Gaslighting | What Is It & How To Fight Back | Dr. Doug Weiss
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
- The concept of gaslighting and its negative implications in relationships has been ongoing and rampant in our society. In this video, Doug Weiss, licensed psychologist and counselor, explains what gaslighting is and will give you the necessary tools to fight back when this manipulative strategy is used against you.
Gaslighting involves denying reality, lying, and shifting the blame onto you, making you doubt yourself, regardless of the wrongs you suspect or know they are perpetrating. Simply, this strategy gets you to question your perception and reality so that they can get away with or not be confronted about their behavior, beliefs, or lifestyle. What they say happened is really what happened, regardless of what you think.
Why would a person gaslight their significant other in such a manipulative and abusive way? Why would they want you not to have your own feelings and reality? It could be a number of reasons including having a secret addiction, committing an illegal activity, or just not wanting to be wrong about anything.
Overall, remember that it's not about you. It's not your fault, this is about them. They would be doing this regardless of who they were with, based on the internal issues and processing they have. You don't have to be at the mercy of gaslighting. Learn how to fight back and gain support in this video!
Visit intimacyanorexia.com/ for more information.
Also, we have a test you can take to determine if Intimacy Anorexia® is the issue in your marriage. Take the test here: intimacyanorexia.com/ia-test/
If you're the partner of an Intimacy Anorexic®, we call that Married and Alone. You can check out the series of books Dr. Weiss has written on that subject here:
www.drdougweiss.com/product/m...
Married & Alone support group for female partners of male Intimacy Anorexics:
/ marriedandalone
Married & Alone support group for male partners of female Intimacy Anorexics:
/ supportgroupsaia
For information on marriage counseling and intensives, go to www.drdougweiss.com/counseling/
For a full list of Dr. Doug’s products, go to www.drdougweiss.com/store/
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including Partner Betrayal Trauma ™.
You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, www.drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook / drdougweiss
by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at heart2heart@xc.org
0:00 Video Start
0:50 What Gaslighting Is
2:13 Reasons why someone may gaslight you
6:34 How to start fighting back
9:04 Hard truths you have to accept about them
10:18 Importance of getting stronger and having support for yourself
11:04 Object Reality vs Relational Reality
11:54 Statements to say to maintain your reality/truth
14:40 Conclusion
Wow! Thank you for this video! This is what I went thru with my ex-husband and spent years thinking I could fix it. When I finally realized that wasn't going to happen I left and it ripped my heart out to do that. I needed therapy after that. For years I believed I was too stupid for anything. I got this from my parents who adopted me to save their marriage and when they divorced I was in the way and they didn't mind letting me know it. When you hear something enough you actually start to believe it. I heard it from my ex as well.
Even with therapy, I had doubts, till.....I took my first solo flight in flight school and landed a plane without my security blanket sitting next to me. I went on to get my pilot's license. Couldn't have been too stupid after all. But I wasted a lot of my life believing it.
Then I turned to writing and submitted a piece for publishing fully expecting a reject because it is hard to get published that first time. They took it and published it! You could've blown me over with a feather!
Sincerely
Not so stupid. LOL
What a great story! Hooray Juanita!!
Congratulations on finding appreciation for yourself. Happy for you.
After 23 years of this I’m just beat down. I’m tired of having to continue to learn how to live this way.
This video is Heaven sent! This is just what I needed! I had no idea what I was going through was "Gaslighting."
It helps a lot to purposefully recall conversations and events accurately so they don't try to convince you that you are delusional. Telling them what they said and did is not what they are used to. Yes it's a skill that takes effort but made me strong against gaslighting. Purposeful cognizance.
I'm also a constant victim of gaslighting like being *framed up* as an "insane idiot", or being guilt-tripped so that I could fall into confessing a crime I haven't or would never do, and sometimes, being *framed up* as someone who is "irrelevantly stupid", worse thing is that one of the perpetrators is my father.
They’ll even fight when you give them picture proof of conversation. Lol “I disagree” when you explain what they did
Oh they'll still try to convince you you're wrong and you're not remembering it correctly.
@@LaniLongGreen Yes! I saw text messages from my boyfriend to a girl "friend". This is the 3rd time I have caught him saying things like I love you, I think about you all the time, I had an awesome sex dream about you, when can we run off and start a life together, you sure look sexy. Yet he denies that he has feelings for her more than just a friend. I'm learning about gaslighting. And I hate what he's doing.
If in a 1 party consent state, record.
Thank you Dr Weiss for this video. I was an active addict for many years. When I was married, I would gaslight my wife daily. It was to hide my addiction and other things I was doing. I'm so ashamed of this now. It's such a horrible things to do to someone.
I'm glad this was helpful for you.
I'm surprised you were aware of your gaslighting.
@@sundancer7381 I can see that now. I didn't see it back then, as it was happening
This is gold. Exactly how I’ve been treated. Exactly what I’ve experienced. Exactly. Thank you. Great insight in depth. 🙏
That is the hardest part! How did he lie to me so easily, Everyday, he lied everyday. Is he now?
Wow 😳this has explained so much...I have struggled that I was not putting enough or I was ‘overthinking’, I was too insecure, he convinced me of so much stuff. I had read up on narcissism and put it down to that that was he was .. but I found this gaslighting video answered so many more questions .. I can now move on ..
My wifes favorite line, you're just being to emotional when I ask her about spending time with me over spending time with phone or helping friends first.
“You’re too sensitive”. Heard it almost daily for 7 years from my then wife. I was fortunate enough to be able to leave, but she continues to do this to our daughter and as we share custody, it’s been so painful to watch. But I didn’t just watch. I got our daughter into therapy and she’s doing better, but these statements the Dr provides are helpful. I’m sorry for your pain. It sounds like you may be married to a bully and I hope that you can both get the help you need to get to a better place. Peace.
Waw when Dr. Said it not about you it’s not your fault. I loudly took breath out and dropped my shoulders down. Felt relief 💕
Great teaching on what to say. I become a blubbering mess when things get turned around back on to me. Where I have to record everything because I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Thank you Dr Weiss, as this helped me to forgive and move on from my hurtful marriage and divorce
You're welcome and I hope all goes well on your journey towards healing.
And married nearly 30 years to a man what's a narcissist I had to step out of this marriage I am a Christian and my Christian counselor told me if I stay in this I will have a nervous breakdown and the marriage ended I went to a support group called New Beginnings it was Christian oriented I learned so much about myself I wish I knew about this program years ago I am now free for quite some years I have stepped my boundaries and I've learned I'm good on my own thank you for this advice many people should learn about this before they get married
Everything you mentioned is what has gone on in my relationship. Thank you for this video.
So helpful, thank you for speaking about gaslighting. My family of origin gaslights me, when I confront their dysfunctional behavior, poor behavior and mistreatment of me... It is emotional abuse... thankfully I have a support system and a wonderful Christian counselor... thanks again for validating us by speaking on this topic which again is emotional abuse.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I'm glad though that this video was helpful and that you are receiving the support and validation you need.
@@DrDougWeiss Thank you for responding to my post, Dr. Weiss. I greatly appreciate your care and concern. Thank you again for talking on such topics that a lot Christian's don't speak about. My counselor in Birmingham, Kelly, gave me a most precious gift of believing and validating me. We connected on a deep level. It was a blessing! My husband and two grown children are in my support system too. Thank you again!
Really you have to be an immovable, impenetrable force not to be f’d with and that’s the only way to gain traction. And when they’re purposely trying to misunderstand you, call them out. And get comfortable with agreeing to disagree and moving on and not wasting time on it. Even when it’s important to you. Thank you for this video. Every expert I’ve listened to has a new and unique perspective that helps me in a new way.
Wow! I’m a former porn addict that’s going through your soul refiner class this video has enlightened me to how I have gas lighted my wife thank you !
You're welcome and I'm glad that you're making the most of Soul Refiner.
Thank you. You have hit the nail on the head. Wow.. you always
know how I’m feeling.
You hit the nail on the head. You are a great teacher. Thank you.
You're welcome. Glad it was useful.
My husband gaslights me all the time and I'm so sick of it
What a great message and lesson even if I’m looking at my own faults. I’m working my only recover and recognition has been my first steps to restoration. This has been very difficult for my wife
@Mark, this is so good to read. I just want to encourage you on your journey and pray that you and your wife will both soon heal. All blessings.
Thank you for owning up to your problem and getting help and thinking about her. I wish my husband would admit and get help but he won’t
I appreciate help for the spouse enduring these behaviors! Please give us more ideas on how to set boundaries with an intimacy anorexic since they seek distance, it's hard to have consequences that create more separation!!
We have an entire DVD to address this called "Boundaries: His, Hers, & Ours" : www.drdougweiss.com/product/boundaries-dvd/
I am experiencing this right now. It is horrible! I need a good counselor.
@@DrDougWeiss thank you, i will call
Thanks!
Wow really thank you so much for this video. Iv always kinda understood gaslighting with politics but not really in a relationship
I am in need of serious help. I found out a few months ago that my husband of 38 years has been cheating with a man for many years. He denies it, but I've seen the text. I am so beat down that I can hardly function. In addition to cheating, I found several text where he said awful things about me to friends and family. There are so many layers to this that I just want to crawl under the covers and die. This video helped me realize how bad it was and is. I know I need intensive therapy but can't afford it or a P.I. to catch him. Thank you for these videos.
Go the Lord, my sweet sister! He will show you and heal you from the pain emotionally and physically.
I lived 30 years with a man who pretended to love me in front of people, he treated me horribly in private. He created a false self but when I fought back for myself and our sons, I was made to think I’m the crazy one.
He began smearing me to my family and friends, this is to plan their exit. Separation is needed, I want your husband to find Jesus but not at the expense of destroying you! You need to surround yourself with people you can open up to and began to process all this!
The Lord is healing me, I have a rare vascular syndrome but my body was shutting down. I realized stress can kill you!
Our church, friends and family were perplexed, however he left our house and it was shocking but he began to show his true self. My sons want nothing to do with him and most people see him for who he is.
I am called to pray for him but not to continue the abuse.
Cry out to the Lord, he has been waiting to heal you sister!
Thank you so much sir.❤️.
Dr. Doug, I'd also like to thank you for sharing this academic and intellectual insight regarding gaslighting, because this really helps people like me who are also constant victims of gaslighting.
You're welcome. I'm glad it was beneficial for you.
@@DrDougWeiss Doc, I have been a victim of narcissistic abuses and gaslighting fits in the box.
Dr. Weiss thank you very much. I am in a very difficult situation-ship. He has driven me to the brink of suicide on numerous occasions.
Your advice is invaluable to me at this time. I am so grateful to have found your channel. Bless... thank you
Glad to be of help. Get support and healing for yourself.
I'm glad I came across this. I'm currently going throw stress from my work and feel this way when I'm at work. This is a huge help for me. Thank you
Glad you found this helpful.
Wow. Thank you. I would say, “you can’t rewrite history”, but as you said Dr Weiss, he would just get mad and go at it another way… we are in counseling and he is tapping into all your resources. This behavior is the thing I can’t tolerate, I cant bear the addiction and recovery but not this manipulation.
That is painful. If you haven't already, you can join our Partners phone and Facebook groups for support.
www.drdougweiss.com/partner-group/
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
I'm glad a professional addressed this. 💙
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for your work
You're welcome
Excellent video!
Thank you! Happy to see that you enjoyed it.
God bless you Dr. Weiss! I'm so thankful because you have put into words exactly what I'm experiencing in my life right now, and gives me a big relief to "walk through the valley" with success.
Thank you so much for the information!
You are very welcome!
Thank you so much for this, Dr Weiss. I feel it as a hug and am so grateful for your insightful sharing. 🙏🏼♥️
You are so welcome
Thank you for this insight.
You're welcome
I feel like I have been to an eye opening therapy session. Please do more videos regarding these kinds of problems that arise in workplace.
They do not have a heart per se, they are giving their time and attention to someone else. Time and attention. They once gave it all to you. We were giving in hopes of receiving. I want a better life, I am going no contact.
I put PROOF up straight to him every time he lies to me about what I did. (We have a child in common, I left him immediately, he was a very short fling. I did the right thing. Fhe court is buying his gaslighting by refusing to allow me to show them evidence. I document EVERY WORD IN WRITING. So, I do not argue, I simply send a copy of my Documentation to him. I am disabled and cannot afford an attorney and he can. So.....I represent myself, quite well, but now he is gaining momentum by piling up the lies and me somehow never getting my hearing date that is MY TURN to show my proof. 🤬🤬🤬
I think this video just saved my life ❤❤❤ thank you so much
That is interesting about the gaslighters having something to hide. Of course if they hide it, it isn't seen. The first time I encountered gaslighting I had trouble understanding why the lies were happening from my local manager.
So many of them!
It didn't change my reality or memory of past events at all. I recorded everything.
The facts are important.
It was sad to see how people in the workplace just fell into blind obedience.
The alternative he offered for disagreement was multifaceted.
Removal of choices, yelling, shutting conversations down. Most just tolerated it for the sake of a paypacket.
Narcisissm is a scourge of middle and upper management.
Dr Weiss thank you so much for giving such clear information about this. Moreover I’m thankful for the specific ways to deal with this and the concise examples as to what to say. I wish I’d have seen this earlier. It’s painful but what you provide definitely gives a different perspective and focus to see reality and not fall into the trap of this gaslighting. God bless you and what you do!
You're welcome.
THANK YOU! Thank you! Thank you! I needed to hear this. I am being gaslit at office by another employee. And I needed some support, knowledge to deal with it. Thank you doctor. Please do more videos 🙏
You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed this video.
I love your approached thank you so much for sharing it. You make me feel stronger listening your messages.
Thank you! :)
I’m so happy I left all of them once they showed me how they really feel about me and the things that was don’t to me I will never turn back
So thankful for sharing these kinda educational video... I am kinda hooked up with your videos lately ...its so educational and very good ....i hope u continue to do so ...and help people around 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoy these videos.
I’m calling lHappy New Year!
Hi Dr Weiss, I have just viewed your video and it does not name domestic and family violence. If a person experiencing DFV said any of the suggestions you make this could place them in a very unsafe position especially if they do not understand all the forms DFV takes. Thank you.
I am at the end of my rope. I have searched for someone who understands. The stress of my marriage is unbearable.
You might want to do a phone session. We have counselors available who would understand and help support you. You can call us at 719-278-3708 for more information.
I am confused.
Hang in there. Time gives clarity and healing. Be patient. Make decisions after some time.
I'm the gaslighter. I've struggled with sexual addiction for years, I've hurt my partner significantly. It wasn't until they fought back that I realized truly what I was doing and came clean about everything. My relationship ended after I came out and I only have me to blame. Now that's it's over I want to change and found these videos. Most of which are for the victims but describe what I was doing so clearly. As the perpetrator, can I reach out.
Yes you can. Many of our counselors/coaches do work with the perpetrators. You can call us at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled.
My therapist did this to me. She was trying to cover up breaking a confidentiality of another client.
I have a friend in a very difficult situation. Basically he has come to realize he is in a narcissistic relationship. He is almost to the point of giving up. He feels nothing he ever does will be enough. What makes this more difficult is he has younger to teen children and they are his main concern.
So here is my question, can a narcissist change? With acceptance (which I don't see how they would come to that awareness or that a narcissistic personality can come to see themselves in this manor and get counseling? My friend wants to make it work for the sake of His family.
So can a parson with narcissistic traits change? Do you know of any cases where an individual has actually honestly changed and it is not just acting or masking at a much higher level. Any insight or information would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
I'm going through this with my IA...thank you for this Dr. Weiss
Glad it was helpful!
I hope you're doing good bud
This is so helpful. Thank you. What about after you say one of these and set a boundary and they keep yelling and doing what I call word salad, merry-go-round of insanity. You walk away and he yells ya that's what you always do just walk away. ? Don't reply?
You may want to meet with a counselor who can help you formulate boundaries more specific for your situation. It sounds like they may be trying to get you to reengage in the argument.
11:11🔹 object reality
11:55🔹 statements
6:27 Yes
9:38 Yes
Do you have any advice for someone who wants to overcome narcissism? My husband says he wants to do better but I am starting to think it’s a hopeless situation. My husband openly admits that he’s narcissistic but thinks that I am the problem and constantly gaslights me, even turns it around to where he’s the victim and says I’m gaslighting him, when really I’m just calling out his lies. He says he wants to be better but then says that I should love him the way he is and that I’m judging him and trying to change him. I don’t mean to sound like I know it all but he does need to change in many ways. Narcissism does not belong in any christians hearts, it doesn’t belong in relationships. The whole world thinks he’s the greatest man alive but at home, my kids and I can do nothing right or worthy of love in his eyes. We don’t deserve his time because we don’t “get things right” according to his standards, which is perfection. Then when I say that’s wrong to think that way he says I’m invalidating him. I say you should love us anyway and spend time even when you don’t want to, to build a relationship with all of us. He only spends time with the people pleasing perfectionist child and treats everyone else in the house like we are unworthy. We all work hard, tirelessly, to impress him and he will come inside searching for something to complain about then call me negative for complaining about his complaints. He thinks if I can just learn to be happy with myself we will have a better marriage. I was happy with myself before I married him and he started emotionally abusing me. I am happy with myself now. I love who I am and I love my children and I don’t know why but I still care about him. I am not happy with emotional abuse, neglect, hatred, objectification, favoritism, secrets, control, inappropriate behaviors. Now (after 7 years) he’s making small attempts to treat me better and I am trying to heal from the damage he has done but he still throws verbal jabs in there to invalidate me and say that I must’ve done something to deserve it and just can’t remember what I did. So many times I’ve wanted to leave. I am trying so hard to not let God down with another divorce but when we leave every counseling session, I feel like we have taken two steps forward and four steps backward. He’s apologetic and Humble in the office then when we leave he’s blaming me and invalidating again. He even invalidated the counsellor in our last session, to which he called him out on it during our session. He thinks it’s funny that the man got frustrated with him. He actually thinks the Christian marriage counsellor who’s had a career for over 30 years doesn’t know what he’s talking about and should do things the way he says because his way works better than the counselors way 🙄 and then wants to tell me I’m immature because I cry when he yells at me and shut down from having ptsd. Says I need to grow up and learn how to argue like a real woman. We cannot communicate bc anytime I try to bring up any topic he instantly becomes an aggressor and dominates the conversation then says that the sooner I learn his way, the better everything will be, then gets mad because I cry and say that I don’t think he will ever understand and he’ll say “oh my gosh! I can’t even talk to you without you crying! You need to mature so we can actually have a conversation and communicate”
And turns it completely around into me being the immature one, the one who can’t communicate, the one who’s stubborn, argumentative, and selfish. If i didn’t have three children who needed financial support, I probably would have left years ago. I keep praying and encouraging and believing. I just hope it’s not all a waste of time when I could be moving on to being happier and healthier. This is not what I wanted for my kids, especially after growing up with a father exactly like this. That man taught me who I didn’t want to be, then I met a charming loving man who was just pretending and turned out to be exactly like my dad. If you can’t offer any advice can you please just pray. Everyone says to leave, and I know that I would be ok if I did but I don’t think he would ever be ok. I think God put us together bc he needs to learn how to love and mature but I can’t teach him that. Maybe that statement alone proves my thinking to be false? He doesn’t respect or value me. I pray that the right man comes into his life to teach him how to grow up and to love. How to value others and to love unconditionally. How to be a good husband, father, son, and follower of Christ. I am praying that God isn’t through with him yet. And trying to figure out if I’m standing in the way of his growth by staying or if I’m actually needed here. This is just really hard.
I'm sorry that you have gone through this pain and trauma, which are valid. You would do well to watch the DVD "Why Do I Stay, When It Doesn't Make Sense?" which may prove helpful. Praying for you as well.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/why-do-i-stay-dvd/
I myself am married to an itimacy Annorexic. We are currently separated two years now. Maybe codependent No More by Melody Beattie would help you. It's helped me alot. Bottom line you will know when you've had enough. Until than keep fighting day by day.
I'm an advocate for domestic violence survivors. I can absolutely see where the list you gave of things to say will be quite helpful for someone to fight back against gaslighting in a 'normal' (e.g., non-physically violent) situation. Do you have any input you would like to give on what a person still in a violent relationship and isolated could do to fight back within themselves?
If a victim is still physically in a situation and it is not safe for them to leave just yet, how can they help themselves mentally when they are able to finally understand what's happening to them? It's dangerous and potentially deadly to obviously fight back verbally or physically. A narcissistic, abusive person's most powerful weapon in the beginning is isolation. This gives the abuser perfect freedom and canvas to 'paint' reality as they want the victim to see and believe. I think about the movie "The Truman Show" (1998) with Jim Carrey. Whatever the director wanted to 'stage' as reality for Truman was his (Truman's) reality until the 'truth' of the false reality was revealed. I have watched the movie from where the term gaslighting came from as well.
Also, if a victim is already isolated from everyone they've known (i.e., family, friends), how could they safely have someone in the outside world that could be a support system?
For a person still in a violent relationship, they should call 911 every time.
Also if the victim is isolated from everyone they've know, they might want to go to a shelter (ex: a woman going to a women's shelter) to get support and get stronger.
My husband was on porn he was angry and scream at me Untill I heardGod say deliver him I prayed over him he is deliverd today praise God
What is the cause of object reality?
It can be addictions, disorders, immaturity, family of origin issues, etc.
It seems to me that an intimacy Anorexic and a gaslighter go hand in hand. They have to gaslight in order to continue to be an intimacy Anorexic.
I think this is all well and I'm happy I found it because I can begin to heal... But unfortunately I have made some very bad decisions because I couldn't handle the abuse anymore. I am still married, but living with another person whom I believe loves me. But I don't think God is very happy with this situation. 💔
You might want to talk to your pastor to help you.
Can short-worded statements without explaining further be considered gaslighting? I.e. stating "I'm done" but refusing to explain further (done with this conversation, done with me, done with marriage).
They could be but your interpretation may be the trigger. The DVD "Triggered" goes into how the meaning can be a trigger.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/triggered-dvd/
If someone gaslight us and the family is being offensice towards us,because of someone else controlling behaviour,how to deal with certain people if we want to win our own truth?
I would recommend getting with a local counselor to help you with this because the strategies you need would have to be unique to your situation.
@@DrDougWeiss thank you so much for ur kind help
What is the music title in background?
"New Discoveries" and "Understanding a Loss". They can be found on Motion Array.
Thx dr weiss
My sister gaslight me...how to deal with such people...pls help dr?
I have children with a gas lighter and hes started using the kids
Its terrifying me
I can see the kids just being drained
What can I do to help my kids !
Create boundaries with consequences, communicate what these are and follow through. If he is agreeable, do marriage counseling. If he is not, start counseling for yourself so you can have support and tools for this behavior.
You cant fight gaslighting. Its your words against theirs. Youre either gonna argue or dont talk at all.
Im so hurt
If you haven't already, get healing and support for yourself regarding your situation. You can get with a therapist locally or call Heart To Heart Counseling Center at 719-278-3708 to get scheduled. You don't have to go through this alone.
Oh God help!! 15yrs married past. 9 in a serial emotional cheater and sex addict..first 5 yes awesome..but these last 9yrs hell...past 4 yrs Ithought I was totally losing my mind and I'm a manic bi polar..he went so dark and over board..it got so surreal..I have no family..no friends and I'm becoming agoraphobic..I do not have a support system or anyway to get away..I have no job no car no money and live 10 miles out of town...I realized 2yrs ago he was out of control..and started really fighting back..that made things so bad..so so bad...1 he ago I ran across a gaslighting video..and things started to fit into place...I started to finally see what was real..but I did my work..I started to work on a way out..and meet him head to head ..and get a backbone.and stay in my reality..then 2 months ago he ripped me apart...and punished me for standing up to him and now I've been fighting back with your technique for this past year but it's not helping at all..he's blameshifted everything..andi mean to the extent that I'm totally evil and to blame all the time he is the absolute victim 100% of my evil ways..I have said I want a divorce and he says he's been working on the marriage that he shredded and I'm the one who is in no way doing anything..lies are all the time exaggerations are immediate and I have 0 ways of reaching him...it is a horror show...and I'm trapped..my only resource is the homeless shelter..and my two feet..I am having health issues from all the stress and I believe 2 things...if I walk away..I do it on foot with my two fur babies and nothing but a backpack...and I will die ..I have no where to go..no one to go to..and no one to call for any help..I'm dead serious.. I've got No One....sad but accurate...2 death is preferable to staying here like this....I pray everyday for 2 things..1 is somehow a vehicle or my car that had been sitting for 4 yrs to be fixed so I can go get work and leave..he makes every excuse why it can't be finished..but hoils down to hes a lazy mother fu**er and if I had a car I will leave..oh yes for asking for divorce..I am the most awful person and it's my fault marriage is falling apart Cuz im not trying to fix shit. And he claims hes trying..but...I want marriage over..hes not totally wrong but hes wrong...but my other issue is....Have you ever been so beaten down..no self esteem or confidence in my abilities or my self worth..or my looks..I don't look into mirrors anymore..that's been forc4 yrsbut back to what I was saying ..so beaten down and I'm so tired..very very tired he used up all my good yrs..I'm 56 ..I am socially inept..I am scared of everyone and what lies hes told to others I'm in constant apology mode. For my very existence for putting others in a postion..for breathing air others can make better use of...sick ..I know..but my worst problem is..I pray all day everyday..to be dead...that death is so preferred .I want to die....now...please blessed gods ..I'm begging them to have mercy on me..just please let me out...I can't take this anymore..I hurt all the time and it doesn't ever let up..I have no way out and can see no way to make this work..I am trying to not find the pills to end it myself...but I truly truly wish I would die and he knows this...and not even an ounces of remorse or feeling for me..not a conversation..a hug ..an offer..or a thought for me...he turns it around and says.....what do you think I'm going thru..I hurt....too. I'm trying doctor..I really am...this is the only conversation I've had with anyone..so I know I have my reality..I am reaching out and letting 1 person know how I'm feeling...but I really really wish the gods would take pity on me...I wish they would grant me my hearts desire and let me die.....this is not where I suppose to be..I should have seen the madness earlier I should have been smarter..I should have run away earlier..but covid hit and trapped me with him...alone...for a year and a half..and he took advantagem.and 2 months ago he found a reason to rip the rest of my soul out and has spent a month teaching me a lesson 4 different times..for his words of betrayal that I faced him with and then retaliated with 3 sentences.that cost me everything I had left inside..I deserved the 4 punishments for that..now one.month past that....I can't sleep..I can't breath I can't feel anything but rage..sorrow and bitter pain..all day everyday...and I've been doing this 100percent alone..I almost made it..I was so proud...then he got me..now I'm nothing..I'm just a ball of ugly pain..and memories of every second of these 9yrs..reliving things I should not keep remembering...and I hurt.. this is the reality of a human man who thought it was funny and kool to deliberately tear apart another person who he claims he still loves....why would any human being treat another so evilly and do it in the name of love...? Why does he think it's ok to be like this...why does he think it's ok to love me like this...I told him real love...true love isn't suppose to hurt....but he has loved me to death..and he will get away with it....that hurts almost as much as his cheating ..almost as much as his lying..almost as much as his loving me...how can he destroy a really good woman so dvilly that I prefer death to being with him..but worst then that..how can he get by with it and have to answer to no one?...I'm sorry ..I ranted and babbled..but I really wanted to tell at least one person..it gets so lonely..and I don't want to Fall victim to it tonight..its been 9 days since hes talked or looked at me...I don't want to beg him to visit with me...he gets home in 2hrs....and I'm trying really hard to not give in to it..so I found your vids and watched a few..now I'm here confessing...in two hrs..I don't want to think about humiliating myself and belly up to him begging please acknowledge me..please see me .please love me..please talk to me....ok..I'm done..this is real life..in real time anyone in something like this..Run!!! RUN....RUN AWAY!!! do not end up like me
..there is true evil in the world..and it walks on two legs with a smile and an armful of sweet deadly promises...doctor please keep up your videos...you are helping..in a very real way..I wish I found you sooner..I only live less then 10 hrs away..I'm a Buena vista gal..and Colorado springs used to be home for me...so cross fingers..I'm trying to go cold..and lock up all of my hurt..I'm not begging..not tonight...I will be strong enough..at least for tonite..
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I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. If you'd like, you can join our Partners of Sex Addicts Facebook group or Married & Alone group for support. You are not alone and you are worthy to be loved.
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Savage Fan ⚜
What about handling stonewalling? I need to know how to be okay during stonewalling.
That's a great question. I would ask the women in our Facebook groups.
facebook.com/groups/partnersofsa/
facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Stonewalling is not OK. It is so painful to be on the receiving end of. Over years, it can break you and in my experience it’s the offending person’s automatic self-defence behaviour. It’s conditioned over time. It is often not being done to intentionally abuse, but it’s one of the most passive ways to control somebody, or a situation, out there. The net effect on the partner is the same. Even worse, is when you try and reignite the discussion the next day and you’re told you’re “starting something” or “carrying on” and that they’re “over it”, the implication being that you are starting a fight. If it’s a repeating pattern, run for the hills.
Took my daughter and I going through Trauma Therapy to be confirmed we were indeed being gas Lighted by the Serial Abusive Con Artist who preyed onto us for all his Selfish personal gains. This was a malignant Narcissist with Psychotic episodes and Delusional, irrational, unfounded jealousies. HE is deeply Disturbed. HE also displayed dissociative disorder as well. Frightening mind to observe !!!!!
I like this. Could somebody gaslight somebody cuz they feel guilty for trying edibles with that person being gaslit?
Dr. Weiss.. I may be intimacy anorexic, but I’m not sure because it’s out of response to betrayal. I’ve started withholding sex, non sexual physical touch, communication, etc. I don’t feel safe being close to him because I don’t trust him. I’m mad, sad, disgusted.. But Part of me also wants to hurt him like I’m hurting. Am I just traumatized? Or do I have intimacy anorexia?
Either of those could be true, there is a DVD in the Intimacy Anorexia set called Reactive Intimacy Anorexia on intimacyanorexia.com/ That could help you develop. You can also do a counseling or coach session to sort it out by calling our office at (719) 287-3708.
Anyone who believes they have a right to hurt deceive and manipulates another is insane.
I NEED HELP I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE..IT'S BEEN 15 YEAR'S OF DEALING WITH A NARCISSISTIC BOYFRIEND AND HIS MOTHER..
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. You might want to consider counseling to help get this resolved and to receive healing for yourself.
Why would he do this to me when I told him that is why my X and I split up 😮
This is 100% my wife soon to be ex wife. She did this to me. Shes out with him right now.
I have nobody.
Gaslighting is tricky because people can do these things without the intention of what a gaslighter is doing them for. If tour intention is not to purposely gas light ans you truely believe jn your position then your not gaslighting.
Gaslighting is typical of narcissists. How does one tell intimacy anorexia apart from narcissism?
The DVD "Narcissism, Sex Addiction, and Intimacy Anorexia" would help you determine this.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/narcissism-sex-addiction-intimacy-anorexia-dvd/
Is it possible for someone to do this unintentionally?
Yes, it is possible for sure.
What about use the word of God to tell you your short comings
That is religious gaslighting.
What about your husband going to see another woman and he says they are just friends. He does this when the wife is out of town and he denies all of it
He can do a polygraph to validate that it is platonic to help you.
Sounds like a narcissist. Unfortunately, those people rarely change.
There is no one to hear me.
I would meet with a counselor or join a group to get the support and tips needed to help deal with this. You are not alone.
If you are interested with the therapists and resources we have available here at Heart To Heart Counseling Center or have any other questions, you can contact us at 719-278-3708 or email us at heart2heart@xc.org