Abusers like to make you feel guilty & responsible for their behavior. They will pretend they don't understand what they are doing or how they are hurting you, but they do it intentionally and with full knowledge of it's impact. That's how they know they can get away with it. Stay safe out their my sisters. Read: How He Gets Into Her Head by Don Hennessey.❤
@@tab2go675 I'm not sure if you got your advice from the Bible, but when I read your comment I thought of a scripture in the Bible at {Proverbs 4:23} it says: "Above all the things that you guard, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life." 💞🙋🏼🥰🌺🌼Tami
I blocked a guy for being inconsistent after talking to him for 4 days, I called him out the first time, the second time he did it and didn't even apologize so I blocked and deleted his number... thank you Tony I now recognize the red flags early on
I needed this message 13 years ago. Please understand that this message is REAL. I am now separated from my soon to be ex husband. Almost a year ago, he threw me down the hallway in front of our children. He never apologized, tried to guilt me with previous issues in the relationship. Even said “you didn’t tell me you was going to see your mama” after I had to give an account of where I was. The man has been cheating on me, and tried to gaslight me, when I acknowledge his late night arrivals. Now he is trying to buy the kids affection. He disconnected my phone number that I had for 10 years....I have stories to tell. I have placed boundaries, such as no phone calls, only emails. I refuse to meet with him alone. I refused to acknowledge all those little seeds, but I thank GOD FOR MY LIFE. No one but Jesus is worth dying for. Please save yourself! Thanks for this message, Tony.
Thank you for sharing that! I just broke my engagement a week ago. The last straw was when he pushed me out of the front door and into the front lawn, falling down in the leaves and mud and he did this right in front of his 6 year old daughter! Can you believe he gaslighted me and the children by saying the children felt afraid of me and he needed to get me out of his home?! He later called to tell me the kids said they'd testify to the police that I hit him and that's why he did it. I never did such a thing. In fact, I've never deliberatly hit anyone. The warning signs started with his controlling behavior. He conatantly demanded a 'play by play' account of my whereabouts and telephone conversations. And when he'd push me down, spit on me or go as far as litterally kicking me out of the bed, he would always claim it was because I was cheating on him. I never cheated on him. I had to break my engagement. I'm sad because that's not what I had in mind. My engagement was supposed to be a happy moment but I knew this has gone way too far. My eyes were opened because when he did it in front of his 6 year old daughter, a future woman, I knew he's done this before ....
@@Nahnie-jb8wo I am so sorry you had to experience this. But I am so grateful that God has spared you years of pain. Please take great care of yourself, so that you will know you're worthy of love. THAT was NOT love, and God bless you for recognizing this early.
Ladies stop ignoring them red flags. When you ignore flags, that will be the same reason you leave later. Most men are great actors, they'll do whatever, say whatever just so they can get them panties to drop. He loves you, or is that something you want to believe, some will even go as far as purchasing things for you to make you believe that its love. Been there done that.
Tony has a pure heart and love what he teaches....he's very passionate about his work...and only speak the truth ....we do give too many chances ..not knowing how serious the second chance can be...
"When you see the red flag, multiply it by 3. With comfort it gets bigger!" SO TRUE!!!!! The dating phase is when they are on 'their best behavior' and if you are seeing the red flags while they are in their best behavior, what do you think it is going to look like once you are stuck in a marriage (with kids)?
The first 2 minutes of Mr. Gaskins dialogue described red flags I saw in the first 3 months of my last relationship. I saw the red flags. I just made excuses for him or dismissed them. Also, he got far worse. He escalated. So Mr. Gaskins is right: LEAVE and send a firm message. Most of the time, leaving for good will be for the best, especially when you have multiple red flags early on at the same time. Don't waste your time. Don't get so vested. It's not worth it. Take it from someone who's been there and done that. Leave and never look back.
I believe you see those seeds in the first month! Pay attention on dates, listen to what they’re saying and doing. Talk to them and pay attention to their responses. Look at how they handle situations with you and others.
If your partner never discusses future-oriented plans, it shows he doesn't intend on committing to you. It doesn't have to be big plans, like a wedding. Simply refusing to make plans for future dates or not speaking in the future tense about you should be a red flag.
We always see them flags. Wisdom now says, stop ignoring them thinking they will get better. Run, ladies, run! I have one daddy, and he was absent, so ain't no man going to be checking me like I'm worthless. Get your insecure self away from me quickly. Bunk that 6 months. At 46, ya might have 2! Been there!!! My peace is too valuable, I love me too much, my nephews need me, and I am not desperate for a body next to, or inside of, me. Come, and stay, correct or be dismissed.
@Tony Gaskins Some people mistake those signs for caring, that's the first mistake. It's nice that men as yourself are being open and honest. I believe if people had a male perspective going out into the world, better decisions would be made. This is why we need father's in the household so theres not a one sided perspective. Thank you 💯💖
@crooked truth83 your taking it a bit too far. I'm simply saying 2 heads together that live in separate worlds on this same Earth, can offer a wider perspective. We are females we know more about being females. Men are males, they know more about being males. What part about that didn't you get from my statement? Your going on a feminist rant and that's not the point Hun🤔💭🤷
Before listening to this I was wondering if my singleness was from being paranoid and/or too cautious and if I should have given them a second chance. Because I too will cut things off quickly! I was beginning to wonder if it was too quick. Ha! Nah...It's evident that I know crazy when I see it and have probably saved my life 3x. Maaaaannnnn y'all betta listen to Tony. This is....a grown man with discernment. How do I know? Because EVERYTHING he said I have either experienced it personally or seen it happen to others. I see now that I have been protected by discernment...the HOLY SPIRIT. Get you some guidance and/or listen to Tony...cuz church boys are crazy too! This is truth, y'all betta listen...
@Eternity With Christ Agreed. Hypocrites are the worst, especially when they quote the bible to assist in their destruction. I experienced subtle abuse, also. Saw this 1st hand with a girlfriend, also. I told her to divorce him b/c I recognized the signs. She thought I was giving her bad/jealous advice for a friend and ended our relationship saying a "Christian should never tell another to divorce." Well I may not have been married but I know abuse when I see it and experience it. Hopefully, today she is free. Besides, he was a "dusty" grown boy because EVERYTHING was in her name, house, car, clothes, etc. Hopefully, she was able to escape alive. I haven been able to find her
That's crazy! I just had a similar situation with a church dude...i also cut it off early and thought it may have been premature. This message confirmed that I didn't also...🙌
Even if you friends with somebody in a relationship like this it is STRESSFUL. Keep away from the BS everybody. Also substance abusers constantly will not remember the things that they do afterwards or pretend not to.
You are Soo right, I had a few people disrespect me, I gave them a warning, they did it again, we're done. You want to get back in my presence Go To Jesus
Dear Tony, I am 69 years old. I have been listening to your videos all evening. I wish someone would have told me what you are telling me when I was 16 years old.
The signs/red flag 1.jealousy 2.control 3.insecurity 4.rage 5.abuse 6.inconsistency This is powerful Iam learning a lot Iam not getting the notification I don’t no why but thanks u tony I got to share in post this over my social media more grace
What you're saying is real, very true. I lived it. He was controlling and a bully from the beginning but I didn't see it initially because he was reeling me in with kindnesses and generosity. I soon realized that he was going to put his hands on me eventually. I saw that he had anger issues. I experienced some of them when he lost his temper over pre-existing people and circumstances in my life, male and female. I recognized more Red Flags but ignored them. At first. I got out of it as soon as I could and have NEVER looked backed. I was not physically injured, and thankfully I have healed from any emotional scars he attempted to leave on me. The last time I saw him (at church, where I met him), he wanted to play nice. I let him know without words, that he had no place in my life. It felt good to have stood up for myself and emerged the victor from a man who mistook me for a victim. I learned quite a bit from both of our mistakes and am a better woman today because I took action on my own behalf. Thank you Tony Gaskins. Keep posting your videos. You will never know the multitude of people that you are helping to better themselves personally, and in preparation for a great life relationship.
I humbly submit, all flags are shown within 1momth or less, just have to sharp and it's all there, it takes others longer that don't have experience. So far, ALL the men that I meet, which is alot are ALL SICK. SAD!!! They display all of what you say, within a week. No doubt. I am 50 so I am experienced. Be blessed 🙏
@Tiffany Moore EXACTLY!! IT takes grit, and confidence in God, to move on and believe exactly what they have displayed. If they acknowledge and repent, that's another story. But who's repenting these days?? Hardly none at all.🙏🙏
You are so correct! I learned that it's usually within 3 months the true colors began to show. My rule is don't ever think that you can change a narcissistic person. You're right about the seeds - bad seeds sprout just like good seeds.... Decide which you want to water. I'm so happy that you are sharing this information. People - listen! This really does happen. Love yourself enough to not tolerate this kind of mental, emotional, and physical abuse. It's not love!
Yea you right on. I use to think that was cute. I’ll be telling myself he love me Chile just smiling but whole time it was red 🚩 . And it always turn ugly. Controlling and manipulating
I wish this info was around before an abusive relationship I was in 20+ years ago... so spot on. Thankfully I survived but women pay attention to Tony.... he’s not lying!
Exactly!! I’ve grown up with an abusive day and the smallest of things are an automatic turnoff ... like if I’m not gonna put up with certain tendencies and behaviors from someone that’s blood WHYYY would I put up with it from someone I’m not even related to ??! 👀🧐😅✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
This is 100% right. When I was 19 I was with this guy and within the first few weeks somehow we ended up watching Whats Love Got To Do With It and this guy was rooting for Ike!! RED BURNING FLAG!!! He ended up trying to kill me. Thank God I got away from him.
Some red flags are obvious while others aren’t, especially when someone grew up in a toxic home and would not catch some of these or other behaviors as a red flag.
I really think you should speak at high schools and colleges. Because you can save a lot of lives. A lot of adolescents are growing up without guidance. This topic (episode) especially.
Please pray for me, I have experienced all of them. Thank you so much. I didn't know all these things and I kept asking myself whether I was wrong and yet I wasn't. May God bless you abundantly and your family in the mighty name of Jesus Christ
I wish I would have been hard when I seen the signs. It ended up with me breaking it off after we moved together and now carrying his child. He moved out but now I will be a single mom, it’s a learning lesson. We as women have to wisen up
yes but people can change. he could have cheated on her throughout the entire relationship, they seper at e dor a year and then reconcile a bc he never cheat again. men realize they mistakes and then do u right.
You can tell at the first date already. If somebody is rushing things. He told me I love you on the first date. Unfortunately, I listened to my friends advice that he probably just wanted to flatter me and that it sounds better than I like you. So I ignored my gut feeling. Also, first time he was at my place he didn't want to leave again. He was crying in front of my telling me his heart breaking life story which I don't know was true or not. So he moved in with me really quick and wanted to marry me right away, telling me 1000 times in a day I love you like a brain wash, putting so much emotional pressure on me ... One year and a half of hell on earth with all types of abuse until I threw him out with the help of my family.
@Martina Lorkowski It's called "LOVE BOMBING" when someone you just met says he's MADLY IN LOVE with you in a relatively short time, which if he tells you on your first date is INSANE! This is the way of a Narcissist!
@@ysmithriley thank you. Yes, you are right. I wished I would have known that before. But if I ever meet someone like this again, I will run for my life.
This is so good Tony… all you saying I allowed my Ex to do over and over again thinking I was just giving him second chances! Am in a new relationship, am glad you taught me this and saving it in my favorites to listen over and over again! God bless you Tony and your beautiful family ❤️
I SWEAR this man Just did what you first described!!!!! Smh. 2 months in and it never got better!!!! Accusing me falsely, raging!!!!! Fewer in between because he was scared I would leave and I finally did !!!!! Its been 2 weeks now!!! You can't strong arm nobody to make them leave or to love you!!
Just had this conversation with someone yesterday whose going thru separation. All the complaints I heard, I asked if they didn't see them early on. Of course the warning signs are always there, but ppl ignore them
My ex turned into this. I was with him from ages 16-40. I became property. He was unwilling to change his behaviors. Tony thank you for your videos. I watched “Let him Go” video over 100x’s for support while preparing then divorcing. I had never lived on my own but let it all go and got away... so I thought. That man has been so toxic towards me co parenting these past 4yrs. Our son will be 18 in March, then he loses control.
Eternity With Christ Thank you😀. I honestly feel like I’m living my best years now. I was smart enough to get a graduate degree while married. I’m self sufficient, standing on my own two feet taking care of myself. I now have two vehicles, will be buying my 1st rental investment home in the spring. I have been laser focused on making me better. I still have a little bit of hip hop left, lol. I take care of myself, I’m fit for my age..and despite the disappointments and hardships...I would not change a thing. And my ex is getting his Karma because he wants me back badly but I’m not interested..he’s no longer good enough for me 😉 💁🏾♀️😀❤️.
Man that whole mall situation hit me. I've been there before, what was crazy he seen the guys looking at me, then got mad because guys are looking. So, because they're looking and I'm not you start disrespecting me looking at other women, naw I am so good not going back! I've learned!
Gosh Tony I wish I would’ve seen this before I chose my daughter’s father. I had never been in an abusive relationship so I just didn’t realize those signs and when things would pop up, I justified it to myself. Ladies take heed, such good advice! Thank goodness I got out when my daughter was 10 months old but now I have to co parent with this fool 🤦🏽♀️Can you do a video on co parenting with an abusive ex PLEASE?????
Yep, being accused of doing things you haven't done is ALWAYS A RED FLAG! Behavior can be CONTROLLING, MANIPULATIVE, INSECURE and JEALOUS BEHAVIOR. Sometimes, if he's cheating on you, he will constantly accuse or PROJECT his behavior on you to throw you off guard.
Thank you Tony Gaskins for all hard work you are doing with your videos I pray God bless you and I have been transformed by your messages and I pray for you and beautiful family that you continue to grow from on level to the next you deserve it ❤🙏🏾 IJN
I dated someone for 3 months boy weren't they inconsistent... It was sooo annoying I decided not to participate anymore. Made me feel like I wasnt a priority at all, which was affecting my self esteem.
GOD IS A REVEALER OF ALL TRUTHS WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH YOU WILL NOT WELCOME NONSENSE IGNORING RED FLAGS IS A NO NO SEEK GODS DIRECTION SEEK GODLY MATES GOD IS THE BEST MATCHMAKER REAL TALK
From the onset my ex would lie about unnecessary stuff but even before i could figure them out he had by some chance won my trust by sharing private deep things( ofcourse i will later find out it was all to generate empathy from me) about himself with me. This narcissistic ex of mine really abused me like never before but all of this could have been avoided if i walked away early on. Ladies we really do see the red flags from the onset if we are to be sincere with ourselves. It's about time we acknowledge those flags and behaviors for what they are and flee as fast as we can.
Omg! Thank you so much for validating all the things I went through during my 21 year marriage to my ex. It started during the dating phase and I thought it was love not control. Thanks for educating us all that have gone through and preventing others from suffering. God bless you and your family.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I soooooo needed this LAST YEAR. Thank you for posting it now. It’s nice to hear someone else validate what I was feeling because after a while you question yourself even though you *know* better.
God Bless 🙏 you. Thank you for accepting your gift from God and using it in the right way to empower women and men because you have really helped me so much I've never met you but I thank God for you and I'm so encouraged
This my first time commenting , i’m arab & different religion, didn’t live western life.... but maaan every word coming from your mouth is correct. Good bless u have talent . Team tony💯💯💯 , you understand man and help us women ... thank uuu
Tony, all I could do was say yes you are so right to everything you said in this video. I appreciate you and your professionalism and your caring of women and their lives. I saw the red flags, And even though I didn’t want to I knew I had to walk away from this little boy. Thank you again for another educated talk. 🙏🏽
Now you making me feel crazy! I checked someone today bc I texted them and he didn’t text me back until the next day. That was the second time so I checked him bc I thought it was a test. And I don’t want anyone to think they can mistreat me, disregard me and not hear about it. This video has me thinking I’m crazy..? I just don’t know what to do or not to do.. I do feel in my heart that he has been dishonest with me a few times.. and after today, I’m sure I won’t hear from him again. I’m okay with that. I was looking forward to establishing a relationship with him but now I just feel like I don’t have enough patience or strength to deal with men these days.
DeeDee Sis, that’s a diff situation. I’m talking about if you text someone and they don’t text you back right away. You’re talking about the next day. That’s a red flag! It shouldn’t take a man until the next day to text you back, especially multiple times unless you know he has a special work situation.
Thank you Tony for that confirmation. I been watching your videos and in my heart I know I have saved myself from letting him waste anymore of my time.
Sweetheart move on with your family and God do what best for you .. I did this with an so called friend because I felt that she was taking a long time to even reply back to my text it was July 3. I didn't hear from since .until the end of the month.. but I really do believe people are need to take the time for themselves to get better. ! She not wasnt even mature to even text me back sadly how people really fucking are. All I am doing is being with my family and my kids. I would care less what she think of me.
I watch a lot of murder shows and there are always signs and the woman or male ignores it and end up dead. The sign isn't that bad but it leads to death. So crazy
When a person shows you who they are the first time.....BELIEVE THEM!!
Okkk
truth ...yes !
FACTS!!!
Let the church say Amen
Yes! may even save your life
The signs/red flags:
1. Jealousy
2. Control
3. Insecurity
4. Rage
5. Abuse
6. Inconsistency
7) Lying
8) Not respecting your boundaries
Mpoli Simpemba thanks so much for being my notetaker today!
The 1st 4 can happen with the one partner when the last two plus cheating is happening with the other partner.
@@TonyGaskins my fiance forget my birthday, he didn't remember, and after he didn't do anything. I feel sad. What should I do?
@@heide-raquelfuss5580 what should I do?
Abusers like to make you feel guilty & responsible for their behavior. They will pretend they don't understand what they are doing or how they are hurting you, but they do it intentionally and with full knowledge of it's impact. That's how they know they can get away with it. Stay safe out their my sisters. Read: How He Gets Into Her Head by Don Hennessey.❤
Krystle Laughter they will wear you down if you don't stand firm on your boundaries. They know what they're doing. Guard your heart!
Thanks hun
Krystle Laughter Amen to this. 🙏🏽
@@tab2go675 I'm not sure if you got your advice from the Bible, but when I read your comment I thought of a scripture in the Bible at {Proverbs 4:23} it says: "Above all the things that you guard, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life."
💞🙋🏼🥰🌺🌼Tami
@@tamitatangoto5134 this could be metaphorical or literal the nation of Israel did a lot of war in biblical times
We all have shortcomings, but anyone who can't see their own flaws or won't take responsibility for them is not a good person to date.
A. Holmes this is not about flaws this is about abuse. Don’t tolerate it.
Use whatever term you would like, accountability for actions is my point.
A. Holmes you’re right abusers should account for their abuse. Faults are not abusive. They are faults.. imperfections.
Right.
Truth bless you so much.
I blocked a guy for being inconsistent after talking to him for 4 days, I called him out the first time, the second time he did it and didn't even apologize so I blocked and deleted his number... thank you Tony I now recognize the red flags early on
I needed this message 13 years ago. Please understand that this message is REAL. I am now separated from my soon to be ex husband. Almost a year ago, he threw me down the hallway in front of our children. He never apologized, tried to guilt me with previous issues in the relationship. Even said “you didn’t tell me you was going to see your mama” after I had to give an account of where I was. The man has been cheating on me, and tried to gaslight me, when I acknowledge his late night arrivals. Now he is trying to buy the kids affection. He disconnected my phone number that I had for 10 years....I have stories to tell. I have placed boundaries, such as no phone calls, only emails. I refuse to meet with him alone. I refused to acknowledge all those little seeds, but I thank GOD FOR MY LIFE. No one but Jesus is worth dying for. Please save yourself! Thanks for this message, Tony.
Thank you for sharing that! I just broke my engagement a week ago. The last straw was when he pushed me out of the front door and into the front lawn, falling down in the leaves and mud and he did this right in front of his 6 year old daughter! Can you believe he gaslighted me and the children by saying the children felt afraid of me and he needed to get me out of his home?! He later called to tell me the kids said they'd testify to the police that I hit him and that's why he did it. I never did such a thing. In fact, I've never deliberatly hit anyone. The warning signs started with his controlling behavior. He conatantly demanded a 'play by play' account of my whereabouts and telephone conversations. And when he'd push me down, spit on me or go as far as litterally kicking me out of the bed, he would always claim it was because I was cheating on him. I never cheated on him. I had to break my engagement. I'm sad because that's not what I had in mind. My engagement was supposed to be a happy moment but I knew this has gone way too far. My eyes were opened because when he did it in front of his 6 year old daughter, a future woman, I knew he's done this before ....
@@Nahnie-jb8wo I am so sorry you had to experience this. But I am so grateful that God has spared you years of pain. Please take great care of yourself, so that you will know you're worthy of love. THAT was NOT love, and God bless you for recognizing this early.
Jesus have mercy on him
Bless you so much.
Just keep on going.
May God bless you and @Nahnie2552's bravery. Your story really is helping us watch the early red flags. Thank you.
Ladies stop ignoring them red flags. When you ignore flags, that will be the same reason you leave later. Most men are great actors, they'll do whatever, say whatever just so they can get them panties to drop. He loves you, or is that something you want to believe, some will even go as far as purchasing things for you to make you believe that its love. Been there done that.
They are great actors.
Bless you so much.
Tony has a pure heart and love what he teaches....he's very passionate about his work...and only speak the truth ....we do give too many chances ..not knowing how serious the second chance can be...
Yes😥
Amen he knows he be on point I'm older womam still can't get enough of this kinda of wisdom
He's a good relationship coach/mentor fr
"When you see the red flag, multiply it by 3. With comfort it gets bigger!" SO TRUE!!!!! The dating phase is when they are on 'their best behavior' and if you are seeing the red flags while they are in their best behavior, what do you think it is going to look like once you are stuck in a marriage (with kids)?
The first 2 minutes of Mr. Gaskins dialogue described red flags I saw in the first 3 months of my last relationship. I saw the red flags. I just made excuses for him or dismissed them. Also, he got far worse. He escalated. So Mr. Gaskins is right: LEAVE and send a firm message. Most of the time, leaving for good will be for the best, especially when you have multiple red flags early on at the same time. Don't waste your time. Don't get so vested. It's not worth it. Take it from someone who's been there and done that. Leave and never look back.
We all have. Bless you so much.
“Don’t get so vested” conjures an image of a person wearing a protection vest like the police.
I believe you see those seeds in the first month! Pay attention on dates, listen to what they’re saying and doing. Talk to them and pay attention to their responses. Look at how they handle situations with you and others.
That's true
Please don't drink on 1st dates either ladies
Being an empath I see things right away I don’t have time to play games
Me too...
Same
Same here. Bless you so much.
Exactly!!
That’s me I’m out!
If your partner never discusses future-oriented plans, it shows he doesn't intend on committing to you. It doesn't have to be big plans, like a wedding. Simply refusing to make plans for future dates or not speaking in the future tense about you should be a red flag.
I knew I was right when I see disrespect because being too forgiving wasn’t WORKING l! Thank you Tony!
And Believe what they Consistently show You!
We always see them flags. Wisdom now says, stop ignoring them thinking they will get better. Run, ladies, run! I have one daddy, and he was absent, so ain't no man going to be checking me like I'm worthless. Get your insecure self away from me quickly. Bunk that 6 months. At 46, ya might have 2! Been there!!! My peace is too valuable, I love me too much, my nephews need me, and I am not desperate for a body next to, or inside of, me. Come, and stay, correct or be dismissed.
Facts
Yes real truth. Bless you so much.
Can’t believe that at some point in my life I loved a man that had everything on that list damn!!
Inconsistency, such a turnoff, deuces🤞🏻
@Tony Gaskins Some people mistake those signs for caring, that's the first mistake. It's nice that men as yourself are being open and honest. I believe if people had a male perspective going out into the world, better decisions would be made. This is why we need father's in the household so theres not a one sided perspective. Thank you 💯💖
@crooked truth83 your taking it a bit too far. I'm simply saying 2 heads together that live in separate worlds on this same Earth, can offer a wider perspective. We are females we know more about being females. Men are males, they know more about being males. What part about that didn't you get from my statement? Your going on a feminist rant and that's not the point Hun🤔💭🤷
Rae Rae 👍💯
Before listening to this I was wondering if my singleness was from being paranoid and/or too cautious and if I should have given them a second chance. Because I too will cut things off quickly! I was beginning to wonder if it was too quick. Ha! Nah...It's evident that I know crazy when I see it and have probably saved my life 3x. Maaaaannnnn y'all betta listen to Tony. This is....a grown man with discernment. How do I know? Because EVERYTHING he said I have either experienced it personally or seen it happen to others. I see now that I have been protected by discernment...the HOLY SPIRIT. Get you some guidance and/or listen to Tony...cuz church boys are crazy too! This is truth, y'all betta listen...
@Eternity With Christ Agreed. Hypocrites are the worst, especially when they quote the bible to assist in their destruction. I experienced subtle abuse, also. Saw this 1st hand with a girlfriend, also. I told her to divorce him b/c I recognized the signs. She thought I was giving her bad/jealous advice for a friend and ended our relationship saying a "Christian should never tell another to divorce." Well I may not have been married but I know abuse when I see it and experience it. Hopefully, today she is free. Besides, he was a "dusty" grown boy because EVERYTHING was in her name, house, car, clothes, etc. Hopefully, she was able to escape alive. I haven been able to find her
Never ever go back.
My singleness is for peace.
That's crazy! I just had a similar situation with a church dude...i also cut it off early and thought it may have been premature. This message confirmed that I didn't also...🙌
Even if you friends with somebody in a relationship like this it is STRESSFUL. Keep away from the BS everybody. Also substance abusers constantly will not remember the things that they do afterwards or pretend not to.
Listening to this made me realize..I've given men wayyyy to many chances! Especially the disrespect part and calling me out my name..🤦🏾♀️
@Eternity With Christ Thank you for the words of encouragement..You are absolutely right..
Same here!!🤦🏽♀️
I've given too many chances. I call out poor behavior but give chance after chance. Smh. Learning better
Me as well it sucks when it's your child's biological father..but he hates us😣😔 like wow!
It's ok it's all over now. Bless you so much.
You are Soo right, I had a few people disrespect me, I gave them a warning, they did it again, we're done. You want to get back in my presence Go To Jesus
Dear Tony, I am 69 years old. I have been listening to your videos all evening. I wish someone would have told me what you are telling me when I was 16 years old.
WoW! Thank you!!
Abusive behavior ALWAYS escalates!!!💣💥
The signs/red flag
1.jealousy
2.control
3.insecurity
4.rage
5.abuse
6.inconsistency
This is powerful Iam learning a lot Iam not getting the notification I don’t no why but thanks u tony I got to share in post this over my social media more grace
What you're saying is real, very true. I lived it.
He was controlling and a bully from the beginning but I didn't see it initially because he was reeling me in with kindnesses and generosity.
I soon realized that he was going to put his hands on me eventually. I saw that he had anger issues. I experienced some of them when he lost his temper over pre-existing people and circumstances in my life, male and female.
I recognized more Red Flags but ignored them. At first. I got out of it as soon as I could and have NEVER looked backed.
I was not physically injured, and thankfully I have healed from any emotional scars he attempted to leave on me.
The last time I saw him (at church, where I met him), he wanted to play nice. I let him know without words, that he had no place in my life. It felt good to have stood up for myself and emerged the victor from a man who mistook me for a victim.
I learned quite a bit from both of our mistakes and am a better woman today because I took action on my own behalf.
Thank you Tony Gaskins. Keep posting your videos. You will never know the multitude of people that you are helping to better themselves personally, and in preparation for a great life relationship.
I humbly submit, all flags are shown within 1momth or less, just have to sharp and it's all there, it takes others longer that don't have experience. So far, ALL the men that I meet, which is alot are ALL SICK. SAD!!! They display all of what you say, within a week. No doubt. I am 50 so I am experienced. Be blessed 🙏
@Tiffany Moore EXACTLY!! IT takes grit, and confidence in God, to move on and believe exactly what they have displayed. If they acknowledge and repent, that's another story. But who's repenting these days?? Hardly none at all.🙏🙏
You are so correct! I learned that it's usually within 3 months the true colors began to show. My rule is don't ever think that you can change a narcissistic person. You're right about the seeds - bad seeds sprout just like good seeds.... Decide which you want to water. I'm so happy that you are sharing this information. People - listen! This really does happen. Love yourself enough to not tolerate this kind of mental, emotional, and physical abuse. It's not love!
Yea you right on. I use to think that was cute. I’ll be telling myself he love me Chile just smiling but whole time it was red 🚩 . And it always turn ugly. Controlling and manipulating
I wish this info was around before an abusive relationship I was in 20+ years ago... so spot on. Thankfully I survived but women pay attention to Tony.... he’s not lying!
Wowwwww that seed anology is a great example of how men will test you and continue to test you as long as you allow them
Thank you for the message. I see what I did wrong in previous relationships.
Exactly!! I’ve grown up with an abusive day and the smallest of things are an automatic turnoff ... like if I’m not gonna put up with certain tendencies and behaviors from someone that’s blood WHYYY would I put up with it from someone I’m not even related to ??! 👀🧐😅✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
Yes! Don't put up with it from your own family either!
This is 100% right. When I was 19 I was with this guy and within the first few weeks somehow we ended up watching Whats Love Got To Do With It and this guy was rooting for Ike!! RED BURNING FLAG!!! He ended up trying to kill me. Thank God I got away from him.
@BellaBB OMG, glad you made it out ALIVE!
Damn wow he is a different kind of crazy
Some red flags are obvious while others aren’t, especially when someone grew up in a toxic home and would not catch some of these or other behaviors as a red flag.
💯💯💯 I wish I could show my past self this video.
I really think you should speak at high schools and colleges. Because you can save a lot of lives. A lot of adolescents are growing up without guidance. This topic (episode) especially.
Please pray for me, I have experienced all of them. Thank you so much. I didn't know all these things and I kept asking myself whether I was wrong and yet I wasn't. May God bless you abundantly and your family in the mighty name of Jesus Christ
You are so right Tony. Early signs are shown, however people overlook and make excuses for them.
I wish I would have been hard when I seen the signs. It ended up with me breaking it off after we moved together and now carrying his child. He moved out but now I will be a single mom, it’s a learning lesson. We as women have to wisen up
He was controlling, than started to cheat and disrespect
im sorry to hear that. people can change tho and stop cheating. eapecially wen they realize what they will lose of they do it again
yes but people can change. he could have cheated on her throughout the entire relationship, they seper at e dor a year and then reconcile a bc he never cheat again. men realize they mistakes and then do u right.
@@emeraldjones5195 you need counseling
You'll be okay and so will your baby. God has some great things in store for you.
OMG! To God Be The Glory! I Escaped! God Bless You Bro. Tony!
I thank God for you Tony! You are blessing to us all. Many blessings to you and your wife and family! ❤🙌😊
“Tony You ain’t never lied”!
Exactly, forgiveness does not mean tolerate the foolishness
I needed to hear this 🙏🏾
You can tell at the first date already.
If somebody is rushing things. He told me I love you on the first date. Unfortunately, I listened to my friends advice that he probably just wanted to flatter me and that it sounds better than I like you. So I ignored my gut feeling.
Also, first time he was at my place he didn't want to leave again. He was crying in front of my telling me his heart breaking life story which I don't know was true or not. So he moved in with me really quick and wanted to marry me right away, telling me 1000 times in a day I love you like a brain wash, putting so much emotional pressure on me ... One year and a half of hell on earth with all types of abuse until I threw him out with the help of my family.
@Martina Lorkowski It's called "LOVE BOMBING" when someone you just met says he's MADLY IN LOVE with you in a relatively short time, which if he tells you on your first date is INSANE! This is the way of a Narcissist!
@@ysmithriley thank you. Yes, you are right. I wished I would have known that before. But if I ever meet someone like this again, I will run for my life.
Women we have to stop ignoring them signs. If Tony don't sound like my ex. I thought him being jealous was cute, not. Run ladies and stay safe.
Thank you for being a shining light.
Red Flags
Red Flags
Yesss I’m learning to recognize crazy early‼️Block em and keep it moving! 💯💯💯 Thanks Tony! Be blessed 🙏🏻
this is priceless ...
thank you so much Tony...
This is so good Tony… all you saying I allowed my Ex to do over and over again thinking I was just giving him second chances! Am in a new relationship, am glad you taught me this and saving it in my favorites to listen over and over again! God bless you Tony and your beautiful family ❤️
I SWEAR this man Just did what you first described!!!!! Smh. 2 months in and it never got better!!!! Accusing me falsely, raging!!!!! Fewer in between because he was scared I would leave and I finally did !!!!! Its been 2 weeks now!!! You can't strong arm nobody to make them leave or to love you!!
Detect crazy early lol 😂 too funny! As always, confirmation!
I had to go back and find this video! Recognize crazy! Thank you Tony Gaskins!
I knew sombody like this and I saved myself by being aware of these signs! Ladies run before it's too late..
Just had this conversation with someone yesterday whose going thru separation. All the complaints I heard, I asked if they didn't see them early on. Of course the warning signs are always there, but ppl ignore them
My ex turned into this. I was with him from ages 16-40. I became property. He was unwilling to change his behaviors. Tony thank you for your videos. I watched “Let him Go” video over 100x’s for support while preparing then divorcing. I had never lived on my own but let it all go and got away... so I thought. That man has been so toxic towards me co parenting these past 4yrs. Our son will be 18 in March, then he loses control.
Eternity With Christ Thank you😀. I honestly feel like I’m living my best years now. I was smart enough to get a graduate degree while married. I’m self sufficient, standing on my own two feet taking care of myself. I now have two vehicles, will be buying my 1st rental investment home in the spring. I have been laser focused on making me better. I still have a little bit of hip hop left, lol. I take care of myself, I’m fit for my age..and despite the disappointments and hardships...I would not change a thing. And my ex is getting his Karma because he wants me back badly but I’m not interested..he’s no longer good enough for me 😉 💁🏾♀️😀❤️.
Same situation..different man ...blessings
Be Blessed 🙏🏼
Man that whole mall situation hit me. I've been there before, what was crazy he seen the guys looking at me, then got mad because guys are looking. So, because they're looking and I'm not you start disrespecting me looking at other women, naw I am so good not going back! I've learned!
Gosh Tony I wish I would’ve seen this before I chose my daughter’s father. I had never been in an abusive relationship so I just didn’t realize those signs and when things would pop up, I justified it to myself. Ladies take heed, such good advice! Thank goodness I got out when my daughter was 10 months old but now I have to co parent with this fool 🤦🏽♀️Can you do a video on co parenting with an abusive ex PLEASE?????
Thanks for sharing now I know what to look out for
FINALLY Learned how to do this.
this was an incredibly sound video. And a great reminder.
Yep, being accused of doing things you haven't done is ALWAYS A RED FLAG! Behavior can be CONTROLLING, MANIPULATIVE, INSECURE and JEALOUS BEHAVIOR. Sometimes, if he's cheating on you, he will constantly accuse or PROJECT his behavior on you to throw you off guard.
Thank you Tony Gaskins for all hard work you are doing with your videos I pray God bless you and I have been transformed by your messages and I pray for you and beautiful family that you continue to grow from on level to the next you deserve it ❤🙏🏾 IJN
I dated someone for 3 months boy weren't they inconsistent... It was sooo annoying I decided not to participate anymore. Made me feel like I wasnt a priority at all, which was affecting my self esteem.
GOD IS A REVEALER OF ALL TRUTHS WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH YOU WILL NOT WELCOME NONSENSE IGNORING RED FLAGS IS A NO NO SEEK GODS DIRECTION SEEK GODLY MATES GOD IS THE BEST MATCHMAKER REAL TALK
I've seen some of these red flags in past relationships and didn't recognize them for what they were. Glad to be learning this now.
Powerful Information! Be Blessed My Brotha
Great advice
From the onset my ex would lie about unnecessary stuff but even before i could figure them out he had by some chance won my trust by sharing private deep things( ofcourse i will later find out it was all to generate empathy from me) about himself with me. This narcissistic ex of mine really abused me like never before but all of this could have been avoided if i walked away early on. Ladies we really do see the red flags from the onset if we are to be sincere with ourselves. It's about time we acknowledge those flags and behaviors for what they are and flee as fast as we can.
I'm so thankful for this msg. This woke me up! Blessings ❤️✌🏾
Wow!!! Great points Tony!!! You are exactly right on point!!! Thank you for sharing this video with us!!! God Bless you always Tony!!!!🙏🙏🙏🙏😇😇😇🕊🕊🕊🕊👍👍👍👍
Great video, thank you... I had never thought about the “seed” perspective before, that was good.. RC Blake’s led me to you.. 🙏
Omg! Thank you so much for validating all the things I went through during my 21 year marriage to my ex. It started during the dating phase and I thought it was love not control. Thanks for educating us all that have gone through and preventing others from suffering. God bless you and your family.
Thank you Tony, I truly needed to hear this right now 🙏🏽💯
Thank you brother! God bless you 🌍
Thank you, be blessed!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I soooooo needed this LAST YEAR. Thank you for posting it now. It’s nice to hear someone else validate what I was feeling because after a while you question yourself even though you *know* better.
In short, what you’re saying is that the key to recognising crazy early is by having and using your discernment- gotcha! 👍🏽
Yep...I play NO GAMES! IM OUT... "ITs above me" 😅
God Bless 🙏 you. Thank you for accepting your gift from God and using it in the right way to empower women and men because you have really helped me so much I've never met you but I thank God for you and I'm so encouraged
Thank you for giving us content every day!
TG, you aren't lying!!!!
Been through all of that! I'm trying to get my life back now. My guy almost killed me 2. I left after a family member and a friend help me out.
Yes I got that happened to me thank Tony and God bless you😘
Thanks Tony. I’m sure this video saved a life
Thank you so much for this! 😊
Thanks again...Im really healing, first God and your videos....God brought me to your channel....BE Blessed and stay safe
This my first time commenting , i’m arab & different religion, didn’t live western life.... but maaan every word coming from your mouth is correct. Good bless u have talent . Team tony💯💯💯 , you understand man and help us women ... thank uuu
THANK YOU, Sir Tony G!
Tony, all I could do was say yes you are so right to everything you said in this video. I appreciate you and your professionalism and your caring of women and their lives. I saw the red flags, And even though I didn’t want to I knew I had to walk away from this little boy. Thank you again for another educated talk. 🙏🏽
Have to be careful, most times, have to not tell them your leaving, till you are out and in a safe place.💞🙏🏽💞
I'm turning you over to Jesus...I felt that!
Right! I did too😂🤣😅😆
INCONSISTENCY👏🏻👏🏻
Now you making me feel crazy! I checked someone today bc I texted them and he didn’t text me back until the next day. That was the second time so I checked him bc I thought it was a test. And I don’t want anyone to think they can mistreat me, disregard me and not hear about it.
This video has me thinking I’m crazy..? I just don’t know what to do or not to do.. I do feel in my heart that he has been dishonest with me a few times.. and after today, I’m sure I won’t hear from him again. I’m okay with that. I was looking forward to establishing a relationship with him but now I just feel like I don’t have enough patience or strength to deal with men these days.
DeeDee Sis, that’s a diff situation. I’m talking about if you text someone and they don’t text you back right away. You’re talking about the next day. That’s a red flag! It shouldn’t take a man until the next day to text you back, especially multiple times unless you know he has a special work situation.
Thank you Tony for that confirmation. I been watching your videos and in my heart I know I have saved myself from letting him waste anymore of my time.
Sweetheart move on with your family and God do what best for you .. I did this with an so called friend because I felt that she was taking a long time to even reply back to my text it was July 3. I didn't hear from since .until the end of the month.. but I really do believe people are need to take the time for themselves to get better. ! She not wasnt even mature to even text me back sadly how people really fucking are. All I am doing is being with my family and my kids. I would care less what she think of me.
You need to focus on yourself
Thank you, Tony!
I watch a lot of murder shows and there are always signs and the woman or male ignores it and end up dead. The sign isn't that bad but it leads to death. So crazy
Yes I got some stories to tell...