Thank you so much Mark for letting me share my story. I am grateful for all the work you do. If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this story. Your children are lucky to have a present father intent on healing. Keep up the good work, it’s needed.
Paul... I don't know if you'll see this, but please look into tapping. It will help you 'let go' of the pain associated with the memories. It neutralizes the trauma and you can remember the events without pain fear shame etc. It's also called EFT. I think it works even if you don't believe in it. That's what happened with me. Thanks for sharing your story.
Wow. I am literally so overwhelmed with feelings right now! Thank you so much every bit of this! It means more than you will know. Being so honest and vulnerable!! Bless you and your family!!! Stay you forever!
I believe your memory about your baptism is very real. Here's why-when my son was 4 months old and still in those rear-facing newborn car seats we went to a store parking lot to meet my dad who had never been to my new house so he could follow us back home. This was before GPS and cell phones. Then, when he was 4 years old, we pulled into the parking lot of the same store. My son asked, "Isn't this where we met Poppa Tommy that time?" It took me a few minutes to realize what he was talking about. That day was the first and last time my dad came to my house so it wasn't like it was something he heard anyone talking about or saw pictures of. The mind is an amazing thing. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray you find peace from all you have gone through.
Paul I have watched many SWU stories and have been moved but your story literally made me cry a lot. Thank you for bringing so honest and vulnerable… you will help SO many people with your story and your willingness to take responsibility for your actions and choose your be the wonderful man that you are now❤
That's my husband! Paul, I'm so proud of your vulnerability and always inspired by your strength. I love that now you've gotten to share your story with so many others. I'm grateful that you've worked so hard to break the cycle so our children will never know a childhood like you had. This is a true story of redemption. You're a great dad and husband and I'm so grateful that you're the one leading our family. Mark, thank you for sharing Paul's story. More stories of redemption and hope like this are needed.
Pray to the Living God, ask him to remove the curse, and obey Him. The Bible talks about how if a demon is cast out of a man it will wander around the desert for a time before deciding to return to its old “house" (the man), and if it returns and finds the house isn't in order, it will bring 7 of its friends with it. We instructed to repent for our sins and for the sins of our fathers. To repent we must completely turn away from our sins and the sins we learned from our parents growing up. Without following God, that curse likely won't go anywhere. The King of Kings has power to command the demons, who He created. (He didn't create them to be evil, they rebelled). He and He alone can lift this curse off of your head. God bless you in the Name of Jesus Christ, my friend.🙏✝️🕊
I’m his little brother, I’m glad I finally got a chance to meet him when I was 17 this dude showed me the ropes to plumbing and I am definitely taking over his business one day couldn’t ask for a better brother he deserves it all !! Love you bro
I am so incredibly proud of you, you are a amazing young man with a heart as big as mine. Come take this plumbing business from me so you can flourish. I love you so much little brother.
It warms my heart that y’all were able to find each other and actually develop a close bond. It’s so rare in these types of situations, I feel like. I’ve had quite a few friends with similar sibling dynamics, where they didn’t meet until they were much older, and most of the time it never turns into anything. One or both of them don’t really make an effort to build something or they just never feel like siblings. Hell, even with people you grew up with your whole life, it’s rare to have this kind of close sibling bond. My own siblings and I, who share the same mom and dad but are each about 10 years apart, do not have a close relationship like this. In many ways, they don’t feel like my siblings, despite being raised by the same people, because we spent very little time living in the same house at the same time. We didn’t really *grow up together* even though we grew up together, yenno? My dad isn’t very close with his siblings, they don’t even really like each other despite having grown up together and being fairly close in age. My mom basically has no real relationship with any of her 5 biological siblings, despite all growing up together, being close in age, and even being placed in the same foster home. All of that to say: Y’all should both be proud of the relationship you’ve built and the efforts you’ve put in to create a sibling bond in adulthood because it really is a serious accomplishment. One that likely isn’t recognized enough, but is such a priceless gift.
WOW Paul I really would like to talk to you about Bruce Chestensen look him up in Nevada County he was killed by Grass Valley Police department well just look him up okay he was treased and 14 hrs died of a heart attack please get a hold of me please Cindy Lee 😮 Would appreciate to communicate with you ! About 14 years ago in April ! I
Well done brother… you should be proud of yourself 👍🏻 I can imagine 10-15 years from now when your kids grow up, watching this video and being so grateful for a Dad who broke the cycle.
I feel this interview represents the core reason many of us fans watch soft white underbelly. We not only can relate in some way to his story but to many of the stories. And he didn't stay stuck in that hell, he got himself out. Imagine how many more people he can help by just telling his story. Mark, best interview of all time!
For every one example like this, there's a lot more who never made it. Dead or crazy or terminally addicted. I think that's important to remember when watching these
Thanks for sharing, Paul. I really needed this after last night's nightmares. Abusive dad, abusive stepdad and I'm still tormented at almost 70-years of age. Thanks Mark.
You are very welcome, it's never too late to heal from our abuse. Whether you are 21 or 101 you can do it. I am here for you. Thank you for the kind words ... Paul Nootbaar
Dude has had a hard life and made it out successfully, creating a family. As someone who struggles with severe depression and alcohol dependency your story is inspirational. All the very best Paul.
You had every opportunity and reason to be another tragic story, but instead you found a way to become extraordinary. Your story is impactful and worth sharing and you're changing more lives than you'll ever know just by sharing it. You are the walking embodiment of the phrase "life is what you make it." Keep making it great!
@@themorphoproject i guess it is. The goodness you could save in yourself despite all the badness thrown your way is almost a miracle and, without trying to talk sense into it, a fertile soil of a higher calling❤️
The fact that a judge gave this boy back to his violent, abusive, neglectful father over his mother's family who visited him and did their best is a crime in itself. Children are not possessions of their parents.
This is similar to my own experience. My father was extremely abusive. He never drank or did drugs he was just hateful as he'll. I have never hated anyone in my life and still do not and it is because I saw how how it made my father so destructive. Hate consumes a person .
"You sit still and listen, in this Soft White Underbelly, and understand." Thank you Paul. Thank you Mark. The scar tissue on our hearts creates strength to heal ourselves while healing others. Listening to understand is the greatest gift we can give each other. This was a beautiful and raw reminder of why listening is core to receiving/giving healing and how it is absolutely rooted within empathy.
Sat quietly through the whole interview and didn’t realize that 1,5 hour just passed without even looking at my watch. Such a strong story and person ❤
Paul, you are an absolute wonder. Please continue to shine your light to help heal others. And please take good care of yourself. Thanks, Mark, for sharing another inspirational soul story with the world.
Grandparents are so important and I've noticed that kids don't appreciate them like back in the 70's-80's and part of the 90's I was so thankful for my grandparents and great grandparents they were the best loved me so much and and I learned so much from him so Paul was lucky to be able to go home on weekends to his grandparents that never gave up on him. God bless you ✝️🙏
Paul, you broke the cycle. My baggage is a lot less traumatic but still I heal very slowly and have to put so much effort in breaking the cycle of people pleasing, parentification, inferiority complex, self harm, etcetera. And I truly understand you when you felt sorry for your 5 month old self when you realised your son is so much better off at the same age. I feel the same sometimes. Then I hug my past self and come back and I am proud of how I got to supply the childhood and the hugs and the emotional security to my kids I might have dreamed of. So nice to see where you are now. Bless you Paul, you are an inspiration.
This could be one of the best stories from SWU. I've listened to a bunch, but from all Paul went through, he was still strong enough to overcome and find the good in this world so he could give love, empathy, and compassion. This country desperately needs to hear from people like this. God bless Paul, his family, and his grandparents that didn't give up on him and poured their love into him. This country needs people to be mentors to others to show them how to overcome and use their strength for good.
My step mother was Satan. She beat me with everything from extension cords to crutches. Locked me in closets, trunk of her car, tied me up to bedposts, it was so bad it became normal. You can’t undo it but it does get better when you surround yourself with people who love you. Good luck brother and God Bless.
Glad you survived. Hopefully you are thriving as well. No one deserves an exalted life more than the once abused child. Forgiveness is a practice that opens the door to freedom and wisdom.
I’m so sorry you suffered at the hands of such a sadist. I wonder where your Dad was? As someone who suffered with an evil/selfish stepmom, your experience brings it to a whole new level. Know that you are not broken, you are valuable, you are worthy ❤️ I’m so sorry you went through hell, but I’m glad you’re on the other end🎉
My husband feels literal grief when our son receives the compassion my husband never got as a child. It's really tough to have kids when you faced abuse and neglect as a child yourself. Edit: My husband and I give our son compassion, warmth, love, play, and support regardless of our internal struggles. We've done and continue to do a lot of work healing ourselves and we are better people than we would have been had we not had kids. Sometimes challenges are worth it. But if you are not ready to overcome the emotional challenges of parenting even when you don't feel like it, definitely avoid having children.
I get it . I had to move back home with my kids a few times while they were growing up , the way my mother treated my young kids brought me back to how she treated me! I remember standing outside with my daughter who was like ten, because I was always trying to escape my mother's place, and I broke down saying to her I could never talk to my kids the way she talks to us and my dad! I could never say those things to my beautiful children. I realized how sick she really was
I’d gladly take another hour of Paul’s story! Truly incredible. This is the real American dream! Rise above what’s happened to us and bring others with! Thanks Mark and Paul!
One of the best videos you have put out. Paul was honest about life, his emotions and his actions. He took responsibility for his actions and has moved forward with it to become a more whole person and seems to be happy with himself and his point in life.
You are a survivor. An articulate and intelligent survivor. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope the best for you. And btw, I would be proud to have a son like you
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Paul. My husband's father was extremely abusive especially to women [he was married 6x]. My husband says a lot of the same things you said - trauma started in the womb, very vivid memories of things at an age people say he was "too young to remember" [I 1000% believe you by the way!] & weed helps. Thank you for turning your trauma, all of your life experiences & knowledge into a way to help others. There is truly no greater gift!❤ Edited to add: I think it's important to add that when my husband's abusive father passed away, it brought ALLLLLLL that trauma up in a whole new & especially f*cked up way. His whole life hoping, wishing & praying for his Dad to die he thought, & thereby we all who love him naively thought, it would somehow magically make things better. Unfortunately, it did not. It's just peeling back another several deeper darker layers of the proverbial onion that is trauma & mental health. Please know if that happens to you or someone you love you/they are not alone. Please don't hesitate to ask for help.
I deeply understand his pain. As for my father, I don't think he will ever die. he is like a cockroach lol. jk, I really hope that he can find peace someday.
No truer words ever spoken...just be able to Listen! 40 years of mental health clinical work I learned and practiced. LISTENING is above all most integral! Thank you guys for telling and sharing all of it! One of the best interviews and truth telling ever!
@@themorphoproject thank you for telling your story.....you re the proof of incredible strength....I m still in a dark tunnel myself....but people like yourself give hope
Paul, hey man, you broke the cycle. You re so awesome! Please, never stop your journey, you re helping more than you know! Peace and love from Bucharest, Romania
The same way he fell through the cracks as a child he somehow found his way back out of those cracks. I'm amazed that he's sitting here sharing with us. Thank you this one got me❤❤❤❤
Your story made me cry. I'm a 43 yr old widow mother of two. I'm an addict in recovery and have struggled with mental illness. I think you are so strong and brave to have to survived all you shared and then created a better life for yourself and your family. That's such a beautiful thing to see and here. You should be so proud of yourself. Keep on keepin on man. Much love Megan
What a wonderful story. That bloke touched my heart with his vulnerability and his strength which will be transformed to help others who have suffered. He has so much love and forgiveness in him too.
I've watched quite a few interviews here on Soft White Underbelly. A lot of them have been shocking, stunning, funny, depressing, inspirational... you name it. But this one might be the most informative, insightful, and powerful ones yet. Thanks Paul. Thanks Mark.
Paul you really went through it and I'm so sorry for that. Always remember that you are no one's mistake...hold your head high, you're a good man and a great contribution to our society❤
I love the idea of bringing together therapists who have a lived experience of trauma to work together in healing and connecting with others. As a psychologist in Australia who's not working (thankyou most recent trauma), I absolutely love this idea and see such value in it. I wish I lived over there, it would be a wonderful group of people, I'm sure. Thankyou for sharing your story, truly horrific at so many times yet you have grown into a man your kids and wife must be so proud of. Just think of the gift you are giving them, of not growing up, living in fear of you. ❤❤❤❤
As a person with a traumatic past I am so drawn to being a therapist! I am just now enrolling as a almost40 year old mom into college for social work. I thought maybe I wouldn’t be a good therapist because I feel so deeply and that it might not be professional to shed tears while hearing a patients story.
@@Jarnierae it really depends and is so situation specific. Most importantly, don't ever let your tears become the focus or take away from what the client is sharing. It probably took me about 10 years of working before I felt skilled enough to judge when my tears were appropriate.
@@EmEm872 thank you for your thoughts on this! Absolutely I would not want to ever take any focus off the patient. Maybe it’s not for me, still trying to find a corner to be helpful in.
Hands down, best SWU interview I've seen you do, Mark. Paul, I needed to hear your story today. Being able to put into words how you are feeling and what you're going through so plainly and openly is something I strive to be able to do. You're truly an inspiration! Thank you very much for being on here!
Thank you, Paul, for sharing. For opening yourself wide. Thank you Mark, for interviewing Paul. To manage , not heal, do we ever heal , to manage and survive , clarify and set aside childhood trauma is a lifelong journey.
Thank you Paul! I have been on the same journey and the one thing that I've learned is empathy. I think that has been the turning point for me. I always listen to these videos and nine times out of 10 The word empathy comes up and I think to myself "this guy is going to be okay".
This interview is a gift . The kind of success in life that is soul deep. This is what this man has achieved through his healing. Deep respect for telling his experiences🙏 Thank you, SWU-Mark.
Even with years and years of therapy, I still have some really rough days. I understand the pain you went through very well. My life looks like the picture of success from the outside, yet I still struggle at age 62 with inner peace and self esteem. I never used any drugs, and never drank alcohol. I never was in any institution, but I still have a rather tough time. The abuse was as bad as anything I have ever heard. Life is just one day at a time somedays. I am alright. I am a business owner, and am married to the same man I have been with for 28 years. We are monogamous and truly devoted to one another. I am the president of two civic organizations and make a pretty wonderful living doing what I love most. I have a life much better than I could have dreamed. I admire your ability to snap back. Keep doing what you are doing.
Mark, what he is saying about you is true. We all profit from you sitting silently and allowing people to share their story. While being surrounded by addiction my entire life (friends, family, community) I never understood it in the way I do now from watching your channel. I feel so much more comfortable now talking to people with understanding who have experienced trauma. ❤ thank you Mark from the bottom of my heart
The biggest key takeaway for me in this interview was when he talked about giving up on his business of helping kids because it didn't seem like it was working, but that was because it often doesn't click until years later, for a troubled person to finally decide they're ready to take that lifeline and walk differently. I knew it for myself when I was a teenager in high school and the frustrated teachers that wanted to help me. I even remember telling one not to feel discouraged if it seemed like the talks weren't sticking. I just needed time to adjust my mindset. Nowadays I remind myself of this every time a troubled child or teen is put into my care. I don't expect to see the results, let alone rewards for myself personally. It is enough to help and leave that gift, that sees out into the world to be watered and grow. This is something most people aren't aware of, how much impact they have even if it looks hopeless. Even if things don't work out, you were still the person opening the windows and letting in the light.
That’s what I felt with lots of people I came across working as a police officer. You don’t often see your impact but it does stick with some. Same as your own children……years later they tell you and you’ll see it in them as their life as it unfolds if you’re lucky.
these group homes seem like such a bad idea. Who in their right mind thinks putting troubled kids together will bring a healthy result! Putting them on drugs, teaching them not to feel? On what planet does this work ever!? Nothing happened to the abusive father?! Are you kidding me?!
Having worked at places similar I can tell that it is a lazy idea to "save" people but in reality it is all about hiding a problem. It should be outlawed.
This just makes me ache for all the Paul’s in this world. But I’m so glad you’re persevering and blazing a trail with strength and endurance. To have integrity under the child hood trauma you endured is so incredibly inspiring! Keep on keeping on Brother!
“It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works” is the best catchphrase I’ve ever heard for addiction (of any kind). That’s a t-shirt and a bumper sticker!!
This is the most inspirational interview that I have seen in a long time. Thank you both for helping others this way. I am looking for direction for my own life and I want to help others as well. That's part of the reason we are on earth. Thank you again and keep up the good work!!
Heartbreaking. Haunting. Brave for telling his story. Thank you for sharing. 🤍 Edit after watching the whole video: Thank you for doing something positive for others with trauma, Amazing soul!
Holy hell! This was a difficult interview and outpouring by Paul. Truly, I wish him all the very best that life can afford from here on out. This makes me more grateful than ever for my parents.
In tears hearing about the brothers at the lake. What a beautiful mental picture he created, I can only imagine the serenity each of them felt. 4 brothers with the same upbringing, together for the first time. The amount of belonging and love they shared is poetic.
Thank you Paul from the bottom of my heart ❤ you so eloquently conveyed the impossible of how you believe your trauma and neglect is behind you, maybe even forgotten, and it’s so confusing to feel these feelings all at once when you have kids and treat them well.
Why did he not stay with grandparents I'm so confused why was a child taken from their family - this is criminal. In Australia we call this institutional child abuse. In Australia we have horrific stories so similar I hope you have peace you are a survivor. Thank you for sharing. My thoughts as I listen is what the hell happened to your father to become such a monster.
@charliemiller1934 MONEY is the only reason I stayed in the system. My father is currently homeless and still drinking. I hope someday he gets help , but to me he is dead.
I can relate. Awful childhood, turned out successful in life so far. Now i get to raise my granddaughter and make sure she gets all the love and support i never got. Hats off to you Paul - you got this!
Thank you for having this gentleman tell his story. My heart aches for what he’s been through but he’s turned it all around and really turned into a quality human being. God bless you and your family. I know you’ll help so many people. Take good care. I really enjoyed listening to your interview. Mark, thanks for providing an opportunity for him to tell his story.
Beautiful interview. I love the longer ones with deep stories. It really triggers empathy and understanding for me. My favorite favorite thing about meeting new people is to simply ask them their story. It’s the most fascinating thing to me and gives immediate bonds and connection. I think a lot of that feeling for me started when I subscribed to this channel many years ago. Thank you Mark.
Thank you for sharing your story, Paul. I've have built up anger for unknown reasons for the passing of my one and only younger brother, but now after watching this, I can finally let go and would be able to "hug the killer" like you said which has lifted a great weight off my mental psyche and shoulders. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
His so called Dad is nothing more than a Malignant Narcissist. I lived with my Step Dad my whole life whom is a Grandiose Narcissist. He was physically and mentally abusive but never killed anyone. All my half siblings except one and our natural mother have died around him under his watch but he never quite graduated to Malignant. Paul is amazing. God has protected him.
@@onnadarts23He’s still alive, he’s sane and is a great father. That is against all odds and without God’s help he wouldn’t have made it this far. What do you think saved him? He was also baptized which he spoke of early in the interview.
Paul. Thank you for telling so much of my story too. Your articulation at the hour mark and forward felt Like I finally had someone speaking for me. Thank you for being brave enough to share. So meaningful. Wishing you all the amazing things the world has to offer.
Hard to believe his father was never arrested for assault on his mother and abusing his kids. He beat up on anyone he lived with? What a monster. So sorry this poor guy had to go through all this trauma, at such a young age. It's good he can talk about it and is seeing a therapist. Why didnt his grandparents or other family members, take him as a child? This is insane they put him away and sent him back to his father! Child services are failing these children. I hope Paul can find healing and know he is a survivor, and that makes him a brave soul. I wish him and his family, all the best. God bless. 😢🙏🙏💞
It's not really hard to believe, especially when you look at these interviews. One after another and rarely are parents held responsible for how they harm their children and families
You may have missed the section where he spoke of putting him in jail kept him from the monster of a father. The grandparents tried to gain custody. So much to this interview that I can't even remember when or if this was said.
My wife's dad was a good man. Really decent human being. My wife's mother abused him to the point he committed suicide. My wife and her siblings somehow believe their mother is an angel and their dad is a monster. Even though the abuse was absolutely obvious and clear to everyone -- except the kids. There is this phenomenon called 'splitting' where the child with attach themselves extremely strongly to the abuser and start hating the parent who tried to protect them. Humans are weird.
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Thank you so much Mark for letting me share my story. I am grateful for all the work you do. If anyone reading this needs someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this story. Your children are lucky to have a present father intent on healing. Keep up the good work, it’s needed.
Paul... I don't know if you'll see this, but please look into tapping. It will help you 'let go' of the pain associated with the memories. It neutralizes the trauma and you can remember the events without pain fear shame etc.
It's also called EFT.
I think it works even if you don't believe in it. That's what happened with me.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Wow. I am literally so overwhelmed with feelings right now! Thank you so much every bit of this! It means more than you will know. Being so honest and vulnerable!! Bless you and your family!!! Stay you forever!
I believe your memory about your baptism is very real. Here's why-when my son was 4 months old and still in those rear-facing newborn car seats we went to a store parking lot to meet my dad who had never been to my new house so he could follow us back home. This was before GPS and cell phones. Then, when he was 4 years old, we pulled into the parking lot of the same store. My son asked, "Isn't this where we met Poppa Tommy that time?" It took me a few minutes to realize what he was talking about. That day was the first and last time my dad came to my house so it wasn't like it was something he heard anyone talking about or saw pictures of. The mind is an amazing thing. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray you find peace from all you have gone through.
Paul I have watched many SWU stories and have been moved but your story literally made me cry a lot. Thank you for bringing so honest and vulnerable… you will help SO many people with your story and your willingness to take responsibility for your actions and choose your be the wonderful man that you are now❤
That's my husband! Paul, I'm so proud of your vulnerability and always inspired by your strength. I love that now you've gotten to share your story with so many others. I'm grateful that you've worked so hard to break the cycle so our children will never know a childhood like you had. This is a true story of redemption. You're a great dad and husband and I'm so grateful that you're the one leading our family. Mark, thank you for sharing Paul's story. More stories of redemption and hope like this are needed.
It's all possible because you never gave up on us. Thank you for the gift of fatherhood.
May you both have a long, wonderful life together!
Amazing story❤
This is such a beautiful show of support and solidarity. ❤
Pray to the Living God, ask him to remove the curse, and obey Him.
The Bible talks about how if a demon is cast out of a man it will wander around the desert for a time before deciding to return to its old “house" (the man), and if it returns and finds the house isn't in order, it will bring 7 of its friends with it.
We instructed to repent for our sins and for the sins of our fathers. To repent we must completely turn away from our sins and the sins we learned from our parents growing up. Without following God, that curse likely won't go anywhere.
The King of Kings has power to command the demons, who He created. (He didn't create them to be evil, they rebelled). He and He alone can lift this curse off of your head.
God bless you in the Name of Jesus Christ, my friend.🙏✝️🕊
I’m his little brother, I’m glad I finally got a chance to meet him when I was 17 this dude showed me the ropes to plumbing and I am definitely taking over his business one day couldn’t ask for a better brother he deserves it all !! Love you bro
Love you so much brother
I am so incredibly proud of you, you are a amazing young man with a heart as big as mine. Come take this plumbing business from me so you can flourish. I love you so much little brother.
Good things always come out of community .. good o you man .. support eachother and spread the good !!
It warms my heart that y’all were able to find each other and actually develop a close bond. It’s so rare in these types of situations, I feel like. I’ve had quite a few friends with similar sibling dynamics, where they didn’t meet until they were much older, and most of the time it never turns into anything. One or both of them don’t really make an effort to build something or they just never feel like siblings. Hell, even with people you grew up with your whole life, it’s rare to have this kind of close sibling bond. My own siblings and I, who share the same mom and dad but are each about 10 years apart, do not have a close relationship like this. In many ways, they don’t feel like my siblings, despite being raised by the same people, because we spent very little time living in the same house at the same time. We didn’t really *grow up together* even though we grew up together, yenno? My dad isn’t very close with his siblings, they don’t even really like each other despite having grown up together and being fairly close in age. My mom basically has no real relationship with any of her 5 biological siblings, despite all growing up together, being close in age, and even being placed in the same foster home.
All of that to say: Y’all should both be proud of the relationship you’ve built and the efforts you’ve put in to create a sibling bond in adulthood because it really is a serious accomplishment. One that likely isn’t recognized enough, but is such a priceless gift.
Wow I hope you're doing well ❤️🩹 I'm glad y'all have a chance to meet each other life can be beautiful but also sad take care love ❤️
I'm convinced SWU is a master class in humanity. So happy to access to this information. 🙏🏽🙏🏽
but i'm not paying to hear redacted content.
I’m amazed at what humans can endure and still remain standing. Thank you.
I got drilled in my pooper every day growing up. It actually turned me gay but I’m still grateful bc it could’ve been worse.
"I've been through hell, but I like who I am." I feel the exact same. Best to you, Paul.
WOW Paul I really would like to talk to you about Bruce Chestensen look him up in Nevada County he was killed by Grass Valley Police department well just look him up okay he was treased and 14 hrs died of a heart attack please get a hold of me please Cindy Lee 😮 Would appreciate to communicate with you ! About 14 years ago in April ! I
Same 🥀
This is deep!
@@CindyLee-ep9og my contact is in the show notes.
i would love to talk
It's so important to love and respect yourself, yes
I think this is the most powerful life story I’ve ever heard. I’m amazed at Paul’s strength of will to become who he is today. I wish you peace.
@MichelleLeVar this means alot to me to read. Thank you
@@MichelleLeVar yes I feel the same way god bless to all man kind X
Sad tragic story pray that ur doing well now in adult life
Well done brother… you should be proud of yourself 👍🏻 I can imagine 10-15 years from now when your kids grow up, watching this video and being so grateful for a Dad who broke the cycle.
🎉😅😢 i😢🎉😢😮😮😢😢😢😢🎉 40:00 party 😮😮😢😮😢😮😮😮😢 40:04 w😢🎉😮😢😢😢😮😮😢 😢 40:07 40:07 😢😮😢😢😢😮😮😢 40:08 😢🎉😢😢t😢 40:12 😢😢😮😢 😢ttt
@nedskeezler thank you brother, it had to be done.
@@nedskeezler that’s the comment of the day. Wow 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your life. 😊
Man thank you Paul for talking. Thank you Mark for hosting. This is how we heal. This is helping me. This is helping a lot of people.
I feel this interview represents the core reason many of us fans watch soft white underbelly. We not only can relate in some way to his story but to many of the stories. And he didn't stay stuck in that hell, he got himself out. Imagine how many more people he can help by just telling his story.
Mark, best interview of all time!
For every one example like this, there's a lot more who never made it. Dead or crazy or terminally addicted. I think that's important to remember when watching these
Thanks for sharing, Paul. I really needed this after last night's nightmares. Abusive dad, abusive stepdad and I'm still tormented at almost 70-years of age. Thanks Mark.
I'm so sorry! I too suffer still at my age. You are in my thoughts and prayers
Your paying a debt you don’t own I’m 64 and I’m just now realizing that love and light nobody deserves to be treated that way
❤❤❤ssoo sorry
Me too still struggling at 63. Fifty years of anxiety, depression and paraphilia.
You are very welcome, it's never too late to heal from our abuse. Whether you are 21 or 101 you can do it. I am here for you.
Thank you for the kind words ... Paul Nootbaar
"I've been through hell, but I like who I am". Damn buddy, you just helped me figure out a little more of myself
Happy to help
Dude has had a hard life and made it out successfully, creating a family.
As someone who struggles with severe depression and alcohol dependency your story is inspirational.
All the very best Paul.
@jodyswallow1008 I am honored to give you a little inspiration. Alcohol is a lot of fun... until it isn't. We are here when you're ready.
Praying for you my friend ❤
@@themorphoproject Thank you sincerely for your concern ❤️ I am starting a program tomorrow 🤞
@@sadenoya2906 Thank you kindly. We try our best. Jesus Rocks. Lots of love ❤️
You had every opportunity and reason to be another tragic story, but instead you found a way to become extraordinary. Your story is impactful and worth sharing and you're changing more lives than you'll ever know just by sharing it. You are the walking embodiment of the phrase "life is what you make it." Keep making it great!
I'm so struck by Paul's intelligent and articulate recounting of his history. A deft weave most can't do. Bravo.
Thank you
It takes a very special soul to take that amount of pain and turn it into that amount of insight. I moved to tears❤
Same❤
@@bohemia9956 I feel like it is my duty. Thank you for the support
@@themorphoproject i guess it is. The goodness you could save in yourself despite all the badness thrown your way is almost a miracle and, without trying to talk sense into it, a fertile soil of a higher calling❤️
The fact that a judge gave this boy back to his violent, abusive, neglectful father over his mother's family who visited him and did their best is a crime in itself. Children are not possessions of their parents.
This is similar to my own experience. My father was extremely abusive. He never drank or did drugs he was just hateful as he'll. I have never hated anyone in my life and still do not and it is because I saw how how it made my father so destructive. Hate consumes a person .
It happens all the time. Broken system.
They are to a point.
Seems like they give the kids back to the terrible homes
This happens every day. We have a horrible, tragic, system the excuses and even encourages abuse. It’s a business.
Paul, write a book. I totally get it and you can have it all and have nothing. You are SO strong.
SO
@@terrytownsend5583 grow up.
@redhandedgirl5774 someday I will. I still have some chapters to live out 1st.
@@themorphoproject that old chestnut.
@@themorphoproject no. You have chapters your going to write.
The way you want them
💜
"You sit still and listen, in this Soft White Underbelly, and understand." Thank you Paul. Thank you Mark. The scar tissue on our hearts creates strength to heal ourselves while healing others. Listening to understand is the greatest gift we can give each other. This was a beautiful and raw reminder of why listening is core to receiving/giving healing and how it is absolutely rooted within empathy.
Man....been here from the beginning. Paul is in the top 10. This guy needs to be seen by all. I am in awe. What a great outcome. Wow!
I agree 💯
@@qs286 Thank you! Great minds think alike!
@@qs286 A beautiful example of how love and understanding conquer ALL.
Amazing human being, fantastic interview, thank you Mark and Paul.
Sat quietly through the whole interview and didn’t realize that 1,5 hour just passed without even looking at my watch. Such a strong story and person ❤
Same here…😲
me too
Paul, you are an absolute wonder. Please continue to shine your light to help heal others. And please take good care of yourself. Thanks, Mark, for sharing another inspirational soul story with the world.
Grandparents are so important and I've noticed that kids don't appreciate them like back in the 70's-80's and part of the 90's I was so thankful for my grandparents and great grandparents they were the best loved me so much and and I learned so much from him so Paul was lucky to be able to go home on weekends to his grandparents that never gave up on him. God bless you ✝️🙏
Grandparents can make up for a LOT of hell in a kid's life. I had one grandparent who helped see me through.
This is my favorite interview. Thank you, Paul.
Paul, you broke the cycle. My baggage is a lot less traumatic but still I heal very slowly and have to put so much effort in breaking the cycle of people pleasing, parentification, inferiority complex, self harm, etcetera. And I truly understand you when you felt sorry for your 5 month old self when you realised your son is so much better off at the same age. I feel the same sometimes. Then I hug my past self and come back and I am proud of how I got to supply the childhood and the hugs and the emotional security to my kids I might have dreamed of. So nice to see where you are now. Bless you Paul, you are an inspiration.
i love giving small Paul a hug from time to time.
May he succeed in his healing. He deserves peace and stability
Amen
@@rawganic5183❤
WOOOOOW. I can’t really explain it but I NEEDED to hear this interview this morning. Thank you for sharing your story Paul !!!!!!!
Thank you for listening.
Paul
This could be one of the best stories from SWU. I've listened to a bunch, but from all Paul went through, he was still strong enough to overcome and find the good in this world so he could give love, empathy, and compassion. This country desperately needs to hear from people like this. God bless Paul, his family, and his grandparents that didn't give up on him and poured their love into him. This country needs people to be mentors to others to show them how to overcome and use their strength for good.
One of my favorite interviews you’ve ever done. Would love to see more of him.
Thank you for the love, I doped a few podcasts on my channel and have more great guests booked up.
thank you
The black & white portrait is stunning! Wishing Paul and his family all the best.
It’s like every other black and white portrait though…………
@@josiffexplosiff1…in the eye of the beholder.
Yes, he's a nice looking guy cause those b/w photos don't always do people justice
@@josiffexplosiff1 I think they mean it’s stunning because he is a good looking man
My step mother was Satan. She beat me with everything from extension cords to crutches. Locked me in closets, trunk of her car, tied me up to bedposts, it was so bad it became normal. You can’t undo it but it does get better when you surround yourself with people who love you. Good luck brother and God Bless.
❤❤❤
💜💜💜
Glad you survived. Hopefully you are thriving as well. No one deserves an exalted life more than the once abused child. Forgiveness is a practice that opens the door to freedom and wisdom.
That's a tough way to start off life. Some of the strongest people I know have started off life tough. Keep being you and thank you for sharing. ❤
I’m so sorry you suffered at the hands of such a sadist. I wonder where your Dad was?
As someone who suffered with an evil/selfish stepmom, your experience brings it to a whole new level.
Know that you are not broken, you are valuable, you are worthy ❤️
I’m so sorry you went through hell, but I’m glad you’re on the other end🎉
My husband feels literal grief when our son receives the compassion my husband never got as a child. It's really tough to have kids when you faced abuse and neglect as a child yourself.
Edit: My husband and I give our son compassion, warmth, love, play, and support regardless of our internal struggles. We've done and continue to do a lot of work healing ourselves and we are better people than we would have been had we not had kids. Sometimes challenges are worth it. But if you are not ready to overcome the emotional challenges of parenting even when you don't feel like it, definitely avoid having children.
I get it . I had to move back home with my kids a few times while they were growing up , the way my mother treated my young kids brought me back to how she treated me! I remember standing outside with my daughter who was like ten, because I was always trying to escape my mother's place, and I broke down saying to her I could never talk to my kids the way she talks to us and my dad! I could never say those things to my beautiful children. I realized how sick she really was
@@izzydeadyet7336
Blesses unto you & yours.
You broke the cycle.
It's why you don't get hooked up with baggage.
@@izzydeadyet7336God Bless You 🙏🏻 what a gift!!
@@ellengarcia4041We ALL have baggage.
This was the best SWU I've seen. I have such a tremendous amount of respect for this man.
“I’ve been through hell, but I like who I am”
What an amazing human being. Gd bless this man.
We learn more by listening, not talking.
I have learned so much from SWU. Thank you for all the food for thought.❤
Paul, two words: Thank you.
you are welcome
Amen ❤❤❤
I’d gladly take another hour of Paul’s story! Truly incredible. This is the real American dream! Rise above what’s happened to us and bring others with! Thanks Mark and Paul!
I second the motion on another segment.
Thanks, Paul and Mark, for the shout-out. Great job at persevering Paul. Keep it up brother.
You've come a long way Paul. Healing from trauma is a very long journey. Keep up the good work!
One of the best videos you have put out. Paul was honest about life, his emotions and his actions. He took responsibility for his actions and has moved forward with it to become a more whole person and seems to be happy with himself and his point in life.
man, thank you so much.
I've watched several of your videos, and so far, this is the best. What a horrible life to turn around. Proud of this guy.
I've never been the best at anything , but thank you
Thanks Mark, i appreciate this interview with Paul so much.
❤
Northern Ireland
You are a survivor. An articulate and intelligent survivor. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope the best for you. And btw, I would be proud to have a son like you
What a great interview. Dude, look how far you've come. Thanks to your wife. ❤
Here from Canada 🇨🇦
Enjoyed watching your videos for over 4 years now. 😊
Best Show Ever! ❤
Same! Ontario here
Greetings all from Manchester, England
Watching from Manchester England 🏴 ❤️ my nighttime go to videos x
@@MatrixKT lol love it
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Paul. My husband's father was extremely abusive especially to women [he was married 6x]. My husband says a lot of the same things you said - trauma started in the womb, very vivid memories of things at an age people say he was "too young to remember" [I 1000% believe you by the way!] & weed helps. Thank you for turning your trauma, all of your life experiences & knowledge into a way to help others. There is truly no greater gift!❤
Edited to add: I think it's important to add that when my husband's abusive father passed away, it brought ALLLLLLL that trauma up in a whole new & especially f*cked up way. His whole life hoping, wishing & praying for his Dad to die he thought, & thereby we all who love him naively thought, it would somehow magically make things better. Unfortunately, it did not. It's just peeling back another several deeper darker layers of the proverbial onion that is trauma & mental health. Please know if that happens to you or someone you love you/they are not alone. Please don't hesitate to ask for help.
Great points.
I deeply understand his pain. As for my father, I don't think he will ever die. he is like a cockroach lol. jk, I really hope that he can find peace someday.
I think having healers who have “gone through it” is a wonderful project. Great work.
No truer words ever spoken...just be able to Listen! 40 years of mental health clinical work I learned and practiced. LISTENING is above all most integral! Thank you guys for telling and sharing all of it! One of the best interviews and truth telling ever!
Thank You so much for the kind words. Paul N
What a great story and human being to come out the other side and help others, Good on you Paul, your truly and beautiful man.
Paul, thank you for sharing your life story and experience with MDMA therapy! Good luck with the Master's Degree!
I could listen to this guy forever.....what a life you fought through....what a strength! Thank you and Mark for this interview!❤
@fleurcoremans9828 thank you for listening.
@fleurcoremans9828 thank you for listening.
@@themorphoproject thank you for telling your story.....you re the proof of incredible strength....I m still in a dark tunnel myself....but people like yourself give hope
My heart breaks for Paul’s lost childhood. Thank you for sharing.
Paul, hey man, you broke the cycle. You re so awesome! Please, never stop your journey, you re helping more than you know! Peace and love from Bucharest, Romania
Another great interview
Thank you Mark ❤
The same way he fell through the cracks as a child he somehow found his way back out of those cracks. I'm amazed that he's sitting here sharing with us. Thank you this one got me❤❤❤❤
thank you, I'm still kicking
Your story made me cry. I'm a 43 yr old widow mother of two. I'm an addict in recovery and have struggled with mental illness. I think you are so strong and brave to have to survived all you shared and then created a better life for yourself and your family. That's such a beautiful thing to see and here. You should be so proud of yourself. Keep on keepin on man. Much love
Megan
I am very proud of myself and of you keep up the hard work. Paul N
This interview was impactful to so many. Thank you for sharing your story, Paul.
Mark, this one is gold. Thank you!
Paul is a great speaker, these are my favorite kind of SWU videos
What a wonderful story. That bloke touched my heart with his vulnerability and his strength which will be transformed to help others who have suffered. He has so much love and forgiveness in him too.
thank you
One of the best interviews. It gives hope to so many that suffer. Thanks for your Work 🥰
The hardest stories are sometimes the best to be told...this was definitely worth listening too.
A brave man.😊
Thank you
I've watched quite a few interviews here on Soft White Underbelly. A lot of them have been shocking, stunning, funny, depressing, inspirational... you name it. But this one might be the most informative, insightful, and powerful ones yet. Thanks Paul. Thanks Mark.
Thank you and you are welcome.
Paul you really went through it and I'm so sorry for that. Always remember that you are no one's mistake...hold your head high, you're a good man and a great contribution to our society❤
thank you
What a powerful story.
Thank you..
from Australia.
Best interview in a while Mark, Ty
I love the idea of bringing together therapists who have a lived experience of trauma to work together in healing and connecting with others. As a psychologist in Australia who's not working (thankyou most recent trauma), I absolutely love this idea and see such value in it. I wish I lived over there, it would be a wonderful group of people, I'm sure. Thankyou for sharing your story, truly horrific at so many times yet you have grown into a man your kids and wife must be so proud of. Just think of the gift you are giving them, of not growing up, living in fear of you. ❤❤❤❤
As a person with a traumatic past I am so drawn to being a therapist! I am just now enrolling as a almost40 year old mom into college for social work. I thought maybe I wouldn’t be a good therapist because I feel so deeply and that it might not be professional to shed tears while hearing a patients story.
@@Jarnierae it really depends and is so situation specific. Most importantly, don't ever let your tears become the focus or take away from what the client is sharing. It probably took me about 10 years of working before I felt skilled enough to judge when my tears were appropriate.
@@EmEm872 thank you for your thoughts on this! Absolutely I would not want to ever take any focus off the patient. Maybe it’s not for me, still trying to find a corner to be helpful in.
Hands down, best SWU interview I've seen you do, Mark.
Paul, I needed to hear your story today. Being able to put into words how you are feeling and what you're going through so plainly and openly is something I strive to be able to do.
You're truly an inspiration! Thank you very much for being on here!
Thanks for the love . Paul N
Thank you, Paul, for sharing. For opening yourself wide.
Thank you Mark, for interviewing Paul.
To manage , not heal, do we ever heal , to manage and survive , clarify and set aside childhood trauma is a lifelong journey.
100% spot on
Thank you Paul! I have been on the same journey and the one thing that I've learned is empathy. I think that has been the turning point for me. I always listen to these videos and nine times out of 10 The word empathy comes up and I think to myself "this guy is going to be okay".
This interview is a gift . The kind of success in life that is soul deep. This is what this man has achieved through his healing. Deep respect for telling his experiences🙏
Thank you, SWU-Mark.
Thank you
Even with years and years of therapy, I still have some really rough days. I understand the pain you went through very well. My life looks like the picture of success from the outside, yet I still struggle at age 62 with inner peace and self esteem. I never used any drugs, and never drank alcohol. I never was in any institution, but I still have a rather tough time. The abuse was as bad as anything I have ever heard. Life is just one day at a time somedays. I am alright. I am a business owner, and am married to the same man I have been with for 28 years. We are monogamous and truly devoted to one another. I am the president of two civic organizations and make a pretty wonderful living doing what I love most. I have a life much better than I could have dreamed. I admire your ability to snap back. Keep doing what you are doing.
so proud of you.
I hear and understand how hard some days can be even with a seemingly successful life. You never know how much someone is hurting inside. ❤
Mark, what he is saying about you is true. We all profit from you sitting silently and allowing people to share their story.
While being surrounded by addiction my entire life (friends, family, community) I never understood it in the way I do now from watching your channel. I feel so much more comfortable now talking to people with understanding who have experienced trauma. ❤ thank you Mark from the bottom of my heart
The biggest key takeaway for me in this interview was when he talked about giving up on his business of helping kids because it didn't seem like it was working, but that was because it often doesn't click until years later, for a troubled person to finally decide they're ready to take that lifeline and walk differently. I knew it for myself when I was a teenager in high school and the frustrated teachers that wanted to help me. I even remember telling one not to feel discouraged if it seemed like the talks weren't sticking. I just needed time to adjust my mindset. Nowadays I remind myself of this every time a troubled child or teen is put into my care. I don't expect to see the results, let alone rewards for myself personally. It is enough to help and leave that gift, that sees out into the world to be watered and grow. This is something most people aren't aware of, how much impact they have even if it looks hopeless. Even if things don't work out, you were still the person opening the windows and letting in the light.
That’s what I felt with lots of people I came across working as a police officer. You don’t often see your impact but it does stick with some. Same as your own children……years later they tell you and you’ll see it in them as their life as it unfolds if you’re lucky.
🙏 ❤
@24:43
When a persons real life experiences have to be muted to conform to any censorship, it’s time for that censorship to be challenged.
these group homes seem like such a bad idea. Who in their right mind thinks putting troubled kids together will bring a healthy result! Putting them on drugs, teaching them not to feel? On what planet does this work ever!? Nothing happened to the abusive father?! Are you kidding me?!
By product of the rich families, needing a place or people to raise their children
Having worked at places similar I can tell that it is a lazy idea to "save" people but in reality it is all about hiding a problem. It should be outlawed.
Please offer up alternative solutions.
Thank you for sharing your story. You’re incredibly strong human.
All the wonderful comments reflect how I feel, God bless you!!!!
This just makes me ache for all the Paul’s in this world. But I’m so glad you’re persevering and blazing a trail with strength and endurance. To have integrity under the child hood trauma you endured is so incredibly inspiring! Keep on keeping on Brother!
Thank You
“It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works” is the best catchphrase I’ve ever heard for addiction (of any kind). That’s a t-shirt and a bumper sticker!!
Agree 💯
I’ve watched 80~90% of all the SWU catalog ….. most impactful one for me yet
Same here!
This is the most inspirational interview that I have seen in a long time. Thank you both for helping others this way. I am looking for direction for my own life and I want to help others as well. That's part of the reason we are on earth. Thank you again and keep up the good work!!
thank you so much. Paul
Heartbreaking. Haunting. Brave for telling his story. Thank you for sharing. 🤍
Edit after watching the whole video:
Thank you for doing something positive for others with trauma, Amazing soul!
Holy hell! This was a difficult interview and outpouring by Paul. Truly, I wish him all the very best that life can afford from here on out. This makes me more grateful than ever for my parents.
gratitude is everything brother
In tears hearing about the brothers at the lake. What a beautiful mental picture he created, I can only imagine the serenity each of them felt. 4 brothers with the same upbringing, together for the first time. The amount of belonging and love they shared is poetic.
That he didn't strangle his dad truly shows his strength, seriously. Amazing story, incredible he has the life he does now
Thank you Paul from the bottom of my heart ❤ you so eloquently conveyed the impossible of how you believe your trauma and neglect is behind you, maybe even forgotten, and it’s so confusing to feel these feelings all at once when you have kids and treat them well.
Why did he not stay with grandparents I'm so confused why was a child taken from their family - this is criminal. In Australia we call this institutional child abuse. In Australia we have horrific stories so similar I hope you have peace you are a survivor. Thank you for sharing. My thoughts as I listen is what the hell happened to your father to become such a monster.
@charliemiller1934 MONEY is the only reason I stayed in the system. My father is currently homeless and still drinking. I hope someday he gets help , but to me he is dead.
I can relate. Awful childhood, turned out successful in life so far. Now i get to raise my granddaughter and make sure she gets all the love and support i never got. Hats off to you Paul - you got this!
Thank you for having this gentleman tell his story. My heart aches for what he’s been through but he’s turned it all around and really turned into a quality human being. God bless you and your family. I know you’ll help so many people. Take good care. I really enjoyed listening to your interview. Mark, thanks for providing an opportunity for him to tell his story.
Wow. That was so damn powerful! We needed this! We need to see this! Ty ❤❤
Wow! What a story! Great job coming out on the other side!
This was absolutely incredible. Thank you, Paul 💜
Beautiful interview. I love the longer ones with deep stories. It really triggers empathy and understanding for me. My favorite favorite thing about meeting new people is to simply ask them their story. It’s the most fascinating thing to me and gives immediate bonds and connection. I think a lot of that feeling for me started when I subscribed to this channel many years ago. Thank you Mark.
Thank you for sharing your story, Paul. I've have built up anger for unknown reasons for the passing of my one and only younger brother, but now after watching this, I can finally let go and would be able to "hug the killer" like you said which has lifted a great weight off my mental psyche and shoulders. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for sharing your story wish you happiness for ever , Mark you doing amazing too from the 🇬🇧 x
His so called Dad is nothing more than a Malignant Narcissist. I lived with my Step Dad my whole life whom is a Grandiose Narcissist. He was physically and mentally abusive but never killed anyone. All my half siblings except one and our natural mother have died around him under his watch but he never quite graduated to Malignant. Paul is amazing. God has protected him.
Everyone is a narcissist........including YOU.
It's the one human trait that no human can escape 😊😊
How on Earth has "God protected him?" That's a crazy comment.
@@onnadarts23He’s still alive, he’s sane and is a great father. That is against all odds and without God’s help he wouldn’t have made it this far. What do you think saved him? He was also baptized which he spoke of early in the interview.
@@SugarBear-xq3xchonestly sounds like the devil would be the protector of a man like that 😢
@@dubaiedgeare you off your nut?! This man has been protected by the Creator and his mother, God bless her soul.
Helping others gives purpose to what we have been through ourselves and it’s the greatest gift of all. Helping others heal
Paul is one special man. My favorite story in a long time Mark. Thank you for sharing. May god bless you Paul.
Paul. Thank you for telling so much of my story too. Your articulation at the hour mark and forward felt
Like I finally had someone speaking for me. Thank you for being brave enough to share. So meaningful. Wishing you all the amazing things the world has to offer.
Hard to believe his father was never arrested for assault on his mother and abusing his kids. He beat up on anyone he lived with? What a monster. So sorry this poor guy had to go through all this trauma, at such a young age. It's good he can talk about it and is seeing a therapist. Why didnt his grandparents or other family members, take him as a child? This is insane they put him away and sent him back to his father! Child services are failing these children.
I hope Paul can find healing and know he is a survivor, and that makes him a brave soul. I wish him and his family, all the best. God bless. 😢🙏🙏💞
It's not really hard to believe, especially when you look at these interviews. One after another and rarely are parents held responsible for how they harm their children and families
You may have missed the section where he spoke of putting him in jail kept him from the monster of a father. The grandparents tried to gain custody.
So much to this interview that I can't even remember when or if this was said.
My wife's dad was a good man. Really decent human being. My wife's mother abused him to the point he committed suicide. My wife and her siblings somehow believe their mother is an angel and their dad is a monster. Even though the abuse was absolutely obvious and clear to everyone -- except the kids. There is this phenomenon called 'splitting' where the child with attach themselves extremely strongly to the abuser and start hating the parent who tried to protect them. Humans are weird.