Partner Betrayal Trauma (What is it?) | Joni Table Talk With Dr. Doug Weiss | How Do I Recover?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มี.ค. 2020
- Partner Betrayal Trauma® is a unique form of trauma that occurs within relationships and which is caused by your partner or significant other. You trusted in them. They broke that trust and created the trauma as a result.
Dr. Doug Weiss joins Joni and the ladies to talk about the impact on the partner of infidelity, pornography addiction, and intimacy anorexia. This is a term coined by Dr. Weiss called Partner Betrayal Trauma®.
For more information on Partner Betrayal Trauma®, go to partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/
To order the book, Partner Betrayal Trauma®, visit www.drdougweiss.com/product/p...
Partner betrayal trauma is relational trauma which is created by broken trust, unfaithfulness, and a loss of confidence in your partnership, relationship, or marriage. This trauma can be caused by things like spousal neglect, cheating, infidelity, dishonesty, deception, romantic relationship betrayal, rejection, or other circumstances which cause you to lose faith in your partner or significant other.
If you have been betrayed by your spouse or significant other by infidelity, sex addiction, or intimacy anorexia, you have certainly experienced the effects of partner betrayal trauma. Your trust was abused, betrayal, and discarded. These pages, tests, and resources are just for you.
Your betrayal is real. Your trauma from the betrayal of your partner is very real. It is not just real personally but also real statistically. You’re not the same person before and after trauma. You have been impacted significantly. You most likely have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, depression, and your trust has been violated at every level.
Your partner betrayal trauma is unique to you and your journey to heal will be unique as well. We have tests, three- and five-day intensives, phone counseling, phone groups, books, DVDs, and other resources to help you reclaim your life back. You can join our Facebook recovery groups as well.
partnerbetrayaltrauma.org/par...
You are worth recovery and healing for yourself. Take your time and go through what is offered here for you to heal and reclaim your life.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, www.drdougweiss.com/ or on his Facebook / drdougweiss
by phone at 719-278-3708
or through email at heart2heart@xc.org.
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I was a widow and remarried a very very wonderful man some years later. He had been in a long marriage that he was abused in many ways with and this one was of them. She only allowed him to have sex with her when she wanted a baby. Years with nothing and in other ways there was abuse too. Our marriage is pure bliss in a thousand ways. We are so grateful for our blessings. Our joy together is incredible! What a mighty God we serve!
I've always said the Betrayal felt like he cut my chest open and ran a rake across my soul. It's 3 years later and it is still very painful. Not as painful as it once was because when it first happened I said on a couch for three months and I cried I wouldn't eat I wouldn't sleep I would just exist and my kids who were adults were just begging me to move it up do whatever but I couldn't I could hardly breathe. I was in total shock. My forever and always turned in to never and no way.
Forgiveness sets you free
This has come to my attention at the right time when I need it.
This is the loneliest that I have ever felt in my life.
I'm sorry for the pain you have been going through. We have a Partner's phone group and Facebook group that you can join for support. You are not alone in your struggle.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/partner-groups/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
I checked out the Facebook page but like all the rest you really can't say anything about anything.
Am sorry you feel this way it gets better pray for guidance
God is always there for you. He's the only one we need.
There needs to be complete honesty and communication all the time.
This should be about betrayal, period. Yes men and women, (usually)process this situation differently, but ultimately if you're a human being and you've been betrayed then you've been emotionally traumatized. Forgiveness is a must and that can only happen through Christ, but this isn't a women's issue.
This explains so much. Thank you for talking about this.
Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the video!
God is so good that God will replace deception with beautiful ❤️ trust the Lord Amen
There is a very fine line between friendships and emotional affairs with co-workers of the opposite sex. Was it it just fun texting, no emotional, just being nice, beginning emotional or physical and emotional? It is very important to be honest in the beginning. if you are not and little truths , lies or facts surface later you will not know what to believe or what to forgive. It will cause delays in healing and is very damaging emotionally to the relationship.
I just was thinking of going for counseling today to discover what the effects have been on me. So bless you for this program.
This is soooo good. I'm so grateful that this is out there to help walk through this healing
Thank you for this. I found out 2 years ago about my husband’s affair. I’m worse now then I was when I found out. I’m severely depressed. I just thought I was a hopeless case.
If you want, we have counselors available to help you heal from your pain. We also have support groups over the phone and on Facebook as well.
You can call us at 719-278-3708 or email us at heart2heart@xc.org for more information.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
Thank you
I am also extremely depressed. I don't think I am doing this the right way. I badly want to overcome the betrayal. Suffering here
It’s just deverstating finding out your hubby has been living a double life ! The whole time being together try 28 years an I never had the slightest clue ! I feel so stupid for not checking up on him regularly. When u think you have the perfect gentleman the adoring hubby & father . But then my world came down crashing down .
Experiencing something like this is both painful and traumatic. If you haven't already, join our phone and Facebook support groups to get the healing and community you need. You are not alone in this.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
Mine and I lived separate due to our company in 2 states for a few years … found out he has a live in women and a baby, when the baby was 1 and half … and more women.. and I’m lost… the double life is so so so traumatic
@@NicoleknowsBiz omg that is horrendous sending hugs ur way xx
This man is so caring and understanding! I’m ordering his book and workbook ASAP!
Thank you so much for your work!
You're welcome!
Breaking inner vows is key, amen!
Honesty is critical
Powerful show.
He has cheated over 20 times even has a baby.. and says NOW he’s done.. but I’m a MESS … I feel like I’m loosing my mind.. I say let’s do counseling and he says he doesn’t have an issue, I do, so I need to go alone… I feel so depressed… I cry randomly… my stomach is really the worse.. I have a very mad pain in my stomach that flairs when I think about it.. I have nightmares … I love him but I don’t know what to do.. we had 1 counselor meeting and the counselor said he could not help us due to the fact he doesn’t acknowledge anything he did was wrong but that we could keep coming back but he could only help once he could realize how it hurt me
I feel so sad for you. Your situation is making you sick. If your husband is not a believer , I don’t think it’s going to get better. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. My husband ( now ex) said he was a believer but still said he didn’t have a problem. One of his many counselors ( Christian) also decided he could not help him. It’s terrible! I am 4 years since divorce. I hope you can get help. Praying for you.
Very helpful program
I will forgive!! But i will never stay, with someone that cheated on me.
I understand.
Betrayal from the x to me and most importantly he betrayed his son and he continues to do so. (His son)
Until he faces up to his BS is the day he will have a better peaceful life.
I’m so glad I am no longer facing abuse and even dealing with the evil person is a god blessing.
I feel sorry for the next woman victim she will go through & hopefully she’ll see it fast.
Love you guys for this one! This is real! 🙏❤🙏❤🙏❤I love Jesus!
Yeah I have a good friend but I like affection . It's unreal how people can't show love and affection and they would rather satisfy themselves independent ly from a woman.
So good 👍😊
You deserve honest even if they make a mistake be glad they can share and admit Im human life happens this is why Jesus says forgiveness is so powerful
I feel lonely myself being with a partner that's non affectionate. I get affection from my dogs. I feel pretty detached and disconnected to my partner. I'm not very happy at all but I don't want my partner to be left alone he's a good person.
I have experienced "intimacy anorexia" in ever increasing degrees throughout my entire 40-year marriage. Intimacy, meaning emotional connection. We had sex... good sex, but it was, especially in the last 10-15 years the only time I felt "connected" to him. There was almost no other kind of connection.
I didn't know that physical rejection is betrayal also. Wow, so validating. God bless.
I’m going through this right now
Thanks was a great discussion! I do however wish the women here didn’t interrupt the doctor so often bc I was really interested in hearing more of what he had to say.
If you're interested in learning more about Partner Betrayal Trauma, you can watch the youtube playlist of these videos or go to partnerbetrayaltrauma.org for more information.
th-cam.com/play/PLoQAJVqvxAfjgl9SSfc4M6JBr97Nfx8yV.html
has joni shared her story on this topic
I'm just in limbo all day long.
Amen so sorry you are going thru this. Find a dog to cuddle with animals are loyal. I can take care of child in a job type of situation. I don't mind.sounds like help is needed. Invest in things that make you happy it's surely not a man. Community service church events outreach homeless people. That's why there are so many single women nowadays.
Yeah it's difficult to have a God fearing lasting relationship.
I cant forgive when he wont stop. Hes been doing this for 11 years, says he will change and doesnt
The answer to your question can be very complex and multifaceted. This is one of the most asked questions that I receive. I did do a therapeutic teaching a while back that covers the dynamic change if you're are in a relationship dynamic with a sex/porn addict who refuses to take steps to heal. You can find the DVD here: www.drdougweiss.com/product/he-needs-to-change-dr-weiss-dvd/
Regardless of what he is doing, I suggest individual therapy with a partner betrayal trauma therapist certified under AASAT. If there isn't one in your area, you can call my office and my team can schedule a session for you at 719-278-3708
We also have a phone and Facebook support group for partners of sex addicts that you can join:
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
Very informative program, though was disappointed that Joni didn't make reference to her own experience which obviously would have been very relevant. Would have made the overall presentation more genuine rather than the feeling that there was an enormous elephant 'on the screen' as it were. It may be just too painful still to do this, which is ok, and if the case I hope this ministered to Joni as much as anyone else.❤❤❤
I’ve noticed this about her. I don’t believe she’s truly healed. Her husband comes off as icky to me.
@@Webbgurl2000 I do know that the Christian celebrity world can be very dark indeed!!!
I guess she’s not healed
My son is in the midst of a devastatingdivorce. She has been committing adultery 8 -+ years. She has attempted to blame her husband, beat him until she was bruised. Created situations in order to accuse him. It finally all blow up. He is just broken.
This is very sad. He might consider counseling or a trauma intensive with Cereset included. He could also look up borderline personality disorder to see if this applies to his situation.
@@DrDougWeiss I will pass your info on to him. He and his 3 boys all so need counsel. Been trying to guide him in that direction as healing really needs talked through. thaank you for responding. I realize there are 2 sides to every story and women may out number men but I have had to watch this for on and off for the past 19 years and she always had her plan set so he would be blamed. Wicked, just wicked.
jesus i love
I feel like throwing up.
Its 34 years...
And im sure it hasn't stopped.
What do i do
I'm sorry that you have experienced this. I would focus on getting healing for yourself. You can do a Partners intensive or call to speak with a counselor/coach by calling 719-278-3708 to help you process this.
We also have a Partners phone group and Facebook group to join for support. You are not alone in this.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
Yes spiritual cancer people have spiritual cancer Amen
Reminds me of Joe Lara
Whewww ... God❗👑💜🙏🏽🙄
You always when his been clean , what if it’s her that’s been unfaithful, untrustworthy with finances. I’ve been stereo typed since we said I do , and if I bring anything I’m not safe with , I get yelled at , or it’s a fight
I need help
My wife and I were being counseled by our Pastor , He took his position and they both met and did the wrong thing , it makes me sick , counseling is and fantasized about my wife but she must have want him too , I don’t know what to do or how to get past this and heal , trust has been broken and I feel I can’t trust her , I want to , but deep inside I’m broken
I don't even have an intimate relationship no sex.
Yes another word spiritual baggage
If two people truly love each other they will forgive each other
Gods rules work Amen
You say at the end. “He can’t help you heal” then how do I know he has changed and won’t do it again?
You are having all the signs of partner betrayal trauma. You might want to do an intensive with neuromodulation to help.
What you are describing is normal trauma from this ongoing betrayal. If he is not going to do counseling, he can do a polygraph to establish the last time he had sex outside of marriage, communicates with any of these women, or grooming new women.
If he won't do either counseling or polygraphs, it would be reasonable to assume the behavior has not or will not stop.
You would do well to speak to a coach or counselor so that you can get healing for yourself by calling us at 719-278-3708.
For additional support, we have the Partners phone group and Facebook group to join if you'd like.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
In the real world, the marriage ends after a betrayal. The question is: how do women who have been betrayed heal themselves in order to go back to dating and find a new husband?
I spend quite a bit of time covering this topic in the DVD "Moving Forward":
www.drdougweiss.com/product/moving-forward-dvd/
I have a question , this is called pastoral abuse but there is a choice as Dr Weiss said
How about when the marriage desolation is a gradual demise as a result of years of degrading sexual demands from a husband to his wife. No infidelity on his part ... yet, the wife is severely objectified and he uses her as his 'porn'. True love and intimacy is never given in a sexual context. The end result... the wife has an affair for which the husband is unable to forgive or to acknowledge his vital part in setting her up for this ultimate failure. Furthermore the marriage survives, yet there is no sexual desire on the part of the wife due to dysfunction in the marriage bed as well as persisting lack of emotional and sexual intimacy... rather it is simply a need for sexual release! What term would you give to this situation?
Were you two spending time in prayer to begin with when you got married? Most marriages work because the couple are crazy about Jesus. God is love, so He binds the two as they seek Him & puts His love for each other. So both are not only on fire for Him, but each other.
All this I've said in the context of people who are Spirit filled Christians who pray in tongues.
Brendalee Mallery, I am so sorry for the abuse you have endured. Please watch the other youtube videos that Dr. Weiss has on betrayal trauma. Sometimes people in the church will give input that is not helpful at all, but sounds "spiritual". Dough Weiss/ Heart to Heart in Colorado Springs have helped thousands of women who have been in our shoes- even if the circumstances are different.
Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. Because I've been through a marriage & experienced a little bit of what Brendalee had been through. I love my wife who's gone Home, but in a marriage one seeks a complete union of the spirit & not just the soul or the flesh. Understanding the aspect of a spiritual union is key. Because perfect love is more than a soulish (or a carnal) expression. It is the most powerful overwhelming force the human spirit & soul experience. In it's perfect form it looks like discipline. This humble, gentle, obedient & yielded expression is what we see manifest in the crucified lifestyle of our Messiah towards His Father. Can't have a perfect marriage without perfect love. And God is perfect love. When couples seek Him together, this spiritual force (love) brings about a union that goes beyond human expression. Please think about it.
I can almost guarantee you that this man is doing something wrong with porn or an affair. They hide it well
@@faithbuilder1320 that doesn’t solve everything.
What if this is going on but you don’t have proof of there being porn or sex addiction? Would he still be intimacy anorexic?
Someone can be IA without porn. He can do a polygraph to verify no pornography or cheating. Your pain is real and I recommend you get help for yourself by joining our Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/married-alone-groups/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Do you need proof to know you are being neglected regardless if there is porn etc involved? NOPE...SET your boundaries and what expectations you have for your marriage...he can participate/grow or not. His choice. Then you have your choice
If I ever find put if my husband cheats on me I wo t be able to be with him anymore. I'll forgive him but I won't be able to draw close to him ever again...no more betrayal.
Well if a poly-graft test is so great for others ,maybe u should have one now . Do u still think now people would believe u now ; 3years later. Something to think about . Lies always come back to bite . Wow , that hurts !!!
Don't be a hater,!
it's not easy when a woman is cheated on and finds out you take it out on yourself.
Wow sorry you feel this way. Don't be mad at God look deep within yourself and work on you no blaming let go of the past.
Matthew 5
What about an emotional affair?
Absolutely, this can be traumatic. If you are dealing with this, you can join our Partners phone group or Facebook group for support.
www.drdougweiss.com/groups/partner-groups/
www.drdougweiss.com/facebook-groups/#womens_partner_of_sex_addicts_group
I'll check back in if you get to men and intimacy betrayal
John Grepo This is the same for men, it’s just not as common. The same rules and feelings apply. You’re not alone as a man...
@@tracys7057 ,thank you. I appreciate your point of view.
th-cam.com/video/6sfCTvnVrU0/w-d-xo.html
Sin is "spiritual" transgression against God. A positive frame of mind is not enough for people to overcome sin of this nature. Because -
1.(generational) iniquity,
2. the enemy (enforcing iniquity because of legal grounds) &
3. the desires of the flesh - are stacked against the believer. In order to achieve total victory in this area, the believer will need to build himself/herself up in their spirits (inner man) to an extent where their soul is totally led by the impulses of the Spirit (of God). All great men of God did this. Confession, repentance, breaking soul ties, maintaining accountability, etc., are factors that help, but we are looking for the big event of OVERTHROW. Where the spirit man grows to a certain extent that the flesh remains crucified & buried; where the enemy cannot attach himself or remain close to the believers to weaken & influence them to sin. But rather flees from them because of the presence of God that they carry. OVERTHROW happens when people build their spirits or inner man by praying in the Spirit (tongues) & by the word (reading & meditating). It takes time to build one's self where they are strong enough to stand on their own. Example: Dave Roberson (can watch his interview on TH-cam by Sid Roth on his channel "It's Supernatural.")
When people unite together for overthrow, then the process is accelerated rapidly over a small period of time. God bless you all.✌
Speak encouragement muddy speakers speak for themselves
It sucks!
Sin is "spiritual" transgression against God. A positive frame of mind is not enough for people to overcome sin of this nature. Because -
1.(generational) iniquity,
2. the enemy (enforcing iniquity because of legal grounds) &
3. the desires of the flesh - are stacked against the believer. In order to achieve total victory in this area, the believer will need to build himself/herself up in their spirits (inner man) to an extent where their soul is totally led by the impulses of the Spirit (of God). All great men of God did this. Confession, repentance, breaking soul ties, maintaining accountability, etc., are factors that help, but we are looking for the big event of OVERTHROW. Where the spirit man grows to a certain extent that the flesh remains crucified & buried; where the enemy cannot attach himself or remain close to the believers to weaken & influence them to sin. But rather flees from them because of the presence of God that they carry. OVERTHROW happens when people build their spirits or inner man by praying in the Spirit (tongues) & by the word (reading & meditating). It takes time to build one's self where they are strong enough to stand on their own. Example: Dave Roberson (can watch his interview on TH-cam by Sid Roth on his channel "It's Supernatural").
When people unite together for overthrow, then the process is accelerated rapidly over a small period of time. God bless you all.✌
Jesus Christ paid for sin at the cross tell the true liar the devil to get out of your house kick the devil out and move with God Amen
God is truly trustworthy Amen God will provide for you...just tell the devil daily not today to blessed to be stressed God has beautiful plans for me I don't worry I sleep 😴 very peaceful...very happy...very joyful ....very kind ....the enemy should never change your emotions Amen the pig 🐷 is the thief the liar the big fat worm 🐛 Amen believe a lie and die Amen
Believe God and live Hallelujah
That’s BS your spouse should tell you who he slept with !!! Stop protecting cheaters !!!
Should or shouldn't? Unless it is someone you know or would come into contact with...you don't want to know because it is one more think for the betrayed partner to get over. Lots of partners have to deal with triggers every time they hear a name ..even if they don't know them. As little details as possible is best ...you do have a right to know...100 women over 3 years...in your car, our home, etc. General terms
This is protecting the betrayed spouse NOT the cheating spouse.
What about marriages where women are systematically being verbally and physically abused, cheated, denigrated and treated like objects.? I believe a marriage like that should end, it cannot be saved, even if the husband repents, there’s a possibility the abuse might escalate and a greater chance of harm and
death. Some husbands cannot change and some marriages cannot be rehabilitated. Focus on teaching the wife how to move on from a toxic marriage and overcome the devastating consequences of betrayal and abuse in an unhealthy marriage that does not honor God.
We have some materials coming later this year on this topic. If you are dealing with partner betrayal trauma, I would suggest you get healing for it. Go to partnerbetrayaltrauma.org for more information.
He ruined himself years before I ever met him. I look back on the relationship/marriage and its like " what was that about" why was I married to a man that would neglect his beautiful wife to act out behind a lap top? List goes on....... Satan is having a field day!! He ruined my husband and I've become mentally ill
Life ain't over reinvent yourself love yourself first. Find your passion. He hurt all of us.
Since he deals with addiction problems he can't see how much God loves him nor others as well. He is blinded by his love of sex drugs and rock n roll. Kind of like selling your soul to the undertaker.
He don't acknowledge the God in him he has forgotten who he really is.
Don't you think, God frowns on those who smile to His face, and goes out to curse Christ people behind their backs.
I just can't take people seriously who speak for god, let alone make every statement about god. Relax, unless gods own voice itself gets on a conference call I don't wanna hear it! If something higher than ourselves made us. It made it so we have no communication with it and to fend for ourselves. This is cut throat imo. God deserves as much as a smirk and friendly hello while crossing the sidewalk but thats about it. I hate my parents because they neglected me and went to bars and didn't raise me. I cant find the logic loving a god who was even worse than my parents.
I am sorry that you have been let down by those who should have been there for you Nathan.
But Joni, Darling we have to stay together!! if we Divorce we wont be able to robb those poor shmucks we've been Robbing for so fucking long. So let's keep up the BS and keep the Dollars rolling in.!!! Ok let's get this BS over with tell em we love each other and it's off to the Bank business as usual😅🤣😅🤣