10 months left and my daughter turns 18 plus graduates High School. This will end our court appointed co parenting duties. My intentions are: A) Fly out to her graduation. I propose we have a post graduation gathering at a restaurant and be cordial B) Take the stepfather aside, buy him a drink, shake his hand, and thank him for being a good stepfather. C) On my way back to the Airport, text the ex that our court appointed co parenting duties are complete so we are now free to sever the last bond between us. There will be no farther need to communicate so all lines of communication will be blocked. Whenever our paths are in danger of crossing again such as weddings, college graduation, birth of a grandchild etc. we maintain a safe distance without so much as acknowledging each others existence. In parting, I intend to quote Peter Cetera modified to fit my situation "I used to believe in you! Now I've found someone else to turn to! It was only a matter of time! I'm not the one who said goodbye! But, I am now the one saying goodbye riddance
A) Zero contact except for the business of co parenting B) When there is communication, BIFF. Brief, Informative, Factual, Formal. (Formal, not friendly)
She was angry and bitter. One day, I received a message ending with "I wish you the best" Another time, she sent a link for the kids school photos. I responded politely "I am in direct contact with the studio and have no need for your assistance " I received an angry response "I was only trying to be nice to you!" I responded "You are not a nice person so your false niceness is rejected! No kind words from you! Ever! Feel free to be as mean as you want! That is who you are! That is what I accept! If you don't want to be mean, be formal and business like but NEVER EVER nice! No kind words from you! Ever!" That appeared to disarm her. She would only be nice to keep her hooks in me.
How do you Flee when you have 2 kids together? It's really difficult. Mine has been a very nasty and messy divorce where there was abundant amount of lies, cheating and abuse. I had to give up my marriage of 15 years. I would never ever want to see the face of my Stbx, but with kids involved there is no way I can flee as custody of kids (11yr old and 6 yrs Old) is 50/50. I never communicate with him directly. I ignore most of his abusive emails and texts. But my concern is how do I disconnect and flee?
Mentally, physically and spiritually is the problem, especially the hell that came with everything, revenge seems like the best idea especially since that's how I was treated. Rough extreme revenge, nothing towards the children just full all out revenge towards her
so very difficult to do it's hard to understand how to even practically do that, along with how does one manage the mental side of it. the fact that you could do that surely means that there is so much we all can do to bring life along. It is clear from what you say that you managed to do this. for me, I didn't manage it, with the geographical distance across continents, the many and seemingly constant triggers, the practicalities that need to be discussed, and so much more. the court trauma is real to deal with too. I just don't know how you managed to do this practically and mentally. I understand the keys of forgive and flee that you briefly discuss here. just how it works in practice over the long time too.
how well you rebuild is in direct proper ruin to how quickly you can leave behind the past.
that's very important that's for sure.
10 months left and my daughter turns 18 plus graduates High School. This will end our court appointed co parenting duties. My intentions are:
A) Fly out to her graduation. I propose we have a post graduation gathering at a restaurant and be cordial
B) Take the stepfather aside, buy him a drink, shake his hand, and thank him for being a good stepfather.
C) On my way back to the Airport, text the ex that our court appointed co parenting duties are complete so we are now free to sever the last bond between us. There will be no farther need to communicate so all lines of communication will be blocked. Whenever our paths are in danger of crossing again such as weddings, college graduation, birth of a grandchild etc. we maintain a safe distance without so much as acknowledging each others existence. In parting, I intend to quote Peter Cetera modified to fit my situation "I used to believe in you! Now I've found someone else to turn to! It was only a matter of time! I'm not the one who said goodbye! But, I am now the one saying goodbye riddance
A) Zero contact except for the business of co parenting
B) When there is communication, BIFF. Brief, Informative, Factual, Formal. (Formal, not friendly)
Wow same on alot of same thank you. FROM DUBLIN CITY REPUBLIC OF IRELAND 🇮🇪. GOD BLESS YOU PALL.
Having a hard time forgiving, after things ended on bad terms. How do I flee with kids?
She was angry and bitter. One day, I received a message ending with "I wish you the best" Another time, she sent a link for the kids school photos. I responded politely "I am in direct contact with the studio and have no need for your assistance " I received an angry response "I was only trying to be nice to you!" I responded "You are not a nice person so your false niceness is rejected! No kind words from you! Ever! Feel free to be as mean as you want! That is who you are! That is what I accept! If you don't want to be mean, be formal and business like but NEVER EVER nice! No kind words from you! Ever!" That appeared to disarm her. She would only be nice to keep her hooks in me.
How do you Flee when you have 2 kids together? It's really difficult. Mine has been a very nasty and messy divorce where there was abundant amount of lies, cheating and abuse. I had to give up my marriage of 15 years. I would never ever want to see the face of my Stbx, but with kids involved there is no way I can flee as custody of kids (11yr old and 6 yrs Old) is 50/50. I never communicate with him directly. I ignore most of his abusive emails and texts. But my concern is how do I disconnect and flee?
Mentally, physically and spiritually is the problem, especially the hell that came with everything, revenge seems like the best idea especially since that's how I was treated. Rough extreme revenge, nothing towards the children just full all out revenge towards her
Revenge never ends well Terrance. Talk to someone before doing anything you may regret later mate.
@@markwaite7805 true indeed
so very difficult to do
it's hard to understand how to even practically do that, along with how does one manage the mental side of it.
the fact that you could do that surely means that there is so much we all can do to bring life along.
It is clear from what you say that you managed to do this.
for me, I didn't manage it, with the geographical distance across continents, the many and seemingly constant triggers, the practicalities that need to be discussed, and so much more. the court trauma is real to deal with too.
I just don't know how you managed to do this practically and mentally. I understand the keys of forgive and flee that you briefly discuss here. just how it works in practice over the long time too.