When, what time, will it do any good for me as I divorced her the ninth time she walked out on me to be with her lover. You wonder how I'm so sure she has one. No, many, $3,200.00 in motel rooms she charged in 6 months. I have the statements. Could be more paid by her single Johns and some listed were through brokers like Travelocity. All lies from her. I done nothing wrong was all she would say.
That's true to point. However, in breaking your spirit that can have serious physiological repercussions that disrupt your health in (eventually) lethal ways. So many wives of narcissists end up with breast cancer, and some of those women die. When you hear someone has developed various kinds of cancer, look around that person for a narcissist in their lives (parent, spouse, partner, boss). Also, people who develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome often come from homes where one or both parents were narcissists. Let's also not forget that children raised by narcissists often berate their own young children into developing narcissistic personalities in a kind of "conform or be cast out" into the role of scapegoat. Those are usually the people who do NOT develop physical illnesses, but at quite another psychological cost.
They will break your spirit if you let them. My narcissist neighbor is so bad at being a narcissist, she should take lessons on how to improve on her own evil.
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years! Gas lighting was his favorite tool. I literally thought I was crazy and I was on tons of pills. Fast forward to today, I divorced him, I’m pill free and the happiest that I’ve ever been! With much self love and inner work, there is life after the chaos. 🙌🏻❤️🌈🦋🙌🏻
The best comment I read today, I have to say it made my day. What a positive and inspirational story of reclaiming your power (that you always had) and of self love. Continued blessings and peace to you 🙌❤
Wish I could say the same. Took Prozac to please my dad, no progress with his approval. Took birth control to try and regulate my mood, almost died of pulmonary embolism at age 31. Turns out not only did he had personality disorders, Sis and I suspect he might have ADD/ADHD, since she and I just got diagnosed as such after going through two different tests when we started struggling with everyday life during the lockdown.
You literally have to record every conversation with a narcissist because they twist every word to fit their current agenda and try to make you look less than in the process.
audio video recording of the events is something they will attack you on if you present that to them. You have to get to them when they are in their "calm" state. But it doesn't make lasting impressions. It can take years to affect some serious changes, if ever at all. It's Borderline Personality Disorder. Even most therapists won't deal with them. They will turn it around and make the therapist the cause of the problem. If any therapist does take on a case like that they usually do it only for 2 years at most. Try living with people like that?!!!!
Yep. And that’s what I FINALLY did! I could not figure out WHAT was going on with this used-to-be wonderful man I’d married. He was lying. Sneaking around. He would RAGE and call me disgusting names. Last straw was violence. Pushing me, chest-bumping me, spitting in my face and finally punching me. Perhaps someone might find this over-the-top, but go marry and live with a narcissist for decades (30+ years!) and you’ll say “should’ve done it sooner”. I hid cameras EVERYWHERE. Yes. Everywhere. I discovered he was watching porn EVERY moment he could get. (Yes, WE HAD SEX. Good sex.) He was masturbating as SOON as he got home from work. He was masturbating AT work. If the grandkids were visiting, he’d sneak off and masturbate to porn. He’d sneak away and eat fast food…ALONE…in a parking lot! He began to smoke, drink. When I FINALLY called the authorities, he spiraled out of control (emotionally) for about one week. When I showed him just a couple of snippets from the videos and he found out I knew all his dirty secrets-yep, you guessed it-I WAS the villain. HOWEVER, he is FINALLY LEAVING ME ALONE! Yes, we are divorcing. I cannot fix the past, but my future WILL BE BRIGHT!
Eh thats a tough one because my wife will literally deflect or spin anything I confront her on like sexting a coworker and she'll say that she's a monster or to stop belittling her when... yah, I didn't say those things or give negative connotation when I literally asked why. :/
@@tikesplace you have to take it in context. Of course people say these things n aren't being narcissist. But when it becomes the norm you need to be aware.
👊🏽😁 Prov 26:4-5 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.
@@locutusdborg126 I didn't forget ; I just could not recall the name even though I tried to do so. I never take credit for others' wisdom. Perhaps you could refresh my memory?
Nothing is by committee - they already know all the answers. “I already told you, remember” is another phrase they love to use. They are quick to take credit for victories, and always point their finger to others when things don’t go well.
Right, it is a shift blame game that excludes that person, the narcissist.from any wrong doings are shifty results minimizing the narcissist in any respect of needing to say I will admit I did do or say this and I was wrong.. I apologize. These words are non-existent in a narcissist's life. An issue that does involve them but they'll never own it; A common seen narcissistic behavior. .I am a psychology major and have studied within the six years of college and then in life experiences so many various avenues of behaviors; different personalities of people. The toxic ones that must be handled wisely and well understood. Like your reply. A good one. Jim!
@@goldilocks3593 Thank you. I know Burns’ book, I will go back.. I have learned about cognitive and emotional distortions and I see them happening now. I do feel so much more empowered to assert myself and redirect. We could use a book going into more detail like Rebecca’s talk on this. I just had a friend uses the ‘everybody’ on me and I stopped it by labeling it. Get learning the exact phrases is empowering-no default to self-doubt. Also, you are talking about the past. Either we shift or I don’t waste my energy…
@@susanforster Spot on! This is one of my ex’s favourite phrases, often used to the extreme. He’d regularly claim “That’s in the past” over an incident that had only occurred an hour before! Their thinking is irrational and illogical, no wonder it feels crazy making!! An alternative was/is “you’re holding a grudge!”.
I know an awesome gal who began dating a guy she described as an Adonis. So he moved in with her n wanted her to use her waitress money to get a boob job, a nose job and on and on. She ended up having to change her locks n get a restraining order from the cops.
My favourite way of thinking about a narcissist is that they could be walking down the street with a million dollars in their pocket and they would still find something to complain about.
@@tikesplace 😂it’s true! It’s just that this is all new to me, and I’m still so amused at how much the narcissists are so alike! We didn’t know from narcissism while I was growing up in the mess. I just knew that my mother was difficult , and an actress. Just THIS year I found dr Ramani . One of the things about living w a narc.. is that nobody believes us.. so when we chat on here.. we have the “me toos”. And can commiserate. Sure can’t complain in our lives cuz they re so two faced that other people don’t believe you anyways.
@@tikesplace you are probably not dealing w a narcissist! Lucky you! Because if you were, you’d realize that the reason we re commiserating here, on you tube. We aren’t able to talk about this AT ALL, ANYWHERE ELSE.
Said to me as a child by my mother: “You sound like a brick fell on your head.” Or “Have you lost your mind?” Or “I’ll knock you off that high horse.” Those hurt me so much.
I think it's important to mention that anyone can use these expressions from time to time. Sometimes they fit. It doesn't mean everyone is a narcissist. Narcissism runs deeper.
It's true anyone could say any of these things in certain situations and not be a narcissist. But when they use many of them and use them a lot it gives them away as either being a narcissist.
I was married to a narcissist for 28 years. By the time I knew I had to leave, I'd allowed myself to lose self-esteem, self-worth, etc., etc., etc. When I finally got the courage to leave, it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders.
I stayed for 33 years when I finally left I could not believe it all of a sudden I could feel the sun smell the flowers !!!! I knew I was miserable but of course I thought it was all my fault!! It's been 15 years since I freed myself I don't trust myself to get into another relationship so I am alone, maybe someday someone will really love me I don't know 🤔
When pointing out true facts of something they did that clearly impended the relationship , they say “ Oh , ok , I’m just the bad person , I do all the wrong “ !!
Ruining your self confidence is what destroys you, mind and body, in my opinion. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage; I still have times I can hardly stop what's going on to use the bathroom, for fear of "looking stupid" because of the lessons he taught me. Don't underestimate what destroying self confidence can do to a person.
Ohhhh, I dunno, I have said that to people because............. .........Well because I never said certain things to them that they claimed I did. (There was no denial about it--it was just plain fact equivalent to 1+3=4!!)
I will agree SOMEWHAT with this comment because there ARE habitual liars who are in the habit of bullshitting so often about so much, (even when they have NO REASON to lie), that it could even be LAUGHABLE depending on context, (or just plain sad because the truth could really benefit them or make them happy, but their habitual bullshitting prevents them from seeing such.) Also, there are people who DON'T say something VERBATIM, (word for word), but due to their cleverness/quick wit with words, often IMPLY certain things, that they may deny later, by saying: "I NEVER said that!", which in a strictly VERBAL sense is TRUE, but there MAY have been a most definite IMPLICATION behind their rhetoric! Still, one does often have to be careful "reading between the lines" of others. (Sarcasm is sort of an example of what I'm referring to, but unless one suffers from strict literalism, most sarcasm most of the time is fairly easy to detect....Unless one is NOT a native speaker of the English language, whose natural language perhaps does not allow sarcasm as a part of their language, but I'm fairly certain a lot of languages other than English allow for sarcasm.)
Spot on. I finally divorced my husband after I realizing that he is a covert narcissist, and I was never going to have a reciprocal relationship with him. I'm nearing 60 and I decided I had to take my life back. Now that it's done, I feel free and light, with the prospect of being able to celebrate myself and the things that matter to me.
I read that and asked the same thing! "...he is a covert narcissist..." I started reading these posts thinking "interesting stuff!" But I see am not sure anymore. There are so many variables, and there are two sides to any 20-plus year marriage. Much to easy to slap a label on someone, and call it a day.
@@punishinghammer2440 Yes! Eventually that feeling goes away. I was married to one for 10 years, dumped him when I found out he was cheating and stayed single for 19 years after that, but it was a very enjoyable 19 years. Then I met the man of my dreams, married him at 47 and at 75, still very happy together! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck, don’t look back and enjoy the rest of your life - best wishes to you for a happier future, it’s totally possible!
They care very deeply about what others think of them. For them, appearance is everything. It's not about being a good person. Just appearing to be one.
Yes and everyone hates you and you are so lucky I put up with you and they tell you how to feel what shows you should enjoy what music etc. always has to be their taste you only exist to prop them up.
Bulls**t, it's called not being an interrupting, rude a**hole....when someone is talking, I don't interrupt that person, because my parents taught me how to show some respect...many women, on the other hand, will continually interrupt you when you're saying something she doesn't like, I'm talkin like 98% of women do this, and NOT ONE PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU LIKES WHEN YOU CUT THEM OFF RIGHT IN MIDDLE OF THEIR THOUGHT.....
Spot on. I was married to one for 12 years and I slowly felt like I was losing myself. Until I found out that he was a narcissist, then everything fit and made sense. What was an eye opener today was the bit about interrupting. Wow, thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He almost killed me. The put-downs were constant at home but we had a business together and he relied on me to open new businesses and talk with the heads of those businesses. I was his trophy wife. I am divorced and happily alone but not lonely. Thank God we both got out of these horrific circumstances. Many people do not know how or cannot seem to break free. God bless you and may you never meet another narcissist.
seems awfully convenient to label an ex-partner as a narcissist in order to avoid owning up to one's-own participation in making a mess of a relationship... it does take two to tango...
@@benvwyk85, but narcissists don’t need help in ruining relationships. They can do that all by themselves. If you have ever been in a relationship with one, you would understand. The world revolves around them. If you don’t believe it, just ask them.
Just recently I received an email from my narcissist ex thanking me because he never knew love before he met me…he said he only thought of me and wanted to meek me happy and yet he’d pull me out of bed by my hair in the middle of the night because I didn’t make enough bread that day or I didn’t put enough ice cubes in his glass…no joke.
@@Jace28142 That sounds right. How awful! 😖 Mine bought me a cheap ring "to shut me up" but instead of giving it to me, hid it and "when I found it or when he felt like I deserved it, whichever came first, I could have it." Let's just say at least 2 months went by. Looking back I want to slap my old self. Then I tell myself everything happens for lessons to be learnt, even bad things. I definitely learned a lot of early warning signs, plus that I was stronger than I thought I was in the end. I saw a movie where a guy bought his girlfriend a ring and did the same thing, he told her he hid it and she'll get it when HE'S ready. That woman ended up killed by him (real life case) so I count my blessings. Narcs are unstable, vile creatures.
I WISH I could. Unfortunately I didn't leave when I should've, & now have 2 young sons w him (as well as my oldest that he raised w me from 6yrs old- almost adult) that suffer from his narcissism as well. It's so sad.
Modern tech is fun against the "I never said that" crowd. I was in a short fling with a woman who said this often, and then flipped out when I showed the text she sent saying exactly that.
My ex always used these and if he used "to tell you the truth", I finally realized that meant all lies. He always made me feel insane for thinking things and expressing concerns. It is definitely like being brainwashed.
0:00 Intro 1:00 1 - You Can Trust Me 2:43 2 - Stop Interrupting Me / Attacking Me 3:33 3 - I Don't Like The Way You Said That 4:08 4 - I Never Said That 6:08 5 - No One Else 6:32 6 - Everyone Else 7:20 7 and 8 - Always and Never
Rebecca about the always or never thing.....I did a test on my phone messages and did a search on always the word and counted how many times it was said by people close to me. It works!!! However, because of arguments I saw, there were words on my side that were somewhat like retaliation comments to show that they trigger me to say the same but the never....does that mean I am or is it just a product of upbringing or egocentrism because I live or grew up with them?
@@underfire2534 it doesn't necessarily mean you are. You can grow up in that type of environment & still make it out as a good person. My wife grew up with both parents being some real $hit-bag narcissists. They really wrecked her self-esteem. It has taken a while, and some councilors, but she's turning out just fine. Keep your head up & always watch out for these people, they can really weasel their way into relationships.
Nah I feel like alot of these can be said by the victim too. For instance, I disagree with the "No one else" and "everyone else". I've used this in an argument against a toxic bully and flat out told him "No, you're the problem. If you keep having arguments with everyone else and nobody gets along with you, then it's obvious YOU'RE the common denominator." I feel like these phrases are too general. They need more context. Like for instance, "stop interrupting me" could be a valid defense, if the victim isn't being allowed to speak bc the self-centered narc is dominating the convo and is too focused on what they want to say. The other one is "I never said that". A victim has every right to counter with this statement bc most narcs will gaslight and accuse the victim of saying something that they didn't say or didn't intend. Narcs love to twist your words. So these phrases are NOT spot on, bc they're way too broad and can be applied in multiple situations. These kinda videos only cause confusion, and try to pigeon hole narcissists according to what they say, instead of their overall behavior. The exact words/phrases inherently aren't important, it's the manipulative method in which they're used that we need to be wary of. Also, Aladdin told Jasmine "Trust me" and he turned out to be totally reliable - so idk what this lady is talking bout 😆
Just to add to the "I never said that" category, my ex-wife would regularly accuse me of "putting words in her mouth" when, in reality, I had just quoted word for word something she had actually said
One day I told my x that she was depressing me , she said go see a shrink. I did, the funny thing was the professional I used turned out to be the most respected and revered mental health specialist. After a few months of office visits I asked him if we were making any progress. His replay was yes . You , meaning me, are an extremely well adjusted individual especially considering all that you have been through during your lifetime. That I definitely need to get a divorce. But he believes because of my personal sense of responsibility and integrity that I would be staying until my children were old enough to fend for themselves. Later I received a call for him asking me if it would be okay to Discuss my Case with a family member who was studying under him . I said no problem. The next time I saw that family member I was given a hug and a deeply felt apology for the problems created by my x.
Spot on! My dad was a narcissist, & so was my ex-fiancé. So glad I didn't marry him! Now I'm married to a man who treats me with respect & loves me whole-heartedly.
My dad, too! Never was he wrong about anything, ever! Even the very evidence of his guilt/wrongdoing he denied, finding ways, however illogical or stupid, to blame others for his bad choices--thereby deflecting the accusations, evading responsibility, every freaking time.
How would you tell if one is a extreme narcissists, however it's called. My ol' man isnt as full blown narcissist, to where my girlfriend who just divorced the Grand Pooh Bah of Narcissist !! (Narcissistic Sociopath with Egotistical
My mother was an extreme narcissist. She wanted to be the only one speaking and couldn't handle a conversation that wasn't centered on herself. And, yes, she constantly interrupted everything I tried to say.
@@glensalch3156 How would you feel if your 10th grade daughter became pregnant and when you confronted her, she "honestly" and "truthfully" answered you : "my boyfriend whom YOU introduced to me did it" ?
Yes! It’s the back tracking. A conversation I had one time: Him: “Women who are in healthy marriages don’t just go off for a whole weekend to hang out with friends for NO REASON.” Me: “Excuse me? Let me make sure I’m clear on what you really think about this. Did you just say I can’t go on a weekend trip without compromising our marriage? And that it’s uncommon to do so?” “No I don’t mean that. I just mean that most of the time those kind of women do it to get drunk and complain about their husbands…”
I have not heard a narcissist state any phrases where they use “I” statements. I grew up in a narcissistic family and went on to attract narcissistic friendships and romantic relationships…. Very damaging and insidious abuse. Been dealing with these psychos my entire life. I have however heard many victims of narcissistic abuse use the “I”statements written here to defend themselves. However I am slowly learning not to defend myself and it is a game changer. As hard as it is just be quiet. Observe but do not react or respond even if triggered .Narcissists will vomit from their mouth. If you must interact with them, cut them off by not giving any fuel….Words… Defending yourself …. Is fuel. Visualize tape on your mouth if you have to, if on phone…. Mute the phone. Don’t absorb their words, blaming, accusing, gaslighting, projecting, deflecting , etc. Narcissists need fuel. Do not give it to them. It will only fester and get worse. Ignore their ranting and know whatever they are saying is actually a reflection of who they are and their inner insecurities and struggles. Do not absorb, Just listen and observe. You will learn a lot. Ignore them triggering you. It is all intentional to feed themselves. Narcissists will reveal their intentions and who they are. Just listen and observe. A lot is revealed in what narcissists project. Reacting and defending is what narcissists want. Think of them as a shark in a feeding frenzy. Guard your heart, mind and soul from these diabolical predators. Narcissists are very dangerous predators and leave total destruction in their paths.
i was in a relationship with a Narcissist for 20 years and I lost myself in that relationship. I didnt know what a Narcissist was until trying to recover. Then looking back it all made sense and I am sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long and was so blind. Being a nice forgiving person is good but dont do it to your own detriment. Trying to get back to normal is hard following a relationship with a Narcissist. Love yourself and know that you deserve to be treated better. You are worthy!
We're twins, dealing with my person lead to depresssion, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging and destructive behaviors. I hadn't even heard of a narcissist, if I had, I would have run for my life. Now, I've lost decades I can not get back. All I can do is look forward.
I’ve just quit my job. 15 years. It also took me a long time to realise my boss was the issue and it wasn’t me going crazy. I was suicidal for a time. So, don’t feel bad about 20 years, feel awesome about every day from now on.
Ditto. My therapist assigned me a certain book MANY therapists recommend, "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. I had previously done a couple of written assignments that made it enormously clear I was a Co-D. Co-Dependency is why the typical co-dependent put ups with deplorable behavior.
I remember well that, "Everyone dislikes you. All my friends want to know what is it with you?" after he left, I found out he was telling his friends that I didn't like them. That I thought they were mentally inferior to me. That they weren't my social equal. It was only after he abandoned his children and me, and then walked away from his "friends" for a new set of friends that the whole story came out. But I never trusted his "friends" after that. I moved away and found life on my own with the children he never sawxagain could be quite pleasant, rewarding, and TRANQUIL.
When a couple splits up, their "friends" migrate to the person from the relationship whom they, the "friends", perceive to have the money, or status, or power. The other one becomes the discard.
Spot On Big Time !!!❤i have lived for 15 years . And now it’s time to pick up the pieces. The only thing is my 2 kids , he’s managed to take my son through manipulation and Who know what, and I pray that he leaves me and my daughter alone she is only 13, and he and his army 1st wife and his sons suddenly miss her and they want to bond . The only good thing is the enormous geographical distance between us . I want to do something in my life school again , work feel independent and take care of my self to be the best version of myself and give back to my kids what they deserve . ❤be less all those good kind people that got trapped and bullied in there lives . ❤🤲🏼
Wow this really hit home. My ex wife used to make me think I was the narcissist. It was her all along and I now can see all the signs. This is spot on.
The pattern in narcissistic behavior mindset is… 1. Control 2. Power. 3. Absolute and reckless need to bully or intimidate, indoctrination and isolation of their prey. They want to gaslight people or an individual to the point they either become hostile, appear crazy or in extremely abusive tactics they become the problem. They want you to self harm. That way they can tell people that you were or are the problem. It’s all smoke and mirrors what a narcissist will do…Sometimes in extreme criminal cases narcissists have been known to become violent and even murder when their mask slips. From my studies (my master’s is in criminal science), I believe that you are spot on in this presentation. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸
“I can’t trust you!” But yet, you trusted your 5 kids to me to babysit at the drop of a hat, because we lived next door to you… but in the end, I’m the one who is crazy and was never a good friend…..yeah……lol……ok!
And how everything they do needs accalaids! If they do the smallest thing it's like they cured cancer to them. And I have found that no matter how awesome you think something is, once presented to a narcissist they will have something negative to say. It might not be seriously mean or critical, but it will be negative.
@@Hopscotch_24 or even making dinner for that matter. There is always a negative comment before the thank you. And I only ever get him to say thank you when I say something to him about not saying thank you prior to criticism .
Before listening... I'm gonna guess. These were my exs favorite phrases. "I don't remember". "I never said that". "This is your fault". "That happened a long time ago."(when it had only been 2 weeks). "Don't get mad at me, I'm already mad enough at myself". "You have a problem and need therapy."
Definitely Rebecca you are describing my 70 yr old narcissistic husband of 38 yrs. He uses all these tactics unfortunately 😢. Love watching your videos so much! They are extremely validating 💜
@@aegon9015 well in their deranged minds they are "entitled". Which means you must do everything for them. Or if they do something nice for you... "what are you going to do for me?"
@@lindahanna6577 oh totally. I had to do EVERYTHING and like picture perfect or else shed freak. And even if I did it was something else, or like… you nailed it. Entitled. She was shocked when I didn’t want to keep in touch, too. I’m like do you not realize the things you said and did were like not cool? lol
@@lindahanna6577 and if I tried to ask for the same things she asked for, or even just a fraction of it, it was like OMG LOOK WHAT I DO FOR YOU. It’s just like a sore loser and winner at all times. That’s the closest I’ve seen it besides a relationship, was in sports. People who just were never going to give you praise or admit fault
I frequently get a corollary of this: "I can see that you are angry by the way you raised your voice." When I deny it, I get the "well it was the tone of your voice." This is used on me because I was raised to ALWAYS control my voice and my choice of words. So they are stuck with subjective claims. They also are relying on an old racist trope: the angry black man thing.
At the end of a heated discussion or arguement my ex husband used to tell me I had been yelling and using filthy language at him. This is impossible to disprove and as an honest person I would then have to question myself. I only found out years later this was classic gaslighting. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me / my mind. Very cruel and has the potential to drive you crazy.
What I've heard from the narc is "you can't prove my intention", "I don't remember", "I thought I did", just hanging up on me or ending conversations abruptly by walking out when they don't want to be held accountable for their actions, "I can't talk to you when you are just assassinating my character"...
Narcissists really do have low self-esteem, don’t they? They KNOW they’re not trustworthy, so accuse their victims of not being trustworthy. ::sigh:: Good people always seem to be victimized by people with aberrant, narcissistic personalities. You forgot one of the catchphrases I’ve been hearing: “You’re talking about the past. That’s something I don’t do anymore.”
Or they bring it up in an attempt to guilt trip you. Another story, same family member which happened when she was 6 & I was 8: ‘YOU brought me a slice of bread 🍞 when I was running away.’ Yes I did; Twas dear ole mom’s idea not mine & couldn’t say no to N mom. No I didn’t tell her… no feeding the 🔥🔥🔥 … Speaking of which, around the same time she stood & watched dear ole N mom pick me up by the ears👂🏻👂🏻 & shake me for playing with matches when it was NOT me but was dear ole N sister. She’s a perfect example of the nature + (non) nurture combination of NPD. 🙄🙄🙄
You described my physically abusive adopted mother perfectly. Even when she saw others doing what I did or wanted to do, she'd scream "Normal people don't do that!" and beat me for not being the kid she wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried. She is the reason I feel narcissistic people are nothing more than worthless, weak little bullies who deserve nothing more that to be bullied into oblivion.
I agree with a lot of this, but I have a few points to make about it. 1. Narcissists DO interrupt me .. a lot. It's a red flag. 2. I don't like the way a narcissist talks to me. Their tone can be condescending or invalidating.
Or you ask them something and they completely change the subject and start talking about something that they want to talk about, like look at this fish so and so caught on facebook. Yes I see the fish but what does that have to do with what I just asked you? She doesn't seem to care about anything I'm into or have to say. It's obvious by how she cuts me off and changes the subject.
but there are many people who are so beat down from past relationships that they just expect to be treated like nothing. So the other person they are in a relationship with might not be a narcissist, but the one person 'feels' like they are treated like nothing. Phew, relationships are so complicated. . .
Wow I’ve been one lucky individual. I have never had a coworker, team member or someone managing me who was a narcissist. I had one toxic boss in my life and she does not meet most of the criteria of being a narcissist. Her difficult management style convinced me to strike out on my own and for that I am grateful. Lemons? Make lemonade.
My mother CONSTANTLY tells me that I "make things up in my head". Oh, really? Is that why my elementary school friends remember my bloodshot eye (from when she'd kicked me in my face)?
Yes, and eventually while I was married to him (the narcissist), he'd tell friends in front of me and out loud "Don't talk to Jennifer, she doesn't know what she is talking about. "
@@whitesongs73 oh yes, it got worse, but this was only part if why he is an ex, has been since 2014. He messed me up, now, I can chat with guys, flirt a little, but I seem to have a fearful avoidant attachment style now. So I'll probably be single the rest of my life (turned 48 on the 14th).
Spot on!! Love to listen to your wisdom makes my blurry mind see clearly again! I'm n the middle of a 12 year relationship with a hard core narcissist... And it's slowly killing me. From my insides , out.... He hasn't been as bad as he is now. The last 3 years, it's been a complete nightmare. Very long story. Just wanted to thank you for being fearless and posting these inspiring helpful, at times , life saving videos. I needed to hear this. I feel isolated from everyone. And very alone. Lately, he has made me question my own sanity.
I taught my husband what "gaaslighting" was and it was a big mistake! Now he tells me I'm "gaslighting him" all the time! It was very informative but made me sad as well.
Yes...I've learned (the hard way..) never describe the narcs behavior to them, or send em narcissist memes on gaslighting, projection, invalidation, etc. hoping they will "see the light" to recognize their toxic behavior then change their ways. They will only end up twisting it against you, to accuse _you_ of those same behaviors! They'll have new phrases to gaslight on. It's like kryptonite..giving them more ammunition to abuse you with.
I work for two sisters who have told me the exact same thing ("You're too sensitive!") when I would call them on what I thought was unjustified anger or criticism toward me. On the one hand, they'd criticize me for not being assertive enough. On the other hand, my assertiveness toward them would get batted down by the "too sensitive" phrase. Fortunately, I've learned to call them on that, too.
My narcs favorite phrase was either "sorry I'm not perfect like you or nobody is perfect". That's how they get out of being held accountable for ANYTHING.
@@saralaurenadler When you have a Narcissistic Mother.... You attract Narcissists. Partners,Husbands,Wives,Bosses,Workmates,Friends even your Children... I give up...I've become very reclusive. Covid Lockdowns have worked for me.
Spot on…… but what do you do when a narcissist thinks that everyone else is the narcissist? He’s so good at flipping everything around and acting like he’s the victim. He knows all of these terms and examples, and he’ll literally just stand there and say what I’m thinking and feeling, but in reverse roles…. It’s quite disarming.
I'm talking to a girlfriend on the phone, while I'm telling her something important to me I can hear her typing on her phone key board and I say "are you typing on your phone?" No, she says immediately. Next time we're on the phone again, same thing and I ask again" are you typing/texting while we're talking?" No she says and I say what is that clicking noise, she says "I don't know". Then it happens a third time and I pushed for the truth and she got super defensive and gaslighted again. I told her "I'm hanging up now" and did. She started calling me back over and over and I needed time to cool down. After I cooled down I called her back and she said "Im sorry" in a sarcastic way. So I told her again "I'm hanging up" and did. She called again and this time had a whole new attitude and I said to her "when you text/type while I'm talking to you I feel unimportant when you are distracted deliberately and then when you lie, I feel insulted. Folks this is what narcissist do. They lie, deny and then give a mock apology and make it about you.
How about, "You just want to fight". Uh, no.....it was me trying to defend myself because you make no dam sense and are trying to convince me that I can't possibly think for myself nor do i have the right to any emotions.
Classic! Yet we are to sit down and shut up and listen. Take their abuse. Actually the best defense is no defense. This diffuses them. Narcissists want to argue and fight. Want us to defend ourselves. Stop their feeding. I am learning. It is hard as they gaslight and poke and prod. I just “love” when they do this and then project it on their victim. Monsters!!
Spot on. My daughter's ex-boyfriend said each and every one of these. Someone mentioned in the comments "stop yelling a me" That was another one that he would say. He picked and started fights and he would start yelling and stand over you. You would try and say something thing in a stern voice or slightly raised voice and you would hear "Stop yelling at me." then he has the nerve to say "I'm not yelling at you, the least you could do is respect me." Saying all while he is yelling at you. I just thank God every day that he is no longer in my daughters life.
Negotiating with a narcissist,isn't easy,could you trust them,what is your intuition saying,how would you respond,take responsibility of the situation,did they gaslight you,were you brainwashed,do you feel manipulated,at some point voice your concerns💥
This IS MY SISTER 'SPOT ON'!! I could have written this. She consistently dehumanizes me, brings up things that have happened 20 or 30 years ago which are always events that did not happen the way she says they did. She is a Master manipulator and has controls people she feels are weak willed. For instance, she literally hated my Dad growing up. Then about 10 years ago, when he started having heart problems, she wormed her way into his life. She denied EVERYTHING she used to say about him and now she started neeting him at his doctor appts so she knew exactly how his health was. However, her and my other evil sister manipulated me into staying with him and caring for him after his many surgeries. He ended up dying of Covid. I took care of him during his last days. I obviously caught it and gave it to my brother, who ended up passing two weeks after my Dad. Neither sister came to help none of us. What we didn't know was the Narcissistic sister had already brought my Dad to create his Will or Trust and she and the other sister were given COMPLETE CONTROL of his entire Estate!! I got my brother's 8 fur babies, his cats he rescued over the years living on a dairy farm. My sister wanted to put them all down so she could hurry up and SELL OFF all my Dad's property. My younger brother and I ended up with a SNT inwhich they control. My second sister is already worth $150 Million because of who she married. Now she wants half of my Dad's estate. Very cruel, egocentric, Narcissists. They fly around on a private jet. I am now excluded in any events, holidays or parties because I am not needed any longer to transport my father or care for him. I have an appointment with an attorney next week!
You hit that nail squarely on the head. Reading the comments sections on these "narcissist" videos is really eye opening. A majority of comments contain very narcissistic qualities. It's gotten to the point where I almost physically shudder when I come across the word "narc" or a variation on any phrase that contains "...my narc did/does..." or "...I had a narc...". Those comments usually tend to have some very conceited statements and tend to be quite narcissistic themselves. I look for the neutral/informative/helpful threads. It's not an easy task. I'm dealing with some heavy problems, can't afford to see a counselor or therapist (not just financially but time-wise as well), and look to professional videos for some guidance and insight. I've discovered that I have narcissistic tendencies, but they're not done on purpose (mostly they stem from fear and I nearly panic when things don't go well). However, the gaslighting (for people like me) tends to be genuine forgetfulness. I really have forgotten whole entire IMPORTANT conversations and interactions, only to be later accused of being manipulative...except my memory loss is genuine (and mostly based on trauma).
What if one partner does 1-4, and the other covers 5-8? Or any combo thereof? This topic appears to be currency for some folks and less an assessment of how not to be a narcissist
I know I'm a bit narcissistic myself, I was a child once and I behaved as a child, the world revolved around me, I thought. I did everything on this list to get away with what I wanted. But I grew up and learned empathy and gained wisdom enough to know there is a better way to behave, a way to treat people and still get what I want without taking from others. And now I can spot a narcissist from a mile away. They are truly every where and they are empowered and emboldened in this decaying society we live in. They prey on the weak, and they do not care who they harm because so many are doing the same thing. It's become their world
Some of the best explanations I've heard. Having worked in the medical field for almost twenty years, I've learned that most of those in management that I've had to suffer under are raging narcissists. They make the workplace a living, toxic hell.
My catch phrase is that "work brings out the worst in people". Have heard it many times "he's not like that outside of work", and that's supposed to make me excuse him for being such a jerk at work? I wouldn't know if he's a "nice guy" outside of work because after dealing with him all day the last thing I would want to do is be anywhere with him after work. I suspect that "nice guy" outside of work is merely a front to try and garner some positive PR in a situation where he perceives there is something to be gained by acting nice, and nothing much to lose because he isn't being evaluated or sucking up like when at work.
Spot on concerning the absolutes and gaslighting - I am a Sociopath and have used those tactics in subtle ways people don't realize. However, the first 5 points or so I would not do, those narcissists are just really bad at what they do. I'm a liar but do so in subtle ways, without people realizing it. I put on a facade and appear to be what people want me to be, I am a chameleon and always work hard at building trust for a long while before I would strike. I say would because now I understand what and who I am, (since obtaining my degree in Psychology) and my goal is to never hurt anyone again. So, I stay hidden away from folks these days. Great video and peace to all :)
3:33 "I don't like the way you said that" is normally a response to something true / a fact. They can't dispute the content so they attack how it was said.
Hi Rebecca, you're spot on. I been down that road to far and if anything it hardened me. They want to get you involved in there bullshit and it can and will fuck you up if you let it. Walk away and don't look back . I was lucky enough to find my soul mate who is passed away now but I have a fur ball thats great company and I'm content. Hope you have a great life, take care.
My come back is always...thats nice....im glad u feel or think that way but u really shouldn't think and feel that way about yourself lol 🤣🤣 these evil people I will never give that satisfaction of hurting me ever again. I win PERIOD 😁💯💯
My recent ex narc was always accusing me, so paranoid. He always made my head spin during arguments to his advantage to where I lost what I intended to say in the first place. He made me nuts. Thank God I am free!!!!
Project & deflect comments!!!! I've been living with this for over a decade. I started becoming aware of it about 3 years ago. This statement puts words to my gradual discoveries. It happens every time I call out bad behavior towards me that wasn't be expected by to be called out.
My wife soon to be x told Me when we first met she never lied. I looked at her and said everyone lies. It’s the level of deception that matters. I caught her in so many lies it was mind blowing and called her out. Told Her she was the worst liar I had ever met. So dishonest, no I rectory.
And… add on “you’re CRAZY” before or after any of these. “I never said that, you’re crazy.” “You always …. You’re crazy” Basically direct gas lighting - deny, project, and then tell the other person that “they’re CrAzY.”
Yup my ex told me his other ex are all crazy and this one day I was crazy too like the others. And this I discovered what a narrsistic was. I can spot one in less than three seconds now.
Living with them telling you are crazy and i am the crazy one they say they are scared of you!!!!are you taking the right meds!And living together in covid times!!!!!When you are loving and kind and generous.They try to make you think you are crazy
I asked them. What exactly did they do for me. They said, I put a roof over your head and not making you pay any of it... I said, well, I'm paying for that car out there, that's getting you back n forth to work n all the other things you do so.... he did not like that response. I had a very hard time keeping my trap shut when he would come at me... And if he was mad at anyone, or just in a mood, in general, he always tried dragging me into a fight. I finally caught on to that one, but still would mess up n get dragged into the fight before I realized what was going on... I got so used to being called explicits that when he'd get mad, I'd just say them before he could... like he'd start in and I'd say, I know I'm this, this this... or one time, near the end, he was on a roll about me n I went out n said, I did x,y z, then he started in on the how stupid I was... i stopped him n said, i just came to tell you what happened so you could chew me out n I could go back to doing what I needed to do. That stopped him, like dead in his tracks. He didn't say a word after that...
In divorce proceedings now but I heard many times, I stood by you during your surgery last year. He was there but drunk & asleep at hospital. Then threw it in my face about all he’d done for me. Gag! So glad I left him, narcissist & a drunk!
What about claiming everyone is "fake news" or always projecting that they are the "victim" in everything or projecting proven truth results with a lie or always self proclaiming that "they're the best".
🎓Want to learn more about the narcissists' favorite catchphrases? Join me on my free live masterclass right here 👉👉 www.icanslay.com 🙌
I am looking forward to meeting you there!
When, what time, will it do any good for me as I divorced her the ninth time she walked out on me to be with her lover. You wonder how I'm so sure she has one. No, many, $3,200.00 in motel rooms she charged in 6 months. I have the statements. Could be more paid by her single Johns and some listed were through brokers like Travelocity. All lies from her. I done nothing wrong was all she would say.
Someone left a number for me to call....I think your account has been hacked...
Outstanding thank you🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯💯
@@uriellevelupriley684 your welcome.?... Her account has been hacked,...for sure....
Narcissists don't break you physically, they break your spirit
That's true to point. However, in breaking your spirit that can have serious physiological repercussions that disrupt your health in (eventually) lethal ways.
So many wives of narcissists end up with breast cancer, and some of those women die. When you hear someone has developed various kinds of cancer, look around that person for a narcissist in their lives (parent, spouse, partner, boss). Also, people who develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome often come from homes where one or both parents were narcissists. Let's also not forget that children raised by narcissists often berate their own young children into developing narcissistic personalities in a kind of "conform or be cast out" into the role of scapegoat. Those are usually the people who do NOT develop physical illnesses, but at quite another psychological cost.
Yes, soul crushing for sure!
Narcissists break you physically and they break your spirit.
@@stephanier6783 So many husbands and men also.
They will break your spirit if you let them. My narcissist neighbor is so bad at being a narcissist, she should take lessons on how to improve on her own evil.
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years! Gas lighting was his favorite tool. I literally thought I was crazy and I was on tons of pills. Fast forward to today, I divorced him, I’m pill free and the happiest that I’ve ever been! With much self love and inner work, there is life after the chaos.
🙌🏻❤️🌈🦋🙌🏻
Yay! Happy for you.
You are bitter..... maybe you should have a Psychedelic mushroom trip 🍄. Escape your Ego for a few hours.
The best comment I read today, I have to say it made my day. What a positive and inspirational story of reclaiming your power (that you always had) and of self love. Continued blessings and peace to you 🙌❤
Wish I could say the same. Took Prozac to please my dad, no progress with his approval. Took birth control to try and regulate my mood, almost died of pulmonary embolism at age 31. Turns out not only did he had personality disorders, Sis and I suspect he might have ADD/ADHD, since she and I just got diagnosed as such after going through two different tests when we started struggling with everyday life during the lockdown.
I'm sorry he wasted so much of your life.
My narcissist likes to say, " I know you better than you know yourself "
My narcissist mother's favorite bullsh*t.
Yes they do!!!
He don't know shit
they love to think and say that, they only know what triggers people. Its like putting salt in a wound and saying you're a docter.
Omg yas
#1 Never trust anyone who says “you can trust me.” They know they aren’t trustworthy and feel they need to convince you to do so.
Trust, but verify...
Learned this the hard way.☹️
Gandalf to Bilbo, "I am not trying to rob you! am trying to help you. Trust me like you once did!"
Steals the ring...
Totally disagree. That is way too bold of a statement. Lots of variables that could lead to the comment “you can trust me”.
@@ryanreese3674 I’ve never heard a person say it that had not gone on to prove themselves untrustworthy
You literally have to record every conversation with a narcissist because they twist every word to fit their current agenda and try to make you look less than in the process.
They'll still deny everything. I think most of us have seen evidence of that recently.
I have gone with solid irrefutable proof, and still some how it wasn't his fault, nothing is ever their fault just ask them!
audio video recording of the events is something they will attack you on if you present that to them. You have to get to them when they are in their "calm" state. But it doesn't make lasting impressions. It can take years to affect some serious changes, if ever at all. It's Borderline Personality Disorder. Even most therapists won't deal with them. They will turn it around and make the therapist the cause of the problem. If any therapist does take on a case like that they usually do it only for 2 years at most. Try living with people like that?!!!!
Omgggg this is exactly how I feel
Yep. And that’s what I FINALLY did!
I could not figure out WHAT was going on with this used-to-be wonderful man I’d married. He was lying. Sneaking around. He would RAGE and call me disgusting names. Last straw was violence. Pushing me, chest-bumping me, spitting in my face and finally punching me. Perhaps someone might find this over-the-top, but go marry and live with a narcissist for decades (30+ years!) and you’ll say “should’ve done it sooner”. I hid cameras EVERYWHERE. Yes. Everywhere. I discovered he was watching porn EVERY moment he could get. (Yes, WE HAD SEX. Good sex.) He was masturbating as SOON as he got home from work. He was masturbating AT work. If the grandkids were visiting, he’d sneak off and masturbate to porn. He’d sneak away and eat fast food…ALONE…in a parking lot! He began to smoke, drink. When I FINALLY called the authorities, he spiraled out of control (emotionally) for about one week. When I showed him just a couple of snippets from the videos and he found out I knew all his dirty secrets-yep, you guessed it-I WAS the villain. HOWEVER, he is FINALLY LEAVING ME ALONE! Yes, we are divorcing. I cannot fix the past, but my future WILL BE BRIGHT!
Spot on
"I didn't say that"...."That's not how I said it"...."Well, That's not what I meant"...."I can't help it if you misunderstood me"....
Oh, and the famous, "Why are you always trying to start an argument with me?! Can't you live without drama?!" When you catch them on something.
Eh thats a tough one because my wife will literally deflect or spin anything I confront her on like sexting a coworker and she'll say that she's a monster or to stop belittling her when... yah, I didn't say those things or give negative connotation when I literally asked why. :/
Oh god I heard those every week... Its so creepy how they all have these same catchphrases... Do they go to school for this crap
@@tikesplace I agree. Sometimes things need clarification… if a person took something the wrong way or I didn’t state it well
@@tikesplace you have to take it in context. Of course people say these things n aren't being narcissist. But when it becomes the norm you need to be aware.
'Winning an argument with a smart person may be difficult. Winning an argument with a stupid person is impossible!'
Lol. If I think they are not worth arguing with, I don't.
Lol shooo weeee can't fix Stupid
👊🏽😁
Prov 26:4-5 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
or you yourself will be just like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
or he will be wise in his own eyes.
You forgot to put the author of your quote.
@@locutusdborg126 I didn't forget ; I just could not recall the name even though I tried to do so. I never take credit for others' wisdom. Perhaps you could refresh my memory?
Nothing is by committee - they already know all the answers. “I already told you, remember” is another phrase they love to use. They are quick to take credit for victories, and always point their finger to others when things don’t go well.
Social work Managers in the UK
Right, it is a shift blame game that excludes that person, the narcissist.from any wrong doings are shifty results minimizing the narcissist in any respect of needing to say I will admit I did do or say this and I was wrong.. I apologize. These words are non-existent in a narcissist's life. An issue that does involve them but they'll never own it; A common seen narcissistic behavior. .I am a psychology major and have studied within the six years of college and then in life experiences so many various avenues of behaviors; different personalities of people. The toxic ones that must be handled wisely and well understood. Like your reply. A good one. Jim!
Oh goodness yes. "I already told you" was deffinately a catch phrase used a lot.
Yes my narc used to say that wow
Everything is always my fault, even if the car breaks down, it is my fault. The fuel pump went last night, of course, it is my fault!!!!!
I used to teach cognitive distortions at a community college. Everyone should learn these as narcissists use all of them.
What an amazing course to teach at a community college. I didn't even learn that stuff in an upper division psych of personality course at Cal.
Where can I get more information on this? Thanks.
@@goldilocks3593 Thank you. I know Burns’ book, I will go back.. I have learned about cognitive and emotional distortions and I see them happening now. I do feel so much more empowered to assert myself and redirect. We could use a book going into more detail like Rebecca’s talk on this. I just had a friend uses the ‘everybody’ on me and I stopped it by labeling it. Get learning the exact phrases is empowering-no default to self-doubt. Also, you are talking about the past. Either we shift or I don’t waste my energy…
@@susanforster Spot on! This is one of my ex’s favourite phrases, often used to the extreme. He’d regularly claim “That’s in the past” over an incident that had only occurred an hour before! Their thinking is irrational and illogical, no wonder it feels crazy making!! An alternative was/is “you’re holding a grudge!”.
True
Narcissist come off as nice charming at first then into the relationship the mask comes off
I know an awesome gal who began dating a guy she described as an Adonis. So he moved in with her n wanted her to use her waitress money to get a boob job, a nose job and on and on. She ended up having to change her locks n get a restraining order from the cops.
Yesss girl..! Facts !!🧘🏽♀️✨🤍
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Soundsjust like a politician!!!
Omg, reading this is so scary because that’s EXACTLY how it’s happening🤦🏾♀️
My favourite way of thinking about a narcissist is that they could be walking down the street with a million dollars in their pocket and they would still find something to complain about.
Omg!! That’s what I say about my mom..
if I gave her a million dollars she’d complain about the denominations !
haha
@@bigred4379 Hilarious!
@@tikesplace 😂it’s true! It’s just that this is all new to me, and I’m still so amused at how much the narcissists are so alike! We didn’t know from narcissism while I was growing up in the mess. I just knew that my mother was difficult , and an actress. Just THIS year I found dr Ramani . One of the things about living w a narc.. is that nobody believes us.. so when we chat on here.. we have the “me toos”. And can commiserate. Sure can’t complain in our lives cuz they re so two faced that other people don’t believe you anyways.
@@tikesplace you are probably not dealing w a narcissist! Lucky you!
Because if you were, you’d realize that the reason we re commiserating here, on you tube. We aren’t able to talk about this AT ALL, ANYWHERE ELSE.
"I can't believe you don't trust me" and "You don't know what you're talking about" are among what was said to me A LOT.
"Everyone else trusts me except you!" "what's your problem?" "If you weren't so busy _feeling sorry for yourself_ you wouldn't be so negative"...
@@rg2027x They must take classes and compare notes or something 'cause they all say the same things 😂
@@katewithat Yea!! 👍 fr...
It's like they all go to the same *Asshole Academy* ! 😹
Said to me as a child by my mother: “You sound like a brick fell on your head.” Or “Have you lost your mind?” Or “I’ll knock you off that high horse.” Those hurt me so much.
I think it's important to mention that anyone can use these expressions from time to time. Sometimes they fit. It doesn't mean everyone is a narcissist. Narcissism runs deeper.
Ur a narc
It's true anyone could say any of these things in certain situations and not be a narcissist. But when they use many of them and use them a lot it gives them away as either being a narcissist.
We all have ego thats the point calling someone a narcisist for say this things is stupid narcs are deeper than that
@@eddyalonsomoramorales6069 it's a continuous cycle with narcs. She not Talkin bout every now and again. This is habitual for narcissist
Said the Narcissist!
I was married to a narcissist for 28 years. By the time I knew I had to leave, I'd allowed myself to lose self-esteem, self-worth, etc., etc., etc. When I finally got the courage to leave, it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders.
I know that feeling after leaving a 19 year relationship with my narcissist ex
I am so proud of you and SO happy for you. It is a difficult thing to do. Cheers to your new adventures!
My life IMMEDIATELY improved once my ex was out of my life.
Good for you!👏👏😊💞💜💓👍👍I am so happy for Ur freedom! Yeaaa!🙌🙌🙌
I stayed for 33 years when I finally left I could not believe it all of a sudden I could feel the sun smell the flowers !!!! I knew I was miserable but of course I thought it was all my fault!! It's been 15 years since I freed myself I don't trust myself to get into another relationship so I am alone, maybe someday someone will really love me I don't know 🤔
A narcissist is always the hero or the victim, but never the villain...
absolutely !
Well put
So on point!
👏👏👏👏👏👏
Well she played the victim ever since marrying Harry .
When pointing out true facts of something they did that clearly impended the relationship , they say
“ Oh , ok , I’m just the bad person , I do all the wrong “ !!
YES omg
"Sorry for being me"
You got it!!! 100% truth.
I would put it differently: It's not so much questioning your mind, what they're doing is destroying your self confidence.
It's both. They're attempting to destroy your self confidence by way of getting you to question your own mind.
Ruining your self confidence is what destroys you, mind and body, in my opinion. I am a survivor of an abusive marriage; I still have times I can hardly stop what's going on to use the bathroom, for fear of "looking stupid" because of the lessons he taught me. Don't underestimate what destroying self confidence can do to a person.
@@g-mode5047, yes, by making you question your own mind, they maintain control and don’t have to take responsibility for anything.
Actually the narcissist is getting YOU to question YOUR mind. Why do you do that?
You'll never find anyone else as good as me. I found myself when I left. What more to I need?
This is maybe the best statement I have heard from a victim having set herself free! It is so very true. ♥️♥️♥️
@@aliceengland8576 thank you so much Alice. The better person I found was me. I'm a survivor. I'm not a victim anymore. Lots of love to you.
You were lost and now you're found : ) Go get 'em.
My narc told me “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
Goodness, I hope not.
"I never said that" is total denial.
Ohhhh, I dunno, I have said that to people because.............
.........Well because I never said certain things to them that they claimed I did. (There was no denial about it--it was just plain fact equivalent to 1+3=4!!)
I didn't do that when I was there looking at him and he looking at me still he will lie evil bastard
I will agree SOMEWHAT with this comment because there ARE habitual liars who are in the habit of bullshitting so often about so much, (even when they have NO REASON to lie), that it could even be LAUGHABLE depending on context, (or just plain sad because the truth could really benefit them or make them happy, but their habitual bullshitting prevents them from seeing such.)
Also, there are people who DON'T say something VERBATIM, (word for word), but due to their cleverness/quick wit with words, often IMPLY certain things, that they may deny later, by saying: "I NEVER said that!", which in a strictly VERBAL sense is TRUE, but there MAY have been a most definite IMPLICATION behind their rhetoric! Still, one does often have to be careful "reading between the lines" of others.
(Sarcasm is sort of an example of what I'm referring to, but unless one suffers from strict literalism, most sarcasm most of the time is fairly easy to detect....Unless one is NOT a native speaker of the English language, whose natural language perhaps does not allow sarcasm as a part of their language, but I'm fairly certain a lot of languages other than English allow for sarcasm.)
Yes!!!
Denial Is a PURE DEAL BREAKER FOR ME
Spot on. I finally divorced my husband after I realizing that he is a covert narcissist, and I was never going to have a reciprocal relationship with him. I'm nearing 60 and I decided I had to take my life back. Now that it's done, I feel free and light, with the prospect of being able to celebrate myself and the things that matter to me.
congrats
@@cfinallyfree7576 Nice read Melania.
How is a covert narcissist different than a run of the mill narcissist?
I read that and asked the same thing! "...he is a covert narcissist..."
I started reading these posts thinking "interesting stuff!" But I see am not sure anymore. There are so many variables, and there are two sides to any 20-plus year marriage. Much to easy to slap a label on someone, and call it a day.
Life is too short to take crap from any narcissist. Kick em to thr curb and step on them when you walk out. Maybe even do a curb stomp on them.
I was married to one for way too long. I felt like i was going crazy at times!
Hello how are you doing 👋👋☺️👋👋☺️
Asking for a friend...does that feeling ever go away after a divorce?
I'm so sorry. It was a waste of your time and life.
Thanks be the most high he spared you Yes they hope to make you lose your mind so they can take over your whole life This is what satan is after
@@punishinghammer2440 Yes! Eventually that feeling goes away. I was married to one for 10 years, dumped him when I found out he was cheating and stayed single for 19 years after that, but it was a very enjoyable 19 years. Then I met the man of my dreams, married him at 47 and at 75, still very happy together! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck, don’t look back and enjoy the rest of your life - best wishes to you for a happier future, it’s totally possible!
They are Angels on the streets and Devils in the home...
This is the most spot on statement.
Yes, I believe you" ...
I swear everyone loves my narc husband . Everyone. No one knows he's a tyrant at home.
@@tamarastone141 I’m sorry your husband is a Narc, I left 9 years ago and now feel free
They care very deeply about what others think of them. For them, appearance is everything. It's not about being a good person. Just appearing to be one.
You're crazy is their favorite once you set a boundary!
I get told that almost on the daily by my wife. Along with # 2 and #3 I'm a fool
He had the audacity to tell me I have a problem my problem is him evil bastard
Yes and everyone hates you and you are so lucky I put up with you and they tell you how to feel what shows you should enjoy what music etc. always has to be their taste you only exist to prop them up.
@@AnnaLVajda that's it I have been propping him up for over 30 years
She told me this on some occasions when I pointed out somethings to her....wow
"You're interrupting me" simply translates to "you aren't letting me continue giving you a headache with my irrational bullshit"
YUP! 💯
I agree
Bulls**t, it's called not being an interrupting, rude a**hole....when someone is talking, I don't interrupt that person, because my parents taught me how to show some respect...many women, on the other hand, will continually interrupt you when you're saying something she doesn't like, I'm talkin like 98% of women do this, and NOT ONE PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU LIKES WHEN YOU CUT THEM OFF RIGHT IN MIDDLE OF THEIR THOUGHT.....
🤣🤣🤣 So TRUE!!
Yep
Spot on. I was married to one for 12 years and I slowly felt like I was losing myself. Until I found out that he was a narcissist, then everything fit and made sense. What was an eye opener today was the bit about interrupting. Wow, thank you.
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He almost killed me. The put-downs were constant at home but we had a business together and he relied on me to open new businesses and talk with the heads of those businesses. I was his trophy wife. I am divorced and happily alone but not lonely. Thank God we both got out of these horrific circumstances. Many people do not know how or cannot seem to break free. God bless you and may you never meet another narcissist.
There terrible people........
seems awfully convenient to label an ex-partner as a narcissist in order to avoid owning up to one's-own participation in making a mess of a relationship... it does take two to tango...
@@benvwyk85, but narcissists don’t need help in ruining relationships. They can do that all by themselves. If you have ever been in a relationship with one, you would understand. The world revolves around them. If you don’t believe it, just ask them.
Wait!....was Ben van Wyk married to B A Friend!!!?? WOW!!!
My experience, "I have NEVER been with anyone like you or have had this in my life "!
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Yes! Definitely at the beginning of the love-bombing stage.
Just recently I received an email from my narcissist ex thanking me because he never knew love before he met me…he said he only thought of me and wanted to meek me happy and yet he’d pull me out of bed by my hair in the middle of the night because I didn’t make enough bread that day or I didn’t put enough ice cubes in his glass…no joke.
@@Jace28142 That sounds right. How awful! 😖 Mine bought me a cheap ring "to shut me up" but instead of giving it to me, hid it and "when I found it or when he felt like I deserved it, whichever came first, I could have it." Let's just say at least 2 months went by. Looking back I want to slap my old self. Then I tell myself everything happens for lessons to be learnt, even bad things. I definitely learned a lot of early warning signs, plus that I was stronger than I thought I was in the end. I saw a movie where a guy bought his girlfriend a ring and did the same thing, he told her he hid it and she'll get it when HE'S ready. That woman ended up killed by him (real life case) so I count my blessings. Narcs are unstable, vile creatures.
Same here.
After years I finally broke free from the narc. Thank God I found the strength an left even stopped all communication
Tonya Callahan,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
I WISH I could. Unfortunately I didn't leave when I should've, & now have 2 young sons w him (as well as my oldest that he raised w me from 6yrs old- almost adult) that suffer from his narcissism as well. It's so sad.
Modern tech is fun against the "I never said that" crowd. I was in a short fling with a woman who said this often, and then flipped out when I showed the text she sent saying exactly that.
My ex always used these and if he used "to tell you the truth", I finally realized that meant all lies. He always made me feel insane for thinking things and expressing concerns. It is definitely like being brainwashed.
0:00 Intro
1:00 1 - You Can Trust Me
2:43 2 - Stop Interrupting Me / Attacking Me
3:33 3 - I Don't Like The Way You Said That
4:08 4 - I Never Said That
6:08 5 - No One Else
6:32 6 - Everyone Else
7:20 7 and 8 - Always and Never
Rebecca about the always or never thing.....I did a test on my phone messages and did a search on always the word and counted how many times it was said by people close to me. It works!!! However, because of arguments I saw, there were words on my side that were somewhat like retaliation comments to show that they trigger me to say the same but the never....does that mean I am or is it just a product of upbringing or egocentrism because I live or grew up with them?
thank u
@@underfire2534 it doesn't necessarily mean you are. You can grow up in that type of environment & still make it out as a good person. My wife grew up with both parents being some real $hit-bag narcissists. They really wrecked her
self-esteem. It has taken a while, and some councilors, but she's turning out just fine. Keep your head up & always watch out for these people, they can really weasel their way into relationships.
@@jiha003 You forgot "That's not the point."
Nah I feel like alot of these can be said by the victim too. For instance, I disagree with the "No one else" and "everyone else". I've used this in an argument against a toxic bully and flat out told him "No, you're the problem. If you keep having arguments with everyone else and nobody gets along with you, then it's obvious YOU'RE the common denominator." I feel like these phrases are too general. They need more context. Like for instance, "stop interrupting me" could be a valid defense, if the victim isn't being allowed to speak bc the self-centered narc is dominating the convo and is too focused on what they want to say. The other one is "I never said that". A victim has every right to counter with this statement bc most narcs will gaslight and accuse the victim of saying something that they didn't say or didn't intend. Narcs love to twist your words. So these phrases are NOT spot on, bc they're way too broad and can be applied in multiple situations. These kinda videos only cause confusion, and try to pigeon hole narcissists according to what they say, instead of their overall behavior. The exact words/phrases inherently aren't important, it's the manipulative method in which they're used that we need to be wary of. Also, Aladdin told Jasmine "Trust me" and he turned out to be totally reliable - so idk what this lady is talking bout 😆
They can be charismatic, charming, always projecting how perfect they are & they can do no wrong unless "you made me do, say or act that way".
I AGREE..
Then they get violent..
Steel everything you have
Own you .
Own everything you own.
Then kick you to the side..
Bloody lovely
@@tracywalls-hill5621 Yes .
Exactly!
*I agree*
You made me laugh . You did that !
ugh
My wife that I've been separated from for 3 years always says...I never said that!!
Just to add to the "I never said that" category, my ex-wife would regularly accuse me of "putting words in her mouth" when, in reality, I had just quoted word for word something she had actually said
Same
My soon to be ex wife does the same thing
Hahaha what did she say then?
The narc can can say you are the narc when they actually say you said something that you never said. 🤔
Narcs only care about three: me, myself and I.
And guess what all three of them will end up in hell
@@1010QUEEN7
God will sort that out.
Yes. It's my way or the highway.
One day I told my x that she was depressing me , she said go see a shrink. I did, the funny thing was the professional I used turned out to be the most respected and revered mental health specialist. After a few months of office visits I asked him if we were making any progress. His replay was yes . You , meaning me, are an extremely well adjusted individual especially considering all that you have been through during your lifetime. That I definitely need to get a divorce. But he believes because of my personal sense of responsibility and integrity that I would be staying until my children were old enough to fend for themselves. Later I received a call for him asking me if it would be okay to Discuss my Case with a family member who was studying under him . I said no problem. The next time I saw that family member I was given a hug and a deeply felt apology for the problems created by my x.
You just described yourself and the rest of humanity.
Spot on! My dad was a narcissist, & so was my ex-fiancé. So glad I didn't marry him! Now I'm married to a man who treats me with respect & loves me whole-heartedly.
My dad, too! Never was he wrong about anything, ever! Even the very evidence of his guilt/wrongdoing he denied, finding ways, however illogical or stupid, to blame others for his bad choices--thereby deflecting the accusations, evading responsibility, every freaking time.
Good for you!!! Made the right choice.
How would you tell if one is a extreme narcissists, however it's called. My ol' man isnt as full blown narcissist, to where my girlfriend who just divorced the Grand Pooh Bah of Narcissist !! (Narcissistic Sociopath with Egotistical
My mother was an extreme narcissist. She wanted to be the only one speaking and couldn't handle a conversation that wasn't centered on herself. And, yes, she constantly interrupted everything I tried to say.
@@leelarson107 My husband has an aunt like that.
The best way to spot a Narcissist , is that they are always accusing others , in order to draw attention from themselves .
Obama - "It was Bush's fault." Biden - "It was Trump's fault."
@@oscargrouch7962 And Adam answered to God - " The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me that fruit and I ate it".
@@oscargrouch7962 Harris is always telling people to stop interrupting her and remember the”I was that little girl” BS. Playing the victim.
@@vb2430 that's not a catchphrase Vladimir.....it's an honest and truthful answer to a question.
@@glensalch3156 How would you feel if your 10th grade daughter became pregnant and when you confronted her, she "honestly" and "truthfully" answered you : "my boyfriend whom YOU introduced to me did it" ?
N: 'I never said that'
Yes you did
N: 'No I didn't'
Yes you did, I have it recorded
N: 'Oh but that is not what I meant'
LMFAO
Yes! It’s the back tracking. A conversation I had one time:
Him: “Women who are in healthy marriages don’t just go off for a whole weekend to hang out with friends for NO REASON.”
Me: “Excuse me? Let me make sure I’m clear on what you really think about this. Did you just say I can’t go on a weekend trip without compromising our marriage? And that it’s uncommon to do so?”
“No I don’t mean that. I just mean that most of the time those kind of women do it to get drunk and complain about their husbands…”
Or good for you
yea, or "you can't prove my intention" god, i just love that one.
Wow! you must have been there the 1000 times I have heard and done that...including the recording
or they will also say "you can't prove my intention"
They also say to you when calling them out, "Everything I do is wrong!" Another is "Damned if you do or damned if you don't!"
Wow. It’s like you’ve heard the fights I used to have with my mother
My wife is a hardcore narcissist and I've never heard her say that.
I have not heard a narcissist state any phrases where they use “I” statements. I grew up in a narcissistic family and went on to attract narcissistic friendships and romantic relationships…. Very damaging and insidious abuse. Been dealing with these psychos my entire life. I have however heard many victims of narcissistic abuse use the “I”statements written here to defend themselves. However I am slowly learning not to defend myself and it is a game changer. As hard as it is just be quiet. Observe but do not react or respond even if triggered .Narcissists will vomit from their mouth. If you must interact with them, cut them off by not giving any fuel….Words… Defending yourself …. Is fuel. Visualize tape on your mouth if you have to, if on phone…. Mute the phone. Don’t absorb their words, blaming, accusing, gaslighting, projecting, deflecting , etc. Narcissists need fuel. Do not give it to them. It will only fester and get worse. Ignore their ranting and know whatever they are saying is actually a reflection of who they are and their inner insecurities and struggles. Do not absorb, Just listen and observe. You will learn a lot. Ignore them triggering you. It is all intentional to feed themselves. Narcissists will reveal their intentions and who they are. Just listen and observe. A lot is revealed in what narcissists project. Reacting and defending is what narcissists want. Think of them as a shark in a feeding frenzy. Guard your heart, mind and soul from these diabolical predators. Narcissists are very dangerous predators and leave total destruction in their paths.
On point bc it's all about them portraying the victim.
But targets say that too
i was in a relationship with a Narcissist for 20 years and I lost myself in that relationship. I didnt know what a Narcissist was until trying to recover. Then looking back it all made sense and I am sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long and was so blind. Being a nice forgiving person is good but dont do it to your own detriment. Trying to get back to normal is hard following a relationship with a Narcissist. Love yourself and know that you deserve to be treated better. You are worthy!
Thanks for your comment. It reflects my experience as well. Good luck in your recovery!
We're twins, dealing with my person lead to depresssion, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging and destructive behaviors. I hadn't even heard of a narcissist, if I had, I would have run for my life. Now, I've lost decades I can not get back. All I can do is look forward.
I’ve just quit my job. 15 years. It also took me a long time to realise my boss was the issue and it wasn’t me going crazy. I was suicidal for a time. So, don’t feel bad about 20 years, feel awesome about every day from now on.
Ditto. My therapist assigned me a certain book MANY therapists recommend, "Co-Dependency No More" by Melody Beattie. I had previously done a couple of written assignments that made it enormously clear I was a Co-D. Co-Dependency is why the typical co-dependent put ups with deplorable behavior.
I spent twenty years with someone who ended up trying to kill me and had an affair with a cop to get away with it. They are scary creatures.
I remember well that, "Everyone dislikes you. All my friends want to know what is it with you?" after he left, I found out he was telling his friends that I didn't like them. That I thought they were mentally inferior to me. That they weren't my social equal. It was only after he abandoned his children and me, and then walked away from his "friends" for a new set of friends that the whole story came out. But I never trusted his "friends" after that. I moved away and found life on my own with the children he never sawxagain could be quite pleasant, rewarding, and TRANQUIL.
Hey I can relate to the things he was telling you about his friends... What scum these people are, how & why would someone do this
When a couple splits up, their "friends" migrate to the person from the relationship whom they, the "friends", perceive to have the money, or status, or power. The other one becomes the discard.
Spot On Big Time !!!❤i have lived for 15 years . And now it’s time to pick up the pieces. The only thing is my 2 kids , he’s managed to take my son through manipulation and Who know what, and I pray that he leaves me and my daughter alone she is only 13, and he and his army 1st wife and his sons suddenly miss her and they want to bond . The only good thing is the enormous geographical distance between us . I want to do something in my life school again , work feel independent and take care of my self to be the best version of myself and give back to my kids what they deserve . ❤be less all those good kind people that got trapped and bullied in there lives . ❤🤲🏼
"They love to speak in absolutes..." "Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”
My mom: all or nothing. ALL THE TIME
Love the fitting Star Wars reference. So true.
Narsithsiths
🤣
Jedi: Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
Me: Wait, isn't that an absolute itself?
Jedi: Uhh... wait, that's not...
Me: *gets lightsabered to death*
Wow this really hit home. My ex wife used to make me think I was the narcissist. It was her all along and I now can see all the signs. This is spot on.
The ‘one’ I lived with the past 20 yearss was the textbook model for everything you’ve just said.
The pattern in narcissistic behavior mindset is… 1. Control 2. Power. 3. Absolute and reckless need to bully or intimidate, indoctrination and isolation of their prey. They want to gaslight people or an individual to the point they either become hostile, appear crazy or in extremely abusive tactics they become the problem. They want you to self harm. That way they can tell people that you were or are the problem. It’s all smoke and mirrors what a narcissist will do…Sometimes in extreme criminal cases narcissists have been known to become violent and even murder when their mask slips. From my studies (my master’s is in criminal science), I believe that you are spot on in this presentation. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸
When they discard you for new supply:
“You’re not the person I thought you were.”
"You've changed!" Lol ok
Both are true! When you no longer put up with their crap...
“I can’t trust you!” But yet, you trusted your 5 kids to me to babysit at the drop of a hat, because we lived next door to you… but in the end, I’m the one who is crazy and was never a good friend…..yeah……lol……ok!
I haven't loved you for the past decade or so. It's also your fault because you did (whatever) 15+ years ago.
they say " every one else loves me"!
And how everything they do needs accalaids! If they do the smallest thing it's like they cured cancer to them. And I have found that no matter how awesome you think something is, once presented to a narcissist they will have something negative to say. It might not be seriously mean or critical, but it will be negative.
I dread getting birthday gifts. because it’s so much work saying thank you soooo many time. Take it back! 😂
Gosh this is SO TRUE!!!
Accolades
@@Hopscotch_24 or even making dinner for that matter. There is always a negative comment before the thank you. And I only ever get him to say thank you when I say something to him about not saying thank you prior to criticism .
We are becoming educated right here. That's the best defense!
Before listening... I'm gonna guess. These were my exs favorite phrases. "I don't remember". "I never said that". "This is your fault". "That happened a long time ago."(when it had only been 2 weeks). "Don't get mad at me, I'm already mad enough at myself". "You have a problem and need therapy."
The" I'm mad @"..or " already mad at myself" thing.... Definitely heard that one a few times
The “I don’t remember” phrase sheesh...but see my ex has seizures so idk it’s hard to tell
My narc ex girlfriend said all this things too, along with constant gaslighting, were well rid of them, they do deserve bad Karma though
Oh yes…. “You have a problem and need therapy”. … Classic. Anything to deflect from their behavior.
Omg my boyfriend always says stop attacking him. I haven't attacked him at all
Definitely Rebecca you are describing my 70 yr old narcissistic husband of 38 yrs. He uses all these tactics unfortunately 😢. Love watching your videos so much! They are extremely validating 💜
“YOU’RE HARASSING MEEEEE!!!!” When caught in a lie. LOL 😆🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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100% fact!
I told him he takes me for granted a lot.. And that I don't like it. And he said "ok".
Omfg, this literally just happened.
"The IRS treats me very badly."
"See how I always do what you ask for? But you never do anything for me" I'm sooo tired of this stupid phrase
Esp when I do a lot for them LMAOOO
@@aegon9015 well in their deranged minds they are "entitled". Which means you must do everything for them. Or if they do something nice for you... "what are you going to do for me?"
@@lindahanna6577 oh totally. I had to do EVERYTHING and like picture perfect or else shed freak. And even if I did it was something else, or like… you nailed it. Entitled. She was shocked when I didn’t want to keep in touch, too. I’m like do you not realize the things you said and did were like not cool? lol
@@lindahanna6577 and if I tried to ask for the same things she asked for, or even just a fraction of it, it was like OMG LOOK WHAT I DO FOR YOU. It’s just like a sore loser and winner at all times. That’s the closest I’ve seen it besides a relationship, was in sports. People who just were never going to give you praise or admit fault
@@aegon9015 I'm still stuck in the relationship. I'm having a hard time leaving. I can't wait to be free
“Stop yelling at me!” when, in a normal tone of voice, you make a firm point that they don’t want to hear.
I frequently get a corollary of this: "I can see that you are angry by the way you raised your voice." When I deny it, I get the "well it was the tone of your voice." This is used on me because I was raised to ALWAYS control my voice and my choice of words. So they are stuck with subjective claims.
They also are relying on an old racist trope: the angry black man thing.
Whisper to them 24/7! 😄
Lol .. omg I hear this daily !!!! When I'm clearly not even yelling
Facts!
At the end of a heated discussion or arguement my ex husband used to tell me I had been yelling and using filthy language at him. This is impossible to disprove and as an honest person I would then have to question myself. I only found out years later this was classic gaslighting. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me / my mind. Very cruel and has the potential to drive you crazy.
What I've heard from the narc is "you can't prove my intention", "I don't remember", "I thought I did", just hanging up on me or ending conversations abruptly by walking out when they don't want to be held accountable for their actions, "I can't talk to you when you are just assassinating my character"...
Narcissists really do have low self-esteem, don’t they? They KNOW they’re not trustworthy, so accuse their victims of not being trustworthy. ::sigh:: Good people always seem to be victimized by people with aberrant, narcissistic personalities.
You forgot one of the catchphrases I’ve been hearing: “You’re talking about the past. That’s something I don’t do anymore.”
Uhhhhhh honestly. He’s always talking about how ‘real’ he is💀💀💀
Yesss omg
Anyone who professes anything to much is Huge RedFlag 🚨🚨🚨🚨
Or they bring it up in an attempt to guilt trip you. Another story, same family member which happened when she was 6 & I was 8: ‘YOU brought me a slice of bread 🍞 when I was running away.’ Yes I did; Twas dear ole mom’s idea not mine & couldn’t say no to N mom. No I didn’t tell her… no feeding the 🔥🔥🔥 … Speaking of which, around the same time she stood & watched dear ole N mom pick me up by the ears👂🏻👂🏻 & shake me for playing with matches when it was NOT me but was dear ole N sister. She’s a perfect example of the nature + (non) nurture combination of NPD. 🙄🙄🙄
They project more than a movie theater.
When someone says "trust me" - I run away quickly.
You described my physically abusive adopted mother perfectly. Even when she saw others doing what I did or wanted to do, she'd scream "Normal people don't do that!" and beat me for not being the kid she wanted me to be, no matter how hard I tried. She is the reason I feel narcissistic people are nothing more than worthless, weak little bullies who deserve nothing more that to be bullied into oblivion.
I agree with a lot of this, but I have a few points to make about it.
1. Narcissists DO interrupt me .. a lot. It's a red flag.
2. I don't like the way a narcissist talks to me. Their tone can be condescending or invalidating.
Absolutely. My narc mother routinely stops me mid sentence ,insults me, then immediately joins another conversation with some else.
But God help you if you use a "tone"
Truth
Or you ask them something and they completely change the subject and start talking about something that they want to talk about, like look at this fish so and so caught on facebook. Yes I see the fish but what does that have to do with what I just asked you? She doesn't seem to care about anything I'm into or have to say. It's obvious by how she cuts me off and changes the subject.
If someone makes you feel like Nothing, that's a big sign. Please find help ❤🙏
but there are many people who are so beat down from past relationships that they just expect to be treated like nothing. So the other person they are in a relationship with might not be a narcissist, but the one person 'feels' like they are treated like nothing. Phew, relationships are so complicated. . .
@@kimmilberg7867 I know the feeling. It's the feeling before suicide. Please find help❤
Big truth !!
Looking
@@treemoon6394 Working at the SPCA as a volunteer helped me a lot.
“I never said that.”
“You misunderstood.”
“Very candidly.”
I was told that I was confusing or that I was being vague and wanted claification
You are talking about my husband I'm sure of it 😂😂😂
Sometimes the narcissist lies and it’s true that I never said that though!!!
"I never said that... you're crazy."
"You can't take a joke."
@@4x4_Gal Oh exactly like my ex. He was just kidding, after he made me feel bad by his insult. Now my grandson says the same thing to me.
Wow I’ve been one lucky individual. I have never had a coworker, team member or someone managing me who was a narcissist. I had one toxic boss in my life and she does not meet most of the criteria of being a narcissist. Her difficult management style convinced me to strike out on my own and for that I am grateful. Lemons? Make lemonade.
😂 our manipulative narcissist says ,” how ever you want to look at it.” As he lead people to believe he’s something he is not.
My mother CONSTANTLY tells me that I "make things up in my head".
Oh, really? Is that why my elementary school friends remember my bloodshot eye (from when she'd kicked me in my face)?
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You forgot. "What do you mean, what are you talking about" when they a lie and you catch them red handed.
Yes, and eventually while I was married to him (the narcissist), he'd tell friends in front of me and out loud "Don't talk to Jennifer, she doesn't know what she is talking about. "
The other one they use is. What does that even mean?
while *looking away*
@@jenniferdeck5163 that was really rude of him to say that. He would even disrespect you in front of people like that?
@@whitesongs73 oh yes, it got worse, but this was only part if why he is an ex, has been since 2014. He messed me up, now, I can chat with guys, flirt a little, but I seem to have a fearful avoidant attachment style now. So I'll probably be single the rest of my life (turned 48 on the 14th).
OMG...listening to this just triggered an anxiety attack! SPOT on!
Spot on for the "one up you" - why should a partner want to one up? Not a partner.
@@christianpulisic7784 what the hell does that have to do with her comment and why is it about her appearance?
They say "it's not all about you" meaning it's all about them
My mom has said that.
Yes, it is all about them! I have a sibling who behaves this way.
“I’m not perfect!”
“It was a joke!”
Or: And you’re so perfect!
My reply to “its a joke” is “your fat”. Then when she gets mad I simply say, “but honey, it’s joke!”😁
Well, just shoot me!
That sounds just like the michigan governor
@@gn1107 .... I seriously doubt that controlling liar is a hypocrit and a narcissist. C'mon man.
Spot on!! Love to listen to your wisdom makes my blurry mind see clearly again! I'm n the middle of a 12 year relationship with a hard core narcissist... And it's slowly killing me. From my insides , out.... He hasn't been as bad as he is now. The last 3 years, it's been a complete nightmare. Very long story. Just wanted to thank you for being fearless and posting these inspiring helpful, at times , life saving videos. I needed to hear this. I feel isolated from everyone. And very alone. Lately, he has made me question my own sanity.
Thank you so much 😀
I taught my husband what "gaaslighting" was and it was a big mistake! Now he tells me I'm "gaslighting him" all the time! It was very informative but made me sad as well.
Same. I told my husband he was being narcissistic and now he uses it on me all the time.
My husband gaslights all the time. Then says he doesn’t even know what “gaslighting” is and that I am making it up. 😳
Yes...I've learned (the hard way..) never describe the narcs behavior to them, or send em narcissist memes on gaslighting, projection, invalidation, etc. hoping they will "see the light" to recognize their toxic behavior then change their ways. They will only end up twisting it against you, to accuse _you_ of those same behaviors! They'll have new phrases to gaslight on. It's like kryptonite..giving them more ammunition to abuse you with.
My spouse tries to deny he’s gaslighting by attempting to convince me I’m too sensitive. 😂😂😂
Too sensitive is also gaslighting.
The last drop would be to mansplain to you what gaslighting is by denying he´s mansplaining and gaslighting you. :D
The worst: “Lighten up” or “Can’t you take a joke?”
Yes! Mine too
I work for two sisters who have told me the exact same thing ("You're too sensitive!") when I would call them on what I thought was unjustified anger or criticism toward me. On the one hand, they'd criticize me for not being assertive enough. On the other hand, my assertiveness toward them would get batted down by the "too sensitive" phrase. Fortunately, I've learned to call them on that, too.
My narcs favorite phrase was either "sorry I'm not perfect like you or nobody is perfect". That's how they get out of being held accountable for ANYTHING.
So true!
Ha ha heard that the other day from my ex 🙄
OMG this is my motherrrrr. She’s infuriating.😒
@@saralaurenadler When you have a Narcissistic Mother....
You attract Narcissists.
Partners,Husbands,Wives,Bosses,Workmates,Friends even your Children...
I give up...I've become very reclusive.
Covid Lockdowns have worked for me.
Wow, you nailed that one. I also got the "I'm not perfect like your mother" in response to WEEKS of household neglect on her part.
Spot on!!! Honorable
Mention… “I’m loyal”, “wouldn’t INTENTIONALLY” hurt you… “uh Im sorry, but am not really sure why I’m sorry..” smh
"Im sorry you feel that way"...I hate this.
Thats what you are supposed to say to a narcissist.
@@mybigyear I'm glad you said this. I read the original comment and was like "oh shit. I'm a narcissist" lol
"What happens in the dark will come to light" lol
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There's a Darkness at the Edge of Town.
8u
U
Spot on…… but what do you do when a narcissist thinks that everyone else is the narcissist? He’s so good at flipping everything around and acting like he’s the victim. He knows all of these terms and examples, and he’ll literally just stand there and say what I’m thinking and feeling, but in reverse roles…. It’s quite disarming.
I am completely trapped 😥😥
The whole woke supremacy group are typical narcissists. They are victims even when they getting everything they want.
Omg... Exactly what I go through!!! 🙄
Why even engage with a narcissist at all? They are a total waste of time. Slimy little posers living a fake life. Get away from them!
I have experienced this and it is so freaky. Friends have even said that they hear me through the other person’s descriptions.
I'm talking to a girlfriend on the phone, while I'm telling her something important to me I can hear her typing on her phone key board and I say "are you typing on your phone?" No, she says immediately. Next time we're on the phone again, same thing and I ask again" are you typing/texting while we're talking?" No she says and I say what is that clicking noise, she says "I don't know". Then it happens a third time and I pushed for the truth and she got super defensive and gaslighted again. I told her "I'm hanging up now" and did. She started calling me back over and over and I needed time to cool down. After I cooled down I called her back and she said "Im sorry" in a sarcastic way. So I told her again "I'm hanging up" and did. She called again and this time had a whole new attitude and I said to her "when you text/type while I'm talking to you I feel unimportant when you are distracted deliberately and then when you lie, I feel insulted. Folks this is what narcissist do. They lie, deny and then give a mock apology and make it about you.
Don't wrestle with pigs, you'll just get dirty and muddy, and that's how they like it!
How about, "You just want to fight". Uh, no.....it was me trying to defend myself because you make no dam sense and are trying to convince me that I can't possibly think for myself nor do i have the right to any emotions.
I feel like knocking him out
Classic! Yet we are to sit down and shut up and listen. Take their abuse. Actually the best defense is no defense. This diffuses them. Narcissists want to argue and fight. Want us to defend ourselves. Stop their feeding. I am learning. It is hard as they gaslight and poke and prod. I just “love” when they do this and then project it on their victim. Monsters!!
You pretty much nailed that one on the head word for word with me! It's unbelievable isn't it!?!
Yes! I get “you’re just looking for an argument “ when I try to defend my corner!
@@braveheart2657 I've learned not to engage with the ego. Nothing happens . She has inadvertently taught me about my ego identification
I grew up hearing my mother say every one of these. No wonder my dad drank!
Damn😆
Omg!!🤦♀️ mine too!!!!!!!!
Was your mom àé ♏ scorpion..Oct / Nov
I did too. I’ve often wondered why my dad DIDNT drink.🙄
Spot on. My daughter's ex-boyfriend said each and every one of these. Someone mentioned in the comments "stop yelling a me" That was another one that he would say. He picked and started fights and he would start yelling and stand over you. You would try and say something thing in a stern voice or slightly raised voice and you would hear "Stop yelling at me." then he has the nerve to say "I'm not yelling at you, the least you could do is respect me." Saying all while he is yelling at you. I just thank God every day that he is no longer in my daughters life.
Negotiating with a narcissist,isn't easy,could you trust them,what is your intuition saying,how would you respond,take responsibility of the situation,did they gaslight you,were you brainwashed,do you feel manipulated,at some point voice your concerns💥
Spot on
This IS MY SISTER 'SPOT ON'!! I could have written this. She consistently dehumanizes me, brings up things that have happened 20 or 30 years ago which are always events that did not happen the way she says they did. She is a Master manipulator and has controls people she feels are weak willed. For instance, she literally hated my Dad growing up. Then about 10 years ago, when he started having heart problems, she wormed her way into his life. She denied EVERYTHING she used to say about him and now she started neeting him at his doctor appts so she knew exactly how his health was. However, her and my other evil sister manipulated me into staying with him and caring for him after his many surgeries. He ended up dying of Covid. I took care of him during his last days. I obviously caught it and gave it to my brother, who ended up passing two weeks after my Dad. Neither sister came to help none of us. What we didn't know was the Narcissistic sister had already brought my Dad to create his Will or Trust and she and the other sister were given COMPLETE CONTROL of his entire Estate!! I got my brother's 8 fur babies, his cats he rescued over the years living on a dairy farm. My sister wanted to put them all down so she could hurry up and SELL OFF all my Dad's property. My younger brother and I ended up with a SNT inwhich they control. My second sister is already worth $150 Million because of who she married. Now she wants half of my Dad's estate. Very cruel, egocentric, Narcissists. They fly around on a private jet. I am now excluded in any events, holidays or parties because I am not needed any longer to transport my father or care for him. I have an appointment with an attorney next week!
You hit the nail on the head. I would hear every one of these in just one argument.
Sounds like almost everyone is narcissistic.
Yea I was thinking the same
It is 1 in 3 People are Narcissistic Roberta
You hit that nail squarely on the head. Reading the comments sections on these "narcissist" videos is really eye opening. A majority of comments contain very narcissistic qualities. It's gotten to the point where I almost physically shudder when I come across the word "narc" or a variation on any phrase that contains "...my narc did/does..." or "...I had a narc...". Those comments usually tend to have some very conceited statements and tend to be quite narcissistic themselves. I look for the neutral/informative/helpful threads. It's not an easy task. I'm dealing with some heavy problems, can't afford to see a counselor or therapist (not just financially but time-wise as well), and look to professional videos for some guidance and insight. I've discovered that I have narcissistic tendencies, but they're not done on purpose (mostly they stem from fear and I nearly panic when things don't go well). However, the gaslighting (for people like me) tends to be genuine forgetfulness. I really have forgotten whole entire IMPORTANT conversations and interactions, only to be later accused of being manipulative...except my memory loss is genuine (and mostly based on trauma).
What if one partner does 1-4, and the other covers 5-8? Or any combo thereof?
This topic appears to be currency for some folks and less an assessment of how not to be a narcissist
I know I'm a bit narcissistic myself, I was a child once and I behaved as a child, the world revolved around me, I thought. I did everything on this list to get away with what I wanted. But I grew up and learned empathy and gained wisdom enough to know there is a better way to behave, a way to treat people and still get what I want without taking from others. And now I can spot a narcissist from a mile away. They are truly every where and they are empowered and emboldened in this decaying society we live in. They prey on the weak, and they do not care who they harm because so many are doing the same thing. It's become their world
Some of the best explanations I've heard. Having worked in the medical field for almost twenty years, I've learned that most of those in management that I've had to suffer under are raging narcissists. They make the workplace a living, toxic hell.
Those are sociopaths
Yes! That was my experience.
~~~~~~
Hi,
Yes, and it is not just in the Medical field.
LOVE,
~~~~~~
My catch phrase is that "work brings out the worst in people". Have heard it many times "he's not like that outside of work", and that's supposed to make me excuse him for being such a jerk at work? I wouldn't know if he's a "nice guy" outside of work because after dealing with him all day the last thing I would want to do is be anywhere with him after work. I suspect that "nice guy" outside of work is merely a front to try and garner some positive PR in a situation where he perceives there is something to be gained by acting nice, and nothing much to lose because he isn't being evaluated or sucking up like when at work.
I agree! There is absolutely no excuse for meanness.
Spot on concerning the absolutes and gaslighting - I am a Sociopath and have used those tactics in subtle ways people don't realize. However, the first 5 points or so I would not do, those narcissists are just really bad at what they do. I'm a liar but do so in subtle ways, without people realizing it. I put on a facade and appear to be what people want me to be, I am a chameleon and always work hard at building trust for a long while before I would strike. I say would because now I understand what and who I am, (since obtaining my degree in Psychology) and my goal is to never hurt anyone again. So, I stay hidden away from folks these days. Great video and peace to all :)
Targets are NOT ALLOWED to have a memory....only N's are allowed.
Sucks for the narc because I have an EXCELLENT memory
@@cozy46 Ditto, way too accurate
Spot on!!! My ex bf was exactly like this; made me feel like nothing. He would even say I needed to go on meds or see a shrink!
3:33 "I don't like the way you said that" is normally a response to something true / a fact. They can't dispute the content so they attack how it was said.
That may be true but people often say things sarcastically so there are actually nuisances to this
And sometimes, a tone can trigger reactions from previous interpersonal traumas. I have definitely experienced this.
Hi Rebecca, you're spot on. I been down that road to far and if anything it hardened me. They want to get you involved in there bullshit and it can and will fuck you up if you let it. Walk away and don't look back . I was lucky enough to find my soul mate who is passed away now but I have a fur ball thats great company and I'm content. Hope you have a great life, take care.
Whenever someone tells me how honest they are, I hold on to my wallet tighter than ever.
If anyone ever tells you they're anything, you can be sure they're the exact opposite of what they claim.
Aka "It's not about the money [or financials]".
@@Opethfeldt You are so right about that!
My come back is always...thats nice....im glad u feel or think that way but u really shouldn't think and feel that way about yourself lol 🤣🤣 these evil people I will never give that satisfaction of hurting me ever again. I win PERIOD 😁💯💯
My recent ex narc was always accusing me, so paranoid. He always made my head spin during arguments to his advantage to where I lost what I intended to say in the first place. He made me nuts. Thank God I am free!!!!
That’s called “word salad 🥗 “
Yep, it's awful...
Yes indeed. I'm an English teacher and he made me lose the power of speech. I was like a 2 year old trying to explain my point.
I never get any where because he flips every word I say around every time
Key word here, he’s your ex. , good for you. I’m happy for you.
Project & deflect comments!!!!
I've been living with this for over a decade. I started becoming aware of it about 3 years ago.
This statement puts words to my gradual discoveries.
It happens every time I call out bad behavior towards me that wasn't be expected by to be called out.
Spot on. Gave me chills. I wish I knew this decades ago.
The minute anyone tells me that I can trust them, I never trust them as far as I can throw them for the rest of time.
My wife soon to be x told
Me when we first met she never lied. I looked at her and said everyone lies. It’s the level of deception that matters. I caught her in so many lies it was mind blowing and called her out. Told
Her she was the worst liar I had ever met. So dishonest, no I rectory.
Amen
Like Biden
Like Trump.
His supporters turned his lie into a win
The worst kind of lie where the lie becomes the truth.
And… add on “you’re CRAZY” before or after any of these.
“I never said that, you’re crazy.”
“You always …. You’re crazy”
Basically direct gas lighting - deny, project, and then tell the other person that “they’re CrAzY.”
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The line I always got was, "you're the one with the problem."
His was “you’re fucked in the head” 😒
Yup my ex told me his other ex are all crazy and this one day I was crazy too like the others. And this I discovered what a narrsistic was. I can spot one in less than three seconds now.
How about, "You need help" with any and all disagreements.
Living with them telling you are crazy and i am the crazy one they say they are scared of you!!!!are you taking the right meds!And living together in covid times!!!!!When you are loving and kind and generous.They try to make you think you are crazy
“After all I’ve done for you...”
Classic just what ex partner always used.
Oh yes
It makes them even angrier if you say you didn't ask them to do anything.
I asked them. What exactly did they do for me. They said, I put a roof over your head and not making you pay any of it... I said, well, I'm paying for that car out there, that's getting you back n forth to work n all the other things you do so.... he did not like that response.
I had a very hard time keeping my trap shut when he would come at me... And if he was mad at anyone, or just in a mood, in general, he always tried dragging me into a fight. I finally caught on to that one, but still would mess up n get dragged into the fight before I realized what was going on... I got so used to being called explicits that when he'd get mad, I'd just say them before he could... like he'd start in and I'd say, I know I'm this, this this... or one time, near the end, he was on a roll about me n I went out n said, I did x,y z, then he started in on the how stupid I was... i stopped him n said, i just came to tell you what happened so you could chew me out n I could go back to doing what I needed to do. That stopped him, like dead in his tracks. He didn't say a word after that...
In divorce proceedings now but I heard many times, I stood by you during your surgery last year. He was there but drunk & asleep at hospital. Then threw it in my face about all he’d done for me. Gag! So glad I left him,
narcissist & a drunk!
You forgot "C'mon Man!" A favorite of major fraud committers.
😜
What about claiming everyone is "fake news" or always projecting that they are the "victim" in everything or projecting proven truth results with a lie or always self proclaiming that "they're the best".
@@NC-lu6qx That's just accuracy bro.
Hahahaha 😂😂
Or " You don't know the truth". But won't tell you what the truth is!!.
I thought the narcissists' favorite catchphrase was "And if I elected I promise to...".
Stop attacking me - "Stop hounding me about the rent" (paying their share on time!)
Yep! have experienced this! 😑