I feel like it should be mentioned that most VPN's are illegal in China unless the are approved by the Chinese government. So suggesting people who are going to China should use one, might not be the best idea
Completely agree with @danielgamer2097 pretty much all VPNs are illegal to use, even by foreigners like yourself @rSlash, please be careful while in China if you do decide to use a VPN to continue your channel. I'd much rather wait a couple of months for new rSlash videos then years if you are caught using one.
For story 1, if they truly WERE jokes then an apology would have come easily, and not just a "you weren't supposed to hear" kind of apology. The fact that they wouldn't apologise for the jokes themselves shows that they meant what they said, dog whistle of a true bigot.
That. Been in a similar spot with a friend. Our sense of humor is twisted and doesn't reflect our true opinions, afer a night of drinking on our way home we told jokes to each other on the train. We thought we were quiet and far away enough from other passengers. I told a twisted baby-joke and after we got our drunk asses together enough for the next joke, we heared sobning from the seat behind us. Well, we didn't recognite there was a woman right behind us. We asked what's wrong and why she was crying and turns out that my joke triggered her trauma. We both instantly apologized for the joke, got her some tissues and comforted her as good as two drunks were able to after starting all this. When it's a joke, it's only a joke that doesn't mean anything. Apologizing for something like that is easy, it's just empty words that are meant to make the one laugh that ot's told to. Sure, they aren't always intended for those that hear then in the end, but that doesn't excuse any damage that's done by the joke after it was heared by the wrong person.
Exactly that is the main thing. If you are joking and it hurts someone else, then just apologize and learn not to make that same type of joke again. I do not understand why people defend their offensive jokes, perhaps they should not tell such jokes in the first place, if it is causing issues then apologize and stop. Why make the joke more important than the person.
I love how people are always desperate to smokescreen their bigotry as "just a joke", sounds like SOME comedians I know... **Glares at Dave Chapelle and his ilk**
My sister is a Christian and married to the son of two pastors. She was in labour for over 50 hours and at one point her mother in law was with her when she let loose a storm of curses so intense sailors would blush. When the contraction subsided she realized who heard her and her mother in law squeezed her hand and told her "what a woman during contractions is never heard"😂
I am Eastern Orthodox. I would never castigate someone outside my faith for sinful behavior. I might choose not to associate with them, but it is not my place to correct them. Fellow members of my church are another matter. I would quietly ask them to stop.
Exactly. The doctor, being around women in pain constantly should be used to it. And to ask that she not cuss while in the middle of a contraction?? Seriously?? Maybe she shouldn’t be preaching while in the performance of her duties.
Facts. Yeah, we’re told not to take the Lord’s name in vain… but we’re also supposed to be charitable, lol. No justice without mercy. It’s so comical to think of some Captain America doctor having the nerve at a moment like that to basically yell, “Language!” I never swore during labor but I was pretty rude… my husband kept asking me, “Are you alright?” like a twit (I get it, he was anxious, but still) and one time I just said, “Who’s the shmartest doggie in the world?” and the nurse giggled. For the record, I do not, as a rule, pick on my husband.
It remind me of a lot of certain groups one waves a rainbow flag one waves a swastika one waves a fist the other waves what is the blood drop blood tear or something like that I don't know
I think for now on instead of gifts, OP and bf donate the same amount they would spend on their gifts to LGBTQ charities. Not in the relatives name so they can’t claim anything on taxes.
My thoughts exactly. I came out as pan at 30, (I'm 32 now) and my gf helped me feel comfortable and safe coming to terms with that. Her mom commented about me wearing makeup and having my nails painted (I like feeling pretty in my own skin) and she asked her, "Does he think he is a girl? Is he thinking about getting an operation?" She shut her down quick and said, "If he does, why does it matter? I love him no matter how he looks or what he identifies as." It was never brought up again. The family members defending that behavior because it's "a joke" are monsters for dehumanizing OP's husband. We need less people like OP's family and more people like OP.
Let me translate from story one. "They were jokes you weren't meant to hear." Translation: "It's how we actually feel, but are too cowardly to speak that way to your face."
If this is how you think jokes work, I think you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror because you might have some hidden predjudices somewhere in there.
First story NTA. They weren't joking. They're the stereotypical "if you agree with me I'm serious, if you disagree then I'm joking" types. They fucked around and found out.
THIS! In fact, because they were so comfortable saying those things it makes me think this is a bigger problem that the whole or at least half the family is hiding! The ones who are against OP are the obvious haters and while it might divide the family it sounds like they needed to cut these awful people out that are okay with gay bashing their family. It has gotten so bad behind the scenes that they are bold enough to not even entertain apologizing when caught because they know the other haters in the family will stand up for them... It has got to suck thinking for years that your family supported you being gay only to find out it is a front and they are saving the worst comments for you when you are not around...
Story 4: It's not fair that you can't have a birthday without your brother, your parents can have a yearly tradition for remembering your brother but it shouldn't be at your expense. It's your birthday too and you should be allowed to celebrate with you being the center of attention.
Yes, she shouldn't have to celebrate her birthday in the shadow of her dead brother. If the parents need time to grieve once a year, they should take a little time alone to remember their dead baby and stop forcing the live child they do have to grieve for someone she never even knew. It really seems sickening to have two sets of candles on a cake when one of them is long gone.
Birthdays are meant to celebrate the living, not to mourn the deceased, and it is selfish to want to celebrate your birthday without wanting people to mourn for the lost of another, but just because it's selfish doesn't mean that it's wrong or rude, it's YOUR special day to live another year
I doubt they care about OP at all and either would have not cared if OP died instead of their brother or done the exact same thing just switching roles
OP5: NTA. As a Christian, that doctor was way out of line. If OP feels guilty, she should say "thanks for putting up with my outbursts." An apology us not appropriate.
To be honest, I wouldn't say anything to the doctor, I think HE was out of line here when saying she 'shouldn't take the lord's name in vain'. He didn't know if she was even religious at all, and policing a woman's speach WHILE she's in labor is just not ok imo.
Story 3: 33k per kid? Hahahahahahaha, no. That's easily 100k per kid for ALL POST-SECONDARY EXPENSES. Tuition, housing, materials, food, clothing, textbooks, any kind of extras like special programs or what have you. Story 4: Dude, you don't celebrate a birthday for people who didn't make it to their birthday. That kid didn't make it to their first birthday. No party, no keeping that huge guilt over another kid for their entire life, that's the shit serial killers are made of .
I’m glad someone else noticed this from story 3. The father spent almost 600k to put all 4 of his children through school. Jack is ungrateful and could have used that extra 80k from college to buy a really nice car, lol.
Hahaha yeah I was thinking the same, like maybe depending on what college they attended $33k would cover a single semester and that's just classes/books, certainly not the entire 4 year experience including all other living expenses and incidentals, no freaking way!!!!!
Well considering OP specifically said “each” you don’t even have to wonder. He made it clear it was 100k per kid. Idk why Rslash thought that could mean 100k for all combined.
Story 3: sue jacks friend for fraud it doesn't matter if he's young and at his age he should be responsible for his own finances instead of a leach. With jack op should just cut him out completely, it's obvious he's just an entitled leach and op trying to be a good parent to him ends up hurting his other kids since ops finances to jack could go to the other kids who'll actually use it responsibility. And if ops ex wife cares so much about jack than SHE CAN PAY FOR HIS LIFE NOT OP.
OP is still married to Jacks mom. It was the in-laws giving OP grief. However THEY can buy Jack a car since they feel like he’s being treated unfairly.
Story 4: I’m a twin and my brother died at birth. For 8 years my birth parents treated me horrible because he wasn’t here. Parents don’t realize they should be grateful one made instead of neither. Healing from that trauma is a long road because your existence is made lesser than.
This is very true, in my experience! I recently nearly sliced off the tip of my thumb and the moment my thumbnail hit the blade I started cussing worse than any sailor could. It was a nonstop stream of cusses that I just kept up until the bandage was on. The pain only kicked in once I stopped cussing and relaxed. The other major injury I recently sustained (biking accident that tore my ACL in half) I didn't cuss during because there were so many strangers around trying to help me up, off the biking lane, etc. and the pain was excruciating. If these two experiences taught me anything, just cuss or say what you need at the volume you need to block out as much pain as you can. Some pain isn't worth feeling and blocking it out can be better than just suffering through it silently
Story 2: the host did ask for everyone's input. All ops daughter did was just that.. gave knowledgeable input. And her input was right as nobody wanted more of the dish as it wasn't the same at all. If you ask me.. it's disrespectful to change a native dish so much and still call it the same name.
I completely agree with this, cause you can make a vegan version of a dish because only the protein source changes, or changing a sauce or seasoning isn't a big deal either, but 4+ substitutes definitely changes a dish. Ive spoken to my father before about this subject, he's a professionally trained chef who has worked 30+ yrs in the food industry
Story 2: Im so surprised Rslash wasn't even on the daughters side. As someone with a 3rd culture background I found how the wife acted really disrespectful. First of all lets take a dish for example lets use Fufu (really popular from where my dad is from) and instead of using Plantains you used Bananas. I would not only find that really stupid but if they tried to cover how they used a different type of food such as what the wife did, I would be beyond pissed off. The fact that the wife and husband tried acting holier than thou for how they travelled the world its clear that they didn't respect different countries cultures at all. I give OP and his daughter 0/5 butthole stars
Yeah. The daughter acknowledges that some of the ingredients were hard to get (or even just costly) to find. The daughter may have been trying to "protect" the authentic version of her historical culture, but she was a being a brat. My family is Sicilian. It's hard in some areas to get the specific ingredients for Pizza Chena (Italian Easter Pie or Pizza Rustica). We adjusted. Not everyone can have spices (I'm someone who really tones down spices due to medical.issues). should I be flogged for this affront to another culture's food? How about boiled in clarified butter? The answer is no. If you don't like it, don't eat it. Want to talk about it? Approach the cook AFTER the meal.
@@hagermannre3 the daughter wasn't being a brat, she was calling out bullshit. If you change one or two things in a dish but it still taste and looks the same, thats understandable the key difference here being the wife changed the dish completetly and still called it the same thing yet it didn't even taste the same. Plus the other thing being is THE DAUGHTER IS FROM THAT COUNTRY. She would know more then the two people who went traviling around.
@planeoldsimp272 She's a brat. Hell, even in America, you'll find 30 ways to make Mac and Cheese..and each one taste different and contains a myriad of different ingredients. Hell, my own family complains about the costs and effort it takes to make their Easter Pie...and complain about having to substitute ingredients. Guess what, reality wins. Can't find the "correct" ingredient? Use what you have available or make something else. Want to maintain the purity of your cultural identity? The make the flocking sure that only Mexicans make your tacos, Italians make your pastas, Indians from the Indians Sub-Continent are making your Curry dish, and Jews are making you Matzo Ball Soup.
Its just food, food that you were invited into someones house to eat. If you don't like it then you dont have to come over. Someone might pour ice cream over their tacos, its still not disrespectful (just gross).
The birthday story, the parents are definitely putting their emotional baggage about the lost baby on OP. They're neglecting the living kid's birthday for years because they refuse to handle their own grief
This! Twins tend to have this constant problem with their families. I don't think people on the outside can understand that some twins are raised as one entity, not 2. So the parents love her with their all, but kinda view her as 1/2. I am curious if they hover her or treat her like she's disabled. The older she gets, I bet Op is going to have many stories for us.
@@lorilancaster5917 there was an update. THe parents when to granddad's house. dad apologized to OP for thinking just because OP didn't say anything, it must've meant OP didn't mind the memorial despite knowing it wasn't healthy. For that, dad apologized. they hugged it out and cried. When she tried to hug mom, mom slapped her. She scream that OP shuould've died instead of her twin and that it's OP's fault she counldn't have kids anymore. OP mentioned she didn't even look like her mom anymore. She was that crazy. The mom tried to scratch OP, but dad and grandpa had to restrain her while she kept screaming it was OP's fault. Dad called the police (all while she attacked the police) and she's taken away. Dad came back (completely shaken) and said he would come back, but he didn't. He called grandpa and said she's being mentally assessed. GRandpa suggest Op come with him to visit Grandpa's sister in austraila after new year. So far OP doesn't know if she will. Just been numb and emotional after what happened.
Unfortunately there was an update and everything got SO much worse. Her dad finally gets it and is ready to make amends, her grandpa is awesome, but her mother… her mother is insane and needs to be locked up. Here it is: Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help! Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. l agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and m mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too. I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back. Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hospital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, l'm emotional. That's the update. Don't know if I will update again.
The birthday story for an update, warning it’s not a happy one: Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help! Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. I agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and my mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too. I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back. Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hostpital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, I'm emotional. That's the update. Don't know if I will update again.
That's awful, but honestly what her mom said was similar to one of the first things I thought when I first heard this story. That day is not only OP and her brother's birthday but also the day her brother died. So OP is a constant reminder to the parents of the child they lost and I honestly could not imagine how painful that must be. That being said, it also doesn't give the parents the right to treat OP the way they did. It's good that her mom is in a mental hospital. It sounds like she just completely broke, which I think untreated (or improperly treated) grief can do to a person. Hopefully the whole family gets the help they need and OP can find some sense of happiness when it comes to her own birthday.
Honestly though it is a better update then expected.. op now should know its not her fault and should go no contact with the crazy and the sperm donor...
For the "corrections" story my stmpathies lean more towards the daughter. I don't know what dish this was but some people get VERY defensive about the food from their culture, just think about the meme of the Italian freaking out when they see someone break spaghetti noodles in half before putting them in the pot. It can also be considered disrespectful or even culturally insensitive to use substitute ingrediants in a dish like that and still call it the original name. Say "this dish was inspired by/based on __" not "this is __ but I swapped out a, b, c, and d for other things"
Yeah, I feel the same way about that one. Makes me wonder if the dish was something egregious, like Jamie Oliver's """""ramen""""" where he used soba noodles and didn't make any kind of proper tare. My Japanese teachers looked confused enough with brown rice being used for sushi, so that """"""ramen"""""" would give them a heart attack... I can't help but feel like this could be the same level.
"Just think of the meme" is not the right argument when it comes to human behaviour and general savoir-vivre. You are not a meme, you're a human being, and you should behave like human beings do, rather than go out of your way to berate people hosts for making a dish the wrong way. Ignoring for a moment the fact the hosts may have simply not known the dish was made differently, interjecting in the middle of the meal with an "WELL AKTSCHUALLY!" is snobbish, complaining about the meal being "made wrong" is rude and bringing that fact up in the open, during a public meeting, is insulting. All the while being a guest in somebody else's home. There are ways to handle giving advice, cultural or otherwise, and OP's daughter flubbed it hard. There should be a stern talking to and this should all be explained, and hey - the advice could still be given to the woman, in a more kind way than "Ugh, you call THIS an insert-dish-name?". Who knows - maybe she can actually get it right and make the meal taste better in the process. That way, culture is promoted, diet is expanded, tastebuds are spoiled and a person learns something. Everybody wins. Being offended about something this minor changes nothing.
@@alphadron4073 Nah, having guests doesn't mean your racism gets excused. And while this wasn't violent racism, this was still racism. And it sounds like the daughter was still extremely polite.
Story 1: NTA. They come to your house, and they insult you and your boyfriend under your roof. No way! The only reason they said they'd apologize is because OP said they will take back their gifts. They aren't sorry for insulting them, they are only saying that so that you'll back down. And honestly, if you as a parent defend your kid for making derogatory "jokes", you failed as a parent and you failed your own kids.
My heart breaks for OP and especially for his husband. The man's only family is his husband and his husband's family. I can't even imagine how devastated he'd feel knowing that some people in his found family reject him because he's gay. When I was a teenager, I was a bit of an ass as well, but if there was somebody in my family who was gay and married their SO, I would never have said anything like these two girls did.
I have the controversial opinion that derogatory comments and jokes are fine if nobody is around to be offended by them. However, because the boyfriend was there to hear them and was hurt by them, they are obligated to apologize. It isn't the jokes that makes them pieces of shit, it's the unwillingness to humble themselves before another human being and admit their wrongdoings.
Story 2: There's a crucial detail everyone is overlooking; OP has only been dating the guy for one year. She's not Nara's stepmom, she's just the fathers girlfriend. Nara is a teenager and respectfully disagreed with the host, so why on earth would OP step in?
The wife tried her best to cook the meal, and even if it wasn't the correct recipe, i personally would've just politely eaten it. The wife shouldn't try to white-ify the dish though, i'm definitely not excusing that. Personally i would've tried to find a time to speak with the wife privately afterwards.
How is defending a child that is trying to respect her heritage only for people that have dated their mom for a specific length of time? where is YOUR cutoff? If he had been dating Nara's dad for 14 months, is it ok to defend a child, or does that require 15 months and 11 days to defend a child. 16 months? What exactly is your cutoff required to defend a child that talks about their cultural heritage. "nope, not in a child's life for three years, eight months, and 16 days, no right." WTF?
@@joshgordon1010 what are you talking about? the story was about her not disciplining the stepdaughter., which OP didn't do. And she shouldn't discipline the stepdaughter since she's 1:Not the stepmom yet 2:the stepdaughter wasn't in the wrong if she was only being matter of fact as stated in the story.
thats exactly how some weird american dishes happen... no one dares to say a word and ppl who make them think everybody likes it... i mean i would not be mean but i would say if something was wrong and if thats intendet? like something being surprisingly acidic... or it doesnt work out (like free style cooking throwing stuff together) that makes nothing stand out at all... im all for experimenting with salty/sweet/umami etc.. but it has to be complimentary... so its just a nuance and something does not overpower a dish@@DiscoPanic3
Story #5: I’ve delivered thousand of babies and never take offense to a laboring patient swearing! One of my jobs is literally to support you in the labor process (beyond the whole healthy mom healthy baby thing! NTA!!!
The way I did a double take after reading that first line lmao. My dumb self misinterpreted that. Still delivering thousands of babies is pretty incredible.
My brother works as a first responder in an ambulance and has had a couple of pregnant women as clients about to suddenly give birth swearing and howling at everyone. I'm guessing that when you're in that much pain you don't really care about what or to whom you yell 😅 (I have never been pregnant so I wouldn't know)
It’s not the swearing, but that she used the Lord’s name in vain. No one is allowed to taint the Lord’s good name. Come at me if you will, I have a mother and she’d say the same thing.
Story 3: OP and his wife spent 100k per child for the first 3 and then a car each, whilst the entitled brat cost him 180k due to his entitled behavior. OP is so not the AH here.
Even if it wasn't specified. Its wild to me he just assumes 100k was enough money for 3 four-year degrees and living expenses. Unless they all went to trade school for 1 year, it's very unlikely.
I went back and listen to the part you're talking about. Rslash clearly read "Each" in the story. I think he just glossed over that fact when analyzing the story. Meaning he either didn't realize it was 100k on each child college tuition plus a car or simply missed it.
@@jordanmchighlander9365 Yeah, rslash has a masters degree! How can he not be familiar with the exorbitant cost of education paired with living expenses while studying?
@@kristy1653 even with that consideration, it's still wild. For reference, a trade school where I used to live had an accelerated 1 yr, 1600hr welding program that cost 25k.
Update on Story 4: OP celebrated with her friends and grandpa, and it was just her birthday. She really enjoyed it. On Christmas, her mother and father came to visit her at her grandpa's. Initially, things appeared to be going okay. Dad apologized for not taking OPs unsaid feelings into consideration and would work harder for her in the future and while it doesn't excuse what he did to her, it does open the path for a relationship forward. The mother, though, snapped. She slapped and scratched OP, said it was her fault that she couldn't have children anymore, that OP should have been the one who died, and tried attacking OP more. She was arrested and committed.
Oh God that's awful...I feel so bad for OP to have to go through that and having to bear the knowledge that the woman who birthed her wishes she'd died...Really hoping that she'll still be able to live her best life with the support of her grandpa and friends though.
@@ChioGaruYeah, hopefully that's the last time she had to see that monster. And something else that nobody touched upon: I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to lose a child, let alone a newborn. And I get that people grieve differently... But for the love of God, it's been SEVENTEEN years. Wanting to turn the celebration of OP's life into a memorial of her deceased brother, on their birthday even after all these years, it's just not okay...
That mother sure sounds like a POS human being. Forcing her child to remember their dead twin sibling on their birthday and then getting upset that the living child just wants the birthday to be entirely about themselves makes her sound really entitled. That woman needs therapy.
Story 4: I understand Grief can be a hard thing but... 17 years later and your still thinking your living child should memorialize your dead son is wrong
Very sad update for the birthday story. TW for violence. OP has her birthday with her grandpa, family, and friends... but her parents didn't go. Birthday went well, she seemed happy. Then on Christmas she has a meeting with her parents. Her dad says he's sorry and that he knows it went too far, OP hugs him and tries to hug her mom but her mom slaps her and says that she wishes OP had died instead of her brother and then tries to attack her more. OP says she didn't even recognize her mom in that moment. Dad pins her mom down while OP & Grandpa escape & call the police. Mom is being assessed mentally by doctors now.
I'm the parent of twins, one of whom was still born. At the first birthday, maybe 2, we did add her name to the birthday song, but after that the celebration became just our surviving daughter's. We honor our other daughter by lighting a special candle for her. We can see the candle and talk to her in our hearts, tell her happy birthday, we love her miss her, etc and still have the day be happy and special for our surviving daughter.
It is wonderful how you handle the birthdays of both of your children. I am too a bereaved mother and know the loss of a child. The loss of a child has been described as the hardest loss anyone could go through. But the important thing is to not let the grief overcome you and your life. It may be that the mother in story 3 never properly found a way to cope with her loss and it festered inside for 17 years causing a mental breakdown. While my daughter was not a twin, I celebrate her birthday by donating a toy in honor of her, and celebrating it with a visit to where she is layed to rest and then cake if my other children wanted to. I've never forced them to participate. This is what I do to cope with the loss and it's not anyone's responsibility to be there with me if they choose not to. I have an older daughter that has a birthday 18 days after the date of my baby's passing and I still found the strength and determination to make that day special and fun for her.
Story 2: If I went to a gathering and the host was going on and on about a dish that was important to my heritage (like, say… borscht) and all the substitutions made it an entirely different dish, I’d sure as shit say something. OP’s great for supporting Nara.
Exactly, especially if she was presenting herself as an expert. If you're like "Hey, I really loved this when I travelled, and I'm not pretending that this is authentic, but consider it my humble homage to this dish" or w/e, then that's fine -- but that's not the host's attitude at all. It's all predicated on nobody from that "other" culture being there, and her funsies with the dish overriding the actual culture. Which is so disrespectful! It doesn't matter if you're the host - there is a right and wrong way to approach experimenting with cultures you're not from or familiar with, and this was not the right way. Plus, this lady is a grownup -- why are you getting into a pissing contest with a kid to shut down the kid talking about a dish from their dead mom's culture? Even if the kid isn't handling it perfectly, even if you need to talk to the parents after -- in the moment, you're the grownup. You don't shut the kid down, you open it back up ("That's so awesome, how did your mom make it?", etc.). I completely disagree with RSlash here -- even if you need to teach the kid a bit of tact in approaching this next time, it is *not* cool to have the lesson basically be that the host can be as ignorant and disrespectful to your culture and people as they want because, idk, your culture is just an accessory. Honestly, it sounds like the dad in the story is not from the late mom's culture and *also* saw it as decoration rather than something actually meaningful. Good on Nara for standing her ground.
You'd be rude then. Someone invites you and a bunch of others over and they've gone to a lot of trouble to make something then the right thing is to be polite while you're in their home and eating their food.
@It-is-me...Mesie not when they try to claim food from my culture and turn it to some bland BS and say it was authentic. And the host asked for input. But even if none of those things happen she still wasn't rude. So you're wrong kid
@@ninjax7 You're too precious boomer. If someone is making an effort to cook food from anothers culture then good for them. That, surely, can only be a good thing. And so what if they don't get everything right. At least they made an effort, which is more than we can say for that little upstart who was critical of her hosts food and therefore rude.
Story 2: NTA. Nara was correct, and respectfully disagreed with the person who made the dish. The cook was rather smug about it, saying they could "ask her for tips". This sounds like the old logic puzzle called the Ship of Theseus. When you're replacing planks all the time, at what point does it stop being the same ship? You're calling it the Ship of Theseus, but is it really? If you've had to make so many changes and substitutions, is it really that dish? I make Jambalaya from time to time, but I'm allergic to fish of all kinds, so i substitute chicken. A Creole person would scoff and say that's not Jambalaya. Without the _écrevisses?_ (crayfish) Quelle idee! I wouldn't chastise that person, I'd apologize and explain my reason for leaving out _les écrevisses._ They may not have seconds either, and only have a small portion for politeness, and that's fine. But then, I'm mindful of such things, and usually I say it's "Jambalaya inspired" if there are new people eating it, just to avoid issues of thwarted expectations. Story 3: Jack's father said he paid 100K per child. So it's not six times as much for Jack, it's only nearly twice. But the money, while a LOT, isn't the issue. If I'm paying for your college, and cover your entire rent, even though the roommate never paid his part, you're not getting the car. That extra 80k _and_ the disrespect _WAS_ the car!
This reminds me fully of the manga and anime of One Piece when the ship Going Merry had the keel of the ship broken and they couldn’t just replace the keel, they had to rebuild the ship from the keel up. And the shipwrights were like “and then it wouldn’t be the same ship, even if we made it from the same blueprints” I’m pretty sure it was the keel that’s the name of the bottom horizontal beam of a ship
Born and bred louisiana. Never had jambalaya with fish in it. That's a bit more creole than Cajun. Cajun is definitely chicken, and pork.. The creole jambalaya was inspired my Spanish cooks as it is very similar to Paella. Where Cajun gumbo is French based. They are both similar enough to be considered jambalaya. One is creole jambalaya and the other is Cajun jambalaya. I couldn't tell you how they taste different. I really want to try the creole one now.
Story 2: OP literally said in the story that she wasn’t being rude. She was just educating the lady about the original ingredients of dish and how they determine the taste. Neither OP or the daughter are the AH.
I'm glad to see people bringing this up. Imagine if someone brought you a plate of spaghetti and called it mac and cheese? You'd want to correct them too!
Absolutely not. It's mainly about how she said it. And the fact that op felt the need to mention that nobody ate it was rude. She invited them into her home, have some respect! You can educate without being a jerk about it.
Yeah, on the one hand it is a little rude to criticize a host's food....but if you substitute stuff out in a recipe, it's not longer an authentic dish of wherever it came from.
You're wrong, they are BOTH aholes. Regardless of what Nara thought about the dish, she is old enough to know not to call out a friend's mom and host in front of everyone. She should think about it as 'how would she feel if someone did this to HER'. If they publicly shamed her in front of everyone. I doubt she would like it. Even if the dish wasn't great, that's not something that needs to be mentioned, either. It's just the OP trying to justify her snippy step-daughter's and her own crappy behavior. Nara for being unnecessarily critical, opening her rude cake-hole, and OP for not immediately shutting her down. Nara could and should have instead talked to the woman later, privately and told her she was familiar with the dish and why, and offered to help her make it. Maybe she had some idea where ingredients could be found, or better substitutions. In a nutshell, wrong place, wrong time, sweetie. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. Someone needs to teach this girl the Golden Rule and some basic manners.
I often eat polenta. However, living in England, true Italian polenta is not so easy to source (the nearest shop I know that sells it is about 20 miles away). So at times when I say that I'm eating polenta, especially if I offer/serve it to someone else, I would say that strictly speaking it's not polenta as it's not an Italian product. It's an identical thing though, course cornmeal, and it tastes the same, but still, I can't claim it's a real thing. And neither should the chef from the story.
2 story: NTA. Not only did the woman make the dish wrong, she bragged about it. Nara made a good point that some ingredients are harder to get, but that doesn't mean our change the whole recipe! Besides, the OP said, her daughter was calm, she didn't challenge the woman, she just said her opinion. She had the right to do so.
she didn't make the dish wrong, though. She just substituted ingredients, so yes, it's different but she wasn't "bragging" about purposefully making the dish wrong. She could have phrased her statements better, but still. Nara DID challenge the woman, but I can see why she might do so.
Dude, there's a musical called Next to Normal about a family where the mother never let's go her dead son, ignores her daughter, and basically tears the family apart. Great show, but never mourn at the expense of your family
Story 2 nta. If make mac and cheese but use spaghetti noodles and red sauce instead of cheese that's no longer mac and cheese. The daughter could be told after about when and where to bring something up/to let it go, but at the same time trying to claim a cultural dish is that dish but substuiting everything about that dish is (and I don't ever use this term because in most cases it's used wrongly) cultural appropriation, not cultural appriaction. The daughter didn't do anything wrong just called it out and from how it sounds wasn't even called out in an actually rude manner.
so I assume it would be ok for me to go around, calling out every vegan to claims to make a vegan burger? Saying that they are wrong? because burgers, by definition, needs meat, so a vegan burger is impossible. Call it something else.
@@miniman649 That's different, because hamburger as a dish has a different origin. Also, the meat itself is called a patty. And saying vegan patty instead of meat patty is completely fine. Americans call hamburgers sandwiches after all
*First OP:* OP's family disrespected him and his boyfriend in _their_ (OP and boyfriend's) house and expect to still get their gifts? The delusion! OP is NTA, and Shoutout to his sister for having his and his boyfriend's backs. Also, "Too gay to function" is only okay when Janis says it. *Second OP:* The origin s of the dish was important to Nara, so it's understandable for her to speak up (politely). I would've said N.A.H., but the host's daughter said the wife was "annoying," plus the wife sounded a _little_ too defensive toward Nara (although understandable). OP is NTA. *Third OP:* If I take the post at face value, then OP was justified in not buying Jack a car. In fact, OP should've had Jack pay him the 180k. OP is NTA. *Fourth OP:* I thought OP's town's d3ath was recent, but he d1ed 5 minutes after birth? It's still tragic, but OP had to share a birthday with a ghost? That's unfair to OP, and I'm glad her grandfather had her back. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* 30 hours in labor and no epidural? The doctor's lucky OP didn't say worse. Unless he (or OP's husband for that matter) experience giving birth, he needs to go sit down somewhere about "not using the Lord's name in vain." I'm irked for OP, and I've never given birth. OP is NTA.
Sounds to me like the family in story 3 spoiled the youngest a lot. Like, crazy amount of lot. Because why did they agree to run the arrends? You want food? Cook. You want to go to the gym? Here's the car keys/take the bus/borrow a bike. Sounds like a monster of their own creation.
Story 2: NTA. Nara was not being rude or disrespectful, and she certainly was not insulting it. There could’ve been a better time and place to bring it up, but she absolutely was not wrong. If anything, the mom was being a little disrespectful by replacing so much of the dish and saying it’s the same dish. Story ???: That titled confused me so much. Like it’s so common for women to cuss during childbirth and the nurses/doctors usually don’t care.
Yeah i was surprised with the AH score 😅 it's just such a weird thing to be actively arguing with a 12 yo as a grown woman too, any normal person would prob just go "thats ok, sweetie" and move on? Why would a 12 yo being smart and cognizant of their culture be disrespectful? It doesn't seem like she was cussing at the lady or anything.
what time and place could she ave brought it up? the women literally asked for feedback for it and climed it to be a dish that it wasnt and thought no one would even know about the actual dish
Story 2: I think the score for Nara depends on what substitutions we’re made. Think of that Jamie Oliver video where he says he’s going to make ‘ramen’ but once he got to the noodles, he used soba noodles. At that point it’s not considered to be ramen because ramen is named after the noodles being used in the dish. We don’t know what the dish is or what substitutes were made so, I’m hesitant to say she’s right or wrong in correcting her
Regardless of the substitutions, I don't see how educating the table about the origin dish or the difference that the substitutions make could be construed as an insult...
@@davidharshman7645 Because you are doing a "well actually" moment and putting the host on the spot and going "well, what they are doing isnt REALLY like this". Its a dick move to do. I would never do that to somebody, its petty and rude. If they started making racist stereotypes or w/e then step in sure, but replacing ingredients to make your own take on a dish? Live and let live. Hell, its likely doubly embarrassing to have a 12 year old do it at you because frankly, you cant fire back because you might make them cry like you would an adult. Even if unintended and you do it politely, its still a dick move. When the host explained they made changes, you dont need to add on to that and "well actually" them lol. If you go "you changed a lot of it and its really nice, you should give it your own name and tell people how its inspired but is your own thing!" that would be 1 thing, but the way its described just sounds like the insufferable person at a table that has to prove you wrong.
@@davidharshman7645 based on what i heard i feel like it wasnt just a lecturing. Basically saying you made the dish so wrong, you created a new one. Criticising the food of the host is always a minefield though. And by saying what she did, i do feel like she at least embarrased the host
@@jonym.310 if the host was embarrassed then she knows she tried to be smug and make up bs about creating a dish but not even making the actual dish and was hoping no one would know about it so she can seem like a amzing cook
@@jonym.310if the host was embarrassed then she embarrassed herself. All she had to do was admit it's a dish based on an authentic dish not that dish. Then the difference is expected however she tried to past herself off as making the actual dish without the ingredients that are that dishes signature. It's like if you were over seas and missing home cooking and someone serves you rice with gravy calling it mac and cheese it's not rude to correct them then is it? No. That's not what they served you. If you make something based on something else admit it. Don't expect people from that culture to accept a level of disrespect you wouldn't.
Story 4: This carried on for nearly OP's entire childhood. Basically, their grief overshadowed OP's existence, and that is unhealthy. They need therapy and a different plan for remembrance, it should not be at OP's expense
According to the update, the Mom definitely is. The Dad actually apologized for his behavior and committed to trying to be more considerate on the future.
Story 2 - glossed over an important detail: OP says Nora /looks/ white, but isn't- which means the dish is a traditional dish from a non-white people. Imagine a situation where if this wasn't food, and the mom made a "kimono" that wasn't made of kimono fabric or followed a kimono pattern or was worn like a kimono, then a Japanese person would in no way shape or form be in the wrong for just pointing out that what she made was not actually a kimono and probably shouldn't be called one. They absolutely shouldnt be punished for stopping people from lying on their culture. More rude than pointing it out is butchering traditional items and food from people of color bc you can't be bothered to make them right and then misrepresenting that culture to other people - very culture-vulture.
Forget the race aspect of it, as it's not important for the point you're making. There's nothing wrong with pointing something out, and OP definitely made the right call to not say anything. The stepmom should have said that it was based on the other dish, not that she made the dish she claimed.
@@Wolfie713race isn't a primary factor, but culture is absolutely a factor bc if one is directly from that culture they are more of a defacto expert than a "visitor" who "traveled" Beyond that tho....It is also worth noting that different people have differing taste palettes and there are legitimately differing layers of taste that may be lacking, but not noticed by someone who didn't spend significant time eating that cuisine. It may very well taste mostly the same to said wife but someone used to those varieties would notice the lack of flavor depth. All that to say we all know the "my house my rule" doesn't apply when you're rightly correcting a factually incorrect statement (the dish is basically the same), but both factors do matter to varying degrees.
@@Wolfie713 yes, saying that is based on the dish it's a better option, i mean,if you put cheese , ham and tomato sauce to a piece of bread you can say its based on pizza, but its not pizza, the bread may be made with flour as well but it's not the same thing. when cuisines fuse they create all sorts of tasty, interesting things , (although it seems to me that the wife's dish wasn't very tasty) and thats ok, that is how many modern and older dishes were created so i don't know why she keep insisting once it was corrected
I always find it funny when people culture-gate something... Especially when it's not their own. For me culture is about sharing... I currently live far from where I was born... And I love when people cook traditional food from my youth with local ingredients... It is true that it does not taste like in my memory... But I also recognize that if I go home now I won't taste the same food as in my memories... Because the culture, available ingredients and people have changed... I think what the teen did wrong was not to point out the discrepancy... But how. (I am french) if am invited at a friend's place and they give a bland cheese saying it's the best french cheese ever... I would deck them😅... Er I mean I would point out that personally I had better, for my taste. I do get that the teen tried to argument that the allegedly bad served dish is not representative of the actual food. But no need to be rude about it right? And here lay the issue ... OP does not seem to convey this part correctly... According to the teen, and OP she was not rude about it. But according to the host and father she was... I think we lack info to know how to judge. (It's lay in the difference between saying 'you're fat!' and 'this bridge may not support your weight. Please, let's cross the river at another place' convey the same (mean) idea. But one hurt more than the other... We will never know which one.
My mother, who was the sweetest, nicest person, told me she was snarling the night of my birth, and one young nursing student, and acquaintance of my mother(an RN herself) tried to cheer her up and say "Tonight is my birthday too." mom responded with "I don't give a damn whose birthday it is!" They still talked about it until both passed, over sixty years later.
That would be a real butthole move. Living in society means knowing what to say and when and where to say it. Not every social situation demands that you have to have a foul mouth to respond to anything.
@@VicGeorge2K6and being a doctor means knowing that your religion gets left at the door when you’re treating a patient. The doctors religion NEVER matters in a medical setting unless the patient specifically wants it to matter, especially if it is comprising the patient’s comfort. He shouldn’t be a doctor if he feels the need to have any of his patients follow any rules of any religion. The “don’t use god’s name in vain” rule does not apply to OP, and he’s just a dick for even trying to suggest that it does while she is IN LABOR. She shouldn’t have apologized. She should have filed a complaint.
@@VicGeorge2K6 Reread your comment and apply the context of LABOR to it. When is it acceptable to say “Jesus Christ” if not after 30 HOURS of labor with no epidural?
Last story: NTA. The last thing on the doc's mind should have been the colorful language of the woman who is ACTIVELY DELIVERING A BABY. My mom swore up and down at my dad while she was in labor with me. She was in labor for nearly 15 hours before they finally had to do a c-section. (Keep in mind, this was the early '80s, not sure if they'd let a mother labor that long before a c-section in these days.) Also, OP was laboring WITHOUT an epidural! A swear here and there ought to be expected in that instance! Not OP's fault that the doctor took it personally, AND decided to toss his own religious beliefs into the mix by (politely??) demanding that OP not "take the Lord's name in vain". At that moment, that's not something doc should have cared about. Another little tidbit about my mom in labor and thoughtless doctors: I was a very big baby, and my mom was a small, slender woman. So it wasn't easy on my mom. She yelled and screamed and cried, and her (male) doctor said "Oh come now, Mrs. Lastname, it can't be that bad." My mom had a few colorful words for the doctor then, too!
Gotta love how doctors - especially male ones - tell the women birthing "it can't be that bad". They'd be singing a different tune if they had something the size of a bowling ball coming out of a hole that starts out as the size of a small lemon, lol.
Story 2: NTA. OP’s boyfriend’s daughter might have been blunt, but she was honest. The daughter had firsthand knowledge about the dish being served. The party hostess was smug and talked down to the daughter when it was pointed out the dish had so many substitutions it shouldn’t be called by the name of the original dish. The hostess really should have said her dish was inspired whatever the original dish is called
Story 5: NTA, sometimes the situation warrants profanity, especially during major pain. I shattered my hip during a seizure 20 years ago. From taking me to the hospital and hoisting me onto the X-ray machine, etc.. I cursed out every medical professional involved. I know they were doing their job, but when you're hurting, you get a pass.
Nah, nobody is paid to be yelled and swore at. Willing to bet you got treated more roughly because of that. So if you're in one of those situations, you apologize for it because that's not something you would normally do. It's understandable, but still not acceptable.
@@Hinaguy749they kind of do get paid to be yelled at when they’re taking care of a pregnant woman. There’s nothing Op has to apologize for. The doctor wasn’t doing his job. He shouldn’t have gotten upset at her swearing when she’s literally in immense pain. What she said was rightly justified.
@locusxe1411 nah, this is only bc it's a Christian thing. Were it another religion she probably never would have said it let alone refuse to apologize for it after. And no, they're not paid for this. If you start yelling and swearing at a doctor or nurse most of the time that'll just get you ignored to thrown out. You are aware that they don't have to treat you, right?
Last story: to be fair the Doc should have known not to say something. The lady in going threw labor the last thing she's thinking about is her language, and the last thing he should be worried about is you using God's name in vain, and what if you're not religious?
That’s what I was thinking! I can (kind of) get if this was a normal checkup and OP stubbed her toe or something and the doc was like “hey can you not say that? It makes me uncomfortable”. But with the situation? Wrong place, wrong time, too close to pushing your religion on your patient which, as we’ve seen in the U.S lately, can have some disastrous results.
@@ApocalypticEmufor real! Homegirl is bareassed, legs in the air, in massive amounts of pain, and she has some dude literally wrist deep in her business. Let the lady say whatever the hell she wants to say. I'm a father of four, and if the doc had said that to my ex-wife, I'd have told him to blow it out his ass before she had a chance to respond. Like, wtf dude, do your job and stfu!
Yeah she's a jackass for swearing at him you don't use the lord's name in vain I don't care if your religious or not don't do it in front of me it's extremely disrespectful to those who are religious and considering the lack of respect given to us even though we are respectful to those who are pieces of s*** to us and treat us like trash the least you can do is not use the lord's name in vain
Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help! Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. l agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and m mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too. I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back. Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hospital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, l'm emotional. That's the update. Don't know if I will update again.
@@kranberry3318I'm kinda speechless at the mothers reaction and the fact her dad has practically abandoned her... I'm glad that OP has her grandfather, sounds as if she is far better to be with him than her parents... Thanks for posting the update!
@@Chris47368 yeah someone mentioned the update was a doozy so I went and checked and… I was not ready for that holy shit. I figured everyone should know just how downhill this went.
Doctors are supposed to have a degree of emotional detachment. If this one can't handle a person screaming out in extreme pain, and takes the comment personally, should probably find a new career.
Yep. Plus the doctor’s religion is just never supposed to be a factor during treatment unless it’s something the patient specifically wanted. If you can’t leave your religion aside while treating a patient, do not be a doctor.
I imagine he was completely fine with it, and I wouldn't hold it against OP, but she should've apologized as a show of good faith. My judgement is NAH, but imo OP should've just said a quick "sorry" to the doctor about it out of politeness
@@rgwashere8723 No, she shouldn't apologize. The doctor shouldn't have corrected her during labor. That's highly unprofessional. As a medical professional myself, that doctor should be be in trouble for unprofessional behavior. His religious beliefs should never absolutely ever factor in in no way it Even if it's small and insignificant into how he treats his patience. She owes that man nothing and he owes her an apology. It was highly unprofessional. And if I was in that room and I heard a doctor say that me and him would be having words afterwards and other colleagues would be involved.
@@LLandS18 well, it all depends on how he said it. OP doesn't mention his demeanor in the post, likely due to having slightly more important things to concentrate on at the moment, such as pushing a human out of her body, but I can definitely see that being a little joke to lighten the mood. Kinda like the "language" thing with Captain America in Age of Ultron. If he chastised her about her profanity, then yes, he was being unprofessional and does not deserve any sort of apology. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt anyone to just politely say "Hey, sorry about swearing at you earlier, it's just, you know, childbirth" as a show of good faith and be done with it
Nara is not wrong, and I think she’s grieving her moms loss and it triggered her feelings of loss and I think she just wanted to explain the cultural importance because it also is part of her, and honestly good for Nara to speak up about the dish because that’s actually the proper way (imo it’s also whitewashing the dish) the importance of actually trying the cultural food is to experience the proper taste rather than substitutes that are not necessary, I get ingredients and allergies as the reason for substitutes
Story 3: If I was the dad, I'd buy Jack a $500 car and tell him to not ask for money ever again. Story 4: I'm a twin. If my brother died tomorrow, I wouldn't celebrate his birthday next birthday. And I F-ING HATE being a twin. My family thinks we are the same. If he does something wrong, we both get yelled at, and vis versa. The last story: I am a Christian. Don't worry I'm not the usual Christian. I'm not a bigot. Anyway, I taje offense to the way people use Christ's name like that. But I would never tell off a woman in labor for anything she said.
My thoughts exactly. OP didn't say what kind of car, or if it has to be new. Just a car. Just get a preowned rust bucket from craigslist (or whatever), and call promise filled.
As someone who recently gave birth, curse out your pain and people who annoy you all you want. That pain is so painful to the point I was in tears and death gripping my own mom until I got the epi. I cannot imagine how painful it is to not have it, but I can tell you that it hurts a lot more than appendicitis and it hurts worse than any other pain there is. It may not be the highest on the pain index, but how it is reoccurring for hours on end without an end in sight, it is by that definition the most painful thing there is
Story 2: I definitely think the corrections needed to be said, cuz the fact of the matter is she made the dish wrong and was even attempting to spread that misinformation as an “expert”. That being said, I think this was an opportunity for OP to teach better, more compassionate ways to critique people. Nora shouldn’t have said it at the table in front of everyone, not because she was wrong but because it would embarrass the host and would make her less likely to actually listen. I would’ve probably said something to them after the meal in the kitchen or somewhere else privately. And if she was still insisting, then maybe I would make a bigger deal but generally I feel like you should lead with the belief that people are generally well meaning.
If someone told me they made a special koori dish and didn't have any native plants or meats like Kangaroo in it and then talks down to me and says 'look i know what it tastes like, I went to Australia on holiday' I wouldn't have spoken nearly as kindly as the daughter.
I understand where you’re coming from. That’s a really good point. However, for me, it’s that she could’ve told the hostess in private rather than embarrassing her. However, she had no right to talk down to OP’s daughter.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012um, no. As a gringo, if I make chiles rellenos, but substitute poblanos for bell peppers, I fully expect any Mexican in the crowd to call me out. Sorry, but you don't get to insult someone's heritage by bastardizing their cuisine. You definitely don't get to gaslight someone from that culture because you traveled a bit.
Right? To me it sounds like the baby of the family was never told 'no'. Like dude, your mom is sick you mooch a plane ticket only to make everyone cater to you and chauffeur you around? I would have laid his ass out out back then for that kind of disrespect.
My ex has a sister that has been that way her whole life. Her parents treated her the same and the rest of the kids but she is still an entitled bitc*. She thinks she is better than everyone else. Won't have anything to do with her family. Is a spoiled rotten snobby person. I could never figure out where she got the attitude from either. She was only about 9 or 10 when i first met her too. She had ALWAYS been that way since day one.
It sounds like he's been watching certain toxic content. OP parrots a few telltale phrases in there that Jack has been saying about them, like "underperforming," that are used frequently in that sort of content but rarely used by normal people outside of that content. Not to mention expecting his female relatives to cater to him.
Story 1: Here's the thing about jokes. They're only jokes if everyone finds them funny. CLEARLY OP and his Boyfriend don't find them funny. So fuck everybody else in that story who took the side of the cousins. Major props to their sister though.
It was supposed to be a private joke as they said. But the problem with "private jokes" is that, unless you're in a really secluded place to tell them, they won't remain private for long. Somebody's going to overhear them, and if that person who overhears them is the person they're joking about, they're going to be offended, and rightfully so. Maybe the lesson here is don't make "private jokes" about people who are hosting the party you're attending in the same house the party is being held at.
Jokes are jokes whether or not everyone finds them funny. As far as jokes go, nothing is off limits. HOWEVER. There is a fine line between jokes and insults and they crossed that line
Story 2: it isnt rude to say that the dish they made isnt actually the dish. Its just the truth. This is the sortof opposition children receive that make them unable to speak up for what is true just because its gonna hurt some adults feelings
Mom was in the military and had ended up in a leg cast for six months due to a car accident as the passenger. She punched the physical therapist, an officer, after the idiot bent her leg all the way back the day the cast came off. The woman wasn't allowed to be anywhere near mom after that one. Since this was well before she met dad, I don't know if the fool was given further punishment for that f-up
Nora is NTA. Just an fyi for you, Dabney. A 12 year old has little to no filter. The host wife is a snobby person, and Nora inadvertently put her in her place by being truthful and honest. I guess granny should buy a car for Entitled Jack. Is the doctor in story 3 a Doogie Houser type 12 year old prodigy doctor. Really? Don’t use the lord’s name in vain. What a numpty!
12 years old is definitely old enough to know that you shouldn't be rude to a host, especially one that took time out of their day to cook for a large group of people. Was the host arrogant? Without a doubt. But there are a thing called manners.
@@seabass819but it’s not the same. A kid should know better but sometimes things slip out and they don’t mean it. It’s different than an adult being rude, because they might not know better all the time. And then for an adult to get butthurt about it is pathetic
@@seabass819yhhh but she wasn’t trying to be rude, she was stating her opinion on the dish as someone native to where the dish is from. And she also wasn’t wrong. Ibr if ur gonna substitute a ton of shit from the dish to the point that it unrecognisable then just call it something else. As many from said culture would find what u did disrespectful.
The last story with the doctor and the woman giving birth reminds me of my mom's story when she was giving birth to me. My mom arrives at the hospital and sees the doctor. The doctor forces her water to break, and then he leaves to go get dinner at Applebee's. He was called back to the hospital before he was finished with his dinner to deliver me. Once he delivered me, he held me by one of my legs, and then I pee'ed on him. I showed him to force my mom into labor and leave.
I was stuck in the hospital over my bday as a teen because the doc that was left in charge of me after my procedure sent me home too early on a regular diet. I came back with pancreatitis on my bday. Later that same doc had to remove stitches from my abdomen. He was leaning over me and my knee went up reflexively when he removed one of the stitches. I almost kneed him in a very sensitive area. I was so hopped up on morphine I felt bad and apologized. Wish I hadn't. I don't know if it was the same visit but he also wouldn't let my mom(I was a minor at the time)see my chart when I was very sick. She had to scream and yell at the nursing staff to get to see it.
You ever tried working or doing something that requires actual brain power when you're really hungry it's really dangerous when you're working with a knife and all you can focus on is food food
Him having food wasn’t the problem. It was him breaking their mothers water when he was hungry, and then deciding to go out and eat, when he could have just waited since the water was yet to be broken.
Story 2 is a hard one. Op says Nora looks white but she isn't. Food is really important to lots of cultures. I dont think it's a "You made this wrong" but a "this dish has cultural significance and these ingredients are in it for a specific reason"
And I don’t think Nora was out of line. All she said was if you substitute key ingredients in a recipe, it’s no longer the item you declare to have made. Nora didn’t yell nor made a scene.
This. The OP also specified that Nara approached it in a respectful manner, which is the opposite of being rude. Just because she's young doesn't mean she's in the wrong or automatically "rude" like he's saying.
My younger sister is also a surving twin, with her ‘womb mate’ having lived for 2 years we were blessed to have her. Yes, it is awful to lose a child, but you also have another one you should be celebrating every year with. I believe these parents need to find a different way to grieve that better for all parties involved. Something my family does is my sister wears a little angel pin in remembrance of her sister for big events or family pictures. I believe she even plans to wear it for her upcoming wedding, just as a way to say ‘she’s still here with us and rejoicing in the happy moments,.
I have cousins who are of Colombian descent and if I made food that is from Colombia but substituted so many ingredients then it legit wouldn't be ethically be that food. While harsh, Nara is correct.
For story 2 NTA Idk if you will ever read this rSlash but if i may present an example: Imagine you and your wife attend an Event like Op & Nora/Nara did in Story 2 and the Host present/brag about their dish and it just happens to be a Chinese dish but instead of Traditional Ingredients most of it is subsistude's and your wife reacts the same way Nora/Nara did. Of course there are some ingredients that are not easily accessable outside their land of Origin so using some subsistudes will be necessary. But It isn't the same dish than, one could say it is based on such and such dish and this the best they were able to make with the ressources they had. Would you be mad at your wife than? Obviously i have no idea who your wife is and i will never claim to know her and what she is like. Edit just in case: I am not trying to hate on rSlash just to make that clear x_x
Yeah...pointing out details about a cultural dish from your own culture and identifying the differences between the original and what's on the table isn't an insult. And, I don't really understand why rSlash called it such.
Story 2: the problem I see with Rslash's take is that is that what the mom did sounds like it's part of a racist pattern where people take a food from a certain culture, modify it to fit their own tastes/convenience, and just act like nothing's changed or the differences are insignificant. It's just food, but for some people, food is an important reminder of home in a distant place, and to see someone try to pass off a superficial rendition can be hurtful. Maybe it's not a huge deal, but it costs the cook nothing to just say her dish was inspired by a certain dish or something like that.
Uh, story 2 is so NOT the a*hole. The host/step mom wasn't just making a dish for the table, she was attempting to "educate" about a food that she not only didn't make properly, but isn't part of her culture. When corrected and educated about the dish she then doubled down on her having eaten it a couple times thus making her an expert vs. The kid who's literally part of that culture. It seemed like a moment where someone tries to seem more "cultured" or "wordly" than they actually are.
You nailed it, I usually find myself agreeing with RSlash in like 85% of cases, but some topics he just plain misses the mark, I think this is one of those times
Well, the kid's not part of the culture at all, and the mom wasn't "educating" people on the dish, she said "yeah it's easy if you substitute this out." It's like if you made Shepherds Pie someone you are feeding your own food said "well actually you can't call it that because it doesn't have lamb. My mom is Irish so I'd know." It's just as bad as those Americans who go "you can't break spaghetti noodles, I'm Italian" and such
@@mxneater At most, Nara was 11 when her mom passed. I somehow doubt the mom taught her how to cook these elaborate dishes. She's not from that country and doesn't partake in the culture from what we've seen, so it's likely that it's the same as white Americans who are obsessed with their European "culture"
I disagree on the 2nd story. Nara didn't disrespect the host she just told them they didn't make the dish they claimed to have made. if I brought food that was 2 slices of white bread with slices of ham cheese and lettuce, told you I made tacos but had to sub somethings everyone would jump to correct me that no in fact I made a sandwhich.
as long as it is ok every way, sure. A vegan trying to make a vegan burger? Not the AH to tell them they are objectively wrong and call them out in public for their mistakes. A burger needs meat by definition after all. An immigrant incorrectly making a dish native to the country they moved to? Call them out in public and go over every mistake they did. Nothing wrong with that.
@@miniman649 1. This isn’t about the literal “definition” of the foods. The issue isn’t that they did it wrong, the issue is that they made MANY substitutions and claimed it was “exactly the same” when apparently it wasn’t. Even OP said it was bland, and that there were plenty of leftovers. Clearly his daughter was right. 2. That’s why people call them “VEGAN burgers” dum dum.
@@RealCoolstriker64it’s okay to just say that you’re autistic and can’t understand social cues. Nara and the mother absolutely are because they don’t understand that rudely correcting, insulting, and “Um actually”-ing a person hosting you in their own home is incredibly disrespectful.
Story 2 NTA Dabney’s take on this is so weird to me. Why is it rude for a person who is actually from the culture to say the dish tastes different when you use the the correct ingredients? The women’s response was well I’ve traveled in my life. So? That doesn’t take away that persons cultural identity and her commenting the food tastes different when you use the ingredients that are supposed to be in it. She wasn’t being rude.
Well, I agree with Dabney here. Respecting your host should always prevail. The ethnicity of food aspect is not important: If they serve you vegan burgers, you don't argue it's not burgers: you take a bite, swallow, and say thank you for the food. That's what being a decent human being is about. If you're served something you can't eat, then you APOLOGIZE for refusing it. It's never, ever ok to criticize food that is offered in good faith!
Also adding in the fact that if the daughter stayed quiet (like most guests would) and it came up later or her teammates ask her opinion assumingly they know her culture, then people would call it trash talking the host because she was saying it "behind her back". The daughter being straight forward with her knowledge and opinion should've been more appreciated, especially since she was rude to the hostess
@@sandrablouin2542How is accurately describing the food as being different than the traditional version a criticism? What kind of backwards manners were you taught?
@@davidharshman7645Depends on how its said. I didnt get the impression she Was just saying its different. I feel like she reproached the host for making it differently. If thats the case, thats rude
Story 1: if they can say it they can handle the consequences, and I get the 17-year-old hasn't grown out of this yet but the 24-year-old should already no Mom and Dad can't make anyone do squat for them anymore. Then they have the nerve to try and take the gifts you bought as they were leaving, I can see where the entitlement comes from in the family. All this boiled down to don't bite the hand that feeds you and they took a big ass bite.
Rslash is off base with saying Nara was rude and disrespectful. If anything the "hostess" was being disrespectful by whitewashing a cultural dish and basically bragging about it. OP specified that Nara approached it in an admirably mature manner. If you punish maturity, what do you want instead? Tantrums?
Complacency? Making fried chicken out of hotdogs doesn’t make it fried chicken no matter how many times you call it fried chicken. Nora was politely pointing that out. I would say that it would’ve been cool if OP chimed in but abounds like she handled it well herself.
So, calling your lord for help during extreme pain is taking the name in vain? I thought support was kind of their jam... Religious stuff aside, there is an old episode of mythbusters that prooves that cursing actually relieves pain to some extent.
Story 1: CRYSTAL CLEAR NTA. You cant show up to someone's house, eat THEIR food, then turn around and start making harsh jokes at someone's expense when their partner's back is turned. And the cousins didn't even try to hide their dislike of him. To make matters worse, instead of acknowledging their mistake and apologizing, one of them tells their mom only HALF of what was going on, leading to everybody, sans the sister and boyfriend, of course, getting on OP's butt about it instead of just asking OP what happened for her to revoke their gifts. Gee, I wonder how THEY would feel if the cousins insulted THEIR partners. Not good, right? OP, if you're reading this, kudos to you for giving these people the boot.
Story 3: I was in the same boat as OP wondering how Jack ended up so entitled and spoiled then he mentioned the grandmother and I was like "Oh, there it is! It's grandma's fault!" 😂
In Joe Abercrombie's book "The Wisdom of Crowds" one of the main characters is giving birth, and while the doctor is telling her to push, she is screaming at him with the most creative and personal insults she can think of. He simply responds with "Yes, yes, very good"
Story 5: She should absolutely send him an apology card, "Sorry for what I said while my hoo-ha was tearing." Nah man, you couldn't pay me to go without the epidural 😂
My 2nd cousin came out and was brutally shut down by his mom to the point he almost committed suicide by jumping off the 29th floor balcony, my stepmom saved him and helped him, now hes a fashion designer making stupid money, im very happy for him Of course his mom wanted something to do with him after but he just laughed and said "bye" 😂
Twins lose soooo much autonomy just bc they're twins...I hate when people give them twinish names, dress them identical & make them share everything...that poor girl shouldn't have to participate in a mini funeral every year on her birthday!!!😊
Twin birthday story: NTA. I'm a twin. My sister and I either had seperate cakes, or our mom would make sure that our cake was decorated with both of our favorite things (ex: whatever we were into at the time). I turned 27 last year in April and my mom decided to throw a party just for me, because I was going to be in her town at the time (this was March), so I called my sister, who was in another state, and told her that mom was throwing only me a party and if she was okay with that. She was fine with that. (Keep in mind, we always had birthday parties together, or we didn't have them at all if we were seperated.) It's possible to celebrate only one of your children on their birthday, regardless of whether or not they are dead. Not saying you need to treat your living children unfairly, but OP's parents are still grieving and they haven't gotten over the loss of their child, which is fair, but their daughter is paying the price for it, which isn't fair. They need counseling, and they need to apologize to their child.
The last story made me laugh when she told the doctor off. She's in the one of the greatest pain known to womankind, and the doctor scolds her for "taking the lord name in vain" like it's Sunday school. LMAO, Get outta here.
LOL..dude is in wrong profession...labor nurse i hadfor my second was awesome...she said swear if you want ...wouldnt be the first time they heard it and some women could make sailors blush....LOL she also told dad to go get something to eat because if he fainted, she did not want to have to step over him because she would leave him lie there for not taking her advice ....LOL
Once I stuck up the middle finger while getting a root canal and my dentist walked away. I got lectured about respect but I will never forgot how he left me with a hole in my tooth and I was scolded for being upset over him leaving me with most of my tooth missing
what irks me about that story is that I don't think calling a deity's name while in pain can count as saying their name in vain. I get that there was a curse word in the middle but still, it serves the same purpose doesn't it?
Doc bringing his religion to his job as if others are obligated to treat his office like a church or shrine... nah bro, change your profession to a Priest if you feel that strongly 😂
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012these are the kinda doctors that it is 100% justifiable to not only sue but fet their license put into question with a fornal complaint.
In story 4 you can have a slight small thing that you do to honor the dead brother but you don't want to make it part of the main birthday party You want to make it feel distinct and of its own part so that it's not taking over parts of the actual birthday party.
Story #1 makes me so mad because I am in a similar position to OP. I am gay and my family often assumes I should be able to help my siblings because I am childless, despite of their remarks and insults.
Last story: Right after I gave birth, the nurses commented on how much my daughter looked like my husband. I said, out loud for all 10 (??) people in the room to hear, “MOTHER F****R!” Everyone laughed, including my husband. My OB looked up from sewing me back up and said, “What did she just say?!” My husband replied with, “She said ‘Mother F****r!’” 🤣😅 She laughed too, and I love telling that story to everyone. You can say whatever you want when you’re laboring/pushing/birthing another human out of your body, and no one should be able to say anything!!
Heehee. Good story. Also, I just keep thinking of the part in the movie Wildcats where Goldie Hawn's character is standing in front of the judge explaining 'I called him [her exhusband] a Mother F*****r, which is technically trued since I am a mother and he used to... F**K... me...' I mean, technically, once your kid was born you became a mother (if you were not one already), so...
Story 1: Hard NTA. I'm going through a similar issue. My partner is a trans woman and my parents have been misgendering her for the last 4 years. It started as "Oh, we're in our 60s now and the trans movement wasn't a thing when we were young." "It's hard to get used to" etc etc. It's been 4 years and my partner has had the patience of a goddamn saint despite my parents refusal to correctly gender her or even correct themselves when getting it wrong. Well, earlier this week, my dad shared a transphobic meme to his personal Facebook profile and needless to say, we are both livid. Partner is straight up going NC with my dad. When I tried to talk to my dad about it, he refused to speak to me and contact has been through my mum who is also starting to push back a lot. Partner and I have agreed that they are not welcome in our home and partner going NC with them both and my mum is now crying bc she wants a close relationship with us both. Not like I've been trying to facilitate a relationship between them for the last 4-6 years. I've said I will still be in contact but partner wants nothing to do with them. Both parents are oblivious the the straight up insult regardless of how many times I try to get them to understand the importance of gendering someone correctly. Feels like an r/OhNoConsequences situation. Point is, people will happily disrespect you until the ramifications of their actions are bought to light so OP is NTA.
I've heard an airhorn can be very effective. I'm a recently out trans man and I'm giving my family one year before I will not stand to be deadnamed and misgendered.
I think Op spent 100k on each kid. Which is still bad because that means Jack still spent almost twice as much as his siblings. 80K would have bought a really nice car lol.
2nd story: I remember reading this one on Reddit and Nara was NTA. She wasn't being rude or snobbish, she was simply explaining she knew how the dish was supposed to smell and taste because it's a part of her cultural heritage because of her late mother. She was trying to educate the woman so she wouldn't embarrass herself in the future if she happened to serve the dish to a native of that country. The woman's attitude of "well, we've traveled everywhere, we know how it's supposed to taste" was more condescending than Nara trying to help the lady out. 3rd story: So wait, they ran errands for Jack while he was there visiting their sick mother, but they can't understand why he's so spoiled and entitled? But no, the OP was NTA for refusing to buy a car for Jack. Jack needs to learn consequences for his behavior even as a grown ass adult. And OP should ignore his MIL, his other kids were more grateful for everything OP gave them, Jack acts as if it was owed to him. He FAFO'd. 4th story (twin story): OP updated and said she had a party with her grandpa, family and friends just for her but that her parents didn't attend. On Christmas the parents visited OP at her grandpa's house and while the dad apologized and acknowledged that memorializing the brother every birthday wasn't healthy, the mother slapped OP when she tried to hug her, said she's wanted the brother not OP and that she wished OP had been the one to die instead of the brother. She blamed OP for not being able to have anymore children and then went crazy and physically attacked her. The police were called, the mother tried assaulting the police and was arrested and later committed a hospital. Dad has called but has not been back to visit the OP since the incident. Grandpa wants to take OP to Australia with him to visit family so OP can take her mind off things.
Story 2: NTA, ignorant Karen tried to puff her chest about how well traveled she was but got called out by a person with more knowledge of the country she was culturally appropriating. Imagine if someone made tacos and substituted cucumbers for the tortilla, cailuflower for the cheese and tofu for the meat, and a Mexican person pointed out it might as well be a different dish. Nara was respectful and all Karen had to do was say "I guess it is my special twist on it!"
I agree with this, it's insulting to the culture. If you substitute the ingredients to the point where it doesn't taste like the dish you messed up. The fact that no one went for seconds is also very telling. My rule for hosting is that if I'm making a dish for people I stick to things that I have gotten good feedback on. It seems that Karen's husband isn't capable but her step daughter probably tried given the whole "pur her in her place". Granted I learned that putting people in their place can make situations difficult. It doesn't sound like Nora was particularly rude but wanted to give some insight as the person who is apart of tbat culture.
"Cultural appropriation" is a term historically ignorant white Leftists use to make themselves feel important. All cultures "appropriate" other cultures, that's how they grow and and change over time. American culture is called a "melting pot" specifically because of this trend. You all ironically complain about "white nationalists" while simultaneously gatekeeping culture. And people mix ingredients in dishes all the time. Do you not watch cooking shows or eat in fusion restaurants?
Story 4: I'm a twin myself. My twin Damian passed before we were born, somehow I survived. My parents love Damian, they still acknowledge him but they don't force me to share my birthdays with him, if anything it's my choice if I do something for him on our birthday and so I do, I light a candle and just think of him and tell him that I'll keep going and doing things for us both. You can't except twins alive or dead to share a birthday cake or gift etc.
College/car story: I think he meant $100k each. If it was total it would be less than $10k a year. That wouldn’t even cover rent, let alone tuition and food.
Last story, nta in the slightest. When my mom was in labor with my brother, she had the epidural and was still in so much pain trying to push out a 13 pound baby and it was the first time she had EVER given birth. Another thing you should know about my mother is she swears A LOT (probably where i get it from) but she was specifically trying not to swear. The doctor was impressed she wasent swearing and my mom just said "i dont want to offende anyone" the doctors simply replied "YOUR IN LABOR YOUR ALOUD TO FLIPPIN SWEAR" now THAT is the only correct response😂
Story 2 reminds me of something that happened to us…we had lived in Greece for a few years, ad my stepmom is Greek. We came back to the states and a friend wanted to cook us an authentic Greek meal…it wasn’t anywhere near it, and she served a soup that is normally hot ice cold, but my stepmom was polite and never said a word until we got home, then it was WTH? 😂how did she come up with that??
Would have been better if she said something tbh. The friend is trying to cook authentic greek dish, and she is basically making a fool of herself. There being no one to correct her, and thinking the dish has been approved by an actual greek now, she will keep on making a fool of herself as she cooks it for other guests who knows of the dish. Either everyone will just be fake polite and not say anything, making her live in a small lie for her to be happy, or when one of the guests finally says something, she won't even believe it and make even more of a fool of herself by defending the dish, as obviously an actual greek person didn't find anything wrong with her dish, how could it be so wrong?
The parents in the sharing a birthday story are going about this whole situation wrong. If they want to have five minutes a year to mourn the loss of their first born, that’s respectable. But that should be it. And even then maybe the five minutes could be on their own time. if OP wants to join them in morning, she can, but it shouldn’t interrupt her birthday. The rest of the day should be in celebration of the kid you still have (although if they’re attitudes around the subject, don’t change they might not have that kid to celebrate with for much longer as she might go celebrate with her grandpa instead.)
Nah Rslash, in the second story the daughter was right. gentrification of ethnic foods is subtle racism, especially since they "travelled a lot" and arent from that culture. she should have spoken up and had the right. sounds like the step mom is absolutely obsessed with having travelled in her youth and it kinda spells out that she has money or was probably a trust fund baby. NTA, the step mom needed a kick it seems.
Twin birthday story: I don’t really see how the parents are the bad guys INITIALLY, the extra candles and quick moment of silence were subtle ways to honor your brother’s memory without ruining the importance of your birthday and the vibes of the party. The problem is, this is only a good idea if the other birthday person is okay with said arrangement. If OP doesn’t want to share these aspects of their birthday, they have the rights to. If OP’s parents really want a way to honor your brother’s memory, they can do several other things during the 24 hour span of that day to give respect and remembrance. Like maybe they could do a quick, in private celebration prior to OP’s party or many other things.
The last story, literally the second stage of labor has swearing as one of its signs. That means the baby is engaged and ready to come out. That doctor was very unprofessional🤦♂️
Did Nara really insult the meal? Maybe she should have framed it like “this dish is good, but since you used some of your own ingredients there’s a twist, maybe you could call it a different special name since it’s your custom recipe.”
For the first story... OP is in the right. Can you imagine how devastated his boyfriend feels knowing that the family he found with OP has members of the family who reject him for being gay. The poor guy doesn't have anything to do with his own biological family- probably for the same reason, so obviously the found family he thought he had meant the world to him. I feel that this is an excellent teaching moment for the two teenaged girls. If and only if, they apologise and show OP and his boyfriend that they are truly sorry and make amends should they get their gifts. The 24 year old has no excuse. He wasn't being a bratty teen making bad movie references. He's a full grown adult who has a bit more life experience where he should know better.
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I feel like it should be mentioned that most VPN's are illegal in China unless the are approved by the Chinese government. So suggesting people who are going to China should use one, might not be the best idea
Completely agree with @danielgamer2097 pretty much all VPNs are illegal to use, even by foreigners like yourself @rSlash, please be careful while in China if you do decide to use a VPN to continue your channel.
I'd much rather wait a couple of months for new rSlash videos then years if you are caught using one.
Yeah you might wanna watch out there man.
Just echoing the sentiment - I really wouldn't want to risk using a VPN in China.
"you can't access TH-cam from Chine because [cut] that's a pretty big problem" Why was that cut?
For story 1, if they truly WERE jokes then an apology would have come easily, and not just a "you weren't supposed to hear" kind of apology. The fact that they wouldn't apologise for the jokes themselves shows that they meant what they said, dog whistle of a true bigot.
That. Been in a similar spot with a friend. Our sense of humor is twisted and doesn't reflect our true opinions, afer a night of drinking on our way home we told jokes to each other on the train. We thought we were quiet and far away enough from other passengers. I told a twisted baby-joke and after we got our drunk asses together enough for the next joke, we heared sobning from the seat behind us. Well, we didn't recognite there was a woman right behind us. We asked what's wrong and why she was crying and turns out that my joke triggered her trauma. We both instantly apologized for the joke, got her some tissues and comforted her as good as two drunks were able to after starting all this.
When it's a joke, it's only a joke that doesn't mean anything. Apologizing for something like that is easy, it's just empty words that are meant to make the one laugh that ot's told to. Sure, they aren't always intended for those that hear then in the end, but that doesn't excuse any damage that's done by the joke after it was heared by the wrong person.
Exactly that is the main thing. If you are joking and it hurts someone else, then just apologize and learn not to make that same type of joke again. I do not understand why people defend their offensive jokes, perhaps they should not tell such jokes in the first place, if it is causing issues then apologize and stop. Why make the joke more important than the person.
Bigot? i don't recall of any transgender in the first story
I love how people are always desperate to smokescreen their bigotry as "just a joke", sounds like SOME comedians I know... **Glares at Dave Chapelle and his ilk**
@@whatbear3804what do you mean by your comment. What does being a bigot have to do with no one in the story being transgender?
My sister is a Christian and married to the son of two pastors. She was in labour for over 50 hours and at one point her mother in law was with her when she let loose a storm of curses so intense sailors would blush. When the contraction subsided she realized who heard her and her mother in law squeezed her hand and told her "what a woman during contractions is never heard"😂
I am Eastern Orthodox. I would never castigate someone outside my faith for sinful behavior. I might choose not to associate with them, but it is not my place to correct them.
Fellow members of my church are another matter. I would quietly ask them to stop.
If god did not want a woman to curse during birth, he would not make it so unbelievably painful.
Exactly. The doctor, being around women in pain constantly should be used to it. And to ask that she not cuss while in the middle of a contraction?? Seriously?? Maybe she shouldn’t be preaching while in the performance of her duties.
@@threejaguareven during labour
Facts. Yeah, we’re told not to take the Lord’s name in vain… but we’re also supposed to be charitable, lol. No justice without mercy. It’s so comical to think of some Captain America doctor having the nerve at a moment like that to basically yell, “Language!” I never swore during labor but I was pretty rude… my husband kept asking me, “Are you alright?” like a twit (I get it, he was anxious, but still) and one time I just said, “Who’s the shmartest doggie in the world?” and the nurse giggled.
For the record, I do not, as a rule, pick on my husband.
Story 1 is not the AH. That family messed around and found out. Only hateful people act like they did.
They probably see themselves as the most loving people on the planet
It remind me of a lot of certain groups one waves a rainbow flag one waves a swastika one waves a fist the other waves what is the blood drop blood tear or something like that I don't know
@@tbnrwolff3354wait what?
I think for now on instead of gifts, OP and bf donate the same amount they would spend on their gifts to LGBTQ charities. Not in the relatives name so they can’t claim anything on taxes.
My thoughts exactly. I came out as pan at 30, (I'm 32 now) and my gf helped me feel comfortable and safe coming to terms with that. Her mom commented about me wearing makeup and having my nails painted (I like feeling pretty in my own skin) and she asked her, "Does he think he is a girl? Is he thinking about getting an operation?" She shut her down quick and said, "If he does, why does it matter? I love him no matter how he looks or what he identifies as." It was never brought up again. The family members defending that behavior because it's "a joke" are monsters for dehumanizing OP's husband. We need less people like OP's family and more people like OP.
Let me translate from story one.
"They were jokes you weren't meant to hear."
Translation: "It's how we actually feel, but are too cowardly to speak that way to your face."
This!
This comment should be higher up on the thread.
Cowardly and greedy.
If this is how you think jokes work, I think you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror because you might have some hidden predjudices somewhere in there.
First story NTA. They weren't joking. They're the stereotypical "if you agree with me I'm serious, if you disagree then I'm joking" types. They fucked around and found out.
THIS! In fact, because they were so comfortable saying those things it makes me think this is a bigger problem that the whole or at least half the family is hiding! The ones who are against OP are the obvious haters and while it might divide the family it sounds like they needed to cut these awful people out that are okay with gay bashing their family. It has gotten so bad behind the scenes that they are bold enough to not even entertain apologizing when caught because they know the other haters in the family will stand up for them... It has got to suck thinking for years that your family supported you being gay only to find out it is a front and they are saving the worst comments for you when you are not around...
Ah yeah Schrödinger's asshole type of person
😢😂
Story 4: It's not fair that you can't have a birthday without your brother, your parents can have a yearly tradition for remembering your brother but it shouldn't be at your expense. It's your birthday too and you should be allowed to celebrate with you being the center of attention.
Yes, she shouldn't have to celebrate her birthday in the shadow of her dead brother. If the parents need time to grieve once a year, they should take a little time alone to remember their dead baby and stop forcing the live child they do have to grieve for someone she never even knew. It really seems sickening to have two sets of candles on a cake when one of them is long gone.
I am a twin and my dad only ever joked about having our birthday parties 13 minutes apart.
Birthdays are meant to celebrate the living, not to mourn the deceased, and it is selfish to want to celebrate your birthday without wanting people to mourn for the lost of another, but just because it's selfish doesn't mean that it's wrong or rude, it's YOUR special day to live another year
all that will guarantee is her parents won't be around her to ruin her 18th birthday
I doubt they care about OP at all and either would have not cared if OP died instead of their brother or done the exact same thing just switching roles
OP5: NTA. As a Christian, that doctor was way out of line. If OP feels guilty, she should say "thanks for putting up with my outbursts." An apology us not appropriate.
To be honest, I wouldn't say anything to the doctor, I think HE was out of line here when saying she 'shouldn't take the lord's name in vain'. He didn't know if she was even religious at all, and policing a woman's speach WHILE she's in labor is just not ok imo.
@@Jazzisa311 Yeah, dude is in the wrong area of medicine if he's that sensitive to cursing. Because that won't be the last time he hears that one.
Story 3: 33k per kid? Hahahahahahaha, no. That's easily 100k per kid for ALL POST-SECONDARY EXPENSES. Tuition, housing, materials, food, clothing, textbooks, any kind of extras like special programs or what have you.
Story 4: Dude, you don't celebrate a birthday for people who didn't make it to their birthday. That kid didn't make it to their first birthday. No party, no keeping that huge guilt over another kid for their entire life, that's the shit serial killers are made of .
I’m glad someone else noticed this from story 3. The father spent almost 600k to put all 4 of his children through school. Jack is ungrateful and could have used that extra 80k from college to buy a really nice car, lol.
Exaxrly! Jack did get money to buy a car. He just didn't spend it on a car
Hahaha yeah I was thinking the same, like maybe depending on what college they attended $33k would cover a single semester and that's just classes/books, certainly not the entire 4 year experience including all other living expenses and incidentals, no freaking way!!!!!
Lol, this. Rslash, tell us your kid is only a toddler without telling us s your kid is only a toddler. Best start that savings fund now!
Well considering OP specifically said “each” you don’t even have to wonder. He made it clear it was 100k per kid. Idk why Rslash thought that could mean 100k for all combined.
Story 3: sue jacks friend for fraud it doesn't matter if he's young and at his age he should be responsible for his own finances instead of a leach. With jack op should just cut him out completely, it's obvious he's just an entitled leach and op trying to be a good parent to him ends up hurting his other kids since ops finances to jack could go to the other kids who'll actually use it responsibility. And if ops ex wife cares so much about jack than SHE CAN PAY FOR HIS LIFE NOT OP.
OP is still married to Jacks mom. It was the in-laws giving OP grief. However THEY can buy Jack a car since they feel like he’s being treated unfairly.
@@lorilancaster5917 he doesn't deserve one tbh he should buy it himself since he carelessly spends money maybe it'll teach him to grow up
Story 4: I’m a twin and my brother died at birth. For 8 years my birth parents treated me horrible because he wasn’t here. Parents don’t realize they should be grateful one made instead of neither. Healing from that trauma is a long road because your existence is made lesser than.
You should read the update
When it comes to the last story: It has been scientifically proven that swearing helps when you have to do something hard or painful.
Yes. It releases endorphins. I've dropped the odd C bomb in moments of severe pain.
This is very true, in my experience! I recently nearly sliced off the tip of my thumb and the moment my thumbnail hit the blade I started cussing worse than any sailor could. It was a nonstop stream of cusses that I just kept up until the bandage was on. The pain only kicked in once I stopped cussing and relaxed. The other major injury I recently sustained (biking accident that tore my ACL in half) I didn't cuss during because there were so many strangers around trying to help me up, off the biking lane, etc. and the pain was excruciating.
If these two experiences taught me anything, just cuss or say what you need at the volume you need to block out as much pain as you can. Some pain isn't worth feeling and blocking it out can be better than just suffering through it silently
That's pretty funny
@@bigjalapeno7061 Brains are very silly like that.
Story 2: the host did ask for everyone's input. All ops daughter did was just that.. gave knowledgeable input. And her input was right as nobody wanted more of the dish as it wasn't the same at all. If you ask me.. it's disrespectful to change a native dish so much and still call it the same name.
I thought I missed something when Darby gave his opinion. He was wrong.
No
I completely agree with this, cause you can make a vegan version of a dish because only the protein source changes, or changing a sauce or seasoning isn't a big deal either, but 4+ substitutes definitely changes a dish. Ive spoken to my father before about this subject, he's a professionally trained chef who has worked 30+ yrs in the food industry
By sauce, I mean, if you can't have milk or cheese, you could make an Alfredo sauce with lemon juice, plant based milk and cheese
And at least she wasn't rude about it.
Story 2: Im so surprised Rslash wasn't even on the daughters side. As someone with a 3rd culture background I found how the wife acted really disrespectful. First of all lets take a dish for example lets use Fufu (really popular from where my dad is from) and instead of using Plantains you used Bananas. I would not only find that really stupid but if they tried to cover how they used a different type of food such as what the wife did, I would be beyond pissed off. The fact that the wife and husband tried acting holier than thou for how they travelled the world its clear that they didn't respect different countries cultures at all. I give OP and his daughter 0/5 butthole stars
Yeah. The daughter acknowledges that some of the ingredients were hard to get (or even just costly) to find. The daughter may have been trying to "protect" the authentic version of her historical culture, but she was a being a brat. My family is Sicilian. It's hard in some areas to get the specific ingredients for Pizza Chena (Italian Easter Pie or Pizza Rustica). We adjusted. Not everyone can have spices (I'm someone who really tones down spices due to medical.issues). should I be flogged for this affront to another culture's food? How about boiled in clarified butter? The answer is no. If you don't like it, don't eat it. Want to talk about it? Approach the cook AFTER the meal.
@@hagermannre3 the daughter wasn't being a brat, she was calling out bullshit. If you change one or two things in a dish but it still taste and looks the same, thats understandable the key difference here being the wife changed the dish completetly and still called it the same thing yet it didn't even taste the same. Plus the other thing being is THE DAUGHTER IS FROM THAT COUNTRY. She would know more then the two people who went traviling around.
@planeoldsimp272 She's a brat. Hell, even in America, you'll find 30 ways to make Mac and Cheese..and each one taste different and contains a myriad of different ingredients. Hell, my own family complains about the costs and effort it takes to make their Easter Pie...and complain about having to substitute ingredients. Guess what, reality wins. Can't find the "correct" ingredient? Use what you have available or make something else. Want to maintain the purity of your cultural identity? The make the flocking sure that only Mexicans make your tacos, Italians make your pastas, Indians from the Indians Sub-Continent are making your Curry dish, and Jews are making you Matzo Ball Soup.
Unfortunately, here in the US, there is very little respect for the culture of others. I lost a little respect for Rslash with this one.
Its just food, food that you were invited into someones house to eat. If you don't like it then you dont have to come over.
Someone might pour ice cream over their tacos, its still not disrespectful (just gross).
The birthday story, the parents are definitely putting their emotional baggage about the lost baby on OP. They're neglecting the living kid's birthday for years because they refuse to handle their own grief
I hope the parents truly listened to OP or else they can’t be surprised if they are no longer invited to any future milestones of OPs.
Exactly. This. They’re forgoing the living kid for the deceased. I’m sorry the other kid isn’t here anymore but they need to move on.
This! Twins tend to have this constant problem with their families. I don't think people on the outside can understand that some twins are raised as one entity, not 2. So the parents love her with their all, but kinda view her as 1/2. I am curious if they hover her or treat her like she's disabled. The older she gets, I bet Op is going to have many stories for us.
@@lorilancaster5917 there was an update. THe parents when to granddad's house. dad apologized to OP for thinking just because OP didn't say anything, it must've meant OP didn't mind the memorial despite knowing it wasn't healthy. For that, dad apologized. they hugged it out and cried. When she tried to hug mom, mom slapped her. She scream that OP shuould've died instead of her twin and that it's OP's fault she counldn't have kids anymore. OP mentioned she didn't even look like her mom anymore. She was that crazy. The mom tried to scratch OP, but dad and grandpa had to restrain her while she kept screaming it was OP's fault. Dad called the police (all while she attacked the police) and she's taken away. Dad came back (completely shaken) and said he would come back, but he didn't. He called grandpa and said she's being mentally assessed. GRandpa suggest Op come with him to visit Grandpa's sister in austraila after new year. So far OP doesn't know if she will. Just been numb and emotional after what happened.
Unfortunately there was an update and everything got SO much worse. Her dad finally gets it and is ready to make amends, her grandpa is awesome, but her mother… her mother is insane and needs to be locked up. Here it is:
Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help!
Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. l agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and m mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too.
I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back.
Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hospital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, l'm emotional. That's the update.
Don't know if I will update again.
The birthday story for an update, warning it’s not a happy one:
Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help!
Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. I agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and my mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too.
I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back.
Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hostpital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, I'm emotional. That's the update. Don't know if I will update again.
That's awful, but honestly what her mom said was similar to one of the first things I thought when I first heard this story. That day is not only OP and her brother's birthday but also the day her brother died. So OP is a constant reminder to the parents of the child they lost and I honestly could not imagine how painful that must be.
That being said, it also doesn't give the parents the right to treat OP the way they did. It's good that her mom is in a mental hospital. It sounds like she just completely broke, which I think untreated (or improperly treated) grief can do to a person. Hopefully the whole family gets the help they need and OP can find some sense of happiness when it comes to her own birthday.
Honestly though it is a better update then expected.. op now should know its not her fault and should go no contact with the crazy and the sperm donor...
That's just so heartbreaking 😭 glad that she has her grandpa with her.
@@thetruth1223what's worng with her dad?
@@SonLuffa he keeps defending crazy and was spinless to stop her..
For the "corrections" story my stmpathies lean more towards the daughter. I don't know what dish this was but some people get VERY defensive about the food from their culture, just think about the meme of the Italian freaking out when they see someone break spaghetti noodles in half before putting them in the pot. It can also be considered disrespectful or even culturally insensitive to use substitute ingrediants in a dish like that and still call it the original name. Say "this dish was inspired by/based on __" not "this is __ but I swapped out a, b, c, and d for other things"
Yeah, I feel the same way about that one. Makes me wonder if the dish was something egregious, like Jamie Oliver's """""ramen""""" where he used soba noodles and didn't make any kind of proper tare. My Japanese teachers looked confused enough with brown rice being used for sushi, so that """"""ramen"""""" would give them a heart attack... I can't help but feel like this could be the same level.
Those people have to suck it up, then, when THEY are the guests.
@@Tajarim88 if I invited you over to my home, would you "suck it up" if I proceeded to personally insult you and the things you hold dear?
"Just think of the meme" is not the right argument when it comes to human behaviour and general savoir-vivre. You are not a meme, you're a human being, and you should behave like human beings do, rather than go out of your way to berate people hosts for making a dish the wrong way. Ignoring for a moment the fact the hosts may have simply not known the dish was made differently, interjecting in the middle of the meal with an "WELL AKTSCHUALLY!" is snobbish, complaining about the meal being "made wrong" is rude and bringing that fact up in the open, during a public meeting, is insulting. All the while being a guest in somebody else's home. There are ways to handle giving advice, cultural or otherwise, and OP's daughter flubbed it hard. There should be a stern talking to and this should all be explained, and hey - the advice could still be given to the woman, in a more kind way than "Ugh, you call THIS an insert-dish-name?". Who knows - maybe she can actually get it right and make the meal taste better in the process. That way, culture is promoted, diet is expanded, tastebuds are spoiled and a person learns something. Everybody wins. Being offended about something this minor changes nothing.
@@alphadron4073 Nah, having guests doesn't mean your racism gets excused. And while this wasn't violent racism, this was still racism. And it sounds like the daughter was still extremely polite.
Story 1: NTA. They come to your house, and they insult you and your boyfriend under your roof. No way! The only reason they said they'd apologize is because OP said they will take back their gifts. They aren't sorry for insulting them, they are only saying that so that you'll back down. And honestly, if you as a parent defend your kid for making derogatory "jokes", you failed as a parent and you failed your own kids.
I hope OP took back their parents gifts too. Anyone else want to be disrespectful? No gifts for you!
My heart breaks for OP and especially for his husband. The man's only family is his husband and his husband's family. I can't even imagine how devastated he'd feel knowing that some people in his found family reject him because he's gay.
When I was a teenager, I was a bit of an ass as well, but if there was somebody in my family who was gay and married their SO, I would never have said anything like these two girls did.
I have the controversial opinion that derogatory comments and jokes are fine if nobody is around to be offended by them.
However, because the boyfriend was there to hear them and was hurt by them, they are obligated to apologize.
It isn't the jokes that makes them pieces of shit, it's the unwillingness to humble themselves before another human being and admit their wrongdoings.
@@ReptillianStrike His house, his rules. End of story.
@@giancarloc1985
I never implied that wasn't the case.
If you had actually read my comment, you would see that I agreed they should have apologized.
Story 2: There's a crucial detail everyone is overlooking; OP has only been dating the guy for one year. She's not Nara's stepmom, she's just the fathers girlfriend. Nara is a teenager and respectfully disagreed with the host, so why on earth would OP step in?
The wife tried her best to cook the meal, and even if it wasn't the correct recipe, i personally would've just politely eaten it. The wife shouldn't try to white-ify the dish though, i'm definitely not excusing that. Personally i would've tried to find a time to speak with the wife privately afterwards.
@@DiscoPanic3 the wife probably felt humilitated and I can empathize with that but that's just a consequence of her actions.
How is defending a child that is trying to respect her heritage only for people that have dated their mom for a specific length of time? where is YOUR cutoff? If he had been dating Nara's dad for 14 months, is it ok to defend a child, or does that require 15 months and 11 days to defend a child.
16 months?
What exactly is your cutoff required to defend a child that talks about their cultural heritage.
"nope, not in a child's life for three years, eight months, and 16 days, no right."
WTF?
@@joshgordon1010 what are you talking about? the story was about her not disciplining the stepdaughter., which OP didn't do. And she shouldn't discipline the stepdaughter since she's
1:Not the stepmom yet
2:the stepdaughter wasn't in the wrong if she was only being matter of fact as stated in the story.
thats exactly how some weird american dishes happen... no one dares to say a word and ppl who make them think everybody likes it... i mean i would not be mean but i would say if something was wrong and if thats intendet? like something being surprisingly acidic... or it doesnt work out (like free style cooking throwing stuff together) that makes nothing stand out at all... im all for experimenting with salty/sweet/umami etc.. but it has to be complimentary... so its just a nuance and something does not overpower a dish@@DiscoPanic3
Story #5: I’ve delivered thousand of babies and never take offense to a laboring patient swearing! One of my jobs is literally to support you in the labor process (beyond the whole healthy mom healthy baby thing! NTA!!!
The way I did a double take after reading that first line lmao. My dumb self misinterpreted that.
Still delivering thousands of babies is pretty incredible.
@ParisTheDragon I'm glad I wasn't the only one who did a double take on the first sentence LOL
I had to do a double take on that first line lmao
My brother works as a first responder in an ambulance and has had a couple of pregnant women as clients about to suddenly give birth swearing and howling at everyone. I'm guessing that when you're in that much pain you don't really care about what or to whom you yell 😅 (I have never been pregnant so I wouldn't know)
It’s not the swearing, but that she used the Lord’s name in vain. No one is allowed to taint the Lord’s good name. Come at me if you will, I have a mother and she’d say the same thing.
Story 3: OP and his wife spent 100k per child for the first 3 and then a car each, whilst the entitled brat cost him 180k due to his entitled behavior. OP is so not the AH here.
Yeah. Looks likr Rslash missed the 'each' in the story
Even if it wasn't specified. Its wild to me he just assumes 100k was enough money for 3 four-year degrees and living expenses. Unless they all went to trade school for 1 year, it's very unlikely.
I went back and listen to the part you're talking about. Rslash clearly read "Each" in the story. I think he just glossed over that fact when analyzing the story. Meaning he either didn't realize it was 100k on each child college tuition plus a car or simply missed it.
@@jordanmchighlander9365 Yeah, rslash has a masters degree! How can he not be familiar with the exorbitant cost of education paired with living expenses while studying?
@@kristy1653 even with that consideration, it's still wild. For reference, a trade school where I used to live had an accelerated 1 yr, 1600hr welding program that cost 25k.
Update on Story 4: OP celebrated with her friends and grandpa, and it was just her birthday. She really enjoyed it.
On Christmas, her mother and father came to visit her at her grandpa's. Initially, things appeared to be going okay. Dad apologized for not taking OPs unsaid feelings into consideration and would work harder for her in the future and while it doesn't excuse what he did to her, it does open the path for a relationship forward. The mother, though, snapped. She slapped and scratched OP, said it was her fault that she couldn't have children anymore, that OP should have been the one who died, and tried attacking OP more. She was arrested and committed.
Oh God that's awful...I feel so bad for OP to have to go through that and having to bear the knowledge that the woman who birthed her wishes she'd died...Really hoping that she'll still be able to live her best life with the support of her grandpa and friends though.
omg, that I did not expect...not understanding, sure, but full on blaming and having no love for her own child? wow
@@ChioGaruYeah, hopefully that's the last time she had to see that monster. And something else that nobody touched upon: I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to lose a child, let alone a newborn. And I get that people grieve differently...
But for the love of God, it's been SEVENTEEN years. Wanting to turn the celebration of OP's life into a memorial of her deceased brother, on their birthday even after all these years, it's just not okay...
JFC. I'm guessing the therapist who looked after the mother might've missed something.
That mother sure sounds like a POS human being. Forcing her child to remember their dead twin sibling on their birthday and then getting upset that the living child just wants the birthday to be entirely about themselves makes her sound really entitled. That woman needs therapy.
Story 4: I understand Grief can be a hard thing but... 17 years later and your still thinking your living child should memorialize your dead son is wrong
Like the mom cares about the living kid (there was an update that didn’t make it to the video)
@@bibigamer502your comment just prompted me to look it up. Jesus fucking Christ...
@@bouboulroz Holy shit tits that is one hell of an update
Link?? @@bibigamer502
@@bibigamer502 So, what is the update??
Very sad update for the birthday story. TW for violence.
OP has her birthday with her grandpa, family, and friends... but her parents didn't go. Birthday went well, she seemed happy. Then on Christmas she has a meeting with her parents. Her dad says he's sorry and that he knows it went too far, OP hugs him and tries to hug her mom but her mom slaps her and says that she wishes OP had died instead of her brother and then tries to attack her more. OP says she didn't even recognize her mom in that moment. Dad pins her mom down while OP & Grandpa escape & call the police. Mom is being assessed mentally by doctors now.
I'm the parent of twins, one of whom was still born. At the first birthday, maybe 2, we did add her name to the birthday song, but after that the celebration became just our surviving daughter's. We honor our other daughter by lighting a special candle for her. We can see the candle and talk to her in our hearts, tell her happy birthday, we love her miss her, etc and still have the day be happy and special for our surviving daughter.
It is wonderful how you handle the birthdays of both of your children. I am too a bereaved mother and know the loss of a child.
The loss of a child has been described as the hardest loss anyone could go through. But the important thing is to not let the grief overcome you and your life. It may be that the mother in story 3 never properly found a way to cope with her loss and it festered inside for 17 years causing a mental breakdown.
While my daughter was not a twin, I celebrate her birthday by donating a toy in honor of her, and celebrating it with a visit to where she is layed to rest and then cake if my other children wanted to. I've never forced them to participate. This is what I do to cope with the loss and it's not anyone's responsibility to be there with me if they choose not to.
I have an older daughter that has a birthday 18 days after the date of my baby's passing and I still found the strength and determination to make that day special and fun for her.
You come to MY HOUSE... You eat MY FOOD and you have the audacity to make fun of MY BOYFRIEND?!
GAY BEAM!!!
Not the gay beam!!
*It was super effective!*
Now there's a Dragon Ball move! _KAAAAA-GAYYYYY-HA-GAYYYYY-HAAAAAAAAA!!!_ 🤣
I wish I had the knowledge to use the gay beam
I have questions... does the gay beam does gay damage, does it turn people gay, or what exactly? I need to know what is the situation
@@seilamano3974It transforms them all into gay-enough folks to understand that their audacity is intolerable ❤😂
Story 2: If I went to a gathering and the host was going on and on about a dish that was important to my heritage (like, say… borscht) and all the substitutions made it an entirely different dish, I’d sure as shit say something.
OP’s great for supporting Nara.
Exactly, especially if she was presenting herself as an expert. If you're like "Hey, I really loved this when I travelled, and I'm not pretending that this is authentic, but consider it my humble homage to this dish" or w/e, then that's fine -- but that's not the host's attitude at all. It's all predicated on nobody from that "other" culture being there, and her funsies with the dish overriding the actual culture. Which is so disrespectful! It doesn't matter if you're the host - there is a right and wrong way to approach experimenting with cultures you're not from or familiar with, and this was not the right way. Plus, this lady is a grownup -- why are you getting into a pissing contest with a kid to shut down the kid talking about a dish from their dead mom's culture? Even if the kid isn't handling it perfectly, even if you need to talk to the parents after -- in the moment, you're the grownup. You don't shut the kid down, you open it back up ("That's so awesome, how did your mom make it?", etc.).
I completely disagree with RSlash here -- even if you need to teach the kid a bit of tact in approaching this next time, it is *not* cool to have the lesson basically be that the host can be as ignorant and disrespectful to your culture and people as they want because, idk, your culture is just an accessory. Honestly, it sounds like the dad in the story is not from the late mom's culture and *also* saw it as decoration rather than something actually meaningful. Good on Nara for standing her ground.
You'd be rude then. Someone invites you and a bunch of others over and they've gone to a lot of trouble to make something then the right thing is to be polite while you're in their home and eating their food.
@It-is-me...Mesie not when they try to claim food from my culture and turn it to some bland BS and say it was authentic. And the host asked for input. But even if none of those things happen she still wasn't rude. So you're wrong kid
@@It-is-me...Melsie Nah. She was up her own ass, pretending she was the suburban Anthony Bourdain.
@@ninjax7 You're too precious boomer.
If someone is making an effort to cook food from anothers culture then good for them. That, surely, can only be a good thing.
And so what if they don't get everything right. At least they made an effort, which is more than we can say for that little upstart who was critical of her hosts food and therefore rude.
Story 2: NTA. Nara was correct, and respectfully disagreed with the person who made the dish. The cook was rather smug about it, saying they could "ask her for tips". This sounds like the old logic puzzle called the Ship of Theseus. When you're replacing planks all the time, at what point does it stop being the same ship? You're calling it the Ship of Theseus, but is it really?
If you've had to make so many changes and substitutions, is it really that dish? I make Jambalaya from time to time, but I'm allergic to fish of all kinds, so i substitute chicken. A Creole person would scoff and say that's not Jambalaya. Without the _écrevisses?_ (crayfish) Quelle idee! I wouldn't chastise that person, I'd apologize and explain my reason for leaving out _les écrevisses._ They may not have seconds either, and only have a small portion for politeness, and that's fine. But then, I'm mindful of such things, and usually I say it's "Jambalaya inspired" if there are new people eating it, just to avoid issues of thwarted expectations.
Story 3: Jack's father said he paid 100K per child. So it's not six times as much for Jack, it's only nearly twice. But the money, while a LOT, isn't the issue. If I'm paying for your college, and cover your entire rent, even though the roommate never paid his part, you're not getting the car. That extra 80k _and_ the disrespect _WAS_ the car!
This reminds me fully of the manga and anime of One Piece when the ship Going Merry had the keel of the ship broken and they couldn’t just replace the keel, they had to rebuild the ship from the keel up. And the shipwrights were like “and then it wouldn’t be the same ship, even if we made it from the same blueprints”
I’m pretty sure it was the keel that’s the name of the bottom horizontal beam of a ship
That brings back memories. I love the Sunny, but it was sad to the Merry go. @@TsukiKageTora
Born and bred louisiana. Never had jambalaya with fish in it. That's a bit more creole than Cajun. Cajun is definitely chicken, and pork..
The creole jambalaya was inspired my Spanish cooks as it is very similar to Paella. Where Cajun gumbo is French based.
They are both similar enough to be considered jambalaya. One is creole jambalaya and the other is Cajun jambalaya.
I couldn't tell you how they taste different. I really want to try the creole one now.
@@sammeyDayYh that’s the jambalaya ik too hahaha
Story 2: OP literally said in the story that she wasn’t being rude. She was just educating the lady about the original ingredients of dish and how they determine the taste. Neither OP or the daughter are the AH.
I'm glad to see people bringing this up. Imagine if someone brought you a plate of spaghetti and called it mac and cheese? You'd want to correct them too!
Absolutely not. It's mainly about how she said it. And the fact that op felt the need to mention that nobody ate it was rude. She invited them into her home, have some respect! You can educate without being a jerk about it.
Yeah, on the one hand it is a little rude to criticize a host's food....but if you substitute stuff out in a recipe, it's not longer an authentic dish of wherever it came from.
You're wrong, they are BOTH aholes. Regardless of what Nara thought about the dish, she is old enough to know not to call out a friend's mom and host in front of everyone. She should think about it as 'how would she feel if someone did this to HER'. If they publicly shamed her in front of everyone. I doubt she would like it. Even if the dish wasn't great, that's not something that needs to be mentioned, either. It's just the OP trying to justify her snippy step-daughter's and her own crappy behavior. Nara for being unnecessarily critical, opening her rude cake-hole, and OP for not immediately shutting her down. Nara could and should have instead talked to the woman later, privately and told her she was familiar with the dish and why, and offered to help her make it. Maybe she had some idea where ingredients could be found, or better substitutions. In a nutshell, wrong place, wrong time, sweetie. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you. Someone needs to teach this girl the Golden Rule and some basic manners.
I often eat polenta. However, living in England, true Italian polenta is not so easy to source (the nearest shop I know that sells it is about 20 miles away).
So at times when I say that I'm eating polenta, especially if I offer/serve it to someone else, I would say that strictly speaking it's not polenta as it's not an Italian product. It's an identical thing though, course cornmeal, and it tastes the same, but still, I can't claim it's a real thing.
And neither should the chef from the story.
2 story: NTA. Not only did the woman make the dish wrong, she bragged about it. Nara made a good point that some ingredients are harder to get, but that doesn't mean our change the whole recipe! Besides, the OP said, her daughter was calm, she didn't challenge the woman, she just said her opinion. She had the right to do so.
She just substituted local ingredients, and Nara was definitely being rude like "no this is wrong, bad food", it's rude and disrespectful.
she didn't make the dish wrong, though. She just substituted ingredients, so yes, it's different but she wasn't "bragging" about purposefully making the dish wrong. She could have phrased her statements better, but still. Nara DID challenge the woman, but I can see why she might do so.
Dude, there's a musical called Next to Normal about a family where the mother never let's go her dead son, ignores her daughter, and basically tears the family apart. Great show, but never mourn at the expense of your family
Story 2 nta. If make mac and cheese but use spaghetti noodles and red sauce instead of cheese that's no longer mac and cheese. The daughter could be told after about when and where to bring something up/to let it go, but at the same time trying to claim a cultural dish is that dish but substuiting everything about that dish is (and I don't ever use this term because in most cases it's used wrongly) cultural appropriation, not cultural appriaction. The daughter didn't do anything wrong just called it out and from how it sounds wasn't even called out in an actually rude manner.
so I assume it would be ok for me to go around, calling out every vegan to claims to make a vegan burger? Saying that they are wrong?
because burgers, by definition, needs meat, so a vegan burger is impossible. Call it something else.
@@miniman649 dairy companies are trying that legally against milk alternatives.
@@miniman649 That's different, because hamburger as a dish has a different origin. Also, the meat itself is called a patty. And saying vegan patty instead of meat patty is completely fine.
Americans call hamburgers sandwiches after all
@@miniman649one ingredient change to make the meal edible for people with diet restrictions isn't the same as replacing multiple ingredients imo
@@emie7275 too bad. A vegan burger can't exist and vegans are wrong for trying to make it. THey should call it something else. A vegan sandwich.
*First OP:* OP's family disrespected him and his boyfriend in _their_ (OP and boyfriend's) house and expect to still get their gifts? The delusion! OP is NTA, and Shoutout to his sister for having his and his boyfriend's backs.
Also, "Too gay to function" is only okay when Janis says it.
*Second OP:* The origin s of the dish was important to Nara, so it's understandable for her to speak up (politely). I would've said N.A.H., but the host's daughter said the wife was "annoying," plus the wife sounded a _little_ too defensive toward Nara (although understandable). OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* If I take the post at face value, then OP was justified in not buying Jack a car. In fact, OP should've had Jack pay him the 180k. OP is NTA.
*Fourth OP:* I thought OP's town's d3ath was recent, but he d1ed 5 minutes after birth? It's still tragic, but OP had to share a birthday with a ghost? That's unfair to OP, and I'm glad her grandfather had her back. OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* 30 hours in labor and no epidural? The doctor's lucky OP didn't say worse. Unless he (or OP's husband for that matter) experience giving birth, he needs to go sit down somewhere about "not using the Lord's name in vain." I'm irked for OP, and I've never given birth. OP is NTA.
Sounds to me like the family in story 3 spoiled the youngest a lot. Like, crazy amount of lot. Because why did they agree to run the arrends? You want food? Cook. You want to go to the gym? Here's the car keys/take the bus/borrow a bike.
Sounds like a monster of their own creation.
The fifth OP mentioned she could not get an epidural due to a heart condition.
@@charlotteice5704 Yes they weren't asking about the lack of one, it's not that kind of question.
@@Ikajo Except literally none of the other kids ended up that way.
Story 2: NTA. Nara was not being rude or disrespectful, and she certainly was not insulting it. There could’ve been a better time and place to bring it up, but she absolutely was not wrong. If anything, the mom was being a little disrespectful by replacing so much of the dish and saying it’s the same dish.
Story ???: That titled confused me so much. Like it’s so common for women to cuss during childbirth and the nurses/doctors usually don’t care.
Yeah i was surprised with the AH score 😅 it's just such a weird thing to be actively arguing with a 12 yo as a grown woman too, any normal person would prob just go "thats ok, sweetie" and move on? Why would a 12 yo being smart and cognizant of their culture be disrespectful? It doesn't seem like she was cussing at the lady or anything.
what time and place could she ave brought it up? the women literally asked for feedback for it and climed it to be a dish that it wasnt and thought no one would even know about the actual dish
Story 2: I think the score for Nara depends on what substitutions we’re made. Think of that Jamie Oliver video where he says he’s going to make ‘ramen’ but once he got to the noodles, he used soba noodles. At that point it’s not considered to be ramen because ramen is named after the noodles being used in the dish. We don’t know what the dish is or what substitutes were made so, I’m hesitant to say she’s right or wrong in correcting her
Regardless of the substitutions, I don't see how educating the table about the origin dish or the difference that the substitutions make could be construed as an insult...
@@davidharshman7645 Because you are doing a "well actually" moment and putting the host on the spot and going "well, what they are doing isnt REALLY like this". Its a dick move to do. I would never do that to somebody, its petty and rude. If they started making racist stereotypes or w/e then step in sure, but replacing ingredients to make your own take on a dish? Live and let live.
Hell, its likely doubly embarrassing to have a 12 year old do it at you because frankly, you cant fire back because you might make them cry like you would an adult. Even if unintended and you do it politely, its still a dick move.
When the host explained they made changes, you dont need to add on to that and "well actually" them lol. If you go "you changed a lot of it and its really nice, you should give it your own name and tell people how its inspired but is your own thing!" that would be 1 thing, but the way its described just sounds like the insufferable person at a table that has to prove you wrong.
@@davidharshman7645 based on what i heard i feel like it wasnt just a lecturing. Basically saying you made the dish so wrong, you created a new one.
Criticising the food of the host is always a minefield though. And by saying what she did, i do feel like she at least embarrased the host
@@jonym.310 if the host was embarrassed then she knows she tried to be smug and make up bs about creating a dish but not even making the actual dish and was hoping no one would know about it so she can seem like a amzing cook
@@jonym.310if the host was embarrassed then she embarrassed herself. All she had to do was admit it's a dish based on an authentic dish not that dish. Then the difference is expected however she tried to past herself off as making the actual dish without the ingredients that are that dishes signature. It's like if you were over seas and missing home cooking and someone serves you rice with gravy calling it mac and cheese it's not rude to correct them then is it? No. That's not what they served you. If you make something based on something else admit it. Don't expect people from that culture to accept a level of disrespect you wouldn't.
Story 4: This carried on for nearly OP's entire childhood. Basically, their grief overshadowed OP's existence, and that is unhealthy. They need therapy and a different plan for remembrance, it should not be at OP's expense
Story 4: OPs parents already lost one child. Looks like they're trying to lose the other one as well.
According to the update, the Mom definitely is. The Dad actually apologized for his behavior and committed to trying to be more considerate on the future.
While the Mother went bashing insane and physically attacked OP while yelling that She should have died instead of her brother
@@natanoj16 Oh man, that's absolutely horrible. I hope OP goes NC with her mother, because she's toxic.
@@natanoj16I made a comment on a different comment on this exact video and I’m surprised how close I got to
@@natanoj16 I’m assuming you meant batshit insane but used talk-to-text?
Story 2 - glossed over an important detail: OP says Nora /looks/ white, but isn't- which means the dish is a traditional dish from a non-white people. Imagine a situation where if this wasn't food, and the mom made a "kimono" that wasn't made of kimono fabric or followed a kimono pattern or was worn like a kimono, then a Japanese person would in no way shape or form be in the wrong for just pointing out that what she made was not actually a kimono and probably shouldn't be called one. They absolutely shouldnt be punished for stopping people from lying on their culture. More rude than pointing it out is butchering traditional items and food from people of color bc you can't be bothered to make them right and then misrepresenting that culture to other people - very culture-vulture.
Forget the race aspect of it, as it's not important for the point you're making.
There's nothing wrong with pointing something out, and OP definitely made the right call to not say anything. The stepmom should have said that it was based on the other dish, not that she made the dish she claimed.
@@Wolfie713race isn't a primary factor, but culture is absolutely a factor bc if one is directly from that culture they are more of a defacto expert than a "visitor" who "traveled"
Beyond that tho....It is also worth noting that different people have differing taste palettes and there are legitimately differing layers of taste that may be lacking, but not noticed by someone who didn't spend significant time eating that cuisine. It may very well taste mostly the same to said wife but someone used to those varieties would notice the lack of flavor depth.
All that to say we all know the "my house my rule" doesn't apply when you're rightly correcting a factually incorrect statement (the dish is basically the same), but both factors do matter to varying degrees.
@@Wolfie713 yes, saying that is based on the dish it's a better option, i mean,if you put cheese , ham and tomato sauce to a piece of bread you can say its based on pizza, but its not pizza, the bread may be made with flour as well but it's not the same thing.
when cuisines fuse they create all sorts of tasty, interesting things , (although it seems to me that the wife's dish wasn't very tasty) and thats ok, that is how many modern and older dishes were created so i don't know why she keep insisting once it was corrected
when she say nora looks white, i got confused and thought that she went pale, lol
I always find it funny when people culture-gate something... Especially when it's not their own. For me culture is about sharing... I currently live far from where I was born... And I love when people cook traditional food from my youth with local ingredients... It is true that it does not taste like in my memory... But I also recognize that if I go home now I won't taste the same food as in my memories... Because the culture, available ingredients and people have changed... I think what the teen did wrong was not to point out the discrepancy... But how. (I am french) if am invited at a friend's place and they give a bland cheese saying it's the best french cheese ever... I would deck them😅... Er I mean I would point out that personally I had better, for my taste. I do get that the teen tried to argument that the allegedly bad served dish is not representative of the actual food. But no need to be rude about it right? And here lay the issue ... OP does not seem to convey this part correctly... According to the teen, and OP she was not rude about it. But according to the host and father she was... I think we lack info to know how to judge. (It's lay in the difference between saying 'you're fat!' and 'this bridge may not support your weight. Please, let's cross the river at another place' convey the same (mean) idea. But one hurt more than the other... We will never know which one.
My mother, who was the sweetest, nicest person, told me she was snarling the night of my birth, and one young nursing student, and acquaintance of my mother(an RN herself) tried to cheer her up and say "Tonight is my birthday too." mom responded with "I don't give a damn whose birthday it is!" They still talked about it until both passed, over sixty years later.
Final story, I'd have told the doctor "I'm not a Christian, I'll say it all I fucking want."
That would be a real butthole move. Living in society means knowing what to say and when and where to say it. Not every social situation demands that you have to have a foul mouth to respond to anything.
@@VicGeorge2K6 I never said I'm not a butthole.
@@VicGeorge2K6and being a doctor means knowing that your religion gets left at the door when you’re treating a patient. The doctors religion NEVER matters in a medical setting unless the patient specifically wants it to matter, especially if it is comprising the patient’s comfort. He shouldn’t be a doctor if he feels the need to have any of his patients follow any rules of any religion. The “don’t use god’s name in vain” rule does not apply to OP, and he’s just a dick for even trying to suggest that it does while she is IN LABOR. She shouldn’t have apologized. She should have filed a complaint.
@@VicGeorge2K6
Reread your comment and apply the context of LABOR to it. When is it acceptable to say “Jesus Christ” if not after 30 HOURS of labor with no epidural?
@@VicGeorge2K6 "Living in society means knowing what to say and when and where to say it."
That's cute considering the doctor clearly didn't.
Last story: NTA. The last thing on the doc's mind should have been the colorful language of the woman who is ACTIVELY DELIVERING A BABY. My mom swore up and down at my dad while she was in labor with me. She was in labor for nearly 15 hours before they finally had to do a c-section. (Keep in mind, this was the early '80s, not sure if they'd let a mother labor that long before a c-section in these days.) Also, OP was laboring WITHOUT an epidural! A swear here and there ought to be expected in that instance! Not OP's fault that the doctor took it personally, AND decided to toss his own religious beliefs into the mix by (politely??) demanding that OP not "take the Lord's name in vain". At that moment, that's not something doc should have cared about.
Another little tidbit about my mom in labor and thoughtless doctors: I was a very big baby, and my mom was a small, slender woman. So it wasn't easy on my mom. She yelled and screamed and cried, and her (male) doctor said "Oh come now, Mrs. Lastname, it can't be that bad." My mom had a few colorful words for the doctor then, too!
Gotta love how doctors - especially male ones - tell the women birthing "it can't be that bad". They'd be singing a different tune if they had something the size of a bowling ball coming out of a hole that starts out as the size of a small lemon, lol.
A part of mean girls is that that joke is only ok when his friends say it to him, not when strangers say it behind his back.
Story 2: NTA. OP’s boyfriend’s daughter might have been blunt, but she was honest. The daughter had firsthand knowledge about the dish being served. The party hostess was smug and talked down to the daughter when it was pointed out the dish had so many substitutions it shouldn’t be called by the name of the original dish. The hostess really should have said her dish was inspired whatever the original dish is called
Story 5: NTA, sometimes the situation warrants profanity, especially during major pain. I shattered my hip during a seizure 20 years ago. From taking me to the hospital and hoisting me onto the X-ray machine, etc.. I cursed out every medical professional involved. I know they were doing their job, but when you're hurting, you get a pass.
Most doctors understand it’s not personal and the pain makes you say things you wouldn’t otherwise say
Nah, nobody is paid to be yelled and swore at. Willing to bet you got treated more roughly because of that. So if you're in one of those situations, you apologize for it because that's not something you would normally do. It's understandable, but still not acceptable.
@@Hinaguy749they kind of do get paid to be yelled at when they’re taking care of a pregnant woman. There’s nothing Op has to apologize for. The doctor wasn’t doing his job. He shouldn’t have gotten upset at her swearing when she’s literally in immense pain. What she said was rightly justified.
@locusxe1411 nah, this is only bc it's a Christian thing. Were it another religion she probably never would have said it let alone refuse to apologize for it after. And no, they're not paid for this. If you start yelling and swearing at a doctor or nurse most of the time that'll just get you ignored to thrown out. You are aware that they don't have to treat you, right?
Dude, I know your pain. Broke my ankle seizing a month and a half ago and it's just now starting to heal. Fuck epilepsy!
Last story: to be fair the Doc should have known not to say something. The lady in going threw labor the last thing she's thinking about is her language, and the last thing he should be worried about is you using God's name in vain, and what if you're not religious?
That’s what I was thinking! I can (kind of) get if this was a normal checkup and OP stubbed her toe or something and the doc was like “hey can you not say that? It makes me uncomfortable”. But with the situation? Wrong place, wrong time, too close to pushing your religion on your patient which, as we’ve seen in the U.S lately, can have some disastrous results.
@@ApocalypticEmufor real! Homegirl is bareassed, legs in the air, in massive amounts of pain, and she has some dude literally wrist deep in her business. Let the lady say whatever the hell she wants to say. I'm a father of four, and if the doc had said that to my ex-wife, I'd have told him to blow it out his ass before she had a chance to respond. Like, wtf dude, do your job and stfu!
Agreed. His religious rules are for him to follow, not force onto others.
Yeah she's a jackass for swearing at him you don't use the lord's name in vain I don't care if your religious or not don't do it in front of me it's extremely disrespectful to those who are religious and considering the lack of respect given to us even though we are respectful to those who are pieces of s*** to us and treat us like trash the least you can do is not use the lord's name in vain
@@tbnrwolff3354 it was not in vain, it was in pain
Story 4: Looks like the parents are about to lose both twins, instead of just one... and they deserve it.
Especially considering the update.
Update: Alot have been DM me asking for an update so here it is. But first I would like everyone for there kind messages and wishing me a happy birthday, it meant alot guys, I teared up. I had my birthday with my grandpa, it was the best ever, my friend's and family came and my cake only had 17 candles. I was overwhelmed. My parent's didn't attend. But I didn't mind this. Okay I did a little bit. But Grandpa made sure it was all about me and I am super greatful to him. He fell asleep in his arm chair mid birthday, but that was okay, it was adorable. To the person who DM and said I should just join my brother since I was an ungrateful brat...what the hell is wrong with you, seriously? Maybe your trolling or you actually meant it, either way, you need serious help!
Now to the update, it's not a good one. On Christmas my parent's showed up. Grandpa was there with me. They asked to talk and Grandpa allowed them to come in after he asked if I was okay with it. l agreed. I was nervous. We sat down and m mother hadn't once look at me. Dad apologized right away, he said he knew what they were doing wasn't healthy, but since I didn't complain about it when I was younger he thought it was alright with me and he hopped I would forgive them. I got up to hug him crying and he was crying too.
I tried to pull my mother into the hug and she suddenly slapped me and said she wanted my brother, not me. She said she wished it was me that had died, not him. She said it was my fault she couldn't have anymore children. She had this crazy, insane look on her face, she didn't look like my mother! She tried to scratch my face, but dad blocked her. Grandpa pushed me out the room and he helped dad to try and restrain her. She kept screaming it was my fault and dad pinned her to the conch. Grandpa called the police. She tried attacking the police and got arrested. We were all shell shocked. Grandpa held me while I cried. Dad came back in after she was taken. He was shaking and said he will be back. He didn't come back.
Grandpa got a call later from dad and said my mother in hospital and getting mentally assessed. She has since been committed to a mental health center. Dad has rang, but has not come to see me or Grandpa. Grandpa suggested I come with him to vist his sister who lives in Australia after the New Years. Don't know if I will. At time's, I just feel numb and other time's, l'm emotional. That's the update.
Don't know if I will update again.
@@kranberry3318I'm kinda speechless at the mothers reaction and the fact her dad has practically abandoned her... I'm glad that OP has her grandfather, sounds as if she is far better to be with him than her parents...
Thanks for posting the update!
@@Chris47368 yeah someone mentioned the update was a doozy so I went and checked and… I was not ready for that holy shit. I figured everyone should know just how downhill this went.
Doctors are supposed to have a degree of emotional detachment. If this one can't handle a person screaming out in extreme pain, and takes the comment personally, should probably find a new career.
Yep. Plus the doctor’s religion is just never supposed to be a factor during treatment unless it’s something the patient specifically wanted. If you can’t leave your religion aside while treating a patient, do not be a doctor.
I imagine he was completely fine with it, and I wouldn't hold it against OP, but she should've apologized as a show of good faith. My judgement is NAH, but imo OP should've just said a quick "sorry" to the doctor about it out of politeness
@@rgwashere8723 No, she shouldn't apologize. The doctor shouldn't have corrected her during labor. That's highly unprofessional. As a medical professional myself, that doctor should be be in trouble for unprofessional behavior. His religious beliefs should never absolutely ever factor in in no way it Even if it's small and insignificant into how he treats his patience. She owes that man nothing and he owes her an apology. It was highly unprofessional. And if I was in that room and I heard a doctor say that me and him would be having words afterwards and other colleagues would be involved.
Was this also his first baby he delivered? Dude it’s not about you
@@LLandS18 well, it all depends on how he said it. OP doesn't mention his demeanor in the post, likely due to having slightly more important things to concentrate on at the moment, such as pushing a human out of her body, but I can definitely see that being a little joke to lighten the mood. Kinda like the "language" thing with Captain America in Age of Ultron.
If he chastised her about her profanity, then yes, he was being unprofessional and does not deserve any sort of apology. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt anyone to just politely say "Hey, sorry about swearing at you earlier, it's just, you know, childbirth" as a show of good faith and be done with it
Nara is not wrong, and I think she’s grieving her moms loss and it triggered her feelings of loss and I think she just wanted to explain the cultural importance because it also is part of her, and honestly good for Nara to speak up about the dish because that’s actually the proper way (imo it’s also whitewashing the dish) the importance of actually trying the cultural food is to experience the proper taste rather than substitutes that are not necessary, I get ingredients and allergies as the reason for substitutes
Story 3: If I was the dad, I'd buy Jack a $500 car and tell him to not ask for money ever again.
Story 4: I'm a twin. If my brother died tomorrow, I wouldn't celebrate his birthday next birthday. And I F-ING HATE being a twin. My family thinks we are the same. If he does something wrong, we both get yelled at, and vis versa.
The last story: I am a Christian. Don't worry I'm not the usual Christian. I'm not a bigot. Anyway, I taje offense to the way people use Christ's name like that. But I would never tell off a woman in labor for anything she said.
My thoughts exactly. OP didn't say what kind of car, or if it has to be new. Just a car. Just get a preowned rust bucket from craigslist (or whatever), and call promise filled.
As someone who recently gave birth, curse out your pain and people who annoy you all you want. That pain is so painful to the point I was in tears and death gripping my own mom until I got the epi. I cannot imagine how painful it is to not have it, but I can tell you that it hurts a lot more than appendicitis and it hurts worse than any other pain there is.
It may not be the highest on the pain index, but how it is reoccurring for hours on end without an end in sight, it is by that definition the most painful thing there is
Story 2: I definitely think the corrections needed to be said, cuz the fact of the matter is she made the dish wrong and was even attempting to spread that misinformation as an “expert”. That being said, I think this was an opportunity for OP to teach better, more compassionate ways to critique people. Nora shouldn’t have said it at the table in front of everyone, not because she was wrong but because it would embarrass the host and would make her less likely to actually listen.
I would’ve probably said something to them after the meal in the kitchen or somewhere else privately. And if she was still insisting, then maybe I would make a bigger deal but generally I feel like you should lead with the belief that people are generally well meaning.
If someone told me they made a special koori dish and didn't have any native plants or meats like Kangaroo in it and then talks down to me and says 'look i know what it tastes like, I went to Australia on holiday' I wouldn't have spoken nearly as kindly as the daughter.
I understand where you’re coming from. That’s a really good point. However, for me, it’s that she could’ve told the hostess in private rather than embarrassing her. However, she had no right to talk down to OP’s daughter.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012um, no. As a gringo, if I make chiles rellenos, but substitute poblanos for bell peppers, I fully expect any Mexican in the crowd to call me out. Sorry, but you don't get to insult someone's heritage by bastardizing their cuisine. You definitely don't get to gaslight someone from that culture because you traveled a bit.
@@SkunkApe407 It is just food.
@@sikorilzcx4513 no, it isn't. Food is a reflection of the culture from which it comes. If you're too myopic to see that, call an optometrist.
@@SkunkApe407 Dude I'm totally stealing that to use in the future because damn! 🤣
Story 3: Wow, spoiled as hell. I wouldn't be surprised if Jack was influenced by the friend. Playing favorites? No, this is consequences
Right? To me it sounds like the baby of the family was never told 'no'. Like dude, your mom is sick you mooch a plane ticket only to make everyone cater to you and chauffeur you around? I would have laid his ass out out back then for that kind of disrespect.
My ex has a sister that has been that way her whole life. Her parents treated her the same and the rest of the kids but she is still an entitled bitc*. She thinks she is better than everyone else. Won't have anything to do with her family. Is a spoiled rotten snobby person. I could never figure out where she got the attitude from either. She was only about 9 or 10 when i first met her too. She had ALWAYS been that way since day one.
It sounds like he's been watching certain toxic content. OP parrots a few telltale phrases in there that Jack has been saying about them, like "underperforming," that are used frequently in that sort of content but rarely used by normal people outside of that content. Not to mention expecting his female relatives to cater to him.
Friends, grandparents, social media regardless of what influenced him at the end of the day he made the choice.
Buy Jack the cheapest car they can find that is in working order. Bingo, promise fulfilled. A 10 year old Hyundai Accent sounds about right.
Story 1: Here's the thing about jokes. They're only jokes if everyone finds them funny. CLEARLY OP and his Boyfriend don't find them funny. So fuck everybody else in that story who took the side of the cousins. Major props to their sister though.
And they were clearly intended to be derogatory. At 15, 17 and 24 they were all well old enough to know better.
It was supposed to be a private joke as they said. But the problem with "private jokes" is that, unless you're in a really secluded place to tell them, they won't remain private for long. Somebody's going to overhear them, and if that person who overhears them is the person they're joking about, they're going to be offended, and rightfully so. Maybe the lesson here is don't make "private jokes" about people who are hosting the party you're attending in the same house the party is being held at.
Jokes are jokes whether or not everyone finds them funny. As far as jokes go, nothing is off limits.
HOWEVER. There is a fine line between jokes and insults and they crossed that line
@@nickowen7406especially if you have to say with you weren't meant to hear it then it definitely wasn't a joke. That is definitely an insult.
Jokes aren't only funny if everyone finds them funny. That's just mega cope.
Humor is subjective and people laugh at different things.
Story 2: it isnt rude to say that the dish they made isnt actually the dish. Its just the truth. This is the sortof opposition children receive that make them unable to speak up for what is true just because its gonna hurt some adults feelings
Mom was in the military and had ended up in a leg cast for six months due to a car accident as the passenger. She punched the physical therapist, an officer, after the idiot bent her leg all the way back the day the cast came off. The woman wasn't allowed to be anywhere near mom after that one. Since this was well before she met dad, I don't know if the fool was given further punishment for that f-up
Nora is NTA. Just an fyi for you, Dabney. A 12 year old has little to no filter. The host wife is a snobby person, and Nora inadvertently put her in her place by being truthful and honest.
I guess granny should buy a car for Entitled Jack.
Is the doctor in story 3 a Doogie Houser type 12 year old prodigy doctor. Really? Don’t use the lord’s name in vain. What a numpty!
12 years old is definitely old enough to know that you shouldn't be rude to a host, especially one that took time out of their day to cook for a large group of people. Was the host arrogant? Without a doubt. But there are a thing called manners.
@@seabass819but it’s not the same. A kid should know better but sometimes things slip out and they don’t mean it. It’s different than an adult being rude, because they might not know better all the time. And then for an adult to get butthurt about it is pathetic
@@seabass819she was asked what she thought basically.
@@seabass819yhhh but she wasn’t trying to be rude, she was stating her opinion on the dish as someone native to where the dish is from. And she also wasn’t wrong. Ibr if ur gonna substitute a ton of shit from the dish to the point that it unrecognisable then just call it something else. As many from said culture would find what u did disrespectful.
The last story with the doctor and the woman giving birth reminds me of my mom's story when she was giving birth to me. My mom arrives at the hospital and sees the doctor. The doctor forces her water to break, and then he leaves to go get dinner at Applebee's. He was called back to the hospital before he was finished with his dinner to deliver me. Once he delivered me, he held me by one of my legs, and then I pee'ed on him. I showed him to force my mom into labor and leave.
I was stuck in the hospital over my bday as a teen because the doc that was left in charge of me after my procedure sent me home too early on a regular diet. I came back with pancreatitis on my bday. Later that same doc had to remove stitches from my abdomen. He was leaning over me and my knee went up reflexively when he removed one of the stitches. I almost kneed him in a very sensitive area. I was so hopped up on morphine I felt bad and apologized. Wish I hadn't. I don't know if it was the same visit but he also wouldn't let my mom(I was a minor at the time)see my chart when I was very sick. She had to scream and yell at the nursing staff to get to see it.
This is a great story. Thank you for the chuckle to start my day.
You ever tried working or doing something that requires actual brain power when you're really hungry it's really dangerous when you're working with a knife and all you can focus on is food food
Him having food wasn’t the problem. It was him breaking their mothers water when he was hungry, and then deciding to go out and eat, when he could have just waited since the water was yet to be broken.
@@lindali7513 it was sarcasm ok
Story 2 is a hard one.
Op says Nora looks white but she isn't. Food is really important to lots of cultures. I dont think it's a "You made this wrong" but a "this dish has cultural significance and these ingredients are in it for a specific reason"
And I don’t think Nora was out of line. All she said was if you substitute key ingredients in a recipe, it’s no longer the item you declare to have made. Nora didn’t yell nor made a scene.
This. The OP also specified that Nara approached it in a respectful manner, which is the opposite of being rude. Just because she's young doesn't mean she's in the wrong or automatically "rude" like he's saying.
My younger sister is also a surving twin, with her ‘womb mate’ having lived for 2 years we were blessed to have her. Yes, it is awful to lose a child, but you also have another one you should be celebrating every year with. I believe these parents need to find a different way to grieve that better for all parties involved. Something my family does is my sister wears a little angel pin in remembrance of her sister for big events or family pictures. I believe she even plans to wear it for her upcoming wedding, just as a way to say ‘she’s still here with us and rejoicing in the happy moments,.
I have cousins who are of Colombian descent and if I made food that is from Colombia but substituted so many ingredients then it legit wouldn't be ethically be that food.
While harsh, Nara is correct.
For story 2 NTA
Idk if you will ever read this rSlash but if i may present an example:
Imagine you and your wife attend an Event like Op & Nora/Nara did in Story 2 and the Host present/brag about their dish and it just happens to be a Chinese dish but instead of Traditional Ingredients most of it is subsistude's and your wife reacts the same way Nora/Nara did.
Of course there are some ingredients that are not easily accessable outside their land of Origin so using some subsistudes will be necessary.
But It isn't the same dish than, one could say it is based on such and such dish and this the best they were able to make with the ressources they had.
Would you be mad at your wife than?
Obviously i have no idea who your wife is and i will never claim to know her and what she is like.
Edit just in case:
I am not trying to hate on rSlash just to make that clear x_x
You're right, if so many ingredients get changed, it's not the same dish anymore
Yeah...pointing out details about a cultural dish from your own culture and identifying the differences between the original and what's on the table isn't an insult. And, I don't really understand why rSlash called it such.
Story 2: the problem I see with Rslash's take is that is that what the mom did sounds like it's part of a racist pattern where people take a food from a certain culture, modify it to fit their own tastes/convenience, and just act like nothing's changed or the differences are insignificant. It's just food, but for some people, food is an important reminder of home in a distant place, and to see someone try to pass off a superficial rendition can be hurtful. Maybe it's not a huge deal, but it costs the cook nothing to just say her dish was inspired by a certain dish or something like that.
Ok in story 3 it does say each kid was 100k on college expense.
I’m curious to know what Jack majored
Uh, story 2 is so NOT the a*hole. The host/step mom wasn't just making a dish for the table, she was attempting to "educate" about a food that she not only didn't make properly, but isn't part of her culture. When corrected and educated about the dish she then doubled down on her having eaten it a couple times thus making her an expert vs. The kid who's literally part of that culture.
It seemed like a moment where someone tries to seem more "cultured" or "wordly" than they actually are.
You nailed it, I usually find myself agreeing with RSlash in like 85% of cases, but some topics he just plain misses the mark, I think this is one of those times
My sister dislikes turmeric being used for coloring in dishes with a yellow tint. Paella shouldn't taste similar to curry.
Well, the kid's not part of the culture at all, and the mom wasn't "educating" people on the dish, she said "yeah it's easy if you substitute this out." It's like if you made Shepherds Pie someone you are feeding your own food said "well actually you can't call it that because it doesn't have lamb. My mom is Irish so I'd know." It's just as bad as those Americans who go "you can't break spaghetti noodles, I'm Italian" and such
@@glitchyswabluthat is her culture though, her mom is directly part of that culture and probably taught her how to make those dishes
@@mxneater At most, Nara was 11 when her mom passed. I somehow doubt the mom taught her how to cook these elaborate dishes. She's not from that country and doesn't partake in the culture from what we've seen, so it's likely that it's the same as white Americans who are obsessed with their European "culture"
I disagree on the 2nd story. Nara didn't disrespect the host she just told them they didn't make the dish they claimed to have made. if I brought food that was 2 slices of white bread with slices of ham cheese and lettuce, told you I made tacos but had to sub somethings everyone would jump to correct me that no in fact I made a sandwhich.
as long as it is ok every way, sure.
A vegan trying to make a vegan burger? Not the AH to tell them they are objectively wrong and call them out in public for their mistakes. A burger needs meat by definition after all.
An immigrant incorrectly making a dish native to the country they moved to? Call them out in public and go over every mistake they did. Nothing wrong with that.
@@miniman649
1. This isn’t about the literal “definition” of the foods. The issue isn’t that they did it wrong, the issue is that they made MANY substitutions and claimed it was “exactly the same” when apparently it wasn’t. Even OP said it was bland, and that there were plenty of leftovers. Clearly his daughter was right.
2. That’s why people call them “VEGAN burgers” dum dum.
@@RealCoolstriker64it’s okay to just say that you’re autistic and can’t understand social cues. Nara and the mother absolutely are because they don’t understand that rudely correcting, insulting, and “Um actually”-ing a person hosting you in their own home is incredibly disrespectful.
@@RealCoolstriker64 "2. That’s why people call them “VEGAN burgers” dum dum."
They should call them vegan sandwich dum dum, because burgers are meat.
Story 2 NTA Dabney’s take on this is so weird to me. Why is it rude for a person who is actually from the culture to say the dish tastes different when you use the the correct ingredients? The women’s response was well I’ve traveled in my life. So? That doesn’t take away that persons cultural identity and her commenting the food tastes different when you use the ingredients that are supposed to be in it. She wasn’t being rude.
I agree, I think it’s weird to make a meal from a different g country and substitute the ingredients anyway (unless you can’t get them
Well, I agree with Dabney here. Respecting your host should always prevail. The ethnicity of food aspect is not important: If they serve you vegan burgers, you don't argue it's not burgers: you take a bite, swallow, and say thank you for the food. That's what being a decent human being is about. If you're served something you can't eat, then you APOLOGIZE for refusing it. It's never, ever ok to criticize food that is offered in good faith!
Also adding in the fact that if the daughter stayed quiet (like most guests would) and it came up later or her teammates ask her opinion assumingly they know her culture, then people would call it trash talking the host because she was saying it "behind her back". The daughter being straight forward with her knowledge and opinion should've been more appreciated, especially since she was rude to the hostess
@@sandrablouin2542How is accurately describing the food as being different than the traditional version a criticism? What kind of backwards manners were you taught?
@@davidharshman7645Depends on how its said. I didnt get the impression she Was just saying its different. I feel like she reproached the host for making it differently. If thats the case, thats rude
Story 1: if they can say it they can handle the consequences, and I get the 17-year-old hasn't grown out of this yet but the 24-year-old should already no Mom and Dad can't make anyone do squat for them anymore. Then they have the nerve to try and take the gifts you bought as they were leaving, I can see where the entitlement comes from in the family. All this boiled down to don't bite the hand that feeds you and they took a big ass bite.
Rslash is off base with saying Nara was rude and disrespectful. If anything the "hostess" was being disrespectful by whitewashing a cultural dish and basically bragging about it. OP specified that Nara approached it in an admirably mature manner. If you punish maturity, what do you want instead? Tantrums?
Complacency? Making fried chicken out of hotdogs doesn’t make it fried chicken no matter how many times you call it fried chicken. Nora was politely pointing that out. I would say that it would’ve been cool if OP chimed in but abounds like she handled it well herself.
NTA in story 2, if you substitute that many ingredients it isnt the same dish
I love how the doctor wasn't even fazed about the fact that OP was cursing at him. He was more onto the fact that she "used the lords name in vain."
On the twin story. I'm a twin and have been through that. There's a time to mourn and a time to move on and not punish the survivor
The mom didn’t care about the survivor all she wanted was the kid she couldn’t make into the golden child
So, calling your lord for help during extreme pain is taking the name in vain? I thought support was kind of their jam... Religious stuff aside, there is an old episode of mythbusters that prooves that cursing actually relieves pain to some extent.
“Too gay to function”?
Well, looks like OP read your Burn Book and now it’s time for the hallway brawl.
I heard the story before and was wondering what movie reference it came from. But I recently saw the new Mean Girls movie so it made sense now.
Story 1: CRYSTAL CLEAR NTA. You cant show up to someone's house, eat THEIR food, then turn around and start making harsh jokes at someone's expense when their partner's back is turned. And the cousins didn't even try to hide their dislike of him. To make matters worse, instead of acknowledging their mistake and apologizing, one of them tells their mom only HALF of what was going on, leading to everybody, sans the sister and boyfriend, of course, getting on OP's butt about it instead of just asking OP what happened for her to revoke their gifts. Gee, I wonder how THEY would feel if the cousins insulted THEIR partners. Not good, right? OP, if you're reading this, kudos to you for giving these people the boot.
Story 3: I was in the same boat as OP wondering how Jack ended up so entitled and spoiled then he mentioned the grandmother and I was like "Oh, there it is! It's grandma's fault!" 😂
In Joe Abercrombie's book "The Wisdom of Crowds" one of the main characters is giving birth, and while the doctor is telling her to push, she is screaming at him with the most creative and personal insults she can think of.
He simply responds with "Yes, yes, very good"
Story 5: She should absolutely send him an apology card, "Sorry for what I said while my hoo-ha was tearing." Nah man, you couldn't pay me to go without the epidural 😂
😂😂😂😂
My 2nd cousin came out and was brutally shut down by his mom to the point he almost committed suicide by jumping off the 29th floor balcony, my stepmom saved him and helped him, now hes a fashion designer making stupid money, im very happy for him
Of course his mom wanted something to do with him after but he just laughed and said "bye" 😂
I’m glad despite his incubator, he’s living his best life! I hope karma came for her!
@lorilancaster5917 oh it did
Twins lose soooo much autonomy just bc they're twins...I hate when people give them twinish names, dress them identical & make them share everything...that poor girl shouldn't have to participate in a mini funeral every year on her birthday!!!😊
Twin birthday story: NTA. I'm a twin. My sister and I either had seperate cakes, or our mom would make sure that our cake was decorated with both of our favorite things (ex: whatever we were into at the time). I turned 27 last year in April and my mom decided to throw a party just for me, because I was going to be in her town at the time (this was March), so I called my sister, who was in another state, and told her that mom was throwing only me a party and if she was okay with that. She was fine with that. (Keep in mind, we always had birthday parties together, or we didn't have them at all if we were seperated.) It's possible to celebrate only one of your children on their birthday, regardless of whether or not they are dead. Not saying you need to treat your living children unfairly, but OP's parents are still grieving and they haven't gotten over the loss of their child, which is fair, but their daughter is paying the price for it, which isn't fair. They need counseling, and they need to apologize to their child.
The last story made me laugh when she told the doctor off. She's in the one of the greatest pain known to womankind, and the doctor scolds her for "taking the lord name in vain" like it's Sunday school. LMAO, Get outta here.
LOL..dude is in wrong profession...labor nurse i hadfor my second was awesome...she said swear if you want ...wouldnt be the first time they heard it and some women could make sailors blush....LOL
she also told dad to go get something to eat because if he fainted, she did not want to have to step over him because she would leave him lie there for not taking her advice ....LOL
Once I stuck up the middle finger while getting a root canal and my dentist walked away. I got lectured about respect but I will never forgot how he left me with a hole in my tooth and I was scolded for being upset over him leaving me with most of my tooth missing
what irks me about that story is that I don't think calling a deity's name while in pain can count as saying their name in vain. I get that there was a curse word in the middle but still, it serves the same purpose doesn't it?
Doc bringing his religion to his job as if others are obligated to treat his office like a church or shrine... nah bro, change your profession to a Priest if you feel that strongly 😂
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012these are the kinda doctors that it is 100% justifiable to not only sue but fet their license put into question with a fornal complaint.
In story 4 you can have a slight small thing that you do to honor the dead brother but you don't want to make it part of the main birthday party You want to make it feel distinct and of its own part so that it's not taking over parts of the actual birthday party.
Story #1 makes me so mad because I am in a similar position to OP. I am gay and my family often assumes I should be able to help my siblings because I am childless, despite of their remarks and insults.
They werent joking. Thats why they refuse to apologize. Someone needs to snitch on them to Santa
Last story: Right after I gave birth, the nurses commented on how much my daughter looked like my husband. I said, out loud for all 10 (??) people in the room to hear, “MOTHER F****R!” Everyone laughed, including my husband. My OB looked up from sewing me back up and said, “What did she just say?!” My husband replied with, “She said ‘Mother F****r!’” 🤣😅 She laughed too, and I love telling that story to everyone. You can say whatever you want when you’re laboring/pushing/birthing another human out of your body, and no one should be able to say anything!!
Heehee. Good story.
Also, I just keep thinking of the part in the movie Wildcats where Goldie Hawn's character is standing in front of the judge explaining 'I called him [her exhusband] a Mother F*****r, which is technically trued since I am a mother and he used to... F**K... me...'
I mean, technically, once your kid was born you became a mother (if you were not one already), so...
Story 1: Hard NTA. I'm going through a similar issue. My partner is a trans woman and my parents have been misgendering her for the last 4 years. It started as "Oh, we're in our 60s now and the trans movement wasn't a thing when we were young." "It's hard to get used to" etc etc. It's been 4 years and my partner has had the patience of a goddamn saint despite my parents refusal to correctly gender her or even correct themselves when getting it wrong. Well, earlier this week, my dad shared a transphobic meme to his personal Facebook profile and needless to say, we are both livid. Partner is straight up going NC with my dad. When I tried to talk to my dad about it, he refused to speak to me and contact has been through my mum who is also starting to push back a lot. Partner and I have agreed that they are not welcome in our home and partner going NC with them both and my mum is now crying bc she wants a close relationship with us both. Not like I've been trying to facilitate a relationship between them for the last 4-6 years. I've said I will still be in contact but partner wants nothing to do with them. Both parents are oblivious the the straight up insult regardless of how many times I try to get them to understand the importance of gendering someone correctly. Feels like an r/OhNoConsequences situation.
Point is, people will happily disrespect you until the ramifications of their actions are bought to light so OP is NTA.
I've heard an airhorn can be very effective. I'm a recently out trans man and I'm giving my family one year before I will not stand to be deadnamed and misgendered.
I think Op spent 100k on each kid. Which is still bad because that means Jack still spent almost twice as much as his siblings. 80K would have bought a really nice car lol.
2nd story: I remember reading this one on Reddit and Nara was NTA. She wasn't being rude or snobbish, she was simply explaining she knew how the dish was supposed to smell and taste because it's a part of her cultural heritage because of her late mother. She was trying to educate the woman so she wouldn't embarrass herself in the future if she happened to serve the dish to a native of that country. The woman's attitude of "well, we've traveled everywhere, we know how it's supposed to taste" was more condescending than Nara trying to help the lady out.
3rd story: So wait, they ran errands for Jack while he was there visiting their sick mother, but they can't understand why he's so spoiled and entitled? But no, the OP was NTA for refusing to buy a car for Jack. Jack needs to learn consequences for his behavior even as a grown ass adult. And OP should ignore his MIL, his other kids were more grateful for everything OP gave them, Jack acts as if it was owed to him. He FAFO'd.
4th story (twin story): OP updated and said she had a party with her grandpa, family and friends just for her but that her parents didn't attend. On Christmas the parents visited OP at her grandpa's house and while the dad apologized and acknowledged that memorializing the brother every birthday wasn't healthy, the mother slapped OP when she tried to hug her, said she's wanted the brother not OP and that she wished OP had been the one to die instead of the brother. She blamed OP for not being able to have anymore children and then went crazy and physically attacked her. The police were called, the mother tried assaulting the police and was arrested and later committed a hospital. Dad has called but has not been back to visit the OP since the incident. Grandpa wants to take OP to Australia with him to visit family so OP can take her mind off things.
Story 2: NTA, ignorant Karen tried to puff her chest about how well traveled she was but got called out by a person with more knowledge of the country she was culturally appropriating. Imagine if someone made tacos and substituted cucumbers for the tortilla, cailuflower for the cheese and tofu for the meat, and a Mexican person pointed out it might as well be a different dish. Nara was respectful and all Karen had to do was say "I guess it is my special twist on it!"
Oh shut up. It's not cultural appropriation to recreate a dish you tried while traveling.
@@grottymink7784 she's not recreating it though. She's making something completely different and calling it the same thing
@@grottymink7784 It is when you completely misrepresent it
I agree with this, it's insulting to the culture. If you substitute the ingredients to the point where it doesn't taste like the dish you messed up. The fact that no one went for seconds is also very telling. My rule for hosting is that if I'm making a dish for people I stick to things that I have gotten good feedback on. It seems that Karen's husband isn't capable but her step daughter probably tried given the whole "pur her in her place". Granted I learned that putting people in their place can make situations difficult. It doesn't sound like Nora was particularly rude but wanted to give some insight as the person who is apart of tbat culture.
"Cultural appropriation" is a term historically ignorant white Leftists use to make themselves feel important. All cultures "appropriate" other cultures, that's how they grow and and change over time. American culture is called a "melting pot" specifically because of this trend. You all ironically complain about "white nationalists" while simultaneously gatekeeping culture.
And people mix ingredients in dishes all the time. Do you not watch cooking shows or eat in fusion restaurants?
Story 4: I'm a twin myself. My twin Damian passed before we were born, somehow I survived. My parents love Damian, they still acknowledge him but they don't force me to share my birthdays with him, if anything it's my choice if I do something for him on our birthday and so I do, I light a candle and just think of him and tell him that I'll keep going and doing things for us both. You can't except twins alive or dead to share a birthday cake or gift etc.
College/car story: I think he meant $100k each. If it was total it would be less than $10k a year. That wouldn’t even cover rent, let alone tuition and food.
Last story, nta in the slightest. When my mom was in labor with my brother, she had the epidural and was still in so much pain trying to push out a 13 pound baby and it was the first time she had EVER given birth. Another thing you should know about my mother is she swears A LOT (probably where i get it from) but she was specifically trying not to swear. The doctor was impressed she wasent swearing and my mom just said
"i dont want to offende anyone"
the doctors simply replied
"YOUR IN LABOR YOUR ALOUD TO FLIPPIN SWEAR"
now THAT is the only correct response😂
Story 2 reminds me of something that happened to us…we had lived in Greece for a few years, ad my stepmom is Greek. We came back to the states and a friend wanted to cook us an authentic Greek meal…it wasn’t anywhere near it, and she served a soup that is normally hot ice cold, but my stepmom was polite and never said a word until we got home, then it was WTH? 😂how did she come up with that??
Would have been better if she said something tbh. The friend is trying to cook authentic greek dish, and she is basically making a fool of herself. There being no one to correct her, and thinking the dish has been approved by an actual greek now, she will keep on making a fool of herself as she cooks it for other guests who knows of the dish. Either everyone will just be fake polite and not say anything, making her live in a small lie for her to be happy, or when one of the guests finally says something, she won't even believe it and make even more of a fool of herself by defending the dish, as obviously an actual greek person didn't find anything wrong with her dish, how could it be so wrong?
The parents in the sharing a birthday story are going about this whole situation wrong. If they want to have five minutes a year to mourn the loss of their first born, that’s respectable. But that should be it. And even then maybe the five minutes could be on their own time. if OP wants to join them in morning, she can, but it shouldn’t interrupt her birthday.
The rest of the day should be in celebration of the kid you still have (although if they’re attitudes around the subject, don’t change they might not have that kid to celebrate with for much longer as she might go celebrate with her grandpa instead.)
Nah Rslash, in the second story the daughter was right. gentrification of ethnic foods is subtle racism, especially since they "travelled a lot" and arent from that culture. she should have spoken up and had the right. sounds like the step mom is absolutely obsessed with having travelled in her youth and it kinda spells out that she has money or was probably a trust fund baby. NTA, the step mom needed a kick it seems.
Twin birthday story: I don’t really see how the parents are the bad guys INITIALLY, the extra candles and quick moment of silence were subtle ways to honor your brother’s memory without ruining the importance of your birthday and the vibes of the party. The problem is, this is only a good idea if the other birthday person is okay with said arrangement. If OP doesn’t want to share these aspects of their birthday, they have the rights to. If OP’s parents really want a way to honor your brother’s memory, they can do several other things during the 24 hour span of that day to give respect and remembrance. Like maybe they could do a quick, in private celebration prior to OP’s party or many other things.
The last story, literally the second stage of labor has swearing as one of its signs. That means the baby is engaged and ready to come out. That doctor was very unprofessional🤦♂️
Did Nara really insult the meal? Maybe she should have framed it like “this dish is good, but since you used some of your own ingredients there’s a twist, maybe you could call it a different special name since it’s your custom recipe.”
For the first story... OP is in the right. Can you imagine how devastated his boyfriend feels knowing that the family he found with OP has members of the family who reject him for being gay. The poor guy doesn't have anything to do with his own biological family- probably for the same reason, so obviously the found family he thought he had meant the world to him.
I feel that this is an excellent teaching moment for the two teenaged girls. If and only if, they apologise and show OP and his boyfriend that they are truly sorry and make amends should they get their gifts. The 24 year old has no excuse. He wasn't being a bratty teen making bad movie references. He's a full grown adult who has a bit more life experience where he should know better.