😢 Especially when I was in public school, I would get so stressed, and overwhelmed, I would do what I called (inside my thoughts) a silent scream. I did everything to perfectly mime doing a blood-curdling scream, but would at same time so tighten my throat muscles, no sound escaped me. It seemed to help, slightly. Of course, I always tried to do this out of sight of other people!! It would be too embarrassing otherwise.
A bit overwhelming I imagine, but I'm also craving it to be honest (for my comments sections). Right now they are only the random people that have no club about anything I'm talking about.
I hope, if working is good for y'all, that y'all find jobs wherein your autistic traits and needs (your very self!) are accepted. The other week at work I had a shutdown (realized it was a shutdown after the fact) due to others liking the music loud in the kitchen and me having to tell them to turn it down repeatedly despite my earplugs. It was exhausting, because they would always eventually turn it back up, if not immediately after the song I said something during ended. Anyway, I went nonverbal, and I wrote an explanation of why I need it quiet down on receipt paper -- because it is an irritation, and irritations accumulate into meltdowns, and I am constantly doing my best to minimize irritations to lessen the chance of having a meltdown so my work doesn't suffer or I need to go home, and I gave the papers to my kitchen manager, also explaining thereon that I was nonverbal at the moment, and she imparted the information to the general manager who had the music shut off entirely. It was so bueno. I later had a meltdown because that whole thing left me one irritant away from meltdown, and I went and rocked and stimmed outside, then came back in. After that, there was only too-loud music for a few nights, but then it became consistently quiet enough to where my mind is peaceful, and has been since. People at my job understand that I am autistic and have sensory needs, and have my own system of working that is not to be altered lest I get confused, but with the loud music factor gone I can more easily figure mix-arounds out on the fly -- I put some sandwiches in the wrong order last night, haha! It wasn't very busy last night which was another factor in this not being a dire circumstance, the mix-around. Anyway, my workplace is good. It is possible to have good and accommodating workplaces.
Thank you for this! This video is a much better description of shut down than I've seen before, and makes me realize how often I do shut down. I think I probably shut down 10 times more often than melt down, which is more "socially acceptable," but also means I'm often in severe emotional/mental distress and no one notices.
Yes, I used to believe that I simply found other people boring and dull and just took myself to the toilet, or broke into my special interest. Problem is many of them say they understand, but when it comes to it, they simply lose patience. I really have big big problems with dealing with NT's. The lack of sleep thing is extremely bad because the light seems even brighter and the noises sound even louder and thats on top of everything else.
I think what I experience most of the time in response to stressful environment is dissociation. I've been doing it since childhood. I basically step outside of myself mentally to get away from it all. It's not distressing, though, it's calming for me to the point where I often don't want to leave that state because it's become comfortable compared to my environment and overwhelming feelings. Not sure if any other autistics can relate to this.
Yes, it's just that "stepping back" doesn't actually solve the problem... It usually just adds.. It's comfortable for the moment, but you also know stuff is gonna hit the fan afterwards..
Exactly. You withdraw from stressors that are necessary for you to function in society, but in the back of your mind you know you still have to go to your job, walk the dog, take care of your children. For me, this has often lead to (fortunately often short) periods of depression. The answer seems to be monitoring you emotional state cognitively, balancing out stress and relaxation as best you can and asking for help where needed from friends, colleagues and sometimes professional.
I can relate. Around the time I got to be a teenager, I had clutter around me. I would keep my room so messy, and I just remembered that I would scream as loud as I could if someone came in to my room that wasn't my sister. We lived in our room together until I was like 15. Then my older sister moved out, and my mom made her old room so nice for me. Then she moved back home... and I just slept on the sofa for about a year, refusing to move back in the room with my younger sister. We didn't have a lot of discipline with homework or being on time. Now I struggle to do daily chores, or ever do any chores, and I ignore the clutter everywhere. I can't seem to be on time even when my well being depends on it. I just shut down and go to my bed. Then I fill my bed with self help books and whatever else I want next to me. It's the worst. It just looks like laziness. I've been so mean to myself about it. It's taken a long time to try not to be mean to myself. Now I am still looking for a balance. No other way??!! Ahhh!!
@@WeepingWillow422 I can relate. When I was little, my parents often argued. I was so stressed, listening, that I started putting my mind inside my favorite toy at the time, a pull toy in shape of a turtle. It had a chime that sounded when it rolled on it's wheels. I pretended the turtle was alive, and understood what I said to it. When I got scared like that, I would whisper a request to the turtle to share it's shell. This was always granted. Then a tiny version of me would climb down my human body, run across to the turtle and snuggle in alongside the turtle's neck. This was all my imagination, but it calmed me to picture being warm and safe inside the turtle shell, where the argument would seem muffled. I would reverse the scene when it seemed safe to go back to my body. I would be still sitting in an improvised high chair arrangement, physically unable to squirm out and run for real. If I Could do that, I did.
@@chloepekel I often eat alone as I can eat slowly and not get too excited while I eat. It helps with the bloating. Definitely don't eat right after a meltdown, internal meltdown or external (unless is was brought on by being hangry). A lot of Autistic people have co-occuring health issues. I am assuming a good part of that is the stress a meltdown puts on the body, but a masked meldown is even worse.
Cognitive/executive overload resulting in shutdown/dissociation, is a big one for me. I have high iq, higher education pretigious job etc and so everyone just assumes that they can dump a shi*t ton of verbal or written info on me and I'll be fine. But I get utterly overwhelmed and become completely unable to act or think, my brain just burns down and shuts off, to the point that I cannot act on anything and completely lose my overview. And don't even get me started on sleep....
I'm having one today. Not fun. I always find it difficult to speak, but it's damn near impossible when having a shutdown. Having to leave my house and do something in public for a couple days in a row usually is what causes my shutdowns. This past week I had something to do Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, so it has caught up to me today. Plus, I have hypersomnia and was up half the night last night. I CANNOT function without sleep, and I need more sleep than most people.
Damn having to leave your house and do something public for just two days causes shut downs for you? No wonder like 90 percent of autistic people or whatever the figure is are unemployed
@@tpshsahoo7 If you are almost completely unable to speak and function, because you had to go out for a few days in a row then probably yes. It's different from being tired and not wanting to talk, it is physically straining to talk during shutdown if not impossible. Leaving home can be stressful for anyone yeah, but most people are stressed or exhausted maybe still from the night before and not constantly overwhelmed by the sounds of moving cars, chirping birds, talking people and the sun shining bright to the point that they can't handle it on a daily basis.
I wonder how many of us Autistics are not as 'low functioning' as we may have been diagnosed or are considered to be. Perhaps the whole question of 'function level' is really a matter of how easily we are able to come out of meltdowns and shutdowns. Also, how easily we are triggered fall into one of these two problems and how often it happens. Maybe we can 'function' just fine - talk to other people, do things as a group, share things etc. pretty well - as long as we aren't triggered. As long as our surroundings aren't stressful. I have been dealing with all of these symptoms of a shutdown off and on for years. It has been especially bad the last five years as I've been dealing with my diagnosis, tests for, surgery for and now recovery from Hyperparathyroidism. It's been a very stressful, fearful, depressing five years. The symptoms of Hyperparathyrodism are many and I won't try to list them all here, but among them are insomnia, intense joint pain, digestive problems, memory recall, skin itch etc....... all of those are very distressing - especially for an Autistic person. Oh yes for sure! Cognitive Overload is by far a bigger problem than most people realize. Society is getting a little better about understanding Sensory Overload, and that's great! But, I really agree that Cognitive Overload happens far more often and is even more difficult to deal with. You can't just put in a pair of ear plugs or put on a pair of sunglasses to get rid of the cognitive version. It is quite literally in your mind. I think that is what I'm experiencing when I am trying to figure something out, but can't seem to grasp it well enough, or I'm trying to do something for the first time or the first time in a long time and keep doing it wrong. A good example of this is building model rockets. I've been into that hobby since I was about seven years old and trying it out as a 4-H project. 4-H is a youth club kind of like the Boy Scouts. If I tried to build a rocket that was more complex or tricky to do than one I had even done before, and things weren't working right, I would either have an emotional outburst and cry, have a high temperature - even a full blown fever at times, throw the pieces that broke or something across the room, etc. Other times though, it would be more like a shutdown and I'd totally lose interest in what I was doing. Just walk away from it. Not think or talk about it for hours or days at a time. But, then after the meltdown or shutdown had finally run its course, I would wash my face with cold water, have a glass of a favorite drink, maybe go for a short walk etc. to clear my head. Then, I'd be right back at figuring that rocket out, just as interested and determined as I ever had been in making it look as good as I could and most importantly, making it fly. That was what kept me coming back to model rocketry every summer for another 4-H project - that satisfaction and exhilaration of having this rocket that I had built with my own two clumsy hands actually blast off the launch pad and almost out of sight into the sky! "I did it! I bet I can build an even bigger and more powerful one next time!" I'd exult. I did too. I went from building the almost totally pre-made very simple plastic rockets in the beginner kits at seven and eight years old to building scale models of Saturn V rockets that had three stages by the time I was in high school. My parents encouraged me to keep trying and get back at it, no matter how bad my meltdowns and shutdowns were because they knew that doing things like model rocketry was good for me. Dad would buy me a new rocket kit each time my current one would fail to pop its parachute in time and crash on the driveway in smoldering pieces, or even if it broke because I had a meltdown and threw it across the room. He'd say "Well, let's try it again. Which one would you like to try next time" and he'd take me to the local hobby store after I'd calmed down. Your computer analogy is very apt. I build and upgrade computers these days and I have seen computers have both shutdowns (crashes) and even meltdowns - both of software (with all sorts of weird error messages or glitches) and in terms of hardware (with parts that actually melt or warp because they got too hot). People, especially neurodivergent ones like us, certainly overheat, get to the point where we can't process every input thrown at us. Good video that I think will help both Autistics and those who care about them.
Hey Orion. Long time viewer, and am a sibling to a wonderful older brother who happens to be ND. Thank you for providing me insights on things I've been trying to understand. For the last few months you've given me great perspective through another lens that I'm unable to see through. You seem like a great father, too :) I've been watching these videos to try to make progress with myself and how I act around him, and how to change how I react to him to make him more comfortable
Hearing this makes me feel validated, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who experiences the world in this way. I feel worthless when I shut down and my internalized ableism screaming at me "this is unacceptable, you're being a snowflake, just get up and do something productive" isn't helping.
I'm hypersensitive. It sucks. I can't shut it off. I can't control it. I will black out sometimes if I'm overwhelmed enough. Other times my brain will scream "ENOUGH!" and I will literally drop everything, go to a quiet place and not emerge until I'm better. Sometimes for days or weeks at a time. Idk if that's a shutdown, but it happens pretty often as of late.
I end up closing myself in the closet. Quiet and dark. Then sitting on the edge of my bed for weeks or longer!!! I’m married 44 yrs and this channel has helped me and spouse to understand what the world is happening to me. 😢 thank you for sharing your experience. Im not alone. We are not alone.
The loss of a special interest thing blew my mind! It makes so much sense and every time I’ve had an extremely difficult patch in my life I always question why I’m not interested in my topic anymore. It makes me sad when it happens but now that I know that it goes with my Autism I can treat it. I’ve always suppressed my stims, tried to fit in, make friends etc. More recently I’ve allowed myself to stim and I don’t get to that mute, looking down, feeling detached level as often. Don’t get me wrong it still happens a lot (at least 4 times a week), I’m in my first year of uni and I really didn’t think I’d get here, but if I allow myself to stim, don’t force eye contact then it’s more manageable
I have little question: Did you ever experience the feeling, like you have to break down an huge wall, just to use your voice again? For example you think and try to say something, but it feels very uncomfortable.
For me, the shutdown is not "a horrible place to be" but just a NECESSARY place to be - for a period of time. To recover from masking/fawning too much for too long... It usually happens after a meltdown, but it can also prevent another meltdown from happening...😊
I’m gonna try using “hold please” or wear my Orion Kelly “processing…standby “ shirt to doctors appointments and other social situations. I’ve definitely experienced in school if I’m not keeping up with the information I just stop, or when a teacher comes by to see how you’re doing I’d cover my paper and put on a fake smile so they would walk away and if they ask if I’ve got it I’d say yes so I wouldn’t feel like a spotlight was put on me. I like what you said about having barrier in developing executive function skills. I definitely feel the instant STOP when I can no longer deal with executive functions. Shut downs feel kind of like an inflatable,deflating. I’ve developed insomnia as I’ve gotten older. Great video Orion
I used to lock myself in my room and stay in bed, sometimes sleeping for several days at a time. I was told it was depressions, but it felt more like complete exhaustion, usually after having to mask excessively, and feeling extreme need to "recharge."
I've never been diagnosed as autistic but this is me. In fact I keep saying I'm done. It's all too much So I shut down. My husband thinks I'm lazy. He doesn't understand me. Everything you said I do, I'm shocked. I can't process instructions. I can't believe someone gets it. Thank you. It's a nightmare and I get blamed. I keep saying I want to go home.
The comment about lack of sleep and everything being harder is so true. When I don’t get enough sleep on a particular day, I am on the edge of meltdown for the entire day. Needing to catch an early flight is a sure way to make sure i I have a bad day at the airport, which is already a difficult place to be.
As I recently commented on another channel covering a similar topic: The worst place for a shutdown is at work, where people still expect you to interact with them. I start garbling my words and sometimes end up being unable to form even the most basic sentences.
I tell people, "Sorry, I just powered down" and then I ask for a break from the conversation. Thankfully my colleagues understand. We are all so overwhelmed at work that I think they need to be accommodated at times, too.
I can relate to that. Sometimes really big positive emotions make me feel just as overwhelmed as negative ones. And then I start worrying whether I seem happy or appreciative enough because I’m in the middle of rebooting…
wonderful job of explaining dysregulation and what I call "autistic crisis management" without any ableism or misleading simplification. I've been diagnosed very late so I have experienced many social and personal failures, traumatic events, and many shutdowns and meltdowns without even knowing. Therapy and shrinks were useless until I got diagnosed. Then after the diagnosis I fell into the autism rabbit hole for 5y, talked or exchanged with many other autistic people and I can confirm EVERY SINGLE THING in this vid is accurate and well-told.
Triggered by changes in a romantic relationship? Like attachment stuff related. Seems to feel right for me. This happens to me at some point in every relationship when deeper feelings start. The behaviours are friggin not even me. It sounds like blame shifting but it's not. It's me doing it while watching it. It's f'd. I'm a psych student too. There is a lot to correlate there and feels neuro to me.
I got lost in Orion Kelly's world, A journey through Autistic shutdowns unfurled. His insight and experiences laid bare, Help us understand, empathize, and care. From sensory triggers to emotional floods, Each shutdown manifests in unique studs. A disconnect from the world around, Yet a way to find peace, somewhat profound. Orion's words shed light on the unseen, A guide through a storm, calm and serene. Autism's challenges we now embrace, Thanks to his wisdom, woven with grace.
So many of my family members NEVER understood, what you understans about shutdowns. My own father. He pushed me to "deal with it". He refused to understand, I was in shutdown. I could NOT obey him to move. I told my body to MOVE, and it refused.
When I was 6 I got a bus home from school with a group of kids who thought it was funny to bully me on the way home. One boy tripped me up getting off me off the bus, i broke my nose. I ran away and eventually my mum called the police. I was found by the police in a haystack shacking and shivering in terror. After that my mum picked me up from the school even though she’d just given birth to my brother x
My first word was "turtle." I also had lightbulb moments watching this. Loss of appetite/interest in food as a sign of shutdown - have often been confused about why there are times (and in phases which looking back correspond to increased frequency of shutdowns, and burnout) when as opposed my usual sensory craving food behavior, I feel apathy or even repulsion around food.
My shutdowns are so random. Most of the time my shutdowns is triggered by overwhelm or overstimulation, I won’t go fully non-speaking, but it is usually really limited and/or very quiet. When I shut down I can force myself to respond to a question from others in most cases, but when I am at home I can’t talk to my google home. I literally opened google translate in my phone and typed what I wanted to say to the speaker to play a comfort podcast so I could sleep. I also have tuning out, stimming, basically no mental retention, no motivation etc. etc.
For me personally, a shutdown is not "equally" distressing as a meltdown. Instead it's like a meltdown on steroids and does much more damage as well. The danger about it is if others do not recognize what is happening (especially if you're not even diagnosed and even you don't understand) and are very much inclined to make the situation worse. Seeing an unresponsive adult in a situation where he or she needs to be relied on, can trigger others to shout at you, hit you, treating you like a little child who has a tantrum, fire you from your job, publicly ridicule you and I could go on for a while. It's a very traumatic experience because while we're not responsive, it's not like we're unconscious ... we do hear and see what goes on but we simply can't process the information at the time, nor respond. Don't even ask us to "nod our head". For me the only things that help at such time are people who are silent but willing to give a heartfelt hug, having a support pet around and otherwise, just leave us the bloody hell alone. But please do make sure there is nothing around us that we can use to self-harm ourselves. We go very, very deep during a shutdown.
@@angieturner3928 Wish I could give you a hug ... it's so bloody hard to find someone who understands what it's like and to give the support that is needed. For me personally, it doesn't help knowing that I'm not alone. Knowing that others go through the same pain doesn't make it hurt less, it actually makes me more sad. In any case, I wish you a lot of love, strength and I hope you find the support that you need and deserve.
I love photography and music for eg (they are my passions, amongst others), but they go out the window when I shut down. I also isolate and I’m currently in a cycle of isolation which has been going on for over a month and half, and I’m worried sick that those around me will misread it as me being “funny”, cold, doing it on purpose to hurt. I say doing it on purpose, because one of my brothers has accused me of doing things deliberately to hurt….im not at all, but to hear it off him was really hurting to me. I get overwhelmed a lot these days after experiencing a narcissistic abusive relationship for 13yrs. I ended it 3 years ago but the damage to my coping mechanisms has been immense, and I’m not afraid to say I’m not coping at all with it. It’s bloody hard
This is a really important video, and EXTREMELY relateable. Last year I went through autistic burnout and I was in shutdown for much of that time. Where normally I can handle eye contact, background noise and generally the responsibilities of adult life perfectly fine, all these things became unbearably harsh stimuli. I also declined cognitively, couldn't speak or speak properly, I couldn't find words and would sound like I was confused, sound like a garbling idiot. Certainly retreated from everyone around me even loved ones. As for the appetite, well, let's just say food was a main part of that burnout, to put it mildly. It's still a tricky thing. I am doing better now, even had some weight recovery, but if I am in a situation where I don't identify any safe foods I still feel anxious, but it's manageable anxiety. When I was at my worst I would feel an intense need to go home where I had everything I needed, where everything was according to standard. Also, I DID have that attitude of "got to burn through it, got to get stuff done, I can't just not do the things", until I ground myself physically and mentally down to a point where I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't do anything. It put me out of work for months and even still I'm not fully back up to my old hours. For real, autistic burnout and shutdown is not to be taken lightly, and chronic stress in autistic people is not something to poo-poo or just "get over". Tried that, didn't get me anywhere good.
I am in that place. Six months ago I was 'downsized' AGAIN. No reason provided, no bad review, nothing I can improve on for future roles. I am not mean, I never raise my voice, I try to add value with every thing I do, and I am extremely gifted at the analysis I do. I paint pictures WITH numbers while I am surrounded by people painting BY number. The only thing I lack is the ability to build the needed social connections. For 40 years I have been stepped over or stepped on for my coworkers' own personal benefit. Now on top of yet another rejection I am expected to put on the neuro-typical face so that someone new can offer me another chance to start the whole vicious cycle over again. 'Hard work will be rewarded' is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. I wish someone had just been honest and told that the popularity and beauty contests never end. The only thing worse than being rejected is the hope that the same thing won't happen again. At least I don't feel alone... 💞
My son has completely shut down. It's been almost two full weeks. Keeps his eyes shut from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. No longer engage with any electronics, school work, eating meals, performing daily tasks. Not sure what to do.
Shutdowns suck because other people can't usually see how distressed I am and I can't verbally communicate it to them, like words won't compute. And since the outwardly strong emotions of a meltdown are usually too much for others and also make it harder for me to get my needs met, it feels like a terrible situation either way.
I am disengaging into a shutdown as we speak. The burnout and meltdowns have become exhausting in themselves. I haven't have a break in years. It's like my mind feels raw and tender, it's almost like a headache, but if I try to think or function, it's straining and deeply exhausting. I don't know how I am going to get out of this. My job is far too incessant and demanding.
I’m very curious about apathy and Autism - or even apathy and burnout for people with asd. I have seen a therapist in the past because I felt completely detached from my emotions, couldn’t even tell if I loved my partner or anyone close to me. So he organised for me to see a therapist thru his work, and she helped me work thru the things going on in my life at the time, and we got to the root of it. I spoke to my partner about how I felt apathy and the root cause, and gradually the emotions returned. We came close to breaking up but thankfully didn’t 😅 However I still struggle to connect and understand my emotions, and still end up struggling with apathy from time to time.
Thank you so much for this video! It's been so difficult to find good explanations of shutdowns, I've been under the impression I just don't experience meltdowns or shutdowns. But what you describe I feel almost every day and now I can share this video with my family and hopefully it will be easier for them to understand also what's happening to me when I go into avoidance mode
The hold please has been my worst stumble with humanity. I have had so many hearing tests in my youth because i was asked a question and said "What?" because i needed a moment. My brain was not translating the thing said.
I have to say shutdowns are extremely stressful. I feel like I end my day like this everyday. I am under so much stress it's ridiculous. I'm in the middle of getting disability, having 3 kids and a divorce. Absolutely nuts ! ! ! Thank you Orion ❤️
I had a melt down yesterday when a family friend said "I know you hate this but I'm doing it anyway" and threw herself on me with a total bodyweight hug. This caught me off guard and I totally lost it. I said things I shouldn't have and just plain lost control. I usually can shrug things like this off and just get quiet and leave the area but this time I just couldn't. Is this normal? I mean I miss doc appointments just to avoid touching
I have been slowly heading toward full blown burn out since 2011. Just after the return to work part of the pandemic in the US, I completely shut down and cannot seem to pull myself out. I lost my only full blood sibling to a stroke 2yrs ago, timed with the return to work event. I am stuck. We failed all IVF cycles, and that has made it worse. I feel like I need rescued. Thanks for taking the time to read my message.
Autistic shutdowns are part of the sympathetic nervous system, correct? Shutdowns are basically the freeze response, eg. dissociation. Exactly like dorsal vagal shutdown?
Can’t get out of burnout. Correction. Other people keep shutting me down and I’m in perpetual burnout. That’s easy 18 months now and I reckon my heart will just stop soon 🤯😢 These videos help process it all though. Fight another day eh? Thanks Orion. 💙🏴
Mannnnnn, I'm like seriously about to fucking cry. I'm coming out of one of these right now, except I didn't know what they were. There is so much about myself I never learned because I was always taught that everything I did was wrong. For example, having a shut down was "being rude and selfish" so then I start telling myself that I'm being rude and selfish, then being too much because I can't get out of the shut down. I feel like I need to go through an entire program to unravel all the harmful lessons I was taught by NT society and learn to function autistically rather than just wondering if I'm in some sort of twisted experiment. I appreciate all the autistic advocates in the community that share this education. Thank you so much.
I feel like I have experienced this more that I have realised- especially when I can't relate to others in a social situation. This is why I attend hobby groups specified to my interests. My mind in private- Oh my gosh, I have so many subjects I can talk about to others! My mind in public- Error 404: Subjects not found.
This video really nailed what I've been going through lately. I thought maybe it was just me, but it seems it happens with others as well. It's nice not to feel like the only one.
I got diagnosed about year ago and I still can’t get many things, but I understand my behaviour more. Now I know I mostly have autistic shoutdowns. Once I got a situation when I was on a meeting with my friends, because one of them had birthday. Everyone was laughing of my story that I was talking about and they didn’t let me end. Because of that I started to shake my hands and couldn’t say a word. This friend told me I am not okay that I behave badly, but I really couldn’t say I word. I was wondering, why I am so terrible friend, but now I understand that. Thank you for that channel, it really helps me understand myself. Before my therapist told me I am autistic, my psychologist said, I have depression, anxiety and OCD. Now I know it was because of the late diagnosis (I was diagnosed when I was almost 20 years old) I am curious, how my parents haven’t noticed that?
I imagine that I am calling for tech support on my brain... SUPPORT AGENT: Thank you for calling Neurotix support. Your call is very important to us and may be recorded for your excruciatingly self-critical review when you are trying to get to sleep. How can I help you today? ME: Oh, uh, I was trying to run Witty Conversationalist at a party and it kept crashing. By the end I could only get my brain to boot into safe mode. SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that sounds unpleasant. I'd like to get some info for troubleshooting. What version of HumanNT are you running? ME: I'm not running HumanNT. I use HumanND. SUPPORT AGENT: Uh, Witty Conversationalist isn't supported on HumanND. ME: I know. I run it in an NT Emulator. SUPPORT AGENT: Emulators are resource heavy. Do you have enough memory? ME: Maybe? I have ADHD installed, so my working memory isn't great. SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that's your problem right there. You are trying to run Witty Conversationalist in an NT Emulator with low memory, in a chaotic sensory environment, among new people, with no established role to play in the interaction? I'm surprised smoke wasn't coming out of your ears. ME: Okay, is there anything I can do to fix it? SUPPORT AGENT: I mean, if you could install more memory maybe... ME: Oh great! How do I install more memory? SUPPORT AGENT: That's a hardware question. I dunno, maybe try yoga?
18:58 I feel this so deeply right now especially 😭. I had a big social overwhelm moment earlier today so I rushed home, I feel so fatigued and my brain feels like it's filled with dense fog and I can't process info. Which does not help one bit cos' I meant to cram for my A level exam that's tmr, sigh wish me luck.
Right now I’m going through a long period of shutdown and just realized it thanks to your video. I stopped using my cpap machine and recognize now that is part of it, amongst many of the other reasons you explained. But oh how I hate it! Must stop and not think too much about it and convince myself that to get out of this funk I have to get back to using it, it’s a necessary evil for me.
I tried to explain how dangerous it was for me to allow dogs into this apartment complex. I have been living here since 1995, and since 2019 (or whenever the laws changed to allow dogs EVERYHWERE) I am in danger of having these meltdowns/shutdowns and the lawmakers (ADA or FAIR HOUSING) Failed to understand how DANGEROUS it is to NOT have spaces where barking was completely NON-existent. I'm afraid, everyday, of my meltdowns popping up, because of someone's noisey dog. 5 years of this. I want to die but I have to hide this pain, in fear of being put into worse places than my own home. I wish people would understand. I DONT HATE dogs. The barking is literally driving me insane (into life-threatening shutdowns). But no. No I'm just the crazy screaming lady people wish wasnt living here. I wish people understood, how dangerous their dogs barking is. How damaging my meltdowns are. Acessibility conflict indeed exists here. I want them to have their dogs. I need to live no where near the noisy dogs. My brain melts down several times a week. This existence isnt healthy. I need to get away. I cant get away. I'm too poor to move. And move where? I need a place where I wont hear sudden noises. Is there anywhere, affordable on disability income, where I wont hear another single dog bark? I'm about to cry. I need lawmakers to understand the trouble they have let into my life. Yes, I know they need their dogs. I need to not hear barking. I'm tempted to bash my head. I dont want to. I need to not hear another sudden noise. Apartment management decided to become dog friendly. Negating all of the fighting I have been trying to get them to get these noisy dogs out. NOw they wont fight for me. They fight against me telling me it is dog-friendly. It is not friendly to my brain that shuts down, and meltdowns three times a week. I feel I am having a meltdown now. I'm trying to fight it. Dog barking, past hour, I want to scream, but I dont wanna... neighbors call the cops if I scream. I dont want cops. Help. Who can get America's Fair housing to understand some autistics need to live where there are no sudden noises. What about sound proofing or accomidations... yes that question has been asked of me too. I have to fill out a form. My brain shuts down when presented with forms. I'm stuck in reoccuring mental torture in my home. Go to a mental hospital, says a neighbor. No. Why would I go to a place that is significantly WORSE than my home? I'm stuck in perpetual torture. Why not use a headset? Headsrts hurt me. They cause me to tense up. More tense than I am. 3 days to recxover from wearing a headset for 8 hours. I need these dogs to not be barking. I dont hate dogs. "yes you do" argued a neighbor. NO I dont. I like dogs. I like to pet dogs. I was a disabled kid who got to play with puppies being trained for service animals, those didnt bark. These ESA here are noisy. Now the aprtment lets any dog live here. I cant afford to move. And in whever I find anyting afordable, dogs are allowed nearby. I feel stuck in perpetual torture. Help, make space where I wont hear dogs or feel more suffering. I dont wanna live like this. I cant find better. Torture. Is this hell? Edit to add: My meltdown knows how to type, which is hard to explain to people too. I have no motivation to edit to shorten this. Every word is genuine. I need laws to change before these frequent meltdowns kill me. I could have died in February, if not for a friend who noticed I was on the floor for over 24 hours. Called paramedics. I was hospitalized. I was unaware of anything those 6+ days. I thought I was dreaming. i thought I was in hell, reliving torture, but it was real. My friend, with me the entire week, she struggled to sleep. My shutdown mind stole her pillow. Dangerous. Deadly. I would be dead if not for the IV. All because of my environment being too much. Fair housing (USa), doesnt understand, or doesnt care. Fair housing makes those rules that has made my home environment unsafe. Fair housing lacking recognition of my need to not hear dogs barking. This is not fair. It's potentially deadly. I need to live, where there are no sudden noises. I hate myself like this. I hate my shutdowns/meltdowns. I'm powerless to save myself. And those with the power, dont they care? I dont care to let myself be embarassed right now, from typing too much for other people. I'm too sick to give a damn to edit for the typicals. I want to live, where I dont hear sudden noises. I have no better options than to suffer. And has the potential to have another shutdown. I'm scared, of myself, because I cant make the outside noises stop hitting my ears.
Yes...actually I am much more prone to shutdown than meltdown overall. Distress is certainly there coming from every corner of life but there is something about folding it all within to the point I can feel almost nonexistent. There are times I simply must do this.
It's very frustrating going into shutdown mode, staring off, feeling overwhelmed, your mind racing and slowing down at the same time and nobody understands. People don't realize how much pain you could be in when you're that silent and that unresponsive.
Thank you. This is a very helpful video for me. I never realised how much I do shut down. I've always run away from and avoided things when they get too overwhelming. I never realised that this was part of shutting down. I'm always seeking quiet time alone. This is especially important for me, being a single parent of two young boys who I suspect may be autistic and or adhd too.
I sometimes liken it to a blue screen, whereas something like a meltdown is more like redlining a car. Too much info that cannot be processed? Incorrect input with no viable response? "Windows has encountered a problem and needs to close" Sudden spike of anxiety, negative emotion, rapid shift in expectation I cant acclimate to? We just put 'er in first gear and stood on the pedal. We are well past the safety limit and the result isnt controllable abymore
What a ridiculously validating video. I never knew this was an autism thing! I have always referred to these episodes as "my brain broke". Most commonly, I get the ones you call "cognitive overwhelm". It usually happens if i'm trying to learn something new that is very complex, or doing something else that requires a lot of brainpower, and there are any external stimuli splitting my attention. There have been times where I had to just gently tell my partner or friends to leave me be and not interact at all for a little while so I can tunnel-vision what i'm working on and work through it. Other times when that's not feasible, such as out in public when strangers are the external stimuli, i'll need to just abandon what I was trying to say or do to avoid the shutdown turning into a meltdown. It's caused me a lot of trouble and I always wondered where it came from.
Not much new things for me to learn in this video but listening relatable stories is pure gold. Thank you for landing on the same planet with me dear aliens 😉
There's probably more ways shutdowns happen than there are people who experience them. I'd say that no two of my shutdowns are the same. One of the most dramatic (to me) involved an orientation at a state department that helps people with developmental and emotional disabilities find and retain jobs. I was there to determine if I was eligible for their help. We first watched a video, then we had to fill out some forms. Various ones were getting help filling out theirs and there was quite a bit of chit-chat going on around me. I was well on my way to getting mine filled out when it suddenly became just so much gibberish. I finally had to ask for help. To make matters worse, there was another autistic person there whom I had recently met who was in assisted living and I had just said I wasn't as bad off as him, and suddenly I was acting worse than him. At least I rarely have volcanic meltdowns, but either one will leave me feeling anxious and scared to the point of having stomachaches and not wanting to eat.
I really enjoyed this video, I can say as an adult I experience shutdowns more often than when I was younger. I found that often times you can have multiple shutdowns for various reasons that create a bigger shutdown and can be even more taxing. I have found that by having a great support structure around you really helps to bring you back faster than when you have to do it yourself.
I used to have more meltdowns, but I've just grown tired of living life like I am Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. I can't even muster the energy for a respectable meltdown anymore. 😂
I have a really hard time with having the plan down and then, if anything changes, or I feel like something is off, I may shut down straight up by not being able to get out of the cognitive overload that I've been experiencing lately. I just need a step back and support in the areas that are too hard for me. Hopefully I'll be able to find what can help me out. I do kind of dissociate where my brain may as well be under a rock. But I'm there just withdrawn so much I'm not really there. Then whoever I am with can feel they have to tell at me or say things multiple times. I still can't even tell what they're saying or doing. It's unpredictable and sometimes I shut down around like hard paperwork or phone calls etc., I shut down, but I have been trying to pause and figure out what's even going on in my brain. I've had lots of therapy. Lots. I am experiencing the fact that my partner may also be neurodivergent. It's interesting because he shuts down as well. We're learning to work together to learn more. Like through your podcasts and videos. 😊 I'm to have add testing coming up, but my psychiatrist said the testing is only one small data point on the scale you should be tested on. She's hopeful they'll be able to help. Also, sleep is so important. I feel so much worse when I don't sleep well. Then I'll get a migraine and a stomachache etc. those can lead to shutdowns. 😅
I feel a strong urge to share this with my apartment management refusing to accommodate my sensory needs. This video explaining meltdowns and shutdowns, I wanna show to people who dont know.
Sudden noises trigger my shutdown/meltdown. I need to live where there are zero barking dogs. I dont hate dogs. I try to tell them, I dont hate dogs! It's the sudden noise that breaks my brain.
I’m working a burnout job. The kind of work I do right would be overwhelming for a neurotypical person. I have ADHD, but the ways I’ve started cognitively responding to the stress, mixed with the occasionally sensory overload I get at work, I am wondering whether I might be on the spectrum. Whether or not that turns out to be the case, this might help me get closer to the truth. Thank you.
Thank you so much… and keep making content. ❤ Because of you, your channel, I got diagnosed and I am learning how to handle my autistic traits. THANK YOU, LIKE FOR REALY, THANK YOU for validating me, making me feel normal and for the things you do for me, us and what u are doing for many many many other people!!!! ❤️
Between this and just the fact that my focus on special interests tends to change up every 2-3 years, I have completed half of three bachelor degrees and but successfully completed an intensive 2-year accounting diploma. I graduated high school in June 2006. I was in university part- or full-time every non-summer semester from September 2006 to April 2015 except for Jan-April 2012. I kept hitting shutdown points and thought it was the subject I was studying. It wasn't. It was the length of study and exams over and over and over again without any change or reward. I didn't figure out that I'm autistic until 2020. I decided to try the diploma program in 2022, and here I am actually working now, successfully on the other end of that course. I can upgrade it later, but right now I need to work and have new experiences and feel like I accomplished something.
I haven't been able to feel much of anything for 2 days. Figured maybe it was a shutdown. I wanted to say thanks for making me genuinely smile and laugh. It feels nice. I've had a lot of triggers back to back, and life won't slow down, but it's always reassuring to hear this is totally normal. Personally, I'll take the meltdown. Mine don't last super long, especially compared to the shutdowns
I experience shutdowns far more often than meltdowns. I have a hard time with eye contact. However, during a shutdown I cannot make eye contact at all. I also don't acknowledge others even my safe people. I stare at the ground. Now I also suffer from seizures. It's very likely that I have absence seizures during shutdowns which probably explains the other symptoms that I experience. If I do have a seizure during a shutdown then I actually do go/became nonverbal because I have aphasia. So for me it's a physical reason for being unable to speak. Which is why the whole gatekeeping nonverbal doesn't sit well with me. But I digress, to my knowledge I have only experienced a small handful of meltdowns. I am also late realizing that I'm autistic so, I'm still learning. From what I know so far my meltdowns aren't as explosive as I commonly see. At least the ones that have happened so far. I typically will try and remove myself from the trigger and cover my ears while doing so. A lot of Echolalia happens. I couldn't tell you what I usually say because I have no memory of that part. It's weird...I am fairly certain that I have seizures during shutdowns but I don't recall seizures happening during meltdowns. So I am not sure why I have gaps in my meltdown memories. I suppose it could be dissociation. I tend to stim more during meltdowns and the stims that happen are ones I normally hide from others like hand flapping and pacing. I do pace when alone but during meltdowns my pacing is far more erratic and quicker paced. I do at times throw up during meltdowns too.
I've been in a shutdown after years long battle with benzodiazepine abuse after being bullied in school everyday for 5 years, the withdrawal lasted years. When the withdrawal was over, i thought i could move on with my life. But then the looping thoughts began two things that happened when i was 19 and 20, these two things loop in my mind every day and sometimes convince me im the sick and most depraved person alive. That i am lesser of a human and i deserve to be treated as such. Other times it's the opposite, i think to myself, how did i not end up worse?, all the trauma that i was put through, being bullied, drug abuse, being manipulated and taken advantage of, getting put in vulnerable situations by my manipulative friend and trying my hardest to avert disasters. I believe no one will ever understand my story and it pains me so much.
experiencing everything more intensely when sleep deprived…. that just makes my whole life make more sense. i dealt with family and significant others forcibly depriving me on top of having a sleep disorder, audhd, and severe trauma. the way i either shut down or become reactive until i melt down so often is just another piece of the late diagnosis puzzle… and more insight to my excessssiveeee use of drugs and alcohol growing up. you are definitely my favorite ND creator to learn from and relate to, i appreciate these videos so much.
Bruh I've literally had it with socialising and just want to stay home and read books. Too many people expect too much of me forgetting I'm autistic. My dad needs a lot of attention and even my other autistic friends don't seem to get it either.
I'm just coming out of a week long shutdown. It has been horrible but videos like this help me to process and understand what is happening in my brain. Unfortunately it was brought about by being basically abused and bullied by the boss in a new workplace. Quitting the job has got me out of the situation but I'm now, again, looking for a job. Thank you for making these videos.
Thank you! Not only does this explains somethings I could never put in to words. This explains things to people who cant understand what's going on with me.
My son, who 34 and on the spectrum lives with me and his stepfather. Is there anything that I can do to help him when he shuts down. I usually just leave him be until he's ready to interact. This can take days and I worry that backing off just makes matters worse.
My son is 13 and autistic, I'm 33 and autistic, and my 31 year old husband might be autistic. Best thing you can do is get him something to absorb into, sit next to him, tell him that it's not okay now, but it will be. Don't worry about talking to make him feel better, get him a video or movie or something he can fully immerse into to help pull him out. Good luck!
You can ask him when he’s not in shutdown or meltdown, what might help. For some, deep pressure can help, others don’t want to be touched. Certain textures might help. Usually low inputs are generally good - reduce light, sound, conversation and mental processing.
Ohhh, this is what I did every year in high school and college on the first day of school. The teachers would decide for some reason that going over the ENTIRE syllabus for the WHOLE SEMESTER was a great way to start and definitely not overwhelming to students. And since if I thought about all those things I had to do at once I'd lose it I just simply. stopped thinking. Just kinda stared at nothing, maybe doodled. I retreated and shut down until that horrible first day was over.
Even worse when a trigger causes another. Imagine social gatherings not being already enough stress. But then try to follow a discussion with many backs and forths while you are weighing the arguments exchanged. No way you'll be able play an active role. I think, lots of decisions neurotypicals make during such situations are subconscious while autistic people do the same thing consciously. That's similar to comparing a compiler language with libraries to a purely script-based process.
Insightful yet again. You’ve described this 48 yr old undiagnosed person perfectly. This ep and your prior one on Hidden Austic traits (2-2). Countless moments in my life (as child & an adult) where it’s like my brain shuts down, leaving me stuck, seemingly frozen. When the signals start to re-fire or the “buffer” catches up I’m back to normal, however often the moments past and you then get criticised for not paying attention, being withdrawn or detached or my favourites - lacking self awareness and emotion. Clearly it’s quite the opposite in fact!
Sometimes I feel I need to cry but can't cry, sometimes I want to scream but I can't scream. It's like I'm scare of emitting sounds.
I scream inside myself. Often.
Somebody else understands!
I've been feeling the same for many years now, I feel like I wanna cry but I can't 😭
😢 Especially when I was in public school, I would get so stressed, and overwhelmed, I would do what I called (inside my thoughts) a silent scream. I did everything to perfectly mime doing a blood-curdling scream, but would at same time so tighten my throat muscles, no sound escaped me. It seemed to help, slightly. Of course, I always tried to do this out of sight of other people!! It would be too embarrassing otherwise.
Yeah, I cry when I don't want to and then can't cry when I actually need to.
My brain is bullshit.
I find myself curled up in a ball or close to when it's bad.
Autistic heavy comment sections seem to be the most supportive and understanding. I appreciate the channel and the delivery of information.
Very ironic, and also very true...
I like your screen name, and yeah so nice to b among autists
A bit overwhelming I imagine, but I'm also craving it to be honest (for my comments sections). Right now they are only the random people that have no club about anything I'm talking about.
@@Passing_for_Neurotypical You'll grow your audience... be patient...
@@jazzdirt Maybe or maybe not. I have to admit that at 50+ it's a little harder to be patient.
You know how many jobs I’ve lost because of shutdowns? All of them.
Thank you for highlighting this issue.
Same for me - all except one.
It's funny, because it's true.
It's not funny, because it's true.
Yep, that one was a meltdown.
I hope, if working is good for y'all, that y'all find jobs wherein your autistic traits and needs (your very self!) are accepted. The other week at work I had a shutdown (realized it was a shutdown after the fact) due to others liking the music loud in the kitchen and me having to tell them to turn it down repeatedly despite my earplugs. It was exhausting, because they would always eventually turn it back up, if not immediately after the song I said something during ended. Anyway, I went nonverbal, and I wrote an explanation of why I need it quiet down on receipt paper -- because it is an irritation, and irritations accumulate into meltdowns, and I am constantly doing my best to minimize irritations to lessen the chance of having a meltdown so my work doesn't suffer or I need to go home, and I gave the papers to my kitchen manager, also explaining thereon that I was nonverbal at the moment, and she imparted the information to the general manager who had the music shut off entirely. It was so bueno. I later had a meltdown because that whole thing left me one irritant away from meltdown, and I went and rocked and stimmed outside, then came back in. After that, there was only too-loud music for a few nights, but then it became consistently quiet enough to where my mind is peaceful, and has been since. People at my job understand that I am autistic and have sensory needs, and have my own system of working that is not to be altered lest I get confused, but with the loud music factor gone I can more easily figure mix-arounds out on the fly -- I put some sandwiches in the wrong order last night, haha! It wasn't very busy last night which was another factor in this not being a dire circumstance, the mix-around. Anyway, my workplace is good. It is possible to have good and accommodating workplaces.
Same for me
Thank you for this! This video is a much better description of shut down than I've seen before, and makes me realize how often I do shut down. I think I probably shut down 10 times more often than melt down, which is more "socially acceptable," but also means I'm often in severe emotional/mental distress and no one notices.
That is awfull. I hoping and praying for you doing better in the future
I genuinely 💯 related to this as well.
I agree as well. It's like a mini burnout.
Yes , very clear.
Yes, I used to believe that I simply found other people boring and dull and just took myself to the toilet, or broke into my special interest.
Problem is many of them say they understand, but when it comes to it, they simply lose patience.
I really have big big problems with dealing with NT's.
The lack of sleep thing is extremely bad because the light seems even brighter and the noises sound even louder and thats on top of everything else.
I think what I experience most of the time in response to stressful environment is dissociation. I've been doing it since childhood. I basically step outside of myself mentally to get away from it all. It's not distressing, though, it's calming for me to the point where I often don't want to leave that state because it's become comfortable compared to my environment and overwhelming feelings. Not sure if any other autistics can relate to this.
Yes, it's just that "stepping back" doesn't actually solve the problem... It usually just adds.. It's comfortable for the moment, but you also know stuff is gonna hit the fan afterwards..
Exactly. You withdraw from stressors that are necessary for you to function in society, but in the back of your mind you know you still have to go to your job, walk the dog, take care of your children. For me, this has often lead to (fortunately often short) periods of depression. The answer seems to be monitoring you emotional state cognitively, balancing out stress and relaxation as best you can and asking for help where needed from friends, colleagues and sometimes professional.
Absolutely. It’s survival for me. Being in a particular environment is too much to bare and I cannot physically escape.
I can relate. Around the time I got to be a teenager, I had clutter around me. I would keep my room so messy, and I just remembered that I would scream as loud as I could if someone came in to my room that wasn't my sister. We lived in our room together until I was like 15. Then my older sister moved out, and my mom made her old room so nice for me. Then she moved back home... and I just slept on the sofa for about a year, refusing to move back in the room with my younger sister. We didn't have a lot of discipline with homework or being on time. Now I struggle to do daily chores, or ever do any chores, and I ignore the clutter everywhere. I can't seem to be on time even when my well being depends on it. I just shut down and go to my bed. Then I fill my bed with self help books and whatever else I want next to me. It's the worst. It just looks like laziness. I've been so mean to myself about it. It's taken a long time to try not to be mean to myself. Now I am still looking for a balance. No other way??!! Ahhh!!
@@WeepingWillow422 I can relate. When I was little, my parents often argued. I was so stressed, listening, that I started putting my mind inside my favorite toy at the time, a pull toy in shape of a turtle. It had a chime that sounded when it rolled on it's wheels. I pretended the turtle was alive, and understood what I said to it. When I got scared like that, I would whisper a request to the turtle to share it's shell. This was always granted. Then a tiny version of me would climb down my human body, run across to the turtle and snuggle in alongside the turtle's neck. This was all my imagination, but it calmed me to picture being warm and safe inside the turtle shell, where the argument would seem muffled. I would reverse the scene when it seemed safe to go back to my body. I would be still sitting in an improvised high chair arrangement, physically unable to squirm out and run for real. If I Could do that, I did.
As a high masker, I can have an inner meltdown, an implosion, it causes ibs-d and fibromyalgia flares.
I thought I was the only one who has it come through in physical forms. I get bloated and migraines.
@@chloepekel I often eat alone as I can eat slowly and not get too excited while I eat. It helps with the bloating. Definitely don't eat right after a meltdown, internal meltdown or external (unless is was brought on by being hangry). A lot of Autistic people have co-occuring health issues. I am assuming a good part of that is the stress a meltdown puts on the body, but a masked meldown is even worse.
Cognitive/executive overload resulting in shutdown/dissociation, is a big one for me. I have high iq, higher education pretigious job etc and so everyone just assumes that they can dump a shi*t ton of verbal or written info on me and I'll be fine. But I get utterly overwhelmed and become completely unable to act or think, my brain just burns down and shuts off, to the point that I cannot act on anything and completely lose my overview.
And don't even get me started on sleep....
I'm having one today. Not fun. I always find it difficult to speak, but it's damn near impossible when having a shutdown. Having to leave my house and do something in public for a couple days in a row usually is what causes my shutdowns. This past week I had something to do Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, so it has caught up to me today. Plus, I have hypersomnia and was up half the night last night. I CANNOT function without sleep, and I need more sleep than most people.
Damn having to leave your house and do something public for just two days causes shut downs for you? No wonder like 90 percent of autistic people or whatever the figure is are unemployed
Leaving home can be stressful for anyone... Does it necessarily mean autism
@@tpshsahoo7 If you are almost completely unable to speak and function, because you had to go out for a few days in a row then probably yes.
It's different from being tired and not wanting to talk, it is physically straining to talk during shutdown if not impossible.
Leaving home can be stressful for anyone yeah, but most people are stressed or exhausted maybe still from the night before and not constantly overwhelmed by the sounds of moving cars, chirping birds, talking people and the sun shining bright to the point that they can't handle it on a daily basis.
I wonder how many of us Autistics are not as 'low functioning' as we may have been diagnosed or are considered to be. Perhaps the whole question of 'function level' is really a matter of how easily we are able to come out of meltdowns and shutdowns. Also, how easily we are triggered fall into one of these two problems and how often it happens.
Maybe we can 'function' just fine - talk to other people, do things as a group, share things etc. pretty well - as long as we aren't triggered. As long as our surroundings aren't stressful.
I have been dealing with all of these symptoms of a shutdown off and on for years. It has been especially bad the last five years as I've been dealing with my diagnosis, tests for, surgery for and now recovery from Hyperparathyroidism. It's been a very stressful, fearful, depressing five years. The symptoms of Hyperparathyrodism are many and I won't try to list them all here, but among them are insomnia, intense joint pain, digestive problems, memory recall, skin itch etc....... all of those are very distressing - especially for an Autistic person.
Oh yes for sure! Cognitive Overload is by far a bigger problem than most people realize. Society is getting a little better about understanding Sensory Overload, and that's great! But, I really agree that Cognitive Overload happens far more often and is even more difficult to deal with. You can't just put in a pair of ear plugs or put on a pair of sunglasses to get rid of the cognitive version. It is quite literally in your mind. I think that is what I'm experiencing when I am trying to figure something out, but can't seem to grasp it well enough, or I'm trying to do something for the first time or the first time in a long time and keep doing it wrong.
A good example of this is building model rockets. I've been into that hobby since I was about seven years old and trying it out as a 4-H project. 4-H is a youth club kind of like the Boy Scouts. If I tried to build a rocket that was more complex or tricky to do than one I had even done before, and things weren't working right, I would either have an emotional outburst and cry, have a high temperature - even a full blown fever at times, throw the pieces that broke or something across the room, etc. Other times though, it would be more like a shutdown and I'd totally lose interest in what I was doing. Just walk away from it. Not think or talk about it for hours or days at a time.
But, then after the meltdown or shutdown had finally run its course, I would wash my face with cold water, have a glass of a favorite drink, maybe go for a short walk etc. to clear my head. Then, I'd be right back at figuring that rocket out, just as interested and determined as I ever had been in making it look as good as I could and most importantly, making it fly.
That was what kept me coming back to model rocketry every summer for another 4-H project - that satisfaction and exhilaration of having this rocket that I had built with my own two clumsy hands actually blast off the launch pad and almost out of sight into the sky! "I did it! I bet I can build an even bigger and more powerful one next time!" I'd exult. I did too. I went from building the almost totally pre-made very simple plastic rockets in the beginner kits at seven and eight years old to building scale models of Saturn V rockets that had three stages by the time I was in high school.
My parents encouraged me to keep trying and get back at it, no matter how bad my meltdowns and shutdowns were because they knew that doing things like model rocketry was good for me. Dad would buy me a new rocket kit each time my current one would fail to pop its parachute in time and crash on the driveway in smoldering pieces, or even if it broke because I had a meltdown and threw it across the room. He'd say "Well, let's try it again. Which one would you like to try next time" and he'd take me to the local hobby store after I'd calmed down.
Your computer analogy is very apt. I build and upgrade computers these days and I have seen computers have both shutdowns (crashes) and even meltdowns - both of software (with all sorts of weird error messages or glitches) and in terms of hardware (with parts that actually melt or warp because they got too hot). People, especially neurodivergent ones like us, certainly overheat, get to the point where we can't process every input thrown at us.
Good video that I think will help both Autistics and those who care about them.
Hey Orion. Long time viewer, and am a sibling to a wonderful older brother who happens to be ND. Thank you for providing me insights on things I've been trying to understand. For the last few months you've given me great perspective through another lens that I'm unable to see through. You seem like a great father, too :)
I've been watching these videos to try to make progress with myself and how I act around him, and how to change how I react to him to make him more comfortable
Hearing this makes me feel validated, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who experiences the world in this way. I feel worthless when I shut down and my internalized ableism screaming at me "this is unacceptable, you're being a snowflake, just get up and do something productive" isn't helping.
I'm hypersensitive.
It sucks. I can't shut it off. I can't control it. I will black out sometimes if I'm overwhelmed enough. Other times my brain will scream "ENOUGH!" and I will literally drop everything, go to a quiet place and not emerge until I'm better. Sometimes for days or weeks at a time.
Idk if that's a shutdown, but it happens pretty often as of late.
I end up closing myself in the closet. Quiet and dark. Then sitting on the edge of my bed for weeks or longer!!! I’m married 44 yrs and this channel has helped me and spouse to understand what the world is happening to me. 😢 thank you for sharing your experience. Im not alone. We are not alone.
The loss of a special interest thing blew my mind! It makes so much sense and every time I’ve had an extremely difficult patch in my life I always question why I’m not interested in my topic anymore. It makes me sad when it happens but now that I know that it goes with my Autism I can treat it. I’ve always suppressed my stims, tried to fit in, make friends etc. More recently I’ve allowed myself to stim and I don’t get to that mute, looking down, feeling detached level as often. Don’t get me wrong it still happens a lot (at least 4 times a week), I’m in my first year of uni and I really didn’t think I’d get here, but if I allow myself to stim, don’t force eye contact then it’s more manageable
I have little question: Did you ever experience the feeling, like you have to break down an huge wall, just to use your voice again? For example you think and try to say something, but it feels very uncomfortable.
For me, the shutdown is not "a horrible place to be" but just a NECESSARY place to be - for a period of time. To recover from masking/fawning too much for too long...
It usually happens after a meltdown, but it can also prevent another meltdown from happening...😊
A shutdown will definitely protect your job
I’m gonna try using “hold please” or wear my Orion Kelly “processing…standby “ shirt to doctors appointments and other social situations.
I’ve definitely experienced in school if I’m not keeping up with the information I just stop, or when a teacher comes by to see how you’re doing I’d cover my paper and put on a fake smile so they would walk away and if they ask if I’ve got it I’d say yes so I wouldn’t feel like a spotlight was put on me.
I like what you said about having barrier in developing executive function skills. I definitely feel the instant STOP when I can no longer deal with executive functions.
Shut downs feel kind of like an inflatable,deflating. I’ve developed insomnia as I’ve gotten older. Great video Orion
i would contemplate on your words...but ....processing..........processing.....processing...
I used to lock myself in my room and stay in bed, sometimes sleeping for several days at a time. I was told it was depressions, but it felt more like complete exhaustion, usually after having to mask excessively, and feeling extreme need to "recharge."
Yes- I keep getting told I’m Bipolar. Nope- Not a mood change. It’s fatigue from overwhelm unrelated to depression for me.
I've never been diagnosed as autistic but this is me. In fact I keep saying I'm done. It's all too much
So I shut down. My husband thinks I'm lazy. He doesn't understand me. Everything you said I do, I'm shocked. I can't process instructions. I can't believe someone gets it. Thank you. It's a nightmare and I get blamed. I keep saying I want to go home.
The comment about lack of sleep and everything being harder is so true. When I don’t get enough sleep on a particular day, I am on the edge of meltdown for the entire day. Needing to catch an early flight is a sure way to make sure i I have a bad day at the airport, which is already a difficult place to be.
As I recently commented on another channel covering a similar topic: The worst place for a shutdown is at work, where people still expect you to interact with them. I start garbling my words and sometimes end up being unable to form even the most basic sentences.
I tell people, "Sorry, I just powered down" and then I ask for a break from the conversation. Thankfully my colleagues understand. We are all so overwhelmed at work that I think they need to be accommodated at times, too.
I never truly realized that POSITIVE emotional flooding can lead to shutdown as well! This helps me further understand my spouse. Thanks again Orion!
I can relate to that. Sometimes really big positive emotions make me feel just as overwhelmed as negative ones. And then I start worrying whether I seem happy or appreciative enough because I’m in the middle of rebooting…
wonderful job of explaining dysregulation and what I call "autistic crisis management" without any ableism or misleading simplification. I've been diagnosed very late so I have experienced many social and personal failures, traumatic events, and many shutdowns and meltdowns without even knowing. Therapy and shrinks were useless until I got diagnosed. Then after the diagnosis I fell into the autism rabbit hole for 5y, talked or exchanged with many other autistic people and I can confirm EVERY SINGLE THING in this vid is accurate and well-told.
Triggered by changes in a romantic relationship? Like attachment stuff related. Seems to feel right for me. This happens to me at some point in every relationship when deeper feelings start. The behaviours are friggin not even me. It sounds like blame shifting but it's not. It's me doing it while watching it. It's f'd. I'm a psych student too. There is a lot to correlate there and feels neuro to me.
I got lost in Orion Kelly's world,
A journey through Autistic shutdowns unfurled.
His insight and experiences laid bare,
Help us understand, empathize, and care.
From sensory triggers to emotional floods,
Each shutdown manifests in unique studs.
A disconnect from the world around,
Yet a way to find peace, somewhat profound.
Orion's words shed light on the unseen,
A guide through a storm, calm and serene.
Autism's challenges we now embrace,
Thanks to his wisdom, woven with grace.
Beautifully written! ..please don’t tell me it’s ChatGPT lol
@@animal_person_we just really like to rhyme
@@animal_person_ Goodness no. I tried Using Copilot and it too doesn't understand what I am on about.
I had one yesterday, I was with my walking group and the chatter got to much for me and I had to retreat into myself ready to mix back in,i hate it
So many of my family members NEVER understood, what you understans about shutdowns.
My own father. He pushed me to "deal with it". He refused to understand, I was in shutdown. I could NOT obey him to move. I told my body to MOVE, and it refused.
Thank you Orion. I'm going through this right now.
When I was 6 I got a bus home from school with a group of kids who thought it was funny to bully me on the way home. One boy tripped me up getting off me off the bus, i broke my nose. I ran away and eventually my mum called the police. I was found by the police in a haystack shacking and shivering in terror. After that my mum picked me up from the school even though she’d just given birth to my brother x
wow. Its hard to find words to thank you. Thank you.
More light bulbs, thanks again. So many memories making sense. Think my totem animal might be a turtle
My first word was "turtle." I also had lightbulb moments watching this. Loss of appetite/interest in food as a sign of shutdown - have often been confused about why there are times (and in phases which looking back correspond to increased frequency of shutdowns, and burnout) when as opposed my usual sensory craving food behavior, I feel apathy or even repulsion around food.
@@anotheranybody58 looooove turtle being your first word 😍 and yes to all you said. Similar experiences here
My shutdowns are so random. Most of the time my shutdowns is triggered by overwhelm or overstimulation, I won’t go fully non-speaking, but it is usually really limited and/or very quiet. When I shut down I can force myself to respond to a question from others in most cases, but when I am at home I can’t talk to my google home. I literally opened google translate in my phone and typed what I wanted to say to the speaker to play a comfort podcast so I could sleep.
I also have tuning out, stimming, basically no mental retention, no motivation etc. etc.
I only recently realized I might be autistic (I'm 37.) "Hold please." was one of my most commonly used phrases growing up.
For me personally, a shutdown is not "equally" distressing as a meltdown. Instead it's like a meltdown on steroids and does much more damage as well.
The danger about it is if others do not recognize what is happening (especially if you're not even diagnosed and even you don't understand) and are very much inclined to make the situation worse. Seeing an unresponsive adult in a situation where he or she needs to be relied on, can trigger others to shout at you, hit you, treating you like a little child who has a tantrum, fire you from your job, publicly ridicule you and I could go on for a while.
It's a very traumatic experience because while we're not responsive, it's not like we're unconscious ... we do hear and see what goes on but we simply can't process the information at the time, nor respond. Don't even ask us to "nod our head".
For me the only things that help at such time are people who are silent but willing to give a heartfelt hug, having a support pet around and otherwise, just leave us the bloody hell alone. But please do make sure there is nothing around us that we can use to self-harm ourselves. We go very, very deep during a shutdown.
Same. Frequently, during shutdowns, I have considered whether the world would be better without me... if anyone even noticed I was gone.
@@angieturner3928 Wish I could give you a hug ... it's so bloody hard to find someone who understands what it's like and to give the support that is needed.
For me personally, it doesn't help knowing that I'm not alone. Knowing that others go through the same pain doesn't make it hurt less, it actually makes me more sad. In any case, I wish you a lot of love, strength and I hope you find the support that you need and deserve.
I'm in the middle of an emotional explosion right now and found your videos, they help. Thank you for existing and making me feel less alone.
My 18 year old son hasn't spoken a single word or communicated even by gesture with me for 15 months now. Thank you Orion for helping me understand.
I love photography and music for eg (they are my passions, amongst others), but they go out the window when I shut down. I also isolate and I’m currently in a cycle of isolation which has been going on for over a month and half, and I’m worried sick that those around me will misread it as me being “funny”, cold, doing it on purpose to hurt. I say doing it on purpose, because one of my brothers has accused me of doing things deliberately to hurt….im not at all, but to hear it off him was really hurting to me. I get overwhelmed a lot these days after experiencing a narcissistic abusive relationship for 13yrs. I ended it 3 years ago but the damage to my coping mechanisms has been immense, and I’m not afraid to say I’m not coping at all with it. It’s bloody hard
I’m AuDHD and struggled massively with employment over the years had so many jobs I’ve had meltdowns at work and shutdowns too in the past.
This is a really important video, and EXTREMELY relateable.
Last year I went through autistic burnout and I was in shutdown for much of that time. Where normally I can handle eye contact, background noise and generally the responsibilities of adult life perfectly fine, all these things became unbearably harsh stimuli. I also declined cognitively, couldn't speak or speak properly, I couldn't find words and would sound like I was confused, sound like a garbling idiot. Certainly retreated from everyone around me even loved ones. As for the appetite, well, let's just say food was a main part of that burnout, to put it mildly. It's still a tricky thing. I am doing better now, even had some weight recovery, but if I am in a situation where I don't identify any safe foods I still feel anxious, but it's manageable anxiety. When I was at my worst I would feel an intense need to go home where I had everything I needed, where everything was according to standard.
Also, I DID have that attitude of "got to burn through it, got to get stuff done, I can't just not do the things", until I ground myself physically and mentally down to a point where I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't do anything. It put me out of work for months and even still I'm not fully back up to my old hours. For real, autistic burnout and shutdown is not to be taken lightly, and chronic stress in autistic people is not something to poo-poo or just "get over". Tried that, didn't get me anywhere good.
I am in that place. Six months ago I was 'downsized' AGAIN. No reason provided, no bad review, nothing I can improve on for future roles. I am not mean, I never raise my voice, I try to add value with every thing I do, and I am extremely gifted at the analysis I do. I paint pictures WITH numbers while I am surrounded by people painting BY number. The only thing I lack is the ability to build the needed social connections. For 40 years I have been stepped over or stepped on for my coworkers' own personal benefit. Now on top of yet another rejection I am expected to put on the neuro-typical face so that someone new can offer me another chance to start the whole vicious cycle over again. 'Hard work will be rewarded' is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. I wish someone had just been honest and told that the popularity and beauty contests never end. The only thing worse than being rejected is the hope that the same thing won't happen again. At least I don't feel alone... 💞
My son has completely shut down. It's been almost two full weeks. Keeps his eyes shut from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. No longer engage with any electronics, school work, eating meals, performing daily tasks. Not sure what to do.
I'm in the middle of a shut down. No longer scared of it. Thank you!
Shutdowns suck because other people can't usually see how distressed I am and I can't verbally communicate it to them, like words won't compute. And since the outwardly strong emotions of a meltdown are usually too much for others and also make it harder for me to get my needs met, it feels like a terrible situation either way.
Same. I literally almost hyperventilated while trying to have a conversation yesterday.
I am disengaging into a shutdown as we speak. The burnout and meltdowns have become exhausting in themselves. I haven't have a break in years. It's like my mind feels raw and tender, it's almost like a headache, but if I try to think or function, it's straining and deeply exhausting. I don't know how I am going to get out of this. My job is far too incessant and demanding.
O.M.G⚠️‼️‼️‼️✅️‼️‼️‼️⚠️
"Hold, please."
BRILLIANT - THIS COULD SOLVE SO FREAKING MUCH IN MY LIFE!!!!!!
I’m very curious about apathy and Autism - or even apathy and burnout for people with asd. I have seen a therapist in the past because I felt completely detached from my emotions, couldn’t even tell if I loved my partner or anyone close to me. So he organised for me to see a therapist thru his work, and she helped me work thru the things going on in my life at the time, and we got to the root of it. I spoke to my partner about how I felt apathy and the root cause, and gradually the emotions returned. We came close to breaking up but thankfully didn’t 😅
However I still struggle to connect and understand my emotions, and still end up struggling with apathy from time to time.
Thank you so much for this video! It's been so difficult to find good explanations of shutdowns, I've been under the impression I just don't experience meltdowns or shutdowns. But what you describe I feel almost every day and now I can share this video with my family and hopefully it will be easier for them to understand also what's happening to me when I go into avoidance mode
Same. Wow. Every single thing he mentioned I was like '✔️yup, ✔️yup, ✔️yup 😳 Exactly my daily experience since like, forever.
The hold please has been my worst stumble with humanity. I have had so many hearing tests in my youth because i was asked a question and said "What?" because i needed a moment. My brain was not translating the thing said.
I have to say shutdowns are extremely stressful. I feel like I end my day like this everyday. I am under so much stress it's ridiculous. I'm in the middle of getting disability, having 3 kids and a divorce. Absolutely nuts ! ! !
Thank you Orion ❤️
I had a melt down yesterday when a family friend said "I know you hate this but I'm doing it anyway" and threw herself on me with a total bodyweight hug. This caught me off guard and I totally lost it. I said things I shouldn't have and just plain lost control. I usually can shrug things like this off and just get quiet and leave the area but this time I just couldn't. Is this normal? I mean I miss doc appointments just to avoid touching
I have been slowly heading toward full blown burn out since 2011. Just after the return to work part of the pandemic in the US, I completely shut down and cannot seem to pull myself out. I lost my only full blood sibling to a stroke 2yrs ago, timed with the return to work event. I am stuck. We failed all IVF cycles, and that has made it worse. I feel like I need rescued. Thanks for taking the time to read my message.
Autistic shutdowns are part of the sympathetic nervous system, correct? Shutdowns are basically the freeze response, eg. dissociation. Exactly like dorsal vagal shutdown?
Can’t get out of burnout. Correction. Other people keep shutting me down and I’m in perpetual burnout. That’s easy 18 months now and I reckon my heart will just stop soon 🤯😢
These videos help process it all though. Fight another day eh?
Thanks Orion. 💙🏴
Mannnnnn, I'm like seriously about to fucking cry. I'm coming out of one of these right now, except I didn't know what they were. There is so much about myself I never learned because I was always taught that everything I did was wrong. For example, having a shut down was "being rude and selfish" so then I start telling myself that I'm being rude and selfish, then being too much because I can't get out of the shut down. I feel like I need to go through an entire program to unravel all the harmful lessons I was taught by NT society and learn to function autistically rather than just wondering if I'm in some sort of twisted experiment.
I appreciate all the autistic advocates in the community that share this education. Thank you so much.
I feel like I have experienced this more that I have realised- especially when I can't relate to others in a social situation. This is why I attend hobby groups specified to my interests.
My mind in private- Oh my gosh, I have so many subjects I can talk about to others!
My mind in public- Error 404: Subjects not found.
This video really nailed what I've been going through lately. I thought maybe it was just me, but it seems it happens with others as well. It's nice not to feel like the only one.
I feel like every month now I'm burning out. I need like 2 days off work as a result. This isn't sustainable, because I'm worried about missing work.
I got diagnosed about year ago and I still can’t get many things, but I understand my behaviour more. Now I know I mostly have autistic shoutdowns.
Once I got a situation when I was on a meeting with my friends, because one of them had birthday. Everyone was laughing of my story that I was talking about and they didn’t let me end. Because of that I started to shake my hands and couldn’t say a word. This friend told me I am not okay that I behave badly, but I really couldn’t say I word. I was wondering, why I am so terrible friend, but now I understand that. Thank you for that channel, it really helps me understand myself.
Before my therapist told me I am autistic, my psychologist said, I have depression, anxiety and OCD. Now I know it was because of the late diagnosis (I was diagnosed when I was almost 20 years old)
I am curious, how my parents haven’t noticed that?
Your examples of shutdown tell me i spend a lot of time in a shutdown state. I always knew i had a bunch of meltdowns as they are a no brainer.
I imagine that I am calling for tech support on my brain...
SUPPORT AGENT: Thank you for calling Neurotix support. Your call is very important to us and may be recorded for your excruciatingly self-critical review when you are trying to get to sleep. How can I help you today?
ME: Oh, uh, I was trying to run Witty Conversationalist at a party and it kept crashing. By the end I could only get my brain to boot into safe mode.
SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that sounds unpleasant. I'd like to get some info for troubleshooting. What version of HumanNT are you running?
ME: I'm not running HumanNT. I use HumanND.
SUPPORT AGENT: Uh, Witty Conversationalist isn't supported on HumanND.
ME: I know. I run it in an NT Emulator.
SUPPORT AGENT: Emulators are resource heavy. Do you have enough memory?
ME: Maybe? I have ADHD installed, so my working memory isn't great.
SUPPORT AGENT: Well, that's your problem right there. You are trying to run Witty Conversationalist in an NT Emulator with low memory, in a chaotic sensory environment, among new people, with no established role to play in the interaction? I'm surprised smoke wasn't coming out of your ears.
ME: Okay, is there anything I can do to fix it?
SUPPORT AGENT: I mean, if you could install more memory maybe...
ME: Oh great! How do I install more memory?
SUPPORT AGENT: That's a hardware question. I dunno, maybe try yoga?
Lol. I just normal people would slow down. And try to understand us
Absolutely awesome! I totally get the self-deprecating witty humor! I have the same coping mechanism.
Thanks!
I appreciate it!
Thank you! Ill be sending this to partner now
18:58 I feel this so deeply right now especially 😭. I had a big social overwhelm moment earlier today so I rushed home, I feel so fatigued and my brain feels like it's filled with dense fog and I can't process info. Which does not help one bit cos' I meant to cram for my A level exam that's tmr, sigh wish me luck.
How did the exam go?
Wow.
:::chef's kiss:::
Thank you for the very sharable-to-NTs video.
I feel seen.
❤
This is a great video. These strategies strike me as an energy conservation mode when expending too much energy processing etc.
Emails, phone calls, schedules, paperwork... some of the things that trigger my shutdowns.
If TH-cam didn't force ads every couple minutes I wouldn't have meltdowns.
Right now I’m going through a long period of shutdown and just realized it thanks to your video. I stopped using my cpap machine and recognize now that is part of it, amongst many of the other reasons you explained. But oh how I hate it! Must stop and not think too much about it and convince myself that to get out of this funk I have to get back to using it, it’s a necessary evil for me.
I tried to explain how dangerous it was for me to allow dogs into this apartment complex. I have been living here since 1995, and since 2019 (or whenever the laws changed to allow dogs EVERYHWERE) I am in danger of having these meltdowns/shutdowns and the lawmakers (ADA or FAIR HOUSING) Failed to understand how DANGEROUS it is to NOT have spaces where barking was completely NON-existent.
I'm afraid, everyday, of my meltdowns popping up, because of someone's noisey dog.
5 years of this.
I want to die but I have to hide this pain, in fear of being put into worse places than my own home.
I wish people would understand. I DONT HATE dogs.
The barking is literally driving me insane (into life-threatening shutdowns).
But no. No I'm just the crazy screaming lady people wish wasnt living here.
I wish people understood, how dangerous their dogs barking is.
How damaging my meltdowns are.
Acessibility conflict indeed exists here.
I want them to have their dogs.
I need to live no where near the noisy dogs.
My brain melts down several times a week.
This existence isnt healthy.
I need to get away.
I cant get away.
I'm too poor to move.
And move where? I need a place where I wont hear sudden noises.
Is there anywhere, affordable on disability income, where I wont hear another single dog bark?
I'm about to cry.
I need lawmakers to understand the trouble they have let into my life.
Yes, I know they need their dogs.
I need to not hear barking.
I'm tempted to bash my head.
I dont want to.
I need to not hear another sudden noise.
Apartment management decided to become dog friendly.
Negating all of the fighting I have been trying to get them to get these noisy dogs out.
NOw they wont fight for me. They fight against me telling me it is dog-friendly.
It is not friendly to my brain that shuts down, and meltdowns three times a week.
I feel I am having a meltdown now.
I'm trying to fight it.
Dog barking, past hour, I want to scream, but I dont wanna... neighbors call the cops if I scream. I dont want cops.
Help. Who can get America's Fair housing to understand some autistics need to live where there are no sudden noises.
What about sound proofing or accomidations... yes that question has been asked of me too.
I have to fill out a form.
My brain shuts down when presented with forms.
I'm stuck in reoccuring mental torture in my home.
Go to a mental hospital, says a neighbor.
No. Why would I go to a place that is significantly WORSE than my home?
I'm stuck in perpetual torture.
Why not use a headset?
Headsrts hurt me.
They cause me to tense up.
More tense than I am.
3 days to recxover from wearing a headset for 8 hours.
I need these dogs to not be barking.
I dont hate dogs.
"yes you do" argued a neighbor.
NO I dont.
I like dogs.
I like to pet dogs.
I was a disabled kid who got to play with puppies being trained for service animals, those didnt bark.
These ESA here are noisy.
Now the aprtment lets any dog live here.
I cant afford to move.
And in whever I find anyting afordable, dogs are allowed nearby.
I feel stuck in perpetual torture.
Help, make space where I wont hear dogs or feel more suffering.
I dont wanna live like this.
I cant find better.
Torture.
Is this hell?
Edit to add: My meltdown knows how to type, which is hard to explain to people too.
I have no motivation to edit to shorten this. Every word is genuine.
I need laws to change before these frequent meltdowns kill me.
I could have died in February, if not for a friend who noticed I was on the floor for over 24 hours.
Called paramedics.
I was hospitalized.
I was unaware of anything those 6+ days.
I thought I was dreaming.
i thought I was in hell, reliving torture, but it was real.
My friend, with me the entire week, she struggled to sleep. My shutdown mind stole her pillow.
Dangerous. Deadly. I would be dead if not for the IV.
All because of my environment being too much.
Fair housing (USa), doesnt understand, or doesnt care.
Fair housing makes those rules that has made my home environment unsafe.
Fair housing lacking recognition of my need to not hear dogs barking.
This is not fair. It's potentially deadly.
I need to live, where there are no sudden noises.
I hate myself like this.
I hate my shutdowns/meltdowns.
I'm powerless to save myself.
And those with the power, dont they care?
I dont care to let myself be embarassed right now, from typing too much for other people.
I'm too sick to give a damn to edit for the typicals.
I want to live, where I dont hear sudden noises.
I have no better options than to suffer.
And has the potential to have another shutdown.
I'm scared, of myself, because I cant make the outside noises stop hitting my ears.
Airpod pros 2 are around $200 but noise cancelling feature had changed my life!!!!! Please incest in them you will never regret it!!
Airpod pros 2 are around $200 but noise cancelling feature had changed my life!!!!! Please incest in them you will never regret it!!
Yes...actually I am much more prone to shutdown than meltdown overall. Distress is certainly there coming from every corner of life but there is something about folding it all within to the point I can feel almost nonexistent. There are times I simply must do this.
It's very frustrating going into shutdown mode, staring off, feeling overwhelmed, your mind racing and slowing down at the same time and nobody understands. People don't realize how much pain you could be in when you're that silent and that unresponsive.
Thank you! I have found my people after 71 years!
Your explanation of "internal for shutdowns and external for meltdowns" is spot on for me... I understand the difference now. Thank you!!!
Thank you. This is a very helpful video for me. I never realised how much I do shut down. I've always run away from and avoided things when they get too overwhelming. I never realised that this was part of shutting down. I'm always seeking quiet time alone. This is especially important for me, being a single parent of two young boys who I suspect may be autistic and or adhd too.
I sometimes liken it to a blue screen, whereas something like a meltdown is more like redlining a car.
Too much info that cannot be processed? Incorrect input with no viable response? "Windows has encountered a problem and needs to close"
Sudden spike of anxiety, negative emotion, rapid shift in expectation I cant acclimate to? We just put 'er in first gear and stood on the pedal. We are well past the safety limit and the result isnt controllable abymore
What a ridiculously validating video. I never knew this was an autism thing!
I have always referred to these episodes as "my brain broke". Most commonly, I get the ones you call "cognitive overwhelm". It usually happens if i'm trying to learn something new that is very complex, or doing something else that requires a lot of brainpower, and there are any external stimuli splitting my attention. There have been times where I had to just gently tell my partner or friends to leave me be and not interact at all for a little while so I can tunnel-vision what i'm working on and work through it. Other times when that's not feasible, such as out in public when strangers are the external stimuli, i'll need to just abandon what I was trying to say or do to avoid the shutdown turning into a meltdown. It's caused me a lot of trouble and I always wondered where it came from.
Not much new things for me to learn in this video but listening relatable stories is pure gold. Thank you for landing on the same planet with me dear aliens 😉
There's probably more ways shutdowns happen than there are people who experience them. I'd say that no two of my shutdowns are the same. One of the most dramatic (to me) involved an orientation at a state department that helps people with developmental and emotional disabilities find and retain jobs. I was there to determine if I was eligible for their help. We first watched a video, then we had to fill out some forms. Various ones were getting help filling out theirs and there was quite a bit of chit-chat going on around me. I was well on my way to getting mine filled out when it suddenly became just so much gibberish. I finally had to ask for help. To make matters worse, there was another autistic person there whom I had recently met who was in assisted living and I had just said I wasn't as bad off as him, and suddenly I was acting worse than him. At least I rarely have volcanic meltdowns, but either one will leave me feeling anxious and scared to the point of having stomachaches and not wanting to eat.
I really enjoyed this video, I can say as an adult I experience shutdowns more often than when I was younger. I found that often times you can have multiple shutdowns for various reasons that create a bigger shutdown and can be even more taxing. I have found that by having a great support structure around you really helps to bring you back faster than when you have to do it yourself.
I used to have more meltdowns, but I've just grown tired of living life like I am Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. I can't even muster the energy for a respectable meltdown anymore. 😂
Sensory overload are triggers for me, to much excitement can also be, to much.
I live in an apt. and i can't get proper sleep due to noisy neighbors. I'm in a constant state of shutdown due to exhaustion; i dont know what to do.
Earplugs helped me a lot too. Thankfully I found a quieter apartment now so I don't usually need them anymore.
I thought I had no shutdowns. But I realize with your explaination I got about 7 a week. Gosh, thank you, I better understand.
I have a really hard time with having the plan down and then, if anything changes, or I feel like something is off, I may shut down straight up by not being able to get out of the cognitive overload that I've been experiencing lately. I just need a step back and support in the areas that are too hard for me. Hopefully I'll be able to find what can help me out. I do kind of dissociate where my brain may as well be under a rock. But I'm there just withdrawn so much I'm not really there. Then whoever I am with can feel they have to tell at me or say things multiple times. I still can't even tell what they're saying or doing. It's unpredictable and sometimes I shut down around like hard paperwork or phone calls etc., I shut down, but I have been trying to pause and figure out what's even going on in my brain. I've had lots of therapy. Lots.
I am experiencing the fact that my partner may also be neurodivergent. It's interesting because he shuts down as well. We're learning to work together to learn more. Like through your podcasts and videos. 😊
I'm to have add testing coming up, but my psychiatrist said the testing is only one small data point on the scale you should be tested on. She's hopeful they'll be able to help. Also, sleep is so important. I feel so much worse when I don't sleep well. Then I'll get a migraine and a stomachache etc. those can lead to shutdowns. 😅
I feel a strong urge to share this with my apartment management refusing to accommodate my sensory needs.
This video explaining meltdowns and shutdowns, I wanna show to people who dont know.
Sudden noises trigger my shutdown/meltdown.
I need to live where there are zero barking dogs.
I dont hate dogs. I try to tell them, I dont hate dogs!
It's the sudden noise that breaks my brain.
I’m working a burnout job. The kind of work I do right would be overwhelming for a neurotypical person. I have ADHD, but the ways I’ve started cognitively responding to the stress, mixed with the occasionally sensory overload I get at work, I am wondering whether I might be on the spectrum. Whether or not that turns out to be the case, this might help me get closer to the truth. Thank you.
Thank you so much… and keep making content. ❤
Because of you, your channel, I got diagnosed and I am learning how to handle my autistic traits. THANK YOU, LIKE FOR REALY, THANK YOU for validating me, making me feel normal and for the things you do for me, us and what u are doing for many many many other people!!!! ❤️
wow. just... wow! Okay... thanks for this video, helps me see it better.
Between this and just the fact that my focus on special interests tends to change up every 2-3 years, I have completed half of three bachelor degrees and but successfully completed an intensive 2-year accounting diploma. I graduated high school in June 2006. I was in university part- or full-time every non-summer semester from September 2006 to April 2015 except for Jan-April 2012. I kept hitting shutdown points and thought it was the subject I was studying. It wasn't. It was the length of study and exams over and over and over again without any change or reward. I didn't figure out that I'm autistic until 2020. I decided to try the diploma program in 2022, and here I am actually working now, successfully on the other end of that course. I can upgrade it later, but right now I need to work and have new experiences and feel like I accomplished something.
I haven't been able to feel much of anything for 2 days. Figured maybe it was a shutdown. I wanted to say thanks for making me genuinely smile and laugh. It feels nice. I've had a lot of triggers back to back, and life won't slow down, but it's always reassuring to hear this is totally normal. Personally, I'll take the meltdown. Mine don't last super long, especially compared to the shutdowns
I experience shutdowns far more often than meltdowns. I have a hard time with eye contact. However, during a shutdown I cannot make eye contact at all. I also don't acknowledge others even my safe people. I stare at the ground. Now I also suffer from seizures. It's very likely that I have absence seizures during shutdowns which probably explains the other symptoms that I experience. If I do have a seizure during a shutdown then I actually do go/became nonverbal because I have aphasia. So for me it's a physical reason for being unable to speak. Which is why the whole gatekeeping nonverbal doesn't sit well with me. But I digress, to my knowledge I have only experienced a small handful of meltdowns. I am also late realizing that I'm autistic so, I'm still learning. From what I know so far my meltdowns aren't as explosive as I commonly see. At least the ones that have happened so far. I typically will try and remove myself from the trigger and cover my ears while doing so. A lot of Echolalia happens. I couldn't tell you what I usually say because I have no memory of that part. It's weird...I am fairly certain that I have seizures during shutdowns but I don't recall seizures happening during meltdowns. So I am not sure why I have gaps in my meltdown memories. I suppose it could be dissociation. I tend to stim more during meltdowns and the stims that happen are ones I normally hide from others like hand flapping and pacing. I do pace when alone but during meltdowns my pacing is far more erratic and quicker paced. I do at times throw up during meltdowns too.
I've been in a shutdown after years long battle with benzodiazepine abuse after being bullied in school everyday for 5 years, the withdrawal lasted years. When the withdrawal was over, i thought i could move on with my life. But then the looping thoughts began two things that happened when i was 19 and 20, these two things loop in my mind every day and sometimes convince me im the sick and most depraved person alive. That i am lesser of a human and i deserve to be treated as such. Other times it's the opposite, i think to myself, how did i not end up worse?, all the trauma that i was put through, being bullied, drug abuse, being manipulated and taken advantage of, getting put in vulnerable situations by my manipulative friend and trying my hardest to avert disasters. I believe no one will ever understand my story and it pains me so much.
experiencing everything more intensely when sleep deprived…. that just makes my whole life make more sense. i dealt with family and significant others forcibly depriving me on top of having a sleep disorder, audhd, and severe trauma. the way i either shut down or become reactive until i melt down so often is just another piece of the late diagnosis puzzle… and more insight to my excessssiveeee use of drugs and alcohol growing up.
you are definitely my favorite ND creator to learn from and relate to, i appreciate these videos so much.
Bruh I've literally had it with socialising and just want to stay home and read books.
Too many people expect too much of me forgetting I'm autistic. My dad needs a lot of attention and even my other autistic friends don't seem to get it either.
I'm just coming out of a week long shutdown. It has been horrible but videos like this help me to process and understand what is happening in my brain.
Unfortunately it was brought about by being basically abused and bullied by the boss in a new workplace. Quitting the job has got me out of the situation but I'm now, again, looking for a job.
Thank you for making these videos.
Thank you! Not only does this explains somethings I could never put in to words. This explains things to people who cant understand what's going on with me.
My son, who 34 and on the spectrum lives with me and his stepfather. Is there anything that I can do to help him when he shuts down. I usually just leave him be until he's ready to interact. This can take days and I worry that backing off just makes matters worse.
My son is 13 and autistic, I'm 33 and autistic, and my 31 year old husband might be autistic.
Best thing you can do is get him something to absorb into, sit next to him, tell him that it's not okay now, but it will be. Don't worry about talking to make him feel better, get him a video or movie or something he can fully immerse into to help pull him out. Good luck!
You can ask him when he’s not in shutdown or meltdown, what might help. For some, deep pressure can help, others don’t want to be touched. Certain textures might help. Usually low inputs are generally good - reduce light, sound, conversation and mental processing.
Ohhh, this is what I did every year in high school and college on the first day of school. The teachers would decide for some reason that going over the ENTIRE syllabus for the WHOLE SEMESTER was a great way to start and definitely not overwhelming to students. And since if I thought about all those things I had to do at once I'd lose it I just simply. stopped thinking. Just kinda stared at nothing, maybe doodled. I retreated and shut down until that horrible first day was over.
Even worse when a trigger causes another. Imagine social gatherings not being already enough stress. But then try to follow a discussion with many backs and forths while you are weighing the arguments exchanged. No way you'll be able play an active role. I think, lots of decisions neurotypicals make during such situations are subconscious while autistic people do the same thing consciously. That's similar to comparing a compiler language with libraries to a purely script-based process.
Insightful yet again. You’ve described this 48 yr old undiagnosed person perfectly. This ep and your prior one on Hidden Austic traits (2-2). Countless moments in my life (as child & an adult) where it’s like my brain shuts down, leaving me stuck, seemingly frozen. When the signals start to re-fire or the “buffer” catches up I’m back to normal, however often the moments past and you then get criticised for not paying attention, being withdrawn or detached or my favourites - lacking self awareness and emotion. Clearly it’s quite the opposite in fact!