As someone who has severe abandonment issues...when someone I loved gave me the silent treatment...it nearly destroyed me at first. I would feel like a child again...being neglected. . I’d chase and beg. If anyone does that to me today...I know that they don’t belong in my life. I walk away
I find the silent treatment a good thing because it’s more of a disconnect and distancing from a toxic narcissist giving a sense of peace. Also the silent treatment is an indicator to hurry up and leave that person.
Yes, indeed! I cut a couple of abusive siblings out of my life because of their repeated silent treatment and mean spirits. I have not regretted my decision ever since.
My siblings are the abusers, and work together to spread their cruelty, and hatred. The silent treatment only proves their inability to change. Eventually, I will feel relief with them out of my life, but right now I am still greiving. Thanks for the encouragement.
@@robinjohnson8149 when you argue with someone they hit to the emotional side because if your emotional it doesn't give you room to think. With no tears the feeling"s" side of it is almost gone.
The best approach to silent treatment is silent treatment itself. If you know you are a person who takes responsibility and initiative to apologize when wrong then u have every right to Not settle for any persons who resorts to silent treatment at the slightest provocation. Move on and seek other mature, self aware and healthy people to have relationships with. A reasonable and confident person would never use silent treatment as a weapon but would instead communicate their dislike for something you did, allowing you the chance to explain or apologize, period.
@@kass5000 YES it still counts as the silent treatment if you don't let them know you need to take space, if you just stop talking to them. Rather, You let the person KNOW that you need some space because you are really upset & you let them KNOW when they can expect you to talk it out with them!! That is the mature, communicative way to deal with issues.
Narcs know exactly what they are doing when they use the silent treatment. They are using it as a means to control & punish you. Never forget that most of them are mean spirited and petty.
A. C. And I believe their treatment is personal. He will then go talk to our adult children. Carry on great family convos. But not with me. I am being punished. It is very personal.
@@SofDiane It's always unpleasant to interact with someone who is cruel by nature. Just because they don't see your worth...doesn't mean that you are worthless. Narcs will have to face their karma soon enough.
Yes! And it’s extremely detrimental to children, especially when Both parents are narcs like mine. How I’m not in an insane asylum after all that crap is beyond me. My guardian angel must have seen how much I hurt and yanked me out of that situation as fast as possible by putting in my life a good man with a wonderful family who show me daily what love is supposed to be. 20 years later it still hurts, but I am so grateful and glad I went no contact with them.
At this point he never says stuff like Good Morning... ever. unless I say it. Then he might mutter. So now I don't do it either. Why get hurt? He likes it this way, OK. Don't say goodbye when you go out, don't say goodnight. IDGAF except that now the disrespect pisses me off.
My mother did this to me frequently when I was a preschooler at home. She would act normal til the rest of the household had gone to work or school then she would totally shut down for the day and would not even acknowledge my existence. I was 4 years old. May as well have lived on my own...I would have been better off than trying to get her to acknowledge me.
@@l.5832 most likely she was deeply regretted that your father wasn’t her first choice and she was saddened she couldn’t secure a more high status male. I doubt it was personal.
@@alexeysamokhin9629 Actually it was very personal. I learned for one thing, that at the time I was born someone remarked I looked just like my dad's mother....a woman long since deceased, but someone my mother was very jealous of. My mother scapegoated me my whole life. It was very very personal and she knew what she was doing. She even attempted to rob my of my father's inheritance, (My mother was not high status and my father was far more popular than she)
HE gave me the silent treatment until he saw me laughing, smiling, and just enjoying myself. I really didn't care about his feelings, no matter how cold that sounds after a month of silent treatment. That was a little to immature for me and I had focus on school, so I CAME FIRST...not this immature prick. I understand your perspective, especially at 7:03-7:07, but I think at times it can be a little more malicious than this. I was upset at first, but you see time is precious and I wasted too much already and if he had something to say to me, I didn't care anymore. He did a VERY good job at making me feel inferior and worthless. I showed the same curtsy by focusing on myself.
I really didn't want to care when he shut down, I still enjoyed myself. But he got more angry as he saw me so happy by myself and then he would broke the silence with outbursts of anger and hours of blaming!! Really sucks!!! And he would say it was me who made him like that!! It just happened again and again and again and again....A good way to have real peace in your life again is to leave this kind of people!!
@@winniecantonese Some of us don't have that choice. I have 2 kids, no place to go and not sufficient income to care for them by myself, because I only had a small part time business so I could raise them, and take care of the home while he went to work full time and never helped me with anything in the household.
Him giving me the silent treatment does make him feel like the victim. That’s how he self soothes. So selfish and zero empathy. These type of people are horrific and they take your soul. RUN!!!
My ex would give me the silent treatment for weeks to a month at a time. He’d walk in the door and greet his dog and my kids and walk by me day after day, sleep in the living room, and treat me like I didn’t exist. After I forced him out, he went silent after a little while as well. They cannot just be honest with how they feel because they don’t actually know what they feel past their egos, it seems. I stopped having expectations a long time ago and decided that I am worth more than a relationship with someone who is incapable of loving me or being accountable for his own actions. I love him, but I love myself and couldn’t continue being treated that way.
@@ABar83376 I’m sorry to hear that. I moved on and left that abusing man behind.. I found myself and I also met someone who values me and would never treat me that way. I hope you find your way back to freedom from abuse.
I am experiencing the same thing. The dogs get all this excited energy of love, hugs, and kisses. While I wait in the background to see if I even get acknowledged.
Never argue with a narcissist, you will never get anywhere, they are toddlers, so basically they are adult bullies, they weapon of choice is emotional abuse.
WoW! You really hit the nail in the head! You explained my mother exactly. She’s got a whole set of different memories of my childhood than I do. When I challenge those memories, I get the silent treatment. I’m stronger now, so it doesn’t bother me as much. Her loss if she doesn’t want to be a part of my life.
I agree, it feels lonely2 B in a relationship w/someone who enforces what can or cannot B discussed by silencing or blocking U ends your full participation in the relationship, only their opinions, plans& thoughts R heard & U R reduced 2 less than half.☹️
I am so sorry to hear you have felt the most loneliness you have ever felt in your life. I am feeling exactly as you have right now. I empathise with you completely. It really hurts. They were so charming n engaging at the beginning n like fruit rotting on the vine they turned sour n repulsive. I see you posted 2 years ago. I truly hope you have escaped from this torment. It is absolutely hellish.
the last who did this, I break up with him and never look back. He spent 1 week travelling with me and by my side without talking to me. When he went away from the trip I said, the last time, I wont see you anymore. And I removed him from social media. That’s all. He will play with another person feelings, not me. Go to hell!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how you feel. You can deal with that behavior numerous times, until the last time. The last time being one that puts you in a hellish situation. Its what it takes, until we learn not to ignore red flags and forgive the disrespect, unfortunately. Good for you for getting away🧡
The silent treatment is a conscious decision to avoid discussing what bothers the silent one. It is a wall that sometimes cannot be torn down. The silent person is the wall-builder, the divider, which is cruel beyond words, imo, which also makes it sadistic.
I played another one of her videos last night out loud and lost an xbox controller it literally described our argument word for word. Now today is the "Silent Treatment".
@Sky Dream Better to play the video exposing what the silent treatment is all about, so that they realise you have caught them out and that their actions are not acceptable.
The best Part of the silent treatment is giving the narc a taste of his own medicine 😂 and for this last month not being a supply to triangulate his new victims.
The silent treatment is a lack of respect. They just want to show you that you are not good enough for them, They'll phone you when they need something from you ...
I agree with you except for one thing. I’ve had relationships with narcissists, and I believe they know exactly what their doing. I told myself for a long time that “he doesn’t know how to process how he feels”. But I now It was all a game to get me to give him what he wanted. Projection, blame, then silence. Or projection, blame, then plan b- whatever new lie they come up with to get what they want from you. All forms of punishment. Conscious and deliberate.
Yes, they know exactly what they are doing! They are like stupid, ignorant, drama-seeking/causing, abusive, compulsive lying children always playing the victim. It's sad really! I just wished I had seen and figured it all out sooner!
Hearing all this from a woman with her head on straight, is very healing for someone who let himself be destroyed from a female narc. Live and learn as they say.
My roommate has been giving me ths silent treatment for weeks now. This is because I had finally had enough of her snooty controlling behavior and sense of entitlement and I told her off. So a few days ago, I made the mistake of apologizing for telling her off and she said thankyou, then proceeded to go back to the silent treatment. She only talks to me to say something superior or blame me for something stupid like daring to turn the AC on without her divine permission. I'm moving in two weeks then never have to see her again.
Apologizing is important for normal human interaction, but unfortunately someone with certain personality disorders will just see that as weakness to prey upon. I had a core faculty member in graduate school who targeted me for years. It was pretty awful. I had to be pretty much perfect for 3 or 4 consecutive years. Constant character assassination that was retracted only to have another false allegation or character assassination attempt the next day. He spent more time trying to ruin me than many people spend on their weekly jobs. Absolutely obsessed. Pure evil.
AKSBSU so sorry for that horrible predator targeting you like that. Must have been pure hell but you are obviously a survivor and much stronger and wiser for having gone through this. Well done!
@@AKSBSU I am sorry for what you went through. It must have been a nightmare, especially in a college setting where professors believe they are gods and others get sucked in by them. You were able to get through that. You must be very strong. Hugs and love to you. You have learned great lessons from this. Situations like these make me appreciate genuine people much more and the unconditional love of animals and small children. You did great!
As a former user of the silent treatment, I didn't knew this was wrong or a thing, I never did it as a punishment, it was more like a shutdown in stress situations or when angry, I never learned how to name my emotions so it was all I knew, learned from that! So Indeed we all should learn communications! I remember now my mom used to do this to me for days for simple small things, it destroyed me...
Very very helpful.........thank you so much! I have been married for 15 years and have finally figured out that this crazy behavior has a script. I think she is on the BPD side of the spectrum, but she is very unhappy that I have figured out her tactics and now that I understand what is going on now. It is literally like I came across the script for her behavior and can refer back to it whenever I need to. I am able to stay calm and deal with her effectively. She is beside herself that she can't get me worked up and off balance any more. Seems to me that the only people that wonder if they are crazy are the sane people dealing with crazy people...........because the people with actual mental illness never seem to wonder if they are OK or not.......they seem convinced that everybody else is crazy.
My one i am sure she liked to accuse me just for the reaction which i would fight and argue her false accusations. Now i just watch her. Stops her every time.
I have BPD and I most definitely do not practice the silent treatment. I have good conflict resolution skills. I just wanted to say that because bpd gets a bad rep but bpd is different for everyone. My ex bf used my diagnosis to make me feel crazy. I’m sorry you’ve had this experience but please be aware of how you speak of those “crazy people”. :)
@@danielleevans66 BPD is what it is. Good for you for embracing and overcoming your condition on what sounds like a daily basis. My now ex wife would not even look at the issues facing her. The divorce did not go well for her and neither one of our daughters will have anything to do with her. Very sad, especially when all she really had to do was accept her malady and deal with it accordingly
Ugh! My ex used this all the time and would then, when I would ask why, he would say he wasn't shut down and I was crazy and seeing something not there. It really bothered me in the beginning, to the point of serious mental anguish. I realize now that it was emotional abuse and gas-lighting, but MAN was it awful and confusing! So glad it is over and very grateful to learn more and more that I wasn't crazy, and that I am really the amazing person I always thought I was. So glad to be free!! He consistently played the victim, but in reality he was an abusive and narcissistic person. Thank ypu for your videos, they have brought so much validation and healing!
I am going through the silent treatment right now and it's awful! It's not the first time and I thought today this NEVER gets easier. I've explained to him how upsetting this is but it continues. And, he will often say if I ask if he's upset about something....Nooooo, I'm not upset, what would make you think I'm upset? WTF
Judy Magazine I am so sorry you are going thru that right now.it is awful to be told you are the one who is seeing things not there when you know your partner has flipped a switch on you and is just refusing to aknowledge his/her own actions and abusive behaviour. I think Stephanie gives some really great practical advice here and in other videos on how to handle that kind of situation. It still hurts to deal with tho, for sure! Stay strong, hun!
In this particular case, it's not punishment (he says it has nothing to do with me) rather he is worried about a few things and has to focus there so he's processing or as you said 'overthinking' but why does it have to include shutting us down like this? Healthy people DISCUSS issues.
My ex was good at giving the silent treatment. At first it really got to me and I was miserable for days. I learned that I would reflect her actions and concentrate on enjoying the kids. After a while I learned if I was getting the silent treatment I would learn to enjoy the quiet. Then she would start up with the bitching again. I would rather be ignored than yelled at any time.
I tried giving the silent treatment back and pay attention to our pets, but that still elicits no response. He just continues to text/sext other women on social media. When confronted about it. He says. "What?" "I'm not allowed to have friends!!!?"
This was so good. I was given the silent treatment by a friend, for a few months. I had literally done nothing wrong. It hurt me so much. I have consequently blocked this person from my life. I loved this video thank you.
My ex was so emotionally abusive/ narcissistic that I finally got the balls to cut it off, and now I feel like I’m giving him the silent treatment. He’s been texting, calling and emailing from all different numbers, So much so I had to even change my number! The silent treatment was his favorite tactic and now I feel like I stooped down to his level, even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s crazy how emotionally draining and manipulative these people can be even when you’re out of the relationship, but these videos are helping me keep my head above the water!
Shelby Morris, You have gone into "No Contact" mode. Perfectly normal, and no you have not stooped down to his level. You are doing the healthy thing fir yourself by Go No Contact. The only way to get out and stay is to go No Contact. This means no talking to him on your cell phone or home line, texting, emails. Unfriend him on any social websites, and if you share friends, please consider to Go No Contact with them as well. Good chance he will use them to get information about you.
Yes, it's called no contact. I'm at this point with my mother. She wouldn't answer my phone calls. She does the same thing with other family members. So I stopped calling. Now comes the smear campaign.
That is 'No contact' which is not the silence treatment. You have not stooped to his level - you have just figured out when you had enough of the manipulation.
First I cried...I felt hurt...then I realised that he does it often...then I felt anger, then I realised that he punish self alone, next time I was in peace and I started enjoy time alone without him with different people. And it's best thing how to coop with silent treatment. Showing them that it's not working on you.❤🙏🏻
This video impacted me so much I have been crying. Silent treatment is one of the most hurtful, crazy-making, intentional forms of abuse (IMO.) Unfortunately, I have (up until recently) been tolerating this behavior in my "boyfriend" and through therapy, I've come to discover that what isn't "normal" becomes "normal" to the person being abused. Suffice to say (for now), that silent treatment is only one of several tactics employed by the "narcissist (is he one?") and all to the detriment of the recipient in the form of diminished self-esteem, uncertainty, migraines, etc. Thank you again!
I got the ultimate silent treatment... my girlfriend of a year who I was very in love with one day (after a minute argument) never spoke to me ever again. It was devastating.. these creatures are a different breed.. she was so charming alluring beautiful I would have never thought she could have done this.. but you will learn in time it's all on them n what's in them it has nothing to do with us. Btw extra kicker we work at same place n I still see her..
Well said. After decades of earnestly trying to make my husband happy, obviously he was unhappy if he couldn’t even talk about whatever the issue was, I have discovered through these videos that it was merely a manipulation tactic. Now I recognize the technique, and the results -where he always gets his way... and how I am always the bad guy, even though I may not have been a part of the original issue or concern. Ha, what a sad state of affairs. I recognize now, that I can relax only when he’s not home. Because of this insight , serious life changes are under way. Thanks for all you do.
When my ex was traveling on a plane for 10 hours, that was when I relaxed. It was strange and surprising to me at the time before I realized that having a relationship with him was the problem.
me too. it took going on a few trips by myself to realize that I'm still a cheerful outgoing person , and that person was BACK. Until I went home... what a wake up call. Oh and HE was the one who would give me the trip as a gift so I better be a good girl after that! LMAO. Like I'm not...
I think they do it to punish you. They don’t know how to treat people with compassion and empathy. They know it hurts you. As adults, we do not need to explain basic human manners to another adult.
In the narcissists mind the silent treatment which can last several months is not seen as an ending or a breakup of the relationship this is why they can resume the relationship like nothing happened,silent treatment is to punish you for a perceived slight or narcissistic injury inflicted on the narcissist,since he sees you as an extension of himself you are his property he owns you they never separated or broke up with you during silent treatment.
My ex narc husband did this a lot and it devastated me, I would do everything I could to get him to answer me and he would just stick his nose up in the air with a disgusted look on his face, would not look at me. It is cruelty. Eventually I just didn't speak either and felt more at peace with it, actually saw it as a blessing he wasn't speaking! It bothered him I didn't react so he would start talking again....crazy.
Wow...now it all makes sense. My ex did this to me on and off. I tried so hard to help him and he made me feel lk I was the problem for trying to communicate/resolve issues. He drained my energy and I became so cautious qith my words bcs I didn't want any conflict (I would agree with him just so that he doesn't start a fight)..
@@carlosgarza1701 I don’t even remember what was happening at this time. I’ve been in plenty of battles with narcissists since then. Now, I am more informed. So I am doing better.
I gave my ex narc the silent treatment back to him.. we finally grew so far apart that there was no point of staying together so I left him.. He was telling people that I was the one giving him the silent treatment pretty rich from a narc who could go weeks and months without talking to me. While he wasn’t talking he didn’t get any affection whatsoever from me, he would soon come back wanting kisses, hugs or sex but I just couldn’t do any of that with a stranger who was living in our house.
the weekly to biweekly trigger for my narc is my "tone". That's in and of itself is good for 3 days or so of silent treatment. Or even better is when she is constantly looking at my face and then tells me that I am mad or angry. Or asking a question she doesn't like means I am mad. This is constant. She is malignant so we have gotten the rage and it has gotten physical. And Ive always been bent on keeping the family together and figured she'd change this time. 21 years of marriage and its getting worse
Imagine a company that hired an employee who missed work day. The next day they come to work as if nothing happened. Do you think an employer will try hard to understand such behavior and nicely try to explain that this is not acceptable or start thinking "what did I do wrong that he didn't show up to work"? Best case scenario: an employer would give a warning "with one more absence, your employment will be terminated". Worst case scenario: company fires him with no warning. Period. Just like a business company would have standards to abide by, so should your relationship. If someone ignores me or gives me the silent treatment, I say goodbye or give a warning that I will not tolerate it any longer. Any excuses you give to such treatment makes you a doormat.
You can’t do silent treatment in a relationship, you need to talk, whether that means the end of the relationship is ok but you cannot deny a person their answers, well you can but it’s sadistic.
Ms. Lyn's videos are the most enlightening relationships wisdom online. There are so many videos of hers and this is yet another that hits a home run on socio-emotional issues. There are over 10,000 lives that have been improved by this video alone. Thank you.
They use the silent treatment as one way (there are others) of invalidating you, i.e. refusing to affirm what it is you're trying to get them to admit or affirm. If you're calling them out on abuse, it's a common tactic, and I think more of covert narcissists than overt ones. Victims have the habit of wanting the abuser to admit to abuse to achieve closure, and this is bad because it in a way can dig them in deeper into the situation. The reason is that malignant narcissists won't admit to abuse because that would be detrimental towards their perpetual control over you and their abusive behavior, and instead they invalidate in different ways and this end result may be worse than simply resigning from the situation. The only way to deal with them is to cut them off and stonewall them. As long as you interact with them there is a way I think for them to abuse. Always.
There are actually good people in the world. The problem is that we've been so distracted and emotionally drained by these sorts, we haven't noticed. The key is not getting hooked into their drama. Observe. Detatch. Let go and put your energy into cultivating positive relationships.
When the other person KNOWS they have woundness in a given area, but continually makes excuses for it, refuses to get help, even though they know it is damaging your relationship, then I think it appropriate to TAKE IT PERSONALLY, and evaluate your options.
The silent treatment is a gift from God, it gives me space and time to heal and move on from you, that's not a punishment, that's a gift I am grateful for 😊
My mother was a covert narc, she used the silent treatment, we used to say it hurt more than her slapping us. They know they are hurting you and love it.
Your videos are great! This was my life totally. My spouse did this to me all the time. So the last time this happened I was trying to talk to him about some issues in our relationship and he went into a rage and walked out on me. I began my exit and for a month he gave me the silent treatment and punnishment and he was so blind he didn't even know I was moving out. The only time when he would talk to me was when he would say "what is wrong with you?" I did not engage. I was done. So then after a month I left a note and left. The best day of my life and now I am healing to understand how I got myself into this situation as a codependent. Thank you for these videos they help me to understand.
This is ridiculous. They shut down not even over argument. They give silent treatment for me not liking the same food or music that they do. They can give me the silent treatment over no reason at all - out of the blue.in the middle of the day. It just looks like major unpredictable mood swings. I realized that anyone who does it to me deserves to be dumped. It's not ok to just be ok with such behavior. It does hurt and I don't care who it is about - this is not something I want to put up with. I am not going to healthy communicate with someone who bluntly refuses communication. Next time I get the silent treatment, I will nicely breakup and politely say "goodbye".
The universe totally sent me this I was having a conversation I said something they projected a bunch of stuff that isn’t how I feel so I explained they assuming things about me were untrue I could feel them shutting down and giving me one word answers so I told them I forgave them they laughed and we both stopped talking I didn’t realize till I said it but weather or not they wanted my forgiveness or even wanted to apologize by me forgiving them I released myself from that negative energy they have so much trouble communicating after over 15 years I see no self growth and I don’t even feel the need to communicate anymore I cannot change ppl and don’t want to miss what the universe has for me by fighting with a person who despite their words really doesn’t care to change
The silent treatment used against me as punishment caused me a lot of suffering. I am beginning to enjoy having space and feel at peace despite feeling an overwhelming surge of fatigue from many years of abuse. Finally, I can rest. I used to think that how he treated me constantly defined me, but now I am gradually learning otherwise. I will embrace and check in with myself several times daily to build my inner strength. The narcissist enjoyed having control over me. He thrived on me, chasing him to destroy me.
The silent treatment is cruel and punishing you.Show them you dont care and see it as a relief from them. Give them the silent treatment if you dont react then you have switched it onto them.
My roommate is a narcissistic person. When the realization point of the conversation/argument hit's for them, and they figure out they are in the wrong, or they aren't going to "win", they tend to end talking, and give the silent treatment. Although I too no longer talk to them for a few hours or the rest of the day, because I don't feel like arguing with them or feeding their ego some more. I will just ignore them till they cool off or revert back to being a semi-normal person. Although the sad part is, they never apologize for being in the wrong. Ever.
For me the silent treatment isn't a game....its just over.My ex narc friend will not respect boundaries ,will not apologise and won't change.... So I'm done.I know the pattern. It is sad but I'm not putting up with abusive behaviour. And I was actually so disgusted at her behaviour that i just can't be bothered to even talk to her.
I didn't beg for attention, I spelled out ALL the shit they pulled, I told them I was NOT going to do this anymore, do not call me, do not contact me. And I blocked them on all platforms. Whether they HEARD anything I said, or understood it, or cared doesn't matter... it made ME take my power back. I could not care LESS about this stupid narc. I've dealt with smarter idiots that them.
The video resonated my life in that I grew up and was continuously subjected to an egregiously cruel, domineering and controlling mother. Sadly, I am so familiar with passive-aggressive behavior. It was selfish and sadistic. Thank God I never acquiesced to her horrific behavior. As a result, I wasn't liked and clearly ostracized. Yes....I was and continue being a strong-willed woman in that I don't take nor give crap to anyone.
No matter what you do, stop and disconnect from the narcissist and breath, see, feel, the fresh air and perceive the world with all ur senses :) goodbye
I gave this young women a few tennis lessons and had to go way out of my way to help her as she had very little athletic ability. I think I was as kind as a a human could possibly be and she seemed to notice and appreciate the extra effort wanting to take more lessons with me. I sent her a neutral type of text and she went from very hot to very cold(like the pull you in and than push you away crap)I interpreted the ghosting response as emotional abuse and called her on it and severed contact with her permanently.A win for strong boundaries and for me. I'm 100% sure that she is narcissistic and super toxic!!
My husband abandoned me homeless and has not talked to me for three years. He turned his family against me, and they abandoned me too. He made his family believe it was my fault. The whole As I stand here looking at the past I see myself as a woman full of holes Every time that you would say to me My feelings didn't matter It poked a hole inside of me As the many years past by The holes began to grow The larger they became The smaller I withdrew Into the edges and corners that were left I could stand in the breeze And it would blow right through The giant holes you left in me As it hit in the framework Of what was left of me Until one day a bird flew through The giant hole inside my heart And as it did it's wings tickled me That's when my frame fell apart And that's when I started to grow As I realized I was not the corners and edges I was not weak as you thought For it was you that was the weak one And when that birds wing tickled me I found I was not the corners and edges that was left of me I was the whole. Susan Day September 2016
Susan Day 👍👍Ms Susan, I pray by now you are as powerful as you have allowed the Lord to work in you. He, makes us stronger, in our weakness. Thank you for your courage, and for sharing. Blessings 🙏❤️😊
End the relationship. It’s not worth the pain. They won’t change or even care to change. They don’t have the tools to have a healthy relationship. Wish then goodbye! And be happy
My mom has been doing this shit to me ever since I can first remember. As I'm progressing into mid 20's I'm realizing who she actually is. All my life I had her on a pedestal because I'm an only child and my dad died when I was a toddler, so she's the only family I have. She's also been through a lot, so I always glorified her even when she put me down or completely ignored me. First she puts me down, calls me names and insults me, for just asking her to help me with something or when I accidentally break something for example. She's not just gonna say "be more careful" , or "I don't have time to help you with that" , she's going to tell me I'm a nuisance, I'm annoying, I'm an incapable person (despite being a med student with a flawless GPA), that I destroy everything, basically that I'm worthless. Then she gives me the silent treatment and not even look at me, or when she does accidentally look my way it's with this intense hatred. I usually ended up giving in because I was so desperate for her to talk to me, even when she was clearly in the wrong. I'm not doing this shit anymore.
It's still hurtful... I really want to confront her but I know she would love the drama.... It's my husband's sister, think we shall move on...but don't see why we should have to put up with it, it's like we don't exist...we should be able to stand up for ourselves....thank you for this 💖
My Covert Narc mother did this to me 3 months after I tried suicide, again, and after I called her out for what she is...It has been 2 months now with no contact. If you have been abused your whole life, and been diagnosed with mental health issues; depression, BPD etc, PLEASE discuss with your Doctor/Psche to see if you have CPTSD/ I was wrongly diagnosed 20 years ago because I did not speak about the vile and disgusting way I was treated, especially being the Scapegoat. FINALLY, now that we are talking about CPTSD, which is commonly misdiagnosed as BPD, we are heading into calmer seas.
I told my husband, if he ghost one more time, we are through. I had surgery & almost died, gave up. He caused a fight over our daughter & her husband. That really ticked me off. As of 3/23 I asked him for a trial separation. He typed my name & went ghosting ever since. I know what he's, the malignant narc & he has done enough. He is in a medical building out of state, so I had it, I'm done. It has been found out through the help of these coaches that I'm trauma bonding. My therapist agrees & I'm in for a rough ride. My mother was dangerously abusive. At 5 years old, I was in the hospital. With her bare hands she gave me a brain embolism.
Thanks so much, my estranged adult daughter has given me the silent treatment for more than 6 years. Her absentee, abusive dad did the same thing to me when I was married to him.
As someone who has severe abandonment issues...when someone I loved gave me the silent treatment...it nearly destroyed me at first. I would feel like a child again...being neglected. . I’d chase and beg. If anyone does that to me today...I know that they don’t belong in my life. I walk away
Especially if they ghost you. What kind of fake coward does that?
Same with me,there sick and twisted,especially if they know we've abandonment issues....
That is the worst feeling.
When husband does that, I give the treatment back until he's ready to talk. I don't say anything to him. It works for me.
Hubby doing this to me and guess what am planning my way out !!!I can’t take in this nonsense I know my value!!!!!
They are shutting down to hurt you, if someone does that a lot - they are very selfish
and it hurts SO bad. :(
Very immature and my ex husband is 54 years of age just unreal
Agreed I had to leave he wouldn’t deal with his abusivf ways or stop the cheating
Narcissistic!!!!! run don’t walk...
Megan Dammeyer run don’t walk you r dealing with a narc!
They give you the silent treatment because they know it hurts you to be ignored and it makes them feel powerful. They're cruel.
They know exactly what they are doing and it is personal
soo true!
100%
I find the silent treatment a good thing because it’s more of a disconnect and distancing from a toxic narcissist giving a sense of peace. Also the silent treatment is an indicator to hurry up and leave that person.
Oooo!!! I like this comment!
Great insight
Yes, indeed! I cut a couple of abusive siblings out of my life because of their repeated silent treatment and mean spirits. I have not regretted my decision ever since.
Yes you,re right!
My siblings are the abusers, and work together to spread their cruelty, and hatred. The silent treatment only proves their inability to change. Eventually, I will feel relief with them out of my life, but right now I am still greiving. Thanks for the encouragement.
I didn't mind when a narc gave the silent treatment. I actually loved it! Me being an introvert, I got a break from these energy draining pos.
Haha! Sometimes it is a nice break from the toxic behavior
you hit it right on the nail for me with this.. you are not alone! man speaking here
Gives me a chance of peace!
It took time for me to understand this treatment. Now as i see it happening, i count it a blessing.
True ... I finally found peace ✌🏽😓
I'm at the point to where I'm at the "Dry hurt" ( no more tears) in getting stronger!!!!
Dry hurt! That's great. I'll try that one!
@@robinjohnson8149 when you argue with someone they hit to the emotional side because if your emotional it doesn't give you room to think. With no tears the feeling"s" side of it is almost gone.
Same, I’m dry hurt. No more tears.
me too
Same here . I do not give a shit anymore about his silent treatment.
The best approach to silent treatment is silent treatment itself. If you know you are a person who takes responsibility and initiative to apologize when wrong then u have every right to Not settle for any persons who resorts to silent treatment at the slightest provocation. Move on and seek other mature, self aware and healthy people to have relationships with. A reasonable and confident person would never use silent treatment as a weapon but would instead communicate their dislike for something you did, allowing you the chance to explain or apologize, period.
You would if you are dealing with Adult bullies who are excellent at manipulation......
@@kass5000 YES it still counts as the silent treatment if you don't let them know you need to take space, if you just stop talking to them. Rather, You let the person KNOW that you need some space because you are really upset & you let them KNOW when they can expect you to talk it out with them!! That is the mature, communicative way to deal with issues.
Narcs know exactly what they are doing when they use the silent treatment.
They are using it as a means to control & punish you. Never forget that most of them are mean spirited and petty.
A. C. And I believe their treatment is personal. He will then go talk to our adult children. Carry on great family convos. But not with me. I am being punished. It is very personal.
@@SofDiane
It's always unpleasant to interact with someone who is cruel by nature. Just because they don't see your worth...doesn't mean that you are worthless.
Narcs will have to face their karma soon enough.
Narcs are a straight waste of your time.
Agreed
Yes! And it’s extremely detrimental to children, especially when Both parents are narcs like mine. How I’m not in an insane asylum after all that crap is beyond me. My guardian angel must have seen how much I hurt and yanked me out of that situation as fast as possible by putting in my life a good man with a wonderful family who show me daily what love is supposed to be. 20 years later it still hurts, but I am so grateful and glad I went no contact with them.
Let their children pays back in same coin
Yes..and its a hype to the drama.
@@staciwhite4276 wow
Silent treatment is severe emotional abuse that destroys your self esteem!!!!!
I used to feel like that an apologise for no reason when it was him who was in the wrong to begin with 🤷🏾♂️
My ex would not even text me back in 24 hours
@@taraarrington2285 my soon to be ex husband, would go weeks at a time and not speak to me.
The silent treatment is awesome. Look them straight in the eye and say, "finally, peace". Then, go about your day, week, month, and year.
Christine 😂
Christine yes 👍🏾
True that and we are directly telling them fuck off
Not one year...20 or more.
You goddamn right!
I always get the silent treatment and blocked when I call the narcissist out on their awful behaviour.
Bunny Moonstone oh my God. Me too
Just happened to me 3 days ago....lol wow
They love to block you
Same!
Let me guess...you would harass him and bust his balls constantly. But you are not the narcissist and of course the victim.🤔
The silent treatment bought me here after it bought me to my knees and melted my brain.
When a person behaves in that way on a regular basis, there is one cure for it...............LET THEM GO............simple as that 😊
The most torturous experience when you live with that person and say something to them and they pretend you don’t exist.
At this point he never says stuff like Good Morning... ever. unless I say it. Then he might mutter. So now I don't do it either. Why get hurt? He likes it this way, OK. Don't say goodbye when you go out, don't say goodnight. IDGAF except that now the disrespect pisses me off.
My mother did this to me frequently when I was a preschooler at home. She would act normal til the rest of the household had gone to work or school then she would totally shut down for the day and would not even acknowledge my existence. I was 4 years old. May as well have lived on my own...I would have been better off than trying to get her to acknowledge me.
@@l.5832 most likely she was deeply regretted that your father wasn’t her first choice and she was saddened she couldn’t secure a more high status male.
I doubt it was personal.
@@alexeysamokhin9629 Actually it was very personal. I learned for one thing, that at the time I was born someone remarked I looked just like my dad's mother....a woman long since deceased, but someone my mother was very jealous of. My mother scapegoated me my whole life. It was very very personal and she knew what she was doing. She even attempted to rob my of my father's inheritance, (My mother was not high status and my father was far more popular than she)
Sadists! They thrive on seeing you suffer.
Bintang221 Yes... they are.
Bintang221 don’t let them see you suffer
Don't let them see you sweat
and it TOTALLY sucks! SO bad. :(
🙏🏽😢
HE gave me the silent treatment until he saw me laughing, smiling, and just enjoying myself. I really didn't care about his feelings, no matter how cold that sounds after a month of silent treatment. That was a little to immature for me and I had focus on school, so I CAME FIRST...not this immature prick. I understand your perspective, especially at 7:03-7:07, but I think at times it can be a little more malicious than this. I was upset at first, but you see time is precious and I wasted too much already and if he had something to say to me, I didn't care anymore. He did a VERY good job at making me feel inferior and worthless. I showed the same curtsy by focusing on myself.
Jackie U rock. JS
Well said and done!!
Jackie your so strong! I really want to fight for this and be strong I’m struggling with a narcissist
I really didn't want to care when he shut down, I still enjoyed myself. But he got more angry as he saw me so happy by myself and then he would broke the silence with outbursts of anger and hours of blaming!! Really sucks!!! And he would say it was me who made him like that!! It just happened again and again and again and again....A good way to have real peace in your life again is to leave this kind of people!!
@@winniecantonese Some of us don't have that choice. I have 2 kids, no place to go and not sufficient income to care for them by myself, because I only had a small part time business so I could raise them, and take care of the home while he went to work full time and never helped me with anything in the household.
Him giving me the silent treatment does make him feel like the victim. That’s how he self soothes. So selfish and zero empathy. These type of people are horrific and they take your soul. RUN!!!
My ex would give me the silent treatment for weeks to a month at a time. He’d walk in the door and greet his dog and my kids and walk by me day after day, sleep in the living room, and treat me like I didn’t exist. After I forced him out, he went silent after a little while as well.
They cannot just be honest with how they feel because they don’t actually know what they feel past their egos, it seems.
I stopped having expectations a long time ago and decided that I am worth more than a relationship with someone who is incapable of loving me or being accountable for his own actions. I love him, but I love myself and couldn’t continue being treated that way.
That my hubby now😂😂I don't give a shit!
Wow! I’m seriously going through this!
@@ABar83376 I’m sorry to hear that. I moved on and left that abusing man behind.. I found myself and I also met someone who values me and would never treat me that way. I hope you find your way back to freedom from abuse.
@@ABar83376 me too
I am experiencing the same thing. The dogs get all this excited energy of love, hugs, and kisses. While I wait in the background to see if I even get acknowledged.
Never argue with a narcissist, you will never get anywhere, they are toddlers, so basically they are adult bullies, they weapon of choice is emotional abuse.
WoW! You really hit the nail in the head! You explained my mother exactly. She’s got a whole set of different memories of my childhood than I do. When I challenge those memories, I get the silent treatment. I’m stronger now, so it doesn’t bother me as much. Her loss if she doesn’t want to be a part of my life.
I feel you. Big time. 💝
Me too!
It is the same for me as well. We would have a great conversation over tea, Paige!
I DONT want to be with this misery anymore I've never felt so lonely in my life.
I agree, it feels lonely2 B in a relationship w/someone who enforces what can or cannot B discussed by silencing or blocking U ends your full participation in the relationship, only their opinions, plans& thoughts R heard & U R reduced 2 less than half.☹️
I am so sorry to hear you have felt the most loneliness you have ever felt in your life.
I am feeling exactly as you have right now. I empathise with you completely. It really hurts.
They were so charming n engaging at the beginning n like fruit rotting on the vine they turned sour n repulsive. I see you posted 2 years ago. I truly hope you have escaped from this torment. It is absolutely hellish.
the last who did this, I break up with him and never look back. He spent 1 week travelling with me and by my side without talking to me. When he went away from the trip I said, the last time, I wont see you anymore. And I removed him from social media. That’s all. He will play with another person feelings, not me. Go to hell!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how you feel. You can deal with that behavior numerous times, until the last time. The last time being one that puts you in a hellish situation. Its what it takes, until we learn not to ignore red flags and forgive the disrespect, unfortunately. Good for you for getting away🧡
Damn. My "boyfriend" will give me the silent treatment for a day and a half. Ridiculous. I'm tired of this. If he is not happy he should just leave.
Good job 😁
Honestly, I don’t thinkANY form of communication will make a difference to the narcissist. Grey rock, be silent, Plan your exit strategy and RUN
Agreed
The silent treatment is a conscious decision to avoid discussing what bothers the silent one. It is a wall that sometimes cannot be torn down. The silent person is the wall-builder, the divider, which is cruel beyond words, imo, which also makes it sadistic.
Yes sadists find prey.
The best way of handling the silent treatment is to simply play this video clip aloud while their in the same room.
I played another one of her videos last night out loud and lost an xbox controller it literally described our argument word for word. Now today is the "Silent Treatment".
@Sky Dream Better to play the video exposing what the silent treatment is all about, so that they realise you have caught them out and that their actions are not acceptable.
That's a great idea 😂
That seems like a very passive aggressive move but i do see whwre tou are coming from.
The best Part of the silent treatment is giving the narc a taste of his own medicine 😂 and for this last month not being a supply to triangulate his new victims.
The silent treatment is a lack of respect. They just want to show you that you are not good enough for them, They'll phone you when they need something from you ...
the other part of silent treatment is they give you the silent treatment so they can more supply from other guys and girls
Then they're not the right one for you if they can move on so quickly
That gives the person getting the silent treatment the space to do the same, remember that 😊
I agree with you except for one thing. I’ve had relationships with narcissists, and I believe they know exactly what their doing. I told myself for a long time that “he doesn’t know how to process how he feels”. But I now It was all a game to get me to give him what he wanted. Projection, blame, then silence. Or projection, blame, then plan b- whatever new lie they come up with to get what they want from you. All forms of punishment. Conscious and deliberate.
Yeas! They know very well what they are doing by feeding in Your uncontroled emotion, dependence and obidience like a dog.
Yes, they know exactly what they are doing! They are like stupid, ignorant, drama-seeking/causing, abusive, compulsive lying children always playing the victim. It's sad really! I just wished I had seen and figured it all out sooner!
Hillary Hayman relationship(S) with narcissists??? Damn, you’d think you’d learn after one!
the process how he feels stuff applies to non toxic people
Hearing all this from a woman with her head on straight, is very healing for someone who let himself be destroyed from a female narc. Live and learn as they say.
❤😊💖 Very true... Being happy alone is priceless
lol 😋
ELS WORTH, I so agree.
Millionaire baby!!
My roommate has been giving me ths silent treatment for weeks now. This is because I had finally had enough of her snooty controlling behavior and sense of entitlement and I told her off. So a few days ago, I made the mistake of apologizing for telling her off and she said thankyou, then proceeded to go back to the silent treatment. She only talks to me to say something superior or blame me for something stupid like daring to turn the AC on without her divine permission. I'm moving in two weeks then never have to see her again.
Apologizing is important for normal human interaction, but unfortunately someone with certain personality disorders will just see that as weakness to prey upon. I had a core faculty member in graduate school who targeted me for years. It was pretty awful. I had to be pretty much perfect for 3 or 4 consecutive years. Constant character assassination that was retracted only to have another false allegation or character assassination attempt the next day. He spent more time trying to ruin me than many people spend on their weekly jobs. Absolutely obsessed. Pure evil.
Bonnie Irvin, Good for you. The thing about Narcissists they will always find another person to spew on. If it wasn't you it would be someone else.
Peppi Boudreau cu
AKSBSU so sorry for that horrible predator targeting you like that. Must have been pure hell but you are obviously a survivor and much stronger and wiser for having gone through this. Well done!
@@AKSBSU I am sorry for what you went through. It must have been a nightmare, especially in a college setting where professors believe they are gods and others get sucked in by them. You were able to get through that. You must be very strong. Hugs and love to you. You have learned great lessons from this. Situations like these make me appreciate genuine people much more and the unconditional love of animals and small children. You did great!
As a former user of the silent treatment, I didn't knew this was wrong or a thing, I never did it as a punishment, it was more like a shutdown in stress situations or when angry, I never learned how to name my emotions so it was all I knew, learned from that! So Indeed we all should learn communications!
I remember now my mom used to do this to me for days for simple small things, it destroyed me...
yes very important. and not all people who do it are toxic.
Very very helpful.........thank you so much!
I have been married for 15 years and have finally figured out that this crazy behavior has a script. I think she is on the BPD side of the spectrum, but she is very unhappy that I have figured out her tactics and now that I understand what is going on now. It is literally like I came across the script for her behavior and can refer back to it whenever I need to. I am able to stay calm and deal with her effectively. She is beside herself that she can't get me worked up and off balance any more.
Seems to me that the only people that wonder if they are crazy are the sane people dealing with crazy people...........because the people with actual mental illness never seem to wonder if they are OK or not.......they seem convinced that everybody else is crazy.
Omg you are my twin!! I get it now too!! Knowledge is power!!!
My one i am sure she liked to accuse me just for the reaction which i would fight and argue her false accusations.
Now i just watch her. Stops her every time.
I have BPD and I most definitely do not practice the silent treatment. I have good conflict resolution skills. I just wanted to say that because bpd gets a bad rep but bpd is different for everyone.
My ex bf used my diagnosis to make me feel crazy.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience but please be aware of how you speak of those “crazy people”. :)
@@danielleevans66 BPD is what it is. Good for you for embracing and overcoming your condition on what sounds like a daily basis.
My now ex wife would not even look at the issues facing her. The divorce did not go well for her and neither one of our daughters will have anything to do with her.
Very sad, especially when all she really had to do was accept her malady and deal with it accordingly
Ugh! My ex used this all the time and would then, when I would ask why, he would say he wasn't shut down and I was crazy and seeing something not there. It really bothered me in the beginning, to the point of serious mental anguish. I realize now that it was emotional abuse and gas-lighting, but MAN was it awful and confusing! So glad it is over and very grateful to learn more and more that I wasn't crazy, and that I am really the amazing person I always thought I was. So glad to be free!! He consistently played the victim, but in reality he was an abusive and narcissistic person. Thank ypu for your videos, they have brought so much validation and healing!
I am going through the silent treatment right now and it's awful! It's not the first time and I thought today this NEVER gets easier. I've explained to him how upsetting this is but it continues. And, he will often say if I ask if he's upset about something....Nooooo, I'm not upset, what would make you think I'm upset? WTF
Judy Magazine I am so sorry you are going thru that right now.it is awful to be told you are the one who is seeing things not there when you know your partner has flipped a switch on you and is just refusing to aknowledge his/her own actions and abusive behaviour. I think Stephanie gives some really great practical advice here and in other videos on how to handle that kind of situation. It still hurts to deal with tho, for sure! Stay strong, hun!
Cenk Toplar He was born June 29, so, Cancer
No....Virgo
In this particular case, it's not punishment (he says it has nothing to do with me) rather he is worried about a few things and has to focus there so he's processing or as you said 'overthinking' but why does it have to include shutting us down like this? Healthy people DISCUSS issues.
My ex was good at giving the silent treatment. At first it really got to me and I was miserable for days. I learned that I would reflect her actions and concentrate on enjoying the kids. After a while I learned if I was getting the silent treatment I would learn to enjoy the quiet. Then she would start up with the bitching again. I would rather be ignored than yelled at any time.
When we are not bitching is when you need to be worried. If it gets quiet someone else maybe listening
Anytime someone wants to give u the silent treatment it's not hard to find someone who actually wants to talk to you!!!!
@@42Butterflies Now your getting me worried thanks.......
@@42Butterflies what do you mean by someone else may be listening? As in their new supply?
I tried giving the silent treatment back and pay attention to our pets, but that still elicits no response.
He just continues to text/sext other women on social media. When confronted about it. He says. "What?" "I'm not allowed to have friends!!!?"
The silent treatment hurt me as a child. But as an adult it’s wonderful. I can finally go on and have a happy life ! Just walk away, it’s wonderful !
This was so good. I was given the silent treatment by a friend, for a few months. I had literally done nothing wrong. It hurt me so much. I have consequently blocked this person from my life. I loved this video thank you.
Well done
No Contact. Best advice I ever received. Screw these immature Narcs.
My ex was so emotionally abusive/ narcissistic that I finally got the balls to cut it off, and now I feel like I’m giving him the silent treatment. He’s been texting, calling and emailing from all different numbers, So much so I had to even change my number! The silent treatment was his favorite tactic and now I feel like I stooped down to his level, even though I know I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s crazy how emotionally draining and manipulative these people can be even when you’re out of the relationship, but these videos are helping me keep my head above the water!
Shelby Morris stay no contact. You can do it.
Shelby Morris, You have gone into "No Contact" mode. Perfectly normal, and no you have not stooped down to his level. You are doing the healthy thing fir yourself by Go No Contact. The only way to get out and stay is to go No Contact. This means no talking to him on your cell phone or home line, texting, emails. Unfriend him on any social websites, and if you share friends, please consider to Go No Contact with them as well. Good chance he will use them to get information about you.
Yes, it's called no contact. I'm at this point with my mother. She wouldn't answer my phone calls. She does the same thing with other family members. So I stopped calling. Now comes the smear campaign.
That is 'No contact' which is not the silence treatment. You have not stooped to his level - you have just figured out when you had enough of the manipulation.
No, you are not stooping down to his level. You are taking care of yourself and that is all what matters.
First I cried...I felt hurt...then I realised that he does it often...then I felt anger, then I realised that he punish self alone, next time I was in peace and I started enjoy time alone without him with different people. And it's best thing how to coop with silent treatment. Showing them that it's not working on you.❤🙏🏻
I'm grateful for the silent treatment. It's nice when the naracisst is quiet. 🤐
It's nothing possible,it's dare whippin
THIS IS GOOD!!! IN YOUR VIDEOS, YOU ALWAYS GIVE GREAT EXPOUNDING OF THE TOPICS, AND DISCUSS THEM INDEPTH!!! THANKS!!!
This video impacted me so much I have been crying. Silent treatment is one of the most hurtful, crazy-making, intentional forms of abuse (IMO.) Unfortunately, I have (up until recently) been tolerating this behavior in my "boyfriend" and through therapy, I've come to discover that what isn't "normal" becomes "normal" to the person being abused. Suffice to say (for now), that silent treatment is only one of several tactics employed by the "narcissist (is he one?") and all to the detriment of the recipient in the form of diminished self-esteem, uncertainty, migraines, etc. Thank you again!
I got the ultimate silent treatment... my girlfriend of a year who I was very in love with one day (after a minute argument) never spoke to me ever again. It was devastating.. these creatures are a different breed.. she was so charming alluring beautiful I would have never thought she could have done this.. but you will learn in time it's all on them n what's in them it has nothing to do with us. Btw extra kicker we work at same place n I still see her..
Well said. After decades of earnestly trying to make my husband happy, obviously he was unhappy if he couldn’t even talk about whatever the issue was, I have discovered through these videos that it was merely a manipulation tactic. Now I recognize the technique, and the results -where he always gets his way... and how I am always the bad guy, even though I may not have been a part of the original issue or concern. Ha, what a sad state of affairs. I recognize now, that I can relax only when he’s not home. Because of this insight , serious life changes are under way. Thanks for all you do.
When my ex was traveling on a plane for 10 hours, that was when I relaxed. It was strange and surprising to me at the time before I realized that having a relationship with him was the problem.
me too. it took going on a few trips by myself to realize that I'm still a cheerful outgoing person , and that person was BACK. Until I went home... what a wake up call. Oh and HE was the one who would give me the trip as a gift so I better be a good girl after that! LMAO. Like I'm not...
I think they do it to punish you. They don’t know how to treat people with compassion and empathy. They know it hurts you. As adults, we do not need to explain basic human manners to another adult.
They go silent, you disappear without warning.
In the narcissists mind the silent treatment which can last several months is not seen as an ending or a breakup of the relationship this is why they can resume the relationship like nothing happened,silent treatment is to punish you for a perceived slight or narcissistic injury inflicted on the narcissist,since he sees you as an extension of himself you are his property he owns you they never separated or broke up with you during silent treatment.
I realized years ago that this happened with him but it never bothered me because to me, his silence is golden.
everything that you said is so true. This is a form of manipulative punishment.
My ex narc husband did this a lot and it devastated me, I would do everything I could to get him to answer me and he would just stick his nose up in the air with a disgusted look on his face, would not look at me. It is cruelty. Eventually I just didn't speak either and felt more at peace with it, actually saw it as a blessing he wasn't speaking! It bothered him I didn't react so he would start talking again....crazy.
Wow...now it all makes sense. My ex did this to me on and off. I tried so hard to help him and he made me feel lk I was the problem for trying to communicate/resolve issues. He drained my energy and I became so cautious qith my words bcs I didn't want any conflict (I would agree with him just so that he doesn't start a fight)..
THIS is everything! Going through this right now....
How are you doing? I'm going through this now. It's ridiculous.
@@carlosgarza1701 I don’t even remember what was happening at this time. I’ve been in plenty of battles with narcissists since then. Now, I am more informed. So I am doing better.
Too me it's a favor. I keep to myself now
I gave my ex narc the silent treatment back to him.. we finally grew so far apart that there was no point of staying together so I left him.. He was telling people that I was the one giving him the silent treatment pretty rich from a narc who could go weeks and months without talking to me. While he wasn’t talking he didn’t get any affection whatsoever from me, he would soon come back wanting kisses, hugs or sex but I just couldn’t do any of that with a stranger who was living in our house.
He always silent treatment.. I blocked him.. I moved on
the weekly to biweekly trigger for my narc is my "tone". That's in and of itself is good for 3 days or so of silent treatment. Or even better is when she is constantly looking at my face and then tells me that I am mad or angry. Or asking a question she doesn't like means I am mad. This is constant. She is malignant so we have gotten the rage and it has gotten physical. And Ive always been bent on keeping the family together and figured she'd change this time. 21 years of marriage and its getting worse
Imagine a company that hired an employee who missed work day. The next day they come to work as if nothing happened. Do you think an employer will try hard to understand such behavior and nicely try to explain that this is not acceptable or start thinking "what did I do wrong that he didn't show up to work"? Best case scenario: an employer would give a warning "with one more absence, your employment will be terminated". Worst case scenario: company fires him with no warning. Period. Just like a business company would have standards to abide by, so should your relationship. If someone ignores me or gives me the silent treatment, I say goodbye or give a warning that I will not tolerate it any longer. Any excuses you give to such treatment makes you a doormat.
Holy wow sooo spot on.. thank you for touching on this topic thoroughly
You can’t do silent treatment in a relationship, you need to talk, whether that means the end of the relationship is ok but you cannot deny a person their answers, well you can but it’s sadistic.
Yep
Ms. Lyn's videos are the most enlightening relationships wisdom online. There are so many videos of hers and this is yet another that hits a home run on socio-emotional issues. There are over 10,000 lives that have been improved by this video alone. Thank you.
They use the silent treatment as one way (there are others) of invalidating you, i.e. refusing to affirm what it is you're trying to get them to admit or affirm. If you're calling them out on abuse, it's a common tactic, and I think more of covert narcissists than overt ones. Victims have the habit of wanting the abuser to admit to abuse to achieve closure, and this is bad because it in a way can dig them in deeper into the situation. The reason is that malignant narcissists won't admit to abuse because that would be detrimental towards their perpetual control over you and their abusive behavior, and instead they invalidate in different ways and this end result may be worse than simply resigning from the situation. The only way to deal with them is to cut them off and stonewall them. As long as you interact with them there is a way I think for them to abuse. Always.
My point as well...
Calling them out only leads to gaslighting and denial.
There are actually good people in the world. The problem is that we've been so distracted and emotionally drained by these sorts, we haven't noticed. The key is not getting hooked into their drama. Observe. Detatch. Let go and put your energy into cultivating positive relationships.
I agree
When the other person KNOWS they have woundness in a given area, but continually makes excuses for it, refuses to get help, even though they know it is damaging your relationship, then I think it appropriate to TAKE IT PERSONALLY, and evaluate your options.
Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift. ( Unknown)
Thank you!!!!
Narcissists NEED constant attention to survive. They betray their wickedness by withholding the very thing THEY place primary importance on.
I’m 100% enjoying this silent treatment, it’s certainly not bothering me at all, it’s golden!
The silent treatment is a gift from God, it gives me space and time to heal and move on from you, that's not a punishment, that's a gift I am grateful for 😊
Your videos are healing me. Thank you.
My mother was a covert narc, she used the silent treatment, we used to say it hurt more than her slapping us. They know they are hurting you and love it.
Your videos are great! This was my life totally. My spouse did this to me all the time. So the last time this happened I was trying to talk to him about some issues in our relationship and he went into a rage and walked out on me. I began my exit and for a month he gave me the silent treatment and punnishment and he was so blind he didn't even know I was moving out. The only time when he would talk to me was when he would say "what is wrong with you?" I did not engage. I was done. So then after a month I left a note and left. The best day of my life and now I am healing to understand how I got myself into this situation as a codependent. Thank you for these videos they help me to understand.
Thank u for clearing up the difference between healthy "withdrawal" from a negative situation and abusive silence tactics. I needed that 💜
This is ridiculous. They shut down not even over argument. They give silent treatment for me not liking the same food or music that they do. They can give me the silent treatment over no reason at all - out of the blue.in the middle of the day. It just looks like major unpredictable mood swings. I realized that anyone who does it to me deserves to be dumped. It's not ok to just be ok with such behavior. It does hurt and I don't care who it is about - this is not something I want to put up with. I am not going to healthy communicate with someone who bluntly refuses communication. Next time I get the silent treatment, I will nicely breakup and politely say "goodbye".
The universe totally sent me this I was having a conversation I said something they projected a bunch of stuff that isn’t how I feel so I explained they assuming things about me were untrue I could feel them shutting down and giving me one word answers so I told them I forgave them they laughed and we both stopped talking I didn’t realize till I said it but weather or not they wanted my forgiveness or even wanted to apologize by me forgiving them I released myself from that negative energy they have so much trouble communicating after over 15 years I see no self growth and I don’t even feel the need to communicate anymore I cannot change ppl and don’t want to miss what the universe has for me by fighting with a person who despite their words really doesn’t care to change
Great advice Stephanie! Some people are childish and stubborn by giving you the silent treatment when they can’t have their way.
"flip the script on you" Pretty much sums up almost everyone I know. Where was this video 30 years ago?!?!?! 😢
Well...30 years ago she was probably about 5...highly unlikely she would have made this video.
Yes, or at least 18 years ago ☹️
The silent treatment used against me as punishment caused me a lot of suffering.
I am beginning to enjoy having space and feel at peace despite feeling an overwhelming surge of fatigue from many years of abuse. Finally, I can rest.
I used to think that how he treated me constantly defined me, but now I am gradually learning otherwise.
I will embrace and check in with myself several times daily to build my inner strength.
The narcissist enjoyed having control over me. He thrived on me, chasing him to destroy me.
The silent treatment is cruel and punishing you.Show them you dont care and see it as a relief from them. Give them the silent treatment if you dont react then you have switched it onto them.
Sian Megginson, I agree.
That's what I'm doing with my mother as of now. I actually feel less stressful.
No - don't play their game. It may work for a short while - but silence in a relationship is not the solution. Don't play into it.
My roommate is a narcissistic person. When the realization point of the conversation/argument hit's for them, and they figure out they are in the wrong, or they aren't going to "win", they tend to end talking, and give the silent treatment. Although I too no longer talk to them for a few hours or the rest of the day, because I don't feel like arguing with them or feeding their ego some more. I will just ignore them till they cool off or revert back to being a semi-normal person. Although the sad part is, they never apologize for being in the wrong. Ever.
For me the silent treatment isn't a game....its just over.My ex narc friend will not respect boundaries ,will not apologise and won't change.... So I'm done.I know the pattern. It is sad but I'm not putting up with abusive behaviour. And I was actually so disgusted at her behaviour that i just can't be bothered to even talk to her.
I know the FEELING!!
I agree. It's just over. I'm not putting up with that kind of bullshit. FU too!!
I didn't beg for attention, I spelled out ALL the shit they pulled, I told them I was NOT going to do this anymore, do not call me, do not contact me. And I blocked them on all platforms. Whether they HEARD anything I said, or understood it, or cared doesn't matter... it made ME take my power back. I could not care LESS about this stupid narc. I've dealt with smarter idiots that them.
True. People got lots of shitty baggages. Relationships are not worth it now a day too much headaches
This is the best explanation, I been hitting nerves back to back and gets blocked almost every week. Don't care..
The video resonated my life in that I grew up and was continuously subjected to an egregiously cruel, domineering and controlling mother. Sadly, I am so familiar with passive-aggressive behavior. It was selfish and sadistic. Thank God I never acquiesced to her horrific behavior. As a result, I wasn't liked and clearly ostracized. Yes....I was and continue being a strong-willed woman in that I don't take nor give crap to anyone.
think of the bright side of the silence treatment; it takes away vertually all other manifestations of abuse...............................
No matter what you do, stop and disconnect from the narcissist and breath, see, feel, the fresh air and perceive the world with all ur senses :) goodbye
I gave this young women a few tennis lessons and had to go way out of my way to help her as she had very little athletic ability. I think I was as kind as a a human could possibly be and she seemed to notice and appreciate the extra effort wanting to take more lessons with me. I sent her a neutral type of text and she went from very hot to very cold(like the pull you in and than push you away crap)I interpreted the ghosting response as emotional abuse and called her on it and severed contact with her permanently.A win for strong boundaries and for me. I'm 100% sure that she is narcissistic and super toxic!!
My husband abandoned me homeless and has not talked to me for three years. He turned his family against me, and they abandoned me too. He made his family believe it was my fault. The whole
As I stand here looking at the past
I see myself as a woman full of holes
Every time that you would say to me
My feelings didn't matter
It poked a hole inside of me
As the many years past by
The holes began to grow
The larger they became
The smaller I withdrew
Into the edges and corners that were left
I could stand in the breeze
And it would blow right through
The giant holes you left in me
As it hit in the framework
Of what was left of me
Until one day a bird flew through
The giant hole inside my heart
And as it did it's wings tickled me
That's when my frame fell apart
And that's when I started to grow
As I realized I was not the corners and edges
I was not weak as you thought
For it was you that was the weak one
And when that birds wing tickled me
I found I was not the corners and edges that was left of me
I was the whole.
Susan Day
September 2016
Beautiful, Susan!
GOD is THE FAITHFUL ONE.SEEK HIM ..STAY WITH HIM. HE NEVER EVER MISTREATS IR ABANDONS HIS CHILDREN.. BIG HUG IN JESUS NAME
Susan Day 👍👍Ms Susan, I pray by now you are as powerful as you have allowed the Lord to work in you. He, makes us stronger, in our weakness.
Thank you for your courage, and for sharing. Blessings 🙏❤️😊
End the relationship. It’s not worth the pain. They won’t change or even care to change. They don’t have the tools to have a healthy relationship. Wish then goodbye! And be happy
LET THEM JUST BE SURE TO FOLLOW IT WITH NO CONTACT. BYE
This was so helpful because I've been struggling with the silent treatment.
My mom has been doing this shit to me ever since I can first remember. As I'm progressing into mid 20's I'm realizing who she actually is. All my life I had her on a pedestal because I'm an only child and my dad died when I was a toddler, so she's the only family I have. She's also been through a lot, so I always glorified her even when she put me down or completely ignored me. First she puts me down, calls me names and insults me, for just asking her to help me with something or when I accidentally break something for example. She's not just gonna say "be more careful" , or "I don't have time to help you with that" , she's going to tell me I'm a nuisance, I'm annoying, I'm an incapable person (despite being a med student with a flawless GPA), that I destroy everything, basically that I'm worthless. Then she gives me the silent treatment and not even look at me, or when she does accidentally look my way it's with this intense hatred. I usually ended up giving in because I was so desperate for her to talk to me, even when she was clearly in the wrong. I'm not doing this shit anymore.
It's still hurtful... I really want to confront her but I know she would love the drama.... It's my husband's sister, think we shall move on...but don't see why we should have to put up with it, it's like we don't exist...we should be able to stand up for ourselves....thank you for this 💖
I'm experiencing the silent treatment right now. Horrifying!
stay strong. These people are not normal.
i have never heard anything like this. i am awakening. god bless
My Covert Narc mother did this to me 3 months after I tried suicide, again, and after I called her out for what she is...It has been 2 months now with no contact. If you have been abused your whole life, and been diagnosed with mental health issues; depression, BPD etc, PLEASE discuss with your Doctor/Psche to see if you have CPTSD/ I was wrongly diagnosed 20 years ago because I did not speak about the vile and disgusting way I was treated, especially being the Scapegoat. FINALLY, now that we are talking about CPTSD, which is commonly misdiagnosed as BPD, we are heading into calmer seas.
What’s so terrible is when you try everything you can to be loving and kind to them no matter how bad they talk to you
I told my husband, if he ghost one more time, we are through. I had surgery & almost died, gave up. He caused a fight over our daughter & her husband. That really ticked me off. As of 3/23 I asked him for a trial separation. He typed my name & went ghosting ever since. I know what he's, the malignant narc & he has done enough. He is in a medical building out of state, so I had it, I'm done. It has been found out through the help of these coaches that I'm trauma bonding. My therapist agrees & I'm in for a rough ride. My mother was dangerously abusive. At 5 years old, I was in the hospital. With her bare hands she gave me a brain embolism.
It’s amazing how accurately they are describing the behavior of someone I had a fling with.
It's a definite punishment. Silent treatment gets longer and longer after theyve went into full blown narcZilla verbal rage.
Thanks so much, my estranged adult daughter has given me the silent treatment for more than 6 years. Her absentee, abusive dad did the same thing to me when I was married to him.