Preach..yes everything you said..im super confused ..i even ferl sorry for the piece of 💩. He is so far gone it is crazy he is delusional and he doesn't even know it
Because of the hoovering the trauma bond stays, it's his way of keeping me trauma bonded. he keeps calling me once a month with the most creative of excuses. This guy doesn't know how to detach himself from me and he wants me to stay in that shitty unhealthy place too. I'm going to follow anouska advice and tell myself every day : "I can do this, I can move forward". It's not easy because I too (like the narc) have serious abandonment wounds.(mental note to myself: I need to come to terms with the fact that sometimes being abandoned by certain people is actually a good thing).
Never can a two year old(emotionally) explain their actions or give you closure. ONCE you realize they use your triggers against you. Oh this will be a good lecture to hear. Reduce the amount of time your around them. Once you realize your on an intermittent reinforcement schedule - you think i'm not a rat in a maze. Reduce the amount of time your around them! Work on your triggers( innerchild work- you can find it on you tube but a therapist is better. Put yourself first,reduce your triggers. Realize they are not well. When around them don't focus on your answer focus on what they are doing. Watch how they try to get specific reactions from you. Don't react! Take time, tell them you will have to think about it gain time- don't answer. Make them wait ( if not physically abusive). Its your right to care for yourself- they would like the opposite. Don't react! Yeah its hard but you can do it. The more you do it tge easier it gets. Then limited time a round them. Watch don't focus on answering them. If they get verbally angry they lost their composure but you still have some composure- they hate that. Put yourself 1st.
it reminds me of the stephen king story "Misery" - a man was tortured and maimed, but the true horror was imagining that he still sees his torturer everywhere even after her death. for me, still feeling a "connection" to such a horrible person is a bigger misfortune than the hell she put me thru before seeing her for what she is
It's been 4 years since I went No Contact as well. Lately, thoughts of her have been popping into my head. I think it's her negative energy I'm feeling because she's thinking about me again. Anoushka said: if someone is thinking about you, you will feel it and start thinking about them. Quantum Physics. I just want it to STOP.
I made a big step and changed my husbands name in my phone . It has said Hubby with ❤ since we were dating 20 years now. I wrote his first name now felt so good!!!! Breaking the bond
Indulging in nature such as outdoors activities is a good friend for your psychology . Surprisingly putting your own needs before others might not be so easy for some
I wish i could yank the trama bond right out from its very roots. My narc and i are separated but not yet divorced. Everytime i start having any small moment of peaceful feeling, she has to text, email or call me on the phone and stomp all over any calm that i may have. She says she doesn't want to fight and then starts accusing me of doing things that i haven't done. I hang up the phone on her and she calls back and leaves a voice message saying "oh, real grown up hanging up on me. You need to learn to practice some self control instead of just going off". Wow... She thinks hanging up on someone that is fighting and yelling is acting childishly and out of control. I dont want to fight, i dont want to listen to her crazy talk so i hang up the phone, i don't answer when she calls right back and I don't call her back either. Who is being childish? I would change my number but i still have two of her dogs that i am taking care of. Dogs she left but says she loves. Two cats that she wanted and supposedly cares for that she also left. I'm the one that buys food for them, that feeds them, that gives them attention and pets and gives them love. She's gone, has her own place and spends her money and time drinking booze and figuring ways to try to hurt me. I sit at home and try to comfort her animals, but I'm the bad one.
Cutting off the narcissist at the Root Becomes essential in New Ability to BE non-Dual. Get that voice GONE... Don't Remind yourself with Any pictures. Texting gives nars too much Accessibility into your mind. STOP ALL CONTACT & MOST IMPORTANTLY : REACTIVE ABUSE has to Stop. Stop: Reacting Like your House is on fire, it's not. The nars is On their way out & you Are Now the ONE in Control of: yourself. It's Over, & you Won! Do not allow Anyone to keep Pressing your Buttons (the nars Installed new Buttons) UNTIL the emotional pain dies out, Limit your ACCESSABILITY. Study yourself. 1 Whole year to Release the traumatic Experience. PLAY ALL YOUR EARLIEST FAVORITE MUSIC, work out physically to the Far End of Exhaustion, Get Back into your Physical-Existence for awhile, think of yourself as Being: FLEXIBLE, STRONG, & LIGHT. 💡 Concentrate Centrally on maximizing your 🌍 HAPPINESS!
tell me about it mate. Literally she got restraining order against me after a stupid drunk fight after she come back from work which I think she planned kicking and punching me and then got my house with my animals and dog and she gave me my dog 10 years at a place where I couldn’t have it so I had to send my dog to a shelter which she said really hurt her and everything else then it was two cats left at my house which she wanted to get rid Oftold somebody else not to get rid of them. I’ve come back to the cats. She’s gone now and moved on with somebody else. We’ve been a couple of months and also left a nice stinking house cat litter they say that they love and care but they don’t they really don’t.
To me, explaining this bond with some kind of Stockholm- Syndrom seems an analogy which is doubtful and even if it exists - the analogy and the syndrom itself - I would have preferred if you had gone more into the details, why this explanation makes sense. The way I see it, (trying to be brief): These narcissistic people are emotionally weak. They are suffering. And they act out this weakness, not getting along with the world around them, in a terrible and often brutal manner. Unacceptable, no doubt about it! But maybe we bond to them, because we also feel that this world is overwhelmingly false the way it is presented to us. We even might know it better than they do. In a more structured way. But we found some way to better deal with this kind of betrayal right in front of our eyes. Mainly by moral and ethics. So we want to protect them, whereas they want to dominate us because being protected feels wrong to them. They have no trust in anything! So we get abused, while at the same end we intuitively feel that the suffering of this person has reasons which lie in the outer everyday-world around us which is full of organized betrayel. So therefore they might conceptualize this world via perpetrators and victims. And if we closely look at the structures our daily living is organized with, their perception makes a lot of sense in my opinion ! Again: this does not set them free from taking responsibility, as the essence of social interaction! - But the issue of narcicissm has to be combined with a clear diagnosis of what kind of world we actually live in. Talking about the concept of a matrix vs. actual reality needs to be factored in. Otherwise we will simply demonize these people and walking away from them seems the only option. While splitting people in right- and wrong- doers can only be done if the underlying structure as such is beyond all doubt. And that is not the case!
Anoushka..I've been No Contact for 4 years now and lately I've been getting negative thoughts of her. Is this Quantum Physics where when someone is thinking about you that you'll be doing the same? I just want this to STOP. Any suggestions?
i still think of her too often after 10 years. It's awful. And since 3 years i understood all. But now i'm much older. I wish i got it as i was with her. Maybe i would have had a better chance rebuilding a life for myself.
Trauma-Bond? A woman could just as easily replace Paul Rogers and reverse the roles in Bad Company's smash hit. Now I aint complaining Just trying to understand What makes a woman do the things she does? One day she'll love you The next day she'll leave you Why can't we have it just the way it used to be? Bad Company's "Good Lovin Gone Bad" circa era 1975 [Malignant Narcissism is an equal opportunity unisex hobgoblin]
3.5 yrs on off today she called from work # or different number cuz I blocked this time again 3 days ago left a message in girly baby voice "Stop being a poop answer phone" yet when I need attention she rude, busy already cheated 2.5 yrs ago I hate how I feel addicted to her I didn't answer call
Why she tell me that she forgave me then brought up stuff that was in the past that wasn't irrelevant the played with ne then manipulate to have sex with her then said this can't happened again then left and ghost me
I agree...it traps you into thinking and searching answers over and over again. Keeping your mind stuck there and wasting more precious time, as if you havent waisted enough already..
Pray. It helps.
Thanks for this..i been married for 13yrs to a narcissist and i feel trapped.
Preach..yes everything you said..im super confused ..i even ferl sorry for the piece of 💩. He is so far gone it is crazy he is delusional and he doesn't even know it
The first step is WANTING to.
That's my struggle.
Thanks for not being judgey on that point.
Because of the hoovering the trauma bond stays, it's his way of keeping me trauma bonded. he keeps calling me once a month with the most creative of excuses. This guy doesn't know how to detach himself from me and he wants me to stay in that shitty unhealthy place too. I'm going to follow anouska advice and tell myself every day : "I can do this, I can move forward". It's not easy because I too (like the narc) have serious abandonment wounds.(mental note to myself: I need to come to terms with the fact that sometimes being abandoned by certain people is actually a good thing).
Never can a two year old(emotionally) explain their actions or give you closure. ONCE you realize they use your triggers against you. Oh this will be a good lecture to hear. Reduce the amount of time your around them. Once you realize your on an intermittent reinforcement schedule - you think i'm not a rat in a maze. Reduce the amount of time your around them! Work on your triggers( innerchild work- you can find it on you tube but a therapist is better. Put yourself first,reduce your triggers.
Realize they are not well. When around them don't focus on your answer focus on what they are doing. Watch how they try to get specific reactions from you. Don't react! Take time, tell them you will have to think about it gain time- don't answer. Make them wait ( if not physically abusive). Its your right to care for yourself- they would like the opposite. Don't react! Yeah its hard but you can do it. The more you do it tge easier it gets. Then limited time a round them. Watch don't focus on answering them. If they get verbally angry they lost their composure but you still have some composure- they hate that. Put yourself 1st.
Omg-it’s Stockholm Syndrome. Thank you so much to properly put a label on it. I understand the beast I’m dealing with.
I have to listen, I know now who I was before her. I want me back. Enough time wasted.
I love when you get tough on us
it reminds me of the stephen king story "Misery" - a man was tortured and maimed, but the true horror was imagining that he still sees his torturer everywhere even after her death. for me, still feeling a "connection" to such a horrible person is a bigger misfortune than the hell she put me thru before seeing her for what she is
Really this is a fresh breath of air. THX
Thank you Anoushka 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Thanks for your wonderful work Anoushka, you have helped me a lot. Great video! Keep at it!😊
Because the hoovering the traumabond stays 😞
I know its been 4 years since i left mine i just want to be done with this trauma bond. I still have anger issues with my ex narc
It's been 4 years since I went No Contact as well. Lately, thoughts of her have been popping into my head. I think it's her negative energy I'm feeling because she's thinking about me again. Anoushka said: if someone is thinking about you, you will feel it and start thinking about them. Quantum Physics. I just want it to STOP.
Brilliant so true the jury is out on this one 🙏
I made a big step and changed my husbands name in my phone . It has said Hubby with ❤ since we were dating 20 years now. I wrote his first name now felt so good!!!! Breaking the bond
Indulging in nature such as outdoors activities is a good friend for your psychology .
Surprisingly putting your own needs before others might not be so easy for some
You sale your sole to the devil 100% true 🔥
Yep
I heard a great quote…The narc has the disease and you have the symptoms
Thank you♥️
謝謝！
The hardest is my First born grown child of over 48 yrs. WAY different, than a sig other!
Thank u
Thank you so much Anoushka. From Philippines.
Thanks!
I wish i could yank the trama bond right out from its very roots. My narc and i are separated but not yet divorced. Everytime i start having any small moment of peaceful feeling, she has to text, email or call me on the phone and stomp all over any calm that i may have. She says she doesn't want to fight and then starts accusing me of doing things that i haven't done. I hang up the phone on her and she calls back and leaves a voice message saying "oh, real grown up hanging up on me. You need to learn to practice some self control instead of just going off". Wow... She thinks hanging up on someone that is fighting and yelling is acting childishly and out of control. I dont want to fight, i dont want to listen to her crazy talk so i hang up the phone, i don't answer when she calls right back and I don't call her back either. Who is being childish? I would change my number but i still have two of her dogs that i am taking care of. Dogs she left but says she loves. Two cats that she wanted and supposedly cares for that she also left. I'm the one that buys food for them, that feeds them, that gives them attention and pets and gives them love. She's gone, has her own place and spends her money and time drinking booze and figuring ways to try to hurt me. I sit at home and try to comfort her animals, but I'm the bad one.
Cutting off the narcissist at the Root Becomes essential in New Ability to BE non-Dual.
Get that voice GONE... Don't Remind yourself with Any pictures.
Texting gives nars too much Accessibility into your mind. STOP ALL CONTACT & MOST IMPORTANTLY : REACTIVE ABUSE has to Stop.
Stop: Reacting Like your House is on fire, it's not. The nars is On their way out & you Are Now the ONE in Control of: yourself. It's Over, & you Won!
Do not allow Anyone to keep Pressing your Buttons (the nars Installed new Buttons) UNTIL the emotional pain dies out, Limit your ACCESSABILITY. Study yourself.
1 Whole year to Release the traumatic Experience. PLAY ALL YOUR EARLIEST FAVORITE MUSIC, work out physically to the Far End of Exhaustion, Get Back into your Physical-Existence for awhile, think of yourself as Being: FLEXIBLE, STRONG, & LIGHT.
💡 Concentrate Centrally on maximizing your 🌍 HAPPINESS!
tell me about it mate. Literally she got restraining order against me after a stupid drunk fight after she come back from work which I think she planned kicking and punching me and then got my house with my animals and dog and she gave me my dog 10 years at a place where I couldn’t have it so I had to send my dog to a shelter which she said really hurt her and everything else then it was two cats left at my house which she wanted to get rid Oftold somebody else not to get rid of them. I’ve come back to the cats. She’s gone now and moved on with somebody else. We’ve been a couple of months and also left a nice stinking house cat litter they say that they love and care but they don’t they really don’t.
To me, explaining this bond with some kind of Stockholm- Syndrom seems an analogy which is doubtful and even if it exists - the analogy and the syndrom itself - I would have preferred if you had gone more into the details, why this explanation makes sense. The way I see it, (trying to be brief): These narcissistic people are emotionally weak. They are suffering. And they act out this weakness, not getting along with the world around them, in a terrible and often brutal manner. Unacceptable, no doubt about it! But maybe we bond to them, because we also feel that this world is overwhelmingly false the way it is presented to us. We even might know it better than they do. In a more structured way. But we found some way to better deal with this kind of betrayal right in front of our eyes. Mainly by moral and ethics. So we want to protect them, whereas they want to dominate us because being protected feels wrong to them. They have no trust in anything! So we get abused, while at the same end we intuitively feel that the suffering of this person has reasons which lie in the outer everyday-world around us which is full of organized betrayel. So therefore they might conceptualize this world via perpetrators and victims. And if we closely look at the structures our daily living is organized with, their perception makes a lot of sense in my opinion ! Again: this does not set them free from taking responsibility, as the essence of social interaction! - But the issue of narcicissm has to be combined with a clear diagnosis of what kind of world we actually live in. Talking about the concept of a matrix vs. actual reality needs to be factored in. Otherwise we will simply demonize these people and walking away from them seems the only option. While splitting people in right- and wrong- doers can only be done if the underlying structure as such is beyond all doubt. And that is not the case!
❤
And tell me that she thought about giving us a second chance
👍
Anoushka..I've been No Contact for 4 years now and lately I've been getting negative thoughts of her. Is this Quantum Physics where when someone is thinking about you that you'll be doing the same? I just want this to STOP. Any suggestions?
i still think of her too often after 10 years. It's awful. And since 3 years i understood all. But now i'm much older. I wish i got it as i was with her. Maybe i would have had a better chance rebuilding a life for myself.
Pray.
Ask for God's help and protection.
Negative thoughts attacking you isn't science, it's something else.
I have one question. Its the second name for Narc, Demon? After the relationship with that individua, (ex)partner look 10 jear older....right??
Trauma-Bond? A woman could just as easily replace Paul Rogers and reverse the roles in Bad Company's smash hit. Now I aint complaining Just trying to understand What makes a woman do the things she does? One day she'll love you The next day she'll leave you Why can't we have it just the way it used to be? Bad Company's "Good Lovin Gone Bad" circa era 1975 [Malignant Narcissism is an equal opportunity unisex hobgoblin]
3.5 yrs on off today she called from work # or different number cuz I blocked this time again 3 days ago left a message in girly baby voice "Stop being a poop answer phone" yet when I need attention she rude, busy already cheated 2.5 yrs ago I hate how I feel addicted to her I didn't answer call
Unfortunately the narcissist is smart enough to seem charismatic..... it's seldom easy to lose a smartie 😐😢
The operative word is “seem”
Why she tell me that she forgave me then brought up stuff that was in the past that wasn't irrelevant the played with ne then manipulate to have sex with her then said this can't happened again then left and ghost me
Do not I repeat do not listen to this type of content everyday it will only make things worse... listen to it get the information then move on
Yes I agree, certain content can trigger you.
I agree...it traps you into thinking and searching answers over and over again. Keeping your mind stuck there and wasting more precious time, as if you havent waisted enough already..