SINGAPOREAN MEN ARE HARD TO DATE?! // Questions and thoughts - but what are the answers?? WHYYYYY
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ม.ค. 2023
- I regularly hear that Singaporean men are hard to date, and that there are many horror stories of dating Singaporean men... but WHY?!
Join in the discussion - drop a comment below and I'll reply and return to this conversation soon on TH-cam!
www.jontytan.com
![CAMPปลิ้น | EP.77[1/2] ก็ไม่ได้ชอบเอาชนะ แต่เรื่องอะไรต้องแพ้!!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/JraaBYOd7I0/mqdefault.jpg)
![[UNCUT] ย้อนฟัง 2 บิ๊กตำรวจปะทะกัน "บิ๊กโจ๊ก VS รองแต้ม" ฟ้องเรียก 10 ล้าน!! I คนดังนั่งเคลียร์](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vNpTtVjdcBo/mqdefault.jpg)
Here's some of my own opinions..
So education is such a important thing in Singapore so you do see everyone focus on their studies at their earlier age, during this period I think many man dont date because of studies and also because they don't have a job and they don't see themselves worthy yet... then comes National Service, you see women of your age get jobs or are doing university while you feel like you got held back for 2 years. By the time you are out, that woman your age is 2years more experienced than you in the working world and you are still starting out in the work force.
By this time or age where you are out into the work force, many Singaporean women start to choose their potential partner based on how much he earns. Things like personality and stuff becomes secondary to them.
So men start to focus on their job thinking that it will help them find their partner better. Finding your partner at work isn't really a thing and some might frown upon it. And due to your work, you don't really have any after work activities to meet people outside your work, all you have are your budds from your school days or your online friends.
So you might see this vicious cycle going on here, focusing on work thinking it makes you more attractive but then you end up not meeting ppl. Eventually you interact with people like as if it is work to you because that is pretty much what you only know.
(hope my word vomit makes sense in some way lol.. i just kept typing and it kinda flowed out haha)
😂😂 “word vomit” 😂😂 // I actually really appreciate what you’ve shared - I think there’s accuracy to it too.. thank you for sharing! Do you see a solution out of this funk?
@@jontytan
If you tell someone to go for more after work activities to meet people instead of resting at home after a day's work, you think that person would take your advice? haha.
I think that this focus of men having a career is very much an Asian cultural thing, especially in Singapore where it is so competitive and cost of living being high.
And compared to some other western countries where you would rent your own place, in Singapore it is kind of a requirement to earn enough to buy your own home to really be ready for a family because you don't really want to be living in your parents' place after marriage.
All these requirements do weigh alot, making many men not want to date or even attempt to date at all.
Due to land scarcity I don't really see any solution to this culture in the near future.
Based on my observation of friends around me, many of them already started dating during their schooling days where they had time and had low requirements/expectations or that both of them earn equal respectable amounts and got to know each other through dating apps. The latter would both be of older age (30+) and due to how much they earn would not be able to get BTOs but instead have to purchase expensive condos or resale flats.
Thanks for more details! I’m curious as to why people wouldn’t want to go and meet people after work - is this because work culture is so strong in Singapore? Do you think they may be seen as not working so hard if they have energy to socialise? Thanks for all these thoughts! Lots of ideas for my follow up episodes!!
Singaporeans are just hard to date in general, male and female. I don't think a Singaporean who has only lived in Singapore can ever relate to anyone that doesn't have the exact same background as them. This is my experience of dating in Singapore as a foreigner for the past 2 years.
Interesting - I appreciate you sharing! What is it that you have noticed? Mindsets? Experiences?
As a caucasian Australian woman with a Singaporean husband, there are a number of observations when in Singapore. National Service delays education & importance is placed on education & career. Working day is long as is career progression causing exhaustion for many. Spare time is precious. Many women in SG unfortunately expect a man to be financially stable regardless when dating. When looking down a crowded train for example, hardly no one talks. Everyone is glued to a screen. Often, I look up to this strange utopia on trains. Most conversation is via text. General conversation is awkward or non existant for many. Many younger people socially are awkward & covid has made matters worse. Many avoid eye contact if approached & idea of talking to strangers actually requires an effort, many just avoid.
Thanks for these thoughts! I agree… I wonder whether I might be able to influence patience and openness as there are so many decent men who just need time to show their colours and to warm up to be able to be authentic 😊
I found it easier to date when I was in the UK (London). There was a sense of anonymity in such a large and dense city; easy to meet new people too. In a small country like Singapore, I find there's little privacy when it comes to dating. I might bump into people I know while dating someone at the few places of attraction here, or a friend of a friend will likely know the person I'm dating (maybe even dated them before too!) So there's little privacy (and so, possibly inviting more unwanted 'talk'/attention/pressure) dating here. That's my take!
This is a HUGE point that I hadn’t considered! Very interesting - thank you! Has this happened to you before??
@@jontytan Yes 😄 also, by "small" or a lack of space(s) in Singapore, I also mean psychological spaces -- less space to "wild" out, be fuller versions of one own self without being surveillanced in some way, whether literally, socially, real or perceived. Coupled with sociocultural pressures and expectations (of broadly middle-class and I'm guessing Chinese - majority of - Singaporean men?), as you mentioned, challenging to self-actualise or be willing/able to take risks -- and dating / flirting is, or can be, quite a venturous activity indeed!
@@skylightsunstar Thanks for these thoughts! May I ask, what exactly is it about the middle class Singaporean that hinders them from being themselves or taking risks in dating?
@@jontytan Hmm I'm not sure it can be pinpointed to an exact/singular element? As mentioned, I find there is a sense of being (easily) surveillanced here in Singapore that hinders an ease of self-expression, whether in dating or other areas. Also, the education system from a young age and how the state has a hand -- often quite punishing hand! -- in almost every aspect of citizen life do play a part in this lack of free space(s). This could all be changing now but I think a good way of summarising this is the "No U-Turn" rule/syndrome here (won't spoil the fun -- check it out!)
Hmmm... I'll have to check out the No U Turn Rule - sounds VERY interesting!
Hi there Jonty, can you believe we've gone past Christmas, New Year and now it's Chinese New Year ?
Here's my take : younger women I know who are in relationships or getting married, usually meet their partners in Uni, or early on in their work life. Another thing would be the huge number of MNCs in Singapore, more women being used to expat colleagues and have social groups in more cosmopolitan communities. Even though he might be perfectly nice, this would make the quieter, less exuberant Singapore man look unappealing or awkward in social situations compared to more vocal expats.
Growing up in Singapore, there's very little emphasis on social etiquette for both men and women for example : how to start conversations in with unfamiliar people, the importance of being self aware and open during interactions, what is polite behaviour versus uncouth. Everything just becomes a stressful, social minefield as obviously no one wants to feel stupid or be laughed at. Often with my younger co-workers, they seem to feel courtesy is unnecessary, a waste of time, even when I tell them it makes the day better when everyone is polite, instructions are given pleasantly. Does this behaviour transfer to when they are dating ?
An observation I've made is many Singaporeans gravitate to being cliquish as a means of self preservation and are slow to warm up to anyone new, creating less ideal environments for finding dates.
Interesting topic once again Jonty !! Happy Chinese New Year to Millie, Aspen, Milo and you !
Hello Aida, thank you as always for your comments! I find the social etiquette comment very interesting - when does this start… Singapore has so many playgrounds and kids intermingle and chat with each other freely - at which point does it change and become awkward? Adolescence?
I also find the expat vs local observation really interesting. Do you think Singaporean men should “up their game” in these social settings, or work to meet girls in other settings that may be more comfortable? What is it about expats that is more appealing than locals?
Gong Xi Fa Cai!!
@@jontytan
Awkwardness definitely starts at Adolescence. Singapore teens are glued to their phones, being fed superficial ideas on what their ideal date, man or woman should be, what beauty is etc. There's added pressure of excelling academically, getting into the "right" schools even having the right type of friends who will become part of their adult network. Can you imagine the feelings of inferiority this breeds in both men and women ?
Upon entering Uni, both my daughters were stunned to see their male Uni classmates wanting 'instagramable" girlfriends who fit the trendy look of the moment. There's a strong preoccupation with the schools the women come from before Uni, as if coming from certain schools had burnished them with a sheen of quality (whatever it is).
Expats are seen by Singapore women as different and interesting, their cultures are perhaps more social or exuberant, therefore more appealing. Surprisingly falling into this category are Singapore men who have been educated or worked in US or Europe for some length of time, they are viewed as more aware of manners, better groomed, better conversationalists with a sophisticated world view..
Perhaps scale expectations realistically, making the effort to be open and less hemmed in by conservative attitudes (women are expected to cook and clean, men must earn enough), learn to be better at conversations and taking the time to find values that match. Most can be attractive personalities as long as they treat people kindly, are respectful, be active listeners and try hard to communicate openly without judgement.
Enjoy your Chinese New Year !🙂
Thank you! Great thoughts and definitely some ideas that will contribute to my next episodes! Happy New Year to you too!
It takes 2 hands to clap. To talk about only one gender and not the other is akin to acknowledging one side of the coin and disregarding the other side
This is a fair point. I see this video more as a focus on one side of the coin, rather than a disregard of the other. 😊
I remember 12 years ago I worked at a wedding where the bride and groom had met online. I recall overhearing chatter in the kitchen about how uncommon it was to meet someone online, and one person even sharing that they thought it was 'unnatural'. (PS that's not my opinion!) However in 2023, I've observed that it's almost the opposite now!
Yes! Oh how times have changed!!
They dont need to date Singaporean women, do the national waste of time service, then get a boring job and eventually when his mother dies, travel north to Thailand, Cambodia or China for a wife.
Interesting comment… do you think Singaporean men would fair better in those countries? If so, why? Thanks!
@@jontytan Im not saying they would do any better Im just saying this were they would go for a wife.
Ok. I’m interested in your thinking that National Service is a waste of time? Could you elaborate on these ideas? Also, do you feel Singaporean men have an attachment to their mothers? Thank you!
@@jontytan Any army that forces its people to go in wont be very good, your clever pilots will and some of the commandos will be OK but the rest will be rubbish at fighting.
BTW Jonty do you know that they built a secret on the east coast.
@@jontytan attachment to mum? Jonty, where do you get that idea from? Haha.. I'm guessing the sense of attachment to mum comes from the fact that most young adults are living with their parents till they are married. Hence the general impression that the men are still 'attached' to their mum. But if we are thinking along the line of "mummy's boy", then it's not that flattering anymore. Haha. Doubt most Singaporean men will agree to that statement.
Nevertheless, we do value filial piety. Don't you agree?
for a cheap first date, maybe just go for a coffee?
If I was dating (which of course, I am not!) this would be perfect! Hahah