moms with borderline (& possible autism): dissociation, anger & intergenerational trauma
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- This video explores research around children of mothers with borderline personality), and how dynamics around a parent with undiagnosed/untreated bpd might have impacted the intergenerational transmission of trauma as it relates to dissociation, as well as the experience of "bpd rage" as it might relate to dissociation, and how it may impact adult children of parents with BPD and possibly autism (I say "possibly because of the increasing research identifying that many individuals with bpd should be routinely screened for autism as well given common misdiagnosis info emerging - esp for women with BPD).
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Underneath anger is fear so be careful when you work through your anger because when you dig down deep enough to come face to face with your biggest fears you will realize your anger was protecting you from facing your fears which can of course be absolutely terrifying and you need to prepare yourself for that and hopefully have a professional or someone you tryst help you through that fear.
Because once you work through your fears you realize your fears were protecting you from facing your shame. And if you are courageous enough to face your deepest sources of shame you will need to brace yourself for it because it's HEAVY.
So many people stay stuck in depression because depression is protecting you from anger and once you're angry it's hard to stop feeling angry and because it causes more upheaval than depression does.
And many people stay stuck in anger because it feels better and makes us feel more powerful and it shields us from the pain of fear and shame.
So just know that whenever someone displays rage towards you they are blocking themselves off from feeling their deepest fears and darkest shames. Yes.
I cycle through those various levels.
and grief. we will do almost everything to avoid grief
This trauma and autism series is life-changing and so validating for me. You're tying together everything I've learned about myself and my childhood. I believe this info will be foundational to the future of trauma therapy for many survivors like us.
Thank you Dr Sage for your work
This video is so spot-on I can't believe it. I've been trying to understand my family of origin for the last 15 years, and it wasn't until I was diagnosed a few months ago, at age 45, as autistic & adhd that it began to all come together. As a child, my mom would rage and physically attack me and my brother, but she would tell me whenever I displayed any less than cheerful attitude that she was sick of having to walk on eggshells around me. Always told me what a difficult baby I was, how I screamed and how much it hurt everyones ears. How I tried to latch on to breast feed as a newborn baby, and how I "clamped down" too hard so she bottle fed me instead, etc. My guess (based on years of reading, therapy, and self-help in general) was that she's a narcissist. But once I got diagnosed, I had the Aha moment of realizing that she too is on the spectrum. She has significant childhood trauma. This video really helps me understand now though that she's likely borderline as well. Everything you talked about is my mom. I went NC 7 years ago and quit drinking almost 2 years ago, and even though life is hell sometimes I'm 100% the happiest I've been in my whole life. Your videos really give me the affirmation I need. Thank you so much!
Exact same thing with my mother. BPD did not completely fit, and now that i have been diagnosed with autism... it feels like the puzzle makes sense
@@libbywells5499 In the process of dealing with my mom and the damage she has done and then the boyfriends i choose in my life i became a therapist myself, which doesnt stop me from ending up in toxic relationships that step by step are more simular to the exact same behaviour from my mom. Now i was for the 1st time with a women. Through the course of the realtionship if was in therapy, crying my eyes out, afraid to abandon their abused child once more unwilling to leave while feeling trapped, sufgucsted and misunderstood and talking to myself(them) in my head all day. During the relationship i found out she had OCD, ADHD, CPTSD and was on the spectrum, a diagnose that i hadnt the utmost knowledge about so far.
Now in the end when i finally broke up, the big devalution and prejection started, so i finally saw the BPD traita in her that i wasnt so sure about, as her sister is BPD too and much more simular to my explosive boyfriends and she isnt. But so wasnt my mum. So the mother wound is still bleeding quiet obviously but ending that quiet quickly feels empowering and like the last missing piece of my mother-puzzle.
"Quick to anger" is understating the problem. In my case I can just slide into psychotic rage and back again because, oh, say, my shoelace got untied. It didn't start out this bad and I've worked on it to make it better but it is...difficult.
I came up with my own form of therapy. I call it "The Slow Down" where if I start to get irritated or angry, I immediately stop everything I'm doing. Then I very slowly, carefully, and deliberately, with great focus on my emotional state. Start to do things again.
Im going to try that too
How do you get to that point? I feel like when I’m getting “upset” that I feel like I don’t even want to be calm. I do in reality but I have tools and don’t use them. I don’t know how to get past that. 😔
@@kirstenperkins6898 It takes even more self-examination. It's not easy. It's something I never stop working on because I finally started to see how much my anger was hurting me and really destroying most of my waking time. At times it has quite literally, felt like I was fighting myself.
I'll try that. I explode when I drop something or accidentally spill, and it runs under the frig or gets on my clothes. I also kick things I bump into. My dogs are used to my rants and they just ignore it now.
Imagine being this way with a toddler
All of my siblings and I are diagnosed with autism and ADHD. My mom has OCD and PTSD and is borderline. I can only picture her as chronically dissociated or flying off the wall, abusing her partners, having a fit like a giant toddler. She was always triggered by us when we were sick, "whiney" crying, showing any signs of "weakness" or having happiness too loud aka laughing and being happy. We were punished for being too close or too far... I often wonder if my mom autistic or if maybe we aren't and we're just traumatized. The only
Thing that really saved me was being raised predominantly by my grandmother until I was 8 so I had a regulated, safe and loving person.
My mom had immense trauma... she talked about it on repeat and was mad when we didn't want to hear it. Now she has early dementia and I think a lot of it was triggered by her coping skills aka starving herself, not sleeping and working mom stop for her pit of approval that was never filled.
My mom basically saw her kids at adults by the time we were 10 years old and while we have compassion for whwre she was emotionally arrested do to trauma, she's scarted us and I honestly don't want to see her or know her..
I learned that anger is response learned from childhood experience, passed on from parents usually. It was hard for me to change the habit. That meditation book called 30 Days to Overcome Anger by Harper Daniels helped a lot.
I've mourned not having a mother so many times. She has never been warm, compassionate or unconditional love. She's 85 still critical about everything. She lost custody of me at 14yrs old found unfit by judge. She made my siblings hate me at an early age because I was a bed wetter. Telling them to belittle&beat up on me because of it. They still hate me&leave me out of family gatherings. She beat me everytime I wet the bed. I remember at a very very early age thinking why is she beating me it causes me to wet bed more. I recently visited her&she is still so verbally abusive&I told her it's domestic violence. She thinks because its her house she can treat people however she wants. 💔
🫂💛
The though of you as a litle helpless child being beaten up and abused for something age-appropriate is so unsettling. Some people should really not be allowed to have and care for children. I would'nt go back if I were you. ❤🩹Heal well
Having an abusive mother and having to "hold it in" emotions and everything caused your bedwetting in the firat place. Im so sorry for you. I only could seperate from my mother once she died. Even on the deathbed she pushed my hand away. Their unability to love and to love us has nothing to do with us. I hope you find the strength to abandon her before death does. It wouöd have saved me years of healing to stand uo against her abuse. They are troubled souls but havnt deserved our endless loyalty and conpassion. They hold far too much powef over us.
Don't waste empathy on ab-users. Use this knowledge to know that u need to keep your kids away from your bad parents. if you don't, you are enabling them to be directly damaged, and then allowing yourself to be degraded in ability to care for your own kids when you let your parents damage you. You can't hide that, it will come out in your lack of energy, patience, and inner stability. Then your kids will repeat what you did even if you think you hid it well. A diagnosis is not an excuse nor a license to ab-use. Sometimes it really should be the thing that should tell you "you know better. Grow up. Respect yourself and have boundaries bc your kids will be damaged if you don't"
you are innately loveable and you never deserved that! if i had a time machine i would jump in it and go back in time to help you and all of us kids who deserved better. is there a part of you that is still surprised by her behaviour, i wonder... the fact you're still trying to get through to her at 85 suggests maybe you do... if so then maybe a tiny part of you is holding out hope for her to change and finally treat you better or for her to admit her wrongdoing so you can heal. i hope you can see that part of yourself that is calling out for her love and instead respond to that call by loving that young part of yourself even more, and also recognising your innate goodness as evidenced by that fragment of hope. it's your capacity to be heartbroken that shows your inner goodness. ♥
I relate to you so much, and it looks like there's a bunch of us out here. How funny. My whole life I've felt "out of place" and I've sought to figure out what was "wrong" with me. My parents love me, so why am I broken? Oh boy, it's been a wild ride unraveling it all in therapy for the past 8 years! I wondered why I had fuzzy memories of specific traumas. It's all falling into place, and I'm grateful to know what I know now.
Dr. Sage, I am so grateful to have found your channel. I spent years in therapy and it was never even hinted at that my mother might have suffered from BPD. A lightbulb actually went off for me when, during one her of rage attacks, directed at me of course, she screamed at the top of her lungs “you borderline bitch!!!” She worked in addiction medicine for many years after getting clean, and sure, maybe she was familiar with BPD from some of her clients. But I’m pretty sure she was either diagnosed at one point, or self-diagnosed. I firmly believe that my grandmother (her mother) was BPD as well. My mom passed away in 2021. I am only now beginning to accept the stark truth. I have found your channel to one of the best on the subject. So enlightening and valuable. Thank you.
My BPD mother told me I was a psycho more time than I care to count. )
You are amazing..putting all this together has taken me 15 years of hyper adhd Google researching. Thus can help people pull all the pieces together. My whole life I've been just a question mark I Diss associate 20 odd hours a day in bed in a Catatonic state with a dystonic ego. Ivfeel for thex20bhours daily alive but breatingcand some days i struggle to breathe and oxygenated my brain and body. I would now at 58 truly prefer to rest in peace x as every part of me mind body and spirit is broken beyond repair despite spending all my money on pretty much useless therapy. This lady thank you for verbalizing it all..to all xxxx ❤
Appreciate you so much, Dr. Sage!
You “get it” more than anyone else I know. And I received 18 months of intense therapy from another clinical psychologist. It was so healing for me, but because I am also a daughter of a (profoundly) borderline mother, I glean so much from you and your videos! Thank you ❤
Also, your wallpaper is stunning!
I cry every time your videos talk about ctsd. It's horrible. I see my adult children now dealing with anxiety and know this has been passed down and now effects my Grands. Love watching you, in short sports, lol.
I truly appreciate these deep dives into trauma and personality disorders. Would love for you to do a video on sociopathic/psychopathic mothers and how it affects a first born daughter's childhood and adulthood.
Oh my gosh, Kim! I heartily agree with you about the dissociation that occurs with BPD rages. I believe my mother had BPD after much reflection 5 years after her death. She was never diagnosed, and I was too close to her behavior and yucky triangular enmeshment with my sisters, etc. to see her personality disorder clearly. When she would unpredictably spiral into a rage, it seemed like she had to go through the whole cycle and was reinforced by the refractory release and exhaustion afterwards. I am a retired clinically trained school psychologist, and even with my excellent training and 32 years of professional experience, I have been deeply impacted by my life history-beginning at birth, and likely before. I have C-PTSD and all the hyper-vigilance, etc. Your description of your mother is so familiar to me and the associated triggers. I have had amazing trauma-focused therapy, and have made amazing strides in my recovery, but it has taken such a toll. I was determined to break the cycle of dysfunction, instinctively striving for a ‘happy’ life (that’s what I could articulate as a child). I am forever grateful for choosing a wonderful life-partner, husband and father to my children. We have worked diligently to break the cycle of trauma and dysfunction. We just celebrated 38 years married and have 3 happy, healthy, well-adjusted grown children. However, I will be in recovery for the rest of my life.
I am a 51 yh french canadian guy and, for the first time, I herd a langue that make sens for me!
Tks Dr!
This is my mom. I relate so much to the stories you have shared.
This is so real, and we are constantly gaslighted. Thank you for the video.
Heart warming video ❤
I can relate.
I feel more understanding of ourselves and our parents, can ease the hurt, pain, trama.
❤
I was no contact with my elderly mother and recently broke no contact as shes in pain.
I was nervous, still have my own healing to do.
I appreciate we trigger each other and i am learning radical acceptance
And when i called to her, with acceptance, , she was so happy, so delighted to see me.
I gave her a hug, first hug in 20 years, it was coming from unconditional love
From me to her, she is skin and bone, only 80 years old.
I know she is trama wounded and have a better understanding, rather than in the past i felt so hurt, abused and unseen.
I know she is aware she gets triggered by me and reacts and cant control herself as shes out of control and thinjs its only way to manage, cope.
Not making excuses for her behaviour, but she never had help, therapy, or much kindness from anyone, or family, men including my father were sadistic, abusive, cruel.
Its strange though, the more i understand myself, the more i can for my mother, bless her.
I don't know how long she be on the earth, but i am going to see her once aweej or so, and appreciate if she gets triggered from seeing me, to step back.
I am doing this for me, as it feels like the right thing, i feel forgiveness for myself, my mother, i feel only love for her. The anger, the hurt, i felt is in a process of alchemy , to love ❤️
Sad, but I am not alone, so many world wide are suffering this trama.
Love from Ireland 🇮🇪
Im still trying to figure out if my mum was a silent bpd or "just" a covert narcicist. She was very depressed, victim mode, emotional immature and after being conpletely symbiotic till my puberty she literally started to hate me as soon as i became my own person. She hated me as she hated her mum, who was raped several times in war, gave her away and ended up schizophrenic eventually. My body has stored this rape trauma, although it never happened to me. All my relationships have been with BPD's and all reminded me of my mum-but in her the anger outbursts were completely missing. She was very angry but all she did was crying and saying mean things but in an almost suffocated hard to hear childlike voice. Not sure if its possible to internalise that BPD anger so much or turn it against yourself. She was ALWAYS disocciated, when ever i turned around she was talking to herself, having an internal dialogue (not in a psychotic sense, more a fight with someone she couldnt stand up to-unfinished business). She didnt see me AT ALL...she projected everyone onto me and i seem to have owed her everything she never got from anyone.
Wooow... I get it. 😢Take care.❤
@@rosacentifollia thank you❤️🩹
BPD and covert narcissism switches back and forth. It’s entangled in the same Cluster of disorders, I’ve watched hundreds of professor Sam Vaknin videos about BPD/covert narcissism. Apparently she’s also a ‘secondary psychopath’ at times too. Same with my mom. Horrific, sorry you had to endure
@@johnschmid865 Im sorry for you too. When i think about how much i loved her, she was my everything, my world circled around her and her suffering while my went unnoticed, even to myself. Its so said that all my unlived life, everything i went through with her didnt make a difference to her and her suffering, indeed she still claimed to be all alone in it. I aswell watched heeps of Dr. Vaknin,-thats were we meet, the badly mothered. Lots of love
this describes my mum and my relationship with her so much 😱This is definitely giving cluster B personality disorder vibes. my mum just got diagnosed (unwillingly) with PD at 71!!! I feel so vindicated altho it's so sad she has refused help all this time and she only finally came to the attn of medical professionals because she broke her hip and refused to cooperate with the nurses etc to the point she will never walk again because of her refusal to cooperate properly. So I would say bpd/narc is a good call. "she hated me as i became my own person" is so telling of what we went through. you cannot underestimate how much as children we are anticipating what our parent wants us to do/be/say and adapting to that. if they loved us before it was because we had no choice but to conform to be what they wanted us to be! Ofc teenage years are when that independence starts showing and it is challenging for most parents, but the trying to separate and form an identity when you've been enmeshed with a cluster B parent is horrible. i really grew up thinking that my mum and i had a good relationship in many ways- i recognised that the anger outbursts, violence verbal abuse etc had affected me but i didn't see how toxic the earlier "good" years were as well. The talking to herself thing is also so resonant and i've not seen other people admit to having a parent who does this before. probably my principal trauma was that she used to spend most of her time in the kitchen talking to herself (reliving conversations to the point of even doing different voices) and often crying and saying she wanted to unalive herself. I'm 41 and it's taken 20 years to gradually acknowledge the full horror of it. Sometimes I revel in the idea of just being some sort of alien/orphan who is just my own person because of myself, not because of her. I'm glad we can share our stories here and know we are not alone in this. 💙
Dr. Sage, you are such a proficient communicator. Your videos are so interesting and you make topics that are quite complex, much easier to grasp and understand. I have to commend you, it’s very difficult to be as successful as you obviously are when your childhood is so unstable and spending so much time in a hyper-vigilant state or, as I describe myself, a barometer for my own Mother’s moods, it can be a challenge to then focus on studies and excel so I give you major respect. I am learning a lot from you. I find myself unlocking the mystery of my own ‘issues’ by tracing backwards to my childhood. It looks very different to me in retrospect and I’m grateful that mental health providers are gracious enough to share their wealth of knowledge in an attempt to help those of us that are working to become more self aware as well as strengthen our boundaries. Thank you so much. 💜
This was so incredibly helpful. I started following you years ago when my therapist had mentioned my mom as sounding like she has (BPD) traits. I am very hyper-vigilant/empathetic/INFJ and recently diagnosed with level 1 Autism. Similarly my Grandmother was very difficult/angry/unstable. The list of what to do was very helpful. I immediately was able to decipher some of my personal triggers in relation to how I was responding with my own (5) children. So grateful for opportunities to grow and learn. Thank you for making this education accessible to all. Maybe one day I will be able to help my mother. Can we heal backwards???? Dare to dream.
The presence of trait dissociation in BPD and the way it can be triggered by a child’s bid for comfort is actually profound: I can actually identify an incident (where I became aware of the impact of my emotions on the parent) of such nature and dynamic that led to me masking my needs (emotions) from (suspected) BPD parent indefinitely (Their response was a detachment and dismissal: almost like my emotional deregulation wasn’t happening, obviously dissociation). Thank you very much for the tips on how to limit the transference of this intergenerational trauma 💛
I would love to find an in depth video on this
I'm a diagnosed borderline and being treated for it. I appreciate you making the difference between untreated borderline and treated. That makes a real difference in ending the stigma related to the disorder. I just wish you would mention it more often thoughout your videos. My son has autism so I watch a lot of your videos and kudos to you for presenting autism in such an honest and empathetically way. It's often so misunderstood and I'm sure you are aware of how our culture isn't set up for someone with stimming behavior.
I want you to understand that my next comments come from a place of valuing you and your role in providing good mental health information. I appreciate that. Mostly, my criticism comes because I (and I think most treated borderlines would agree) feel like you present autism in a more positive light than you do BPD and NPD, but the stigma with NPD is already rampant and your comments aren't likely to reach a person with untreated NPD anyway. But with Borderline, its so treatable and people with it often go into remission on their own without any treatment once they are in a stable relationship. No, there's no cure, but how many mental health issues really have a cure? I use my DBT skills everyday because I generally like people and want to be a functional part of society, but that doesn't mean by any means that the feelings and thoughts have changed. What's changed in my reaction to them. Also, if someone comes to your podcast looking for answers for themselves about borderline I fear your pod will make them feel so misunderstood and hopeless that they don't seek out help and trust me, living a life with borderline SUCKS! But there is HOPE!
I'm finally getting therapy and seeking diagnosis in my 30's and as a mother who started her journey into motherhood at a young age after years of severe trauma this resonates deeply.
Thank you for this! I never wanted to diagnose anybody because I am not a psychologist but this series has made me realise just how much my grandmother fits into the description of BPD. I remember my childhood was tainted by my mother constantly trying to break ties with her and being unable to (now she finally has). Sometimes my mom would tell me things about her mother that would leave me shocked, she was the only daughter that didn't have any pictures in the house because her mom said she was ugly, she would constantly put her down and then in adulthood came to live with us after she had gone through her fourth divorce. She has now moved out of the country at 64. I remember she would constantly try to make my mom and aunties fight or get between them. I remember not liking her and feeling very protective of my mother even as a kid. I think it has really helped me to understand my own mother to see her as a possible child of a mother with BPD who never got treatment. My mom began to work at 14 to keep the family afloat and took care of her youngest sibling as if he was her own. Now she's a very anxious woman with low self esteem but who consistently tries her best with us. I do wonder what happened to my grandma for her to develop that cruelty she was characterized by, whether it was BPD, narcissism or something else. All I really know is she isolated herself from her family (it's genetic I guess). It is very interesting how you can go back generations and the women in our lives just harboured copious amounts of trauma.
Wow, I'm reallly appreciating your wider view of intergenerational trauma (Japanese interment camps, marginalized racial groups etc). I am starting looking at myself as a mom and how I visit the effects of my abusive childhood upon my son (and husband). Eye opening, highly absorbable and interesting with you sharing your own history. Thank you from a new subscriber.
Im a 48 yr old borderline. My mother was narcissistic. Im in EMDR therapy now. I dont have kids. But it was my dream to, however Ive been fighting for my survival all my life. And i knew i wasnt in a good position to in every way. When i hear you say that having a BPD mom really hurt you in life. That is an even more wake up call. I would never want to hurt a child in any way. Ever.
Someone asked how you would explain someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. I said don't compare two individuals with the same disorder because you'll miss the gray areas of the individual.
Thank you so much for your research and discussion on these topics. It has been very helpful to me. I am 52 now and wished I had this knowledge when my children were young. I hope this helps other people who were exposed to BPD parents.
So insightful. Thank you Dr Sage
Can you do a detailed long video on reactive attachment disorder?
Thank you so much. I’m so glad you showed up in my feed. My mother is terrifying, I suspect BPD. I was late dx ASD & ADHD… I’m feeling sad and validated right now. Thank you.
Always love the way you frame things Dr Kim, thanks for helping us understand this painful and confusing phenomenon
My mom has something. I am hyposenstive with emotion,face, mind blindness and BPD. They haven’t been able to find BPD but my hypo mania was obvious when my depression and combo-ADHD were under control.Atypical depression is interesting and depression based psychosis even more so. Mom and I trigger each other. She is hypersensitive to her environment.
As recent as 2018 the advice within the family was to let a baby cry it out. At some point the parents would get upset and check on them. I took child development classes 2008-2012 and emotional development wasn’t touched on other than as something to overcome. Tantrums were to be punished with time outs, lose of privileges and taking toys away.
You're a blessing ❤❤❤ Thank you 😊
❤ Thank you so much for talking about it here. It's so rare. 🙏🏻
Saved this video! ❤
i feel like i got bpd because i had to go half my life not knowing i have autism. that was rough.
It is rough...I didn't figure out I was ADHD until my 40's, and autistic until I was 50. It explains a lot...
I'm just trying to learn how to let them go . Even though I never hear from them anyhow. I hope to find a caring family some day. I still have faith.
Of course it's anecdotal, but still such a weird coincidence: my mom also was the youngest of four, with three older brothers. My maternal grandmother was highly traumatized, as was my mom and her siblings, and now me (along with me being diagnosed with autism). Anyway, this was a great video, thank you and I appreciate all the research and work you put into your channel!
But what do we DO ABOUT IT!! I listened to this and now I feel trapped and overwhelmed and like tooooo much!
Also, I really love that you chose George Winston Music
I’m a fifty something Man and I’m Going through Trauma
23:24 thank you so much Dr Kim, your words mean a lot to me
Pretty sure this lady has been inside my brain! 😮
This is very helpful. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing ✌🏽💖🤟🏼✨️🧚♂️
4:25 love the show, not mad at the spoiler bc MAX did it to me already but my mom loved Jean Smart & we watched Designing women together when I was young. I’m trying to heal wounds from childhood & I know my mom meant well but 🤯too much!?! But Hacks is great but Jeans character has my moms name & it triggers me too bad since my mom died before Xmas. It’s deb this or Debra… etc & I just dissociate then never finish the episode😢
This has a long intro:).😂❤
Concise as spotting multi generational behaviors assist in breaking cycles of abuse.
Just found our mother who abandoned "5 of her 7 children" after searching for 50 years, and recently she denied us again. I plan on exposing her via her local newspaper for all the lies, deception and fraudulent activity, ie married 4x and no divorce papers. This woman has publicly reported her faux PERFECT self, hoping to stop a liar/ narcissistic with the Ugly truth. Stopping these trauma cycles... I'm 68!!! Was 3@abandonement♡
PS was SUPER fortunate to NOT be mothered by her♡♡
Would be nice to find something about children who delt with fathers with different issues.
What would you have done differently had you known this earlier? I am curious. Thank you
Is there any correlation of Dissociation and Dementia? Can dementia be a form of dissociation in the BPD subject as a way of escaping their trauma or past trauma?
I know I have issues. Especially since I’ve been a subscriber for over a year and I see videos that I know would help and I choose to skip over them. I can’t face myself.
This is so helpful
I’m hurting and I’m a man
*VENT* Can you please talk about bpd moms with toddlers? I know one who has a two year old and she just flies into rage over NOTHING, her 2 year old's psyche is already damaged. (Yes she does fly into rage when I'm there to visit! And she says she doesn't notice she's screaming!!!) and she says the most horrific gaslighter sh1t known to man to her toddler !!! Worst, she's a strict church mom 😇 she didn't grow up that way, she also didn't grow up with church. I'm just venting tho. She's already in therapy, but got diagnosed with adhd. I hate visiting her, but I'm the friend who has the most time for her, and lives near. I've also known her for over 5 years, and she has never displayed negative emotions, there was no reason (I think it's because her husband doesn't have a job, but she says that's not it) (they met at church)
Okay maybe I'll need some advice 😂 (I know this behaviour from my home, but I'd never guess a woman like her would display it!!)
religious abuse is a real thing, and religions are often a useful tool for NPD people to control and manipulate through. "strict" is a code word for abusive, in this case
I’ve been abused by my mother and police
"Anger, instability and aggression." Hi mom
Wicked sense of humor. Yeah, that's not a positive trait. And the Raging and the subsequent Denial - I get that.
You'll never be sure regarding autism because symptoms semblance. However, you'll gain confidence due to differentiating factor which is stimming and struggles with empathy (not that autism is evil, it's just that is different from C-PTSD despite symptom semblance).
often it seems to be empathy overload and transference, so asd people internally dissociate and that projects onto others. Not lack of empathy, messy empathy
I am that mother 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔
Why was your bio father "not an attachment figure?" I ask because I was drawn by our past to your title of this video. I am bio-father of two girls, who are now adult, but consequences do not evaporate and self cure with time. My wife was ? well diagnosis were hard to get, because of her influential feminist supporters. But she was a violent sarcastic uncaring mother who did not function cooperatively with others in the family - even when not doing so would result in serious life debility to the child. So I see you as being roughly in the situation of one of my daughters. But my daughter had me, and I put my whole life on the line for the safety of our daughters. My wife manifested the ways of Aspergers, and probably other conditions too. She was supposedly tested for Aspergers, with a negative verdict. Whatever, the harm, the head injuries, fractures, denigration, sarcasm was continuous, and it was all the children's fault from 6 months of age. Something was amiss with the system, because by advocating for my wife, they excused my wife from any and all treatment she would require. And it was hard on me too. Now 35yrs later, the consequences continue for the girls and me. My ex leads a gay elderly singles life, self absorbed. So I wonder how so many people like yourself get diagnosis? because diagnosis enables the victim to tick boxes on forms that entitle then to access help or therapy or medical remedies? How do our girls prove anything bad happened at all? They need help.
Police have scarred me for life
Why
250K! WOW! Congrats Dr. Kim!
My mom used to stiffen up if we hugged her.
can i just say, you are soo beautiful. I hope I age as well as you 😻
❤
Can you please make a video for a psychologist who sees children that are under the control of an abuser.
And what the normal parents look like and how to tell who is the narcissist and who isn’t.
The children will hold the key to the truth.
th-cam.com/video/7BM6u43esYw/w-d-xo.htmlsi=7T1wwTSzO1F9xRmM
This might help you it helped me, but the psychologist doesn’t understand and doesn’t believe me.
I explain and it is just to crazy , and the children are so happy with the abuser.
Thank you
I'm still left wondering why they chose to have children... I suspect the answer is a very selfish one.
There is no bad love. That's not love. Theres no jealous love, no obsessive love, no toxic love. That's all comforting delusional phrases created by people who are not willing to face truth, bc its too painful, and they would rather live a lie. You cant heal issues that you lie to yourself about for comfort, and that allows the ab-user to continue being a parasite on your life. Your mom ab-used you. Used you. That unalives love and takes it's place ((as)if there was ever any). This nonsense makes ppl stay with dangerous harmful ppl who have no truly good and decent feeling towards them. They will continue their destabilizing of you and separate you from the good parts of your life. The good and decent humans and animals in your life deserve that attention, caring, love, and energy that you are wasting on someone who does not love you, never has, and never will, bc they do not want to, and they do not value you. A few bits and pieces of time when they love bomb and con you bc they know you desperately want love is not love. Its a con. There just re-establishing their hooks in you from time to time. If you look closely, it's an act. A predictable pattern that allows them to keep feeding off of you, stealing your life from you. Don't explain away that crap. No diagnosis is an excuse for harming others. No one owes anything to anyone, especially the woman who forced them to exist so she could have a willing life hostage to use and program and manipulate. You're useful furniture to her. With a bank account.
You can love someone and still leave them.
neglect and covert abuse are traumas. The DSM is frankly wrong about trauma history
Oh boy, was this a loaded video…🫤
But what do we DO ABOUT IT!! I listened to this and now I feel trapped and overwhelmed and like tooooo much!
Patrick Teahan's channel has a lot of info on what to do about it