Alain D B's ideas on 'pessimism', 'loneliness', 'sadness', and now 'superficiality' and 'capitalism', amongst others have really transformed my perspective on how to live life. Adopting his ideas have added more meaning, and reduced a lot of unnecessary suffering in my life. I'm deeply grateful to him, and continue to be fascinated and inspired by his teachings. ❤🎉
It took me too long to realise how motivated most people are by jealousy and that there are people like me who are less motivated by jealousy and how to tell the 2 apart. I find that people who are more motivated by internal ideals and less by competition with others are a treasure.
And those end up focusing on the non-jealous, non-status oriented, to find flaws and to execute a destruction. They miss the point that you aren’t calibrating anything towards them. Their expertise is in destroying persons of perceived threat is recognizable. They don’t have their own mind bank because of this.
Alain, once again you've not disappointed. Thank you! As a 77 year-old retired Social Worker, (who has had a career in the 'helping field'), you still give me 'food for thought.'
~20:01~ The odd parent's jealousy of their kids is something people WIL ONLY UNDERSTAND IF ONLY they have EXPERIENCED it. Most ppl are happy-go-lucky & believe that ALL parents want u to reach 'your full potential'
I always had very clear lines between work and family. I never had family photos or little knick knacks in my office or on my desk. Your personal life is just that, personal. I also steered clear of social gatherings that were not company sponsored. The ‘company’ is a cold heartless entity. You owe it nothing more than doing a good job, because in the end you are nothing more than an employee.
Alain is considerably one of the most thoughtful human beings on the planet in this field. His work on adult emotional education with The School of Life changed my early life. I watch 20VC regularly and I think it’s important for founders (and this audience, generally) to have broader context on varying forms of an approach to life that might produce measurably more mental peace (as opposed to grinding our way out). Thanks for this! Long time viewer - Greg
I am 63 years of age and come from a working class background where people were relatively poor. I went on to graduate and technically enter into the middle class. My observations are that the middle class obsession of validation from achievement are the problem. You are what you have achieved. This means people are more obsessed with doing things and achieving goals than emotionally connecting. In the old working class communities people may not have had as much materially, but there was a wider family and community which meant there as always support and a sense of belonging. If you are constantly striving to achieve you never stay still long enough to enjoy what you have. The famous saying that sums it up is "nobody ever dies saying I wish I stayed longer in the office. "
This was one of the observations of the artist Grayson Perry. He said "After spending some time in an old people's home. I began to see a class difference. And I noticed that those who came from a middle class background were often more miserable, as they longed for the years of when they were 'somebody' in the eyes of others. In other words, they identified heavily wth their former vocation and it's status. The working class lot, however, were free of that burden and sat around having banter with one another". This isn't to romanticise working class life (which is my background, too...though my family would say I've climbed up to a more middle class lifestyle, somewhat) but to say that we can often be overly burdened by our role, forgetting that we are a person, too.
You will notice that the working class are jealous of the middle class, not the converse. Yes, we want, the money and the status and the freedom from serious financial worry, AND emotionally connecting, but, when forced to chose, people usually choose the money.
@SmileyEmoji42 In my experience working class people are not jealous of middle class people. In my experience working class people find middle class people awkward and uncomfortable in their own skin. They come across as emotionally repressed and offended by the slightest thing. Let's not forget their horrible passive aggressiveness. However, the main point is that of extended family and community being more important than money in the bank and status for happiness and emotional stability. The working class community I grew up in was a far warmer place than the emotionally cold homes of middle class people I knew later. It's epitomised by the fact that the girl my 95 year old mother lived across the street from as a child now lives above her in an old people's complex. They have a bond in common that is far more valuable than money or the status of a job. They can talk about their family and friends and share their fond memories.
Alain de Botton is incredible, as always. Everything he said in this interview really resonated with me. I think Harry’s questions were a bit on the simpler side, but I could tell he was genuinely trying to find answers for himself, which made it feel honest and relatable. It might not have been the most intellectual conversation, but for a lot of people, those are exactly the kinds of questions we’re struggling with, so it worked. Alain’s ability to make these big ideas so accessible is what makes him one of my idols. If I had the chance, I’d love to ask him: How do you reconcile the pursuit of big ambitions, like creating innovative products or building a meaningful business, with the idea of staying present and finding contentment in the moment, especially when the drive for achievement is tied to deeper emotional needs or past insecurities?
@20VC / Harry, this one goes straight to my top 3 episodes ever! Such an amazing idea to have brought someone like Alain de Botton on the show… it brings a lot of depth and fresh views on many of the usual entrepreneurship topics. Awesome. Thank you!
I would add that it is up to us to create the meaning out of anything that we do. It can be more difficult to feel like you are serving your family by loading and unloading the dishwasher. And it might feel more meaningful to stand at the sink and wash and dry each dish carefully. That is up to you. I choose to believe that Everything I do in my day is in service of my main goal, which is to serve my family as a wife and mother. And so I find joy in every little task. Or at least I try to. Lol. I have other artistic pursuits, as well. But I have found that the most joy comes from assigning Noble meaning to mundane tasks and really believing that.
I remember the first time I read Status Anxiety. I didnt understand the title, I thought it was some psychological thriller. Then I read it and my mind was blown. I was working as a lowly medical worker and I understood that it was status I was craving from my job. Something I’d never get in healthcare outside of being a top doctor/surgeon.
Remote work is a broad brush. As a software engineer we are on Microsoft Teams...ALL...DAY....LONG talking to people, communicating via chat, having meetings. The best time of the day is getting to work in quiet in your IDE. The main benefits that you are missing is the commute time, commute stress, and wear-and-tear on your vehicle goes away. I am a huge proponent of remote work.
Status is not a fixed, one size fits all thing. To a lot of people, tell them you're a venture capitalist and they definitely do not think that is cool. someone can have great status in prison, then be let out and have very low status in regular society. a man can have his status "jump" a lot just by dating the right woman, then see it drop a lot if they break up. Someone can move to a different town and see a profound change in status either up or down. Also first impression bias affects your status. If the first time someone sees you is when you're doing something cool, you will always be cool to that person.
When I go to any social event with wealthy friends, when I'm introduced to anyone, I get told of their success and what company they run or have just sold and then they name check other successful people. It's stultifying, no question of what they are like as humans, only wealth counts. Lost rich children are the result.
My mother raised my brothers and I like a corporation. We were not a family we were company with my mom as the CEO, eldest brother was HR, middle brother was middle manager and I the youngest was the lowest employee at the company. This is sad that the corporate model for success has been adapted by parents in our society.
The Royal Family often refer to themselves as a Corporation rather than a family. I guess you could say Prince Andrew was fired and Prince Harry quit. Anyways, for all their wealth and status, they are a rather sad and evil lot.
It’s very interesting, I think I’ve always had the perspective that being rich might be ok (though I’m not even that keen on being rich, quite happy having a comfortable middle income life) but I’d never want to be famous. Maybe liked and well known in my profession, but not famous. Guess I have my parents to thank for that.
The Host comment on Shorts tells me that he's read my comment. I stand by it. This young man strikes me as disingenuous. For example, at the start he's looking for a compliment in 'giving up his weekends, and probably looking older than his 28 years... .' He later defined himself as "a leader." Hope he learns something about himself from Alain.
Trying to find patterns actually creates more anxiety, as it’s futile to truly understand like. Finding acceptance of what is via meditation is the more sensible path.
Around the half hour mark, I'm amazed that Alain didn't make the connection between civilization's loss of religious belief and the coincident rise in insidious political ideologies. He even says: "Authoritarianism, dogmatism, black and white thinking, friend or foe thinking... Religious ideologies can get really enmeshed in these unhelpful ways of treating human beings." You could replace the word "religious" with "political" in that statement, and it would describe the current problems with the West perfectly.
I always thought this is going to be the feature of humanity. Enlightened conversations about how to make our entire species better. Instead we get Boris Johnson. And WWE Superstars as Education Ministers. FML.
Absolutely parents can be envious/jealous of their own kids. My mother made that very evident when she had all my "beautiful blonde" hair (other people's words) cut off to pixie-short to the point of being really no longer blonde -- when I was 11 years old (just before the defiance of puberty hit, hmmmmm). She also stewed in self-pity when I got to travel outside the U.S. in my early 20s. My stepdad tried to ruin my high school graduation by making me almost too late to even attend. I was listed as having high honors in the printed program. There were a few other incidents but I've tried to let it all go and not always successfully. It taught me early on that the impact of other people's jealousy whether it's in your own family or not can really sink into a person's bones. It's taken a long time to figure it all out and reframe things to a healthier perspective. I try my best these days; I refuse to make myself lesser just to accommodate other people's hatred and insecurity. Thankfully (I suppose) it happens less frequently with each passing decade. ::sigh::
Lack of 'agency' is the greater problem to my mind rather than lack of status. My take on adolescence is that the reason for the hormone driven conflict inherent in it is that it is nature's way of attempting to make sure that consanguinity does not occur. ps Can you imagine the 'moral outrage' if governments sanctioned schools to teach children about advertising and marketing methods and how to respond to them?
Not bringing the self. What do bullies do? Hide their nice characters? Bringing yourself is about vulnerability and learning to deal with complexity. I think a lot of people bring their self. It is only dressed up as formal, work identty. Otherwise the saying bring your work home doesn’t make sense. Infantile behavior doesn’t go away at work. These are patterns of learned behavior, childhood trauma and immature parts of the personality.
Mr Alain D B if has an opportunity to come to Singapore & observed this is literally he is discussing literally. It is such an enigma place like Spore called a leading country in Asia on a personal level - in an internal level. Status is such a psychological armour , pinnacle of the highest achievement.
From early on, in teams or companies you might get pushed into doing some activities you really don't like. Whilst others get on the positions for which they aren't even talented. A good leader should reshuffle the team, a good worker should be proactieve and clear about it.
Meritocracy finds the best person for a task not for the sake of that person but for the collective that wants the task to be performed well. Rewards are there to make this happen, not to be fair. To some persons, money is a bad motivator, because they do not know what to spend it on. The only things they are missing in life cannot be bought. They are already materially satisfied, some of them without being rich.
The repeated inability to see farming as meaningful is the most privileged take lol. Farming feeds people.... people will die without food. it's not complicated.
The podcast host is still young enough to believe life is a game that can be won. It's probably the defining characteristic of youth in the West. Those that feel it can be won, and those that know they've already lost.
It comes predominantly from the outside expectations. First off all they say doing business is dirty, cheating etc despite the window dressing. If it wasn’t there would be no need for backstabbing. It is also expected that you leave family and friends, make lose association more important. Hence the term family man. This is not meant to be flattering. It is meant to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to do business old fashion grinding way. Being slave of your agenda, busy,busy, proudly telling I don’t have time because ’something important has come up’ while most of the time it can wait. Thus you become tuned to people hungry for attention but fake goals and interactions. With the attitude‘don’t waste my time’, you are saying. I am too anxious that I miss a better opportunity, so I don’t have time to figure out if there could be a meaningful mutually relationship. Why do we want people going to the office so much? While most of our species time we weren’t in the office. Doctor paying visits. It’s became rare. Consequently, why bother having a doctor too much? How come NASA girls could do their job from the kitchen table? (Romanticized?) Ever since I am working on my projects, people start disappearing. How and why? I didn’t change anything. But I noticed a change of space being created around it. I am very sensitive to pattern changes. Then this is lovely to see, people get confused if you play a different game. Respond in an authentic way, because they all assume you play a kind of game. In tech it is extreme. You can’t get really good conversations because it is mostly about revenue metrics and high VC backed up systems. There is shame in talking about small enterprises. It is even more disturbing to see, how the wording changes for female founders. The unbelieve that they can come up with a good product shows in the way the advertising is created. So, why the anxiety? Because the game like dumb people who appear smart, preferably with as little auto correction as possible. Why I am so outspoken? That’s the beauty of having no credentials, no status to uphold. A luxurious position of freedom. In order to maintain that, avoid attention seekers as much as possible. I always compare it to bacteria and fungi. The never ask permission to do something. Improve life for the better. They just do. The expression’who are you to say..’ is about anxiety of judgment, interference etc. If you’re not afraid, you just hear it, consider it and decide if it has merit or whatever. Status is being used, irrespective whether people believe it or not. It is told because they expect that it should be told in that way. Peole say, I have to go to work. What they mean is ‘you don’t work (for somebody else). I never say, ooh I get up at 4 am and already finished half the day’ I like to enjoy the agency, picking berries in the morning, do the vegetable garden and go back to programming when tired. They can have it. I am not interested anymore in the old way. People keep referring to every thing I do as a hobby. They cannot imagine that you are serious about something. I totally get the anxiety in modern society. Everything around me becomes free, flourishing especially children. Then the parents get scared that their lovely little brats won’t make it and they start to squeeze and punish telling about rules and dispair about puberty. They don’t want to hear about agency building table characters just by imprinting he children that you have trust that they can figure out a good solution. I think it’s sad. Just flourish as you have never flourised before!
Within the first 3 minutes, I found his fist idea completely wrong, in my opinion. How many CEOs are hated that earn $400m a year and do not care what the lower classes think of them.
Capitalism does not care about human needs directly, it cares whether it can make profits. If not, the needs would be ignored. And given options capitalism would chose easier quicker options to make profits rather than any else.
@ Mostly psychologically. Verbal manipulation and abuse, humiliation, gaslighting. I was larger and better looking than he was, he hated me for it. He wanted me to have a family and children so that his genetic line would continue, but he wanted me to have a shitty life. He did not want me to be successful.
Surely everything Alain said about capitalism was actually about free market economies. Markets are not a necessary feature of capitalism. Capitalism is characterised by the split between capital owners (like Harry and his family) and the people who have to work for them in order to pay their rent. It's inherently exploitative and is surely incredibly damaging to human flourishing. How was this not discussed??
I’m not so sure that he is correct about religion. Monotheistic religions tell us that we are God‘s greatest creation after all we have free will, we are created in Gods own image. We have dominion over all the beasts on the Earth. I really don’t find those ideas, minimizing in any way, shape or form. We most certainly are not small or insignificant in religious terms.
I really appreciate your content but am disheartened by your choice of sponser. Betterhelp is a contradiction in terms and ultimately, antithetical to what you aim to cultivate in the world. Sorry, I will be passing on this particular piece of content.
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Alain D B's ideas on 'pessimism', 'loneliness', 'sadness', and now 'superficiality' and 'capitalism', amongst others have really transformed my perspective on how to live life. Adopting his ideas have added more meaning, and reduced a lot of unnecessary suffering in my life. I'm deeply grateful to him, and continue to be fascinated and inspired by his teachings. ❤🎉
Mine also. Just allow me to add this, actually he has rather eclectic idias which for the most part are generated from the ancient Greek philosophers.
Yup. My mind and soul have an AdeB crush. Luckily so do my wife's 😊
It took me too long to realise how motivated most people are by jealousy and that there are people like me who are less motivated by jealousy and how to tell the 2 apart.
I find that people who are more motivated by internal ideals and less by competition with others are a treasure.
And those end up focusing on the non-jealous, non-status oriented, to find flaws and to execute a destruction. They miss the point that you aren’t calibrating anything towards them. Their expertise is in destroying persons of perceived threat is recognizable. They don’t have their own mind bank because of this.
Alain, once again you've not disappointed. Thank you! As a 77 year-old retired Social Worker, (who has had a career in the 'helping field'), you still give me 'food for thought.'
~20:01~ The odd parent's jealousy of their kids is something people WIL ONLY UNDERSTAND IF ONLY they have EXPERIENCED it.
Most ppl are happy-go-lucky & believe that ALL parents want u to reach 'your full potential'
So true
I always had very clear lines between work and family. I never had family photos or little knick knacks in my office or on my desk. Your personal life is just that, personal. I also steered clear of social gatherings that were not company sponsored. The ‘company’ is a cold heartless entity. You owe it nothing more than doing a good job, because in the end you are nothing more than an employee.
Heallthy attitude, will get you on HR's case in a nanosecond in many companies today
But you can, and probably should, have "family" within the company
Running a business Vs employee, the workload is the obvious one.
My favoirte line in this entire interview was when Alain said “I dont think you should bring your full self anywhere” 49.33. 😂 I love this guy
Alain is considerably one of the most thoughtful human beings on the planet in this field. His work on adult emotional education with The School of Life changed my early life.
I watch 20VC regularly and I think it’s important for founders (and this audience, generally) to have broader context on varying forms of an approach to life that might produce measurably more mental peace (as opposed to grinding our way out).
Thanks for this! Long time viewer
- Greg
I am 63 years of age and come from a working class background where people were relatively poor. I went on to graduate and technically enter into the middle class. My observations are that the middle class obsession of validation from achievement are the problem. You are what you have achieved. This means people are more obsessed with doing things and achieving goals than emotionally connecting.
In the old working class communities people may not have had as much materially, but there was a wider family and community which meant there as always support and a sense of belonging.
If you are constantly striving to achieve you never stay still long enough to enjoy what you have.
The famous saying that sums it up is "nobody ever dies saying I wish I stayed longer in the office. "
Working class here. Agree with you 100
Profession class here. And agree 100%. I did it for status and security. Not enough faith in myself to survive without it.
This was one of the observations of the artist Grayson Perry.
He said "After spending some time in an old people's home. I began to see a class difference. And I noticed that those who came from a middle class background were often more miserable, as they longed for the years of when they were 'somebody' in the eyes of others. In other words, they identified heavily wth their former vocation and it's status. The working class lot, however, were free of that burden and sat around having banter with one another".
This isn't to romanticise working class life (which is my background, too...though my family would say I've climbed up to a more middle class lifestyle, somewhat) but to say that we can often be overly burdened by our role, forgetting that we are a person, too.
You will notice that the working class are jealous of the middle class, not the converse. Yes, we want, the money and the status and the freedom from serious financial worry, AND emotionally connecting, but, when forced to chose, people usually choose the money.
@SmileyEmoji42 In my experience working class people are not jealous of middle class people. In my experience working class people find middle class people awkward and uncomfortable in their own skin. They come across as emotionally repressed and offended by the slightest thing. Let's not forget their horrible passive aggressiveness.
However, the main point is that of extended family and community being more important than money in the bank and status for happiness and emotional stability.
The working class community I grew up in was a far warmer place than the emotionally cold homes of middle class people I knew later. It's epitomised by the fact that the girl my 95 year old mother lived across the street from as a child now lives above her in an old people's complex. They have a bond in common that is far more valuable than money or the status of a job. They can talk about their family and friends and share their fond memories.
Alain de Botton is always a a pleasure.
absolutely!
Alain De Botton and the school of life have helped me so much. Thank you for posting this and to Alain for attending.
Thank you for this interview, we really need more Alain in this life!
Alain de Botton is incredible, as always. Everything he said in this interview really resonated with me. I think Harry’s questions were a bit on the simpler side, but I could tell he was genuinely trying to find answers for himself, which made it feel honest and relatable. It might not have been the most intellectual conversation, but for a lot of people, those are exactly the kinds of questions we’re struggling with, so it worked. Alain’s ability to make these big ideas so accessible is what makes him one of my idols.
If I had the chance, I’d love to ask him: How do you reconcile the pursuit of big ambitions, like creating innovative products or building a meaningful business, with the idea of staying present and finding contentment in the moment, especially when the drive for achievement is tied to deeper emotional needs or past insecurities?
I think Harry really showed his young age and immaturity here. He will grow up.
I liked Harry’s questions and I’m sure other viewers did, too.
@@marymimouna
Yep, I did too. He gave Alain plenty of space to go where he wanted. I don't really know what else the posters above are looking for.
41:00 About this time last year, I started keeping a journal of things that pleased me and things that irritated me. It was exceedingly useful.
@20VC / Harry, this one goes straight to my top 3 episodes ever! Such an amazing idea to have brought someone like Alain de Botton on the show… it brings a lot of depth and fresh views on many of the usual entrepreneurship topics. Awesome. Thank you!
The vase analogy is truly brilliant - finding oneself is a difficult task and may indeed be a lifelong project.
I would add that it is up to us to create the meaning out of anything that we do. It can be more difficult to feel like you are serving your family by loading and unloading the dishwasher. And it might feel more meaningful to stand at the sink and wash and dry each dish carefully. That is up to you. I choose to believe that Everything I do in my day is in service of my main goal, which is to serve my family as a wife and mother. And so I find joy in every little task. Or at least I try to. Lol. I have other artistic pursuits, as well. But I have found that the most joy comes from assigning Noble meaning to mundane tasks and really believing that.
I remember the first time I read Status Anxiety. I didnt understand the title, I thought it was some psychological thriller. Then I read it and my mind was blown. I was working as a lowly medical worker and I understood that it was status I was craving from my job. Something I’d never get in healthcare outside of being a top doctor/surgeon.
Great content with Alain de Botton! I appreciate this man so much, he is so smart!
Remote work is a broad brush. As a software engineer we are on Microsoft Teams...ALL...DAY....LONG talking to people, communicating via chat, having meetings. The best time of the day is getting to work in quiet in your IDE. The main benefits that you are missing is the commute time, commute stress, and wear-and-tear on your vehicle goes away. I am a huge proponent of remote work.
Status is not a fixed, one size fits all thing. To a lot of people, tell them you're a venture capitalist and they definitely do not think that is cool. someone can have great status in prison, then be let out and have very low status in regular society. a man can have his status "jump" a lot just by dating the right woman, then see it drop a lot if they break up. Someone can move to a different town and see a profound change in status either up or down. Also first impression bias affects your status. If the first time someone sees you is when you're doing something cool, you will always be cool to that person.
Thoroughly enjoyed that! Great guest.
When I go to any social event with wealthy friends, when I'm introduced to anyone, I get told of their success and what company they run or have just sold and then they name check other successful people.
It's stultifying, no question of what they are like as humans, only wealth counts.
Lost rich children are the result.
❤ I simply agree with this notion and I shudder whenever my colleagues compliments on how much our Law Firm is like a big family🎉😂
3 seconds into the intro and i'm crying, good start
Absolutely your best show. ❤
you know there’s literally thousands of 20VC episodes right? 🤣
My mother raised my brothers and I like a corporation. We were not a family we were company with my mom as the CEO, eldest brother was HR, middle brother was middle manager and I the youngest was the lowest employee at the company. This is sad that the corporate model for success has been adapted by parents in our society.
The Royal Family often refer to themselves as a Corporation rather than a family.
I guess you could say Prince Andrew was fired and Prince Harry quit.
Anyways, for all their wealth and status, they are a rather sad and evil lot.
I'm opening a GoFundMe to buy the interviewer a few pairs of pants
That’s so appreciated. I am a humble podcaster.
how dare a grown man choose shorts!
Agree -it is not a good look.
It’s very interesting, I think I’ve always had the perspective that being rich might be ok (though I’m not even that keen on being rich, quite happy having a comfortable middle income life) but I’d never want to be famous. Maybe liked and well known in my profession, but not famous. Guess I have my parents to thank for that.
The Host comment on Shorts tells me that he's read my comment. I stand by it. This young man strikes me as disingenuous. For example, at the start he's looking for a compliment in 'giving up his weekends, and probably looking older than his 28 years... .' He later defined himself as "a leader." Hope he learns something about himself from Alain.
Trying to find patterns actually creates more anxiety, as it’s futile to truly understand like. Finding acceptance of what is via meditation is the more sensible path.
We want an increase in both meaning and convenience, but fail to see how they're often in conflict.
Excellent point.
18:49~This "$tupid" 28-year old VC is not understanding, is struggling to understand how his success is NOT entirely due to him alone!
I'm sure the vastly expensive private achooling, rich parents, their contacts etc have nothing at all to do with his success.
Just Another Alain fan !🎉
Around the half hour mark, I'm amazed that Alain didn't make the connection between civilization's loss of religious belief and the coincident rise in insidious political ideologies. He even says:
"Authoritarianism, dogmatism, black and white thinking, friend or foe thinking... Religious ideologies can get really enmeshed in these unhelpful ways of treating human beings."
You could replace the word "religious" with "political" in that statement, and it would describe the current problems with the West perfectly.
Which means the problem isn't religion. It's a problem native to human beings, and one that most certainly needs to be transcended.
I always thought this is going to be the feature of humanity. Enlightened conversations about how to make our entire species better.
Instead we get Boris Johnson. And WWE Superstars as Education Ministers. FML.
Boris Johnson is much more intelligent than you.
Great interview 👏
Wonderful interview🙏🇦🇷☮️💋♾️⚘️👌☀️💞Gracias
Where is the part where he says “a marker of good parenting is the child doesn’t have the desire to be famous”?
11:25 or so
11:30
Alain is amazingggggggg. Best ever ❤❤
crazy how this still only has 14k views!!!
People are scared to look within
The School of VC Life is officially born.
This parent wants it to succeed.
More podcasts with Alain ❤❤❤
Absolutely parents can be envious/jealous of their own kids. My mother made that very evident when she had all my "beautiful blonde" hair (other people's words) cut off to pixie-short to the point of being really no longer blonde -- when I was 11 years old (just before the defiance of puberty hit, hmmmmm). She also stewed in self-pity when I got to travel outside the U.S. in my early 20s. My stepdad tried to ruin my high school graduation by making me almost too late to even attend. I was listed as having high honors in the printed program. There were a few other incidents but I've tried to let it all go and not always successfully. It taught me early on that the impact of other people's jealousy whether it's in your own family or not can really sink into a person's bones. It's taken a long time to figure it all out and reframe things to a healthier perspective. I try my best these days; I refuse to make myself lesser just to accommodate other people's hatred and insecurity. Thankfully (I suppose) it happens less frequently with each passing decade. ::sigh::
When Alain described my mom when talking about who would be great to have dinner with 😂
Stellar
Lack of 'agency' is the greater problem to my mind rather than lack of status. My take on adolescence is that the reason for the hormone driven conflict inherent in it is that it is nature's way of attempting to make sure that consanguinity does not occur. ps Can you imagine the 'moral outrage' if governments sanctioned schools to teach children about advertising and marketing methods and how to respond to them?
Never understood why "we are like a family" should evoke good feelings for an employee
35:27 Marx spoke about work alienation
25:01~ $Tupid 28'year-old VC is talking about a "true meritocracy", yet his UNBORN KIDS are ALREADY MILLIONAIRES! 😂😂😂😂😂
amazing
Great job.
Not bringing the self. What do bullies do? Hide their nice characters? Bringing yourself is about vulnerability and learning to deal with complexity. I think a lot of people bring their self. It is only dressed up as formal, work identty. Otherwise the saying bring your work home doesn’t make sense. Infantile behavior doesn’t go away at work. These are patterns of learned behavior, childhood trauma and immature parts of the personality.
Mr Alain D B if has an opportunity to come to Singapore & observed this is literally he is discussing literally. It is such an enigma place like Spore called a leading country in Asia on a personal level - in an internal level. Status is such a psychological armour , pinnacle of the highest achievement.
31:00 turns out this is just what humans do, with or without religion. It's called the substitution hypothesis.
The way he framed Jesus' teaching was incredibly simple and insightful
From early on, in teams or companies you might get pushed into doing some activities you really don't like. Whilst others get on the positions for which they aren't even talented. A good leader should reshuffle the team, a good worker should be proactieve and clear about it.
Amazing!
What is actually meaningful about being a VC vs being a farmer who actually produces something ? lol … Uber is still losing money …
Well theoretically vc allows novel ideas from people without funds to move forward. We used to call it patronage.
Yes let’s go back to the days when 95% of people were farmers and people were starving
Love Alain
This VC got schooled today.
That was good.
Meritocracy finds the best person for a task not for the sake of that person but for the collective that wants the task to be performed well. Rewards are there to make this happen, not to be fair.
To some persons, money is a bad motivator, because they do not know what to spend it on. The only things they are missing in life cannot be bought. They are already materially satisfied, some of them without being rich.
Love the thinking of Alain De Botton. I’m sorry but I didn’t enjoy the other guy’s stilted interviewing, purported worldliness and affected accent.
wait a minute, he really talks like that 😯
I thought "The School of Life" videos were narrated by some professional speaker or even AI
this is amazing
Such a smart man, always a pleasure
And with climate change even those good old season's will cease to repeat themselves...
Alain schooling this child
YES! 😊
I don't think it was a debate. Read the description. He says he's a fan?
Harry is so arrogant and ignorant to think it’s all down to him. Zero self reflection or empathy towards others.
21:21
Alain 😻
The repeated inability to see farming as meaningful is the most privileged take lol. Farming feeds people.... people will die without food. it's not complicated.
The podcast host is still young enough to believe life is a game that can be won.
It's probably the defining characteristic of youth in the West. Those that feel it can be won,
and those that know they've already lost.
It comes predominantly from the outside expectations. First off all they say doing business is dirty, cheating etc despite the window dressing. If it wasn’t there would be no need for backstabbing. It is also expected that you leave family and friends, make lose association more important. Hence the term family man. This is not meant to be flattering. It is meant to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to do business old fashion grinding way. Being slave of your agenda, busy,busy, proudly telling I don’t have time because ’something important has come up’ while most of the time it can wait. Thus you become tuned to people hungry for attention but fake goals and interactions. With the attitude‘don’t waste my time’, you are saying. I am too anxious that I miss a better opportunity, so I don’t have time to figure out if there could be a meaningful mutually relationship.
Why do we want people going to the office so much? While most of our species time we weren’t in the office. Doctor paying visits. It’s became rare. Consequently, why bother having a doctor too much? How come NASA girls could do their job from the kitchen table? (Romanticized?)
Ever since I am working on my projects, people start disappearing. How and why? I didn’t change anything. But I noticed a change of space being created around it. I am very sensitive to pattern changes. Then this is lovely to see, people get confused if you play a different game. Respond in an authentic way, because they all assume you play a kind of game. In tech it is extreme. You can’t get really good conversations because it is mostly about revenue metrics and high VC backed up systems. There is shame in talking about small enterprises. It is even more disturbing to see, how the wording changes for female founders. The unbelieve that they can come up with a good product shows in the way the advertising is created.
So, why the anxiety? Because the game like dumb people who appear smart, preferably with as little auto correction as possible. Why I am so outspoken? That’s the beauty of having no credentials, no status to uphold. A luxurious position of freedom. In order to maintain that, avoid attention seekers as much as possible. I always compare it to bacteria and fungi. The never ask permission to do something. Improve life for the better. They just do.
The expression’who are you to say..’ is about anxiety of judgment, interference etc. If you’re not afraid, you just hear it, consider it and decide if it has merit or whatever.
Status is being used, irrespective whether people believe it or not. It is told because they expect that it should be told in that way. Peole say, I have to go to work. What they mean is ‘you don’t work (for somebody else). I never say, ooh I get up at 4 am and already finished half the day’ I like to enjoy the agency, picking berries in the morning, do the vegetable garden and go back to programming when tired. They can have it. I am not interested anymore in the old way. People keep referring to every thing I do as a hobby. They cannot imagine that you are serious about something. I totally get the anxiety in modern society. Everything around me becomes free, flourishing especially children. Then the parents get scared that their lovely little brats won’t make it and they start to squeeze and punish telling about rules and dispair about puberty. They don’t want to hear about agency building table characters just by imprinting he children that you have trust that they can figure out a good solution. I think it’s sad. Just flourish as you have never flourised before!
this is amazing: the one with the money is completely ignorant. maybe he should redistribute the money randomly. he obviously doesnt deserve it.
Within the first 3 minutes, I found his fist idea completely wrong, in my opinion. How many CEOs are hated that earn $400m a year and do not care what the lower classes think of them.
They don't care about the lower classes, but how would they feel to have all of their peers turn against them?
„We‘ve been here before …“
Capitalism does not care about human needs directly, it cares whether it can make profits. If not, the needs would be ignored. And given options capitalism would chose easier quicker options to make profits rather than any else.
2:30 Nope 😂
How to talk about narcissism without talking about narcissism.
Second option? Give me the first, and the second one will be a consequence of the first.
Maybe sometimes
My father was very envious of me.
He subtly sabotaged my life
How so?
@
Mostly psychologically. Verbal manipulation and abuse, humiliation, gaslighting. I was larger and better looking than he was, he hated me for it. He wanted me to have a family and children so that his genetic line would continue, but he wanted me to have a shitty life. He did not want me to be successful.
Is it too much to expect that a public Host would at least wear full-length pants.
True.
35K views and only 870 likes. De Botton is brilliant; were these viewers not listening?!
You know nothing till you become a parent. Then you’ll realise you still know nothing.
The advertising 😅
He's one of the greatest philosophers of our time??
Seems a bit excessive but ok
Why on earth do parents want their kids to fail? Are some parents, by any chance, failures?
Cause no one learns from mistakes of others.
@juliaka9011 Learning from one's mistakes should be made compulsory by law.😀
"Seeking fame is like licking honey from a knife" - The Buddha
Harry Stebbings being actually 28 took me tf out
Why? You don't just drop a statement without defining the why...
I’ll take the $400 million. People are overrated
Surely everything Alain said about capitalism was actually about free market economies. Markets are not a necessary feature of capitalism. Capitalism is characterised by the split between capital owners (like Harry and his family) and the people who have to work for them in order to pay their rent. It's inherently exploitative and is surely incredibly damaging to human flourishing. How was this not discussed??
Easy to say for a celebrity book writer
Don't think much of the host either
Still good though
"Do not seek status", said the well known intelectual who graduated Cambridge and Harvard. Kind of ironic...
All this still begs the question why to have kids 😂
I’m not so sure that he is correct about religion. Monotheistic religions tell us that we are God‘s greatest creation after all we have free will, we are created in Gods own image. We have dominion over all the beasts on the Earth. I really don’t find those ideas, minimizing in any way, shape or form. We most certainly are not small or insignificant in religious terms.
We don’t do status for us. We do status for women because women are driven to mate with men of high status.
Not all women! I like blokes who make me laugh and help me with the washing up.. If I want something, I'll get it myself.
Which also explains why men play sport. Why else care about kicking a bag of air around? Winner gets status, gets the girl.
I really appreciate your content but am disheartened by your choice of sponser. Betterhelp is a contradiction in terms and ultimately, antithetical to what you aim to cultivate in the world. Sorry, I will be passing on this particular piece of content.