I'm Moving for Work Against My Wife's Wishes
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2024
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We've been married almost 42 years. On decisions like this, you don't go forward until you both agree.
I don't know about that. My father took new jobs and I'm not sure my mother ever agreed. She just went along and luckily always found a job teaching.
Thats a pretty unhealthy aspect of a marriage.
T@sharontabor7718 THEN YOUR FATHER BULLIED YOUR MOTHER AGAINST HER WISHES!! PERIOD...
We did a move for a job, but we talked about it and decided TOGETHER!!
and both people need to clearly communicate their opinion and not just hint at it.
I’m mystified what he was trying to accomplish by calling in. If he doesn’t care what his wife thinks, why would he care what Dave thinks?
LOL yep. this pretty much sums it up 😅
I think he does care what his wife thinks. But it's like Dave said, she probably didn't speak loudly enough about what she thought before the decision got made.
He called because he is bad at communication and wants to know what to do, but does not know how to ask.
Dave’s opinion is probably more valuable.
@@John3.36 Are you sure he’s bad at communication? There’s not much to talk about. She isn’t working and he got a better job and needs to move his family to provide for them. She should start packing and follow her husbands lead. Is Dave a Christian?
The stalling, hesitation, and carefulness with his words make me feel this guy is a real piece of work. 😂
Yep.
This jerk did what he wanted.
From his mannerisms, I’m betting he doesn’t have the stones to actually have discussed this move in any more depth than just mentioning the possibility.
He’s about to get a rude awakening.
@@erikcampen8276Indeed!
He should be talking to a marriage counselor and not a financial person.
“She didn’t speak loud enough and you didn’t listen long enough.” I’m liking that line from Dave.
I think I prefer what Dave actually said .... "Shut up long enough"
Dave doesn’t know if she the wife spoke loudly enough or not. Maybe she did and her husband didn’t care. All of this should have been discussed before he applied
@@bennyjoey8444 Dave uses slogans to loudly scold a huge population of people who watch the show. Not necessarily pinpointing the caller's situation
My EX husband rarely listened to me. When he said, “Despite what you think, I like my temper,” I knew our marriage was over. He listened, but he didn’t care about what I said. Please don’t assume that the wife didn’t try to get her point across. We’re only hearing his side of the story.
What he did is called unilateral decision making. That behavior kills marriages.
Was temper a part of him and did temper lead to physical confrontations? Were there things in his life that his temper came from?
Rachel cringing HARD 😶😅
He totally did this without discussing everything with her. 😅😅
Sigma Nation stand UP...
Oh yeah, he totally did that
@@majorleagues7366 a Sigma wouldn’t do this. I’m starting to think y’all don’t know what a sigma is. Dave is a prime example of a sigma.
Good on him
This sounds like a divorce waiting to happen. Healthy marriages don’t consist of two people who make big life decisions without each other. Also, why didn’t they talk about this when he APPLIED for the job. They knew the location when he applied. This should’ve been handled before that!
Going to happen anyway because if he declined the job he’d always resent her because of it.
@@brianwaller7383if they discussed it before he applied, and decided together not to apply, then it would be on him if he decided to carry resentment forever
Based on the way the caller is communicating w Dave I understand why the wife is upset. Good luck!
LOL
Right! He's so irritating!
It sounds like their relationship is in trouble.He took the job without any regard for his wife’s feelings.
Yep she needs to run…
Something tells me it doesnt matter how "loudly" she spoke up. He wants to move back by his family. He was going to do this no matter what. And if there's nothing they love about Hunstville, then obviously she has a reason she doesn't want to move back by his family. Red flags.
That's what it is. I don't want to be near my husband family.
It could be but it's not necessarily true that his family is what she wants to avoid. She may just like where they live now and probably have the entire 10 years of their marriage. She's got a lot of friends there and is involved in the community. Maybe s-h-e has a good job there? The reality is what is done is done...and now he needs to apologize to her, fess up and they need to go forward on a decision. Really, honestly, what the determination is going to be is how much does he make in $$$ compared to her...yup, that's true. If she's a stay-at-home mom and depends on his income, and he says "My way or the highway", the reality is she is going to most likely move with him, unless she wants to break up her marriage and family. As women, we a-l-l do stuff to keep our marriage intact and you will be dealing with a whole lot worse than just moving just because you don't want to...women who are married 30, 40, 50 years will tell you. Otherwise, if she makes a comparable wage or close, she has a shot at not going along with this move...BUT she is STILL risking her breaking up her marriage and family if he still wants to do this and she says "no"...which it sounds like he does. I would listen to Ramsey's good advice if I were him...fess up to her, apologize, say I'll rent in the new place and until the summer and the school year is over coming home on weekends, sell the house in the summer, move to the new location...and if it doesn't work out after 6 months to a year...you have the option of giving up the job and moving back or some place else. She may just need this time to get used to this new idea of this move also, which this will enable her to while she stays with the kids to finish out the school year at her current place. It is what it is...that's the reality of it all. Yes, he should have handled it differently...but he didn't and this is where they are now.
He actually said he was going to stay with his wife's brother. Love Dave sharing his heart and experience. ❤
That guy doesn't really want his wife to move with him. He just wants to make her the bad guy for when their marriage falls apart over this.
"I tried to convince her but she said no, so i did it anyways"
I mean YOU are going to move for the new job, she is not lol
This is so disrespectful and truly shows her opinion doesn't count...on the other hand, she should've spoken up a long time ago. This and other things have been going on for 10 years. I hope this call will instill some sense in his behavior and also allow his wife to affirm herself in the relationship. What an amazing thing it is to see a couple who is like a team, strong and love each that much!
I suspect he immediately accepted the job offer and assumed everyone would be on board.
@J Williams
You are advocating selfishness. Me, myself, and I results in expensive divorces. This guy did what he wanted and then informed his wife. Since two people are involved in a marriage, this was a bad idea. Ignoring his wife aside, this wasba lame move. He owns a home where he is right now. Companies are known not to be loyal. So, move your family, sell your house and then get fired a few months later? This is impractical.
@@sblijheid Unless he has a sufficiently strong prenuptial agreement, which no man should get married without; lest a judge give away what you earned. There are many more potential wives looking for husbands than financially secure men looking for wives. No need to avoid protecting yourself.
@@carladossantos1142 Better job, more money, promotion. That's great. She will need to get over it. Did she expect him to be miserable with inferior job?
Moving is a major life transition, you don't take it lightly, it puts couples through a test.
Caller is looking for validation of his decision that wife was against.
I know a guy who did this to his wife. Marriage ended that day.
Wives are stubborn for their own good. They don't care if their husbands are miserable as long as they are happy. "Happy wife, happy life" is a stupid phrase. It needs to be "Happy couple, happy life." Apparently, this husband deserved better.
@@TheRealfan1 It doesn't sound like she said "absolutely not"...she said it might not be a good idea, there's plenty of logical reasons to stay where they are now, etc. Maybe she needs some time to get used to the idea and thus will as they end the school year, which sounds reasonable? He didn't say he was absolutely miserable at his old job, or he was unemployed and this new job was the only one he could get...if that was the case, it's of course "yes". I think Ramsey's suggestion on what he needs to do is reasonable as what's done is done. The husband IS risking breaking up his family by doing this, but I can see her possibly going along with this, if only to keep their marriage and family together.
I'm surprised that neither Dave nor Rachel zeroed in on that tidbit about " moving closer/ back to family"...his wife might have some very good reasons not to want to do that. They should have explored that subject.
That was my thought as well.
Is he really moving to be closer to Mommy? What's the job, and how did he get it? Who is he working for ?
My thoughts exactly
To be fair, they only have so much time on the show. This isn't a therapy session.
There’s only two reasons someone doesn’t want to be close to their partner’s family: to isolate them from loved ones or because the family is toxic. It’s a 50/50 shot on that
I came to say this! I'm getting a sense that the wife doesn't want to live closer to his family. I'm sensing a controlling MIL in this equation. Particularly since the husband seems to be dismissive of his wife's feelings.
Rachel’s “oh, Daniel” pretty much says it all
I've heard too many of these "yeah we didn't really talk about it" where "didn't talk about it" actually meant one person didn't listen to the other and wasn't interested in their opinion because they had already decided how things were going to be. Not good in a marriage.
Wow! It was painful to listen to that caller.
Unfortunately, I feel he's heading towards a divorce at this point. I hope he loves his new job.
@@MGTOWmademeMillionaire777 lol ok incel
@@MGTOWmademeMillionaire777 just because you aren’t into women (or that they aren’t into you) doesn’t mean it’s the same for other men.
@@60Airflyte shaming tactic... that's old.... you are too ignorant... is too dangerous the laws that protect all wamen... but serve yourself
Probably. People get tired of talking to brick walls. My guess is she probably said stuff he didn't want to hear so he just put cotton in his ears and then did whatever he wanted.
@@Originalman144Yup, leading them to Divorceland all for money.
Papa Dave flashbacks back to his early marriage days. He is sharing wisdom.
This is why I love Dave Ramsey and his show...I've never learned so much about money and relationships and jobs, all at the same time, like I do in this show. I am so grateful, because I am much more prepared for what Life has in store for me in these areas ❤ bless everyone who works there 🙏😊
AMEN! DAVE speaks wisdom!!
Stay single 😆
Everything he said seemed to center around "me" and "I". I'm not sure he even is aware of what others feel here?
Neither is the wife.
But why do people think if he relocates with family, it's about him, but if his wife refuses to relocate with him, then it's about the family? The two are divided: either they go the wife's way or his way. One has to compromise. But let's not make it look like it is the wife that is more family oriented. She doesn't want to move because of her personal interest
@@noxesuculmes4831 how do you know? You’re filling in gaps with your imagination.
@@katie8325 I'm not filling in gaps. As per the narration, she likes her current neighbourhood and so does not want to relocate.
My point is that whatever her reasons are, they are personal to her because the children are also interested in relocating. So why claim the man is the selfish one? Well the man may be selfish but the woman is selfish here too. Both are selfish and one needs to compromise.
Lack of communication isn’t the problem. Selfishness is…
Ding. Ding.
I agree his wife is being very selfish
@@Undisputed00 agreed
@@Undisputed00 huh? Money isn’t the only thing in life. There’s lots of factors in moving away. Why would you assume she’s the one being selfish when we already know he didn’t listen?
😂😂😂😂 Dave is so right! What is this call about? You didn’t listen to her. Now you may lose your wife and family.
I think he wanted Dave to convince her this was a great financial move for the family
She may have told him and he just ignored her feelings. He was going to do what he wanted to do and he didn't care how she felt about it.
He probably knew she wouldn’t agree so he went on with his decision.
Exactly.
Forget "happy wife, happy life." It should be "happy spouse, happy house" because it goes both ways.
The caller is passive aggressive, disingenuous and manipulative. It took Dave to be continuously direct with him for him to be honest.
He is taking advantage in this marriage.
Dont do this if your wife is not on board. It causes problems long term.
It's causing him problems right now! xD
Is there a possibility that she does not want to be near the rest of the family? Sometimes you need to get away from the issues. Moving back might be an issue that she can not live with.
Be interesting to hear her side for sure.
@@jeffkline9191 Absolutely.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe there's a reason she doesn't want to move back to his family/ her family.
Same. Sometimes those things can be a little hard to express, but they need to be said. Letting it bubble away (or get worse) isn't going to help anyone.
More like there is a 'friend' she doesn't want to move away from
I always loved a comment that my Uncle Noble said about my Aunt Beth. We never fight... we reason things out... sometimes we can be heard reasoning 1/2 mile away!
😂
Something tells me that this guy wouldn't listen no matter how loud she talked. This isn't choosing a paint color, it's moving!
Yeah my ex was like that 😂 Trying to bulldoze major life decisions. It takes two people to talk and work together in order to have a great marriage.
When Rachel goes "Oh Daniel, oh nooo" XD
More pay costs you in other ways. More money isn't always better.
The caller is making the mistake of thinking he can run home to Mom/family. Wife is happy in her own home in another town. I forseee BIG problems when unwelcome family shows up. The caller refuses to leave and cleave.
There is a big difference between communication and effective communication.
I feel this has nothing to do with communication, but respect. They had the conversation, he said yes, she said no, he heard it, chose to not listen and STILL made the decision to accept that job
They say communication is not the most important, comprehension is.
This dude sounds like my teenagers. Saying words but not saying NOTHING
@@AirunDevon Communicate involves talking and listening, people like this guy just do whatever they want, tell other people after the fact and get offended when being called out.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, Daniel.
"She complained that I don't listen to her at all I dunno I wasn't really paying attention..." Harry from Dumb and Dumber
Good luck fella. Dave's 100% on this one.
Rachel, reading your facial expressions is one of life's greatest joys. You're like having a wise daughter thousands of miles away!
The facial expression bit really holds true for the entire Ramsay team. God bless you all!
He probably talked to his wife like he is talking to you! Beats around the bush type of person he seems to be.
Ok dude, you go take that job.
You do that.
See how the year goes.
Separated.
Wouldn't move with a guy who moved without us making the decision together.
Rachel and Dave have identical facial expressions at 0:54 (🙁). 😂 She got her father's whole face and mannerisms. Aaaw. ❤
Translation, "I want to leave u, and im setting myself up for it"
This is the exact same scenario my Dad did to break our family apart. Oh I don't like the job after all, don't move here. Then he moved his Mistress there...
If it's so great, and closer to "family", why not just stay with a family member or friend, and go Home to His Wife and Children, (you know, his Actual Family) on the weekends, at least until they both know if the job will work out, and they havea chance to step back for a better view. Also gives more time to figure out where to live, etc.
It sounds like she knows where she wants to live and he took the job anyway. In reality, he probably just chose divorce.
Serious sign of disrespect in the relationship.
I feel like people are just glossing over this issue, moving if you have a family is massive. I know men that fly in and out from jobs because of how big a deal this is, if everyone in your family isn’t onboard then it is a no.
Based on how this guy communicated with his wife and during the call, surprised he aced his interview for his new job.
The affects of hustle culture ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if the callers wait for the episode to air on TH-cam and then they play it for their wife. I can picture her shaking her head agreeably with Dave
Hopefully he enjoys his raise cuz he lost his wife!
There's not great schools in every area
I love these father/daughter videos; I especially enjoy watching Rachel’s facial expressions as Dave talks!😂 You two are so awesome!
I, me, I, me. I think we see the problem here.
Divorce in T-minus...
This guy should have never got married if hes just going to do what he wants.If my wife decided shes taking a job 8 hours away and is going to rent without it being agreed upon on both of us then no way am I going to wait around for her to go cheat on me renting 8 hours away, Id get a divorce asap.
Easy call. When there are two partners involved, if there is a change in the status quo (i.e., change something from one set of conditions to another, which is the case here), then a veto stops it. In my marriage that has averted lots of disasters, and she and I have both have been able to play the veto card. It's fair and empowering.
Yep. Moving far away is a two yes one no situation.
If he is the primary (or sole) breadwinner for the family, I don't think it's that straightforward. If so, he is responsible for the financial support of the family, and his opinion should carry more weight. He should certainly take her feelings into account, but I don't think a straight two yes, one no situation is reasonable, when the yes is "I'll be able to provide for my family much better" and the no is "but I like it here."
@@fins9584 exactly. And it sounds like she is not working. In that case, “but I like it here” is not a good enough reason to reject a valuable job offer.
@@fins9584 What good is providing for the family if half of the family is miserable in the new location?
@@Jamie-wh3kdlol she can learn to like it, just like the kids have to do
He most likely never listened to her and to the greater extent he didn't do it because of a lack of respect towards her.
2:06 the faces on Rachel and Dave just summarize this so well
This guy is a piece of work. I would hate being married to him. The way he waffles, equivocates, and just generally avoids answering Dave’s questions says it all. He just went ahead and made a major life move because it’s what he wanted , before his wife agreed to it. That’s a formula for divorce.
Does the raise and a bonus REALLY cover everything? inflation AND the expenses of moving AND renting a place while doing so …?
Exactly. Moving to another city is a big decision and costs money $$$.
What if their house in Huntsville doesn't sell?
Sometimes idk why these people call in. They know Dave isn't going to tell them what they want to hear
Where else are they not aligned?
Finances? Separate bank accounts? Separate debts? Are they living like roommates? Something is up.
This show makes me thankful for my husband.
He should not rent an apartment or hotel. Rent a ROOM from your family. Also, could be a passive aggressive withholding plans of divorce.
Your family is your wife
Living close to family, isn't always fun.
In four years, she calls and asks, "How do I deal with my overbearing MIL?"
That's why I'll never get married so I can do whatever I want without it being a debate
Cause you're "The Man" right........
You don’t seem worth marrying but I’m sure there are some clueless women on the same level as you that would try.
Women, let this be a warning to you. This is what the hook up culture and p 0rn abuse does to the culture. Quit settling for hooking up with low level men like this. Just leave them to their own hands.
Yep, my eyebrow raises when a woman just doesn't want to leave an area when it makes sense & will help the family in a variety of different ways.
@Imapotato
They don't know anything about the new area. What if it's unsafe or the schools are low quality? This guy made a hqsty decision.
Me ether I will Neva get married or have kids I don’t wanna have to discuss nothing with nobody
It's bad enough the guy packed up and moved not really caring about his wife's opinion on this big decision.
Yet another thing is he didn't even realize how bad this was, and most likely was calling to ask how he could get his wife on board and stop whining.
The lack of insight and consideration and team spirit is only equalized by his ego I guess..
How are people so dumb when it comes to marriage. Talk to your spouse. It's not rocket science. Have fun giving half your stuff man.
It’s not half HIS stuff. It is their stuff and would be equitably divided if there is a divorce, which he may have just started by doing this.
He definitely did NOT talk this through with her. Maybe he brought it up as a hypothetical and she entertained it, but beyond that had no actual commitment to the move.
Sounds like she agreed to go then got cold feet and flip flopped. He is just being to nice and not throwing her under the bus.
Ha ha ha....my husband just woke up, all foggy and said: Is that Pastor Dave? 😂 Such a compliment to your show!!!
He took a job and didn’t even discuss it with me just said we are moving at just a year in. It was a huge issue with me, huge and set a hard tone for our marriage which has been a challenge for the me for 40 years.
Dave left out the instruction to grovel! Or prepare to live separately. Ive told my husband Ill die on this hill. I hope she says enjoy your apartment, move, see ya soon!
Sounds like it’s a good plan but I think the issue is in the purposefully excluded details of the in-laws.
Was looking for this comment as I thought the same!! I'm so desperate for my husband to leave his job so we can move away from narcissistic in laws but it is causing so much friction cause he doesn't want to move away :/ we have to live in the same house as them as its a farm & it's starting to affect our kids too now :/ so I can understand why the wife is reluctant to go back!!
They should just transfer him to Deloney, lol. Dude doesn't have a money issue, he has a marriage issue. If they don't work this out, she's gonna end up resenting him.
I've noticed that Dave will let Rachel talk when she co-host. But when it's the other people, he tends to take over the conversation or tends to cut them off.
Well it is his daughter lol
Yes. So agree. I’m so sad as how Dave has severely deteriorated over the years. I listened in the 2009-12 years and he was entirely different. I know he’s tired of saying the same thing over and over, for 30+ years, but he’s ruining his own brand and name.
@@lynnroberts76 I still prefer Dave’s advice over all the other personalities. I like his harsh and straight to the point views. John Deloney is my least favorite because I noticed he tends to use a lot of fillers and just takes a lot of time to ultimately not get very far in the convo. It seems like he as a bunch of generic filler
@@budsmith5368 I feel the same way. John Deloney is best when he's able to have a long form (20-30min) convo with someone. To me, it doesn't go over too well in a 2-5 min live radio call. He seems like a nice guy though but the format for The Ramsey Show and his work doesn't mix too well.
@Lynn Roberts Ruining his brand name how?
I feel like the guy danced around or underplayed the scenario when “explaining” things to his wife before he accepted the job. Now he’s panicking because the wife’s response is stronger than he expected.
Misinformation is dishonesty. Bringing dishonesty in a marriage is like bringing gasoline to a fire. The caller need to repent and apologize to his wife and discuss the options before he starts the new job.
They talked about it as in he notified her
I decided to leave Las Vegas with or without my wife. She was slacking off and not studying for her RN exam, so i gave her several deadlines to accomplish things by, and when she kept missing them, i packed up my car, took our daughter, and said you can come if you want but im leaving. She came with and things have been going well the past 6 years.
My wife objects by saying, “it’s up to you.” When she’s open to ideas, she says, “it’s up to you.”
As she should
I’ve been single a long time.
Pure happiness and bliss ❤
Married is a terrible deal.
I guess you wouldn't exist unless someone had decided marriage was a great deal.
The definition of smiley face with a tear rolling down the cheek haha
Man I'm so glad I'm not dealing with this over the weekend.
Just wondering, if he is getting better pay, and going to an area closer to her family, what is the problem? Interest rates are probably irrelevant if they have equity in their current house. Better pay and position sounds like a +.
Maybe the families are dysfunctional... Out of the pot, Into the fire. Maybe he left town because of a fling and now he's going back and she is still there (happened to my friend)... Tons of stuff we could not know...
This feels like a Dr Delony episode
I have a feeling that this was talked about in abstract on her part and he heard it as certainty.
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Yeah Divorce
Huntsville is a fantastic town! Smart people live there…
I agree! Beautiful town. Probably moving to Hicksville, Southern Region. These little towns are rough as there is not enough tax base to make them thriving communities.
Alright you got me
Now I cant get "Huntsville" out of my mind..
What's great about the town?
What do people usually do there?
@@OTOWN2STOCKTOWN hello. It has been a rocket science industry for 50+ years. A great number of scientists, engineers, military contracts and all of the cottage industries that spin off of that. The FBI recently moved down 100’s of not 1000’s of agents and support personnel. A brand new building. Nashville and Atlanta are close, for getaways. Housing is affordable, schools are great because the residents are smart and living in the south is nice,easy and warm, and friendly.. check it out.
Watch paint dry. Also, NASA. Nazis were employed there after the war.
He took a job without his wives ok
Never ceases to amaze me how stupid some people can be. This is a mandatory discussion to have. Did he really think he was gonna “wing it” and everything is okay. Communication is key.
Divorce , is around the Corner !
This is why I’m divorced. My Father asked me why my ex could not keep a job.
This guy is really selfish it would seem!!
Selfish that he wants a better living for his family?
You can find another new job in Huntsville easier than paying for lawyers and divorce and child support.
That's problem with women: if something doesn't go their way, they want a divorce even if husband's way is better.