Perhaps the most insidious is the emotional neglect. No compliments, no effort to understand you, no emotional support when you are hurting, and of course no empathy of any kind. My heart has never felt so neglected. But I kept hoping to be seen, to be validated, to be looked at in a way that says I feel you. But, of course that never happened. :(
Yes, I experience exactly that with my partner. He cannot say one good thing about me. When someone says something good about me, he either says nothing or disagrees somewhat. I also get no emotional support at all. He usually tells me to get over it.
This is how my mother has always treated me, she seems to know no other way. I then had a boss for 10 years who was like that, and more recently a sibling has become more and more like this.
It was extremely painful, but I could not walk away, I still had feelings... or traumabond. But now I've outgrown this, I feel strong and safe. I can watch her now from an emotional distant... I didnt get anything out of this relationship...it was not fair and it was not my fault at all. I study her behaviour like a test/ experiment and I learn a lot. I started my life again.
Exactly. I feel you, that really hurts to be treated like you've never existed and never had a relationship with that person. But, Jesus Christ helped me through this process and I know he can help you too. He lead me to videos and information I needed to get to where I am now. Still healing, but safe and getting my life back together. You hang in there, trust the process and thank God you made it thos far. God bless you and take care..
Yes it’s called emotional starvation I just learned worst kind of narcissist abuse, equivalent to murder, Dr. Ramani mine has done it for 14 years 7 with two kids
After 32 years of this BS I finally got out from under this truck, he told me it was all a case of mind over matter, he didn’t mind and I didn’t matter. Aged 63 I’m out of here. Now he’s running in circles wondering who this strange woman is . I’m done. I’m gone.
Thankfully I didn’t commit suicide he made me so invisible, hurt, worthless, inconvenient. He had me so exhausted and confused just trying to be what he wanted me to be. It’s hypnotic and cruel and destroys people. It’s got to be one of the worst things I’ve experienced ever. 🤯
Neglected by both parents due to their mental illness, alcoholism and narcissism. As the oldest I was expected to care for the family. My Dad treated me like crap and I’ve come to realize that my sisters treat me the same way he does. He taught them how to treat me and I’ve allowed it. Time to move on to a better life. I’m so thankful to my friends who care about me, who see me and I’m thankful for my husband who has taught me what it is to be loved!
NEGLECT, spot on the most effective tactic of all in the Narcissist bag. Neglect of the absolute basics, if that is your gauge then it is a point from which to measure, Jill you have perfectly described how neglect reduces the human victim to a puddle of their former self. Away from a string of Narcissist abusers starting with a very ridge, cold mother I take care of myself now. I have my own little flat, pamper myself like the Queen (I'm British), have regular dental treatments, medical checks, manicure/pedicure, hair treatments, go the places I want, buy books, undertake courses and write. The sun is filtering through the large oak tree just outside my window and there are puffs of warm air coming to cool. It was hard, hard work on myself but eventually you make it with a knowing smile on your face. All this from literally being starved and holed up on a Turkish mountainside by a maniac and his family. Be kind, be careful and trust yourself like no other.
I'm American & admire your resilience . I can tell you've survived and broken the chain of Narc generations. Keep enjoying the sun filtering thru the oak tree. You're like that tree very strong. ❤
This part has been the worst for me. I’m normally very gregarious and loving. Boy did he snuff that out. No affection, no love, no sex, no attention unless negative. They are invidious evil monsters. I’m done, Im out soon!!!!
I'm at the point,too. 9 yrs married, 3 small kids, mom just died 2 weeks before my bday in September and the abuse got 10 times worse and consistent. But in turn God has me on a spiritual journey and my eyes are open completely to the cues and tactics. He can't handle me as much but I'm leaving for my children and my mental health and safety. He's shown me there will be no change. No more being a codependent.
This was overwhelming confirmation. Everything I have been experiencing, 110%. The toxic man I was involved with for years! was hands down the biggest mistake of my life. A true predator in sheeps clothing. A psychologically conflicted vampire. Even the covert ones. It is hard to believe these people are in the human race.
Goes all the way back to Genesis 3:15. They are the seed of the serpent. We are the seed of the woman. The seedline skips around in families. In my family, my paternal grandparents were empathic and kind (seed of the woman). My mother was a covert malignant narc (serpent seed) and my dad her enabler. I'm the oldest and the Family Scapegoat. My younger narc brother is the Golden Child. My own daughter (at age 20) seems to have a lot of narc qualities but I'm praying for her every day. Sometimes I think I see a spark of life in her so I haven't lost hope yet.
"The wicked are estranged from the womb; They go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies. Their poison is like the poison of a serpent; They are like the deaf cobra that stops its ear, Which will not heed the voice of charmers, Charming ever so skillfully." Psalm 58:3-5
They are no people with a warm sole, they cant say sorry, they never look back on their behavoir, they are hartless ! Do not forget they play the whole time theire whole life to hide their (onzekerheid) onsureness.
The Silent Treatment imposed on me by my mother was DEADLY !!. I know she knows the power of this, and pain it causes, but it's the best tool in the box. She still does it today as a strategy of control. It hurt me to the core, and has deeply affected how i feel about myself. The entire family has suffered as a consequence. I have spent my life trying to make things right, and always gave unconditional love. I have finally confronted this situated with love, honesty and truthfulness. The response was angry bitterness, lies and deception. The guilt is beginning to subside, and I am getting my life back. I believe in myself, and no longer give credibility to the words and actions of the narcissist. It's harsh, because if a narcissist cant control you, they will covertly control how others think of you. How is that for revenge? There is no option but to distance and not engage. It hurts me terribly to do this but there is really no other option that will protect my self worth. I have lived a life of depression and anxiety until now, and I finally realize how abusive the narcissistic treatment from a parent can be. Protect yourself. You matter !!
Your experience sounds identical to mine. At 51, i am living on other side of country, and still find hurtful comments and judgements from other family members who listen to her but never bother asking me. Still hurts. I feel as though ive been an orphan. I won't be safe until she finally passes. I just cant be around her. Its so painful to be harmed by someone whose love you needd so much.
I had a coworker who I felt was a narc for many years, she tried her best to keep me from better positions but when I finally was higher up in management than her, that killed her. In the third month of the covid pandemic when I had to report a safety issue, she gave me the silent treatment for over a month and I loved it! I realize that they hate to be ignored and so they mistakenly think so does everyone else. She got to the point where she tried to cause a physical confrontation and I was blessed to be able to get out of the company within a week afterward due to being a high risk worker. Even negative attention for them is better than no contact. Looking back I can see how the covid brought out her worst of the worst and am seeing this happen among many people. They say that hard times show a person's true character!
I can identify fully. I will pry for you friend! Im going through the same thing. Jesus is giving me peace. Also on utube go to channels....amazing discoveries africa and amazing facts with pastor doug. Studying Gods word has kept me going and healing. Narcissists exist cuz of sin in this world. They listen to their sinful nature and to satan. God bless you and please go to Jesus, He's such a good friend.
Thank you what you wrote is my own similar experience with my mother and sister. I went no contact five years ago. Have them another chance 2 years ago and it went down hill after less than a year. Now no contact for good. Until my wicked mother passed then flying monkey sister will be who I contend with. I’m now 60 and this abuse has been my entire life. Joanne
Yup, they wanna get you used to working so hard to please them just so you can get those bread crumbs of affection and approval. It's great of you to talk about this subject cause it could help people to wake up sooner when they start to notice the signs of neglect.
I was the family trash can/scapegoat it took 57 years because my family was wealthy and inheritance I stayed. I became ill and broke but went no contact at 57. That was over 2 years ago. Still healing but it has been hard. But it was going to kill me if I stayed any longer. Hopefully someday I will completely heal and be able to live with out the stress and hurt. Its slow but I’m getting there..
I understand this as I share this experience with you... please know the inheritance and the fear of “losing it” was being used as a weapon against you. Once you let it go and accept that the interest was far too high and that it was never really yours at all, you will not only heal - you win.
Wow! Just yesterday it really clicked with me, this IS intentional. I have had the hardest time accepting this even though I knew deep down it was. Yesterday it clicked and today, here you are expressing this very dynamic. I am 55 years old this year, 6 years of becoming aware of and learning about narcissistic abuse, a lifetime of neglect. BREAKTHROUGH!!! Thank you soooo much for your validation! It came at a remarkable moment for me.
I crashed badly when I realised it was intentional. I never realised that the people I trusted the most were leading me to destruction. Much better now with the help of so called strangers.
I’m having a hard time grasping that it’s deliberate. I keep thinking that it’s not and they are unaware of their own deeply hidden thought processes. How can we tell it’s a process they knowingly plan out?
@@karensquiresayp Ours always said he couldn't help it and he was "bipolar". But it seemed that he was able to turn his behavior on and off at will and could (if he wanted to) control it. That is when I figured it was all conscious manipulation. For example when I had eye surgery the dog managed to slip out of the back yard and get run over. I had repeatedly patched the hole in the fence and he kept removing the patch saying things like "This is the country. It is ok for dogs to run free". Usually if the focus is off of them and on to you or another family member the narc can whip up drama to draw the attention back to them or let you know that they are in charge. The holidays became especially challenging. Beginning right before Halloween and extending past Valentines day things got really bad. Just about anything could happen.
I needed to hear this. I have been neglected for decades by my husband. The power of his silence and distance but criticism of my tears. My interests are zero to him. Thank you for putting a name on this abuse.
This is what my ex covert narcissist put me through. He had an excuse for the neglect every time, I remember the feelings I was going through at the time of how it was hurting me. I couldn’t get any “me time” our entire relationship and he was suddenly always busy or caught up. I knew better and that it was being done on purpose. It’s at this time as well, if they have not already, they begin to triangulate you and groom another supply so they can discard you.
Hahahahahahaha me too! It took him years to make me feel truly jealous cause I am into women and he really had to work to triangulate me with them. He got really good at it though. Until I started to see through it at least. Once he tried to tell me the girl I thought was hot upstairs said she heard someone "mangling" Adele...trying to undermine both my singing (and extra cruelly my daughters singing too) and make me jealous that he knew her and she thought something bad about me. When I consider this I see what a worm he truly is deep inside himself. No matter where he goes there he will be and isn't that suffering enough? This poor bastard is like the grommet inside but I certainly am not the 'precious'!
Right on!!!!!! 48 years on the hamsters wheel. I got off dec 31, 2019 and have never looked back. Lots of video healing tapes about the subject kept my head on straight. I enjoy waking up in the morning again.
Brenda mine has been 49 years. If I’ve known years ago what I know now, I could have saved my self from a lot of abuse. I left so many times and he drew me back him, like I was addicted I left for the last time in Feb. no contact and now I’m a warrior. Thanking God every day for getting me out.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge! I'm in a Narcissistic abusive relationship. It's validating to me to know a name to the symptoms and that I'm not crazy!! I'm extremely grateful for this knowledge! ❤
You should leave soon as you can. They are literally incapable of changing. There's no hope wishing and hoping. You have to give a good part of yourself away to be with one. They'll reciprocate nothing back. Simply a narcissist is not relationship material. Good luck! No Contact!
I can give you 100s of stories of narc abuse. So shocking for many. But I went through the most abuse as the baby scapegoated child and adult survivor of narc abuse for 48 years. I bet your clients here will be awed.
Wow, Jill. This was perhaps the most succinct description of one of the narcissist’s weapon. Thanks for posting this. I’m out of the house now and the divorce is pending, but this was a good reminder of this insidious abuse.
I’m 30 years in and all of this information perfectly describes the slow torture that’s been inflicted upon me by my husband. I have been trained like a lab rat. Te good news is, I am beginning the process of divorcing this insidious monster.
I just saw a Chinese proverb: "Words but not true" meaning people who give their word that they will do something, but know at the time that they aren't going to follow through, but just want the other person to believe that they will. I see this as neglect. "You are an insignificant nothing that I don't even have to be bothered with, and I like to see you squirm like a worm when you are upset that I let you down."
My neighbor did that to me twice, INITIATING lunch plans only to break them at the very last minute without any follow through. Next time I saw her, I completely IGNORED her thus ending the neglectful behavior. Sadly, I didn’t know where she was coming from ... now she can wonder where I’m coming from.
I've noticed that a lot of the women who make these videos on narc abuse are very attractive. Seems like narcs wanna go after attractive people to ruin not only their life, but their looks as well.
Everything you mentioned is 100% accurate. Not only was I neglected but more neglected was our kids! I lost any self worth I had. I suffered from very low self esteem because his subtle and smart mouth statements did me in! Well, I'd like to inform you that after 32 years of marriage, my divorce was final eight months ago. I finally was able to move away from our home just last week into my own place. Thank God I made it out. He knew it was over even before I actually filed for divorce. Then all of a sudden he started pretending to act with sense but I wasn't fooled by his tactics. I told him it was over and that I'd given 30 years of my life and when I leave I'm not going back! He was a minister of a church for most of our marriage and this is what confuse the hell out of me. Shameful, the man of the cloth! 👀🤯 was a wolf in sheep's clothing!
every religious person I have ever met was a covert narcissist, of every religion, they are the biggest liars and hypocrites of all. I’m glad you got away.
Lovely Libran 1717 your story resonated with me. Congrats on your escape. I trust you will get the healing required after leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship.
I was a normal, successful functioning person until I fell in love with a narc. She reeled me in with love and affection, even praise. She told me she’d never met anyone as wonderful as me. Then over a five year period she systematically broke me down and sucked every bit of confidence out of me. All this time I was running around, answering her every call. If I tried to back away she would call another phone, call a family member, call my work phone until she got me and had me apologising for neglecting her. By the end I felt completely worthless and now..... 5 years later, I’m still working hard at repairing myself and videos like this get me through the low times. I haven’t been able to form another relationship because my confidence is still shot.
Right I left after 9 months I realized that this sickness could kill someone I feel hopeless and I don't want to date anyone I pray something he get hurt...I was so energetic before his fat ass came my way....why
You deserve a lot of credit actually because I know some guys or women who put up with 15 or 20 years of this crap. Thank God your life is not wasted like that. Good on you!
This is how he got me. My mother did it too. I couldn't care less now if he lives or dies. I am more angry with myself for being a fool. The truth is he was always an ignorant emotionally stunted pathetic waste of my time. On to better things!!
Be prepared if you get sick or injured they can care less about you! My narcissist took a vacation with her friends to Mexico. For three weeks right after I had surgery and needed help with everything! What baffled me is her friends didn't see this as odd at all ! All I can say is don't let there actions bring you down, be strong and rise above these parasites!
Yes! Be prepared , getting sick or breaking a bone .. they just leave you to get on with it... mine also left me on my own after I fractured my ankle, went overseas.
Just leave and stay gone! Fall off the radar and never talk to them ever again when they come back. They will come back. Just know when they were gone they were sharing themselves with someone else. No Contact
@@Erik7prc yes, i already did two years ago and had a relapse one year ago. It took this long to be somewhat ok again, so i'm all for preventing relapses after NC because it is THAT much worse
After I learned that their neglect was really a blessing in disguise, I learned to use it to my advantage. His "neglect" gave me time and helped set even more distance away from the situation.
That's how I'm seeing it now. God is just preparing me how to content with it just being me and our 3 children, which I've basically been a single parent the whole 9 yrs of marriage. It doesn't bother me much as of a week ago but I don't appreciate how it's affecting my Littles.
They are the ones that are “too sensitive” that’s why they create their false grandiose personas to cope. And how about when you say “No” to them and they throw their tantrums? Now who’s over reacting? Walk away and save yourself.
Joseph in the Old Testament was neglected-- a lot. He was neglected-- by all his brothers, by the butler and the baker. And in the end he said, Genesis 50:20, 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
i just came out of the narcissistic darkness 3 years ago. how many other people have come out of the darkness in the last few years? seems like knowledge of this evil is going critical mass.
My mother neglected me. She gave me the silent treatment. She was also physically abusive as well as mentally abusive. These people are evil and we should all escape as soon as possible, never to return.
Yes, neglect is harder to confront because it’s a lack. I believe it’s more damaging than explicit abuse because it can make you feel like you don’t exist.
Spot on Jill. It’s so true. I’m working on my trauma bonds after 31 years of living with a narcissist. He’s crumbing me at the moment because he knows I have one foot out the door. Looking back I think about sitting in restaurants and he would be in his phone, preferring to go out with his ‘fun friends’ and leaving me at home. Definitely felt unseen and unheard. Thank you for making this video Jill xx
Every time my mum does this...I always wonder what I did wrong. Then do more service to try & make her “happy” again. I’ll exhaust myself physically & mentally. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to unlearn this irrational people pleasing behaviour. I’ll not see friends or do what I want because I need to “make up for” whatever mistake or slight I caused. Now I’m realising this is very effective in getting me to fall into line.
I completely agree with everything you have said here. Exactly what happened to me for over 30 yrs of a so-called marriage. We finally divorced after I found out he was seeing another woman which was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am now starting to understand and recover.
So true! I never knew my ex was a narcissist until recently.... I’m so happy he asked me for a divorce, I was at my wits’ end, and my daughter was urging me to leave. I’m so blessed and thankful that I’m out.
THIS video is exactly correct! And then watch them become enraged when you start to fight this paradigm that they give nothing and you give everything. They are slave owners. Get out, escape and be free and happy!! Life is too short to be miserable with a partner... its not love!!
Please make a video about neglect that children and adult children of narcissists experience. I'm an adult child of a narcissist and neglect has been a tool that my mother and family members have used to make me more dependent on them. I"ve since moved out and wondered why she and the rest of them would avoid helping me when they saw how hard I was working and how much I was struggling medically and financially and now I can see it was to keep me in their grasp so that I could be my mother's servant.
Ignored my intuition for 7 years, trauma bonded to the max, never reciprocated unconditional love. Im broken, my brain and body are broken from psychological abuse, his family and friends telling me im crazy/jealous....but he's a cheater and they defend him, saying i drove him away w my jealousy....yeah ok NO - his unfaithfulness is NOT my responsibility!!!
Yeah, my husband of 20 years stopped taking my phone calls and stopped responding to texts. He worked with his brother and his brother's wife. One night there was a bunch of us hanging out and his brother's wife said "I always know where to find "narc", he's always got music playing". I asked "from his phone?" She said yeah, why? I said "Because he told me he never has his phone on him at work, that's why he doesn't answer my calls or texts". So, he did always have his phone on him. So, I confronted him about it right then and there. He turned around and called me Crazy. Right in front of everybody. All of us were just stunned and shocked, he was screaming at me. Then his dumb brother steps in and says "He doesn't ever have his phone on him!" Then why did your wife just tell me she knows where to find him bc he's always playing music thru his phone?
My narc ex never called me names or physically hurt me, but he neglected me so badly. He would be like 'I need your help' and I'd perk up thinking 'finally he wants me for something.' Then he's say something like 'Should I have soup or chicken for dinner.' Then he'd go back to not talking to me. He'd listen but he never really had anything to add ever. He said it was because he's introverted. Whenever I mentioned spending time together it was 'whatever you want'. He never initiated anything for us. He just did whatever he wanted. I printed off lots of photos of me to put around his house so he didn't forget I existed. I made sure there was one which had his dog in it so that he would actually put it up, because he loved his dog and gave her all the attention.
Unfortunately church families can be the worst offenders. In my case growing up the church was a way my mom kept her religious arguing up with my Dad for my life with them..about fifty three years total. It just recently came to an end over the last two years because both of them died. My experience was, it was brutal. I can remember being about five sitting between my mom and Dad in the pickup (1970ish) while they argued because dad took some Jehovah's Witness pamphlets out if curiosity. That battling went on my whole life during the times I interacted with them. Find your own center and faith. You'll be okay if you do that. 😘
Even more especially when I have ONLY 1 close, living, relative (my mom) that is 84 and has a stroke. Just this year, I FINALLY got him! He stole and somehow REDEEMED MY $10,000 BOND! But, HOW? 😳 The only people that can cash it has to be on it. So, that's my mom and me. The signature kinda looks like mine, but the writing is small and I usually sign in print or cursive MY middle initial-it's NOT there! The big one, there's NO CERTIFYING OFFICER'S information. Those 3 rows are on the back are blank. I can go on and on, but his LIES are CONTRADICTING my truth. Our case is so bad, NO attorney wanted it; especially me. I'm Pro Se on this case since 2016. It took 4 years to get this copy, I made a police report, my mom and I have 2 claims here for repayment, and even The Treasury forgot what they said. A letter went to my mom's and I noticed something. It said, if NO CLAIM IS MADE WITHIN 10 YEARS OF THE PAYMENT DATE, then they "assume" it was properly paid. Did you see it? This was redeemed on 3/1/11 😳 10 years ends 3/1/21 I'm gonna get Social Security, the FBI, and maybe DHS cuz The Treasury can't remember their lies. I'm on SSI for mental illness, and my mom too cuz she's a widow of a Veteran (my dad). I die more everyday. He took MY bond, got SOLE CUSTODY of our daughters, doesn't want mediation, and, he replaced me with his mommy! I lost my marriage, kids, motherhood, mind, and almost MY LIFE! 😠 It's a bloody mess. He or the bank needs accountability! My kids now are stealing things from my mom and me. And, THIS IS NOT OKAY. 👌 Any more advice? Something's gotta give.
The unfortunate thing is that this lasted seven long years and it took me that long to notice and fully understand. Now, what remains is pain and anguish that will take months, if not years to disappear or heal.
Omg I just realized my bf is a narcissist two days ago. You put the 'icing on the cake' with your explanation of neglect. THANK YOU! I've been having a long distant relationship for six years. He came to see me a total of maybe ten times. I would wait a whole year to see him. We never met each others children, never spent any holidays or birthdays together, never received any gifts or cards. His last visit (last week) was a real eye opener. His true self started seeping out. His rudeness and disregard for workers safety(no mask) at a restaurant, his impatience and arrogance at my doctors visit, his pretending to not know what I was referring to when I mentioned something he needed to do. He was rude to me on the phone and hung up on me. He always made the excuse that he was busy. He love bombed me in the beginning. Then pretty much neglected me the whole six years. He was always vague with his past life and if I asked about what he was doing and there were never any concrete plans made for the future. Right now I'm doing what was instructed when you learn you are dating a narcissist. RUN FOR THE HILLS! NO CONTACT!
Going no contact doesnt work... It's called running away from a life lesson ..dealing with a narcissist has a void just like any other person....you can deal with a narcissist without going no contact completely. You gotta stop CARING so much about what they think...its idol worship. Stop it and start loving yourself
@@PerfectlySpicy There are no victims, learn from the mistake , love yourself more, stop re-living the hurt and move on. Narcissists arent as smart as u think. Theyre only as smart you ALLOW them to be.
@@PerfectlySpicy They are counterfeit never originators....but you must pay attention, mostly scammers are looking for vulnerability . Stop giving so much so quickly. Most narcissist move very quickly and smother.
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For people shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, (fake goodness) but denying the power (denying the truth) thereof: FROM SUCH TURN AWAY." 2 Timothy 3:1-5
I remember always wanting more after every crumb he gave me.. and he’d have the “wasn’t that good enough” mindset.. like he did one small thing a day and expected me to be quiet and be satisfied. He made me feel like nobody in his life ever wanted as much as I ever did. he made me feel so hard to love.. it was always a waiting game with him. “I’ll do better tomorrow”. It was all about his convenience as well. He’d always compare to others, like others are worse to their s/o, whenever I brought up “please be nicer” “please do more”. He was so difficult with everything. It seemed like every time it felt like it was getting better, it just got bad again. He was also extremely moody. All the shady things he did and said behind my back.. plus the neglect. He portrayed me as a bully and unstable. Omg it’s soul crushing.
I just brought this up,,what if your parents are both narcs who neglect you as the scapegoat??basically my sister the oldest they spend tons of time with but with me they ignore,,,I was the middle child,the empath of the family....I've had this argument with people who have blamed me for going no contact,,,but I can't live my life chasing people who only want to ignore me or make me feel like I don't deserve their attention....no contact is the only way to heal from people like this,,,because otherwise you will always be at their whims at the moment ..these beings are demons in human bodies,,,,I bought a sphynx cat,,best friend I have ever had,,,I will never deal with their neglect again and making me feel bad for wanting to be loved and love
I am so glad you are here. It gives me vindication and validation. He does the "Neglect" tool all the time. I am supposed to rub him all the time and he never ruubs me. His set of standards for how I treat him are far higher than how he feels he needs to treat me. I dont deserve any love. I should never cheat but he will never give me love. He leaves me soooo lonely. Goes and experiences life without me. Just leaves me stuck in a room, like being in jail. Then berates me for not being "On" or "Hapoy". Like there is something wrong with me. Not like it is his behavior and treatment of me making me feel awful. Implying I just feel awful. It is all something wrong with me. It is crazy! I am surprised I have not gone crazy. I have been cut off from EVERYONE I had. I have nothing now. At least I am waking up. I can only pray one day I will be able to feel hope for the future. I tried so hard..... Thank you for your videos. They really do help. He almost had me convinced that he wasn't a narcissist, it was his parents. He wanted to be more. I was so foolish to believe it. I had a chance at happiness and I chose loyalty. So stupid!!!!
For yrs I felt alone in my marriage. When i told my narc my feelings he just blamed me back saying he lost self-esteem because of my complainings while he never made any single effort not even inviting me to a restaurant.
Neglect was by far the worst form of abuse that I ever experienced. The gaslighting afterwards that they didn’t know how they hurt me was too much for my nervous system. I refer to this as worthlessness programming. Thank you Jill. ❤
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this. It sent chills down my spine as it sounded word for word like an accurate reflection of my own experience. The tactics, the doubts, the desperation, confusion, the deterioration in your own confidence and self respect. And what made me choke up with tears was the reminder of the emotional torture and permanent damage this has caused me. In less than 7 hours from now, I’m due to sit down to yet another of dozens of “let’s make peace” talks with my beautiful unicorn manipulative narcissist. I haven’t slept, or eaten, I have just been preparing dozens of pages of “presentations” trying to figure out a way to finally make them happy. And make them stop the neglect. It’s clear I am wasting my time, and I should tear up the rule book. Because no matter how careful I am, they will simply change the rules of the game and yet again declare me non-compliant. There’s no happy ending. There will be no peace and no truce. The only way out, is to get out. Right now. Thank you for driving this home so perfectly and clearly. Much respect.
Wow! You're right, it was the most hurtful, damaging to our marriage. I never thought of it as neglect until I saw this video. He totally neglected me. He used to work out of town alot and wouldn't call me when he said he would-ALL THE TIME, and just like you said, he said I was being too sensitive, he was purposely trying to upset me. It worked. There must have been thousands of times he wouldn't follow through with what he said. I was so crushed over it. It caullesed my heart to where I didn't want to be around him anymore, I am now in the process of divorce.
When you ask God to open your eyes, YOU better be ready for the truth, that has & will set you free...no more bondage. He will heal a broken 💔 and bind up its wound.
I have only recently realised I am living with a narcissist. And what I have become accustomed to is far from normal. I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what it was. Knowing this now gives me some relief and most importantly validation. 'My' narc seldomly even makes eye contact with me. When we go out, he deliberately looks to make eye contact with people and smiles and then talks with them most of the time while I sit there and witness the conversation he has with different people (especially waitresses). I am just 'there'. So harmful to my self esteem...
One day I told the ex-Narc that he was weird, he quipped back that he was “eccentric.” Nah, turns out he was just some robotic and subhuman subspecies programmed to intentionally inflict confusion and pain. They are a waste of time.
2JOHNNYT I agree. Sadly, he’s avoiding all INTIMACY!! Even tho they live together he’s letting her know big time that he’s got nothing to give her along with any affection ... so cruel.
My college roommate Karen was suicidal, chronically anxious about her grades (she graduated with honors), and terrified that she would not pass boards and get her professional license. She turned to family, college therapists, friends and church members to help her, no one seemed to understand. Twenty five years later, I finally get it....Her neglectfully narcissistic, emotionally unavailable husband was the culprit.Karen was a sweet, kind empath. She gave me valuable advise, saving me from destructive relationships on three different occasions. But she wasn't able to save herself, next month will mark the 20th anniversary of her death.
@@spacegirl226 Glad to be of service. I'm a root cause kinda guy and the self-absorltion and OCD control reflex we observe in narcissism are effects. I'm convinced there is a metabolic component. Too much iron in the body triggers danger censor proteins in cells. The iron oxidizes tissues, including in the nervous system and the brain. Fe-ar in the cells upregulates the Fe-ar response in the human. This drains blood from the pre-frontal cortex and the people that triggered their Fe-ar mechanism are deemed to be attacking lions. There is no reasoning with people in that state. Reason and logic == assault on their very being. They want to avoid Fe-ar / insecurity, meaning they get what they want (no room to think a out you) *or else.* Avoid iron filing fortified foolds. They are toxic. Hemodilution during pregnancy is desired -- the healthiest babies are from mothers who have hemoglobin in the 8.5-9.0 range. The doctors want to load up Momma and Baby with toxic iron due to their training. But Baby has a miniature vasculature system and requires diluted blood to optimally flow through it Look up the free Root Cause Protocol. I believe the evidence shows that iron overload / bio-copper deficiency create narcissism. Bio-copper regulates iron. In 1958, 30 schizophrenic were given one injection of ceruloplasmin-bound copper (bio-available copper). 13 had complete and total remission. Another 13 significantly improved. The same researchers dose rhesus monkeys up with LSD... and injected bio-copper into them. They sobered up very quickly. It is illegal to inject ceruloplasmin into humans now -- it blows up the business model. Ceruloplasmin translates to blueblood. Perhaps the Blue Blood Royals know something they don't want us to know.
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s not something that gets talked about much but is such a big part of the psychological damage that gets done. It is a relief to hear you say the neglect is intentional, I thought it was but have had so much self doubt. I was reduced to expecting nothing from my ex covert narc husband, while I knocked myself out doing everything for him. Then the triangulation started when he was doing the things he knew I would have liked from him for the new supply. When I got annoyed about it I was blamed for being “too sensitive”, “reading too much into it”, “overthinking things”, until he discarded me for her. This video really helped me understand better and take a step closer to healing. 💜 PS: love your puppy’s superman outfit 😻
I am wondering if you can share insight on your marriage because I am also married to a covert narc...which (in my opinion) are the worst kind because they are so cunning and under the radar that you don’t see the manipulation coming. When you finally wake up to it you feel extreme anguish and resentment. You can see the manipulation and grandiosity with overt narcs more easily. I would leave my narc husband right away without hesitation but I know that he would get joint custody of our children and I refuse to allow that. I can and do correct his behavior with them because I am present. I can’t imagine the psychological abuse they would suffer if I were not around. Did you leave your ex or were you discarded? I feel that mine is discarding me but trying almost everything possible to get me to divorce him so that he looks like the victim. What was your narc’s involvement with the children after the divorce (if you have any).
-How to defend yourself against a narcissist - 1st rule. Defense is weak when you are fighting a parasite. What you need to adopt is “counter offense “ tactics. Ironically the narc uses neglect as a control measure. Their greatest weakness is feeling ignored and/or irrelevant. It’s hard to control your impulses to thrash around trying to get their attention and make them behave like an adult. Especially when you’ve been abused for a long period of time. It’s natural to want to fight for yourself. HOWEVER ... a head to head conflict will always leave you exhausted and beaten down. Narcissistic behavior and tactics are as easy as breathing for them. Arguing ceaselessly and gaslighting etc doesn’t tire them out. It’s their pathology and is almost totally automated. We on the other hand get utterly worn down and senselessly battered. If you want to fight.. if you want to win... ignore them. Grit your teeth. Scream into a pillow. But IGNORE them. If they don’t exist to you... guess what ? They don’t exist to THEMSELVES either. They are a shell. Parasitic organisms REQUIRE a host. They have no defence against their own emptiness mirrored back to them. Best part is... you beat them, but you are not actually DOING anything. In fact you’re focusing on yourself and getting your life back together. So in the same action you are healing and moving forward while simultaneously obliterating them. AND you keep you’re morality. Score one for the good guys.
icnohelp :-) Thanks. Sadly it’s a principle from the ‘Art of War’ that I have adapted and used in my struggle to save my own life inside of a narcissistic relationship. “ Find your enemy’s weakness and exploit it. Do not fight fair. “ They are bestial in their savagery. They may not be brilliant, but they are instinctively cunning and extremely dangerous. They are limited just as a wild animal is limited. We would not square off with a giant predator. We’d use our human intellect as would a big game hunter-if you’ll excuse the crude metaphor.
Thank you for covering this tactic of abuse. It validates 💯 what I have lived through my entire life 41 yrs. My father is also a malignant narcissist and neglect is how he de-values me over and over again. He has convinced me he loves me because he says it and is very charming with the lovebombing but there’s no action behind his words. I see through all the manipulation now but it has damaged me badly.
This neglect conditioning is exactly what I experienced. I’m still processing the reality that I was being groomed the whole time. It’s almost unbelievable. Thank you for your videos. It helps tremendously to hear you explain the psychological abuse I experienced.
Loved this...I was married to a narcissist for 32. Years...he left 20 years ago after giving me 4 hours notice and barely speaking to me for 20 years! i didnt work it all out until about 10 years ago when I found the web sights on narcissism...it was amazing..i finally understood! And yes..neglect was his modus operandi...I'm ok now ..well and happy on my own..3 lovely children and grandchildren...thank you for this video..
I live with a roommate who is 100 percent a narc. This video says it all. My roommate makes 5,000 dollars a month and won't connect the pipes to have flushing toilets.Can you believe that one? I think it's a slap in the face. Their are many other things also. All I can say is GET OUT! They will not change and it may become worse. Blessings to you all, Renee from California
20yr relationship. After a couple years the neglect started in. I am slowly waking up. It took her devaluation in front of me while she flirted with a stranger in front of me at the bar. She got a couple drinks in her and i no longer existed. I confronted her about it and she denied it happened.....
I saw pure narcissism in a case and made tons of exposing videos to help people see in detail what it looks like when it's happening. I'd luv for you to see some of them.
I'm in a narcissistic abusive marriage this is the 3rd time he left, but the longest he left. He left a few day's before and now it's going on a month. He just told me he's not paying rent anymore it's just overwhelming. His family doesn't speak to me and supports him. He's staying at his mother's. It's hard for me to get out of bed most days I'm depressed and having severe anxiety now. I made an appointment with psychologist because I'm missing too much work and not eating
I used to get after questioning this: “don’t you love me?” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “You’re very needy” “You’re a jealous person.” “You’re controlling.”
EXCELLENT VIDEO !! ... Yes with a Narcissist you are on a never ending 'hampster wheel' ... they will drive you crazy, and break you down over time ! You try to please them but you never will. They take all your energy, and you will never please them !
Oh my goodness! My life for 34 years. I heard. What do you want for your birthday if you think you deserve anything? I won't wish you a happy mother's day because you aren't my mother! He called his sisters for mother's day. I am not going to support you through your pregnancy! On and on it went! I was married to this monster for 34 years
It is very emotionally damaging. I dated an overt that would give me temporary silent treatments. But the covert I had been seeing last year, took the cake. He purposely ghosted me 2 days prior to my birthday for 5 weeks. Came back for 2weeks then randomly re-ghosted me for 2months, up until I found out what he had been hiding that I cut him off completely. I still feel embarrassment for tolerating it because I genuinely thought that something had happened to him (we were long-distance). Only to find out he was purposely ignoring me to get his ego stroke of having me stressed over him, while he was laid up with another woman. He gave me severe anxiety that affected me physically too those 5months.
My best friend who lived with me used me to do their collage work to get them into uni and lived with me and never paid a penny, has done this to me constantly. He’s currently going through a silent treatment stint with a daily couple of messages to keep me on the hook. I feel destroyed and desperate for his attention. It’s like I worship him and hate him at the same time. I’m such a confident person but I’m now to scared to even challenge them. It took me a month to build up the courage to ask him to leave my home as he was just treating it like a hostel and not speaking to me and bring “new sources” around while not speaking to me. Everything is my fault, I’m not allowed to challenge or ask him questions. He’s stopped watching films with me and chilling together (we were super super close) ha. I fee stupid. I’m so confused and pained by all this. I feel like giving up. I try to get things back to how we were but it seems to just strength his resolve to treat me worse. I don’t know what to do anymore 😓😥
Thanks all. I’ve not spoken to him or seen him for 8 months. Turns out he’s done this a lot. He knows he’s a narcissist and had no remorse I spent 5 months in therapy and four months off work because him. I’m healing ❤️🩹 and doing much better. So says it still hits me but there getting less and less.
When my friends or family were over, he d make sure to be gregarious, charming, making blender drinks for my girlfriends....do the cleaning up so I could relax. .and they'd say "you are so lucky"... I'd want to cry....I was ashamed to tell them he never engaged in conversation with me, never talked with me, etc....I felt that was a judgment on me being boring, unattractive, dull....NONE of that was true....but he convinced me it was...not in words, by avoidance and neglect......I wish I had known what covert narcissism was decades ago. So.much of my life wasted
Thank you Jill. Neglect is indeed a tactic of abuse. To be neglected is to be marginalised as not worthy and any protestation an opportunity to intensify this form of abuse. Through neglect one is not only relegated to a condition of 'bare life' but the victim is required by the narcissist to self validate this condition, since any protestation will inevitably be met with accusations of extreme need as a means to deny the legitimacy of requiring fundamental and authentic care. Also, I think your highlighting the concept of neglect is important, because the understanding of it is fundamental to recovery, since acknowledging it to oneself requires a level of self care powerful enough to be an antidote to the neglect. Consider this: Five years with a regular (in gay terms a casual 'fuck buddy' ). Here in Melbourne, Australia atm we are in week 7 of what will eventually be a 10 week lockdown. Three weeks ago the state premier clarified the regulations regarding contacts between what he termed 'intimate partners' thereby making a clear distinction from the already articulated rules for people in 'relationships' but living apart. When I contacted my 'regular' and cheerfully communicated that we could visit each other, he said that he did't want to risk getting a $1,600 fine for breaking lockdown rules. I replied, no, you will not be fined for visiting me. The conversation ended with me asking him to check the rules just clarified in print. That was 3 weeks ago and zero contact from him. The stumbling block to resuming contact during lockdown ,I think, is his not wanting to acknowledge the existence of my being an 'intimate partner'. In the past he has described our 5 year weekly contacts as casual which by his definition ( on his terms) means no mutual obligations responsibilities etc. I insisted that the premier in clarifying the rules was using the term 'intimate partner' to avoid using the word 'sex'. I also indicated that visitations could not exclude risk (which I was obviously prepared to take, and that people in relationships but living apart were invariably taking). I made it clear that we would both need to accept the fact of this risk. I would absolutely accept his right to not take any risks, but he has not communicated this ie. he has neglected me. After watching your video I am now understanding that I am a victim of his neglect and after 3 weeks feel that it will continue until the end of this lockdown. It has been extremely tough being in lockdown here in Melbourne, particularly so since there is no real end in sight and we have only had a 2 week respite since March!. When the lockdown ends and contacts are broadened in general I suspect he will seek to resume contact, since there will no longer be the requirement of defining me as an 'intimate partner'. The task ahead of me is if or not following this period of neglect (this being the latest but particularly painful example) I should simply resume contact. This current period of neglect suggests to me that I should not, since I would still be taking a risk, and I no longer think he is worth taking it for.
I am worthless to my parents, to the guys who said they love me. I am worthless to friends, family, and community members who keep feeding me with toxic positivity, they try their best to keep me stay in abusive relationships. It's very sad when I realized I must protect myself from the people who are supposed to protect me. I never felt safe a day in my life. I am that worthless to them, and now to start self care and self love feels like I am against how the world works around me.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation.. Don't believe that you really are worthless (I don't think people who treat you with no respect genuinly see anybody's worth.) Good luck to you
Please remember that you are “worthy. You are loved. You are enough! You are valuable, amazing. Always be your beautiful self. Stay strong. I understand your pain.
The truth is they are crap and they know they’re worthless crap. Listen, if you never believe anything more right now, understand this, that you are DEFINED by God! Design your OWN lifestyle of love, worth and virtue that is intentional, not this junk coming from a bunch of neglectful disrespectful lowlifes. YOU are defined by God. Amen🌈
When a narcissist comes into our life, that is one of our biggest tests and lessons you see.. They teach us how to have , self-love. Self confidence. self-respect . Things that your soul craves when we give our power away.. the longer it takes us to see that we are the love that we need. They will never stop showing up in different relationships ,not until we can respect ourselves at all times and see the power your light within that darkness want to dim . know that you are worthy and you won't be played. The quicker we learn that we are more than enough that we are divine feminine as well as masculine when we live our truth we will no longer be used . Speak up for you just say no
This woman sure has hit the nail on the head. She is spot on! This is EXACTLY what happened to me!! The only fix for a narcissist is to Run, don't walk away! I do feel sorry for them, but only from a distance.......
my jaw dropped at how accurately you described my experience with my narcissistic dad and narcissistic boyfriend!! I didn't know what I was dealing with at the time. I just knew I was mad for being treated like this but at the same time doubted myself that maybe I shouldn't be this mad and overreact! maybe I should calm down and let it slide! now I know!!!!!!
Amen!!! I have been through this with my narcissistic husband, whom I am separated from, many times. Its soooo painful! Thank you for this video....so well put, as usual. It gave me validation and confirmation. Thank you!😊💖
Good video My case was a little different though. No one ever built me up , they pretty much just ignored me from the start Fine with me I'm a Christian, and my family is all around, even though I may may not make direct contact with them Neglect? It's all the world does to those who speak the truth, as well as persecute them at the same times
Thank You... you are 100% on point. This happened to me in the workplace. The abuse cause me to end up in a mental hospital. Never before had this ever happened in my entire career. I wish I could tell my Story. Thankfully I am recovering and Got Help with boundaries and more. The wounds are still scaring but healing.😔😥
Oh. my. godddd!!! Finally. This is exactly who my ex narc was. I’ve watched hundreds of video on narcissists because I am so traumatized by her still. But she never fit the overt narcissist description or even the covert narcissist. She is a sub-type of covert narcissist. She is a NEGLECTFUL narcissist. She love bombed me so hard 2x and both times after the love bombing was over she slowly starved me of her “love”. She predated on my insecurities and my vulnerabilities and she exploited them masterfully. It was love on my end, not hers. Fewer texts, fewer social media responses, little to no kissing, no physical touch, little to no sex as time went on....the pain that I felt then and now are so excruciating and crippling that it’s difficult to convey. Narcissist don’t break hearts, they snatch souls and sap energy and light from your existence. I’m so glad I found this video.
He tells me hes having it so rough that's the reason he didnt do anything special for my birthday also said I pushed myself on him and after 12 years on and off hamster wheel ,he said he told me first the start he never cared about me.
My wife is a narcissist found out 1 mouth ago about narcissism “WOW” I new something was amiss but €*T and I have a 7 year old daughter! She saw her mother break her father’s arm! 2 weeks ago and been (NEGLECTED) ever since. Pure evil. God help us all & help them
End this relationship for you and for your daughter. This poisoining ! Be strong and and go for what is right ! You feel that in your heart when you are honnest. Yes you can!
It’s hard for me to think of it as intentional because they seem to me to be incapable of thinking past their own dependency needs. They’re so enthralled with themselves that they would seem oblivious to thinking they had hurt anyone’s feelings by their omnipotent actions.
I experienced this for several years after a trauma trigger to my husband in the death of his dad. His actions toward me and our children literally caused so much hurt and trauma in my it caused physical pain in my nerve endings under my skin. Three years ago with the unplanned discard he abducted and kidnapped both of our daughters adding to this heap of emotional trauma. His social media says he doesn’t regret any of it he’s happy and wouldn’t change a thing. Our daughters alienated and estranged from me for over three years.
Perhaps the most insidious is the emotional neglect. No compliments, no effort to understand you, no emotional support when you are hurting, and of course no empathy of any kind. My heart has never felt so neglected. But I kept hoping to be seen, to be validated, to be looked at in a way that says I feel you. But, of course that never happened. :(
Yes, I experience exactly that with my partner. He cannot say one good thing about me. When someone says something good about me, he either says nothing or disagrees somewhat. I also get no emotional support at all. He usually tells me to get over it.
This is how my mother has always treated me, she seems to know no other way. I then had a boss for 10 years who was like that, and more recently a sibling has become more and more like this.
It was extremely painful, but I could not walk away, I still had feelings... or traumabond.
But now I've outgrown this, I feel strong and safe. I can watch her now from an emotional distant...
I didnt get anything out of this relationship...it was not fair and it was not my fault at all.
I study her behaviour like a test/ experiment and I learn a lot. I started my life again.
Exactly. I feel you, that really hurts to be treated like you've never existed and never had a relationship with that person. But, Jesus Christ helped me through this process and I know he can help you too. He lead me to videos and information I needed to get to where I am now. Still healing, but safe and getting my life back together. You hang in there, trust the process and thank God you made it thos far. God bless you and take care..
Sounds like my childhood. I've been healing by giving my little sELFS inside Space to run around
All of this time I’ve called neglect “withdrawal of affection”. It’s emotional abuse. That’s truth!!
Yes it’s called emotional starvation I just learned worst kind of narcissist abuse, equivalent to murder, Dr. Ramani mine has done it for 14 years 7 with two kids
Withdrawal of affection - that is the perfect description. Thank you. Giving my experience a name helps
@@hopefoster2419❤so terrible
After 32 years of this BS I finally got out from under this truck, he told me it was all a case of mind over matter, he didn’t mind and I didn’t matter. Aged 63 I’m out of here. Now he’s running in circles wondering who this strange woman is . I’m done. I’m gone.
Once you realise what’s going on with a narcissist , blank them and get a new relationship. As they are completely mad !
Horrible 👹
That shows little understanding of trauma bonding.
Neglect and rejection. A deadly combo.
Thankfully I didn’t commit suicide he made me so invisible, hurt, worthless, inconvenient. He had me so exhausted and confused just trying to be what he wanted me to be.
It’s hypnotic and cruel and destroys people. It’s got to be one of the worst things I’ve experienced ever. 🤯
@@jennywager6228 Totally get your experience. I was suicidal before I got out of a 35 year nightmare.
I did a study on the opposite of Love and it's not hate. It's neglect. Well said, great video!
Interesting . NEGLECT I was my whole life. WHERE IS LOVE??
Neglected by both parents due to their mental illness, alcoholism and narcissism. As the oldest I was expected to care for the family. My Dad treated me like crap and I’ve come to realize that my sisters treat me the same way he does. He taught them how to treat me and I’ve allowed it. Time to move on to a better life. I’m so thankful to my friends who care about me, who see me and I’m thankful for my husband who has taught me what it is to be loved!
NEGLECT, spot on the most effective tactic of all in the Narcissist bag. Neglect of the absolute basics, if that is your gauge then it is a point from which to measure, Jill you have perfectly described how neglect reduces the human victim to a puddle of their former self. Away from a string of Narcissist abusers starting with a very ridge, cold mother I take care of myself now. I have my own little flat, pamper myself like the Queen (I'm British), have regular dental treatments, medical checks, manicure/pedicure, hair treatments, go the places I want, buy books, undertake courses and write. The sun is filtering through the large oak tree just outside my window and there are puffs of warm air coming to cool. It was hard, hard work on myself but eventually you make it with a knowing smile on your face. All this from literally being starved and holed up on a Turkish mountainside by a maniac and his family. Be kind, be careful and trust yourself like no other.
I'm American & admire your resilience . I can tell you've survived and broken the chain of Narc generations. Keep enjoying the sun filtering thru the oak tree. You're like that tree very strong. ❤
Hearing that is intentional is a massive eye opener for me
This part has been the worst for me. I’m normally very gregarious and loving. Boy did he snuff that out. No affection, no love, no sex, no attention unless negative. They are invidious evil monsters. I’m done, Im out soon!!!!
I'm at the point,too. 9 yrs married, 3 small kids, mom just died 2 weeks before my bday in September and the abuse got 10 times worse and consistent. But in turn God has me on a spiritual journey and my eyes are open completely to the cues and tactics. He can't handle me as much but I'm leaving for my children and my mental health and safety. He's shown me there will be no change. No more being a codependent.
This was overwhelming confirmation. Everything I have been experiencing, 110%. The toxic man I was involved with for years! was hands down the biggest mistake of my life. A true predator in sheeps clothing. A psychologically conflicted vampire. Even the covert ones. It is hard to believe these people are in the human race.
Goes all the way back to Genesis 3:15. They are the seed of the serpent. We are the seed of the woman. The seedline skips around in families. In my family, my paternal grandparents were empathic and kind (seed of the woman). My mother was a covert malignant narc (serpent seed) and my dad her enabler. I'm the oldest and the Family Scapegoat. My younger narc brother is the Golden Child. My own daughter (at age 20) seems to have a lot of narc qualities but I'm praying for her every day. Sometimes I think I see a spark of life in her so I haven't lost hope yet.
"The wicked are estranged from the womb;
They go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies.
Their poison is like the poison of a serpent;
They are like the deaf cobra that stops its ear,
Which will not heed the voice of charmers,
Charming ever so skillfully." Psalm 58:3-5
@@reesedaniel5835 thank you for sharing this ❤️
They are no people with a warm sole, they cant say sorry, they never look back on their behavoir, they are hartless ! Do not forget they play the whole time theire whole life to hide their (onzekerheid) onsureness.
I had several with this videos I am praying no more
The Silent Treatment imposed on me by my mother was DEADLY !!. I know she knows the power of this, and pain it causes, but it's the best tool in the box. She still does it today as a strategy of control. It hurt me to the core, and has deeply affected how i feel about myself. The entire family has suffered as a consequence. I have spent my life trying to make things right, and always gave unconditional love. I have finally confronted this situated with love, honesty and truthfulness. The response was angry bitterness, lies and deception. The guilt is beginning to subside, and I am getting my life back. I believe in myself, and no longer give credibility to the words and actions of the narcissist. It's harsh, because if a narcissist cant control you, they will covertly control how others think of you. How is that for revenge? There is no option but to distance and not engage. It hurts me terribly to do this but there is really no other option that will protect my self worth. I have lived a life of depression and anxiety until now, and I finally realize how abusive the narcissistic treatment from a parent can be. Protect yourself. You matter !!
Your experience sounds identical to mine. At 51, i am living on other side of country, and still find hurtful comments and judgements from other family members who listen to her but never bother asking me. Still hurts. I feel as though ive been an orphan. I won't be safe until she finally passes. I just cant be around her. Its so painful to be harmed by someone whose love you needd so much.
I had a coworker who I felt was a narc for many years, she tried her best to keep me from better positions but when I finally was higher up in management than her, that killed her. In the third month of the covid pandemic when I had to report a safety issue, she gave me the silent treatment for over a month and I loved it! I realize that they hate to be ignored and so they mistakenly think so does everyone else. She got to the point where she tried to cause a physical confrontation and I was blessed to be able to get out of the company within a week afterward due to being a high risk worker. Even negative attention for them is better than no contact. Looking back I can see how the covid brought out her worst of the worst and am seeing this happen among many people. They say that hard times show a person's true character!
Yes! You matter!
I can identify fully. I will pry for you friend! Im going through the same thing. Jesus is giving me peace. Also on utube go to channels....amazing discoveries africa and amazing facts with pastor doug. Studying Gods word has kept me going and healing. Narcissists exist cuz of sin in this world. They listen to their sinful nature and to satan. God bless you and please go to Jesus, He's such a good friend.
Thank you what you wrote is my own similar experience with my mother and sister. I went no contact five years ago. Have them another chance 2 years ago and it went down hill after less than a year. Now no contact for good. Until my wicked mother passed then flying monkey sister will be who I contend with. I’m now 60 and this abuse has been my entire life. Joanne
Yup, they wanna get you used to working so hard to please them just so you can get those bread crumbs of affection and approval. It's great of you to talk about this subject cause it could help people to wake up sooner when they start to notice the signs of neglect.
I was the family trash can/scapegoat it took 57 years because my family was wealthy and inheritance I stayed. I became ill and broke but went no contact at 57. That was over 2 years ago. Still healing but it has been hard. But it was going to kill me if I stayed any longer. Hopefully someday I will completely heal and be able to live with out the stress and hurt. Its slow but I’m getting there..
I understand this as I share this experience with you... please know the inheritance and the fear of “losing it” was being used as a weapon against you. Once you let it go and accept that the interest was far too high and that it was never really yours at all, you will not only heal - you win.
Wow! Who are you lol you just told my story! Blood $! Write a book!
Start loving yourself and believe in yourself. Do your best you every day Let the universe do the rest...
Start loving yourself and believe in yourself. Do your best you every day Let the universe do the rest...
Your share helps me. Love and respects dear.
Wow! Just yesterday it really clicked with me, this IS intentional. I have had the hardest time accepting this even though I knew deep down it was. Yesterday it clicked and today, here you are expressing this very dynamic. I am 55 years old this year, 6 years of becoming aware of and learning about narcissistic abuse, a lifetime of neglect. BREAKTHROUGH!!! Thank you soooo much for your validation! It came at a remarkable moment for me.
I crashed badly when I realised it was intentional. I never realised that the people I trusted the most were leading me to destruction.
Much better now with the help of so called strangers.
I’m having a hard time grasping that it’s deliberate. I keep thinking that it’s not and they are unaware of their own deeply hidden thought processes. How can we tell it’s a process they knowingly plan out?
@@karensquiresayp Ours always said he couldn't help it and he was "bipolar". But it seemed that he was able to turn his behavior on and off at will and could (if he wanted to) control it. That is when I figured it was all conscious manipulation. For example when I had eye surgery the dog managed to slip out of the back yard and get run over. I had repeatedly patched the hole in the fence and he kept removing the patch saying things like "This is the country. It is ok for dogs to run free". Usually if the focus is off of them and on to you or another family member the narc can whip up drama to draw the attention back to them or let you know that they are in charge. The holidays became especially challenging. Beginning right before Halloween and extending past Valentines day things got really bad. Just about anything could happen.
@@juliaaltizer9588 Ah, Yes! The love bombing and subsequent devaluation is them knowing what they are doing. And that happens all the time! Hm!
Whoever disliked this video I am certain would be one of these narc monsters
I needed to hear this. I have been neglected for decades by my husband. The power of his silence and distance but criticism of my tears. My interests are zero to him.
Thank you for putting a name on this abuse.
This is what my ex covert narcissist put me through. He had an excuse for the neglect every time, I remember the feelings I was going through at the time of how it was hurting me. I couldn’t get any “me time” our entire relationship and he was suddenly always busy or caught up. I knew better and that it was being done on purpose. It’s at this time as well, if they have not already, they begin to triangulate you and groom another supply so they can discard you.
Hahahahahahaha me too! It took him years to make me feel truly jealous cause I am into women and he really had to work to triangulate me with them. He got really good at it though. Until I started to see through it at least. Once he tried to tell me the girl I thought was hot upstairs said she heard someone "mangling" Adele...trying to undermine both my singing (and extra cruelly my daughters singing too) and make me jealous that he knew her and she thought something bad about me. When I consider this I see what a worm he truly is deep inside himself. No matter where he goes there he will be and isn't that suffering enough? This poor bastard is like the grommet inside but I certainly am not the 'precious'!
Right on!!!!!! 48 years on the hamsters wheel. I got off dec 31, 2019 and have never looked back. Lots of video healing tapes about the subject kept my head on straight. I enjoy waking up in the morning again.
Why do so many stay for so long??? Why ?? 33 years 48 years!! I need to understand! Why. 🙏🏻
Awesome. Glad u got away even after that long.
@@donnaagrapides3912 I guess you'd have to be them to understand. I choose not to judge anyone else's journey.
Brenda mine has been 49 years. If I’ve known years ago what I know now, I could have saved my self from a lot of abuse. I left so many times and he drew me back him, like I was addicted I left for the last time in Feb. no contact and now I’m a warrior. Thanking God every day for getting me out.
marmaladesunrise honestly I’m not judging ... I genuinely want to understand.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge! I'm in a Narcissistic abusive relationship. It's validating to me to know a name to the symptoms and that I'm not crazy!! I'm extremely grateful for this knowledge! ❤
You should leave soon as you can. They are literally incapable of changing. There's no hope wishing and hoping. You have to give a good part of yourself away to be with one. They'll reciprocate nothing back. Simply a narcissist is not relationship material. Good luck!
No Contact!
I can give you 100s of stories of narc abuse. So shocking for many. But I went through the most abuse as the baby scapegoated child and adult survivor of narc abuse for 48 years. I bet your clients here will be awed.
Wow, Jill. This was perhaps the most succinct description of one of the narcissist’s weapon. Thanks for posting this. I’m out of the house now and the divorce is pending, but this was a good reminder of this insidious abuse.
I’m 30 years in and all of this information perfectly describes the slow torture that’s been inflicted upon me by my husband. I have been trained like a lab rat. Te good news is, I am beginning the process of divorcing this insidious monster.
The word succinct drew my eye- your comments a year old- how are you now? Greetings from Dingwall-Scotland 🧡
I just saw a Chinese proverb: "Words but not true" meaning people who give their word that they will do something, but know at the time that they aren't going to follow through, but just want the other person to believe that they will. I see this as neglect. "You are an insignificant nothing that I don't even have to be bothered with, and I like to see you squirm like a worm when you are upset that I let you down."
persiamotorman,
TY TY for sharing & expanding on the quote.
Wowsers,
That is a profound statement.
#Self Worth
#Self Care
#Self Love
My neighbor did that to me twice, INITIATING lunch plans only to break them at the very last minute without any follow through. Next time I saw her, I completely IGNORED her thus ending the neglectful behavior. Sadly, I didn’t know where she was coming from ... now she can wonder where I’m coming from.
Future faking...promises never meant to be kept
Oh my goodness, so true. 100’s of unfulfilled promises. Their word means nothing.
Or like my ex-husband told me "You let yourself down. Period."
I've noticed that a lot of the women who make these videos on narc abuse are very attractive. Seems like narcs wanna go after attractive people to ruin not only their life, but their looks as well.
Yes. They're a bunch of jealous jerks.
❤yes
Agreed
Everything you mentioned is 100% accurate. Not only was I neglected but more neglected was our kids! I lost any self worth I had. I suffered from very low self esteem because his subtle and smart mouth statements did me in! Well, I'd like to inform you that after 32 years of marriage, my divorce was final eight months ago. I finally was able to move away from our home just last week into my own place. Thank God I made it out. He knew it was over even before I actually filed for divorce. Then all of a sudden he started pretending to act with sense but I wasn't fooled by his tactics. I told him it was over and that I'd given 30 years of my life and when I leave I'm not going back! He was a minister of a church for most of our marriage and this is what confuse the hell out of me. Shameful, the man of the cloth! 👀🤯 was a wolf in sheep's clothing!
Good for you for setting yourself free! It’s a shame these people exploit people.
@@bmoremom8458 tell me about it! It's down right shameful.
every religious person I have ever met was a covert narcissist, of every religion, they are the biggest liars and hypocrites of all. I’m glad you got away.
@@dotdashdotdash I'm glad too. Thank you!
Lovely Libran 1717 your story resonated with me. Congrats on your escape. I trust you will get the healing required after leaving a narcissistic abusive relationship.
I was a normal, successful functioning person until I fell in love with a narc. She reeled me in with love and affection, even praise. She told me she’d never met anyone as wonderful as me. Then over a five year period she systematically broke me down and sucked every bit of confidence out of me. All this time I was running around, answering her every call. If I tried to back away she would call another phone, call a family member, call my work phone until she got me and had me apologising for neglecting her. By the end I felt completely worthless and now..... 5 years later, I’m still working hard at repairing myself and videos like this get me through the low times. I haven’t been able to form another relationship because my confidence is still shot.
Be glad you got out with only 5 years with this narc. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Give yourself time to heal.
Jeannine Chaney ..... Thank you. You’re so right
Right I left after 9 months I realized that this sickness could kill someone I feel hopeless and I don't want to date anyone I pray something he get hurt...I was so energetic before his fat ass came my way....why
You deserve a lot of credit actually because I know some guys or women who put up with 15 or 20 years of this crap. Thank God your life is not wasted like that. Good on you!
@@AZDC99 thank you 🙏🏻
This is how he got me. My mother did it too. I couldn't care less now if he lives or dies. I am more angry with myself for being a fool. The truth is he was always an ignorant emotionally stunted pathetic waste of my time. On to better things!!
I agree I felt the same way...how and why would someone treat a good person this way and think it's ok
I feel like a fool too 😢
Be prepared if you get sick or injured they can care less about you! My narcissist took a vacation with her friends to Mexico. For three weeks right after I had surgery and needed help with everything! What baffled me is her friends didn't see this as odd at all ! All I can say is don't let there actions bring you down, be strong and rise above these parasites!
These are parasite and virus attacks. Yes
Yes! Be prepared , getting sick or breaking a bone .. they just leave you to get on with it... mine also left me on my own after I fractured my ankle, went overseas.
I was damn near dying in the hospital and he was out on a date with another female just didn't give a f*** about me.
I can see mine doing something similar to me. I even told her that. Blank response...
Just leave and stay gone! Fall off the radar and never talk to them ever again when they come back. They will come back. Just know when they were gone they were sharing themselves with someone else.
No Contact
ErikisOfficial‼
Unfortunately when you have children the no contact concept is impossible.
Bless you for spreading this...so true
@@lisa-mariegrote1728 yes there are entirely too many people out there. Cut your loses and move on. That thinking applies to everybody though
@@Erik7prc yes, i already did two years ago and had a relapse one year ago. It took this long to be somewhat ok again, so i'm all for preventing relapses after NC because it is THAT much worse
NO CONTACT.
DON'T LET THE DUST OF THE PAST SETTLE ON YOUR BEING.
KEEP IT MOVING. EYES UP, TO YOUR KINGDOM
After I learned that their neglect was really a blessing in disguise, I learned to use it to my advantage. His "neglect" gave me time and helped set even more distance away from the situation.
That's how I'm seeing it now. God is just preparing me how to content with it just being me and our 3 children, which I've basically been a single parent the whole 9 yrs of marriage. It doesn't bother me much as of a week ago but I don't appreciate how it's affecting my Littles.
Always heard I am just too senstive or I'm just over reacting !
Yes of course, it is always the victim's fault.
@@jacquelinetillyer8666 Everythings my fault according too the narcissist .
Craig if I had a nickel every time I was told that ..
They are the ones that are “too sensitive” that’s why they create their false grandiose personas to cope. And how about when you say “No” to them and they throw their tantrums? Now who’s over reacting? Walk away and save yourself.
The narcissist will cry out in pain as he/she strikes you.....If you react to the pain they cause, you are "too sensitive" or "crazy"....
Joseph in the Old Testament was neglected-- a lot. He was neglected-- by all his brothers, by the butler and the baker. And in the end he said, Genesis 50:20, 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
Great example
th-cam.com/video/cmmB-Gk35bU/w-d-xo.html
Amen. God has sustained me these 30 years of neglect. If not for faith in God, I’d be totally crushed.
@@ILive4Jesus God hears and loves you, sister.
Neglect is death by a thousand cuts; something that a normal person wouldn't do to a dumb animal. Monsters are real, and among us.
i just came out of the narcissistic darkness 3 years ago. how many other people have come out of the darkness in the last few years? seems like knowledge of this evil is going critical mass.
My mother neglected me. She gave me the silent treatment. She was also physically abusive as well as mentally abusive. These people are evil and we should all escape as soon as possible, never to return.
Yes, neglect is harder to confront because it’s a lack. I believe it’s more damaging than explicit abuse because it can make you feel like you don’t exist.
Spot on Jill. It’s so true. I’m working on my trauma bonds after 31 years of living with a narcissist. He’s crumbing me at the moment because he knows I have one foot out the door.
Looking back I think about sitting in restaurants and he would be in his phone, preferring to go out with his ‘fun friends’ and leaving me at home.
Definitely felt unseen and unheard.
Thank you for making this video Jill xx
Every time my mum does this...I always wonder what I did wrong. Then do more service to try & make her “happy” again. I’ll exhaust myself physically & mentally. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to unlearn this irrational people pleasing behaviour. I’ll not see friends or do what I want because I need to “make up for” whatever mistake or slight I caused. Now I’m realising this is very effective in getting me to fall into line.
I completely agree with everything you have said here. Exactly what happened to me for over 30 yrs of a so-called marriage. We finally divorced after I found out he was seeing another woman which was the best thing that could have happened to me. I am now starting to understand and recover.
So true! I never knew my ex was a narcissist until recently.... I’m so happy he asked me for a divorce, I was at my wits’ end, and my daughter was urging me to leave.
I’m so blessed and thankful that I’m out.
THIS video is exactly correct! And then watch them become enraged when you start to fight this paradigm that they give nothing and you give everything. They are slave owners. Get out, escape and be free and happy!! Life is too short to be miserable with a partner... its not love!!
They are not normal!!! Yikes! Worst. Years. Of. My. Life.
Please make a video about neglect that children and adult children of narcissists experience. I'm an adult child of a narcissist and neglect has been a tool that my mother and family members have used to make me more dependent on them. I"ve since moved out and wondered why she and the rest of them would avoid helping me when they saw how hard I was working and how much I was struggling medically and financially and now I can see it was to keep me in their grasp so that I could be my mother's servant.
Ignored my intuition for 7 years, trauma bonded to the max, never reciprocated unconditional love. Im broken, my brain and body are broken from psychological abuse, his family and friends telling me im crazy/jealous....but he's a cheater and they defend him, saying i drove him away w my jealousy....yeah ok NO - his unfaithfulness is NOT my responsibility!!!
Yeah, my husband of 20 years stopped taking my phone calls and stopped responding to texts. He worked with his brother and his brother's wife. One night there was a bunch of us hanging out and his brother's wife said "I always know where to find "narc", he's always got music playing". I asked "from his phone?" She said yeah, why? I said "Because he told me he never has his phone on him at work, that's why he doesn't answer my calls or texts". So, he did always have his phone on him. So, I confronted him about it right then and there. He turned around and called me Crazy. Right in front of everybody. All of us were just stunned and shocked, he was screaming at me. Then his dumb brother steps in and says "He doesn't ever have his phone on him!" Then why did your wife just tell me she knows where to find him bc he's always playing music thru his phone?
Ugh. The gaslighting. Team gaslighting -- even worse!
@@rubberbiscuit99 Yes, they all ganged up on me. Is was almost an everyday basis of these people ganging up on me.
Gaslight wolf pack ,Had many of those in group settings , telling me reality , and doing it to humiliate me
My narc ex never called me names or physically hurt me, but he neglected me so badly. He would be like 'I need your help' and I'd perk up thinking 'finally he wants me for something.' Then he's say something like 'Should I have soup or chicken for dinner.' Then he'd go back to not talking to me. He'd listen but he never really had anything to add ever. He said it was because he's introverted. Whenever I mentioned spending time together it was 'whatever you want'. He never initiated anything for us. He just did whatever he wanted. I printed off lots of photos of me to put around his house so he didn't forget I existed. I made sure there was one which had his dog in it so that he would actually put it up, because he loved his dog and gave her all the attention.
Especially when it's your family and/or church family.
Unfortunately church families can be the worst offenders. In my case growing up the church was a way my mom kept her religious arguing up with my Dad for my life with them..about fifty three years total. It just recently came to an end over the last two years because both of them died.
My experience was, it was brutal.
I can remember being about five sitting between my mom and Dad in the pickup (1970ish) while they argued because dad took some Jehovah's Witness pamphlets out if curiosity. That battling went on my whole life during the times I interacted with them.
Find your own center and faith. You'll be okay if you do that. 😘
Even more especially when I have ONLY 1 close, living, relative (my mom) that is 84 and has a stroke.
Just this year, I FINALLY got him! He stole and somehow REDEEMED MY $10,000 BOND! But, HOW? 😳 The only people that can cash it has to be on it. So, that's my mom and me. The signature kinda looks like mine, but the writing is small and I usually sign in print or cursive MY middle initial-it's NOT there!
The big one, there's NO CERTIFYING OFFICER'S information. Those 3 rows are on the back are blank. I can go on and on, but his LIES are CONTRADICTING my truth.
Our case is so bad, NO attorney wanted it; especially me. I'm Pro Se on this case since 2016. It took 4 years to get this copy, I made a police report, my mom and I have 2 claims here for repayment, and even The Treasury forgot what they said. A letter went to my mom's and I noticed something.
It said, if NO CLAIM IS MADE WITHIN 10 YEARS OF THE PAYMENT DATE, then they "assume" it was properly paid. Did you see it? This was redeemed on 3/1/11 😳 10 years ends 3/1/21
I'm gonna get Social Security, the FBI, and maybe DHS cuz The Treasury can't remember their lies. I'm on SSI for mental illness, and my mom too cuz she's a widow of a Veteran (my dad).
I die more everyday. He took MY bond, got SOLE CUSTODY of our daughters, doesn't want mediation, and, he replaced me with his mommy!
I lost my marriage, kids, motherhood, mind, and almost MY LIFE! 😠 It's a bloody mess. He or the bank needs accountability! My kids now are stealing things from my mom and me. And, THIS IS NOT OKAY. 👌 Any more advice?
Something's gotta give.
@@tutsybassista [koo
How are narcissists made
@@sjchander I am not sure but I'll bet our hostess knows! Let's ask her!
The unfortunate thing is that this lasted seven long years and it took me that long to notice and fully understand. Now, what remains is pain and anguish that will take months, if not years to disappear or heal.
Omg I just realized my bf is a narcissist two days ago. You put the 'icing on the cake' with your explanation of neglect. THANK YOU!
I've been having a long distant relationship for six years. He came to see me a total of maybe ten times. I would wait a whole year to see him. We never met each others children, never spent any holidays or birthdays together, never received any gifts or cards. His last visit (last week) was a real eye opener. His true self started seeping out. His rudeness and disregard for workers safety(no mask) at a restaurant, his impatience and arrogance at my doctors visit, his pretending to not know what I was referring to when I mentioned something he needed to do. He was rude to me on the phone and hung up on me. He always made the excuse that he was busy. He love bombed me in the beginning. Then pretty much neglected me the whole six years. He was always vague with his past life and if I asked about what he was doing and there were never any concrete plans made for the future. Right now I'm doing what was instructed when you learn you are dating a narcissist. RUN FOR THE HILLS! NO CONTACT!
Going no contact doesnt work...
It's called running away from a life lesson ..dealing with a narcissist has a void just like any other person....you can deal with a narcissist without going no contact completely.
You gotta stop CARING so much about what they think...its idol worship. Stop it and start loving yourself
In this comment every word is true.
Sometimes going no contact is the best survivor's tool. Your comments verge on victim blaming.
@@PerfectlySpicy There are no victims, learn from the mistake , love yourself more, stop re-living the hurt and move on. Narcissists arent as smart as u think. Theyre only as smart you ALLOW them to be.
@@PerfectlySpicy They are counterfeit never originators....but you must pay attention, mostly scammers are looking for vulnerability . Stop giving so much so quickly. Most narcissist move very quickly and smother.
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For people shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, (fake goodness) but denying the power (denying the truth) thereof: FROM SUCH TURN AWAY." 2 Timothy 3:1-5
I remember always wanting more after every crumb he gave me.. and he’d have the “wasn’t that good enough” mindset.. like he did one small thing a day and expected me to be quiet and be satisfied. He made me feel like nobody in his life ever wanted as much as I ever did. he made me feel so hard to love.. it was always a waiting game with him. “I’ll do better tomorrow”. It was all about his convenience as well. He’d always compare to others, like others are worse to their s/o, whenever I brought up “please be nicer” “please do more”. He was so difficult with everything. It seemed like every time it felt like it was getting better, it just got bad again. He was also extremely moody. All the shady things he did and said behind my back.. plus the neglect. He portrayed me as a bully and unstable. Omg it’s soul crushing.
It truly is soul crushing. Devastating when they paint u as the unhinged and problatic one. It's a long road to recover from.
I just brought this up,,what if your parents are both narcs who neglect you as the scapegoat??basically my sister the oldest they spend tons of time with but with me they ignore,,,I was the middle child,the empath of the family....I've had this argument with people who have blamed me for going no contact,,,but I can't live my life chasing people who only want to ignore me or make me feel like I don't deserve their attention....no contact is the only way to heal from people like this,,,because otherwise you will always be at their whims at the moment ..these beings are demons in human bodies,,,,I bought a sphynx cat,,best friend I have ever had,,,I will never deal with their neglect again and making me feel bad for wanting to be loved and love
I spilled my heart and pain ,and everything I shared was than used as a weapon against me
This resonates with me too!
I am so glad you are here. It gives me vindication and validation. He does the "Neglect" tool all the time. I am supposed to rub him all the time and he never ruubs me. His set of standards for how I treat him are far higher than how he feels he needs to treat me. I dont deserve any love. I should never cheat but he will never give me love. He leaves me soooo lonely. Goes and experiences life without me. Just leaves me stuck in a room, like being in jail. Then berates me for not being "On" or "Hapoy". Like there is something wrong with me. Not like it is his behavior and treatment of me making me feel awful. Implying I just feel awful. It is all something wrong with me. It is crazy! I am surprised I have not gone crazy. I have been cut off from EVERYONE I had. I have nothing now. At least I am waking up. I can only pray one day I will be able to feel hope for the future. I tried so hard.....
Thank you for your videos. They really do help. He almost had me convinced that he wasn't a narcissist, it was his parents. He wanted to be more. I was so foolish to believe it. I had a chance at happiness and I chose loyalty. So stupid!!!!
For yrs I felt alone in my marriage. When i told my narc my feelings he just blamed me back saying he lost self-esteem because of my complainings while he never made any single effort not even inviting me to a restaurant.
Neglect was by far the worst form of abuse that I ever experienced. The gaslighting afterwards that they didn’t know how they hurt me was too much for my nervous system. I refer to this as worthlessness programming. Thank you Jill. ❤
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this. It sent chills down my spine as it sounded word for word like an accurate reflection of my own experience. The tactics, the doubts, the desperation, confusion, the deterioration in your own confidence and self respect.
And what made me choke up with tears was the reminder of the emotional torture and permanent damage this has caused me.
In less than 7 hours from now, I’m due to sit down to yet another of dozens of “let’s make peace” talks with my beautiful unicorn manipulative narcissist.
I haven’t slept, or eaten, I have just been preparing dozens of pages of “presentations” trying to figure out a way to finally make them happy. And make them stop the neglect.
It’s clear I am wasting my time, and I should tear up the rule book. Because no matter how careful I am, they will simply change the rules of the game and yet again declare me non-compliant.
There’s no happy ending. There will be no peace and no truce.
The only way out, is to get out. Right now.
Thank you for driving this home so perfectly and clearly. Much respect.
Wow! You're right, it was the most hurtful, damaging to our marriage. I never thought of it as neglect until I saw this video. He totally neglected me. He used to work out of town alot and wouldn't call me when he said he would-ALL THE TIME, and just like you said, he said I was being too sensitive, he was purposely trying to upset me. It worked. There must have been thousands of times he wouldn't follow through with what he said. I was so crushed over it. It caullesed my heart to where I didn't want to be around him anymore, I am now in the process of divorce.
When you ask God to open your eyes, YOU better be ready for the truth, that has & will set you free...no more bondage. He will heal a broken 💔 and bind up its wound.
Amen❤️
I have only recently realised I am living with a narcissist. And what I have become accustomed to is far from normal. I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what it was. Knowing this now gives me some relief and most importantly validation. 'My' narc seldomly even makes eye contact with me. When we go out, he deliberately looks to make eye contact with people and smiles and then talks with them most of the time while I sit there and witness the conversation he has with different people (especially waitresses). I am just 'there'. So harmful to my self esteem...
One day I told the ex-Narc that he was weird, he quipped back that he was “eccentric.” Nah, turns out he was just some robotic and subhuman subspecies programmed to intentionally inflict confusion and pain. They are a waste of time.
@2JOHNNYT 🤣😐.
2JOHNNYT I agree. Sadly, he’s avoiding all INTIMACY!! Even tho they live together he’s letting her know big time that he’s got nothing to give her along with any affection ... so cruel.
❤my situation exactly. So charismatic when others are around!
My college roommate Karen was suicidal, chronically anxious about her grades (she graduated with honors), and terrified that she would not pass boards and get her professional license. She turned to family, college therapists, friends and church members to help her, no one seemed to understand. Twenty five years later, I finally get it....Her neglectfully narcissistic, emotionally unavailable husband was the culprit.Karen was a sweet, kind empath. She gave me valuable advise, saving me from destructive relationships on three different occasions. But she wasn't able to save herself, next month will mark the 20th anniversary of her death.
This is heartbreaking . Narcissist abuse really does kill & they don't even feel grief
"I'm so kind that I let you do what you want (when I'm not wanting something for myself, of course)" == Neglect
Damn. Putting it in those words just made some things click into place for me.
Thank you.
@@spacegirl226 Glad to be of service. I'm a root cause kinda guy and the self-absorltion and OCD control reflex we observe in narcissism are effects. I'm convinced there is a metabolic component. Too much iron in the body triggers danger censor proteins in cells. The iron oxidizes tissues, including in the nervous system and the brain. Fe-ar in the cells upregulates the Fe-ar response in the human. This drains blood from the pre-frontal cortex and the people that triggered their Fe-ar mechanism are deemed to be attacking lions.
There is no reasoning with people in that state. Reason and logic == assault on their very being.
They want to avoid Fe-ar / insecurity, meaning they get what they want (no room to think a out you) *or else.*
Avoid iron filing fortified foolds. They are toxic. Hemodilution during pregnancy is desired -- the healthiest babies are from mothers who have hemoglobin in the 8.5-9.0 range. The doctors want to load up Momma and Baby with toxic iron due to their training.
But Baby has a miniature vasculature system and requires diluted blood to optimally flow through it
Look up the free Root Cause Protocol.
I believe the evidence shows that iron overload / bio-copper deficiency create narcissism.
Bio-copper regulates iron. In 1958, 30 schizophrenic were given one injection of ceruloplasmin-bound copper (bio-available copper). 13 had complete and total remission. Another 13 significantly improved. The same researchers dose rhesus monkeys up with LSD... and injected bio-copper into them. They sobered up very quickly. It is illegal to inject ceruloplasmin into humans now -- it blows up the business model.
Ceruloplasmin translates to blueblood.
Perhaps the Blue Blood Royals know something they don't want us to know.
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s not something that gets talked about much but is such a big part of the psychological damage that gets done. It is a relief to hear you say the neglect is intentional, I thought it was but have had so much self doubt. I was reduced to expecting nothing from my ex covert narc husband, while I knocked myself out doing everything for him. Then the triangulation started when he was doing the things he knew I would have liked from him for the new supply. When I got annoyed about it I was blamed for being “too sensitive”, “reading too much into it”, “overthinking things”, until he discarded me for her. This video really helped me understand better and take a step closer to healing. 💜
PS: love your puppy’s superman outfit 😻
I am wondering if you can share insight on your marriage because I am also married to a covert narc...which (in my opinion) are the worst kind because they are so cunning and under the radar that you don’t see the manipulation coming. When you finally wake up to it you feel extreme anguish and resentment. You can see the manipulation and grandiosity with overt narcs more easily. I would leave my narc husband right away without hesitation but I know that he would get joint custody of our children and I refuse to allow that. I can and do correct his behavior with them because I am present. I can’t imagine the psychological abuse they would suffer if I were not around. Did you leave your ex or were you discarded? I feel that mine is discarding me but trying almost everything possible to get me to divorce him so that he looks like the victim. What was your narc’s involvement with the children after the divorce (if you have any).
That's not a pillow! It's a tiny pupper! Had me fooled.
-How to defend yourself against a narcissist -
1st rule. Defense is weak when you are fighting a parasite.
What you need to adopt is “counter offense “ tactics.
Ironically the narc uses neglect as a control measure.
Their greatest weakness is feeling ignored and/or irrelevant.
It’s hard to control your impulses to thrash around trying to get their attention and make them behave like an adult. Especially when you’ve been abused for a long period of time. It’s natural to want to fight for yourself.
HOWEVER ... a head to head conflict will always leave you exhausted and beaten down. Narcissistic behavior and tactics are as easy as breathing for them. Arguing ceaselessly and gaslighting etc doesn’t tire them out.
It’s their pathology and is almost totally automated. We on the other hand get utterly worn down and senselessly battered.
If you want to fight.. if you want to win... ignore them. Grit your teeth. Scream into a pillow. But IGNORE them. If they don’t exist to you... guess what ? They don’t exist to THEMSELVES either. They are a shell. Parasitic organisms REQUIRE a host. They have no defence against their own emptiness mirrored back to them.
Best part is... you beat them, but you are not actually DOING anything. In fact you’re focusing on yourself and getting your life back together.
So in the same action you are healing and moving forward while simultaneously obliterating them.
AND you keep you’re morality.
Score one for the good guys.
Thank You! I couldn't have said it clearer.
icnohelp :-) Thanks. Sadly it’s a principle from the ‘Art of War’ that I have adapted and used in my struggle to save my own life inside of a narcissistic relationship.
“ Find your enemy’s weakness and exploit it. Do not fight fair. “
They are bestial in their savagery. They may not be brilliant, but they are instinctively cunning and extremely dangerous. They are limited just as a wild animal is limited. We would not square off with a giant predator. We’d use our human intellect as would a big game hunter-if you’ll excuse the crude metaphor.
I cut off his supply.
Another excellent one. Thank you very much for taking the time to share your knowledge and experience with us. I appreciate what you are doing.
Neglect is the main tool of my narc.
Thank you for covering this tactic of abuse. It validates 💯 what I have lived through my entire life 41 yrs. My father is also a malignant narcissist and neglect is how he de-values me over and over again. He has convinced me he loves me because he says it and is very charming with the lovebombing but there’s no action behind his words. I see through all the manipulation now but it has damaged me badly.
Been ignored since I was 6, took me 33 years to wake up and leave my "family"
Working ok this right now
This neglect conditioning is exactly what I experienced. I’m still processing the reality that I was being groomed the whole time.
It’s almost unbelievable.
Thank you for your videos. It helps tremendously to hear you explain the psychological abuse I experienced.
Loved this...I was married to a narcissist for 32. Years...he left 20 years ago after giving me 4 hours notice and barely speaking to me for 20 years! i didnt work it all out until about 10 years ago when I found the web sights on narcissism...it was amazing..i finally understood! And yes..neglect was his modus operandi...I'm ok now ..well and happy on my own..3 lovely children and grandchildren...thank you for this video..
I live with a roommate who is 100 percent a narc. This video says it all. My roommate makes 5,000 dollars a month and won't connect the pipes to have flushing toilets.Can you believe that one? I think it's a slap in the face. Their are many other things also. All I can say is GET OUT! They will not change and it may become worse.
Blessings to you all,
Renee from California
20yr relationship. After a couple years the neglect started in. I am slowly waking up. It took her devaluation in front of me while she flirted with a stranger in front of me at the bar. She got a couple drinks in her and i no longer existed. I confronted her about it and she denied it happened.....
I saw pure narcissism in a case and made tons of exposing videos to help people see in detail what it looks like when it's happening. I'd luv for you to see some of them.
I'm in a narcissistic abusive marriage this is the 3rd time he left, but the longest he left. He left a few day's before and now it's going on a month. He just told me he's not paying rent anymore it's just overwhelming. His family doesn't speak to me and supports him. He's staying at his mother's. It's hard for me to get out of bed most days I'm depressed and having severe anxiety now. I made an appointment with psychologist because I'm missing too much work and not eating
Get a lawyer!
I used to get after questioning this: “don’t you love me?” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “You’re very needy” “You’re a jealous person.” “You’re controlling.”
This is so painful....And to thIs neglect and rejection I tried even harder to be a good spouse to her.
EXCELLENT VIDEO !! ... Yes with a Narcissist you are on a never ending 'hampster wheel' ... they will drive you crazy, and break you down over time ! You try to please them but you never will. They take all your energy, and you will never please them !
Oh my goodness! My life for 34 years. I heard. What do you want for your birthday if you think you deserve anything? I won't wish you a happy mother's day because you aren't my mother! He called his sisters for mother's day. I am not going to support you through your pregnancy! On and on it went! I was married to this monster for 34 years
It is very emotionally damaging.
I dated an overt that would give me temporary silent treatments. But the covert I had been seeing last year, took the cake. He purposely ghosted me 2 days prior to my birthday for 5 weeks. Came back for 2weeks then randomly re-ghosted me for 2months, up until I found out what he had been hiding that I cut him off completely.
I still feel embarrassment for tolerating it because I genuinely thought that something had happened to him (we were long-distance). Only to find out he was purposely ignoring me to get his ego stroke of having me stressed over him, while he was laid up with another woman. He gave me severe anxiety that affected me physically too those 5months.
My best friend who lived with me used me to do their collage work to get them into uni and lived with me and never paid a penny, has done this to me constantly. He’s currently going through a silent treatment stint with a daily couple of messages to keep me on the hook. I feel destroyed and desperate for his attention. It’s like I worship him and hate him at the same time. I’m such a confident person but I’m now to scared to even challenge them. It took me a month to build up the courage to ask him to leave my home as he was just treating it like a hostel and not speaking to me and bring “new sources” around while not speaking to me. Everything is my fault, I’m not allowed to challenge or ask him questions. He’s stopped watching films with me and chilling together (we were super super close) ha. I fee stupid. I’m so confused and pained by all this. I feel like giving up. I try to get things back to how we were but it seems to just strength his resolve to treat me worse. I don’t know what to do anymore 😓😥
Two words: No Contact.
Get rid of the loser...and connect with a mental health advisor if necessary and you have us to support you
Not your friend! Say get out, goodbye, and never speak to them again.
He’s not going to change and is stringing you along because it’s easier to keep abusing you than to find someone else to abuse
Thanks all. I’ve not spoken to him or seen him for 8 months. Turns out he’s done this a lot. He knows he’s a narcissist and had no remorse I spent 5 months in therapy and four months off work because him. I’m healing ❤️🩹 and doing much better. So says it still hits me but there getting less and less.
And keep you stuck in the loop of constantly trying your heart out to get their attention again, which once was so abundant and wonderful!
Yep
When my friends or family were over, he d make sure to be gregarious, charming, making blender drinks for my girlfriends....do the cleaning up so I could relax.
.and they'd say "you are so lucky"... I'd want to cry....I was ashamed to tell them he never engaged in conversation with me, never talked with me, etc....I felt that was a judgment on me being boring, unattractive, dull....NONE of that was true....but he convinced me it was...not in words, by avoidance and neglect......I wish I had known what covert narcissism was decades ago.
So.much of my life wasted
Thank you Jill. Neglect is indeed a tactic of abuse. To be neglected is to be marginalised as not worthy and any protestation an opportunity to intensify this form of abuse. Through neglect one is not only relegated to a condition of 'bare life' but the victim is required by the narcissist to self validate this condition, since any protestation will inevitably be met with accusations of extreme need as a means to deny the legitimacy of requiring fundamental and authentic care. Also, I think your highlighting the concept of neglect is important, because the understanding of it is fundamental to recovery, since acknowledging it to oneself requires a level of self care powerful enough to be an antidote to the neglect. Consider this:
Five years with a regular (in gay terms a casual 'fuck buddy' ). Here in Melbourne, Australia atm we are in week 7 of what will eventually be a 10 week lockdown. Three weeks ago the state premier clarified the regulations regarding contacts between what he termed 'intimate partners' thereby making a clear distinction from the already articulated rules for people in 'relationships' but living apart. When I contacted my 'regular' and cheerfully communicated that we could visit each other, he said that he did't want to risk getting a $1,600 fine for breaking lockdown rules. I replied, no, you will not be fined for visiting me. The conversation ended with me asking him to check the rules just clarified in print.
That was 3 weeks ago and zero contact from him. The stumbling block to resuming contact during lockdown ,I think, is his not wanting to acknowledge the existence of my being an 'intimate partner'. In the past he has described our 5 year weekly contacts as casual which by his definition ( on his terms) means no mutual obligations responsibilities etc. I insisted that the premier in clarifying the rules was using the term 'intimate partner' to avoid using the word 'sex'. I also indicated that visitations could not exclude risk (which I was obviously prepared to take, and that people in relationships but living apart were invariably taking). I made it clear that we would both need to accept the fact of this risk. I would absolutely accept his right to not take any risks, but he has not communicated this ie. he has neglected me.
After watching your video I am now understanding that I am a victim of his neglect and after 3 weeks feel that it will continue until the end of this lockdown. It has been extremely tough being in lockdown here in Melbourne, particularly so since there is no real end in sight and we have only had a 2 week respite since March!. When the lockdown ends and contacts are broadened in general I suspect he will seek to resume contact, since there will no longer be the requirement of defining me as an 'intimate partner'. The task ahead of me is if or not following this period of neglect (this being the latest but particularly painful example) I should simply resume contact. This current period of neglect suggests to me that I should not, since I would still be taking a risk, and I no longer think he is worth taking it for.
Thank you Jill. I appreciate your honesty. Neglect is the gas in the car. Many survivors struggle to acknowledge this behavior.
th-cam.com/video/cmmB-Gk35bU/w-d-xo.html
I am worthless to my parents, to the guys who said they love me. I am worthless to friends, family, and community members who keep feeding me with toxic positivity, they try their best to keep me stay in abusive relationships. It's very sad when I realized I must protect myself from the people who are supposed to protect me. I never felt safe a day in my life. I am that worthless to them, and now to start self care and self love feels like I am against how the world works around me.
It sounds like you're in a tough situation..
Don't believe that you really are worthless (I don't think people who treat you with no respect genuinly see anybody's worth.) Good luck to you
@@moirosalina True.
Thank you.
Please remember that you are “worthy. You are loved. You are enough! You are valuable, amazing. Always be your beautiful self. Stay strong. I understand your pain.
The truth is they are crap and they know they’re worthless crap. Listen, if you never believe anything more right now, understand this, that you are DEFINED by God! Design your OWN lifestyle of love, worth and virtue that is intentional, not this junk coming from a bunch of neglectful disrespectful lowlifes. YOU are defined by God. Amen🌈
When a narcissist comes into our life, that is one of our biggest tests and lessons you see.. They teach us how to have , self-love. Self confidence. self-respect . Things that your soul craves when we give our power away.. the longer it takes us to see that we are the love that we need. They will never stop showing up in different relationships ,not until we can respect ourselves at all times and see the power your light within that darkness want to dim . know that you are worthy and you won't be played. The quicker we learn that we are more than enough that we are divine feminine as well as masculine when we live our truth we will no longer be used . Speak up for you just say no
This woman sure has hit the nail on the head. She is spot on! This is EXACTLY what happened to me!! The only fix for a narcissist is to Run, don't walk away! I do feel sorry for them, but only from a distance.......
Trauma bond had me in spiritual binding for years. I went through hell. I wouldn't wish this torture on anyone.
my jaw dropped at how accurately you described my experience with my narcissistic dad and narcissistic boyfriend!! I didn't know what I was dealing with at the time. I just knew I was mad for being treated like this but at the same time doubted myself that maybe I shouldn't be this mad and overreact! maybe I should calm down and let it slide! now I know!!!!!!
Amen!!! I have been through this with my narcissistic husband, whom I am separated from, many times. Its soooo painful! Thank you for this video....so well put, as usual. It gave me validation and confirmation. Thank you!😊💖
Good video My case was a little different though. No one ever built me up , they pretty much just ignored me from the start Fine with me I'm a Christian, and my family is all around, even though I may may not make direct contact with them Neglect? It's all the world does to those who speak the truth, as well as persecute them at the same times
Thank You... you are 100% on point. This happened to me in the workplace. The abuse cause me to end up in a mental hospital. Never before had this ever happened in my entire career. I wish I could tell my Story. Thankfully I am recovering and Got Help with boundaries and more. The wounds are still scaring but healing.😔😥
I would only add this, that the excuses they use you are unable to prove. They are very calculating with there words.
Best description I've ever heard! My story..I finally took my power back...😁👍❤ Thank You..
You're knowledge is empowering me. Thank you. I will submit a coaching request online.
Oh. my. godddd!!! Finally. This is exactly who my ex narc was. I’ve watched hundreds of video on narcissists because I am so traumatized by her still. But she never fit the overt narcissist description or even the covert narcissist. She is a sub-type of covert narcissist. She is a NEGLECTFUL narcissist. She love bombed me so hard 2x and both times after the love bombing was over she slowly starved me of her “love”. She predated on my insecurities and my vulnerabilities and she exploited them masterfully. It was love on my end, not hers. Fewer texts, fewer social media responses, little to no kissing, no physical touch, little to no sex as time went on....the pain that I felt then and now are so excruciating and crippling that it’s difficult to convey. Narcissist don’t break hearts, they snatch souls and sap energy and light from your existence. I’m so glad I found this video.
He tells me hes having it so rough that's the reason he didnt do anything special for my birthday also said I pushed myself on him and after 12 years on and off hamster wheel ,he said he told me first the start he never cared about me.
My wife is a narcissist found out 1 mouth ago about narcissism “WOW” I new something was amiss but €*T and I have a 7 year old daughter! She saw her mother break her father’s arm! 2 weeks ago and been (NEGLECTED) ever since. Pure evil. God help us all & help them
End this relationship for you and for your daughter. This poisoining !
Be strong and and go for what is right ! You feel that in your heart when you are honnest. Yes you can!
Wondering how are you doing 9 months after your comment.
Superb. Bang on. Very lucidly put. Thanks a ton.
Who the hell does any one wants any attention from such characterless souls?
It’s hard for me to think of it as intentional because they seem to me to be incapable of thinking past their own dependency needs. They’re so enthralled with themselves that they would seem oblivious to thinking they had hurt anyone’s feelings by their omnipotent actions.
I experienced this for several years after a trauma trigger to my husband in the death of his dad. His actions toward me and our children literally caused so much hurt and trauma in my it caused physical pain in my nerve endings under my skin. Three years ago with the unplanned discard he abducted and kidnapped both of our daughters adding to this heap of emotional trauma. His social media says he doesn’t regret any of it he’s happy and wouldn’t change a thing. Our daughters alienated and estranged from me for over three years.