Wow 👌 this is what I was looking for .. finally, I can understand myself better and know where to direct my healing with better clarity ..amzing thank you for yoir work ❤️🌹
20 years with who I thought was my soulmate..twin flame telling myself that these past 20 years were nothing but a lie with a complete & evil predator...
Thanks for pointing it out I didn't hear i think... but omg, Lisa has saved my life... and the whole thing is really profound. Love that quote... it was Lisa's comment?
Right now listening to woman married 20 years, finally have it, 6 kids, narc pushing at her/gaslighting...I am going thru same exact thing, have had it, thought I would die last night from chest pains or he will kills me...TRULY TRULY appreciate this today, you are my life-line, gaslighting galore...my Mother died a broken human, like a robot no feeling or thoughts left after years of abuse from her Mother and step-father- I REFUSE to give up like that and you are my Angel..thank you very very much for woman for sharing..the Narc will try to kill you, DON'T DON'T GIVE UP
EMERY FAMILY I’m going through the same thing with a Narcissist. I’ve been in this relationship for so long until I almost feel like it’s too late but it’s not. I’m making my plans now. I want my life back.
One aspect of growing up with narcissistic parents is that we learn to not trust people. As a natural reaction we try to take on the World alone and that is a hard dang thing to do. I am moving forward (finally) by letting people help me. Yes, you need to watch out for mentally unhealthy people but I have realized there are mentally healthy people out there.
Thank you for your comment because this is how I struggle: I trust no one, believe I have no one, no one can help me & I am forever fighting alone. THANK YOU because maybe I do have hope after all.
Growing up with two narcissist is a double whammy with rejection and does put you on a path of depression. Alcohol certainly has played a big role in what caused this country to be dysfunctional. I was blessed to be a praying Grandmother who always showed love.
I keep meeting the same monster, just with different faces. Although I'm aware I'm a codependent & have tried therapy to rid myself of my own codependency, I still keep attracting narcissists and abusers. When I think I've finally healed & feel confident I'm educated enough to spot & steer clear of these individuals, 1 new monster slips past my radar and reminds me that nope, I'm still not healed! That zaps my confidence & self esteem all over again. It's like the cycle just won't stop. Can anybody else relate?
I can relate to you. But I found the way not to enter in a relationship with narcs or abusers : I tell them from the beginning that I want a spiritual partner who is interested in the law of attraction, psychology and God. After this, they don't contact anymore, they simply vanish. Thanks God !
Yes! I can relate! That slip through the radar happens even now and then I feel terrible for not being able to recognise yet again after informing myself so much. I wonder how will I come to the point of success. Usually I tend to understand that I am healing, till another person is revealed. :(
Me too....but Alex Kim ...watch out. My covert narc would have answered yes to your questions! And his impact on my life was worse than the aggressive overt narc!!!
Yeah codependency an narcissistic relationship are a recipe for disaster. You can end up in a situation where you an the narc are dependent on each other. Once you are aware an they know you know it becomes phycological warfare in your home.
I’ve been noticing that when I am alone, I feel fine, but once my husband wakes up in a negative mood, I become upset and uncomfortable. I think I’m starting to wake up from a very very long sleep. I want to go back to school. Husband says I’m too old. Every single thing that I decide to do, he discourages it Completely!!! Once he says NO! That’s it. I’m not allowed. Something is about to Change!!! Thank You my new friend!!! Thank You So Much!!!♥️
Its never too late to become what you might have been or should have been ... Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering on this universe.... Love yalö selfves indeed ....
God Bless you @Cindy... This sounds like my mom and the abusive household I grew up in. But, I commend you for growing a back-bone to take your God given choice back. My mother the Narc, swears she had a fantasy "marriage" totall denial about the household abuse to her, and as a result she took out her anger on the innocent weakest link in the house: ie - me! Thank you for sharing! I pray that you are pursuing All your dreams - now...🎉
Many times we heal well enough to be happy, people come in to trigger you, take you away from the healed person you become. Then say your not healed. You have to be mindful and not allow that to happen.
Yes, have broken free from taken care of others. I take care of me now, that causes issues when you healed long ago but still catering to others. Then you realize, wait I have been too available for many but not myself. To now self care upsets those you use to cater to. They wind up finding all wrong with you because your different. So the abuse keeps it's cycle. Damned if you do or don't. It's best to do for yourself.
same spot.. its been jarring, and heartbreaking really, to come to recognize how unbalanced many of my relationships were:/ coping with a feeling of abandonment and anger at Myself realizing how it was me who abandoned me first:/ tough stuff, but i'm staying on the path of learning boundaries and self care.
41:45 My heart just breaks for Cody. I can hear in her quivering voice how absolutely shattered her soul and cns is. God I remember that deep, dark place. No contact is the only way to heal. Your body knows you are prey (great word Lisa) and it’s desperately warning you to get away. Humans are the only species that won’t heed the body’s alarm system. Maybe she could go stay with someone away from him and from the home. She sounds like she has cptsd too. What a powerful video. Thank you Lisa for your amazing, healing work. God my poor sister is a cutter too who I went nc with yet now feel such empathy for. Our family dynamic was a sick, cloaked, tragic mess of toxicity. Just like Lisa says your soul can no longer hide all the lies. We are all here to live authentically vs under the lies we were told and forced to cloak through fear and threat of abandonment. Sadly, they already abandoned us the moment they forced us to alter our reality for theirs, the status quo and for reputation’s sake. So many lives lost to this twisted behavior.
I think it is better to tell someone to go "no contact" instead of telling them to keep making excuses to tell the narcissist or abusive person as to why they don't want to talk to them (regarding advice given to Cody). Even just responding to these toxic people with something as small as that can be twisted and warped and used as fuel. We don't owe these people any explanation, especially when we are realizing that we are done with them. Aside from that, great advice and great content.
Its so hard to wake up one day to face the harsh reality that you lived with two narcissist, one with a mother when you are a child and another one with your partner at adulthood. How devastating and hard to process😢
I can relate. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and just about all of my friends and partners were narcissists. I can't seem to avoid them in the workplace, either.
I completely relate! My mom is a narc. Several ex-boyfriends and my current angry male roommate! Ugh! And I’m a healer! Lol! But the more I learn about this the more I know I’ll be helping others with it as I recover too. Talk about being a “Trauma-Informed Therapist!!” 😂 Thanks for your comment/s! -Rebecca
Thank you this video. I am taking the brave step to end a 8yr controlling, manipulating egocentric relationship. I want my life back, I don't like him, when I needed him for support he wasn't there for me and he totally dismissed my feelings, he blames me for his issues. I'm no longer going to allow him to control how I feel. You have taught me more than any councillor I've ever had and I am greatful for you. Wish me luck xx
So true. Do not confront the narcissist parent head on. They will destroy you. I Like the letter and stuffed animal strategy instead. If going back in time- I wish I did that way instead. I made the mistake that the narc would hear me.
Lisa your dad sounds like my dad and you sound just like me 😁 I bark back too!!! He knows now that I finally see through the fuckery 😀 sorry I don’t mean to swear on the comments but that’s really what it is. Messing with our minds our whole lives! But I’m WOKE!!
I had to respond like that to my mother, trying to find ways to indirectly confront very inappropriate or invasive questions and comments. Like asking how much a certain thing was or who paid, it's like they were always looking for something to criticize and pounce on, sort of like a cat watching for a mouse to tear into.
I thought that if my mom, brother, and sister didn’t love me then who else would. I really began to feel like everything they said or felt about me was true. I’m not feeling like that as much but sometimes it comes to the surface and it can be pretty scary and overwhelming. I’m glad that my eyes have been opened and continuing to open. Thanks to you and ppl like you sharing your experiences.
I've lived my whole life (45 yrs) with my mom, sister and 2 brothers hating me and not speaking to me while they live near me AMD force themselves into my kids lives and befriend every ex boyfriend I've ever had and now both ex husbands- and it's destroyed the strength and confidence I always used to have. So I can totally relate and I'm sorry that you've had to go thru that because it's so incredibly painful to be so totally alone in the world and it's a hurt that you feel at all times knowing that your own mom and family don't like or even love you for no reason other than just because you're you!:(
Funny, my mother was an alcoholic narcissist and my earliest memory is of me in my playpen screaming and crying as she is leaving me, walking out of the house and leaving me with a stranger house keeper. I thought I was going to die. A precursor of things/feelings to come.
My earliest memory is standing by a cooker watching my mum wondering why she doesn’t seem to like me and ignored me. She never changed. I picked friends and boyfriends like her.
This has been the hardest 2 months of my life, i finally am deciding to stay away from a narcissist after 14 years and is been a hard draining 14 years I don’t have anything left in me not even self esteem. Two months and I am starting to see some light but I full back into sadness and darkness I finally am doing the contact, I don’t know how much longer this is going to last but I pray in moments like today where I am crying in my bed that god keeps me strong until this all passed or at least give me some type of healing because I feel so desperate at this moment it’s horrible I pray for anyone going through this hard part of waking away. Blessing and strength to all sending you all love.
So happy for your awakening. It’s a beautiful thing. Keep growing and learning about narcissism and codependency to help you get a better understanding of what you need to do to continue to move forward. It takes the time it takes, but stay no contact so that you can’t be manipulated by the narcissist again. Learn to seek self validation from within. God bless and keep you. You are enough. Period.
I went through the same. I cried for days, weeks, months. I prayed and prayed. My head would ache, my heart would ache. I had to work as if nothing was wrong. It takes strength and courage and you can do it! Do not give that narc the power. The best weapon you have right now is yourself without the narc. I am praying for you. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@@rachelbuquet692 it took me about 6 months to finally see the light and get out the fog and depression. Now it’s been a year and I met this amazing man 🙏🏼 I thought after what I went through i would never even dare date and fall in love again but i did. I did a lot of therapy, soul searching and worked out. I wish you the best hunny it gets better.. ❤️❤️
Hell yes!! It a horrible feeling knowing your mother doesnt like like/love you & never knowing or understanding why, it has affected my whole life & relationships, im still struggling at 52 😔
I relate, and just lately after my mom's passing away, I understood that she did not like or love herself neither, therefore no way she could like or love anyone 😌,... she was a very wounded child very sick mentally and emotionally 🤔, at the end I am sorry for her, she was weak and allowed her ego to take over! ... To my wounded child now, I am my own loving mother, the one I needed when I was a child 💓, it is never too late , just NEVER give up 💛 love yourself and your world will change 💜
Bless the callers heart!!!!!!!! I’m in her EXACT space. I’m infinitely grateful that she called in and grateful for Lisa’s phenomenal coaching skills. I inspire for those skills! Thank you Thank you Thank you!! Hang in there caller. THANK YOU FOR CALLING IN! Even though we don’t know each other we are sisters in situation. I truly wish you well!! Lisa’s teaching us to grow a pair 😂. Watch out demon husband I HAVE A RIGHT TO MY OPINION!!!! How liberating! I’m so divorcing the creature I married, I deserve more!
I have gotten so much from your videos Lisa! I felt my heart going out to the woman who is married to the prostitute loving narc. So I am 53 and finally, at age 50, after dating yet another cheating narcissist I began seeing a therapist and dealing with my codependency. Thought my childhood was physically and emotionally abusive, I was fortunate to have two beautiful children that caused me to make different choices than my parents. Something that has really helped me beyond the therapy is yoga practice. It is my total escape. I had started it a couple of times, but now am in an unlimited program in which I can take a class every day. I literally feel my brain shifting to a happier place. Also getting for anxiety/ptsd has been amazing. I am not as reactive and am learning to breathe. How many codependent don't even remember to breathe? I continue to listen to you with love and gratitude.
Thank you Lisa. It never occurred to me nor has it ever been said to me that the circumstances of my birth could have brought me many of the behaviors of Co dependency. My mother did not want me and I can’t remember when I did not know it. I did not feel seen or free to have emotions she did not approve of. I never never never felt approved. Never inch feeling safely attached I dis allowed my feeling and always looked for approval outside myself oddly enough with low idea of what I should have. I feel it’s because I do t have a single childhood memory of feeling safe seen or heard I am inventing what I want to feel in my head and more importantly in my heart. Thats what I want energetically to bring to me.
Off topic but Lisa you’re hair cut style is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you look in this video. You are so precious and your innermost loveliness shined through so much you glowing girl friend. You Younger looking each moment. Thanks 🙏 one million thanks.
45:40. “It’s just understanding that he’s a black hole of nothing ness, it feels worse than all the affairs”. This statement hit me- like when Tina Turner finally hit back at Ike Turner in the limousine.
That's Right. We are grown ass women who can stand up for ourselves. I don't care what people think of me. I will speak my truth and be my true authentic self. Thank You Lisa for educating us and teaching us that there is nothing wrong with us. You are a true Blessing🙏
Yes, you can! Of course you can. Be patient in your acceptance of romance, friendships, etc. Also, be firm and assertive in who you are and what you stand for up front. Leave no room for them to question. That will weed out people who are not really for you.
God bless have I ever knew not to complain about how they are making me feel, I could have save myself tremendous amount of pain, now I know and no more
I have really learned so much from you Lisa. I absolutely love your videos. You put things in a way that are easily understandable. I had my aha moment in December with my Mother. I have not gotten over the guilt yet on how I have passed this to my children. I still need validation that going NC as well as on a few other subjects but at least I know that I’m not crazy and there’s a reason I’ve chosen how I have. Please keep doing this type of call in video. It so helps and I keep picking up new things that make me make sense. Your awesome.
What is it when you fear hurting someone? I'm ready to leave the relationship but once she starts crying and falling out I talk myslef back into it. Then later I feel like it was just manipulation to get me to stay.
Had a long hard shift at work one day and someone noticed how tired I was and commented. I replied "yeah, I'm beat". My narc boss was standing nearby and just had to invalidate my tiredness by saying it was nothing compared to what he had to do. I, in my mind, think "roll eyes" and "exit stage left". Between my bosses, some coworkers and a few relationships, I think I've been surrounded by and undermined by narcissists for the past 20 years. No one would believe me except someone who has gone through it. Listening to your sound advice and encouragement really does help.
I said those words to my mother...”if ever a daughter needed her mother” ... she laughed at me, called me a drama queen & told me to grow up. I’ve detached from her completely~ she destroyed any Love I had for her that she truly never deserved. Huge smear campaign after that, and it hasn’t stopped -
@@robinmurray5266 you are fortunate! The best gift in the world, having to talk to God & be free. She gave you a diamond mine w/out knowing it! 🤸♂️🛶🦉🌲
Thank you so much for sharing! There is so much that I have said "Aha!!!" to... I am sharing this with my brother, as he has been working with the same issues and even has been to a group for grown up children of abuse.
I felt Cody's pain through her voice. I was in the same space 2 years ago. Withered away to a shell. Riddled with anxiety and heart palpitations ect... I had never felt so low and so ruined. I'm almost 2 years into my healing. I know now that I deserve better
That is a great insight! I've thought that about the church, no matter how anglican or presby, methodist or baptist, & definitely evangelicals, there's still this romanesque, processional power & a "God is on MY side" competitive empire war thing going on. Exhausting.
Vampire Slayer the history of the Roman Catholic Church is evil,genocidical, supremacist and expansionist. They murdered so many millions of people. In India, under the Catholic Goan RC colonial rule, they tortured and crucified Hindus, destroyed their indigenous temples and beliefs that were thousands of years old
Hello Lisa, I recongnise myself as a codependant, but I recongnise myself also as a narcisist in my last relationship....is it possible?? It is very troubling and i am very mixed up!...can you please clear this for me ( forgive my writting, i am french)
Marie-Lisa Beaulac I was told by my ex that I was a narcissist but realized after Lisa and much research that I am a codependent and also have ADHD which makes you reactive and can seem inattentive at times.
I just LOVE you Lisa! 🤗💓 I was wondering if you know of any good schools for life coach certification? I really want to learn all of this and help people too.
Learn what you must then get certified and bring your niche to the world. I am creating my own Coaching Certification Program and with any luck it will be out within a years time xoxoxo
It seems to confront them just makes ya crazer cause they dont get it.......but change with in and bark back really makes the change and keep growing with in.... Thank you Lisa!!!!!
Lisa, this was amazing!! pls do more of these call-in type webinars in the future. it really helps see how codependency shows up differently for all of us.. thanks for all that you are and do!! love u!
I’ve watched many of your videos. Every single video I say to myself, this is such an Italian thing. Not only Italian, but holy cow, anyone who grew up in an Italian family would be lying if they denied it. Perfect setup for abuse and scapegoating (which happened to me). The protection of the abuser, the ridiculous obsession with the chosen son, and the total capitulation demanded of women… it’s a trip. Also the demand for silence. Wow. No one talks about it!
I love the answers to the intrusive questions! I need this kind of info on what to do. My mom sits in her chair and it is her way of saying, "You always say that I am not available, well, here I am." She is usually on the phone. But when she is there in her chair expecting me to come in there to have an "innocent" conversation. Her face clouds, which tells me this is not a genuine conversation, nor is it innocent, she will interrogate me. I usually spill the beans of what I'm planning, how I'm feeling, etc. She uses that against me later when she needs it, and she makes sure to interrupt my plans with hers-that takes precedent because she is my "elder." I avoid those "available"-in-the-couch times. It is exhausting, but, sitting there, I need to know how to verbally protect my information and still have a conversation. I'd like to hear more on this. I don't want it to be a fight, though. What to do?
Sooo true. I am constantly interrogated and would also like to learn the tools needed to protect myself.
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I hear u. The way out is "I good. Thanks" Keeping it simple. Never get upset or sincere. Details are misused. Keep it generic. Turn a question like Lisa says if you're cornered. Change the topic. Hope ur in a better place
Lisa I get you, my sisters put responsibility on me to care for mom and then dis me for having work or plans. Then mom shames me for having plans to do something. It's a never ending situation. Makes me want to move away and then they all tell me to grow up smh
This is GOLD - I too didn’t understand why now? Of course my “todo list” is so much shorter. finally there is time for me to ask myself “ how are you feeling about this?”
I remember when I was a kid I was not really not allowed to have feelings , I was not seen I would tell my mom how my sisters treated me and she never do anything about it .
Tks Lisa you are amazing! I Divorced my Ex Husband after suffering for 25 years. I had to go No contact to be able to begin the Divorce and 5 years on I am just feeling better to be alone and accepting it all. To all the callers there is hope but like Lisa said " It's not our fault and it's time for Re birth. We cope while the children are small because we need to cater for our children...You will Die. We could have died...Leave the Monster!
Hi Lisa, I'm a product of rape, I was sexually molested my whole childhood by my mother's father and now that I'm a mother all of this keeps resurfacing. I was also neglected, physically abused, and emotionally as well. I have tremendous work to do but codependency is something my therapist keeps insisting I need to work on. I went to a CODA group and to be honest I don't know if because I was born from a violent act I feel like I can't relate to anybody and I keep trying to people please. I want to thank you once again for everything you have done. I listen to your videos day in and day out. You give me hope!
I am an old woman now and my evil mother has been gone for 15 years but I am still afraid of her and the cult group she belonged to (talk about flying monkeys!) I am an emotional mess. In my miserable childhood, I was abused in every possible way. My mother was the director of a nursery school and was considered a child development expert; she gave parenting seminars in which she urged parents to raise their children gently and non-violently, the exact opposite of how I was treated by her as a child. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to have her for a mother. When you look up the word "hypocrite" in the dictionary, you'll probably see a picture of my mother. And, on top of all that, I was adopted (at birth) and everyone believes adopted children have parents with big kind hearts. Being an adoptee is the only situation I know of in which you are not only expected to put up with abuse, but are expected and told to be grateful for it! My mother was also a very powerful person in her cult group and could pick up the phone and ruin someone's life, or have them killed. Her group usually tortured people before ending their lives. That was for their group's security, to make sure no one dared call in the police or the FBI. The torture was to make sure you told them everything about anyone you might've talked to about the cult group. Then they could go after the ones you had talked to. My mother used to use hypnosis and drugs to interrogate me, and terrorize me, in the middle of the night. She also gave me a drug to make sure I didn't remember the interrogation sessions; obviously, it didn't work very well because I do remember. Would professional hypnosis help me? Sometimes I feel as if I am so damaged that nothing can help me. In all the shows I've ever seen on television about abused children, and in all the TH-cam videos I've seen on the subject, I have never seen or heard or read about abuse as bad as what I've been through. Even on my 40s, my mother sexually molested me one afternoon in her apartment and then laughed at me when I threatened to call the police. I never dared pick up the phone. My memories of my mother haunt me.
22:50 I can’t believe any father would say that. As a man just know that’s wrong and all people are beautiful in their own way. Only a weak person would say that
The sad part is we figure this stuff out so late in life. Most of my life is behind me now and I lost so many opportunities for a happier life with a healthy happy partner & a family. It’s all too late for that now. All because of sick dysfunctional parents & caregivers. It’s such a shame we don’t get any do overs. We only get one chance and one life. 😥
My very first therapist back in 1992, focused on codependency, Adult Child of an Alcoholic and being an HSP. She knew what was up. Years later, I was misdiagnosed with BPD and up until a month ago, I've thought I had BPD since 1997. It's C-PTSD. You resonate with me, Lisa. I was typing resonate at the same time the first woman said it. Lol. I've surrounded myself with narcs and abusive situations that duplicate a situation that happened with my dad and his gf. To Karen, the British speaker: let him have it! I never got the chance before my dad committed suicide so tell him about himself. Bastard. How dare they! I'll back you up! Thank you Lisa for all that you're doing. You rock!
Wonderful webinar! please do another soon and somehow let me know when it’s about to happen Because i would very much like to hear it live. Im So glad you’re alive and doing what you do to help people like me. Thanks Lisa 💗🙏
The caller was so right on :) Great convo :) you Lisa are the best. I am healed yet it creeps in and my kids are all around this planet right now. Knowing to observe helps. Yes she was LOvely I enjoyed her. xoxoxooPEACE
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! !!! Lisa and everyone who was brave enough to share your stories! !!! This video is amazing and so healing! !!!! Lisa, you are an incredible healer! !! Loved watching you do your magic in real time! !! It's almost impossible NOT to heal from this! !!!!! ♡☆♡☆♡☆
Its almost 2 years no contact with my covert narc mother in-law..my husband s sister keeps texting him once a month time ask how everyone is doing..( flying monkey) how should he respond? He starts talking about covid..instead of answering her question..please tell me..
Thank you Lisa. I feel so hopeless and confused with my Partner. I distrust my Feelings about him. This makes me sick. I am living in black and White. Always trying to Put myself in this relationship. But i don't fit in.
I went to therapy off & on throughout my 20s and a few visits in my 30s & 40s. I’ve had many therapists over the years... even with PhDs... and not one of them ever told me about co-dependency or narcissistic abuse. Not one.
In not too ancient past, men could have their wives declared INSANE and taken away to the Insane Asylum. When Mississippi State bought up the land of the old closed Mississippi State Lunatic Asylum, they discovered 7,000 unmarked graves; apparently mostly women, who's families did not visit or pay for their costs of housing & treatment. The State never covered enough of the expenses & the Asylum was never big enough to house all the clients brought to them, so non-payers & difficult people were unlucky enough to be declared a "run away." Which usually meant they had been disposed of permanently.
Cody I hope you're in a better place now. :( I felt your pain and turmoil in the interview. I'm pretty sure I just spent 12 years w a covert. But I feel like I am the covert now. It is such a mind F. Pain. Before he left I was 100 lbs. Could not eat. Sleep. Get out of bed. Your body is telling you the relationship is sick. He needs to go. I have space now. It still hurts like hell. But my health skyrocketed in a month. When he was here I took every vitamin under the sun. I went to therapy. I did AA. alanon. I raised his youngest son with him partially. But I miss the man I thought he was. You'll feel that rubbish when he's gone. Anyhow I am sending you lots of love. I know how hard it is.
I didnt know how emotions were to be dealt with or any idea what to do or what things made me happy, I knew nothing of myself. Felt totally ZERO. that's all I knew, ZERO. but it takes a while and connect to real supportive validating people who understand and really help. It's always going to be someone outside of your family. I gave myself permission to go ahead and have the " Breakdown" instead of trying to avoid it. The anxiety of everything and trying to control not breaking down. It's scary. I had to find safe therapist that didn't tell me Bs and really knew about gaslighting and the abuse. ❤
This was a great episode. I felt something listening to every person. And Lisa of course. But after 3 years I feel great about hoping and imagining the woman with a narc husband is free from that. And happy! I hope "higher consciousness" won! 😊
Wow 👌 this is what I was looking for .. finally, I can understand myself better and know where to direct my healing with better clarity ..amzing thank you for yoir work ❤️🌹
When you said, "My life was falling apart, but really it was falling together," that is profound. Thank you for this webinar!
Qq
I like that statement too
same for me. that was rich.
20 years with who I thought was my soulmate..twin flame
telling myself that these past 20 years were nothing but a lie with a complete &
evil predator...
Thanks for pointing it out I didn't hear i think... but omg, Lisa has saved my life... and the whole thing is really profound. Love that quote... it was Lisa's comment?
Right now listening to woman married 20 years, finally have it, 6 kids, narc pushing at her/gaslighting...I am going thru same exact thing, have had it, thought I would die last night from chest pains or he will kills me...TRULY TRULY appreciate this today, you are my life-line, gaslighting galore...my Mother died a broken human, like a robot no feeling or thoughts left after years of abuse from her Mother and step-father- I REFUSE to give up like that and you are my Angel..thank you very very much for woman for sharing..the Narc will try to kill you, DON'T DON'T GIVE UP
EMERY FAMILY I’m going through the same thing with a Narcissist. I’ve been in this relationship for so long until I almost feel like it’s too late but it’s not. I’m making my plans now. I want my life back.
Well said, keep going and be kind to yourself!
Don't give up! You are valuable and loved. Take care of your health. I am praying for you. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
One aspect of growing up with narcissistic parents is that we learn to not trust people. As a natural reaction we try to take on the World alone and that is a hard dang thing to do. I am moving forward (finally) by letting people help me. Yes, you need to watch out for mentally unhealthy people but I have realized there are mentally healthy people out there.
R Feyman Yes there are many good people! Don’t allow the bad apples to ruin your opinion of Everyone.
That is true. I trust no one and tried to do everything myself too. That's insane and now I understand I need help.
Thank you for your comment because this is how I struggle: I trust no one, believe I have no one, no one can help me & I am forever fighting alone. THANK YOU because maybe I do have hope after all.
Growing up with two narcissist is a double whammy with rejection and does put you on a path of depression. Alcohol certainly has played a big role in what caused this country to be dysfunctional. I was blessed to be a praying Grandmother who always showed love.
I need this type of info for my kids... it's hard . This dad is willing to learn
I keep meeting the same monster, just with different faces. Although I'm aware I'm a codependent & have tried therapy to rid myself of my own codependency, I still keep attracting narcissists and abusers. When I think I've finally healed & feel confident I'm educated enough to spot & steer clear of these individuals, 1 new monster slips past my radar and reminds me that nope, I'm still not healed! That zaps my confidence & self esteem all over again. It's like the cycle just won't stop. Can anybody else relate?
I can relate to you. But I found the way not to enter in a relationship with narcs or abusers : I tell them from the beginning that I want a spiritual partner who is interested in the law of attraction, psychology and God. After this, they don't contact anymore, they simply vanish. Thanks God !
Yes! I can relate! That slip through the radar happens even now and then I feel terrible for not being able to recognise yet again after informing myself so much. I wonder how will I come to the point of success. Usually I tend to understand that I am healing, till another person is revealed. :(
Me too....but Alex Kim ...watch out. My covert narc would have answered yes to your questions! And his impact on my life was worse than the aggressive overt narc!!!
Yeah codependency an narcissistic relationship are a recipe for disaster. You can end up in a situation where you an the narc are dependent on each other. Once you are aware an they know you know it becomes phycological warfare in your home.
@@alexandra2536 oh yeah, they hate psychology, I agree... because they don't want to think about their own disorders.
I’ve been noticing that when I am alone, I feel fine, but once my husband wakes up in a negative mood, I become upset and uncomfortable. I think I’m starting to wake up from a very very long sleep.
I want to go back to school. Husband says I’m too old. Every single thing that I decide to do, he discourages it Completely!!! Once he says NO! That’s it. I’m not allowed. Something is about to Change!!! Thank You my new friend!!! Thank You So Much!!!♥️
I think we’re in the same boat.
Its never too late to become what you might have been or should have been ... Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering on this universe.... Love yalö selfves indeed ....
@@elhadjdiallo633 f
The same happened to me
God Bless you @Cindy... This sounds like my mom and the abusive household I grew up in. But, I commend you for growing a back-bone to take your God given choice back. My mother the Narc, swears she had a fantasy "marriage" totall denial about the household abuse to her, and as a result she took out her anger on the innocent weakest link in the house: ie - me! Thank you for sharing! I pray that you are pursuing All your dreams - now...🎉
Many times we heal well enough to be happy, people come in to trigger you, take you away from the healed person you become. Then say your not healed. You have to be mindful and not allow that to happen.
facts
This is absolutely correct this is what recently happened to me.
Knowing one is not alone in this type of abuse has helped me so much! Thank you to everyone who has shared their story.
Gypsy Julie Same here. It really helps just knowing that we are Not alone. Please take good care of you.♥️
Amen...🙏🏾
Yes, have broken free from taken care of others. I take care of me now, that causes issues when you healed long ago but still catering to others. Then you realize, wait I have been too available for many but not myself. To now self care upsets those you use to cater to. They wind up finding all wrong with you because your different. So the abuse keeps it's cycle. Damned if you do or don't. It's best to do for yourself.
Wow, this is so true. I am learning about this. Was afraid I maybe.
same spot.. its been jarring, and heartbreaking really, to come to recognize how unbalanced many of my relationships were:/
coping with a feeling of abandonment and anger at Myself realizing how it was me who abandoned me first:/
tough stuff, but i'm staying on the path of learning boundaries and self care.
41:45 My heart just breaks for Cody. I can hear in her quivering voice how absolutely shattered her soul and cns is. God I remember that deep, dark place. No contact is the only way to heal. Your body knows you are prey (great word Lisa) and it’s desperately warning you to get away. Humans are the only species that won’t heed the body’s alarm system. Maybe she could go stay with someone away from him and from the home. She sounds like she has cptsd too. What a powerful video. Thank you Lisa for your amazing, healing work. God my poor sister is a cutter too who I went nc with yet now feel such empathy for. Our family dynamic was a sick, cloaked, tragic mess of toxicity. Just like Lisa says your soul can no longer hide all the lies. We are all here to live authentically vs under the lies we were told and forced to cloak through fear and threat of abandonment. Sadly, they already abandoned us the moment they forced us to alter our reality for theirs, the status quo and for reputation’s sake. So many lives lost to this twisted behavior.
I hope your ok Cody
I think it is better to tell someone to go "no contact" instead of telling them to keep making excuses to tell the narcissist or abusive person as to why they don't want to talk to them (regarding advice given to Cody). Even just responding to these toxic people with something as small as that can be twisted and warped and used as fuel. We don't owe these people any explanation, especially when we are realizing that we are done with them. Aside from that, great advice and great content.
I agree!
Its so hard to wake up one day to face the harsh reality that you lived with two narcissist, one with a mother when you are a child and another one with your partner at adulthood. How devastating and hard to process😢
Yes
I can relate. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and just about all of my friends and partners were narcissists. I can't seem to avoid them in the workplace, either.
I completely relate! My mom is a narc. Several ex-boyfriends and my current angry male roommate! Ugh! And I’m a healer! Lol! But the more I learn about this the more I know I’ll be helping others with it as I recover too. Talk about being a “Trauma-Informed Therapist!!” 😂 Thanks for your comment/s! -Rebecca
Thank you this video. I am taking the brave step to end a 8yr controlling, manipulating egocentric relationship. I want my life back, I don't like him, when I needed him for support he wasn't there for me and he totally dismissed my feelings, he blames me for his issues. I'm no longer going to allow him to control how I feel. You have taught me more than any councillor I've ever had and I am greatful for you. Wish me luck xx
So true. Do not confront the narcissist parent head on. They will destroy you. I Like the letter and stuffed animal strategy instead. If going back in time- I wish I did that way instead. I made the mistake that the narc would hear me.
Lisa your dad sounds like my dad and you sound just like me 😁 I bark back too!!! He knows now that I finally see through the fuckery 😀 sorry I don’t mean to swear on the comments but that’s really what it is. Messing with our minds our whole lives! But I’m WOKE!!
I had to respond like that to my mother, trying to find ways to indirectly confront very inappropriate or invasive questions and comments. Like asking how much a certain thing was or who paid, it's like they were always looking for something to criticize and pounce on, sort of like a cat watching for a mouse to tear into.
That is perfect wording, it describes it to a tee
I thought that if my mom, brother, and sister didn’t love me then who else would. I really began to feel like everything they said or felt about me was true. I’m not feeling like that as much but sometimes it comes to the surface and it can be pretty scary and overwhelming. I’m glad that my eyes have been opened and continuing to open. Thanks to you and ppl like you sharing your experiences.
I've lived my whole life (45 yrs) with my mom, sister and 2 brothers hating me and not speaking to me while they live near me AMD force themselves into my kids lives and befriend every ex boyfriend I've ever had and now both ex husbands- and it's destroyed the strength and confidence I always used to have. So I can totally relate and I'm sorry that you've had to go thru that because it's so incredibly painful to be so totally alone in the world and it's a hurt that you feel at all times knowing that your own mom and family don't like or even love you for no reason other than just because you're you!:(
This was so good Thank you!
Funny, my mother was an alcoholic narcissist and my earliest memory is of me in my playpen screaming and crying as she is leaving me, walking out of the house and leaving me with a stranger house keeper. I thought I was going to die. A precursor of things/feelings to come.
My earliest memory is standing by a cooker watching my mum wondering why she doesn’t seem to like me and ignored me. She never changed. I picked friends and boyfriends like her.
Same. No housekeeper but I have this flashback of being in my crib or playpen screaming "baba".
Literally changing my life and I’m getting clarity and feeling my true self coming alive again!!!! Love you Lisa ❤️
This has been the hardest 2 months of my life, i finally am deciding to stay away from a narcissist after 14 years and is been a hard draining 14 years I don’t have anything left in me not even self esteem. Two months and I am starting to see some light but I full back into sadness and darkness I finally am doing the contact, I don’t know how much longer this is going to last but I pray in moments like today where I am crying in my bed that god keeps me strong until this all passed or at least give me some type of healing because I feel so desperate at this moment it’s horrible I pray for anyone going through this hard part of waking away. Blessing and strength to all sending you all love.
So happy for your awakening. It’s a beautiful thing. Keep growing and learning about narcissism and codependency to help you get a better understanding of what you need to do to continue to move forward. It takes the time it takes, but stay no contact so that you can’t be manipulated by the narcissist again. Learn to seek self validation from within. God bless and keep you. You are enough. Period.
I went through the same. I cried for days, weeks, months. I prayed and prayed. My head would ache, my heart would ache. I had to work as if nothing was wrong. It takes strength and courage and you can do it! Do not give that narc the power. The best weapon you have right now is yourself without the narc. I am praying for you. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
How are you doing lately? Im 2 months into divorcing and I know one day itll be different. And i won't feel this way forever
@@rachelbuquet692 it took me about 6 months to finally see the light and get out the fog and depression. Now it’s been a year and I met this amazing man 🙏🏼 I thought after what I went through i would never even dare date and fall in love again but i did. I did a lot of therapy, soul searching and worked out. I wish you the best hunny it gets better.. ❤️❤️
Hell yes!! It a horrible feeling knowing your mother doesnt like like/love you & never knowing or understanding why, it has affected my whole life & relationships, im still struggling at 52 😔
Me too and I'm 56. However; I'm beginning to realize that I don't like her either.
@@PerrySkyePhoenix haha yeh & dont need the negativity in your life right! x
@Jennifer Yep! Lol...😂
I relate, and just lately after my mom's passing away, I understood that she did not like or love herself neither, therefore no way she could like or love anyone 😌,... she was a very wounded child very sick mentally and emotionally 🤔, at the end I am sorry for her, she was weak and allowed her ego to take over! ... To my wounded child now, I am my own loving mother, the one I needed when I was a child 💓, it is never too late , just NEVER give up 💛 love yourself and your world will change 💜
@@XFonti-ik3ql You’re correct about your mother and amazingly insightful. Forgiveness can be a balm. Congratulations on your journey of recovery. 💕
Bless the callers heart!!!!!!!! I’m in her EXACT space. I’m infinitely grateful that she called in and grateful for Lisa’s phenomenal coaching skills. I inspire for those skills!
Thank you Thank you Thank you!! Hang in there caller. THANK YOU FOR CALLING IN! Even though we don’t know each other we are sisters in situation. I truly wish you well!!
Lisa’s teaching us to grow a pair 😂. Watch out demon husband I HAVE A RIGHT TO MY OPINION!!!! How liberating! I’m so divorcing the creature I married, I deserve more!
PGTT MCR Yes You Do Deserve Much More!!! Never Give Up.
I have gotten so much from your videos Lisa! I felt my heart going out to the woman who is married to the prostitute loving narc. So I am 53 and finally, at age 50, after dating yet another cheating narcissist I began seeing a therapist and dealing with my codependency. Thought my childhood was physically and emotionally abusive, I was fortunate to have two beautiful children that caused me to make different choices than my parents. Something that has really helped me beyond the therapy is yoga practice. It is my total escape. I had started it a couple of times, but now am in an unlimited program in which I can take a class every day. I literally feel my brain shifting to a happier place. Also getting for anxiety/ptsd has been amazing. I am not as reactive and am learning to breathe. How many codependent don't even remember to breathe? I continue to listen to you with love and gratitude.
Cambell Warner so amazing!!!!
Thank you Lisa. It never occurred to me nor has it ever been said to me that the circumstances of my birth could have brought me many of the behaviors of Co dependency.
My mother did not want me and I can’t remember when I did not know it. I did not feel seen or free to have emotions she did not approve of. I never never never felt approved.
Never inch feeling safely attached I dis allowed my feeling and always looked for approval outside myself oddly enough with low idea of what I should have. I feel it’s because I do t have a single childhood memory of feeling safe seen or heard
I am inventing what I want to feel in my head and more importantly in my heart. Thats what I want energetically to bring to me.
Now you know why you feel the way you do xoxoox
You are enough!
@Julie Anderson Take Good Care Of You.♥️
Off topic but Lisa you’re hair cut style is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you look in this video. You are so precious and your innermost loveliness shined through so much you glowing girl friend. You Younger looking each moment. Thanks 🙏 one million thanks.
Do heterosexual men actually want relationships anymore? I've been out there for a couple of years and it seems like all men want is to hookup.
@LBC Ulrica I feel the same way, and I've been single for 13 years. I was a single mom for most of those years, and didn't date.
Yeah they do. Believe me they do. Lots of men are impaired, though.
45:40. “It’s just understanding that he’s a black hole of nothing ness, it feels worse than all the affairs”.
This statement hit me- like when Tina Turner finally hit back at Ike Turner in the limousine.
So much wisdom!! I love listening to you Lisa it's healing!!
That's Right. We are grown ass women who can stand up for ourselves. I don't care what people think of me. I will speak my truth and be my true authentic self. Thank You Lisa for educating us and teaching us that there is nothing wrong with us. You are a true Blessing🙏
Yes....that is hard to do isn't it in the face of all these codependents and narcissists and having grown up never to have a voice just responsibility
But Can I ever Love someone instead of trauma bonding?
Yes, one day.
Great question
This is exactly my fear 😭
I wonder that too...
Yes, you can! Of course you can. Be patient in your acceptance of romance, friendships, etc. Also, be firm and assertive in who you are and what you stand for up front. Leave no room for them to question. That will weed out people who are not really for you.
Lisa, you really know your stuff!! 🙏❤️🙏
God bless have I ever knew not to complain about how they are making me feel, I could have save myself tremendous amount of pain, now I know and no more
I have really learned so much from you Lisa. I absolutely love your videos. You put things in a way that are easily understandable. I had my aha moment in December with my Mother. I have not gotten over the guilt yet on how I have passed this to my children. I still need validation that going NC as well as on a few other subjects but at least I know that I’m not crazy and there’s a reason I’ve chosen how I have. Please keep doing this type of call in video. It so helps and I keep picking up new things that make me make sense. Your awesome.
You're great Lisa ;) Loved the way you helped Cody.
What is it when you fear hurting someone? I'm ready to leave the relationship but once she starts crying and falling out I talk myslef back into it. Then later I feel like it was just manipulation to get me to stay.
You have over-empathy and most likely carry some codependent traits and you may lack boundaries.
David, I hoped that you did leave.
Had a long hard shift at work one day and someone noticed how tired I was and commented. I replied "yeah, I'm beat". My narc boss was standing nearby and just had to invalidate my tiredness by saying it was nothing compared to what he had to do. I, in my mind, think "roll eyes" and "exit stage left". Between my bosses, some coworkers and a few relationships, I think I've been surrounded by and undermined by narcissists for the past 20 years. No one would believe me except someone who has gone through it. Listening to your sound advice and encouragement really does help.
Totally, abandonment. Not even funny. It really sucks, but we can be proactive, and change to happiness, love. etc. THX LISA A. RAMANO
I said those words to my mother...”if ever a daughter needed her mother” ... she laughed at me, called me a drama queen & told me to grow up. I’ve detached from her completely~ she destroyed any Love I had for her that she truly never deserved. Huge smear campaign after that, and it hasn’t stopped -
Me too. I hate my mother. I'm 53 and only waiting til she drops dead to be free. Until that day comes I Grey Rock and isolate and talk to God.
@@robinmurray5266 you are fortunate! The best gift in the world, having to talk to God & be free. She gave you a diamond mine w/out knowing it! 🤸♂️🛶🦉🌲
Put me in the club...its exhausted
@@robinmurray5266 I've cought myself thinking the same thing, sadly. Can totally get this. 💗
this dad feels for u... happening to my love ones
Lisa, we r Jewish. My GPA, wonderful as they both were, could be standing next to the refrigerator and he would call my GMA in for a glass of whatever
Yes, It was very much, the norm! who could even question it? (reminds me of this "new norm" they keep referring to now...)
Thank you so much for sharing! There is so much that I have said "Aha!!!" to... I am sharing this with my brother, as he has been working with the same issues and even has been to a group for grown up children of abuse.
I felt Cody's pain through her voice. I was in the same space 2 years ago. Withered away to a shell. Riddled with anxiety and heart palpitations ect... I had never felt so low and so ruined. I'm almost 2 years into my healing. I know now that I deserve better
I really enjoyed this hearing real life stories from people and the questions they ask it was very helpful thankyou
This is spot on. Lisa you are helping me everyday, when no one understands my situation at all.
Lisa, I think that Sociopathy is a genetic trait of many Italian Families.
It goes back to Roman times. Sicily is the homie of the Mafia for a reason.
That is a great insight! I've thought that about the church, no matter how anglican or presby, methodist or baptist, & definitely evangelicals, there's still this romanesque, processional power & a "God is on MY side" competitive empire war thing going on. Exhausting.
Vampire Slayer the history of the Roman Catholic Church is evil,genocidical, supremacist and expansionist. They murdered so many millions of people. In India, under the Catholic Goan RC colonial rule, they tortured and crucified Hindus, destroyed their indigenous temples and beliefs that were thousands of years old
You are one fantastic human being, Lisa. Thank you!
Lisa you look smashing! I have been helped by you very much including meditateing the first time.You are a life changer.
She does look good, huh? Dramatic eyes, smooth skin....get your airbrush on!
T. Berry I love meditations!!! Every single night I meditate.
I love you, just found your channel The Most High lead me here on my healing journey!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Shalom Sis
Omg thanks lisa, loved the webinar, you made things so clear, great callers.
Hello Lisa,
I recongnise myself as a codependant, but I recongnise myself also as a narcisist in my last relationship....is it possible??
It is very troubling and i am very mixed up!...can you please clear this for me ( forgive my writting, i am french)
You may be a reactive codependent not necessarily a narcissist.
Marie-Lisa Beaulac
I was told by my ex that I was a narcissist but realized after Lisa and much research that I am a codependent and also have ADHD which makes you reactive and can seem inattentive at times.
@@swamptoedenliving4924 Good for you dear one.
@@lisaaromano1 thank you, i Will look that up on your videos.
Blessings for you and your work.
Pushing back directly on gaslighting is critical. Thank you.
LISA! You're upleveling!! Godspeed!!! 🖤🕊🖤🕊🖤🕊🖤🕊🖤🕊🖤🕊🖤
I just LOVE you Lisa! 🤗💓 I was wondering if you know of any good schools for life coach certification? I really want to learn all of this and help people too.
Learn what you must then get certified and bring your niche to the world. I am creating my own Coaching Certification Program and with any luck it will be out within a years time xoxoxo
It seems to confront them just makes ya crazer cause they dont get it.......but change with in and bark back really makes the change and keep growing with in.... Thank you Lisa!!!!!
Lisa, this was amazing!! pls do more of these call-in type webinars in the future. it really helps see how codependency shows up differently for all of us.. thanks for all that you are and do!! love u!
This is awesome information. Beginning the journey of healing from toxic mindless thinking. Powerful.
I’m listening to this video one year after it was recorded... My heart goes out to Cody. I pray that she is on a happy path in her life now. 🙏
Woooww I’ve NEVER spoken honestly with my mother/ex either, that really helped thanks.
Awesome!
Hope he makes it
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. e
Please adopt me
You have to learn how to communicate with um. My world
Is full of them. Triggers oh my
I took the codependency quizz and i scored 16/18 but i forgot that my grandfather is alcoholic so it's 17/18 almost a perfect codependent
Thank you for your dedication to providing us with this information. It has opened my eyes on so many levels.
I’ve watched many of your videos. Every single video I say to myself, this is such an Italian thing. Not only Italian, but holy cow, anyone who grew up in an Italian family would be lying if they denied it. Perfect setup for abuse and scapegoating (which happened to me). The protection of the abuser, the ridiculous obsession with the chosen son, and the total capitulation demanded of women… it’s a trip. Also the demand for silence. Wow. No one talks about it!
I love the answers to the intrusive questions! I need this kind of info on what to do. My mom sits in her chair and it is her way of saying, "You always say that I am not available, well, here I am." She is usually on the phone. But when she is there in her chair expecting me to come in there to have an "innocent" conversation. Her face clouds, which tells me this is not a genuine conversation, nor is it innocent, she will interrogate me. I usually spill the beans of what I'm planning, how I'm feeling, etc. She uses that against me later when she needs it, and she makes sure to interrupt my plans with hers-that takes precedent because she is my "elder." I avoid those "available"-in-the-couch times. It is exhausting, but, sitting there, I need to know how to verbally protect my information and still have a conversation. I'd like to hear more on this. I don't want it to be a fight, though. What to do?
I would like to know this too as I distance myself from family members who are scapegoating me.
Sooo true. I am constantly interrogated and would also like to learn the tools needed to protect myself.
I hear u. The way out is "I good. Thanks" Keeping it simple. Never get upset or sincere. Details are misused. Keep it generic. Turn a question like Lisa says if you're cornered. Change the topic. Hope ur in a better place
Lisa I get you, my sisters put responsibility on me to care for mom and then dis me for having work or plans. Then mom shames me for having plans to do something. It's a never ending situation. Makes me want to move away and then they all tell me to grow up smh
Sorry, I hit the 'thumbs down' by mistake, I didn't mean to do that!
This is GOLD - I too didn’t understand why now? Of course my “todo list” is so much shorter. finally there is
time for me to ask myself “ how are you feeling about this?”
Spot On!!!!!I love you and you have saved me!!!
Spiritual awakening 🙂
The lady going through a divorce is breaking my heart, I want to hug her.
Love this webinar. I have learned a lot as you helped others. Am enough but my brain did know not that.
I value YOU and your work SO much ❤️thank you 🙏🏻⭐️
I remember when I was a kid I was not really not allowed to have feelings , I was not seen I would tell my mom how my sisters treated me and she never do anything about it .
Yes. I can totally relate.
I do relate to that. My sister was awful abusive and she would say grow up stop feeling sorry to myself. I knew I was alone x
I shouldn’t have mailed my letters to them. Huge mistake. Huge.
Thanks for the video, From Sydney, Australia 💛❤️💚💙💜
I just returned to Florida from Sydney with my wife for our 25th wedding anniversary celebration, loved it there! :)
@Hassan Droubi That’s Awesome!!! I’ve heard that Australia is a Beautiful Country!!!
Tks Lisa you are amazing! I Divorced my Ex Husband after suffering for 25 years. I had to go No contact to be able to begin the Divorce and 5 years on I am just feeling better to be alone and accepting it all. To all the callers there is hope but like Lisa said " It's not our fault and it's time for Re birth. We cope while the children are small because we need to cater for our children...You will Die. We could have died...Leave the Monster!
Hi Lisa, I'm a product of rape, I was sexually molested my whole childhood by my mother's father and now that I'm a mother all of this keeps resurfacing. I was also neglected, physically abused, and emotionally as well. I have tremendous work to do but codependency is something my therapist keeps insisting I need to work on. I went to a CODA group and to be honest I don't know if because I was born from a violent act I feel like I can't relate to anybody and I keep trying to people please. I want to thank you once again for everything you have done. I listen to your videos day in and day out. You give me hope!
Love you lisa god bless you,,
I am an old woman now and my evil mother has been gone for 15 years but I am still afraid of her and the cult group she belonged to (talk about flying monkeys!) I am an emotional mess. In my miserable childhood, I was abused in every possible way. My mother was the director of a nursery school and was considered a child development expert; she gave parenting seminars in which she urged parents to raise their children gently and non-violently, the exact opposite of how I was treated by her as a child. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was to have her for a mother. When you look up the word "hypocrite" in the dictionary, you'll probably see a picture of my mother. And, on top of all that, I was adopted (at birth) and everyone believes adopted children have parents with big kind hearts. Being an adoptee is the only situation I know of in which you are not only expected to put up with abuse, but are expected and told to be grateful for it! My mother was also a very powerful person in her cult group and could pick up the phone and ruin someone's life, or have them killed. Her group usually tortured people before ending their lives. That was for their group's security, to make sure no one dared call in the police or the FBI. The torture was to make sure you told them everything about anyone you might've talked to about the cult group. Then they could go after the ones you had talked to. My mother used to use hypnosis and drugs to interrogate me, and terrorize me, in the middle of the night. She also gave me a drug to make sure I didn't remember the interrogation sessions; obviously, it didn't work very well because I do remember.
Would professional hypnosis help me? Sometimes I feel as if I am so damaged that nothing can help me.
In all the shows I've ever seen on television about abused children, and in all the TH-cam videos I've seen on the subject, I have never seen or heard or read about abuse as bad as what I've been through. Even on my 40s, my mother sexually molested me one afternoon in her apartment and then laughed at me when I threatened to call the police. I never dared pick up the phone. My memories of my mother haunt me.
22:50 I can’t believe any father would say that. As a man just know that’s wrong and all people are beautiful in their own way. Only a weak person would say that
Hang in there Cody! Stay strong! You can get thur this. Praying for you! Having a life for yourself! Woop!
Wow, this is so cool how everyone was able to interact with you and ask questions. I wish you would do this again!!!
OMG ITS SO MESSED UP!! but we were to young to realise its there stuff & by the time we realise this its to late, the damage is done!!
The sad part is we figure this stuff out so late in life. Most of my life is behind me now and I lost so many opportunities for a happier life with a healthy happy partner & a family. It’s all too late for that now. All because of sick dysfunctional parents & caregivers. It’s such a shame we don’t get any do overs. We only get one chance and one life. 😥
yay for the caller, sorry forgot her name xxxx
My very first therapist back in 1992, focused on codependency, Adult Child of an Alcoholic and being an HSP. She knew what was up. Years later, I was misdiagnosed with BPD and up until a month ago, I've thought I had BPD since 1997. It's C-PTSD. You resonate with me, Lisa. I was typing resonate at the same time the first woman said it. Lol. I've surrounded myself with narcs and abusive situations that duplicate a situation that happened with my dad and his gf. To Karen, the British speaker: let him have it! I never got the chance before my dad committed suicide so tell him about himself. Bastard. How dare they! I'll back you up! Thank you Lisa for all that you're doing. You rock!
Wonderful webinar! please do another soon and somehow let me know when it’s about to happen Because i would very much like to hear it live. Im
So glad you’re alive and doing what you do to help people like me. Thanks Lisa 💗🙏
The caller was so right on :) Great convo :) you Lisa are the best. I am healed yet it creeps in and my kids are all around this planet right now. Knowing to observe helps. Yes she was LOvely I enjoyed her. xoxoxooPEACE
heather huntsman yay!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! !!! Lisa and everyone who was brave enough to share your stories! !!! This video is amazing and so healing! !!!! Lisa, you are an incredible healer! !! Loved watching you do your magic in real time! !! It's almost impossible NOT to heal from this! !!!!! ♡☆♡☆♡☆
X0
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Not sure what I replied to oe what bI said... ?
Remind me plz..
Its almost 2 years no contact with my covert narc mother in-law..my husband s sister keeps texting him once a month time ask how everyone is doing..( flying monkey) how should he respond? He starts talking about covid..instead of answering her question..please tell me..
Thank you.. just knowing I’m not alone and have Jesus getting me through this has helped me so much.. and is now helping me to heal.
Once again you make simple what is complex. I lived this. Thank you so much helping me understand this. It’s liberating.
Thank you Lisa. I feel so hopeless and confused with my Partner. I distrust my Feelings about him. This makes me sick. I am living in black and White. Always trying to Put myself in this relationship. But i don't fit in.
So much love, Lisa 😘💜♾
I went to therapy off & on throughout my 20s and a few visits in my 30s & 40s. I’ve had many therapists over the years... even with PhDs... and not one of them ever told me about co-dependency or narcissistic abuse. Not one.
"Narcs are hard wired to reject you."
You are gorgeous ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.
You people are speaking my language!! I am so glad I found you. It’s so validating to listen to you all. Thank you! ❤️
Interesting ,Thank You !
In not too ancient past, men could have their wives declared INSANE and taken away to the Insane Asylum. When Mississippi State bought up the land of the old closed Mississippi State Lunatic Asylum, they discovered 7,000 unmarked graves; apparently mostly women, who's families did not visit or pay for their costs of housing & treatment. The State never covered enough of the expenses & the Asylum was never big enough to house all the clients brought to them, so non-payers & difficult people were unlucky enough to be declared a "run away." Which usually meant they had been disposed of permanently.
Lisa thank you so much for this ,this is great , a great help, I feel like everything is unblocked when I hear you . Thank you😊
Cody I hope you're in a better place now. :(
I felt your pain and turmoil in the interview.
I'm pretty sure I just spent 12 years w a covert. But I feel like I am the covert now. It is such a mind F. Pain.
Before he left I was 100 lbs. Could not eat. Sleep. Get out of bed.
Your body is telling you the relationship is sick. He needs to go.
I have space now. It still hurts like hell. But my health skyrocketed in a month. When he was here I took every vitamin under the sun. I went to therapy. I did AA. alanon. I raised his youngest son with him partially. But I miss the man I thought he was. You'll feel that rubbish when he's gone.
Anyhow I am sending you lots of love. I know how hard it is.
I didnt know how emotions were to be dealt with or any idea what to do or what things made me happy, I knew nothing of myself. Felt totally ZERO. that's all I knew, ZERO. but it takes a while and connect to real supportive validating people who understand and really help. It's always going to be someone outside of your family. I gave myself permission to go ahead and have the " Breakdown" instead of trying to avoid it. The anxiety of everything and trying to control not breaking down. It's scary. I had to find safe therapist that didn't tell me Bs and really knew about gaslighting and the abuse. ❤
This was a great episode. I felt something listening to every person. And Lisa of course. But after 3 years I feel great about hoping and imagining the woman with a narc husband is free from that. And happy! I hope "higher consciousness" won! 😊