True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.
This is not only a black issue, it's a heart issue. The reason for the destruction of the institution of marriage is because of selfishness (which is the opposite of love) and ego. There's been a growing trend of narcissism, especially in this social media generation.
Definitely a heart issue. I wonder why adults are struggling with selfishness it's a stage of growing up. Generally when one skips a growing stage, they experience it later in life.
Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better. Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
You people have legalized a lot of stuff that will only push you away from God. You allow weed smoking and same-sex relationships, I hear parents can't discipline their own kids, and I was surprised actually while I stayed in S.A. You went too fast for a country that hasn't attained independence (forget what happened in 94).
During Apartheid Marraige had state benefits. 1. Married people qualified for a Township 4 Room house. 2. Factories and Mines and Industries favoured Married people for Employment. 3. Leadership positions and promotions like a HEADMASTER of a school were given to married people. 4. Credit in financial institutions was given to Married people. 5. Married people could open accounts in clothing shops. 6. Social standings or status of married poeple was better. 7. Married people were allowed to run churches as Priests. So in general it was advantageous to Married.
@sibusisondlovu Seriously? During Apartheid, Black men and women were expected to carry PASSES, which dictated where they should live. Black men were given permission to work in the mines, however they could not travel with their wives, subsequently, many women were left behind in the rural area, the man could only visit once a year, as a result, many marriages faltered and died. The Boers introduced Bantu education which limited opportunities for Black people. Further to this, they limited the kind of jobs Black people could do. Black people could not study things like aviation, engineering, accounting, architecture. They imposed limit on the lives of Black people, which led to frustrations, which were then played out at home- domestic violence and marriage breakdown. If you are going to talk about the era of strong African marriages, I suggest you go back to Pre-colonial times, when men were men and women were women. Men paid dowry because they realised that child birth brought many challenges, women died, or if they survived they would be left dealing with fistula issues or stitches, having a baby meant sleepless nights and saggy breasts from breast feeding. Dowry in the form of land and cattle, was a way to empower women, give them wealth for putting their lives on the line to extend the man's lineage. Men herded the cattle, hunted and protected the borders; women farmed. Men brought meat to the table, women brought vegetables, fruit, grain, seeds and nuts. Women readily bowed down to their husbands because marriage gave them wealth (land and cattle); Quiet as it's kept Qunu belonged to uMam Winnie. In submission, African people did not need Apartheid in order to value marriage. If anything, Apartheid devalued Black life, and led to the destruction of Black love and Black families.
Apartheid built male & female hostels apart deliberately to break the black family. The hostels were structured in a way that was not conducive to building a family. Men were stuck in mines, not seeing their families for months/years. Women were stuck kwa-mlungu, not seeing their families for months/years. Kids were stuck emakhaya not seeing their parents for months/years. Men, women & society at large acclimatized to living apart, and away from their kids.
Many men don't cheat because there are beautiful women, they cheat because they lack self control. If I have a strong desire for a woman, the first thing to do is to suppress the feeling or go along with it. Which means that you are in control of your feelings. A real man is one who is disciplined and in self control of his behavior. Be the controller of your feelings than a slave to your feelings and don't blame women because you can't control yourself.
@@kwetsephetla3597 craziest thing I've ever heard, there is no girlfriend or boyfriend in prison there's rape, sorry you have no point here. Try again.
@@Lelough_ where is marriage on the statement above, please show me, you talking vows and I don't understand where that came from, unless you misunderstood the statement I replied to, like most women do "deviation from what is being talked about to suit the narrative of their interest".
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
Pple grow therefore inavitably CHAnge. You can CHOOSE Love while growing together, recognizing that this is the same person you married, but grown. The problem is growing apart. Marriage counseling is very helpful. While it's sadly true that some changes such as different forms of Abuse is flat out unacceptable.
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
17:09 Wow as a women who just celebrated 20 years Anniversary on Valentine's Day. All I can say staying with Ngwana Mme o mong is not a child's play ❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂
you are a woman you know "WHY Y.O.U. CHEATED..." or "WHY Y.O.U. ARE CHEATING..." or "WHY Y.O.U. WILL CHEAT" you don't need a MAN to explain into DETAIL..."WHY WOMEN"
He mentioned being deprived of affection, where a woman then go and accept it elsewhere where it is given after begging for love and recognition from the husband.
@nomamoshani3395 why is it that everytime there are issues in marriages,there's always an inherent belief that the problem might be the man. A cheater is a person with a habit of cheating. Why glorify it? If you think women cheat because of lack of affection, Ask me I will give you links of videos of women who cheat because of too much affection that leads to boredom and a longing for something new.
That is very profound, especially coming from a woman. Indeed, there are many different reasons for cheating and anyone in the relationship can instigate it@@TheeAnonymousTrader
😂😂😂😂the devil is also not sleeping, so awake to fail most marriages. Unfortunately most christians don't understand how spiritual marriage is while the non christians understand the power of spirituality in marriage.
This was such a great interview. So many great insights shared. I really felt the comment of "As people who want to be in relationships but we are too focused on self". We need to learn how to love one another better.
Attended a session with this chap and he then told my lady to leave me on their private results session then told me I need to listen to her more. Anyway we are blessed with a baby boy since our session.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
I thank God to listen how marriage is I am a woman óf 59 years I am still in a marriage but the teaching that I am listening make neke me healed..respect are so important in a marriage. Thank you
The problem is that people do not understand marriage and the purpose of marriage by God’s design. They think umjolo that has been made official, it’s beyond that! That is why people can make a decision not to marry because it doesn’t benefit them🥲 the institution in itself requires one to be selfless!
@@Lelough_ my point was marriage is instituted by God, so the blueprint is found in Him and not what culture or society says. So to answer you, people who don’t believe in God or worship idols, cannot seek counsel from the one who instituted marriage in the first place. And yes, there is one truth, not many truths. And one day we will all find out who held on to the absolute truth. So yes, I believe Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
Excellent talk, I just recently got married and this is exactly what I needed. I understand a man better now, just because as a woman I don't need sex but I need to understand that he does. Respect is a word I have tattooed in my mind. This should go viral definitely. I never understood that sex alone is a duty like serving food or looking after kids.
Yah it is , its naturally designed for us men to reproduce or have sex its like ovulation for us but daily so if you don't want with sex you setting us for failure because we have to fight with nature which is our body
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix. Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not. The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary... What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married.. That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
Very informative , thank you to the host for pin pointing the burning issues and Mr Dlamini for comprehensive answers and views to the questions posed.
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
Another thing is Narcissism and these days no one wants to suffer until they die... Narcissism makes people to be jealous.. envious and even hating each other... Yho syasha!!!
I have been divorced for 5 years because of my ex-husband cheated like nobodies business. What this man is saying is spot-on. I pray this man's message reaches the younger generation.
What a great talk! I have learnt a lot from this and I pray that we follow what is needed and the truth as a nation. I am feeling blessed to have come across this video so that I could be aware of many factors or the pros an cons
Being Jamaican, I never believed in counseling, but after listening to this pastor, I think I could try. Except for that thick accent of yours, you were perfect Rev.
Wow this is the first I meet his kind 👏🏾👏🏾! At only 9mins into the interview and he’s told me more about my problematic marriage 😢!! I was shocked when he started describing my dynamics and the kinda man I’m married to😢.
@@edwindakile4784 not quite. Mine was an arranged marriage and both families come from a heritage of arranged marriages … so I had very little choice. But now I know better .
Then it meant that the rural people were well advanced as they have traditional structures in all age groups and genders, e.g. manhood coaching starting at ekwaluseni. Girl children had amaqhikiza to guide, coach and protect. Till to the grave the African system had structures to coach, guide, advocate and support a person in all aspects of life.
My own father taught me that love brings couples together, and support keeps them together because each person brings baggage into the relationship. With proper support, we manage to shoulder each other's weaknesses better.
Thank you so much for hosting him. Thanks brother Bakhe. The divorces are the end results _ real situation is "we have lots of marriages that are in a time ticking bomb " imishado lekhona ibe ingekho". Your initiative will help many....
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
Let us learn to appreciate great teaching & refrain from criticizing valuable points that were unpacked. The conversation is meant to assist in discovering facts generally, so healing can take place. Experiences are not the same. To you it may mean nothing but to someone else it goes a long way.....
Divorces in my opinion, are due to a relationship dynamic that's based on a secular union. People get attracted to each other based on physical attraction (he's hot/she's hot) and immediately start engaging in intercouse, without understanding the basis and core belief set of their significant other. They only realise that they were incompatible as soon as the physical connection dies down, and usually by this point they are already married and possibly children are now in the picture. The result, broken families and inefficient child rearing.
This is such constructive and building content. We need more men like him to mentor and help change the narrative and model what a good marriage should be.
God started marriage and should be the head of every marriage. Marriage should be dedicated to God not to ancestors. Infact this is the main reason why divorce is rife. Again when a person is spiritually married then it becomes very difficult to stay married. Deliverance is also key
Many married to counterfeits Do Not Marry a Counterfeit Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life God is the foundation It's a life long journey People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams. Prepare for a Godly marriage Marriage is for PURPOSE. Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
Thank you for addressing social media. I used to feel so so much pressure to wear and post bikini photos. I remember I posted a photo in a bikini and my views and comments went up for sure! But it didn't feel like me, it felt very invasive for me. Its interesting to see how men are affected by such posts, and how women are pressured into producing such kinds of content, ironically to be desired by men and have more opportunities in their careers.
woman are not pressured into showing off their assets stop victimizing woman as if they have no accountability ,they do it for validation , income and popularity no one forced you to post the bikini photo you did it freely with no gun against your head there is too many woman who are leaders wo did not go down that path
My divorce was fuelled by greed. It was all about her maximising her financial enrichment, whilst simultaneously refusing to contribute anything to the marriage. We went for Church pre-marital counselling. We attended eight months of Church marriage counselling. It did not help one tiny bit. The Church specialises in victim blaming. They refuse to accept any form of accountability for their conduct no matter how much damage it causes to other people's lives. The Church financed my ex-wife's law suits against me even though Jesus Christ gave clear instructions to Christians not to break up any marriage. Divorce rates are on the increase in South Africa and world wide. There are social changes which are occurring in the world and none of these changes benefit the family or marriage.
"Do not conform to the ways of this world" We will continue being doomed as we continue to please the world and the flesh. We need to truly seek Jesus. I'm not speaking of church and pastors but Jesus himself.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 88 | คู่เอก "ป้อมเพชร vs อัสลามจอน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1ZqTVVbMgbo/mqdefault.jpg)
Bakhe Dlamini - Marriage & Family Therapist
Call / Whatsapp : +27 73 049 2342
Email : bookings@bakhedlamini.com / seminars@bakhedlamini.com
info@bakhedlamini.com
Follow Bakhe Dlamini : instagram.com/bakhe_dlamini/
Visit : www.bakhedlamini.com
Host : instagram.com/iamjusticetshabalala/
JUSTIFY Enquires : info@tinomedia.co.za
First time listening to you and honestly I have learnt alot
Thank you baba, thank you for directing this to especially the African
Thank you so much for this information 🙏
Hi
I've always said marriage is for kind people. If you are not kind don't get married.
I really like that... I would add that it's also for people who know how to accept and appreciate that kindness.
Well said 👏
True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
P
Pl😊
😊
@@rebeccaphakula9840
@okondalo26
😊
P
P😊p
P
😊pp
Pp
P
😊
Pp😊
P
L😊
😊
😊l😊😊😊😊😊p
Pp
P
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
Women and money 😂
@@Thulz. She didn't say anything about superiority. She spoke about fatigue from working a formal job and also making the home.
@philanisukazi8624 what else are men contributing
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.
This is not only a black issue, it's a heart issue. The reason for the destruction of the institution of marriage is because of selfishness (which is the opposite of love) and ego. There's been a growing trend of narcissism, especially in this social media generation.
Definitely a heart issue. I wonder why adults are struggling with selfishness it's a stage of growing up. Generally when one skips a growing stage, they experience it later in life.
that stats show its a black issue
Word: Many people are educated, but few are civilized.
No! People are highly certificated but not educated and civilised!
True
100%
Iam a man who is turning 42 tomorrow but i now understand why they say "you never too old to learn" these are eye opening conversations
Happy Birthday
@@pheellonhlapo823 ❤🙏
Happy birthday🎉
@@reitumetsemaraba2401 thank you🙏
Happy Birthday Edward🎉
Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better.
Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
It's sad that men tend to care more about outsiders instead of their own family.
South African men suffer from peer pressure
I love you, i love your thinking. Considering the next person
I'm divorced and a lot of things he said hit home. Very informative interview
I was about to say the same thing 😢
Amazing interviewing skills no interruptions allows the guest to flow. Does not compete with the subject for the platform.
Great talk. We need Godly marriages with Godly principles.He is the one that has designed it . There is no community without mariage.
🙏
Correct. Godly marriage. No marriage without God is a foundation
I wholeheartedly agree
You people have legalized a lot of stuff that will only push you away from God. You allow weed smoking and same-sex relationships, I hear parents can't discipline their own kids, and I was surprised actually while I stayed in S.A. You went too fast for a country that hasn't attained independence (forget what happened in 94).
Spot on!!
He should come back to unpack more please❤
I want to attend his church mainly because how he leads. I can tell that he is a leader. He understands leadership this man. I'm going to that church.
He's leading men astray
@@GlenroseMakgorogo he's teaching men how to lead. And I can tell you're not a leader
@@GlenroseMakgorogoAstray to where?
During Apartheid Marraige had state benefits.
1. Married people qualified for a Township 4 Room house.
2. Factories and Mines and Industries favoured Married people for Employment.
3. Leadership positions and promotions like a HEADMASTER of a school were given to married people.
4. Credit in financial institutions was given to Married people.
5. Married people could open accounts in clothing shops.
6. Social standings or status of married poeple was better.
7. Married people were allowed to run churches as Priests.
So in general it was advantageous to Married.
Beautiful Man.
Just shows how the current black government undervalues marriage.
@sibusisondlovu Seriously? During Apartheid, Black men and women were expected to carry PASSES, which dictated where they should live. Black men were given permission to work in the mines, however they could not travel with their wives, subsequently, many women were left behind in the rural area, the man could only visit once a year, as a result, many marriages faltered and died.
The Boers introduced Bantu education which limited opportunities for Black people. Further to this, they limited the kind of jobs Black people could do. Black people could not study things like aviation, engineering, accounting, architecture. They imposed limit on the lives of Black people, which led to frustrations, which were then played out at home- domestic violence and marriage breakdown.
If you are going to talk about the era of strong African marriages, I suggest you go back to Pre-colonial times, when men were men and women were women. Men paid dowry because they realised that child birth brought many challenges, women died, or if they survived they would be left dealing with fistula issues or stitches, having a baby meant sleepless nights and saggy breasts from breast feeding. Dowry in the form of land and cattle, was a way to empower women, give them wealth for putting their lives on the line to extend the man's lineage. Men herded the cattle, hunted and protected the borders; women farmed. Men brought meat to the table, women brought vegetables, fruit, grain, seeds and nuts. Women readily bowed down to their husbands because marriage gave them wealth (land and cattle); Quiet as it's kept Qunu belonged to uMam Winnie.
In submission, African people did not need Apartheid in order to value marriage. If anything, Apartheid devalued Black life, and led to the destruction of Black love and Black families.
It was aa bad system for BlackChild
Apartheid built male & female hostels apart deliberately to break the black family. The hostels were structured in a way that was not conducive to building a family. Men were stuck in mines, not seeing their families for months/years. Women were stuck kwa-mlungu, not seeing their families for months/years. Kids were stuck emakhaya not seeing their parents for months/years. Men, women & society at large acclimatized to living apart, and away from their kids.
@@LM-he7eb Thank you. It's horrific how many people upvoted that vile post upholding Apartheid. Goes to show you Black people are lost.
Many men don't cheat because there are beautiful women, they cheat because they lack self control. If I have a strong desire for a woman, the first thing to do is to suppress the feeling or go along with it. Which means that you are in control of your feelings. A real man is one who is disciplined and in self control of his behavior. Be the controller of your feelings than a slave to your feelings and don't blame women because you can't control yourself.
If there were no available woman to cheat with, will men cheat?
@@edwindakile4784they would cheat with each other cause they lack sexual discipline. Look what happens in prison
@@kwetsephetla3597 craziest thing I've ever heard, there is no girlfriend or boyfriend in prison there's rape, sorry you have no point here. Try again.
@@edwindakile4784So you'll rather blame the women and not the married men who uttered the vows?
@@Lelough_ where is marriage on the statement above, please show me, you talking vows and I don't understand where that came from, unless you misunderstood the statement I replied to, like most women do "deviation from what is being talked about to suit the narrative of their interest".
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
Pple grow therefore inavitably CHAnge. You can CHOOSE Love while growing together, recognizing that this is the same person you married, but grown. The problem is growing apart. Marriage counseling is very helpful. While it's sadly true that some changes such as different forms of Abuse is flat out unacceptable.
I must say this was worthy my time, every issues was addressed without sugar coating.
Exactly what I needed to hear as a man, lead not by shouting, but by pure leadership.
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
What is communication without comprehension?
Can EVERYONE listen to him🙌🏽🙌🏽.
Thank you Team for putting this together for Us.
Cheating is about heart posture, self discipline and self control
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
are you a man?
@@thenomfundo1504 nowadays we don't have wife materials. All I see are slay queens
@@lekis5975😅
I'm 💯 agreeing with you. Some women are disrespectful when they hubby no longer provide.
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
Asbonge Justice for bringing one of the best in the game. Truly appreciated 🙏🏾
17:09 Wow as a women who just celebrated 20 years Anniversary on Valentine's Day. All I can say staying with Ngwana Mme o mong is not a child's play ❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂
Very true. DNA and Family Values...
finally a south african man with a soul and consciousness is talking lol ......
He is a Swazi national we love him so much in ESwatini
Right. They are so rare almost non-existent
He is from Swaziland. Very informative session
Now i see. I always thought he is a Swati from SA.@sundaymbatha8387
This is so important especially for young African marriages.
And also the older ones... I've seen "couple" of old Couples getting divorced 😮... Teachings are very important
Thank you for the therapy Sir. May we add the Holy Spirit coz the Narcissism Spirit is emerging in this world. Amen
Very powerful, we need to take time to prepare for marriages, not 1 or 2 meetings. It's a course in itself
What a man! Wise indeed. He dropped gems.
Because He says things that impress women. If he had said women should exercise, cook for their men and everything I bet you were not gonna say this.
Not sure how this was recommended to me but I needed to hear this.
❤ he knows what he is talking about and the people under him are fortunate…great conversation
The questions were just so perfect and timely! We need this truth in these times we're in..marriage is not easy
Please do an episode exactly like this on relationships, not marriage this tym
Marriage should be the main goal, not relationships.
This is one of the main problems we face.
💯 @@kaygee1623
He didn't speak about why woman cheat. He said he would get to that part but didn't. Was looking forward to hearing that part.
you are a woman you know "WHY Y.O.U. CHEATED..." or "WHY Y.O.U. ARE CHEATING..." or "WHY Y.O.U. WILL CHEAT" you don't need a MAN to explain into DETAIL..."WHY WOMEN"
He mentioned being deprived of affection, where a woman then go and accept it elsewhere where it is given after begging for love and recognition from the husband.
@nomamoshani3395 why is it that everytime there are issues in marriages,there's always an inherent belief that the problem might be the man.
A cheater is a person with a habit of cheating. Why glorify it? If you think women cheat because of lack of affection,
Ask me I will give you links of videos of women who cheat because of too much affection that leads to boredom and a longing for something new.
That is very profound, especially coming from a woman. Indeed, there are many different reasons for cheating and anyone in the relationship can instigate it@@TheeAnonymousTrader
@theanonymoustrader6852, you spoke the truth. It's a choice. Nothing can force you into something you're not.
Most marriage counsellors don’t even want to talk about witchcraft in marriage…the reasons have advanced 🤦🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️
😂😂😂😂the devil is also not sleeping, so awake to fail most marriages. Unfortunately most christians don't understand how spiritual marriage is while the non christians understand the power of spirituality in marriage.
This was such a great interview. So many great insights shared. I really felt the comment of "As people who want to be in relationships but we are too focused on self". We need to learn how to love one another better.
Attended a session with this chap and he then told my lady to leave me on their private results session then told me I need to listen to her more. Anyway we are blessed with a baby boy since our session.
It's great to have African intellectuals as they bring an Afrocentric contextualization of matters.
In Zambia 36,000 divorce cases filed, it is scary.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
Amen
At the end of the day, if you dont apply law and order in your home, you are doomed.
I thank God to listen how marriage is I am a woman óf 59 years I am still in a marriage but the teaching that I am listening make neke me healed..respect are so important in a marriage.
Thank you
The problem is that people do not understand marriage and the purpose of marriage by God’s design. They think umjolo that has been made official, it’s beyond that! That is why people can make a decision not to marry because it doesn’t benefit them🥲 the institution in itself requires one to be selfless!
So it is okay to make the decision not to marry, because it doesn't benefit you. Because you already know you're not selfless
@@LM-he7eb the point is, if you know you are selfish… don’t marry.
What about people who don't believe in God? People who believe in Allah, their ancestors, their idols. Or only your religion is the truth?
@@Lelough_ my point was marriage is instituted by God, so the blueprint is found in Him and not what culture or society says. So to answer you, people who don’t believe in God or worship idols, cannot seek counsel from the one who instituted marriage in the first place. And yes, there is one truth, not many truths.
And one day we will all find out who held on to the absolute truth. So yes, I believe Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
Thank you so much for these kind of teachings. I’m not married but I see a lot of mistakes I do also as a woman in a relationship ❤
Excellent talk, I just recently got married and this is exactly what I needed. I understand a man better now, just because as a woman I don't need sex but I need to understand that he does. Respect is a word I have tattooed in my mind. This should go viral definitely. I never understood that sex alone is a duty like serving food or looking after kids.
Yah it is , its naturally designed for us men to reproduce or have sex its like ovulation for us but daily so if you don't want with sex you setting us for failure because we have to fight with nature which is our body
This is heart healing hard truths... Here in Kenya 'marriage is still a feeding programe.' wroñg mentality to both gender.
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix.
Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not.
The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
Thank you Mr. Dlamini. I hope to do pre-marital counseling with you when I'm about to marry.
South Africans value material things above most other things, even God's taken a back seat and they wonder why everything is falling to pieces.
Surprisingly you're first to mention God in this comment section. God bless
You are 100% right there
“Boys and girls should stay at home, men and women should get married”
Wow wow wow... molaetsa o monate haholo... big up brothers for the informative show... can we get part 2, 3 and 4....
This interview is excellent 👌🏾, very relevant and informative in this era we in
This is worthy my time , wooooooow wooooooow wooooooow this is so profound 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👏
Premarital counselling is very impotant.Thank you.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary...
What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married..
That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
This will make ignorant men angry. They don't understand what leadership means but are so hungry to be followed
I bumped into this on TikTok and this Podcast is so relevant. My son you are doing a great job... Wonderful
Thank you Mr Bahke Dlamini 🙏... you nailed it 👌...we need more leaders like you in this crazy world.
This man is rich in terms of knowledge I wish this young generation can learn from him.
Thank you for sharing this conversation, I'm a single male but I still took alot from this conversation 💯
Very informative , thank you to the host for pin pointing the burning issues and Mr Dlamini for comprehensive answers and views to the questions posed.
Stay away from social media if u want to have a good relationship or marriage
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
@@lekis5975our mothers were in abusive marriages, what can they teach anyone about marriage except being a doormat?
The divorce rate is high because ALL relationships between men and women are now transactional...from dating to marriage, and everything in between.
THANK YOU! Sadly, civilised truly men are uncommon in SA. Our society is still backwards.
Please give us part 2 of this very educative we really need it more
Another thing is Narcissism and these days no one wants to suffer until they die... Narcissism makes people to be jealous.. envious and even hating each other... Yho syasha!!!
I have been divorced for 5 years because of my ex-husband cheated like nobodies business. What this man is saying is spot-on. I pray this man's message reaches the younger generation.
You are called for this, thank you Mr Dlamini
What a great talk! I have learnt a lot from this and I pray that we follow what is needed and the truth as a nation. I am feeling blessed to have come across this video so that I could be aware of many factors or the pros an cons
...im not South African, but I see this across Africa, thanks gents, even I'm learning from this
Thanks Justice for Bringing us this Quality of Guests💯💯💯
Thank you 👊
What an insightful , thought provoking interview. I had to share it with someone and we will be discussing soon😊
I can listen to him speaking the whole day, thank you Mr Dlamini this was powerful. And thanks to the interviewer ❤
Being Jamaican, I never believed in counseling, but after listening to this pastor, I think I could try. Except for that thick accent of yours, you were perfect Rev.
'Thick accent' 😂 that how we speak in South Africa😊
Great interview, I like it. Made sense. Wish we could have episodes 2.
Abuti, these words are profound, this is a video all those looking to get married should listen to ...RE LEBOGA GO MENAGANYE MY LEADER...
Wow this is the first I meet his kind 👏🏾👏🏾! At only 9mins into the interview and he’s told me more about my problematic marriage 😢!! I was shocked when he started describing my dynamics and the kinda man I’m married to😢.
And if you regard him (husband) bad or not good for you, don't forget to be accountable and remember that you selected him.
@@edwindakile4784 not quite. Mine was an arranged marriage and both families come from a heritage of arranged marriages … so I had very little choice. But now I know better .
Insightful. Pastor never disappoints
Then it meant that the rural people were well advanced as they have traditional structures in all age groups and genders, e.g. manhood coaching starting at ekwaluseni. Girl children had amaqhikiza to guide, coach and protect. Till to the grave the African system had structures to coach, guide, advocate and support a person in all aspects of life.
My own father taught me that love brings couples together, and support keeps them together because each person brings baggage into the relationship. With proper support, we manage to shoulder each other's weaknesses better.
Thank you so much for hosting him. Thanks brother Bakhe. The divorces are the end results _ real situation is "we have lots of marriages that are in a time ticking bomb " imishado lekhona ibe ingekho". Your initiative will help many....
❤❤this man is powerful u are amazing 😢😢😢❤❤❤❤❤ my first time coming acrosss this blesssed man
I'm learning hey. And I love they way he elaborates everything. I'm definitely following him on socials.
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
A beautiful conversation. So so enlightening and inspiring indeed.
You are totally correct. Marriage is along life commitment so always be open minded to a persons partner
Let us learn to appreciate great teaching & refrain from criticizing valuable points that were unpacked. The conversation is meant to assist in discovering facts generally, so healing can take place. Experiences are not the same. To you it may mean nothing but to someone else it goes a long way.....
It's not just a South African thing, it's a global thing.
God bless u gentlemen... For First time I hear men talking sense
Maybe you never listen to men, there is no way you can say this, unless you hang around wrong men, also remember you attract what you are.
Divorces in my opinion, are due to a relationship dynamic that's based on a secular union. People get attracted to each other based on physical attraction (he's hot/she's hot) and immediately start engaging in intercouse, without understanding the basis and core belief set of their significant other. They only realise that they were incompatible as soon as the physical connection dies down, and usually by this point they are already married and possibly children are now in the picture. The result, broken families and inefficient child rearing.
Thank you for this. It is not only insightful but also serves as a reminder on our duties as men, women and to one another. 🙌🏽
This is such constructive and building content.
We need more men like him to mentor and help change the narrative and model what a good marriage should be.
Ohhhhh.what a show my brother.keep up the good work
God started marriage and should be the head of every marriage. Marriage should be dedicated to God not to ancestors. Infact this is the main reason why divorce is rife. Again when a person is spiritually married then it becomes very difficult to stay married. Deliverance is also key
Many married to counterfeits
Do Not Marry a Counterfeit
Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life
God is the foundation
It's a life long journey
People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams.
Prepare for a Godly marriage
Marriage is for PURPOSE.
Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
Worth listening to. Alot of young couples need such information. Sharing this with my peers
Am divorced 😢but getting married again 😊
This conversation was so empowering 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
Thank you for addressing social media. I used to feel so so much pressure to wear and post bikini photos. I remember I posted a photo in a bikini and my views and comments went up for sure! But it didn't feel like me, it felt very invasive for me. Its interesting to see how men are affected by such posts, and how women are pressured into producing such kinds of content, ironically to be desired by men and have more opportunities in their careers.
woman are not pressured into showing off their assets stop victimizing woman as if they have no accountability ,they do it for validation , income and popularity no one forced you to post the bikini photo you did it freely with no gun against your head there is too many woman who are leaders wo did not go down that path
My divorce was fuelled by greed. It was all about her maximising her financial enrichment, whilst simultaneously refusing to contribute anything to the marriage. We went for Church pre-marital counselling. We attended eight months of Church marriage counselling. It did not help one tiny bit. The Church specialises in victim blaming. They refuse to accept any form of accountability for their conduct no matter how much damage it causes to other people's lives. The Church financed my ex-wife's law suits against me even though Jesus Christ gave clear instructions to Christians not to break up any marriage. Divorce rates are on the increase in South Africa and world wide. There are social changes which are occurring in the world and none of these changes benefit the family or marriage.
"Do not conform to the ways of this world"
We will continue being doomed as we continue to please the world and the flesh.
We need to truly seek Jesus. I'm not speaking of church and pastors but Jesus himself.