the feeling more uncomfortable being a sign that you're on the right path is so true... at first while healing i was like, why am i becoming *more* visibly anxious, tangibly upset more often, etc.? then i realized it's because i'm now allowing myself to feel all that, instead of repressing it and hiding from it. sure it's frustrating sometimes, but a million times better and more freeing than being so detached from everything around and inside me!
I would have kept suppressing it all if my neck and shoulders hadn't become so intensely painful and tight that I couldn't even sleep anymore. I flipped from complete emotional numbness beyond basic little fluctuations, to feeling grief for the first time at 35, all the feelings I couldnt experience as a child came in. Right now, Im just about slow stretches and controlled breathing. Sometimes I remind myself "This is my body and it belongs to me. This is me and it is mine."
I highly recommend this along with IFS internal family systems. It changed my life! It helps to become aware of our inner self and heal the parts of us that our disassociation is trying to protect.
@@perfectpeace352 funny you're saying that because i lowkey accidentally reinvented ifs and did it on myself without knowing it was actually an existing therapy method haha- with my dissociation comes maladaptive daydreaming and one day i got the idea of, hey, what if i started daydreaming about my mind's different parts, inside out (the pixar movie) or sanders sides (a youtube series) style? came up with a bunch of different "people" who'd be metaphors for different emotions and coping mechanisms i have, then imagined them work out their issues and conflicts with each other, had hella fun while doing it cuz i'm a writer and a daydreamer and love creating stories, and it also made me get better mentally and helped me understand myself better. then one day i came across ifs on the internet out of the blue and was like - wait, is that what i've been doing all this time??? so yeah, highly recommend, i'm not familiar with the original technique and what exactly it entails but i've been doing something similar and it's worked wonderfully :D
I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and have had joint dislocations since I was born. A few years ago when I began to access the present moment, I also accepted how much pain my body was in. Dissociation had been something that naturally occurred since I was a baby to cope with pain.
12 years ago I was in a accident. Also I had just filled for divorce. And a few other life altering events were going on. I became completely disassociated. I have been in therapy since then, but no one seems to understand what I am talking about when I try to explain my mentality. Finally I feel like I have a little familiarity in my life mostly from prayer. Glad to have found you.
I went through the same thing car accident and a divorce in the last year. I completely understand you, nobody understands me either at all we should talk
How does anyone not be dissociated in this insane world we are forced to live in? Nothing is designed to make us feel safe for those of us who arent deeply programmed by the systems.
Agree...especially difficult for us with CPTSD. It seems like everything is a hamster wheel. This is why i hope trauma informed care gets rooted more in our systems. And im grateful for Dr. Nicole education.
For those of us who are not “programmed by the systems,”-We must win no matter what. My favorite pseudo Latin quote is “Illegitimi non carborundum,” “dont let the bastards grind you down.” Meditation, self-hypnosis, finding like-minded people as encouragement, and pushing through the darkness.
@gispaAPRN yea I tried all that nonsense 🤣 Then I simply admitted it didn't work and just prayed to God if he is real then show me. He did. Jesus is alive and coming to judge . Your so programmed you still you can do all that child's play and be OK. Being dissociated from this world is a superpower.
@@truthbetold2354 so, that’s the game you came to play? 😂. Sure. God didn’t work for me years ago and I was raised in it all my life. I don’t need people like you who are the real ones “programmed.” If you thought you were going to “change my mind,” your delivery has sadly failed. In fact, getting away from religious nonsense like yours is what released me from the constant sadness and shame I had all my life, hence the reason I come here to heal those parts that need to be worked on from all the religious wounds and shame from family all those years. What a joke.
I've been dissociated for pretty much most of my life. Neglectful parents, trauma at school, I tried for so long to get present but all stuff like meditation did was disconnect me even more. I've found that deliberate breathwork and tapping into the felt sense as shown in Peter Levine's books have helped me. It can take a very long time for people with complex trauma to break out of dissociation though and I still do it a lot.
Waking the Tiger is definitely a good book recommendation 🙏 On my list for my partner and I to read and discuss together as we’ve both been through so much in life. I’m glad you found help in Peter Levine’s work
Peter Levine Gabe Matè, Van der Kolk have been my friends for the past 4 years. Am loving Holistic psychologist, it's like watching me speak out loud 😂❤
Nicole, I cannot tell you how much this video means to me. I have been dissociating from my body since I was born! Both childhood and medical trauma. This is something that my family just doesn’t understand, but YOU DO!! Please do more videos on this topic. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have been doing this for a little over a month since I saw this video. It’s been great for me to check in with myself. When my alarm goes off, I take 3 breaths and then ask myself what I need. Usually it’s water, a good stretch, or some lip balm. It’s been a game changer for me.
I can’t stop crying after watching your video. I had dissociation from my childhood and didn’t heal from it and it happened in my marriage again. Now I understand why I was like this last 2-3 years. I was blaming myself for being lazy, a lot of procrastinations not wanting to do anything. I was watching. Cleaning organizing tutorial videos to get motivated. Thank you so much I will try your recommendation to improve my life. I’m so tired of living like this😢😢😢.
That's what I've been doing the last couple of weeks and I have much more energy and confidence! I "called back" myself by focusing on the word "willpower" and being concentrated on the thought that I have the right to be separate person with unique thoughts and feelings. The narcissistic abuse I've experienced conditioned me that "it's not okay to be me" and I was subconsciously living next to my body to please others. When I had this realization, it's like I was back home with myself!!!! I felt euphoric even though there was nothing outside causing it, just me allowing myself to be me, feel me.
I dissociate the most during or after stressful situations. Especially when I am involved in a personal conflict or have to deal with a lot of stress at work, my mind moves away and I go on autopilot. I forget where I put things and sometimes even forget what I have been talking about with my colleagues. This has caused a lot of issues and I am planning to tackle this head on. I have dealt with dissociation in the past and it's had a huge impact on my life.
I notice it most when I'm tired, I have too much to do, when dating, when physically exhausted, when too many triggers happening at once, when a situation feels too big too deal with
This is SO, SO great!!🙌🏻 I’ve been doing this for over a year now and it’s been incredible and continues to get better and better with each shift! 💜💪🏻💫🥂
I sometimes feel my dissociating behaviour is like a slippery eel, especially at bedtime. I have an alarm set to remind me it's time to get ready for bed... but maybe I've just become used to it. Anyway, I'll go and fold the bed down, and I'll be in my pj's, brushing my teeth, then I'm distracted by tv or my phone, and I'm gone... and then I look up, and yes it's 1.30 am, again 😵!! I'm keeping at it though - nothing to lose, everything to gain 👍.
1. Grieve. 2. Allow yourself to feel. Don't suppress. Don't repress. FEEL. 3. Love yourself. Honor your feelings. 4. Concentrate and focus on yourself, your boundaries, your health, your wealth, your joy, your life... 5. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. Don't take others' behavior so damn personally. (They're fucked. They have their own traumas and issues.) Every family has a person who breaks the chains of poverty and trauma... I AM that person! The only thing I'm giving up on in my life: is the need for specific conditions to be met, in order for me to be RADICALLY HONEST. RADICAL HONESTY is my modus operandi. JOY IS MY PURPOSE. YESHUA IS MY GUIDING LIGHT. 1. Decide who you want to be and BECOME THAT 2. FIRM/CLEAR/DIRECT boundaries. Consequences for those who don't respect them. 3. Cut out ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that doesn't serve your health and your wealth 4. Take action everyday toward your ideal life/reality 5. Gratitude 6. Master your mind/emotions (do not be a slave to these)! YOU ARE THEIR MASTER! 7. Keep your promises. Treat yourself like the Queen that you are. 8. Learn (and ultimately master) new HEALTHY skills 9. UNDERSTAND: not every man is built to see your value. They are not all capable nor able. 10. Be confident and authentic 11. Create peace around you, and within you 12. NEVER EVER accept anything/anyone that disrespects you and your boundaries 13. Be open to correction and growth and evolution 14. Be the woman God wants you to be and has created you to be A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period. So... If he ignores me I will step back and he will lose me. I don’t play any of these childish abusive controlling mind-games. I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me, and treats me as the Queen that I AM. Because I am a beautiful and kind and sexy and wise and magical woman: who knows my worth. Period. Whenever you are alone, remind yourself that GOD has sent everyone else away, so that there is only you and him... Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE IN ECSTATIC MOTION, BABY! Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes... For those who love with their heart and soul there is no such thing as separation. You have to keep breaking your own heart until it opens (It is only then, that GOD can truly totally completely fully enter)! Our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of our heart. --- Rumi You are constantly being re-born, re-created, re-generated, every moment. No belief is contained, held, or stored anywhere. It might cause a cascade that brings a symptom, breathing patterns, somewhere in the body, but the concepts, thoughts, and stories are constantly being re-created. You are generating it ALL, and this is unconscious. You can change in an instant!!! Every morning you wake up, your life story is re-constructed. Do I have to wake up believing reality is the way I believed it was yesterday? When breathing is restricted, get curious about what is holding it back, when it is open get curious about why that is... YOU are the Artist! Awareness of something alone IS enough, it untangles itself, the knots let go of you. Choose Freedom, take responsibility for your own suffering. AFFIRM ♡ - I have extreme supernatural beauty - I am supernaturally beautiful and gorgeous and sexy - Every day, I am grateful for my own unique beauty - I am perfect, and my beauty is incomparable - My soul shines, reflecting my inner and outer beauty - I respect my body and cherish it as the embodiment of my unique beauty - I am bold and beautiful, just as I am - Every time I smile, I let my beauty shine to the world - My beauty is not defined by others, but by how I feel about myself - I honor myself and my body and my life
The first time I learned of mindfulness it was a game changer for me. I would literally get sucked back to the past. It's hard to explain. It's just a dark place. I would notice and immediately started looking around naming things that were yellow, blue and green. I would listen to sounds. It has brought me back each and every time. Dissociation can be scary because sometimes you don't understand what's happening. The best I can describe it is like all your memories and feelings being exploded in your mind and everything is floating around and you can't make sense of it. I have respect for this channel
It's so hard to know what is normal and what's not. I know I dissociate a lot and i hate it, i can't bear the thought of not being present. I do a lot of meditation and it does help. I wish I could spend a day in someone else's head to see what it's like. Do most people go through life completely in the moment and enjoying everything to the fullest?
I recently started with healing from dissociation by myself. The reaction of my body and mind is to notice how very tired I am. I kept going even after Hashimoto thyroiditis,Coronavirus, flare up of Epsom Barr virus. a normal reaction I guess. I have a full time job as SAP specialist and too many solutions are leaning on me.
I have a new fast moving degenerative neck issue right now that is very painful and is causing me to dissociate a lot, and is bringing back a lot of my old CPTSD symptoms. My doctor said that when we're in pain our defenses get lowered and it takes less for us to feel those old symptoms again. My husband also has long standing chronic pain and we have been discussing our new common thing and he said he'd spends most of his day dissociated. Which made me really sad for him. And it made me really want to learn how to get myself present again. Thank you so much for this really clear and simple exercise.
I use a app that ask me at the same time every day, twice a day I get asked how are you feeling what’s the emotion and some questions from there. I ignore it most days but the pop up helps a little
I do this multiple times a day. Lately its been so bad I've been thinking i shouldn't be driving. I thought i was autism spectrum. I haven't had trauma in a sense that would sound traumatic. But i did grow up believing the world is unsafe.
This exercise just brought me tears of joy. I did it after my one year old daughter fell asleep in my lap after drinking her milk. My three year old sleeping next to me on the couch. Seeing their beautiful faces even more present just overwhelmed me. Thank you for this tip! I will always be grateful! Greetings from Europe! 🤗
Hi Dear Nicole. One suggestion for you and your team. Can you please upload the daily posts on TH-cam too as I am off from social media Facebook Instagram for sometime. Like me many others only use TH-cam and they would be immensely helped.
This is called mindfullness, or a mindfulness practice. It is very helpful and coming to the brain and body. For example, it is not just the tea that is the medicine but the “making of the tea” is also the medicine. Add a healing prayer and it’s alchemy 💫✨
This is great. Thanks for sharing your time and expertise. I have been struggling with this since I was a child, I'm almost 60. My family life was chaotic. My mom worked as a night nurse. My dad was an angry man. I thought he was going to kill me or one of my siblings. I have very few chidhood and teenage memories. ❤
00:00 - Healing from dissociation 00:15 - Dissocation = Unconscious 01:10 - Step 1: Set a reminder 01:23 - Step 2: Stop for 1-2 mins 02:38 - Step 3: 30 Days 03:05 - Step 4: Witness the shift 03:30 - Step 1: 3 priorities for the body
Yes! It never fails to reground me when I drop into reality via all the senses. I ask myself questions like what's the lighting in this room like? What colors are there, textures. How's the temperature in here, are there smells, & what can I feel against my skin right now? Is there a breeze, how's my sweater feel, am I cold, etc. And breathing & stretching. 😃
Curious, is dissociation connected with poor sense of direction? I've been heavily dissociated and my sense of direction has been horrible. But it makes sense if I disconnect from my body the brain parts responsible for processing space get disoriented. If I go a new place alone I am more focused and my memory is better but if I go with someone my brain doesn't register any directions.
I spent most of my teens dissociating from my body because of my gender dysphoria. Being present in my body was hell for almost a decade until I started getting medical treatment. I now associate being conscious of my body as this terrible thing, as whenever I was in the past, I sunk into a deep depression. This is still sometimes the case for me, but I take little steps to help overcome my out of body experiences by letting my senses experience something good like a soft blanket or the scent of citrus. This allows me to acknowledge that my flesh isn't the worst thing ever, and being present in my body is starting to hurt less
??My son has DID after a head injury, now I can see this explains a lot in his childhood that didn't add up. I give him several mini shoulder rubs a day as his neck is usually sore from being tense, and require him to be present. He never dissociates when it's not safe, that I've seen. Any thoughts?
I never knew what I had just aimlessly wandering through life not motivated extreme anxiety and when faced with trauma I freeze and go into a catatonic state almost. Has happened twice in my life. Panic attacks and psychotic breaks and too many diagnosis but not seeming to be accurate to how I actually feel. This disassociation ticks more boxes than anything else.
I got dissociated at the age if 9 because of the teacher. She was scolding me for something not significant and made me feel a lot of shame by putting me into the corner in front of the class. I was very hurt and didn't want to go to school the next day also because she saw me crying to my aunt for what the teacher did. I had a feeling the teacher would mention this. And before coming to the class, I literally had complex thoughts of splitting myself into two. I was convincing myself that the visible outer me is not the real me, but just a shell. And the real me is deep inside the body. This way I could feel a little bit protected... My feeling was right and the teacher started shaming me for my tears in front of the class. This was terrible. And she with such idiotic methods was considered a good teacher.
I've dissociated my whole life I remembered my place I would go was TV land! If I wasn't made to do all the chores, babysit my 4 younger siblings, wash my clothes by hand, hope they dried by ten or I was going to school wrinkled and than try to do my homework. Even when I could go out I would stay in and watch TV.
I appreciate this video. It's consistent with what my therapist tells me. I dissociate a lot during work meetings, especially on webcam. The tips about sunlight and sleep are helpful too. I have sleep apnea and it really messed me up until I got treated for it.
Id like t know more about getting tired. And it beeing a sign of less dissociation. Im changing nto a job of teaching so i must speak in fron of people. And that wasnt possible at all in my life for dacades due to emotiinal neglect due to autstic parents. But now im changing nto so eone who is able to do that for a small class. And it is far harder than i thought. after a lesson i am extremely xhausted i have to go to sleep right after. Get home compketely curled up with white nouse to cancel mthoughts. I work very parttime only a few hours a week. Ihope i can do more later. But for now this is all i can.
I love this idea and I’m going to try it. Question though in regards to sunlight. In Seattle we’re going into what some call “The Big Dark” where a lot of us experience SAD from around November through April due to the short days and really gray/ rainy climate. A lot of people take vitamin D as a supplement - do you recommend that and/or have other recommendations for those of us with little access to real sunlight for months on end?
What happens if the alarm goes off during an important meeting, phone call, interview, etc where a conscious check-in would draw one’s focus away from other cognitive demands? Also, what if the conscious check-in happens during a toxic or unsafe moment? Wouldn’t that teach the brain that it’s actually not safe? Thank you.
Reset the alarm if you’re busy & being present during a hard moment is important too. Life will always happen but feeling in touch with your body helps you navigate all situations. When we’re shut down we can tolerate so much shit. I think it’s natural to feel uncomfortable with the thought of fully experiencing hard stuff like working at a job you hate or fighting with a toxic partner bc then you have to make changes to feel differently. Becoming aware of how terrible my body felt after interacting with a particular friend was the best thing that happened to me this year.
I don't know when I dissociate because I do it so often and without realizing that its happening. Sometimes I've dropped things and broken them because I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing and was in my head. On auto pilot; well said. I've also hurt myself or almost walked into traffic because I've been stuck in my head so it really can be a bad thing for any one to have. I'm especially prone when I also am experiencing social anxiety. I will be hypervigilant and focused on what they are doing instead of what I am doing and thinking of things about them like they don't really like me or the way the tone in their voice sounded mean or disingenuous. I try to avoid all human contact but I have to work so I am engaging in that currently and it is very draining and I keep finding myself getting stuck on the way they act or say things and start to think its an attack on me. So I dissociate. And then after work I come home and I dissociate some more while I get chores done and if I'm not in this state then I'm usually engaged in some media from youtube or a video game (which is also a form of dissociating I'm told)
I feel like over the the past couple years ive found my self disassociating but not super often, just increasing with time. Whenever i notice it i end up slowly entering a panic attack. Its pretty scary especially whem im driving. And im an excellent driver i just enter panic mode more because im afraid of the disassociation so it sets me in deeper. Not sure if this is the same thing you described in the last video of what disassociation is but its freaky.
I almost do 3h of meditation a day, which help a lot. I think I'll just add the conscious check to my morning meditation. I already do something similar, if people are interested, that helps a lot: before getting up in the morning I visualize (sorry for folks with aphantasia) the prana (univers' energy) in the atmosphere as tons of little lights, they enter my body through my left hand and gradually full my entire body. during the process I notice how I feel and where it hurts. especially in the beginning this meditation takes a lot of time. but if you are patient, it totally worth it. I also noticed that when I don't wake up right away in the morning, I calm down and spend better days. so 2 benefits.
@@tristanbellamy382 not yet. but I definitely feel better every day. there is a saying in french "être dans son assiette", which can be translated by "being comfortably seated". the meaning is you feel as a whole in your own body. I had this feeling BACK a few months ago. I didn't even remember I was supposed to feel like that. and I know it comes from my daily meditations. be patient with yourself, it will come back little by little.
Nicole/Dr. LePera, Your shorts have helped me recognize issues within myself that need personal examination. This has always been a silent, unidentified elephant in the room that I could not vocalize or even recognize until I found you. therapy has not helped it because it’s a long-standing persistent pattern that needs to be broken/healed and I recognize it needs more than one approach. Thanks to you, I will be trying this to see if I can break it. I see the long-term consequences of this as 1.) losing time and presently existing and allowing this learned behavioral pattern to prevail. 2.) preventing conscious awareness and therefore self-control. Thank you for your help. You’re a ninja at this psychology stuff. 😂
do young kids dissociate, they will run into a street full of cars without thinking. i'd like to get just aware enough to be like that without running into traffic lol
I dissociate a lot with stressful situations and when I’m negatively inside of my own head. This evening I’m finally getting better with my realization. I been dissociated for about 5 years. It was really worse before it got better. I’m still improving on my realization and keeping in touch with my genuine emotions. Reminding myself that I’m dissociated and my breathing helps a lot. For anyone going through a hard time please don’t give up on yourself. Trust the process and take it one day at a time and be honest with yourself because, you matter.
Thank you for that. This is ME. Do you have any suggestions to get sunlight for people that live in the Pacific Northwest? Is there a light that we can buy and use daily? Thank you.
How is our behavior different when we're in dissociation or in freeze? Would sppreciate an elaborated response. Much gratitude for all you put out there for us.!!!
Do you have any experience with agmatine sulfate? I've read interesting results of using this amino acid for depression and trauma. Curious of your thoughts.
Thank you ~ While I know what to do to make myself more present I don't always remember to do it while I'm in that state, so I like this self-reminder idea!
I Dissociate in loud, noisy or chaotic environments, and large groups of people. Sends me into a depression spiral and sometimes takes days to recover...
It seems that she is treating the symptom of dissociation and not it's cause. Is it REALLY "safe" to stop dissociation? What about the repressed and painful feelings that cause people to dissociated?
Yup that's me alright...!!! I do do do... Go go go every single day, and whenever have a little spare time - i distract myself with things or other thoughts.. 🙃
I even dissociated during this video.. 😔 Just the thought of coming back to the present moment terrifies me and it makes me wanna cry and hide. I don't know what happened in my childhood because I don't remember. I like that this method is simple and not overwhelming, and only now throughout this video I realized how the fact that I'm tired all the time doesn't help so I'm resistant to going back to the present. But I know it's time to get back in my body. 😢 Thank you for doing what you do 🤍💜
the feeling more uncomfortable being a sign that you're on the right path is so true... at first while healing i was like, why am i becoming *more* visibly anxious, tangibly upset more often, etc.? then i realized it's because i'm now allowing myself to feel all that, instead of repressing it and hiding from it. sure it's frustrating sometimes, but a million times better and more freeing than being so detached from everything around and inside me!
nice perspective, thank you
I got like this when I started therapy...I cry and get weepy more often (when I'm alone). Progress is slow but steady.
I would have kept suppressing it all if my neck and shoulders hadn't become so intensely painful and tight that I couldn't even sleep anymore. I flipped from complete emotional numbness beyond basic little fluctuations, to feeling grief for the first time at 35, all the feelings I couldnt experience as a child came in.
Right now, Im just about slow stretches and controlled breathing. Sometimes I remind myself "This is my body and it belongs to me. This is me and it is mine."
I highly recommend this along with IFS internal family systems. It changed my life! It helps to become aware of our inner self and heal the parts of us that our disassociation is trying to protect.
@@perfectpeace352 funny you're saying that because i lowkey accidentally reinvented ifs and did it on myself without knowing it was actually an existing therapy method haha- with my dissociation comes maladaptive daydreaming and one day i got the idea of, hey, what if i started daydreaming about my mind's different parts, inside out (the pixar movie) or sanders sides (a youtube series) style? came up with a bunch of different "people" who'd be metaphors for different emotions and coping mechanisms i have, then imagined them work out their issues and conflicts with each other, had hella fun while doing it cuz i'm a writer and a daydreamer and love creating stories, and it also made me get better mentally and helped me understand myself better. then one day i came across ifs on the internet out of the blue and was like - wait, is that what i've been doing all this time??? so yeah, highly recommend, i'm not familiar with the original technique and what exactly it entails but i've been doing something similar and it's worked wonderfully :D
I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and have had joint dislocations since I was born. A few years ago when I began to access the present moment, I also accepted how much pain my body was in. Dissociation had been something that naturally occurred since I was a baby to cope with pain.
I am so sorry you have to deal with Physical pain ❤
12 years ago I was in a accident. Also I had just filled for divorce. And a few other life altering events were going on. I became completely disassociated. I have been in therapy since then, but no one seems to understand what I am talking about when I try to explain my mentality. Finally I feel like I have a little familiarity in my life mostly from prayer. Glad to have found you.
I went through the same thing car accident and a divorce in the last year. I completely understand you, nobody understands me either at all we should talk
How does anyone not be dissociated in this insane world we are forced to live in? Nothing is designed to make us feel safe for those of us who arent deeply programmed by the systems.
Agree...especially difficult for us with CPTSD. It seems like everything is a hamster wheel. This is why i hope trauma informed care gets rooted more in our systems. And im grateful for Dr. Nicole education.
For those of us who are not “programmed by the systems,”-We must win no matter what. My favorite pseudo Latin quote is “Illegitimi non carborundum,” “dont let the bastards grind you down.”
Meditation, self-hypnosis, finding like-minded people as encouragement, and pushing through the darkness.
@gispaAPRN yea I tried all that nonsense 🤣
Then I simply admitted it didn't work and just prayed to God if he is real then show me. He did. Jesus is alive and coming to judge .
Your so programmed you still you can do all that child's play and be OK.
Being dissociated from this world is a superpower.
@@truthbetold2354 so, that’s the game you came to play? 😂. Sure. God didn’t work for me years ago and I was raised in it all my life. I don’t need people like you who are the real ones “programmed.” If you thought you were going to “change my mind,” your delivery has sadly failed. In fact, getting away from religious nonsense like yours is what released me from the constant sadness and shame I had all my life, hence the reason I come here to heal those parts that need to be worked on from all the religious wounds and shame from family all those years. What a joke.
I've been dissociated for pretty much most of my life. Neglectful parents, trauma at school, I tried for so long to get present but all stuff like meditation did was disconnect me even more. I've found that deliberate breathwork and tapping into the felt sense as shown in Peter Levine's books have helped me. It can take a very long time for people with complex trauma to break out of dissociation though and I still do it a lot.
100% relate.
Also 100% relate. I went inside my head twice during this video too. Had to rewind.
Feels like a bubble where you're safe from everything. Hard place to leave.
Waking the Tiger is definitely a good book recommendation 🙏 On my list for my partner and I to read and discuss together as we’ve both been through so much in life. I’m glad you found help in Peter Levine’s work
Peter Levine Gabe Matè, Van der Kolk have been my friends for the past 4 years. Am loving Holistic psychologist, it's like watching me speak out loud 😂❤
Nicole, I cannot tell you how much this video means to me. I have been dissociating from my body since I was born! Both childhood and medical trauma. This is something that my family just doesn’t understand, but YOU DO!! Please do more videos on this topic. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Same here! 💪🏻🙏🏻💫
Thank you for sharing. I notice that I dissociate the most when I am so sad I can't see a possible happy future outcome for my life.
I have been doing this for a little over a month since I saw this video. It’s been great for me to check in with myself. When my alarm goes off, I take 3 breaths and then ask myself what I need. Usually it’s water, a good stretch, or some lip balm. It’s been a game changer for me.
I can’t stop crying after watching your video. I had dissociation from my childhood and didn’t heal from it and it happened in my marriage again. Now I understand why I was like this last 2-3 years. I was blaming myself for being lazy, a lot of procrastinations not wanting to do anything. I was watching. Cleaning organizing tutorial videos to get motivated. Thank you so much I will try your recommendation to improve my life. I’m so tired of living like this😢😢😢.
Thank you Nicole. Really helpful for video.❤
That's what I've been doing the last couple of weeks and I have much more energy and confidence! I "called back" myself by focusing on the word "willpower" and being concentrated on the thought that I have the right to be separate person with unique thoughts and feelings. The narcissistic abuse I've experienced conditioned me that "it's not okay to be me" and I was subconsciously living next to my body to please others.
When I had this realization, it's like I was back home with myself!!!!
I felt euphoric even though there was nothing outside causing it, just me allowing myself to be me, feel me.
I dissociate too much 😢. Besides the freaking traumas, I 'm a HSP. Thank you so much, Doc ❤
HSP here..is there something that works for you to be less sensitive? It's a thorn in my side sometimes.
@@heidiainsworth4348 more self care
I dissociate the most during or after stressful situations. Especially when I am involved in a personal conflict or have to deal with a lot of stress at work, my mind moves away and I go on autopilot. I forget where I put things and sometimes even forget what I have been talking about with my colleagues. This has caused a lot of issues and I am planning to tackle this head on. I have dealt with dissociation in the past and it's had a huge impact on my life.
I notice it most when I'm tired, I have too much to do, when dating, when physically exhausted, when too many triggers happening at once, when a situation feels too big too deal with
This is SO, SO great!!🙌🏻
I’ve been doing this for over a year now and it’s been incredible and continues to get better and better with each shift! 💜💪🏻💫🥂
I sometimes feel my dissociating behaviour is like a slippery eel, especially at bedtime. I have an alarm set to remind me it's time to get ready for bed... but maybe I've just become used to it. Anyway, I'll go and fold the bed down, and I'll be in my pj's, brushing my teeth, then I'm distracted by tv or my phone, and I'm gone... and then I look up, and yes it's 1.30 am, again 😵!!
I'm keeping at it though - nothing to lose, everything to gain 👍.
Omg same😮 i dissociate the most around bed time. It's 1.18 am now. Do u have any tips on this ❤
1. Grieve.
2. Allow yourself to feel. Don't suppress. Don't repress. FEEL.
3. Love yourself. Honor your feelings.
4. Concentrate and focus on yourself, your boundaries, your health, your wealth, your joy, your life...
5. Forgive yourself. Forgive them. Don't take others' behavior so damn personally.
(They're fucked. They have their own traumas and issues.)
Every family has a person who breaks the chains
of poverty and trauma...
I AM
that person!
The only thing I'm giving up on in my life:
is the need for specific conditions to be met,
in order for me to be RADICALLY HONEST.
RADICAL HONESTY
is my modus operandi.
JOY
IS MY PURPOSE.
YESHUA
IS MY GUIDING LIGHT.
1. Decide who you want to be and BECOME THAT
2. FIRM/CLEAR/DIRECT boundaries. Consequences for those who don't respect them.
3. Cut out ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that doesn't serve your health and your wealth
4. Take action everyday toward your ideal life/reality
5. Gratitude
6. Master your mind/emotions (do not be a slave to these)! YOU ARE THEIR MASTER!
7. Keep your promises. Treat yourself like the Queen that you are.
8. Learn (and ultimately master) new HEALTHY skills
9. UNDERSTAND: not every man is built to see your value. They are not all capable nor able.
10. Be confident and authentic
11. Create peace around you, and within you
12. NEVER EVER accept anything/anyone that disrespects you and your boundaries
13. Be open to correction and growth and evolution
14. Be the woman God wants you to be and has created you to be
A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period.
So...
If he ignores me
I will step back
and he will lose me.
I don’t play any of these childish abusive controlling mind-games.
I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me,
and treats me as the Queen that I AM.
Because I am a beautiful and kind and sexy and wise and magical woman:
who knows my worth.
Period.
Whenever you are alone, remind yourself
that GOD has sent everyone else away,
so that there is only you
and him...
Do not feel lonely,
the entire universe is inside you.
YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE IN ECSTATIC MOTION, BABY!
Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes...
For those who love with their heart and soul
there is no such thing as separation.
You have to keep breaking your own heart until it opens
(It is only then, that GOD can truly totally completely fully enter)!
Our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of our heart.
--- Rumi
You are constantly being re-born, re-created, re-generated, every moment.
No belief is contained, held, or stored anywhere.
It might cause a cascade that brings a symptom,
breathing patterns, somewhere in the body,
but the concepts, thoughts, and stories are constantly being re-created.
You are generating it ALL,
and this is unconscious.
You can change
in an instant!!!
Every morning you wake up, your life story is re-constructed.
Do I have to wake up believing reality is
the way I believed it was yesterday?
When breathing is restricted,
get curious about what is holding it back,
when it is open
get curious about why that is...
YOU
are the Artist!
Awareness of something alone
IS enough,
it untangles itself,
the knots let go of you.
Choose Freedom,
take responsibility
for your own suffering.
AFFIRM ♡
- I have extreme supernatural beauty
- I am supernaturally beautiful and gorgeous and sexy
- Every day, I am grateful for my own unique beauty
- I am perfect, and my beauty is incomparable
- My soul shines, reflecting my inner and outer beauty
- I respect my body and cherish it as the embodiment of my unique beauty
- I am bold and beautiful, just as I am
- Every time I smile, I let my beauty shine to the world
- My beauty is not defined by others, but by how I feel about myself
- I honor myself and my body and my life
The first time I learned of mindfulness it was a game changer for me. I would literally get sucked back to the past. It's hard to explain. It's just a dark place. I would notice and immediately started looking around naming things that were yellow, blue and green. I would listen to sounds. It has brought me back each and every time. Dissociation can be scary because sometimes you don't understand what's happening. The best I can describe it is like all your memories and feelings being exploded in your mind and everything is floating around and you can't make sense of it. I have respect for this channel
Well said.
Stressful situations for sure. I also find that when my sleep schedule is messed up, I’m beside myself. Consciousness check in set!
It's so hard to know what is normal and what's not. I know I dissociate a lot and i hate it, i can't bear the thought of not being present. I do a lot of meditation and it does help. I wish I could spend a day in someone else's head to see what it's like. Do most people go through life completely in the moment and enjoying everything to the fullest?
I recently started with healing from dissociation by myself. The reaction of my body and mind is to notice how very tired I am. I kept going even after Hashimoto thyroiditis,Coronavirus, flare up of Epsom Barr virus. a normal reaction I guess. I have a full time job as SAP specialist and too many solutions are leaning on me.
You are my favorite trauma coach
I can't wait to start doing this!
I catch my self disassociating several times a day.
I catch myself being present occasionally 😅
Omg I must've been exhausted and didn't even know it ~ I took 1 muscle relaxer this morning, then woke up again @4:30 pm. I slept ALL day.
Would you also recommend to do the Conscious Check-in 3 times a day? Or could that be harmful?
But I have severe anxiety so I dissociate to give myself a break.
Me too...
I so feel this.
What about streaks of emotional flash backing? This seems to fuel my dissociation.Or being deeply depressed .
Is dissociation more like ruminating or daydreaming, or both?
I have a new fast moving degenerative neck issue right now that is very painful and is causing me to dissociate a lot, and is bringing back a lot of my old CPTSD symptoms. My doctor said that when we're in pain our defenses get lowered and it takes less for us to feel those old symptoms again. My husband also has long standing chronic pain and we have been discussing our new common thing and he said he'd spends most of his day dissociated. Which made me really sad for him. And it made me really want to learn how to get myself present again. Thank you so much for this really clear and simple exercise.
I use a app that ask me at the same time every day, twice a day I get asked how are you feeling what’s the emotion and some questions from there. I ignore it most days but the pop up helps a little
Thank you Dr Nicole. I love your short helpful videos. They are doable ❤
I do this multiple times a day. Lately its been so bad I've been thinking i shouldn't be driving. I thought i was autism spectrum. I haven't had trauma in a sense that would sound traumatic. But i did grow up believing the world is unsafe.
This exercise just brought me tears of joy. I did it after my one year old daughter fell asleep in my lap after drinking her milk. My three year old sleeping next to me on the couch. Seeing their beautiful faces even more present just overwhelmed me. Thank you for this tip! I will always be grateful! Greetings from Europe! 🤗
blessings to all that are hurting
Beautifully Simplistic but soooo amazingly powerful & Helpful!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
I notice myself dissociating the most when I am doing nothing and not engaged in a particular task… basically when I am still and at rest.
Me too
Committed to exercising this practice so I can get off my spaceship 🚀 and be more present 🥂 to the next 30 days
Hi Dear Nicole. One suggestion for you and your team. Can you please upload the daily posts on TH-cam too as I am off from social media Facebook Instagram for sometime. Like me many others only use TH-cam and they would be immensely helped.
i learned this on Dr.Nicole's private circle I know when I am disassociating this check in thing really works
This is called mindfullness, or a mindfulness practice.
It is very helpful and coming to the brain and body.
For example, it is not just the tea that is the medicine but the “making of the tea” is also the medicine. Add a healing prayer and it’s alchemy 💫✨
This is great. Thanks for sharing your time and expertise. I have been struggling with this since I was a child, I'm almost 60. My family life was chaotic. My mom worked as a night nurse. My dad was an angry man. I thought he was going to kill me or one of my siblings. I have very few chidhood and teenage memories. ❤
00:00 - Healing from dissociation
00:15 - Dissocation = Unconscious
01:10 - Step 1: Set a reminder
01:23 - Step 2: Stop for 1-2 mins
02:38 - Step 3: 30 Days
03:05 - Step 4: Witness the shift
03:30 - Step 1: 3 priorities for the body
Yes! It never fails to reground me when I drop into reality via all the senses. I ask myself questions like what's the lighting in this room like? What colors are there, textures. How's the temperature in here, are there smells, & what can I feel against my skin right now? Is there a breeze, how's my sweater feel, am I cold, etc. And breathing & stretching. 😃
Curious, is dissociation connected with poor sense of direction? I've been heavily dissociated and my sense of direction has been horrible. But it makes sense if I disconnect from my body the brain parts responsible for processing space get disoriented. If I go a new place alone I am more focused and my memory is better but if I go with someone my brain doesn't register any directions.
Always valuable information! Thank you❤
I spent most of my teens dissociating from my body because of my gender dysphoria. Being present in my body was hell for almost a decade until I started getting medical treatment. I now associate being conscious of my body as this terrible thing, as whenever I was in the past, I sunk into a deep depression. This is still sometimes the case for me, but I take little steps to help overcome my out of body experiences by letting my senses experience something good like a soft blanket or the scent of citrus. This allows me to acknowledge that my flesh isn't the worst thing ever, and being present in my body is starting to hurt less
??My son has DID after a head injury, now I can see this explains a lot in his childhood that didn't add up.
I give him several mini shoulder rubs a day as his neck is usually sore from being tense, and require him to be present. He never dissociates when it's not safe, that I've seen.
Any thoughts?
This is very helpful. Thank You ❤
I never knew what I had just aimlessly wandering through life not motivated extreme anxiety and when faced with trauma I freeze and go into a catatonic state almost. Has happened twice in my life. Panic attacks and psychotic breaks and too many diagnosis but not seeming to be accurate to how I actually feel. This disassociation ticks more boxes than anything else.
I got dissociated at the age if 9 because of the teacher. She was scolding me for something not significant and made me feel a lot of shame by putting me into the corner in front of the class. I was very hurt and didn't want to go to school the next day also because she saw me crying to my aunt for what the teacher did. I had a feeling the teacher would mention this. And before coming to the class, I literally had complex thoughts of splitting myself into two. I was convincing myself that the visible outer me is not the real me, but just a shell. And the real me is deep inside the body. This way I could feel a little bit protected...
My feeling was right and the teacher started shaming me for my tears in front of the class. This was terrible.
And she with such idiotic methods was considered a good teacher.
Thank you so much for your help ❤
I've dissociated my whole life I remembered my place I would go was TV land! If I wasn't made to do all the chores, babysit my 4 younger siblings, wash my clothes by hand, hope they dried by ten or I was going to school wrinkled and than try to do my homework. Even when I could go out I would stay in and watch TV.
Is daydreaming dissociating? I was abused as a child and I’m sure did this but how do I know this is something I continue struggle with?
Yes. You escaped abuse by daydreaming. Reality was to painful to stay present in your childhood.
I appreciate this video. It's consistent with what my therapist tells me. I dissociate a lot during work meetings, especially on webcam.
The tips about sunlight and sleep are helpful too. I have sleep apnea and it really messed me up until I got treated for it.
Id like t know more about getting tired. And it beeing a sign of less dissociation. Im changing nto a job of teaching so i must speak in fron of people. And that wasnt possible at all in my life for dacades due to emotiinal neglect due to autstic parents. But now im changing nto so eone who is able to do that for a small class. And it is far harder than i thought. after a lesson i am extremely xhausted i have to go to sleep right after. Get home compketely curled up with white nouse to cancel mthoughts. I work very parttime only a few hours a week. Ihope i can do more later. But for now this is all i can.
I love this idea and I’m going to try it. Question though in regards to sunlight. In Seattle we’re going into what some call “The Big Dark” where a lot of us experience SAD from around November through April due to the short days and really gray/ rainy climate. A lot of people take vitamin D as a supplement - do you recommend that and/or have other recommendations for those of us with little access to real sunlight for months on end?
I live in Scotland same problem
BRILLIANT info, delivery.
Thank you ❤
It’s so great to see the white board + brick wall back!
Was waiting for this ❤
When I am stressed and overwhelmed with life yes it has changed my life you get credit for teaching this to the world.
Me being recommended this while I’ve been dissociated for 5 months after losing my therapist of 4 years. No friends, no family, no money.. lmfaooooooo
they called it daydreaming when I was little
This video has been so helpful to me, thank you so much for posting!
That's called grounding bringing yourself in the present
Wow, I didn’t realize how much I disassociate until I watched this. Thank you so much!!! This is so helpful to even just be aware of.
What happens if the alarm goes off during an important meeting, phone call, interview, etc where a conscious check-in would draw one’s focus away from other cognitive demands? Also, what if the conscious check-in happens during a toxic or unsafe moment? Wouldn’t that teach the brain that it’s actually not safe? Thank you.
Reset the alarm if you’re busy & being present during a hard moment is important too. Life will always happen but feeling in touch with your body helps you navigate all situations. When we’re shut down we can tolerate so much shit. I think it’s natural to feel uncomfortable with the thought of fully experiencing hard stuff like working at a job you hate or fighting with a toxic partner bc then you have to make changes to feel differently. Becoming aware of how terrible my body felt after interacting with a particular friend was the best thing that happened to me this year.
Set alarm for times you’re usually not working
I don't know when I dissociate because I do it so often and without realizing that its happening. Sometimes I've dropped things and broken them because I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing and was in my head. On auto pilot; well said. I've also hurt myself or almost walked into traffic because I've been stuck in my head so it really can be a bad thing for any one to have. I'm especially prone when I also am experiencing social anxiety. I will be hypervigilant and focused on what they are doing instead of what I am doing and thinking of things about them like they don't really like me or the way the tone in their voice sounded mean or disingenuous. I try to avoid all human contact but I have to work so I am engaging in that currently and it is very draining and I keep finding myself getting stuck on the way they act or say things and start to think its an attack on me. So I dissociate. And then after work I come home and I dissociate some more while I get chores done and if I'm not in this state then I'm usually engaged in some media from youtube or a video game (which is also a form of dissociating I'm told)
finally, something tangible that I can do!
I feel like over the the past couple years ive found my self disassociating but not super often, just increasing with time. Whenever i notice it i end up slowly entering a panic attack. Its pretty scary especially whem im driving. And im an excellent driver i just enter panic mode more because im afraid of the disassociation so it sets me in deeper. Not sure if this is the same thing you described in the last video of what disassociation is but its freaky.
I almost do 3h of meditation a day, which help a lot. I think I'll just add the conscious check to my morning meditation. I already do something similar, if people are interested, that helps a lot: before getting up in the morning I visualize (sorry for folks with aphantasia) the prana (univers' energy) in the atmosphere as tons of little lights, they enter my body through my left hand and gradually full my entire body. during the process I notice how I feel and where it hurts.
especially in the beginning this meditation takes a lot of time. but if you are patient, it totally worth it.
I also noticed that when I don't wake up right away in the morning, I calm down and spend better days. so 2 benefits.
Did yours go away?
@@tristanbellamy382 not yet. but I definitely feel better every day. there is a saying in french "être dans son assiette", which can be translated by "being comfortably seated". the meaning is you feel as a whole in your own body.
I had this feeling BACK a few months ago. I didn't even remember I was supposed to feel like that.
and I know it comes from my daily meditations. be patient with yourself, it will come back little by little.
Nicole/Dr. LePera,
Your shorts have helped me recognize issues within myself that need personal examination. This has always been a silent, unidentified elephant in the room that I could not vocalize or even recognize until I found you. therapy has not helped it because it’s a long-standing persistent pattern that needs to be broken/healed and I recognize it needs more than one approach. Thanks to you, I will be trying this to see if I can break it. I see the long-term consequences of this as 1.) losing time and presently existing and allowing this learned behavioral pattern to prevail. 2.) preventing conscious awareness and therefore self-control.
Thank you for your help. You’re a ninja at this psychology stuff. 😂
How about a video on hyperpresence? I’m fully aware of my sensorial inputs. It can be overwhelming.
Thank you!
do young kids dissociate, they will run into a street full of cars without thinking. i'd like to get just aware enough to be like that without running into traffic lol
Thanks Nicole. Great practical advice.
I have learnt alot from your Channel, great insights.
Alot to process and put into words.
I dissociate a lot with stressful situations and when I’m negatively inside of my own head. This evening I’m finally getting better with my realization. I been dissociated for about 5 years. It was really worse before it got better. I’m still improving on my realization and keeping in touch with my genuine emotions. Reminding myself that I’m dissociated and my breathing helps a lot. For anyone going through a hard time please don’t give up on yourself. Trust the process and take it one day at a time and be honest with yourself because, you matter.
Thank you for that. This is ME.
Do you have any suggestions to get sunlight for people that live in the Pacific Northwest? Is there a light that we can buy and use daily? Thank you.
How is our behavior different when we're in dissociation or in freeze? Would sppreciate an elaborated response. Much gratitude for all you put out there for us.!!!
Thank you 🙏🏽 ❤
Do you have any experience with agmatine sulfate? I've read interesting results of using this amino acid for depression and trauma. Curious of your thoughts.
Thank you
Hopefully this is the video i need. Ive been healing from people for 2yrs & now its getting difficult to reassocate with society
I appreciate your videos and how you break everything down so it is not so overwhelming.
Thank you ~ While I know what to do to make myself more present I don't always remember to do it while I'm in that state, so I like this self-reminder idea!
I Dissociate in loud, noisy or chaotic environments, and large groups of people. Sends me into a depression spiral and sometimes takes days to recover...
So you're saying I'm going to feel worse than I already do? What I don't understand is how that is supposed to help me.
It seems that she is treating the symptom of dissociation and not it's cause.
Is it REALLY "safe" to stop dissociation?
What about the repressed and painful feelings that cause people to dissociated?
Beautiful suggestions & so integral to our collective + individual journey of healing, learning & simply loving life! ❤ Thank you for sharing!
Along with this do a heartfelt prayer morning, noon, evening never miss a session ever and you will heal.
But what if i mindfully want to stay & hang on for dear life in that space ship of disassociation, just to ameliorate the emotional pain i’m feeling?
What if it’s not safe or doesn’t feel safe?
That’s something that I ask myself as well
Yup that's me alright...!!! I do do do... Go go go every single day, and whenever have a little spare time - i distract myself with things or other thoughts.. 🙃
Beautiful Work . Thank you for sharing..
How is this possible if you try it and during this you dissociate?
Will I completely recover from discussion?
What about depersonalisation how do come back from this when stuck in it for months on end
Thank you 🙏
I've been zoned out for over half a century now.
Thanknyou for being vulnerable
I dissociated through the first half of this video and had to re-watch it.
I even dissociated during this video.. 😔 Just the thought of coming back to the present moment terrifies me and it makes me wanna cry and hide. I don't know what happened in my childhood because I don't remember. I like that this method is simple and not overwhelming, and only now throughout this video I realized how the fact that I'm tired all the time doesn't help so I'm resistant to going back to the present. But I know it's time to get back in my body. 😢 Thank you for doing what you do 🤍💜