As the anxious one, all I can say is that my avoidant peeps just want me to be honest with them about what’s going on in my head. They’re happy to try to accommodate me and it’s not like they’re compromising their sense of safety. So for my anxious besties out there: COMMUNICATE!!! If it’s gonna be awkward, then so be it. Learn how to accept that possibility. If you think you’re gonna disappoint, LEARN TO ACCEPT IT!!! We have to learn how to accept that things can be uncomfortable sometimes, and that it might be uncomfortable only because we think so (which is usually the case in my experience). If they truly love and care for you, they’ll try. We have to remember that not everyone has the same needs either. There’s probably more I can say, but the most important this is to COMMUNICATE!!! You might be surprised what you find out.
It depends on the person I’m with. Weaker people who attach easily annoy me so I pull away, but stronger people who avoid me, I’m drawn to them. I wish I wasn’t like this.
Wow.. I feel called out. I lost a friend because of my anxious attachment style. At first I felt like I put so much effort into the friendship but after he cut me off and said we aren't gonna be friends because of my attachment issues, I thought it was because we weren't meant to be friends but at the same time, with these videos im looking through, I realize that I have an anxious attachment issue. Im sad the friendship didn't work out and in the end I sort of blame myself because I do realize that at many times I could be very attached to people I don't even know well enough. Im sorry to them even though we discussed it and said we were cool yet I still lowkey hate myself for what happened..
I’ve always been attached to my friends and I’ve lost many because of that. Even in my relationship now it’s a struggle because he is avoidant. When we have problems I want to solve them and talk about it and he doesn’t want to talk about it at all.
I have an issue, where my mental health isn’t ready for a relationship and every time I trying saying that I get guilted into staying with my boyfriend by his friends, how do I say no without hurting his feelings too much, cuz he’s a sweet guy and deserves the world. I need a way to make him understand what I’m feeling but I just can’t find the words.
No matter how much it hurts you or another person. Truth always sets you and others free. Could be freedom from expectations, from suffering, etc. Just say what you've been meaning to express. What often helps me is writing things down and just read what you wrote so you don't fumble on your words. May God bless you. Comfort is key and when that sense of peace is gone or jeopardized, then that's a sign that action must be made.
Anxious attachment style is easily cured with a consistent partner. Set healthy boundaries and set times for consistent communication. Such as a good morning text every morning and a 30min phone call every evening to talk about your day. Consistency and structure eliminate anxiety in a relationship. And don't suddenly change up because you feel like it. That creates anxiety in a relationship.
Honestly I thought I had this and just realized when I became avoidant in my relationships it was because I wasn’t as in love with the person as I was when I had the anxious attachment style with someone else
Omg this is so me😢 i was questioning myself cause it felt like a mindgame all the time. Why do all the guys i really like dont like me back when it gets serious they get avoidant. Its because i am anxious. But when im not interested as much in him like he is in me then im avoidant as well. And not being in a romantic relationship with so shows my secure attachment style. So i think its all about triggers🥲
This is such a really really hard thing for AA's to live with, I am going through this. I am anxious and she is avoidant. I allow myself to let this bother me very much, to the point of tears. Some days, I feel big progress, but the problem is, she does too. I think she sees it as she gave a little too much, so she backs away, and i get very down about this. I know she cares, I know she isnt being mean, but her inaction is so hard to be positive about, even if I know where it comes from.
What if we BOTH are the anxious type? What would happen? Would it just work because we both need attention are comfort? Or would it destroy immediately because you need attention and they do too? This is a genuine question and would be great if it was explained to me.😊
Hey! So I think what would be happening is spending as much time as possible with each other due to thoughts such as “am I good enough” “do they love me?” “Will I be abandoned?”. Because anxious attachments are mostly preoccupied with the other person, there is a possibility to lose your sense of self in the relationship. Time apart for your own needs can become difficult due to these emotions. But, by working on yourself to become more secure this will ease. This is my brief understanding of it anyway. If you would like more understanding on the subject, the Personal Development School on TH-cam gives some real in depth knowledge on attachment styles and healing. Hope this helps :)
@@Nathania96 thank you so much! One thing I had accidentally left out is that it is a long distance relationship. He lives right n the uk while I live in the us so idk if that has an affect, but we do plan on seeing each other as soon as possible which is sadly probably in a few years so that might also be something. Ty so much for this
@@Ohh_naur Oh I see! Long distance can definitely have an affect and in parts then, I think those anxious feelings come with the long distance as it can be difficult to keep in contact/visit. But as long as there’s communication, trust and love on both sides, you guys can make it work :) Not a problem and all the best to you both :)
Your problem is you need to be in a relationship? Why is that? How do you feel on comfortable you are why don’t you try not being in a relationship and see how healthy you get
That's not how it works, becoz we don't like people based on their attachment style, initially they are just who they are. So i guess a little change inside of you is the answer. 😊
Yes not always fixed types, you can move attachment styles through self-work. But attachment styles are a thing. There are 4 main types. Depending upon experiences you can shift types but sometimes, some people remain in fixed due to unawareness.
Anxious attachment style people need healthy attachment style people for a relationship to work and be happy.
Only about 25% of people fit that healthy spectrum. The rest have some sort of issue.
I need reassurance, otherwise my head runs with me. It’s not fun at all.
You don’t need reassurance so much as you need to learn a healthy level of security
@@Seeattlethis.
@@Seeattlecorrect. Now tell me how
Exactly lmao
If I knew how I would do it already, haven't you thought about it, dummy? @@Parahelion@Seeattle
As the anxious one, all I can say is that my avoidant peeps just want me to be honest with them about what’s going on in my head. They’re happy to try to accommodate me and it’s not like they’re compromising their sense of safety. So for my anxious besties out there: COMMUNICATE!!! If it’s gonna be awkward, then so be it. Learn how to accept that possibility. If you think you’re gonna disappoint, LEARN TO ACCEPT IT!!! We have to learn how to accept that things can be uncomfortable sometimes, and that it might be uncomfortable only because we think so (which is usually the case in my experience). If they truly love and care for you, they’ll try. We have to remember that not everyone has the same needs either. There’s probably more I can say, but the most important this is to COMMUNICATE!!! You might be surprised what you find out.
It depends on the person I’m with. Weaker people who attach easily annoy me so I pull away, but stronger people who avoid me, I’m drawn to them. I wish I wasn’t like this.
Wow.. I feel called out. I lost a friend because of my anxious attachment style. At first I felt like I put so much effort into the friendship but after he cut me off and said we aren't gonna be friends because of my attachment issues, I thought it was because we weren't meant to be friends but at the same time, with these videos im looking through, I realize that I have an anxious attachment issue. Im sad the friendship didn't work out and in the end I sort of blame myself because I do realize that at many times I could be very attached to people I don't even know well enough. Im sorry to them even though we discussed it and said we were cool yet I still lowkey hate myself for what happened..
Anna Akana talks a little bit about attachment styles on her TH-cam channel. Attachment styles are not fixed and you can pivot to be securely attached
I just watched her TH-cam short about it! Everyone can display tendencies of all attachments, and everyone can work on being “secure”
Thanks for uploading on YT! I used to follow you on TikTok and haven’t been on in awhile. I’m a therapist and appreciate your content :)
I’ve always been attached to my friends and I’ve lost many because of that. Even in my relationship now it’s a struggle because he is avoidant. When we have problems I want to solve them and talk about it and he doesn’t want to talk about it at all.
I’ve learned so much about myself since I’ve been married. I wish I would’ve learned this before I got married. It’s been 20 years now 🥴
Thank you for all the advice you give through out your videos.
I continue to get bait & switched. That’s my problem. I hate people.
I have an issue, where my mental health isn’t ready for a relationship and every time I trying saying that I get guilted into staying with my boyfriend by his friends, how do I say no without hurting his feelings too much, cuz he’s a sweet guy and deserves the world. I need a way to make him understand what I’m feeling but I just can’t find the words.
No matter how much it hurts you or another person. Truth always sets you and others free. Could be freedom from expectations, from suffering, etc. Just say what you've been meaning to express. What often helps me is writing things down and just read what you wrote so you don't fumble on your words. May God bless you. Comfort is key and when that sense of peace is gone or jeopardized, then that's a sign that action must be made.
@@pepelepepe Thank you
Anxious attachment style is easily cured with a consistent partner. Set healthy boundaries and set times for consistent communication. Such as a good morning text every morning and a 30min phone call every evening to talk about your day. Consistency and structure eliminate anxiety in a relationship. And don't suddenly change up because you feel like it. That creates anxiety in a relationship.
I don’t know if I’m toxic person sometimes I will try to end my life over things that sacred me so much, the trauma I had as child to now
The Frozen dynamic ... Do you wanna build a snowman?
I love this ❤️
Honestly I thought I had this and just realized when I became avoidant in my relationships it was because I wasn’t as in love with the person as I was when I had the anxious attachment style with someone else
Omg this is so me😢 i was questioning myself cause it felt like a mindgame all the time. Why do all the guys i really like dont like me back when it gets serious they get avoidant. Its because i am anxious. But when im not interested as much in him like he is in me then im avoidant as well. And not being in a romantic relationship with so shows my secure attachment style. So i think its all about triggers🥲
Thank you🙏🏾
Omfg that’s me and my husband
This is such a really really hard thing for AA's to live with, I am going through this. I am anxious and she is avoidant. I allow myself to let this bother me very much, to the point of tears. Some days, I feel big progress, but the problem is, she does too. I think she sees it as she gave a little too much, so she backs away, and i get very down about this. I know she cares, I know she isnt being mean, but her inaction is so hard to be positive about, even if I know where it comes from.
I feel your pain brother.
Good advisement..
All the lightbulbs just went on for me. Yikes!!
same LMAOOOO
everyone sh!ts on avoidants like chill
Why is this dude wearing scrubs? Does he think he'll have to operate half way through talking about someone's attachment style?
Agreed
What if we BOTH are the anxious type? What would happen? Would it just work because we both need attention are comfort? Or would it destroy immediately because you need attention and they do too? This is a genuine question and would be great if it was explained to me.😊
Hey! So I think what would be happening is spending as much time as possible with each other due to thoughts such as “am I good enough” “do they love me?” “Will I be abandoned?”. Because anxious attachments are mostly preoccupied with the other person, there is a possibility to lose your sense of self in the relationship. Time apart for your own needs can become difficult due to these emotions. But, by working on yourself to become more secure this will ease. This is my brief understanding of it anyway. If you would like more understanding on the subject, the Personal Development School on TH-cam gives some real in depth knowledge on attachment styles and healing. Hope this helps :)
@@Nathania96 thank you so much! One thing I had accidentally left out is that it is a long distance relationship. He lives right n the uk while I live in the us so idk if that has an affect, but we do plan on seeing each other as soon as possible which is sadly probably in a few years so that might also be something. Ty so much for this
@@Ohh_naur Oh I see! Long distance can definitely have an affect and in parts then, I think those anxious feelings come with the long distance as it can be difficult to keep in contact/visit. But as long as there’s communication, trust and love on both sides, you guys can make it work :) Not a problem and all the best to you both :)
@@Nathania96 Tysm! I really appreciate this
@@Ohh_naur No worries, glad to help :)
Your problem is you need to be in a relationship? Why is that? How do you feel on comfortable you are why don’t you try not being in a relationship and see how healthy you get
Yeah just find someone who isn’t avoidant.
Chill now👀🤣
That's not how it works, becoz we don't like people based on their attachment style, initially they are just who they are. So i guess a little change inside of you is the answer. 😊
😲
But people aren't fixed types. These styles vary according to situation and over time.
This is a simplistic analysis.
Yes not always fixed types, you can move attachment styles through self-work. But attachment styles are a thing. There are 4 main types. Depending upon experiences you can shift types but sometimes, some people remain in fixed due to unawareness.
The styles can vary over time, it's true. This is good for people who are at present dealing with this.
Dude talked and said nothing
First!