Parenting // Honest Tea Talk | Season 1 Episode 11
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2019
- In this episode of Honest Tea Talk, we discuss parenting where we're asking:
- What are challenges you've found in raising Muslim children?
Watch the episode, then comment with your thoughts, experiences, and join the discussion.
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About Honest Tea Talk
with Aliyah, LaYinka & Sumayah
Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith's 'Red Table Talk', 3 Muslim women have set up a platform to speak openly and honestly, giving viewers an unedited insight into the minds and life of Muslim women. Honest Tea Talk brings deep and often unspoken topics to the table to lay down our masks and start much-needed discussions about matters related to Muslim women and the ummah at large.
© 2019
#honestteatalk #realtalk #parenting
I just started this series and I really resonate with this episode. These deeply religious women saying that THE CHILDREN need to choose Allah swt themselves really resonated with me. As a child in a (subjectively) strict Muslim household, I was constantly reprimanded for not being a good enough muslim and being compared to either friends or family members who are better muslims than I was in my teenage years (and still are better muslims than I am currently but I'm growing). My family really pushed the theoretical, textbook style muslim lifestyle because my friends or cousins were able to follow that lifestyle, at least outwardly. Those years REALLY drove a huge rift between me and my faith. I saw religion as something that destroyed my self-esteem, something my parents used to compare me to others and put me down. On top of that, I was growing up in the era where social media was still quite new and growing (I'm 23 now). Even bigger blow to my already crumbling self-esteem.
Alhamdulillah, everyday I choose to be Muslim, practice Islam and do not see myself as anything else because I see not only the logic of what's haram but the most important fact of all, Allah swt. My creator is ALWAYS on my side. He knows my suffering and is rooting for me. But He is also making sure that I learn important lessons along the way. Though my family had planted in me that Islam is the start and end for me, Islam is perfect, they were also the ones to push me away from the religion. Which I think a lot of Muslim parents need to recognise, when they are encouraging practising Islam within their children and why vs when they are pushing their children away from Islam by forcing the theoretical and textbook way of practising Islam.
This is very true and I understand now what pushing does to a child but if you can find it in you to forgive your parents. As a parent I was like this too and I am sorry now but I was a new mother and thought I was doing it out of love. May Allah forgive us parents as well; we are not perfect. I remember someone telling me a while back it's not like your given a handbook on parenting. And it's so true it's constant work and misses. I am sorry you had to go through that but finding Allah on your terms may have been the best Qadr of Allah for you.
Yes my sista am currently in a position of choosing Islam or not pls prsy for me i wa as akid nd teen s just lyk u may Allah guide me and keep me on his path
Asalam alaikum what you are saying about neglect is very true just 2weeks ago me and my kids after every magrib salah started reading Quran together and thereafter watching prophets stories and wallahi the kids love it now whenever they hear the magrib adhan they cant wait for our time with Allah..if u make time with your kids definitely u will see the change..my kids are 15yrs..7..6..4yr olds..may Allah make it easy for all of us ameen
Leyla what kind if stories did you watch? is it cartoon? Do you mind sharing where can I get it?
Thank you for sharing that.
May Allah bless you and your family, and the oumma over the world.
For sure i absolutely agree with uu!!!
Aameen 🤲
Masha'Allah may Allah bless you all immmensely Ameen. ❤💫
So far this is my favorite topic, living in the west, I worried about my kids future. I constantly asked Allah to help me guide them and make Islam their way of life.
How sad if something goes wrong the father is celebrated if something goes wrong it's the mothers fault
Ya Allah
Protect our ummah from this mentality
Amin
A full blown shock on the fact that the speakers have kids. I swear I thought they were simply well educated 25 year olds.
Layinka has a 17 year old
When it comes to religion, generally, if the foundation stands on solid ground, the product will be secure.
wallahi i agree!!! I was born as a muslim and raised as one alhumdulilah but i had to know why i was doing what i was doing and in 2017 i choose to actually be a muslim and know my reason why i was one and alhumdulilah best choice i have ever made!!!!! i took ownership to be one and now I'm doing it..... im a proud muslim!! and the sunnah!!!
Not a mother nor am I married but this has taught me so many things. Honestly love your show I’m no longer in a rush for a partner or the ‘essential’ things in life. I’m learning and growing so I know what I’m getting myself into when god gifts me these things. Also knowledge is the best tool. May Allah make it easy for us!❤️
salmanura that’s why we should take our time, be patient and ask Allah to grant us the best spouse for us. Also to make istikhara for guidance.
May Allah bless you sisters and reward with you all with goodness here in this dunya and the hereafter. You all are doing great work. MashaAllah I am a newly reverted Muslim, and the only Muslim in my family. I have two children who’ve really enjoyed learning the Islamic way of life with me, and this conversation has helped put things in perspective for me as a parent wishing to introduce Islam in a correct manner to my children. I homeschool my children while working two jobs, and am grateful. I just hope I am able to properly, with the guidance of Allah swt, keep Islam in my children’s heart. Thanks for uploading this video, I needed this 😌
I can relate to the topic in this discussion. I remember growing up in Islam as a child. I was taught to fear God and don't do anything bad or I will burn in hell fire, and I have to be honest, but those are the only things I remember about the faith in my childhood years. It's really sad. This is one reason why some people that grow up in Islam eventually grow away from the faith, because they weren't taught the love of God or the good things. Human beings usually turn away from things that don't make them feel good, or cause fear in them... It's just human nature.
Same. I never understood anything about the religion. It was all about memorising and keeping my boundaries "as a girl". I don't think I really believed till 16-17 years old. That's really sad. Still when I go to the masjid the women are always telling stories about fear, and the fire of hell, and all the things that are prohibited and not the beauty of the dean. Sadly I don't go anymore because whenever I go I come out not feeling great 😔
@@sanaa.2195 Yes my sista .....so true ...I can feel it
There is a saying in Algeria, lemrabi men 3and rabi which generally means the one who is of good upbringing is from Allah. Beautiful dua that acknowledges in the end it is Allah who makes a person guided or not: Allahuma anbat-hu nabatan hasanan (for a boy) Allahuma anbat-ha nabatan hasanan (for a girl) - Oh Allah cause him/her to grow in a good manner (Surah 3 aya 37).
Yes, that's a very good point. We think that our children should be guided because we want them to be and have put the effort in but Allah tells us in the Qur'an (translation of the meaning), "“Verily, you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided”
[al-Qasas 28:56]. Our duty is to convey the message of Islam to them similar to how our beloved prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was instructed in Surah al-‘Ankaboot verse 18 where Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And the duty of the Messenger is only to convey (the Message) plainly.”
Also, I think that there are two pressures that we need to be strong against. One is 'the competition culture' among our non-practising families and among our practising community/friends. We need to do what is appropriate for our children (within Islamic boundaries) and not rush milestones in their lives because of this competition with others (whether deen milestones like praying 5 times a day or duniya milestones like when to potty train them). We also need to realise that despite our children's best efforts to attain high in different areas, ultimately they and us are subject to the qadr of Allah, and it is our effort that will be judged in the aakhira and not the results/ grades/numbers etc. This is difficult when people generally attribute our success and failure to how clever we are, rather than to the will of Allah but one of the characteristics of a believer who does things for the sake of Allah Ta'ala and not others is that they don't allow other people's praise or blame affect them (although this is difficult to achieve). The second issue is that sometimes we gain a little knowledge in Islam and make generalisations because of it, not understanding the developmental stages that children go through e.g. such and such a person became a scholar when he was 7 years old, and all of a sudden we stop seeing our children as children and expect from them behaviour that we would expect from adults. I understand that we don't want to over pamper them either but we should have more knowledge on what is age appropriate behaviour according our religion.
@@maingrbr Inshaa-Allah sis. May Allah make your children the coolness of your eyes. Ameen.
I was expecting this episode to focus on the specifics of parenting. However I'm glad it was more about the anchoring framework from which we as parents should be operating from .
They r all such amazing 3 sisters and when they come together this show becomes amazing, each of them hav their own understanding and intelligence, its interesting hearing their views on each topic
Another insightful episode. Listening to this enables more of an insight of the challenges our mothers (including non Muslim), wives and sisters face with parenting masha Allah. For parents, including fathers, knowing when to gradually step back and allow our children to reinforce their beliefs, embark on self discovery and yes, make mistakes, is very daunting and our overprotectiveness is often misinterpreted by them as controlling. It’s really difficult- more so now than ever before - and more discussions on this topic are needed. Please see if it’s possible to do at least another episode on this with a possible emphasis on what we, as husbands and fathers need to consider. Jazak Allahu khair again
Asalam Aleikum warahmatulah wabarakatuh. Sisters this is a topic you need to give more time again. We are living in a world where protecting our kids is getting more difficult. We need to plant the seed of love more than fear. From the early years wee need to show the love of Allah as basic and make alot of dua. We as mothers are so busy working and leaving the nannies with our kids most of the time. Especially in African countries
I’m obsessed with this show , alhamdulila I found it
I loved this episode again SubhanAllah, I totally agree and love that you guys have mentioned that every child has to choose Islam for themselves,
I remember that specific situation when I questioned what I have been taught and alhamdulilah decided that Islam was my believe chosen by me and then I started a journey of learning more about Islam and implementing it.
Consequently I realised that children might one day have the same questions and journey as I did and as a parent now I try and teach them all I can about the deen so that when/if they question it their bank of knowledge about Islam and it’s teachings is adequate.
Many times I see people who go astray simply because the knowledge that they’ve been given about Islam wasn’t enough, but again I also believe Allah also guides back such individuals.
Allah doesn't let any of the deeds of the believer go to waste. He Sees our efforts and Knows our hopes.
Really insightful discussion allahu barak fikum.
One practice which I think would help is to befriend your children's friends and bring them into your world and their mothers.
Very glad you spoke about this. Just a quick one to add there though...planting that seed in your child means you have become a fruit yourself. Lol
I am just trying to say...we can't give what we don't have. If we don't have the requirements to get a pass in basic parenting, how are we gonna cope? How are we going to help these kids if we are not basically equipped? Like layinka would say... It goes back to the first session...We have to have grown through life, learnt lessons and pass them on coz...lol... A seed can't plant a seed. Good talk sisters!
Thank you so much for This Episode!! May Allah bless you all! I love you 3! ❤ We need it. We need it so much!! To talk honest About a lot of topics in our community. You are Real! A lot of women are Sitting in Front of their mobilephones and are so greatful and happy to hear that there are women outside Who have the same fears, hopes and thoughts. Thank you so so much!!! ❤
And ultimately, Allah chooses Muslims. 🙌🏾💞🦋
I just can't get enough of H/Tea Talk shows it make my daily life so much easier......Insha'Allah
Nothing taken for granted
Keep up the work please. This is much needed in the Muslim community and we can never have enough of it
I love you guys so much. In my head you three are my best friends. Your opinions are always same as mine but y’all say it so much more than I can. I love you all fi sabiliLlah ❤️
May Allah bless you ladies for all you do. I'm so glad I came across this channel.
Maashaa Allah. You gals are doing amazing job. Keep it up.
Salam dear sisters,
I came across your show at random and it was such a nice surprise for me.
There is a wonderful complementarity between you 3,there is a lot truthfulness and sincerity in your talks.
You are making a great contribution for the muslim community mach’Allah!
May Allah grant you success on Earth and on the Hereafter. Brother Abdoulaye from France
that is some really good analysis.
This is my favourite youtube channel lately .
Wow this episode was another amazing guide 4 me.. cant wait 4 the next episode.. may Allah reward you ladies immensely 4 all the effort you put in these amazing episodes..
And I can so relate the first one suffers I feel the guilt so much but inshAllah I'll try n b a bit more gentle with my child..
Learned alot allhamdullah..
Jzk the talk was very helpful 👌🏾. May Allah help us be the best parents we can be in sha Allah
Thank you very much sisters.Be blessed for sharing practice informative session
Thank you so much for such an insightful talk sisters. You made a great point about how to raise a confident muslim individual in this world. Being actually present and a good model in their lives is the key for planting the love seeds of Allah. May Allah bless all three of you and help you provide more of this programs to us🙏
Productive discussion. Thanku Sisters.
Masha Allah very interesting topic,am a mother of four girls, i pray Allah will give them guidance and make them hafiza.
Spending hours and Ours a day in the lions den and expected to fight what we have not fought off our selves
mashaAllah,,,,,may the Almighty reward you in his own way coz u gals did the best and this episode was superb I just learnt alot ya Allah
Work through inspiration!
This episode is like you gals were talking to me. I've been using the TakuLAllah for my children. I have to subsequently be intentional with what i say. I love you all for the sake of Allah. ❤
It's more important what's in your head not on it♡
it's really informative ❤️
Such a great conversation with great insights! Thank you, sisters! You are amazing! May Allah bless you for your efforts!🤲😘💐♥️
A major part of Islam is dependence and submission to our creator,making amal in our Deen and making dua for our kids is the beginning
Am new here ,Masha Allah,I really like this program keep it up.may Allah help ND bless you 🥰
Am so happy to ear this from you my sister's Allah bless you all
We
I dont think madarsas should be having this conversation about if children chose to be Muslim etc. That's the parent's job. Its very delicate topic. Madarasa should always be there to top up and solidify the foundations already set at home.
The thought of my children chosing anything other than Islam is too much to even begin to fathom Aoudubillah but you're right subhnallah. I remember vividly when I made that decision myself (born into islam). If Prophet Yaqoub children were capable of what they did, who are we to guarantee how our children will turn out subhnallah
Salaam! Love you all
Very interesting topic discussion Sister's. May Allah S.W.T reward you all. This is my second time watching you Sister's
on Honest Tea Talk, and i noticed that their are previous Episodes that you've made, i will try to watch them In Sha Allah.
My Allah bless you all Masha Allah.you have given me a light in my life as a parent.
Ameen Ya Rabb beautiful Duas sisters beautiful words to reflect upon. May Allah bestow His Mercy upon you and your children. Allah humma Ameen
Parents expect much from first child which put pressure on them in severe level....hate that
Very true wallahi subhana Allah, very scary
Bismi Allah The job starts with self .A servant of the Creator of Heaven and Earth
Love you my beautiful sister
Alhamdulilah Rabilalimeen... "Speaking on the topic of our children" I think back when they were little and I (their mother) only could refer to the Bible with my babies! ( I knew that this book (the Bible) was from God) wasn't aware of the pit-fall of mankind (tainting) the bible my children's father "snatched" the book out of my hands infront of my babies (and didn't replace the bible with the Quran until they grew and begain rebelling against me as the mother whom was actually offering my babies spiritual guidance. It was only satan whom got into the relationship and I truly need your dua's for my children, whom are at the ages of 40, 36, 35...
Really interesting,I totally agree with the sister who said we,as parents « we need to plant seeds and then make duas »,that is so true,we have to hold tight on our responsibility,the rest is between « the Hands » of Allah Azzawajal.
However what I regret in this episode is that you did not talk about the role of the father,parenthood is not only the business of mothers.
It is a team effort between mom and dad,you talked about challenges,that is one of the key word,mom and dad need to work hand in hand to raise their children in this world in which more and more easy to fall into haram.
May Allah help us!
May Allah bless you dear sisters!
💯 percent true about giving them iPad and phone and neglecting the kids.
The truth is some Islamic scholars and culture use the FEAR METHOD that Layinka mentioned to change children or instill fear in the act of people to change...and we all need to start looking at the right and loving ways of using love and more positive ways to helping our children choose Islam (example- if you pray Allah will love you Maryam or Allah loves those who respect their parents and he'll admit them into jannah)
Well-done sisters- this is indeed an honest conversation.
I think parents need to role model the qualities they want to see. Sabr. Punctuality with salaat. Limited screen time. Ih’saan in the little things. Generosity. Let the children see you cry in sajda when you are grateful AND when you are sad so they see that you turn to Allah SWT at all times. I believe when they see that you have a consistent sense of peace they will naturally want to follow in your footsteps IA. May Allah have mercy on all the mothers. Truly it is a huge responsibility to raise the precious souls.
Helping policing each other with strengh and warning as you are a wall and having a fighter as well as a patience talking the real stay on floor be sick for a while yet if step out in another camp tell it like is is
Please sister talk more on parenting
Can we get a list of guideline or guidance on what we should teach about religion to our kid at specific age.
Thanks voor des toppen may Allah blees
If you want your children to practice Islam,stop being
Hypocritical inside your homes for example screaming at your wife then praying
Sisters you are doing wonderful
May ALLAAH guide an d protect us all. Good job. Taking ownership of being a Muslim. Sharp one.
Masha Allah, good topic, could you do a video about single Muslims mother raising children by themselves without any support.
Beautiful..beautiful...beautiful..😘😘😘🙋♀️❤❤❤
Everyone is working now no 1 has time for the kids no 1 is raising them if they will have kids of their own the tend will proceed
If both parents made the claime of faith it is more excepted
First Generations of Muslims have first test on every level
💖💖💖💖💖💖
There is no stupid love just we got to leave a little space for intellect.be mum's or dad's/father's 💗$
Even as an atheist I really enjoy your videos. I have to say though that if your children do not embrace Islam than it might just be down to them not believing in God. Which isn't a parenting fail or anything like that. Parents should give children roots but also wings to fly - whichever direction they want to fly to.
Is the sister's full name Olayinka?
👏👏👏👌👌👍💕💕💕
Iv always wondered is it an actual cafe you use or just a prop sorry it's been distracting me
Yup it was an actual cafe. Unfortunately, it's now closed down.
Islam I now and Islam AllAh want for me is two different things
Coming together do you sis come together off tea do they be together in each homes as different colors strenght and weaknesses go to public functions together as other faith they are united
14:17 aqeedah is important cant just say its theoretical important to defend from shubuhat doubts and bidah. But i give u benefit of the doubt as in u meant that shouldnt be the sole focus and some emphasis should also be on spirituality and a willing connection to allah
agreed.
How scary. One day they have to choose islam for themselves tktktk
ماشاء اللہ
Great discussions! I learned several things, however, I just do not understand that why did you need to play the feminine card and blame men for most of wrong things happening. I want to understand, why?
What i have seen is the exact opposite. For example, our kids become my kids when they do something wrong and her kids when they do something good.
@@LaYinkaSanni Jazakillah Khairan
As Salam Walaikum, I don't agree with this one. I believe in this day and age it is imperative to raise on the deen as a Muslim- with wisdom and hikhma and gentleness and love and care and respect of course. Parents are more these days are concerned in their children being lawyers and engineers and doctors and accountants! This is WRONG. Teach them to be a good muslim first!!! Can't stress how important this is! Parents who don't-will regret it plus there deen and dunya both will come crumbling down wait and watch.
Why are you so judgmental
The teachers not cover everything taught against Islam
I would like to speak to one of you sisters about my story I am a registered blind epileptic person could you please contact me thank you
Every child is born Muslim. Why do you used western terms and not Allah's terms? You are not told to "take ownership" of your Islam, you are supposed to be told, you are old enough, you are Mukallaf.
The word Allah like something different from God and seeming no relationship with black or outside our group they not Muslims
Get rid of that annoying intro seriuosly
@@shaqeeras625 do you enjoy listening to that? If so try dubstep you might also like that 😐
Intro is absolutely amazing.