Who Is the Affair Partner and Why Does it Matter?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มี.ค. 2020
- After learning that you've been cheated on, one of the first questions is, "Who are they?" It makes sense, because the identity of the affair partner is a major factor in how the betrayal impacts you.
It's NOT irrational to ask your partner to leave a job where they work with and see the affair partner daily. It's ESSENTIAL
I think it's certainly a good idea for everyone if the affair is going to stop. Especially if it was an affair...more than a one time mistake.
I would also point out that most workplaces, if made aware of the affair would have cause for disciplining the people involved. I know that the corporation my wife works for explicitely cites it in their code of conduct document. Beyond that there can be sexual harassment liability for them and also especially if one affair partner is an outside contractor there can be issues that may involve legal issues, such as awarding of contracts.
If it's a workplace that has anonymous fraud/ethics hotlines or websites that can be a way of finding out who an affair partner is. I pointed that out to my wife and she blanched white...companies with that in place generally require that the situation gets looked into. In her case I simply told her I would give her name and say there was inappropriate behavior that affected her performance on the job, including misreporting hours...brcause affairs take a tremendous amount of time and energy to carry on. I didn't have to be 100% correct, it would still have to be looked into and based on what I did know things went on during work hours on company property. Don't wind out a big story, don't say your the wife and don't speculate as far as who it is because if they look into it and what they have as fact doesn't check out it will be dropped. Give them enough that they have to dig around. Most workplace affairs are known about, despite the affair partner's confidence that no one else knows 🙄
@@mfawls9624 My spouse's affair was swept under the rug by his /APs employer. They gave them both a slap on the wrist, a warning, without any real consequences. They tote "zero tolerance and family values" yet when the details came to light...zero integrity or consequences. Useless.
It's also not irrational to dump your partner!
It is easier to obsess over the affair partner than to focus on your spouse's broken promises to you
The was more than one affair partner in my case. The first one was a family member (cousin who I barely had contact with). But I never found out about this until the divorce. The divorce was due to him getting an acquaintance of our pregnant, a whole
other person. Apparently they had a 5 year relationship by that time, or more...who knows! We were married for 10 years. He cheated on me left and right. But all the infidelities only came to light during the divorce. Cried to me when he confessed of the pregnancy. Made it seem like it was a mistake he had done with her. I made the mistake of reaching out the woman he got pregnant. She was definitely like the last two types. Vindictive and never cared that my marriage existed. I wish I would have seen this video two years ago. But even more, I wish I never got married to him.
My husband cheated for a long time and keeps hurting me and I can’t move forward and I can’t forgive I love him but I’m not gonna stay with someone who doesn’t know how to appreciate me ...
Knowing who, what, and when, was about taking control of my territory as a man. I at least deserved to know the facts. You have NO right to privacy in this.
it doesn't matter who they are, what matters is youre married to a coward who cant tell you how unhappy he is
Or her Ladies!
Yes of course it matters who the person was
2 indiscretions both hair clients of my husband. Both met me....He had ME blowdry ones hair months after the fact. Unfortunately, we worked together at the time. I now have gone back to another shop to work. He is the main breadwinner so quitting wasn't an option. He had been in a mania but it hurts no less. It feels like sleeping with the enemy
I'm sorry...
It's time for women to have their own money ect.... Plan B is needed! Things don't work out in marriages unfortunately.❤
Mine was the 5th type, she had a string of married partners to her belt, she kept them fairly well hidden. My 2 closest friends and my husband worked with her. One of them can’t stand her and the other one is close friends with her. I’d never heard of her. I rang my 2 friends ( when I found out) and the one that was friends didn’t believe me, her and her husband, being friends with cheater and her husband. Took ages to convince her that it was true. That hurt a lot as we had been friends 30 plus years and I’m not one for telling tales. She continued to pursue my husband and my husband her, until well over a year after I found out. I never tried to see her as I could tell what type of person she was and knew there wasn’t any point. Plus I was so mad, I was scared of what I’d say or do or how the confrontation would hurt me after.
A year later her husband contacted me with proof the affair was still going on well after I’d been led to believe it had ended and not only that but she cheated on her husband and my husband with another coworker, who’s partner was also a friend of mine. Her husband took the kids and left.
I went for a night out with her and my other friends to compare notes and blow off steam and the next day I ran into HER. I wasn’t going to speak to her and actually walked away and then thought, why not 🤷🏼♀️ she didn’t recognise me and when she realised who I was she looked terrified. I told her, I had no animosity towards her, and was grateful for showing me who my husband really was, told her I was happy in my new job that our mutual friend helped me get and she was welcome to my husband as I didn’t want him. Wished her the best and turned and walked off.
I felt closure and washed my hands of her and the power she had over me. I knew if I went in and said what I really wanted to she would’ve loved it, relished in my pain and used it to justify her actions.
I could tell what I said threw her off and put her on the back foot, as she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I’d been terrified of this woman and the power she had over my life for so long and I finally can let that go. It took nearly two years of therapy and processing it to get to that place. But the nightmares, intrusive thoughts and ruminating seemed to dwindle to next to nothing, after the encounter. I’d built her up in my head to be more than she was and she was shaking and cowering from me and I wasn’t doing anything threatening. I was also proud of myself for not losing my cool, even though she denied the affair happened. I didn’t expect anything from her, no apology, explanation, truth or accountability; I knew she wasn’t capable of that.
It sounds like you’ve done some very deliberate and difficult work. Congratulations!
You are freaking awesome. I couldn't do that, even if I was putting on a braver face as I think you admitted you were. My ex brought his bimbo home so I got to know her for a few months. No mystery and I'm more angry at her than at him lately. Still trying to figure that out. I was more angry at him the first time I sort of found out about them and much easier to forgive her. When he went back w/ her, it's been the opposite. Maybe because he's shown some contrition and she never would.
That is awesome! You were classy, dignified, and strong. Good for you!!
I was married 8 years. Seperated 6 months ago due mostly with battle against her alcoholism. 2 weeks ago I found out she had been in a affair the last year and a half of our marriage. Her co worker who was cheating on his wife.
That is a common scenario as I found out personally
Always plan to get stabbed in the back but also hope for the best. That way nothing surprises you and you can move on with peace and humility
I just did a screenshot of your comment. So true ‼️
Nooo! Don't do that! Not everyone has affairs! Have faith!!
Not when their your friends
I had my wife betrayed and four of the guys was close friends I thought with one was four years another was four years but total of the23 yrs we was married was cheated andy life feels as if it wasn't real I almost shot my self over this it won't get out of my head I ended up shooting one beating up two of them and I then imprisoned myself for 1 yr and a half out in the country cause I couldn't or know who I could trust
Its not worth it...
I can never ever trust anyone.. Coz he cheats emotionally
Useless to talk to affair partner. The spouse is accountable not him or her
Exactly
But he/she should be questioned
Takes two
After 35 years of marriage my muslim husband decided to get a secret second wife. He believes that it is his right to have up to four wives. He arranged for her (Muslim woman) and her two children (from her first marriage and who she left for my husband) to immigrate here and has taken care of her since behind my back. Wow ! Of course I did not accept this but he refuses to leave me even after I filed for divorce. I still can’t believe this happened to me!
Do you need help to stop he permanently
I know of a powerful man who can help break the affair
Chat him on WhatsApp for help
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Most times the affair partner was told horror stories about the relationship and the affair partner thought they were saving this sad lying jerk.. yep look back at your partner and the lies shared FIRST
Absolutely
The other woman in my case was a lonely wolf who lives in our complex and preyed on my partner. She sounds like the instigator type. No cares that he is committed. Initiated contacts and sought him out. Beware of women or men who are like this. They like to pretend they are “just friends”, but have hidden agendas to steal them away from you. Hey Lonely Wolf in apartment #2314... you don’t have any game. Go prey somewhere else!!!
😂
Ok...so, I have a a bit of an issue with trying to lay a whole bunch of blame on the Affair partner.. acting like they are almost solely responsible for destruction of a family. And if there are kids in the mix...that's one thing. If it's a childless marriage though, bit different. Not that it's right. Not saying that. But sometimes relationships just dont or aren't working. Sometimes the wife or husband may be in a marriage that they are stuck in. Eitherway...an affair partner, while not innocent usually, hardly shoulders the majority of the blame or maybe shouldn't even have that much guilt. Especielly if they are a stranger. Technically they didnt betray anyone. Majority of the blame lies with the spouse. Always.
When they hunt for and seduce your spouse, knowing full well there is a wife and kids. When they expose themselves ON the job unsolicited to your spouse...they ABSOLUTELY deserve their fair share of the blame and shame. Both parties do. Go find someone single.
@@jilldavenport7410 I don't agree... It is 100% of the cheating spouse's fault.
There's lots of temptations in the world. If a cheating spouse can't help themselves? They are actually to blame. That's one of the truest tests of marriage...
I can definitely confirm that you were not cheated on because you aren't pretty enough 😉
Dude, what the hell?
@@staleydu1 it looks opposite of what I meant...that he didn't cheat on her because of the way she looks. She's pretty!
@@mfawls9624 i gotcha. My bad.
@@staleydu1 it was actually my bad articulation. Lol!
Men who cheat will cheat up or down. ie will cheat with someone less pretty than their partner. Women usually only cheat up. In my opinion anyway.
This isn't helpful at all. Don't waste your time focusing on affair partner
Agree that this is other goal. Often takes some time to reach that point.
I got my test result yesterday and I finally tested negative to HSV 2. It really feels good to have my life back and I am so thankful to #drokiti for helping me out....