I‘m totally in this phase right now. The last two years was so much about drastically cutting off toxic people in my life and practicing discernment with people who demonstrate too many red flags. It‘s been very lonely and I deeply crave healthy authentic relationships but the resistance I feel towards people is real…
I'm not really scared of meeting toxic people now that I'm well-educated and trusting myself more. I'm more disillusioned with people after my trauma. It wasn't just about an ex-partner but also therapists, who retraumatised me, friends who didn't care and family who proved neglectful and toxic in their own way. So it's more about seeing the world as it is once you gain your discernment and losing your naivetee. Yes, there are good, kind people out there but they're a minority.
My feelings too 😒 And I have met some people who take advantage of mine kindness and even are toxic too. I usually let them have a couple of chanses to don't bee like that (taking advantage of me or roxic, lying etc) but if they don't change = I cut them off from my life. I HAVE "warned" them after a couple of month/times of meetings with bad behavior to me: I told them that it make me uncomfortable or sad or even sometimes angry/disapointed or what feelings I've got for their actions to me and also my bounderies and values of my thinking of "a good friend" should do or not. I ment I really do it nice and politely and I understand that we are all humans snd can make mistakes of course even I ... BUT if it's a repeating time after time after that explanation (and my feelings about it) and nothing change in their behavior = I cut them off. All my efforts to make healthy relationship nowadays IS very important to me to be honest and kind/nice - ever since I for 11 years ago discarded and left my ex covert narcissist who abused me for about 10 year totally. I don't want to be a ppl or a false friend or not even a bad friend (or a partner) to anyone but I'm not gonna to be theirs little puppy to take advantage too either. My life and I - me as a person - and good relations are too value to me so I don't waste more time on "nasty or fake" friends anymore. Now I have a handful of very good friends to relay on that they are not taking advantage or do shit to me or to my back. That's enough for me and of course I respect theirs bounderies and threat them as good friend should do. I'm a singel woman of 65 years old for now and soon I'm gonna to be a pensioneer if I got my health and my life is very nice to live but it wasn't a Quick Fix ad I have got into a couple of "no good friends" too - cause it takes both brave and a hard work of healing after You got out from a toxic relationship and to try to find a good life and good and healthy and "normal" = not toxic or fake - friends. I could make it (after a couple of years - and I belive that You could do that too. Take Your time and heal properly and yake help of a good therapist firts and try and try again I did and now after a couple of years I'm living calm and happy and in harmony 🙏 💞
I have tried to meet new friends, but it's exhausting. I go to meetups and networking events, but I don't feel like investing in anyone new is worth my time. So many people are broken and looking for someone to use and siphon resources from. I prefer being alone and doing my own thing. I'm okay with an aquaintance but nothing more.
I recently had a meet-and-greet with a potential new friend. I made a mistake, took accountability for it, and asked if we could start over, but I haven’t heard back since. I’m so used to friends either leaving abruptly or betraying me. Watching this video, I’ve been crying because my last goal is to find genuine friends and a real, mature partner.
well done! The hard lesson here is that they do get to decide if they want to give you that chance or not. Their decision doesn't say anything about you and your worth. Their decision is theirs, and it speaks to their character and their frame of mind. Their decision doesn't change your actions, which is what speaks to your character. It's hard in the wake of this to keep the two separated.
@@TheXtrafresh While true, after a lifetime of being abandoned by people, it tends to reinforce negative core beliefs when something like this happens. Ultimately, this new person was not going to help healing, and it was good that they found out early on.
We must remember Narscissts Love Bomb, are on their best behavior, they tell their Targets what they want to hear and treat them very well till they let down their guard. Just take your time and don't be always available for when they want to see you. Pay attention to their vibe and how they treat people they see as lower than themselves. Don't talk about abuses that happened in the past, talk about personal interests......if they're mirroring you....they love everything you do, that's a red flag.
I needed this video today. I was literally sitting down and thinking to myself what's wrong with me. Something isnoff and I couldn't ut my finger on it. Thanks for this information!
Remember Narcs Love Bomb and are on their best behavior treating you well and telling you what you want to hear till you're guard is down......when you're feeling relaxed and happy. Just take your time keep learning. Beat wishes.
The problem is most people look normal, until you get to know them. As a kid it was easier to make friends. As an adult after going through abuse, making friends turns into a job interview. They should fill out an application and ask for a resume. 😅😂
This is where I am. I want to meet new people BUT I don’t want to invest any energy into a “possible” narcissistic person. I know that I never want to marry or live with someone again. It took way too long and too much energy to move.
I started a group and my gut was telling me every complaint this woman had about her husband was a lie. It’s crazy but she tuned into me with a 6th sense 😮she knew I knew. I quit the group .
Your new book 📖 has been so helpful on this Dr. Ramani ❤ Your videos feel like the voice of a life-long best friend that still checks in to remind me of what sanity looks like❤ Thank you for the new series of topics lately ❤
Thank you Doctor! When I found out the way I was being treated was a "thing" and I studied that - then I connected my gift for discernment with the knowledge of Narcissism and it took off. Now I feel most of the time I know who is like this and who is not! I appreciate this gift God gave me at birth. Now it is finally being used at 100% capacity!
After loosing yet another friendship with an Avoidant, I'm so tired. I'm an extrovert, but after being raised by a narcissistic family and being surrounded by narc relationships all my life, I have zero confidence in my own ability to pick out healthy people. I want to start over, but I don't trust people anymore. Thank you for addressing this very real concern!
When I first learned about narcissism, I needed the black and white and it was taught to me that way. As I healed, black and white held me in frustration. I am exploring the gray area now, and it is a tough place to be. My anxiety level is up now and it is confusing. I won't abandon my self, though. 😊 Self compassion has been the best thing in all of this. I think this video came at the right time! Ty
sadly not being fully healed i tried to trust someone but some of their actions triggered me so badly- brought up all of those wounds. how to heal completely is a challenge.
It's been almost three years since I found out about narcissism. I've withdrawn from social life, and I'm still terrified of including new people in my life. I've maintained a few solid relationships, but I'm slow about making new connections. I loved the video! ❤
He used to flatten my tires... Lol I thought I had the worst luck. It was my first car and he helped me pick it out so I didn't realize flat tires weren't THAT common.
Am afraid to even try to make friends because I feel like I will attract abusive people. Like I have a doormat sign over my head. So, I'm doing therapy before I try again. Plus, it's so nice to be alone. No one commenting on how I exist
❤you are an earth bound guardian angel De R ❤your wisdom and caring & informative self care help is healing the world one TH-cam click at a time❤thank you ❤
Such an important video! I blamed myself and was in fear for such a long time. It’s been almost 4 years and I only now start to feel like I can forgive myself and move forward
This is how I feel. It's extremely challenging to trust people, make friendships and start a new relationship. When I sense something is off with people I run.
I never know if/when to disclose what I have experienced when with a potential friend. Part of me wants understanding and tolerance from them yet I fear oversharing and being labelled 'damaged goods'. I know my past has scarred me but I try to fake it and 'act normal' but I don't think I will ever achieve it due to the abuse I suffered. So I content myself with casual acquaintances and never let relationships go beyond that.
I wish I knew these lessons 23 years ago when the girl I was meeting turned up 1.5 hours late for our first date; talk about a red flag. No phone call, no real apology, and I thought she just had her head in the clouds a bit, which I could live with. Looking back over 23 years and all the abuse, I see all the behaviour with new eyes but it's a hell of a lot easier to look back and understand things than it is to look forwards when sizing up someone new. Right now, I can't imagine meeting anyone I'd want to risk having a romantic relationship with even if there were no red flags. It's not a lack of hope, just a choice to abstain until something shifts in me and it may never shift. Only time will tell right?
I find that after having been lied to so many times, I tend to question what it is that anyone says. If someone were to cancel because they say they are sick or because of a flat tire, I would probably question their integrity. I know this isn’t healthy, but I don’t know how to trust. I know what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone who never trusted me even though I never gave them any reason not to. There were constant accusations and one very serious incident that was my biggest wake up call. I tried for over ten years to get them to see me before I finally ended it. He was the dishonest one who was doing the things he was projecting onto me. I now have the trust issues. I don’t feel like I’m healthy-minded enough to be in a relationship. I don’t want to ruin someone in the same way I was ruined.
I believe I’ve gotten pretty good with discernment. But scared sh#tless of getting stuck! It’s almost laughable, but it really isn’t. Thank you Dr Ramani-
These videos have really helped me continue going, and following through with no contact. The journey of growing past and through has been the most difficult yet beautiful experiences in its own way
I have never felt its me. I know now its not me. And I'm not out to meet a partner, I try to find someone to have a coffe with. There are absolutely no one who need me. I been alone for years. I hate it.
Fascinating, thank you Dr Ramani. My key takeaways from this video; “Discernment vs post-traumatic safety-seeking.” Mistakes vs genuine narcissistic red flags 🚩 [In my personal experience, narcs come with multiple red flags .. one mistake does not a narcissist make]. Balance vs over-correcting. My goal is to be able to spot narcs very quickly, AND not be triggered by them. To recognising them for who they really are, AND choosing to not engage in their toxicity and calmly walk away.
This is such useful information💯 The fear of being stuck and losing your identity is much stronger when meeting a partner because you are considering the possibility of attaching to this person for a much longer period time with more intensity. Finding faults, putting the partner into tests of love, is a coping mechanism for most survivors.
I have had 4 relationships in my adult life over approx 28yrs. Every single one was high on the narcissistic spectrum. I still want to meet someone. It has been so tough to work out how to get out of this cycle and stop blaming myself. I have managed to reduce the time spent in one though. From 11 years down to 7 months. Unfortunately the 7 month relationship was so much more damaging than the other longer ones. He was a screaming level sociopath who really messed with my head. He criticised me for everything, used me for money and probably sex and it was agony to be in that space again.
i think that trying to meet people after narcissistic relationships is to take time to analyze ourselves and figure out our own vulnerabiliies that make susceptible to falling for toxic relationship. It is imperative to pay attention to your gut and learn to trust your intuition.
Oh my! This is perfect timing!!😱 I will not go without friends, but I think my days of another partner is over. 18 years with a covert narc. I'm still in it and only just recognised the signs. I've watched these vids for years. Realised I have had more than my fair share of toxic people along the way. I'm tired, so tired of it all. Only came to find this channel through my ruminating about my Mil. The realisation I've been living with another has just blown my mind! 🤯 So I'm back again but for clarity on another person😢 Wish they would all have badges, it would make life so much better!! Thank you Sister Dr Ramani for all your teachings 🇬🇧❤️💐
This one really resonated with me. I so much want to meet someone again it has been over a year since my toxic relationship ended, but I'm afraid it's safer just to hide.
I never thought I would be 54 and thinking about dating again. And I don’t know about all these crazy dating apps that are out there now. It seems so trite and convoluted. So maybe I will just stay alone then. I’m not sure I can have sex with anyone else anymore. It’s the strangest thing. You wonder if you even want to try dating again.
Just be careful about contracting an STD. I did after 23 yr of marriage and now I’m kryptonite to men. It’s only friends now, but friends are really needed.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, I am fed up of getting into the same relationship patterns over and over again 😊 but I will move slowly and try to discern calmly.
Too much betrayal and abandonment on so many levels - I have given up. I can’t deal with the anxiety that comes from meeting new people and being vulnerable, all the while constantly “scanning” them for the slightest red flag. The ensuing disappointment that comes from the relationship ending and having to start all over again is more unbearable than being alone/lonely.
I am exactly here. Difficulty is, I can’t even have decent neighbors.😅 Let alone find friendships or a love relationship. Difficult to not find schemers, scammers and takers. People who will actually paint you as insane or cold, because they cannot use you. I often feel alone in my pursuits. But, I’m reminded, of what it’s like to have someone else’s input. Often, input isn’t a matter of taste. It’s rocks in your pockets. It’s not being afraid of doing something. It’s having someone in your midst, who’s afraid you will. I have a few of those already. One, has tried to ensure my existence is like being in a sensory deprivation chamber, to ensure I can make no further contributions, that trigger their insecurities and irritate their demons. This is exponentially difficult, when you’re older. But also even if you’re younger and when the standard, whether for friendship, love (or even work) seems to be, “Find someone you can put up with.” Put up with? I already have a job! And, I was like this, in my 20s, because I remember saying to my mother, that I didn’t want to come home, to family I had to argue with. Leave the stress and tension for work. Yet, that’s what life seems to be, for many and misery loves company. You will find, however, that as life passes, you have but 2 options. Settle or be alone. There were no other options made, by the friggin’ powers that be. Easier said than done. As I have seen the settlers. Miserable couples, sitting face to face at McD, barely being able to tolerate each other. It’s like the best you can’t find, is someone you have a relationship with, but you have a LAT (live apart together) relationship, but you have little time for each other. 😂 Still, it is quite true, as per a recent meme I saw said, “Those who love solitude are those who have paid dearly, for company.” I have paid and paid and paid.
Have not cut them off, but I will say the past couple years, maybe 18 months, has been a drastic wake up call for me. I'm not sure what happened to open my eyes. I can't pinpoint when I started noticing the behavior & comments about me and to me from people in my life. Changes in my perspective are getting stronger. I can feel myself gaining me back. I know so much of my energy and life has been given away; I am not mad about it, I love giving and helping and serving. However, I am not an idiot and I do not appreciate being played for a fool or being expolited.
It's an extremely beyond difficult challenge(!) that I've given up on. I've been through more than enough with more than too many relationships that are too strongly of this bent type. Having grown up in an extremely narcissistic family, and with both of my parents having lived well into their 90s, and my sister carrying on in their shoes x 5, the relationships that I attract, that seem "normal" to me have me now staying away from relationships; enough is enough.
Yes trying to discern narc behaviour in a new relationship so I don’t repeat my mistake. Also to not get instantly upset when I see narc behaviour rear it’s ugly head. To stay focused and clear on what is really happening. ❤
It seems discernment can also be interpreted as too critical. In the past, I do not think I was critical enough. Trying to find that balance is not easy. Today I am using the 3 stricks rule, 3 strikes your out. Yay Dodgers!
Holy crap, I'm only 1 min in, but already you've hit the nail on the head! And it's been almost 3 yrs since I escaped!! O_O Feels like I'm running out of time, cuz I'm nearly 45 and live in a small town. :/ Anyone relate?
I'm 44, soon to be 45. Contemplating whether or not to cut off my semi-crappy 15 yr situationship. I have the same outlook you have. By the time I heal and find another.... well, you know
I'm reading female doctor reviews to see about getting a family doctor. See comments under this one like, "Had an attitude. Gets annoyed by questions", "This doctor is a joke. Dismisses your concerns and sends you on your way" .... I'll look some more lol. I may have found one. Good reviews and the photo I see if this is her looks friendly. Not sure yet if taking new patients. That can be hard to find here I've heard. Not sure yet when I'll call but I've saved it for now. I have a familial/essential tremor but my hands are extra shaky today. Have the nervous system vibrations feeling and have felt really on edge. Startling. It isn't new though. How much my hands shake changes. There have been times where they've looked still... other times the shaking is more slight... and at times it's a lot. I used to think it increased my reflexes because I learned to do everything shaky... I'm not sure how good my reflexes are since the TBI's though.
I've decided not to stop myself of meeting knew people, although it's very scary. Since I know about narcissistic behaviour, I kept on meeting new narcissists. But what I've noticed is that I can detach a lot lot sooner than before, I now gather my proves, and when I'm sure, I just block them. But I take my time to reunite all the data. I personally seek for the other having the capacity of taking responsibility for their on actions. 7:27 Totally. Two days ago I had the grand finale with a narcissist that I was dating for months. Once he gaslighted me in a way so obvious, I immediately ended the conversation and block him. But I took my time to check if I was with my pos traumatic abuse button on or if in fact I was seeing and sensing things correctly.
My fam was sadistically abusive who pushed me into a relationship w a NPD abuser when I was 13 & him 16 & I've nvr had another serious relationship 46 yrs old, I'm very fckd up on a level that if the dude catches feelings it disgusts me, I hope from 👍 to 👎 w a quickness that has my head turning & being a Biological Tomboy I'm faaaaar more into the hit it & quit it, catch NO feelings or ur curb checked & need LOTS of therapy for sure.
![[Part 4] หนุ่มน้อยรักคุณย่ายิ่งกว่าใคร ไม่ว่าใครก็รังแกดูถูกท่านไม่ได้!! #โลกการละคร](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/sLsBxw99FR0/mqdefault.jpg)
I‘m totally in this phase right now. The last two years was so much about drastically cutting off toxic people in my life and practicing discernment with people who demonstrate too many red flags. It‘s been very lonely and I deeply crave healthy authentic relationships but the resistance I feel towards people is real…
I'm not really scared of meeting toxic people now that I'm well-educated and trusting myself more. I'm more disillusioned with people after my trauma. It wasn't just about an ex-partner but also therapists, who retraumatised me, friends who didn't care and family who proved neglectful and toxic in their own way. So it's more about seeing the world as it is once you gain your discernment and losing your naivetee. Yes, there are good, kind people out there but they're a minority.
Exactly how I see it!
Now that I see the word for what it really is - its time to lean back and enjoy watching the world destroy itself!
My feelings too 😒 And I have met some people who take advantage of mine kindness and even are toxic too. I usually let them have a couple of chanses to don't bee like that (taking advantage of me or roxic, lying etc) but if they don't change = I cut them off from my life.
I HAVE "warned" them after a couple of month/times of meetings with bad behavior to me: I told them that it make me uncomfortable or sad or even sometimes angry/disapointed or what feelings I've got for their actions to me and also my bounderies and values of my thinking of "a good friend" should do or not. I ment I really do it nice and politely and I understand that we are all humans snd can make mistakes of course even I ... BUT if it's a repeating time after time after that explanation (and my feelings about it) and nothing change in their behavior = I cut them off.
All my efforts to make healthy relationship nowadays IS very important to me to be honest and kind/nice - ever since I for 11 years ago discarded and left my ex covert narcissist who abused me for about 10 year totally.
I don't want to be a ppl or a false friend or not even a bad friend (or a partner) to anyone but I'm not gonna to be theirs little puppy to take advantage too either. My life and I - me as a person - and good relations are too value to me so I don't waste more time on "nasty or fake" friends anymore.
Now I have a handful of very good friends to relay on that they are not taking advantage or do shit to me or to my back. That's enough for me and of course I respect theirs bounderies and threat them as good friend should do.
I'm a singel woman of 65 years old for now and soon I'm gonna to be a pensioneer if I got my health and my life is very nice to live but it wasn't a Quick Fix ad I have got into a couple of "no good friends" too - cause it takes both brave and a hard work of healing after You got out from a toxic relationship and to try to find a good life and good and healthy and "normal" = not toxic or fake - friends.
I could make it (after a couple of years - and I belive that You could do that too. Take Your time and heal properly and yake help of a good therapist firts and try and try again I did and now after a couple of years I'm living calm and happy and in harmony 🙏
💞
@@jacobeickhardt84😂😂😂 yep!
I have tried to meet new friends, but it's exhausting. I go to meetups and networking events, but I don't feel like investing in anyone new is worth my time. So many people are broken and looking for someone to use and siphon resources from. I prefer being alone and doing my own thing. I'm okay with an aquaintance but nothing more.
And so many meetups happen in bars and I don't drink. It feels really isolating
Same. I enjoy solitude.
I can relate to this.
Bazingha! How much TIME can you spend vetting people, for common decency! And it’s not that you’re some judge on high either. Just decent people!
I recently had a meet-and-greet with a potential new friend. I made a mistake, took accountability for it, and asked if we could start over, but I haven’t heard back since. I’m so used to friends either leaving abruptly or betraying me. Watching this video, I’ve been crying because my last goal is to find genuine friends and a real, mature partner.
well done! The hard lesson here is that they do get to decide if they want to give you that chance or not. Their decision doesn't say anything about you and your worth. Their decision is theirs, and it speaks to their character and their frame of mind.
Their decision doesn't change your actions, which is what speaks to your character. It's hard in the wake of this to keep the two separated.
@@TheXtrafresh While true, after a lifetime of being abandoned by people, it tends to reinforce negative core beliefs when something like this happens. Ultimately, this new person was not going to help healing, and it was good that they found out early on.
I have decided NOT to have another relationship. Period. I'm done with toxic men forever.
Heck, it’s hard to find friends, girls.
My last one is the last one. She got me good.
oof harsh. I understand the sentiment, really I do, but aren't you denying yourself a lot of the good stuff in life?
same here
Same
We must remember Narscissts Love Bomb, are on their best behavior, they tell their Targets what they want to hear and treat them very well till they let down their guard. Just take your time and don't be always available for when they want to see you. Pay attention to their vibe and how they treat people they see as lower than themselves. Don't talk about abuses that happened in the past, talk about personal interests......if they're mirroring you....they love everything you do, that's a red flag.
I needed this video today. I was literally sitting down and thinking to myself what's wrong with me. Something isnoff and I couldn't ut my finger on it. Thanks for this information!
Thank you for all you do Dr!!!
the perfect timing blows me away
I'm so used to the rug being pulled out from under me. It's so hard to be happy because that's when everything falls apart. Thank You ❤
Remember Narcs Love Bomb and are on their best behavior treating you well and telling you what you want to hear till you're guard is down......when you're feeling relaxed and happy. Just take your time keep learning. Beat wishes.
Waiting for the other shoe to fall I get this.
The problem is most people look normal, until you get to know them. As a kid it was easier to make friends. As an adult after going through abuse, making friends turns into a job interview. They should fill out an application and ask for a resume. 😅😂
Same. I have a lot of screening processes to make a friend. 😁
You are so on point with all of your advice! Thank you!
This is where I am. I want to meet new people BUT I don’t want to invest any energy into a “possible” narcissistic person. I know that I never want to marry or live with someone again. It took way too long and too much energy to move.
I don't bother with people anymore
Thank you for this video, Dr. Ramini. It has been very useful, as are all your videos. 🌻🦋
It doesn't matter whether a new acquaintance is a narcissist or not. If they repeat some unhealthy patterns, I walk away.
🚶♂💨🚩
I started a group and my gut was telling me every complaint this woman had about her husband was a lie. It’s crazy but she tuned into me with a 6th sense 😮she knew I knew. I quit the group .
I get this. I'm just at a point where I don't have the energy to invest, only to discover the patterns and red flags.
Your new book 📖 has been so helpful on this Dr. Ramani ❤
Your videos feel like the voice of a life-long best friend that still checks in to remind me of what sanity looks like❤ Thank you for the new series of topics lately ❤
Thank you Doctor! When I found out the way I was being treated was a "thing" and I studied that - then I connected my gift for discernment with the knowledge of Narcissism and it took off. Now I feel most of the time I know who is like this and who is not! I appreciate this gift God gave me at birth. Now it is finally being used at 100% capacity!
After loosing yet another friendship with an Avoidant, I'm so tired. I'm an extrovert, but after being raised by a narcissistic family and being surrounded by narc relationships all my life, I have zero confidence in my own ability to pick out healthy people. I want to start over, but I don't trust people anymore. Thank you for addressing this very real concern!
When I first learned about narcissism, I needed the black and white and it was taught to me that way. As I healed, black and white held me in frustration. I am exploring the gray area now, and it is a tough place to be. My anxiety level is up now and it is confusing. I won't abandon my self, though. 😊 Self compassion has been the best thing in all of this. I think this video came at the right time! Ty
Agreed i dont trust anyone. Its because of the trauma of that last 23 years hell noooooo
Healing and that takes a long time 😢
This is so on point!💯💯💯
sadly not being fully healed i tried to trust someone but some of their actions triggered me so badly- brought up all of those wounds. how to heal completely is a challenge.
It's been almost three years since I found out about narcissism. I've withdrawn from social life, and I'm still terrified of including new people in my life. I've maintained a few solid relationships, but I'm slow about making new connections. I loved the video! ❤
He used to flatten my tires... Lol I thought I had the worst luck. It was my first car and he helped me pick it out so I didn't realize flat tires weren't THAT common.
Am afraid to even try to make friends because I feel like I will attract abusive people. Like I have a doormat sign over my head. So, I'm doing therapy before I try again. Plus, it's so nice to be alone. No one commenting on how I exist
I dont have any problem meeting new people.
Im not looking.
Its him, who doesnt like to be alone.
2 relevant topics in one day. Thank you for these 🙏🏼
HELL NO I literally have a phobia of people because of flying monkeys and shame. FUCK THAT.
❤you are an earth bound guardian angel De R ❤your wisdom and caring & informative self care help is healing the world one TH-cam click at a time❤thank you ❤
Such an important video! I blamed myself and was in fear for such a long time. It’s been almost 4 years and I only now start to feel like I can forgive myself and move forward
This is how I feel. It's extremely challenging to trust people, make friendships and start a new relationship. When I sense something is off with people I run.
Same here. It's so difficult!
Me either.
Have you ever considered that you might be more intuitive than you give yourself credit for? I wish you every happiness.
@@01splitpea could be 😊
I never know if/when to disclose what I have experienced when with a potential friend. Part of me wants understanding and tolerance from them yet I fear oversharing and being labelled 'damaged goods'. I know my past has scarred me but I try to fake it and 'act normal' but I don't think I will ever achieve it due to the abuse I suffered. So I content myself with casual acquaintances and never let relationships go beyond that.
I wish I knew these lessons 23 years ago when the girl I was meeting turned up 1.5 hours late for our first date; talk about a red flag. No phone call, no real apology, and I thought she just had her head in the clouds a bit, which I could live with. Looking back over 23 years and all the abuse, I see all the behaviour with new eyes but it's a hell of a lot easier to look back and understand things than it is to look forwards when sizing up someone new. Right now, I can't imagine meeting anyone I'd want to risk having a romantic relationship with even if there were no red flags. It's not a lack of hope, just a choice to abstain until something shifts in me and it may never shift. Only time will tell right?
I started hang gliding and found a group of wonderful humans that value my friendship.
We hang and we glide, its what we do.
I find that after having been lied to so many times, I tend to question what it is that anyone says. If someone were to cancel because they say they are sick or because of a flat tire, I would probably question their integrity. I know this isn’t healthy, but I don’t know how to trust. I know what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone who never trusted me even though I never gave them any reason not to. There were constant accusations and one very serious incident that was my biggest wake up call. I tried for over ten years to get them to see me before I finally ended it. He was the dishonest one who was doing the things he was projecting onto me. I now have the trust issues. I don’t feel like I’m healthy-minded enough to be in a relationship. I don’t want to ruin someone in the same way I was ruined.
I believe I’ve gotten pretty good with discernment. But scared sh#tless of getting stuck! It’s almost laughable, but it really isn’t. Thank you Dr Ramani-
These videos have really helped me continue going, and following through with no contact. The journey of growing past and through has been the most difficult yet beautiful experiences in its own way
I want to meet new people date someone again but im terrified of people
I have never felt its me. I know now its not me. And I'm not out to meet a partner, I try to find someone to have a coffe with. There are absolutely no one who need me. I been alone for years. I hate it.
Gosh Ramani! I need this...thanks hon❤
Fascinating, thank you Dr Ramani. My key takeaways from
this video;
“Discernment vs post-traumatic safety-seeking.”
Mistakes vs genuine narcissistic red flags 🚩
[In my personal experience, narcs come with multiple red flags .. one mistake does not a narcissist make].
Balance vs over-correcting.
My goal is to be able to spot narcs very quickly, AND not be triggered by them. To recognising them for who they really are, AND choosing to not engage in their toxicity and calmly walk away.
This is such useful information💯 The fear of being stuck and losing your identity is much stronger when meeting a partner because you are considering the possibility of attaching to this person for a much longer period time with more intensity. Finding faults, putting the partner into tests of love, is a coping mechanism for most survivors.
I have had 4 relationships in my adult life over approx 28yrs. Every single one was high on the narcissistic spectrum. I still want to meet someone. It has been so tough to work out how to get out of this cycle and stop blaming myself. I have managed to reduce the time spent in one though. From 11 years down to 7 months. Unfortunately the 7 month relationship was so much more damaging than the other longer ones. He was a screaming level sociopath who really messed with my head. He criticised me for everything, used me for money and probably sex and it was agony to be in that space again.
i think that trying to meet people after narcissistic relationships is to take time to analyze ourselves and figure out our own vulnerabiliies that make susceptible to falling for toxic relationship. It is imperative to pay attention to your gut and learn to trust your intuition.
Oh my! This is perfect timing!!😱
I will not go without friends, but I think my days of another partner is over. 18 years with a covert narc. I'm still in it and only just recognised the signs. I've watched these vids for years. Realised I have had more than my fair share of toxic people along the way.
I'm tired, so tired of it all.
Only came to find this channel through my ruminating about my Mil.
The realisation I've been living with another has just blown my mind! 🤯
So I'm back again but for clarity on another person😢
Wish they would all have badges, it would make life so much better!!
Thank you Sister Dr Ramani for all your teachings 🇬🇧❤️💐
This!!! Exactly how I feel right now.
I keep trying to go out there and date but I seem to be a narcissist magnet. Or maybe that's just that many of them out there. I don't know.....
This one really resonated with me. I so much want to meet someone again it has been over a year since my toxic relationship ended, but I'm afraid it's safer just to hide.
I have excellent friends. But, I think my picker was off. I'm staying open minded and I'm in absolutely no hurry for a new partner.
It's a nice idea to start a new relationship slowly. 🙂
@yukio_saito I did with the last one. Thankfully. I worked things out sooner.
I never thought I would be 54 and thinking about dating again. And I don’t know about all these crazy dating apps that are out there now. It seems so trite and convoluted. So maybe I will just stay alone then. I’m not sure I can have sex with anyone else anymore. It’s the strangest thing. You wonder if you even want to try dating again.
Just be careful about contracting an STD. I did after 23 yr of marriage and now I’m kryptonite to men. It’s only friends now, but friends are really needed.
The trauma they leave with us doesn't make us see any other people with trust or with any emotions
Thank you Dr. Ramani, I am fed up of getting into the same relationship patterns over and over again 😊 but I will move slowly and try to discern calmly.
Iv tried but No
Too much betrayal and abandonment on so many levels - I have given up.
I can’t deal with the anxiety that comes from meeting new people and being vulnerable, all the while constantly “scanning” them for the slightest red flag. The ensuing disappointment that comes from the relationship ending and having to start all over again is more unbearable than being alone/lonely.
Hai doctor ramani tnks saving so life one it's was hard hard to get over nasist 4 years still fighting to kep my peace
Pace yourself, and observe.
If only my eyes seen more as actually attractive & desirable in the first place.
It takes years & years.
I am exactly here. Difficulty is, I can’t even have decent neighbors.😅 Let alone find friendships or a love relationship. Difficult to not find schemers, scammers and takers. People who will actually paint you as insane or cold, because they cannot use you. I often feel alone in my pursuits. But, I’m reminded, of what it’s like to have someone else’s input. Often, input isn’t a matter of taste. It’s rocks in your pockets. It’s not being afraid of doing something. It’s having someone in your midst, who’s afraid you will. I have a few of those already. One, has tried to ensure my existence is like being in a sensory deprivation chamber, to ensure I can make no further contributions, that trigger their insecurities and irritate their demons. This is exponentially difficult, when you’re older. But also even if you’re younger and when the standard, whether for friendship, love (or even work) seems to be, “Find someone you can put up with.” Put up with? I already have a job! And, I was like this, in my 20s, because I remember saying to my mother, that I didn’t want to come home, to family I had to argue with. Leave the stress and tension for work. Yet, that’s what life seems to be, for many and misery loves company. You will find, however, that as life passes, you have but 2 options. Settle or be alone. There were no other options made, by the friggin’ powers that be. Easier said than done. As I have seen the settlers. Miserable couples, sitting face to face at McD, barely being able to tolerate each other. It’s like the best you can’t find, is someone you have a relationship with, but you have a LAT (live apart together) relationship, but you have little time for each other. 😂 Still, it is quite true, as per a recent meme I saw said, “Those who love solitude are those who have paid dearly, for company.” I have paid and paid and paid.
Thank you for this video, I needed to hear it.
Have not cut them off, but I will say the past couple years, maybe 18 months, has been a drastic wake up call for me.
I'm not sure what happened to open my eyes.
I can't pinpoint when I started noticing the behavior & comments about me and to me from people in my life.
Changes in my perspective are getting stronger. I can feel myself gaining me back.
I know so much of my energy and life has been given away; I am not mad about it, I love giving and helping and serving. However, I am not an idiot and I do not appreciate being played for a fool or being expolited.
❤ Truth
It's an extremely beyond difficult challenge(!) that I've given up on. I've been through more than enough with more than too many relationships that are too strongly of this bent type. Having grown up in an extremely narcissistic family, and with both of my parents having lived well into their 90s, and my sister carrying on in their shoes x 5, the relationships that I attract, that seem "normal" to me have me now staying away from relationships; enough is enough.
Not in this life.....but definitely "Yes" in next life......🙏
Yes trying to discern narc behaviour in a new relationship so I don’t repeat my mistake. Also to not get instantly upset when I see narc behaviour rear it’s ugly head. To stay focused and clear on what is really happening. ❤
Yes! This is in conflict with the things you do to protect yourself. Not fun.
100% true! I am living this
It seems discernment can also be interpreted as too critical. In the past, I do not think I was critical enough. Trying to find that balance is not easy. Today I am using the 3 stricks rule, 3 strikes your out. Yay Dodgers!
Thanks 🎉
Holy crap, I'm only 1 min in, but already you've hit the nail on the head! And it's been almost 3 yrs since I escaped!! O_O Feels like I'm running out of time, cuz I'm nearly 45 and live in a small town. :/ Anyone relate?
I'm 44, soon to be 45. Contemplating whether or not to cut off my semi-crappy 15 yr situationship.
I have the same outlook you have. By the time I heal and find another.... well, you know
I'm reading female doctor reviews to see about getting a family doctor. See comments under this one like, "Had an attitude. Gets annoyed by questions", "This doctor is a joke. Dismisses your concerns and sends you on your way" .... I'll look some more lol.
I may have found one. Good reviews and the photo I see if this is her looks friendly. Not sure yet if taking new patients. That can be hard to find here I've heard. Not sure yet when I'll call but I've saved it for now.
I have a familial/essential tremor but my hands are extra shaky today. Have the nervous system vibrations feeling and have felt really on edge. Startling. It isn't new though. How much my hands shake changes. There have been times where they've looked still... other times the shaking is more slight... and at times it's a lot. I used to think it increased my reflexes because I learned to do everything shaky... I'm not sure how good my reflexes are since the TBI's though.
I just can’t trust anyone.. I’m always worried that they’ll just leave for something or someone better..
I've decided not to stop myself of meeting knew people, although it's very scary. Since I know about narcissistic behaviour, I kept on meeting new narcissists. But what I've noticed is that I can detach a lot lot sooner than before, I now gather my proves, and when I'm sure, I just block them. But I take my time to reunite all the data. I personally seek for the other having the capacity of taking responsibility for their on actions. 7:27 Totally. Two days ago I had the grand finale with a narcissist that I was dating for months. Once he gaslighted me in a way so obvious, I immediately ended the conversation and block him. But I took my time to check if I was with my pos traumatic abuse button on or if in fact I was seeing and sensing things correctly.
My fam was sadistically abusive who pushed me into a relationship w a NPD abuser when I was 13 & him 16 & I've nvr had another serious relationship 46 yrs old, I'm very fckd up on a level that if the dude catches feelings it disgusts me, I hope from 👍 to 👎 w a quickness that has my head turning & being a Biological Tomboy I'm faaaaar more into the hit it & quit it, catch NO feelings or ur curb checked & need LOTS of therapy for sure.
Christine Albright
"Brilliant video"🙏!...
"Thank you"❤️!...
"+"!..."🙏"!..."❤️"!...
Aww, this is so me. 😅
I’ve lost an interesting life and have nothing to offer anyone
I will pay attention to my body...... Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150. The Holy Spirit, Discernment, my Spidey Senses......😅
I am done. with partners.I want girlfriends.
So many insufferable "characters" out there.
❤
93rd, 2 November 2024
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