ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ส.ค. 2018
- Let's face it, online dating can suck. So many potential people, so much time wasted -- is it even worth it? Podcaster and entrepreneur Christina Wallace thinks so, if you do it right. In a funny, practical talk, Wallace shares how she used her MBA skill set to invent a "zero date" approach and get off swipe-based apps -- and how you can, too.
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Holy cow 220 messages. I'm not half bad looking guy and I only got 6.
I think online dating is just a bad idea for guys. Events and hobbies are a better route plus you get more of a social life.
Thanks for staying positive!
I feel it's quite the opposite. It's quite hard for people to even engage a persons status at a social meeting without it becoming awkward and unintentionally creepy. There is 'luck' that happens, and it's quite an 'easy turn out' when you just luckily find that other single person, with equal interests who is also attracted to you at a social or business event. BUT that's where the 'luck' part comes in. For teens and early 20s, it's pretty easy. Your interests are nearly always identical. When you're in your late 20s and early 30s, it becomes vastly more complicated, and "what you want in life" needs to align with the person you're with. I mean, you could be with someone who's life interests don't match yours, but one of you will always be on the cusp of unhappiness, whilst the other is holding one back. It's not entirely a solid, or frankly healthy, relationship.
Meetups are specially designed to be like speed dating, in some cases. I'm not talking about a grocery store parking lot "meetup." But yeah, either way it's definitely more complicated for older people (but people in their 60s manage...so getting over that feeling is only a matter of time).
Also, if a meetup is not reasonable an easygoing second job can lead to new acquaintances with none of the awkwardness. You can show who you are and see who people are/meet their friends.
@Skweepa, I'm confused on what you're saying lol. Although 'meetups' can be designed like 'speed dating', I don't think I've ever encountered one that lasted less than an hour (mostly due to being capable of having things to talk about, I'm a great conversationalist). BUT they are used specifically to get a scope of the person before actually wanting to take them on a date and know them much better. Sometimes, even after that 0th date, you kind of still can 'not be interested' in that person if they just eventually turn out to not be the person you want (in essence, you can still waste time).
I don't think I would ever consider a second job specifically to 'meet someone', as I feel, personally, that's kind of a weird method or reason to get a second job...especially since I work in a professional field lol. Assume you are in a professional field and your life is usually work, some rare 'friends' time (Wait..what are those? lol), and a bit of 'me' time for your interests/hobbies; That's dating in your 30s.
I'm not quite sure how 'dating in your 60s' came about, but that's it's own separate topic, and I can personally say I have zero experience with this lmao
You can thank game theory and the 80/20 rule for that. Just play with the cards you have been dealt and try to make the best of it while also improving yourself. ;)
If there's anything I've learned it is to NOT expect a woman to want to meet you soon after you start talking. I used to be frustrated by that, like why are you even here if not to find someone to meet face to face. But I realize, that for a woman it is a lot more dangerous and weird to meet with someone before you can establish that you aren't a wolf in sheep's clothing. There are plenty of examples of men sweet talking women online and turning on a dime into fucking assholes when they don't get what they want. Everyone is different and Christina Wallace seems like a very direct, business forward thinking person. It makes sense that she would organize her time and energy in such a way, but it is so specific to her that I think it's kind of meh advice.
Okay but how do you even get to having a conversation to begin with?
@@Kyora473just ask about interest and try to find a common interest then go from there. Be genuine and if there is no chemistry it’s fine move on to the next. Everyone is different so don’t feel bad if you get rejected you will find someone eventually that clicks well with you.
_[swipes left]_
😂
KKKKKKKKK
🤣 😆 😂
Lol
😂😂😂😂
1 problem here: girls dont wanna meet as soon as possible mostly because they are afraid that they cant trust you.
That is something false men believe.
You're right. Girls don't want to meet as soon as possible. But guess what... Women do. 😉
Trust has nothing to do with it. We women (mostly) put in a lot of time and energy to meet someone. It gets to be exhausting. Then there is the part where men look nothing like the pictures they post. Ends up being a waste of time time for both parties.
It takes 60-120 minutes to get ready, i am not gonna spend that with someone who starts a message with 'heyyyyyy. You up?'
Agreed..also most women who are on apps..and they are usually 3s-6s..get so much attention on the apps..thsy they not bothered to go outside anyway..is what it is.. they almost always not gonna meet someone on an app.
This talk may have changed my life. I video chatted right away with someone who didn’t completely meet my “requirements” and had a great connection and chemistry. I would have swiped left on him without videochatting with him. I know the feeling is mutual and I am pretty sure I will keep seeing this person. And I realized that I am actually able to look past those superficial requirements when I enjoy the conversation with the person. Her advice really helped. 😊
Howd it go? Is the chemistry still there OR was it just a temporary experience/date situation?
@@minelpowell9119 We dated for 3 weeks before I realized that he didn’t want more kids which is a dealbreaker for me. So I ended with him on good terms. I am now in a relationship with another guy though. I also video chatted with him before I met him, so I knew the attraction was there before even meeting him.
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
To those pointing out about the 6ft , her point about swipe-based apps is that there's only so much we can really know about a person from their profile, and measures like height is a convenient criteria that you can use, but when it comes to personality, it's much harder to tell. the apps are built in such a way where physical appearance and attributes becomes the forefront of filters.
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
This qualifies for a TED talk?
James McCauley [ she said: 2 roomplants. ]
Yeah, because it pretty nicely solves the problem of MGTOW community in one go.
Anything can qualify now. Just watch using cold energy to power the planet SMH biggest click bait from TED Talks ever.
It's affectionately known as a "Ted Fail"
Aleksander Jaworski How?
I would never expect first (or 0th) date to be awesome. I would totally expect it to be awkward and boring. The best I could expect is that neither of us does or is anything that would exclude another date.
0th date isn't awkward or boring. It's basically a coffee date, or a 'bar date' if you're down with that. It's the idea that you can just scope out the person, their interests and their personality. See who they are as a person and just what they are like. I feel like it's a better way to scope out a person before actually taking them on a first date, which sometimes, depending on what I'm feeling like doing (I'm a bit spontaneous), it can get expensive lol. PLUS, it also allows you to not waste too much time 'getting to know someone' who ends up either 1) not being interested in you OR 2) you not being interested in them. Dating is a lot more than looks, regardless of what some may seem to believe ha.
For some of us "super nerds" the first few dates will always be unavoidably awkward (and likely boring) regardless of the other person or the type of date. It will always take some time to collect sufficient amount trust and relevant information to even begin to consider anyone as a potential candidate for dating or in general to be able to enjoy seeing them. Only immediate no-go things like intolerable looks can be scoped out in an hour (they may also accidentally display some sort of deal breaker like anger issues, but there's no way to quickly and reliably scope such issues). There simply are no questions I could ask that would reliably reveal a persons true character. The only way to learn such things is to observe with time how people behave under spontaneous real world circumstances.
I believe it's perfectly possible to have a short date or a few and learn almost nothing of value from the another person. They might be an axe murderer and I'd never know if we're both reserved and shy enough. Those dates would be awkward, but not road blocks. Learning nothing isn't a reason to stop, it's a reason to try again. Learning nothing means I at least didn't learn anything that would take away my motivation to see them and that could be a good sign. I anyway tend to value people quite a lot more based on what they don't do rather than what they do. Being reserved, quiet or shy doesn't mean there's a problem. They might turn out to be a perfectly nice person. Perhaps more likely than someone very talkative and based on experience I fully expect most promising candidates (for me) to be rather shy.
For some information on who I am: I work in I.T., I love anime, gaming, competitive gaming, TH-cam/Twitch, and I literally go to cons and spend a ton of time doing things I enjoy. I think I would classify myself as 'super nerd', yet I have zero and no issue finding a conversation to talk to someone about in regards to multiple different topics, and especially so since I would consider anything to be a viable topic lol. It's very easy to scope someone out from a simple conversation and questions, and specifically you can just get a scope of where they want to go in life, what they like/dislike and how they morally fit with yourself. I would argue that putting people in 'spontaneous real world circumstances' only displays how well they can deal with that situation on hand, as for someone placed into an unfamiliar environment will probably all react the exact same way...or, 'most people' at least. That's a terrible scale to judge a person, as since 'everyone reacts the same way' should display to you that 'stress' kind of adds a level of 'something' onto a person, especially something they are unfamiliar with dealing ha. Likewise, a person that can handle stressful environments is vastly more attractive, it doesn't add to anything via their character (since they aren't always in a stressful environment. And..if they are, do you REALLY want to be stressed out all the time?) There is a Ted Talk from quite some time ago that elaborates on multiple questions to ask a person. Some interpersonal, some simple. I utilize these often, as a lot of them tend to be simple things like "What are some things we have in common" and "What if" scenarios, all of which kind of tells you if you are inherently a 'match' for this person. I personally want someone who is ideologically equal to me in the sense of morality, so I can never date someone who would consider anything the opposite of me via morally (whilst still being away from a religious mindset).
As for short dates and learn very little of value, this is extremely true if you are not open enough to share yourself (or the other person to share) with someone. That, for example, is not what the '0th date' idea comes into place; As it's simply meant to just scope out a person if you'd like to know them. If they have similar interests and life goals as you. There is vastly more to life than assuming everyone could be a secret axe murderer lol. I have been on countless (sadly enough) coffee dates (0th dates) that lead nowhere, and a few that lead to a few dates after (which still lead nowhere). They are never road blocks or awkward unless the two people going on them decide to blatantly be reserved and awkward for the specific reason of not wanting to actually go on a date lol. If you are asking someone out, there is a good chance you 'should' have something in common enough with the person to talk about something.
As for your preference in how someones attributes are socially, that's justified and understandable, as I prefer someone who is reserved in certain things. However, we are specifically talking about on a pre-date lol. Imagine, instead looking for a person online you met someone who randomly talked to you on the street. You aren't just going to stare at them blankly and look back and fourth for 40 minutes and then decide to say "Want to text?". You would be more likely to engage in a specific conversation and talk about it until you are willing to veer into something else. That's what the 'zeroth date' is designed for. Basically just scoping out of there is a mutual interests there, and if there could be something more. For this speaker, and for me especially, I specifically for a 'Can this person be a good partner long-term, and are they going the same direction as me in life..or are they going too far? Or are they going not far enough? Are they interested in various things I do not want to be involved with, or are they interested in things that spark excitement?" You don't 'have' to have many things in common with someone (that's a grand misconception that most don't understand ha), you just have to be willing to be open about them with each other to learn and expand your horizons.
The attraction has to be there from the start. Blind dates only work when you are already seeing your own type.
In person you can feel their energy. You cant always read that online.
This video does not apply for men lol
exactly
It is so so -- so so so so tone deaf
Lol, so true, I feel good if someone sends me a first message ever couple of months :p
not really ... I do this with women all the time ... like you can have a bunch of girls all down to meetup, but I'm really unsure about most of them ... so I just schedule something quick with all of them & decide which ones to pursue from there
Matthew Leeder it’s like shopping for candy to you boys lol
How come this is a TED talk ?!!!!!
I love the idea of a 0 Date. I completely agree that things need to get offline as soon as possible. Girls spend too much time arsing about and I never get to see them for weeks eventually resulting in losing interest.
I've started only messaging people for a week. If they set a date to see me that would be brilliant. Else I just stop messaging them, I reply if they message me but let's face it I never get a message.
this woman clearly hasn't seen the perspective of the average man in online dating..
Lol that was the most privileged thing I ever heard. Most guys are lucky if a girl even responds
we have more female ancestors than male ones. A girl gotta discriminate, cause men spam often requests.
@@Apostate_ofmind that's true, I don't disagree. But the point still stands and I think TED could've done a better job investigating about 60% of the population's issues. This isn't an issue I'm personally particularly bitter about but come on, this is a joke
that wasnt what the talk was about. it was about a strategy to get things done, using personal and strategical data to filter to ones needs. It works, and gets things moving
My experience is that most woman do respond back. But you have to make sure you have a decent profile, can write normal sentences, say something specific about her and don't be rude. This is where the far majority fails.
Most guys dont get a response because a "hi" "hey" "what's up" "wanna meet up?" "let's hang" does not warrant attention. When a girl has 50 messages all saying "hey", u might as well have said nothing at all. Be more engaging. Put some effort into it.
So she wants a really tall guy from a Ivy league school living close to her who is interested in her? Cant imagine why its difficult to find someone
I want a Victoria's Secret model who is funny, loving and intelligent. Should happen any minute.
Exactly, thats the male equivalent
Plus the fact she is on the verge of infertility and masculine/unattractive. lol. She’s a bitter cat lady in beta stage.
Cool biker jacket, I’m sure dudes love that 🤮🤦🏼♂️
All these women chase after the same men who end up cheating on them because they have so many options. Then women start blaming and hating on all men, instead of lowering their impossible standards. This is why men should not marry. Most women eventually cheat and they have no problem finding someone else.
This is a dumb comment thread, she literally acknowledged this so she could contextualize her solution. The rest of the comments are unfounded and uncalled for opinions.
Moral of the story. No one cares unless your an attractive professional.
@TheSwoleBroscientist :-)
Moral of the story. The comments are usually more entertaining than the video.
I make a point of trying to meet quickly. I've met so many people and it hasn't gone anywhere. She had some serious luck finding someone so quickly, it doesn't always happen that way. However, I do agree it's better to meet quickly.
Hello Debbie how are you doing today nice meeting you here i saw your comment and drew my attention that's while comment on Can we be friends if you don't mind me asking you
I fully agree cuz it just can can go on and on and on forever and then a lot of times if I don't meet the woman ride that way or then at that moment she will lose interest because people are busy
You "gave up" campus dating due to physical "height"
If height is your key criterion, then that is a problem.
You then later say you want "empathy, kindness etc"
Problem two is that you don't know what you want
There are plenty of short guys who are kind, gentle, strong, intelligent, creative, considerate, and devoted.
True
The true issue is she wants Mr. bad boy, who will mistreat her and slap her around then screw her girl friend.
She cant fight his primitive biological desires. Its as simple as that.
A TED talk for online dating? How far we’ve fallen hey TED
Yes... i belongs on some pointless 1st world problem magazine site
You do realize a TED video on AI being used to diagnose disease was uploaded 4 hours ago, literally 2 hours before this one?
*sigh* and to think Maes Hughes died for this...
And they've done this topic four years ago. It was about 17.5 minutes long and the comments got disabled in three days because the men-children on the internet couldn't respect her. th-cam.com/video/d6wG_sAdP0U/w-d-xo.html
Well there is nothing wrong with the topic itself, just the actual talk is very weak. There is plenty of cool stuff you could do with online dating. Anything from checking what kinds of pictures do the best (composition, lightning, etc.) to even the stuff she mentions, like what percentage uses correct grammar, would be interesting to watch.
Or be male and spend months on there only to get a single match and then they stop replying after a few messages.
When you send in a job application for a spot with hundreds of applicants, do you always expect to be among the 5 that get called to an interview?
@@Dimetropteryx If you are sending out hundreds of job applications then yeah.
LGDarksteed Why?
A probability of numbers. Plus you wouldn't be sending out job applications to jobs you figured you weren't already qualified for.
LGDarksteed People send out job applications for positions that they aren't qualified for all the time. People also lie on their resumes and at interviews, they portray themselves as something they're not.
Go have a look at dating profiles and try to determine in which of them you should invest your time. Remember, you are only trying to find the right person.
This is eye opening for me. Because that date idea absolutely sucks in my opinion, but that’s the whole point. We need to find what we connect with well. Not the first attractive match I match with
This was great. Short, to the point, and funny. What every ted talk should look like, not 90 minutes of mediocre prose that could and should have been said in under 5.
Girls get away with listing "must be more than 6ft tall" on the profile. Now imagine guys listing "must be less than 130 pounds" on their profile.
130? Written as a requirement? That's mean, sexist and miso-thingy, of course! "More than 6 feet" is just reasonable, though, it's a wahmen wanting that, after all, ain't she?
(By the way, being miso-thingy anyway, You could well have required pretty 105 lbs, couldn't You ...)
It's hard to tell because it's in text and it's hard to convey tones + I don't know you, but I think/hope that this is sarcasm
The only ones that will complain are those that don't qualify. In either case.
Sounds perfectly reasonable
Well said mate well fucking said👍
love first world stories from attractive women about how we are doing it wrong
This.
@@SkatebardCA Imagine how difficult the life of women in dating space is
Just think about it.
They have so many options. It is so difficult.
They have to literally put ZERO effort in dating. It must make them upset.
All they have to do is, just appear on dating apps and social media, they will receive 1000s of messages, likes, validation and attention. It must be so overwhelming for them.
Women who are average at best want guys who are in the top 10% of the looks. Can you imagine how unfair it is when a woman who is below average or average doesn't get a guy who is in top 10% or top 20% of the looks?
Women have to see how you engage them in conversation, how you plan the date, how you chase them. Can you imagine how much effort it takes to judge?
Men are really spoiled. Men have to put 100 times more effort than women, and yet we have men complaining?
It is difficult for women in the dating space.
Sounds familiar?
Yeah its often the privileged folks who give their "advice" on how others are doing it wrong lol.
@@Ghostrider-ul7xn Since you are also facing this difficulty, may I ask you how do you deal with it?
I went to a social event today. Most girls came in groups and you had to literally approach to start conversation. So, I did it. I tried talking to few white girls. They did not have a good conversation and didn't show much interest. Just had basic small talk. Of course, I took the step to approach them and that was good.
If I may add, I'm 6'1 in height, I have a 6 figure salary. I dress well. Take care of myself.
But they don't even care. Race matters.
And what was the girl of my own Asian race doing? She was giving more attention to the white guys.
Women of our own race give attention to white guys as well.
@@truthteller8965 i just don't have the time to deal with dating and relationships at this point of my life. I will, once I relocate to another country that's less obsessed about race, height and skin color.
This talk in a nutshell: if you want to stop swiping, just keep on swiping until one of these turns out to be all right. Lol.
I always just called it a "get a coffee date".
Right. People act like they’re reinventing the wheel here 🙄
You don't even have to go out, one phone call or skype tells a lot.
the issue is more that people vet for superficial reasons rather than asking essential questions and having phone conversations to see what type of person they are. If they refuse to have a conversation by phone at some point, they don't care. Move on. A height requirement? Ridiculous. Having him talk about his family and assessing what type of relationship he has with them by the way he talks about them?Priceless Intel. Which matters more
Hello dear can we talk privately?
God I felt so so so lucky when I got to go out with my first (and probably last) online date a couple days ago. We'd been talking for a few days, I figured hey, we're close physically, why not meet up? We had the date, I thought it went pretty well, I was fucking nervous because I'm a "nerd" and she's... well let's just say she isn't. She replied ONE time after our date, saying how she had fun and wanted to do it again, and then the next day unmatched me without saying bye or nothing. I've been online dating for 2 years, have had probably a total of 3 girls actually converse with me, one go out with me, and two of them ghost me. I have NEVER had a girl I met first in-person ghost me. Online dating is addictive but it's just as profitable for me as gambling at a casino is for most people.
Oh.. i think u should schedule the next date as soon she said she would like to repeat that...
If you went out on a date with her, you should have had her phone number and be connected with her outside of the dating app already. Especially because you said you were talking to her for a few days.
So, if she unmatched you, it tells me that you were still connected only on the dating app even after meeting in-person.
Either way, yes, its crazy that she unmatched and ghosted you.
This is the most clarifying thing I've heard in less than 6 minutes.
Damn, this is good! I've long said the problem with online dating is that it's back to front - that is, you become a 'match' first, then look for attraction second, rather than the other way around like it should be. But this method (and the ONE question too - solid) does away with most the problems of it.
Just reply to spam emails and ask them out.
Oh, I see you know about James Veitch!
@@NowanIlfideme hi! I'm James veitch I get ALOT of spam emails so I decided to hit reply
just watched that
Turd Response...Turd Mentality.
Except if they ask about your blood type
But the “zero date” is still technically a date…you’ve got to spend energy getting ready, driving to meet them, and then potentially sitting through an hour of insufferable conversation. There’s no difference between getting a drink or going to dinner if you’ve immediately decided there’s no chemistry. Therefore, a true zero date would be through a video or phone call; though it can be different in person of course, you’re able to spot major red flags in this method & see if the attraction is there before meeting in person.
It's funny how she's trying to make humor all along and nobody is laughing.
Common sense + powerpoint = Ted Talks
So first of all, not everyone truely knows what they want. (I believe few really do)
2. Not everyone has the same filter criteria she does. (or even know how to apply reasonable criteria)
3. Not everyone likes to go for drinks.
But in essence she is right about the problems and how one would be most efficient in going about them.
I agree to an extent. Not everyone knows what they want, and that's where this video really kind of targets an older audience, who should already know what they want. That's where her joke of "1 year of self discovery" came into place. Anyway, I agree that not everyone has the same filtered criteria, and some have unreasonably filtered criteria that have no bearing other than "see i told you i could date a guy/girl who looks/acts/is like this".
But that's where and why she set her criteria different to find the 0th date, which would be simply to accept anyone who falls within "messages me, respond in a couple sentences related/bio, and isn't sexual" (paraphrased). Although, she sort of put herself right back into the criteria while finding/picking the choice, she allowed herself to find someone she probably wouldn't have considered initially due to her criteria.
I agree, not everyone likes drinks (alcoholic, i should say, as I never ask a girl out for those drinks...because I don't drink). BUT you can ask someone out for coffee or tea. Or even a milkshake or just something simple, easy and a place to talk without it being too 'date-esq'. The point of the "0th date" (or "coffee date", as it usually is refereed to as) is simply to scope out the person to see if you are interested in them, before having to invest a bunch of time in getting to know them. When you're in this target age group, you find that your time is one of the most valuable assets you have, and giving someone your time means a lot more than you think lol. It's also how I scope people out after that said '0th date' before asking them on a 1st date, assuming they were interested after that date i mean.
NOT EVERYONE is a term that applies to everything.
I hate people always taking everything as an absolute.
We are talking about a MAJORITY when people referring to the masses.
All you stated are easy fixes. Do your work. It's your job if you want more better and different. I dont drink, but love chai, dessert dates, or walks, or whatever is quick affordable.Use her suggestions good luck
This
dont forget that most people dont know what they want until they've got a taste for it or until they lose what they took for granted which is human nature
Useful presentation and with a touch of comedy. Thanks Christina for guiding people to successful online dating.
Hello dear, my name is wisdom richard, can we chat privately?
I read the comment section. As a now 40 yr old woman who was once fairly pretty and incredibly gym fit (went every day from 14 onwards) up until my early 30s...it was very rare to ever be approached in person by a man. In all my years maybe a couple times a man came up to me in real life. I also was on dating sites and guys were jerks, and did not ask me out, they were rude, mean and oversexualized. If you have anything to offer a woman hone it and put your best foot forward, not all pretty girls or women are approached or are arrogant like many of you think. Just remember everyone wants connection in life. Look at your strengths, stay positive and be your best self
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
Thank you! We have to know what we want and meet in person quickly. I agree. I tend to make my first dates so long even when I know there isn't chemistry because I'm having fun and like to talk and then it ends up going nowhere on both sides. I see all the male comments on here and it's been the same for me. I message a guy and he responds once or never after we match and then he's vanished....
Am here
This "6ft tall action-oriented overachiever with an MBA" sounds unbearably choosy and annoying. But the online dating ego-boost has probably convinced her she's such a catch.
No rich men who make real money will be on dating apps! They have events, corps, parties, night outs etc where also rich women present
@@SVETOGOR1 - Rich men can date 19 year olds
It's ok to find all the above, but when you smash into the wall? You get nothing.
Don't forget that his degree has to be from an Ivy League school.
Serious ESTJ vibes coming from her
Trouble is.. they don’t stop swiping..
Nobody sticks to anything thesedays.. just flit from one thing to another.. concentration of a goldfish..
I can't wait to use all this info once I get my first match.
I'm gay, and there's literally no possibility of meeting someone in the real world without an app.
Lol at least not anyone who doesn’t just want a hookup.
Like why not a gay bar?
@Richard Whole lots of men would love that.
This girl is natural marketer! I love the way she thinks
this womans energy is everything. truly a jackpot.
She got old and lowered her physical standards.
Nice guys finish last
The Video Description tells you all you need to know about this video:
"Much Time Wasted"
Lol my thoughts exactly
I'm not in the business of using anybody and I don't want anybody to feel used . I really love all the way in when I say I do .
But I'm thankful , I'm humble , and I don't take it for granted .
Very on point! I just recently started working with my clients on their dating-patterns & includes dating apps. I've come up with similar ways to use dating apps more efficiently & without wasting hours and hours. Love this input!
What advice do you have for guys of ethnicity which is not desired much on dating apps?
And before anyone says "ethnicity" does not matter, it does. Anyone with real experience in dating space knows this truth.
So, what is the advice for them?
@@truthteller8965 what exactly do you mean by guys of ethnicity?
@@JunFuchs I clearly mentioned. "Ethnicity" matters. People of colour especially certain demographies such as Asians and Indians.
It is well documented on Internet, there is a bias. You can look it up if you want to.
Plenty of broke, short, unemployed white guys can land dates through dating apps while successful, tall Asian or Indian guys get little to no action on dating apps.
Now, of course, that is the harsh reality videos like these will not acknowledge because the ones who benefit from this bias will not acknowledge it.
And just for the record, I don't care about race and neither do I use race card. But in dating apps and dating scene in general, it is so strong that you can't even ignore it.
Racial and ethnic stereotypes play a strong role.
Well its easy to be shallow when you give someone the choices to be shallow. Are we really expecting anything greater from humanity these days?!!?!?! We are fucking animals and that's a huge low blow to Animals.... Plus the Dating App algorithms are all meant to make them money and probably own the limitless supply of Bot accounts running on the online dating sites to make attempts at scamming people or keeping them on the hook in the app just so the company's metrics look good... Notice how hard their customer services are to reach, its for a reason and its not to provide good customer services... People need to hang out more with their friend circles and not be so committed to embellishing your social media world to stroke your egos and vanity.
Says good looking woman. What she doesn’t understand is online dating is ruled by women, good looking in particular, and the average guy isn’t going to get ten messages, good luck getting 200+
?
Clean yourself up a bit (shows confidence), achieve a healthy lifestyle (shows dedication), and start messaging people with the criteria she laid out? I like how she made a presentation and guide that worries not about physical appearance and you instead focus on physical appearance. She wasn't looking for a hot body, she was looking for her person. She's not the problem, your mindset is,
But there are always mail order brides for men. Women don't have that! Don't let your ego get in the way of your own resources.
just4fun620 well said.
For real. Dudes pretty much have to play it as a numbers game because most women won’t even reply back regardless of how good your profile is/how intriguing your message is
Is this a TED talk or stand up comedy?
lol
That 5 minute TED talk seemed to wrap up in no time. I was playing it at 1.75x speed. Still, Perfect talk.
Sounds a lot like love at first sight needs to happen. I thought so too for a long time. And currently I don't even exactly remember what it was like first meeting some of the people that I nowadays admire most.
Tinder is a thing of tomorrow! Dora said it best, “Swiper No Swiping” 😂
Ted use to be about changing the world for the better :/
Now it's about how to online date as a woman
- the most difficult of tasks.
hahaha
😆😆😆
Its so incredible how many of them don't even realize their privilege
Im really getting discouraged by the dating scene. Im 22 virgin and never dated. I just didn't understand what was going on until now. Thank you t so much
Excellent approach lady. Thanks. And congrats to u too.
While that's all well and good, not everyone is as fortunate to be getting 210 inbound messages to be able to sort through them in this way. Some people would even consider getting a single in-bound message lucky.
I wonder if professional photos would help men who struggle to get 0 dates. What do you think?
That's not really what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is how she makes it sound like her approach is the solution everyone's been looking for, yet it's something very few people can effectively do. In order for this approach to work (and I'm being generous with my numbers here), you need to at least be getting upwards of 20 in-bound messages within a reasonable time period. As I said, many people would find themselves lucky to get even a single incoming message. Professional photos and well written profiles will get you a long ways, yes, but that doesn't mean you will be showered in hundreds of incoming messages.
Maybe we're getting hung up on the wrong point. Maybe, instead of looking at who is getting the most messages, just apply this as a general term. Look at something from the outside and develop a way to solve your issue rather than wallowing around in your own pity? I guess that's what we should be taking away from this Ted.
I like your positive takeaway. In addition to that positivity, I think putting time limits (or comparisons) is a waste. "Reasonable amount of time" is before I'm dead, in my opinion. It's only a matter of time before someone gets up to 200.
So don't be passive? Send messages yourself. The advice offered can still be applied.
I know right. I don't get messages like that. Like 5 that's it. Idk I want a man who is godly and willing wait till marriage.
I wonder if my perception of attractive women has been screwed by TV. I keep reading comments about her video being a problem for attractive women. I think she just looks ok.
also if the issue is she got 200+ messages and had to work to whittle it down to 6 zeroth dates, her advice is valid to anyone. just cause you get 1 possible doesn't mean you have to meet them for a 0th or 1st date.
I do agreew other comments tho, WTF is this talk doing on TED?
Very well said. Very well said.
I've just closed Tinder to watch this, i hope it's good
Get an average guy to try it and let’s see the results! This info is too one sided
Mail order brides? Women don't have that option.
Come on, who uses mail order brides in real life?
That's probably true. But it can be a completely legitimate for some people.
Either way, I hope men don't give up, even if it's unmotivating. Meetups might have women who don't use online platforms (who might be interested).
So It Has Come To This
I like how tes introduces us to only the most important of sciences
Just taking Tinder into account (and excluding all the other dating sites / apps I'm either on or have used in the last 15 years), I must have liked around 5,000 - 6,000 profiles approx in the 10 months I've been on it. Out of those, I have managed to get around 15 matches, some of which were scammers / spam bots, a few others quickly unmatched me as soon as I messaged them (if not sooner), a few others ghosted me and out of the remaining few matches, I went on ONE date. She at least turned out to be as genuine as she sounded / looked but alas, I wasn't for her.
My point is, this is what I as an average man can expect on dating apps and sites. I can also assure you that in 15 years of doing this, my results have been pretty much non-existent.
And quite frankly, it absolutely SUCKS.
I am more than acutely aware that women do have their own problems when it comes to online and mobile app dating. But Jesus tap dancing Christ, it sure isn't a frigging Mardi Gras for a lot of us men either.
You can trust me on that one.
Lots of people in the comments didn't understand the idea behind the video. It's not about her getting 200 messages, it's not about gender, it's not about her type and requirements. It's about the zeroth date, and spending 1 hour with the person to see if you click. You can ignore all the rest if it doesn't make sense to you - each person has a different experience. You don't have to be rude in the comments just because you don't get that many messages.
She went to 6 (?) 0th dates with over 200 messages. Most men are lucky to receive 6 matches, much less 6 messages. With numbers like that, they can only dream of even setting up a 0th date. That's why her talk is utterly useless for men.
Her "Don't write anything sexual" advice is also meh. I'd wager I had almost as much success with sexual messages as with non-sexual ones. And I'm as average looking as it gets.
It does not matter how many matches you get. The idea is the 0th date. If you get a match, go to a 0th date.
Nice try. It is precisely that "zero date" that women online refuse. I cleared all your requisites while online dating and I got about 10% response for every exchange. That means I only got to write the same woman twice _and_ receive an answer for both times for 1% of all the contacts I tried. And it went downhill from there. It is impossible not to get the impression that women online don't _want_ to get into a relationship; it seems they just want to feel desired and then cancel every further contact. I quit online dating after 4 years and 4 actual dates.
I've known several women that have established long term partners with OKCupid. All of them have been steady for 3 or more years now. They got hundreds of messages and most of them were creepy, only going on a few actual dates. All you can do is keep trying. Sounds like you got unlucky with the women you dated.
Someguy029
Nah. He is correct. Online dating for men, especially Tinder-style, is a total waste of time and maybe money. Not worth it in the long run.
Yeah. I agree with your statements. Been 3 years, gotten 1 date out of hundreds of personal messages written. Even hired a good dating coach to redo my profile and look over my first messages. Got basically nothing. Fun times.
@@LGDarksteed Have you tried meeting someone in person?
@@peaceandhumanity5705 Wow. Post was long time ago. Lol. Yeah, I've asked 309 currently. Stopped after that. Just taking a toll on me. I closed all my online accounts down year or so ago. Really not worth the time. Got no where.
I wasn't expecting anything of this magnitude to happen to me , but it did , so I asked questions .
concise and to the point. Nice
This was an extremely weak TED talk. What a bummer.
Angie K so par for the course then?
It was a 5-minute talk, what'd you expect? Shakespeare?
I enjoyed it regardless if it fit the "standard" of a TED talk.
@@naut_nigel y'all i dont care...it was my personal opinion.
So many men missing the message for them which is to send better and more thoughtful messages and actually know what you're looking for instead of chasing after every shiny profile they see with a boring/generic "Hey s'up" or "Hey there sexy".
Even if you don't say something generic they still won't reply. I'd say out of all my 1000's of matches on tinder I've had meaningful conversation from
30/1000... Not bad man! You are in the minority.
YES, you got it! :D :p Sorry, xd it's just, in between all these negative comments it's nice to see a useful and positive one. *High five* xd now, have a nice life ^^. Byeee
It is my experience as well that most women in online dating don't have much substance either. That is if you do receive an answer at all. I'd say that you can never satisfy a 21st century woman just because men have been made to pay for the bad apples among us. Coincidentally, this is the same for the truly interesting women out there - they too are being unappreciated because of their bitchy sisters.
This is a recipe for disaster, IMHO. And don't even get me starting about Tinder.
let's analyze this concept from a business perspective, and from a man's starting point:
Writing a copy-paste message: 5 seconds
Writing a message with in profile reference: 5 minutes.
required messages per lead, copy paste: 400
required messages per lead, referenced: 200
success rate per hour spent, copy past message: X
success rate per hour spent, referenced message: X * 2 / (5*60-5)
This is the problem: The time spent per message scales exponentially, while the success rate of the message scales linearly. So, from a man's perspective, a quality message is a waste of time.
BRAVO!!! Excellent TALK!
Yes! I like this. I’m going to try this method.
Hello, my name is Wisdom Richard, Can we talk privately?
I love the idea of a zero date however I would like to have some other perspectives. Men have a very different experience with online dating after all.
Undead Chronic wrecked this broad!
Am looking forward for the man of my dream, who is loving, caring and focus.
What do you mean with focus?
Great Video! Keep up the great work!
R.I.P TED
1984 - 2018
its been dead for a few years now...
For me, it's 2017*
I think my dating app is applying these filters for me. Zero matches daily!
I have to respect that is quite a good way to do things.
She made some great points. Very logical and scientific. Online dating still isn't for me though.
I think the obvious thing to note is that people are just bored and want validation/attention. No one who actually wants to date has any problems dating people who actually want to date 🤷🏿♂️
Yeah unfortunately even with these criteria the whole, "I'm Autistic and don't show emotions on my face unless I'm constantly thinking about the fact that I need to show emotions on my face" thing would probably still leave me in the gutter. Which is weird, you'd think a woman would find a guy whos not a constantly changing emotional level 5 hurricane to be a valuable asset. But the data works out to, no.
Good luck man. I know you're not going to like this, but in this case you're really going to have to go out of your way to find people in real life. Preferably being up front with everything (but not frontloading!). I honestly can't give much better advice than that, sorry.
i relate completely
I think there's a huge difference between not showing any emotion on your face unless you're trying really hard to and being extremely emotional like a level 5 hurricane, as you so described. I feel like most guys fall in between those extremes but more so on the emotionless side. I've rarely ever come across guys who were emotional, it's mostly women who are like that. Society says guys should be emotionless and strong but in reality, women really value guys who can appear strong and stoic but also show emotions when in private. They like seeing the softer side, which why you'll see women melting when they see a guy with a cute animal or a baby.
I second Nowan in that you'll probably have more luck in person because they'll see how you are from the get-go. Join meetup groups and talk to people. Learn something new that may be a more female oriented thing. Might be daunting but they'll definitely be interested in you. If anything, you'll make some friends.
I'm an autistic female and I meet all of my dates exclusively online.
Love the talk!
Short, simple and straight to the point! :-)
yeah but at the end of the day, chatting someone up by email/text/app requires minimal effort compared to doing it in real life - that takes cahunas, especially sober
low investment generally equals low reward
Regardless of how valid her points were, what a terrible person. Just listening to first 2 minutes of her talk I know I would most definitely not want to spend a dinner time with her.
The problem with online dating is it is very skewed towards women. Even a half-decent looking one will get tons of requests from several guys. This gives them the option to be very picky about who they want to go out with . When they finally meet someone chances are high they still have a few other guys on hold in their dating apps. They're not really committed to making a connection or making a serious effort in making the relationship work. They have options.
I have seen this first hand with many of my female friends who will go out on dates because the guy they met checked all the boxes on their list but when they met them in person "something" about them made them decide that they should probably keep looking.
Tried online dating for a couple of years but never got many dates. After I joined a singles group and went back to the old fashioned route of casual encounters it's been better. Plus I find it much more relaxing to focus on a single person and get to know them rather than have this initial impression from their dating profile that paints them as an amazing person that ends up seeming delusional when you meet them.
Dating apps are totally different for men than women. Initial attraction for men is based mainly on looks. This is why apps are typically better for females since nearly every guy on the app will message them at some point. All the girl needs to do is scroll through the 100s of guys who messaged her and pick the one she likes the most. Even the speaker in the video proves this. On the other hand, initial attraction for females is typically based off the guy's social status, which is displayed through his body language, relationship with other men, amount of other females who think highly of him, etc. None of these can be shown on a dating app. This is why even guys who are stunning 10/10s in their personal life will often be treated like a 2/10 or 3/10 on a dating app. Videos like this apply to females, not males. For males, the entire dynamic of how dating apps work makes their use a dead end.
Not so much luck with online (and especially offline) dating for me anymore these days. Early-30-something, sometimes boring, sometimes broke, introverted retail worker without a car, with occasional depression & anxiety and no desire to have children (although I don't word me quite as such on my profiles; I try and make myself seem quite likable & funny while still being honest and not taking life too seriously, aside from all of that unfortunate stuff).
I'm definitely not "un-attractive" (nor am I shallow and judge others based solely/mostly on their looks), but also not really desirable apparently. Kinda don't blame anyone for never getting back to me and all though.
Folks my age seemed to care less about that stuff when I was (and they were) in my (in their) 20s. I think I'm "getting too old" to be these things and still be considered somewhat desirable by anyone anymore, but, hey- I'm just me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- mediocre "middle aged" 33 year old
hey man you do you
Honestly mood
So?
good post :)
This has to be the worst Ted talk ever.
When it comes to that love , I fell .
Great advice
Walled out and stalled out, enjoy your apps and cats!
Cats are 😍🥰
Damn this was actually kinda helpful
How ?
I don't like this feeling , so I let it go . It didn't work out and mainly because of me . I can live with that . It's not healthy .
I’ve tried online dating off an on for years and never had much luck. It’s frustrating. I think talking on the phone first before meeting up is a good idea to see if you can carry a conversation beyond texting.
Hi :)
2:55 30 seconds... Wow. And I thought I was shallow.
One of the best online dating advice videos I ever heard. Thank you!
Wait until you see that person who you found at dating sites ,then you think this is the one you were looking for, until you find him online at that dating site again and stills using it behind you.
Applies even more to modern women than men.
Modern women are the ones spoiled with options.
I think the first point here is that Tinder sucks... bravo, you've solved the problem everyone has.
And on TED, after all! That's a real burner, ain't it!
And Bumble blows
She's wrong. This is a female-centric view of a female-centric world where indecisive women dither endlessly. She exchanged criteria for criteria and got lucky. If there is a business analogy here it's trying to retrospectively claim the glory by explaining chance as strategy.
I went back on POF after a year and guess what. I'd say 75% of the profiles were the same ones as the year before - mainly nice, beautiful, smart girls that simply won't take risks on guys that don't fit the criteria.
If you actually ask one of them, they'll tell you they take plenty of risks and it never pays off.
Her problem is finding a needle in a haystack. Your problem is that you're hay.
"they'll tell you they take plenty of risks and it never pays off."
the key words here are "they" and "tell".
female world now thats funny😂
if it was a female world then our planet would be made of blood and makeup
DIVAD291
No, the key word is "ask".