Two minutes in and I can already say I RELATE SO HARD. It's so difficult to find other women who are interested, but men are everywhere. Also totally agree with the 'phases' thing, it makes it very hard for me to commit to certain people because I get scared I won't be as interested in them as time passes.
Yes! I agree with what you're saying about the phases! Like I don't want to commit because I'm afraid I'll just go through a different phase and not like them anymore.
I made it 2 minutes in before a bunch of thoughts jumped into my head and this seamed a good placed to post them. If everyone on the planet knows that you are bisexual there will automatically be 10 times more men that want to have sex with you than women. Since you don't have a big tattoo then a lot of women who might be in to you have to deal with the is she isn't she issue. I think that if you are bisexual of either gender and you want to find a potential same sex partner it is up to you to go looking in the gay, or at least LGBT community if you want a realistic expectation of success. Anyway, back to the video.
Finding and joining a bi or at least LGBT community is the best way, and you'll make supportive friends too (though LGBT communities not always good, can be worse treatment than straight communities; try and find out how accepting they are of bisexuals early on; most large towns will have a bi group hopefully, maybe even a bi women's group).
I'm so relieved to hear it's not abnormal to go through phases. I have struggled with my sexuality for a while because I never know if I am really bisexual or not because sometimes I'm more attracted to men and sometimes I'm more attracted to women. The fact that I have never dated anyone in my whole 21 years of existence (almost 22 yikes) only makes me doubt more because am I really bisexual or just desperate for ANY relationship? I know that's a stupid question to ask myself but it's very confusing sometimes. Thank you so much for being so open about sexuality. And please never stop making videos about bisexuality. They're extremely encouraging and helpful for everyone who's struggling like myself.
Soda Poppins don't worry girls. I never kissed or dated until I was 21. I used to hate being the odd one out and I'd keep it to myself but it would always be on my mind that I'd never been with anyone and that I probably never would and it made me feel really ugly. I promise you'll meet someone :) I'm with my first boyfriend now and have for 2 years and a half and I met him on ps3 , he was from Ireland and I'm from England and he lives with me now :)
Soda Poppins I relate to you sooo much,i also go through phases were I like one more than the other,were I'm like am I straight or am I lesbian,but I'm bi!!!,also don't worry I'm 23 and I've only been on a few dates in my whole life so far,so just let your inner beauty shine first and the rest will come" in due time" as my Bishop says,hugs💟
OMG YES! As a bisexual female (who swings more for girls) I totally relate to this! I honestly thought it was just me! I'm in a similar situation of living in the middle of no where, I see very few same sex couples locally and always fall for straight girls. I've also only ever been in "actual" relationships with men before, but I've dated a few girls. So right now I'm solely looking for a relationship with a female, just because that's what I feel like I need to experience. But yeah, the dating game as a bisexual female is a true struggle! Straight girls, experimental girls or lesbians who doubt your sexuality because you give off a "straight vibe". Much Love
MY dilemma is that I am bi, but that I like boys more. BUT only very feminine and delicate boys. And yes, basically all of those boys are gay. So I feel you with your "I fall for straight girls" problem. Also, I like to be dominant with men and women. With women, it's usually fine, but with boys it's a lot more difficult...
Elisa Gautimbert Holy geez I do get that! I used to fall in love with lesbians, even though I knew there was zero chance. That was so weird... I feel like I am more attracted to the yang/masculine energy in people, maybe that's it...but very masculine men are not interesting. :-)
"I like to be dominant" what the fuck does that mean? No one should be "dominant" in a relationship, unless it's a prediscussed agreement about bdsm. You shouldnt want to be the dominent one in a relationship
petarinabug we don't mean dominant in the sense of "you must do as I say, you are submissive". I use the word dominance to describe the fact that I like to initiate things (sexual or otherwise), and I naturally have a dominant (loud) personality. Also regarding sex, I prefer to be on top.
I wish I could give this a thousand likes. This is so honest and amazing. Being bi/pan CAN be hard and frustrating and difficult (as well as wonderful and fun and all the good stuff). Sometimes I go through phases, like you. It's a constant state of questioning myself and my wants and needs, which is stressful. For months at a time I'm like "nope, definitely gay", and suddenly I have sexy dreams about men for like two weeks. ARGHHHH. Anyway. Thank you for this video. Love you.
I totally get you. I'm in a long term relationship with a guy and I feel like people don't believe I'm bisexual or some joke I might be a "secret lesbian" because I'm open about my attraction towards women also. I find my bisexuality makes people insecure, especially if I'm in a relationship with them. Being bisexual is difficult in my opinion because I feel as though neither straight or gay people fully understand us. Or some flat up deny we exist! My dad read a blog I wrote about bisexuality and told me I had disgraced him and he was ashamed I was his daughter. It was so humiliating and hurtful for me. I've had such a hard time "coming out" to friends and family. Not one of my family members have been accepting of it. :/
I'm so sorry that you had to experience your family not accepting you. I have two mothers, and coming out to them as bi was hard for me. I can't imagine what it would be like to come out to those who don't have experience with the LGBTQ community and who don't understand and are hateful. I hope that you eventually find people who accept you and love you for who you are!
Hi... I hope you're doing a bit better now. I had a similar experience (awful 'coming out' experience with my family) and things have still been a bit rough. Keep fighting friend.
I love your videos about your bisexuality because I feel like I can relate to who you're attracted to. I'm not really sure about my sexuality, but I tend to be more feminine and an more attracted girls and boys who are a bit more feminine. I'm still trying to figure everything out, but it's just nice to hear your experiences and opinions on lgbtqa+ issues, so thanks for making these videos Mel
I totally go through that waves of prefering one gender over another and that makes me constantly in doubt but at the same time I kinda just don't care anymore :) Great vid xx
My girlfriend and I are both bisexual, Irish and met on tinder! I agree with everything you've said, since I came out people have said to be that I look straight or I don't look queer or they would never have guessed - as if it's always easy to tell from someone's appearance what their sexuality is. I've also been called a lesbian because I have a girlfriend, and while I understand two girls being together typically would be described as a lesbian relationship, it is so demeaning to my sexual identity to erase my bisexuality just because of whatever gender I express attraction to. Sometimes I still get nervous about how someone I don't really know will react when I say I have a girlfriend, but I think people in Ireland are becoming for progressive and understanding, hopefully the world will start to recognise bisexuality more! Bisexuality is real and valid, we're not confused or indecisive or greedy 💗💜💙
As another femme, I've also found it incredibly difficult to attract women. I go to the club and get all the men I'd never want or I go to the gay bar and I'm a straight ally lol
Hi Melanie! I'm a bi guy watching your video from the US, and I love the bisexual discussion. I do hate how people think bisexuals can't be monogamous. If you are sexually attracted to both blondes and brunettes, but you marry a blonde person, you aren't still going to need to sleep with brunettes. I am curious how you deal with flirting with girls. Do you ever flirt with a straight girl and have them get offended?
Honestly, as a 17 year old lesbian, your videos have helped me so much! I watch your series and it helps calm my brain down and actually helps me unscramble my brain and my thoughts :) In terms on meeting a girl, I'll give you advice when it happens to me haha!! I'm not so much as picky as I am trying to avoid looking at someone as a sexual object. I spread this message so much that it's gotten to the point where I even struggle to look at a girl without feeling guilty. It's such a strange issue but it is what it is. Thank you Melanie for these amazing videos!!!!!! Love from Wales x
It was so amazing to hear you talk about this. I have the exact same feeling when it comes to my bisexuality, and it is nice to listen to someone put your thoughts into words. Can´t wait to read more of this in you book! xx
I honestly relate to everything you've mentioned! I'm bisexual, I've previously only had boyfriends but now I have a girlfriend. I think the thing that annoys me most is how a lot of people feel a lack of trust etc when dating a bisexual, or being scared they're gonna change their mind and want the opposite sex or cheat on them, the list goes on. If I'm in a relationship then they get my complete attention and I don't find myself wanting/missing the other gender, like it's the person I want to be with more than just what body parts they have, if that makes sense :) Love your videos! X
I'm a bisexual woman living right outside of Washington DC. I've always had problems with women thinking I'm straight as can be, even in gay bars/clubs/etc. But even when I tell them I like both men and women, a lot of them will shy away because they're afraid they can't offer me what a man can or I'd leave them for a man or whatever. It's really disappointing because I too haven't gotten to experience a relationship with a woman and I crave it.
you are AWESOME! Thank you for existing I understand SO MUCH of your dilemmas, like about taking different roles when with a girl or a guy, and that being super confusing for me as well.. and yep, most of it has to do with our heterossexual society. But when you mentioned that you act more "gentlemen-like" (hate the term) with girls, it is probably just a part of your nature that you've shut down due to fitting in with heterossexual relations and relationships. So I believe it is something you should work on when dating guys, because it'll probably make you feel much more like your true self, plus more confident!!
i'm a femme too and look like your typical "straight girl". I live in the US and have the same issue. The girls that do make moves are not my type. I like the lipstick type and I suck at initiating conversation bc I never know whether a girl is into girls lol! #thestruggleisreal
This video was actually so great! As per usual. It kinda hit home for me especially because I'm in the same exact position, just reverse the role of the sexes. I feel as though a lot of the struggles bisexual people have when entering new relationships with those who identify as purely homosexual has to do a lot with certain social stigmas. And it's definitely different when you're a bisexual woman. They seem to be deemed as more promiscuous or "just going through a phase" and all. But given you haven't been in a long term relationship with a woman, you can't get a sense of what actually works for you and what doesn't. And sadly enough, when you open up to the person you're dating - about them potentially being that "first experience" when it comes to being in a long term relationship, I think they tend to feel vulnerable because they don't know if what your going to feel is consistent. Given the fact you've never had the experience prior. Thus, they tend to feel like part of an "experiment". No one wants to get their heart broken, so I can understand why people put a guard up with that sort of thing. However, it does really suck because you need that experience. But all in all, the right person will come along and walk through it all with you if they care enough :) Good luck to ya!
Aw thanks a million, Chai! :) I've just found myself being so drawn to TH-camrs who are unapologetically themselves and who open up...it really encourages me to feel safe in doing the same. It's therapeutic! I actually love how your vids look and your colour grading I always think mine are so boring :') (nearly every TH-camr I know thinks their own setup sucks hehe)
Videos like these make me so happy! You and Rose & Rosie are massive inspirations to me and really help me understand my own bisexuality. Thank you for being so open and honest, it's amazing to see people that I can relate to on here as I don't really have anyone irl and everything I feel about my sexuality is always swimming around in my head with no one to share it with. (Also I love your glasses!!) ❤️
This is such a good chat! Such an important topic for discussion. We need to normalise attraction to more than one gender and celebrate it. Also, again with the inclusiveness of your language! Thanks again for doing that quick mention of non-cis genders; and making it clear that gender/sex is different. It's appreciated!
I love this video! It's so good to hear your experiences, so many thoughts came up watching this that I can't write them all down and make them make sense! Watching your sexuality videos over the last few months has really helped me become more comfortable as I'm figuring stuff out. Please keep making them! A lot of what you talk about I feel the same way, especially about just liking PEOPLE, that's how I feel! Hearing someone else say that reaffirms it for me and makes it a wonderful thing. Bisexuality was never a thing when I was at school and I feel like sexuality in general can be so taboo, something it's not socially acceptable to talk about, and people (me included) can feel so uncomfortable talking about it. So it's really hard to talk to others about a huge part of our lives, but if/when we do we realise that all the things we're thinking and feeling others are too. So hearing you talk about it so openly and honestly on youtube is amazing! Love your videos in general, you're so genuine and real they're just great to watch!
HEY FAM! :) What time is it where you are!? And what's the best time GMT for me to upload for you guys!? *HUGS* Twitter: melaniietweets / Instagram & Snapchat: melaniiemurphy X
This video put basically everything I have ever thought relating to my sexuality as a bisexual woman into words! It's so great to know that other people understand!
I have a similar problem with women not realizing that I am interested in them since I am quite feminine and probably give off a straight vibe. Ever since I came to terms with being bi and until I started dating my current boyfriend, I would flirt with some women, but they were either straight or just thought I was being really nice. The struggle was real.
Ahhh it is so good to read all these comments, so many of you guys relate and get it! I never want to sound like I'm complaining but it's absolutely a big issue for me right now
Melanie, you sound so much like me it's eerie. I've casually dated a few women but it's so hard for me to find someone I'm attracted to, plus I apparently come off as straight. Oh, also I'm crazy shy with girls. I'm fearless around men but put me on a date with a pretty girl and I get so tongue-tied. Honestly, I think a lot of "reading straight" has to do with bi erasure. There's such a stigma, very little representation, and so many people don't even believe bisexuality is legitimate. Additionally, I think so many women have had experiences like you and I that we wind up defaulting to heterosexual relationships because it's just easier to find people. I also find women to be more passive on dating apps, so when you're listed as bisexual you wind up with 100 messages from men and maybe 2 from women so connecting with another woman just becomes less likely than meeting a man. I do think it's harder outside of large cities to meet other women as a femme bisexual woman, but I think it's difficult everywhere! It's not just you, I promise.
More men approach me by far both in person and online. I think socialization of the genders is the biggest factor here, with a little sprinkle of my personal presentation. Women generally though express more of an interest in actually dating/being with me beyond hooking up. I'm just out here having a good time and while I used to read a lot into it, I'm trying to let go and just pursue things and people when it feels good, right, and healthy. I love you! I really like these style of videos!
Please, Mel, make more videos like that. I just feel like it's so important and not too many people talk about bisexuality. For me, as bisexual myself, videos like that work as the biggest support. I'm always so happy to watch them. Thanks 💕 xx
This video is so relatable omg. It's so refreshing to hear someone talk about sexuality and dating when they don't have it all figured out. Please make more videos like this, I love love love this!!!
Ugh, I'm also bi and very feminine and can definitely relate to trying to dress gayer. Just found your channel recently and now I have a new person to add to my bi faves 💖💖💖
I feel you girl!! It's soo good to hear someone like you say this because I feel the exact same way. I usually like really girly girls, and they are usually straight. I also go through phases kind of, and it makes me quite confused and frustrated cause even though I live in a bigger city than you, there is not a single one!! And I've also experienced a couple of lesbian being sort of "turned off" when they hear my history with guys. I really want to date a girl right now (dating men is all so fine but you know what I mean!) it just so happens that the universe won't work with me. Please make more videos like this, I love them! (and you and your sexxy looks and accent xx) hugs from Norway
Oh my gosh, I CAN DEFINITELY RELATE TO THIS. I was screaming at literally everything you mentioned because it is hella relatable.. especially the part where you feel like you take on the more "masculine"/"boy" role when dating women and then becoming the more submissive role with men. AHHH, I absolutely love your glasses and buns and I definitely just subscribed :)
I really would love to hear more bisexual individuals talk about these "phases" that some of us go through as it is an often overlooked but a totally complex and massive part of what we experience, often causing a whole lot of hurt, confusion and emotional distress. Especially since it is so misunderstood. Thank you so much for touching on this aspect!!
I came from Connor's channel and I'm so glad that he linked you! this is a great video and super relatable. I'm a bi with very little experience with women and it is on my mind about what a relationship would be like with a woman long term. I also do worry about stigma. #relatable
I am a straight girl from Ireland and when I was in secondary school one of my friends was a lesbian and she had a few girlfriends in our school career. It was really great to see people being happy to come out and show they were proud of who they were but I do agree that now I've left school I rarely see two girls holding hands in Dublin city. I must say I do see a few proud gay couples the odd time but it would be nice to see more people being proud to walk to streets of Dublin holding hands with their partner and not be judged for it! Love your videos so much Melanie ❤️
This is literally everything I'm going through, it's so nice to hear someone speak so honestly about this. Kinda feel alone sometimes with these thoughts and problems as I have never met another open bisexual woman. Thank you!
Maybe the reason girls don't approach you is the same reason I wouldn't.....I have no guts. Maybe they are just terrified because you're so beautiful! 😂😍
Girl, I can't even express how grateful I am for this video. I'm bisexual and I've been recently feeling so bad about myself, cause I've been thinking and feeling attracted way more to men than women lately. It made me even question if I wasn't really "just being bi for attention" (cause that's what some people think bisexuality is about) although just about 2 months ago I was almost only looking into girls. Thank you for making me realize I'm not alone - and not crazy haha
San Junipero is amazing ! The first time I saw you on TH-cam I didn't know you were bisexual and I was pretty attracted to you (even if I don't really know if I'm bisexual myself for the moment I'm quite young and lost), so I came to your videos and when I saw that you are bi I was very happy (just because I guessed right ahaha) I believe I'm not the only one and maybe people you met hoped that you are bi too ;)
I’m fairly new to the whole TH-cam scene of subscribing to Vloggers etc. but I’ve stumbled across your channel and just had to say that I’m loving your videos, ESPECIALLY the content in this one! My appearance is considered very feminine, as is I suppose my career choice (Musical Theatre) so I often have my sexuality questioned by strangers or even my peers, & I SO relate to going through phases of being attracted to different genders at different times of my life so I’m so pleased that you’ve been open about this! I don’t have too many close bisexual friends, either male or female, so I’m used to receiving lots of questions about my sexuality, but what frustrates me is when people seem to be quite narrow-minded and unaccepting of the answers I give them when it’s not quite what they were expecting. I’ve been fortunate enough to not have been on the receiving end of biphobia too often but I do regularly find myself in the company of others whose knowledge of bisexuality seems pretty limited, so your videos on this subject are such a Godsend and I’m so pleased you want to share your personal experiences and opinions on the subject on such a large platform! Looking forward to more videos xxx Heidi.
It's where you live, and/or closed minded lesbians! I understand completely, and had the exact same issues. I was married to a man, and had 2 children. One from my husband and one from a BF years after our divorce. It was hard to find women to date because I identified as Bi (I now identify as Pan) and had only dated men. In between my ex husband and my ex bf I dated a woman, but she broke my heart. I then dated a few men. After being single for a few years I met this gorgeous woman (she's lesbian), but she was dating someone else. We became friends, her now ex cheated, she was single for a few months and then we finally got together. We will be celebrating our 5 yr anniversary on Sat!!! 👭❤
so much of what you talked about in this video just gave me a huge sense of relief, knowing that it is normal for bi ladies, especially the part about switching "role" when with a man vs a woman. this was so helpful and affirmative. thank you.
I entirely relate to this. Having somewhat recently got out of a relationship with a man I'm now in the position to explore my sexuality, something I've not really managed to do before, but I'm in the same dilemma as you - how do I go about it? I definitely feel that I get more attention from men than women and because I've only ever had serious relationships with men that feels like the norm to me, so I'm almost drawn to that scenario, despite wanting to explore the ladies route.. It's tricky!
The phases thing you mentioned is so relevant and important to me - recently I've been questioning things about myself and I have periods where I'm really focused on women and others where I'm really focused on men and I feel like that's often led to me invalidating myself and not believing that I'm a 'real bisexual' if that makes sense? It's nice to hear about someone who goes through the same thing so thank you!!
I can relate to this so hard, I recently came out of my first long term relationship, it was a guy and we were together for three years. Now I'm like 'okay but GIRLS.' Unfortunately I also live in a pretty quiet and close-minded area :/ meeting ANYONE is seeming like an impossible task. Doesn't help that I'm really obtuse and can never tell when people are attracted to me, and I never have the guts to make any sort of move myself...
I am so happy I have found you Mel. Cause, every video I have watched of you I relate to you and scream at my computer "yes!!" Or "ugh same!!" It's so nice. Just everything you said, is what I have felt/been through. You're amazing, thank you so much.
I had to pause the video because I started crying (tears of joys, don't worry) when I heard you were writing a book. You so captivating and smart and insightful and your videos have been such a big influence on me throughout my journey with my own sexuality. All I can say is that I am overjoyed
being a bisexual is good but sometimes really hard , i have this kind of problem , sometimes man's flirt with me or women. but lately girls been more in my area hahh I wish we had a app bcuz is hard to find bisexuals or someone that trust and don't care about our sexuality , I remember when I was little I didn't know what was bisexuality or that was normal to be in love with girl , I basically lived in fear for years , I hope you found the girl that you want I love u babe xoxoxo
I am the same as you. I am waaay more attracted to girls but I am still bi. I've only fallen in love with girls but I still like boys. I loved a girl so bad and now people try to make me straight. Why don't you understand, it's not a phase! I am bi and I don't wanna be with boys right now because I've been suppressing these feeling for five fucking years and these feelings keep growing in me, I feel like I'm gonna die because of these things. It's so heavy OMG!
This video took the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. From not being approached by women at all really, feeling like maybe I don't read queer of bi enough and that why, to never having been in a long term relationship with a woman and wanting to explore that. Really glad you made this video.
Anyone straight, yet love these type of videos? Personally, it really helps me to understand all of the other wonderful sexualities more. I really hope there comes a day when everyone accepts each other.
You should go and stay in Brighton for a lil while! It's a perfect place to meet someone who won't judge you for your past relationships, everyone is so accepting and friendly.
Dude that was me sooo much! i literally felt exactly that i gave off too many straight vibes but Im bi too. its frustrating to feel like only guys notice you that way!!
The main thing that bothers me about being Bisexual is that I feel like I'm not valid as LGBT+ because I've never been with a girl, and I'm in a long term relationship with a man.
I totally relate to this! I didn't come out and fully accept my bisexuality until I was in a long term relationship with a man. Two years later I still have trouble with it but keeping open communication with my boyfriend and being honest with myself helps. You're sexuality is still very much real and valid. No one can take it away from you xx
Gabrielle Louise I definitely get this. I've never been in a relationship w/ a woman (because I also identify as demisexual & I never had any close female friendships, someone who I could emotionally connect with-when I did the timing was always wrong), and am in a long term relationship with a bisexual man-which brings about its own "questioning" problems. If that makes sense? He's been in sexual relationships with men so sometimes I feel like he's more bisexual than I am. It's hard when so many people (both inside and outside of the community) nay-say you, but we're valid. Interested in women or non-binary people or trans people, someone that isn't the same gender as yourself? You're valid. You're bisexual. You don't need to prove yourself 💜
I watched that episode and it was beautiful. That moved me in ways I didn’t think a tv show could, because no form of media has before. I’ll be honest, I cried. Thank you for recommending it to us!😁😁
Wow, these chatty/spontaneous type of videos are starting to become my favs on your channel! Really enjoying you sharing so openly, and it gets me into 'introspective mode' each and every time 😊 Thank youu, sending lots of love
Being bisexual myself I've run into alot of these same issues but I also know that since you are absolutely stunning guys are more likely to take a chance and approach you where girl are more like "intimidated" I guess. Like I deffinately find you attractive but also out of my league so I'd just pass you by :/ Guys are more "take a 12 shots and see if one sticks" where girls are more calculated in their approach and wait lolz
Thank you so much for making these videos! As a young woman who is just discovering my bisexuality it's hard to find representation out there. Especially as a feminine, non-straight woman. I'm proud of being bisexual but there are many instances where it feels like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's hard to navigate. It's nice to see another bisexy struggling with the same issues and finding it hard to find a same sex partner or living in an environment where there's so little representation and it's therefore not completely accepted. I've always lived in very conservative areas so I'm moving to the west coast of the U.S. this year and am excited to be in a place where it's so common and accepted.
Yessss Melanie, I get this. I never get hit on by women... I think it might be to do with society as a whole though. Like the way that people are portrayed, girls who like girls might assume that a lot of other girls are straight. Whereas men are taught that women will want them so just go for it. I don't think it's necessarily 'vibes' to be honest, may just be fear of rejection, people could potentially make it really embarrassing if they get hit on and are not interested... Anyway, thank you for talking about this, you're amazing
I hashtag relate 😂 esp to the bit where you said about being more 'gentlemanly' around girls and submissive around guys! It's just something that naturally tends to happen, but I do wonder what it'd be like to let a girl pay for my meals and things. It's weird because I totally want an equal relationship, you just tend to fall into patterns don't you 😝
Lizzie Hodges Myself i act pretty much the same towards men than women, but my mood changes so I can be submissive one day and the exact opposite the next. Kinda confusing for some people. I prefer to use yin/yang to define people's personalities. Much broader than just feminine/masculine. But I do have to admit being all gentlemanly with women and not with guys, with whom I'm more submissive. So weird, like you but in reverse (I identify as man). Do you sometime feel like you need a strong emotional connection to get physically intimate with someone ? That's mandatory to me.
I do the same thing (except giving the coat; I'm always borrowing from the other person since I'm always cold lol)! The only problem for me with being dominant with a girl is that I'm usually shorter 😅 like I'll go to put my arm around her shoulder and then realize that I'm too short to do that comfortably (and then awkwardly put my arm down and hope nobody noticed)
It feels SO GOOD to hear you talk about these things because I'm exactly the same! I too have phases, I wanted to experience a long term relationship with a girl because I hadn't had one yet (but then I met the love of my life who happened to be male, so yeah, couldn't just ignore him haha) and people also think I'm straight and it is SO frustrating. I constantly think "Is it me or society?!" because I'm also feminine. I ALSO have a different dynamic when I'm with a guy than with a girl. And so on and so on. It's just great to hear that you experience all of this too! You're not alone :)
I commented on that zalfie vlog DEMANDING that you all film a collab about sex, so I may as well let you know too Mel. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COLLAB WITH ZALFIE
I totally would! It would be so funny even just to hang out, me Hannah and them, and for them to see what me and Hannah are like when talking about sex hahahahaha I think they'd be shocked but would laugh a ton :D x
Thank you so much for this! When I was questioning my sexuality I went to TH-cam to find videos but there wasn't many to help, and now that I fully identify as bisexual it makes me so happy to see these videos :) thank you Melanie xx
Whether the girl I'm dating is a lesbian or bi or anything on the vast spectrum of sexuality, they chose to date me so obviously I'd be enough for them and if I'm not then I wouldn't be dating them in the first place :)
I am a lesbian & wouldn't think twice about dating a bi woman. I don't know if it low self esteem that puts some off, they chose to date me, I am awesome, i see no problem!
I admire how open and honest you are. We need more people like you. I'm also from a small town originally. Generally speaking, it's pretty conservative. So conservative that I never really allowed myself to imagine that I could be anything other than straight. Almost like it never occurred to me that I might not fit into the sexual binary. Living in Toronto has helped with that predicament. Meeting people who are confident and varied has shown me that sex and gender don't need to be concrete, static things. And I love that.
YES Melanie I know exactly how you feel, I'm also bisexual but give off major straight vibes. I've spoken with some of my gay friends about this and they agreed that when I wear my nose ring (I have my septum pierced), I give off the vibe that there's potential with me. Soooo maybe a nose piercing is the way to go? heehee xx
Thank you so much for this! I related to this 100% and it so wonderful to hear things that you feel being confirmed and understood by someone else. Thanks for being such a beautiful person!
I'll admit I don't have a lot of experience in this department, but it sounds like it might be where you live! I think you'd have a lot more luck in a city like London or Manchester :) Love these videos x
omg, this is so true. From what I have noticed and my friends have noticed, there are more guys that check me out than women. And I hate to say this but it depends so much on my outfit or how I did my hair that day. I wish that stereotypes or prejudices could disappear so I can walk by people without them thinking that I am straight or gay. I guess it is just complicated because you don't want to get close to someone and really start to like them and then realizing that they are not interested on your gender. This whole video is so relatable and I just needed to hear this from someone else. Thanks Melanie
oh girl, I feel you! I experience pretty much the same. I attract nor bisexual girls nor lesbians because I look too "feminine" and if lesbian notices me it's because a friend told them I'm not straight but they automatically think I won't be loyal to them and this makes me go nuts so only boys will flirt with me but atm I really don't feel like bananas hahaha. Damn. still don't know how to find my princess! thank you for this video, it was very interesting! lot of love from Italy ❤
I was in the same predicament when I was single a few years ago. I had a hard time attracting women, but attracted men. I fell for a queer woman who was in a monogamous relationship, but she liked me too. We couldn't do anything about it. Then, she moved away and became single while I became taken. I have wondered for years what it would be like to try something with her. Thankfully, if the stars align, my current relationship is able to take her into consideration :) You are such a beauty inside and out. Thank you for sharing.
I'm bisexual and I like girls a lot but I'm very feminine meaning that by just looking at me you would think I was straight, and also I prefer boys who are pretty feminine meaning that it's hard to find someone who fits my sexuality and the things I like. I also have the problem that I really like a lot of straight girls, it's so hard to find someone that fits my type and who I find attractive.
Melanie, thank you for this video. I've been feeling down lately (and *really* down the past week/today), and a lot of it has been tied to my sexuality, so I was a bit nervous that this video was only going to make me feel more down. But it actually did the exact opposite--I feel a lot better after watching this. While the LGBTQ+ community on youtube is super informative and inclusive and I love it, I must admit sometimes makes me sad because I can't always relate to it. I live in a small Southern US town, I'm single and don't really have a sense of community. It makes my dilemmas, like the ones you discussed, feel so isolating. So to hear you be so vocal and open about the struggles you face, so many I can relate to (used to id as bi, now I use the label queer because I feel like I'm much more attracted to women, but I've only ever been in a relationship with a man, so the part about craving a relationship with a woman is sooooo me rn), made me feel less alone and less caught up in my head.
My dilemma is that there's a missed opportunity to have called this video 'My Bilemma'.
LOL
FarKingNeckbeard yes!😂
Two minutes in and I can already say I RELATE SO HARD. It's so difficult to find other women who are interested, but men are everywhere. Also totally agree with the 'phases' thing, it makes it very hard for me to commit to certain people because I get scared I won't be as interested in them as time passes.
Georgia Marie Yessss oh my god me to a T
Yes! I agree with what you're saying about the phases! Like I don't want to commit because I'm afraid I'll just go through a different phase and not like them anymore.
I made it 2 minutes in before a bunch of thoughts jumped into my head and this seamed a good placed to post them. If everyone on the planet knows that you are bisexual there will automatically be 10 times more men that want to have sex with you than women. Since you don't have a big tattoo then a lot of women who might be in to you have to deal with the is she isn't she issue. I think that if you are bisexual of either gender and you want to find a potential same sex partner it is up to you to go looking in the gay, or at least LGBT community if you want a realistic expectation of success. Anyway, back to the video.
Finding and joining a bi or at least LGBT community is the best way, and you'll make supportive friends too (though LGBT communities not always good, can be worse treatment than straight communities; try and find out how accepting they are of bisexuals early on; most large towns will have a bi group hopefully, maybe even a bi women's group).
I'm so relieved to hear it's not abnormal to go through phases. I have struggled with my sexuality for a while because I never know if I am really bisexual or not because sometimes I'm more attracted to men and sometimes I'm more attracted to women. The fact that I have never dated anyone in my whole 21 years of existence (almost 22 yikes) only makes me doubt more because am I really bisexual or just desperate for ANY relationship? I know that's a stupid question to ask myself but it's very confusing sometimes.
Thank you so much for being so open about sexuality. And please never stop making videos about bisexuality. They're extremely encouraging and helpful for everyone who's struggling like myself.
Soda Poppins I haven't dated anyone in my 20 years of life either, (sad) high five
Soda Poppins Wow you just summed up how I feel.
Soda Poppins don't worry girls. I never kissed or dated until I was 21. I used to hate being the odd one out and I'd keep it to myself but it would always be on my mind that I'd never been with anyone and that I probably never would and it made me feel really ugly. I promise you'll meet someone :) I'm with my first boyfriend now and have for 2 years and a half and I met him on ps3 , he was from Ireland and I'm from England and he lives with me now :)
Soda Poppins This is me.
Soda Poppins I relate to you sooo much,i also go through phases were I like one more than the other,were I'm like am I straight or am I lesbian,but I'm bi!!!,also don't worry I'm 23 and I've only been on a few dates in my whole life so far,so just let your inner beauty shine first and the rest will come" in due time" as my Bishop says,hugs💟
I'm so with you in the "phases" idea. I've never heard someone talking about that and it reassured me that it's not just me. Phew!!
OMG YES! As a bisexual female (who swings more for girls) I totally relate to this! I honestly thought it was just me! I'm in a similar situation of living in the middle of no where, I see very few same sex couples locally and always fall for straight girls. I've also only ever been in "actual" relationships with men before, but I've dated a few girls. So right now I'm solely looking for a relationship with a female, just because that's what I feel like I need to experience. But yeah, the dating game as a bisexual female is a true struggle! Straight girls, experimental girls or lesbians who doubt your sexuality because you give off a "straight vibe". Much Love
MY dilemma is that I am bi, but that I like boys more. BUT only very feminine and delicate boys. And yes, basically all of those boys are gay. So I feel you with your "I fall for straight girls" problem.
Also, I like to be dominant with men and women. With women, it's usually fine, but with boys it's a lot more difficult...
Elisa Gautimbert Holy geez I do get that! I used to fall in love with lesbians, even though I knew there was zero chance. That was so weird... I feel like I am more attracted to the yang/masculine energy in people, maybe that's it...but very masculine men are not interesting. :-)
YES me too! :o
Olivia Cirocco OMG I am not alone
"I like to be dominant" what the fuck does that mean? No one should be "dominant" in a relationship, unless it's a prediscussed agreement about bdsm. You shouldnt want to be the dominent one in a relationship
petarinabug we don't mean dominant in the sense of "you must do as I say, you are submissive". I use the word dominance to describe the fact that I like to initiate things (sexual or otherwise), and I naturally have a dominant (loud) personality. Also regarding sex, I prefer to be on top.
I wish I could give this a thousand likes. This is so honest and amazing. Being bi/pan CAN be hard and frustrating and difficult (as well as wonderful and fun and all the good stuff).
Sometimes I go through phases, like you. It's a constant state of questioning myself and my wants and needs, which is stressful. For months at a time I'm like "nope, definitely gay", and suddenly I have sexy dreams about men for like two weeks. ARGHHHH.
Anyway. Thank you for this video. Love you.
I totally get you. I'm in a long term relationship with a guy and I feel like people don't believe I'm bisexual or some joke I might be a "secret lesbian" because I'm open about my attraction towards women also. I find my bisexuality makes people insecure, especially if I'm in a relationship with them. Being bisexual is difficult in my opinion because I feel as though neither straight or gay people fully understand us. Or some flat up deny we exist! My dad read a blog I wrote about bisexuality and told me I had disgraced him and he was ashamed I was his daughter. It was so humiliating and hurtful for me. I've had such a hard time "coming out" to friends and family. Not one of my family members have been accepting of it. :/
I'm so sorry that you had to experience your family not accepting you. I have two mothers, and coming out to them as bi was hard for me. I can't imagine what it would be like to come out to those who don't have experience with the LGBTQ community and who don't understand and are hateful. I hope that you eventually find people who accept you and love you for who you are!
Hi... I hope you're doing a bit better now. I had a similar experience (awful 'coming out' experience with my family) and things have still been a bit rough. Keep fighting friend.
I love your videos about your bisexuality because I feel like I can relate to who you're attracted to. I'm not really sure about my sexuality, but I tend to be more feminine and an more attracted girls and boys who are a bit more feminine. I'm still trying to figure everything out, but it's just nice to hear your experiences and opinions on lgbtqa+ issues, so thanks for making these videos Mel
I totally go through that waves of prefering one gender over another and that makes me constantly in doubt but at the same time I kinda just don't care anymore :) Great vid xx
My girlfriend and I are both bisexual, Irish and met on tinder!
I agree with everything you've said, since I came out people have said to be that I look straight or I don't look queer or they would never have guessed - as if it's always easy to tell from someone's appearance what their sexuality is. I've also been called a lesbian because I have a girlfriend, and while I understand two girls being together typically would be described as a lesbian relationship, it is so demeaning to my sexual identity to erase my bisexuality just because of whatever gender I express attraction to. Sometimes I still get nervous about how someone I don't really know will react when I say I have a girlfriend, but I think people in Ireland are becoming for progressive and understanding, hopefully the world will start to recognise bisexuality more!
Bisexuality is real and valid, we're not confused or indecisive or greedy 💗💜💙
As another femme, I've also found it incredibly difficult to attract women. I go to the club and get all the men I'd never want or I go to the gay bar and I'm a straight ally lol
YES omg I went to a gay party with my straight friend and they all thought she was gay and I was straight 😅
Been there done that haha
Hi Melanie! I'm a bi guy watching your video from the US, and I love the bisexual discussion. I do hate how people think bisexuals can't be monogamous. If you are sexually attracted to both blondes and brunettes, but you marry a blonde person, you aren't still going to need to sleep with brunettes. I am curious how you deal with flirting with girls. Do you ever flirt with a straight girl and have them get offended?
Honestly, as a 17 year old lesbian, your videos have helped me so much! I watch your series and it helps calm my brain down and actually helps me unscramble my brain and my thoughts :) In terms on meeting a girl, I'll give you advice when it happens to me haha!! I'm not so much as picky as I am trying to avoid looking at someone as a sexual object. I spread this message so much that it's gotten to the point where I even struggle to look at a girl without feeling guilty. It's such a strange issue but it is what it is. Thank you Melanie for these amazing videos!!!!!! Love from Wales x
It was so amazing to hear you talk about this. I have the exact same feeling when it comes to my bisexuality, and it is nice to listen to someone put your thoughts into words. Can´t wait to read more of this in you book! xx
"I always end up liking straight girls" RELATABLE OMG
I honestly relate to everything you've mentioned!
I'm bisexual, I've previously only had boyfriends but now I have a girlfriend.
I think the thing that annoys me most is how a lot of people feel a lack of trust etc when dating a bisexual, or being scared they're gonna change their mind and want the opposite sex or cheat on them, the list goes on. If I'm in a relationship then they get my complete attention and I don't find myself wanting/missing the other gender, like it's the person I want to be with more than just what body parts they have, if that makes sense :)
Love your videos! X
I'm a bisexual woman living right outside of Washington DC. I've always had problems with women thinking I'm straight as can be, even in gay bars/clubs/etc. But even when I tell them I like both men and women, a lot of them will shy away because they're afraid they can't offer me what a man can or I'd leave them for a man or whatever. It's really disappointing because I too haven't gotten to experience a relationship with a woman and I crave it.
Your hair and glasses are soo cute!
you are AWESOME! Thank you for existing
I understand SO MUCH of your dilemmas, like about taking different roles when with a girl or a guy, and that being super confusing for me as well.. and yep, most of it has to do with our heterossexual society.
But when you mentioned that you act more "gentlemen-like" (hate the term) with girls, it is probably just a part of your nature that you've shut down due to fitting in with heterossexual relations and relationships. So I believe it is something you should work on when dating guys, because it'll probably make you feel much more like your true self, plus more confident!!
i'm a femme too and look like your typical "straight girl". I live in the US and have the same issue. The girls that do make moves are not my type. I like the lipstick type and I suck at initiating conversation bc I never know whether a girl is into girls lol! #thestruggleisreal
AudaciouslyKari where in the us are you ;)
I did lol
AudaciouslyKari I feel you! I'm also femme and like femme women. The women I like are super straight. #thestruggleisreal
I. Understand. COMPLETELY.
Falling in love with a straight girl is a special kind of pain :(
This video was actually so great! As per usual. It kinda hit home for me especially because I'm in the same exact position, just reverse the role of the sexes. I feel as though a lot of the struggles bisexual people have when entering new relationships with those who identify as purely homosexual has to do a lot with certain social stigmas. And it's definitely different when you're a bisexual woman. They seem to be deemed as more promiscuous or "just going through a phase" and all. But given you haven't been in a long term relationship with a woman, you can't get a sense of what actually works for you and what doesn't. And sadly enough, when you open up to the person you're dating - about them potentially being that "first experience" when it comes to being in a long term relationship, I think they tend to feel vulnerable because they don't know if what your going to feel is consistent. Given the fact you've never had the experience prior. Thus, they tend to feel like part of an "experiment". No one wants to get their heart broken, so I can understand why people put a guard up with that sort of thing. However, it does really suck because you need that experience. But all in all, the right person will come along and walk through it all with you if they care enough :) Good luck to ya!
Loved this video and how open you are with everything you do. Also love the background lighting, please help me mine is awful
Aw thanks a million, Chai! :) I've just found myself being so drawn to TH-camrs who are unapologetically themselves and who open up...it really encourages me to feel safe in doing the same. It's therapeutic! I actually love how your vids look and your colour grading I always think mine are so boring :') (nearly every TH-camr I know thinks their own setup sucks hehe)
Videos like these make me so happy! You and Rose & Rosie are massive inspirations to me and really help me understand my own bisexuality. Thank you for being so open and honest, it's amazing to see people that I can relate to on here as I don't really have anyone irl and everything I feel about my sexuality is always swimming around in my head with no one to share it with. (Also I love your glasses!!) ❤️
This video relates to me so bad
Τα πάντα βλέπω lol
this made me so happy to see YoI fandom here :p
helen + same!
Bisexual people and Yuuri On Ice? I have found my place
eilidh smyth yeah same in Scotland :,(
San Junipero is such a good episode!! These videos are so great to watch (especially when you're trying to figure out your own bisexuality) x
This is such a good chat! Such an important topic for discussion. We need to normalise attraction to more than one gender and celebrate it. Also, again with the inclusiveness of your language! Thanks again for doing that quick mention of non-cis genders; and making it clear that gender/sex is different. It's appreciated!
I love this video! It's so good to hear your experiences, so many thoughts came up watching this that I can't write them all down and make them make sense! Watching your sexuality videos over the last few months has really helped me become more comfortable as I'm figuring stuff out. Please keep making them! A lot of what you talk about I feel the same way, especially about just liking PEOPLE, that's how I feel! Hearing someone else say that reaffirms it for me and makes it a wonderful thing.
Bisexuality was never a thing when I was at school and I feel like sexuality in general can be so taboo, something it's not socially acceptable to talk about, and people (me included) can feel so uncomfortable talking about it. So it's really hard to talk to others about a huge part of our lives, but if/when we do we realise that all the things we're thinking and feeling others are too. So hearing you talk about it so openly and honestly on youtube is amazing!
Love your videos in general, you're so genuine and real they're just great to watch!
HEY FAM! :) What time is it where you are!? And what's the best time GMT for me to upload for you guys!? *HUGS*
Twitter: melaniietweets / Instagram & Snapchat: melaniiemurphy
X
I'm in Dublin!
looking so cute...
Melanie Murphy UK xx
Melanie Murphy in Greece it's 6:44pm
Nova Scotia, Canada! It's currently 12:46pm
This video put basically everything I have ever thought relating to my sexuality as a bisexual woman into words! It's so great to know that other people understand!
I have a similar problem with women not realizing that I am interested in them since I am quite feminine and probably give off a straight vibe. Ever since I came to terms with being bi and until I started dating my current boyfriend, I would flirt with some women, but they were either straight or just thought I was being really nice. The struggle was real.
Ahhh it is so good to read all these comments, so many of you guys relate and get it! I never want to sound like I'm complaining but it's absolutely a big issue for me right now
Melanie, you sound so much like me it's eerie. I've casually dated a few women but it's so hard for me to find someone I'm attracted to, plus I apparently come off as straight. Oh, also I'm crazy shy with girls. I'm fearless around men but put me on a date with a pretty girl and I get so tongue-tied.
Honestly, I think a lot of "reading straight" has to do with bi erasure. There's such a stigma, very little representation, and so many people don't even believe bisexuality is legitimate. Additionally, I think so many women have had experiences like you and I that we wind up defaulting to heterosexual relationships because it's just easier to find people. I also find women to be more passive on dating apps, so when you're listed as bisexual you wind up with 100 messages from men and maybe 2 from women so connecting with another woman just becomes less likely than meeting a man.
I do think it's harder outside of large cities to meet other women as a femme bisexual woman, but I think it's difficult everywhere! It's not just you, I promise.
More men approach me by far both in person and online. I think socialization of the genders is the biggest factor here, with a little sprinkle of my personal presentation.
Women generally though express more of an interest in actually dating/being with me beyond hooking up.
I'm just out here having a good time and while I used to read a lot into it, I'm trying to let go and just pursue things and people when it feels good, right, and healthy.
I love you! I really like these style of videos!
Please, Mel, make more videos like that. I just feel like it's so important and not too many people talk about bisexuality. For me, as bisexual myself, videos like that work as the biggest support. I'm always so happy to watch them. Thanks 💕 xx
Beautiful, intelligent video. Just like you! Thank you for sharing this, I relate to SO MUCH that you said.
Awww darling THANK YOU SO FECKING MUCH! I miss you like crazy :) This comment is so encouraging *huge hugs* xxx
This video is so relatable omg. It's so refreshing to hear someone talk about sexuality and dating when they don't have it all figured out. Please make more videos like this, I love love love this!!!
Ugh, I'm also bi and very feminine and can definitely relate to trying to dress gayer. Just found your channel recently and now I have a new person to add to my bi faves 💖💖💖
also oh my gosh your hair is so cute in this video
I feel you girl!! It's soo good to hear someone like you say this because I feel the exact same way. I usually like really girly girls, and they are usually straight. I also go through phases kind of, and it makes me quite confused and frustrated cause even though I live in a bigger city than you, there is not a single one!! And I've also experienced a couple of lesbian being sort of "turned off" when they hear my history with guys. I really want to date a girl right now (dating men is all so fine but you know what I mean!) it just so happens that the universe won't work with me. Please make more videos like this, I love them! (and you and your sexxy looks and accent xx) hugs from Norway
#FindMelanieAGirlfriend2017
YASSSSS :D
Joanne The Scammer where do I signup? Lol
Joanne The Scammer #ivolunteerastribute ;)
wHErE d0 i siGn Up
I volunteer as tribute! xD
Oh my gosh, I CAN DEFINITELY RELATE TO THIS. I was screaming at literally everything you mentioned because it is hella relatable.. especially the part where you feel like you take on the more "masculine"/"boy" role when dating women and then becoming the more submissive role with men. AHHH, I absolutely love your glasses and buns and I definitely just subscribed :)
I love the glasses they're 'authentically you' ;)
And any guy or girl would be crazy to not look your way!
I really would love to hear more bisexual individuals talk about these "phases" that some of us go through as it is an often overlooked but a totally complex and massive part of what we experience, often causing a whole lot of hurt, confusion and emotional distress. Especially since it is so misunderstood. Thank you so much for touching on this aspect!!
I love having someone to look up to in the lgbt community, you inspire me so much💓💓
Rosa Flaherty same!!!
I came from Connor's channel and I'm so glad that he linked you! this is a great video and super relatable. I'm a bi with very little experience with women and it is on my mind about what a relationship would be like with a woman long term. I also do worry about stigma. #relatable
I am a straight girl from Ireland and when I was in secondary school one of my friends was a lesbian and she had a few girlfriends in our school career. It was really great to see people being happy to come out and show they were proud of who they were but I do agree that now I've left school I rarely see two girls holding hands in Dublin city. I must say I do see a few proud gay couples the odd time but it would be nice to see more people being proud to walk to streets of Dublin holding hands with their partner and not be judged for it!
Love your videos so much Melanie ❤️
This is literally everything I'm going through, it's so nice to hear someone speak so honestly about this. Kinda feel alone sometimes with these thoughts and problems as I have never met another open bisexual woman. Thank you!
Maybe the reason girls don't approach you is the same reason I wouldn't.....I have no guts. Maybe they are just terrified because you're so beautiful! 😂😍
That could be so true! If a girl is feminine, I'm always afraid she's straight so I don't have the guts to go up to her
Girl, I can't even express how grateful I am for this video. I'm bisexual and I've been recently feeling so bad about myself, cause I've been thinking and feeling attracted way more to men than women lately. It made me even question if I wasn't really "just being bi for attention" (cause that's what some people think bisexuality is about) although just about 2 months ago I was almost only looking into girls.
Thank you for making me realize I'm not alone - and not crazy haha
San Junipero is amazing !
The first time I saw you on TH-cam I didn't know you were bisexual and I was pretty attracted to you (even if I don't really know if I'm bisexual myself for the moment I'm quite young and lost), so I came to your videos and when I saw that you are bi I was very happy (just because I guessed right ahaha) I believe I'm not the only one and maybe people you met hoped that you are bi too ;)
I’m fairly new to the whole TH-cam scene of subscribing to Vloggers etc. but I’ve stumbled across your channel and just had to say that I’m loving your videos, ESPECIALLY the content in this one! My appearance is considered very feminine, as is I suppose my career choice (Musical Theatre) so I often have my sexuality questioned by strangers or even my peers, & I SO relate to going through phases of being attracted to different genders at different times of my life so I’m so pleased that you’ve been open about this! I don’t have too many close bisexual friends, either male or female, so I’m used to receiving lots of questions about my sexuality, but what frustrates me is when people seem to be quite narrow-minded and unaccepting of the answers I give them when it’s not quite what they were expecting. I’ve been fortunate enough to not have been on the receiving end of biphobia too often but I do regularly find myself in the company of others whose knowledge of bisexuality seems pretty limited, so your videos on this subject are such a Godsend and I’m so pleased you want to share your personal experiences and opinions on the subject on such a large platform!
Looking forward to more videos xxx Heidi.
It's where you live, and/or closed minded lesbians! I understand completely, and had the exact same issues. I was married to a man, and had 2 children. One from my husband and one from a BF years after our divorce. It was hard to find women to date because I identified as Bi (I now identify as Pan) and had only dated men. In between my ex husband and my ex bf I dated a woman, but she broke my heart. I then dated a few men. After being single for a few years I met this gorgeous woman (she's lesbian), but she was dating someone else. We became friends, her now ex cheated, she was single for a few months and then we finally got together. We will be celebrating our 5 yr anniversary on Sat!!! 👭❤
so much of what you talked about in this video just gave me a huge sense of relief, knowing that it is normal for bi ladies, especially the part about switching "role" when with a man vs a woman. this was so helpful and affirmative. thank you.
I entirely relate to this. Having somewhat recently got out of a relationship with a man I'm now in the position to explore my sexuality, something I've not really managed to do before, but I'm in the same dilemma as you - how do I go about it? I definitely feel that I get more attention from men than women and because I've only ever had serious relationships with men that feels like the norm to me, so I'm almost drawn to that scenario, despite wanting to explore the ladies route.. It's tricky!
The phases thing you mentioned is so relevant and important to me - recently I've been questioning things about myself and I have periods where I'm really focused on women and others where I'm really focused on men and I feel like that's often led to me invalidating myself and not believing that I'm a 'real bisexual' if that makes sense? It's nice to hear about someone who goes through the same thing so thank you!!
I relate to every single thing you mentioned
I just love hearing you talk about bisexuality so openly and honestly! We need more people like you :) xx
I can relate to this so hard, I recently came out of my first long term relationship, it was a guy and we were together for three years. Now I'm like 'okay but GIRLS.' Unfortunately I also live in a pretty quiet and close-minded area :/ meeting ANYONE is seeming like an impossible task. Doesn't help that I'm really obtuse and can never tell when people are attracted to me, and I never have the guts to make any sort of move myself...
I am so happy I have found you Mel. Cause, every video I have watched of you I relate to you and scream at my computer "yes!!" Or "ugh same!!" It's so nice. Just everything you said, is what I have felt/been through. You're amazing, thank you so much.
U looks sooo cute❤️
I really like your hairstyle:)
I had to pause the video because I started crying (tears of joys, don't worry) when I heard you were writing a book. You so captivating and smart and insightful and your videos have been such a big influence on me throughout my journey with my own sexuality. All I can say is that I am overjoyed
being a bisexual is good but sometimes really hard , i have this kind of problem , sometimes man's flirt with me or women. but lately girls been more in my area hahh I wish we had a app bcuz is hard to find bisexuals or someone that trust and don't care about our sexuality , I remember when I was little I didn't know what was bisexuality or that was normal to be in love with girl , I basically lived in fear for years , I hope you found the girl that you want I love u babe xoxoxo
There is an app for queer women! Try HER!!!
I am the same as you. I am waaay more attracted to girls but I am still bi. I've only fallen in love with girls but I still like boys. I loved a girl so bad and now people try to make me straight. Why don't you understand, it's not a phase! I am bi and I don't wanna be with boys right now because I've been suppressing these feeling for five fucking years and these feelings keep growing in me, I feel like I'm gonna die because of these things. It's so heavy OMG!
mands You know what, I think there should be an app for dating bisexuals, no matter the gender. Hmmm...
This video took the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. From not being approached by women at all really, feeling like maybe I don't read queer of bi enough and that why, to never having been in a long term relationship with a woman and wanting to explore that. Really glad you made this video.
Anyone straight, yet love these type of videos? Personally, it really helps me to understand all of the other wonderful sexualities more. I really hope there comes a day when everyone accepts each other.
YES. i'm straight but i love these videos
You should go and stay in Brighton for a lil while! It's a perfect place to meet someone who won't judge you for your past relationships, everyone is so accepting and friendly.
Dude that was me sooo much! i literally felt exactly that i gave off too many straight vibes but Im bi too. its frustrating to feel like only guys notice you that way!!
Oh man, I relate to this video so much.
this is so adorable i can't get over how soft and precious you are oh my god i hope you find a gentle girl to share your angelic energy with
The main thing that bothers me about being Bisexual is that I feel like I'm not valid as LGBT+ because I've never been with a girl, and I'm in a long term relationship with a man.
you are valid, I promise ;) A man who is straight or in a relationship is still "straight" - sexual orientation is not sexual acts xxx
you are valid, I promise ;) A man who is straight or in a relationship is still "straight" - sexual orientation is not sexual acts xxx
you are valid, I promise ;) A man who is straight or in a relationship is still "straight" - sexual orientation is not sexual acts xxx
I totally relate to this! I didn't come out and fully accept my bisexuality until I was in a long term relationship with a man. Two years later I still have trouble with it but keeping open communication with my boyfriend and being honest with myself helps. You're sexuality is still very much real and valid. No one can take it away from you xx
Gabrielle Louise I definitely get this. I've never been in a relationship w/ a woman (because I also identify as demisexual & I never had any close female friendships, someone who I could emotionally connect with-when I did the timing was always wrong), and am in a long term relationship with a bisexual man-which brings about its own "questioning" problems. If that makes sense? He's been in sexual relationships with men so sometimes I feel like he's more bisexual than I am. It's hard when so many people (both inside and outside of the community) nay-say you, but we're valid. Interested in women or non-binary people or trans people, someone that isn't the same gender as yourself? You're valid. You're bisexual. You don't need to prove yourself 💜
I watched that episode and it was beautiful. That moved me in ways I didn’t think a tv show could, because no form of media has before. I’ll be honest, I cried. Thank you for recommending it to us!😁😁
You look so pretty in this video!
Wow, these chatty/spontaneous type of videos are starting to become my favs on your channel!
Really enjoying you sharing so openly, and it gets me into 'introspective mode' each and every time 😊
Thank youu, sending lots of love
Love you!! You would totally be my type I wish I lived in Ireland!! 💖💜💙
Honestly, I want to thank you for helping me with your GREAT advice. Your videos make me feel less alone and give me a sense of direction...THANK YOU
omg you just put my thoughts into words! it's truly a struggle ://
I love this video. Please keep them coming! I'm bi, poly, and femme and I can totally relate to this.
You look ADORABLE in this video!!!!
Not even watched it and I know this is exactly the type of video I personally need right now! Thank you Melanie😌
Being bisexual myself I've run into alot of these same issues but I also know that since you are absolutely stunning guys are more likely to take a chance and approach you where girl are more like "intimidated" I guess. Like I deffinately find you attractive but also out of my league so I'd just pass you by :/ Guys are more "take a 12 shots and see if one sticks" where girls are more calculated in their approach and wait lolz
0//////0 Senpai noticed me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for making these videos! As a young woman who is just discovering my bisexuality it's hard to find representation out there. Especially as a feminine, non-straight woman. I'm proud of being bisexual but there are many instances where it feels like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's hard to navigate. It's nice to see another bisexy struggling with the same issues and finding it hard to find a same sex partner or living in an environment where there's so little representation and it's therefore not completely accepted. I've always lived in very conservative areas so I'm moving to the west coast of the U.S. this year and am excited to be in a place where it's so common and accepted.
Made my day watching this
Yessss Melanie, I get this. I never get hit on by women... I think it might be to do with society as a whole though. Like the way that people are portrayed, girls who like girls might assume that a lot of other girls are straight. Whereas men are taught that women will want them so just go for it. I don't think it's necessarily 'vibes' to be honest, may just be fear of rejection, people could potentially make it really embarrassing if they get hit on and are not interested... Anyway, thank you for talking about this, you're amazing
I hashtag relate 😂 esp to the bit where you said about being more 'gentlemanly' around girls and submissive around guys! It's just something that naturally tends to happen, but I do wonder what it'd be like to let a girl pay for my meals and things. It's weird because I totally want an equal relationship, you just tend to fall into patterns don't you 😝
Hahahaha YES OMG! I really don't "get" this behaviour but it's just the way it is :P x
Lizzie Hodges Myself i act pretty much the same towards men than women, but my mood changes so I can be submissive one day and the exact opposite the next. Kinda confusing for some people.
I prefer to use yin/yang to define people's personalities. Much broader than just feminine/masculine.
But I do have to admit being all gentlemanly with women and not with guys, with whom I'm more submissive. So weird, like you but in reverse (I identify as man).
Do you sometime feel like you need a strong emotional connection to get physically intimate with someone ? That's mandatory to me.
I do the same thing (except giving the coat; I'm always borrowing from the other person since I'm always cold lol)! The only problem for me with being dominant with a girl is that I'm usually shorter 😅 like I'll go to put my arm around her shoulder and then realize that I'm too short to do that comfortably (and then awkwardly put my arm down and hope nobody noticed)
It feels SO GOOD to hear you talk about these things because I'm exactly the same! I too have phases, I wanted to experience a long term relationship with a girl because I hadn't had one yet (but then I met the love of my life who happened to be male, so yeah, couldn't just ignore him haha) and people also think I'm straight and it is SO frustrating. I constantly think "Is it me or society?!" because I'm also feminine. I ALSO have a different dynamic when I'm with a guy than with a girl. And so on and so on. It's just great to hear that you experience all of this too! You're not alone :)
I commented on that zalfie vlog DEMANDING that you all film a collab about sex, so I may as well let you know too Mel. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COLLAB WITH ZALFIE
I totally would! It would be so funny even just to hang out, me Hannah and them, and for them to see what me and Hannah are like when talking about sex hahahahaha I think they'd be shocked but would laugh a ton :D x
hello!! I feel 100000% of the same feelings you've expressed in this video!! Thank you so much for making this, it's good to not feel alone
Yup yup yup!!! All the yups. Love this video
Thank you so much for this! When I was questioning my sexuality I went to TH-cam to find videos but there wasn't many to help, and now that I fully identify as bisexual it makes me so happy to see these videos :) thank you Melanie xx
Am I the only lesbian who doesn't have the fear of not being enough for a bisexual girl?
Probably not. Why though? Just curious, as a bi girl myself :)
Whether the girl I'm dating is a lesbian or bi or anything on the vast spectrum of sexuality, they chose to date me so obviously I'd be enough for them and if I'm not then I wouldn't be dating them in the first place :)
Not just lesbian women, straight women with bi guys are the exact same. Sure fire way to end a promising relationship.
I am a lesbian & wouldn't think twice about dating a bi woman. I don't know if it low self esteem that puts some off, they chose to date me, I am awesome, i see no problem!
I admire how open and honest you are. We need more people like you.
I'm also from a small town originally. Generally speaking, it's pretty conservative. So conservative that I never really allowed myself to imagine that I could be anything other than straight. Almost like it never occurred to me that I might not fit into the sexual binary.
Living in Toronto has helped with that predicament. Meeting people who are confident and varied has shown me that sex and gender don't need to be concrete, static things. And I love that.
YES Melanie I know exactly how you feel, I'm also bisexual but give off major straight vibes. I've spoken with some of my gay friends about this and they agreed that when I wear my nose ring (I have my septum pierced), I give off the vibe that there's potential with me. Soooo maybe a nose piercing is the way to go? heehee xx
Hahahahahahhahaha omg the things we do, i feel ya sista
Thank you so much for this! I related to this 100% and it so wonderful to hear things that you feel being confirmed and understood by someone else. Thanks for being such a beautiful person!
I'll admit I don't have a lot of experience in this department, but it sounds like it might be where you live! I think you'd have a lot more luck in a city like London or Manchester :) Love these videos x
omg, this is so true. From what I have noticed and my friends have noticed, there are more guys that check me out than women. And I hate to say this but it depends so much on my outfit or how I did my hair that day. I wish that stereotypes or prejudices could disappear so I can walk by people without them thinking that I am straight or gay. I guess it is just complicated because you don't want to get close to someone and really start to like them and then realizing that they are not interested on your gender. This whole video is so relatable and I just needed to hear this from someone else. Thanks Melanie
oh girl, I feel you! I experience pretty much the same. I attract nor bisexual girls nor lesbians because I look too "feminine" and if lesbian notices me it's because a friend told them I'm not straight but they automatically think I won't be loyal to them and this makes me go nuts so only boys will flirt with me but atm I really don't feel like bananas hahaha. Damn. still don't know how to find my princess! thank you for this video, it was very interesting! lot of love from Italy ❤
I was in the same predicament when I was single a few years ago. I had a hard time attracting women, but attracted men. I fell for a queer woman who was in a monogamous relationship, but she liked me too. We couldn't do anything about it. Then, she moved away and became single while I became taken. I have wondered for years what it would be like to try something with her. Thankfully, if the stars align, my current relationship is able to take her into consideration :) You are such a beauty inside and out. Thank you for sharing.
I'm bisexual and I like girls a lot but I'm very feminine meaning that by just looking at me you would think I was straight, and also I prefer boys who are pretty feminine meaning that it's hard to find someone who fits my sexuality and the things I like. I also have the problem that I really like a lot of straight girls, it's so hard to find someone that fits my type and who I find attractive.
Melanie, thank you for this video. I've been feeling down lately (and *really* down the past week/today), and a lot of it has been tied to my sexuality, so I was a bit nervous that this video was only going to make me feel more down. But it actually did the exact opposite--I feel a lot better after watching this. While the LGBTQ+ community on youtube is super informative and inclusive and I love it, I must admit sometimes makes me sad because I can't always relate to it. I live in a small Southern US town, I'm single and don't really have a sense of community. It makes my dilemmas, like the ones you discussed, feel so isolating. So to hear you be so vocal and open about the struggles you face, so many I can relate to (used to id as bi, now I use the label queer because I feel like I'm much more attracted to women, but I've only ever been in a relationship with a man, so the part about craving a relationship with a woman is sooooo me rn), made me feel less alone and less caught up in my head.
I understand how you feel being a bisexual girl appearing straight ❤