I feel the exact same way this isn’t living it’s existing and it’s a horrible feeling disconnected from the world watching the world move around you thank you
I really appreciate her honesty about this aspect of living with BPD. It's a very real, intricate and terrifying feeling that sometimes seems like it has no end. I really relate to her, as this is also a challenge for me as I recover with BPD.
anger consumes me, i spend alot of time having arguments in my head with people, but arguments that never happened… and i get really angry, like prepared to die kinda anger i also notice that when its really cold i get worse because everyone is in their houses and it reinforces that loneliness
when she said she felt like she can’t connect with others, I heard the hurt in her voice and almost started crying. I may be young but the sentiment is ever so present in my life now. social media has made it all the more brutal. sending you a hug Barbara, you have a friend here and thank you for your honesty. you are very well spoken and took the words out of my mouth. 💕 stay lovely
I feel bitter , recentful , sad , angry and very alone.! Its my own fault. I feel sad when i hear this woman speak because i feel her saddness and desperation for a connection. ♡
Understood and your feelings are relatable. Trying to build community and relationships is so critical to moving beyond the pain. No matter the part you played in creating your current life (we all have responsibility to take in recognizing how we landed in the pits thanks to the BPD symptoms and our role is worth investigating), it also means you have agency to change it. Someone just recommended to me RO DBT (Radically Open DBT) and it might be worth reading about. Apparently, the workbook is really good. I am starting to read from it in next few days, but it was recommended me by a very knowledgeable source.
i love her honesty, i started self publishing novels and now i get alot of letters from readers who connected with the characrters, find your inner talent barbara and let that take you toward places, don't be afraid, and for living alone it is hard- but cats, cats are great- coming home laone, where everything is where you left it- it is hard but whats worse is staying up waiting for someone to come home
As humans we were made to would want to belong. Go for those friends' dates, be trusting and loving and just never want to miss out of all of that. It's unnatural to over-isolate yourself, so that means you must struggling with some high functioning mental health issue, whether you are well aware of it or not. I've come to realise that BPD can go as far as making you believing you are unlovable, of which apparently isn't true. What happens is people get used to you being stand off-ish due to what comes with you struggling with your mental illness that tends to make you isolate yourself. Then people take that you either don't love them or when given the opportunity to mingle with people you are bound to be somewhat socially awkward bcoz your loneliness makes you lose out on social cues. 🥺
Same here😢. Its real. Alone from birth to death. Thank you Barbara for sharing. I so much hope that you are doing "ok", that you can have some good times, even though its on your own. I know so much how it hurts. I am sorry for all of us. I am crying writing this. No one else to speak but youtube.
Same x100. This is the true pandemic of our century and some countries are starting to apply public policies to tackle loneliness, for example UK where they have a "Ministry of Loneliness". Heartbreaking, truly, what we as a society came to be.
I don't have BPD or similar problems, but I can certainly relate. Many people have the exact same issues when loneliness becomes a little overwhelming in daily life. Sadly, I don't think it helps when even many good friends tend to argue "they don't have time" or find excuses why they don't have it. That sort of constant, repeated rejection, even from close friends, can feel very demoralising and dismissive. Especially if one always bothers to reserve time for them, but rarely gets anything in return. I think far too many people nowadays are retreating into themselves, getting obsessed with work, duties, or trying to prove something to themselves, all the while neglecting actual friendships and closeness to others. And then you have people bewildered why there's so much loneliness. People lionise overt individualism and "getting things done" a little too much and forget to live their lives, including sharing them with others.
I relate to this a lot. I have struggled lately more than ever with loneliness. It caused me to relapse on substances. I have tried so hard to make connections, but I can't seem to.
Same here. Substances have become my family/friends/lover.. I have tried so many times to quit..to do different things, engaging with people, being healthy, etc.. But I was always alone, whatever how much I tried. I have become a ghost.
The way she dodged the question about why she's alone. Dodging shame. You can see how uncomfortable it made her. "Why are you alone" "Well I'm not alone I'm with other people sometimes but I live alone and I don't like being alone" So sad. The lack of self awareness and admitting to her shame keeps her stuck where she is. Alone. If she would find self acceptance and admit to the abuse she experienced as a child and how much shame it made he feel, she'd be a healthy whole person with friends and stability and good family. Shame. What an emotion. She has the ability to look her shqme in th face and yet she cannot. Will not. "It must be society. It must be those other people. No one likes me everybody hates me."
This woman needs to be listened to and has to voice it out . .the society is here. Look at the comments - just judging her while if she is in front of me I will only listen to her and feel all the suffering she is talking about. Let people just talk than judging them
Not a bad idea. But meaby she has not a lot of options? I know for me, money and housing are rough. I have the chance to rent a tiny studio to an association for homeless/psychotic pple. Without it I ll be still in the streets. I m not fine at all in the crowded city I live in, I ve became severely agoraphobic, but I have no choice, I cant afford to rent anything else. With no job, money, family, its very hard, quite impossible. In my country, real estate agencies and most landlords refuse to rent to pple with diagnosed mental health issues: the insurances.
What strikes me about this is the overall negative tone. I know we're supposed to be compassionate but theres compassion and then theres enabling. This lady says shes angry at the way society treats single people.........I'm single and society treats me the same as it treats everyone else. Its all in how you see things and this lady sees herself as a victim, that life has been unfair to her and she has had it rougher than others. This is the lie that keeps her bound, she is literally living in a prison of her own making and only she can break herself out by being willing to see things as they are and not through a distorted filter of victimhood and self pity. Self pity is the near ally of depression and it is a death trap. Abandon all forms of self pity and your life will improve dramatically.
She has borderline which is a chronic stress disorder that happened to her in very early childhood. She has all the rights to be in any mode even the victim mode because she has damage in the brain done by chronic stress done at the age she never deserved it. Do you realize how the world is treating borderlines? Also, do you realize how they are mostly unable to form nurturing relationships because of their subconscious behaviour and reactions? Life has definitely been very unfair to her as well as some other people who can have a very unfair childhood. If you are constantly making bad decisions in life, repel people from you because your brain reacts in certain ways and you have no control over it, then be clever, please. Don't understand why are you judging others when you clearly don't understand certain personality disorders. Sounds like she is doing it to herself on purpose based on your comment.
Be careful in how you judge when she says the society is couple based. Have empathy. Not what you experience is the full spectrum of experiences and needs and what someone might notice and experience
@The Tarot Addict But people use the "its more complicated than that" line to justify and rationalise bad behaviour. It's a standard line used so that directness and reason are tossed out the window. Just because someone says they have a "mental illness" this is no excuse. It's not about being "nice" it's about calling things as they are and not giving people a get out of jail free card because they say they have this diagnosis or that. We all have to deal with adversity and what comes at us in life. Nobody is exempt. People with BPD are deeply immersed in self pity and playing the victim. And that does not help them. This lady's life would Improve dramatically if she abandoned all rights to self pity and did away with her labels and got stuck in to life and her God given mission.
I don't think most people appreciate how maladaptive her way of externalizing the problem is, blaming, blaming, blaming. Because it sounds plausible or reasonable, sort of, and nowadays everyone has a critique of society that sounds semi-plausible. But the interviewer asks her "what keeps you from being with people" and the profound thing is she answers with more blame: it's terrible that I'm alone. But that wasn't the question. At all. The question was something simple like why don't you just give someone love and then they'll stick around? Because she's drawn into anger and blame. I'm not sure the solution really is therapy at her age.
"What I am going through is not a normal human experience". Nobody in these relationships is. This is the heartbreaking trap of this loop. People can feel immense loneliness, but not acknowledge that it is their very actions that have repeatedly driven everyone away. And if you attempt to help they may well rip more away from you than anyone could reasonably ever be expected to give. My own BPD parent died convinced that I was a terrible person who never cared about her and did mean things to her. She was dying of pancreatic cancer and the whole family went to visit her on Thanksgiving morning. Still... even there on her death bed, the first and most important thing she could do when she saw us all was attack me for being a shitty person (I don't even remember the exact words because it was so sad and meaningless). The fact that I had left work, paid to fly 1000 miles to see her, pay for a hotel, rent a car, travel late and night so I could be there first thing in the morning to see her at the hotel was completely irrelevant to her, even though these things represented trying to care and support her. NOTHING I could ever do would have been able to satisfy her because she was trapped in her own self fulfilling game of, "bring me a rock, no not that rock". I never understood why she treated me this way until when I was around 30 I discovered the book, "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. It changed my life to finally understand that my (waif/witch) mother was driven by a non-stop life or death need for love, which ultimately led to her abusing me to the point of driving me completely away.
I feel the exact same way this isn’t living it’s existing and it’s a horrible feeling disconnected from the world watching the world move around you thank you
I really appreciate her honesty about this aspect of living with BPD. It's a very real, intricate and terrifying feeling that sometimes seems like it has no end. I really relate to her, as this is also a challenge for me as I recover with BPD.
Bpd is such a paradox it kills u both ways
anger consumes me, i spend alot of time having arguments in my head with people, but arguments that never happened… and i get really angry, like prepared to die kinda anger
i also notice that when its really cold i get worse because everyone is in their houses and it reinforces that loneliness
So hard being borderline. I can feel it.
I have borderline too is very hard :(
when she said she felt like she can’t connect with others, I heard the hurt in her voice and almost started crying. I may be young but the sentiment is ever so present in my life now. social media has made it all the more brutal. sending you a hug Barbara, you have a friend here and thank you for your honesty. you are very well spoken and took the words out of my mouth. 💕 stay lovely
I can't connect and at the same time I feel alone
Barbara needs a hug
More than that
I feel bitter , recentful , sad , angry and very alone.! Its my own fault. I feel sad when i hear this woman speak because i feel her saddness and desperation for a connection. ♡
Understood and your feelings are relatable. Trying to build community and relationships is so critical to moving beyond the pain. No matter the part you played in creating your current life (we all have responsibility to take in recognizing how we landed in the pits thanks to the BPD symptoms and our role is worth investigating), it also means you have agency to change it. Someone just recommended to me RO DBT (Radically Open DBT) and it might be worth reading about. Apparently, the workbook is really good. I am starting to read from it in next few days, but it was recommended me by a very knowledgeable source.
@@BorderlinerNotes thanks for sharing!
@@BorderlinerNotes people ghost a lot and it's so painful; it's hard to stay away from toxic people when you know they'll give you company.
I don't think it's your fault at all!
Hell is other people. And hell is the lack of them😊
I identify so much with you. And the tragic part is I don't don't have anyone to share this video with. God l pray that you're ok.X
❤❤❤
can truly truly relate - only I also suffer from social anxiety. It is so messed up. But I know the loneliness will get me in the end.
i love her honesty, i started self publishing novels and now i get alot of letters from readers who connected with the characrters, find your inner talent barbara and let that take you toward places, don't be afraid, and for living alone it is hard- but cats, cats are great- coming home laone, where everything is where you left it- it is hard but whats worse is staying up waiting for someone to come home
As humans we were made to would want to belong. Go for those friends' dates, be trusting and loving and just never want to miss out of all of that. It's unnatural to over-isolate yourself, so that means you must struggling with some high functioning mental health issue, whether you are well aware of it or not. I've come to realise that BPD can go as far as making you believing you are unlovable, of which apparently isn't true. What happens is people get used to you being stand off-ish due to what comes with you struggling with your mental illness that tends to make you isolate yourself. Then people take that you either don't love them or when given the opportunity to mingle with people you are bound to be somewhat socially awkward bcoz your loneliness makes you lose out on social cues. 🥺
But if we have a crisis they call you crazy
@@patriciagss2024and toxic😢
Same here😢.
Its real.
Alone from birth to death.
Thank you Barbara for sharing.
I so much hope that you are doing "ok", that you can have some good times, even though its on your own.
I know so much how it hurts.
I am sorry for all of us.
I am crying writing this.
No one else to speak but youtube.
Her emotions a so valid. We live is a cold, selfish world. No one cares. Thank you for your honesty.
Same x100. This is the true pandemic of our century and some countries are starting to apply public policies to tackle loneliness, for example UK where they have a "Ministry of Loneliness". Heartbreaking, truly, what we as a society came to be.
I don't have BPD or similar problems, but I can certainly relate. Many people have the exact same issues when loneliness becomes a little overwhelming in daily life. Sadly, I don't think it helps when even many good friends tend to argue "they don't have time" or find excuses why they don't have it. That sort of constant, repeated rejection, even from close friends, can feel very demoralising and dismissive. Especially if one always bothers to reserve time for them, but rarely gets anything in return. I think far too many people nowadays are retreating into themselves, getting obsessed with work, duties, or trying to prove something to themselves, all the while neglecting actual friendships and closeness to others. And then you have people bewildered why there's so much loneliness. People lionise overt individualism and "getting things done" a little too much and forget to live their lives, including sharing them with others.
I relate to this a lot. I have struggled lately more than ever with loneliness. It caused me to relapse on substances. I have tried so hard to make connections, but I can't seem to.
Same here. Substances have become my family/friends/lover..
I have tried so many times to quit..to do different things, engaging with people, being healthy, etc..
But I was always alone, whatever how much I tried.
I have become a ghost.
any update on barbara? im absolutely in her position
I certainly identify with this in every corner of my life.
I hope Barbara is ok today. I want to reach out and give Barbara a huge, tight hug.
This was so heartbreaking and painful to listen to because I feel this way every day
The way she dodged the question about why she's alone. Dodging shame. You can see how uncomfortable it made her.
"Why are you alone"
"Well I'm not alone I'm with other people sometimes but I live alone and I don't like being alone"
So sad. The lack of self awareness and admitting to her shame keeps her stuck where she is. Alone. If she would find self acceptance and admit to the abuse she experienced as a child and how much shame it made he feel, she'd be a healthy whole person with friends and stability and good family.
Shame. What an emotion. She has the ability to look her shqme in th face and yet she cannot. Will not. "It must be society. It must be those other people. No one likes me everybody hates me."
True.
True.
I feel exactly the same has this lady
This woman needs to be listened to and has to voice it out . .the society is here. Look at the comments - just judging her while if she is in front of me I will only listen to her and feel all the suffering she is talking about. Let people just talk than judging them
I feel the same way. Its terriftying.
I feel this strongly and don't have BPD. I could not imagine how it feels to someone with BPD.
I wish she would have answer Rebbies question of what keeps her from being with someone. Very curious to know what that reason is for her.
No one will put up with her because she refuses to have self awareness
@@queengoblinyou are mean.
so honnest and right on piont. spot on. feeeeel the anger 2! damn
Oooh god. All the things to look forward to.
Being an older woman alone is tough.
She’s right, it’s not normal in any healthy sense.
maybe she could look into co-housing communities so she doesn't have to live alone.
Not a bad idea.
But meaby she has not a lot of options?
I know for me, money and housing are rough.
I have the chance to rent a tiny studio to an association for homeless/psychotic pple. Without it I ll be still in the streets.
I m not fine at all in the crowded city I live in, I ve became severely agoraphobic, but I have no choice, I cant afford to rent anything else.
With no job, money, family, its very hard, quite impossible.
In my country, real estate agencies and most landlords refuse to rent to pple with diagnosed mental health issues: the insurances.
What strikes me about this is the overall negative tone. I know we're supposed to be compassionate but theres compassion and then theres enabling. This lady says shes angry at the way society treats single people.........I'm single and society treats me the same as it treats everyone else. Its all in how you see things and this lady sees herself as a victim, that life has been unfair to her and she has had it rougher than others. This is the lie that keeps her bound, she is literally living in a prison of her own making and only she can break herself out by being willing to see things as they are and not through a distorted filter of victimhood and self pity. Self pity is the near ally of depression and it is a death trap. Abandon all forms of self pity and your life will improve dramatically.
She has borderline which is a chronic stress disorder that happened to her in very early childhood. She has all the rights to be in any mode even the victim mode because she has damage in the brain done by chronic stress done at the age she never deserved it. Do you realize how the world is treating borderlines? Also, do you realize how they are mostly unable to form nurturing relationships because of their subconscious behaviour and reactions? Life has definitely been very unfair to her as well as some other people who can have a very unfair childhood. If you are constantly making bad decisions in life, repel people from you because your brain reacts in certain ways and you have no control over it, then be clever, please. Don't understand why are you judging others when you clearly don't understand certain personality disorders. Sounds like she is doing it to herself on purpose based on your comment.
She probably was a victim at some point in her life, but essentially I agree. Self compassion trumps self pity.
Yup. People with BPD are emotional toddlers who think the world is out to get them in particular. It's so sad. Horrible way to live.
Be careful in how you judge when she says the society is couple based. Have empathy. Not what you experience is the full spectrum of experiences and needs and what someone might notice and experience
@The Tarot Addict But people use the "its more complicated than that" line to justify and rationalise bad behaviour. It's a standard line used so that directness and reason are tossed out the window. Just because someone says they have a "mental illness" this is no excuse. It's not about being "nice" it's about calling things as they are and not giving people a get out of jail free card because they say they have this diagnosis or that. We all have to deal with adversity and what comes at us in life. Nobody is exempt. People with BPD are deeply immersed in self pity and playing the victim. And that does not help them. This lady's life would Improve dramatically if she abandoned all rights to self pity and did away with her labels and got stuck in to life and her God given mission.
I feel you ♡
Like looking in a mirror
Ive finally figured myself out 😢
It's painful
I don't think most people appreciate how maladaptive her way of externalizing the problem is, blaming, blaming, blaming. Because it sounds plausible or reasonable, sort of, and nowadays everyone has a critique of society that sounds semi-plausible. But the interviewer asks her "what keeps you from being with people" and the profound thing is she answers with more blame: it's terrible that I'm alone. But that wasn't the question. At all. The question was something simple like why don't you just give someone love and then they'll stick around? Because she's drawn into anger and blame. I'm not sure the solution really is therapy at her age.
Its not as simple as "give someone love and they'll stick around".
I gave people love, and they hurt me. Badly.
"What I am going through is not a normal human experience". Nobody in these relationships is. This is the heartbreaking trap of this loop. People can feel immense loneliness, but not acknowledge that it is their very actions that have repeatedly driven everyone away. And if you attempt to help they may well rip more away from you than anyone could reasonably ever be expected to give. My own BPD parent died convinced that I was a terrible person who never cared about her and did mean things to her. She was dying of pancreatic cancer and the whole family went to visit her on Thanksgiving morning. Still... even there on her death bed, the first and most important thing she could do when she saw us all was attack me for being a shitty person (I don't even remember the exact words because it was so sad and meaningless). The fact that I had left work, paid to fly 1000 miles to see her, pay for a hotel, rent a car, travel late and night so I could be there first thing in the morning to see her at the hotel was completely irrelevant to her, even though these things represented trying to care and support her. NOTHING I could ever do would have been able to satisfy her because she was trapped in her own self fulfilling game of, "bring me a rock, no not that rock".
I never understood why she treated me this way until when I was around 30 I discovered the book, "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. It changed my life to finally understand that my (waif/witch) mother was driven by a non-stop life or death need for love, which ultimately led to her abusing me to the point of driving me completely away.