The reason why there is alot of divorces in South Africa | Bakhe Dlamini

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @justifyworldwide
    @justifyworldwide  10 หลายเดือนก่อน +51

    Bakhe Dlamini - Marriage & Family Therapist
    Call / Whatsapp : +27 73 049 2342
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    • @mihlotibaloyi7899
      @mihlotibaloyi7899 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      First time listening to you and honestly I have learnt alot

    • @MakhosazanaB9552
      @MakhosazanaB9552 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you baba, thank you for directing this to especially the African

    • @spm9130
      @spm9130 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much for this information 🙏

    • @AmandaMange
      @AmandaMange 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi

  • @nandieg5
    @nandieg5 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +214

    I've always said marriage is for kind people. If you are not kind don't get married.

    • @petermollo1908
      @petermollo1908 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

      I really like that... I would add that it's also for people who know how to accept and appreciate that kindness.

    • @rebeccaphakula9840
      @rebeccaphakula9840 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Well said 👏

    • @olivialivvy998
      @olivialivvy998 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.

    • @dobe4894
      @dobe4894 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      P
      Pl😊
      😊
      ​@@rebeccaphakula9840

    • @dobe4894
      @dobe4894 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@okondalo26
      😊
      P
      P😊p
      P
      😊pp
      Pp
      P
      😊
      Pp😊
      P
      L😊
      😊
      😊l😊😊😊😊😊p
      Pp
      P

  • @MphoLucia13
    @MphoLucia13 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +570

    Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch

    • @Thulz.
      @Thulz. 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +62

      Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.

    • @PS_QOMA__01
      @PS_QOMA__01 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Women and money 😂

    • @Mbalings
      @Mbalings 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +205

      ​@@Thulz. She didn't say anything about superiority. She spoke about fatigue from working a formal job and also making the home.

    • @Mbalings
      @Mbalings 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

      ​@philanisukazi8624 what else are men contributing

    • @PS_QOMA__01
      @PS_QOMA__01 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      @@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.

  • @angelsean3426
    @angelsean3426 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +154

    Word: Many people are educated, but few are civilized.

    • @spm9130
      @spm9130 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      No! People are highly certificated but not educated and civilised!

    • @arthurporfirio722
      @arthurporfirio722 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      True

    • @MakhosazanaB9552
      @MakhosazanaB9552 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      100%

  • @edwardsibanyoni4947
    @edwardsibanyoni4947 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +102

    Iam a man who is turning 42 tomorrow but i now understand why they say "you never too old to learn" these are eye opening conversations

  • @maboj384
    @maboj384 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +99

    Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.

    • @katmatlou
      @katmatlou 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

      I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better.
      Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.

    • @maboj384
      @maboj384 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      It's sad that men tend to care more about outsiders instead of their own family.

    • @deltaradiance9034
      @deltaradiance9034 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      South African men suffer from peer pressure

    • @MakhosazanaB9552
      @MakhosazanaB9552 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I love you, i love your thinking. Considering the next person

  • @njabulomasina4180
    @njabulomasina4180 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +49

    This is not only a black issue, it's a heart issue. The reason for the destruction of the institution of marriage is because of selfishness (which is the opposite of love) and ego. There's been a growing trend of narcissism, especially in this social media generation.

    • @Inprogress_of_newbeginings
      @Inprogress_of_newbeginings 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Definitely a heart issue. I wonder why adults are struggling with selfishness it's a stage of growing up. Generally when one skips a growing stage, they experience it later in life.

    • @anniesok868
      @anniesok868 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      that stats show its a black issue

  • @DzunyB
    @DzunyB 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +127

    I'm divorced and a lot of things he said hit home. Very informative interview

    • @SesadiMashapu
      @SesadiMashapu 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I was about to say the same thing 😢

    • @mazwamahledlamini7607
      @mazwamahledlamini7607 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Amazing interviewing skills no interruptions allows the guest to flow. Does not compete with the subject for the platform.

  • @estherphiri764
    @estherphiri764 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +56

    I must say this was worthy my time, every issues was addressed without sugar coating.

  • @mahlohonololebuso741
    @mahlohonololebuso741 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    I want to attend his church mainly because how he leads. I can tell that he is a leader. He understands leadership this man. I'm going to that church.

    • @GlenroseMakgorogo
      @GlenroseMakgorogo 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      He's leading men astray

    • @mahlohonololebuso741
      @mahlohonololebuso741 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      @@GlenroseMakgorogo he's teaching men how to lead. And I can tell you're not a leader

    • @ndagebs6092
      @ndagebs6092 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@GlenroseMakgorogoAstray to where?

  • @Imlukengu
    @Imlukengu 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +59

    Great talk. We need Godly marriages with Godly principles.He is the one that has designed it . There is no community without mariage.

    • @phillymosomane2870
      @phillymosomane2870 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      🙏

    • @888KingsDaughter
      @888KingsDaughter 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Correct. Godly marriage. No marriage without God is a foundation

    • @khensk
      @khensk 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I wholeheartedly agree

    • @jilokizito1705
      @jilokizito1705 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You people have legalized a lot of stuff that will only push you away from God. You allow weed smoking and same-sex relationships, I hear parents can't discipline their own kids, and I was surprised actually while I stayed in S.A. You went too fast for a country that hasn't attained independence (forget what happened in 94).

    • @chadbenjamin8118
      @chadbenjamin8118 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Spot on!!

  • @levymalikebu1813
    @levymalikebu1813 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +40

    Many men don't cheat because there are beautiful women, they cheat because they lack self control. If I have a strong desire for a woman, the first thing to do is to suppress the feeling or go along with it. Which means that you are in control of your feelings. A real man is one who is disciplined and in self control of his behavior. Be the controller of your feelings than a slave to your feelings and don't blame women because you can't control yourself.

    • @edwindakile4784
      @edwindakile4784 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      If there were no available woman to cheat with, will men cheat?

    • @kwetsephetla3597
      @kwetsephetla3597 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      @@edwindakile4784they would cheat with each other cause they lack sexual discipline. Look what happens in prison

    • @edwindakile4784
      @edwindakile4784 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@kwetsephetla3597 craziest thing I've ever heard, there is no girlfriend or boyfriend in prison there's rape, sorry you have no point here. Try again.

    • @Lelough_
      @Lelough_ 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@edwindakile4784So you'll rather blame the women and not the married men who uttered the vows?

    • @edwindakile4784
      @edwindakile4784 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@Lelough_ where is marriage on the statement above, please show me, you talking vows and I don't understand where that came from, unless you misunderstood the statement I replied to, like most women do "deviation from what is being talked about to suit the narrative of their interest".

  • @sibusisondlovu7706
    @sibusisondlovu7706 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    During Apartheid Marraige had state benefits.
    1. Married people qualified for a Township 4 Room house.
    2. Factories and Mines and Industries favoured Married people for Employment.
    3. Leadership positions and promotions like a HEADMASTER of a school were given to married people.
    4. Credit in financial institutions was given to Married people.
    5. Married people could open accounts in clothing shops.
    6. Social standings or status of married poeple was better.
    7. Married people were allowed to run churches as Priests.
    So in general it was advantageous to Married.

    • @VusiIrvinMthimunye
      @VusiIrvinMthimunye 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Beautiful Man.
      Just shows how the current black government undervalues marriage.

    • @lekis5975
      @lekis5975 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      @sibusisondlovu Seriously? During Apartheid, Black men and women were expected to carry PASSES, which dictated where they should live. Black men were given permission to work in the mines, however they could not travel with their wives, subsequently, many women were left behind in the rural area, the man could only visit once a year, as a result, many marriages faltered and died.
      The Boers introduced Bantu education which limited opportunities for Black people. Further to this, they limited the kind of jobs Black people could do. Black people could not study things like aviation, engineering, accounting, architecture. They imposed limit on the lives of Black people, which led to frustrations, which were then played out at home- domestic violence and marriage breakdown.
      If you are going to talk about the era of strong African marriages, I suggest you go back to Pre-colonial times, when men were men and women were women. Men paid dowry because they realised that child birth brought many challenges, women died, or if they survived they would be left dealing with fistula issues or stitches, having a baby meant sleepless nights and saggy breasts from breast feeding. Dowry in the form of land and cattle, was a way to empower women, give them wealth for putting their lives on the line to extend the man's lineage. Men herded the cattle, hunted and protected the borders; women farmed. Men brought meat to the table, women brought vegetables, fruit, grain, seeds and nuts. Women readily bowed down to their husbands because marriage gave them wealth (land and cattle); Quiet as it's kept Qunu belonged to uMam Winnie.
      In submission, African people did not need Apartheid in order to value marriage. If anything, Apartheid devalued Black life, and led to the destruction of Black love and Black families.

    • @boitumelodilapiso2294
      @boitumelodilapiso2294 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It was aa bad system for BlackChild

    • @LM-he7eb
      @LM-he7eb 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Apartheid built male & female hostels apart deliberately to break the black family. The hostels were structured in a way that was not conducive to building a family. Men were stuck in mines, not seeing their families for months/years. Women were stuck kwa-mlungu, not seeing their families for months/years. Kids were stuck emakhaya not seeing their parents for months/years. Men, women & society at large acclimatized to living apart, and away from their kids.

    • @lekis5975
      @lekis5975 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@LM-he7eb Thank you. It's horrific how many people upvoted that vile post upholding Apartheid. Goes to show you Black people are lost.

  • @RufinOuamba
    @RufinOuamba 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.

    • @freebluebutterfly6583
      @freebluebutterfly6583 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Pple grow therefore inavitably CHAnge. You can CHOOSE Love while growing together, recognizing that this is the same person you married, but grown. The problem is growing apart. Marriage counseling is very helpful. While it's sadly true that some changes such as different forms of Abuse is flat out unacceptable.

  • @Thesaints753
    @Thesaints753 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +58

    He should come back to unpack more please❤

  • @bennetndlovu1042
    @bennetndlovu1042 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

    Asbonge Justice for bringing one of the best in the game. Truly appreciated 🙏🏾

  • @nombulelombhele621
    @nombulelombhele621 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light

  • @bradleykakuyu4023
    @bradleykakuyu4023 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    Exactly what I needed to hear as a man, lead not by shouting, but by pure leadership.

  • @sekgabimasobe9690
    @sekgabimasobe9690 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    17:09 Wow as a women who just celebrated 20 years Anniversary on Valentine's Day. All I can say staying with Ngwana Mme o mong is not a child's play ❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂

    • @mamasmosoathu1364
      @mamasmosoathu1364 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Very true. DNA and Family Values...

  • @YolanderNokuthula
    @YolanderNokuthula 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    The questions were just so perfect and timely! We need this truth in these times we're in..marriage is not easy

  • @kagisholeshilo2686
    @kagisholeshilo2686 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +59

    Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.

    • @corretta522
      @corretta522 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      What is communication without comprehension?

  • @ayandal4744
    @ayandal4744 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    What a man! Wise indeed. He dropped gems.

    • @TheeAnonymousTrader
      @TheeAnonymousTrader 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Because He says things that impress women. If he had said women should exercise, cook for their men and everything I bet you were not gonna say this.

  • @lindiwekubu8846
    @lindiwekubu8846 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +38

    Can EVERYONE listen to him🙌🏽🙌🏽.
    Thank you Team for putting this together for Us.

  • @KMazibuko
    @KMazibuko 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    This was such a great interview. So many great insights shared. I really felt the comment of "As people who want to be in relationships but we are too focused on self". We need to learn how to love one another better.

  • @lulu2L
    @lulu2L 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    ❤ he knows what he is talking about and the people under him are fortunate…great conversation

  • @Gloryfied
    @Gloryfied 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    I'm 💯 agreeing with you. Some women are disrespectful when they hubby no longer provide.

    • @ritakruger2304
      @ritakruger2304 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds

  • @MarthaTladi-yl9fq
    @MarthaTladi-yl9fq 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    Thank you for the therapy Sir. May we add the Holy Spirit coz the Narcissism Spirit is emerging in this world. Amen

  • @CAROS_FITNESS
    @CAROS_FITNESS 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    This is so important especially for young African marriages.

    • @leratokgosiemang5525
      @leratokgosiemang5525 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      And also the older ones... I've seen "couple" of old Couples getting divorced 😮... Teachings are very important

  • @spm9130
    @spm9130 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    “Boys and girls should stay at home, men and women should get married”

  • @budgetbossrsa
    @budgetbossrsa 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Not sure how this was recommended to me but I needed to hear this.

  • @3DSuccess
    @3DSuccess 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +78

    Cheating is about heart posture, self discipline and self control

    • @lekis5975
      @lekis5975 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

      @3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.

    • @thenomfundo1504
      @thenomfundo1504 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".

    • @toppykgothatso3306
      @toppykgothatso3306 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      are you a man?

    • @GlenroseMakgorogo
      @GlenroseMakgorogo 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@thenomfundo1504 nowadays we don't have wife materials. All I see are slay queens

    • @PalesaMofokeng-eu6tq
      @PalesaMofokeng-eu6tq 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@lekis5975😅

  • @n.m6249
    @n.m6249 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Excellent talk, I just recently got married and this is exactly what I needed. I understand a man better now, just because as a woman I don't need sex but I need to understand that he does. Respect is a word I have tattooed in my mind. This should go viral definitely. I never understood that sex alone is a duty like serving food or looking after kids.

    • @tebohorakotsoane9397
      @tebohorakotsoane9397 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yah it is , its naturally designed for us men to reproduce or have sex its like ovulation for us but daily so if you don't want with sex you setting us for failure because we have to fight with nature which is our body

  • @maudysamutamvu
    @maudysamutamvu 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    This is worthy my time , wooooooow wooooooow wooooooow this is so profound 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👏

  • @JayMatlou
    @JayMatlou 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Attended a session with this chap and he then told my lady to leave me on their private results session then told me I need to listen to her more. Anyway we are blessed with a baby boy since our session.

  • @elethumatu
    @elethumatu 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +86

    finally a south african man with a soul and consciousness is talking lol ......

    • @201010701
      @201010701 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      He is a Swazi national we love him so much in ESwatini

    • @LeratoM98
      @LeratoM98 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Right. They are so rare almost non-existent

    • @sundaymbatha8387
      @sundaymbatha8387 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      He is from Swaziland. Very informative session

    • @murielmoyahabo6078
      @murielmoyahabo6078 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Now i see. I always thought he is a Swati from SA.​@sundaymbatha8387

  • @millicentmotheogane7842
    @millicentmotheogane7842 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    Very powerful, we need to take time to prepare for marriages, not 1 or 2 meetings. It's a course in itself

  • @zanelendumo7523
    @zanelendumo7523 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you so much for these kind of teachings. I’m not married but I see a lot of mistakes I do also as a woman in a relationship ❤

  • @deltaforce-50
    @deltaforce-50 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I bumped into this on TikTok and this Podcast is so relevant. My son you are doing a great job... Wonderful

  • @makolitsoegeorginamosunkut5672
    @makolitsoegeorginamosunkut5672 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I thank God to listen how marriage is I am a woman óf 59 years I am still in a marriage but the teaching that I am listening make neke me healed..respect are so important in a marriage.
    Thank you

  • @jaymhlurbaloyi7813
    @jaymhlurbaloyi7813 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV)
    Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

  • @spm9130
    @spm9130 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    Most marriage counsellors don’t even want to talk about witchcraft in marriage…the reasons have advanced 🤦🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️

    • @kukundamartha1896
      @kukundamartha1896 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      😂😂😂😂the devil is also not sleeping, so awake to fail most marriages. Unfortunately most christians don't understand how spiritual marriage is while the non christians understand the power of spirituality in marriage.

  • @mandisanene5054
    @mandisanene5054 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    What an insightful , thought provoking interview. I had to share it with someone and we will be discussing soon😊

  • @mskhumalo5118
    @mskhumalo5118 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    This interview is excellent 👌🏾, very relevant and informative in this era we in

  • @fionamajodina9304
    @fionamajodina9304 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you Mr Bahke Dlamini 🙏... you nailed it 👌...we need more leaders like you in this crazy world.

  • @JasperMboniswa
    @JasperMboniswa 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Very informative , thank you to the host for pin pointing the burning issues and Mr Dlamini for comprehensive answers and views to the questions posed.

  • @elmultimediaschoolofartscu3924
    @elmultimediaschoolofartscu3924 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    Please do an episode exactly like this on relationships, not marriage this tym

    • @kaygee1623
      @kaygee1623 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Marriage should be the main goal, not relationships.
      This is one of the main problems we face.

    • @slieafrica
      @slieafrica 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      💯 ​@@kaygee1623

  • @CathrinemamaLekhuleni-up6bo
    @CathrinemamaLekhuleni-up6bo 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    Premarital counselling is very impotant.Thank you.

    • @israelldlamini8948
      @israelldlamini8948 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary...
      What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married..
      That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.

  • @liotlonoblephakisi4682
    @liotlonoblephakisi4682 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    Wow wow wow... molaetsa o monate haholo... big up brothers for the informative show... can we get part 2, 3 and 4....

  • @nobuhlemtsweni9533
    @nobuhlemtsweni9533 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I can listen to him speaking the whole day, thank you Mr Dlamini this was powerful. And thanks to the interviewer ❤

  • @ajantsmith6139
    @ajantsmith6139 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for sharing this conversation, I'm a single male but I still took alot from this conversation 💯

  • @kukilicious200
    @kukilicious200 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Thank you Mr. Dlamini. I hope to do pre-marital counseling with you when I'm about to marry.

  • @mahlohonololebuso741
    @mahlohonololebuso741 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.

  • @shanicerallele2602
    @shanicerallele2602 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    He didn't speak about why woman cheat. He said he would get to that part but didn't. Was looking forward to hearing that part.

    • @nzuzosithole4014
      @nzuzosithole4014 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      you are a woman you know "WHY Y.O.U. CHEATED..." or "WHY Y.O.U. ARE CHEATING..." or "WHY Y.O.U. WILL CHEAT" you don't need a MAN to explain into DETAIL..."WHY WOMEN"

    • @nomamoshani3395
      @nomamoshani3395 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      He mentioned being deprived of affection, where a woman then go and accept it elsewhere where it is given after begging for love and recognition from the husband.

    • @TheeAnonymousTrader
      @TheeAnonymousTrader 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      ​@nomamoshani3395 why is it that everytime there are issues in marriages,there's always an inherent belief that the problem might be the man.
      A cheater is a person with a habit of cheating. Why glorify it? If you think women cheat because of lack of affection,
      Ask me I will give you links of videos of women who cheat because of too much affection that leads to boredom and a longing for something new.

    • @nomamoshani3395
      @nomamoshani3395 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      That is very profound, especially coming from a woman. Indeed, there are many different reasons for cheating and anyone in the relationship can instigate it@@TheeAnonymousTrader

    • @solomonoupamakola
      @solomonoupamakola 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @theanonymoustrader6852, you spoke the truth. It's a choice. Nothing can force you into something you're not.

  • @ayandamthimkhulu851
    @ayandamthimkhulu851 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    It's great to have African intellectuals as they bring an Afrocentric contextualization of matters.

  • @Maxwell-m9e
    @Maxwell-m9e 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    At the end of the day, if you dont apply law and order in your home, you are doomed.

  • @Rhapsody_
    @Rhapsody_ 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix.
    Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not.
    The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.

  • @keabetswetau2141
    @keabetswetau2141 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    What a great talk! I have learnt a lot from this and I pray that we follow what is needed and the truth as a nation. I am feeling blessed to have come across this video so that I could be aware of many factors or the pros an cons

  • @thembelihlemalongwe3666
    @thembelihlemalongwe3666 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This man is rich in terms of knowledge I wish this young generation can learn from him.

  • @estherphiri764
    @estherphiri764 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    In Zambia 36,000 divorce cases filed, it is scary.

  • @khanyisiledlamini8749
    @khanyisiledlamini8749 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    You are called for this, thank you Mr Dlamini

  • @tinambongo8993
    @tinambongo8993 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Please give us part 2 of this very educative we really need it more

  • @patienceikombele9161
    @patienceikombele9161 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    Great interview, I like it. Made sense. Wish we could have episodes 2.

  • @nelsondengeli4357
    @nelsondengeli4357 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    This is heart healing hard truths... Here in Kenya 'marriage is still a feeding programe.' wroñg mentality to both gender.

  • @Gloryfied
    @Gloryfied 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I'm learning hey. And I love they way he elaborates everything. I'm definitely following him on socials.

  • @DEARTETE
    @DEARTETE 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Insightful. Pastor never disappoints

  • @hlobisilemotsa7982
    @hlobisilemotsa7982 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you so much for hosting him. Thanks brother Bakhe. The divorces are the end results _ real situation is "we have lots of marriages that are in a time ticking bomb " imishado lekhona ibe ingekho". Your initiative will help many....

  • @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood
    @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    The problem is that people do not understand marriage and the purpose of marriage by God’s design. They think umjolo that has been made official, it’s beyond that! That is why people can make a decision not to marry because it doesn’t benefit them🥲 the institution in itself requires one to be selfless!

    • @LM-he7eb
      @LM-he7eb 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      So it is okay to make the decision not to marry, because it doesn't benefit you. Because you already know you're not selfless

    • @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood
      @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@LM-he7eb the point is, if you know you are selfish… don’t marry.

    • @Lelough_
      @Lelough_ 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      What about people who don't believe in God? People who believe in Allah, their ancestors, their idols. Or only your religion is the truth?

    • @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood
      @Ukazi_Biblical_Womanhood 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@Lelough_ my point was marriage is instituted by God, so the blueprint is found in Him and not what culture or society says. So to answer you, people who don’t believe in God or worship idols, cannot seek counsel from the one who instituted marriage in the first place. And yes, there is one truth, not many truths.
      And one day we will all find out who held on to the absolute truth. So yes, I believe Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.

  • @ThobileMacaws
    @ThobileMacaws 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Wow this is the first I meet his kind 👏🏾👏🏾! At only 9mins into the interview and he’s told me more about my problematic marriage 😢!! I was shocked when he started describing my dynamics and the kinda man I’m married to😢.

    • @edwindakile4784
      @edwindakile4784 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      And if you regard him (husband) bad or not good for you, don't forget to be accountable and remember that you selected him.

    • @ThobileMacaws
      @ThobileMacaws 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@edwindakile4784 not quite. Mine was an arranged marriage and both families come from a heritage of arranged marriages … so I had very little choice. But now I know better .

  • @malefetsanemusa6342
    @malefetsanemusa6342 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you for this. It is not only insightful but also serves as a reminder on our duties as men, women and to one another. 🙌🏽

  • @solomonoupamakola
    @solomonoupamakola 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My own father taught me that love brings couples together, and support keeps them together because each person brings baggage into the relationship. With proper support, we manage to shoulder each other's weaknesses better.

  • @motheowalerato701
    @motheowalerato701 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    A beautiful conversation. So so enlightening and inspiring indeed.

  • @cleverlady4467
    @cleverlady4467 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I have been divorced for 5 years because of my ex-husband cheated like nobodies business. What this man is saying is spot-on. I pray this man's message reaches the younger generation.

  • @nthabisengbapela7746
    @nthabisengbapela7746 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This will make ignorant men angry. They don't understand what leadership means but are so hungry to be followed

  • @stanleyuchiha1382
    @stanleyuchiha1382 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    ...im not South African, but I see this across Africa, thanks gents, even I'm learning from this

  • @thembadlangamandla4409
    @thembadlangamandla4409 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    Ohhhhh.what a show my brother.keep up the good work

  • @Lums-Baloyi
    @Lums-Baloyi 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I couldn't wait for this.

  • @isaacmmutlane7461
    @isaacmmutlane7461 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore

    • @lekis5975
      @lekis5975 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.

    • @Lelough_
      @Lelough_ 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@lekis5975our mothers were in abusive marriages, what can they teach anyone about marriage except being a doormat?

  • @reflectglobe
    @reflectglobe 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    South Africans value material things above most other things, even God's taken a back seat and they wonder why everything is falling to pieces.

    • @tonynze
      @tonynze 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Surprisingly you're first to mention God in this comment section. God bless

    • @LuckyJudaz
      @LuckyJudaz 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You are 100% right there

  • @stevenswiel8015
    @stevenswiel8015 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    You are totally correct. Marriage is along life commitment so always be open minded to a persons partner

  • @HlengiweMathe-p2d
    @HlengiweMathe-p2d 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Another thing is Narcissism and these days no one wants to suffer until they die... Narcissism makes people to be jealous.. envious and even hating each other... Yho syasha!!!

  • @no.commonsense
    @no.commonsense 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    ❤❤this man is powerful u are amazing 😢😢😢❤❤❤❤❤ my first time coming acrosss this blesssed man

  • @JaniceCampbell-ss6yo
    @JaniceCampbell-ss6yo 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Being Jamaican, I never believed in counseling, but after listening to this pastor, I think I could try. Except for that thick accent of yours, you were perfect Rev.

    • @PhiweTonjeni
      @PhiweTonjeni 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      'Thick accent' 😂 that how we speak in South Africa😊

  • @brendajackson13
    @brendajackson13 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    The divorce rate is high because ALL relationships between men and women are now transactional...from dating to marriage, and everything in between.

  • @rorisangmkhonto4251
    @rorisangmkhonto4251 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is such constructive and building content.
    We need more men like him to mentor and help change the narrative and model what a good marriage should be.

  • @BeethovenNgobeni
    @BeethovenNgobeni 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This has been an eye opener and it gave one an opportunity to reflect on our behaviour and how these affect our partner and vise versa. Brilliant

  • @DAMILENDAGANE
    @DAMILENDAGANE 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    Thanks Justice for Bringing us this Quality of Guests💯💯💯

  • @mistercup8280
    @mistercup8280 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Abuti, these words are profound, this is a video all those looking to get married should listen to ...RE LEBOGA GO MENAGANYE MY LEADER...

  • @CC-mp7id
    @CC-mp7id 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements

  • @bulelanibaqwa
    @bulelanibaqwa 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    12:45 I think it's all about the person you choose.
    Selection and vetting process for monogamy.

  • @Sivu_chlali90
    @Sivu_chlali90 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    This conversation was so empowering 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

  • @myafricanmind
    @myafricanmind 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Then it meant that the rural people were well advanced as they have traditional structures in all age groups and genders, e.g. manhood coaching starting at ekwaluseni. Girl children had amaqhikiza to guide, coach and protect. Till to the grave the African system had structures to coach, guide, advocate and support a person in all aspects of life.

  • @zukisamqikela2393
    @zukisamqikela2393 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I really enjoyed listening to this. Wished it could carry on...so informative and made me realise why I sometimes fear being married. There's so much more I still need to learn.

  • @ModiehiMotshabi
    @ModiehiMotshabi 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    God bless u gentlemen... For First time I hear men talking sense

    • @edwindakile4784
      @edwindakile4784 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Maybe you never listen to men, there is no way you can say this, unless you hang around wrong men, also remember you attract what you are.

  • @Mbalings
    @Mbalings 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I appreciate this conversation

  • @siphiwemazaleni9669
    @siphiwemazaleni9669 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Yaa ne.we lean everyday 🥺❤.thank guys you doing a great job👏

  • @LeratoM98
    @LeratoM98 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    THANK YOU! Sadly, civilised truly men are uncommon in SA. Our society is still backwards.

  • @khensk
    @khensk 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you for addressing social media. I used to feel so so much pressure to wear and post bikini photos. I remember I posted a photo in a bikini and my views and comments went up for sure! But it didn't feel like me, it felt very invasive for me. Its interesting to see how men are affected by such posts, and how women are pressured into producing such kinds of content, ironically to be desired by men and have more opportunities in their careers.

    • @alexPit-p1h
      @alexPit-p1h 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      woman are not pressured into showing off their assets stop victimizing woman as if they have no accountability ,they do it for validation , income and popularity no one forced you to post the bikini photo you did it freely with no gun against your head there is too many woman who are leaders wo did not go down that path

  • @sakumzimdingi5342
    @sakumzimdingi5342 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

    What a beautiful and spot on episode. Very powerful and factual. Big up !!!

  • @amandajunior1604
    @amandajunior1604 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Stay away from social media if u want to have a good relationship or marriage

  • @nomthandazomayo2935
    @nomthandazomayo2935 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Worth listening to. Alot of young couples need such information. Sharing this with my peers