodhi1133I wasn't...Ever a pickme. I noticed a small tiny portion of women were not. They KNEW something wasn't. And it wasn't that we were different or smarter.
We got super lucky. I could easily have been. I spent YEARS thinking something was wrong with me for having zero desire for a man. I'd date only to not seem weird or broken. Then it would get to the sex part and I wouldn't let them finish...every time lmao, partly to he a bitch and parrkh bc it was NASTY. Felt like raw dry meant invading my personal space. Ewww.EVERY TIME. STILL TODAY.
Then id feel worried about being broken again, but then someone will mention marriage and about me finding a husband and id wait for it to make sense but all I got was my smile frozen in place and a cringe feeling of wanting to tell these pickmes to mind their brainwashed business. I didn't.
I even got into divine feminity to actively trying to find a husband 😂😂😂 and had a profile on several apps talking about I'm a traditional woman and I'm here to serve my man 😢😢😢. Then the led me to a rabbit hole of finding princrlks Clark the queen maker. I was done with men then, having finally realized I wasn't in fact insane.
Truth be told anyone still with men is the insane one. All they've done is lie. Behind pricella clwke, I started making observations of these men myself and everything they say, have said, is a lie. Patriarchy is a lie, and shockingly, that men and women belong together. We do not.
Our sex drive is far different from theirs precisely bc we donr belong together.
They abandon children bc we don't belong together. How can we belong together if we need to spend our days doing that which is MOST difficult thing possible and they are nowhere to be found??
They rape children bc we don't belong together, for how can you belong with the one who RAPE YOUR CHILDREN!???
they rape us bc we don't belong together. You don't rape something that already yours.
It's difficult finding a good one bc we don't belong together. If we did our compatibility would've already been BAKED IN, exactly like how it's baked in with mother and child.
How can you belong together when we need safety to raisd children and they are all about violence??!?? I am so children need safety to grow up in or is it best done in violence??
And there are 50 more reasons that I've personally discovered that make it impossible.
Pit that against 1 reason: We take their sperm.
I want to see one from the race based pickmes. The ones who get with men who say they hate their own race or nationality of women.
Yes, these females Becky, Ling Ling, Guadalupe & Miriam use racism to feel superior and aligned themselves with self hating blackmail.
Didn't recognise what a disgusting and alarming behaviour it was when I was young but your so right about that one. Some people will take any form of validation they can get regardless of who they're putting down in order to get it. As long as disgusting men exist so will the women who cater to what they think those men want. There has to be an element of stupidity after a certain point because it doesn't get you better treatment or approval from them?!
I’d love to hear from them too!
I realized recently that I was surrounded by misogynist men and fellow pick me people. I wanted to be validated and accepted. I caught it and I am going to do better.
Yeah I was definitely a pick me , not defending men but doing acting and speaking in a way that I thought men wanted. I never did anything extreme like surgery, but at one point I thought about it . The older I’ve gotten (32) the more I see myself separating from friends who are still grown pick mes and just men who wanted me to hate myself because I refuse to conform. That mindset we’ll make you single , unless you find that lucky person who just wants you as you are . But alot of men almost want you to hate yourself while loving them . Because the only people who would put up with cheating , lying and toxic behaviors do not love themselves.
Correct! They want you to hate yourself so they don't have to give you reciprocity. When you love him more than you love yourself he can have easy access to your body, labor, and resources. When he try to make you feel unloved unwanted or make you feel desperate like you're not enough or not good enough please ghost him immediately. And these low vibrational men are everywhere. Be careful conscious and cautious ladies.
Exactly
I almost cried listening to the girl on the white had and pink jacket. She was brutally honest. It must have taken a lot of courage for her to share those things. I pray she is healed and in a happier place with her self. She looks for beautiful, btw.
My jaw dropped - she is so beautiful on top of her inherent worth and dignity as a human. I was just so flustered for her that she BEGGED. 😭
She told the TRUTH. Everyone who feels sorry for her has done worse for a man and don't even realize it.
It’s definitely ingrained in us from childhood. I’m so glad I’ve grown out of it. I cringe so hard at my teenage/early 20s self.
I can tell you i never eas. My mom show me the way because she was a pick me and still is. It gross me out so much that i told myself in would never beg a man or compromise my position as a woman and as a human being like she did. It is gross and disgusting to see as a child that makes you never want to be that as an adult
Yeah, mens power was out ignorance before. But then there came a critical mass of evidence that women can no longer not see. It broke the fever.
My sperm donor countries would repeatedly BEAT my bio-incubator till she’s hospitalized and she’ll still kneel down and serve him food and apologize to him on her knees.
Chileeeeeeeeeeee.
Jesus washed others' feet, not the other way around.
Amen!
The second you stop playing by man's rules, it's a bit scary. I'm dating right now. I had a date with a guy and decided that I didn't want to date him more. He asked me to come inside his house as I dropped him off. I said no thank you, it's late. He asked 11 MORE TIMES and would not take no for an answer. Younger me would have cracked and went inside after the third time he insists, just to end the awkwardness. But no. HE was making this moment awkward, not me. He got very upset. But thats his problem, not mine. I don't have to do what he says. Ladies, changing your pickme ways will improve your life. But there are risks. When you become exclusive and protective of your energy, dont put yourself in situations where you are too vulnerable. Access to you alone should be earned. You need to protect yourself. I heard this all the time but never fully understood what it meant.
You did right. There's no telling what or who was waiting for you in there.
Why you were dropping him off at his place to start with? You're still playing by men's rules.
Ladies please stop referring to yourself (and other women) as a B-. Have some self respect.
Done pickme shit and now I know better. Choose yourself, people.
In one sentence, it gets you treated a hell of a lot worse than if you were a genuinely sadistic gold digger.
Edit to add: they also rarely get picked. Look at Pearly Things
Just Broken Things? Forever Single Things? 😂
I call her pearly clutches….. because she’s forever clutching them pearls 🤣🤣🤣
I was a pick me because i was scared of being alone. Now i love myself too much to compromise my peace and im ashamed of the woman i used to be. 😂
Release the shame. Patriarchy is a hell of a drug. Don't be hard on yourself. You behaved based on what you knew at the time. It happens to a lot of us.
@@kdphotos4691 🙏🏽
Idk what other choice did you have? We all are a product of our environment when we are young. You outgrew that so I'd rather say you should be proud of that achievement.
I'll admit that I was a pick me in my younger days. That was what all of media and society said was normal in the 90s and early 2000s. I'm glad that young women can wake up these days and realize this early in their lives. Women can see their own power and are encouraged to now. Don't dim yourself down to please a fool. A man is not a prize.
As the last woman said, I went from pick-me to picking me. I love that!
The 90s and 2000s were such a wild time of misogyny and hatred of women
The sign to run for me is when a man brings up an ex or another girl to try and get me jealous. When that happens RUN. Doesn't matter if you are engaged just leave it just gets worse.
Or when he calls his ex crazy and never has a decent thing to say about them
Omgggg I used to be a pick me as a teen. I learned girls use it as a teen coping mechanism and it makes sense because in my pre teen years I got bullied for being ugly and it made me compare myself to other girls and feel jealous. After my teen years, I got into watching this TH-camr called manifestelle who opened my eyes and made me realize it went against my best interest. It made me hate who I’ve become and want to change. I realized relationships aren’t everything that I need in the world, I realized I needed to pick myself before any man. I embrace being single and working on myself. I love how there’s women out there who talk about their stories and inspired me to change for the better.
Please keep sharing these stories. They help.
Ok thanks it’s encouraging to hear that 💕💕
The most pick misha thing I've ever seen was when I was younger this jail bird dusty told these two women to fight and whoever wins gets him.........and they actually did it.
I wont chase a man anymore, im done. I pick me now, and thats it ❤❤
Keep going my friend we need this we need the truth for younger generations and older I’m 37 I been alone st 28. Wasted my teenage years and 20s I see woman 45+ even 50-60 still a problem they r dating men older and he got no car and job and kids …..
Thanks for the support and that exactly what I am trying to do ❤😊🤗
💯
My daughter is 8 and the way I talk to her...I don't want her to make the same no self love mistakes I made. #PickMeInRecovery
Same!
I don’t think I was ever a pick me because I never really cared about other people’s problems but I would fall for dudes doing the ‘you’re not like other girls’ crap. I ‘knew’ that was just how men saw women. I thought ‘I stood out to him,’ and I thought that was a good thing when dudes would say this shit. I cannot imagine ever competing with others for a partner because that means he isn’t gonna be faithful. I also judged myself for the stupidest shit. I thought I was ‘easy’ for not being a virgin. I thought I was to blame when something bad happened to me. When I had a stalker who made the jump from online to showing up everywhere I was, that I was damaged, and I brought it on myself. I’d have never said that to someone else but I said it to me, every single day, in some way or another. So even if you aren’t a pick me at any point in time, you are still probably affected by this. Turning it inward is not better. It actually sucks.
I have absolutely zero problem with women having male friends cause I think friendship across the board is important. I take issue, however, with women who go out of their way to avoid female friendships cause they think men have less drama. Women who call themselves "guys' girls". It's one thing to be a "tomboy", it's another thing to be desperate to be one of the guys.
I'm old and I can count on one hand the number of men I thought were my friends, but actually wanted to screw me then screw me over. A man with no terrible intentions is a rare blessing.
Antifeminists are sort of pick me.
Most Definitely!
Same thing
They're the top tier pick me's. Any time I hear a woman say, "I'm not a feminist, but..." My reply is always, "do you drive? Do you vote? Do you get paid for the work you do? Do you make major purchases without the permission of a man? Then you're a feminist. Embrace it."
Women need to have each other's backs! We need to believe each other and warn each other about these shitty, abusive men!
Child some women have to learn the hard way because some women who you alarm about a guy they start thinking you are competition
I was a Pikmeshia level 1,000 :( Not only did I BEG a man who cheated on me to pick me, I had his baby, married him and let him treat me like shit for a decade and I'm still struggling with getting away even though I know its wrong. I thought I was cured because I can spot a misogynist a mile away, but not so well when they are sleeping right next to me!
We all want to be loved. Been there
I hope you get away ok. If you're struggling it may help to think of ur kid/s 1st.. think to yourself... living by example...Would I want them to put up with this themselves? Or grow up acting like him? Best of luck 💗
Desperate and pathetic. You got everything you deserved
Yes what Helen said! My little sister has struggled too and she has a beautiful daughter. I point out to her - your children will do what they see you doing, not what you tell them. What life do you want for your children? So do that and show them the right way! She even admitted she cared more about her daughter than herself and that shows in her lack of self-love and care… your daughter internalizes what the mom does. I let that sink in for her… love yourself and your daughter will also learn to love herself!
@@2okaycola this is not love
Love this. Everybody is waking up. Last year of the pickme’s.
To be honest I was never a pick me however the sad part about it was I thought that there was something seriously wrong with me because I thought pick me behavior was feminine and I thought that I wasn’t feminine because I never had the desire to do the pick me things that the women around me were doing. I had no idea until social media opened up my eyes and I started seeing these stories.
My hormones were not necessarily making a "pick me" type because I only liked one guy, BUT my hormones were making me so loopy that I did do a lot of stupid things, lol. I can see if I had a lot of males in my life and I liked a lot of men just one after another, I totally could have become that girl, wanting, desiring more and more male attention. Thankfully, since I never wanted kids, my hormones settled down a lot as I even got into my 30s and I just went through a natural wave of decentering men (they just did nothing for me emotionally, intellectually). My body would still crave a guy, but my mind was too logical to fall for the trap my friends has fallen into.
Omg I’m going through this right now as a 26 year old childfree woman! It’s lowkey soul crushing
It wasn't hormones. Men leave their DNA behind to control women. It makes them want to do things for the man. They do it to their mothers too. It's the reason for the golden child phenomenon.
When you’re young, you don’t know any better because you are indoctrinated to believe that this is what you do when you love someone. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to realize that it is not the way and that it’s ok for you to choose yourself over a man.
My mother used to say "men love the sound of their own voices." Meaning they will say anything to get your attention. They will lie from here to the Moon and back just to see your reaction. Knowing full well that they have no intentions of doing what they're saying. And the thing that puzzled me the most is that they lie when the truth will do just as good. Men create the majority of messiness and drama in a relationship because they aren't mature enough to be honest. For most men lying is more fun. Why tell the truth - women are beneath us, they don't deserve the truth. They lie because they don't have any respect for women.
I was never a pick me but that didn't stop me from being hurt. My fiance got another girl pregnant 3 months before our wedding. He told me that, "my mother, my father, my sisters and I got together and decided we weren't going to tell you about the pregnancy until after the wedding. But you're a strong black woman, I thought you deserved to know." I kinda flinched like WTF!!!??? You weren't going to tell me you were having a baby with another woman until after we got married??!! I thought wow, when were you going to tell me - during the honeymoon, after we moved in and got settled, after the baby was born, when? And I thought it doesn't matter because I wouldn't marry you now for anything in the f*ucking world!!! I broke up with him, but he hounded me for 5 years trying to get back together with me. He'd call me all times of day or night - 2:00 or 3:00 am in the morning, crying on the phone - talking about how much he missed me. I'd ask him "how's the baby" and hang up on him - but he felt like as long as I keep talking and keep her on the phone maybe, just maybe I can convince her to get back with me. It didn't work. One thing though, I NEVER his baby's mother down. I never talked bad about her or agreed with him when he complained about her. I had real sympathy for her because he had lied and deceived her as well. That's why when she made his life a living hell, when she was going to court to get her child support increased every 6 months (according to him) I didn't get angry at her. I was like, "hey you f*ucked her." When she would hide the child from him when he went to visit her I didn't have sympathy for him because he had used her and deceived her. And even though I felt for the baby I didn't care how much he complained because he was only getting paid back for his narcissistic, shitty, lying, cheating behavior.
Omg..that's so hurtful what he did. Did you ever end up seeing him again?
I am so sorry that happened to you but I am really relieved for you as well, that you found out BEFORE you married him. That would have been a disaster.
He hid an entire baby from you and you really believe she’s hiding the baby from him and increasing child support etc., without any documents.
You’re still taking his lying words as facts.
@@Morenita570 Nah, this was over 20 years ago. I’ve been over him a long, long time. These were just more lies he told. Believe me, after he told me he was having a child with his old girlfriend I mentally and emotionally checked out. Fifteen years later he contacted me again. He was going thru a divorce (he married another woman) because she had an affair on him. I just laughed and hung up.
@@Morenita570 I responded to you a few days ago but it seems to have been deleted. My situation happened back in the mid-1980s. I left him as soon as he told me he was having a baby with his ex. As for the child support and hiding the baby - I was only going by what he told me. But it didn't matter because I wasn't going to marry him anyway - and I didn't. He was a lying, cheating rat bastard. Fifteen years later he called me crying because his wife (a different woman than his baby momma) had an affair on him. I wondered why he was calling me after so man years - I just laughed and asked him how did it feel to be cheated on and hung up the phone. I later found out that he died from incurable cancer - it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.
A moment of silence for our pickme days.
I don’t wanna be a pick me. Too many Brookies 😂
My first relationship was with a guy who is a misogynist and an abuser from his parents also being abusive/cheaters. And I was a pick-me until I talked to the women he talked badly about, or hid from me. That’s when I realized just by THAT one relationship - that you can’t be ignorant and you have to be empathetic. I hated those girls. I know now he was using everyone and trying to triangulate me with any living thing just because of his own childhood issues. Your abusive bf is not gonna change and it’s not the girls fault. They’re manipulated as well.
NEVER EVER ignore another woman's warning.
100% don't call her bitter or a hater. She isn't taking the risk of being dragged and judged for no reason
Keep sharing babe. Thank you, you're helping out baby sisters!
I will 🙏🏾❤️
I was a pickme in my late teens early 20’s. Then I picked me. Always put yourself first.
To all the recovering pick mes: you're still our sisters in feminism, and we're proud of you for learning from your experiences.
Yup last time I was the pick me was my ex before my husband this guy was handsome, rich, foreign accent and he nearly killed me twice. He was an abusive drunk that once he got what he wanted I finally saw his real face and it was a monster. This guy pretty much made me want nothing to do with men for the rest of my life. When I dated my husband I just went ahead and slept with him early cause if I had to go through another man treating me like garbage after they slept with me. (I was one of those girls that wanted wait for marriage and every guy before I slept with abusive drunk used the excuse of me not putting out as why they cheated even tho two were still sleeping with their ex's at the beginning of our relationship) that I just wanted it to be over quick and not waste my time on another man. Which worked in my favor didnt lose my virginity until I was almost 30 got treated like crap for being one and then got treated like crap for loosing it
So the one where the young lady talks about make-up made me think about this guy at work that literally told me that I shouldn't wear my lip gloss. I'm like why? It's freaking lip gloss...He said you don't need. I said, I like it! And I'll continue to wear it.
But the real is that HE is attracted to me and I guess he cant control his thoughts. So I'm supposed to have dry lips bc you cant control how you feel/think? Sir not my problem. It's lip gloss! Stop with the policing of women. It's annoying. Those same men that say they don't like make-up are the same ones lusting after the women with make-up.
Another guy told me how when he got with his girl she wore make-up and dressed sexy, he basically said she had to change all that to be with him...I said why not just find a woman that already dressed like you like, why get with someone and try to change her. It's controlling and that's why she left his ass and now he comes to work crying about how much he misses her. Again, stop trying to control women.
I never wanted to admit it but the only thing in this world that makes me truly happy long term is Money, my autonomy, Accomplishments and Success. Having a man is not success or an accomplishment. They are usually approaching you because they want something from you.
I feel uneasy when men enter my personal space, and the idea that If he becomes my boyfriend he will call me every day will only cause my stress level to skyrocket.
Money brings peace, It doesn't buy you happiness but it buys you the tools to become happy long-term.
Money takes you everywhere, men only keep you at home.
So why can't women just choose for money instead of men? Money treats you better than they ever will.
So happy to know I’m not the only one! I was soooooooo exhauuuuuustedddd in my last relationship. Best thing he did was cheat & pick a me a pick me. Saved me from a lifetime of misery. Woke up and realized not only my worth & value but that I truly do find value & purpose in my career and the financial gains and experiences that come with it.
The amount of men I met who wanted pick me (not liked, wanted) is insane. They try to trigger pick me in me.
All women this and that, I'm so happy you aren't like them. They are like snakes with their friends, nugging all time, go into too many places, boring, wear to much make up, don't even put make up, can't cook, disagree with me which is disrespectful etc. BUT YOU ARE SO SPECIAL!
I believe, I'm that special to the first "no" I say.
Refuse to shit on other women, refuse to listening men shit on them, refuse to take it as a compliment.
I want men to be pickmes but they don't seem to follow nature
They choose lazyness and entitlement and want women to do the hard work
💯 They are too feminine now. I’ve had enough of their torment and after my last very recent breakup (which includes an expensive divorce that I have to pay all by myself) now have permanently checked out of dating. After what my soon to be ex husband put me through, I just cannot see males the same way anymore. I’m a good woman and didn’t deserve to be discarded and have my heart scarred for life. 💔
What do you say to the women who take advantage of pick-me men, and do them dirty? Every woman doesn't appreciate the man who jumps through extra hoops for her.
@@irinaivanovic9792”Too feminine”? What in the world does that mean??
@@The_Winsome_PixieRite. I see femininity as a wonderful thing. One can be never too feminine imo
We were told our value lies in marriage and motherhood. Our degree was nice but wifehood was necessary. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted validation, love, acceptance. After marrying a man with strong narcissistic tendencies, enduring every disrespect possible, being cheated on constantly, gaslit, and being told in a 1000 ways that he no longer wanted me; I realized that I would never be what he wanted. That started a journey of learning about narcissism, the need for self-esteem, and the path forward as a single mother 👩🏾 of 2. Breaking away from pickme-ism means deconstructing your mind and learning a new way of thinking. It’s hard but worth it.
The worse pick me thing I ever did was stay with a guy who cheated on me more than once and mentally, verbally & even emotionally abused me. It was slowly escalating into physical but my mom & friends warned me before hand. leaving is still the best decision I ever made for myself.
If we are all honest with ourselves we’ve all been pick me’s at one point in our lives. Just automatically taking his word for why his last relationship ended and believe the ex girl was the problem is being a pick me cuz you want him to know you’re not like her you’re better and he should pick you. Christianity and the patriarchy are so damaging to society..smh
Not me. I was never a pick me. I learned how not to be that way from a strong mother .
Not all of us. I never prioritized relationships with men and never had male friends growing up, so I never felt the need to pander to men.
Pretty much any religion
You’ll never be right for the wrong man 😢
4:11 I wish the best for the woman’s journey in self-healing. I want to emphasize that language is very important. It shapes the way you perceive the world and how you view yourself. One thing the new generation has to learn is that you can’t reclaim derogatory terms. Calling yourself and other women b**ch means you still have a long way to go to respecting yourself. It’s a dehumanizing term. When you refer to yourself in dehumanizing terms, you are subconsciously telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. Calling other women b***ch also reinforces in your mind that women as a class don’t deserve better.
Such powerful stories. Thnx for sharing.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I am a recovered pick me and it was how I was raised... my mom and prominent women in my life were Pick mes..everything I did was in favor of a man
I wasted my 20s on being for men but my 30s are for me
The girl with the white hat and the pink sweater…I wish I could find her and give her a hug 😢
We need to stop being afraid of men calling us gold digger. It does nothing to us. It only reflects on them.
Pick Me's is the female version of the "Nice Guy" it seems. Pearl from JustPearlyThings should take note.
Exactly they like to think they're better than other people.
Her and that Melanie King
I think we've all had a pick me moment(some minor and some severe) in our lives just some of us snapped out of it quicker than others.
I was rejected too much and called by men. That i didn't really have the chance to become a pick me 😂
Rejection is protection.
the sad things is and they never realzie till later on when they wake up; "Pick me's never get picked".
My heart goes out to these women. But I'm very proud of them for learning and growing from it.
10:30 I will always believe the woman FIRST. Ladies...your man isn't THAT special for women to make up multiple lies against him. There are much better men out there so if every woman has the same complaint. Its most likely true. I am in a group called 'are we dating the same guy?' And the amount of women that are in denial even though many women from that group have made the same complaints about their 'man' is astonishing 😂😴
Pearl is the major pick me of all time. She's always blogging about how women should be submissive, deserve being treated bad, How women shouldn't be allowed to vote
One thing about Pearl, she told the truth. She said she is self hating & unattractive & that's why she's the way she is. She wants validation from men that she'll NEVER get. Even beautiful women get treated wrong, so Pearl doesn't stand a chance & she KNOWS it😂
She sounds like the female version of Rush Limbaugh.
I have an honest question. Please no hate. How do you manage wanting companionship and intimacy but not willing to deal with being mistreated? I am in my 40s and will not stand disrespect at all. I would rather be alone than stressed yet you do sometimes want to be in a man arms. How do you balance?
Every relationship comes with contrast. Figure out what contrast you can live with and what is way too far for you - like for me, it would be having too do constant physical labor, because of my health problems or being with someone who is very touchy, a neat freak, and reactive. Next, find out what type of contrast a relationship with this particular person would probably have. A romantic relationship is about both people tending to each other's best interests and learning "I can have me (my autonomy) and have you, too", helped by being regulated and learning how to self-soothe.
Move slowly because the bad guys lose their patience pretty quickly and reveal their mood swings over time showing their true colors behind the charming persona.
Unfortunately with men mind these days you have to be on extra on high alert. It takes time and being very careful and understanding red flags and peace when you recognize it
I understand your dilemma bc it’s a human need to want someone to hold you and hug you and want you. However, the vast majority of men truly don’t have that to offer. We have to be real and analyze the situation as it really is. Most men tend to be incredibly egotistical, self-focused, immature and care abt no one’s pleasure and satisfaction but their own, especially as they get older and are still “playing the field.” If you truly desire a man’s body, you’re better off dating younger men and having a “friends with benefit” situation. Chances are you’re not going to find a longer term body to sleep next to you unless you’re willing to put up with a lot and set aside a lot of your needs for a man who many times will not deserve it. It is your life and your decision but as we get older (I’m in my late 40s), the chances of actually finding an equal partner who treats us with respect, love, understanding and balances our needs with theirs is less than 5%. It’s sad but true. Focus on meeting girlfriends, that will help. I used Bumble BFF to do this do you have people your age to do things with. It helps a lot.
This is a hard one. I've experienced it myself. It does feel good to be hugged like that. Women have also been conditioned by media to want that. Think of all those movie scenes where the big, strong man envelops the smaller woman in his arms and everything turns out better. For me, working out with resistance has made me feel strong in my own body so I don't need to seek strength from outside. That was a gradual thing for me over the last couple of years. Good luck to you.
To be honest it sometimes feel like I am being punished for not taking abuse. Its also as if being older means you should accept abuse. I thank God I have good friends and support. But its sad that men expect to be able to treat you bad with impunity.
I've noticed a lot of pick me behaviour is rampant on Facebook. I'm not sure if it's because the girls over there have their real photos up, their families are on there or what? but I want to know...are the Facebook girlie's okay? Yall are just embarrassing under some of these posts 😂😴
Ugh I used to be a pick me when I was a young teenager, SO glad I've mostly grown out of it and am actively trying to unlearn internalized misogyny. Learning to love and adore other women is such a blessing
I think there are two different kinds of Pickmes: the one who only harms herself (and maybe her children) and the ones who throw other women under the bus, bully & attack other women, doxx women, set-up other women for failure or harm, etc. That second one...MUCH HARDER to forgive that kind! Yeah yeah yeah, "we all make mistakes", but we don't all intentionally harm other people.
Sometimes people expect women to either put up with EVERYTHING or quickly forgive EVERYTHING bad done by EVERYBODY, in 5mins or less. I am no longer that great of a person, and I think the Pickmes who used to harm women need to tread lightly and remember that not all of us are so quick to be besties with them! There are some women who might be secretly happy about your growth but will not want to be bothered with you and you just need to deal with it the way they dealt with all your years of attacks and harm. Women have enough BS and unfairness to go through, and some women did not deserve the extra stress that you piled on, to be punished by your weakness while we stood strong enough to NOT be bullies.
Move on to the women who welcome you with open arms and continue to grow from there.
Yes, brilliant analysis!
You are so right. Just because they make a video mean not everything is alright now.
i used to go to school with a girl who would fight tooth and nail to defend her guy best friends if they cheated well at least he's a good brother she never once thought of how it would affect the girl so long as she was friends with them lmao...she once tried to fight me after i exposed her guy best friend for cheating on one of my friends safe to say she never could touch anyone of us
I was a pickmeisha until my 30s. I still use my time with him as a lesson to recognize when I am selling myself short. Sometimes I still reflect on those times in anger and disbelief. It’s taking me a long time to fully forgive myself.
A lot of these women are STILL pick mes.
Pick me’s get dogged out. 😂😂😂😂 Having 0 respect and being a pick me is a circle. 😢😂😂
For the young woman post-partum, you were vulnerable and your hormones were working you over. You know better you do better. ❤❤❤
Decentering men and choosing Yah is the best thing ever ❤❤❤❤
One thing I always peep is how many pickmes are single, never PICKED smdh Voting against your best interesting is absolutely crazy smdh
Girl 3:30.. there’re some things you shouldn’t admit online. How degrading.
And if anything, we need to be kinder to the pick me because for one, most women were some varying degree of pick me in their youth and two she’s just saying what most people are thinking, but she makes at her job to say it out loud. She says all the things that someone has definitely told you in the past but instead of hearing it from people here and there she’s saying all of the things at one time.
Also a recovered pick me. I was similar to the girl in the red bonnet and shirt. Used to judge my best friend based on the guys she interacted with. At the time i didnt realize thats what i was doing but i was insufferable and now i wish id gotten around a little bit more instead of trying to be "pure" for my future husband. That aspect of who i was then disgusts me now.
I think this mentality comes from home too. All I saw at home (and in the neighborhood) was women who kept these disrespectful grown men (I’m talking 40s and 50s) who didn’t have anything. They weren’t even going 50-50, it was 100% them. If it’s all you see, sometimes you act out that behavior without even realizing it.
Amen
To the woman who washed that loser’s feet. You were emotionally abused to the point that your self esteem was in the gutter. I don’t get the sense that your behavior was coming from a place of superiority but from deep hurt. Wishing you peace and healing ❤