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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มี.ค. 2023
- Why marriage is thriving - and dying - in different American classes, with journalist and scholar Richard Reeves.
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Marriage in the U.S. has fundamentally transformed over the past century. In general, women have far greater legal and economic power in marriages than they did just decades ago, and while it was once difficult for women to file for divorce, today women do so at twice the rate of men. What’s more, gay marriage has been legal in all 50 states since 2015.
Still, other aspects of marriage in the U.S. have remained remarkably unchanged. As journalist and Brookings Institution scholar Richard Reeves points out, a college-educated woman today is about just as likely to get married as her mother was - and even a bit more likely to stay married.
But the same is not true for Americans on the lower end of the socioeconomic scale. As Reeves notes in this Big Think video, it’s important for all humans to have strong and meaningful relationships, whether within the context of marriage or not. The question is how to best ensure that the most people can build those relationships.
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/great-que...
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About Richard Reeves:
Richard V. Reeves is a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, where he directs the Future of the Middle Class Initiative and co-directs the Center on Children and Families. His Brookings research focuses on the middle class, inequality and social mobility.
Richard writes for a wide range of publications, including the New York Times, Guardian, National Affairs, The Atlantic, Democracy Journal, and Wall Street Journal. He is the author of Dream Hoarders (Brookings Institution Press, 2017), and John Stuart Mill - Victorian Firebrand (Atlantic Books, 2007), an intellectual biography of the British liberal philosopher and politician.
Dream Hoarders was named a Book of the Year by The Economist, a Political Book of the Year by The Observer, and was shortlisted for the Goddard Riverside Stephan Russo Book Prize for Social Justice. In September 2017, Politico magazine named Richard one of the top 50 thinkers in the U.S. for his work on class and inequality.
A Brit-American, Richard was director of strategy to the UK’s Deputy Prime Minister from 2010 to 2012. Other previous roles include director of Demos, the London-based political think-tank; social affairs editor of the Observer; principal policy advisor to the Minister for Welfare Reform, and research fellow at the Institute for Public Policy Research. Richard is also a former European Business Speaker of the Year and has a BA from Oxford University and a PhD from Warwick University.
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What do you think the role of marriage should be in today's society?
For both parties: Sex that isn’t requiring the concerns for disease exposure where polygamy and adultery are illegal in marriage…is a big one. For children having roots and no question of who the genetic father is and carrying the family last name as a unit, even if the last name is “Smith-Jones” …for the mother and father like they do in many Spanish speaking countries… this is important in showing the value of men as well as the women for a child.
Furthermore, women outlive men in age and pay less into social security wages while in maternity leave and if she makes less money than the partner, the marital rights after a husband dies are also valid in addition to the shared “breadwinning” for the heterosexual male-female childbearing couples.
the institution of marriage has been destroyed. in current times marriage is little more than an act of submission to a woman.
non. Let women be free and men to be in peace.
Dating has destroyed western society. In general marriage was always arranged. The woman's father chose her husband. And in most parts of the world people still do this
What it has always been... Companionship, procreation and partnership
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
The lack of incentive.
The Power of Friendzone
The lack of meaning
Many women just focus and care about wearing an engagement/wedding ring to "fit in", rather than caring for their relationship.
The lack of respect
this man just said that marriage is closer to being the end of a journey than the beginning of one, and that just blew my mind. I recently got married, and i just realized how much we waited on in order to feel like we were finally prepared to be married. Where previous generations like my parents would just get married first and then figure the rest out later. WILD
Yeah, the guy would literally start his career journey already needing to support a wife. While now both parts make sure they can support themselves before committing.
@@5Demona5 and the result is declining birth rates. Way to go to preserve heritage.
@@noobboon2579 maybe its not so bad considering all the over population
The idea was they would build together
Standards skyrocketed cause of the internet seeing they can always find someone more established.
Marriage seems like a dream to me. To be able to afford living with a partner and having someone to love and trust enough seems impossible today.
Yeah, it's more about trust and respect, to me... I wont feel safe enough to live with someone for the rest of my life, unless the idea of putting my life in their hands doesn't bother me.
Americans posting their Ls online
@@shamanthjilla 💀💀 Americans getting karma for their history and war crimes
@@fbyi2940 Karma? For history. Karma for something you didn't do?
How does that work?
@@ReasonAboveEverythingask your dad
From what i've seen, money becomes an issue that wrecks a lot of marriages and relationships so it makes sense to me that people are waiting until they're more established and that people who are higher educated stay married.
Women are waiting to find an established man. Smart men hide their money.
I though marriage was about love
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 Marriage, as far as I can tell, is about love, friendship, and business. You can manage temporarily with 2/3, but if you mess up two or more, you are toast as a man.
MArriage has always... always and still does have a strong business side to it. Friendship part of it is what keeps older couples happy still... the whole holding hands at the park thing, and knowing facts about each other... and that sort of Homer And MArge Simpson sort of stuff....
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 unfortunately people still need to be able to afford to live, if money is getting in the way of simply living it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 love can be bought by money and highly paid degree.
In the past it was, men worked and woman raised the kids. Now financially they both must work while also raising the children. This has made things extra stressful and caused a lot of divorce. With the divorce rate so high, getting married looks increasingly undesirable. If we continue to have households that require both parents working, the marriage rate and also the birth rate will continue to decline. Equality could have meant both parents working 20 hours each, and deviding the household responsibilities. But instead, the capitalist society requires 40 hours from each parent, and realistically women still have to do most of the child care. Having the choice to work is a great thing for women, but having no free time makes it a bad choice.
yup the double shift phenomenon!
@@Dimitris_Balf but women had easily enough time to look after children
@@Dimitris_Balf well pointed
@@Dimitris_Balf but you can't do that in a modern job
You don’t make arguments with anecdotes. You don’t know enough people to prove anything.
I think we often forget that marriage (like any relationship/friendship) is difficult. It needs to be continually worked on and nourished. It requires sacrifice, loyalty and codependence. These days we are lead to believe if we aren't happy we should just get out of there. This is relevant to our jobs, our marriages, our families, our cities... the list goes on. There is no sense of responsibility any more. We need to learn it's not about happiness, but our role to make our societies and communities better places to live. It's why we admire Fred Hollows restoring site in 3rd world countries or other people giving up their lives to help others.
The concerning part is it's not just marriage that is dying. It's friendships, it's our cultural framework and it's our ideologies. The rapid decline in civilisation over the last 5 - 10 years is truly scary. I don't believe we need to adapt to our times (because they are leading us to chaos), we need to examine history vs. today and understand what's going wrong. And finally re-examine what the goal is for our lives.
Well said!
if you want citizens to actually work and contribute to society and not for their own gain, then abolish capitalism
this is the best comment I’ve seen on the internet! Recently, I was unhappy with my job and your comment woke me up and gave me light! thank you!
Corporations crushed men's souls in the post-war period. The government stopped propping up this unholy system in the 60's as everyone left out of the male-dominated suburban utopia protested to force their hand. Things are messy, but still preferable to the Stepford Wife scenario the Church promotes.
This is a classic game theory/nash equilibrium. If two players are both responsible and willing to co-depend on another, then the total amount of profit together is the highest. However, for a specific player, not being responsible or leaving the marriage gives you the highest individual profit no matter if the other player is being responsible or not. Therefore, both players find leaving the marriage to be the best option, even though it is not the most profitable option
I was married in my 30s. Never again, not for me. I do not want to live my life 24/7 around someone else. I found it unbearable and certainly ruins all pretentions of romance. I am a lone wolf. If anyone I meet asks me "why are you not married?" I reply: "I guess I just got lucky".
Certainly no resentment in your worldview ;)
Marriage at this point is out of the picture for me; not even dating seems desirable. With economic uncertainty, job insecurity, and political instability, it’s increasingly difficult to bear the burden of constantly pleasing another partner while you yourself are barely getting by and you’re just surviving at this point.
Well said. Due to economic pressure, many people were never raised under a good parent model, so it is difficult to even desire marriage or family when family life was a traumatic experience for many as I experienced it. I am in my 30s already and this kind of life I will never know but I am resign because I am focused on myself and making money for myself and my pets.
They say equality but also the ones demand for the economic power from the men
Yep
Being in a relationship isn’t about pleasing someone else. It’s about two people supporting each other.
Same here. At this point I don’t even know how I can share myself with another human being when I feel like there’s hardly enough of me for me.
People have so many unresolved traumas, nowadays that getting into a relationship can be detrimental to one’s wellbeing.
Trauma is not a new phenomenon
@@orangeninja912 You're right, in fact you could even argue that the reasons or causes for trauma may have decreased as general prosperity has increased. People are now manufacturing their own trauma, but that's another topic. Having said that, what /has/ changed is that we as a society are failing to treat trauma. Instead of "hard truths" we opted for "soft lies", and the society leans on affirming individuals, the worse it will get.
@@orangeninja912 you're right it's not something new. But see how past trauma from wars caused fathers to either suicide or not participate in child's life. Which caused generational trauma of fatherlessness among men and women. That's why it's necessary to avoid or cut off any trauma that you can before being married and having children. Women and men need to be educated and take care of themselves so as to be trauma free. It can come from various different things like past relationships, sexual encounters, etc.
exactly
This is the key resolve your own trauma and find someone that has done the same or somehow matches your trauma.. has a good career, your schedules match. Etc.
I honestly feel super lucky to not want kids, and know there are women who feel the same. It totally changes the dynamic for why two people want to stay together, and allows two people to actually get to know each other.
non-breeder high five!!!
Same. No point to have kids or marry. I pick a career first.
@@ll2323 Don't knock marriage. I'm on 27 years. Best thing to ever happen to me. Not saying it's for everyone. But if you do find that someone special, it's magic.
@@bikebudha01you're right. Marriage isn't for everyone, that's why some of us knock it.😂
@@davidterrell1242 knocking marriage is like knocking chocolate cake...
Marriage is basically an expensive luxury for most people now, wages are insanely low, working hours are insanely long. Yet people are expected to have time, energy and money to cope with marriage ontop of all the work place exploitation... things are only going to get worse for the average person
Wait until you hear about what life was like before the New Deal, when there wasn't even a minimum wage and most families had to bring their children to work in factories to make ends meet. People now have more privilege and prosperity than they did through most of human history.
“…rather than the beginning of a journey, it’s as much the end of a journey…” felt it
It’s just getting to the end of that journey AND finding someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with is the hard part nowadays 😭
He makes it sound like a video game.
Actually it really does feel like that. Instead of playing a game with all our friends from lvl 1. We are instead grinding solo till max lvl in order to join the raid. It takes the fun out of the entire experience..
@@geminiblue6677 way to explain it brother, I feel ya
@@geminiblue6677I like the video game reference. I start to realize that the journey or the grind through all those levels is what life was. Just holding somebody's hand at the credits feels like you missed out on the plot.
"Marriage is not a guarantee of love"
„Never Gonna give you up“
@Pooja Sahoo and don't have kids. People don't grow up so how can they even raise kids?
Marriage means endless love, and it just works.
Yeah... people lie about marriage vows all the time.
Its a gaurantee of misery
I been married with my wife for 10 years. I love every bit of my wife. How she smells, the way she talks, the way she looks at me, how she feeds me, all of it. I'm 36 years old and I never looked at another woman from the day I meet her. Any advice I can give anybody just from my own experience man or woman is listed below:
1. Marriege is 100% or nothing. Its all of you when you want or when you dont.
2. The best feeling of marriege is the hug after work, the smell of food and the sound of welcome greetings.
3. The small things matter. The more you remember the better.
4. Keep your word... especially to each other. Its the foundation your marriage is built on.
4. Test after test after test. Either it will make you or break you.
5. Never disrespct your partner in public or in front of anyone. Just bite your toungue and take it to the house.
5. Never talk to anybody about the ups and downs, the good or the bad. The state of your marriage only concerns you.
6. Smile, laugh, dance whatever you can do to enjoy each others company. The best marriages are like best friends.
6. Don't be so serious all the time, relax, laugh, kick back.
7. You marry his/her family.... remember that.
8. Jelousy lurks around every corner.... and 80% is not coming from your partner but people close to you.
9. Kids if you decide.... means its no longer about the two of you.
10. Kids will remind you why you love each other.
This comment is EVERYTHING
@@DieselGloriLots of sanctimony though.
Happily married 12 years and just had my sixth child. Life is good. My husband is a gentle and good man and I do not engage in mind games. We help each other and talk to each other kindly and without a sharp tongue. It works.
Happy for you. How old were you when you had your first child?
@@kayann3 27. 🙂
I’m wondering how you’re able to have 6 children in this modern day economical situation!
@@Mmmtruk by being selfish
👍
The guy didn't mention how divorce screws men over and leading cause of divorce is marriage.
How isn’t the leading cause of divorce marriage? You can’t divorce unless you are married.
I do agree this guy was definitely giving women more spotlight in the video.
Genius.
Well, sometimes it screws women over. It's hard on both sides, men and women.
We got captain obvious over here
"leading cause of divorce is marriage"
This guy is literally Einstein, I never would have figured this out myself
For fucks sake
@sydenym9986 The MAJORITY of the time, men are screwed over.
What's missing from this is the fact that a man used to be able to take care of a family of four - mortgage, groceries, car, etc. - on ONE salary, and THAT is the reason marriage as an institution has shifted, not because of feminism or any other reason. It's much more difficult to find stability when you're just scraping by.
Part of the reason a man cannot earn that wage is that the introduction of working women has almost doubled the labor pool. More workers = more competition for jobs = less pay per worker. Thats not the only reason, but it is a significant one. People's expectations of what being "middle class" means have skyrocketed as well. Higher expectations requires more income.
@@38WorksGr8 This person gets it. Women entering the workforce while great for equality, definitely had downsides and culture shifts.
@@38WorksGr8Seems like a simple problem. Why don’t more men just be SAHH? No one is forcing them to compete with other people, males or females. Its not like you need your genitals to do a job, unless you are in a specific line of work.
@@hanatemonstas4485 This is where our biology and culture clash. Working wives seem to divorce SAHH at a very high rate compared to working husbands who support SAHW. I guess women and men arent drawn to the exact same things in each other
If you think that's bad, AI and robotics is going to have a doozy of an effect on the jobs market.
In Japan, the decline in marriage and birth was preceded by a breakage in employment security. During our bubble era, jobs were more permanent and stable, but corporations couldn't handle keeping an aging workforce without exponential growth. Part-time workers and freelancers don't have the financial security to start families. And we lack physical space to grow further and remain sustainable.
The people are not sustainable. But it is great for *Japan* 🗾 to have a less distracted workforce.
Also, women are less willing to give up their careers upon marriage. Japan seems less willing to accept married women in the workforce. This worsens if they have children.
@@UXtatichence the birth rate is also dropping
The standards for new children have gown too, so it's not enough just to feed a child, he/she must be exceptional to be happy in this competitive world. If a person is an average one, his children will have a hard ime in the new world
@@asekuvena Doing nothing but work is detrimental to society tho, just look at the decline in birth rates. People need a more balanced life.
If a man marrys today he is a fool.
Why is that?
I just want a partner without the government or religion getting involved in either of our finances or sex lives, free from the pressure of needing to bare and raise children, and the power to support our individual goals without the need for constant fairytale levels of romantic showmanship. It’s financially and emotionally unfeasible in these modern times.
So apart from pressure of religion, government u don't want the pressure of marketing companies on your marriage
I too think like u
@@sudhirchandra9790 that and also social pressure.
This is why gay men are so happy😂
@@Purplelemon5033exactly.. I wish i was lesbian 😭😭😭
Maybe we should all just become gay and have kids and get together once a year to have heterosexual intercourse and after nine months..gays should take the boys and lesbians should take the girls and live happily ever after 😂😂😂
This🎉🎉
Growing up seeing my parents quarrel so many times, had hardened my resolve on not getting married.
EDIT : Didn't expect so many likes/agree. On the bright side, I feel I am not alone.
You are right,I feel the same way coming from a broken family, childhood trauma and a failed relationship.i just feel like I need time to heal and find myself..
@@Debby142 A lot of give and take is required for any relationship to work. Anyone who does not understand the aforementioned should not be in a relationship, especially one such as a marriage. I am not traumatized the way you are. I saw in my parents that marriage is not as easy as I thought. They still love each other, but they are obviously incompatible. Compatibility is key but finding Mr/ Mrs Compatible is hard if not impossible. As in all things , luck plays a crucial role. Sorry for being long-winded.
@@Debby142 go to India and become a Buddhist. Then come back to reality.
Same here, I grew a dislike for love, romance, marriage, family and all that because of my parents.
same, my parents got together, married at an age way younger than I am and I'm still single.
They have asked me if I'm ever going to meet someone and settle down. and i do truly want someone but growing up in a tumultuous household where pretty much the only interaction i ever saw my parents have with each other was being at each others throats , never gave me the impression that marriage and children was something I particularly wanted.
It seemed like a trap that just makes people miserable from which it is very hard to get out of and the results devastating for all those involved, espeically for any children that arise from it.
my entire childhood was spent listening to them bitching to me about the other one saying that they were the most awful person .
do i want that for my life? HELL NO!
im terrifed of getting married and making the same mistakes they did,
They made me afraid of meaningful relationships before I was ever in one. That's not to say they were not great parents, but great examples of marriage? No way!
My wife and I married in July of 1982. It has been a roller coaster ride, unimaginable highs, unbearable lows, curves, twists, turns and everything else that can be thrown in there. Has it been easy, not on your life, has it been worth it, every second of it. We've never worked so hard for anything, but we've done it, together. I have no concept of what my life would be like without her in it. I need her more than I need myself. This July will be 41 years married. We couldn't be much happier. I remember my Dad giving me the following advise, "Never stop courting your wife." And from my Mom, "Don't go to bed angry with each other." Words to stay married by.
This sounds like prison, where suicide is the only option.
We are also happily married 41 years this July! As a friend put it, you have to decide to be married and stay married, but I am so so grateful for my husband.
@@catherinebaxter8571 We, are in a very special minority...
@@normvw4053 Yes we are, and seriously, it's a shame. Marriage can be such a mutual support and bring stability and comfort as well a love and someone special to share special things with, like travels. We hardly even argue anymore, because the other person is not going to change anything at this point!
@@catherinebaxter8571 "We have lived and loved together, through many changing years; We have shared each other's gladness, and wept each other's tears, " Charles Jefferys, lyricist. Yes, yes...he sees it.
I am a 34 year old woman who is unmarried, has never wanted it, and do not understand what the big deal about is. A person’s relationship status is the most trivial thing about them in my opinion. And why is it considered a “life goal” to incorporate a legally binding contract into a private relationship where half of your earnings are subject to distribution in the event of dissolution anyway? The way I see it, everyone has the opportunity to establish themselves financially. Therefore, we all need to work to have our own. Then, if you find someone that you like well enough to do life with, just stick together until the relationship tuns its course (that is - IF it runs its course). But why do you need a contract to do that?
You would think this would be so natural and self-explanatory but the marital institution brainwashing is the most powerful dogma that has ever been invented in human history. It;s surreal how people parrot self-oppressive insanities that make no sense in realty.
Being single for decades. I did want to be married and propose to all my ex bfs but they all turned me down, fortunately. Looking back I was not a good marriage partner because my interest and activities were my priority. I am retired now and take care of my mother. Marriage is off my plate for good. I don’t have much time to do what I want therefore I am going to devote my physically and cognitively able years to fulfill my goals.
You have a healthy perspective
Hobbies should always be your first priority because they reflect who u are
Oh wow, exactly in the same position here 😮
Good to see someone else too ❤❤❤ (except that I am not yet retired)
The reason why marriage is dying is also the same reason as to why most relationships are failing or being kept at something less serious and more open/casual...because it's becoming harder and harder to pay for things and that makes people end up focusing more and more on themselves rather than on others(which is kind of a requirement for most relationships to work).
Truth. Even children in poverty have the same problems, you need money to participate. There were always the public school kids who went skiing with their family every year, Disney, what evs and then the rest. In America, no money means no life, no health, nada.
Medieval peasants have entered the chat
WEF is happy. You will own nothing and be happy. Gold standard was there for a reason.
@@ReasonAboveEverything What's WEF?
I think part of that is a combination of inequality of income/resources as well as a lack of contentment. There are poor villages where the people are happy, but it's mostly because everybody is poor and there's nothing to be jealous of or pine for. In the US everybody is significantly better off than people in poor countries unless you're homeless, but there's a noticeable hierarchy of lower, middle, upperclass and rich folk living in close proximity where everyone and everything they own is being compared.
Many of us entering marriage age are from divorced homes and saw our parents get absolutely screwed. My parents split when I was 7 (both working, dad earning roughly 1.5x my mom's salary), and my mom won his pension, full custody and child support, alimony, and 100% of their joint non-retirement portfolio. My mom then moved us over an hour away only 3 years later, so I rarely got to see my dad who gave up so much for us... My dad became depressed due to all of this (as confirmed by his longtime girlfriend after the divorce), ended up retiring at 50 (despite no financial position to do so), and died penniless at 61. So yeah, no marriage for me, or at least not until 1) I'm a lot older and have my own assets that I can keep out of the marriage or 2) they fix the family courts to not absolutely ruin the higher earner or the parent who loses primary custody.
The courts are Gynocentric. They're not biased against the higher earner, as divorces with higher earning wives rarely pay out such proceedings.
That's a grim tale bro. I'm sorry for your dad and your loss. It's difficult to conceal property, assets or cash from marriage. That's especially true for anything obtained after getting married. It would take a Saul Goodman of a lawyer to help develop blind trusts or stuff like that. Winning move is not to play currently I guess.
That ruin is relative. If you make a marrige arraigment that means one party can earn less bc they do household work (including not being able to do overtime work etc - and even if you are divorced and not in a relationsip like marrige but co-parenting) then you need to finace the diffrences. What includes retirment money you would've accumelated (and that's overlooked by people who don't plan for the eventually of divorce, apprently).
All in all get a prenup or marrige contract that makes clear what happens if you divorce and if you can't afford that you can't afford marrige. And in that also consider what happens to children.
I lost six figures of retirement, most of the cash in the bank, had to pay alimony for three years (12 year marriage), and I have to pay child support close to $2k/month plus 70% of the kids expenses even though I have the kids 50% of the time. I’m in a blue state, so involved dads are penalized and dismissed. When my boys are old enough I’ll advise them against marriage unless the laws change.
@@greglarson6293 Was your wife a stay at home wife?
I’m of the millennial generation. A lot of us millennials saw our parents either divorce or in very unhappy or difficult marriages. We saw our parents struggle a lot. My parents are still married but have had a lot of very hard times, poor communication, a mismatch of values, lack of respect for eachother, ect. It hasn’t always been the easiest thing to witness. But they will never divorce. But my siblings and I have all chosen marriage or want to be married one day. There were a lot of happy times too growing up. We were all born in wedlock and we all want kids so marriage is the way to do that (or so we have all decided to believe). There is not a whole lot of divorce in my family. Some, but it is not the norm. I have noticed that the children of divorcees tend to divorce at higher rates than children of those who stayed married. I understand why many people choose not to marry though. Being married is a full-time job just in and of itself.
That is not really a real issue before having children see if both of you are mentally and emotionally ready Marriage can still be a very beautiful thing don't judge it by what your parents did make better decision with a partner people are so negative today and i was raised by a single mother many young couples still get married just make smart choices along that path if it is a path you want.
Marital Longevity at the cost of quality of life. Humanity is insane.
Marriage is mostly an economic arrangement, and always has been. Love etc. may be a significant motivating factor for entering the arrangement (particularly in modern times), but that doesn't change the nature of the arrangement itself.
So, very understandably, mostly economic factors affect the institution of marriage and individual marriage choices and outcomes. Hence the strong correlation of marriage rates with social class, education and income levels in (post)modern society.
Stop being a wage slave for a woman. Never marry.
❤❤❤❤
I believe marriage is becoming a thing of the past. None of my friends in their 30s are married or seriosly planning to have a wedding at all. People are buying homes, having children, stay in longterm commited relationships - just without being married. My partner and I have been together for 10+ years and we don't see what getting married would add to our lives. It has no religious or traditional meaning for us and we are not interested in planning or celebrating a wedding (let alone paying for it). So there's no reason why we would pursue it at this point. (for context: We are millenials living in Germany)
Exactly my thought. If you love and are committed to your partner, you should be like this either married or not. It’s the same relationship, same person, nothing really added to the partnership. Marriage for me is just a contract made based on societal norms that can just possibly benefit the children or the relationship a bit more than outside marriage (e.g. covid situation - when if you were in an international relationship, only spouse or family was allowed to travel to see you).
Two people do not need a piece of paper from the state to have a long lasting and loving relationship, or to have kids. The state should not be involved in people's romantic lives.
Europe is a lot more progressive than the states.
Do you get any tax benefits for marriage?
@@afreen5058 only if we would earn very differently. Since we make about the same and don't plan for one of us to go part time, it's no benefit.
I live in third world country and the problem is mainly the spouse's family. When you marry your spouse, you also marry their family. Imagine having to not only take care of your own family, but also your spouse's extended family. RIP all salary and it's especially worse when you're the only child
LOL, it depends who you marry. There is no rules, especially in islam to give your salary to support your spouse's extended family 😂
That's why i am single. I don't want obligations
@@tytiw516 Islam people going MGTOW as well
People should always separate culture from religion
Support extended family? Hell nah.
I did not marry until 38. It was a long journey to reach that level where I was mature and responsible enough to take on a lifetime commitment. For the most part it was really good and a big life lesson, if you're willing to learn and have the humility to admit you're not always in the right. It ended 13 years later. Lesson learned there, don't take anything for granted no matter how content and secure it seems, and nothing lasts forever.
Why did it end?
Don't make this same mistake again. Marriage to a woman is the most foolish thing a man can do.
How much did you lose in alimony?
The problem is many people think marriage is like a belt you can take off if it's uncomfortable. In reality, marriage is like a hand-cuff with no key that you have to keep on no matter how uncomfortable it is. When a couple divorce the chain may be broken, but the cuff is still on the wrist forever.
If the chain is broken, the cuff is fine. After all, kids are probably involved, so it's not like you can erase the past. As long as people can re-build their lives.
Divorce is necessary as an accountability mechanism at the societal level.
Marriage was created to join two families for power and wealth. That was then changed for “love” which I can agree but the problem with love is, you fall in and out of love. Then with absolute freedom people don’t stick around and look for the next person and repeat the cycle. Almost like a new car. You love it when you first get it, but that fades and want something new.
Totally agree
❤❤❤❤
This is so true. People fall in love do many times which makes you wonder what if the person you have married falls out of love with you
@@dhirajgawande007if you fall out of love, you were never in love to begin with.
@@jordanwilson4182 that's not true.
It is quite ironic that these days, people "claim" they don't get married based on economic dependence, but money is the major issue of marriage collapsing.
Biggest predictor of divorce is the employment status of the male. Also, women typically file for divorce once they start out earning the husband.
You make a valid point, but as a gambler who married a woman making significantly more than I do, I can suggest that I could have ruined things pretty easily and not blamed her for walking away. Fortunately, I gave up betting on the ponies and we are on sound financial ground.
It appears to me that many marriages in my country are dysfunctional due to a lack of self-awareness. Divorce is not legally allowed, and things can become increasingly difficult for couples. This is an issue that requires immediate attention.
damn which country?
@@dipanjanghosal1662 Philippines
people get into marriage for the wrong reasons :( @@recklessburn4724
I’m almost 43 and never had a relationship. My way of thinking is if she’s not my Wife, it’s just my turn.
Can you elaborate
Yes, elaborate ?@@yashsinghal1023
The real reason why marriage is dying is money, for the upper class nothing really changes.
Couldn’t agree more
Yep
For richer or poorer....
I think it's mostly people not wanting to commit, then money, etc. Also people paring with people who have conflicting personalities.
@@remrealm5908it’s because of money that people don’t want to commit
I am female & in my 60’s now. I married far too young under religious pressure & divorced early. Sadly I remember my grandmother telling me she wished she could have divorced my tyrannical grandfather, but she “had 4 children & nowhere to go.” I remarried much later in life and have two terrific daughters. I was a much better parent because of my life experience & maturity. The marriage has had its challenges, but endures - again because of maturity & experience. But also, I believe, because I can walk away - financially & emotionally- if need be. This forces both sides to put in the work, compromise, & be respectful & supportive long after the infatuation fades. Something my grandmother would have cherished.
are the vows literally not “ for better or worse”?
@@daycrow8651 „Better or worse“ does not include physical and mental abuse, cheating and complete dependancy. Or just sheer incompatibility. How should an arranged or pressured marriage work if the partners don‘t like each other or treat each other well, aren‘t attracted and fight constantly?
Vows don‘t mean anything if the solid base and a good relationship isn‘t there
@@kali7055 How do all of you women magically marry abusive men? This is literally what every single one of you say when a relationship or marriage doesn’t work
@@daycrow8651 Because manipulative/abusive people hide their true colors. Never of the concept of lying?
@@sweetpoptart9486 the point was women at large pick men for the wrong reasons
I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's with a mother who was socially and financially the head of the household. This brought us a bit of scorn from the neighborhood 'housewives' who believed my mother should just stay home and cook. But I found the egalitarian marriage of my parents to be refreshing and inspiring. One thing I would say is that the stricter definitions of marriage 50 years ago provided convenient cover for some of our human shortcomings. Men especially could leverage their self-appointed 'superiority' for all kinds of indiscretions. These days, neither partner has much wiggle room to get off the hook. I think the message here is that all of us, be it female, male, non-binary--even groups, governments and societies--must work hard to keep and foster relationships. For those that do, marriage and all kinds of other relationships offer more benefits than ever, not just to ourselves, but for the greater good.
"Self- appointed superiority "😅. This phrase alone is what is killing marriage.
Yet you boast about your mother's self-appointed superiority. That is not egalitarian.
That's nice hippie. Stfu now.
@@theloquaciouslady you don't even know what egalitarian means. it's equal opportunity, not outcome.
Forget the "self-appointed superiority" shtick. Rethink it when you're under a house laying in a mud hole to repair a furnace while your partner suffered terribly washing dishes.
Yes marriage is dying as well as dating. Several reasons: 1. Swipe next mentality due to online dating and social media platforms. It makes it harder to meet and connect with people 2. increased divorce rates among boomers and older gen x'ers, resulting in younger gen x'ers and millennials having a less than idealistic view of marriage 3. the phasing out of the antiquated view that a woman's self worth is tied to her marital status. 4. Unrealistic expectations and self centered love - imperfect people desiring the perfect mate and wanting to be the taker in the relationship, but give very little to make it work. 5. HOOKUP CULTURE - this is the death of any chance of having a lasting and meaningful relationship. Hookup Culture rewires the brain to view people as objects of pleasure, rather than human beings to be loved and cared for. It destroys a persons ability to create connect and create bonds that will effectuate a healthy life long relationship with a partner/spouse. The brain rewires itself to solely equate intimacy with sex and pursue the same. This is counter-intuitive to the pursuit of marriage.
Dating and marriage is not dying did you not hear what he said it is only because of money if anything dating websites are actually losing lots of money and is losing popularity with us Gen Z all that is happening is that dating and marriage is just happening later however i have seen tons of Gen Z and Gen mil getting married were I am so no what you said seems very extreme and wrong. PS Hook Up culture is actually kind of dying.
People are living longer and some are blessed to find "the one" much later in life nowadays. My husband and I met when we were in our late 50s, been married 3 years now and both of us are grateful every day that we found one another. The only downside is we don't have many years left to spend together, but we endeavor to appreciate every minute we do have 🙂
Barring any accidents or illnesses, it is quite likely you will have many happy years together to enjoy life and each other 😊
That’s lovely. Gives me hope as a young man who feels like I’ll never meet someone like that again. Thank you for sharing (: I wish the best for you and your husband
Aw! Late 50s is still
Young if you live to be in your 80s! I think it’s great to meet someone later in life
@@Bellaa4578 exactly! It's a very distinct possibility they could have a solid 30+ years together, maybe more ❤️
I’m 47 and never wanted to get married because I never wanted to get divorced. About 10 years ago a co-worker in her 60’s got married and seeing her joy and youthfulness being in love opened my eyes and made me think that maybe I’d wait til I was her age to get married. I still hold the idea that I will find a life partner in the next decade. The older I get, the more comfortable I feel being single. Maybe because I’ve never been tied down and got to travel my whole life, while my married friend’s lives have remained quite the same as they were when they married 20 years ago. Anyway, it’s nice to read stories like yours. Wish you a long & happy life together!
Married for 34 years. It's been a ride, up and down, but we still hang out and do things together, so we'll keep going I guess.
well done bro
Im guessing you’re the one that got cheated on😂🤣🤣
@@elotro-qx4sw the other, you can guess what you want to. Go for it 🤣🤣🤣
@@rjung_ch yet here you are right?🤡
@@elotro-qx4sw you are here too, or is that the other troll using the same account?
It’s wonderful that women now have the option to provide for themselves, so marriage is not an economic necessity. However as this has shifted, men and boys have not been given the tools to become desirable partners as women’s expectations have risen. Ironically, one of the most common challenges women face today is dealing with dysfunctional men, including husbands, fathers, and sons. For humanity to thrive, we need to treat men and women as equals.
I hope we can see a future where people are free to marry based on a mutual desire to love each other and live as a team. It’s a beautiful thing when a husband and wife care for each other and their children, having made and kept that commitment of their own free will.
Men see modern women as quite dysfunctional as well. Women are not working to become desirable partners for men. A woman today brings less (that man cares about) to the marriage than ever before , and expects more from the men. This is why women initiate 80% of divorces . So what reason does a man have to "man up" for a woman?
Women working is the single worst thing that has ever happpened to western society. Declining birth rates because no women have time to raise children means we have to bring in foreigners from countries that do have traditional marriage and stable birth rates. The way humans have not went extinct is because in the past men do all the work outside and women do all the work of raising children.
I'm not married and have zero regrets about it. I'm financially independent, strong, healthy, and free to make my own choices and am comfortable in my skin. When I was with my ex for 15 years, I desperately saw him as 'the one' but he would literally laugh in my face whenever I brought up the idea of marriage. Then he broke up with me because he said he 'wanted a partner to settle down and have kids'. I see things now very differently and I thank my lucky stars every day I didn't marry him, because love makes you ignore SO MANY red flags. I wake up everyday feeling great about myself and every night knowing I had a full productive day, just doing whatever makes ME feel good. I have no interest in dating. It's nice to be single.
I'm glad that you are living a happy life being single if that is your calling, that's totally fine. But I would caution that MANY women in similar situations as you (single, financially independent, etc) grow old and regretting not having a family. There have been countless testimonies about women who thought their successful career and independence would make them happy, coming to find out that a family was really what they wanted. And unfortunately, they come to that solution when its too late. This is a good question to consider, if you found a good man who loved you and he proposed, would you say yes? I think your ex, who acted like a jerk and terrible toward you BTW, scared you away from pursuing a relationship with a potentially amazing guy. Now again, if you truly have no desire to get married, that's okay. But marriage is such an amazing thing and starting a family is so accomplishing. Money and success can only fulfill you for so long, but a family and being with people who love you is much more worthwhile.
It takes maturity, kindness, love, an understanding of one’s self and empathy for your partner to make a good marriage.
Well that's western society doomed then.
As a professional wedding photographer, Although I'm a Father to two and unwed, I can completely agree with everything mentioned in this video.
I truly believe you should only marry someone when it feels right, not forced or pressured. The amount of times I've been questioned about it and feel like I have to joke off why I'm not, I'm a brilliant dad, busy businessman, and I do well by everyone in my family, why does marriage have to determine me or my direction.
I've witness people CLEARLY not suited for eachother, and I can physically see and it's a shame I know when couples are genuine, or if there are other motives behind people getting married. It's beautiful, and a real shame all in one.
Great video.
Also a wedding photographer and minister so I totally get what you're saying. it's sad when it's so obvious by the actions of the bride and groom before and during the wedding make it clear the relationship is doomed. Thankfully, getting to share an extraordinary day with two people who are obviously in a loving and respectful relationship makes up for the ones where the couple should be running in opposite directions. Marriage can be the best of all partnerships or a soul-killing slog, it's up to the two adults who created it to keep making the next right decision and learning to "zip it" when a derogatory thought tries to escape one's mouth. Belittling and complaining never elicits change in another person, only distance and contempt.
Where do you get love and intimacy from, if not form your wife ?
The likely answer is, from girlfriends
If so then you're raising your kids in an environment where they don't get to see what a permanent relationship looks like.
Which might lead to them having trouble with relationships in their own life
"Oh dad keeps bringing different women home all the time, so that must be okay"
@@herweirdoo0904 *A* girlfriend maybe, not necessarily girlfriendS? Marriage and having children are mutually exclusive, It's very possible to raise children with one person without getting married to the perosn. And being unmarried doesn't automatically mean he's having relations with a multitude of women.
@@user-kpkxgtj marriage and having children are mutually exclusive?
So you think singe parenthood is not an anomaly
and is something that should be accepted?
@@herweirdoo0904 flip that situation though my friend, when they grow up and realise, wow, Dad took his mental health into account and decided to do what’s best for himself and us.
In your specific scenario, that’s just a basic marriage with no story behind why someone or what I think you’re insinuating “me”, is a commitment issue without knowing any backstory.
People are too much trouble now a days. I've learned to enjoy my own company and avoid others as much as possible.
He didn't mention the outdated and unfair alimony and child support laws
Pass. I knew I didn't want to be married after hearing my mom and aunt discuss it. That was 21 years ago. i'm 31 now.
Heading for the wall.
What were your female relatives saying about marriage?
@@markaurelius61 They probably belittled their husbands a lot or something
Never thought of marriage, not once in my life, now in my 60s.
Fibber
Good for you. But most people are gonna want some sort of intimacy and connection in their life. Since the majority of us don't actually have a greater purpose to distract ourselves like Swami Vivekananda or APJ Abdul Kalam.
@@SmugCat85 I'm just like you but I'm a 20 year old woman. I love that.
W
Me neither, and I'm 51.
I don't know what to say about marriage other than I did not find it meaningful. It was a second job I came home to after my professional job. My generation of males were very progressive when it came to women's right to work, to initiate sex, to have sex outside of marriage, and take care of birth control. However, they were very traditional once in marriage. It was all "you work, your raise the kids, you cook, you clean, you can have it all, but don't expect me to help out, and oh by the way, I want a rigorous round of sex tonight," kind of life. It was exhausting. It was much better once I got out and on my own. I honestly don't know why anyone would want marriage these days.
So sorry your partner was an a***hole
its a lack of money issue,living from paycheck to paycheck,i don t see how can i get married,work all 7days where you can barely see your significant other,take care of the house nd provide for children when we r not sure whether we gonna make it to next month's rent,sad times we live in,for real💔💔💔
I'll never try to get married or have children in America 😢
@@richardscathouse me neither!!
We were teenage sweethearts, who married in our 20’s, and now have three beautiful intelligent children. I thank God everyday for my wonderful wife and life!
do you think the guys saw the divorce coming ?
would she say the same?........or just say "meh" in regards to being married?
Don't listen to negative comments, Someone people just can't handle seeing other people happy. I hope you and your family will have a wonderful life.
Why don't you thank yourself and your wife instead?
OK boomer
I think marriage licenses should have expiration dates to be renewed at little to no fee by people that value it and want to stay together.
But what about Rick Astley's credo?
What about the children? Witnessing his/her parent splitting apart because of being "lazy" to renew the license will break his/her trust for relationship.
@@arifbagusprakoso2308 If the parents value it and everything that can be affected by not renewing, then they won't be lazy about it.
Much better than children witnessing a loveless and bitter marriage.
@@kfk256 Lol, the vows would have to be changed, not "till death do us part" anymore haha but "till this license expires, I guess". The idea is not gonna fly, anyway. The older one gets, the more one's life is ran by inertia. I'm probably low-key depressed, but I don't want to go through a change if I can help it. There are things I don't like about my current job and/or my current home, but if net gain is still +ve, I'm not compelled to chase a bigger net +ve. Most adults are like that. My passport expired last year and I'm still not that bothered to renew it coz I don't need to travel yet. I imagine making a marriage license renewable would cause so many marriages to expire because people simply forget to renew the license. My own parent's marriage has no romance anymore, but they're fine. They're just an old man and old woman being somewhat friends. No reason to make them "divorced through inaction". I'm sure a lot of old couples are in similar situations.
@@nastyayoyo4963 I guess over 65 can qualify for homestead 🤣🤣🤣
This is a great example of how media can influence our view of the world. We are in our late 60’s and travel a lot. My 40 year old son travels far more than we do. He taught me to completely ignore the medias view of the world. Look around through a different lens. This is a great world we live in. People are as loving today as they were yesterday. Couples are still falling in love, getting married and having a family. The problem with social media is we are having difficulty separating what’s real reality from social media reality.
As you said, we are now a society based on equality, and yet so many of our laws like marriage, divorce and even the military draft are still based on outdated male/female traditional roles.
Marry when you feel ready. Not when you feel pressured. I am 28. Some of my friends and married and some are not. It doesn’t matter if they are a man or woman. We shouldn’t feel down because of what people are doing or not doing. You don’t need to impress anyone with your life choices.
If you want kids, surely there will be pressure on most older women. Given that by the age of 30, 90% of a woman's eggs are gone... It gets harder to have kids and carry babies to term as you age past 30.
Women don't "lose" eggs as they age. Very many women conceive naturally & have healthy children after age 30. I had 2, the 2nd at 37.
@@acustomer7216 Ma'am good for you. By 30, women have lost 90% of their eggs, by 35, it's a high risk pregnancy... Just because you had a kid at 37, that doesn't mean every woman can. Your personal experience does not reflect the realities of everyone. From 30, a woman's fertility decreases exponentially.
@@philipehusani almost every friend i have had at least one kid after marriage. women still have many eggs in their thirties. we start with 2 million...
Then youll probably be one of the unmarried childless women jp Morgan forecasted. Good luck.
(if only women realised that their mate preferences were different to men's, the world would be a better place.)
No cohabitation
No marriage
No divorce
No Alimony
No child support
Result happy life...😁😎
Lonely old age
Lonely and miserable death
@@Dhruv_Dogra it's better to die lonely than being with a women...i will live as free man whereas you will be slave to your wife....and also men can handle loneliness better than women...
@@shubhamsingh-gl1fh who told you I have a wife, you fool? Aise hi Hawa mey??
@@Dhruv_Dogra haa to acha hai ki wife nhi hai....
That’s a miserable life and one full of cope.
I am a man in a long term relationship and my girlfriend keeps asking where her ring is. We’ve been together for 6 years. What frustrates me is women these days like to pick and choose the traditions they want to follow. They want to be strong independent women but want to be taken care of 😑so many contradictions.
Friendship is not a consolation prize, it's a prerequisite. My late wife of 22 years was my best friend, and that's why our marriage was good.
The fact that we get free videos on TH-cam by Richard is truly a gift. 👍👍👍
By the way, may I also remind you the fact that our Native American population in our motherland, the Continent of America before the European Colonizers arrived, was around 15 millions, while the European population in their motherland, the Continent of Europe was around 25 millions.
- Today, Native American population is 15 million, while the European population, in the Continents of America + Europe, is a staggering TWO BILLION! A shockingly sad truth. 😔
- In my humble opinion, it's about time to decolonize the Colonized lands, and return it to rightful owners Native American people.
Notorious global cardinal crimes the Christian West has committed, and benefited a great deals, such as Slavery & Colonialism had long been over, why on earth is notorious Colonization still lingering on, may I ask? 😔
Stop Sucking Dick
Not really, we pay by watching the advertisement... unless you have TH-cam premium then is not free because you pay for ad free service.
@@OP941nine adblock lol
Truly he's gonna be at the forefront when talking about issues related to men's health and discrimination.
You're paying him with your time and validation so he can increase his own personal reach. He needs your validation for his personal opinions so he can feel he is working just as the rest of us would like to feel. He doesn't need your money. His basic needs have probably already been met. 🙏🏻
If you think marriage is about love, then don’t get married. People fall in and out of love very easily. However, if you’re looking for a strong partnership and family is important, then marriage should be considered an option because society still favors families economically vs being single. Hopefully the pressure of being single in modern society starts to change because it’s unfair for people who choose not to be married. It’s just another example of how religious traditions still control us even today
I agree with this. Thankfully I still love my spouse but both of us entered this marriage talking about goals in life as oppose to love in the long term.
@joe seabreeze Lamo religious traditions won't die out with that goal in mind of being single; all ideas die if there is no inheritance.
Protestant Work Ethic----One reason this is about the only civilized country without mandatory paid sick leave, paid vacation, and government-paid medical.
@@Jedimack7 Did you miss my statement: "society still favors families economically vs being single"? The incentive for getting married shouldn't be for financial relief, but that's how society in the US is still structured even though it also puts financial pressure on us to bring in a dual income (i.e. it's messed up). So the person who chooses to be single and live alone has the most financial pressure. It makes absolutely no sense for marriage to offset the financial pressure of a single person. For example, a person who chooses to be single and live alone should be the one who's eligible for tax breaks. Instead, they give the tax breaks to the dual income couple. So now imagine being single, buying a house, paying the mortgage yourself (and everything else in the household), and being in a higher tax bracket than a married couple with dual incomes who share the bills. You really think that's fair? LOL It's even more backwards now that feminism is finally making progress.
@@joeseabreeze it's like when the communists in Eastern Europe paid families to have more children
I am not married as yet but two things that I have heard in my life journey that has stuck with me about marriage.
#1 Marry a friend. If you and her are friends, it means that you share some ideas and thought processes and can compromise with them and are able to communicate with each other.
#2 Marry someone who you would open a joint account with. Finances are detrimental and very important for everything in life, especially progress. If you can't trust this person with money or can see that this person lives a lifestyle that would destroy something valuable to the success of a relationship and the future of the family, then they are not marriage material. That's because you will be sharing everything with this person.
Just living as an individual (work, career, bills, inflation, rent, food prices, taxes, etc) in American can be very stressful. Like others mention having a family and kid is a full time job in itself. I have nothing left to give after I am done with work and my stress limits are already to the limit. The only chance I have at kids or marriage is when I retire (in my 50s) move overseas and can live off my pension.
Ever since I was 18 (back in the mid 90s), married men have been telling me not to get married. I listened, and 29 years later, couldn't be happier.
That option was right for you. For others, it would lead to loneliness and being unfulfilled. Everyone is entitled to a choice
The odds are pretty bad, so that's probably why you heard that a lot. For a lifelong happy marriage its somewhere between a 13% and 36% success rate.
Based
@@DefenestrateYourself There is no fulfillment in being married to a cheating slut... and then she gets money and prizes when she leaves.
Same for us girls. We were told, "all men want is a nurse or a purse." LOL!! And I don't like weddings. Seriously boring. Or pervy if they say both are virgins and all know what they'll be doing that night, talk about creepy pressure in the most gross of ways. Weird. Many of us are forced to at least be in or attend a wedding. You know, your sister gets married so you HAVE to be in it, and then other relatives and it's like, why are bridesmaids dresses so ugly??? And the hair and make up, you're like does he know what you look like naturally??? Women completely look different with make up on and how many have fake boobs? So, it's really the idealized version of herself he's marrying. And then what kind of man marries a woman with fake boobs, like that's gross too. Weird. He already doesn't like you for you. Clue number one. It's just creepy being behind the scenes. Never mind the bachelor and bachelorette parties - cheating the day before you're married....um...what??? Bartenders and make up artists, we see behind the glossy photos....lol!!!! One day people will get married with face apps on their actual faces, called, "the ideal me..." or some such nonsense. LOL!! Gen X best generation Evah!! :)
My girlfriend and I have talked about marriage a few times and we don’t really see any benefit. We are raising our 5 year old son and have been living together for about 7 years. Most days are great! Sometimes we argue but that’s normal in any relationship/family. We do not have a joint bank account. We are not religious and both come from broken homes. I believe that plays a major part in our subconscious not to get married as well.
Mmm interesting. Women always want to marry a man that they love and respect. Does she earn more than you or something? I’ve noticed it’s women who earn more than the guy that do not care if he marries her or not. It’s like They almost have one foot out of the door or something.
You 2 seem married in all but name! I'm happy for u 2. Consider going to therapy to work through these traumas, and see if your mind changes afterwards!
@@hybras Thank you! Sometimes people will ask how "My wife" is doing lol I just let it slide most of the time.
Even if you're not married, having a stable union for that long means she has all the rights she would have in a normal marriage.
Common law?
I married when I was 21. My wife was 19. I got the best years of her life. We had three kids before her health began to fail. She died at 58.
That's the way life is supposed to be. Peasants were never meant to live past 60 or retire. 😢
@@richardscathouse Au contraire. 3 score and 10 is the measure of a healthy peasants life.
Marriage was never "funadamentally based on female dependence". The fundamental basis of a true marriage is; exclusivity, mutual service, shared sacrifice. Marriage has never changed, only our expectations of it have.
Marriage takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical energy. For some it’s not worth it.
With divorce laws as written, the risks are too great for any man. It's not worth it anymore.
Marriage is dying , but divorce is flourishing.
A big set of issues regarding marriage are the expenditure expectations surrounding everything from the initial proposal to the wedding, first anniversary, and any milestones regarding children: a diamond ring with a value of at least two months' of the man's gross salary; a huge, catered engagement party in an event hall, bridal shower, bachelor party, bachelorette party, over-the-top wedding that costs about a year's salary (not including the honeymoon). Rinse and repeat for a baby shower (for the first child), party surrounding the child's religious naming (christening, baptism, brit millah, etc.), first birthday party, major religious event parties (First Communion, Confirmation, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, Baptism in anabaptist churches), Quinceanera/Sweet Sixteen, high school graduation, university graduation... This above and beyond the regular cost of living (in this area of the country, you need at least $100k/yr just to survive!) and the usual (and not always plannable-for) major life expenses....
Youre doing good work Mr Reeves. Lots of love from Zimbabwe
I am married, been together for 26 years and don't regret it. But marriage isn't something I would recommend. That may sound strange.
Ik exactly what ur talking about. Every family I've met there parents r divorced. Marriage has no benefits and it can change ur relationship and even ruin it. I do believe marriage is pointless but if someone wants it they can have it. Me and my girl we've been together for a long time and we see each other as husband and wife already and we want kids. We got each other rings!
@solorsix, why wouldn't you recommend it?
@@bigthink it can ruin the relationship
@@bigthink Many people don't understand going in that marriage is a lot of work. Give a couple decades people can change drastically. You can wake up one day and find that you are stuck. Stuck with a binding contract that could be very painful to escape. Like the cure is worse than disease type of painful in some cases.
@@solorsixi get what you are trying to say. Like the responsibilities it comes with, hinders the freedom or individuality. But i think it all boils down to how good of a significant other you have. Its a HIGHLY important decision of your life afterall and you have to be extremely wise in choosing your partner. A good partner can be a source of comfirt and ease in your life. They can promote the individuality in you. They can grow you.
Having left a bad marriage a decade ago, I have mixed feelings on this topic. My own experience with marriage leads me to say good riddance to what amounts to slavery with a slightly hipper wrap but the hopeless romantic in me still clings to the idea that marriage could be a force for good in the world.
Never ending dilemma! Marriage has both benefits and disadvantages
It depends on who you are married to
@@jessicayoung3656 Not really. Legally speaking marriage has been reduced to a wealth redistribution device and divorce is the new normal. Being over 40yo myself all the loyal women in my age group are taken and will stay that way until widowed in the coming decades.
@@jessicayoung3656 nope that's why MGTOW is getting extremely popular in USA
@@FamilyIsGone And those men are losers but carry on with your hate. You hurt no one but yourself
if i had treated marriage more like a business and focused on it as an exchange of goods and titles, i would have been married by now. i really messed up by prioritizing love and compatibility.
Nope, I treat marriage more like a business, but still didn't get lucky to get married. It's really just fate at the end.
You don't want to be married just for an exchange of goods and titles. It's very depressing, especially if that status would prevent you from getting together with a wonderful person you met later on.
There is no part of me that wants to get married or ever have children.
I've recently come to the conclusion that marriage is exclusive for rich people.
That's increasingly becoming the case. Rich people are still marrying, staying together longer and living the nuclear family lifestyle model.
The continuing economic and societal collapse leading to more people to fall into poverty has lead to a severe drop in marriage and marriage resilience in lower socioeconomic levels.
As a guy who doesn't plan on never marrying, it's all because there's zero benefits of Marriage that I wouldn't get if I didn't.
There's more negative possibilities of marrying than not. So I'm out.
Luckily I didn't want to have kids and I will never have kids. I chose to dodge both bullets; marriage and having kids
I realize it's politically incorrect, but I believe in eugenics. While I almost have a Mensa IQ, I'm a physical SUBFIVE---Short, fat, bad eyes, and a head full of dying hair. (Think Geo. Costanza). Not the best breeding stock to populate a colony on Mars. Thus, I chose not to perpetuate the problem.
@@elultimo102 Same, guys hate to go out with me with other women present as they're all start talking to me non-stop and ignore other guys lol. It's not because I look good. I'm pretty short, bald, crooked teeth, chubby and so on. My genes are all screwed up as I was born with six fingers, suffer from high blood pressure, liver and heart problems, cholesterol, allergies. I would hate to pass it along to my child, so I chose not to have any. Shitty genes should die out, I wish more people would look at themselves realistically and realize that fact.
@@FirstHandLLC exactly. Why would you make your children suffer when you can stop it?
I tell you, from my perspective as a man, what marriage will be like in the future.
fisherman (men) fishing in the river (environment/culture), and that river is heavily polluted and toxic, then he innocently ate (married) that fish and got poisoned (divorced) for it. What do you think other fishermen would think about it? Some fishermen might think it was bad luck or an accident, but because many of them are hungry and desperate, they keep fishing and get poisoned too. Then what happened next?
Some fishermen would try to find the problem; they would go to the river source (law), only to find out it had been polluted too. Then they would go to their leader (the government) to get solutions, but they got blame instead. Then what happened next was that the fishermen would start telling their friends to stop eating or fishing in this river and go to another river (abroad).
They will inform one another until everyone stops eating fish in this river.
The fisherman might keep fishing in this river, but no one would dare eat any of the fish inside, so they would release it again and again in full circle (cum and dump). Make it like a game, but no sane fisherman would ever eat any of it.
And from the look of it, the future of marriage would be just that.
Men are not interested in entering contract where the other party is incentivised to break.
The role of marriage is to bind two people who are willing to make an absolute commitment to each other. But that means those who are married must ignore politics and reinforce that commitment every day.
Yes. And must avoid selfishness that leads to spouses leading separate lives. Which can happen gradually and by imperceptible degrees.
Yes, they must ignore a lot of things.Not influenced by the outside but open enough to interact..
Politics are an extension of your morality and values. There's no ignoring it.
The fall of marriage is because it is doomed to fail, and people start to realize that. Divorce rate is like 50% and even if you stay in the marriage that does not necessarily mean you are happy. People stay in unhappy marriage because of kids, money, social expectations, don't want to be alone... The percentage of people who are in a happy marriage is a lot smaller than we would think. On top of that, divorce is a stressful and catastrophic event especially when there are kids involved. Given all that, why would anyone want to be married?
I personally don't think they're doomed to fail. I think of marriages as friendships only with marriages you are basically locked in and not allowed to switch "friends" if you don't see a fit as easily. And extremes within a marriage cause strains. Like in heterosexual marriages, either the husband or wife not being fair with one another. Someone earlier commented "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages". If two people romantically love each other and/or think of each other as friends, I don't think there's any doom. That's a great foundation.
@@lalawala9929 I said it is doomed to fail because statistically speaking, there is a small chance you get a happy marriage. If you are a strong foundation then go for it. I am not against marriage but I do think we need to have a modern definition/expectation of/from marriage. If you look at the top reasons why people get divorce, one of them would be married too young which can be fixed if we educate ourselves and our kids to avoid that. Also we can study more into why marriage fail a lot more in some occupation to better the odd. I also wonder if we have a less stressful work life, would it increase or decrease the chance of divorce/bad marriage.
Marriage has largely run into trouble these days because society has rendered people more neurotic than in the past. The failure of modern feminism, the broad decline in traditional communities, and the isolation of the digital world have confused humanity and rendered many people unable to understand or compromise with others. That means less success in relationships.
@@zibbitybibbitybop you hit the nail on its head. The decline of traditional meeting places and tech-induced isolation are partly to blame why the divorce rate is high and marriage is failing. I go to church every Sunday where I, in my mid-twenties, is the youngest/second-youngest parishioner. The next youngest person after me is in his late 40/early fifties. 7 years ago, the demographic spread was much more even. The situation is only marginally better in churches around me.
And I don't know what moron decided that "gEN-z lIkE sOCiAl mEdIA" but neither i, nor most of my friends do. It was not made by us, not introduced by us, and not marketed by us. Gen-X and older millennials came up with Facebook, Instagram and other apps. It was a great folly by my generation to fall for it. At least Zuck's Metaverse is failing, I was worried when it was announced in 2020 that it would eat up the last ebbing remnants of human, intra-personal contact still around.
Thats applying statistics wrong, just because 50% of marriages fail doesn't mean your marriage has a 50% chance of failing, first of all that 50% statistic doesn't represent the average population, i think its was meant for people who got married in the 80s or something like that, the real number of divorces would be around 30-40% tho to tbf some marriages who never divorce have to be taken into consideration so sure, you can say 50% fail. But another problem with the assumption that any given marriage has a 50% chance of failure is that it doesn't take into account that there are simply certain types of people that are simply a lot more likely to get divorced, like those who marry to early without knowing themselves well and they drive up the averages significantly. If you consider the factors involved into making a marriage good enough, we can safely say they are not doomed to fail at all. Prove of this is how the average marriage rn are lasting a lot longer than in previous generations
Cool video. I like how he talked about divorce. A lot of young people pushing for more "traditional" values when it comes to marriage and relationships don't realize where the need for making divorce more acceptable came from and they look down upon it. They don't see the role it played in history and are even mad at women wanting to be able to support themselves. When you look at the big picture, you see these societal pushes for change. There are consequences and ideas that arise from the generations that come after this type of change,and there is a sort of push back, like a teeter totter of ideas and views on certain subjects. Seeing the big picture is cool. Acting like one sort of life path is good for all is just stupid. We don't all need to live the same life. We don't all need to have the same type of relationship. Just find what works for you and go after it because that is the beauty of our time! You can do what you want and love who you want.
That's some tard logic right there.
Nahh.. divorce is weak.
One thing that the modern day people don't have is to offer themselves for the greater good. The lack of devotion and sacrifice. People are so conditioned to love themselves at all cost even if it means it would cost them their family. Got drunk with that power, now everyone is a "quitter".
Older people I know stayed on their family in order to fulfill their role regardless how good or bad or even terrible their husband or wives are.. They can endure anything as long as their children grew from start to finish. They love their children more than themselves.
It's funny that people these day says they can be love people as much as their parents did but they can't even do sacrifices under personal discomfort.. Heck can't even stand or swallow their own mistake of the being married to the same person they've sworn.
I had an empty nest divorce that cost me over $100k over 6 years. She left for a young guy (like 10 years). Hid that they lived together (to avoid including his income in the spousal support computations). And I had to pay for her attorney fees. At one point she was making $200k as a realtor and I made close to half but had to pay spousal support. I only got off the hook when she tried to hide money not provided in discovery. Which in my state would make her owe me triple was she hid. Instead I just got a finalization decree. Because I didn’t trust leaving it up to the court to decide would fall in my favor? Nothing else did.
When you do not consider your spouse as a friend and a lover you will not have a happy partnership. Marriage is a label we put on the pledge to spend a lot of time together.. perhaps our whole life.( We are not very religious in my country so the church marriage is for the majority % just a tradition).
If you consider it like this and partake in your duties child care, building the garage, move the sofa,cooking dinnertogether it will be fun .. if you allow each of you to also be different and have separate and common friends it will be interesting.
Don’t look at it as an obligation and as a failure when times get tough.. it might last or it may not.. time and effort will show.
exactly! in more traditional countries, it is very unlikely to find such a male partner who has this kind of mentality, and who is also into marrying.
Well said. Marriage should be the trophy of a healthy relationship.
@@EmberC yes and it’s a problem
Listening to women, especially older women talk about their marriage made me absolutely hate the idea. I decided from a young age to fullfil my life first and if I meet the right person along the way then I'll think about marriage. Other than that it's a NOPE for me....too stressful. I would rather work in the hospital instead.
Works for me. I have a child and I'm not stuck being married to someone who will detract from my life. I don't have to worry about a woman stealing my assets through divorce. I'm in my mid 40s and I have less than 10 years until retirement. At this point I can't even chance getting married because of the extremely high potential for it to destroy my life.
Lol prenupt?
Traditional marriage was (in principle, although not always in practice) two people mutually and committedly supporting each other through a division of labor and specialization so that both were better off (in a world of much greater general scarcity).
As society becomes more generally prosperous, so that the traditional contributions of both sexs can be (and often are) outsourced to society, and when both parties bring the same skills and resources to the table and society devalues loyalty and commitment, there's much less individual incentive to get or stay married (for either sex).
A good marriage is still a net gain where it can be achieved, but it requires an alignment on values and a commitment to working things through for the long haul that cuts hard across the grain of current culture.
The reason "higher" class marriages are more likely to last is likely, at least in part, because when you're closer to the top, you have more to lose from divorce and the grass is less likely to be greener on the other side.
Given how easy it is for people to cheat on each other marriage is becoming obsolete, & honestly I don't know why people who want to be unfaithful get married in the first place?
Man marriage at 23 wrecked me totally. Nothing has had such a horrible impact on me and my life like that mistake, the subsequent divorce and raising my two kids alone. Living in a third world country, he gets off scotfree. I've rued the day I walked down that aisle. And it's something I would never repeat.
in USA it is the women who often get “scotfree”. Alas, have seen 3rd world men with abhorrent lack of responsibility towards wives, kids, and starting additional families they cannot support. Condolences, raise your kids and you still have other phases of life to enjoy
Girl should have sued him for not taking care of kids
@@ithinkiknowme6450he is guy
Ah, I felt like I was back in Sociology class again! Thanks for this great video
The happiest people at a wedding: lawyers.
Hahaahah nice one 🤣
Marriage is essentially a life long promise. You promise to your partner that you will never leave himher. However, in a world where promises are seen as holding someone hostage, the meaning of marriage goes out the window.
Some people believe in a life without promises, without commitments. But if I can switch partner at any moment, that also mean another man can replace me at anytime, without reason. Imagine being scared everyday that your partner is going to leave you. That amount of attention taken away fron you could have been way better spent on yourself, making yourself grow, and making your partner grow.
Thats why i think marriage is so important. Unfortunately divorce has been made easy to the point to defeat the purpose of marriage. Still, if two people can sign a contract where they promise their commitment to eachother, they set eachother up for unconditional love
Yes, but that is naive. It leaves neither person room to grow into full adults. If it's not cheating etc., most marriages dissolve due to one person growing, gaining knowledge, while the other is still the same old same old. I knew of one couple back in the day. T.V. had just gotten into middle class working man's homes and this dude, who's the master of the house, simply because God and Country say so, thought Archie Bunker and Edith were really married. He didn't understand the light box was just actors. He thought it was real life. No one could tell him otherwise because "I'm the gaza!!" He would boom. Or what about men who watch football every damn year, so boring for the wife to know the fall means Thursday - Sunday, blah, blah, blah. I know so many women, that the moment the last child moved out of the house she filed for divorce. She was bored to tears daily. And I'm sure there are men that feel the same way about their wives doing the same old same old. Our brains are like trees, they need to grow. :)
@@juliebella1221 This is why most women do not deserve to be married and the stats are showing that. Eventually marriage disappear from society.
Weird given how so many men especially in the older generations describe marriage to be shackles that limits their freedom.
If marriage is important, then its all the more reason people should think carefully who to marry rather than doing it willy nilly and then divorce later. The decline a healthy sign of this.
College educated women are more likely to be married. However they also initiate 90% of divorces, so that is a red flag.
I think divorce and custody laws need to be updated to reflect that women and men are equal earners and equally financially responsible.
Common Laws need to be updated to not punish people who live together without getting married. Having a situation where one partner can divorce another, without them ever agreeing to be married in the first place, is a trap.
It is because want it all don’t have consequences. Hygpamy.
I think college educated women have much lower divorce rates than those without.
Women who make more than their husbands still end up paying alimony. I know many women who have did so. I make high 6 figures, am a woman, and would have to pay alimony if I got married to an average American man.
@@MsFlamingFlamer Alimony should not exist. That average american man can get a job.
The concept of "Keeping them in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed" is a mistake. There should be no such thing.
Split assets 50/50 (or as stipulated in prenup), 50/50 child custody, and that is it, that should be the end of a divorce. No child support in a 50/50 arrangement, and no alimony.
@@MsFlamingFlamer that is a consequence of a law that wanted to give men's money to women. I don't think the higher earner pays alimony law makes sense.
The family court system in the US is a total mess. It's a major reason why marriage is dying in this country. The system is broken and needs a major overhaul. It's a shame that something as important as marriage has become a joke because of the incompetence of the court system. It's time for change.
I would consider marriage again if it didn't come with a legal contract. Committed relationships can be very beneficial for people, but I don't think it's fair to have legal & financial advantages over people who are single. Let's focus equality there!
I think the class divide with marriage should be examined in order to determine whether it is the cost of doing so (e.g. the "wedding industry," licenses) that is the barrier, or whether other factors are playing a bigger role (such as lack of education or job prospects making someone less "marriageable").
Men who spend 60 hours a week playing video games have made them less mariageable.
@@7of9 But is not the only reason. Some of those men use escapism, they don't feel motivated to work or study.
But those are a part of it, then you have another part of society that sees marriage as a tool to then divorce and take a % of your income and even house, etc. That is not needed anymore, hell, women are doing better than man: men suicide more often than women, men are leaving education (specially college), men are more likely to die a non natural death than woman (i.e. a war for example), etc., so without strong men (i.e. without someone motivating them) the lack of marriage is going to be the same.
Maybe for the men that wants to marry they don't want to in the circumstances we are living right now, if we have equality of outcome (which is desired) then the law in regards of marriage needs to change, for the men that cant, we need to help them (we need to study the tools to help them), and those that don't want to marry, you can't do anything about it, and that is fine.
@@7of9 Why are you like this?
In the US it’s mostly the cost of the consequences of a failed marriage that turns people away from marrying …a lot of women today are career child support and alimony collectors and do it based on an ulterior motive
@@7of9 boop!
I can't get where I want to go without the support, love and encouragement of my husband.
Don't care if it's "on trend". My marriage is my biggest asset.
If you don't have a vision for your union and relationship skills, it will fall apart.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
People are not staying married because people are self-absorbed. How can a relationship work if you are not laying down your pride? You both do and both have to be humble enough to lay down little things for the betterment of each other. People don't want to sacrifice because they're choosing themselves more than protecting the relationship.
TRUTH lol
@@afreen5058 it's just sad and their kids feel like it's their fault. The children become addicted and have mental health issues. Marriage is not a decision you're making for yourself, it's for future family. America has lost that value because of female empowerment and this "love your self" mantra. Give me a break. I'm tired of the battle of the sexes as grown adults of it's his fault and her fault. Everyone needs to grow up.
@@Katm944 I don't think what you said correlates with my comment at all. I'm confused. I just said marriage doesn't work for some because people are selfish and impatient. You choose to marry, you made the vows, you make it work.