Toxic Femininity | Nhu Y Hoang | TEDxBVIS HCMC Youth
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 มิ.ย. 2024
- NOTE FROM TED: This talk contains a discussion of body image and disordered eating which only reflects the speaker's personal views and experiences. Please seek professional help if you are struggling. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com/tedx/manuals/t...
Nhu Y (Year 12) aims to raise awareness among people in general and young people in particular through her speech on ‘Toxic Femininity’. She hopes to encourage both genders to understand how certain actions can be harmful, propose some solutions to address this issue, as well as help people learn something new from this speech and avoid misinformation from the media. Nhu Y is a year 12 individual from British Vietnamese International School, HCMC who was aspired to raise awareness among people in general and young people in particular through her speech on ‘Toxic Femininity’. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Quiz time:
1. Y's ideal type matches John by a complete coincidence.
2. Y's ideal type matches John because he's traditionally masculine, and women collectively exert a pressure on men to conform to traditionally masculine expectations, by all going for guys like John.
Cast your vote, and remember that men will stop being attracted to thin women when women stop being attracted to tall men, which is to say never.
The problem with her view is that anyone can determine their own definitions for words and ideals. When women try to buck natural desires and preferences of men, they turn them off, and the women wind up in one of two scenarios: 1) they become "leftover women" who remain single for an inordinate amount of time and therefore fail to have their own family, or 2) they have to settle for a man who submits himself to her views, is weak in his own constitution and ideals, and confuse any children they may have about what men and women are, about what mothers and fathers are. Women have choice about how they want to live and be viewed, but their choices have consequences in wider society. If you want to buck society and men's views, you can expect a response you may not like. Most women want to marry and have a family. This means having a lot of empathy and compromise, both personally and for society's sake.
Thank you for providing this very coherent and logical analysis. Well done.
I was thinking something like this. She's basically telling the world to accept women like her more often but it doesn't. And there's nothing wrong with that. Men and women have had specific roles for 99% of our existence and it has worked out. It continues to work well for us. To each their own but we gotta stop trying to force people to be one way. Find who accepts you and move on.
Man or woman, you have the right to be the person you want to be. But don't confuse that with in any way being attractive to a partner. I always subscribed to becoming what I thought woman would find attractive so I got to date lots, and eventually marry a woman I valued. It worked, I got what I set my mind to, and I have two fantastic children. I am now divorced. Largely now, I prioritize MY wants and desires for ME, and no longer care nearly as much about what women care for. I am happy in life, achieving what I wanted, and I am free to live life true to myself.
Changing theestablishd definitions of things by stating "this is what it means to me" is a womans strongsuit and just another way to avoid accountability.
Why don't have Both? I can be Both i have balance in femininity and musculinity and men wanted marry me
Trying to make the definition of feminism include the unconditional acceptance of women's choices is impossible. The trans community is currently going through the same dilemma.
The long short of it is, you (woman, trans, etc) can choose to look at yourself or lifestyle however YOU want, but unfortunately, you can't force people to see or accept you as you do yourself. Thus, feminism should begin & end at choice. Trying to make it about the world accepting women's choices equally is an exercise in futility.
*YOU make your choices, and your choices make YOU...*
Feminism is a choice indeed.
You either choose the agreed upon traits or you decline some or all of them and have less polarity to masculinity.
Go to jail or get fined for calling someone he or she, instead of they or it.
And that’s where democracy comes in cause if enough people follow an ideal it will change a culture just look at America right now we care more about virtue signaling than our own economy
I completely agree with her, that's why now I don't want my girl to expect me to pay for my date, she must pay for the date to combat this toxic femininity! If she can't afford me, she doesn't deserve me!
Drizzle, drizzle
XD
FaDrizzle! My nizzle!!
@@croneyr you let them know girlie!
"Women" and "Accountability For Their Actions" are mutually exclusive and exhaustive events!
Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets : I think of a man, then remove reason and accountability.
Could have said "logic" instead of reason.
Her "Everybody's perfect just the way they are" mindset falls flat when you're hungry in the wilderness. In a sense, we never left the wilderness, just modified it. And just as wilderness survival favors specific traits in men and women, so too does modern survival. It's hubris to pretend that all personalities are of equal value to humanity.
Exactly. These feminists should keep the same energy when it comes to splitting the bill.
Exactly, if everybody is perfect just the way they are then she should now go for any man except for a "John" since they are all just perfect the way they are...
This kind of "everyone's perfect the way they are" never applies to men.
Fine, but don't complain if men don't see you as a suitable marriage partner.
No problem robot husband will fix the problem I am very feminine but I like musculine girl for friendship because they are the best one
@@fatemad4012 robot husband do not buy thing for you EVER !
You buy thing for robot husband EVER !
Muscline girl most of them just high on ego
I dare you try to hurt her ego
You will face the real one behide the mask * most of them, not all tho
@@zueszues9715 yes they have ago but they are very honest and has no hypocrisy unlike my girlie girls I could trust them more and they are ready to defend you in dangerous situation not coward
She will pretend to be feminine to get married, get pregnant, then divorce her husband to collect child support. The child will suffer from having a single mother, who used her as a meal ticket.
No one can have anyone they want. No one can have it all. Life is a series of trade offs and consequences. You can have this or that. And each comes with these issues or problems. And you cannot control the feelings or thoughts of others. No one can.
So proud of the young generation of Vietnam. So ready and well-prepared to be a fully engaged global citizen.
LMFAOOOOOOO SHARE YOUR WIFE WITH ME BRO 💪🤣💪
How nice, the modern feudalism.
In doing so, Vietnam will lose the identity of what it means to be Vietnamese. It will become a poor clone of the West and will be saddled with Western problems that even the West is ill equipped to handle. Alternatively, I propose that Vietnamese people be unapologetically proud to be Vietnamese. This means upholding their traditional gender norms, culture, and way of life so as to ensure that they remain free from the external pressure lobbied upon them external sources.
Can't force men.
Future cat mom
I lived in Vietnam for 4 years. I love this country and people. Very smart, open minded, enthusiastic, hard working, welcoming and chill. Vietnamese girls are most feminine and beautiful women I have ever met. I also had 2 relationship with Vietnamese girls. They keep a lot of values since generations and i learned a lot from them. I miss Vietnam and my Vietnamese friends.
From those words, I can safely say you were spending your time in southern Vietnam. Northern Vietnamese ladies are known for their stubbornness, not all obviously. Vietnam has one of the highest female CEOs and business owners. Vietnamese history also has a lot of women leaders. They are very capable, that's for sure.
@@thdjjfsfhthey have balance Both feminine and musculinity can create beautiful human traits
You can't make men desire something they do not if you want to be married and have children. this idea you can do it all and also have it all is wrong it is impossible. if it does happen it is very rare.
To all those that are trying to model her thinking and behavior or are just here to learn some English, be VERY CAREFUL about the message here, it will alter your future forever if you're not discerning enough. Go watch: This Is Why So Many Women Are Single by Courtney Ryan , it's a very good counter video for this particular Ted talk.
Wow. That speech was nearly incomprehensible. It jumped all over the place. I don’t even know what point she was trying to make.
im not surprised
she's so strong and has good orator skills
oh my gosh i’m glad she’s talking about this
And she sounds utterly ‘TARDY LMFAOOOO 💩🤡
It's perfectly fine for women to refuse to be feminine, as long as they're prepared to accept not being chosen by the men who are masculine.
Both are manifestations of men's and women's collective biological preferences, and neither can be erased one gender not waning to compete in the mating market.
Yes so guys can better avoid girls like her and make her future left over women
I love this talk sm
The power of Perspective and Observation one was better
The presuposition is that there are no consequences, individual or collective, involved with the choices one makes. Public perception is constant and if one chooses to deviate from social norms and expectations, there is a cost one must bear. This is why so many women enter the "left over" category and find it difficult to find male partners. Feminity is not defined by society, rather it is a universal set of innate characteristics that define the allure of the feminine mystique. Without it, the chastity, honor, and dignity of women are severely compromised. In this condition, women cease to weild the same power and influence by comparison and the social order of intersexual engagement breaks down. This is what we see happening in the West.
EXACTLY!
I’m here because of. MHD.
WAMR!!!
We are men ain’t we
Me too. I wanted to see how positive the comments were.
Maybe her mistake was in having the crush on John - she needs to find a guy who finds however she chooses to present as feminine.
Exactly! If you like John but he doesn't like you... move on to Jason, Jaden, Jullian, etc...
She should try dating Chads and Tyrone 😂😂
@@concheemsnon664 it's not a matter of her "trying" Chad and Tyrone. She most definitely will date them at some point. Women's nature coupled with the mentally she's talking about inevitably leads to choosing Chad & Tyrone.
this is truly one of the best videos i have seen on TH-cam so far.
She is so well spoken and so confident. I hope she achieves great things in her life!
Yes so great no high value man will marry her lmfaoooooooo 💪🤣💪
After watching, I can see why she is so confident: she makes up her own definitions for words and ideals. Life can be anything she wants. Unfortunately, most average people are't going to agree, because what she's saying is "I want to be a certain way, and you can't have anything bad to say about it, either."
lol you are below average intelligence
It would be interesting know if "Jhon" attracted her for tipical masculine traits or not.
Why the speech don't have the script? 😢Well my Listening skill is quite poor so I wanna practice more. How I can ❤
Anyway, I love her speech ❤
Bạn vào phần mô tả và bấm vào "hiện bản chép lời" là có nha
hi vọng sẽ có một ngày được đứng trên sân khấu và thể hiện bản thân, hùng biện bằng tiếng anh quá
What a wonderful ted talk❤
strong girl Nhu Y ❤🎉
Why can't we just say a person is being toxic, as opposed to blaming their toxicity on masculinity or femininity?
We don't have phrases like "toxic whiteness, toxic asexuality, toxic transexuality, toxic heterosexuality, or toxic Christianity, toxic Islam" etc... So why do we specifically have toxic masculinity and toxic femininity as phrases? It seems irrational to me. Perhaps someone can enlighten me.
She is the only person who has used the concept of toxic femininity in a forum like this. Elsewhere it tends to be used just to highlight the vacuousness of the use of the word masculinity in the term toxic masculinity.
Because making it individual would then dictate that every individual is responsible and accountable for their actions, by making it into toxic femininity you divorce yourself from the responsibility of it and shift it to femininity itself. It's easier to avoid a problem by shifting it to someone or something else than confronting it head-on.
Good question. Unfortunately the phrase Toxic Masculinity was created to try to manipulate and divide. It is far more of a negative value than positive or neutral.
@@chopperking1967 The term Toxic Masculinity was created by psychologist to describe a type of extremely violent male behaviour exhibited in the US Prison system. It was primarily meant to be an academic term that was only used amongst academic circles. Some people caught wind of this term and then decided to mainstreamed it, without explaining what it means and what the origins were.
Toxic masculinity is now considered a psychological disorder. The term there encompasses (apparently) pretty everything that defined the masculine through most of human history: leadership, perseverance, stoicism, personal sacrifice, etc. The result is, any guy seeing a shrink will be told that everything he thinks, says or does is wrong. Most will probably leave after one session.
In 2021, I watched her TikTok’s and suddenly she’s gone, now I know why (I was 12 and she was 14, she was my crush).
hoang?
@@ZenitsuKunn Hoàng Như Ý, her name’s Ý.
Can you tell me what her account name is pls:3?
@@ThanhTruc-ux3ol ys_myz nha bạn, nhưng h search thì toàn ra acc fake thôi do cj ấy dẹp tiktok r
@@ThanhTruc-ux3oldẹp tiktok lâu r bạn.
The confidence that she shows is a great sign that she isn't afraid of opening reality to the society.
12 and she's speaking so confidently, such impressive!!
They mean year 12. Which means she’s a senior in highschool
@@thamle5425ohh, thanks for letting mk
@@thamle5425 that is still impressive whether or not you believe in her ideals
she is a good orator !
Loved everything about this talk!
Do you love the RESULTS of this talk? ie being a forever cat lady? LMFAOOOOOO 💩🤡
Body language tells all. I always feel fishy about all these overconfident, over exaggerating persons.
You go girl! Dont let society dictate your choices, and dont care about how others percieve you
Society and my ex expects me to look after my child, but i dont conform to their standards, they try to force me into a toxic masculine gender role and i refuse that, and i dont want to consider my ex to weak to be the breadwinner for our child, she can do it, she is strong and independent
yes! drizzle drizzle💦 if she can't take care of you and your child, you need to divorce her, get alimony and child support; then find someone better! dont settle for less, king!
@@cyberpatty9879 Yaz King! Drizzle drizzle
😂😂😂
Quá giỏi em ơi
this is so perfect
Bạn nữ quá giỏi và tự tin❤
It’s interesting because I have always been looked down upon for embracing more feminine traits in the professional world
That's why women get pay less than men. Since women can not get the job done.
Looked down upon by who specifically? I find it hard to believe men would look down on you for embracing your femininity.
@@MylezNevisonlooked down by other women due to their toxic feminity
@MylezNevison she obviously means other women.
Masculine energy is order and logic more useful in the work environment
Ugh, such worn out arguments by feminism.
Yes❤🎉🎉🎉😊😊
Amazing ❤❤❤
i need her ig
This is such a great topic to talk about and her confidence and delivery is amazing
So wonderful speech. 🙂
Nghe tò mò muốn biết Thảo quá
from a woman’s perspective, any feminine traits that are hard to achieve must be viewed negatively. It’s much easier to accept yourself as you are and make society out to be the bad guy, when the obvious fact is, she actually did look better when she was more slim.
Yes, it was hard to achieve that look, but the results speak for themselves. if it were easy, everybody would do it.
It’s nonsense to say you can define what femininity is as an individual. Definitions matter. It’s not your truth there is only one truth 🤦♂️
So never talk about Masculinity.
Never expect Men to ....
These are just stereotypes.
@@bestdjaf7499Of course you can talk about it and have expectations. A man's ability to fulfill expectations will determine his popularity on the "market". But not all men desire or are able to take on the responsibilities and expectations of the most successful men. That doesn't mean we don't encourage them to do better. Being lazy, unkempt, unemployed, broke, alone, depressed are not good things.
@@scottyhehehe5367
No!! That is Sexist!!!
Don't ever talk about men. It's a stereotype!!
And I am tired of it!!
If there is no Femininity there is no Masculinity!!
Get over it.
@@scottyhehehe5367
Btw,
Why are you talking to me & not to the original post.
If you want a debate talk to the original poster.
I just agree.
I guess, I am a real woman here.
@@scottyhehehe5367
TH-cam keeps deleting my posts.
I am just agreeing that there is no Femininity or Masculinity or Women or Men.
No expectations.
So it's all cool.
Man or woman, you have the right to be the person you want to be. But don't confuse that with in any way being attractive to a partner. I always subscribed to becoming what I thought woman would find attractive so I got to date lots, and eventually marry a woman I valued. It worked, I got what I set my mind to, and I have two fantastic children. I am now divorced. Largely now, I prioritize MY wants and desires for ME, and no longer care nearly as much about what women care for. I am happy in life, achieving what I wanted, and I am free to live life true to myself.
People confuess confident = good thing , best thing
No confident = weak, insecure
NO ! Every plane that clash and every boat that sink most of them come for captain said " i am confident ! "
Just like her dream will cost her dearly and clash , hopfully she will gain self-awear enough to know confident is not a good thing* at least confident come from Ego boot
It’s not confidence that’s the issue it’s ego, people choose to “be confident” which only works in situations that are adaptable while you are currently in them(I.e. talking to people, reading a book, working a non-skilled labor,etc) the problem occurs when people want to take on challenges that they are not prepared for and they choose to feign confidence instead of preparing themselves that way they can be confident in their abilities
@@Slide4nun i believe "confident" is a buzz word
Tolat scam biggest scam world ever seen
For me
I looking as "problem is problem Even outcome is good or bad or shame
It is irrelevant
Problem still wait to solve
Problem do not care about my ego or my shame at all and never care ,never will care"
@@zueszues9715 look at it this way confidence is the ability to solve the problem that is put in front of you obviously it isn’t what you’ve learned but it is the ability to call back on what you’ve learned and “know” it works it’s like taking your car to your buddy down the block or to a mechanic shop you might get it fixed down the block but you pay for the confidence that it will be fixed and won’t break again if you take it to the shop
@@zueszues9715 the problem isn’t the confidence it’s that people will fake “confidence”
Amazing 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Love you❤❤❤❤
Brave girl ❤❤❤❤❤
💯💯💯
Ủa Hello Hân kkk 🙆🏻♀️
Why are we redefining words? If you're a girl that isn't feminine, it's perfectly okay. Your parents should be okay with you not being feminine. It's okay for John not to like you because you're not.
It sounds to me like you're bitter because John likes feminine girls so you want to redefine feminine to include you so you can get John. John happens to like characteristics that is defined by the word "feminine", if you change the definitition of the word, he'll just choose another word that describes his preference for women.
It sounds like you just want to fit into society, but don't want to change so society must change to accommodate you. If you just stop caring about what other thinks, you'll be happier. You still won't get John though.
That’s a bingo!!
@@Slide4nunIts just "bingo". 😉
@@nyrisj I knew someone would get it
@10:40, Yes, If that's what you choose for yourself that's fine. But, UNDERSTAND THE RESULTS OF YOUR DECISION WHEN THEY BEGIN TO BARE THE FRUIT OF THAT DECISION. YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN WHEN YOU GET WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR.
The bottomline is, that men don't chose that type of women to be with longterm if you choose to be that type of female. It is what it is!
If femininity can be anything you want, then I want the same to apply to masculinity, drizzle drizzle.
If you refuse weight requirements then you don't get to have height requirements.
If you refuse requirements of being soft and submissive then you don't get to have salary and status requirements.
❤❤❤ đỉnhhhhh
cool
I really like those boots she's wearing. They are very cute on her. This is the first time I've seen a girl wear boots like that outside of anime.
She seems very bright and talented and those are attractive and beautiful traits to have.
nguyện làm nội trợ cho bạn
Bravo
Can I have a Drizzle Drizzle?
I think she learned nothing from her experience. You can’t redefine language to absolve yourself of responsibility. Nor can you mandate what another person should be interested in or value. The simple reality is her characteristics or accomplishments weren’t appealing to that individual.
40k??
- dont save her she dont wanna be saved🏳
This was well balanced. Good video. People need the freedom to be who they are. Just understand that some win the genetic lottery and will be classically masculine or classically feminine.
Philosophy aside, this lady is a baddie for sure!!
There is NO Right to be who you want to be, or be who you are, AND STILL get the things from other people you hope to. Life isn't a fairy tail. Young people should know you may have to make choices away from who you are to get what you want from another person. Said another way, being yourself won't likely get you all of what you want. Analyze what will get you what you want, then decide during your baby-steps of achieving your plan, know that compromises will often have to be made. You are entitled to nothing in this world. Being ENTITLED is a cancer that will keep you from being happy, and achieving what you want in life.
I bet most of this video's views came from Manosphere highlights. I also came from that MRA channel, and I have to say, the woman who spoke in the video told absolutely no lies. She spoke the truth whether feminists or red pill guys want to admit it or not, and I have to greatly commend her for that.
And proofs ? Dont just blindly state some bullshits
This TED talk is nothing but LIES.
💅💅💅
please marry my son!
brilliant speech
I can see her future. 45 years old, single, no kids and 5 cats. 😂
ghét cách diễn đạt và ghét luôn cả chủ đề này, tội nghiệp cô bé còn nhỏ mà bị nhồi sọ.
Bác lói chuẩn nuôn
meg march is more valued by men looking for wives and are still these days. Boss babes are annoying.
Loneliness and insignificance awaits you 😂
True but aside from girls e.g. running in that dinosaur way, toxic femininity is an oxymoron, feminine can essentially only be positive or neutral, the antihesis of toxic masculinity. 11:23 This is why the behaviors referred to as toxic femininity are exhibited by men as well.
Why can't we just say a person is being toxic, as opposed to blaming their toxicity on masculinity or femininity?
We don't have phrases like "toxic whiteness, toxic asexuality, toxic transexuality, toxic heterosexuality, or toxic Christianity, toxic Islam" etc... So why do we specifically have toxic masculinity and toxic femininity as phrases? It seems irrational to me. Perhaps someone can enlighten me.
A.I. Women... Are Women. A.I. Is Coming...
@@MylezNevison Because one is erroneously ascribed to femininity but is actually itself the evolutionary product of masculinity (more _paramasculine_ than _feminine),_ and the other ... is redundant. No one has witnessed pure femininity because half of us were domesticated, and we're all hybrid neph
Both toxic masculinity/femininity don't exist, these terms are created by toxic people who just wanna be toxic but want to shift the blame to masculinity or femininity... people can be toxic, period.
🙄🙄🙄🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🙄🤮🤮🤮🤮
She is a good speaker, but she speaks NOTHING about what toxic feminity is. She speaks about pressure and opinions from OTHER PEOPLE, but nothing about personal expression of women in negative ways, and that's predictable.
She's missing the myriad ways that women express negative emotion towards men and each other, like reputation destruction being a chief example.
When we speak about toxic masculinity, we speak about men's personal behaviour, like aggression, touching, and inappropriate behaviour.
If you cannot discuss fairly, then this falls flat as a fantasy of "don't judge me".
This is misleading and misdirection.
Socialist mentality: I want to be a Millionaire, but my friends works 80Hrs a week while i want to work 40Hrs a week. My friend puts more effort on getting the millionaire it is toxic I don't have to put an effort.
based
opininion accepted