I'm donor conceived. I found out just over 2 years ago at the age of 19. I don't have a great relationship with my dad and don't know any of my donor's family. I have 6 half-brothers and 5 half-sisters from him and that's all. I pass people in the street and wonder if I could be related to them! I wish there wasn't so much taboo around this topic, I would love more advocacy for people like us and support for those like myself who find out in adulthood. I commend this girl for what she's doing!!
I have a son but I'm separated from the mother and my son who lives in a foreign country. I'm considering being a donor so he has siblings because me and his mother neither of us have a big family. Obviously it would be better if we were still together and I could be a father to my son but life is life.
I completely agree. I know that I have at least two half siblings but they and my biological mom are all anonymous. It's been extremely hard to cope with. I turn 18 soon so hopefully I get more answers then.
You’re speaking for all of us. I found out at age twenty four but I had been lied to and told that my father had died in a car crash and was Australian. Neither of these were true. Initially I thought I had been abandoned or adopted. The truth, even if hard, is always better than deception. I won’t repeat the same mistake with my son.
A powerful presentation from such a youngster. This needs to be talked about, and it will be the younger generation who shapes society's views on how donor conception is perceived and supported.
The most important thing I heard her say! 😊 Although her eagerness to meet the donor came off as a little extreme (which is a bit scary for a couple who has to use a donor)! I did appreciate her story!
The only thing that's frustrating about it...is that people assume it's hard or bad in some way. As if we are missing out on something. Think of it like this... Everyone experiences something that someone else doesn't. For instance, I haven't experienced being an astronaut. But because most people have two parents, it is commonly agreed on that two parents is normal and necessary. This is actually quite an egocentric perspective. We tend to use our own experience as the model of what is necessary. So if you haven't been to outer space yourself, you don't worry about other people who haven't been to outer space, even though going to there could potentially provide a profound new perspective on the universe. Every experience, including being a relatively rare case of donor conception, has the potential to be a curse or a blessing. Perspective determines whether any experience is good or bad for you. One could say you are missing out on my experience just as well. My experience has given me an incredibly unique perspective on life. Everything happens for you, not to you.
Ultimately it comes from a good place, even though I understand that it's frustrating to read and hear it. People who make those comments either encountered difficulties with their own identities or, through genuine care they imagine what it would be like and project those feelings--- even if they are not based on reality. In both instances, these people care but their view doesn't take proper consideration of the person's lived experience. So you are left with people who want to make the choice, who are emotionally, psychologically and financially ready for a child but who do not wish to establish a relationship just as a means to an end. They might figure that bringing a child into a stable, happy home, is better than settling for a relationship that they are unhappy in, where there might be significant relationship breakdown. They decide to go it alone. But what people sometimes fail to realise is that these people are often not 'alone' in the sense that they might imagine. They often have a support network of family and friends who support their choice and provide additional love, support and positive role models. Ultimately it comes down to this. A person made the conscious decision, weighed the costs and made the choice to bring life into the world with the full intention of putting their all into the role. They had a genuine desire to care for and nurture this child, despite what may be nagging feelings of self doubt or the pressure from society to conform to age-old beliefs. There is no room for value judgements when someone makes an informed decision like that. So in truth, you're right-- But try be patient with those who make those assumptions, they don't have your lived experience and genuinely struggle to view it in a way that validates it.
Thank you! It is great to see what an amazing young woman you are. I have a 3 month old son who I used a donor for. It is great to see being open about how he came to the world can help him be well adjusted. My donor has identity disclosure for my son when he is 18 as well.
I am donor conceived, and am planning on being a single mom by choice. I only know how it feels to be a DC kid from egg donation, and you have helped me see the other side of donation. Thank you, and I am so happy your donor was open + willing to communicate.
Yep! But you can appreciate the initial shock of people where this isn't the case or the mere concept of it. I must admit, if I didn't know the limits it would freak me out too.
Same in Uk with the 10 family (not child) limit. Donors aren’t allowed anonymity either. Donating is a huge responsibility that you have to be aware could impact your life significantly in future.
@@aaronkonstantine2794 How exactly? The Mother of donated children carry their babies, give birth to their babies, and care for them their whole lives.
I was conceived with a donor. I wasn't lied to. I was told as soon as I asked. When I tell people I don't have a father, they assume I was adopted and my brother isn't biological. He is. It is my biological family. People can ask too many questions.
Athena / How has not knowing your biological father impacted your life? I’m asking as I’m currently considering using a donor and am concerned about how it may affect my child in their teenage years more than anything.
Oz Brat I have a very loving and accepting family and grandparents I was very close to. My grand father was the father figure in my life along with some of my close friend’s dads. Teenage years can be frustrating but that was just all the assumptions that you were illegitimate.
Athena / Thank you for replying. I live in hope that by the time my child hits their teenage years, not having a father won’t be so taboo, to the point where it’s simply a non-issue.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think you mention what is perhaps one of the most important things that a donor parent should consider. It's not whether or not you have a 'father' in the traditional sense, but if you have exposure and a bond with positive male role models who love and care for you. It sounds like your family did a wonderful job raising you. People can ask too many questions, sometimes they're curious and well meaning but they also can do more harm than good. But you have a healthy perspective on life and that is a testament to yourself and your upbringing.
@@ozbrat82 it doesnt affect you in anyway unless your treated badly in the home. im donor conceived, tell them asap. 5-6 is fine. and always focus on who they are as a person (smart funny, kind sweet, a faithful friend, a good sister) dont focus on their looks or what they "do" or grades. make sure they grow up kind and faithful to themselves, and to their own heart. there is nothing to fear about this process. we may even be better off because of being donor conceived who knows!
I am Aromantic Asexual and am currently trying to conceive with a donor, I had a miscarriage last year but am trying again. I fortunate enough to have a known donor so the contact can be arranged without the searching and luck factor. It's important for people to know that these children are the same as any other.
I'm asexual and want to just adopt a kid when I am 60 and have the career to pay for all their needs and mine. There are a lot of children in need of a good permanent home and nowadays single women are allowed to adopt and raise a child on their own. You can adopt a baby but if you really want to help out its the children over age 8 that struggle the hardest to find parents and especially boys more than girls struggle to get adopted and people of color struggle more than white people to get adopted in the USA.
So imagine being in your 20s and leaving samples for money, and 18 years later get e mailed by a son/ daughter you have no relationship to asking existential questions trying to fill a void they’ve always felt...
Donors should understand: you are not "leaving samples" you are agreeing to be a part of the creation of a new life. This is a person that they had a part in creating. Donor conceived persons deserve to be able to ask their questions, just the same as persons placed for adoption. The donor is a part of their history and story.
@@coreyjacq some personnal choices have consequences on others ... therefore you need to think about it and stop making selfish choices . I think anonimized donorship is a violence on individuals to be. It"s wrong, who is anyone to decide that one has no right to know what makes up 50% of themeselves? Who are institutions to deny this basic right to anyone? WRONG.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am a single mom by choice, and my 9 year old daughter often wonders about her donor as well. We did ancestry DNA and haven't had any hits yet except a distant cousin. We are in touch with 3 donor siblings. I loved what you said at the end, that you get traits from your mom, and from your donor, but they are not the collective sum of YOU. ❤️
Having children is always a selfish choice whether you're in a relationship or not. To condemn one group of parents (single moms by choice) is narrow-minded.
There are plenty of children who are conceived with 2 parents who end up being abused, neglected, tortured, etc. Those children would be much better off being brought into the world and raised by one parent who loves and adores them. I'm assuming you are a donor conceived person with a negative experience, based on your emotional response to my comment. I hope you are able to find peace. As for my daughter, I take her lead, and am more than happy and willing to help her find her donor and have a relationship with him, I do believe she has that right. Best of luck to you.
LOL. How is it that everyone brings up abused and neglected children everytime this topic is discussed. As though that justifies all things related to this topic- even unethical practices. If anything- less people will adopt now. It's almost like- I am good- I am great- I deserve a biological child. Look at those crackheads having kids. I am superior but yet I have this disease of a biological clock. I would just cut the you know what and go back to Park Avenue. Stop bringing up the abused neglected child and just be happy you won the life lottery.
Godikke the homes might not be broken but the children are. There will always be a painful hole where the other parent would be - try as you might you can fix that or make it better. If it goes wrong said child could have a reason to hate you and it would be 100% justified.
You are an brave intelligent & beautiful young woman! Clearly you have a great mother & good 'dna'. Thank you for having the courage to share part of your journey & I wish you a long happy life full of the most important ingredient, ♡Love♡
Well, people in Iceland are probably all closely related and they turn out great, apparently with the use of a cousins app, that tells you before dating if it is okay to date.
SimplyCJ Did you hear about the boy & girl twins who were separated and then fell in love and married later in life? You’re right - it is a scary thought. Not probable, but not impossible.
My dad was adopted; I wonder if the feelings are similar? I know the trickle down from not having my biological grandparents in my life was something I always thought about growing up.
ive known my whole life and just found a sibling online, but she didnt reply. i hope to one day to 23 and me...knowing im one of the few that are told as a child is even worse knowing so many of us are not told soon enough, and feel lied to. thats the hardest part about donor conceived, its going online and seeing the amount of people who are hurt because they were lied to and just now found out in adulthood. on a happier note, i may have found a photo of my donor, and im glad i look like my mom lol
"The traits that I got from my mom and the traits that I got from my donor, are not the entire collective of who I am." 🙌 This 😍 Edit: So much wisdom!!!
I understand what you’re feeling but don’t let that hold you back. You’re going to love them a lot and they are going to LOVEEE you back a lot too. Your love will overpower all the other things. Yes they might be curious about who the donor would be but you’re the one that will raise them and love them so no matter how curious they may be, they will NEVER leave you or reduce their love for you. Don’t worry so much about the curiosity part. Don’t let that reason hold you back from having kids. Everyday that you’re holding back because of this reason, it’s a day less spent with them. 💕💕💕
There are non-anonymous donors! Many of them are sometimes open to creating relationships with the offspring as adults, even just as casual acquaintances.
@American Ajumma that's very judgmental of you. This person could have numerous reasons for their choice - none of which, are of any concern to you. Having one dedicated parent who chooses to conceive and pay medical fees for that conception, clearly has parenthood as a priority in their life.
How do you feel about being donor conceived? I'm looking to do the same, but not sure if it will hurt the child mi matter hiw much I love the child and my family loves the child... your thoughts as a donor conceived child?
@@elenakelly1713 fair enough, such a blanket statement i made obviously is wrong considering how many people like yourself that it doesnt bother. although this is about no father / missing father .. slightly different but of course i see the similarity too.
We have been asking why on everything and are naturally curious since we were kids. Depending on our culture/how we're brought up as we age we can start to think we aren't as less and less questions are answered/rejected/ignored. Sometimes we figure out our own answers but we'd still like to know the 'real' one. Honestly it's a large reason why talking science to kids is more interesting than adults who don't want to accept certain things (what about a soul with brains) ignoring natural, curious wonder. Your biology can influence who you become medically or things like adopted kids are usually around the same intelligence as their bio-parents. It's not nature vs nature though it's both interacting, nuture behaviour can change within a few generations (father beaten as a child does not want to inflict the same on his kids or a bright parent who never really used that intelligence). Sometimes it's like how you look. It matters, it's just not the only thing that does.
Ha, 20 years ago the "mother's" never imagined there would be at home DNA tests to find your distant relatives. Those that taught the kids they were biologically theirs were in for a big surprise.
Not saying this is ur experience but Often the mother lies about what happened with the father to make her self look good and will deny contact to maintain the lie. It's child abuse and fathers regularly commit suicide due to this, 21 a week is the latest stat I've heard.
@@nikitaw1982 Its unfortunate that some mothers act on self interest but it always translate to mean good for the child. I also agree that children have rights and they deserve to be treated with dignity although most cultures and religions suggest that a mother should never be questioned.
@@wambui4590 "mean good for the child" that is just not true. Biggest indicator of troubles in later life is being raised by a single mother. I don't know y anyone would say it's a mean good.
@@nikitaw1982 Don't forget some women also become single mothers when their husbands die. ...and back to my very first statement, that people with both parents also encounter deep troubles in later life. The 'to mean good part' is only human, who wouldn't want to be viewed as the 'good' one in a deviated relationship? I agree the parents do it for their own satisfaction which results to blameworthy situations. A child is not a ball to kick left, right and center just because you gave birth to them; they have rights and they need respect. Most people just don't want to accept this. Its so sad how people use their children as shield while they engage in their wrangles. Its painful
I'm on the waiting list for a donor and the doctor I spoke to get information advised to be open and honest early on and it makes sense. I would want to know as a kid and not be lied to.
Also, remember to teach them as they get older that if they want to look for their bio parent that there is a chance said bio parents might not want to meet or be a part of thier life's and that something they have to accept that.
This is so depressing. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's so weird to me the way they use the language of "donor eggs/embryos" almost like it's interchangeable for my eggs/embryos like it's almost the same thing when it absolutely is not. There's someone else's offspring, and there's my offspring. And those are not interchangeable things. And I think the trouble with the wording is it makes those of us who know and feel that it is not an option for us almost feel like we are bad for refusing it. What's even worse is, before even finding out what someone is willing or not willing to do, they'll use wording like "Are you not there yet?" or "Are you not ready for that yet?" Like they are sneakily inserting in a mandatory "option" on your behalf. And then they further gaslight us with the epigenetics BS. It's like, when people are trying to convince you to do "donor eggs" they say what really matters is growing the baby inside of you because then it's more like you in many ways than the parent of origin. But then why don't they say that when someone needs a surrogate? When you pay someone to carry your baby because you cannot carry do people consider the baby to be more like the surrogate and closer to the surrogate? Of course not. I would be crushed if I couldn't carry and needed a surrogate but I would still consider that baby mine while I would not consider a donor egg baby that I carried mine. As an anthropologist I will tell you that science shows that genetics actually influence people in so many ways far more than environment does. That's why we do studies on twins separated at birth because we can see how similar they are in so many ways. And how they always feel something is missing. Such a deluding, messed up situation. Even just recently a friend of mine was sharing her anxiety now that she has an Ancestry account that her dozens of children one day might find her on there to have a relationship with their mother. She donated eggs about 15 years ago and this anxiety has crept up because even though she's an egg donor she still knows there's a connection there no matter what. I think adopting a kid would almost be less painful than adopting an egg/embryo because when you do carry that baby even though that baby is not your true offspring, your body releases hormones and is tricked into believing it truly is 100% yours and you bond. And it's that much more painful when you see it become like the parent of origin or even worse, seek out the parent of origin down the line. I don't want a half him half her baby, I want our baby. :(
When I think about this being a possible choice I get doubtful. I know for me I would love to be a mother but then part of me feels for the child. I feel like it might be selfish knowing what they go through later on as they start coming of age and wanting to get answers that are just natural
i didnt meet my dad until i found him when i was 28. this is exactly why im nervous to chose this route to have a baby, but i want to be a mother and im turning 38 in 2 weeks so i dont have much time left to find a partner to do it with. 😢
@@haley2542 You're basically saying that the beautiful young lady who gave this informative TEDx Talk never should have been born. You're saying that her mother "selfish" and should have grown old and died having not experienced planned motherhood and the love of her daughter. There are many beautiful things in this intelligent young woman's life, including just having life itself. It's great to have two loving parents (millions don't) but it's not everything.
I'm torn. Lizzie seems pretty well adjusted but I detect a longing in her heart for a 'real' dad not just a donor dad. How do you compensate for past years from the lack of a father figure? What model does she have for the traditional family unit which she obviously has an attraction to? If that were not the case, why would the desire for this personal connection be so strong? Otherwise, she would be satisfied with merely medical and ancestral details. Because you know how you were physically conceived doesn't make up for the emotional desire for that 'other' parent.
@@dsmith7684 Its even worse for sons who grow up w/o their dad. Its emotionally scarring. Met someone who was a test tube baby just like the speaker in video. hes very much struggling w/ this right now
You should be so lucky, your mother wanted you so bad in her life. There are many mothers who have children with mean men that don't want to be around and some mothers resent their child or raise their children alone. So whats the difference, having a dad that doesn't want the child or being loved and wanted by your mother
I didn’t know children could give ted talks but dope.... maybe if dudes got to spread their seed like they want, they would stop abusing women. And also kinda cool that this girl got such a big family. Lots of fun surprises
Such a good story from a pretty girl. Live is loving yourself 1st, she loves herself and by the end of her speech she meant it. She will definitely make her mom proud 👏. God bless
this kind proves that kids have an instinct need to know who r their parents whether u like it or not. Now u r in ur 40 why don t u adopt, maybe two kids, u would make them so happy, and u would b fulfilled. It is a win-win.
Ron Bush ah yes, it’s selfish to want to know my real health records. And it’s selfish that i was sold off before birth for a few grand by some random person that chooses our relationship dynamic for eternity before i’m even born.
My mom told me and my twin exactly how having babies works and how we were conceived just like Lizzy's mom. I have been wanting to do a dna test, but they are quite expensive and our ancestry will just say something like 90% Broadly North-western European (because Dutch and Belgian people do not have a specific dna and my family and donor are Dutch).
Do donors want to be contacted and bond with possibly 100's of children that he didn't raise? What about the children? Do they want to bond with the donor or half siblings?
I’ve never seen a TED Talk before and this just appeared in my recommended, I have no idea how TH-cam figured out my heritage considering I’ve never watched anything on the subject but there you go 😅
isnt this a little dark underneath it all? why should a poor kid have to even think about this? surely just a regular family you already know is a much better option instead of yearning to know the one you dont...
I think it's genuinely difficult for people who have lived differently to understand this. But It comes down to identity. She had a curiosity to understand her identity and she places value in the biology of her origins. Many people do, many people don't. I think it's healthy and important that people look at these talks as a means of broadening your understanding of other perspectives and lived experience even if you cannot relate on a deeper level. At the very least, she might be relatable to others who have gone through her journey.
I'm a mixed culture guy, I am 30 years old of age, I am really considering becoming a donor My cultural background is of Irish, Scottish, English, Niger as in the country which is pronounced as nee-ZHER, Filipino and Native American (Cherokee) I'll look very young for my age, My photo is for all to see :) I'm 6'7 in Height and very healthy, I have no children, I'll currently live in Dearborn, Michigan.
It’s not that simple. I wanna know my family history. I wanna know where my genes come from. I don’t think it’s your place to tell someone else how to feel when they haven’t had a father figure in their life.
please don’t say anything about how we should feel unless you’ve been in our shoes. If you’ve known where you come from your entire life, I don’t want to hear why we shouldn’t be able to. Thanks.
my dad died before i was born, i have always longed for a dad. they say a daughter really needs her dad and that relatioship will influence who she marries etc so it is a sin that these children have been created for selfish peolple. there is an affect on the child obviously although she doesn't know it yet
I'm donor conceived. I found out just over 2 years ago at the age of 19. I don't have a great relationship with my dad and don't know any of my donor's family. I have 6 half-brothers and 5 half-sisters from him and that's all. I pass people in the street and wonder if I could be related to them! I wish there wasn't so much taboo around this topic, I would love more advocacy for people like us and support for those like myself who find out in adulthood. I commend this girl for what she's doing!!
Do u feel good about having ten brothers and sisters? When u have ur own kids they will have all those uncles and aunties with familys attached.
I have a son but I'm separated from the mother and my son who lives in a foreign country. I'm considering being a donor so he has siblings because me and his mother neither of us have a big family. Obviously it would be better if we were still together and I could be a father to my son but life is life.
@@nikitaw1982 have you ever attempted to contact your son?
I completely agree. I know that I have at least two half siblings but they and my biological mom are all anonymous. It's been extremely hard to cope with. I turn 18 soon so hopefully I get more answers then.
I have over 50 half siblings
You’re speaking for all of us. I found out at age twenty four but I had been lied to and told that my father had died in a car crash and was Australian. Neither of these were true. Initially I thought I had been abandoned or adopted. The truth, even if hard, is always better than deception. I won’t repeat the same mistake with my son.
A powerful presentation from such a youngster. This needs to be talked about, and it will be the younger generation who shapes society's views on how donor conception is perceived and supported.
"The traits that I got from my mom and the traits that I got from my donor are not the collective sum of who I am"
I'm glad she knows that.
The most important thing I heard her say! 😊 Although her eagerness to meet the donor came off as a little extreme (which is a bit scary for a couple who has to use a donor)! I did appreciate her story!
@@StudStarz It's not unusual for a donor kid to want to meet their genetic parents. Most people want to know their roots. Glad you liked the story!
@@LaurenLoGiudice I wouldn’t speak for all people. I find that lots of kids who’ve been told the truth in fact DO NOT have a desire to meet the donor.
@@StudStarz I didn't. I said most - according to survey and studies that's what is found.
No, but that and environmental factors are it
Nice one! She’s pretty grounded and well adjusted. Her mother must be proud!
Common Sense beautifully said
You are talking as if she were merchandise with the sole purpose of satisfying her mother.
What is "well adjusted"?
She’s a kid. Just wait….
and her father
The only thing that's frustrating about it...is that people assume it's hard or bad in some way.
As if we are missing out on something.
Think of it like this... Everyone experiences something that someone else doesn't. For instance, I haven't experienced being an astronaut. But because most people have two parents, it is commonly agreed on that two parents is normal and necessary. This is actually quite an egocentric perspective. We tend to use our own experience as the model of what is necessary.
So if you haven't been to outer space yourself, you don't worry about other people who haven't been to outer space, even though going to there could potentially provide a profound new perspective on the universe.
Every experience, including being a relatively rare case of donor conception, has the potential to be a curse or a blessing. Perspective determines whether any experience is good or bad for you. One could say you are missing out on my experience just as well. My experience has given me an incredibly unique perspective on life. Everything happens for you, not to you.
Ultimately it comes from a good place, even though I understand that it's frustrating to read and hear it. People who make those comments either encountered difficulties with their own identities or, through genuine care they imagine what it would be like and project those feelings--- even if they are not based on reality. In both instances, these people care but their view doesn't take proper consideration of the person's lived experience.
So you are left with people who want to make the choice, who are emotionally, psychologically and financially ready for a child but who do not wish to establish a relationship just as a means to an end. They might figure that bringing a child into a stable, happy home, is better than settling for a relationship that they are unhappy in, where there might be significant relationship breakdown. They decide to go it alone. But what people sometimes fail to realise is that these people are often not 'alone' in the sense that they might imagine. They often have a support network of family and friends who support their choice and provide additional love, support and positive role models.
Ultimately it comes down to this. A person made the conscious decision, weighed the costs and made the choice to bring life into the world with the full intention of putting their all into the role. They had a genuine desire to care for and nurture this child, despite what may be nagging feelings of self doubt or the pressure from society to conform to age-old beliefs. There is no room for value judgements when someone makes an informed decision like that. So in truth, you're right-- But try be patient with those who make those assumptions, they don't have your lived experience and genuinely struggle to view it in a way that validates it.
Bravo! Well spoken and clearly raised with love and support. Impressive young lady.
👍
She is lovely. Gosh, why she is so sweet! Lucky mum. Congrats for the decision.
Woah why just 3 comments?
This talk is really underrated. It was really cool how she slowly found the other side of her family imo
Thank you! It is great to see what an amazing young woman you are. I have a 3 month old son who I used a donor for. It is great to see being open about how he came to the world can help him be well adjusted. My donor has identity disclosure for my son when he is 18 as well.
Oh this is great. I would love to have this right too. But in my country I have no rights to know.
What is "well adjusted"?
I am donor conceived, and am planning on being a single mom by choice. I only know how it feels to be a DC kid from egg donation, and you have helped me see the other side of donation. Thank you, and I am so happy your donor was open + willing to communicate.
Keshet Aylonit beautiful comment. I wish you all the good luck.
Keshet Aylonit it’s so selfish to bring a child into this world without one of their parents on purpose.
Posie Parker No it f*cking is not. Families come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Chill out bigot.
Keshet Aylonit few people want to never know their dad.
Keshet Aylonit it is. Many people feel like they lack a connection if raised without knowing both parents, this can lead to life long trauma.
This is why in Australia we have limits to 5 and 10 kids per donor so that there are not like 50 or 100 kids running around out there
Nice policy
Meredith Fletcher most countries have the 10 kids limit ,not just Australia
Yep! But you can appreciate the initial shock of people where this isn't the case or the mere concept of it. I must admit, if I didn't know the limits it would freak me out too.
Same in Uk with the 10 family (not child) limit. Donors aren’t allowed anonymity either. Donating is a huge responsibility that you have to be aware could impact your life significantly in future.
heard of Bryce Cleary ? from vice news, he unknowingly have 20 kids..
She grew up healthy and beautiful. I think it’s an honor to be donor conceived and brought up to a loving home.
It's like being adopted.
@@aaronkonstantine2794 How exactly? The Mother of donated children carry their babies, give birth to their babies, and care for them their whole lives.
The moms didnt think about the childs feeling.
@holyempressw8531 It's quite different from being adopted. She is biologically her mother's child, and her mother carried her in the womb.
@@aaronkonstantine2794 Not technically. She was of her mother's eggs.
Though it’s a beautiful thing to donate and help someone out it comes with a responsibility both on the donor side and the mother’s side
No Cos the donor signs any rights away hence its anonymous
I was conceived with a donor. I wasn't lied to. I was told as soon as I asked. When I tell people I don't have a father, they assume I was adopted and my brother isn't biological. He is. It is my biological family. People can ask too many questions.
Athena / How has not knowing your biological father impacted your life? I’m asking as I’m currently considering using a donor and am concerned about how it may affect my child in their teenage years more than anything.
Oz Brat I have a very loving and accepting family and grandparents I was very close to. My grand father was the father figure in my life along with some of my close friend’s dads. Teenage years can be frustrating but that was just all the assumptions that you were illegitimate.
Athena / Thank you for replying. I live in hope that by the time my child hits their teenage years, not having a father won’t be so taboo, to the point where it’s simply a non-issue.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think you mention what is perhaps one of the most important things that a donor parent should consider. It's not whether or not you have a 'father' in the traditional sense, but if you have exposure and a bond with positive male role models who love and care for you. It sounds like your family did a wonderful job raising you. People can ask too many questions, sometimes they're curious and well meaning but they also can do more harm than good. But you have a healthy perspective on life and that is a testament to yourself and your upbringing.
@@ozbrat82 it doesnt affect you in anyway unless your treated badly in the home. im donor conceived, tell them asap. 5-6 is fine. and always focus on who they are as a person (smart funny, kind sweet, a faithful friend, a good sister) dont focus on their looks or what they "do" or grades. make sure they grow up kind and faithful to themselves, and to their own heart. there is nothing to fear about this process. we may even be better off because of being donor conceived who knows!
I am Aromantic Asexual and am currently trying to conceive with a donor, I had a miscarriage last year but am trying again. I fortunate enough to have a known donor so the contact can be arranged without the searching and luck factor. It's important for people to know that these children are the same as any other.
Hope everything's going well! I am also asexual, and I plan to conceive with a known donor in a couple of years
@@emryswalton1802 thanks... I just had my rainbow baby in May, a beautiful baby girl 💚 good luck on your journey
I'm asexual and want to just adopt a kid when I am 60 and have the career to pay for all their needs and mine. There are a lot of children in need of a good permanent home and nowadays single women are allowed to adopt and raise a child on their own. You can adopt a baby but if you really want to help out its the children over age 8 that struggle the hardest to find parents and especially boys more than girls struggle to get adopted and people of color struggle more than white people to get adopted in the USA.
@@lemonbakewell5823 before 18!
You need a psych team
So imagine being in your 20s and leaving samples for money, and 18 years later get e mailed by a son/ daughter you have no relationship to asking existential questions trying to fill a void they’ve always felt...
Margarita Martínez it’s the donors choice if they wanted an open or closed donation
That'd be awesome
Donors should understand: you are not "leaving samples" you are agreeing to be a part of the creation of a new life. This is a person that they had a part in creating. Donor conceived persons deserve to be able to ask their questions, just the same as persons placed for adoption. The donor is a part of their history and story.
Lisa M not all adoptions are open and it is and should be a choice for both parties involved
@@coreyjacq some personnal choices have consequences on others ... therefore you need to think about it and stop making selfish choices . I think anonimized donorship is a violence on individuals to be. It"s wrong, who is anyone to decide that one has no right to know what makes up 50% of themeselves? Who are institutions to deny this basic right to anyone? WRONG.
This was nice to see as I've often wondered how these people live and see the world
What a beautiful and well spoken young woman
Her last sentence was so powerful.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am a single mom by choice, and my 9 year old daughter often wonders about her donor as well. We did ancestry DNA and haven't had any hits yet except a distant cousin. We are in touch with 3 donor siblings. I loved what you said at the end, that you get traits from your mom, and from your donor, but they are not the collective sum of YOU. ❤️
Having children is always a selfish choice whether you're in a relationship or not. To condemn one group of parents (single moms by choice) is narrow-minded.
There are plenty of children who are conceived with 2 parents who end up being abused, neglected, tortured, etc. Those children would be much better off being brought into the world and raised by one parent who loves and adores them. I'm assuming you are a donor conceived person with a negative experience, based on your emotional response to my comment. I hope you are able to find peace. As for my daughter, I take her lead, and am more than happy and willing to help her find her donor and have a relationship with him, I do believe she has that right. Best of luck to you.
Homes of single moms by choice aren't broken. It's just homes with one parent.
LOL. How is it that everyone brings up abused and neglected children everytime this topic is discussed. As though that justifies all things related to this topic- even unethical practices. If anything- less people will adopt now. It's almost like- I am good- I am great- I deserve a biological child. Look at those crackheads having kids. I am superior but yet I have this disease of a biological clock. I would just cut the you know what and go back to Park Avenue. Stop bringing up the abused neglected child and just be happy you won the life lottery.
Godikke the homes might not be broken but the children are. There will always be a painful hole where the other parent would be - try as you might you can fix that or make it better. If it goes wrong said child could have a reason to hate you and it would be 100% justified.
Idk why I read the title as a ‘door conceived’ person and I was shook
😆😂🤣
This is incredible. She is such a good public speaker!! Thank you for sharing your story! 👏🏼👏🏼
You are an brave intelligent & beautiful young woman! Clearly you have a great mother & good 'dna'. Thank you for having the courage to share part of your journey & I wish you a long happy life full of the most important ingredient, ♡Love♡
What are the chances that she unknowingly meet and marry one of her half-siblings? That’s a bit scary.
SimplyCJ there are over 327 million people that live in the US. My guess is that the chances are pretty low.
Well, people in Iceland are probably all closely related and they turn out great, apparently with the use of a cousins app, that tells you before dating if it is okay to date.
We all come from Adam and Eve, so technically we’re all brother and sister.
SimplyCJ Did you hear about the boy & girl twins who were separated and then fell in love and married later in life? You’re right - it is a scary thought. Not probable, but not impossible.
i’ve never met my dad but i recently tracked down his dads side of the family and i was in school with a good few cousins it was crazy
My dad was adopted; I wonder if the feelings are similar? I know the trickle down from not having my biological grandparents in my life was something I always thought about growing up.
Oh wow! Have you thought about trying to find them and contacting them?
ive known my whole life and just found a sibling online, but she didnt reply. i hope to one day to 23 and me...knowing im one of the few that are told as a child is even worse knowing so many of us are not told soon enough, and feel lied to. thats the hardest part about donor conceived, its going online and seeing the amount of people who are hurt because they were lied to and just now found out in adulthood. on a happier note, i may have found a photo of my donor, and im glad i look like my mom lol
"The traits that I got from my mom and the traits that I got from my donor, are not the entire collective of who I am."
🙌 This 😍
Edit: So much wisdom!!!
I’m thinking to have my own children through egg donors but I’m also worried that my children will go mental feeling the need to find their mother.
I understand what you’re feeling but don’t let that hold you back. You’re going to love them a lot and they are going to LOVEEE you back a lot too. Your love will overpower all the other things. Yes they might be curious about who the donor would be but you’re the one that will raise them and love them so no matter how curious they may be, they will NEVER leave you or reduce their love for you. Don’t worry so much about the curiosity part. Don’t let that reason hold you back from having kids. Everyday that you’re holding back because of this reason, it’s a day less spent with them.
💕💕💕
There are non-anonymous donors! Many of them are sometimes open to creating relationships with the offspring as adults, even just as casual acquaintances.
You can always choose to go with a non-anonymous donor!
@@kttv9442 hey are you on the we are donor conceived Facebook group? It's a great place!
@@DW94576 I am! I love it!
Her story is absolutely amazing.
👍
This is making me rethink using a donor dad for future children.
@American single. I don't intend to ever marry but maybe I'll try to make sure the guy wants to stay in the childs life.
@American Ajumma you don't have a right to an opinion.
fathers are overrated
I am donor conceived to a single mother. Please don't speak for me, you don't know my life.
@American Ajumma that's very judgmental of you. This person could have numerous reasons for their choice - none of which, are of any concern to you. Having one dedicated parent who chooses to conceive and pay medical fees for that conception, clearly has parenthood as a priority in their life.
Lizzy you seem well loved and well reared. You are beautiful. I help you continue to move forward in your life and be amazing.
Wow crazy Im from California cyrobank and was conceived in 2000 as well... I have over 50 half siblings
This explains the increase in special needs kids too many half siblings having kids together
They should really regulate how many people can get the same donor
How do you feel about being donor conceived? I'm looking to do the same, but not sure if it will hurt the child mi matter hiw much I love the child and my family loves the child... your thoughts as a donor conceived child?
Still fearfully and wonderfully made!
Amazing presentation.
i mean just look how happy she is to find her 'biological family' what does that say?? biology really matters..
Im adopted and I disagree🙋🏽♀️
@@elenakelly1713 fair enough, such a blanket statement i made obviously is wrong considering how many people like yourself that it doesnt bother. although this is about no father / missing father .. slightly different but of course i see the similarity too.
We have been asking why on everything and are naturally curious since we were kids. Depending on our culture/how we're brought up as we age we can start to think we aren't as less and less questions are answered/rejected/ignored. Sometimes we figure out our own answers but we'd still like to know the 'real' one. Honestly it's a large reason why talking science to kids is more interesting than adults who don't want to accept certain things (what about a soul with brains) ignoring natural, curious wonder. Your biology can influence who you become medically or things like adopted kids are usually around the same intelligence as their bio-parents. It's not nature vs nature though it's both interacting, nuture behaviour can change within a few generations (father beaten as a child does not want to inflict the same on his kids or a bright parent who never really used that intelligence).
Sometimes it's like how you look. It matters, it's just not the only thing that does.
@@elenakelly1713 You can disagree. Biology matters to some people and doesn't matter to others.
no, she was raised as an only child and was excited to have siblings so
Ha, 20 years ago the "mother's" never imagined there would be at home DNA tests to find your distant relatives. Those that taught the kids they were biologically theirs were in for a big surprise.
There is nothing strange about this because we have fathers but its not like they exist and hence we are not any different from people who have none.
Not saying this is ur experience but Often the mother lies about what happened with the father to make her self look good and will deny contact to maintain the lie. It's child abuse and fathers regularly commit suicide due to this, 21 a week is the latest stat I've heard.
@@nikitaw1982 Its unfortunate that some mothers act on self interest but it always translate to mean good for the child. I also agree that children have rights and they deserve to be treated with dignity although most cultures and religions suggest that a mother should never be questioned.
@@wambui4590 "mean good for the child" that is just not true. Biggest indicator of troubles in later life is being raised by a single mother. I don't know y anyone would say it's a mean good.
@@nikitaw1982 Don't forget some women also become single mothers when their husbands die. ...and back to my very first statement, that people with both parents also encounter deep troubles in later life. The 'to mean good part' is only human, who wouldn't want to be viewed as the 'good' one in a deviated relationship? I agree the parents do it for their own satisfaction which results to blameworthy situations. A child is not a ball to kick left, right and center just because you gave birth to them; they have rights and they need respect. Most people just don't want to accept this. Its so sad how people use their children as shield while they engage in their wrangles. Its painful
And May I add Jesus is your father too.
This was really sad to watch...I could never imagine what it's like growing up with questions about who you are. 😪
I love DNA. It's answered many questions for so many. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it all.
I'm on the waiting list for a donor and the doctor I spoke to get information advised to be open and honest early on and it makes sense. I would want to know as a kid and not be lied to.
Also, remember to teach them as they get older that if they want to look for their bio parent that there is a chance said bio parents might not want to meet or be a part of thier life's and that something they have to accept that.
This is so depressing. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
It's so weird to me the way they use the language of "donor eggs/embryos" almost like it's interchangeable for my eggs/embryos like it's almost the same thing when it absolutely is not. There's someone else's offspring, and there's my offspring. And those are not interchangeable things. And I think the trouble with the wording is it makes those of us who know and feel that it is not an option for us almost feel like we are bad for refusing it. What's even worse is, before even finding out what someone is willing or not willing to do, they'll use wording like "Are you not there yet?" or "Are you not ready for that yet?" Like they are sneakily inserting in a mandatory "option" on your behalf. And then they further gaslight us with the epigenetics BS. It's like, when people are trying to convince you to do "donor eggs" they say what really matters is growing the baby inside of you because then it's more like you in many ways than the parent of origin. But then why don't they say that when someone needs a surrogate? When you pay someone to carry your baby because you cannot carry do people consider the baby to be more like the surrogate and closer to the surrogate? Of course not. I would be crushed if I couldn't carry and needed a surrogate but I would still consider that baby mine while I would not consider a donor egg baby that I carried mine.
As an anthropologist I will tell you that science shows that genetics actually influence people in so many ways far more than environment does. That's why we do studies on twins separated at birth because we can see how similar they are in so many ways. And how they always feel something is missing. Such a deluding, messed up situation.
Even just recently a friend of mine was sharing her anxiety now that she has an Ancestry account that her dozens of children one day might find her on there to have a relationship with their mother. She donated eggs about 15 years ago and this anxiety has crept up because even though she's an egg donor she still knows there's a connection there no matter what. I think adopting a kid would almost be less painful than adopting an egg/embryo because when you do carry that baby even though that baby is not your true offspring, your body releases hormones and is tricked into believing it truly is 100% yours and you bond. And it's that much more painful when you see it become like the parent of origin or even worse, seek out the parent of origin down the line.
I don't want a half him half her baby, I want our baby. :(
When I think about this being a possible choice I get doubtful. I know for me I would love to be a mother but then part of me feels for the child. I feel like it might be selfish knowing what they go through later on as they start coming of age and wanting to get answers that are just natural
i didnt meet my dad until i found him when i was 28. this is exactly why im nervous to chose this route to have a baby, but i want to be a mother and im turning 38 in 2 weeks so i dont have much time left to find a partner to do it with. 😢
This is exactly how I feel although I will be 40 soon.
You are the first to think of the child
I’m considering donor. I’m 39, my husband left. I’m not going to throw away my dream to be a Mother.
A purely selfish attitude… sounds like a great quality for a mother!
Best wishes. ❤
@@haley2542 You're basically saying that the beautiful young lady who gave this informative TEDx Talk never should have been born. You're saying that her mother "selfish" and should have grown old and died having not experienced planned motherhood and the love of her daughter. There are many beautiful things in this intelligent young woman's life, including just having life itself. It's great to have two loving parents (millions don't) but it's not everything.
I agree@@haley2542
@@haley2542and being judgemental to strangers is a wonderful attribute?
She's a smart girl!
The truth is that all humans are related. Period. (as well as all living creatures on the planet)
Exactly. People don't realize that all of us have some royal blood of the 1000-year-old monarchs. Possibly, through multiple lineages.
I'm torn. Lizzie seems pretty well adjusted but I detect a longing in her heart for a 'real' dad not just a donor dad. How do you compensate for past years from the lack of a father figure? What model does she have for the traditional family unit which she obviously has an attraction to? If that were not the case, why would the desire for this personal connection be so strong? Otherwise, she would be satisfied with merely medical and ancestral details. Because you know how you were physically conceived doesn't make up for the emotional desire for that 'other' parent.
I get your point, but that's obviously part of what sculpted her awesome personality
@@dsmith7684 Its even worse for sons who grow up w/o their dad. Its emotionally scarring. Met someone who was a test tube baby just like the speaker in video. hes very much struggling w/ this right now
FIU Student never have a son if you are a smbc. Just abort & keep going until you have a daughter
@@Evettecord or if you can't accept any kid you get don't go for it . I'm really tired of seeing comments like these
life aint perfect. You could have an abusive dad instead of a dead dad or a mom that leaves or a million things...
You should be so lucky, your mother wanted you so bad in her life. There are many mothers who have children with mean men that don't want to be around and some mothers resent their child or raise their children alone. So whats the difference, having a dad that doesn't want the child or being loved and wanted by your mother
The donor doesn't have to pay child support. Some people might lie about their profiles.
I didn’t know children could give ted talks but dope.... maybe if dudes got to spread their seed like they want, they would stop abusing women. And also kinda cool that this girl got such a big family. Lots of fun surprises
The Picts originally lived in Scotland and the Scotts lived in Ireland. You may be Irish all along
Amazing story and positive girls
Simple and beautiful.
Such a good story from a pretty girl.
Live is loving yourself 1st, she loves herself and by the end of her speech she meant it. She will definitely make her mom proud 👏.
God bless
I would much rather have a donor, than the father and his family that abandoned me twice
Literally laughed out loud when you said you educated the other children.
🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😆😆
this kind proves that kids have an instinct need to know who r their parents whether u like it or not. Now u r in ur 40 why don t u adopt, maybe two kids, u would make them so happy, and u would b fulfilled. It is a win-win.
So basically people in the USA walk around not knowing they have siblings and possibly marrying/ having children with them. Super advanced.
Exactly! Sounds like there are no precautions to prevent this from happening.
It is a non issue with dna testing now. It is the way of the future!
Europe to. But it is rare. I have never meet another donor conceived child. 99% of people I know heard about it first because of me.
Mrs Mutawa Well Thats kind of the same thing that happens for all these men that go around impregnating dozens of different women.
Just like when you are adopted. Are we not supposed to do it?
Was there a point to this? If it was for general curiosity, it fell short. It seemed to end abruptly before it even took off.
Ron Bush ah yes, it’s selfish to want to know my real health records. And it’s selfish that i was sold off before birth for a few grand by some random person that chooses our relationship dynamic for eternity before i’m even born.
U got the bubbles from the doner ddy?
Very powerful ❤
No wonder you turned out so normal 👏👏👏
What does that mean?
You look beautiful and sound smart
My mom told me and my twin exactly how having babies works and how we were conceived just like Lizzy's mom. I have been wanting to do a dna test, but they are quite expensive and our ancestry will just say something like 90% Broadly North-western European (because Dutch and Belgian people do not have a specific dna and my family and donor are Dutch).
If you test through 23andME, it matches one up with related family, I know that is not the only DNA place which can be used.
I’m a twin as well my and my twin were donor conceived
You do realize all these problems can be avoided by simply having a 2 parent household
veer9: its a disservice to kids to deny them growing up w/o their father
FIU Student So what about all the young war widows?
Precious 💕
The reason for hiding it is about child support, not social shame.
This was great
thank you
Do donors want to be contacted and bond with possibly 100's of children that he didn't raise? What about the children? Do they want to bond with the donor or half siblings?
Brave smart girl!
The dismantle of humanity ...
I’ve never seen a TED Talk before and this just appeared in my recommended, I have no idea how TH-cam figured out my heritage considering I’ve never watched anything on the subject but there you go 😅
Awesome. I think that Lizzy gets it
isnt this a little dark underneath it all? why should a poor kid have to even think about this? surely just a regular family you already know is a much better option instead of yearning to know the one you dont...
Some people are just curious, and I guess others are not.
@@joanlynch5271 yes sure, but going to the trouble of talking all about it on TED suggests its quite a big issue no?
@@krisbaum1974 it'd be for me!
I think it's genuinely difficult for people who have lived differently to understand this. But It comes down to identity. She had a curiosity to understand her identity and she places value in the biology of her origins. Many people do, many people don't. I think it's healthy and important that people look at these talks as a means of broadening your understanding of other perspectives and lived experience even if you cannot relate on a deeper level. At the very least, she might be relatable to others who have gone through her journey.
@@misspst9585 i think its worse when the donor is anonymous tbh
👍
Education
Not sure i understood the relevance , of this speech
@N Mil I'm appalled by your ignorance
Why not
How is it that TED talkers (x or not) have the same irritating 'I know I'm adorable" and "I'm really pretending to be humble" body language and voice?
It's a teenage girl thing.
Lol.
I'm a mixed culture guy, I am 30 years old of age, I am really considering becoming a donor
My cultural background is of Irish, Scottish, English, Niger as in the country which is pronounced as nee-ZHER, Filipino and Native American (Cherokee)
I'll look very young for my age, My photo is for all to see :)
I'm 6'7 in Height and very healthy, I have no children, I'll currently live in Dearborn, Michigan.
Team BSAA you are such a wonderful person.
You might be too tall
Don’t do it. It’s not worth it.
@@qjtvaddict how do you know that ? Have you done it before?
Don’t do it my man.
So beautiful
like I said before internet is the main caused why things are the way are
Donors are just wankers
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Not bad. It’s sum good quality EGGS I can tell by the bubblez
hi
Who cares? You're human. You're alive. Get on with it
she's 16
It’s not that simple. I wanna know my family history. I wanna know where my genes come from. I don’t think it’s your place to tell someone else how to feel when they haven’t had a father figure in their life.
She has a huge family all over. Great!! Her kids will have so many uncles aunties cousins.
it’s her life. if you had lived it im sur you would want to know, and i’m sure others in her situation watching this find it helpful. choke
please don’t say anything about how we should feel unless you’ve been in our shoes. If you’ve known where you come from your entire life, I don’t want to hear why we shouldn’t be able to. Thanks.
😭 😭 😭
heard of Bryce Cleary ? 20 kids are born based on his genetics..
His story is what brought me here!
You can hear the hurt in her voice.
my dad died before i was born, i have always longed for a dad. they say a daughter really needs her dad and that relatioship will influence who she marries etc so it is a sin that these children have been created for selfish peolple. there is an affect on the child obviously although she doesn't know it yet
Morningstar stop projecting your issues onto a healthy and kind individual. your existence is a sin because all you seem to do is spread hate.
You want to explain that a bit more?
Sometimes it’s better just to have one parent
@@krmcmahon6896 she definitely wanted her father. That's why she was excited to find him. Most don't.
@@krmcmahon6896 The sleaker us obsessed with the identity if her father that she never got to know-the other person is right, youre wrong
I feel for this little girl. Still a child of God.
LG lol
See, a religious comment that can still be positive. No matter what your views on on AI and SMBC, it doesn't have to be negative and rude.
The word "still"sounds condescending. Not a positive sentiment coming from a Christian.
Christians are so arrogant. Argh.
No such thing as a bustard everyone has a father Wether they know them or not.
This is so sad. She is protecting herself from emotional trauma
I had to do a lot of skipping to move to the finale. Good job in story telling, but edit it down from any cutesy parts - total time 5 mins.
I really enjoyed all her talk.
her words are too good for you anyways
Just depressing. People are assholes
There ya go uploading again 😂
the father gave her really good genetics.
Breeders are SO selfish!!!!!!! Why cant they adopt?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s too expensive the children parentless got adopted and sold out by lots people
poor woman. all this investigation to find the father and siblings..
THE EARTH IS FLAT, SHEEPLE