Ep. 08 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- Sober October has begun and Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are both handling the 1st week differently. Bert talks about flying sober and has a reminder about flying with Ric Flair. Tom has been having a lot of fun at the range - John Wick style. After WHOOP readings there is a small distraction looking at pretty women, then Bert calls Dr. Drew for a medical related question. Dr. Drew gives his insights into Bert's "sobriety" and the Ari Shaffir situation.
yourmomshousepo...
www.merchmethod...
/ yourmomshousepodcast
/ yourmomshousepodcast
![Quadeca - Unreleased Songs (Full Album) [Snippets/Songs]](/img/n.gif)
I can’t get enough of Tom laughing so hard initially that it causes a cough and can’t finish the laugh and he just goes back to grumpy face
zach sheehan the shooting video was mine... @junojuannun on IG... they won’t show what I made for bert 😉
Yeah Joker was really good, right?
Hahahah I noticed this the last episode and got worried.
THE greatest part lol
Timestamp
I wish I had this podcast every day of my life...
Start one!
Just tap their phones and listen in on their conversations
Drew Blank I started one, but I’m not consistent! Woot woot th-cam.com/video/Yp-M3yS_Wsw/w-d-xo.html
You could. Their just lazy.
"I remember coming out of the closet, heterosexually"
-Bert Kreischer 2019
He's so brave!
He’s really a social hero if you think about it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
That pause was maybe a second long but it seemed like an eternity
th-cam.com/video/sE0LPllgdcI/w-d-xo.html
Bert 'What did i say one time?' Kreischer
that guy laughing in the background makes my day everytime. he is having such a great time.
Hahah aw yes he does!
Seriously! Has anyone figured out if he's one of the two recording/controlling screen folks e.g. Potter?
@@julianerbil The laugh is Blueban
He's 2/3 of the reason why I watch these. Like im already going to laugh at something burt says but this guy beats me to it every time which only makes new laugh harder. His laugh is so necessary tbh
@@DBXZ21 *barscht
I really like Bert.
I hope he is super careful spear fishing.
He might get harpooned by a Japanese whaling vessel.
Oh fuck 🤣
Nice
Didn't expect a good joke this one caught me off guard
srsly tho spear fishing is when u get taken by sharks, the thrashing of the the fish and the blood makes the sharks think ur food.
the best comment, hands down
Bert; I don't get child molesters!
Tom; Yeah, you shouldn't!!
Bert: I'm probably going to roll this sobriety over through October, into November
Also Bert: Lets do Coke on this podcast
And he's worried about strokes and heart attacks? Haha
The dudes in the back laughing makes this show even that much better.
Really? I find it kind of annoying
I’m all in jeans
They laugh at literally everything it starts getting old
Fisherman Joe yeah some of the things they laugh are not even funny
Someone says that every episode and it’s not true
The ONLY thing I look forward to on Mondays.
It's finally once a week now!
Monday's are great but this makes them even better
The only thing i look forward to more is that dude crackin up in the background.
Yeaahhh new fav podcast ! Theo Von This Past Weekend is on Monday too
Theo Von”s podcast drops on Monday’s.... not sure if you’re down with the Rat King or not 🤷♂️
lol bert was detoxing from alcohol and thought it was the new mood lol
He will do anything he can to rationalize his drinking problems.
Bert is like a real life Homer Simpson even the finger movements at the start
Bert is soooooo triggered by Drew. It's funny seeing how hard he denies his alcoholism.
Most addicts do, it's sad
This podcast has the best one person laughtrack.
the best!😂
Absolutely!!!
that fuckin bird!
Come on Bertie boy, post that Ari video. It’s what the people want.
@Holy Hand Grenades Someone needs a nap
For some reason before i saw the joe pod...i thought i saw the bercast thumbnail of Him and Ari and told myself i needed to check that out....or maybe i was trippin'
Bert isn’t posting the video because “ spiking “ someone’s drink is illegal and the state CAN press charges whether or not Bert wants to.
Holy Hand Grenades even if that is true, at least he doesn’t dose people.
Even though it’s obvious it happened and Ari admitted it the proof lies in the episode. I think it’s hilarious, and reckless, however it wouldn’t be good for Ari...or for Bert. He might post it if Ari pushes him to...but other than that he’s just pull in’ a “tekashi” on Ari without his “friendly” approval
Bert says at one point that Tom plays "second fiddle" to Christina on YMH and jokes that he also plays second fiddle to Bert on this podcast, but honestly... If Tom wasn't on those podcasts I would watch neither of them
Well berts all jokes don't take it seriously at all lol
agreed tom is the main draw for both
I disagree, I think the balance between these two is perfect.
Bert "I've been quiet about, I've only talked about it on rogan" Lol
and pretty much the whole Rogan episode
#teamari
His whining about it is getting old.
@@Mishkabelly it only happened like a week ago...
I feel like I got roofied twice. Bert Kreischer 2019
#metoo
#Arigate
I take 5htp after long nights drinking or once in a while when I’m feeling grumpy. All it is , is a mood booster. It replaces the serotonin that your brain is missing at the time. Bert completely exaggerated the effects of it and i almost turned the podcast off.
@@owenloveland1376 it's the story of his life
Cant give a thumbs up its at 420!! Lol
I think "pool counts as shower" would be a great shirt.
Tom: “I’ve used these mattresses for 10 years. Sleep’s so important”
Also Tom: “I have problems sleeping, can we use edibles this time?”
As someone who uses pot to sleep, while also sleeping on top notch mattresses. It doesnt fucking matter of you sleep on a giant womans tits at night. If you cant shut your brain off you're fucked.
M H wow those were some good ol’ sentences
@@icecoldchilipreppers giant tits would be like a water bed , it'll give you back problems
@@MrTravisHD thanks! I contemplating doing a run on sentance, but decided on anger and typos being the main focus of my writting for the day.
And? You can see the value in something even if it's hard to do.
"You don't think that's mental illness?" - Tom Segura 2019
th-cam.com/video/sE0LPllgdcI/w-d-xo.html
"Do you feel that because of what happened with Ari it sort of solidified or maybe ground your antisemitism a little more ?" Tom Segura 2019
Wow u are so dumb. Its a show. They are all pretending to be racist cause its hilarious that bert hates jews and and is obviously racist
@@stuckinaloop6637 Damn, that joke did a moonsault going over your dumb ass lmao
@@stuckinaloop6637 you're dumb
Get that quoteing meme shit outa here
I honestly don't find Ari drugging him to be acceptable on any level. He needs to get like 10x the amount of shit he's getting. I don't mean arrested or career taken but he needs to feel horrible about it. He clearly doesnt.
This podcast makes me so happy I feel like I got drugged against my will in front of my family when I listen.
Commenter McCommentFace and then took a dip in the pool as your “bath”.
LinkedIn is helpful, try it out.
Did you meet Ari Shaffir?
This podcast is like watching an old married couple try to conquer alcoholism
Bert: Look up trypophobia, it really freaks some people out
Me: YEAH THANKS A LOT BERT REALLY GREAT IDEA
Almost made me sick
I love how Bert denies that he is an alcoholic to the bitter end lol
That's why Dr. Drew is a fraud, he enables Bert to benefit financially.
What’s he supposed to do? Tell Bert he can’t drink? Bert doesn’t want to stop drinking.
@@toddjohnson566 friends shouldn't let friends kill themselves
Travis Davis what would you do?
@@robdavis3047 I had to shut people like that out of my life. I can't go a long with something that is killing you if I care
It's interesting to see Bert go through the same thought process every October, yet he doesn't put it together.
david robison it’s called addiction
😂😂😂😂😂
dw just blame ari it's all his fault
He's in denial about his Addiction, Racism, and Obesity.
@@michaelabraham8873 Nope!
Bert at the very end at a nearly inaudible whisper: “I love you”
Yeah they really are brothers
They are the best together! 🤣🤣🤣
Bert, as a person with a serious past addiction i can say it doesnt go away 100%. Time is what "heals" it. It gets easier and easier and then its even easier. Eventually, you learn what your triggers are, what friends to not be around, etc. Dont be fearful, its DEFINENTLY diminishes mostly.
"I get turned on by blocked punts." - Bart Chrysler - 23:12
Damn.... Sober October last year was one of many reasons I sent myself to detox and started my recovery journey. I'd really like if Bert sat down with someone with like 5-10 years sobriety under their belt and really explain to him what AA is actually about. So many misconceptions and so many misunderstandings. Hell 17 years ago I was required by the juvenile court to go to AA for a year. I spent over a decade tearing down every single facet of 12 step programs.... Then I actually needed and WANTED help and things started to make sense. Even if you don't live the life 24/7 there's a lot of wisdom in the book Bert. Also as far as the cravings go.... One of the best things that happened to me in rehab about a month in was realizing,"Shit.... I want to drink and smoke crack.... AND THAT'S OK!" Getting rid of that isn't the point of recovery. It's being ok with that fact and letting it live it's own life and you living yours. Maybe it'll shrivel up and die. Maybe it won't. Your recovery lives a life of it's own. Even separate from you..... Anyways. Happy #SoberOctober.
Awareness brother. 💯
Keep up the good work 🤓👍
Best response ever!
Tell that to Doug Stanhope lol
the guy in the back is the one who cracks me up the most. his laugh is just a constant echo
Berts laugh gets my parakeet all sorts of excited. I’m gonna have to ask you to stop chirping while you laugh, Bert.
Bert's like the homeless guy in Happy Gilmore who showers in the pond...
The problem is, Tom looks more like Covert did in the movie.
Shorne Pubique he’s in every Adam Sandler movie. Grandmas boys is his stupidest movie. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Bert, ask the fishing instructor if ocean counts as shower
Patrick Erwin it’s even funnier considering there’s a red tide bloom going on in Ft.Myers 😂
Well considering salt water is a low key antiseptic. Yes it does count as a shower as far as germs go. Same with pool with chlorine. Lake does not count for germs.
As far as skin health is concerned, only the lake counts because salt water and chlorine throw off the PH of your skin.
Dr. Drew was such an amazing addition to the ymh family. I really hope this is a common thing of calling him and asking for his opinion on shit xD
How does Bert:
1. Relapse every November and regain all of his weight
2. Have a fatty liver
3. Get a book from Dr. Drew called “The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous”
And still think he doesn’t have a problem?
Fun.
@@LWLProductions you spell enjoyment oddly
I was listening to this while driving & every time Bert starts squealing I had to pull over because I thought my power steering belt was seizing up...
They say god works in mysterious ways maybe he is your spiritual catalyst bro
We need a special guest drop in by Top Dog.
See buddy, you dont need drugs.
I need some more dad jokes.
Who Ari lolol
The OG bear. You need to wipe down
Hey buddy, this is why you don’t trust the jews
Getting sober was the best thing I could have done I mean I wasn’t an alcoholic but I was addicted to heroin and fentanyl but since I got clean 11 months to the day after 6 years of using my mind is more open I’m so much happier if I can get clean and stay happy than you got this Bert you don’t need to drink
As a former long time service industry employee I commend Bert for giving the bar a heads up before showing up with a huge amount of people. I worked at a medium sized bar and grill and this one group of 30+ guys would show up once a month on random night 2 hours before close...most time there was only one server left on the floor and they would get weeded immediately, owner eventually told them how reservations work.
Tom is firearm expert, like Keanu....except he's "John Thick"
Fucking great
The THICK Water Champ.
Thicc throw two cs on that ass
The only reason I can survive Monday’s nowadays
Vino that stuff is okay but this.. this is like crack for me
Definitely cant live without crack
Shouldn’t you be watching the call her daddy podcast
not your papi ur a cool guy
Tuesdays with stories.
Water park is like five showers? Yeah, like five golden showers!
Bert: "I'm working so hard to get to 205, you don't even know".... References Uncrustable doughnut and eating pizza.
Wait so is Bert under the impression that he’s not addicted to alcohol?
You must be new around here.
Yes.
He needs help but alcoholics are greedy liars and only want more drink. I wonder if it's passive suicide they won't admit or if they feel so sick and think its the only solution or they are just lying and dont care about anyone other than themselves.
Saying you are a good person to account for obvious problems is an obvious lie. Genuinely good people like Keanu dont brag and are reluctant to accept praise.
Derka Von Dangerkill are you an alcoholic?
@@johnathonklinedinst5889 he could quit anytime....
With the amount of sleep Tom gets, I'm going to believe his endorsement of Saatva.
The trypophobia made me wish I just listened this week lol
Same I am shook as fuck in the worst way rn
It's one of the worst things I've ever seen
cool guy it’s awful
The way Bert talks about this sober October sounds like he's never done one
Cause he cheats, he total drinks without them knowing
Its rough for us habitual drinkers
Joey Diaz caught him drinking last time
Roland Special Sauce really? Where can I find that?
@@torvim99 Joe mentioned on the podcast a couple of times last sober October and Joey Diaz says it on his podcast a few times. He caught bert walking back from the store with beer. He said that he did not actually see the beer but Bert had a look on his face like he just got busted
Some good nice healthy pizza while feeling sick.
I'd love to buy Bert a beer. As long as he doesn't look while I get it.
“Someone sent me an uncrustable donut.”
*background laughter*
Had a shitty day at work and I saw this in my subscriptions while I was on my lunch break. I was looking forward to this the whole rest of the day, thank you guys for making Monday better.
**Joe rogan gets done shooting course at Taran Tactical**
Tom Segura: You ain't no false blood. Suwoo man!
I’ve never once got the vibe that Tom plays second fiddle to push on YMH.
I feel like Brett said that to get under Tims skin. Based on body language, you could see that he was successful.
I agree with adam, bcuz that's a joke
What Adam said. Duh. Women are always the side kick. 😉
Ya that podcast wouldnt exist without tom, obviously lol. But it was a joke dummy.
lol push wouldn't have the career she has without tom
“Ashton Coocher”
42:52
This show is one of my biggest “treats”!
to be fair, Ric Flair was in a plane crash, I"d be drinking too
lewis morgan Ric Flair can literally do whatever he wants and he did
Rangus it’s supposed to be fake. That’s the whole point, kiddo.
@@Derek_Keenan LMAO true
Rangus, when's the last time you went to the doctor ? You have commented a few times and every time your totally wrong and not in on any joke, take your meds and stop trying to communicate with normal people weirdo
@Rangus sigh
Just another hour of Bert trying to convince us he's not an alcoholic.
Yeah typical waste of time
@@t.j.watson7112 Why do you watch ? So you can flood comments with your bitch made negativity ?
You nailed it Bert! That is the mentality you need to be healthy and not exhaust yourself from not reaching your ”goals” all the time. Have an image of what you want that is in reach but also allows you to be you and enjoy life within the framework.
Godspeed!
Haha, Dr Drew bout to send in the SWAT team to get Ari.
God damn every episode of this podcast is god tier
The fuck are you talking about,,you must be a fucking pussy,,because this is starting to feel like a podcast where we wait for them to come out of the closet..bert is no man, his daughter has more balls than him
Tyrone James why are you watching then?
@@michaelfrisby758 Tom
@@t.j.watson7112 Tom is the bottom bitch... you must identify with bottom bitches
@@t.j.watson7112 Haha Jesus, i know your angry but it's alright you can come out of the closet now
“I definitely have a Drinking Problem” -Bart Krystler
Bert “pool counts as shower” Kreischer
I don't think Ari realizes that the state may chose to just prosecute him without Bert pressing charges.
Gunhaver oh really?
It was beyond fucked up. It's going to take a long time to repair the trust and the friendship will probably never be the same.
Tiffani Fenstermaker every Tiffani I’ve ever met says some dumb shit, figure it out
@@infin8vibrations How was what they said dumb?
Bert release that episode with Ari!
@Holy Hand Grenades brother, cops can press charges, no need for bert to ask even if he refuses. Maybe theyre keeping the actual documented proof of the spiking for legal reasons for aris sake. Still man its was wrong and EVEN IF IT WASNT do you want the teenagers on youtube to think its all good.
Naw they can’t press charges. There is no actually proof unless Bert or his wife press charges.
@@astangl3672 mmm. Bullshit. Depends on the state. But ari admitted it...multiple times.
As of now, it can be played off as a prank/joke...
With the vid...it can be prosecuted. Burt or his wife dont have to...SINCE ITS AN ILLEGAL DRUG.
Derp derp.
Better for everyone this way
@@astangl3672 conspiracy big bro, conspiracy. Hence why they DIDNT release the podcast. He doesnt need to be on film pouring M into his beverage. Im not even tryna go back n forth bro that is all plain and simple
@@firghteningtruth7173 no. they have 0 physical evidence. LA cops arent trying to spend any time on ari dosing bert. with no evidence.
the podcast isnt evidence. no one says anything about being on rolls on the podcast.
31:47
“You play second fiddle.” LMAO
That’s why I can’t watch YMH lol
That comment cut tommy boy deep 😂
Christina isn't very funny. Quite charming, not funny
Tom's obviously primary fiddle champ
"You don't get my business." Bert
I love this guy
Bert is definitely not a narcissist. Ari, on the other hand...
Ty!!!
I agree lol
Giving the lawn an ole mowing on my day off today and I’m blessed by this podcast. Praise be to thickboynation
thiccboynation
Bert "I was 'Cosby-ed' by Ari" Kriescher and Tom "I'm a professional firearm expert" Segura
The dude laughing in the back is so funny. I’m glad to see other people enjoy it as much as I do.
Actually Bert’s addiction is having problems. If he had no problems he would not have anything to talk about, he loves when people hear him out
You have a cool last name
24:35 *I start covering my face, yelling* "Of course, Bert would like trypophobia! OF COURSE!!"
Andranice Davis that fucking almost ruined my day
Strawberries? You are afraid of strawberries. That has to suck.
@@shundiin8 Go on...................................
@@mytzyxptlyx It's harder to notice it with strawberries... but those flower pods... *shivers*
@@andraniced98 That sucks. I have only one fear and it's crippling. But I'm thankful it doesn't involve this kinda shit. I feel for you.
Bert's rationing of sobriety is me at the bar every time.
“What? Is there like a shooting problem in this country?”
Rangus you realize he was quoting the podcast, right? That’s what those two little dashes on each end of the sentence mean.
Quotes. He put quotes. 🤦♂️
Rangus wears his jeans so low and loose that he isn't wearing any jeans at all!
Rangus Are you stupid?
Rangus why are you replying to every comment trying to put people down and one-up people when you’re clearly not even in on the fucking joke? Did you even watch the podcast? Are you old enough to drive?
The outro song is SO MUCH BETTER than the intro song
Conspiracy theory: Tom is taking all of those shooting classes to star in the next Expendables movie.
Plot twist: it's to deal with Ari, cause nobody puts Tom's baby in a corner 🤣
Or for an underground Seagal movie.
Or maybe, hear me out now.... he’s taking them for Sober October
Good to see Fart and Tim 2 weeks in a row. The best part of my week is watching two psychopaths laughing together :)
The look on Toms face when he realized he’s telling Drew the Cosb-Ari story is the same look you have when you drop your bud in front of a cop.
56:10 😂😂😂
"Ok hang up.....hang up on him"
I wish they filmed their Sober October activities.
This.
@Devbo Slice watching bert with his dyslexia would actually be pretty funny.
Tom and Joe at the tactical training was recorded and is on Tom's personal YT page.
@@maxellis3325 they're just little clips. And I wrote this before Tom put it on his TH-cam. I'm talking about making like a 30min video since they're there for 3+ hours.
I’d be very interested in a Dr. Drew Bertcast! With LeeAnn too?!
6:05 "Legit addiction problems like heroin, cocaine, crack, pills" Alcoholism is no joke, Bert. That and benzos are the only withdrawals that can kill you.
So u can't die from heroine, cocaine, Crack and pills withdrawals?
Bert is in such denial of being a legitimate alcoholic. Everything he is explaining is literally defining alcoholism.
His reaction to Drew says everything that needs to be said really. Talk about irritable and defensive out of nowhere lol
This podcast on MNF make my Monday’s the 4th best day of my week
Now I’m curious where you rank your days...
Christian Hernandez I assume it’s Friday Saturday Sunday in no particular order and then Monday.
@christianhernandez I’ll tell you Tuesday is for sure 7th
Jake 1 interesting... Tuesday definitely ranks higher than Monday’s for me
This basically turns Monday in to Friday.
Am I the only one who laughs hard when you hear the people laughing in the background
Anyone else laugh their ass off at Bert saying *JOCKO WILLNICK?* 😂😂😂😂😂
Anyone else notice bert is scratching himself a lot. Almost like he has an itch he cant scratch
🤔
Alcohol withdrawal delirium from Bert. It's only been a week. He'll be ok in another week,then enjoys another two weeks sober only to start November, December extra hard drinking to make up for October
Symptom of liver disease. I only know this because I’ve been itching a lot and I looked it up...
Still feeling the affects of Ari's molly
It's the chlorine water from pool showers 🚿🛀🏊
Bert is disgusting
Can some one make gifs of tom saying “huh” and “whose fault do you think that is”
I think that it's safe to say that this is the best podcast right now. Bert and Tom are wonderful together.
Listening to this while I'm writing a paper for my masters level social work class and clicked over when I heard you talking about the tree guy. I kept watching and now I'm trypophobic and I feel like shit is crawling on me. You're off your fucking rocker for wanting that. Thanks for that Bert. 🤦🏻♀️😂
Monday is too early for Bert's rampant racism. This is like a tuesday show.
“That’s why you never get sober”. I love Bert for all the wrong reasons
I'm just excited to be a part of a series from the very beginning! Love this stuff!!!
These episodes need to be longer!!! Time flies when watching those 2
I still cannot believe Bert got dosed
Ari is such a piece of shit
Tom is going to be the first comedian to shoot up his own comedy show.
Bert is so genuinely, adorably, disgustingly likeable..
Rewatching old episodes after the live show. I can’t get enough of this podcast but this episode makes me feel like I’m watching my dad die of liver failure. Jesus Christ Bert. You’re an alcoholic. Save your daughters the years of devastation.