How to stop being defensive in your marriage!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- This video is part of our 8 part better relationship communication series. In this video Tyler share what defensiveness is, what defensiveness does to your relationship, What defensive feels like. Along with giving practical advice on what ways you can be defensive in your relationship and most importantly How to stop being defensive in your marriage.
Question of the Day - When do you become defensive? How do you know that you are being defensive?
Top Takeaways From This Episode
2:31 - What is defensiveness?
3:17 - What does defensiveness do to my relationship?
5:03 - What defensiveness feels Like?
5:47 - What defensiveness looks like.
5:55 - Defensive behavior - denying responsibility
6:30 - Defensive behavior - making excuses
7:08 - Defensive behavior - second guessing
7:57 - Defensive behavior - cross complaining
8:33 - Defensive behavior - yes,..... but
9:40 - Defensive behavior - repeating yourself
10:24 - Antidote to defensiveness - know your own defensive behavior
11:06 - Antidote to defensiveness -self-sooth
11:52 - Antidote to defensiveness - get curious about what your partner is feeling
12:41 - Antidote to defensiveness - take responsibility & hold space
13:00 - Antidote to defensiveness - remember why you love your partner.
Linked Videos & Resources
Criticism - • How do I stop criticis...
Contempt - • How do I stop criticis...
Learn more about the defensiveness in Dr. John Gottman's book the 7 Principle For Making Marriage Work - amzn.to/3bRtl8C
About Richer Life Counseling
Richer Life Counseling is group psychotherapy practice located in Las Vegas, NV. Our therapist specializes in a number of mental health and relationship issues. Our channel is built to share knowledge about all things mental health. You can learn more about our group practice at www.RicherLifeCounseling.com
The Richer Marriage Show is a weekly show that is devoted to help form strong relationships. Our goal is to teach the world about having strong relationships.
Tyler Rich is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Nevada.
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Question of the Day - When do you become defensive? How do you know that you are being defensive?
Can you please make the follow on videos. Me and my wife enjoyed your first 5. Thank you for making them.
@@schishler1 I should have new videos up starting in March!
@@schishler1 Totally agree! This information is super great. I definitely would love to learn more!
@@richerlifecounseling Yay!
I become defensive when my kids are criticize. Is like I am stuck
Denying responsibility
Making excuses
Cross complaining
Yes...but
Repeating yourself
I'm doing all of this. All the time. Thank you very much for this and your other videos and for telling me how to fix this.
I become defensive when I feel attacked. A lot of the time it feels like it is coming from nowhere in a blunt and harsh manner.
I am defensive when my partner starts to tell me all the things they did right, instead of focusing on the issue. I find myself repeating and then yelling after they have repeated their view of what they thought I said dismissively.
OMG I wish my Boyfriend Scott would watch this video. This is EXACTLY what I been going through with him. He DEFENDS it ALL. I’m so Hurt‼️ we broke up today. Well I broke up with him today. Now, he is in a relationship with himself. Now he can defend that
Sorry to hear that. Relationship are hard. But the more you can learn about how to be the best version of you the stronger your relationships will be.
If I feel I’m getting flooded I tend to counter back, repeat myself, snap, my words are like venom or I end up throwing a tantrum. Shouting, swearing, crying, throwing things 😬 geez no wonder he doesn’t bring things up 😅😭
I hate being defensive
Im defensive when my partner constantly beats me down for something I’m trying to fix.
I get defensive when I try to communicate and my husband doesn't understand me and when I tell him about something and he doesn't do it we going back to what I suggested earlier.
Thank you for this video. I'm not sure I understand the difference between making excuses vs yes, but. I definitely do the latter by providing why I thought a certain way or did a certain thing - basically a justification/explanation. How is that different than providing an excuse?
Think of the differences as less important that being defensive overall. The reason we have different ways of looking at being defensive is so you can spot how you do it. Sometimes things will overlap.
When I get dismissed or spoken to with disgrading works, stupid, dumb, belittled or my intelligence is challenged. Like I don't understand what you just said, but that's nothing new. Like I have no intelligence in talking.
But I am in counseling with emdr therapy and splankna therapy. Going back in my own life trauma and physical therapy at the same time. Trying to take ownership of my life. It's a lot... but my husband doesn't get this big growth. As well as my froggness in the process. They only focus on running their own place of being. I find this to be very hard and discouraging to my work. I am a libra he's a virgo.I want balance so bad in every way. He wants me to shut up and listen and hold all thoughts on the matter. Hands down, he is not listening or not getting it. I have put it out there for us. We both have both felt the same way. I understand that and I relate. I have taken all fault in most matters. I have been trying to handle this situation and growth in growing myself. And waiting on an understanding. My childhood abuse has me in a long time hardship and seeing whats wrong.
You are right I am late..thank you for waiting.
You are right I don't let the dog out...thank you for scooping the poop out of oure home.
Do I need to do more?
Yes but
I most am a repeater and being locked in here is the real, not religious or spiritual life. You matter of fact mind state.