I had a friend I had to make an appointment with for in 3 weeks or so to schedule a phonecall but ‘I could call her any time I needed to talk’. I realize now she was an avoidant.
This feels like such a classic instance of someone realizing therapy speak can be used as a weapon to always have the upper hand against someone else. It feels like Nancy was trying to be mature and respectful, but Sylvia couldn’t stand the idea of apologizing even once for being neglectful, avoidant or hyper critical of her friend, so she used therapy speak to excuse her behavior and to make everything the writer’s fault. It’s wild that Sylvia ASKED Nancy to talk about her past friend, pried it out of her and insisted she was still traumatized by it, only to tell her that she thrust the past on her and compared her to the ex friend. Sylvia is SO condescending and probably is never able to keep friends because everyone irritates the heck out of her and the minute she’s sincerely asked to treat people gently or kindly, she pushes them away. While Nancy should’ve been firmer with Sylvia and in the future should be more honest when she’s uncomfortable sooner with her friends, but it’s clear that she tried her very best to solve things with Sylvia and Sylvia cared more about feeling like she’d done nothing wrong than to keep her friendship. It’s so frustrating that therapy speak is weaponized in circumstances like this. Where these words and tools could do much to help fix things, it’s instead used to be hurtful and self righteous.
This is so similar to I think episode 33..? Using psycho babble to lecture another person, being super condescending to avoid taking literally any accountability or fixing anything. As much as it is awful and painful to experience at least the fact it's a pattern among severe avoidants can help it seem less personal and more a "them" problem
Hoping someone answers: if I did something (out of character) to contribute to them breaking up with me, does that mean that they are not avoidant??! I always wonder what would have happened if I didnt do that but I think they would have done it either way
I had a friend I had to make an appointment with for in 3 weeks or so to schedule a phonecall but ‘I could call her any time I needed to talk’. I realize now she was an avoidant.
Yes Ken, Humpty Dumpty!! I hate how much I’ve changed, want my peace of mind to go back to before I met him.
This feels like such a classic instance of someone realizing therapy speak can be used as a weapon to always have the upper hand against someone else. It feels like Nancy was trying to be mature and respectful, but Sylvia couldn’t stand the idea of apologizing even once for being neglectful, avoidant or hyper critical of her friend, so she used therapy speak to excuse her behavior and to make everything the writer’s fault. It’s wild that Sylvia ASKED Nancy to talk about her past friend, pried it out of her and insisted she was still traumatized by it, only to tell her that she thrust the past on her and compared her to the ex friend. Sylvia is SO condescending and probably is never able to keep friends because everyone irritates the heck out of her and the minute she’s sincerely asked to treat people gently or kindly, she pushes them away. While Nancy should’ve been firmer with Sylvia and in the future should be more honest when she’s uncomfortable sooner with her friends, but it’s clear that she tried her very best to solve things with Sylvia and Sylvia cared more about feeling like she’d done nothing wrong than to keep her friendship. It’s so frustrating that therapy speak is weaponized in circumstances like this. Where these words and tools could do much to help fix things, it’s instead used to be hurtful and self righteous.
This is so similar to I think episode 33..? Using psycho babble to lecture another person, being super condescending to avoid taking literally any accountability or fixing anything. As much as it is awful and painful to experience at least the fact it's a pattern among severe avoidants can help it seem less personal and more a "them" problem
Hoping someone answers: if I did something (out of character) to contribute to them breaking up with me, does that mean that they are not avoidant??! I always wonder what would have happened if I didnt do that but I think they would have done it either way