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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มี.ค. 2023
- A few months ago a recorded a short video, asking the question - why are Singaporean men so bad to date? The reason for my question and discussion was off the back of some comments made by a few of my female friends regarding their experiences in Singapore.
Receiving heaps of comments, I thought I would get some authority on the topic and have opened the conversation with Amanda and Zhaomin today.
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Check out my other channel @WONDERLUSTworld for a fresh perspective on Singapore and Asia.
Buy my book, read my blogs and find out more about me at www.jontytan.com - บันเทิง
Sometimes it takes a girl with an easygoing personality to bring out the fun side of Singaporean guys, I’ve had Malaysian and Filipino girls (who have a reputation of being laid back and easygoing) told me they found Singaporean guys to be really fun once you warm them up.
I’ve asked many Malaysian girls in Kuala Lumpur what they have thought their experiences with Singaporean guys, they love them. And keep in mind Malaysians and Singaporeans are pretty much so alike culturally, they have the same fluencies of speaking English, have the same accents, consume the same media, and dress the same styles etc etc.
I LOVE THIS COMMENT!! Yes!!! Definitely!!! There IS a fun side to Singaporean guys and this definitely needs to be highlighted!! Not just fun, but loyal, loving, caring. Thank you!!
Appreciate the video Jonty!
Not a huge deal but at 36:50, Amanda mentions "the person who asks the other out should have the courtesy to offer to pay". IMO that's pretty interesting because it sounds totally fair in a vacuum, but in reality, most girls expect that the guy should make the first move, so ultimately that statement still boils down to "the guy should offer to pay" in probably the overwhelming majority of cases. What we end up with something that presents an idea of 'equality', but society's underlying assumptions of gender roles mean that it's really not equal in application.
The same applies to what you mentioned at 34:25, how it's nice to offer to pay not because of gender roles, but because you feel like you're looking after the other party. Again, this sounds like a perfectly reasonable statement to make, but it feels a little off because the question, "why don't guys offer to pay", was already gender-loaded. And if it's not a matter of gender, why does it have to be the guy paying for the girl at all? Why can't it be the girl paying for the guy?
None of this is specific to the SG context of course, just sort of thinking out loud as it's been on my mind recently, and leaving it open if yourself or other commenters have thoughts on the above.
This is super interesting! I guess in the world where gender equality is growing in prominence, the idea of how to date needs to catch up too… either remnants of the past are still deeply engrained or perhaps we are not as stuck to our new ideals as we could be?
The reason why the guys seem to be limited in subjects of conversational skills is because Singaporean society (compared to the West) has taught them that success / their identity is tied into their career/ filial capabilities. Being a tiny nation, competitiion is fierce and just being a little above average can easily not be enough to your standards/expectations. So the guys are naturally really focused and talke about what they know the most (work) Look at the local school system and how high pressure it is. Does kiasu have anything to do with this lack of well rounded-ness in young SG men? I doubt the avg 25-35 Singaporean male are well aquanited with insights from modern life sciences/relationship podcasters such as Tim Ferris, Tony Robins, Esther Perel. So the gals are going to have a tougher time getting some meaningful/robust conversations with the guys in the early stages of dating.
Fair points.. do you think Singaporean girls need to stick it out until the 3rd or 4th date then?
@@jontytan for sure as the gals have probably approved all the other attributes of him already to go on the 1st date in the first place. Now it takes time to confirm if compatibility of values/outlook on life is a match for both of them. This can only be achieve w time by getting to know him in an environment of his friends, family, history. 2 final tip for ladies, rely on your 6th sense(intuition) and feel free to get to know multiple dates simultaneously if there are multiple matches.
I like the 6th sense of intuition!
it's biology, not a social construct
A panel of strong independent women! ❤❤❤
They’re awesome!
what men look for in women:
1. loyalty
2. submission
3. respect
4. silence
5. can do chores
6. same interests, goals, beliefs and morals in life
7. priority
8. obedience
I can’t agree with 2, 4, 5 and 8… is this what you look for in women??
he is right. Women also want a superior in every metric. You need to wake up (read the unplugged alpha by richard cooper)@@jontytan
he is right. Women also want a superior in every metric. You need to wake up (read the unplugged alpha by richard cooper)@@jontytan
Generally, Singapore girls are of two sorts: the mind gamers and the business dealers. Mind gamers which are absolutely hateful especially in the beginning imho, likes to leave you hanging or no reply or pretend less interested in order to increase bargaining power / make mystery / or puffed-up self-importance. And the business dealers only deals or act interested (which is rude) when you fit their long list of criteria as if you're in a business negotiation (they rarely see the uniqueness in you or the inherent worth of each person, rather they see you as a commodity like picking fruits in a grocery store). They fail to see how others see them: self-interested or wrapped up in one's own head only. Good pride breeds dignity and self-respect, bad pride vanity and arrogance. Meeting someone new or new experience is not to serve as fodder for conceit or for shoring up dearly held beliefs, but to enrich one's lives or deepen knowledge.
It's so sad that this is the most upvoted comment.
Me gusto el vídeo. Muy bueno.
Nosotros los latinos buscamos a las mujeres de manera distinta
En las discotecas.
No usamos tinder.
I liked the video. Very good.
We Latinos look for women differently
In the discos.
we don't use tinder
Thank you for taking time to comment! Yes, I guess different cultures do it differently!
Money..
Interesting! Is this the sceptics version of financial security?
@@jontytan everything is all abt money..
@@jontytanhe ain't wrong there they only look for that given the landscape we live in
Millenials arents girls anymore. We are woman by now! Lol
Fair point!
Too old for marriage by now
In what way?